Original subtitles

Housemates, report to the pool area.

Each week, the producers give us a challenge

To win a week's worth of food.

This week, they filled the pool with barnyard animals.

[mooing, bleating, oinking]

Any of god's creatures that we saved from drowning

Would be slaughtered for a spectacular feast.

[all shouting at once]

[quack quack]

Hey back off! Get your own damn soup!

[glass breaking]

What the hell was that?

[animals crying]

[gasps]

Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh!

Wooldoor sockbat,

What on god's great white earth

Are you doing?

Can't...Stop...Humping.

Har har har har!

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Oh, so it's fine when you say it.

Aaaaah! Ooooh!

Eeeeeee! Aaah!

The reason wooldoor here is so horny

Is 'cause he's finally hit puberty.

Mazel tov.

Unh! Eee! Eee! Eee!

Unh! I...Can't... Get...Relief.

Oh, sweetie, if you want relief,

All you need is a little pud play.

A little wha..?

You know, "rub one out,"

"choke the chicken,"

"goin' number 3."

I'm saying you need to masturbate.

But isn't masturbation a sickening,

Indefensible sin against god?

Princess, please.

Masturbation is fun and natural,

Not to mention it's a great way to earn 5 bucks

Without touching a guy.

You have an answer for everything, don't you?

Yup. 'cept for math.

Please, foxxy,

Teach me how to, uh, mas...Turbate.

Fine, go ahead.

But I promise you this.

You will all go to hell.

Hell, I tells ya.

Hell!

Huh?

'ey!

Whoa, ling-ling, lookin' good!

[speaking japanese]

"p...Lerr."

Ling-ling's going out clubbing again.

That's where he sneaks out to every night.

Hmm, that's odd.

I'm always hitting the hottest clubs in town,

And I never see ling-ling.

[slurping]

Hey, ling-ling, what's up?

If it's-- would it be cool--

Could we go to the club with you, ling-ling?

Oh, please, please, please.

[speaking japanese]

Whoopee! Goody! Goody! Whoo!

Foxxy: I decided to take it upon myself

To show wooldoor how to get it on with his bad-self.

And all you horny college kids

Now would be a real good time to hit them lights.

Grab some lotion and pull out a big ol' box of tissues.

First, foxxy sets the mood.

[jazz playing]

Now, before I gets my engine running,

I pops the hood.

Hunh! And then...

Foxxy starts going to town.

Oh, you want to party, too, do you?

Sure thing, baby.

There's enough room down here for everybody.

"enough room...

For everybody."

Oh, yeah,

And sometimes a little exotic food play

Spices things up.

[sizzling]

Ooh, yeah, that's finger-fucking good.

Keep it going.

And sometimes the foxxy lose herself

In a little role-playing fantasy.

Oh, yeah, frank, that's the spot!

And then, foxxy brings it all home

By using a little bit of force.

Ohh! Ohh! Oh, jeez!

That's it, daddy!

Almost there!

You got me! Here, daddy!

Almost there!

Here I come!

Lalalalalalalalala!

[explosion]

And that is how the foxxy masturbates.

[whimpering]

[techno playing]

The club was jumping, jumping!

And ling-ling was surrounded by babes.

But somehow we got stuck hanging out

With ling-ling's lame friend steve from long island.

What's the deal with ling-ling?

He's got these beautiful babes all over him,

And it's like he could care less.

Let's just say my boy likes a bit more of a challenge.

Yo, check it.

Hmm.

Huh.

Hyah!

[speaking japanese]

Hee!

Hunh!

Aah! Unh! Eww!

Hyah!

Aaaaaah!

Ha! Yo, l-dog is the man.

Eeeee-aah!

Hyah! Aaah!

Wooldoor went to his room

To figure hisself out.

As it turned out,

Sockbat masturbation was a lot more complicated

Than I expected.

I can do it!

I can finally do it!

Watch!

[humming]

[doink]

[jiggle-jiggle]

D'oy!

[humming]

Aah!

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

[bell dings]

Bleh-ah...

[purring]

I present to you all: my clum baby.

[theme from lion king playing]

[speaking japanese]

[japanese accent] ohh, last night's battle was amazing.

What are you thinking about?

Ohh! I thought you were different.

Screw you!

[beep]

Woman: hey, ling-ling, it's me, pay-ling.

The hideous one-eyed battle monster.

You never call me back.

Second woman: remember me, ling-ling?

You battle me and my sister at the belmont rounds.

[beep]

Man: hello, number one son.

[gasps] father!

Your mother and I know you have enjoyed the bachelor life,

But now it time to be with one opponent forever.

We have arranged battle for you.

But nothing!

It is ling tradition!

Do not bring more shame to our family.

Yoko ono!

[bell dings]

Ahh... This feels so good.

Now I know why captain hero does it all over the pool table late at night

When he thinks no one is watching.

[squish]

[boom] ah-ah-ah ah!

That will be enough of that.

Look out! She's got a gun!

Aah!

I knew wooldoor wouldn't listen to me,

So I brought a friend who might be a bit more convincing.

Ah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!!

Oh, poor him. That sucks.

And it need not to have happened

But for this boy's sick obsession with the sin of masturbation.

Holy shit!

Unless something unexpectedly magical happens,

I guess I'll give up masturbation forever.

[purring] uh! What is that? Hey!

[bzzzz--reowrr]

Oh...

Oh, my god!

[beethoven's ode to joy plays] I can see! My palms...

They're bare! I'm cured!

Hmm! What shall I do first?

Ooh! I know!

[panting]

[door slams]

[boy grunts, struggles, gasps]

Whoa, wooldoor's clum can cure disease.

[ka-ching]

Folks would pay a pretty penny for this junk.

[ka-ching]

So, we goin' out tonight for a little dancin', a little romancin'?

We gots to bounce before ling-ling's arranged battle arrives.

Herr-o, preez,

I here see mr. Wring-wring, preez.

I bring him arranged battle.

[zoink]

Foxxy: spanky and I convinced wooldoor

To use his magical clum babies to help those in need.

Foxxy was gonna finally fulfill her dream

Of buyin' a million dollars worth of lotto tickets.

When is mutant semen worth $273?

When it works.

Can it cure the alzheimer's?

Go ahead, dr. Clum, baby.

[humming]

[doink]

[jiggle-jiggle]

D'oy!

[humming]

Aah!

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

[bell dings]

Bleh-ah...

Hock--pooh!

[bzzzz--reowrr]

[beethoven's ode to joy plays] oh, my god! It works!

It works! I can remember everything:

My wife celia died 5 years ago,

I live all alone in an abusive nursing home,

And no one has visited me or bathed me in years.

It's a miracle. It's a miracle!

Oh, my god! It works!

Give me some! Clum all over me!

Eeyah! Peter cetera: ¶ I am a man ¶

¶ who will fight for your honor ¶

¶ I'll be the hero that you're-- ¶

[panting] [panting]

¶ dreaming of ¶

[squeak, squeak...]

Princess clara: this was madness--

Sacrificing potential lives to save existing ones?

Hallelujah! My crutches don't squeak anymore.

Don't worry, jesus.

I will put an end to this blasphemy

Before it saves the lives of countless millions!

[boom]

[boom]

Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!

What are you doing here?

I'd like you to meet my new friends.

Oh, my god!

The veggie fables!

I love your religious propaganda

Clumsily disguised as children's entertainment.

We're gonna give you all to the count of jo3:16

To stop this abomination or else!

You tell 'em, bob the cucumber. Eh-hyooh!

Thank you, larry the tomato.

You wanna dance?

Hyah! [crash]

I'll dance.

We're not here to fight.

We're here to sing!

[piano plays intro]

¶ god is watching everything you do ¶

¶ when you get undressed or take a shower ¶

¶ when you touch yourself for hour after hour ¶

¶ god is watching everything you do ¶

¶ and he thinks you're a nasty, naughty, nympho slut ¶

¶ you sinful, filthy whore, you're going to hell ¶

¶ your flesh will burn, your bones will char ¶

¶ your soul will be torn asunder ¶

Aah! ¶ you'll have to hear the heretics ¶

¶ burn in hell ¶

For eternity!

So you better remember!

¶ god is watching everything you do ¶

I'll never masturbate again. I don't wanna go to hell!

I quit! Aah-ha ah! Uhh...

[bell tolls] I was having a great time

With clara and my new friends, the veggie fables.

We rapped about jesus and played fun games they all knew from bible camp.

I'm sorry for thinking impure thoughts.

[whack] argh!

I'm sorry for being so phallic.

[whack] ow.

I'm sorry for buying child slaves from third world countries.

[whack] ah!!

Choir: ¶ hallelujah-- ¶ free!

I said, "I'm sorry," not "stop dusting."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh-hoo.

I'm sorry I masturbated.

[whack] aah!

And I'm sorry I help people. [whack] ah!

And I'm sorry I spy on clara going potty every morning.

What?! That's disgusting.

Oh, you're one to talk, princess smell-your-wipes.

[whack] ack!

All was right with the world.

Wooldoor was repenting for his--

[coughing]

Oh, my, is this...Blood?

[dramatic musical sting]

[sniffing]

[musical sting]

What is it?

I tell you, I have a headache.

Fine. We battle... But make it quick.

Hyah!

Oh, ling-ling, you are such a big battle man.

You're killing me so good.

Oh, my god! I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

Oop! I just died.

Wow. That was the best battle ever.

Ahh...

Foxxy: with wooldoor gone,

The miracle fountain of spew had run dry.

Sorry, folks. We're closed for business.

You don't have to die at home,

But you can't die here.

[coughing]

Oh, it's you, clara. What you want?

I am not clara. I am but a stranger. [coughing]

How can that be clara?

Clara doesn't have a moustache.

I am here because I have the consumption.

Surely you have one clum baby left.

I'm sorry, but we're completely dry, mister.

Please! [hack]

I don't want [hack] to die [hack]

So ironically.

You were right, foxxy. It is clara.

And she's so sick her moustache fell off.

What should we do?

Ah!

What you say, ring-ring?

You no want to battle me no more?

Ahh...No, ring-ring. I feel it, too.

There are no spark when we battle.

I have a crazy thought.

Now, bear with me...

What if instead of battle,

We just fuck.

Sure. Reawwrrr!

Mm! Mm!

¶ I am man who will fight for your ¶

Clara had ignored the terrible suffering of the countless sick and dying,

And part of foxxy knew she deserved the consumption,

But the frosty side of me told me I had to help.

[bell tolls]

Buh-guh--eh!

Ahh...

What? What are you doing? Where am I?

You've been brainwashed

By some religious vegetables.

Oh, and clara need a clum baby.

I can't do it. I won't do it.

Oh, I think you will.

Ahh...

Those sockbats-- they've gone wild...

Volume 4.

God no likee. God no likee!

Oh...But they're showing their boobies

'cause they're so drunk.

Ah-ah-ah ooh--grandma?!

Ooh-ooh-ooh! Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh! Oh...

[ding]

Bleh!

[purring]

Where am I?

Is that... A clum baby?

It is! It is a clum baby!

Clara, stop!

You mustn't use one of those.

God forbids it!÷

God damn it!

What's the point of having a secret deep programming room

If everybody know where it is?

Clara, please put the clum baby down.

But she's dying. She needs it.

[coughing]

I don't know what to do.

I have the consumption.

Then god wants you to have the consumption.

That's just retarded.

What if god created clum babies

Because he wants clara to live?

But the bible says--

Yeah, yeah. The bible says a lot of things...

And not very clearly.

We ain't sayin' your interpretation is wrong,

But perhaps the bible isn't a set of strict rules

But rather a guide to help each of us

To find our personal relationship with the lord.

I never thought of it that way.

I guess that is possible.

Enough fucking talk!

In the name of god,

Put that fucking clum baby down!

But--but--

Eh! But--but--but!

Aah! Jesus god!

Uhh!

This wasn't part of the plan.

We agreed no one would get hurt. Uh.

Holy shit

Bob the cucumber's gone crazy!!

Is this crazy?!

No, please!

Eh!

Aah!

Pasta faz-- ooh. Eh.

What the--

Uhh!

He thought I was fat... [aah]

And guys aren't into real-- what the hell--aah!

Ooh-ah!

Aah! Ah.

[humming] huh?

Hmm?

Oh!

[gunshots] aaaah!

[click]

Please, don't kill me! I don't want to die.

Don't be scared, wooldoor.

I saved them all from going to hell,

And now, I will save your soul, too.

Oh...Eh eh-eh-eh-eh!

[purring]

Aah!

Get off me! Get off me!

[bzzzz--reowrr]

I'm cured.

The clum babies have cured me of my psychosis.

I no longer cling to the comforting belief in an all-knowing power.

Oh, dear. Did I do this?

What have I done?!

I thought I was doing god's work!

No! No!

I'm a monster. I can't live with this.

[gunshot]

So god killed everyone...

The good guys...

The bad guys...

And even steve from long island...

But not me.

And I know why.

With everyone else gone,

I can finally enjoy masturbating the way he intended...

By myself.

[purring]

[bzzz-reowr--]

No, no. Don't bring them back, little friend, not yet.

[ding]

[purring]

[doink]

Oh, yeah.

That's the stuff.

[rubbing]

[doink]

[rubbing faster]

[plop]

[squishing]

[crack]

[jiggle-jiggle]

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! [rumbling]

[bell rings] ooh! Ehhh-eh!

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--