Original subtitles

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Ladies and gentlemen,

the story you are about to see

was taken almost word for word

and incident for incident out of the files

of the Treasury Department's roughest cases.

It is an actual case history,

and one that baffled the department for years.

It is, to my mind,

one of the most incredible stories

I've ever heard,

and I'm quite certain you will find it the same.

Please keep one thing in mind

as the story unfolds before you.

Everything you are about to see

is true.

It actually happened.

Hey, mister, I'm awfully sorry. But I'd like to explain.

You see, I was doing nothing but fishing.

I look forward to it all year. I don't do anything

but just fish, see? And I was out there fishing,

I cast out my line and then I saw the rod bend,

and I never dreamed I would catch anything

uh, particularly catch anything even half as large as you are.

- Never mind.

Knock off the chatter and listen.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that.

I'm a very, very good listener.

- Lift me up a little.

- Yeah, sure.

Oh.

Hey, mister, you're really hurt.

Gee, I didn't think the hook was that strong.

- Not much time left.

Diamonds.

Lots of diamonds,

millions, dollars,

don't let them have 'em. Stop 'em.

Promise, please, swear.

- W-well, I'll promise,

but I-I never swear.

Once in a while a little curse word sneaks out,

but I never swear. That's something I don't do.

- Oh, the hotel...

The yardarm.

The hotel with the yardarm.

The pouch. Run!

Wait!

Give me your word.

Run!

Wait!

Promise me. Swear.

I told you before, mister, about the swearing.

I never do that.

- Incredible.

Right?

That young man was Gerald Clamson.

Here.

Take a closer look.

He is the head auditor for the Weak National Bank

and has held down that position for 11 years.

He's a bachelor

and he works very hard 50 weeks a year,

and waits with nerve-tingling impatience

for that two weeks vacation

when all he has to think about is fishing.

He loves to fish and travel,

and otherwise mind his own business.

However, circumstances,

unusual circumstances,

had suddenly put him in a position

where he couldn't just mind his own business.

He would at least have to report all this to the police.

- He's dead, that's for sure.

- Is he dead?

- I checked him. He's dead.

You thought he was dead in Chicago.

No, Rex thought he was dead in Chicago.

I thought he was dead in Hong Kong.

Rex thought he was dead in Seattle..

Gunner thought he was dead in Hong Kong.

And you thought he got it in Chicago..

Now did anybody check to make sure it's him?

I told you I checked. Can't you hear?

Not if you don't press the button, he won't.

- I checked.

Yeah, you checked to see if he was dead.

You said, "Sure, he's dead.

But is it him that's dead?".

Now check and make sure it's a dead him.

It's him, all right, boss. No doubt about it.

The same beady little eyes,

that dumb nose.

He even has that same stupid smile on his face.

- It's too good to be true..

- You're right, boss.

You know, this'll be the first good night's sleep

I've had in years.

- Never mind all that.

Now make sure there's nothing on him.

Put some extra weights on him,

and bring him out into the deep water.

Then come back to the ship. Over and out.

- Right, boss.

- Gunner, you catching cold?

- I didn't cough.

- You know what I'm gonna do?

You know what I'm gonna do?

Give me that clip.

Give me it.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna make so sure this time

that even if I doubt it, I won't!

Precious Minutes to Torn Pocket.

- This is Torn Pocket.

The sounds I'm hearing, you're still not sure.

So I'll handle this once and for all.

Now stand back and take cover.

- This was Sid Valentine,

alias Sid Valente, alias Big Sid,

alias Ice Pick Sid,

alias Helen Valentine. He tried everything.

He had a record of 26 arrests and 25 convictions,

for grand theft, assault with a deadly weapon,

narcotics, murder, female impersonator.

In fact, every known crime in the book.

He was absolutely no relation to Gerald Clamson,

but, uh, he could've easily passed as his twin brother.

He was a member of a multi-million dollar

diamond smuggling ring until he decided

to cut himself in for a bigger piece of the pie.

- What's the trouble, Ed?

- Hiya, Jack. A 309 and a 107.

- Oh.

Driving on the wrong side and faulty tail lights, huh?

- No.

Faulty tail lights?

Oh. A 309 and a 107.

309 is speeding.

107 is expired license plates.

You see, officer, like I was telling this other gentleman,

I was doing nothing but fishing this morning,

when the man in a rubber suit came up on the beach

and talked to me about the diamonds.

- Speeding is a 601.

- It's a 309.

Plus the fact there was this big boat out there, you see,

and it was shooting at me and it had this yardarm,

and I promised.

See, actually, it was all motivated

by just wanting to go fishing,

and, uh, I do that every year.

Now, I-I'm just trying to say that I...

- What's the problem here, men?

- A 309 and a 107.

Oh, resisting arrest and a leaky muffler, huh?

No, driving on the wrong side and faulty tail lights.

No, no. It was just that I was fishing

and this man came out of the ocean, see,

and he was carrying this diamond yardarm,

and he had the mask on.

I said speeding and expired license plates.

A 309 is resisting arrest.

That's impossible.

All right, what's it all about?

- Oh, uh, i-it's all about,

uh, it's all about the man who came out of the ocean

in-in the black rubber suit and told me

to go to the hotel.

This officer says a 309

is not resisting arrest.

- A 309 is swimming in the nude.

- Uh, here, look at my manual,

and I'll prove it to you.

- Look, it all happened... - Here you are...

- He came out of the ocean...

- 309, resisting arrest... - There was also the boat...

While swimming in the nude. They were shooting from a boat...

- This boat-shooting, man,

he was dying.

I promised.

I said, I promised that I would just...

From the boat, this man...

Will someone listen to me?

I'm just... will someone just... I'm trying to explain,

if someone would just listen to me for a second!

I'm trying... I'm trying to ex...

Look... I'm...

Somebody better li...

All right, now.

Okay.

Now, that's it.

You're gonna listen or I'm goin'.

I'm getting in the car.

Watch it.

I'm getting in the car.

Here, I'm almost in the car.

And I'm going to slam the door.

There, it's slammed.

Watch, I'm gonna leave.

So you see, what Jerry's beginning to find out

is that most people

are so completely wrapped up in their own affairs

that they aren't really terribly interested

in anything that doesn't involve them.

And, unfortunately,

that's the way it is.

I'm beginning to think this map is a phony

Nobody asked you. Shut up and keep digging.

- What if it is a phony?

- It isn't a phony.

Why would he make a phony and leave it on the boat

he rigged to blow up?

Okay, so we found the dynamite,

then the phony map would slow us up some more.

- Okay, stupid,

now where's the real map?

It wasn't on him, was it?

Maybe he gave it to the fisherman.

- Fisherman? Are you nuts?

He wouldn't give it to some stranger.

He'd give it to anyone else before he gave it to us.

- Will you stupes shut up?

Now, the only way to find out if this is a phony map,

and that's to dig. Dig?

We dig.

Operator.

- Oh, hello, operator, uh,

I have a small problem. Well, actually it's a big problem.

You see... - I'll connect you

with Customer Service.

- Oh no, I want the police.

Hello. Customer Service, Stetson here.

Oh. Uh, no, I don't want Customer Service.

I think the operator made a mistake.

Would you get her back for me, please?

- Just click the receiver, sir,

and you'll get the operator back.

- Oh, of course. I'm sorry.

Operator.

Uh, operator, how do I call the police?

I usually cup my hands around my mouth and yell,

"Help, Police!".

- No. I mean on the phone.

Do you want the Mission Bay Department,

Waterfront Patrol

or the San Diego Main Office?.

- Well, I really don't know.

You see, I have this little problem,

well, actually, it's a big problem...

I'll connect you with Customer Service..

- No, wait!

Hi. This is Customer Service,

Stetson speaking.

- Hello. I want the police.

- Well, they're not here.

This is Customer Service, Stetson speaking.

- Yeah, I know this is,

uh, Customer Service, Stetson.

But I don't want Customer Service, see?

I want - I want the police

and - and I asked the operator,

a-and will you get her back for me?

If you could try clicking the receiver, hm?

I did that once and I lost my dime.

If you call Customer Service they'll mail your dime back.

You're Customer Service, Stetson!

- Well, how about that?

Uh, why don't you just call me and give me your address?

Operator.

Hello, operator, get me the police.

Do you want the Mission Bay Department,

Waterfront Patrol

or the San Diego Main Office?.

- Look, operator, I don't care.

I have this prob... No, look.

Get me the San Diego Main Office.

- That'll be 15 cents, please.

Hello?

This is your operator.

Oh, hi, operator,

this is Mister Stetson with Customer Service.

There seems to be some trouble on this line, Mister Stetson..

- Trouble?

Oh, there was some nut on there a minute ago

complaining about losing a dime.

- Oh, is that so?

Well, I got some news for you, you're nuts.

How do you like that, folks?

You're both nuts!

I'm on the phone here,

and they keep...

Mister, what's that over there?

- Uh, uh, where?

Right there. Wh-what's that over there?

Th-th-th-that's a hotel. Th-th-the - The Hilton Inn.

That's it. That's it. The yardarm. That's it!

- Th-that's what? - The yardarm. The hotel!

Oh, that's it. I've been looking,

and it's right there in front of me.

The Yardarm Hilton! Ooh, that's it!

- Thank you.

Oh. Oh.

- So sorry. - Golly.

- Oh, I'm terrible sorry.

I was in a hurry, and I...

I didn't see you standing there.

It's all right. I-I just guess,

I got carried away on my shopping spree.

Well, that's a woman's privilege, isn't it?

- I guess! - Oh, hey... I could...

Oh, uh, your change... - Let me tell you

a little secret. - Yeah?

I like chivalrous men who help ladies with their packages.

I hope that doesn't change either.

- Well, here you are.

I think I have everything now.

Yeah, well, you sure? I'd better help you in case,

because you're not very... - Thank you.

- It's not good yet.

- Can you make it all right now?

I'll be fine, if you'll just... Wait, here.

Here you go, put that there. Okay.

- Okay. - Okay?

- Thank you very much.

- You're welcome. - You've been very kind.

- Thank you. I-I...

Uh, till we meet again!

Say, excuse me, but I was just helping a lady out there,

and I came in here because... - Look, fella,

I don't know what you're up to, but take my advice...

Oh well, I just came up here for some information. You see

I was fishing, and, uh, this morning, on the beach,

and I-I had this man tell me about the yardarm in the hotel,

and I wanted to find out if it was about the diamonds.

So I saw the... - We don't need any diamonds,

and I couldn't care less about your personal problem.

Would you just put an egg in your shoe and beat it.

No but you don't understand...

Oh, I'm sorry. Mister, did... Are you all right?

Mister? Oh, I really...

Oh, I'm sorry. Well, let me explain,

uh, that was an accident...

Oh, I'm awfully sorry. I couldn't help it.

If I could just get my room, I'd appreciate it.

Right away, Colonel Sanders, right away, sir.

Beat it!

- Yeah, all right.

Such rank inefficiency I never seen.

You bungling moron.

- Moron?

Oh, me? Of course.

Very happy to have you with us, sir.

Front, boy!

Uh, I'm sorry I took so long, sir, very sorry.

- You should be sorry.

Well, I am. It's the foot, sir.

What are you looking for?

I don't know. I got me a hunch the diamonds

are some place on this boat.

Look, baby, there's two possibilities.

One, he hid the diamonds here some place on this boat,

figuring the boat was going to blow up.

Then he was going to skin dive down,

and lift them all from the bottom of the ocean.

Or...

he buried them in another place,

and passed the map onto an accomplice.

Huh?

- Who?

Surely not one of the three wise men.

Ah, we saw another guy on the beach.

A fisherman.

I don't think he would give it to some stranger...

but on the other hand he had no choice.

He might have figured that anything was better

than leaving it for me.

For us.

I don't know why you'd think that.

Yeah.

We were his friends.

Fisherman, huh?

Where is this fisherman now?

Who knows? He might come back to the beach.

We'll keep it cased.

But I still say the diamonds are on this boat.

- I don't think so.

I don't think he'd stash 'em here.

And I don't think it makes sense.

Look, Rex was down at the beach,

and everybody was down there and nobody knew...

Ahh!

Nobody's interested in what you creeps think.

And I'm still going to keep looking on this boat.

Well, I've got to get back to the hotel.

What hotel?

Yeah, what hotel?

It's a new job and it makes for a nice front.

What's the job?

Tennis instructor at the Racket Club.

And it's opposite the Hilton on Mission Bay.

We're not sure whether it was the diamonds,

the frustration of not being able to get anyone to listen,

or the little girl with the big packages.

One thing is for sure.

He was determined

to get into that hotel.

He went to a used clothing store and a novelty shop

just so he could have another go

at getting by that desk clerk.

The one he almost crippled for life.

- Yes, sir. - Oh!

- And welcome to the Hilton Inn.

Oh, thank you. It's very...

- May I get your baggage, sir?

Yes, you can get... Oh, oh, uh, my baggage.

Oh, uh, uh, well, no.

That... my man is bringing it in the other car.

- The-the other car?

Oh, well, yes. this is, this car I use just strictly

for sentimental reasons.

But when I go to a very beautiful, lovely...

then I use the other car,

and my man is coming back.

- Oh, naturally, sir. - Yes.

- Would you follow me, sir?

Ah, yes, I mean, just, uh, lead the way, young man.

- Oh, oh...

All right, get your get your hands off.

Just... don't get familiar. Go on, go on. Lead the way.

Lead the way!

Your bell broke.

So you had a broke bell,

so I-I just, uh, tossed it, uh...

- Just a darned second, fella.

Yes, mmm.

You're doing a very good job here.

I'd like to explain... - Oh, may I help you, sir?

- Oh, yes. I'm here for help.

A suite would be fine.

Oh, yes. We happen to have one overlooking the bay.

- A very beautiful suite, sir. - Oh, Marvey, Marvey.

I - if you'll just sign the register, here, sir.

I'll have the boy show you the way.

Oh, no, that won't be necessary.

I've been writing my name since I was just a little tike.

I know how to print it, write it backwards, anyway you like.

I-I know how to do that.

I didn't mean that. I meant that he would show you

the way to the suite, sir. - Marvelous. Marvelous.

Good thinking. Wonderful guy.

There it is. Clamson.

Not Clampson. There you are.

Here, back away, back away.

Just show me the way. Don't get close.

Don't get familiar. Go on.

You want a tip you conduct yourself like a gentleman.

You're doing a marvelous job. Wonderful. Good. Good man.

Hey, is this...?

Just, ah, lead the way. - Ooh!

- Oh, I'm sorry... - Oh, hello!

- Hello. - Well do you remember me?

- No.

W-well, yesterday I-I helped... oh.

I'm sorry but I - I don't think we've ever met before.

No, I was just going to say I don't think we ever met before.

- Oh, good. You probably...

Maybe you think I'm... that I'm somebody else?

No, I was, yes, thinking that you might be someone else.

You look very much like someone, I guess.

- Well, thank you very much. - Well, you're welcome.

I hope you find who you're looking for.

- Oh, well, thank you.

- Will you excuse me now? - Oh, certainly.

Hm.

- All right? He did it.

Now he looks like a dead crook

and a live creep. Take your pick.

It must have been that little bank examiner mind of his

that made him push on.

How would you like a man

with that kind of determination

looking over your income tax every year?

Sir?

Thank you. Go right ahead, go right ahead.

- Here you are, sir.

If you'll, uh, follow me I'll show you round.

- It's very nice.

Very nice indeed.

No, uh, that won't be necessary, young man.

I do have some important matters to take care of.

As a matter of fact, I do have to call my broker.

So if you'll be good enough just let me have the key.

- Oh, here you are, sir. - Thank you.

Thank you very much.

This is lovely, yes.

Marvelous. Uh-huh. Early American wood.

That's marvelous.

Oh, yes, for heaven's sake,

I did neglect to take care of you, didn't I?

Hm.

Nothing there.

Lint. Ha.

Here you are. That's for you, young man.

I'm sorry, I don't have any change.

Oh, that's perfectly all right.

You keep it all. Enjoy it. Use it all.

Yes, good, good.

Take it all and use it and enjoy yourself.

The whole dime? Take it all, the whole dime?

- Oh. I see what you mean.

Yes, all right.

There you are, a whole dollar.

- Oh, thank you, sir.

I can go a long way on that.

- Yes, really? Like where?

You know, what with the economy today,

it's more or less a gag.

Well, thank you very much, young man.

That's quite a wallet you have, sir.

- Oh, yes. Um, I was fishing...

Oh, that is, a friend of mine,

who was fishing, let me have it.

- Oh, it's waterproof.

For people who go boating and fishing

and things like that.

It's probably good for skin divers too.

- Yes. Uh... more or less,

as a matter of fact, speaking of skin divers, just this...

Well, sir, anytime you want anything, you just call me,

Harold, and I'll come running. Bye, sir.

Bye-bye. Yes.

Harold. Harold.

Lovely.

- Hi! - Oh!

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Hi. - Hi.

- You remember me? - Sure.

You're the nice boy that helped me with my packages.

- Yeah, well I... - How are you?

Good. But I hope I didn't scare you.

- That's okay. - Oh. I-I'm fine.

Where are you off to?

Oh, I was just going to do a little sailing.

They have some, uh, boats down at the pier.

Oh. I love - I love - I love sailing.

I used to have a '48 floatilla.

Well, then w-why don't you come along with me if, ah,

you don't have anything else to do?

Because they'll be plenty of room.

Oh, really? Yeah, I would like that.

I don't think they're on the boat.

Me neither.

Ah! I say they are!

Gunner, you take the speed boat

and go to the hotel.

But tell Bambi not to panic.

Tell her not to pick-up pick-up yet

And you two,

keep on eye out for that fisherman.

- Well, here it is.

How do you like it?

Wow, she's beautiful. It must be very soft and neat there.

- It's lovely. - I like that.

Okay, I'll take the bow, you shove out the stern.

Oh, shove it out? Is it in... Where do you get it?

- Right over there.

- Oh, you mean that one. - It's the end of the boat.

- Yeah, I knew that, I...

- Okay, now, untie the stern.

- Yeah. I got it.

Oh. Oh.

- Now, be careful. - Oh!

Watch it, n-no, d-don't push it out too fast.

- Oh. - Don't forget to - to jump -

W-Watch it!

W-Watch it. Watch it!

Hold on!

Oh... Ah!

- Oh!

- Uh, mister...?

- Uh, Glore, Thor Glore.

I'd like to see my friend.

- He could be dangerous.

- Dangerous?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, I've known him for years.

- Very well. I'll go get him.

- Yeah, you do that.

- I opened them for you.

- Oh, sit down.

Dangerous.

Dangerous.

Gunner, what happened?

Hey, Gunner, quit the clownin', huh?

It's us.

- What's the matter with him?

Maybe he saw something over at that hotel.

- Why don't you ask him?

- Gunner?

Did you happen to see something unusual

over at that hotel?

I say, that was kind of spooky, wasn't it?

With that guy? On the all - all fours like that.

- It-it sure was.

I mean, from where I was standing on the boat,

it looked as if he was looking at you, you see.

So when he stopped,

and froze on all fours, just, zip,

it really did look strange.

How long are you going to stay here?

- Oh, I live here.

You see, I work for the airlines.

PSA.

I'm a, uh, senior stewardess.

- Oh.

Senior stewardess.

That's like, you're the head man and all that.

You have to be single to be that, right?

- That's right.

How long are - are you gonna be here?

I'm gonna be... I'm not gonna be.

I mean, I didn't plan to be here at all.

Uh, look. It all started with my problem, see.

It started because I like to go fishing all the time.

So I go fishing the other morning.

That's when it started. Now, I'm on the beach all by my...

Oh!

So I hope I can see you tomorrow?

Uh, su - sure. If you want to. I...

All I was gonna do is just play a little tennis.

- Oh, well, good, okay, fine.

Tennis, oh, America's pastime, I love that,

I love to pass my time in America.

No, what I mean to say that, I know, I go to all the games.

Yeah, tomorrow, what time?

- Fine, let's play at 10.

- Uh, fine.

Tomorrow is fine, 10.

Tennis pastime, okay, then I'll see you.

Oh, uh, hello.

Uh, you know, oddly enough

I said myself, "Gerald, how about a tennis lesson?".

And I answered: "Good idea.".

So if you have nets and rounds and bats,

well, say in about ten minutes I can get over there?

Oh, Marvey, fine, all right, yes.

Huh? Oh, my name, yes, Clamson.

Gerald Clamson.

C-L-A-M-son.

Mr. Clamson, fine, thank you very much.

Oh, well, hello, Mr. Clamson.

Enjoying your stay, I hope?

Oh, yes, Marvey, Marvey, just a marvelous place,

Hilton is lovely and gorgeous and I'm having a marvelous time.

You look like you're disturbed. You looking for something?

- Well, you see, Mr. Clamson,

there's this nut who's trying to get into the hotel,

and, uh...

well, in fact he's going around hurting people Mr. Clamson, yes.

- He's trying to get into...? - Oh, my foot.

Anyway, I thought I saw him darting in and out of here

a moment ago. - Oh, I see.

What does he look like, Mr. Hodges?

Have you ever seen a roadrunner, Mr. Clamson?

A roadrunner, yes I believe I have. Yes, a cute little...

That's the only way to describe this kook.

- Oh, I see.

Well, that's terrible, terrible, Mr. Hodges.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I do hope you get your man.

Oh, I will, I will, I will.

In fact, we have two house detectives

working on it right now. - Well, that's marvelous.

I'm sure that you're securing your security, as it were.

Well, I hope that you're feeling better.

And good day, Mr. Hodges. - Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Clamson. - Oh, yes?

Were you on your way to some, uh, some sort

of a party or something? - Oh no!

A little tennis, that's all. - Oh.

I thought I'd play a little tennis.

Tennis! For heaven's sake forgive me. Yes of course.

Good for the body, good for the mind.

Jack Kramer, Gung Ho, the pros.

- Owwwww!

Oh, my worst foot! He hit my worst... oh!

- Oh.

Uh, how do you do?

Uh, Miss Berman? Or is it Mrs. Berman?

Miss is correct, but you can call me Bambi,

Mr. Clamson.

- Oh, as you wish, my dear.

Splendid. And, uh,

if you choose you may call me Gerald.

How sweet. You know, Gerald,

as you were walking over this way,

I had the strangest feeling

that I'd met you before.

That is odd. That is odd, my dear child. As a matter

of fact, that's happened to me on a number of occasions.

Just the other day someone came up to me

and took me for Gregory Peck.

- You're kidding?

Walked right over and said, ha, ha.

Oh, I see that you have all the equipment,

the necessary means that would be necessary for me to need.

And, uh, I could just get r-right away and throw and...

To play the game, that is, correctly.

Oh, oh. I'm curious, uh, Bambi, uh,

do these models come in the, uh, right hand

and the left hand models?

- Why, are you ambidextrous?

- Oh, on the contrary.

I can play equally as well with one hand

as I can the other.

Fine. Then let's go out on the court

and we'll brush up on your fundamentals a little bit.

Oh, marvelous. I-I'll take these for you.

The fundamentals are, uh, awfully important.

I-I think that in any sport, the basic fundamentals

and rudiments are equally as important at the beginning

as they would be if you were just starting.

Well, fine.

All right, now you remember the grip, don't you?

Oh, yes, how can I forget? I was laid up four days.

I had a very, very bad running nose,

had a rash on the side of my leg,

and I limped for about an hour after it was over,

but it's not something I like to remember.

It is painful, as it were.

Well, what I meant, Gerald, was the tennis grip.

- Oh, yes, yes. - Now, if you recall,

it's just like shaking hands.

Now put your hand out as if you were going

to shake my hand. - How do you do?

I'm Gerald Clamson, of course. - Fine. Very good.

Now take the racket just like you did my hand.

- Yes. - Okay. Very good.

- Good. - Now remember this,

a nice firm wrist. - Yes.

Okay, now let's see your backhand.

- There it is.

Uh... maybe holding on to it, uh, firm... firmerly,

would have been stronger than loose.

- Let me show you. - Yes.

- Okay.

Now remember,

nice and smooth, like that.

- That certainly is smooth.

Yes, a, uh, a man can faint from such smoothness.

- All right, now you try it.

Yes. I have a better thought. How would it be

if we were just to volley around a couple of rounds?

And that way we could back into the swing of things, in.

All right, I'll go over on the other side

and I'll serve to you.

Listen, this might be even better.

Uh, how would it be if you went over

on the other side and served to me?

- I just said that.

Well, then we're thinking alike and

then we should play beautifully,

for that matter, wouldn't you say?

- Okay, Gerald. - Don't forget your balls.

It's murder to play with just the, uh, rackets.

Have to have that. Now anytime you're ready.

I'm all set.

Game, point, love, set...!

I don't think the diamonds are on the boat.

- Me neither.

I don't care what you two creeps think.

You know, sometimes I wonder if it's worth all the trouble.

- Worth all the trouble?

In a few days Fong is going to run low,

then he's going to start asking about the new shipment.

So... I think I'll let you tell him what happened.

Hm? Then you'll see what's trouble.

- I was only kidding.

You know, I don't know how this guy could figure

he could get away with it.

You saw the dynamite in his locker?

- Mm-hm. - That was meant for us, pal.

- Right.

I bet he was going to stash the diamonds,

blow the ship up with us on it,

and tip off the cops about Fong.

Then when everything was cooled down

he was going to come back here,

pick the stuff up and live happily and richly ever after.

Great. He has a map that

doesn't start anyplace, given to him by a dead man,

and he can't tell anybody about it because

no one'll listen to him.

As a matter of information,

this is our hero's fourth encounter

with the, uh, lovable Mr. Hodges.

That - that's him. That's him!

Get him! Get him.

Just disappeared, out of nowhere.

Ah, I see we're having a picnic.

No we are not! Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Clamson.

No, we-we, in fact, we are looking for someone.

- Looking for someone?

I hope it isn't some rowdy or something.

I would hate to stay at a hotel with a bad element.

Bad element? Here? Oh, don't be ridiculous.

We don't allow anybody like that in here.

We make sure they don't come here.

In fact, this particular man happened to be the man...

the roadrunner that was trying to get into the hotel earlier.

And if I catch him I am going to crush his skull.

- And break his arms. - And legs.

- And shoot him. - And stab him.

And hang him.

- And electrocute him. - And gas him.

- Uh, and poison him. - Right.

That is, if we ever catch him.

Oh, we will, we will. It is only a matter of time.

- I-I wonder, Mr. Hodges,

would you be good enough to tell me, uh, how much time?

- Confused?

You're not alone. There's more. Come.

- I found him. The fisherman!

Yeah. He was at the beach, just like you said.

I didn't get too good a look at him, but...

I know it's him.

He even picked up one of our shells.

I know it's the right guy. I just...

You certainly have some strange friends.

Very funny. Get lost. I'll take over.

All right, Studs, what's up?

Okay, you can talk now.

Yeah, what happened? You look stoned.

Come on, say something. Tell us what happened.

There's something very funny going on at that hotel,

and you're the one that's going to find out about it.

- Yeah, thanks a lot.

I don't believe it.

A man gets killed and nobody cares.

That's the whole thing right there, nobody cares.

I tried to tell the police, I tried to tell everybody...

even the chambermaid.

Nobody'll listen.

So why should I care? Well, I'm leavin'.

- Hello?

- Hello, Jerry. This is Suzie.

- Oh, hi, Suzie.

- Hi, how are you?.

Oh, I'm fine, thank you.

- Are you doing anything?

No, I was just, uh, hanging around.

Are you planning on going anywhere?

- Oh, no. No, I had no plans.

I was, you know, just going to hang around.

Well, how would you like to go to SeaWorld?

SeaWorld? I-I've never been there.

Oh, it's a fun place. It's an amusement park

and you can see animals and things.

Would you like to go?

Oh.

I-I think, I think it's...

it's just because I'm frustrated, that's all.

It's not too terribly flattering.

- I don't understand.

Look... you just don't tell a woman something like that

just because you're frustrated.

- Something like what?

- Like your little problem.

- Little problem?

I don't think anything like this

has ever happened to anybody ever before.

- That's more like it.

I just can't stop thinking about it.

- That's beautiful.

- Beautiful?

Nobody'll listen to me.

I'm listening. I'm listening.

That's one in a row. You're the first one this week.

- The first one this week?

Well, except for the maid at the hotel.

The maid at the hotel.

You know what's really wrong with you,

Mr. Clamson, you're... You're frustrated.

- I just said that.

Yes, I know, but there's, uh, frustrated,

and then there's... "frustrated",

and you're just ridiculous!

- Well, it's just that I...

can't get it off of my mind.

Why don't you try a cold shower?

- A cold shower?

Enter Phase 3 of Ice Pick Sid's ill-fated plan.

These four men are members

of one of the biggest crime syndicates in the country,

and before his untimely demise,

Sid had made a date with them to meet him at the hotel,

at which time he would turn over to them

his packet of diamonds,

uh, smuggled diamonds, of course,

in return for a large amount of cash.

These boys knew Sid Valentine very well,

and were prepared to make this deal as quickly as possible.

Since Sid had no trouble double-crossing his own gang,

he certainly wouldn't hesitate trying it on them.

He's an evil-looking punk, ain't he?

- Disgusting.

I say we'll be doin' everybody a favor knocking him off.

- What's with them? - You tell me. They went looking

for that fisherman they came back like that.

And they've been that way ever since?

- Studs just mumbles

and Gunner does everything but wag his tail.

Fong is ready for you to make a delivery.

That maniac is liable to kill me

when he finds out what's happened.

- Now, wait a minute, Bambi.

- You wait.

Make your own delivery.

Well take somebody with you. Somebody from the hotel.

Oh, he'll steam a little,

but, uh, he won't be able to do anything about it.

Now I'm quite sure we can find that fisherman.

We know he's at the hotel.

Now, we'll have the diamonds at Fong's

before he even finds out they disappeared.

Where am I gonna find someone to walk through

SeaWorld with me? - That's your job.

Wait a minute. There is someone.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

There's this old guy at the hotel who's loaded.

He's a little square. In fact, he's very square.

- Well, that's perfect.

You know, I expect a little something extra for this.

- All right.

You can keep everything you take the sucker for.

It was so nice of you to come with me.

- Oh, uh. Uh, not at all.

Uh, although I did have, uh, something I had to do.

Oh, but there's so many wonderful things to see here.

Oh, yes, yes. Actually I'm aware of that.

I-I-I have been here before, you know.

I'll bet you haven't seen the pearl divers.

The pearl divers? No, I can't say that I have, actually.

Uh, no, I have not.

- Well, you'll just love them. - Yes.

- Oh, they're right over here.

- Oh. Oh, I'd like to see that.

See, they dive down and they bring up real pearls.

- Are those really real pearls?

I mean, that they get out of there?

- Of course. - What do they do with them

when they take the pearls out? - Well, you take them in there

and they mount them for you. - They mount them?

- Come on, I'll show you. - Sounds terribly interesting.

I see you have not come alone, Miss Berman.

Ah, no. I've come with my good friend Mr. Clamson.

Mr. Clamson, Mr. Fong.

- How do you do?

- How do you do, Mr. Clamson?

In the words of Confucius,

"A first meeting often bring

new meaning to life's everyday endeavors".

Uh, long time no see.

- Of course.

- Is my necklace ready?

I believe it is. I'll have to check.

We have been experiencing some difficulty

in getting our quota of fine pearls.

I suspect that something

has gone wrong in our supply department.

Well, I'm sure that it's nothing serious.

- I hope not.

Things like that disturb me.

Uh...

Excuse me, but, uh, you know what Confucius say

about that, don't you?

- No, I'm afraid I do not.

- Uh, Confucius say, "Cool it".

Oh, I must say that is...

- How quaint.

- If you will excuse me,

I shall go see about your necklace.

Pig! You careless pig!

I-i-i-it was the plastic. It's not hot enough.

- Not hot enough!

You passed for inspection, true?

- I-i-it was an accident.

- You are an accident!

You are also a mistake.

You blundering idiot!

Your incompetence could ruin everything.

- No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No!

It's just amazing. Just amazing.

It's hard to believe.

- Oh!

- Is hot enough now?

It's like witchcraft. All of this is just witchcraft.

It's-it just, ceases to amaze me

at how people can make these magnificent things

out of practically nothing. They take it out of the water -

Here you are. I hope you like it.

Oh, it's divine. Just divine.

My word. You must have an awful lot of clams back there.

As I said before, we are running rather low.

I hope somebody will do something about it soon.

- Oh, yes. Well, so do I.

- Ah, good day, Mr. Clamson.

Perhaps you can come back again.

- Oh, uh, yes.

Uh, on the contrary, as a matter of fact,

I'll certainly look forward to seeing you,

uh, y-you again, uh, Mr. Fong.

You have been more than, uh, than, ah...

I'll just, uh... until...Adieu.

Now this is interesting.

The map doesn't show where to start,

but why not start here. It's as good a place as any.

Of course, our hero was getting so frustrated at this point,

that it's surprising that he even went on at all.

But as you can see, he bravely pushes on.

That's him! That's him! Get him!

Do something! Anything!

Uh-uhhhh!

Never before me.

That's... That's im... That's imp-p-p...

I-I-don't... That's imp...

That's im...

That's impossible.

H-h-he's dead. I che... I-I checked him.

I checked him. O-o-or was it Hong Kong?

No, it wasn't Hong... It wasn't Hong Kong.

Uh, the Studs, with the... I took the, I took the...

We shot, we, with the grenade. He... Oh, Chicago...

I know he... Hmm, h-he's got to be...

He's gotta be d-d-dead. I know, what with the hole, I took...

We shot, with the hole, with the hole...

- Ha-ha!

I hope you have a good explanation for this,

you bungling idiot! - Uh, you see, we were looking

for somebody... - I may have to talk to your

superiors about this. - Oh, I want to tell you,

I meant no harm. You see... - Then just get out of there,

and make it fast. - Fast, make it fast, we will,

Yes sir. I'd like to apologize...

- Just beat it, stupid. - Oh, b-beat it, stu...?

Oh, stupid!

Don't just stand there, stupid, beat it.

- What did they want?

- Huh?

- What did they want?

- Oh.

Me, I'm afraid.

- Did you do something wrong?

Oh, no, not really. It-it was an accident.

You see, uh...

Oh, what's the use.

You, uh, you sound a little disturbed.

Disturbed? I think I'm going crazy.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Webster.

Mr. Webster. How do you do? My name is Clamson.

What, uh, seems to be the trouble?

Trouble? Oh.

Well, if I told you, you wouldn't listen.

- I might surprise you.

Listening to people's troubles is part of my business.

Oh, really? W-What do you do?

- I'm with the government.

In a particular branch of the government

that specializes in trouble.

Oh, yeah? What branch is that?

- I'm with the FBI.

- Huh?!? - I'm with the FBI.

- Are you serious?

I wouldn't kid about a thing like that.

Oh, well, then you would listen to my problem, huh?

If you think there's anything I can do about it,

of course I will.

Well, if you couldn't do anything about it, who could?

- Okay, then let's have it.

Okay. Oh, if you knew what I've been...

All right, let me start at the beginning.

It was about three days ago. Or four days... well,

I've lost all track of time.

And, uh, I was down at the beach fishing,

this one morning, see?

And I threw out my line and I let it go,

and then I caught this thing.

And this was some thing.

I never had a catch like this in my life...

But it bled from its hook hurt.

And, uh, this was a dying, dead, hurting hook.

But the machine gun, that did it.

So I ran out of there and I found this hotel.

Oh, where was I? - You found the hotel.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, ever since then I've been trying to find

somebody to help me, but no one will listen to me.

You know, I've been following the stupid map and...

- Yes, what is it?

We've been looking for you.

- Trouble at the White House?

- Yeah, you might say that.

Never a moment's peace for the President.

You know the President?

- Young man, I am the President.

What is it this time, the Secretary of State?

Can't let him out of my sight for a minute.

Come along, we'll, uh, drive you.

- I'll get my coat.

No, I have your jacket in the car.

Splendid, splendid. And phone ahead,

I want a full cabinet meeting at 6.00.

- Sure. - And by the way,

tell General Grant to send some of those good cigars of his.

And call my wife. Oh, we're gonna have a BBQ on Saturday.

- Hello, hello, hello.

Send up some help, send up some help.

- Thor.

Because I no, you see what, I was...

Rex! Will you be a little more specific?

It's impossible. Absolutely impossible!

He's dead and he's lying on the bottom of the ocean.

Will you get that through that thick skull of yours?

What you think you saw and what you saw

are two different things, as usual.

Okay, okay. I'll be over.

But something's gonna have to happen.

I just got a call from Fong.

Do I have to say anything more?

We're in trouble if we don't come up

with something right now.

Relax, honey, everything will be all right.

- Honey?

- Do you mind?

- No. No, on the contrary.

As a matter of fact, I like it.

Makes me feel good.

- You are good.

And you're nice.

You're, uh...

You're...

nice.

- Well...

I couldn't be very nice, uh...

allowing a lady to stand and I'm sitting.

Here, you sit down.

Y-you know what I don't understand, Suzie?

I mean, I cannot honestly understand...

I mean, why you feel that way?

- Why?

Why do you say that?

- I don't know. It's just that,

uh, I've been such a mixed-up mess since we met.

- I know.

And that's kind of flattering...

actually.

Oh, well, I have to be honest. It-it...

It all hasn't been on account of you, you know?

That's okay. I mean, if I've made just

a little mess out of you I'm satisfied.

Oh, that you have. That you have.

- Good.

Then I'll do my best to straighten you out.

I'd appreciate it.

- Now, about your problem.

Yeah. My problem. Well...

first of all...

I think I should make us a drink first.

- Wait a minute.

Jerry! Why don't you sit down

and start talking, and I'll fix us the drinks.

Well, it would be more gentlemanly

if you sat down and...

- Jerry, sit. I'll, drinks.

- Yeah. Me, talking. How.

I caught a frogman.

I mean, a real frogman.

A-a-a long, tall, living man frog.

And it was in a-a black rubber suit,

and I pulled him up on the beach, see.

And, now, I try to help him,

and I lift him up and he's hurt.

There's blood all over him and everything.

I'll get it. Like I say,

there's blood all over him and everything.

I'm sorry. We already gave.

Hey, what's the meaning of this?

Yeah.

Hey, uh...

What's this all about?

Relax, Ice Pick. I'm Moxie, these are my friends.

- That right? We're his friends.

Yeah, well you got the wrong room.

So beat it.

- Easy, kid.

What are you trying to pull?

- I smell a double-cross.

- Me too.

You wouldn't be trying something like that,

would you, Ice Pick?

- Ice Pick?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Say you. You looking for some trouble?

Look kid, trouble we don't need,

and I'm sure trouble you don't want.

Now, let's sit down peaceable-like,

and just have a talk.

Th-there must, there must be some misunderstanding

or something, uh, gentlemen.

Apparently y-you, uh,

you mistake me for somebody else.

- Where's the picture?

- In your pocket.

Don't look like somebody else to me.

It doesn't look like someone else to me too.

- There's no doubt about it.

Right. Same beady eyes and funny nose.

- I don't have beady nose.

- Eyes!

- Oh, yeah. Right, eyes.

Uh, hey, will you guys tell me what you want?

Diamonds, pal. That's what we want, remember?

Diamonds? The diamonds? Oh, the hidden diamonds.

- Hey, that was good.

You remembered real fast. Where are they?

- I don't know.

- What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean?

You don't mean you got a better offer, do you?

You don't mean you sold them to somebody else, do you?

- Of course not.

I just don't know where they are.

- Try a little harder.

Try a little harder, yeah. Well...

Yeah, maybe it'll come back to you.

Yeah, well. I'm really trying hard now.

Uh... I can't talk with the air going...

Yeah, oh, I know, I know. Oh, yeah.

Okay. All right, fellas.

All right. It, uh... I was kidding. That's it.

I was... you know... I know when I've had it.

Yeah, we heard you was kind of a joker.

Yeah, yeah, I get my kicks that way.

I love practical jokes. Kidding around all the time.

Well, let's not kid around anymore.

It makes me nervous.

It makes you nervous? Yeah. Well, you know the best thing

for nervous is, like, to relax. Yeah, to relax.

And the best thing in the world for relaxing is, like, a drink.

Why don't you let me get you a drink,

and we'll sit and talk and relax.

And then we'll talk about the diamonds, you know.

'Cause I've got 'em, uh, stitched.

- Stitched? You mean stashed?

Yeah, that's what I said, stashed, right?

- He say stashed.

- All right, get the drinks.

Get the drinks, yeah. They're right there.

I mean, I'm not gonna be far.

I'm sure you won't miss me, 'cause it's a quick...

I'm, uh, just gonna go over there where,

uh, excuse me, the drinks are.

They're in the drink place.

And I'll get us all

good, cool, clear drinkings.

What's happening? What's this all about?

- I can't tell you now.

You just gotta go and get help.

Uh, yes, sir, diamonds, diamonds,

yes, they are beautiful.

They certainly are. Ha. Oh, diamonds!

You gotta go and get help. Go out the window.

Get the army, the navy. Please, anybody.

Just get help.

- Jerry, what's this all about?

- I can't tell you now.

I-it's about the frogman and all that.

Yes, diamonds! The most beautiful gems.

Ha-ha-ha. Love ya!

Worried for a while you guys wouldn't show up.

Now be careful, and don't get hurt. All right?

I love you!

Uh, I-I love diamonds.

That's what you heard me singing.

♪ I love diamonds ♪

Oh, here's your drinks. I made two.

I'll get two more, right? - Never mind, two will be fine.

Now, bring out the stones.

- Huh? - Stones!

Oh, yeah, sure. Ah...

Stones. Uh, yeah.

How do I know, uh, you're the right guys?

I mean, how do I know you're not another mob?

Huh? - What? You were expecting

somebody from another mob?

Oh, no, no. That's not what I meant.

I was just check... - Look!

- Yeah?

- We made a deal on the phone.

I said I'd be here with the money and here I am.

Now bring out the rocks before I lose my cool!

- That's fair.

Uh, you know, that makes sense.

It's hard to argue.

Yeah, a deal is a deal. Right.

Well, then, uh, you got the money?

I mean, a deal is a deal, that's all I'm saying.

I'll get the rocks, the stones,

whatever you want to call it, but I only wanna know,

do you got the money?

You don't have to worry, he's got it.

You see, he's worried about the money...

Oh, you're with him.

Excuse me, gentlemen, excuse me.

- Susan!

Aren't you going to introduce me

to your friends, dear? - Who's that?

- Yeah. Who are you, lady?

- You'll find out in a minute.

Uh, Suzie, i-is everything all right?

- It certainly is.

The place is surrounded.

- Hey, what's going on here?

You're not deaf, you heard the lady.

The place is surrounded. You heard what she said.

- Surrounded? - Right.

- 300 armed men.

- 300 armed men.

You heard. So how do you like that,

you crummy robbers? Three hundred. Surrounded.

So you might as well just give up.

Yeah, you might as well give up.

Your gun-slinging days are over.

You've had it. You might as well kick it.

No more, "crime doesn't pay" and all of that jazz.

They're all surrounded, and you're gonna get it now.

Uh, the electric chair is the next stop.

- 300 armed men?

Yeah, that's what she said. 300! 300, you said, sweetheart?

That's right. And they're all over the place.

- Who'd you get, lady?

Uh, tell him who you got, sweetheart.

- The FBI.

Ha-ha! Okay? How's that grab ya?

That's not penny ante stuff.

That's not I-local cops.

That's, those are big. That's big Mamu.

That's the Feds. Right?

That's Folsom and Levenworth and The Rock, with the water,

you can't jump, you'll be dead.

And they take you in and it's solitary...

And the FBI is always...

Ain't they the best?

- Right.

- You said the FBI, yeah.

Now, uh, it was? Yeah.

And when they, they

ram those rods in and shove 'em...

You said the... You called them up, right?

No. I didn't have to. One of their agents,

in fact, the head of the entire FBI

was right outside the hotel.

The... Oh, oh, oh, oh. You bumped into him?

- Right in.

She walked out of the hotel and bumped right into...

Did he say he was the head of...?

- He said more than that.

He said he was the President's right arm.

Did he have a little black mustache?

Uh-huh. You know something?

If you don't believe me,

I'll prove it to you, because he's right outside the door.

Yeah, well go get him. Here, take yours. And that.

He's right outside the door.

You'll see him in a second.

H-he's the bigshot.

He's the same...

- Right this way.

- All right, guns on the table.

Up against the wall.

- Hey, ain't that the nut

those guys took away this afternoon?

- I'm going to kill him!

Shoot him! Oh.

- That's the nut.

Stop those men! They're Russian spies!

- He's dead all right,

but we think he passed the diamonds

or maybe a map of where they are

to some fisherman who's over at the hotel.

- You blundering fool!

Well, how did I know he was a thief?

- You should have check him.

- I checked him in Hong...

- There was no way of knowing.

I suspect him from the beginning.

Those beady little eyes and that funny nose.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well, I'm going to the hotel and find the fisherman.

I got a description of him.

- You better find him.

I am impatient man.

Yeah, b-b-because, uh, because w-w-we may...

W-we may run, we may run into...

We, Thor and I, we may get, uh, Well, well, well, well...

we may run into s-s-somebody else too.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Don't listen to him.

He's been seeing things lately.

I could have b-b-been mis...

B-b-been m-m-m-mistaken...

I-I-I didn't...

I didn't see, no, he, no, he, we could've, we-we...

Well we could have... I-I-I-I haven't, I haven't s-s-s...

Well, maybe I-I-I didn't s-s-see anybody...

C-could be a m-mistake. Mistake, mistake.

Honestly, honey. I don't know what this thing is all about.

But whoever these guys think I am

was pretty short on friends.

What are we gonna do now?

I think we might get some help in the park.

Come on.

- Stay very still, pal.

- Im... P-p-p-p-possible.

- I don't know how you did it,

but you ain't gonna do it again,

cause I'm going to fill you so full of holes

they're gonna use you for a fly swatter.

- Well, I'd like to explain...

Shut up! Check him, Rex.

- O-o-o-o-okay.

Not that way, stupid. See if he's armed.

O-okay, you got it.

- Uh, you guys better realize

you're not gonna get away with this.

Uh, there's help on the way

and it's not gonna be the FBI.

- He's-he's-he's okay.

Wait till you see how happy Fong'll be to see you.

- Fong...?

Oh, you mean, Fong, with the pearls?

Will you stop with the dumb act?

You've had it.

- Had it.

- Now start moving. - M-move.

- Start walking. - Oh, well.

- And don't try anything. - No, I won't.

But, uh, I'd like to...

- Manager!

It was an accident, lady. He's gone.

I should get the police. I've never been so

insulted in all my life. It's a shame that a lady

can't be seen around in the streets anymore.

You're just not safe.

Hey, take it easy, will you, lady?

- He can't be far away. - Yeah. Look,

you go that way and I'll go this way.

Oh! Not that way, stupid.

Oh! A gun!

Deck the halls with...

Hey! Hey! Hey! Boss! It's-it's him!

Thor! It's, that's, that's the guy. Mmm.

- How come you slipped?

That's the guy. That's the guy over there.

- What? What? - It's him. The guy.

- What are you trying to say? - Him, look!

- There he goes!

- Welcome, honorable countryman.

Oh, well I didn't, you see, ah...

Oh, uh, oh, thank you, thank you.

Yes, uh, man who have honor and live in country would then,

of course, be honorable countryman.

Well, then, perhaps I can show you something?

- Oh. Oh, thank you very much,

but, uh, did not come for something,

came in to just smell your incense.

Very tasty. But do have to, uh, run along.

Have many things to do,

so, uh, must go to do same,

and have to run along. Oh.

- Old Chinese proverb say

"A man who hurry often pass opportunity."

Oh, yes. Oh, beautiful proverb.

Also Chinese proverb say,

"Man who hang around, often get hung up."

Man fall in pool! Drowning!

- What you do here?

Something's gone wrong.

What you want?

- Valentine's double-crossed us.

He kept the packet of diamonds.

- What?

Where is he?

Oh, he's around somewhere, dressed like a kabuki dancer.

- Kabuki?!

Confucius say,

"Man who crawl get nowhere fast."

- Oh...

Oh, you want to play rough, huh?

Okay, you want to play rough, I'll...

Play rough.

Oh, well. Yeah.

Oh, well, could I...?

You know what? You know where I think

you might have got sore, ah, from, when I caught the ah...

See, I was only...

I wait to fish... Oh, I'm sorry... Oh, er...

And in here, yeah.

If I could just, er, ex-explain, uh,

w-what happened.

Uh, i-it's very, very simple matter.

You see, but if I detect hostility in people,

then I-I tend to submerge my inner emotional structure.

Now, to expound on what I feel in my heart,

if you push me around...

- Where are diamonds?! - The what?

The diamonds! Where are they?

Everybody keeps asking me about diamonds!

And I gotta tell you the truth,

I-I hear yardarm and hotel,

a-and I don't know nothing about anything...

I do not need to remind you what that is.

Uh, it looks like hot bromo. Hot bromo.

- Hot bromo. - Well, it was a gag.

Look, let me explain... - Throw him in!

- Throw him in! - No, no!

All right, all right, all right. Don't. Just...

You want the diamonds? Put me down. Okay.

- Put... - Put him down.

Just put... Ooh. Just put... Okay.

I-I-I know when, I know when I've had it. Here.

I'll tell you the whole story and the truth. See this?

I'm not... I know you didn't realize,

I'm not really a kabuki dancer.

It's, uh, it's a disguise, see.

And this is not... Here, this is my real...

And, uh, here... See this, it's all make-believe.

I'm not anything that I-I made out to be,

and, uh, it was... I fooled everybody.

- Oh, yes, you clever. - When I dressed up that way,

see?

- Let's throw him in!

All right, all right, all right! All right,

I-I got the-the diamonds at the hotel.

- Ah? - A-and I'll go over there

and I'll get 'em for you. - Oh, no, no, no.

We go with you. - Yeah, we'll go with you.

Yeah, fine. I-I-I think it's marvelous,

'cause I-I don't like to be alone.

I'll help you.

I-I appreciate it. And, uh, by the way,

all... all of the clothes there, that I took off...

- What do..? - I-I-I think, I th...

Er, I-I-I think, I-I th... Er, he left.

- He left.

He left!

- Come on!

Come on, stupid, shoot him, not me!

Oh. It appears that Jerry and Suzie are safe now,

and can relax.

No chance.

- This is where it all started.

- You mean, the problem?

The thing you've been trying to tell me?

The thing that's kept us running

until there's no place to run anymore?

And chased by half the population.

Jerry, I'm listening.

- Oh, well. Well, yeah, honey.

Uh, th-this is where it all started.

I mean, that morning, you know, when I was fishing,

but, I mean, that's not really a problem anymore,

because, actually if it wasn't for that,

I mean, I-I wouldn't have met you, and...

you know?

- I know.

A-and, if it wasn't for that problem,

we wouldn't be standing here

together on the beach... alone.

- Mm-hm.

- I mean, uh...

standing on the beach.

Just the two of us.

- Just the two of us.

- Alone.

- Oh... - What's wrong?

- Oh, we're-we're not...

W-we're not completely alone.

- What do you mean? - Our friends.

Our friends are joining us again.

Oh! Oh!

Ooh!

- Uh, ah, any luck?

- That's Sid Valentine!

- Oh! Oh!

- Get him!

Suzie, I-like I was trying to explain before...

- I'm still listening, Jerry.

- Never mind.

It wasn't important.

- I told you it was incredible.

And true.

Well, do I look like a man that would lie?

But, true or false,

movies are still your best entertainment.

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