Original subtitles

There's nothing better than finding a zit

That's ready to be popped. Gaah!

Hey, look what we got.

It's a note from the producers.

They want us to redecorate each other's personal space.

My task was to breathe some new life into toot's living space.

The kitchen.

A salad bar?

I swear I'll fucking cut you.

Hmm, that's weird.

[grunts]

[speaking japanese]

Captain hero and I wanted spanky's bathroom

To really reflect his personality.

Spanky's gonna love this redecoration.

Dude, that penis is sweet.

[both gasp] oh, my--

I volunteered to redesign foxxy's natural living space.

You're gonna love this.

[gasps]

Hmm?

You racist motherfucker...

[choking]

[sobs] huh?

[screams]

That's right, tree. Knock that bitch out.

There was some weird shit going on around the house.

Chairs was movin'. Blood was pourin' from the sink.

Trees was givin' clara her comeuppance.

And then corpses tried swimming with the foxxy.

Talk about the blind leading the blind.

Foxxy needed to solve this mystery.

They're here.

Don't go in there!

Aah!

Oh, I told your dumb ass not to go in there.

Shh.

Turns out all this construction unleashed a "turrible" secret.

Get this, our house was built on

An ancient indian "burrial" ground.

They moved the headstones, but they didn't move the bodies!

Shh!

Y'all, I'm afraid we's livin' with the lost souls

Of a thousand dead injuns.

Dead indians? That's terrible.

What kind, whoo-whoo or red dot?

Whoo-whoo.

Guys, we have to get rid of them before they kill us all!

Everyone calm down.

Native americans are a peaceful people.

Just look at how they use every part of the animal.

We screwed them injuns over.

We livin' on they land. We gots to make things right.

Well, maybe we could return a tiny

Insignificant percentage of the land we stole.

But not a good piece, right?

No, no no, no. We're just gonna give them the crappy piece

In the far corner of the backyard.

[all talking]

Genocide is easily remedied by small gestures of inadequate compensation.

I was the chosen ambassador

'cause I was the only one who could speak injun.

[gibberish]

Baby.

[thinking] aw, the swing set.

Whee. I can fly. Waah! D'oh!

Owie, owie, owie.

We will take our sacred land and honor it

Just as our ancestors would've wanted.

[all] a casino!

A gaudy mockery of their once great society.

Captain hero: spanky and me hit the blackjack table.

And we were gonna hit it big

'cause we had one of them card-counting retards.

[whimpering]

We were on our way to making millions.

I think she wants us to hit.

Then we got busted.

Aah! Please stop.

We'll leave. We'll leave.

You better, 'cause if you set foot in this casino again,

You're gonna find out just how bad an indian burn can be.

[sinister laughter]

Spanky: no-o-o-o!

Now, is it me, or is this backyard more crowded since the casino opened?

Yee-aah!

Ling-ling got the right idea.

Made some ducats off these gamblers.

[men ooh and ah]

And just then, foxxy remembered somethin'

Her mama told her when she was only 14 years old--

You dress like a stripper. Get the hell out my house.

I's gonna open a strip club.

I'm gonna hit the buffet.

Ow.

Spanky and I weren't going to let those indian thugs

Push us around.

So we put on some disguises and hit the casino.

As god's chosen people, we were guaranteed to win big.

Now, what should we bet on?

I only have this one chip

That I arm-wrestled that asshole for.

Owie, owie, owie, owie, owie, owie.

Grandma, are you ok?

J'ello, commissioner. What can I do for you?

[gasps] the mad felcher? I'll make quick work of him.

Who was that?

Oh, the commissioner. But I don't have time to tell you that now.

I have to battle the mad felcher.

That's why I can't talk. Believe me I would if I could.

But it's out of the question. There's just no time.

Each and every second counts. The longer I delay, the madder the mad felcher gets.

I don't mean to be rude, because you're my dear friend

And I wouldn't hurt your feelings for the world.

But I have no choice. Don't pout.

I'm a super hero first and foremost.

When there's trouble trouble I spring into action immediately.

It is what I do.

I don't have time for nicities like people in other professions.

Ya know, like dog groomers or coal miners or terrorists.

Please understand spanky. It's not personal.

Goodbye old, dear friend.

Now I must leave abruptly.

Wait!

Damn it man! Weren't you paying attention?

Ooh, alright. I guess I have a minute. What is it?

Look at the sports book.

Do you think you can beat the mad felcher?

Are you kidding me? That guy sucks ass.

Then we'll bet our last chip on you.

Yes, I like that.

I'll rid the world of an evil genius

And make some scratch at the same time.

I'm off. Hyah!

Captain hero to win.

Hmm... Hmm?

Whoo!

We won! We're filthy rich!

[speaking japanese]

[men cheering and whistling]

From the start, the fox hole was vurry popular.

Sho', it was a little tight,

But I was surprised by how many guys I could fit up inside.

And I was rakin' in the cash.

I made 600 bucks that first night.

Well, 600 bucks and 33 cents,

If you count what my slot dunker found the next day.

Spanky and I made a few more bets

And won enough money to bribe the casino security

And make some tasteful purchases at the casino gift shoppe.

Now all we had to do was walk away.

Are you nuts? This is just the beginning.

Why are you always butting in on me like this?

This is my confessional! Mine!

Fine. We'll talk about it back at the casino.

Now, what were you saying?

I was saying we been doing ok, but we ain't never made the big score

Because the odds are always in your favor. Look.

The evil koala bear rapist.

That guy is a total dick,

And I won't even tell you what he does to koala bears.

You know, we'd make a lot more money

If you took a dive.

A dive? Pig, gimme a minute to think about this.

Listen, pig, I've worked out every possible scenario,

And we can't lose. Let's do it.

Bet on the koala bear rapist to win. I am taking a dive.

Hyah!

Foxxy, I must speak with you about this dancing you do.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

They's probably somethin' in the bible about

Thou shalt not grind thou's coochie into thy neighbor's boner tent.

You have me all wrong.

I'm more than just the same joke over and over.

You're thinking of toot.

Unh.

[both laugh and snicker]

Moo.

I wanna be a professional dancer, like you.

You see, when I was but a wee child,

Father was never around.

Father?

Not now, clara. I'm off to see the ballet.

Oh...Oh...Ohh... Oh...

Hmm?

Mmm, yeah. I love you all very much.

Father told all his terpsichorean beauties that he loved them,

But he never told me.

So if you allow me to share the stage with you,

I just know I can finally win my father's affections.

Please, foxxy. Please.

Oh, all right, clara, but the house takes a cut.

80/20. 50/50.

70/30. 60/40.

Shit, it's 60/40 already?

We gotta get somebody on that stage.

The 80/20 show was supposed to start 5 minutes ago.

Here, girl, take these.

Oh, thank you, foxxy.

Now I shall send for father so he can watch me dance.

Tweeter, take this message to horatio.

Horatio, take that to my father.

Captain hero kept takin' dives, and we were makin' more money

Than a hug salesman in retard town.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Aw...

Hmm...

Whoo-hoo, we did it. Yeah!

Yeah, we were makin' money, and no one was gettin' hurt.

And through it all, we were having the time of our life.

And the best part was, nothing could possibly go wrong.

Spanky, I'm cutting down on your take. What?

I'm the one doing the fights. What do I need you for?

That is the last time I trust a superhero.

Come to think of it, I probably shouldn't have let the hulk

Do my taxes, either.

Why don't they make this schedule "d" simpler?!

Arrrghh!

Oh, well. Oh, well.

Carry the 1. Itemize.

Clara couldn't wait to dance for her daddy.

She was like a little girl,

Which tripled the number of japanese businessmen in attendance.

[crowd walla]

[laughs]

Father's not here.

I don't know why I thought this was going to be any different.

I'm never gonna dance again.

Don't you talk dat way.

We got a packed house, and I will beat your hide

Within an inch of your miserable life if you don't get out there and dance.

I appreciate that you won't let me give up my dream,

But I just can't.

[gasps] father's here.

[speaking japanese]

[cheering and whistling]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasps]

Oh, well, it looks like captain me--

I mean captain hero--

Didn't get to that busload of kids in time.

Where's the money?

What are you doing here, pig?

I told you I cut you out!

Cut me out of what exactly?

You know what--

What are you up to, spanky?

Nothing but getting clarity

On what kind of illegal deals you are involved in...Currently.

Spanky was acting very strange, so I figured it was best

To end the conversation quickly by describing all the specifics

And incriminating details of my illegal scam.

So, in conclusion, I'm rich. Are we done?

Yes, we are.

Captain hero, your scam is over.

Captain colonicus, what are you doing here?

On behalf of the league of heroes,

I hereby place you under arrest

For gambling on your own battles.

Gahh!

But how?

As I finished my dance routine, I found myself wondering

What every woman dancing around that pole wonders--

Will this make daddy love me?

Brava, clara. Brava.

[cheering]

Oh, daddy, I love you!

Uh-uh. Customers can't touch the girls.

Well, father, is there something you want to say to me?

Just as I was about to gain father's love,

I found it slipping away once again.

Father? [crowd cheering and whistling]

Who is that sexy servant girl? You mean foxxy?

She sure is.

That's one civil rights protester

I can't wait to turn my hose on.

Uhh!

Father!

Not now, buttercup.

Daddy's enjoying his ballet.

Captain hero, you're in direct violation of code 24601--

Gambling on your own battles.

What? Since when has that been illegal?

For as long as stealing, sexual assault, and murder have been.

Those are illegal, too?

Wow! I really am a terrible superhero.

Your accounts have been frozen and your cubicle has been cleaned out.

Now hand over your decoder ring.

But how will I decode?

You can't do this!

I created the league of heroes

And I can destroy it!

Do you honestly think

You can get all up in the league of heroes' grill like that, girlfriend?

You threatening me?

As a matter of fact, we are.

We'll see you at the flagpole in the parking lot

After the 3:00 bell.

Bring it.

[blubbering]

Oh, help me, somebody, please!

[crowd cheering and whistling]

Daddy! Daddy, look!

No hands!

Daddy.

Didn't matter how while I danced.

I wasn't daddy's little girl anymore.

She was.

And they did all the things

A little girl and her father should do together.

Uhh!

You whore!

Uhh!

I had no idea what was going on,

But as soon as I finished falling down them stairs,

I was gonna find out.

God damn it, princess!

If there wasn't a good chance that I was pregnant

And that fall didn't help me out of a real jam,

I would kick your ass!

Oh!

The king is my daddy,

And you took him away from me!

Listen, bitch, it ain't my fault

If your daddy want to take care of me,

Buyin' me things.

Hell, he even go and buy ray-ray his special shoes.

He never bought me special shoes.

Rrr-aah!

Uhh! Uhh!

Hu-uhh! Ow!

Hah! Uhh!

Hold it!

Why don't we let the king decide?

Fine!

Father?

Sugar daddy?

Not now, babies.

Daddy's enjoying his ballet. Mmm!

[cheering and whistling]

Both: god damn it!

I am so dead. Dead!

The league of heroes is gonna kick my ass!

And this is all your fault! You turned me in!

Only because you got greedy and cut me out!

Yes, well...

I guess we both made a big mistake here.

You mean allowing countless innocent people to die

Just so we could make a few bucks?

No. Not that.

We stopped trusting each other.

Friends?

Friends.

Extra, extra! Read all about it!

Captain hero favored to win

In fight against league of heroes!

Also, marmaduke pulls owner on leash!

My god, cappy, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Friend, you've got a bet to place.

Captain hero is taking one last dive.

[quietly] and then I'm cutting that pig out.

[cheering and whistling]

You are a very talented young woman.

[giggles] thank you, my lord.

[giggles]

Rrarr!

I can't believe it.

I lost my daddy... Again.

And I lost my sugar daddy.

And ray-ray lost his special shoes.

[gasps] ray-ray, don't you walk up them stairs

Near that window next to that trampoline

Over by the pool where they parked that garbage truck!

[ray-ray crying]

Oh, ray-ray.

That's it, foxxy. I quit.

Father's never going to say he loves me.

Don't give up, clara.

There is one thing we can do that is guaranteed

To win every man's affection.

What's that?

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.

[cheering and whistling]

Ha ha ha ha! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Ooh! Oh!

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

[gasps]

Mmm!

Mmm!

[cheering and whistling]

Oh!

Ooh, my ass!

Oh!

[wolf whistle]

Whoo! Brava! Brava!

[cheering]

That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I love you both very much.

Oh, father.

Father finally said the words I'd been longing to hear all these years--

"I love you both very much."

It was fight night, and I was about to stick it to that league of heroes

By taking a dive and winning a butt-load of cash.

At sound of bell, come out fighting.

[cheering and whistling]

Go! Go get 'em, tiger!

[crowd yelling]

Now, where is that lesson you were going to teach me?

Maybe you should teach us a lesson.

Oh, I really will hit you eventually.

Chicken! Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk!

I'm not a chicken. You are!

[speaking japanese]

[crowd yelling]

Crowd: aw!

Ow ow ow! I give! Owie owie owie!

Owie owie owie! Ow ow ow! I give!

Hey, wait a minute.

Are you guys taking a dive?

Why? Are you taking a dive?

Are you?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Oh, you gotta laugh!

This is embarrassing.

Folks, the league of heroes and I

Both tried to take a dive here today,

And I think we've all learned a valuable lesson.

Man: yeah! You suck!

No. That even though we slaughtered the indians and took their land,

We shouldn't let them have casinos,

Because gambling brings out the worst in weak-minded white people.

In conclusion,

Usa! Usa!

Usa! Usa! Usa!

Usa! Usa!

Usa! Usa!

Usa! Usa! Spanky!

We got 'em, baby! Yeah!

Hey!

Yeah!

[cheering]

Yeah, you suck!

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--