Original subtitles

♪ Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move ♪

♪ Awake, but cannot open my eyes ♪

♪ And the weight is crushing down ♪

♪ On my lungs, I know I can't breathe ♪

What are you doing?

Oh, uh, the pink annoys my eyes, so I'm making a few changes.

- It's my room. - It's our room.

I'm moving in.

What? No, you're not.

But we kissed.

Yeah, but…

I spent all morning moving my stuff from the bathroom.

I'll help you put it back.

It's just people don't usually move in together after just one kiss.

So, do you wanna keep the mural or no?

♪ And sometimes when you're on ♪

♪ You're really fucking on ♪

♪ And your friends They sing along and they love you ♪

So, the clinic's a no go then?

Looks like it.

And you're sure they won't, like, do you a favour?

Just leave it. It's not gonna happen.

Well, at least you tried. That's all you can ask.

So, any men on the go?

- Ew, Dad! - Come on. I love a bit of gossip.

Uh, Carrie's gonna break up with Kash.

No, I'm not.

I'm not, Martin.

We just need to sit down and talk about where we see this going,

and our expectations, and what we need.

Yeah. Sounds like you're gonna break up with him.

Look, I love Kash, and I don't want to see him get hurt.

But, I think, if you have a better time with a man who's been dead for 400 years,

it's a bit of a red flag.

I know. I just don't know how I'm gonna broach it with him.

Don't ask me.

If I'm not feeling it,

I usually just send them a text saying I don't have time to date anyone

because I've discovered an invisible treasure map

on the back of the Declaration of Independence.

- You National Treasure them? - I National Treasure them.

Well, I'm not doing that.

I'm just gonna be an adult and say, "Hey, can we have a quick chat?"

God, that's a bit dramatic though, isn't it?

- Kash, I... - Surprise!

I'm throwing you a surprise party!

Yay!

- But why? - 'Cause I love you.

- Whoo-hoo! - Where's the party?

Well, it's happening later.

It's not really a surprise then, is it? You just told her.

Well, you'd expect the surprise to come

at the same time as the party, wouldn't you?

So, really, uh, this is even more surprising.

Well, I don't want to have a party.

We're having a party?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I do have a slutty dress I want to wear.

Yes!

♪ Ooohe ♪

What's a party?

♪ Ooohe ♪

♪ Ooohe, Makeba, Makeba ma che bella ♪

What do you think?

♪ Can I get a "ooohe"? Makeba Makes my body dance for you ♪

♪ Ooohe, Makeba, Makeba ma che bella ♪

I think a serial killer did this.

I love it.

Aw, my favourite flowers.

♪ You follow the beat That she's gonna give ya ♪

♪ Only her smile can all make it go ♪

This is strange, right?

Yes. It's not just you.

Ooh, I'd better empty the recycling now so that we have adequate space

when it comes to clearing up tomorrow morning.

You've thought of everything.

Isn't this amazing?

You genuinely like it?

Maybe we're made for each other.

You both agree balloons are fun.

I don't think that's the foundation for a lifelong partnership.

I can't have the talk with him tonight though. It will ruin his party.

It's your party. This is the perfect time. He has to listen to you.

You're right. I'm doing it tonight.

Start the chat.

Get your head in the game, Carrie!

- Have you tried the hummus? - I love you.

- Thank you. - What is it?

Chickpeas.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

- Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. - No. No, it's fine. It's just...

Public kissing is maybe a bit…

- Yeah. - Let's just take things slow.

No, no. I don't want a natty wine, young man.

Is that my mum? Oh, for fuck's sake!

- Let's go say hello. - No!

No, not right now. Just you stay here and be normal.

Why are you here?

Your crisp selection is absolutely baffling.

Thai sweet chilli but no cheese and onion? It's unnatural.

Why are you here?

So, I can't go to a party now?

Where's Andy and Ian?

Don't even talk to me. I had to leave that house.

Andy is being a total brat.

"My life's ruined this. I'm a freak that."

And all I said to her was that she needed to stop whingeing

and pull herself up by the bootstraps.

So I thought I'd focus on you now.

- What do you mean? - I'm gonna sort your life out.

Is there anything you need help with?

You're very single.

No career prospects.

The hair.

I do not need any help. I'm fine.

Hey, why don't you mingle? Why don't you talk to this guy?

♪ Every time I close my eyes ♪

- Gordon! - Jennifer.

♪ I wake up feelin' so horny ♪

It's not a costume party.

♪ I can't get you outta my mind ♪

I know. It's-It's the new me.

I'm embracing my power.

I'm the come guy. So I should act like the come guy.

Ladies.

Okay. Well, Gordon, this is my mum.

Mum, Gordon.

Bye.

Hello.

Do not touch her!

Right. We'll wait for him.

I'll bring her over here for a conversation.

Get him talking about how much he likes her.

Yeah, I know.

Oi! Come on. Get it down ya! Down it!

Down it! Down it! Down it! Down it!

Down it! Down it!

Okay, who wants to play strip poker?

Just me. That's fine.

- Put that away. - Join in when you're ready.

And you have to take your whole trousers off every time?

Yeah, I was looking into getting a pair made with a flap in the back.

- Jen. - Thank God.

You're a lifesaver.

Did you see? Kash made macarons. He remembered they're my favourite.

I mean, they're bad.

I wouldn't actually eat them, but…

Carrie, focus!

What is the one thing you're supposed to be doing tonight?

Balls.

I swear I keep meaning to bring it up, but I just keep getting sidetracked.

And he's gone to all this effort.

I know it's hard, but you have to push through.

Block everything else out,

and just get the words out as quick as you can.

- Hey, can we have a chat? - Of course.

So…

I feel like the adult in the relationship,

and sometimes I feel more like your mum than your girlfriend.

And I need you to be more mature.

I hear you.

Is there something I can do to prove to you that I'm listening?

♪ My regrets are few ♪

I suppose you could start looking for a stable job.

That would help.

Oh, that's a good one. I haven't tried that yet.

Wait, no! Don't!

Kash, can we…

Mm-hmm. References? Yeah, I can get them in before then. Definitely.

And the interview will be at 1.00 p. m. On a Wednesday?

Yeah! Yeah, I can do that.

♪ If we're still alive ♪

♪ My regrets are few ♪

So it's a devised theatre piece

about three undocumented cleaners with invisibility

because they are invisible to society.

No.

- She just keeps trying to talk to me. - It's exhausting.

You could just talk to your girlfriend.

- No. No, it's the break-up chat. - I can feel it.

- She's been very unhappy lately. - How long have you been doing this?

- I've been awake for 28 hours. - You can't keep going forever, mate.

No, I don't need to. I'm gathering information.

See, if I know why she's breaking up with me, I can stop it.

I can fix it.

I'm just running out of energy.

Have you tried these?

It puts Red Bull to shame.

It's technically classified as an industrial lubricant in the EU.

So you know it's good.

Yeah?

♪ Uno, dos, tres ♪

You got any more?

So, what happens if you touch yourself?

Nothing. And the ironic thing is,

it actually takes me quite a while to climax.

Particularly with a new partner.

Ooh.

You're Jen's mum.

I think she doesn't want me to talk to you.

Oh, of course she doesn't.

She may as well push me out the door.

She's very confusing.

Don't even start. I can never tell what's going on with her.

Oh, well, she's having a terrible time right now.

No, no. She told me she's fine.

Uh, no. She wants to go to the clinic so they can help her find her power.

Because she feels left out without one.

But it costs money, and she doesn't have that.

So they won't let her in.

That seems like something you'd mention.

She talks about it with her dad all the time.

Did you know he's dead?

I'm aware.

Excuse me.

Have we met?

I don't think so.

After you.

♪ Glitter on the wet streets ♪

♪ Silver over everything ♪

You've brought way too much, man. You're gonna crash.

Desperate times means desperate... Whatever it is.

Have you seen a girl? She's about this tall.

Irish, but not the scary kind.

Jen.

- What are you doing here? - I've been texting. You haven't replied.

Oh.

Did you come all this way just to check in on me?

You usually respond straight away. I assumed you were dead.

No, no, I've just been busy.

- With what? - Hello.

Who likes a party? Because this boy does.

We don't need any pills, mate. We're good.

No. No. I'm not a drugs-man. I'm Jen's boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

- Yeah. - No.

Luke, why don't you go get yourself a drink? Help yourself to anything.

What about "taking things slow" is introducing me as your girlfriend?

- Aren't you? - It's complicated.

You say everything's complicated.

Because it is! The real world is complicated!

I'm-I'm confused about a lot of things, but you're the one thing that makes sense.

Do you even hear what I'm saying?

Maybe we should just give each other some space.

What?

Maybe we should give each other some space!

Jen, someone's in your room.

♪ Off with your head ♪

♪ Dance till you're dead ♪

Can you read?

What are you doing?

I'm hacking your computer.

I've been taking IT classes. I know what all the bits are for now.

Stop it. Why would you do that?

Well, it's the only way to know what's going on in your life.

Seeing as you won't tell me.

Please be more cryptic so I fully understand what's happening.

You receive a lot of marketing emails from a place called "The Clinic."

- Why didn't you come to me about it? - Because you're judgmental.

Every time I talk to you, you make me feel like shit.

It only seems like that

because a lot of the choices you make are wrong.

Oh, okay, so I-if I was just perfect, this wouldn't be an issue?

- Yes! - You know, I used to be jealous

that Andy was your favourite.

But now, I think I dodged a bullet.

You're not one to talk about favourites.

What are you talking about?

You're a monster if people think you have a favourite child.

But no one bats an eye if you have a favourite parent.

So I talk to Dad. Big deal.

You'll talk to him but not me?

Yeah, I do! Because he doesn't judge me or try to fix me!

He's just... He's just there.

He's not there! I am!

I'm right here!

Yeah, I know.

I shouldn't have brought him up.

It's fine.

- Do you want me to leave? - No, no. No, you can stay. It…

Although, I think we've run out of crisps.

What? It's only 11.00.

Jesus Christ. Who did the Ocado, Bobby Sands?

Better go down there before someone takes the last sweet chilli.

- Are you okay? - No, I'm fine. Let's dance.

Kash, while I have you, we should probably...

Talk? Okay.

Cheers, Carrie. Great party.

Actually, it's fine. Never mind.

We have a problem.

Okay, I still don't get it.

He's turning back time every time I try and have the chat with him.

- That's not good. - Not good? It's effed up!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, relax.

He knows exactly what I'm gonna do,

so he knows exactly how to throw me off.

I can't believe he'd do this to me during my party.

Carrie. The party's part of it.

Oh, my God.

Do you think he's been avoiding you?

Of course he has. I've been chasing him all evening.

He's only making it worse.

I swear to God, I've never met anyone so stupid with this stuff.

He's hopeless.

What if he's been doing this our whole relationship?

I guess you don't need to have the talk anymore.

How am I ever gonna trust him again? How am I even gonna break up with him?

It doesn't matter what I do. He'll just keep turning back time.

Maybe I already have.

He's bound to run out of energy at some point.

Usually he just carb loads, but I haven't seen him eat much.

Is he taking drugs?

Oh, God. It's meth, isn't it?

Hey, fuck off. My house.

Bingo.

I knew they were up to something.

Hey, um, Carrie said she wants to have a quick chat with you.

Mm-hmm.

Poor fucker.

There you are.

I made you a cocktail.

Ooh.

It's just wine.

Yeah, but it's got a little umbrella in it.

Yeah, it's good.

Mmm.

So, I was thinking, how would you like to go for a little flight?

I could take off right now, if you like. It's a beautiful night.

Really? Me?

There's not a hotter, taller woman standing behind me, is there?

Because that has happened before.

No, it's just you and me.

♪ Standing in the door Of the Pink Flamingo ♪

Um, do you wanna go outside then?

Yeah.

♪ Crying in the rain ♪

♪ It was a kind of so so love ♪

They're gone.

♪ And I'm going to make sure it never Happens again ♪

I know.

Randall, come on. Make me a new can.

♪ You and I, it had to be The standing joke of the year ♪

Kash, I'm…

I don't wanna do this.

So don't.

Just don't. Please. I can fix it.

- Not this time. - Randall, come on! Hurry up!

I'm not a vending machine, mate. It's gonna take a while.

Don't say it.

I think we should break up.

♪ I tried to make it work ♪

I think we should break up.

I think we should break...

…break up.

♪ And now your life's a mess ♪

♪ So insecure you see ♪

I think we should break up.

♪ Take your hands off me ♪

You need sleep. Let's get you to bed.

♪ I don't belong to you, you see ♪

I'm sorry.

♪ Take a look... ♪

Are you sure your boyfriend's not gonna mind?

Oh. Oh, So that's what it is. You're jealous.

That you have a boyfriend? Maybe.

Of that boyfriend in particular, no.

Why not?

Come on, really? Just seems like a bit of a weirdo.

Come on.

He's not a weirdo.

He's a bit different, but that doesn't mean he's not good.

Sure.

Look, you don't know him.

He's kind, and he's funny.

Not intentionally, most of the time, but he makes me laugh.

And he always has the dumbest questions.

But it's like there's a logic to them.

And he actually wants to be with me.

You'd think that would be the bare minimum, but…

That's it, really, isn't it?

He likes me. I like him.

Not that complicated.

You could aim a lot higher, Jen.

Nah, I'm good.

Jen.

Jen.

Where are you going?

Hey!

Whatever.

I swear, this has never happened before.

Okay.

Jizzlord?

Jizzlord!

Jizzlord!

Have you seen Jizzlord?

No.

Why?

Jizzlord? Jizzlord?

♪ Embracing bygones ♪

♪ You build upon the ground ♪

Jizzlord!

♪ You were taken from ♪

♪ To be robbed again ♪

Jizzlord!

♪ Silence won't pay cash in hand ♪

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no!

I'm sorry.

I was being stupid earlier.

Look, I act like I'm smarter than you, but I'm not.

Not with important things.

Fuck.

Can you hear me?

I don't want space! I want you to be here.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I know I don't want you to go.

I want you to be my boyfriend!

♪ You put on your brave face, now girl ♪

You want a bin to be your boyfriend?

That's a bit of a slap in the face. I'm not gonna lie.

♪ You put on your brave face, now girl ♪

♪ You put on your brave face, now girl ♪

Whoop, whoop. Hey-o. Whoop, whoop.

Who wants to do body shots?

Gordon, it's 2.00 a. m. Go home.

We're young. We could go clubbing.

God, who am I kidding? This isn't me.

I hate this.

- Do you want a cup of tea? - Yes, please.

- Jesus, you'll catch your death. - Mum, I want you to meet my boyfriend.

What?

Hello again. What was your name?

- It doesn't matter. - Jizzlord.

I'm sorry, it's what lord?

Uh, it's J...

Hey. This clinic.

I hear you don't have enough money for it.

Yeah.

I'll pay for it.

Really?

Yeah.

If it'll make you happy.

How much is it?

Twelve grand.

Fucking hell! What?

Jesus Christ. Lead with the price. What did you let me do that for?

- What, you don't have it? - Of course I don't have it!

I'm not a Saudi prince.

I have it.

I've been supplementing my income

by providing a service to unfulfilled women.

And that made you £12,000?

No, it's just pocket change. Straight women just paid off my student loan.

Gordon. I can't take your gigolo money. You earned it.

Really, I-it feels wrong. I want you to have it.

♪ The good times ♪

- ♪ Yes! - ♪ Who needs the good times? ♪

I'm going to the clinic.

You're going to the clinic.

Oh.

Okay. Well done. Very good.

♪ The good times are killing me ♪

Oh, no, no, no.

Yeah, we have met.

♪ Here we go ♪

Yep.

♪ Got dirt, got air, got water ♪

♪ And I know you can carry on ♪

Morning.

Morning.

I've never seen you smile for this long before.

Kinda hurts. I don't know how people do it all the time.

I like it.

Uh, where are you going?

Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. Don't leave me.

I'm just going to the shop. I really fancy some pancakes.

- I'll go. - No, no, no, don't. I better go.

- Just flour, milk, eggs, sugar, right? - No, you for...

Actually, yeah. Yeah, that's right.

♪ One, two, three, four… ♪

I think I'm getting the hang of this.

♪ Do you realise ♪

♪ That you have ♪

♪ The most beautiful face? ♪

♪ Do you realise ♪

♪ We're floating in space? ♪

- That's £5.65, please. - Mummy, look!

- Just give me a minute. - But, Mummy! That man looks like Daddy.

♪ Everybody's gotta live ♪

♪ And everybody's gonna die ♪

♪ Everybody's gotta live ♪

♪ I think you know the reason why ♪

♪ Sometimes the going gets so good ♪

♪ Then again it gets pretty rough ♪

♪ But when I have you in my arms, baby ♪

♪ You know I just can't I just can't get enough ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ - ♪ You gotta live ♪

♪ Before you know the reason why ♪