Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪

- I feel guilty, wasting time and space

that could be used in a better way.

Boom!

My journey is selfish and self-serving.

- The biggest question I have is just,

"What am I doing this for? "

I'm ready to go. I'm tapping out.

- I just can't get enough to eat.

I have to finish my net.

And if that doesn't attract fish,

I don't know what else to do.

- I'm part of the ecosystem here.

The bears and I forage on the beach

together at the same time.

Looks like we got something!

We're all eating well.

Everything is underwater.

But you know what? That doesn't matter.

It's day 22.

I need to get to the top of that mountain.

- Who are you when everything's been stripped away?

[bleep].

[yelping]

- It's scary out here in these woods.

- I have not had a serious meal in a week.

- If I can't get a fire, then I can't stay here.

- It's always in the back of your mind,

"Well, I could tap out."

- Putting up with this filming [bleep]?

- Running into a predator, it's not an if.

It's a when.

Get the hell out of here.

I see you. Get out of here!

- I'm living a hand-to-mouth existence.

Yes! Ah!

- $500,000 is a lot of money.

- It's just gonna keep getting harder.

- It's not the world that needs to change.

It's me that needs to change.

[moans]

♪

[pensive music]

♪

[water rushing]

[saw scraping]

♪

- Man, a chain saw would be amazing...

or a lightsaber.

[imitates lightsaber buzzing]

Oh, I want a lightsaber so bad.

Seriously, okay, if you're gonna have

any of your science fiction weapons,

the lightsaber is the coolest.

[imitates lightsaber warbling and buzzing]

Oh, yeah.

A lightsaber here--

now, could you chop firewood with a lightsaber

and not have it light on fire?

I don't know.

But it's a fantasy weapon, so I'm saying

there's probably a setting on there that says,

"Yeah, chop firewood, don't light it on fire."

[imitates lightsaber buzzing]

Oh, yeah.

[rain pattering]

Yeah, the lightsaber.

[imitates lightsaber warbling and buzzing]

Yeah, a lightsaber, that'd be it.

I'd be happy if I had a lightsaber.

[pensive music]

It's just weird to thinkthat as

in my shelter, a million people

could possibly be watching this moment

in my life.

There's some guy sitting there,

and he's got a chicken thigh,

and he's just eating his chicken thigh,

and he's watching me out here starving to death.

Yeah--I'm happy for him.

I really am.

I'm happy for you, guy.

You know, enjoy the people around you.

Look to your right; look to your left

and realize that if you were me,

you'd be missing those people, okay?

♪

And give them a hug.

I don't care who it is. Could be your uncle Harry.

You know what I mean? Give the man a hug.

[sniffs]

Because being alone...

♪

Being alone is a hard thing.

♪

[sniffs]

[rain pattering]

[birds chirping]

♪

Apparently last night, I did not catch any fish.

[sighs]

Frustration.

I've made a gill net.

It's a great gill net.

I just, apparently, suck at setting gill nets.

They're very snooty little fish.

I don't know what they want.

I can feel myself getting skinny.

♪

I haven't been skinny since...

never.

I've never been skinny.

I don't have the energy to do all the things I need to do.

♪

The high tide brought one of those

big, yellow cedar logs in.

If a half-ton log goes flying through my net

at some point, it's just gonna tear it to shreds.

So I've got to try and get a rope on it

and then float it back someplace where

it won't be interfering with the net.

♪

This cove is an unforgiving place.

It does not bend to my wishes at all.

I'ma try and roll this thing out into deeper water

and then drag it down the beach.

But it's not cooperating.

Now I got to wait until the tide comes in

and drag it out of the vicinity of my--

of my nets.

[surf lapping]

This might not seem like a really good use for my time.

Getting that net up and getting it set right

is so much work.

And to have a log like this

just drift through and destroy everything

and ruin that asset-- here we go.

Come on, move, move.

[dreary music]

There's no sense in me just walking away

from this log right now.

I got it this far, I've got to get it tied off,

because way the current circulates in the bay,

it would take it right back to that corner.

♪

This sucks.

I got a brand-new log out there.

I just can't allow

these thousand-pound logs

to drift around in the bay.

[dramatic music]

♪

[eagle chittering]

♪

- Who are you? That's an eagle.

[eagle chittering]

Oh, that's a nice sound.

I wish I could see you.

This is what I've been working on.

The ropes are in.

The rest of the boat is completed.

And now that I have the frame of the boat built,

I'm ready to put the skin on.

The tarp I have for a skin is way thin.

It's not nearly

strong enough for a proper skin-on-frame boat,

but it'll have to do, I guess.

I just have to really,

really try to not touch the bottom

when I go in and out of the boat.

♪

When you go hungry so long

day after day after day,

that's really difficult.

My father, rest in peace, was born in 1928

and went through the Spanish Civil War as a kid.

He knew what it was to be hungry,

and I have learned so much about his point of view

from being hungry out here.

This is basically a gamble I'm taking,

expending a lot of time and energy,

instead of conserving it,

towards moving to wilderness living

and away from survival,

basically away from survival and into thrival.

The survival is fear-based.

Wilderness living is love-based.

They're actually opposite things.

The skin really worries me.

If it so much as lightly scrapes against

a barnacle or a stone,

it'll spring a leak immediately, or worse.

♪

If I have a boat ready, I can catch the salmon run.

But, um, I'm so pressed for time,

wondering if those salmon are running yet

and I'm already missing the salmon migration.

I have no way to know.

I need to finish the boat fast

and get out on the water.

[foreboding music]

♪

Today is day 22.

I decided that on day 22,

I was gonna climb a mountain.

[sighs]

♪

My shelter is about at least 6 inches underwater.

But you know what? That doesn't matter.

Today is all about doing something

for the 22 veterans a day that commit suicide.

♪

'Cause I'm gonna climb this damn mountain.

♪

Um,

I'm winded already.

This is not day 1.

This is day 22.

Um,

so I'm already

you know, wore out.

With everything that's going on--

a lack of food, my shelter underwater--

kind of really at the bottom of my rope right now,

so I need this.

What I wanted to accomplish out here

was to serve as some sort of inspiration

for--for the veterans that are out there

that are struggling,

people I consider brothers and sisters.

It's more symbolic, I think, than anything.

But if I can summit this mountain,

maybe it will let other veterans know

that it can get better.

♪

[brush rustling]

About to go

pretty much straight up here.

This is gonna be

pretty tough because it's all deadfall.

[foreboding music]

So this is extremely dangerous.

♪

It's like a damn jungle, really.

♪

Ow.

♪

Oh, [bleep].

[groans]

And this is exactly what I'm talking about,

right here.

You know, you hit one of these wrong,

you can break an ankle really quick.

♪

[sighs]

You know, I chose this path

'cause I thought it might be a little easier

going through the woods.

♪

Boy, was I wrong.

♪

[bleep].

[groaning]

[dramatic music]

♪

[groans]

[groans]

[sighs]

♪

[grunts]

I'ma get up.

♪

My foot slipped between these two,

and then I fell right inside of my knee.

Uh, felt something pull.

Not sure how bad it is.

Um...

Sometimes that stuff can take a little bit

to actually start swelling up.

So I don't know.

I'll, uh,

keep an eye on it and...

See how it goes.

[pensive music]

♪

This is where I'm going,

straight up this way.

And the rock's wet.

This is not gonna be fun.

If this were any other climb,

on any other day,

there would probably not be any way on earth

that I would actually do it.

Today is special.

And so I'm getting to the top of this damn mountain.

I don't care.

But I don't, uh,

don't normally condone

grabbing onto roots,

but when that's all that there is...

All right, we just broke into, uh,

"[bleep] got real" status.

One wrong move here...

[birds chittering]

[panting]

And I'm done.

[dramatic music]

♪

So I have to be very careful

where I'm putting my hands, feet, everything else.

♪

My knee is starting to hurt.

So hopefully I didn't screw it up too bad.

If this is the last day,

it was worth it.

It was worth it.

♪

I've officially gained

as much elevation

as I can

on this mountain.

[uplifting music]

♪

Whoo!

♪

Yeah!

♪

I don't get too excited about--much, but...

this is pretty awesome.

And on day 22.

This is beautiful.

I don't even know how to describe it.

And to any of you guys out there

that are...

♪

That are struggling to make that climb,

you know what I'm-- you know what I mean...

♪

You can do it. You can.

[sighs]

You can.

[spits]

Just don't give up.

Just don't give up.

[dramatic music]

♪

[rain pattering]

- It's still raining, but we're getting

a brief break from the pouring rain.

I don't know how long this break will last,

so it still looks like it's coming in pretty hard,

so I'm gonna take full advantage of this break

and go check my lines.

My wool hat on now and feeling warm,

so time to go check.

Fingers crossed for a fish.

[laughs]

[foreboding music]

♪

I don't know if you can see it,

but there's a bear behind me.

I think that's the male.

The mama and cubs are usually here,

so I think it's the male.

And it's kind of coming my way, so...

See where it goes.

♪

Is it going to my gill net?

♪

It is in my net.

It is at my net.

What is it gonna do?

♪

Probably smells me on it.

♪

Good, bear, go around the net.

That's a smart bear.

♪

Oh, my God, the bear's coming this way.

[dramatic music]

[gasps]

[whispering]

[gasps]

♪

[gasps]

♪

[rain pattering]

♪

[gasps]

[whispering]

[gasps]

Oh.

[gasps]

That was the male.

There's the mom and two cubs

that are right here, and then there's this male

that hangs out right here.

And that's the male.

And that was a good-sized bear.

Came up around and basically right

where my gill net was

and thent into the woods there.

So it might come around. It's possible.

Um, hopefully it'll stay a little distance

from, like, right back-- from right in my camp,

but you never know what they're gonna do.

[pensive music]

♪

- Good morning. It's day 23.

Uh, it's moving day.

So...

we're gonna take, uh...

take this shelter completely apart

and move it

over by the island today.

♪

Last couple days have been rough.

I woke up the other morning

to my entire shelter floor soaking wet.

And it's just not feasible to stay there

for an extended period of time.

Just a devastating blow.

Moving is-- is a huge undertaking.

I've thought, "Well, maybe after I get done

"climbing a mountain, then I'll just--

I'll just hang it up."

And right now,

that's the last thing on my mind.

I feel recharged, reenergized,

and I feel like I can take on the world.

♪

All right, there you have it

in all its glory,

uh, completely disassembled.

♪

It's hard to believe that something

that took that long to build

came down that quickly.

[sighs]

Being up on the mountain and coming down,

it got me to a place to where

I said, "Okay. I can--I can do this."

♪

I've been looking around through the woods

at places that have higher elevations

than the last place that I was at with the groundwater.

I found a place that's fairly open.

It requires a little bit of clearing out,

you know, brush and debris and stuff like that.

I think I can do a--

basically like a triangle double lean-to shelter.

♪

So here goes nothing.

I also think that I can

suspend my hammock up

and make a--basically a raised bed for myself

to where I don't need, necessarily, flat ground

on the bottom of the shelter.

So that's-- that's what I'm gonna do.

And I don't have to worry about groundwater.

I don't have to worry about the tide coming in.

And it should be a decent place for me to put a shelter.

Should be set up

to get the bed into place.

Tired and thirsty and hungry...

And whiny. [chuckles]

All right.

It's, uh-- it's bed-testing time.

We'll have just enough room to get in here

and then lay down.

Oh, man.

[sighs]

Ah, yeah.

[sniffs]

[exhales]

[dramatic music]

♪

[water splashing]

♪

There's a fish caught in the gill net,

and I have to get to itbefore the bear does.

"Hello, human coming!

Bop-bop-bop-bop!"

I'm not actually sure it's in my net.

My gill net is down on one side,

so it must have been fighting it.

All right.

Ha.

I do need to put the other side up that came down.

I'm cutting the head off it so it stops

doing that.

Oh, yeah, sorry, honey.

You're dinner...

and lunch for a few days.

[dramatic music]

It's a really big one.

♪

I'm actually having trouble eating it all.

I usually don't eat this much.

[pensive music]

Not just all about fish and limpets and mushrooms and--

got to get some greens in you.

I'm gonna go on a little foray

to look for some greens, maybe different mushrooms,

um, maybe some roots I can dig.

This is where the bears live up here,

so probably let 'em know I'm coming.

Hello!

Hey, bear!

Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop!

Oh, no, salmonberry.

My areas of survival expertise

are medicinal herbs, plants.

I make all my own tinctures and medicines

from what's around me in the woods.

Hello.

[clapping]

I have a masters in marine biology,

which is helpful because

I know the intertidal species very, very well.

I know what you can eat. I know what you can't eat.

I know, uh, about the ecosystem,

but plants are definitely

in my--a big thing that's in my wheelhouse.

I look up and down at the same time because up--

ooh, there's some nice licorice fern in there.

I want to go get that.

I've been--I had to use that for my tummy the other day.

Running a little short.

Oh, yeah, here's some good,

some good licorice root.

I love this stuff.

You only need a little of it.

It's really nice chopped up and made into a tea, but...

if you're just eating it plain like this,

those few little nibbles-- I'm gonna save this for later.

I'm gonna go to Bear River, as I call it,

or Bear Creek.

[dramatic music]

Here is the leftovers of one bear's meal.

I'm seeing--I'm seeing bear tracks all around.

♪

Tore into that

but didn't finish it.

I don't know why it didn't finish it;

sure looks fresh.

So there's also some small tracks around.

So mama bear's been here and cubs have been here,

looks like this morning.

You can see the teeth,

the salmon they've been eating.

Yep, bear-y bears have been very busy.

And there's where we're headed.

[clapping]

♪

Hello, bear-bear!

♪

[water splashes] [gasps]

[dramatic music]

♪

[water rushing]

[clapping]

- Hello, bear-bear!

♪

[water splashes] [gasps]

Salmon!

The salmon are spawning right here.

[water running]

Well, that was cool; we got to see salmon

going up the river; this is a good river.

[water splashes]

Look at them go, look, look, look, look.

The bears are smart.

[laughs]

Wow.

All right.

For now, let's keep walking.

[pensive music]

♪

So this

is yarrow.

And it is antibacterial; it's good for wounds

and all sorts of stuff.

But I find after I'm cleaning fish,

if I wipe my hands with this,

it gets rid of the smell completely

so I don't smell fishy.

♪

Oh, plantain!

Oh, my God! I'm so excited.

I haven't seen any here yet.

So this is plantain.

You probably know it from your yard,

and you're like, "It's a weed,"

but it is edible.

It is also very, very medicinal.

This is the go-to plant, right here,

is plantain.

So these stalks,

these things, these seeds,

are all edible.

♪

Plantain is cious, and you know what?

I need some greens.

So I'm actually gonna collect some of this

for dinner tonight.

'Cause you cook it up,

and it's a little bit like spinach.

Knowing the plants has been so useful,

because surrounding me is my grocery store,

and surrounding me is my pharmacy.

Oh, my God, I'm in heaven.

Seriously, this is awesome.

♪

Hey, kids, do I have something in my teeth?

Is there something in my teeth?

Or am I good? Am I good?

Okay. Just checking, yeah.

No. [chuckles]

Man, that's tasty.

All right, it's time to head on back.

I can have my plantain tacos with my salmon.

[dramatic music]

♪

- This is not what I was hoping to find

this morning, folks.

This is my gill net--

actually, both of my gill nets.

And rough surf came in and destroyed everything last night.

[waves splashing]

Look at these waves.

♪

I, uh--wow.

[exhales]

It's one of them "deep breath" moments

where you just take a deep breath.

[surf splashing]

I mean, I don't know what to do with this thing.

Hopefully there's something I can do with it.

Trying very hard not to think about

anything other than today.

My whole strategy in getting through this thing

is to take life one day at a time,

and I'm gonna do my best at it,

so I've got to fix a gill net.

[pensive music]

This is an exercise in patience.

Getting emotionally upset only slows the process.

I have to just take a deep breath,

and if it takes me all day

to get this thing to the point

that it needed to be, it will take all day to do it.

♪

Seriously, everything I know about gillnetting,

I learned watching season one of this show,

so that sounds horrible,

but it's the truth,

I've just never had to gillnet anything,

ever, anywhere.

And to be quite honest,

season one made gillnetting

look like an easy thing.

♪

One gill net preserved,

ready to go again.

♪

Getting apprehensive about the weight loss.

Honestly, it is...

It is worrisome.

I--you know, it would be different

if I could just eat every day,

but that's proving more difficult than I thought.

Seriously, the average American family

throws more food away in a single day

than I've had in the three weeks out here.

It's an eye-opener.

♪

All those simple things in life

that I've been taking for granted,

I get to put those in perspective right now.

And just drive through your neighborhood

and look at all the restaurants.

We have such an abundance and a variety of food

that it's entertainment to us.

Our entire diet is entertainment,

and to be totally cut off from all food,

even a subsistence level of calories coming in,

it puts it in perspective, believe me.

I took that for granted.

I mean, I'm wasting away in here.

This should be like

stand naked in front of the camera for 20 seconds,

do a nice profile shot, you know?

It'd look like one of those weight loss commercials.

[dramatic music]

Some days, it's hard.

You just bear up under this,

and you continue to do this day after day after day,

knowing that I could make a phone call

and end my suffering.

This evening, I could be in a warm bed

and a warm meal and a hot shower.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

- I found sea lion bones in the water.

It's been in the water for, who knows,

weeks, maybe months,

so should be a bit softer than it normally would be.

This sea lion bone

is an important component of my boatbuilding.

To put on the skin, you need to do some sewing.

I'm basically kind of chiseling it out

and try to get a needle out of it.

Almost out.

But if I pry hard on it,

it could break through the eye of the needle,

which is a weak spot.

So I have to finesse it a little bit more.

[dramatic music]

I was blessed with a father that, when I said,

"I want a boat" or "I want an airplane,"

'cause I saw one on TV, he said,

"Why don't we build one?"

That's the kind of father I had,

and has it ever come in handy.

I have good hands.

I grew up with somebody training my hands,

and I can build and craft like there's no tomorrow.

This is a delicate part.

If I break the eye of the needle,

the whole work was for nothing.

♪

Okay.

This most precious feature,

the eye of the needle,

that's what makes it into a good tool.

♪

[scraping]

I'm really anxious about that skin being so thin

that I--after all this work, it can puncture through

the moment it scrapes against something.

I'm thinking and thinking of ways

to prevent that, of course.

I have a plan in my head,

plan A and B and C, of course, as usual.

And I hope they work out.

[dramatic music]

♪

[birds chirping]

♪

Good morning, sunshines.

It's, uh, sun and clouds now.

The sun sometimes even peeks out.

A little bit of fog.

It's good weather for me to build,

so I want to be building,

finish that boat.

The chum salmon show signs of starting to run.

I best hurry, give it a go.

And with these cold nights,

I'm sure the water temperature is lowering,

and they'll get in the mood soon

if they're not there already.

I just wish I had more time and more calories here

to build and craft more.

I laid the skin on it,

and I could have just gone on skinning,

but I want to protect that skin

as much as I can,

so I'm gonna install some skid plates

and try to protect the skin

in the places where it's more-- most likely to chafe

against the keel and the stringers.

♪

This is the hardest stitch in the whole boat.

♪

This needle has a hard time.

Is it...

I didn't bring any cordage,

hoping that I would find something just beachcombing.

There is a lot of cordage material right here.

I don't have to worry about that for now.

So that was a lucky find.

This is very...

♪

Well, homemade.

[scissors cutting]

But...

if she floats

and keeps floating for a while,

I'll be grateful.

[dramatic music]

♪

I've spent so much time

working on my gill net,

and now,

unfortunately I got torpedoed

by a giant, yellow cedar log.

I've got a 600-pound log that floated in

over top of my gill net,

and now I got to figure out how to get that thing

out of there and up onto the beach.

And that water's too deep for me to get into right now.

[somber music]

And I have to get fish.

I just have to get this cove figured out.

Where are the fish?

It's hard to do this without food.

♪

The isolation, the loneliness,

the lack of communication, the hard labor,

and then very little return.

You work all day.

You come home hungry.

If I don't get some solid food

out of that ocean,

I'm not gonna make it.

♪

Part of me just is screaming to go home,

but I can't do that to my kids.

♪

Pray for my kids every night.

And I really miss 'em.

[surf splashing]

[sighs]

That's the hardest thing about being here.

Everything else, I can handle.

Everything else, I can handle.

I start thinking about my kids, it just

nails me.

They've had to deal with a lot in life.

[somber music]

And to have a chance to, uh...

to change their lives,

to make their lives easier...

♪

Ultimately, that's what winning this thing

would do for me,

is to be able to-- for me to

ah, help my kids

in ways they haven't been able to.

And to cop out on that

because I'm cold or wet

or hungry...

no way.

I can't do that.

♪

Because I wouldn't be able to live with myself,

having given that chance up to change their lives.

I can't quit, okay?

I just can't quit.

Whatever I got to do, I can do,

but I can't quit.

♪

♪

Good morning.

Gonna eat some breakfast.

Breakfast of champions, eat my salmon.

And, uh,

I wanted to go check my gill net first.

Well, I've got a live one.

But I've got salmon right now I can eat on

all day today for three meals.

It's really hard to predict when you're gonna get fish,

but on the other hand,

I don't want to catch 'em when I don't need 'em.

[pensive music]

Hi, sweetheart.

[water splashing] Whoo.

You are a live one. Good morning.

Got to you in time.

We're gonna let you go today, okay?

Gonna walk you through it. I've done this before.

I'm sorry you're so tangled up in this net.

And I don't really need it-- oh, honey.

Yeah, all right.

I know many people-- people may think I'm weird

to set the fish free,

but, you know, I could use a new one tomorrow,

but today, I'm still eating on the fish I caught

the other day.

And if this were tomorrow,

I would eat this fish.

But right now,

it feels like it would just be wrong

to take something that I don't need.

♪

You are really stuck in there, wow.

[sighs]

♪

I don't mind cutting my gill net to save you,

but I would like to save as much of my net as possible.

I've been able to catch so many fish.

I mean, I really feel blessed.

I have; I've been really lucky.

You're out.

All right.

I'm gonna go put this fish

out in the deep water

and let it swim away.

I have to do this fairly quickly.

You're good.

I got you. You are feisty; I'm glad.

You are alive and mad and living proud.

Yeah.

Make it out deep.

You're gonna do it fast so you don't...

[water splashing]

All right. You ready?

Ohh.

Oh! Look at him swim away!

[water splashes] Whoo!

[laughing]

♪

Bye.

I'm loving connecting with this beautiful land around me.

I feel at home.

I have everything I need.

All my needs are being met right now,

and I couldn't be more thrilled.

[laughs]

- I'm coming to the conclusion that I have to exploit

every last resource of food.

I'm getting worried.

Ohh.

Look at that!

Just thick and squished like a damn pancake, baby.

- My mind is practically screaming,

"Just give up."

- The kayak is finished, ready to try it out.

In the end, the ocean will decide

if she's seaworthy or not.

Whoa. [grunts]

♪