All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S04E18.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing:

You're one vote down
on Foreign Aid.

Was it a bad idea
to make the first bill

out of the second term
such a controversial one?

The President doesn't believe

that for something
this important

that should be taken
into consideration.

Mrs. Bartlet,
you're the First Lady.

You need a Chief
of Staff--

a real one.

If you want your agenda
taken seriously,

put a professional face on it.

You got a fax from Amy.

Read me the fax.

"First Lady took
your advice.

She just hired me."

And we should cross borders

to bring schools and teachers

to parts of the world

forgotten by all
but the warlords.

We're going to pass
this Foreign Ops bill.

( phone ringing )

( receiver clattering )

BARTLET:
Hello.

WOMAN:
Mr. President, it's 6:00 a.m.

Oh, okay.

I didn't ask for 5:00?

You did, sir, and the First Lady
changed it to 6:00.

She's allowed to do that?

Sir?

Ah, it's okay. Thanks.

( hangs up )

You're up.

Yeah. What the hell's going on?

I gave you
an extra hour.

I checked
the scheduling.

There's absolutely
no reason why

you couldn't sleep
an extra hour.

I know.

And when she called me at 5:00,

I was going to say
"Call me back in an hour"

and go back to sleep.

I was going to do it myself.

You had a little plan.

Yeah. Now I missed
the whole thing.

I accidentally
blew your plan

and you had advisors
on this and everything,
didn't you?

You had memos
from senior staff

on Operation Human
Snooze Button.

Operation Resting Eagle.

Oh, no. Please tell me
you didn't really name it.

You know, I was having
a little fun in my sleep.

It's how I relax.

Wait. Let me put
my glasses on.

Something's turning
me on about you

and I can't tell why.

My hair's wet.

Oh, yeah!

I was working out.

I got in late
last night.

I know. That's why
I changed the call.

We didn't even leave
Nashville until after 10:00.

I ended up touring
a weapons research
facility in Oak Ridge.

They've got one
of the most powerful
reactors in the world.

They were able to show me
an insulin molecule

basically scoop up
two zinc ions.

Before your very eyes.

You're a scientist

and you're still
making fun of this?

No. I'm making fun of you.

Anyway, look, I'm trying
to tell you something.

( knocking )

Good morning.

MAN:
Good morning, ma'am.

You know what?
That's okay.

I'm going to get that.

Mm-hmm.
Thank you.

Would you like me
to lay out the papers?

No, I'll get 'em. Thanks.

Yes, sir.

"Lay out the papers, yes,
and today I'd like you

to alphabetize them."

He's just doing
his job.

Anyway, when we finally got
back from Nashville,

Leo was waiting.

What's going on with Leo
and Jordon these days?

I don't know.

But we're going
to be interested

in that less right now
than we are in other things.

Ooh, what's the trouble,
Sheriff Taylor?

Foreign Ops came out of mark-up.

How is it?

It's good. They only
cut $2 billion,

and shifted half a billion
from sub-Saharan

to western Europe
because I guess

the crippling hunger
in Provence has given

the lactose-intolerant
a problem with--

I don't know--
but I can live with all that.

Good.

Clancy Bangert attached
an amendment.

Stipulating what?

Stipulating that

Foreign Ops dollars wouldn't go

to any overseas clinics
that counsel abortion.

Is that out of the blue?

Yeah.

It is, or was...

This is the Senate.
They can do that.

I was just asking.

Does Bangert leave
any indication...?

No, there's
no indication.

Clancy Bangert doesn't
let me know...

Hey, I was just
asking you.

There's a handful,
a handful and a half

of cranky conservative
senators who want this stuff

and who are just
waiting to pounce.

It's what happened.

Clancy wants to reinstate
the gag rule.

Yeah.

Is the bill sunk?

I'm sorry?

How many Democrats
are defecting?

I don't know yet.

How many would defect
if you asked them?

I don't know.

You didn't make
the calls?

I'm not prepared
to do that yet.

What would happen
if you said,

"Send me this bill
with the gag rule
and I'll veto."

I don't know.

You talk
to the leadership?

I'm not prepared
to do that yet.

It's not that the money
can't go to clinics

that perform abortions.

It's that it can't go
to clinics

that talk about abortion.

I know what
the gag rule is.

I wasn't reminding you
what the gag rule was.

I was reminding you

that you sent 11,000
U.S. troops to Kundu

because on your inauguration

you told us that we were

for freedom of speech
everywhere.

That's great.

Except people are
starving to death

and they're dying
of disease to death

and they can't cook
the Bill of Rights.

So we're for freedom
of speech everywhere
but poor countries

where they can have
our help,

but only if they live up

to Clancy Bangert's
moral standards?

What the hell
kind of free world
are you running?

I really don't know, Abbey.

The day hasn't started yet.

the U.S. Geological Survey

and Coast Guard Commander
Dennis Travis:

"Last night at 3:45 a.m.

"Battletree Lake burst
through its natural dam

in what is known
as a 'glacial lake outburst.'"

Okay, it's a rushing river
of ice and water and rock.

It's about 300-feet wide

and it's sweeping through
Kachadee

which is a town
on one of the sides of the lake.

A 300-foot-wide river
of ice and rock

is sweeping
through a small town?

Yeah.

And you think
that's funny?
No.

I though you were
trying to be funny.

No, I'm trying
to brief you

on a state of emergency
in Alaska.

I'm sorry, man.

We're on the
same page now.

We have an agreement
with Canada and Russia

for mutual assistance
in Arctic airborne rescue

so we think the President's
going to need

to get on the phone,

or at the very least
be briefed.

Yeah, me, too.

I'll see to it.

Why did it happen?

Why did the natural dam break?

The natural dam
was part of a glacier

and the glacier melted.

The glacier melted?
It did.

Glaciers melt, like, once
every hundred million years.

This one melted today?

I don't know anything
about geology.

I think it's been
melting for a long time,

but, yeah, 3:45 a.m.
this morning

was the straw that broke
the camel's back.

Thank you.
All right

You don't want
to stand here

for a moment
and reflect

on the fact that a glacier
melted this morning?

Well, I would, Leo,

but a glacier melted
this morning,

so at this point,

Americans are simply trying
to outrun it.

Sure. Okay.
Thank you.

Hey, Josh.

A glacier
in Alaska melted.

You're going to see this
on the news any second.

I'll help you prep C.J.,
but a natural dam broke.

There's massive flooding.

There's going
to be a lot more.

A glacier melted?

Don't fixate on that.

I'm not fixating on it,

but, you know,
a glacier melting?
Yeah.

Okay, well, I was just
going to ask you
if by any chance

the First Lady's a distant
relative of a pirate.

Somebody call?
Boston Globe.

C.J. Talk to C.J.

He got called by the Globe
about Captain Feathersword.

Is this for real?

The Globe?

Because the Globe got a call

from Marion
Cotesworth-Haye
of Marblehead

who has denounced
Mrs. Bartlet's membership

in the DAR.

I'm sorry. Is it
okay if I laugh

a couple of times
during this?

Well, at Marion
Cotesworth-Haye

of Marblehead certainly.

Well, anyway,
to be a member
of the DAR

you have to have
descended directly...

From doilies.

...from patriots,

and Mrs. Cotesworth-Haye says

that the First Lady's
qualifying ancestor

is Thomas Broome
Weathergill, a pirate.

He wasn't a pirate.
He was a privateer.

He was a professional
pirate.

Yeah, but he worked for us
and he was hired

by the fathers of the Daughters
of the American Revolution.

Okay. Should we tell
that to the DAR lady?

It's not our job
to tell things to
Mrs. Marblehaye.

Cotesworth-Haye, and
I couldn't agree more

but she's organizing a
boycott of the White House
reception for the DAR

and that's why the
Boston Globe is calling.

He was a privateer.
He wasn't a pirate.

Right.

Also, it was a
couple of hundred
years ago, wasn't it?

All right. I think it's time
for a visit

to the First Lady's office.

Yeah.
For both of us?

You know,
I was this close

to not answering that
phone when it rang.

But close wasn't good enough,
was it?

No. I'm just
telling you

that if this day
ends up

with me face-to-face
with Marion Cotesworth-Haye,

I'm going to, you know...

Laugh inappropriately?

There's a very
real possibility.

Let's go.

Miss Gardner?
Yeah?

I'm Nat.
We met yesterday

during your orientation.

I'm an intern here
in the First Lady's office.

Or I was until Mrs. Bartlet
fired my boss and hired you.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you can stay.

Let's see how
it works out.

Yeah.
Nat?

Okay.

And Mrs. Bartlet's waiting
to see you.

Now?

Yeah.

Okay, well, that's
the kind of thing

you want
to tell me first.

Mrs. Bartlet.
Good morning.

I'm sorry, ma'am.
Thank you.

What happened here?

I don't know.
I'm sure it's...

Good morning.

Relax.
Okay.

This is easy.
What's easy?

What I want to talk
to you about right now.

I'm saying
it's your first day

and I don't want you
to feel overwhelmed by this.

The Foreign Ops bill came
out of mark-up late last night.

Senator Bangert,
Clancy Bangert

added an amendment--
the global gag rule.

I'd like you to get
the staff together

and start coming up
with a way

this office can influence
the President

to let Congress know
that he'd veto the bill

with that amendment attached.

The President would
want to hear...

He'd want to hear
from senior staff.

You want me to get
the President to
declare his intention

to veto his own bill?

Yeah.

No, it's not that easy,

but we're going
to do it anyway.

Yes, ma'am.

Start lobbying.

Yes.
Thank you.

Thank you, ma'am.

WILL:
Good morning, ma'am.

Good morning.

A glacier has melted
in Alaska.

Are you a little freaked
about that, too, ma'am?

No.

I didn't mean that I was.

Okay.

Amy, we have a problem
for your office.

No, you can't, 'cause
it's my first day

and already Mrs. Bartlet
has me overthrowing
the government.

The legitimacy
of her membership
in the DAR

is being questioned
because the qualifying
relative was a pirate.

A pirate?

A pirate, a pirate.
Oh, yes, a pirate.

A privateer, actually.

Isn't that just a hired pirate?

Yeah. Anyway,
Helena Hodworth

Hooter-Tooter
of Braintreee

wants to organize a boycott
of the reception

and, well, there it is.

Yes, Mrs. Bartlet descends
from quite the murderous
band of ruffians

and her membership
in the DAR is suspect
on those grounds,

or so believes
the Boston Globe.

Your picture frames fell.

Yeah, they did, Willy.

GANZ:
Toby.

Burt.

Stopped in
to say hello.

You were in the building?

They had us
meeting about
testimony tomorrow.

I'm testifying to House
Resources on Polluter Pays.

This is Don Novak,
the lawyer from Kierney-Passaic.

Don, this is one of my first
roommates, Toby Ziegler.

Don Novak.

Good to meet you.

You're working
for Kierney-Passaic?

We don't make chemicals, Toby.

We make ideas.

Uh-huh.
But what do you sell?

Chemicals.

And you're testifying
on Polluter Pays?

Yeah.

On behalf of nature?

You know what?

You demonize companies
that create jobs.

( chuckles )

"You demonize companies
that create..."

You think taxpayers

should pay to clean up
pollution instead...?

A little bit, yes.

A modest amount of pollution
is an inevitable cost

of any business.

Chemical companies are
good corporate citizens.

That's nice to know.

But tomorrow we've got
15 scientists

who aren't on industry payroll,
and you'll have...

The Republican
majority, actually.

Yeah, well,
that's got to help.

It does.

Just wanted to say hi.

Good luck tomorrow.

Nice meeting you.

Yeah.

I forgot to ask
about his kids.

Huh?

His wife is pregnant
with twins.

Not his--
his ex-wife, actually.

I don't want him
to think I was being rude.

Hang on a second.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

I'm supposed to be in here
looking at pictures of Andy.

Could you take out your wallet
and look for a picture?

What?

Toby, please, take out your
wallet and look for a picture

you can show me.

Kierney-Passaic's been lying
for three years.

I need protection under
federal whistle-blower laws.

That's nice.

Oh, she looks
great there.

Is that from Christmas?

Yeah.

When are
the twins due?

Burt, are you defecting?

Yeah.

They're due in May.

It's a boy
and a girl.

We can't decide on names.

She likes Rebecca
or Sophie for girls.

I like Sophie, too,
but I think

a lot of kids
are named Sophie now.

I like Rebecca,
but I also like Millicent

which she doesn't like at all

and we're nowhere
with boys names.

JOSH:
What's going on?

TOBY:
Hang on.

What's going on?
Cool out.

I got a call
that said...
Cool out.

Who are those two guys
talking in the...

TOBY:
Would you cool out?

( sighs )

Okay.

It's okay?

I told him...

This is...?

This is Josh Lyman;
it's okay.

I told him we were going to
get some coffee, catch up.

This is Burt Ganz.

Burt's the...
What's your title, Burt?

Director of Scientific
Research at Kierney-Passaic.

He's testifying tomorrow
on Polluter Pays.

I've, I've read
your testimony.
Yeah, but...

His testimony's been
written already.

It was.

And it says?

Pollute Pays is unfair
and unreasonable,

that our technology
and process is as safe

as is practicably possible,

and that even an assurance
bond is ridiculous

'cause there's no
evidence we're causing
environmental damage.

So we just saved the Committee
a lot of time.

He wants to change
his testimony.

To what?

Kierney-Passaic has been
concealing from the EPA

and local health officials

the amount of highly
carcinogenic toxins

at three of our waste
disposal sites.

You have?

Yes.

What is the amount?

Lots.

Lots?
Yes.

So Kierney-Passaic has not
been damaging the environment

quite so much
as they've been...

Causing cancer.
I have documentation.

Stay here and don't say anything
to anyone till I call.

Who knows he's here?

A lawyer from K.P.

Wait till I call.

Josh, Amy Gardner
was looking for you.
Okay.

AMY:
Hi.

JOSH:
It's your
first day.
Yes.

Is it true that everything
fell off your wall?

How do you know that?

I'm everywhere.

Oh, I've been
orientating myself

for the last few days,
so I'm fine.

Okay, but I don't think
orientating's a word.

Do you have
an assignment?

Yes. Can I see you
in your office?

Donna, I need
to speak to someone

from the Counsel's office.

Yeah.

Clancy Bangert attached...

Attached a global gag
rule to Foreign Ops.

Yes.
And the
First Lady's
fershnicked.

She's what?
Fershnicked.

Well, she's not the only one.
You, too?

I was thinking
about the 62% of us

who support
a woman's right...
57%.

Kaiser says 62.
And I'm
one of them.

This is a huge step
forward for the other 38.

You think I like it
more than you do?

I do not, but I also
don't think you have
a reproductive system.

I do not.

The President should
make it clear

he'll veto Foreign Ops
with the gag amendment.

He should veto
his own bill?

No. He should...
Let me jot
that down.

He should threaten to veto.

If he does,
then he has to veto.

I'm saying maybe
with the threat,

the more moderate senators
will insist

the attachment be taken off.

Yeah, but if Amy's Plan of Magic
and Wonder doesn't work,

he's got to veto Foreign Ops
after not one, two,

but three
continuing
resolutions.

We need a win,
and 230 million

people overseas need a sandwich,
so we can't veto Foreign Ops.

Donna?
What can we do?

What?
What can we do?

They've tried
to attach it
to everything

in the last four years,

we've beaten them
back every time
with executive orders,

but this one's gonna be law
and we have to eat it.

Okay.

Why did your stuff
fall off the wall?

AMY:
Well... I don't know.

Thanks.

Donna.
Yeah.

Did you get me in
with the Counsel's office?

They're all in a meeting
till after lunch.

All right, after
lunch, then?
Yeah.

Hey, you know how
you really wanted to go

to the DAR reception tonight?

I didn't want to go
to the reception.

Well, you're going,
Secret Service

needs us to
baby-sit someone.

One of the Daughters
of the American Revolution

is also the daughter

of the ranking member
of House Armed Services.

So she needs to be shadowed?

Not her; her date,
Matthew Lambert, 26,

was arrested
when he was 21

and a senior
at Emerson.

He was arrested
for selling drugs

and found guilty
of a felony,

and the Secret Service
won't let him in

unless someone who's
credentialed is watching him.

I just stay with him
the whole night?

Yeah, and he won't know
why, so try to be cool.

He won't know why?

Or his girlfriend,
I would think.

After lunch
with the Counsel's office?

Can I talk to him?

If you want,
but don't tell him

we regard him
as a security risk.

It's just
inhospitable,
you know?
Yeah.

HENDRICKS:
So far we've evacuated
250 people

but residents
along the shores of the lake

have been difficult to reach.

Why?
For one thing, most of them
don't have addresses anymore.

Paul...
And for another,
there are high winds

in the more exposed areas
right on the shore.

All right,
and Canada?

Canada's delivering
the Pavehawks inside the hour.

Can someone tell me
why this happened?

This is an act of God?

WOMAN:
No.

I'm sorry?
This is
Hillary Toobin.

She's a hydroclimatologist
with the USGS.

What's a hydroclimatologist?

An expert in
what I'm about to say.

Mean temperatures in Alaska

have risen seven degrees
in the last 30 years.

That's insane.

The temperature hike
has caused glaciers to shrink

and go backward,

leaving lakes of melted
glacier-water in their wake.

A shift
in these collapsing glaciers

puts pressure on the lakes,

forcing them to overflow their
natural limits and killing

this morning 14 people,
not spotted owls.

Are you telling me that
the deaths this morning

are the first fatalities
of global warming?

They're definitely
global warming fatalities,

but I doubt that
they're the first.

Okay.

Can you stay around
for a while?

Yeah.

AMY:
Mrs. Bartlet.

Hi. You know, the stuff
fell off the wall again.

AMY:
Did it?
Yeah. I think
some of the guys

might be having fun with you
on your first day.

They're such rascals.

Yes.

I'm just coming
from seeing Josh.
And?

Well, his point-- and
it's reasonable, I think--

is that the President
can't threaten to do

what he's not
prepared to do.

I wasn't talking
about an empty threat.

He... he's not gonna veto
his own Foreign Ops proposal.

It's not his,
it's the Senate's.
It's his.

With this attached?

It's $18 billion dollars
worth of appropriations.

It's 950 million
for child survival,

140 million for
infectious diseases.

The White House will
have to negotiate

another aid package
a year from now.

Why not gear up for that
when I've been on the job

for a year instead of...
No.

the five hours I've been
on the job right now.

Should I get
someone else?

Of course not, ma'am,
that wasn't what I was saying.

What right do we have
to restrict anything
anyone says anywhere,

much less what a doctor
can say to a woman
who needs a doctor?

That's right.

My husband is
one of the most
liberal Presidents

this country is likely
to see for a while.

I don't have that
many next years left.

I think you're
wrong there, but...

Let's get
back to it.

Yes, ma'am.

( door opens )

WILL:
Hey, what's going on?

CHARLIE:
You mean in Alaska?

I meant in general.

Hang on.

I got a Dear John letter
from Zoey.

She's breaking up
with me again.

An e-mail.

It's a Dear John e-mail
from my ex-girlfriend.

This is going to be a high
self-image day for me.

Why is she breaking up
with you again?

I make Jean Paul
uncomfortable.

They've had a talk.

So it's really
your ex-girlfriend

on behalf of her
new boyfriend

who sent you
a Dear John e-mail.

Yeah, that makes it better.

What brought this on?

Zoey's being inducted
into the DAR

and there's a reception.

And Jean Paul
thinks it's unnatural.

And he's the son
of a Count.

Oh, who isn't?

An e-mail.

You going to take
this lying down?

No, I'll be standing up
most of the time.

I'm serious.

What other way is there
for me to take it?

Belligerently.
Belligerently?

I'd say "no"
respectfully.

You'd say "no"?
Respectfully.

What would that
sound like?

"Zoey, you say Jean Paul

"is uncomfortable
with our relationship

"and he'd prefer
I not be around.

And I respectfully
say 'no.'"

Can I ask you
something?
Sure.

Do you have a
girlfriend right now?
No.

When was the last
time you had one?

About nine months ago.

How long did it last?

Couple of days.
Okay.

In my own defense,
she was psycho.

So why are you giving
me relationship help?

'Cause I'm the only one
in this conversation

who didn't get
a Dear John e-mail

from his ex-girlfriend's
boyfriend.

God, that's really
true, isn't it?

Will.
Excuse me.

She's coming right now.

I got a message saying
I should meet you both here.

Yes, we think
we've solved your problem.

Which problem?

Marion Cotesworth-Haye
of Marblehead.

Who's organizing
a boycott of the
reception?

Yes.

How big a
problem is it?

Not a problem at all,
'cause we have her here.

Here in the
White House?

Here in the Mural Room.

I thought she lives
in Marblehead.

Turns out she came
to Washington.

To boycott
the reception?

Just go in and
talk it through

and if you feel like
that isn't working,

tell her the First Lady
wants to give her
an award tonight.

I make up an award?
Save yourself
a headache.

Am I being hazed?
Is this a hazing?

'Cause I'll go along
and everything,

but I have to see
Josh again, so...

It's not a hazing.
They don't do that.

Except, yes, you put
olives in my jacket again.

I did, I did put
olives in his jacket,

but this is
on the level.

Okay.

Hang on.

What?

I got to make sure
I don't laugh.

Oh, God.
It's a funny name
to me, that's all.

Just give me a second.

Hang on.

Okay.

Mr. Thomas?

Yes.
I'm C.J. Cregg.

My assistant spoke
to you on the phone.

Yes.

Mrs. Cotesworth-Haye,
I'm C.J. Cregg.

I'm the White House
Press Secretary.

This is Will Bailey,

our Deputy
Communications
Director

and this is
Amelia Gardner,

who's the First Lady's
Chief of Staff.

And this is her first day
as a matter of fact.

We're so happy that
you were able to take
the time to come over

so we could talk
this through.

( loudly ):
I'm Marion Cotesworth-Haye.

( laughs )

I'm sorry.

I was... I was thinking
of this thing from...

( snorts ) this thing
that just happened...

with the deficit.
( laughs )

I'm sorry.
Oh, God.

Excuse me, please.

Is this a hazing?

I swear it's
not a hazing.

It's real.
It's real.

I just laughed
'cause of the name.

You got to fix it.

Ma'am...

This is my secretary,
Mr. Thomas.

Good to meet you.

Ma'am, the First Lady

was saddened to see

that you weren't
going to be

attending
the reception tonight.

She was saddened?

That doesn't sound
like Abigail.

Well, the problem is,

and you weren't to
be told beforehand,

but Mrs. Bartlet,
during the presentation
of honors this evening,

was to personally present
you with an award.

I hadn't heard
about this.

She likes to keep
it a surprise.

For the faces,
the surprise.

May I ask
what the award is for?

It's for your many
years of service.

Is this
the Liberty Award?

No.

It's a key.

Francis Scott Key.

It's the Francis
Scott Key key.

Well, that is
a different fox hunt

altogether, isn't it?

Yes. You'll be there?

I will strongly
consider it, yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You know what happened?

I didn't have
my game face on.

Yes.
Anyway, problem solved.

Excuse me.

Josh.
Excuse me.

Hey, is it true
your office door fell down?
Yeah.

I understand
how you did that.

How'd you get the stuff
to fall off the wall?

The guys from Army
Counter-Intelligence,

good bunch of boys,
I don't ask questions.

I was wondering...
Hang on.

Why?

It's a public lobby.

I don't know
launch sequences.

( chuckles )

She really doesn't.
So everything's fine.

Would you consider
having the senior staff

write a Statement of
Administrative Policy?

We write SAPs
all the time.
Saying what?

Saying that the President
should veto

a Foreign Ops bill
if it comes to him...
No.

if it comes to him
with a gag rule.

He's not going
to veto Foreign Ops.

Threaten to veto.

He's not going
to threaten...

Not the President, the staff.

The staff writes an SAP
which is public.

Maybe it gets enough
moderate Republicans...

I don't think
it will.
It might.

But if it doesn't?

It doesn't and he signs it.

Then we look like
a bunch of empty shirts.

Who?
Senior staff.

That's vanity.
No, it is not.

I'm at my most effective
for this country

when lawmakers are
under the impression

that I have influence
with the President.

And so's Leo, so's Toby,

so's C.J.,
so's the Vice President.

We're not
giving back Roe.

We're going to swallow it
on Foreign Ops, that's all.

It's a good package,
and I'm celebrating tonight.

With the Daughters
of the American Revolution?

The daughters of
any revolution will do.

Listen, I'm not going to ask
for an SAP on a veto,

but I think it's important
enough that I don't mind at all

if you go over my head
and ask Leo to call for it.

Thank you.

It's okay to tell
Mrs. Bartlet

you disagree with her,
you know.

What makes you think
I disagree with her?

I know everything.

I'll see you tonight.

in soil sample reports

that are submitted
to the EPA.

What's an acceptable level?

Of carcinogens?
Yeah.

TOBY:
What does it matter?

It doesn't, just curious.

Well, one part per billion
is unacceptable.

What our engineers do

is raise the MDLs.

Method detection levels?

Yeah, to
a hundred ppb.
Interesting.

Mike?
Yeah?

You wanted to
become a scientist,

but you didn't.

You became a lawyer

and got a job in
the Counsel's office.

So let's do that now.

I did my undergrad
in chemical engineering.

I was good, and then
I went to law school.

And I don't know
what happened.

( chuckles ):
That's cool.
Can we get on with it?

House Resources

is hearing testimony on
the Polluter Pays bill.

If we can get Justice
to grant him immunity

under the Whistle
Blower statute,

he can testify tomorrow

that Kierney-Passaic
has been hiding

dangerous levels of
cancer-causing whatever

in the EPA reports.

It will do tremendous
good for us

in terms of
winning this one.

Toby?
Yeah?

Plus, we retard
Kierney-Passaic's progress

in killing people.

Josh is right; there are
several positive outcomes.

Mike, can he get
Whistle Blower status?

I don't think
it matters.

Why?

Well, you're
talking about the
Anti-Retaliation

Provisions of
the False Claim Act.

Yes.

This entitles
an employee to relief

who's fired or demoted

or suspended or in any manner
discriminated against

because of lawful acts
done by the employee

on behalf
of the employer.
Yes.

But these acts
weren't lawful.

How's testifying in front of
House Resources not lawful?

No, that's lawful.

But, Burt, how did you
become aware

that the EPA documents
were being falsified?

I'm the senior engineer.

You initialed them?
Yes.

Well, let me
ask you this

the way the federal
prosecutors will.

Did you knowingly

and purposefully sign
fraudulent documents

submitted to
federal authorities?

Well, it's not that
the documents were...

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he doesn't
need 37-30,

he needs immunity from
criminal prosecution.

I'll tell you what else,
he better get it.

What do you mean
he better get it?

If he doesn't,
he doesn't talk.

You two would be
compelled to name him

and recount everything
he told you when subpoenaed

by the U.S. Attorney

to appear before
a federal grand jury.

We have to turn
him in now?

No, you don't have to,

but you'll go to jail
as a co-conspirator.

I don't understand.

All I did was get
up in the morning.

Then I got a message
to come see you.

How come he knows
about the rule...

Everybody knows
about that.

Was something else
on your mind in law school

when they taught that rule,

were you distracted
by a bumblebee?
Mike.

Burt, why don't you
come sit in my office

while we call your lawyer.

Yeah.

You have a lawyer?

Of course I have a lawyer.

Then why the hell did you

come to my office
and tell me...

I don't care.

Mike, let's get him immunity.

We'll wait
in my office.

I can leave my coat here?

Yeah.

You going to the DAR thing
tonight?

It's not that I didn't
know federal law...

( stammering )

We got in a little deep
before I was able to,

you know, summon that...

Shut up.

Okay.

ABBEY:
I was talking about
the threat of a veto.

AMY:
No, they understood that.

They?
I took it to
Leo McGarry, too.

Don't let Josh
find that out.

No, he suggested it.

And not even.
We weren't talking

about the threat
of a veto.

We're talking
about an SAP.

But those policy
recommendations

are published
by the OMB,

which means there'd
be a record

of the President
ignoring...

I don't care.

It makes it look
like they don't

have their
act together.

They're exporting
religious doctrine.

They don't have
their act together.

Are they playing you?

No, ma'am.

Like the diplomas
falling off the wall?

No, ma'am.

They didn't
stump me, ma'am.

We simply exhausted
our options,

which was fairly
predictable.

What options
did we exhaust?

The HHS Secretary, the
Appropriations Manager.

I spoke
to the Minority Leader's office.

Several senators, all of whom
you'd consider close allies.

The amendment's gonna hold.

Would this staff
consider recommending

another amendment
be attached?

Saying what?

We put condoms in every
classroom round the globe.

I don't think the staff
would consider that, no.

Oh. Why?

'Cause it would kill
the Foreign Ops Bill.

You tried to
kill welfare

reauthorization because you

didn't like marriage incentives.

Wasn't that choking off
money to the poor

to cater to a
women's issue?

I did it because
I had hope it would

change the bill
before the before the vote.

In this case,
I have no hope of that.

Well, thanks
for the pep talk there.

( applause )

( applause continues )

Hello. Good evening.

Hey, Jean Paul,
how you doing?

I was to meet
Zoey by the car.

Is it here?

What?

Zoey and I are
arriving separately

and she didn't want
to walk in alone

so she told me
to meet her by the car.

Is that here?

Is it here?

No?

Is this by the car? No.

This is...

We're inside.

This is a building.

There are many
entrances and driveways

and I think you
know I meant that.

I swear to God, Jean Paul,

I had no ungodly idea what
you were talking about.

Zoey becomes the Daughter

of the American
Revolution tonight

like her mother and hers before.

Yes.

They think
it's possible

I have ancestors
who fought for the Colonies.

Well, they think it's possible

my great-great-grandfather's
Thomas Jefferson, so...

Is that so?

You're stoned right now.

That's incredibly risky
when you're around Zoey.

It's unbelievably stupid.

So could you be
careful with that?

Could you tell me where Zoey
meant me to meet her?

The Ellipse.

That's where they're
receiving people.

DONNA:
This is ridiculous.

No. You don't have
to make a big deal out of it.

He doesn't have to know
he's being tailed.

This wasn't on
Laverne and Shirley?

It may have been.

I loathe you.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Are you Matthew Lambert?

Yeah.

Hi. I'm Donna Moss.

Hi. This is my
girlfriend, Heidi Choat.

Hi.

You guys here
at the party?

Yeah.

They said we could
walk around the West Wing

so we're just gonna...

go walk around.

Great. I'll go with you.

Hi.

Hello.

I've spent a portion

of the day with a
hydroclimatologist

named Hillary Toobin,
who says Alaska

happened 'cause
of greenhouse gas

and seven
other geologists

think so, too.

We can't
politicize it.

We have to politicize
it. It's politics.

It's disrespectful.

It is, and we'll
have to say so.

Is Hillary Toobin ready

to get publicly scolded
by the White House?

She is.

She'll call for
a 25% decrease

in emissions over
the next ten years

and you'll
reprimand her

for politicizing
the tragedy.

What do you think?

I think that's right,
but I think I should do it.

You don't want
to do it.

I really don't, but I don't
think a researcher at Interior

is gonna jump-start
this the way you need.

LEO:
I appreciate it.

Yes, sir.

CHARLIE:
Look at that
DAR dress you're wearing.

I mean,
that's fantastic.

You could churn butter
in that thing.

You skulking in the shadows?

I was.

Was Jean Paul not
able to meet me?

He's meeting you right now.

He's waiting at the Ellipse.

I don't ever
use the Ellipse.

Oh, that's right.

You know what? I forgot.

Look...

You sent me an e-mail?

What was I supposed to do?

Not send me
an e-mail.

He is very
jealous of you.

He is, and I'd like to
try to make this work,

so if you don't mind...

Oh, but I do mind.

Well, I don't think
that matters.

I think it does.

Are you going to do what
I asked in the e-mail?

No.

You just refuse?

I do.

I refuse respectfully.

You can't refuse

and be respectful
at the same time.

Watch me.

Ask again.

Stop pursuing me.

Respectfully... no.

Why?

'Cause I'm
in love with you

and that's
the way it goes.

I have to go
inside to dinner.

How long before you think

Jean Paul figures out
you're there?

Shut up.

Is there anything
you guys need?

No, we're great.

I feel like you've
been giving us

so much attention,
there's so many people,

don't you have
to greet them all?

No, I'm not
working the party.

I thought you said
you worked here.

I work here at
the White House.

I'm a guest
at the party.

So you're just
talking to us...

For fun.

Okay.

Well, I'll go
get us drinks.

Okay. I'll stay
here with Matt.

Honey?

You want me to go
to the bar with you?

Yeah.

Cool. Bar trip.

What are you doing here?

They're still
making calls.

They told me I
could walk around.

It didn't occur to me
until I asked

why you didn't
tell your lawyer.

You knew what you were doing
the whole way, right?

Get the President's muscle to
lean on Justice for immunity.

I'm scared of
criminal prosecution.

I'm just terrified of it.

But to my credit, I think,
I'm righting this wrong.

After three years.

That's something.

That's quite an impressive
ethical learning curve.

It's not as clear-
cut as you think.

( laughs )

Really?

The U.S. Attorneys
are gonna grill you

for a while, but
you'll get the immunity.

( bell clanging )

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please make your way
to the State Dining Room?

Dinner is being served.

I'm right
behind you guys.

Listen...

Ma'am, I spent
a year and a half

as issues director
for NOW,

two years as political
director of Emily's List,

founder of the Democratic
Women's Forum,

A.A. to Hope Schrader
and director

of the Women's
Leadership Coalition.

Look...

Excuse me, ma'am,
but I beat back

five anti-choice
judicial nominees,

got the Violence
Against Women Act

re-authorized with
a Republican majority

and raised $22 million
for House candidates.

Amy...

All while
this White House,

your office included,
allowed equal pay

to be pushed
off the agenda,

allowed marriage incentives
to be put in welfare reform,

buried a Surgeon General's
report on birth control

and allowed
the global gag rule
in the first place.

You hired me to put
a professional face

on your office.

This bill's gonna
be law tonight.

If you want
to fire me, fire me.

I don't want to fire you.

Oh, why did you
want to talk to me?

To tell you you had
a good first day.

Oh, okay.

Jumped the gun.

Yeah.

This is strange for me, Amy.

I used to baby-sit for you.

Give me a little time.

I used to get you
in some jams.

Yes, you did.
Let's go to dinner.

You're giving someone
an award tonight.

I'll explain it
on the way.

What award?

The Francis
Scott Key key.

I didn't know you
were related to pirates.

That's pretty hot.

I'm related
to a privateer.

What's the Francis Scott...

I've written
some remarks.

Oh, good.

The White House is doing
some quick backpedaling today

claiming Deputy Communications
Director Will Bailey

was not speaking
for the President

when he said the flooding
and deaths in Kachadee, Alaska

were caused by, quote,
"reckless disregard"

for the issue of global warming.

Senate Republican Whip
Bill Armstrong says...

Will's a good boy.

He fell on it?

Yeah.

I gave a made-up
award to Marion tonight.

Marblehead?

I think she's
from Marblehead.

No, some of us
call her Marblehead.

She was gonna
boycott the thing.

'Cause you're
a pirate?

Oh, not me. 17 generations ago.

And he was a privateer.

He fought the war--
we didn't have a navy.

I know what
they were.

You put a guy on the Tenth
Circuit Court of Appeals

who called sexual harassment

"a flight of fancy
for the over-indulged."

You put him
on the Tenth Circuit.

Today?

Three years ago,
and TANF

cut child care subsidies,

and equal pay
got pocket vetoed,

and abstinence only,
and teacher funding initiatives

and I didn't do a lot,

or really anything,
to stop them.

Yeah, you did.

And now this thing.

I want to contribute, is all.

Like Will tonight,
screwing up on purpose.

We don't need to ask you
to screw up, Abbey.

You do it by your...

I'm not kidding around.

I can't publicly reprimand you.

It wouldn't play well.

We save you for
other things.

Oh, okay.

You want to hear
about Max Weber?

Get into bed.

German thinker Max Weber
said that politics

is the "slow boring
of hard boards

and anyone who seeks to do
it must risk his own soul."

Do you know
what that means?

I like how you think
patronizing me

is going to make me
feel better. It's sweet.

It means that change comes
in excruciating increments

to those who want it.

You try to move mountains--
it takes lifetimes,

but Zoey Bartlett

is the newest Daughter
of the American Revolution

so I like our chances
for the long run.

That's what you have to say?

Yes.

All right, it's pretty good.

What do you think?

You wait a few weeks?

Until the bulk of the
bill's appropriated.

Yeah.

Then maybe you
cap the percentage

of the funding that's
covered by the gag rule?

Yeah.

I mean...
how do you monitor

what a doctor says
to a woman in Zimbabwe anyway?

You don't.

We'll just get
more aggressive

on the domestic side.

We will.

Move family planning
into a discretionary account

in next year's
budget rounds.

Keep talking. I'm going
to turn off the light

Are you getting up
at 6:00 tomorrow?

No, I have to
get up early.