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( theme music playing )

( phone ringing )

THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.

DO I SOUND LIKE A CHINESE TAKE-AWAY?

I AM A HIGHLY DESIRABLE PRIVATE RESIDENCE

IN AN AREA OF OUTSTANDING NATURAL PROPERTY VALUES.

AND I'M WAITING FOR YOUR APOLOGY,

UNLESS, OF COURSE, THE THOUGHT OF BEAN SHOOTS

AND CRISPY WON TON HAVE TOTALLY STIR-FRIED YOUR BASIC GOOD MANNERS.

NOW, KINDLY CLEAR THIS LINE.

THERE ARE PEOPLE OF SUBSTANCE IN THIS COMMUNITY

WHO ARE PROBABLY QUEUING TO RING ME AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

YOUR SUGGESTION IS NOTED,

BUT I SEE LITTLE PRACTICAL MERIT

IN HAVING THE TELEPHONE UP MY JUMPER.

I'VE JUST BEEN INSULTED ON MY OWN TELEPHONE.

I EXPECT THE OPPORTUNITIES ARE RARE

OF BEING INSULTED ON OTHER PEOPLE'S.

I THINK IT'S TIME, RICHARD, THAT YOU COMPLAINED.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT THESE WRONG NUMBERS FOR THE CHINESE TAKE-AWAY.

YOU MUST RING THE AMBASSADOR.

WHAT AMBASSADOR?

THE CHINESE, OF COURSE.

I DON'T THINK IT'S REALLY HIS PROVINCE.

- THEN WHAT'S HE HERE FOR? - PROBABLY FOR MORE THAN THAT.

THEY'RE A VERY ANCIENT CIVILIZATION.

OH, RICHARD, DON'T JUST SIT THERE,

GET DIRECTORY INQUIRIES.

THAT'S IT! FINISHED!

NO MORE MEN. ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.

IN THE END, THEY ALL DECEIVE YOU.

AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR THAT SWINE,

TO LEAVE ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN,

I DON'T CARE IF SHE IS HIS WIFE.

WELL, IT'S OVER. I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON.

I ONLY WANT ONE.

I WISH YOU'D FIND YOURSELF

A NICE STEADY BLOKE.

GIVE YOUR HORMONES A CHANCE TO SETTLE.

STOP LIVING ON YOUR NERVES...

AND MY FAGS.

MY HORMONES HAVE SETTLED!

I'VE FINISHED-- NO MORE MEN!

THE SWINE!

HE SWORE HE'D LOVE ME TILL THE END OF TIME!

I DIDN'T REALIZE HE MEANT CLOSING TIME.

GO ON THEN, READ ME SOME BOOK.

"'I LOVE YOU' HE SAID,

LIFTING HER GENTLY ONTO THE BALCONY.

'OH, JEREMY,' SHE SAID."

OH, CHUFFIN' HECK.

HELLO!

GOOD MORNING, MR. PENWORTHY.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. BUCKET.

- "BOUQUET." - WERE YOU GOING TOO FAST?

IT'S THE MODERN DISEASE.

HAVE YOU HURT YOURSELF? I DO HOPE YOU'VE SUSTAINED NO INJURY.

NO, THANK YOU, I'M FINE.

YOUR WAVING DISTRACTED ME.

REALLY?

I'D ASK YOU IN, ONLY MY HUSBAND'S BUSY

ON THE TELEPHONE WITH THE CHINESE AMBASSADOR.

I WONDER IF I MIGHT ASK YOU

NOT TO COUGH OR SNEEZE TOO LOUDLY.

MY HUSBAND'S ON THE TELEPHONE WITH THE CHINESE AMBASSADOR.

THEY'RE A VERY ANCIENT CIVILIZATION.

WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?

I HAD TO LEAVE A MESSAGE. IT WAS AN ANSWERING MACHINE.

OH, WAS IT A CULTURED VOICE?

- YES. - WELL, THAT'S IT, THEN.

YOU'VE BEEN SPEAKING TO THE AMBASSADOR.

I HARDLY THINK SO.

NOW, DON'T CONTRADICT ME, RICHARD,

IT'S VERY TIRING.

YOU OUGHT TO BE VERY PLEASED THAT YOU'RE

ON CHATTING TERMS WITH THE CHINESE AMBASSADOR.

- WHO IS? - WE ARE.

YOU LEFT A MESSAGE ON HIS MACHINE,

THEREFORE, HE WILL RING US BACK.

I MUST TELL MY SHERIDAN.

NO SIGN OF HER. LET'S GET IN THE CAR

AND AWAY BEFORE SHE SPOTS US.

YOU'RE GETTING PARANOID ABOUT HYACINTH.

WHICH SEEMS A VERY SENSIBLE WAY TO BE.

- NOT SO LOUD. - EMMET, I'M AT MY OWN HOME

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. I SEE NO REASON TO CREEP ABOUT.

I CAN GIVE YOU

ONE DAMN GOOD REASON TO CREEP ABOUT.

NO, I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

LET'S FREEWHEEL DOWN THE DRIVE

AND START THE CAR IN THE STREET.

- THERE ISN'T ANY SLOPE. - I'LL GIVE YOU A PUSH.

- EMMET! - IT'S WORTH IT, LIZ!

BELIEVE ME, IT'S WORTH IT.

IF SHE SPOTS US SHE'LL WANT TO KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING.

YOU'LL TELL HER BECAUSE YOU CAN'T LIE.

WHY IS IT? YOU'RE A GROWN WOMAN AND YOU CAN'T LIE?

HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE CAR?

I'LL GET RICHARD TO GIVE YOU A HAND.

THAT'S IF HE'S FINISHED HIS DIPLOMATIC CALL.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, HYACINTH, HONESTLY.

NO, I WON'T BE DISSUADED.

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.

* PEOPLE, PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE *

* ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE... *

QUICK, START THE CAR!

IT'S TOO LATE NOW. WE'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.

I'LL GO WHERE THERE ARE NO MEN.

I'LL EMIGRATE

SOMEWHERE DESOLATE,

WITH NONE OF THE CREATURE COMFORTS

SCRUB THAT, TOO MUCH LIKE HOME.

MEN!

HOW CAN YOU GO ON READING ROMANTIC DRIVEL

WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT MEN ARE LIKE?

IN THIS BOOK,

THEY'RE TERRIFIC.

JEREMY HAS HAIR LIKE GOLDEN CORN.

HE'S TALL AND SLENDER,

A MAGNIFICENT FIGURE ON A HORSE.

SO HOW COME I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH ONSLOW?

YOU MUST BE COMING UNGLUED IN THE HEAD.

- ANY MORE CRISPS? - GET 'EM YOURSELF.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET THEM.

YOU'D THINK HIS HAIR WAS LIKE GOLDEN CORN.

SMOKEY BACON FLAVOR.

THERE'S NO SMOKEY BACON FLAVOR LEFT!

OH, NICE.

IT COULD BE THE ALTERNATOR.

RIGHT. TRY NOW, LIZ.

( engine starts )

- WELL DONE, RICHARD. - YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I DIDN'T DO MUCH, REALLY.

DON'T BE SO MODEST.

IT WAS VERY KIND OF YOU.

- I DON'T THINK I DID ANYTHING. - YOU DID ENOUGH, DEAR.

AND NOW ELIZABETH AND EMMET

CAN BE OFF TO WHERE THEY'RE GOING.

WHEREVER THAT IS.

- ARE YOU GOING FAR? - NO, NOT FAR.

WELL, THAT'S VERY MYSTERIOUS.

IS IT A VERY INTERESTING "NOT FAR"?

IT'S JUST THE CHURCH HALL, HYACINTH.

OH, THE CHURCH HALL.

I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A FUNCTION.

NO, NO, NO, NOT A FUNCTION, REALLY.

AH--

THE VICAR ASKED EMMET IF HE'D JUST--

J-JUST A BIT MUSIC FOR FULL-GROWN PEOPLE.

OH, EMMET, WHAT A GOOD IDEA.

RICHARD, WE'D BETTER GET ALONG.

MUSTN'T DELAY THESE PEOPLE.

I THOUGHT SHE'D PUSH HER WAY IN.

I COULD HAVE SWORN SHE'D WANT TO SING.

WELL, THERE YOU ARE. YOU'RE BEING UNFAIR TO HER.

I'VE JUST HAD A WONDERFUL IDEA!

WHY DON'T I JOIN YOU?

YOU PLAY AND I'LL SING.

FOR THE OLD PEOPLE, BLESS THEM.

HOW THEY'LL ENJOY IT.

I'LL RING THE VICAR NOW

AND I'LL SEE YOU AT THE CHURCH HALL.

( humming )

* LA-DEE-DAH-- *

OH, MAY I SPEAK TO THE VICAR, PLEASE?

NOT AVAILABLE, IS HE BUSY?

OH, RINGING THE BELLS, OH.

RINGS HIS OWN BELLS, HOW DEMOCRATIC.

OH, I CAN JUST PICTURE THE VICAR AT THE END OF HIS ROPE.

NOW, I ASSUME I'M SPEAKING TO THE VICAR'S WIFE.

YES, YOU REMEMBER ME, DEAR?

HYACINTH "BOUQUET."

THAT IS A BAD COUGH, DEAR.

HAS SOMETHING GONE DOWN THE WRONG WAY?

I WANT YOU TO PASS A LITTLE MESSAGE TO THE VICAR,

HE'LL BE THRILLED.

WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR THE OLD PEOPLE'S ENTERTAINMENT.

TELL THE VICAR THAT IT WON'T JUST BE PIANOFORTE,

I'VE VOLUNTEERED MY SERVICES TO SING.

YOU MUST TAKE SOMETHING FOR THAT COUGH, DEAR.

THE BUCKET WOMAN!

( gasps ) HE'LL GO MAD

WHEN I TELL HIM IT'S THE BUCKET WOMAN.

( bells ringing )

THE BUCKET WOMAN!

( bells jangle )

( Hyacinth humming )

* LA-- * WHICH SHALL I WEAR, DEAR?

OH, I WISH YOU WOULDN'T GIVE ME THAT KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY.

YOU KNOW I VALUE YOUR OPINION, RICHARD.

SINCE WHEN?

- I'LL WEAR THIS ONE. - GLAD I SORTED THAT OUT FOR YOU.

- AH, I'LL ANSWER IT.

* LA-LA-DA-DEE *

* LA-DOE-DA-DEE. *

THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.

RICHARD? OH YES, HE'S HERE.

SHE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER.

- WHY DID YOU TELL HER? - I HAD TO TELL HER.

I MEAN, YOU WERE THERE.

SHE PRACTICALLY DRAGGED IT OUT OF ME.

ONE MORE HESITATION, SHE'D HAVE TORN OUT MY FINGERNAILS.

YOU COULD HAVE LIED.

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW BAD I AM AT LYING.

I'LL TEACH YOU.

OH, EMMET, JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT. IT'S FOR THE OLD PEOPLE.

OF WHOM I'M GOING TO BE ONE BEFORE THIS IS OVER.

WELL, BE FAIR TO HER.

SHE'S GOT A RICH STRONG VOICE.

IT'S NOT THE VOICE,

IT'S WHO'S IN CHARGE OF IT.

( humming )

OH, WHO WAS IT, DEAR?

IT WAS THE HEAD OF MY DEPARTMENT.

OH, THAT'S NICE, DEAR.

THEY'RE THINKING OF OFFERING

- SOME PEOPLE EARLY RETIREMENT. - HMM?

HE WANTS TO KNOW HOW I FEEL

ABOUT EARLY RETIREMENT.

OH, RICHARD!

THAT MEANS WE'D BE TOGETHER ALL DAY AND EVERY DAY!

( singing )

( dramatic music playing on television )

WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?

GREAT.

- HOW DO I LOOK? - FINE.

THERE'S ONLY THE DOG PAYING ANY ATTENTION.

DID SOMEBODY TURN THE SET OFF?

ROSE TURNED THE SET OFF.

THANK GOD FOR THAT, I THOUGHT I'D GONE BLIND.

COULD YOU SPARE ME ONE MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME.

HOW DO I LOOK?

FIGURE IN BLACK.

I'VE SEEN IT SOMEWHERE.

WEREN'T YOU IN FRANKENSTEIN'S HOUSE OF HORRORS?

( TV playing )

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALL DRESSED IN BLACK?

PRACTICING.

I'M TAKING THE VEIL,

I'M GOING TO BE A NUN.

YOUR SKIRT'S TOO SHORT.

I'LL HAVE IT LENGTHENED.

TALK ABOUT POACHER TURNING GAMEKEEPER,

THEY'LL NEVER TAKE YOU FOR A NUN.

THEY MIGHT IF I CAN GET

A RECOMMENDATION FROM A CLERGYMAN.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW A CLERGYMAN.

OH, I MET THAT DISHY VICAR AT OUR HYACINTH'S.

THEY WAY YOU THREW YOURSELF AT HIM,

HE'LL NEVER RECOMMEND YOU FOR A NUN.

YOU'RE TOO EMOTIONAL, OUR ROSE.

OH, I'VE TAKEN CARE OF THAT.

I'VE TAKEN A TRANQUILIZER.

IT SHOULD SLOW ME DOWN

TO A MORE RELIGIOUS SPEED.

I HOPE YOUR BRAKES DON'T FAIL IN FRONT OF THAT VICAR.

EARLY RETIREMENT...

RICHARD, THE DOOR.

NO, DEAR, THIS DOOR.

RICHARD, WHAT ON EARTH'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, DEAR?

THE MATTER WITH ME? NOTHING.

WHY SHOULD ANYTHING BE THE MATTER?

( horn blares )

I SHALL START WITH A FEW OF THE OLD FAVORITES.

THEY LOVE THE OLD FAVORITES.

SHERIDAN ALWAYS LOVED THE OLD FAVORITES.

WE HAVE TO HAVE A TALK, HYACINTH,

ABOUT EARLY RETIREMENT.

AND FOR A FINALE I THINK A MEDLEY

FROM "THE SOUND OF MUSIC."

TURN LEFT HERE, RICHARD.

FOR THAT I SHALL WEAR MY AUSTRIAN HAT--

THE ONE WITH THE FEATHER.

I WONDER IF EMMET HAS ANY LEATHER SHORTS.

A TALK, I MEAN WITH ME TALKING, TOO.

HE COULD HAVE, YOU KNOW.

ANYONE WHO'S IN AN OPERATIC SOCIETY

SHOULD HAVE SOME LEATHER SHORTS.

OF COURSE HE'S PROBABLY LEFT THEM BEHIND.

YOU COULD GO AND FETCH THEM FOR HIM, RICHARD.

TURN LEFT, DEAR.

YOU'RE GOING TO PROMISE ME THAT WHEN WE HAVE OUR TALK,

THAT YOU'LL MAKE AN EFFORT AND TRY TO LISTEN

WHEN YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY SAYING ANYTHING.

RICHARD, ARE YOU LISTENING? ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?

- YOU'VE NOT BEEN LISTENING. - TURN RIGHT, DEAR.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

YOU SAID TURN RIGHT.

I MEANT RIGHT

AT THE NEXT JUNCTION.

YOU WERE GOING TO ALLOW ME TO GO ALL THAT WAY

WITHOUT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.

I WANT YOU TO START REVERSING NOW, RICHARD.

THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF AREA

IN WHICH I WISH TO BE SEEN PARKING.

Vicar: RIGHT, I'M OFF.

- DON'T I GET A KISS? - OF COURSE YOU GET A KISS.

KEEP AWAY FROM THE LADIES.

NOW, HOW CAN I KEEP AWAY FROM THE LADIES?

98.5% OF MY CONGREGATION ARE LADIES.

AND THEY ALL ADORE YOU. INCLUDING ME.

- YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS. - OF COURSE I'M JEALOUS.

KEEP AWAY FROM THE LADIES.

I MUST GO. AH!

NOW WHERE ARE THOSE DATES FOR THE YOUTH CLUB?

WHY THE VICARAGE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SINGING AT THE CHURCH HALL.

WELL, I THOUGHT I'D ASK THE VICAR

IF THERE WERE ANY LITTLE FAVORITES HE WISHES ME TO INCLUDE.

IT'S THE SORT OF COURTESY HE WOULD EXPECT FROM ME.

( groans )

HAVEN'T YOU FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, DEAR?

- HMM? - THE DOOR.

EARLY RETIREMENT.

HMM?

OH, THAT WAS QUICK.

YOU SAID, "KEEP AWAY FROM THE LADIES."

OH, I SEE.

I MEANT KEEP AWAY FROM ALL OF THEM, NOT JUST THAT ONE.

TELL HER I'VE BEEN CALLED AWAY.

- WHERE TO? - VLADIVOSTOK.

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, RICHARD.

WHATEVER'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

REALLYWANT TO KNOW?

OF COURSE I WANT TO KNOW.

WHATEVER CONCERNS YOU CONCERNS ME.

VERY WELL THEN,

I'LL TELL YOU.

THE THING THAT'S BOTHERING ME--

YOU SEE HOW MUCH BETTER IT IS WHEN WE TALK THESE THINGS OUT.

I HAVEN'T STARTED YET.

THAT'S WHAT WIVES ARE FOR--

TO LISTEN.

WELL,

YOU THINK OF ALL THE TERRIBLE THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

( bells ringing )

OH, MY GOODNESS, LOOK AT THE TIME.

WE MUSTN'T KEEP EMMET WAITING, HE'LL WANT TO REHEARSE.

I'LL TALK TO THE VICAR LATER.

WE MUST GO STRAIGHT TO THE CHURCH HALL!

* DO-DO-DO-DOOT-- *

YOU CAN'T HIDE THERE ALL DAY.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I'D BE SAFER IN THE KITCHEN.

I'LL HAVE ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE.

JUDGING BY THE LENGTH OF HER SKIRT,

IT MUST BE ROSE UNDERNEATH THAT VEIL.

WHAT WOULD ROSE BE DOING HERE?

WOBBLING AS IF SHE'S BEEN DRINKING,

WELL, SHE CAN WOBBLE OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I WILL NOT HAVE A SISTER IN BLACK

WOBBLING INTO OUR CHURCH.

ROSE!

INCREDIBLE.

YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE MY SISTER HYACINTH.

ROSE, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

I HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING.

I TOOK A PILL--

AND IT SEEMS TO HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO MY KNEES.

I WISH WE COULD SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOUR SKIRT.

- WHY ARE YOU HERE?! - I WANT TO SEE THE VICAR.

YOU'RE IN NO CONDITION TO SEE THE VICAR.

I WANT TO BE A NUN. PUT ME DOWN!

- I WANT TO BE A NUN! - RICHARD, GIVE ME A HAND.

FUNNY HOW YOU MISHEAR THINGS.

I COULD HAVE SWORN SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO BE A NUN.

- I DO! I DO! - WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE HER HOME.

THERE'S NO TIME.

OH, RICHARD, DO REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE.

WE HAVE TO HIDE HER IN THE HALL UNTIL SHE PULLS HERSELF TOGETHER.

PULL MYSELF TOGETHER?

GOOD GRIEF, OUR HYACINTH,

YOU'RE NOT EVEN SATISFIED

WHEN A PERSON WANTS TO BE A NUN.

HOW TOGETHER DO YOU HAVE TO GET?

Hyacinth: NO, DON'T GET IN THE WAY, RICHARD.

OH, MIND WHAT YOU'RE DOING, DEAR!

ROSE!

I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LIFETIME'S DEDICATION,

BUT I WISH YOU'D TRY TO BREAK THIS HABIT

OF WANTING TO LIE DOWN EVERYWHERE.

DO TRY AND STAY ON YOUR FEET.

KNEES! IF I'M GOING TO BE A NUN I SHOULD BE ON MY KNEES.

IT'S ME THAT WILL BE ON MY KNEES.

OH, RICHARD WANTS TO BE A NUN, TOO.

SHE'S SURPRISINGLY HEAVY

FOR A SHORT-SKIRTED PERSON.

UHH!

HOW MANY PILLS DID SHE TAKE?

( giggling ) I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING,

THIS BEING A NUN MAKES YOU FEEL REALLY GOOD.

I FEEL UPLIFTED!

( giggling )

LOOK, POP HER IN THE STORE CUPBOARD,

UNTIL SHE GETS BACK THE USE OF HER LEGS.

I CAN'T HAVE HER SEEN LIKE THIS.

OH, DEAR.

OH, HYACINTH!

ELIZABETH, DEAR,

ABOUT OUR LITTLE CONCERT,

I THOUGHT I'D BEGIN WITH SOMETHING CLASSICAL.

I THINK EMMET'S ALREADY GOT A PROGRAM IN MIND.

OH GOOD, AND THEN A SELECTION FROM "THE SOUND OF MUSIC"

AND FINISH WITH "ANNIE, GET YOUR GUN."

I'M NOT SURE THAT EMMET WAS

QUITE THINKING ALONG THOSE LINES.

OH, HE'LL LOVE IT. EVERYBODY LOVES MY ANNIE OAKLEY.

I THINK I'D BETTER WARN HIM--

TELL HIM.

RICHARD, HOW DO I LOOK, DEAR?

I KEEP SEEING YOU AS A KIND OF RECURRING MOTIF

RUNNING THROUGH MY EARLY RETIREMENT.

THAT'S NICE, DEAR.

- AND THE HAT, HOW'S THE HAT? - YES, THAT, TOO.

SHE'S GONE!

SHE'S GONE!

SHE WAS HERE. SHE WAS HEADING THIS WAY, AND NOW SHE'S GONE.

AND STILL THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO REFUSE

TO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER.

OFF YOU GO, THEN.

AND KEEP AWAY FROM THE LADIES.

( off-key ) * WITH A GUN *

* WITH A GUN *

NO, NO! LOOK, SUPPORT ME, LOUDER.

PLUS FORTE!

* WITH A GUN *

* WITH A GUN-- * NO, IT'S TOO LOUD, NOW.

PIANISSIMO.

* OH, YOU CAN'T GET A MAN *

* A MAN-- A MAN-- *

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE PLAYING THE RIGHT NOTE?

I SUPPOSE IRVING KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING.

* IF I WENT TO BATTLE *

* WITH SOMEONE'S HERD OF CATTLE *

* THERE'D BE ST-- * NO!

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR PLACE AGAIN?

I THOUGHT YOU HAD. FROM THE BEGINNING.

* IF I WENT TO BATTLE *

* WITH SOMEONE'S HERD-- * KEEP IT GOING! FASTER!

* WHEN IT WAS DONE *

* THAT IF I SHOT THE HERDER I'D HOLLER BLOODY MURDER-- *

LOOK, YOU TOLD ME HE'D BEEN CERTIFICATED.

DA CAPO, BACK TO THE BEGINNING, PLEASE.

NO, NO!

ENOUGH! THAT'S IT!

I'M ONLY FLESH AND BLOOD. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER!

PSST!

WHAT IS IT HE CAN'T TAKE ANY LONGER?

THE CHAIR. HE'S GOT THE WRONG SIZE CHAIR?

HE'S VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS CHAIR.

IT AFFECTS THE STYLE OF HIS PLAYING.

WHY DON'T YOU GET ANOTHER TYPE OF CHAIR.

( whispering ) TAKE A WALK OUTSIDE.

YES. YES, I'LL--

I'LL GET ANOTHER CHAIR!

OH, SHUT UP!

I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE INTERRUPTION, HYACINTH.

OH, NO APOLOGY NECESSARY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ME

ABOUT THE LITTLE ERUPTIONS OF THE ARTISTIC TEMPERAMENT.

I'M THE FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE ARTISTIC TEMPERAMENT.

RICHARD WAS SAYING SO, ONLY THIS MORNING

TO THE CHINESE AMBASSADOR.

- ( giggling ) - ROSE!

SHE WAS IN THE ROOM WITH THE CHAIRS!

( screams )

ROSE! PUT MY ACCOMPANIST DOWN AT ONCE!

THIS IS NO WAY TO BEGIN YOUR VOCATION!

THE BUCKET WOMAN!

AH, VICAR!

VICAR, MY SISTER'S HAD A CONVERSION,

PROFOUNDLY.

WHY DON'T YOU PLAY "MISTY" FOR ME?

LET'S PUT HER BACK IN THE CUPBOARD,AGAIN,

SHE CAN MEDITATE IN THERE FOR A WHILE.

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY HUSBAND? HE'S WANTED ON THE PHONE.

( crashing, clanking )

OH, VICAR!

EXCUSE ME!

WELL!

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M GOING TO BE A NUN.

( theme music playing )

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