Original subtitles

April: Previously on Chasing Life...

How did the meeting go yesterday for the new clinical trial?

It wasn't the outcome we'd hoped for,

but I have a meeting regarding a similar trial from Noratis.

When I told Andrew and Mariah that I didn't see you like that,

it's not that I couldn't.

It's that I don't let myself

- because... - What could we do about it?

Can I read that book that you were telling me about?

- April: It's my only copy, so... - I will be careful with it.

- Operator: 911, what's your emergency? - My husband, he's not breathing.

I can't live without him.

_

Thank you for coming by, Mr. Begley. I'll show you out.

(Door opens)

(Door closes)

How are you feeling?

Um... overwhelmed.

Just...

- It's... - It's very bittersweet.

Your husband dies,

but you inherit this money.

I don't want it.

I think I should just give it back.

Aw, honey.

You know, I remember when your dad died

and his life insurance money came in. I felt so strange.

But you shouldn't feel bad about this.

It's a nice nest egg, and it is what Leo wanted.

I guess.

You know, if you want to talk to somebody, I can find...

Mom, told you I don't want to go to therapy.

Okay, it's just that with you crashing at Beth's all week,

I haven't gotten to see how you're doing.

I worry about you.

I'm fine.

Really.

Though, we should probably sell Leo's motorcycle.

It feels kind of weird selling any of his stuff.

But it's not like you can ride it, so...

What's the point?

Beth: Do you, like, know what you're gonna do with the money?

April: No idea.

I'd probably blow it all on Etsy. I'm so bad with money.

But you, you're responsible.

You should like, rent your own place.

I mean... (Sighs)

Don't get me wrong, I loved having you stay with me.

Which I so appreciate.

I mean, you've saved me from having my mom's concerned face

peer down on me 24/7.

Oh!

You're right, though. I should probably start looking for my own place.

You know, once Brenna graduates, it will only be me and Mom at the house,

and so not interested in going all Grey Gardens with her.

Well why not? You'd make a great little Edie.

You already know how to pull off a head-wrap.

How about you? How did Jaclyn like that design you showed her?

And... how was your date last night with Josh?

Have you guys done it yet?

Work's good, Josh is good. All's good, yup.

And I really need a coffee.

I'm finally at the age where I totally get those mugs

that are like, "don't talk to me until I've had my morning coffee."

And it's like, so sad and...

Leo and I used to always walk down this street and laugh

at the ridiculous things in the windows.

Though, I did always say,

I wouldn't mind a pair of Louboutins.

Yeah, who wouldn't?

They cost like... A fortune.

(Sighs)

Beth, you've been an amazing friend to me this past week,

and I think you deserve a gift.

(Chuckles)

I think we both deserve gifts.

- Oh, my God, are you serious? - (Chuckles)

- Oh, my God, April! - Let's do it.

(Theme music playing) ♪ You bet your soul, honey ♪

♪ you bet your soul ♪

♪ just right ♪

♪ you could stay all night and never wanna go home ♪

♪ 'cause we can't stop ♪

Sync and corrections by Albanda www.Addic7ed.com

Those really are beautiful shoes.

I'm so glad you treated yourself.

Well, I figured I might as well, right?

- (Knock on door) - April Carver?

Hi, I'm Dr. Alex Barratt.

- Hi. - Congrats on getting into this trial.

I hear it was competitive.

Very.

Yeah, like you have no idea.

You wouldn't even... it was... hard.

I'm sorry, I'm Sara.

- Hi. - Hi.

Sorry, continue.

Well, it was probably competitive

because Noratis and I are both

optimistic about the possible results the trial could yield.

It'd be great to get you started today.

What's the medical kit for?

It contains the syringes.

Needles?

The trial is a three-step procedure,

to be done twice a day.

First, you'll start with a steroid to stave off the nausea

that the trial could cause.

Then you'll inject yourself with a microtubule inhibitor chemo shot,

finally followed by

a tyrosine-kinase inhibitor.

TKI, as the cool kids call it.

April's a tad queasy about blood and needles.

It's okay.

If I have to stick myself with a needle twice a day,

that's what I'll do.

I'm ready to start this trial.

I want to get better.

Good.

That Dr. Barratt is like McDreamy.

McDreamy's dead, Mom.

Well, he's like McSteamy.

Dead too.

Well, he seems nice.

Yeah.

This trial is gonna be intense

and pretty taxing on you.

I know.

You know, I get that you don't want to do the one-on-one therapy,

but, you know, maybe now's not a bad time to at least go back into support group.

You know, it could be helpful to be around people

who can empathize with what you're going through.

That's not a horrible idea.

See? I can have some not-horrible ideas.

Hey, what about George O'Malley? Is he still alive?

No.

(Knocking)

Hi.

Hi, I'm Brenna.

I figured since Finn wasn't in school today,

I'd bring over his assignments.

That's so sweet of you. You're the one

- with the sick sister, right? - (Kids yelling)

- Mom! - Connor! Rory!

Is Finn all right?

Yeah. He's come down with something, but...

(Kids screaming)

He's in there.

I need to make sure that nobody's been mangled

or killed. You never know in this house.

(TV playing on iPad)

Gilmore Girls? Really?

- I don't know why that's on there. - Oh.

So your mom said that you've come down with something?

That's a nice way of putting it.

I have graft-versus-host.

- It's when... - Yeah, I know.

It's when the donor cells

from the transplant attack the body, right?

Yup, it's fun stuff

with some exciting side effects like puking, a rash,

going to the bathroom a lot, if you know what I mean.

Ew!

No offense.

None taken.

Yeah.

This thing can go away with the right drugs,

but none of the ones my doctors are prescribing seem to be working, so...

I'm sure they'll figure out something soon.

They kept me alive this long.

So that means you're in luck.

I won't be able to see your show

at the auteur showcase tomorrow night.

Aw, shucks!

That's too bad.

Okay, hey, I really was looking forward to it.

I picked out a hoodie and everything.

It's really no big deal.

But... it is.

I mean, I know you're nervous about it

and you want to do it alone,

but maybe you should invite Ford?

Or maybe some of your...

I'm gonna try to get it right this time,

LGBT Q... A...

I friends?

Nailed it!

Yes!

I'm not so sure that I want to subject people to the movie.

Really, don't worry about it.

So, Finn, just a question,

who's your favorite Gilmore Girl?

Lorelai, obviously.

Mm-hmm, yeah. That's what I thought.

It was definitely a punch to the gut

when the doctors told me the news.

But I believe everything happens for a reason

and I've decided I'm gonna stay positive.

I will get better.

You are gonna kick cancer's butt, Carly.

Well, it's only when we're faced with our greatest obstacles

do we truly learn just how strong we really are.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Talk about strong...

April's back.

Anything you want to talk about today?

No, I think I'm okay.

What about you, Carly?

Any other thoughts or questions for the group?

Uh... yeah.

I was wondering what you guys do about telling people?

(Voice fading) Did you just update your status that you had cancer?

♪ Something's happenin' to me ♪

♪ mmm, mmm, something's happenin' to me ♪

♪ I feel myself changin' ♪

(Fast blues-pop beat playing)

♪ Facing what I want, ♪

♪ what I want, what I want, what I want, yeah ♪

♪ okay ♪

♪ You want to jump on just to experience this ♪

♪ then turn love into a hole on my wish list ♪

♪ I'm on a new find from the first light ♪

(Engine rumbles)

♪ So it's time to say goodbye ♪

♪ it was just lust anyway ♪

♪ we had a good try, good try ♪

- (Tires screech) - Damn it!

- (Revs engine) - ♪ But now I feel myself ♪

♪ feel myself ♪

♪ changin', changin' ♪

- ♪ changin' ♪ - (Horns honking)

♪ Rah! ♪

You're like the Louboutin fairy.

Hey, do you want a pair? Because I would totally buy you one.

I don't think those would go over too great at public school.

What about at Charton?

If you wanted to reenroll, I'd be happy to help.

Wow. Thank you.

Um, but I already made my dramatic exit from Charton.

It would be weird going back.

Okay. Well, I have all this money now, so if you change your mind.

- Hi! - Hi.

Hey, April's having dinner with us. Great.

So how was support group?

It was a waste of time.

Just felt like people were sitting around, spouting off

things they wrote on motivational posters.

That's a shame.

Well, you know, maybe you should try group therapy.

It's a little different from support group.

They have a leader, and some of my clients...

They don't have that at the North End Health Center.

April: It's fine, Mom. I tried.

11:05 pm. South Station. Got it.

Yeah. Wait, what?

Yes, I'm writing it down.

Yeah. Okay.

All right. I'll see you then.

- All right. Bye, Mae. - Everything cool?

Yeah. Everything's fine.

I'm just coordinating Mae's travel to Boston.

Her conference in New York is going great.

Are you guys sure it's okay if she stays here?

It's my last night in town and I don't wanna find her...

Yeah. Of course.

Wow. Judging from all this food,

looks like I better go put on some sweats.

How you doing, kid?

Good.

I'm feeling better. Thanks.

Okay.

We're gonna miss you, Uncle George.

Well, I will be back.

Actually, could you do me a favor before you go?

A friend from school has lymphoma

and he had a transplant a few months ago,

but now he has graft-versus-host disease

and none of the meds that his doctors are giving him are working.

So, since you're...

Like, the best pediatric oncologist in the world...

- Yeah... - Maybe you could help him?

I appreciate you putting "in the world" there,

but no need.

I specialize in graft-versus-host,

so I'll definitely take a look at your friend,

so don't worry. We're gonna figure everything out.

Thank you so much.

Oh, I didn't realize you were in here.

Hey, Brenn.

- Sorry to hear about Finn. - Thanks...

But I've been reading about graft-versus-host,

and as long as it's treated right,

- he should be fine. - Hopefully.

Who'd have thought we both

date guys with cancer?

Well, Finn and I aren't dating.

'Cause if Finn dies, then all three Carver women

would officially be black widows.

Move over, Scarjo.

Everyone having fun?

Yes, April. For the hundredth time,

- we're having fun. - Well, I'm just making sure.

Does anybody need refills

or more appetizers?

I could go for some mozzarella sticks. I really love mozzarella sticks.

Sometimes I think I love them more than I love sex.

- That's psychotic. - Oh, you're insane.

Beth: No. I get it, Gupta.

I've had bad sex, but I've never had a bad mozzarella stick.

How would you compare

your new lover, Josh, to cheese sticks?

And like, why isn't he here?

You've been talking about him nonstop.

So how you holding up, April?

Well, I'm a 25-year-old widow with cancer,

but surprisingly, I'm not so bad.

You know, how can I be when I'm surrounded by my friends?

That's really good to hear. Now, let's get down to business.

How much money did you get?

- Danny, come on. - What?

I'm new money, I minored in economics.

- Let me be gauche. - In the words of Salt 'n Pepa,

"none of yo business."

- Oh... - (Laughter)

But I want to share the wealth with my good friends.

You guys have been the absolute best lately

and as a thank you, I think we should take advantage of this.

It makes me happy for others to join in on the fun,

and it's definitely what Leo would want.

So, along with two orders of mozzarella sticks...

What is the absolute best booze this place has on the menu?

I believe that would be a bottle of Cristal.

But to my knowledge, no one in the history

of the Charles has ever ordered one.

Looks like that's gonna change tonight.

(Laughter)

♪ Every emotion ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ if you hold onto me ♪

♪ we're gonna make it, baby, you will see ♪

♪ that's the way love is made ♪

♪ we're gonna make it if we just believe ♪

♪ if we just believe ♪

(Laughter)

I always knew Biggie and I had something in common!

Is it weird that I want April to be my sugar mama?

- Yes. - No!

Yes! So weird, dude.

Hey, you guys, why don't we do this every single night?

- We will. - I'm having, like, the best time ever

- and this is so much fun. - Cheers, bitch.

- Cheers, bitch! - Natalie: Yeah!

- Danny: Cheers, bitch! - (Laughter)

Cheers.

- Should we order another bottle? - Last call!

What? No!

I don't wanna go home yet.

Well, you know, it is 1:45 and we should probably...

Do you guys want this party to end?

- All: No, no. - April: Good.

I'm gonna go talk to the bartender.

Oh, be careful.

That's Chris. He's a douche.

- Hi! - Closing out?

What's your last name?

No. Actually, I have a request.

My friends and I are having such a good time

and we're not ready for the night to be over just yet.

Is there any way you can stay open just a little bit longer?

Oh, nice try, but no can do.

April: Pretty please?

Sorry.

(Whispers) Money.

In exchange for your troubles, how much...

Put your wallet away, twiggy.

We close at 2:00. It's a strict rule

- and I ain't bending it for you. - Okay.

Well, can I talk to the owner?

- Maybe he or she... - I am the owner.

April: Look, I'm a very loyal customer

and I come here all the time.

Don't you recognize me?

And I bought two bottles of Cristal tonight!

- Is there nothing you can do? - No, there's not.

So close out and get out. And I'm not saying it again.

What's your problem, dude? You're being very rude.

- Let's just go. - No, no.

I'm talking to Mr. Charles himself here

- and might I say, he's a bit of an ass... - Okay. Let's go.

No! I'm never coming back here again and I'm gonna tell

all my friends never to come back here again.

The Charles is over!

- I'm so sorry. - Dominic: I'll be back tomorrow.

Morning.

Morning.

So, last night was interesting.

It was.

Hey, are you okay?

I mean, I know you're not, like, okay-okay, but...

I'm worried about you.

The spending, the outbursts...

- Is there anything that... - No, Beth.

You know last night was extremely out of character for me.

I mean...

Everything's just been so hard.

I haven't been feeling like myself.

I got too drunk and...

Honestly, I didn't want the night to end.

Well...

I guess you're allowed some, you know,

uncharacteristic actions, even if that means

we can't go back to the Charles anytime soon.

- Ugh. I'm sorry. - (Laughs)

(Both laughing)

Hey, what do you say we just do something low-key tonight?

You know, take out from Anna's Taqueria

Bette Midler movie marathon?

No beaches .

No beaches .

George: Okay. I spoke with your doctor and agree that it was

wise to prescribe steroids while you're also on TAC.

They're usually reliable, but it seems like

your body is not responding the way it should.

What else is new? My body just loves to go rogue.

All right. Well, we're gonna try you on sirolimus.

It's a bit more potent and slightly out of the box in the realm

of graft-versus-host disease treatment.

But I've had patients who have done very well on it.

Thank you so much, Dr. Carver.

- Sure. - Call him George.

Not to get ahead of ourselves, but...

I'm gonna have to talk to your dad about this, Finn.

I don't know if we can afford it all.

George: Um...

This visit is on the house, Mrs. Madill.

The drug should be covered by your insurance plan

and if it's not,

call me and we'll work something out.

- Kid: Give it back! - (Glass shatters)

- Kid: I'm gonna tell! - (Sighs) I gotta go check on the boys.

- George: Mrs... - Thank you.

Okay. The medication should kick in in about three days.

I'm guessing that means no public outings any time soon?

No. Not until the symptoms subside.

Damn. Sorry, Brenna.

Did you end up inviting anyone to that showcase?

How about Andrew and TJ?

I'm sure they'd be into auteur films.

(Scoffs)

It's not pretentious enough for Andrew

and not dumb enough for TJ,

- so... - Oh.

Brenna: It's fine. I'll just... I'll go alone.

Wait, sorry. What's this about a showcase?

It's nothing.

Finn: She's being modest.

Her short film is debuting at the screening at Northeastern.

There's even a Q&A afterwards.

Your first movie premiere?

- That's huge. - I know. I keep saying that.

Anyone could have gotten in.

Really. It's whatever.

Well, you know I've been wanting to expand,

start working with people who are dealing with more

dire circumstances and, you know, really need my help.

So you don't mind?

Not at all.

Maybe you're right. Maybe...

Maybe group therapy is a better alternative

- than support group. I don't know. - Okay. Good.

Because I already spoke to Shireen

at the North End Health Center.

- Of course you did. - And I'd love you to consider

coming to the first session I'm leading.

It might be useful.

Plus, it'd be a way for us to spend some time together.

I miss you.

I miss you, too, but I really need to go.

Oh. Well, you don't want me to go

with you to your appointment today?

I should probably get used to doing these things on my own.

Oh. Okay. All right.

(Door closes)

If that's what you want.

So, how's everything going with the injection process?

Good.

I mean, it'll take some time getting used to.

Well, you'll be a pro in no time.

How are you feeling otherwise?

Um... I'm not feeling great.

What? Are you nauseous? Light-headed?

No, no. Nothing like that.

It's just...

Haven't been feeling like myself.

I don't know if it's personal stuff

or the cancer or maybe the drugs,

but... last night, I kind of acted weird.

Well, the steroids can alter your mood

and increase your appetite.

I did eat, like, ten mozzarella sticks last night.

Well, how can you not? Mozzarella sticks are the best.

But it is a little unusual for the drugs to have

such strong effects so quickly.

So, why don't we take you off the steroids,

see how you feel.

I mean, they're mainly just to keep

the other drug side effects at bay.

If you start to feel sick, we'll put you back on them.

Sound good?

I'll try anything.

- Hey. - Hey.

Is that a new heavy duty cancer mask or...

No. That is my motorcycle helmet.

April Carver rode a motorcycle?

Mm-hmm.

April Carver, who has cancer, rode a motorcycle?

Yeah. What's the big deal?

Oh! So the reason I went all kind of weird last night

was because of the steroids

they had me on for the new clinical trial.

- I'm off them now. Everything's good. - Great.

Okay, movie time.

I'm thinking we should start with Big Business .

You know, Bette's outfits are to die for. And Lily Tomlin?

Oh, my God. A comedic genius.

You know, I don't...

I'm not sure I wanna watch a movie tonight.

Friends Thanksgiving episodes?

Actually, I just...

I don't wanna stay in.

Could we go out? Let's go out. Let's go dancing.

Uh...

I don't know if that's a good idea.

You know, I mean, after last night...

- It might be better to just take it easy. - No.

Taking it easy is exactly what I don't want

to be doing right now. I want...

I want to be surrounded by people just doing something.

- Anything. - And you're off the steroids?

Yeah, but that's not even the point.

I just... I wanna get out of here.

I have all this money now and the world is ours.

You know, I have an idea. Let's take out the motorcycle.

Okay, you're officially acting like a crazy person.

Why? 'Cause I want to ride my motorcycle?

- You don't even have a license. - Leo taught me the basics.

Look, I'm just trying to do whatever I can

to make myself happy and feel better.

And this is what I want to do.

Why can't you get that?

April...

I have been trying to keep you busy

these last couple of days

and be there for you, but...

You're like, really out there.

Okay? And I'm sorry to say this, but...

You can't live like this forever.

Someday you're gonna have to get over it.

Get over my dead husband?

Really? Wow.

God, Beth. You... you nailed it.

Why the hell hadn't I thought of that?

(Lively chattering)

Hey, drink more. I bought you another one.

- Mm. - There we go.

All right, like, we don't have to talk about it

or anything, but I just...

Wanted to say I'm sorry about Leo.

Thanks.

But I see you're trying new things.

- Yeah. - Which I understand.

When the going gets tough, you go outside your comfort zone.

I guess you're more of a bad-ass than I thought you were.

But I am clearly more of a bad-ass.

- Clearly. - Thank you.

Though I am starting to understand why

you can sometimes be the way you are.

- Oh, like a bitch? - I didn't say that.

Okay. I am a bitch.

Blame the cancer.

Before that, I was weak and miserable.

That doesn't sound like you.

I was very different.

I had a sketchy boyfriend and an emotionally draining job

and I lived with my needy mom

who I was constantly fighting with.

So when I was diagnosed, I decided to make

the number one priority in my life... me.

- Not a bad priority. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I dumped the boyfriend, quit the job,

and as soon as I was well enough,

I moved out.

I just had to do what I really wanted.

How did that feel?

(Laughs) It was a process.

I went through a lot of phases.

I became spiritual...

(Laughs) And I was a druggie.

- Hmm. - Mostly hallucinogens.

But... (Sighs) Mushrooms.

(Both laugh)

And a world traveler.

I've been so many different people since I got sick.

And I've experienced so many things

I wouldn't have, and that makes me happy.

Which is so weird 'cause like, I had to...

Get cancer to be happy. It's...

I'm jealous.

I'd kill to be happy again.

Like that guy.

I mean, he looks like he doesn't have care in the world.

Oh. That's probably because he's rolling.

- Hmm? - On ecstasy, you nerd.

(Laughs)

Is there any danger

in doing ecstasy if you have cancer?

If there were, I'd probably be dead.

♪ Love is still a magic affair ♪

♪ my dear ♪

And now, I'd like to open the floor to questions for Brenna Carver,

the writer and director of Me, you, and Nigel.

Ah, yes. You, sir.

Hi, um...

Love the movie.

What an ending.

Um... I thought you made some

really interesting choices as a director.

Could you just tell us more about what inspired

you to make this short film?

Thanks. Um...

Well, I was really influenced by the works of Jean-Luc Godard,

Ingmar Bergman and Amy Heckerling...

(Knocking)

Hey.

Hey, Sara.

Um... is April home?

No, she's not.

She texted to say she went out with Vanessa.

I assumed you were with them.

Is everything okay?

Come on in.

You know what? I've tried being there for April, but...

I feel like I can't let her...

In on what's going on in my life.

Why not?

Well, I feel too guilty.

How can I tell her

that Jaclyn's letting me design my own cocktail dress at work

when she's unemployed?

And how can I tell her that I'm totally falling

for Josh when the love of her life just died?

(Sniffles)

I get that you think talking to April

about all the great things you have going on

might come off as inconsiderate, but...

You should not feel bad

about being excited.

You're allowed to have a life.

You sure I wouldn't sound like just some thoughtless jerk?

No!

You deserve to be happy

and April wants that for you.

Just like you were happy

for her when she got her first byline, or...

You know, when she fell in love with Leo.

Friendships are about supporting one another

through the good times an the bad, and...

Everything in between.

(Sighs)

Geez. You are good, Sara.

Do you take Obamacare?

(Laughs)

Are you serious?

- I gotta ask. - Oh, my God. (Laughs)

Hi.

Hey, pretty pixie.

Oh, you look like you could use this.

Um... you seem generous.

Perhaps you'd care to share more?

Oh. Oh, damn. I wish I could.

I only have two left and they need

to last me for a while.

- I'm so sorry. - Um...

Let me make it up to you... And you are really soft.

- How much? - Not for sale, sunshine.

$300 bucks?

$300 for two ecstasy tabs?

- Yeah. - You're on. I'll be right back.

(Laughs)

(Laughs)

Wow.

What a movie, Brenna.

So impressive.

Just to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what kind of future

Ford has as an actress.

She's not exactly Meryl Streep.

Yeah, well, you know, nepotism is a huge problem in the arts.

(Both laugh)

And I'm sorry if you're mad at me

for coming here unannounced, but I thought you might

need somebody in the audience.

It was nice to see a familiar face.

I was just so nervous for tonight.

But if you're serious about being a filmmaker,

you're gonna need to learn

to present your movies with pride.

Even if they might suck?

Well, you can't really look at it like that, you know?

I've noticed in San Francisco that art is... is everywhere.

Everybody puts their stuff out there with such confidence.

Without any fear of rejection and that's just what artists do.

Yeah, I guess I need to work on that.

It applies to anything that you would pursue.

I mean, I cannot even tell you how nervous I was

right before for my first medical presentation

on rhabdomyosarcoma at the International Symposium

for Pediatric Cancer in Dubrovnik.

Okay, that was not even English.

- (Both laugh) - But, uh...

I know what you mean.

Yeah.

Well you know, we've got some time

before I have to pick up Mae from the station,

so why don't we get some ice cream to celebrate?

JP licks?

- Sure. - Okay.

♪ I couldn't fake it ♪

♪ no, I couldn't make it ♪

♪ never did seem to find my place ♪

♪ didn't want it ♪

♪ I didn't need it ♪

♪ don't need to save face ♪

♪ just try to survive ♪

♪ in a high anxiety society ♪

- Mm. - Mm.

Your head feels like the inside of an UGG boot.

Okay, that's enough.

Why? It feels so incredible.

- Oh, wow. - It's like...

It's like pure ecstasy.

Oh well.

Oh, my God...

I did ecstasy.

(Laughs)

Yeah.

Are you sure you don't want the other pill?

Yes. Yes.

Like I said, amphetamines are so 2012 for me.

Oh, my God. Your loss.

I've never felt this good in my entire life.

I feel happy.

It hurts to smile, I mean, it feels like... (Gasps)

- Am I a druggie now? - Uh, hardly.

Hey look, my cancer is making me super tired.

Mine's not. I'm gonna stay up all night.

- And we're twirling again. - Yep.

- Hey, hey. - Vanessa: Hi.

Just let me barge on in here.

You good? Well, thank you

for letting me drop off April's ecstasy-impaired ass.

She did not want to go to Beth's.

Yeah, and I can't go home.

My mom would be so disappointed if she saw me like this.

Want me to text her that you're crashing here?

Yes. Yes.

She would totally know that I was high if I texted her.

I'll start making up the couch, too.

Okay, I'm out, but fun times.

Wait, Vanessa.

- Sorry I... - Okay. Bye.

Good luck with this one!

Okay.

Mm.

I always come here when I'm high.

And you always take care of me.

Sent.

(Giggling)

I took ecstasy tonight.

Can you believe that?

That's pretty crazy.

Mm-hmm.

I have another pill if you want it.

I think I'm good.

You sure? Because it feels amazing.

I never want to stop feeling amazing.

Don't you want to feel amazing?

Hm?

Hm?

Here.

Hug this.

It'll make you feel better.

- Trust me... - Mm.

I've been there.

I'll grab you some water.

(Phone vibrating)

(Phone vibrating)

April, are you okay?

(Sobbing)

No, Mom.

I'm not okay.

(Sobbing)

I miss him so much it hurts.

(Sobbing)

It hurts so badly.

Will this pain ever go away?

Is it gonna be like this forever?

Oh, honey.

I'm trying not to think about it all, but...

No matter how hard

I try to distract myself...

Nothing makes me feel better.

You'll always miss Leo...

But eventually, it'll get easier...

And the aching will hurt less.

I promise.

It's gonna take time,

but it's good that you're talking about it.

Keeping it inside...

- It isn't healthy. - Yeah.

You're right.

You want me to come pick you up?

No, it's okay. I just...

Can you stay on the phone with me, please?

Of course, honey.

- (Sighs) - (Sniffles)

Morning.

Hi. Um... are you playing again?

Yeah. You know, just messing around.

Cool. Well, I was just...

Heading out.

I was hoping I wouldn't catch you.

Sorry for just... Showing up last night.

- There was... - Hey, don't worry about it. Really.

- What's that? - That is the other ecstasy pill.

I never want to do it again. Ever.

I learned my lesson.

The high was...

Really high.

But the low was...

Pretty terrible.

I should do dare lectures, huh?

Hey...

I hope you don't mind me saying this,

but these last few days...

Hasn't been you.

And I get things haven't been easy, but...

You gotta get your life back, April.

Write your book.

Take back that passion you have for it.

Be the person I know you are.

Reporter: Winter storm Pam should hit New York later today,

dumping at least a foot of snow.

From there it will head towards the Atlantic,

- where it will peter out just missing... -Morning, Brenna.

Hi. Can you sign this?

"UC Berkely Summer Filmmaking Program"?

I'm gonna apply and then maybe move

to San Francisco after high school.

The city seems so cool

and the film scene is really growing.

- Wh... that's so far! - But Uncle George lives there.

And... I... I gotta get to school

but, um, I'll just... I'll get that from you later.

Bye, Mom.

(Door opens)

(Door closes)

- (Knocking) - (Door opening)

Is Beth home?

Nice to see you too, April.

- She's at work already. - It's all right.

Um, I just came over to apologize.

We got into a big fight last night

and I feel terrible about it...

As well as about everything I've been doing in the past few days.

Yeah. I had to lie to Chris at the Charles

and say I'd never met you before that night.

I'm sorry.

But that's only because I wanted to keep my job.

Personally...

I think you get a free pass

after everything you've been through.

Thank you, but...

I don't really like me right now.

You know, who have I become?

Blowing all this money and taking drugs?

I mean, it's all so reprehensible.

Kind of sounds like what our dad was doing

the year before he died.

Hm. It does.

And the whole time, I was mad at him

for his crazy behavior and... here I am,

doing the exact same thing.

I guess I really am my father's daughter.

April, you are nothing like our dad.

Maybe I am.

Maybe good people can do bad things

in certain situations.

You know, with the way I'm acting because Leo died and...

The way Dad was acting because your mom was pressuring

him to be with her, so...

My mom never wanted to be with Dad.

She's been happily dating this Cuban architect

named Marco for like, ever.

Long before Dad died.

Who told you that?

George.

Hey.

I didn't know you were home.

We need to talk.

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