Original subtitles

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Hi, Pastor Jeff, can you come over right now?

I need you to save someone's soul.

Amen.

In your face, Catholics.

I baptize you in the name of the Father

and the Son

and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Amen.

You know, I'm not a lawyer,

but you could make the argument that my child

was kidnapped twice.

Well, there have to be consequences.

How do you feel about coming down to City Hall

to witness me and Georgie get married?

What about your parents?

We're really not gonna invite our folks?

A spite wedding. I had one of those.

Let me get my purse.

Hey, little girl.

In a few minutes, you're gonna be legitimate.

You saying she's illegitimate?

Not me, just, you know, everybody.

If you want to smack him, I'll hold the baby.

Nah, it's okay.

Well, just in case.

Wait!

Wait! What are they doing here?

I told them,

and you can't smack me 'cause I'm holding the baby.

Did we miss it?

No, we're still waiting.

I told you we didn't need to run.

I know you're mad at me,

and I am sorry, but can we please

be a part of this wedding?

Yes, please. I only have one brother.

What about Sheldon?

Yeah.

Fine.

Oh.

Cooper-McAllister?

Right here. You're up.

Wait!

Wait.

Wasn't me.

It was me. I called your dad.

Oh, that's a long hallway.

And those steps in front?

Brutal.

Please,

let us be part of this.

What do you think?

Oh, I think we're thinking the same thing.

You can stay.

Come on.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah, yeah. Maybe.

Aww.

What's wrong?

No, it's just, I wanted to walk you down the aisle,

but there's no aisle.

Um, hang on.

Come on.

Thank you. Take care of my little girl.

Yes, sir. All right.

All right. Let's get started.

Could you show a little respect and stand up?

One of those.

George Marshall Cooper Jr.,

do you take

Amanda Elizabeth McAllister

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

Amanda Elizabeth McAllister,

do you take George Marshall Cooper Jr.

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

By the power vested in me

by the great state of Texas,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

You can sit down now.

I can't believe they gave us the train car.

Well, my dad slipped the conductor five bucks.

Classy.

So, what are you thinking?

Couple buckets of spaghetti for the table?

Sure. Y-Yeah... and we're gonna split the tab.

It's all right, I got it.

Uh, Jim, come on.

We didn't pay for a wedding,

we can spring for some spaghetti.

I-In a bucket.

We know.

I-I'm happy to chip in.

No, no. No, this is between me and him.

And we're splitting it.

Dad, we're poor. Let him pay.

We are not poor.

Wouldn't matter either way.

But we're not.

I would like to propose a toast...

...to Mandy and Georgie.

Your relationship started out

with lies and deceit,

which usually happens

later on in marriage.

Where is this going?

But you two got it out of the way

right up front.

So I think the odds are in your favor...

...for having a lifetime of love and happiness.

To Mandy

and Georgie...

...and CeeCee.

Way to bring it home, baby.

I can do heartfelt.

Hello.

Oh, good, you're here.

Oh, thank you for bringing him, Dr. Linkletter.

Well, you hungry? Have a seat.

Well, I do have a half can of tuna waiting for me at home,

but what the hay?

So, you and my brother got married and no one invited me?

Sorry, it was kind of a last-minute thing.

No, I was thanking you. I hope that, someday,

my sister won't invite me to her wedding.

I won't. Thank you.

Here we are.

Grab a shovel and dig in.

There you go.

I spent the summer in Italy once.

Bringing back memories?

No.

Amanda,

Georgie,

since your father and I

didn't get to give you a proper wedding,

we'd like to pay for a honeymoon.

Wow, really?

Should we offer to split...?

Mr. McAllister, really appreciate it,

but that's not necessary.

First of all, no more of this "Mr. McAllister" stuff, okay?

It's Jim.

Thank you, Jim.

Uh, very kind, Jim.

This feels weird, Jim.

So, where are we going?

What would you say to an all-expenses-paid weekend

at Dollywood?

- Shut up. - Oh, my God.

Thank you.

That's amazing.

Oh, I'm definitely getting married.

And I won't be going.

Oh, and I can watch the baby.

Or me, the one who just paid for your honeymoon.

You two are on probation.

I don't want to come home and find out there was an exorcism.

Connie, will you do it?

I would love to.

Wait a minute, it's my house. Don't I have a say?

No.

I don't have a say.

I got to go open up the gambling room.

Can you watch her for about an hour?

I just had coffee and a bowl of Raisin Bran.

Next hour is spoken for.

You could've just said no.

I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

Hey, why don't we look around for wedding rings in Tennessee?

Hmm.

Maybe they sell them at Dollywood.

If it's all the same,

I'd rather not get my wedding ring

at the same place they sell corn dogs.

Oh, corn dogs.

We're definitely getting corn dogs.

You know, through all the rush, we didn't really talk about it,

but are you gonna take my name?

Is it important to you?

I don't know, I'd kind of like people to know we're a family.

You know, the Coopers, Georgie and Mandy Cooper.

I'd go to a barbecue at their house.

Well, why don't you take my name?

I'm trying to have a serious conversation,

and you're making jokes.

Why is it a joke?

Maybe that'd fly in New York City,

but in Texas, I'd get my ass kicked.

Maybe we should move to New York City.

Okay, there's just some things you don't joke about.

And the thing you need to know about slot machines

is that they provide the house

with a 17% edge.

And that...

is a whole lot of edge for Meemaw and your daddy.

Huh?

Ooh, that ain't good.

Excuse me. I don't work here!

Connie Tucker?

Please stop running.

Peekaboo.

Oh, yeah, that's funny.

Peekaboo.

Hey.

Took you long enough.

Yeah, I'm old. I had to go to the bathroom.

Why are you handcuffed? Why is she handcuffed?

She's a flight risk.

What is she talking about?

I was just taking the baby for a walk,

and Cagney and Lacey here

decided that I was evading arrest.

Oh, Connie.

H-How much is bail?

Won't know till Monday.

What? Judge left town for the weekend.

Well, get him back.

Can't. Gone fishing.

Beautiful day for it. Where'd he go?

Dale. Right.

You mean I got to sit here till Monday?

Well, you'll be back in a cell.

Where all the bad people go.

Oh, my God.

Dale, take the baby home.

Me? Why don't you call Mary?

The last thing I want is for her to know about this.

I'll watch the baby if you like.

There you go, problem solved.

No. Take the baby.

Yeah.

Well, is there anything I can bring you?

Yeah, a cake with a file in it.

Good one.

Thank you, Officer.

Can I give the flight risk a kiss goodbye?

That's up to her.

I'm good.

She's good.

Okay, CeeCee, here we go.

Bye, baby.

Next rest stop, let's call and check on CeeCee.

She's fine. She's with my meemaw.

Yeah, you're right, I'm worrying for nothing.

All right, let's get you to your cell.

So, that beautiful little girl is your granddaughter?

Great-granddaughter.

I never locked up a great-grandma before.

Well, isn't this your lucky day?

Sheldon, phone.

187 IQ and I'm a receptionist.

Cooper residence.

Hello, Mr. Ballard.

He's here.

May I tell him what this is concerning?

I may not? Very well.

Dad, it's Mr. Ballard.

I'll pick it up in here.

Which you could've done to begin with.

Hey, Dale, what's up?

You're kidding.

Till Monday? What's going on?

Shh!

Well, is there anything I can do?

Yeah, I know a couple lawyers.

Who needs a lawyer?

Meemaw's in jail.

Hang up.

What's she in jail for?

I'm not sure.

Some kind of room got shut down.

Oh, the gambling room. What?

Yeah, in the back of the laundromat.

Isn't that illegal?

Yeah, that's why she's in jail.

She tried to run?

Oh, that...

Oh, that makes me so happy.

Yeah, it's kind of a sad one.

Yeah. You'll like this one.

Here you go. This is for you.

That's the one.

That's the one.

We got company.

Hey, Mare. George told me about the arrest.

Oh. Yeah.

Boy, I know how to pick 'em, huh?

Is she okay?

Oh, yeah, she's a tough old bird.

Well, let me take the baby off your hands

till the kids come back.

Well, but we're having such a good time.

Dale. She likes me.

Dale.

Oh. Fine.

You get the baby, I'll grab her Binky.

You know, she really does like me.

So, here's a question.

What?

You think CeeCee's gonna be an only child?

I don't know. For a while she is. Why?

Well, since we're man and wife now,

we got to make plans.

I'm almost back in my old jeans. This can wait.

Well, I'm just saying, I liked having a brother and sister.

Don't you like having a brother?

Eh.

So, y'all didn't get along?

I picked on him. I made him cry a lot.

That's what I did with Sheldon.

Don't you want CeeCee to have that?

Just so you know, my plans include more

than making babies so they can pick on each other.

I want a career.

I support that.

And maybe go back to school.

Curveball, but okay.

I don't have to go back to school, do I?

Oh, no, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Hey there. Alice, isn't it?

Audrey. Right.

What can I do for you, Audrey?

I came to visit my granddaughter.

Not here.

Where is she?

Well, as they say in Canada,

she's "oot and aboot."

So, if I'm to understand correctly,

our meemaw's been running a criminal enterprise.

Cool, huh?

No, it is most certainly not cool.

On the one hand, people need to pay for their crimes.

On the other, if Meemaw's in prison,

who's gonna smell like Bengay and kiss me on the head?

She's an old lady, they're not gonna lock her up forever.

I sure hope not.

Are there any other family secrets

that I don't know about?

Um... actually, yes.

Tell me.

No, you couldn't handle it.

Now I have to know.

Okay. You ever wonder why Mom

made that prayer garden in the back yard?

To pray.

You're so naive.

There's a dead body under there.

Whose?

I've already said too much.

Hey, Audrey. Where's Mary?

She's, uh...

Mare!

Oh.

Hi.

Why do you have the baby?

Um...

It's kind of a long story.

Why do you have the baby?

My mother was arrested, she's in jail.

I can't get a straight answer from anybody in this family.

A gambling room?

Yes.

And she'd been bribing the authorities?

I wouldn't use that word,

but there were...

donations made to the authorities.

And Georgie worked there?

Well, he also runs the laundromat.

Very legitimate.

For money laundering.

And regular laundering.

I can't believe this.

What kind of a family has my daughter married into?

To be clear, I did not condone any of this.

Doesn't matter. This is a criminal environment,

and I'm taking the baby.

Over my dead body.

CeeCee is my granddaughter, too,

and she is perfectly safe here.

Well, as long as she's here, I'm here.

Fine.

Are you hungry?

I have half a bucket of spaghetti in the fridge.

I could eat.

All right, I'll go heat it up.

What?

You think I'm gonna take the baby and run?

Yes. Would you like some garlic bread?

That sounds nice.

You know, we should really start looking for our own place.

You think?

I mean, the gambling room's doing great,

and since we put in the roulette wheel,

we're basically printing money.

Sure would like to have my own bathroom.

Your own bathroom,

one of them walk-in shoe closets

like on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

And carpet everywhere, even in the kitchen.

That's a terrible idea.

'Cause of spilling and crumbs, sure.

Point is, I want to spoil you,

so whatever you want.

Well, right now, I just want you.

Really? Now?

Yeah.

Hot damn.

Just so you know,

I promised my dad I'd use condoms.

Good.

Now what?

Hey.

Did you escape?

Nah, they just brought me over to pick up my pills and pj's.

Oh, that's nice.

Are you drunk?

Uh, yeah, it sure feels like it.

And where's the baby?

Don't worry, she's not here.

Where is she? Mary's got her.

So she knows about me?

Yeah.

My chariot awaits.

Oh.

Did you have diner?

They ordered in some pizza from Del Bonos.

That sounds good.

I had cold spaghetti.

All right.

Well, I'll see you Monday.

Well, they have visiting hours.

I can come tomorrow morning.

Not till 1:00.

Oh, I see. My game's on.

So, how about 4:30 or 5:00?

I'll see you Monday.

All right. See ya.

Well, why does she get pizza?

I want pizza.

Thanks for coming by. Yeah, what's the situation?

Well, right now it's kind of a standoff.

They're eating spaghetti, and Mary's holding the baby hostage.

All right. What's our play?

Well, I figured we'll be dealing with each other

for the rest of our lives,

so we got to keep things civil. I'm with you.

Let me start by saying,

you are a pleasure.

Oh, back at you.

And your daughter is a keeper.

And your son is a fine young man.

Thank you.

So, you ready to do this?

I'm right behind you.

Hey, Mare, look who stopped by.

Mmm, it's good coffee.

Is that Folgers?

Maxwell House.

Ah, sure.

Good to the last drop.

Uh, Audrey, am I crazy,

or didn't we used to drink Maxwell House?

Yes. Mm-hmm.

Hmm. Why'd we change?

It's a mystery.

Speaking of mysteries,

Mary, did you ever find that earring you were looking for?

Family heirloom just gone.

Maybe her mother stole it.

I am not holding the baby anymore,

so you better watch it.

Audrey's uncle was a bank robber.

Jim! He's in Leavenworth.

He's my uncle by marriage.

Look, a-all I'm saying is

every family's got secrets, right?

We sure got some skeletons in the closet.

We do not.

Other than my mother.

And?

My cousin Janine is a practicing witch,

but that's it.

Worships Satan.

I got you beat.

My brother William...

He's a Democrat.

He voted for Mondale.

- Aw, I'm so sorry. - Mm.

Actually, feels good to talk about it.

Are you sure there's a body down here?

Oh, yeah, keep digging.

I'd like to tell you

I found something that night,

but for once you all might be ahead of me.