Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing:

You're one vote down on Foreign Aid.

Was it a bad idea to make the first bill

out of the second term such a controversial one?

The President doesn't believe

that for something this important

that should be taken into consideration.

Mrs. Bartlet, you're the First Lady.

You need a Chief of Staff--

a real one.

If you want your agenda taken seriously,

put a professional face on it.

You got a fax from Amy.

Read me the fax.

"First Lady took your advice.

She just hired me."

And we should cross borders

to bring schools and teachers

to parts of the world

forgotten by all but the warlords.

We're going to pass this Foreign Ops bill.

( phone ringing )

( receiver clattering )

BARTLET: Hello.

WOMAN: Mr. President, it's 6:00 a.m.

Oh, okay.

I didn't ask for 5:00?

You did, sir, and the First Lady changed it to 6:00.

She's allowed to do that?

Sir?

Ah, it's okay. Thanks.

( hangs up )

You're up.

Yeah. What the hell's going on?

I gave you an extra hour.

I checked the scheduling.

There's absolutely no reason why

you couldn't sleep an extra hour.

I know.

And when she called me at 5:00,

I was going to say "Call me back in an hour"

and go back to sleep.

I was going to do it myself.

You had a little plan.

Yeah. Now I missed the whole thing.

I accidentally blew your plan

and you had advisors on this and everything, didn't you?

You had memos from senior staff

on Operation Human Snooze Button.

Operation Resting Eagle.

Oh, no. Please tell me you didn't really name it.

You know, I was having a little fun in my sleep.

It's how I relax.

Wait. Let me put my glasses on.

Something's turning me on about you

and I can't tell why.

My hair's wet.

Oh, yeah!

I was working out.

I got in late last night.

I know. That's why I changed the call.

We didn't even leave Nashville until after 10:00.

I ended up touring a weapons research facility in Oak Ridge.

They've got one of the most powerful reactors in the world.

They were able to show me an insulin molecule

basically scoop up two zinc ions.

Before your very eyes.

You're a scientist

and you're still making fun of this?

No. I'm making fun of you.

Anyway, look, I'm trying to tell you something.

( knocking )

Good morning.

MAN: Good morning, ma'am.

You know what? That's okay.

I'm going to get that.

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Would you like me to lay out the papers?

No, I'll get 'em. Thanks.

Yes, sir.

"Lay out the papers, yes, and today I'd like you

to alphabetize them."

He's just doing his job.

Anyway, when we finally got back from Nashville,

Leo was waiting.

What's going on with Leo and Jordon these days?

I don't know.

But we're going to be interested

in that less right now than we are in other things.

Ooh, what's the trouble, Sheriff Taylor?

Foreign Ops came out of mark-up.

How is it?

It's good. They only cut $2 billion,

and shifted half a billion from sub-Saharan

to western Europe because I guess

the crippling hunger in Provence has given

the lactose-intolerant a problem with--

I don't know-- but I can live with all that.

Good.

Clancy Bangert attached an amendment.

Stipulating what?

Stipulating that

Foreign Ops dollars wouldn't go

to any overseas clinics that counsel abortion.

Is that out of the blue?

Yeah.

It is, or was...

This is the Senate. They can do that.

I was just asking.

Does Bangert leave any indication...?

No, there's no indication.

Clancy Bangert doesn't let me know...

Hey, I was just asking you.

There's a handful, a handful and a half

of cranky conservative senators who want this stuff

and who are just waiting to pounce.

It's what happened.

Clancy wants to reinstate the gag rule.

Yeah.

Is the bill sunk?

I'm sorry?

How many Democrats are defecting?

I don't know yet.

How many would defect if you asked them?

I don't know.

You didn't make the calls?

I'm not prepared to do that yet.

What would happen if you said,

"Send me this bill with the gag rule and I'll veto."

I don't know.

You talk to the leadership?

I'm not prepared to do that yet.

It's not that the money can't go to clinics

that perform abortions.

It's that it can't go to clinics

that talk about abortion.

I know what the gag rule is.

I wasn't reminding you what the gag rule was.

I was reminding you

that you sent 11,000 U.S. troops to Kundu

because on your inauguration

you told us that we were

for freedom of speech everywhere.

That's great.

Except people are starving to death

and they're dying of disease to death

and they can't cook the Bill of Rights.

So we're for freedom of speech everywhere but poor countries

where they can have our help,

but only if they live up

to Clancy Bangert's moral standards?

What the hell kind of free world are you running?

I really don't know, Abbey.

The day hasn't started yet.

the U.S. Geological Survey

and Coast Guard Commander Dennis Travis:

"Last night at 3:45 a.m.

"Battletree Lake burst through its natural dam

in what is known as a 'glacial lake outburst.'"

Okay, it's a rushing river of ice and water and rock.

It's about 300-feet wide

and it's sweeping through Kachadee

which is a town on one of the sides of the lake.

A 300-foot-wide river of ice and rock

is sweeping through a small town?

Yeah.

And you think that's funny? No.

I though you were trying to be funny.

No, I'm trying to brief you

on a state of emergency in Alaska.

I'm sorry, man.

We're on the same page now.

We have an agreement with Canada and Russia

for mutual assistance in Arctic airborne rescue

so we think the President's going to need

to get on the phone,

or at the very least be briefed.

Yeah, me, too.

I'll see to it.

Why did it happen?

Why did the natural dam break?

The natural dam was part of a glacier

and the glacier melted.

The glacier melted? It did.

Glaciers melt, like, once every hundred million years.

This one melted today?

I don't know anything about geology.

I think it's been melting for a long time,

but, yeah, 3:45 a.m. this morning

was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Thank you. All right

You don't want to stand here

for a moment and reflect

on the fact that a glacier melted this morning?

Well, I would, Leo,

but a glacier melted this morning,

so at this point,

Americans are simply trying to outrun it.

Sure. Okay. Thank you.

Hey, Josh.

A glacier in Alaska melted.

You're going to see this on the news any second.

I'll help you prep C.J., but a natural dam broke.

There's massive flooding.

There's going to be a lot more.

A glacier melted?

Don't fixate on that.

I'm not fixating on it,

but, you know, a glacier melting? Yeah.

Okay, well, I was just going to ask you if by any chance

the First Lady's a distant relative of a pirate.

Somebody call? Boston Globe.

C.J. Talk to C.J.

He got called by the Globe about Captain Feathersword.

Is this for real?

The Globe?

Because the Globe got a call

from Marion Cotesworth-Haye of Marblehead

who has denounced Mrs. Bartlet's membership

in the DAR.

I'm sorry. Is it okay if I laugh

a couple of times during this?

Well, at Marion Cotesworth-Haye

of Marblehead certainly.

Well, anyway, to be a member of the DAR

you have to have descended directly...

From doilies.

...from patriots,

and Mrs. Cotesworth-Haye says

that the First Lady's qualifying ancestor

is Thomas Broome Weathergill, a pirate.

He wasn't a pirate. He was a privateer.

He was a professional pirate.

Yeah, but he worked for us and he was hired

by the fathers of the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Okay. Should we tell that to the DAR lady?

It's not our job to tell things to Mrs. Marblehaye.

Cotesworth-Haye, and I couldn't agree more

but she's organizing a boycott of the White House reception for the DAR

and that's why the Boston Globe is calling.

He was a privateer. He wasn't a pirate.

Right.

Also, it was a couple of hundred years ago, wasn't it?

All right. I think it's time for a visit

to the First Lady's office.

Yeah. For both of us?

You know, I was this close

to not answering that phone when it rang.

But close wasn't good enough, was it?

No. I'm just telling you

that if this day ends up

with me face-to-face with Marion Cotesworth-Haye,

I'm going to, you know...

Laugh inappropriately?

There's a very real possibility.

Let's go.

Miss Gardner? Yeah?

I'm Nat. We met yesterday

during your orientation.

I'm an intern here in the First Lady's office.

Or I was until Mrs. Bartlet fired my boss and hired you.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you can stay.

Let's see how it works out.

Yeah. Nat?

Okay.

And Mrs. Bartlet's waiting to see you.

Now?

Yeah.

Okay, well, that's the kind of thing

you want to tell me first.

Mrs. Bartlet. Good morning.

I'm sorry, ma'am. Thank you.

What happened here?

I don't know. I'm sure it's...

Good morning.

Relax. Okay.

This is easy. What's easy?

What I want to talk to you about right now.

I'm saying it's your first day

and I don't want you to feel overwhelmed by this.

The Foreign Ops bill came out of mark-up late last night.

Senator Bangert, Clancy Bangert

added an amendment-- the global gag rule.

I'd like you to get the staff together

and start coming up with a way

this office can influence the President

to let Congress know that he'd veto the bill

with that amendment attached.

The President would want to hear...

He'd want to hear from senior staff.

You want me to get the President to declare his intention

to veto his own bill?

Yeah.

No, it's not that easy,

but we're going to do it anyway.

Yes, ma'am.

Start lobbying.

Yes. Thank you.

Thank you, ma'am.

WILL: Good morning, ma'am.

Good morning.

A glacier has melted in Alaska.

Are you a little freaked about that, too, ma'am?

No.

I didn't mean that I was.

Okay.

Amy, we have a problem for your office.

No, you can't, 'cause it's my first day

and already Mrs. Bartlet has me overthrowing the government.

The legitimacy of her membership in the DAR

is being questioned because the qualifying relative was a pirate.

A pirate?

A pirate, a pirate. Oh, yes, a pirate.

A privateer, actually.

Isn't that just a hired pirate?

Yeah. Anyway, Helena Hodworth

Hooter-Tooter of Braintreee

wants to organize a boycott of the reception

and, well, there it is.

Yes, Mrs. Bartlet descends from quite the murderous band of ruffians

and her membership in the DAR is suspect on those grounds,

or so believes the Boston Globe.

Your picture frames fell.

Yeah, they did, Willy.

GANZ: Toby.

Burt.

Stopped in to say hello.

You were in the building?

They had us meeting about testimony tomorrow.

I'm testifying to House Resources on Polluter Pays.

This is Don Novak, the lawyer from Kierney-Passaic.

Don, this is one of my first roommates, Toby Ziegler.

Don Novak.

Good to meet you.

You're working for Kierney-Passaic?

We don't make chemicals, Toby.

We make ideas.

Uh-huh. But what do you sell?

Chemicals.

And you're testifying on Polluter Pays?

Yeah.

On behalf of nature?

You know what?

You demonize companies that create jobs.

( chuckles )

"You demonize companies that create..."

You think taxpayers

should pay to clean up pollution instead...?

A little bit, yes.

A modest amount of pollution is an inevitable cost

of any business.

Chemical companies are good corporate citizens.

That's nice to know.

But tomorrow we've got 15 scientists

who aren't on industry payroll, and you'll have...

The Republican majority, actually.

Yeah, well, that's got to help.

It does.

Just wanted to say hi.

Good luck tomorrow.

Nice meeting you.

Yeah.

I forgot to ask about his kids.

Huh?

His wife is pregnant with twins.

Not his-- his ex-wife, actually.

I don't want him to think I was being rude.

Hang on a second.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

I'm supposed to be in here looking at pictures of Andy.

Could you take out your wallet and look for a picture?

What?

Toby, please, take out your wallet and look for a picture

you can show me.

Kierney-Passaic's been lying for three years.

I need protection under federal whistle-blower laws.

That's nice.

Oh, she looks great there.

Is that from Christmas?

Yeah.

When are the twins due?

Burt, are you defecting?

Yeah.

They're due in May.

It's a boy and a girl.

We can't decide on names.

She likes Rebecca or Sophie for girls.

I like Sophie, too, but I think

a lot of kids are named Sophie now.

I like Rebecca, but I also like Millicent

which she doesn't like at all

and we're nowhere with boys names.

JOSH: What's going on?

TOBY: Hang on.

What's going on? Cool out.

I got a call that said... Cool out.

Who are those two guys talking in the...

TOBY: Would you cool out?

( sighs )

Okay.

It's okay?

I told him...

This is...?

This is Josh Lyman; it's okay.

I told him we were going to get some coffee, catch up.

This is Burt Ganz.

Burt's the... What's your title, Burt?

Director of Scientific Research at Kierney-Passaic.

He's testifying tomorrow on Polluter Pays.

I've, I've read your testimony. Yeah, but...

His testimony's been written already.

It was.

And it says?

Pollute Pays is unfair and unreasonable,

that our technology and process is as safe

as is practicably possible,

and that even an assurance bond is ridiculous

'cause there's no evidence we're causing environmental damage.

So we just saved the Committee a lot of time.

He wants to change his testimony.

To what?

Kierney-Passaic has been concealing from the EPA

and local health officials

the amount of highly carcinogenic toxins

at three of our waste disposal sites.

You have?

Yes.

What is the amount?

Lots.

Lots? Yes.

So Kierney-Passaic has not been damaging the environment

quite so much as they've been...

Causing cancer. I have documentation.

Stay here and don't say anything to anyone till I call.

Who knows he's here?

A lawyer from K.P.

Wait till I call.

Josh, Amy Gardner was looking for you. Okay.

AMY: Hi.

JOSH: It's your first day. Yes.

Is it true that everything fell off your wall?

How do you know that?

I'm everywhere.

Oh, I've been orientating myself

for the last few days, so I'm fine.

Okay, but I don't think orientating's a word.

Do you have an assignment?

Yes. Can I see you in your office?

Donna, I need to speak to someone

from the Counsel's office.

Yeah.

Clancy Bangert attached...

Attached a global gag rule to Foreign Ops.

Yes. And the First Lady's fershnicked.

She's what? Fershnicked.

Well, she's not the only one. You, too?

I was thinking about the 62% of us

who support a woman's right... 57%.

Kaiser says 62. And I'm one of them.

This is a huge step forward for the other 38.

You think I like it more than you do?

I do not, but I also don't think you have a reproductive system.

I do not.

The President should make it clear

he'll veto Foreign Ops with the gag amendment.

He should veto his own bill?

No. He should... Let me jot that down.

He should threaten to veto.

If he does, then he has to veto.

I'm saying maybe with the threat,

the more moderate senators will insist

the attachment be taken off.

Yeah, but if Amy's Plan of Magic and Wonder doesn't work,

he's got to veto Foreign Ops after not one, two,

but three continuing resolutions.

We need a win, and 230 million

people overseas need a sandwich, so we can't veto Foreign Ops.

Donna? What can we do?

What? What can we do?

They've tried to attach it to everything

in the last four years,

we've beaten them back every time with executive orders,

but this one's gonna be law and we have to eat it.

Okay.

Why did your stuff fall off the wall?

AMY: Well... I don't know.

Thanks.

Donna. Yeah.

Did you get me in with the Counsel's office?

They're all in a meeting till after lunch.

All right, after lunch, then? Yeah.

Hey, you know how you really wanted to go

to the DAR reception tonight?

I didn't want to go to the reception.

Well, you're going, Secret Service

needs us to baby-sit someone.

One of the Daughters of the American Revolution

is also the daughter

of the ranking member of House Armed Services.

So she needs to be shadowed?

Not her; her date, Matthew Lambert, 26,

was arrested when he was 21

and a senior at Emerson.

He was arrested for selling drugs

and found guilty of a felony,

and the Secret Service won't let him in

unless someone who's credentialed is watching him.

I just stay with him the whole night?

Yeah, and he won't know why, so try to be cool.

He won't know why?

Or his girlfriend, I would think.

After lunch with the Counsel's office?

Can I talk to him?

If you want, but don't tell him

we regard him as a security risk.

It's just inhospitable, you know? Yeah.

HENDRICKS: So far we've evacuated 250 people

but residents along the shores of the lake

have been difficult to reach.

Why? For one thing, most of them don't have addresses anymore.

Paul... And for another, there are high winds

in the more exposed areas right on the shore.

All right, and Canada?

Canada's delivering the Pavehawks inside the hour.

Can someone tell me why this happened?

This is an act of God?

WOMAN: No.

I'm sorry? This is Hillary Toobin.

She's a hydroclimatologist with the USGS.

What's a hydroclimatologist?

An expert in what I'm about to say.

Mean temperatures in Alaska

have risen seven degrees in the last 30 years.

That's insane.

The temperature hike has caused glaciers to shrink

and go backward,

leaving lakes of melted glacier-water in their wake.

A shift in these collapsing glaciers

puts pressure on the lakes,

forcing them to overflow their natural limits and killing

this morning 14 people, not spotted owls.

Are you telling me that the deaths this morning

are the first fatalities of global warming?

They're definitely global warming fatalities,

but I doubt that they're the first.

Okay.

Can you stay around for a while?

Yeah.

AMY: Mrs. Bartlet.

Hi. You know, the stuff fell off the wall again.

AMY: Did it? Yeah. I think some of the guys

might be having fun with you on your first day.

They're such rascals.

Yes.

I'm just coming from seeing Josh. And?

Well, his point-- and it's reasonable, I think--

is that the President can't threaten to do

what he's not prepared to do.

I wasn't talking about an empty threat.

He... he's not gonna veto his own Foreign Ops proposal.

It's not his, it's the Senate's. It's his.

With this attached?

It's $18 billion dollars worth of appropriations.

It's 950 million for child survival,

140 million for infectious diseases.

The White House will have to negotiate

another aid package a year from now.

Why not gear up for that when I've been on the job

for a year instead of... No.

the five hours I've been on the job right now.

Should I get someone else?

Of course not, ma'am, that wasn't what I was saying.

What right do we have to restrict anything anyone says anywhere,

much less what a doctor can say to a woman who needs a doctor?

That's right.

My husband is one of the most liberal Presidents

this country is likely to see for a while.

I don't have that many next years left.

I think you're wrong there, but...

Let's get back to it.

Yes, ma'am.

( door opens )

WILL: Hey, what's going on?

CHARLIE: You mean in Alaska?

I meant in general.

Hang on.

I got a Dear John letter from Zoey.

She's breaking up with me again.

An e-mail.

It's a Dear John e-mail from my ex-girlfriend.

This is going to be a high self-image day for me.

Why is she breaking up with you again?

I make Jean Paul uncomfortable.

They've had a talk.

So it's really your ex-girlfriend

on behalf of her new boyfriend

who sent you a Dear John e-mail.

Yeah, that makes it better.

What brought this on?

Zoey's being inducted into the DAR

and there's a reception.

And Jean Paul thinks it's unnatural.

And he's the son of a Count.

Oh, who isn't?

An e-mail.

You going to take this lying down?

No, I'll be standing up most of the time.

I'm serious.

What other way is there for me to take it?

Belligerently. Belligerently?

I'd say "no" respectfully.

You'd say "no"? Respectfully.

What would that sound like?

"Zoey, you say Jean Paul

"is uncomfortable with our relationship

"and he'd prefer I not be around.

And I respectfully say 'no.'"

Can I ask you something? Sure.

Do you have a girlfriend right now? No.

When was the last time you had one?

About nine months ago.

How long did it last?

Couple of days. Okay.

In my own defense, she was psycho.

So why are you giving me relationship help?

'Cause I'm the only one in this conversation

who didn't get a Dear John e-mail

from his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend.

God, that's really true, isn't it?

Will. Excuse me.

She's coming right now.

I got a message saying I should meet you both here.

Yes, we think we've solved your problem.

Which problem?

Marion Cotesworth-Haye of Marblehead.

Who's organizing a boycott of the reception?

Yes.

How big a problem is it?

Not a problem at all, 'cause we have her here.

Here in the White House?

Here in the Mural Room.

I thought she lives in Marblehead.

Turns out she came to Washington.

To boycott the reception?

Just go in and talk it through

and if you feel like that isn't working,

tell her the First Lady wants to give her an award tonight.

I make up an award? Save yourself a headache.

Am I being hazed? Is this a hazing?

'Cause I'll go along and everything,

but I have to see Josh again, so...

It's not a hazing. They don't do that.

Except, yes, you put olives in my jacket again.

I did, I did put olives in his jacket,

but this is on the level.

Okay.

Hang on.

What?

I got to make sure I don't laugh.

Oh, God. It's a funny name to me, that's all.

Just give me a second.

Hang on.

Okay.

Mr. Thomas?

Yes. I'm C.J. Cregg.

My assistant spoke to you on the phone.

Yes.

Mrs. Cotesworth-Haye, I'm C.J. Cregg.

I'm the White House Press Secretary.

This is Will Bailey,

our Deputy Communications Director

and this is Amelia Gardner,

who's the First Lady's Chief of Staff.

And this is her first day as a matter of fact.

We're so happy that you were able to take the time to come over

so we could talk this through.

( loudly ): I'm Marion Cotesworth-Haye.

( laughs )

I'm sorry.

I was... I was thinking of this thing from...

( snorts ) this thing that just happened...

with the deficit. ( laughs )

I'm sorry. Oh, God.

Excuse me, please.

Is this a hazing?

I swear it's not a hazing.

It's real. It's real.

I just laughed 'cause of the name.

You got to fix it.

Ma'am...

This is my secretary, Mr. Thomas.

Good to meet you.

Ma'am, the First Lady

was saddened to see

that you weren't going to be

attending the reception tonight.

She was saddened?

That doesn't sound like Abigail.

Well, the problem is,

and you weren't to be told beforehand,

but Mrs. Bartlet, during the presentation of honors this evening,

was to personally present you with an award.

I hadn't heard about this.

She likes to keep it a surprise.

For the faces, the surprise.

May I ask what the award is for?

It's for your many years of service.

Is this the Liberty Award?

No.

It's a key.

Francis Scott Key.

It's the Francis Scott Key key.

Well, that is a different fox hunt

altogether, isn't it?

Yes. You'll be there?

I will strongly consider it, yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You know what happened?

I didn't have my game face on.

Yes. Anyway, problem solved.

Excuse me.

Josh. Excuse me.

Hey, is it true your office door fell down? Yeah.

I understand how you did that.

How'd you get the stuff to fall off the wall?

The guys from Army Counter-Intelligence,

good bunch of boys, I don't ask questions.

I was wondering... Hang on.

Why?

It's a public lobby.

I don't know launch sequences.

( chuckles )

She really doesn't. So everything's fine.

Would you consider having the senior staff

write a Statement of Administrative Policy?

We write SAPs all the time. Saying what?

Saying that the President should veto

a Foreign Ops bill if it comes to him... No.

if it comes to him with a gag rule.

He's not going to veto Foreign Ops.

Threaten to veto.

He's not going to threaten...

Not the President, the staff.

The staff writes an SAP which is public.

Maybe it gets enough moderate Republicans...

I don't think it will. It might.

But if it doesn't?

It doesn't and he signs it.

Then we look like a bunch of empty shirts.

Who? Senior staff.

That's vanity. No, it is not.

I'm at my most effective for this country

when lawmakers are under the impression

that I have influence with the President.

And so's Leo, so's Toby,

so's C.J., so's the Vice President.

We're not giving back Roe.

We're going to swallow it on Foreign Ops, that's all.

It's a good package, and I'm celebrating tonight.

With the Daughters of the American Revolution?

The daughters of any revolution will do.

Listen, I'm not going to ask for an SAP on a veto,

but I think it's important enough that I don't mind at all

if you go over my head and ask Leo to call for it.

Thank you.

It's okay to tell Mrs. Bartlet

you disagree with her, you know.

What makes you think I disagree with her?

I know everything.

I'll see you tonight.

in soil sample reports

that are submitted to the EPA.

What's an acceptable level?

Of carcinogens? Yeah.

TOBY: What does it matter?

It doesn't, just curious.

Well, one part per billion is unacceptable.

What our engineers do

is raise the MDLs.

Method detection levels?

Yeah, to a hundred ppb. Interesting.

Mike? Yeah?

You wanted to become a scientist,

but you didn't.

You became a lawyer

and got a job in the Counsel's office.

So let's do that now.

I did my undergrad in chemical engineering.

I was good, and then I went to law school.

And I don't know what happened.

( chuckles ): That's cool. Can we get on with it?

House Resources

is hearing testimony on the Polluter Pays bill.

If we can get Justice to grant him immunity

under the Whistle Blower statute,

he can testify tomorrow

that Kierney-Passaic has been hiding

dangerous levels of cancer-causing whatever

in the EPA reports.

It will do tremendous good for us

in terms of winning this one.

Toby? Yeah?

Plus, we retard Kierney-Passaic's progress

in killing people.

Josh is right; there are several positive outcomes.

Mike, can he get Whistle Blower status?

I don't think it matters.

Why?

Well, you're talking about the Anti-Retaliation

Provisions of the False Claim Act.

Yes.

This entitles an employee to relief

who's fired or demoted

or suspended or in any manner discriminated against

because of lawful acts done by the employee

on behalf of the employer. Yes.

But these acts weren't lawful.

How's testifying in front of House Resources not lawful?

No, that's lawful.

But, Burt, how did you become aware

that the EPA documents were being falsified?

I'm the senior engineer.

You initialed them? Yes.

Well, let me ask you this

the way the federal prosecutors will.

Did you knowingly

and purposefully sign fraudulent documents

submitted to federal authorities?

Well, it's not that the documents were...

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he doesn't need 37-30,

he needs immunity from criminal prosecution.

I'll tell you what else, he better get it.

What do you mean he better get it?

If he doesn't, he doesn't talk.

You two would be compelled to name him

and recount everything he told you when subpoenaed

by the U.S. Attorney

to appear before a federal grand jury.

We have to turn him in now?

No, you don't have to,

but you'll go to jail as a co-conspirator.

I don't understand.

All I did was get up in the morning.

Then I got a message to come see you.

How come he knows about the rule...

Everybody knows about that.

Was something else on your mind in law school

when they taught that rule,

were you distracted by a bumblebee? Mike.

Burt, why don't you come sit in my office

while we call your lawyer.

Yeah.

You have a lawyer?

Of course I have a lawyer.

Then why the hell did you

come to my office and tell me...

I don't care.

Mike, let's get him immunity.

We'll wait in my office.

I can leave my coat here?

Yeah.

You going to the DAR thing tonight?

It's not that I didn't know federal law...

( stammering )

We got in a little deep before I was able to,

you know, summon that...

Shut up.

Okay.

ABBEY: I was talking about the threat of a veto.

AMY: No, they understood that.

They? I took it to Leo McGarry, too.

Don't let Josh find that out.

No, he suggested it.

And not even. We weren't talking

about the threat of a veto.

We're talking about an SAP.

But those policy recommendations

are published by the OMB,

which means there'd be a record

of the President ignoring...

I don't care.

It makes it look like they don't

have their act together.

They're exporting religious doctrine.

They don't have their act together.

Are they playing you?

No, ma'am.

Like the diplomas falling off the wall?

No, ma'am.

They didn't stump me, ma'am.

We simply exhausted our options,

which was fairly predictable.

What options did we exhaust?

The HHS Secretary, the Appropriations Manager.

I spoke to the Minority Leader's office.

Several senators, all of whom you'd consider close allies.

The amendment's gonna hold.

Would this staff consider recommending

another amendment be attached?

Saying what?

We put condoms in every classroom round the globe.

I don't think the staff would consider that, no.

Oh. Why?

'Cause it would kill the Foreign Ops Bill.

You tried to kill welfare

reauthorization because you

didn't like marriage incentives.

Wasn't that choking off money to the poor

to cater to a women's issue?

I did it because I had hope it would

change the bill before the before the vote.

In this case, I have no hope of that.

Well, thanks for the pep talk there.

( applause )

( applause continues )

Hello. Good evening.

Hey, Jean Paul, how you doing?

I was to meet Zoey by the car.

Is it here?

What?

Zoey and I are arriving separately

and she didn't want to walk in alone

so she told me to meet her by the car.

Is that here?

Is it here?

No?

Is this by the car? No.

This is...

We're inside.

This is a building.

There are many entrances and driveways

and I think you know I meant that.

I swear to God, Jean Paul,

I had no ungodly idea what you were talking about.

Zoey becomes the Daughter

of the American Revolution tonight

like her mother and hers before.

Yes.

They think it's possible

I have ancestors who fought for the Colonies.

Well, they think it's possible

my great-great-grandfather's Thomas Jefferson, so...

Is that so?

You're stoned right now.

That's incredibly risky when you're around Zoey.

It's unbelievably stupid.

So could you be careful with that?

Could you tell me where Zoey meant me to meet her?

The Ellipse.

That's where they're receiving people.

DONNA: This is ridiculous.

No. You don't have to make a big deal out of it.

He doesn't have to know he's being tailed.

This wasn't on Laverne and Shirley?

It may have been.

I loathe you.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Are you Matthew Lambert?

Yeah.

Hi. I'm Donna Moss.

Hi. This is my girlfriend, Heidi Choat.

Hi.

You guys here at the party?

Yeah.

They said we could walk around the West Wing

so we're just gonna...

go walk around.

Great. I'll go with you.

Hi.

Hello.

I've spent a portion

of the day with a hydroclimatologist

named Hillary Toobin, who says Alaska

happened 'cause of greenhouse gas

and seven other geologists

think so, too.

We can't politicize it.

We have to politicize it. It's politics.

It's disrespectful.

It is, and we'll have to say so.

Is Hillary Toobin ready

to get publicly scolded by the White House?

She is.

She'll call for a 25% decrease

in emissions over the next ten years

and you'll reprimand her

for politicizing the tragedy.

What do you think?

I think that's right, but I think I should do it.

You don't want to do it.

I really don't, but I don't think a researcher at Interior

is gonna jump-start this the way you need.

LEO: I appreciate it.

Yes, sir.

CHARLIE: Look at that DAR dress you're wearing.

I mean, that's fantastic.

You could churn butter in that thing.

You skulking in the shadows?

I was.

Was Jean Paul not able to meet me?

He's meeting you right now.

He's waiting at the Ellipse.

I don't ever use the Ellipse.

Oh, that's right.

You know what? I forgot.

Look...

You sent me an e-mail?

What was I supposed to do?

Not send me an e-mail.

He is very jealous of you.

He is, and I'd like to try to make this work,

so if you don't mind...

Oh, but I do mind.

Well, I don't think that matters.

I think it does.

Are you going to do what I asked in the e-mail?

No.

You just refuse?

I do.

I refuse respectfully.

You can't refuse

and be respectful at the same time.

Watch me.

Ask again.

Stop pursuing me.

Respectfully... no.

Why?

'Cause I'm in love with you

and that's the way it goes.

I have to go inside to dinner.

How long before you think

Jean Paul figures out you're there?

Shut up.

Is there anything you guys need?

No, we're great.

I feel like you've been giving us

so much attention, there's so many people,

don't you have to greet them all?

No, I'm not working the party.

I thought you said you worked here.

I work here at the White House.

I'm a guest at the party.

So you're just talking to us...

For fun.

Okay.

Well, I'll go get us drinks.

Okay. I'll stay here with Matt.

Honey?

You want me to go to the bar with you?

Yeah.

Cool. Bar trip.

What are you doing here?

They're still making calls.

They told me I could walk around.

It didn't occur to me until I asked

why you didn't tell your lawyer.

You knew what you were doing the whole way, right?

Get the President's muscle to lean on Justice for immunity.

I'm scared of criminal prosecution.

I'm just terrified of it.

But to my credit, I think, I'm righting this wrong.

After three years.

That's something.

That's quite an impressive ethical learning curve.

It's not as clear- cut as you think.

( laughs )

Really?

The U.S. Attorneys are gonna grill you

for a while, but you'll get the immunity.

( bell clanging )

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please make your way to the State Dining Room?

Dinner is being served.

I'm right behind you guys.

Listen...

Ma'am, I spent a year and a half

as issues director for NOW,

two years as political director of Emily's List,

founder of the Democratic Women's Forum,

A.A. to Hope Schrader and director

of the Women's Leadership Coalition.

Look...

Excuse me, ma'am, but I beat back

five anti-choice judicial nominees,

got the Violence Against Women Act

re-authorized with a Republican majority

and raised $22 million for House candidates.

Amy...

All while this White House,

your office included, allowed equal pay

to be pushed off the agenda,

allowed marriage incentives to be put in welfare reform,

buried a Surgeon General's report on birth control

and allowed the global gag rule in the first place.

You hired me to put a professional face

on your office.

This bill's gonna be law tonight.

If you want to fire me, fire me.

I don't want to fire you.

Oh, why did you want to talk to me?

To tell you you had a good first day.

Oh, okay.

Jumped the gun.

Yeah.

This is strange for me, Amy.

I used to baby-sit for you.

Give me a little time.

I used to get you in some jams.

Yes, you did. Let's go to dinner.

You're giving someone an award tonight.

I'll explain it on the way.

What award?

The Francis Scott Key key.

I didn't know you were related to pirates.

That's pretty hot.

I'm related to a privateer.

What's the Francis Scott...

I've written some remarks.

Oh, good.

The White House is doing some quick backpedaling today

claiming Deputy Communications Director Will Bailey

was not speaking for the President

when he said the flooding and deaths in Kachadee, Alaska

were caused by, quote, "reckless disregard"

for the issue of global warming.

Senate Republican Whip Bill Armstrong says...

Will's a good boy.

He fell on it?

Yeah.

I gave a made-up award to Marion tonight.

Marblehead?

I think she's from Marblehead.

No, some of us call her Marblehead.

She was gonna boycott the thing.

'Cause you're a pirate?

Oh, not me. 17 generations ago.

And he was a privateer.

He fought the war-- we didn't have a navy.

I know what they were.

You put a guy on the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals

who called sexual harassment

"a flight of fancy for the over-indulged."

You put him on the Tenth Circuit.

Today?

Three years ago, and TANF

cut child care subsidies,

and equal pay got pocket vetoed,

and abstinence only, and teacher funding initiatives

and I didn't do a lot,

or really anything, to stop them.

Yeah, you did.

And now this thing.

I want to contribute, is all.

Like Will tonight, screwing up on purpose.

We don't need to ask you to screw up, Abbey.

You do it by your...

I'm not kidding around.

I can't publicly reprimand you.

It wouldn't play well.

We save you for other things.

Oh, okay.

You want to hear about Max Weber?

Get into bed.

German thinker Max Weber said that politics

is the "slow boring of hard boards

and anyone who seeks to do it must risk his own soul."

Do you know what that means?

I like how you think patronizing me

is going to make me feel better. It's sweet.

It means that change comes in excruciating increments

to those who want it.

You try to move mountains-- it takes lifetimes,

but Zoey Bartlett

is the newest Daughter of the American Revolution

so I like our chances for the long run.

That's what you have to say?

Yes.

All right, it's pretty good.

What do you think?

You wait a few weeks?

Until the bulk of the bill's appropriated.

Yeah.

Then maybe you cap the percentage

of the funding that's covered by the gag rule?

Yeah.

I mean... how do you monitor

what a doctor says to a woman in Zimbabwe anyway?

You don't.

We'll just get more aggressive

on the domestic side.

We will.

Move family planning into a discretionary account

in next year's budget rounds.

Keep talking. I'm going to turn off the light

Are you getting up at 6:00 tomorrow?

No, I have to get up early.