Original subtitles

Whoa...

What is this wondrous metropolis?

This is where it's all gonna go down.

The Taj Mahal of Ten-pins.

The National Bowling Stadium.

Your battleground.

- You're damn right.

Wow. This is some fancy place.

Did you see the sign?

Kevin James is headlining here!

The mall cop?

That means you know it's top-notch.

Well, well, well.

Look who it is.

We literally planned to meet here at this exact time.

It's not at all surprising.

Wow. This place is nice.

And apparently, the spa is to die for.

So what do you say, Knuchles? Wanna get a massage later?

Yes! My body is literally one giant muscle!

You know what, I'm gonna hit up a bar, dude.

Get myself a Wandarita.

Hey, Knucks. That's what I call a margarita.

- That sounds fun. I want a Wandarita! - No.

No. There will be no Wandaritas.

There will be no massages.

We're on the run. We need to keep a low profile.

Hey, Wade. That's fine

if you and Knuckles wanna just slip into this sea of dorks.

We're gonna go have some fun.

- We're not dorks. - Let's go.

- We're cool! - Yeah, we're mad cool!

- Come on, let's go drink. - Later, dorks!

Unbelievable.

Isn't it crazy that we're related?

- It's him.

Well played! Big winner!

- Whoa.

It's like...

It's like we could be twins.

I mean, he's so--

No, no. Can't talk to him.

What is wrong?

Look at him. My dad is so cool.

I wouldn't even know what to say to him.

Well, I do. Come, Wade Whipple.

I have an idea.

- You sure this is gonna work?

I will not let you down, my friend.

It was known far and wide by all Echidna

that Knuckles has a way with the words.

Now, confidently approach the one they call Pistol Pete

- and say... - Father Whipple.

Hello there. So, what are we signing today?

Balls, pins, body parts?

If you want a signed photo,

I'm afraid it'll run extra.

It is I, Wade Whipple,

your long-abandoned... progeny.

Wade?

My God.

It is you.

- I know what you must be... - Thinking.

That I'm here to slay you

and take my rightful place on the throne.

But...

no.

I come here today to make peace.

To repair the paternal bond

that you so callously tore apart many decades ago.

I see.

Are you feeling alright, dear boy? You...

You seem a little...

- different. - Yes!

I have grown into a powerful adult man

with many great skills and accomplishments to my name.

Have you now?

Many human women have taken notice of my feats of strength.

Yes. Yes, I get that.

But, tell me, wh... why are you talking like this?

This is extraordinary.

It's like looking at a mirror image of myself.

Of course, I am more muscular and mighty,

and you are frail and sickly.

- But... - The resemblance is uncanny!

You truly are a stunning creature!

Oh, sick costume, bro!

Are you here for the mascot convention, too?

What team are you with?

My tribe? The Echidnas!

Oh, right. They play in...

Albuquerque, right?

Go, 'Chidnas!

- You know what?

I'm just gonna speak for myself.

I came here 'cause I missed you, Dad.

I was hoping you'd missed me, too.

Well, of course I missed you, son.

So, what are you doing here?

Did you come to watch your dear old dad knock over some pins?

Oh, no. I'm here to roll.

In the tournament? You?

- Like father, like son, eh?

Well, may the best man win.

- I'm just kidding.

It's good to see you, son. I'll tell you what.

After we bowl, let's catch up on lost time, shall we?

- Yeah! Of course. Yes! - Yes?

- W-We laugh the same!

Well done, Knuckles. You have not lost your touch.

- Where are we? - I don't know.

But it definitely looks like the type of place

you take people you're about to murder.

Clearly, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding here.

Um, you seem mad at us, but it's all good.

We're on the same team.

You know what? Forget I said anything.

- You failed to bring me the Echidna.

And I don't deal well with failure.

You know,

we've got a lot in common.

You wouldn't be able to tell by the look of this place,

but not so long ago,

I used to work for GUN as well.

Though it wasn't called GUN back then.

It was a military shadow ops program,

run by a difficult... and very brilliant roboticist.

Wait, so... you worked for Robotnik.

I did.

Until the day he met a little blue alien

and lost his big bald mind.

After that, GUN tried to erase all connections with Robotnik,

including me.

Sent a team to take me out.

That didn't work out so well for them.

So I went underground,

starting selling my creations in the black market.

And before you know it,

I built an empire.

Come on, man, just give us a little more time!

We can catch Knuckles. We will catch him.

- Why should I believe you? Because you're right.

We do have a lot in common.

You want to know why I betrayed GUN?

Because they betrayed me first.

I dedicated my entire life

to studying extraterrestrials.

Then San Francisco happened,

and I saw a threat unlike anything

this world had ever seen.

So I joined up for one reason.

To protect this planet.

But soon, I discovered instead of neutralizing the aliens,

we let them play house in Montana!

Trusting them as they shed quills

with the destructive power of a thermonuclear weapon

every time they go out for a jog!

I tried to warn the fools in charge,

but instead of listening,

I was the one who was neutralized.

Taken out of the field, shoved behind a desk,

wasting my career.

Ordering gift cards and planning fake weddings!

So, believe me,

I want GUN to suffer as much as you do.

And if you give us one more chance...

they will.

Oh, man. Oh, my God.

I still require the echidna to power my newest creation.

But the price has changed.

Now, your only reward

will be your lives.

- Welcome to the Bowling Tournament of Champions.

- I'm Gary N. Sinclair III Esq. - And I'm Dylan Beagleton.

And we are here in sunny Reno, Nevada,

- which is so close to Hell, you can smell the sparks.

And you know what? Today we have a bunch of amazing competitors

getting ready to collide in a game of champions.

That's right, it's poor man's baseball...

- bowling. - Yeah!

Beautiful day for bowling, I gotta say.

Dylan, what do you think?

I think it's a great day for bowling.

And actually, to be clear,

the weather has no effect on this sport because we're inside.

You see? This is why I love working with you.

You're a real details man.

We're gonna get into those details throughout today.

But first, let me tell you

a little bit about the competition.

We have 32 teams, each have won an individual contest

in the Central Northwest Regional District

of the good old US of A.

These are hardened competitors

from the greatest part of our country

- who are ready to bring it. - Now, Gary.

- Yes. - In the sport of bowling,

it doesn't get any bigger than this.

And I understand that you've been doing this

- for quite a while. - That's right.

I actually started off on ESPN Veinticinco,

and I'm hoping to get down to ESPN Seis.

Wow. Well, Gary, I've been told

that you have a very famous catchphrase,

- and this crowd looks like they want to hear it.

- How about let it fly? - Alright, I will.

Let's get ready to roll some... bowling balls!

- That's... That's popular? - Uh, well, yeah.

No, I-I've seen people like, you know, say it.

by Paul Engemann playing]

Pistol Pete! Pistol Pete!

Wow! Would you look at those outfits?

They are not real cowboys.

Uh-oh! I think we're about to see it!

- There they are. Here come the finger guns!

- Let's go! - Knocking down those pins with ease.

- Wow. Wow. What is he doing? - Wait. Wait a second.

Wow. Okay. Wade.

- Wonder where you learned that. - I learned from the best!

Come on, Wade! Be better than you are!

- Yes!

- Yeah! Wow! - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

To be in that crowd.

- And there you have it.

- What an amazing day for bowling!

We'll be back tomorrow with the finals.

And, uh, well, that's-- that's basically it.

The birds and the bees.

To be honest, I'm a bit surprised

you didn't know about all this yet.

To tell you the truth, I-I know all about it.

- I just always wanted to have "the talk." - Oh.

Ah, ha, yes.

This has been so nice spending time with you, Dad,

but if you think buttering me up like this

is gonna let you beat me in the finals, think again, pal.

You're a Whipple, dear boy.

I expect you to give it your all.

- Pistol Pete?

- Would it be alright if we got your autograph? - Oh, I'm so sorry.

Not when I'm with family.

Sorry. Thank you.

- Hey, um,

speaking of family...

- Could I ask you o-one question? - Sure. Shoot.

Why did you leave?

I left...

because I was searching for something.

And, uh...

I thought the only place I could find it was, uh,

on the lanes.

But now, I know...

the place I should've been looking all along

was at home. With you.

I messed up, son.

Made mistakes. Big ones.

But I want you to know that, uh,

despite how it might seem, I-I never forgot you.

- Ever.

What's this?

"Wadejammerz '95." "Wadejammerz '96."

"Wadejammerz '97."

My mixes. You got 'em.

I got them all.

I just never had the damn courage to write you back.

Because I'm a coward.

A total schmuck.

You're not a schmuck.

You're my dad.

- I'm so sorry, son. - It's okay.

I forgive you, Dad.

You know what? This has been nice.

- Would you like to see my suite? - Would I ever!

They got me staying in some kinda janitor's closet.

Okay, well, why don't you come by my suite later,

and we can catch up some more? How's that sound?

- That'd be amazing! - Good.

- Good. - Dad.

- One second!

Easy on the snacks, pal. That costs, like, 15 bucks a bag.

Hey, darling.

Hi, Mom! What's going on?

I brought you something.

- My old ball! - Oh, I thought you might like it.

- Aw, that's so nice, Mom. - Oh, good. Good.

Th-There is--

There's something else.

This is hard for me.

Um...

I saw you today with your father,

and I noticed this look in your eyes, and...

Wade, it wasn't easy for me when he left.

It wasn't easy for any of us, and...

We bounced around from place to place,

and I took any job that would have me, and...

But, in the end, I think we worked it out.

Made a home for the family, and...

Sometimes I used to say to myself

what he did, leaving us,

leaving you, wasn't that bad. Wasn't his fault.

But it was.

It was his fault. And it was bad.

He hurt me, Wade.

He hurt you.

And when I saw that look in your eye today,

I got worried.

I got worried he was gonna hurt us again.

Look...

Mom, I know that you and Dad have a complicated relationship,

but that's your relationship.

Dad and I are still figuring ours out.

- Wade-- - No, I get it

if you don't want him in your life,

but I might want him in mine.

You can't take that from me.

Darling...

just be careful.

Your father's great at convincing people to love him.

And that's usually when he decides to leave.

Good luck out there.

- Hold the door, please!

- Thank you.

- What floor? - Oh, five. Thanks.

- Dad? - Mm. Come in, dear boy.

What is this place? Is this like a second

sky lobby or something?

- Well, actually, it's my lobby.

- Welcome to my penthouse.

Wow!

It's incredible!

And for a professional bowler,

it is humbly decorated!

Ho! Gold everywhere! So sensible.

- Wait a minute.

That's a private balcony?!

The prettiest skyline in the universe.

Reno, Nevada.

Dad! Do you realize how opulent it is to have a fireplace

in such a generally temperate climate in Nevada?

- Yes. - Wow.

- Bowling has really done well for you. - Well...

- I do alright.

Would you, uh, would you care to see the master suite?

Uh, yeah!

This way.

Full disclosure,

I have never been in a hotel room

where someone needed to utter the phrase "this way."

- Mm.

Listen, Wade.

- I am sorry. - Oh, yeah.

Don't worry. We talked about it. It's okay.

No, no.

- Not for that.

For this...

Wade...

- Mom. - Hello, Whipple.

- Long time no see. - What's up, Wade?

- What's up, dude. - Looks like you got yourself into a little dilemma,

- doesn't it? - Wade.

Dude, the perimeter has been breached.

Okay? Now, bro, that is FBI speak.

- It means they've gone too far. - I know what it means!

Okay, well.

Dad, you gave me up.

How could you?

Just like when you abandoned me at that TJ Maxx.

Except this is a billion times worse.

Yes, I know, and I am so frightfully sorry,

dear boy,

but please know that betraying you again

was one of the hardest things

I've ever had to do in my life. Truly.

You know, you have done some pretty terrible,

terrible things in your life,

but this is on another level.

- Bravo. - Gwendolyn.

Peter.

And where'd you pick up that phony posh accent?

- You're from Slough. - You know,

this is just like you, not to take me seriously.

- You've never supported me. Not fully.

Oh, oh, really? Oh, God.

You are such a psycho schmuck!

Children, listen.

Despite all that's happened,

I want you to know that I-I love you both,

and I would do absolutely anything for you.

Oh! I'm gonna vomit.

Just so you know, he didn't resist much.

We barely had to threaten the dude.

And these two, kidnaping him was his idea.

Hey, Dad?

You suck.

Like, so hard.

Dad, why?

Look, Wade.

Here's the deal.

There's only one Whipple that matters

in the greater Reno area

and I'm afraid it's not you, dear boy.

So I suggest you withdraw from the tournament,

give these folks your big, furry, red friend,

or I'm afraid I-I won't be able to stop them doing

some rather nasty things

- to people you care about. - Hm...

And the first to go will be...

your precious sister.

- Oh... no.

- Mm-mmm!

- I'm okay with that. - Wade!

- Do whatever you gotta do to her. - Are you kidding me right now?

- Man, she's got a blaster-- - I'm not joking--

- Okay, fine! - No no no no no!

- Not my mom!

Then, bring Knuckles back to this suite quietly.

Próximamente en el Canal en Español de Reno...

"La Ultima Passion."

Ooh...

Make it quick, Whipple.

- Okay. Uh, I'm at the room. - Good.

Now, keep your phone on, so we can hear every word

that comes out of your mouth.

And Wade? If you try anything,

you know what happens next.

Hey, buddy!

- Wade. You've returned.

How goes the fatherly reunion?

So good. Great, actually.

Um, in fact, I wanna take you upstairs

to look at something in his suite.

It's-- Well, it's a surprise.

A surprise? For me?!

What is it? Fresh Wade Jams?

Another Julia Roberts classic?

An enormous cauldron of Wendy matz-ball of soup?

Those are all great things.

This is not that.

It's something I think-- I think you should see.

I shall wear my finest hat.

Sure.

Put on an adorable hat.

- Yeah.

- Oh! Pfft.

Shucks and darn it.

I left my name tag in the room,

and I'm gonna need that for the tournament finals.

So why don't you head up to my dad's room

and I'll meet you there?

- Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah.

I'm totally sure. I'll go grab the stuff,

- you go to the penthouse, take me two seconds.

Very well. I shall see you soon,

- my friend.

It's done.

Knuckles is headed your way.