Original subtitles

Crystal, you wanted to see me? There's some kind of emergency.

I spoke on a panel this morning at a Women in Business breakfast.

Oh, God. Okay.

We'll get in touch with our PR people.

We'll shoot emails out to our lawyers and

we'll call the newspapers and remind them how much money you gave to the Panda House

without reminding them what you did in the Panda house.

With any luck, no one will ever know what you said.

I said nothing.

Oh, God.

What did you do?

All the other business women on the panel answered questions about their dynamic

jobs and all the important things they do with their days.

I realized I had nothing to contribute

other than this meeting with you, I have absolutely nothing on my schedule.

Crystal, you're very important here.

You may not involve yourself in some

of the little stuff, but you're like the Queen.

Keep talking.

The Queen is very powerful. Everyone loves her.

She's the most important

person in England, and all she does all day is raise corgis and drink gin.

I do like to cuddle with a bottle of gin.

See, your schedule is filling up already.

Now, if there's nothing else, I've got to prepare for a leadership event today.

Leadership event?

Yes, the one I've been talking about for months.

The Allstar Leadership tour,

a four star general, a hall of Fame basketball coach and a corporate CEO.

All on one stage talking about leadership.

They banter, they go deep.

They give real life lessons,

and companies pay thousands of dollars for their employees to attend.

Sounds intrigue. Tell me more.

There is no more. I just told you the whole thing.

Oh, now I remember they all have best sellers.

You gave me their books to read.

Yes, I did. Did you read them? I did.

When I ran out of my sleepy juice, they really did the job.

Oh, remind me across the border tomorrow to get more sleepy juice.

Yes, my Queen. So, are you excited about our trip to Cobble?

Are you kidding me? I've got my bathing suit on underneath this.

Save it from Mexico.

You crazy love birds.

No, she's got her bathing suit on under there.

That's nuts, because these pants are actually my pajamas.

Looks cozy, my man.

Okay, so you guys are all ready for your

weekend getaway car is going to come in 2 hours flights on time.

And, Alice, all you have is a quick contract signing with beverage people.

And all I have to do is take a picture

with this guy who wants to meet Alonzo Pope halftime contest yesterday.

Wow, we got to get some better contests. What?

No, no.

I brought some welcome gifts for the leaders when they arrive.

They're not from another planet.

Roman.

I don't fully understand what's happening.

It's not that complicated.

Three of the most powerful charismatic

leaders in their fields crisscrossing the country for the last three months.

Fighting crime.

Imparting their wisdom about leadership.

I'm really excited.

These are really impressive. Men.

Are those pajama bottoms?

Yeah, you can't tell,gentlemen.

Ben Donovan, it is an incredible honor to have all of you here.

The honor is all mine.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I'm pulling you short hair, son.

I couldn't want to be here less.

And I slept on the frozen dirt in Bosnia.

Well, I once went to Coachella and wore

shorts at night, so I know where you're coming from next time.

If you want a stupid red sweater, talk to Coach Billy.

Apparently, that's all he owns.

That's my trademark.

A simple man who knows how to win.

A simple man who spent 2 hours straddling a Jacuzzi jet at the hotel last night.

Yeah, I saw you.

Yeah, it was pretty weird that you were looking.

I don't like you. I don't like you.

I hate these guys.

Well, looks like we'll have a very pleasant afternoon in the green room.

If you'll follow me, we'll get you all settled.

Okay? I will get on the phone with our idiot

Booker and find out what we're dealing with.

In the meantime, just stay with them.

And if one of them goes to hit the other one, just step in front of it.

Okay? But I need your help, too.

There's an SPF 45 sunscreen in my top left drawer.

Make sure Alice doesn't get on that plane without it.

I'm not going to do that.

Okay.

Heather, can you get me? Andy at American Promotions.

You got it, boss. That's right.

Crystal Cohen.

Get used to talking to me because I will

be joining Ben Donovan and the day to day operations of this arena.

I could have told you she was here,

but the look on your face is just so priceless.

Thanks.

You're a fun kid.

No, I said two pastrami sandwiches, a diet Cola and your biggest.

Pickle. Great.

We'll be in touch.

What are you doing?

Ordering deli. I'm sorry.

Did you want a black and white cookie?

No, I mean, yes, but in the larger sense, what are you doing?

Well, I thought about being Queen,

and at the end of the day, it just seemed, I don't know, a little old Europe.

I want to do something with my days, Benjamin.

I want to contribute.

Let's roll up our sleeves.

Let's get our hands dirty.

Let's make a difference in this crazy town called the world?

Can we make a difference in this crazy

town called the world tomorrow? I'm a little jammed up today.

That's perfect. I can help you.

I need to feel useful. I want to do some real work.

Colin Donovan.

Oh, we're like an 80s cop show.

Ben, we have a fire to put out in the green room.

Well, what is it?

It's a fire in the green room.

Let's do this. Oh, no.

If something happened, I couldn't risk losing us both.

We're going.

And Donovan, then I want to be part of this.

And I want you to be a part of it, too.

But what I really need is for you to be part of whatever Alice is doing.

It's vital.

Alice, Crystal is joining your meeting. What?

It's vital. Thanks, partner.

Let's do this. Let's do business things.

Hey, how are you doing? I'm Crystal Cohen.

I own this place. Everything you see is mine.

What the hell? What the hell? Thank God.

What do I do? What do I do?

The fire extinguisher.

Any more bright ideas, boss?

Honestly, what is the matter with you?

What happened?

And where are the other leaders?

Coach Billy didn't like the smoke from my cigar.

And General Tompkins was a little put out.

It came from Cuba.

And it didn't bother you that you were

sitting 2ft away from a fire that you started, boy.

And the pajamas seemed to have it under control.

Okay, as we discussed, five years of exclusive use of your

products with appropriate signage throughout the arena.

So if everything is to your liking, we'll just need a couple of signatures.

Everything seems to be in order.

Does it?

Let's take a closer look.

No, Crystal, this deal has already worked out.

We're all happy we're on the beach in Mexico.

That's an expression. It means I'm happy.

I'm not saying you're trying to steal from us, though.

This one looks like he in a different time and place.

Used the term keep the car running.

But you got to admit, there is a lot of legal mumbo jumbo here.

Our lawyers drew up these contracts.

Oh, that should all be fine.

It's been a pleasure work.

It's fun.

You know, Ms. Cohen made me a little uneasy.

Would you go over these contracts with me one more time?

Well, I just talked to the Booker, and apparently these guys are maniacs

on the last leg of their tour, and they're ready to kill each other.

It's like Metallic all over again.

That band was so rude.

Yeah, well, they're misunderstood.

So now I'm the bad guy.

Anyway, let's just not do anything to set them off.

If we get them anything, just make sure it's equal.

Are you done with that? Almost great.

Thanks.

Okay, so they'll all speak for the exact same amount of time.

The order of which will be determined

by a coin flip, and the chairs will be exactly the same.

There's no Mama bear.

What the hell does that mean? Not too hard.

Not too soft. What is that?

From

the literary reference to a children's book.

Why would you think I would know that we're coming back to this?

That was awesome.

General, what are you doing?

You can't shoot in here.

It's a public building.

I'm not sure that's the law,

but you can't smoke in here, so you probably can't shoot in here.

Oh, my God. That's all I need.

Roman, please do not supply the general with any more cans of Orange soda.

Boy, the things you find yourself saying

Crystal, how are you?

Let's walk and talk, but let's walk and talk this way.

I've had the most productive morning.

I said Alice on the right course with her

negotiations, and I had time to do some of what I do best deals.

Oh, God.

Oh, and scrunched up that forehead, partner.

You know that odd little building across the street, the Church?

Well, they have always had a bug up there,

but about expanding and acquiring our north parking lot.

I initiated negotiations to sell it to them for a very handsome price.

Well, we need the north parking lot so people can

park. They can take the ChuChu ChuChu.

You know what I really want to do?

I want to help with the event today. How's that going?

What can I do?

I think I've got everything handled down

here for tonight, but why don't we talk about it upstairs?

Did you hear that?

Hear what's. -Good.

Alonzo, you've got to take Crystal off my hands.

Ben, I would love to help, but I got that guy coming for the photo op.

And then Alice and I are going to Mexico.

She already has a bathing suit on. Yeah, I know.

She showed me. She showed everyone.

Yeah, she's not a shy girl.

Can you just take Crystal for half an hour

so I can figure out something else for her to do.

She's got this thing today where she wants to feel valued.

Fine. Maybe she can help me take the picture.

Great.

So what are you two going to do in Mexico?

Okay, one more Crystal. I think we got it.

Okay this time.

No smiles, quiet, intensity, hopeful, but scared.

Alonzo, give me a sense of effervescence. Don't show it to me.

I want to see hidden effervescence.

Ok, let's do this, people.

No, guys, it's getting sloppy.

Come on, hold it together.

Russell Jr. Really?

I don't want to hold these good people up. Are you kidding?

It's not every day you get a chance to hang out with Alonzo post.

It's been a thrill for me, too. Guys.

What are you talking about? It doesn't have to end.

Take them to lunch. What?

No. I mean, I'd love to, but I have a thing.

So maybe some other time.

Lunch with Alonso Pope

doesn't seem like he wants to sign.

Okay, maybe for just a quick bite or a long one.

Go

enjoy your meal with an NBA hero. Mr.

Shod.

Sunshine Center.

Yeah, I don't know who that is.

I know you took it.

Tell me where my sweater is.

What stupid red sweater?

See, I told you they're fighting and there is a gun somewhere in this room.

I'm not going on stage without my red sweater.

Oh, no.

Who's going to impart the Homes Fund wisdom that a cornfield is like a team.

It's a metaphor for working together.

It makes no sense.

Corn doesn't work together.

I want my sweater.

You know, I have this thing upstairs.

It's a cable knit with a belt.

I think it would look really smart on you.

Really? It sounds nice. It is nice.

Is that sweater smell like Church, too?

Because they won't wear it unless it smells like Church.

I will see what I can do.

I'm going to see what I can do.

Please, let's go to Cabo right now.

I can't bend, made me babysit Crystal.

And now I'm going to be here all day and night.

Are you kidding me? Ben didn't want Crystal to screw up

anything for him, so now we can't go on a trip.

Crystal,

have you seen Ben? Why did he ask you to babysit? Me, too?

I'm not allowed to babysit in the state of California.

I need to find him.

The fire inspectors here the fire Inspector.

I reported the fire.

I thought it was just in a trash can.

If you are going to report me, I'm going to report them.

Do you know how excited I was about this

trip? Look, I'm wearing my bathing suit right now.

Yeah, I know. You showed it to me.

You showed it to everyone else, too.

It's a weird thing to do.

By the way, you're weird. That's good.

Look, this was my anniversary, and you ruined it.

And I wonder if you didn't do it on purpose once.

I would never do something like that. Would you do something like that to me?

No.

Well, then I am going to stop making this face.

Pull it right back. Yeah, I think you should.

Look, I'm sorry that I ruined your vacation, but I've got a million dollars

of ticket sales riding on whether Coach Billy likes this weird

belted sweater that I'm fairly sure is for a Husky woman.

You're a Husky woman.

What is the matter with you.

Heather?

Do you know where Crystal is? She's still with Alonso, right?

She asked me not to tell you what she's doing or who she's with.

Okay, let's make a deal.

You tell me where Crystal is.

And remember how much you've always wanted to sketch me?

Don't say it unless you mean it.

I mean, it crystals with a fire Inspector. Oh, my God.

Do you know what a tight ass that guy is? See you tonight.

Bring two outfits, one sporty, one sophisticated, and not that.

Oh, this is not mine.

I would never.

Not in this color.

Well, there's no damage.

The alarm and the sprinklers are still

intact, and you seem to be in full compliance with fire and safety calls.

Why does everything you say sounds dirty.

Jeff, but we do have a problem.

You missed your last inspection.

Cut to the chase, fire man. What's it going to take?

I hope you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting.

You do realize I can shut you down.

You do realize I'm the most powerful woman in San Diego, right?

I had two mayors elected in the third in Peach.

And I can tell you all their faults, politically and sexually.

Jeff, How's it going?

Is she hazing you?

She does that to all the big shots

that come through the arena last year was the Dalai Lama.

She lifted up his skirt, tickled his belly.

He really seemed to enjoy it.

Benjamin, I have this.

I appreciate how serious this is.

Is there any way you can give us a one week extension?

We will cooperate fully.

Would that work for you

one week? Jeff, you're the best.

That's a great time. By the way.

Is it a clip on?

Is there a website or a fireman's catalog?

He's gone.

Well, way to tag team.

And partner

Donnaman and Cohen.

Or Cohen and Donna?

It just doesn't feel right.

No, it looks really good.

Falls nicely on your hips. Really?

Well, that is my trouble spot.

Hey, everybody, it's almost Showtime. I need my coach.

I need my general. I need my CEO.

I am ready to go. My sweater.

Where'd you get that easy, coach?

Billy, take the 30 grand you're making night and buy yourself a new one.

Wait a minute. You're making 30?

I'm making 25.

25.

I'm getting ten and a ride to the airport.

You're getting a ride to the airport?

Crystal, can I talk to you?

I could have handled it.

He was going to shut us down. Can you stop doing that?

It relaxes me.

He made a fool of me today and not just in front of the fire Inspector all day long.

You pawned me off and pretended to give me jobs.

I came to you asking to do something real to be part of what you do.

And this is how you treat me. Crystal, I'm sorry.

My hands were full today.

It's one event we have, like, 50 events a year, 300.

But go on.

At that breakfast meeting this morning, I felt like I had nothing to contribute.

But those people were strangers.

And now I find out you feel the same way.

That is not true.

I do not feel that way.

And yet I feel exactly that way.

But I would never tell you that.

And yet I did just tell you that.

Can you please turn that off?

Almost done. Oh, here.

Read this.

Something I want you to think about.

The event is starting in five minutes.

I don't have a lot of experience, but I promise I'll never let you down.

That's very nice.

But this is not on the job training.

That was my application letter.

Okay, everybody panic.

We have been some trouble.

I'm a clown. I'm a clown.

Do you want to make this messy?

Let's make this mess.

Let's all calm down, gentlemen.

Distinguished and very scary.

Gentlemen, I know we have our issues, but please listen to me.

This is our owner, Crystal Cohen, and I am confident

that she can resolve our problems in a fair and equitable way for everyone.

I won't let you down.

Please don't let me down.

Please don't let me down.

Gentlemen,

you three make me sick.

Allstar leadership event, my ass.

They should call this the All Star crybaby event.

Dixie Chicks tomorrow. Dixie Chicks tomorrow.

In fact, why don't we just cancel this whole event right now?

Fine with me. I don't need it.

Neither do I. None of us do.

I do. Do you know who does me?

They do.

Those poor rudderless lambs out there.

They don't know where they're going.

Don't deprive them of your leadership.

Don't deprive them of your amazing life stories.

Now, I've read all of your books,

Michael, your description of a lonely boy growing up on a small farm in Iowa.

Wow. You hooked this reader on page one.

Jen, your acknowledgement page alone taught me

more about leadership than eight volumes of Winston Churchill's Rambling?

Snooze fest.

coach, Billy.

All I needed was to see your face on your cover.

And you could lead me anywhere you wanted me to go.

In fact, gentlemen,

I can't decide which one of you I want to climb on top of first.

But working together.

Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense at all.

But I have to give you credit, partner.

You made all of this happen.

I did, didn't I? Even though it may be the most boring event we've ever had.

Crystal about today, then. Thank you.

It was very sweet what you did.

I know I can be a bit of a. What's the word?

I am willing to sit in silence forever

until you come up with it on your own handful.

There you go. But you trusted me.

That means a lot.

And I learned something today.

Benjamin, it's nice to be useful, but I miss being Queen.

Well, Your Highness, I have a rather large favor to ask of you.

I'm afraid I have more to make up for.

Where is your Royal plane?

Good evening. And welcome to Crystal Air.

Your flight time to Cabo San Lucas will be 1 hour and 45 minutes.

Hey, happy six month anniversary.

Please. Is there anyone left to tell you

on a private plane? Act like you've been here before.

No. I want to send Ben a thank you for making this happen.

Well, I'm glad I arranged that you moved.

Now we have to start all over again.