Original subtitles

SUPPORTED BY CML AND LFC

IN COLLABORATION WITH RTP

IN COLLABORATION WITH PRIME

COYOTE VADIO AND NOS AUDIOVISUAIS PRESENT

SUNSET

THE MYSTERY OF THE NECKLACE OF SAINT CAJÓ

Look! It's a Simão!

A Simão.

Do you know why it's called Simão?

- No. - No.

It's a story

older than time itself.

A story with more than 3500 years.

The story that I am about to tell you

is the story of the most powerful necklace in the world.

The necklace of Saint Cajó.

More than 3500 years ago,

there was, in Iberia, a secret society.

They had supernatural powers

and low smoke.

They mixed cooper with tin

and they were called...

The Celtiberian Goldsmiths.

Look, Césaro. It's the light!

The light of the prophecy.

- We've made it, Hilerno. - Yes, Césaro.

- We forged the necklace. - The necklace.

A necklace?

A necklace that is the most powerful talisman

that has ever existed.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

No.

Back then, it didn't have that name yet.

When they created the necklace, it was called...

The necklace of Our Holy Thingy.

Aunia!

Your daughter is showing her ass to whoever gives her olive oil.

She's just like her mother. Aunia!

Now that we've made the necklace of Our Holy Thingy,

what is next, Master Viltó?

It's simple, Hilerno.

We will use the necklace to get cash.

Tons of cash.

But money was not yet invented.

Wasn't it?

And the prophecy says that the necklace must be given to the purest of hearts,

to protect their family.

It's written on the stars

and on the caves' walls we pee in.

I was sent to Earth by Our Holy Thingy.

I told you how to make the necklace.

I use the hemmed skirt.

Master, master!

Anyways, I am not a stubborn guy.

While there's no money,

the necklace is kept by the purest of hearts.

Thank you, Master Viltó.

Find the man with the purest of hearts from all over Iberia.

And that was how,

for centuries,

the necklace and the mission to cross Iberia,

in search for the purest of hearts,

were passed on from parents to children.

Through generations and generations

of Celtiberian Goldsmiths.

Then, after 2621 years,

after the Celtiberian Goldsmiths made a re-branding

to Cistercian Goldsmiths.

Heitor...

We found him, Cosme.

We found the purest of hearts.

Hello, mysterious people on horsebacks.

Who are you?

Enlighten by a light that favors you.

I'm Sancho.

The grandson of the first Bourbon de Linhaça.

My heart is pure and I love fava beans.

We've waited 2621 years,

to give you this necklace.

No, thanks. I don't wear accessories.

The necklace of Saint Cajó is not an accessory, Don Sancho.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

Which has never been with the Bourbon de Linhaça?

That's the one.

The necklace of Saint Cajó

protects the family of the purest of hearts.

While the Bourbon de Linhaça keep it,

nothing bad will happen to you, Don Sancho.

What a beautiful light!

It's like the moon's reflection on a maid's bottom.

But you will have to keep it with your own lives.

With our own lives, unknown people?

Yes, Don Sancho. If you let it be stolen,

the curse of Saint Cajó will fall upon your family.

- The curse of Saint Cajó? - Yes, Don Sancho.

The Bourbon de Linhaça will be a victim of betrayals,

blind people,

Pedro Granger,...

Of people who change their faces, kidnappings,

cherries with shellfish flavor,

and horses that run backwards.

No!

So we ask you, Don Sancho,

are you ready to take the responsibility of the necklace of Saint Cajó?

Mission fulfilled, Heitor.

I can finally dedicate myself to my passion.

Artisanal gin.

This is only the beginning.

Now, we have to assure that the necklace

stays with the Bourbon de Linhaça forever.

- Forever? - Forever.

Or until something exterminates all humanity,

like the lack of bees.

That means we'll spend our lives serving the necklace of Saint Cajó.

Not if I can avoid it.

Monk Jacó?

The only descendant of Our Holy Thingy on Earth?

Here? On a forest?

Yes. I've been following you for years,

disguised as a boar.

I knew it.

There couldn't be that many boars riding horses.

What do you want from us?

The necklace.

The necklace of Our Holy Thingy.

Renamed as the necklace of Saint Cajó.

The necklace was not only renamed.

Saint Cajó baptized it and put a VPN on it.

The necklace doesn't belong to you!

The necklace cannot be used for evil.

It has to be used for good or, at least, for indifference.

The necklace has only one end: to make money.

Whoever has it, will make lots of money.

Even more now, that the money has been invented.

Give me the necklace!

We gave it to Don Sancho, the purest of hearts.

It's guarding the entire Bourbon de Linhaça family.

No.

If you get close to it, it will see that you're threatening the family,

and it'll take upon you all of its neck ornament power.

What prevents me from going to the castle

and killing every Bourbon de Linhaça?

Just to test you theory.

- We do. - We do.

Daddy! Daddy!

It's "dad". You're not twelve.

I've always called you "dad".

If only all my kids were like you.

Able to fight and rape on their own.

Raping is wrong, dad.

What is that, Sancho?

It's a necklace, uncle.

Now, he has necklaces...

Why don't you show interest in man stuff, Sancho?

But I do! I like puppets.

Damn you!

If only I could get angry.

Silence!

Whilst I'm the leader of the Bourbon de Linhaça,

I will not let anyone humiliate Sancho.

How so? Sancho is my son.

And I'm the heir of this family.

You owe me obedience, Rafael.

Why can't we get along as every other medieval family?

The fact that we're fraternal twins

doesn't give you any kind of privilege in this family.

I hate you, Isaac.

If I had been born a few seconds earlier.

But you didn't, Rafael.

The first one passing through mom's great lips,

was me.

- Music! - And joy!

Kill a maid to uplift the mood.

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Heitor!

Heitor!

Heitor!

Hang in there, Heitor. Please.

I won't survive.

I've lost a lot of blood.

The only reason why I'm still alive,

it's because I had a good lunch.

Please, Heitor. Don't die.

You can't die without leaving descendants.

The Cistercian Goldsmiths will no longer be a duo.

Don't worry, Cosme.

I got your wife pregnant,

just in case I would die.

No!

Show me the necklace.

It's the necklace of Saint Cajó.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

- The one that never belonged to us? - That's right.

The Goldsmiths said they've only kept it.

It has been with us for 2621 years.

The necklace of Saint Cajó.

I've always thought it was a legend.

Such as the maids that make ass.

Who is Saint Cajó, uncle?

Saint Cajó

is the saint to whom other saints light candles.

He is so powerful, that when he died,

sweet tears fell from heaven.

Wasn't it rain?

It doesn't matter.

With the necklace of Saint Cajó,

we'll be one of the most powerful families in Portugal.

Powerful? How so?

Like the ambassadors of Prozis on Vatican?

And, who knows, official cherry suppliers

for the crusades.

But there's a price to pay.

If the necklace is stolen,

a curse will fall upon the Bourbon de Linhaça.

- The curse of Saint Cajó. - Yes.

We'll be cursed with bad luck, deaths and sassy employees.

No.

Me and my descendants will assure

that this necklace will never be taken from us.

Ever.

And that's how the necklace of Saint Cajó,

has come to the family

of Bourbon de Linhaça.

And from that day on,

it was passed on from father to son,

from heir to heir,

from generation to generation.

And the moons have passed.

And days became months,

and then years, and then decades,

and then centuries.

Dad!

It's Brazil!

Dad, we've discovered Brazil!

Shut up!

As if he had never seen Brazil.

Land of the True Cross.

We bring cherries and a lack of talent for dancing.

Bravo, my men!

It's Brazil, dad!

Over time and protecting the necklace of Saint Cajó,

the family Bourbon de Linhaça

became the biggest cherry producer worldwide.

But their luck was about to change.

And everything started when, for the first time,

the family's firstborn was not the good sibling.

But the evil one.

Miguel, you can't keep doping our cherries.

It's not doping. Our cherries have a couperose skin.

They have so many steroids that they fight each other.

I know it's hard for you not being the leader, Duarte.

But I was born first, my fraternal twin.

Do you really think you'd beat me stepping out of a vagina?

But I did, Duarte.

And I have the Super 8 film of the birth to prove it.

Yes... The Super 8 film.

It's always the Super 8 film.

Dad! Did you managed to sell every cherry?

Yes.

Six kilos for 15 billions euros.

- Congrats, father-in-law! - Selling cherries on a Sunday?

Remember. These cherries pay your Invisalign.

I don't need charity.

I make a living as a peasants' stylist.

Simão!

Don't talk to dad like that on the porch.

Cool down, Eduardo.

Look at this. He can't even get angry.

I hate being a Bourbon de Linhaça!

If only I were a simple guy who likes to eat on the counter.

- Simão! - Let him be.

It's your late mom's fault,

who put him in folk costumes until he was six.

Poor kid.

Luckily, our daughter,

who doesn't have twins,

doesn't have these traumas.

Lourenço?

Why are you in my school?

Hello, Miss Matilde. How are you?

Are you following me?

Not everything's about you, Miss.

I came to deliver straw to the nanotechnology dept.

Don't lie to me.

I'm presenting my thesis about preppies on Mesopotamia.

- Do you want him to leave? - You shut up!

I'll end you faster than a package of chips.

Let's go. Before I get angry

and bite his nipples.

Don't worry, Miss Matilde.

I would rather die than kissing you while you bite me.

Understand something.

I will never have sex with you dressed as Catwoman.

Did you hear me? Never!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Is everything okay? - Yes.

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just a bit dizzy. I come from the countryside,

and I'm not used to seeing these many all-star.

Be careful with Vicente's dad. He's a rich speech therapist.

Rich?

He found the cure for those who say "zeodorant".

- Who are you? - I'm Lourenço.

I'm responsible for the straw on the Sunset Estate.

What about you?

Diogo, Jimmy and Vera.

We're the most exclusive band in college.

- The ContraBand? - Yes, do you know us?

Of course I do! I have all of your MP3 in VHS.

- I'm also a musician. - Really?

Lourenço, we should talk. Tell me what you play.

Jimmy,

do I believe in witches, tarot, tapioca and stuff like that?

No.

What's the only supernatural thing I believe in?

- Your clitoris. - Totally.

And my clitoris says that he is the love of my life.

No way!

No, the necklace can't end up on a bank safe.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

The one that belongs to us for more than 3500 years?

That's right, Madalena.

It will be safer on the European Bank of Ribatejo.

Do you want me to keep it?

You? I wouldn't even trust you with manure, you useless.

Miguel!

I'm not useless.

As much as it costs you,

I'm a regional runner-up of Lambada dance.

Have I told you that I never had twins?

And the curse, dad?

The curse is a myth to frighten little kids.

No! The curse of the necklace of Saint Cajó is true.

- The curse of Saint Cajó? - Yes.

Legend has it, that if the necklace is stolen,

the curse of Saint Cajó will fall upon us.

We'll be cursed with bad luck, deaths and sassy employees.

Did you hear, Miguel? Sassy employees.

Do you really want to live as if it was august in Algarve?

- The curse is a lie. - How are you so sure?

You also thought I was gay, but I love touching boobies.

Dad, don't you think it would be safer to keep in our home?

- We have double-paned windows. - And Márcio's kid...

He's so strong that he would smash any girl in bed.

No!

As the leader of this family and as a stubborn person,

my decision is made.

The necklace of Saint Cajó goes to the bank. António!

- Did you call, Commander? - The helicopter key.

And that was how,

the necklace Saint Cajó was trusted

to the European Bank of Ribatejo.

This was the first bank in the world

to have a credit line destined to sideburns.

And if the legend said

that the curse would only happen if the necklace was stolen,

from this moment on,

fate would begin to write itself.

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be thy roots,

thy fuzz come,

thy will be done

on facial hair as it is in armpit.

Forgive us our razor blades,

as we forgive those who want to shave us.

And led us not into temptation;

but deliver us from wax.

Amen.

Come on, my child, what haunts you?

- Is it because you're blind? - No, Mother.

Being blind is already a part of me.

I don't even ask the gift of sight to Our Hairy Lord.

I want a Makro card.

So what is going on?

It's my visions, Mother.

Yesterday, I envisioned my future.

A future full of cherries and death.

My child, you have to stop worrying about your future.

You only have to worry about what's happening next.

Come on.

What is this?

- I smell low smoke. - Hello, Salomé.

Who's there? Is it a perv priest, but one my age?

No, Salomé. It's us. The Cistercian Goldsmiths.

Goldsmiths?

But I don't have jewelery.

My only valuable asset is my chubby vajayjay.

We know you have visions, Salomé.

- We gave you such gift. - That's a lie!

It was Our Hairy Lord who gave me this gift.

No, it wasn't, Salomé.

He gave you the gift of well-seasoning goat meat.

Touch me, Salomé.

In the arm, Salomé.

I can see.

Do you believe us, Salomé ?

I can see.

We gave you the gift of envisioning when you were born.

When I was born?

Do you know my mom?

Is her the athlete Rosa Mota?

We can't say.

You won't say, because it really is Rosa Mota.

What is this?

Is it a lounge?

Did you envisioned cherries and death?

I've seen cherries,

and death.

And a rich estate, with a pool and 5G.

The Sunset Estate.

But the worst thing I've seen,

was the purest of hearts becoming...

Becoming what, Salomé ? Tell us.

The most horrific creature.

A bearded villain.

No!

- No. - Salomé?

Oh, no! I can no longer see.

You never did.

No, no. I did! I did see!

I've seen things, Mother.

There was water,

and two men in a weird costume.

You were dreaming about Miami Vice.

But it was so real, Mother.

For the first time, I felt that my life wasn't random.

- I felt like I had a mission. - And you do!

To be the best goat meat cooker in the world.

I will take you to the European Contest in Warsaw.

I'm so tired of being treated like a fake Bourbon de Linhaça.

Just because I got out later from mom's vagina.

That doesn't smell right.

How did Miguel defeated you on a vagina race?

Unfortunately, it is true, Elsa.

He has the Super 8 film of the birth to prove it.

A Super 8 film of the birth to prove it?

That's right.

Every birth of the Bourbon de Linhaça are on YouTube

of the Posh's Protection National Committee.

Sure. I forget that you are a Bourbon de Linhaça,

and that I am single mum with dermatitis.

- Elsa. - It's true.

You're a posh,

and I'm just a woman working as a stripper,

so I can pay my streaming.

I don't love you less because you're a stripper.

I just love you doubtfully. That's it.

Is that why no one can find out about our relation?

Are you ashamed?

Ashamed?

I've already been engaged to a life-style journalist.

Don't lie to me, Duarte. Please.

I want to protect you from my brother.

Miguel is very dangerous.

I'm sure he already killed.

And I think he doesn't separate the trash.

Elsa, come down here! Your kid is french kissing the dog.

Drop the dog, Leandro Miguel!

So young and he already likes kissing more than his mother.

She's a tramp.

Ivone, are you still single?

And I'm so hungry.

Yesterday I went running in flip-flops just to remember the sound.

Ivone, your network coverage is so fine that my signal immediately awakes.

Gross. Do you think I talk to married men?

- Married. Not dead. - Oh, really?

Let Lena hear you, and see if you're not dead indeed.

You think I'm scared of her?

I went to recruitment without socks.

Oh my!

- Go home now. - Lena, in front of everyone?

Why? Do you want from the back? Hurry!

- Lena, stop! - Shut up!

Simão! Are you making your tsunamis?

Sebastião, it's "origami". It's a Japanese word.

"Ori" means to fold and "kami" means paper.

- "Origami". - I don't understand Japanese at all.

I even have trouble driving the Toyota!

How are you, my dear Celeste?

Not good.

My adenoids grew, affected my legs, and now I walk with a cane.

If we don't get money for the operation, she'll be blind.

- Blind? - Yes.

Adenoids can come off my nose, and block my sight. They're so big.

I don't get it.

Why does my dad doesn't give that money?

He needs money for stuff to.

Your dad loves those expensive restaurants with the plants on the walls.

If only I could, Sebastião.

Don't try to get angry.

You can't and you might end up getting hurt.

I don't understand.

Why do employees like you have to beg for operation money?

I don't get it, Celeste. It's not fair.

And is life fair, Simão?

Maybe it isn't.

But that's my dream.

I dream of a life as it is in porn.

What a dream.

- What a dream. - I'll work on it.

My heart is pure and I do not have schedules,

so I'll spend my life fighting for justice

and for respect to Latin dances.

Lourenço!

We want two horses to go to the field and have catholic sex.

I'm not your servant.

I'm here to take care of the straw and to wander around shirtless.

Will you have the attitude in front of a Menezes de Salamandra?

Our families assure more than 70% of the revenue of Range Rover.

What is going on?

António, you're son is not taking my order.

I'm not a puppet, like your boyfriends with soft bangs.

Why do you always have problems with my guys?

- Are you jealous? - It takes one to know one!

Miss Matilde, don't worry. I'll prepare the horses myself.

Come, Vicente.

Jealous? Of her?

Are you in love with Miss Matilde?

Me? With that dumb preppy?

Then why have you been sending emojis

of eggplants with drops of water on the tip?

Aren't you ashamed?

I hate Matilde, dad.

I hate her privileged world with spineless fishes,

and salads on the side.

Identical.

No one will know that the necklace was changed.

Just me. And the person who pays me.

And so, without anyone noticing,

the necklace of Saint Cajó was stolen.

And it fell upon the Bourbon de Linhaça.

The most terrible curse of the necklace of Saint Cajó.

The decline of the empire Bourbon de Linhaça

was inevitable.

A disruption on the energy of Saint Cajó?

The necklace.

The curse of Saint Cajó was freed.

Fate was drawn.

A fate full of betrayals, revenges and...

Death!

I see death.

And polo shirts with the collars lifted.

No! It's not possible.

What happened?

Why are you recording yourself screaming?

Miguel cut me from the bank account.

The password is no longer "123 BAILA SALSA MERENGUE MARIA".

Chill, there's lots of people without 200 million euros.

It's not for me, Elsa.

I can live with a million monthly, if I control my Uber Eats.

But what about you, Elsa?

Me?

It's simple, Duarte.

I'll have to make more money as a stripper.

But there's only one way to do so.

I'll have to lose my dignity and accept it.

- I'll be an influencer. - No!

And after selling her ovaries so that she could buy the Clio...

- Can we talk, Maria da Piedade? - Of course, Father Vitó.

Ladies, gentlemen, gentlethem...

See you!

It makes me so happy that you have non-binaries.

Our Holy Thingy accepts everyone who pays.

Hello.

And we pay a lot.

In contrast to other churches, where people pay a tenth of they earn.

The tithe.

- Here we leave everything we earn. - The "allthe".

Not that I'm complaining, Father Vitó.

Our Holy Thingy changed my life.

I still remember how attached I was to breaded chicken before.

- And now, how are you? - I'm fine, Father Vitó.

I work day and night to gain bit coins,

so that I can pay my plastic surgery.

You still dream about being chubby and blonde.

Yes, Father Vitó. I still dream about it.

And we also need to match the movie with the series.

Maria da Piedade,

I wanted to talk to you because I think

that you would be a great deacon of the Thingy.

A deacon? Of the Thingy?

Yes, Maria da Piedade. But to evaluate you,

I'll have to go live with you on the Sunset Estate.

Without anyone noticing me. I've made a hide and seek vow.

Of course, Father Vitó. I would be honored to.

Tell me, Maria da Piedade,

if your employers had a precious necklace,

where would they keep it?

On the Commander's office, where he keeps the FHM with Maya,

and everything else of value.

- But why? - Nothing much.

It was a question from Trivial that I got yesterday.

How did you get here?

Stealing to pay a medical procedure, while you think out loud.

Jewelry, gold,...

the FHM magazine with Maya...

You found the money

that the Commander is saving for emergencies

and for sandwiches on the airport.

Sebastião? Here?

Taking the money of the airport sandwiches?

Who's there?

It's me. Simão.

Simão, sneaking up on me while I steal?

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to.

Stealing is humiliating enough. Do I still have to be caught?

It was an accident. I swear. Here.

Take this expensive Rolex celebrating Marco's kick on Big Brother.

Simão, I still have my dignity.

I just want what I've stolen, with all my effort.

My God.

What is this world?

Where one needs to steal to remove lymphatic tissue

from their wife's nose.

This is so unfair.

I've made it.

I got angry.

I punched something. I have...

Blood.

Let's go!

Persist.

That's right! I wanna see you sweating.

Do you want to quit?

Do you want to go home to your Star Wars PJ's and your weenie?

Don't stop! Keep going!

Let's go!

Okay, that's enough, stop!

Everyone out. Everyone out.

Be back on Wednesday.

They're useless.

Ricardo? Is that you, Ricardo?

- Ricardo. - Filipa.

I smell, I smell I smell doughnuts

Not gangsta rap. It reminds me that I live in the suburbs.

I know the cure for that.

Ricardo.

I have something to tell you now that we're still out of breath.

- Now? - Yes.

Ricardo...

I know you're lying to me.

- Filipa... - No, no!

Let me talk while I still feel the Baileys.

I know this is just a merely commercial trade.

You give me money and OTK boots.

And I give you a vag that is not yet shabby.

And there's a problem with that?

No, Ricardo.

But at least, I would like to know who you are.

- I've already told. I am... - Stop!

You are not the manager of the BPI bank in Trafaria.

I've called them. A bank manager

can't afford a suite bigger than my health center.

- Filipa. - You have this helicopter smell.

Who can afford an helicopter during the week? Who?

Tell me who.

Fine. I'm not a bank manager.

I knew it.

But that's all I can say.

What?

I can only say that I'm the leader of a powerful family

and that I'm circumcised.

What?

Yes, my foreskin is fake.

It's part of a kit for penis' disguises.

I bought it in Netherlands.

It has the foreskin, glasses, a mustache,...

Tell me who you are, Ricardo!

Let go of me, idiot!

Never be rough on me again unless it is for dirty stuff.

Did you hear me, Filipa? Never again.

Dear guys...

Starting companies in garages is so 80's.

- Cristina? - No. Jesus.

Cristina’s are those who have a public Instagram.

I am Cristina Chrysler de Alarcão e Catota.

Raul Pimenta.

The other one?

Great, you can keep them.

Well, I have five minutes.

Or my clothes start smelling like coins.

Fine. Look, we have a blog about criminal investigation

and we're looking for money so that we turn it into a magazine.

- No, thank you. Bye. - Wait!

We're young people at risk.

If our blog goes off, they might end up in podcasts.

If you want to become a fashion magazine,

I might get you some investors.

Okay, a fashion magazine...

We can investigate fashion crimes. Mixing patterns.

- Guys who wear slips. - No, a real fashion magazine.

And it has to be called "Blaze". To match with the series.

But how did she get you the money?

Who cares! She did it.

She spoke with some "business angels".

Are they foreigners? That money is from drugs.

Smell her hair. That's where they keep the hash.

- Do you know any business angel? - No.

- See? - But I know a slut when I see one.

And when a girl gives you money, she wants to get some.

- Mom! - I'm not an idiot.

I'm 52 years old and my ass is still a virgin.

Mom!

But they've tried. Men have such an obsession.

Come see this, you working class!

Come see this scandal.

I find my wife with another guy and he wants to punch me!

I'm not some guy. I have a name.

What do you want? I was the cook in the army!

C'mon, Lena! Be cool!

Be cool or I will take off my shoes.

Shut up! Yes, I've slept with Narciso. So what?

And you admit it?

You should also admit you no longer work.

It was the antihistamine and you know it.

You haven't been on your knees for years.

So you slept with him!

Talk about me again, I'll punch you so hard

you'll never eat nougat again.

I bet you will.

Let me just find a rock and you'll see.

Lena, tell Steven Seagal to come to the window and he'll see.

You tell him. He's going there.

Oh, no.

- Does anyone know I'm here? - Of course not.

I'm dumb but I'm not stupid. I'll get it.

Oh my God.

If they find out that my girlfriend doesn't have a horse,

the Posh's Committee will forbid me to wear a beret.

I saw no one. They rang the bell and ran away.

But they left this.

A pen drive? Here? In Madragoa?

"Duarte, your life is a lie".

No! What if they found out that I am allergic to cherries?

- You're allergic to cherries? - No, but what if I am?

- I'll go grab my laptop. - No.

What if it's a virus?

Or nudes of real bodies?

You're right.

I'll take it to open it on my laptop

that only has games and dirty stuff.

But open it slowly, Duarte. Promise me.

Good morning!

You're in a good mood. Is Accessorize on sale?

Yesterday I got angry, dad.

You won't take this joy from me.

We have papaya with onions and salsa.

Did Madalena freaked out again?

- Dad. - Grandpa.

Everyone knows your mum is crazy, Matilde.

But your dad pretends she is not.

Yes, dad. Madalena suffers from depression.

She may think she's a tent, but I love her.

And I also love women!

Stop arguing with the maid here,

like the new-rich on a seafood diner.

- I'll go inside. - Stop.

While I'm the leader of the Bourbon de Linhaça,

no employee, nor anyone, will leave without my permission.

- Uncle? - Simão?

Simão, sit. Immediately.

No.

I'm tired of being treated like a telemarketer that calls after 8 pm.

- Simão, sit. Please. - No, Eduardo! That's enough.

As they say in Latin dances:

"Suck me and keep sucking".

- Our Holy Thingy! - Dad, please!

Miguel!

- No! - Uncle!

- No, uncle, please. - No.

Do you have the guts to point cherries at me?

Your tyranny ends here and now.

No, uncle. No.

He may be a monster that never likes cat's posts,

but he's my father.

I don't need your help, you idiot.

And here comes Parkinson.

Dad!

Lourenço!

It's a regional earthquake, dad.

Run!

Come, dad!

It has begun.

The rage of the necklace has begun.

The washing machine is finishing, Mother.

It's an earthquake. Run!

Our Holy Thingy in heaven,

hallowed be thy tool.

Catch the cherries before they fall down.

- They're not ready yet! - Shut up!

I still need to sleep with one of Don Duarte's kids.

Quickly, come this way!

I've made an origami umbrella to protect us.

Everyone shook.

The Santarém earthquake measures 7.6 in magnitude.

- That's humongous. - Shut up. You know nothing.

Do you think I got where I got in the army by being stupid?

I had to know the odd time tables.

Seven, nine and eleven. Eleven times one? Ah...

Madalena!

Sorry.

I will not freak out again during earthquakes.

Toni, don't go under the water reservoir.

Uncle!

Dad will try to put out the earthquake.

- To put out the earthquake? - Yes, he's lost his mind.

Are you okay, Matilde?

You...

Did you save me, Lourenço?

Are you hurt, sweety?

Lourenço, thank you.

Thank you for saving my only daughter.

Thank you.

You don't need to thank me.

I did it because I'm a very human person.

The earthquake.

It's over.

- Dad. - My God.

Is this the end for the Bourbon de Linhaça?

One more thing, Filipa. What do you do for a living?

- I live at the expense. - At who's expense?

- Does it matter? - You're the one who knows him.

- We'll keep in touch. - Very well.

Look, may I take a picture of your boobs?

I mean, I always ask.

So that after I don't get like: "I should have asked".

Thank you.

These people... She wants to be an editorial director

and she can't give three examples of tax fraud.

I liked her. I like them when I think I can have them.

It's probably insecurity or laziness.

Knock-knock! May I?

I'm sorry if you don't understand me.

I have a lot of snot.

- Carla. 37 years old. - And a Capricorn.

So, be careful with me in bed.

Sorry, it's the fever speaking.

A house with more than 12 000 years completely ruined.

We might be able to save some baseboards and a toaster.

- Everything else... - The curse.

This was the curse of Saint Cajó.

But wasn't it only if the necklace was stolen?

I don't know, Madalena.

I've just seen Arnaldo's body smashed by a mug.

Arnaldo? What about Tony?

- Márcio' son? - That hot guy?

My best friend is dead, did you hear me?

He is dead!

The only person who made me happy.

He thought it was okay to whistle Scorpions in bed.

- Shut up! - Miguel!

Grandpa!

You embarrass this family, Simão.

Why?

Having really close friends is embarrassing for you?

Friends who support us, who hold us,...

- And pinch our butts, while we... - We got it.

I hate being a Bourbon de Linhaça.

I hate it!

I wish I had been born poor and I got dressed at Primark.

Sebastião...

I'm fine. I'm fine!

Don't worry. I'm used to it.

My nephew works at a night club.

Simão can now get angry.

Did this happen because of the curse of Saint Cajó?

No, Matilde.

The necklace wasn't stolen.

We were so lucky, Mother Hairy.

If António Sala's statue falls on top of someone...

I'm here, my dear.

It wasn't luck. Our Hairy Lord takes good care of us.

Why do you think we never had candidiasis?

I have a secret to tell you, Mother.

I know why this earthquake happened.

Mother?

Then tell us, Salomé.

The Cistercian Goldsmiths. You? Here?

Touch me, Salomé.

Further up, Salomé.

My hands are so puffed.

What caused the earthquake?

I don't know, Mister Goldsmith.

I just know that I felt this strength

that looked like a plague, and ended in "urse".

"Urse"?

The curse.

- Yes, that's it! The curse. - The curse of Saint Cajó.

Have you seen something during the earthquake?

No, Mister Goldsmith. Outside this lounge, I'm really blind.

Think about it, Salomé!

Tell us! Did you see something? A necklace being stolen?

- No, Mister Goldsmith. I swear. - Henrique.

I'm sorry, Salomé.

Let's go to the estate, to check on the necklace.

What is there?

It's different from here.

It's all the same.

Like the neighborhoods around Lisbon.

- Goodbye, Salomé. - No, no!

Don't go, or else I'll be blind again.

There's one thing I really want to see.

Show me a fondue set.

I've always wanted to see a fondue set.

Stop, guys.

What now?

This doesn't make sense.

- What, Didi? - Everything, Vera.

These clothes, these tambourines.

These lyrics.

"I don't want No fat lady"

Lots of people love fat women.

Indeed. On Pornhub, that's a very normal category,

like step-moms or feet.

Lourenço.

How are you?

We've heard about the earthquake.

- Are you okay? - Yes. It's over now.

But it wasn't cool to watch

people that I know dying under the wreckage.

Damn you, earthquakes.

- It's all vegans fault. - What?

- Are you crazy? - They unbalance the planet.

If we eat to many herbs, Earth gets bald.

You can watch it on YouTube.

Guys.

May I show you a foreign song I wrote?

Of course!

- What is it about? - Love.

The forbidden love between a preppy girl

and a farmer boy who can't pay with his cell.

Amazing!

Morning tonight

And screaming be mine

Forever

And ever

My denting is blind

Your finger is kind

Forever

And ever

Beavers in love

Beavers in love

It's beavers

It's beavers

From above

Except my step-father,

I've never met anyone as romantic as you.

I knew it.

The necklace of Saint Cajó wasn't stolen.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

The one that belongs to you for more than 3500 years?

No. Another one.

But if it wasn't the curse... What caused the earthquake?

Earth doesn't shake for no reason.

Was it because I brought the necklace here?

I'll take it.

Excuse me, did you say you wanted to take it?

Yes, give me a bag.

You will have to pay for the bag.

Paper or jute?

Oh, c'mon.

Ladies,

welcome to the future offices of Blaze.

What?

- Will I be an executive? - Carla's your assistant.

A 300 square meters building with outside plants.

The Gecko Park.

Thank you! And don't worry about the psoriasis.

This is nerves.

If a man notices me, I don't...

Filipa, I want you to know that I am risking a lot

hiring a doctorate from Técnico as an executive.

- Doctorate from Técnico? - Yes, you.

Of course!

Are you from Técnico? What program?

Cables.

And I'll tell why I chose you.

I enjoyed reading on your CV that you don't like the singer Camané.

We need that kind of courage.

Congratulations.

- Thanks. - Thanks.

- That was for me, you nitwit. - It's Carla!

I will tell you right away what I feel about you

so that there's no misunderstanding.

Yes, go ahead.

I think your mom should've tossed you away,

to keep the seagull instead.

Your house is finally rebuilt!

Thank you, Sebastião.

So nice! I even feel that I have less menopause.

No one would say we suffered an earthquake two days ago.

But now, with ChatGPT, we get this done in a minute.

But who are you?

Mom... It's Sebastião.

Our ugly employee.

Well, I'm going to my room to masturbate.

Do you mind going with her?

I don't like her masturbating alone.

Of course I will.

Celeste, I don't know what's worse.

The depression or the meds that put her like this.

It's the depression, my dear.

I know what I'm saying. I already had two just this week.

C'mon! You can do it!

It isn't possible.

I couldn't believe either.

Where did you get this video?

I got it from that anonymous pen drive.

Someone wanted me to know that the Super 8 film was fake

and that I was born first.

Are you sure that these images belong to your childbirth?

Because there was a video running around

where everyone said it was José Castelo Branco...

No, António.

See the stains on Miguel's back and mom's vulva!

Oh, of course. Your mom's vulva...

is incomparable.

The vulva is incompatible?

Are they making vulva transplants?

This means that the real leader of Bourbon de Linhaça

it's you. Not Commander.

These images have to be revealed.

These linkages have to be sealed?

They declare more vulvas to get the VAT.

Who's there?

It's me. Simão.

Simão?

Spying on us?

Take it easy.

I was just going to...

show you my Anitta origami.

- I'm so sorry, Simão. - No!

You hit me.

Once I put diesel on your Ferrari.

And you never hit me.

Calm down!

Simão!

Simão!

Something's wrong with him.

- Forget about him. - His beard is turning grey.

- He doesn't wear colors anymore. - Forget about Simão!

Right now, the important thing is to unmask the Commander.

And you, as a real Bourbon de Linhaça,

have to do it.

Hello, Madalena.

How's your depression?

Last time I checked, it was 12/8.

But a woman carrying so many secrets is never in peace.

Secrets? Which secrets?

It's my stuff, Eduardo.

But the truth is that I only have one daughter.

By the way, was Matilde's thesis postponed?

Yes. They didn't have posh people for the jury.

Already?

- Dad would only be back by night. - Poshes are decreasing.

In Lisbon, we don't see beige pants as much.

- Don't you agree? - What?

You never listen to me. You only care about you dad.

It's the helicopter.

We could have our own world, changing the dominance in bed.

But you don't care.

My dad is my everything.

And you know it.

And what do I know about life?

I thought hymen was a Swedish singer.

What do you want?

For me to ignore him?

He's the only one supporting this family and our business.

And how? Through fear,

employee's exploration, and cherry doping.

That isn't true!

Am I blind

just because my dad is my dad?

So, we'll have a bœuf en crôute with a foie gras sauce,

a lobster linguini and two lombard sausages.

Exactly.

May I speak freely, Mafalda?

Go for it, Miguel.

Miguel.

Don't eat bread. It causes gas.

The difference between him and a sex toy

it's the battery life.

- Just like her. - I'm not a sex toy.

I worked as an extra on "Rex".

I think I'm being investigated for the cherry doping.

Do you want my opinion as a lawyer or as a friend?

As a lawyer. We're not friends.

Right.

You're a body pump coach, right?

- Yes. - Is that a real job?

No.

Being a MILF's PT is a real job.

Mock as you want.

But remember: "once you go PT, you never go free".

Look, nitwit.

Do you know what I call men like you?

Vagina withers.

No. Get out from under me.

I can't, Lourenço.

I can't do it.

I can't sleep with you for the tenth time.

- It's not fair. - I don't care about justice.

I go to a gym with a three year loyalty.

I'm in love with another woman.

I couldn't admit it. But it's the truth.

- What? - Yes.

I'm sorry.

I just slept with you because you go out for lunch.

I'm sorry.

But who is her, Lourenço?

Who is the woman you love?

What's going on here?

Matilde.

Lourenço?

You, here? On my room?

On your room?

She has a scholarship. Her father declares the minimum wage.

Like every millionaire.

But she's never here and I live in Moita.

It was the only way of...

You're not expecting me to close the door

and rub myself on your fly-front.

I'll leave, and I won't imagine

what I'd do to you with a feather.

You will never...

You will never possess me on this bed

with the window open.

Get that in your head.

Do you know what you deserve?

For me to sleep with you

just for you to realize how disgusted I get with you.

Uncle?

I came to apologize for...

Uncle?

A pen drive?

What does he need a pen drive for?

He has the NOS Mega Extreme package with a nine-thousand GB cloud

and the fastest 5G of all-time.

Come on! Push harder!

Uncle Duarte was born first.

My dad lied all these years.

No way.

It must be one of those fake-birth videos online.

Wait.

You're almost there!

It's grandma Lidia's vagina.

The video is real.

My father is an impostor.

Simão! Simão, stop!

You knew, Madalena! You knew it!

I suspected. You like short jeans so much.

That's a lie!

My dad is an impostor.

My brother despises me. My niece ignores me.

And you don't speak to me half of the times.

That's the pills. Sometimes I think I'm a glass disposal.

That's a lie!

My whole life is a lie.

This family, men who swear they love me,

women who say I have a pretty penis,...

It's all a lie!

The only real things in this life

are the love of uncle Duarte

and my talent to eat cuttlefish and stay clean.

Nothing else!

This chick...

Stop it! Stop it!

Get yourself some cardboard, to add to your homeless face.

You cheat on me and then you break up with me?

I should've done it when we had sex with socks on.

Look at this! So pretty!

- Look at this surprise. - Wait, wait!

What a beautiful thing!

Damn you!

This man gets into every trouble.

Elsa, c'mon. It's not his fault.

She sleeps with everyone.

Bro, I need to talk to you.

Are we taking aliens down?

No, of course not!

- I have a table football contest. - Wait. I need you.

I'm closing a case before my blog ends

and I need you. It's a wild investigation.

If it's wild, I want it.

Tell me. What are we investigating?

- Cherry doping. - No way.

Not the football cards!

Don't mix the World Cup cards, Lena!

Lena! Stop it!

Plate!

That's enough, Silvestre.

- Did you call me? - I did, Sebastião.

Sebastião...

I'm starting to think that my dad is doping the cherries.

- Oh, no... - Oh, yes.

That's why I found nandrolone stains on the tractor.

We have to stop him, Sebastião.

I shouldn't have supported him,

nor bullied Simão.

- That bullying thing... - Bullying is serious.

It even has an English name.

But how are you going to prove your dad's doping?

I don't know.

- Let's test them one by one. - What?

- Why not? - There are six billions of them.

And I only have three pipettes.

- What a mess. - And even the money...

We could do it but only with sponsors.

Forget about it.

For centuries, our family never sold itself out to brands.

It's not about selling yourself. It's a partnership with a brand.

But what brand, Sebastião?

I don't know. Let me think.

We're not just any family.

We have a papal bull so we don't pay for snails in august.

I know an amazing brand that could sponsor you!

An unique and refreshing drink.

A drink...?

A drop of refreshing optimism.

Tell me! What is that fantastic drink?

Spur Cola.

- That doesn't exist anymore! - You're right.

And even if it did. I don't sell myself out.

- What is this? - It's Testicle.

He doesn't like diesel-powered jeeps

and they parked Arnaldo's jeep there.

Move the car, guys!

My God. He's the most beautiful horse I've ever seen.

Five years old.

He has won two Golden Globes of Merit and Excellence.

Better than him, only the late Foreskin.

Why is he here?

Dr. Fogacho asked us to keep him, while he goes on an expedition to Boticas.

I think I found the love of my life.

His name is...

Testicle.

- Where are you going? - It's enough.

No! I won't let you go to the cops

to report the cherry doping.

They even have an helicopter. That's so cool!

A helicopter bought with money from cherry doping.

I've never criticized boob doping. I won't criticize cherry doping.

There are people dying, Miguel.

People who trust the cherries to cover their sad lives,

and then choke because they are too big.

I only do with it takes

to survive on the stone fruit's industry.

Dad? Uncle Duarte?

Arguing with the helicopter on?

Reverse the helicopter and put it on the garage.

- I rule this family. - Liar!

I know you changed the Super 8 film.

I was born first.

"I was born free"?

Is he a Freemason?

- No! - Yes, Miguel.

When I return from the police dept of Fruit Crimes,

I'll expose you and assume my part as the leader.

Never!

A gun?

Will they hunt from above?

- I know you can't shoot me. - And why is that, Duarte?

Because from 13 to 16 years old, when you the needed the most,

I lent you my deck of cards with naked women.

Goodbye, Duarte.

- No! - Who's there?

Flash-mob!

And I really wanted to play the cards, you perv.

Someone important died on a fresh cleaned helicopter.

My dear! What's taking you so long to season the goat meat?

On the contest, you'll have time limit.

Are you in a wheelchair? What happened?

Tonsillitis caught her spine.

Poor guy... With a closed casket.

From all the places where he could've crashed.

He fell right on a serrated knife.

The earthquake.

The beatbox fever.

And now uncle's death.

Are you really sure that this wasn't the curse?

How? If the necklace wasn't stolen? Can you explain it to me?

No.

I also can't explain Bárbara Tinoco's fever, but it exists.

Yesterday he taught me how to download torrents. Now he's dead.

I know, Madalena. I know.

There are only two certainties in life.

Death and that if a woman with big boobs

sleeps with a strap top, she'll wake up with a boob out.

No!

- Uncle! No, uncle! - Calm down, Simão.

No! I want to see him.

My uncle cannot be dead.

He is eternal like "The Price is Right".

Open the casket. I want to give him my trophy

of regional runner-up of Lambada dance.

- You don't want to see him like this. - No!

They had to put plaster in him to fill up the suit.

I want to see him. He cannot be dead!

The police thought your uncle's body

was a stew, Simão.

Is that what you want to see? A Duarte's stew?

Simão, Simão!

From now on, I want nothing from you.

Except the allowance and the triplex in Guarujá.

- Ivone! - What happened?

He died!

- He died. - He died?

- But who died? - It doesn't matter, Ivone.

He was the only one I've ever loved.

The only one?

What about the seven years you've spent with Joca?

- Are you kidding me? - I'll never find a man like him.

- Don't say that! - Never ever.

Elsa! Don't say that!

Men are like pimples. You squeeze one and another one comes.

Come on, woman. Blow your nose.

- What do you want? - Will it take long?

- Her boyfriend died. - So what?

We're alive and we have to honk honk.

To honk honk? Am I a horn?

No, but you make such a good noise.

Let go of me, Tó Mané.

- Hi, mom. - Son, what's up with you?

You're so pale. What's going on?

Mom, I am...

- I am scared. - You're scared of what, Raul?

That kind of scared that makes you gasp when you speak.

- What happened? - I took a pic I shouldn't have taken.

What do you young people have with dirty pics?

You can have really good sex instead.

Forget about it.

I wanted to talk to you.

You wanted to? Don't you want it anymore?

It's a waiter's joke.

Deep down, that's what I've always been here.

Don't say that, Simão. You're a Bourbon de Linhaça.

The third in line for the cherry throne.

Are you being nice to me, Eduardo?

Did you gain awareness with uncle Duarte's death?

I've always had it.

I've ignored it so I wouldn't be seen as a stupid guy.

What do you want from me? Forgiveness?

No.

I need your help to stop dad and his cherry doping.

Now?

After I've sent you thousands of pictures of cherries with acne,

with liquid retention, with menstrual changes.

I know, Simão.

Help me. If not for me, then for the future of our family.

The only Bourbon de Linhaça for whom I would fight

is dead.

Don't leave me alone in this battle, Simão.

Do the right thing. As you always did.

And where did it take me, Eduardo?

I've never been respected. I've never had power.

I've never been to Jimmy Kimmel Live.

- But you have a pure heart. - Not anymore.

Not anymore.

Since I can get angry, do you know what I've learned?

That people who speak loudly at the movies,...

People who honk in lines, who fart in elevators

are respected.

That's not respect.

Whatever it is, I like it.

Rage and naughtiness feel good.

It's okay.

Thanks for letting me grief my uncle here with you guys.

No problem. I also love uncles.

For me it's fine too.

And thanks for the Pandora bracelet.

I know you loved Dr. Duarte.

I loved him so much.

He loved you back.

He really loved you, Matilde.

He said you were the daughter he never had

due to condoms.

It's okay.

Come with me.

Let's get out of here.

- Ouch. - Are you okay?

- What happened? - It was the cops.

- They attacked my finger. - What?

For real. Punches, kicks, rubber bullets,...

- Luckily, my hands were on my pockets. - Wow.

Perhaps, the cops aren't as respectable as I thought.

Perhaps the cops...

- Are just the fuzz. - You're kidding.

You've always defended the muscular state authority.

I guess I was wrong. Maybe the state is oppressive.

My mission is to fight those who exploit their uniform

to mistreat people who pierce strange spots.

No, Diogo! You're wise.

You're always sleepy after 11 pm. Right?

No way.

I finally got the necklace back.

Now I control the accessorize that goes with everything.

Stop, Vitó!

The Cistercian Goldsmiths.

Without low smoke?

The machine is getting fixed in Germany.

We don't trust anyone here.

- How did you do that? - Tiktok teaches you everything.

How are you more powerful than me?

Because we're on the good side.

No.

Evil always wins. Genghis Khan, Nero, Joker,...

Evil always wins.

Goodbye, Vitó.

I hope there's no roaming in hell.

Bye-bye!

I'm sorry, Henrique.

We can't get him. He's so independent.

No, César. No.

That's not the problem.

What upsets me is...

How did Vitó had the necklace without it destroying him?

I don't know, Henrique.

But let me think with my hands behind my back.

Mom, fine. He can move here. Whatever.

It's not whatever.

If you don't agree, that's it.

He'd better agree. I can't be homeless.

Alarms wake me up.

If you think it's weird us having sex on the room next door, say it.

We can do it here.

You must want to get back to your godmother's balcony.

Mom, it's okay.

Tó Mané comes live us. I hope you're very happy.

You won't regret it! And you know why?

Because I'll be a very cool step-dad.

I'll send you dirty stuff.

- Shut up! - Jesus.

You're not okay, Raul. I know you. I'm your mom.

- Spill it out. - I'm not okay, mom. I'm scared.

- Of what? - Of people, for some pictures I took

with that camera over there.

Which camera?

What?

The one I've pointed without looking. Was it stolen?

You stupid guy, did you leave the window open again?

Of course! I can't have sex any other way. I start sweating.

You knew it, Ivone.

Will the people that stole the camera come after me?

Will they try to kill me?

Will I be able to talk like this without anyone listening?

Raul!

Wait, Lourenço. Lourenço...

Before having sex, I have something to tell you.

Are you a virgin?

What?

Who knows...?

You use so many cardigans.

Lourenço...

I fear blowjobs.

You...

fear them...?

Why?

It's so stupid.

I was a kid and I though everything was easy.

I love you just the way you are.

You could even be a feminist.

For real?

Yes.

"Be afraid. If I got to the camera, I can get to you.

"If you want to live, forget what you've seen".

Nando, who gave you this note?

No one, brother! It was in a samosa.

- A samosa? - Yeah.

A guy went to our hood and gave me a good looking samosa.

You have to promise you won't tell this to anyone.

- About the samosa? - About what we've seen!

Do you any idea of the ways needed

to put a note inside a samosa without messing it?

- No. - Because there aren't any ways!

They have power.

They make a call, and a bit later, they get sushi at home.

You have to promise that we'll forget what we've seen.

Bro, chill. You're getting on my nerves. Relax.

Do you remember that deputy that got pregnant?

- No. - Neither do I. See?

Nando is good forgetting things.

Hello.

I declare that Blaze is open.

Take it, nitwit.

Me touching a champagne.

How I'd love for my father to be alive to see this.

Did he looked at your nails, got scared and died?

Come on. Get out of here.

- Cristina, are you giving a speech? - Excuse me.

Give a speech? Nonsense! That would be too intimate.

Besides, I have Pilates from 2 pm to 8 pm.

Let Filipa do it.

- Filipa, Filipa, Filipa! - Oh, no...

- Okay, okay. - Filipa, Filipa!

I said okay!

Raul, nitwit,

all of you precarious people.

I promise that Blaze will be a best-seller,

for a year or two, before magazines disappear.

Cheers!

Far away from there,

Simão was becoming a monster,

hour after hour, day after day,

evil after evil .

It was as if a gigantic and immeasurable evil force

wouldn't stop growing.

The man with the pure heart

that everyone knew and followed on Twitter,

was disappearing behind a beard

longer and longer and well treated.

Stop the doping for a while.

You can make a giveaway on Instagram with the rest of the steroids.

Relax.

It's just me, daddy.

Daddy?

Whiskey?

I'm learning to enjoy.

They say you have to learn to enjoy. Like a hairy vag.

Whiskey is a man's drink, Simão.

And I'm not a man, dad?

No, Simon.

A person who sleeps with men and women is a pervert.

I am not a pervert.

Shut up.

I've already seen you with a duck.

It was a grown up duck.

We were both grown ups.

If only you were strong.

But you're not.

You're perverted and weak.

What are you going to do with that?

I don't know.

Perhaps the same you did to uncle Duarte.

What?

Did you really think no one saw it?

Did you think you could kill

the only man who ever loved me as his son?

Take it easy, Simão.

Who taught me how to ride a bike?

How to skate, how to walk in heels,...

- Simão... - He taught me about dignity.

And about FATACIL!

Stop, Simão!

I am your father.

My father?

A father loves and respects.

Don't you remember how you mocked me when I went to Got Talent?

- To do the belly dance. - It doesn't matter!

What is that?

An origami? By night?

I made that origami,

to use it when I'd gain the courage

to honor uncle Duarte's death.

I'm like this because I've suffered when I was a kid.

Do you understand?

I've been abused by Kermit the Frog.

For me to be respected, I have to be cruel.

And tell me, what is more cruel

than killing your own father?

So many things, son.

Giving self-help books, dressing up dogs,...

Goodbye, father.

No!

For me.

For uncle Duarte.

And for you, Toni.

May you still be a big hot guy!

Salomé of Portugal.

My dear, calm down. What happened?

Breath, Salomé. Calm down.

One more death, Mother!

Someone died near a pool with too much chlorine in it.

You've won!

We did it! Even though we used a polish onion.

Here comes the guy. Careful.

It's just a medal. Don't worry.

Relax, my dear Salomé.

What about the death I've just seen?

Isn't death more important than goat meat?

No, my dear. Death comes and goes.

But a good goat meal stays with us forever.

Yes, man!

We did it! We're the first rock band in college.

I can't believe it!

Thank you for letting me be a part of this.

Do you want to cheat on Matilde?

I'll be in a college band,

though the only connection I have with school are the spelling errors.

We're a family!

Guys,

while we're here sharing and stuff...

I have been hiding something from myself and from you guys.

- From us? - And from yourself?

- Are you a cop? - No, Diogo. I'm not a cop.

I live a lie since I was fifteen,

but it's time to tell the truth and come out.

- Dude, you are... - Yeah.

I'm a vegan.

- What? - Get out of here.

I've experienced seitan on a summer in Tavira.

And I didn't come back to animal products.

Are you crazy? What about the burgers?

- And the roast beef toast? - It was tofu.

- And yesterday's lamb? - It was quinoa.

- No way. - Yeah.

Jimmy!

- Diogo. - No.

No.

No, no, no!

- Didi, don't do it. - No, Diogo.

No, no, no!

- No, Diogo! - Diogo!

That's so much lettuce.

- Diogo, that's so much lettuce! - This is for you, man.

No!

Man!

If you are a vegan. We all are, man!

Yes!

I'm so happy to see you recovered.

I brought you food, so you don't paint with hunger.

Paint?

Am I painting?

Aren't you, Ms. Madalena?

I'm getting worse and worse.

Medication, therapy, online poker,...

Nothing works.

Have you tried some shots?

Nothing can cure me.

I carry so many secrets with me.

We all do.

If you knew my nickname in Ibiza.

I can't take it anymore.

I have a confession to make in flashback.

I've subscribed dark web to find proof that Miguel was indeed a criminal.

But after months of looking into terror and some dwarf porn,

what I found out was even worse.

I found out that Duarte had been born before my father-in-law.

So I gathered the information,

I put in on a 128GB 3.1 USB pen drive,

and I sent it to those who should know it.

So Miguel knew that Mister Duarte was born first.

Yes. And that's why he killed him.

Who killed who?

Madalena.

My dad killed himself with six shots in the head.

Oh, Our Holy Thingy!

What is this? Low smoke?

Yes, Vitó.

The machine has arrived from Germany.

What do you want from me?

- I've already given up on the necklace. - That's not enough.

The world will only be safe when we take your evil powers from you.

And how will you take my powers?

With these videos of baby Labradors.

No! Stop!

Enough of these cute snouts.

That's enough, Henrique.

Or he might end up a floppy dimwit.

You're now a mere mortal who can catch measles.

You may have taken my powers from me.

But there's another heir of Our Holy Thingy, on Earth.

Another?

Yes, goldsmiths. And I've been protecting him.

As soon as I realized all the evil potential in him.

The evil that is going to wreck the Bourbon de Linhaça from the inside.

Just like an aphid.

And I was the one who let that evil grow.

I fed the pain, the anger and the resentment.

I'll send you dirty stuff.

I was also the one who gave away spicy food, to cover his crimes.

Tell me who that monster is. Tell me, Vitó! Tell me!

Never.

Now that I am human. I'll be a cry-baby, just like them.

Hi, Simão.

Welcome to the end of the movie, Eduardo.

Whiskey? Like dad?

That's the real tragedy.

I'm now the person I've hated the most.

- Our father. - Don't say that.

I say whatever I want! I'm not a pussy anymore.

Simão, help me lead the Bourbon de Linhaça.

Let's save the cherries together. As fruit brothers!

No.

I can't ignore all the humiliations you all put me through, for years.

I've never humiliated you.

You put glue on my condoms, Eduardo.

I've had my penis laminated for a year.

A year!

Forgive me, Simão.

No, Eduardo.

I don't forgive you, nor our father,

nor any other Bourbon de Linhaça.

You've turned me into a posh monster.

No, Simão. No.

If you want to live as a scalabitan demon, own that choice.

Choice? This choice?

I've always been a feckless scared guy.

And you've turned me into a killer.

A killer?

Who did you kill, Simão? Who?

I killed the old Simão.

But I can kill so many more. Starting with you, Eduardo.

No. You wouldn't have the courage to kill your own brother.

The feckless scared guy is still inside you.

You're right.

The old Simão is still alive.

But it's now time to kill him.

For good.

And that is why

we gave the name Simão to shooting stars.

A harmless lost rock

turns into a wrecking fireball,

due to the friction in the atmosphere.

You're not born a shooting star.

And the necklace? Who kept the real necklace of Saint Cajó?

No one knows.

Telling that story again?

Yeah...

Your story.

- Our story. - I know.

And poor Narciso's also.

Okay, a fashion magazine...

We can investigate fashion crimes.

Mixing patterns, guys who wear slips,...

I'm sorry. I have a lot of snot.

Me,

you,

Narciso,

and the necklace of Saint Cajó.

The most unlikely quartet in the world.

It's easy to fool them,

when they think you are a posh.

DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF OUR LUÍS ALELUIA

TRANSLATION Beatriz Almeida