All language subtitles for Buddymoon.2016.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[Wind whistling]

[Man's voice]
"We are now about
to penetrate

a country

on which the foot
of civilized man

has never trod.

The good or evil
it has in store for us

has yet to be determined.

We carry every article
by which we are to survive.

The party
are in excellent health
and spirits."

[Panting]

"Zealously attached
to the enterprise

and anxious to proceed."

[Grunting]

"Entertaining, as I do,
the most confident hopes

I could but esteem
this moment of our departure"...

[Roars]

..."as among
the most happy
of my life."

-[Growling]
-[man screaming]

From the journals
of Lewis and Clark, 1805.

So, David Zara
for William Clark.

And can you tell us
how tall you are?

Uh, as I can play
any height.

That's how good I am.

[Man]
you know, David,
i gotta say,

we're both huge
"little genius" fans.

[Man #2]
Ah, man, huge.
We love it, love it.

Cool, guys.
Yes, thank you.

It was a long time ago,
but, you know.

How did it go,
it was like, he's a...

[Together]
* little genius.

-[Both laugh]
-Oh, wow, wait.
And the catchphrase--

-"does not compute."
-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-"That does not compute."
-[Laughs] Okay.

No, that was the, um,
the robot-- "little genius"

-who said that.
-Oh.

But I was like
the straight man,
like, "awe."

You know?

Um, I don't remember that.

Hey, well,
should we get started?

Surely.

[Sighs]
pacific. pacific.

[Music playing]

[Grunting]

Meriwether?

Meriwether,
stop paddling. Yon.

It's the pacific!

It's the pacific at last!

[Whirring]

[Buzzing]

[David's voice]
Hi, this is David.

I can't come to
the phone right now

because I am on
my honeymoon.

Call you in a week
when I get back.

-[Beep]
-hi David, it's flula,

your bff forever.

I hope you're doing okay.

I know probably
the answer is "not okay,"

but don't worry.

Your best man
is coming to cheer you up.

Get ready for a nice
gassy ball.

It will make sense
in just some seconds.

Bye-bye.

[Whirring]

[Whirring stops]

[Knocking on door]

[Gasps]
good morning, David.

Hey.

Okay.
[clearing throat]

Look who's here
to brighten your day.

No?

These rays
have no effect?

Here, have a bottle.

Ooh, rosé.
I like it.

Frankie cancels the wedding.

She takes
all of the furniture,

but on the bright side,

I have a
lifetime supply
of rosé.

Things are looking up.

-What're you wearing?
-What am I wearing?

David,
what are you wearing?

You look like kangaroo.

You know marsupials

actually travel
in pairs, though.

[David narrating]
"From the pen of William Clark.

Every great journey,
like a giant redwood

begins, initially,
as a small seed.

On the day my old friend,
meriwether Lewis came to visit,

I was entirely unaware
that he had come

to plant this very seed

into my life."

David,
we need to get
you outside.

You've been in here for like,
what, a week?

You need some sun
on your face

and your body,
your legs, torso.

We were gonna start
our honeymoon today.

One week hike
would've been very romantic.

It's too late
to return all this gear.

-Did you cancel it?
-No.

You're outside,
are you like just in the forest

and nature with someone
you like and care about?

Yeah, it just
would've been

me and Frankie
out there.

But Frankie's
not available.

Yeah, I'm aware
of that, flula.

-Thank you.
-No, I'm just saying,

sounds like a trip
that is not cancelled

and that it would be nice
to maybe have companionship

on this wonderful journey.

Mm.
it would've been.

David.

What did Rudy do

when he could not
make the sack?

"Rudy,"
the football movie?

Exactly. "Rudy."
You are Rudy.

And these opponents,
the enemy team, and the people.

This is like Frankie
and the wedding cancel

and all the sad times
in your life.

You are there on the field
and you're like,

"what the-- help!
I would like to make
a sack, perhaps."

Nobody can see you.
You are tiny.

But do not worry, David--
i mean, Rudy,

you have friends.

You have
the other players
on the team,

the tall boyfriends
with the jerseys and numbers.

This is me.

And the crowd
who cheer for you?

Rudy! Rudy!

Rudy!
this is me, also.

And I'm the grasses
and the sky.

I'm-- I'm all
of these things, David.
I'm helping you out.

You'll win the championship.

And I will help you, Rudy.

Let's do it.

Yeah, so, wait.
You want-- what're you saying?

We are going to go
on your honeymoon together.

-No, no.
-No, this is great, David.

-Awful.
-no, we're doing this.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

[Weakly]
Rudy.

[Together]
Rudy. Rudy. Rudy.

-What?
-Rudy.

-Rudy.
-Rudy.

[Music playing]

[Flula] okay, David.
So this is my first honeymoon.

Tell me,
what will we do?

[David]
well, it's gonna be

seven days,
seven nights,

hike through
the wilderness,

gorgeous vistas,
rugged overlooks.

[Flula]
that sounds amazing, David.

[David]
and on the last day,
there's a special treat.

One night
in the big piney

wilderness lodge.

Ooh, sounds very romantic.

Yeah, that's...

Kinda the weird thing
about this.

How many beds?

[David]
one bed.

But I'm sure they will bring
a cot in or something.

Uh! got you!

Okay, so we will
"cot" the bed in half

-to make two beds?
-No-- god, no, no!

A cot is like
a smaller bed

that they can lend us
in addition to the one bed.

So we'll have three beds?

Fair enough.

* won't you
come back here again? *

* I'm the country
gentlemen *

* don't count your battles
just family and friends *

* I'm the country
gentlemen *

[flula]
David, I've heard there are
magical creatures

-in this forest?
-No, there are not.

Yeah, like yetis
and leprechauns, werewolves.

The sasquatch.

[David]
okay, I'll tell you right now
that does not exist.

I've seen photos
of sasquatch.

Well, I've seen photos
of Godzilla.

Have you seen
"die hard 2"?

I have not seen
"die hard 2."

So maybe the film
doesn't exist.

Yeah.

* when a friend
and another friend *

* are going through
the forest*

* for some
adventuring times *

* what will they see?

-* nobody knows
-[Phone buzzing]

-Wait, wait.
-* they will just go--

shh, shh, shh, shh.
Hello?

Shut up.
You're kidding me.

You know, I will have
my phone on me all week.

I'm reachable.
Okay, bye.

Woo hoo hoo!
That was my agent.

-Yeah?
-okay, I went in

for this Lewis and Clark
bio pic for William Clark.

They really like me,
and I'm gonna find out

-in the next couple of days.
-Oh, David, I'm so happy.

You-- you think
I'll get reception, right?

-Oh, in the forest?
-Yeah.

N-no.
no, no.

We're in the boonie-docks
right now.

-You ready?
-Yeah.

I entered us
in the registry, David.

This way, if a sasquatch
or something eats us,

our parents will find
our limbs okay.

[David clears throat]
That's a good idea.

-Haha! let's do this!
-[Flula] Oh, yeah.

Bound it, David.
Bound it.

[Music playing]

[David]
ho-hoo!

-Are you looking at this, flula?
-I see it, David.

-What did I tell you?
-I love it.

Exactly what I needed.

This is my therapy.
My antidepressant.

[Flula]
suck it in, David,
suck it in.

[David]
what does it bring to mind
for you?

It's like heaven,
but with real trees.

[David]
this is the greatest thing.

[David narrating]
"The wooded country,

through which
we now pass

is the most rugged
and most beautiful

I have ever seen.

But this beauty belies surely
belies some unknown danger.

I am no coward,
but I fear

that not all
will make it across
the continent.

But for now,
all are in good spirits.

Not a whisper of discontent
can be heard among the men.

We act in unison

with the most
perfect Harmony."

[David groans]

[Exhales]
okay.

[Flula]
David, can we increase
our pace a bit?

[David]
oh, god.

[Sighs]

Hey, David,
we're slowing down.

-[Groans]
-move those tiny legs.

Good god.

Whoa.
what's the altitude here?

[Panting]

Wow, these, uh--

these packs
are heavy, huh?

-No, not really.
-Pretty light.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah, I just, uh-- [spits]

Think that
morning bottle of rosé
is catching up to me.

-That was a bad idea.
-[Exhales]

Let's sweat it out.
Come.

Just push out that rosé,

push it out
your pores, David.

-David?
-oh, my god.

[Music playing]

-Oh, my god.
-Don't let the trail hike you.

You must hike
the trail, David.

Come.

Haha-hah!

Yeah!

[Speaks German]

Feel it in
your lungs, David.

[Groans]
my legs are tingling.

[Inhales, exhales deeply]

Oh, nature.
You're so refreshing.

You're like
an Arnold Palmer.

[Inhales, exhales]
You're like a cigarette.

But not filled with nicotine,
you're filled with...

Nature.
woo ahh!

I can't feel my butt.

[Groans]
ah haha hah!

[Inhales]
nature, I suck you in.

[Roaring]

Oh, my god.

[Wind whistling]

[David]
i can't feel my toes,
which I understand,

but I can't feel my fingers,
which scares me.

How far
did we walk today, David?

We walked two point--

just two miles.

How many more miles
remain?

84.

[Flula]
i think we need
to walk faster.

[Music playing]

[Flula counting in German]

Yeah, okay.

All right, David.

We are ready for a hike.

Oh, David,
do you know how like, when--

when small things
you carry them,

they help you move faster
more nimble like a leopard?

Let me show you a trick
from my father

I learned on a volksmarch.

-Here.
-okay.

Yeah, here we go.

-[Snap]
-ugh. yeah. Siest du?

You've beheaded
my toothbrush.

Now it's six grams lighter,
approximate.

What do I do with the other
95 percent of it?

Oh, you will carry
that in your pocket until
we find a trashcan.

-Yeah, yeah, that's, uh...
-Excellent.

Then you will
move faster, yes?

Going on a hike
with my friend David.

Who is right behind me
for sure.

Oh, look, I found--
i found a pyramid

-or something interesting.
-Okay, wait up.

You should see it.
It's disappearing quick.

[Laughs]

[Whispering]
there's so many great
sounds here, David.

[David narrating]
"One of our great tasks

is to record
native specimens

in this new part
of the continent."

[Flula]
note, record leaf slaps.

[David narrating]
"Meriwether has taken
a keen interest in this.

Even employing
a special apparatus
in these pursuits."

[Whispering]
it's photosynthesizing.
Right now.

[David narrating]
"I too have joined meriwether
in this endeavor."

-It's gross.
-Ah.

Record more photosynthesis
for my synthesizer.

[David narrating]
"And I am eager to assist
in the process."

What're you doing, man?

I'm recording sounds
for this song.

What song?

It's the greatest song
that I've ever written.

Uh, I see it has not been
written yet.

Well, that's what's
now is for.

Wait, stop, stop,
stop, stop.

-Do that again. No.
-What?

-Back, back.
-What?

Like, shh, like this,
just go like this.

-Why don't you just do it?
-You do it.

Again.
more.

-What is happening?
-Shh!

[David narrating]
"Though his methodology

is sometimes perplexing"...

[Hissing, blowing]

[Echoing]
"wind tree blow."
Record tomorrow.

[David narrating]
"I have no doubt that
the president

-and future generations
of scholars"...
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David narrating]
..."Will be much delighted
with our new discoveries."

[Water rushing]

-This is perfect c-minor.
-Mm.

-You know?
-Yeah.

I pee in the key
of c-minor.

You do?

In a standard toilet,
or course.

We'll record that later.

[Music playing]

[Water rushing]

[Birds chirping]

Can you pass me the gorp?

-Sorry, what?
-The gorp.

-The gorp?
-The gorp.

-Gorp?
-the gorp.

-The gorp?
-Gorp.

-What's this?
-It stands for, um...

It's...

Can I have the trail mix?

-Oh, yeah, sure.
-Thank you.

That was right there.

You know, flula,

Lewis and Clark
hiked through here over
200 years ago.

Coulda...
slept right here.

This is gonna be good research
if I get the part.

[Whispering]
do you think Lewis
urinated on that tree?

That tree?

-Mm-hmm.
-no.

But if they camped here,
you know, to leave the tent

-and then--
-allow me for a second.

Clark had a slave
named York

who did
the entire journey
with them.

York actually saved meriweather
Lewis from a grissly attack,

he was revered as a brave
and-- and giant of a man

by the local Indian tribes.

At the end of the journey,
Clark whipped York

for not
wanting to go back
as a slave.

-What?
-awful.

-That's terrible.
-Yeah, it's depressing
part of the script,

and I'm trying to have them
tweak the ending.

I have an idea.
Doing some work on Clark,
Clark wouldn't say that.

Clark would say something like,
uh, I love you.

You did it with us.
I set you free.

-Go have a life.
-Go, be free.

That's my take.
Just go.

-I like that, David.
-Thank you.

-Do you know
another thing I like?
-What's that?

Fast lunches
and hard hikes.

Oh, you're done.

David, I'm fighting time.

In 60 years,
I'll be dust and molecules.

-[Grunts]
-wow.

So, suck it, time.

I'm gonna hike
on your face. Right?

I'll take my break
when we hike.

The young bird gets, uh--
gets all the worms.

Means a tardy bird
just-- ugh,

eats gravel
or, you know,

sand.

Other worms that are dead
and smell bad.

[Grunts]

Come on, David!

[Water rushing]

[Whispers]
look, David, a human.

-Hey, there!
-Uh! Jeez.

[Laughs]
god! jeez!

You guys
just scared me
so much.

I haven't seen somebody
in a long time.

Hey, what're you guys
doing out here?

-Oh, we are on a honeymoon.
-Oh.

That's awesome!
Congratulations.

We're-- he--
we're on my honeymoon.

He's coming along with me
on my honeymoon, so...

-Have a wonderful life together.
-Let's be clear-- friends.

-We are honey-buddies.
-You guys are gonna make
a beautiful family.

You're gonna
have kids, right?

-Yes.
-awesome.

-With other people.
-Mazel tov.

-[Clears throat]
-Thank you.

I'm really happy
for you guys.

Seriously.

Did you hear that?

[Whispering]
what is it?

I can't hear anything.

What're you hearing?

It's gone.
[Chuckles]

Is it sasquatch?

-Ah...
-is it a minotaur?

-Um...
-it's a yeti.

We have two in Germany.

Well, um, not--
not to freak you guys out
or anything,

but enjoy
your time together.

-Okay.
-'cause there's
these, um--

there's wolves.

[Wooshes]

Was that a wolf?

Yeah.
they're government
experiment wolves.

Yeah, they're pumped
with gmos,

and they are massive,
huge animals.

They kill for pleasure
and they're fangs are huge.

And they leave they're kill
so that you see it,

so that you know
that you are the one
that is being hunted.

They've got these huge giant
velociraptor claws.

-[Hisses]
-[shivers]

[Inhales, exhales]

But, listen.

Have a great honeymoon,

enjoy your time together.

Just be cool, okay?

Don't sweat...

Because they smell
the sweat.

And, um, listen,
I'm gonna give you a-- a--

a honeymoon present
because I like you guys.

They're really good.

[Sniffs]
i grew 'em myself.

I'm taking this
little family with me

because I watched
them grow.

There's norberto
and Regina.

And, uh, Raul,
and Sebastian--

he's the youngest one
of the family.

And they are-- mm.

So, listen.

Enjoy your honeymoon.
Enjoy the hike.

Enjoy mother nature.

Hey, wait a second.

"Little genius."
Jesus Christ, that's it.

With the little robot guy.

That was my favorite part.

[As little genius]
"Does not compute."

[Together]
"does not compute.
It does not compute."

-That was the robot's line.
-It does not compute.

I was the boy
next to the robot.

He was the most human
part of that whole show.

Yeah, everybody else
was more like robots.

Thanks for being
part of my life.

All right.

That's terrifying
about the wolves, David.

Oh, don't believe
the wolves.

David, I have a question
about your movie.

I don't understand
what you were saying earlier

about superman
owning a slave.

-What?
-well,

we have Lewis and Clark--
Lewis loves Clark

of course--
they're lovers,

Clark is always
in the phone booth,

and then he's superman,
so, why is he--

whoa, whoa,
back up.

Um, Lois and Clark Kent
are fictitious characters.

Lewis and Clark
are actual explorers

who explore this area.

Okay, i--
i don't understand
who is who,

but I want
to go on the record
and tell you

that I am
against slavery.

So...

If you get the role,

I may not
go to the premiere.

I don't even know
where to start.

How is he like--?
He's like super fast.

Faster than a
speeding bullet,

more power
than a "locomotion."

Oh, yes,
and he owns a slave,

'cause he cannot
carry his knapsack?

That's wrong,
superman.

[David narrating]
"My dearest love.

I write to you
from the other side
of the continent

with no knowledge
of when or if

you will ever
receive these words."

"I know that when
we last saw each other

our hearts were heavy.

And I pray this finds you
in better spirits

living a life fulfilled.

For me,
this new endeavor

has been a work
of staggering difficulty

and, yet,
the rewards are many,

and we make
great progress.

I am lucky
to travel with a man

such as meriwether...

Uniquely qualified

to lead this expedition.

I was thinking
this morning

of the days
we first met
in Kentucky

and what a joyous time
that was."

-[Groans]
-ugh!

-Brilliant.
that was a good one.
-Great.

-That was a good one.
-Oh, good. I felt really
good about it.

You fooled the biker
over there.

-Yes.
-play acting.

So watch me
do this to you.

-Okay.
-oh, Craig.

Oh!
how did that-- yeah?

-Oh-- boom!
-Oh!

-Oh!
-hah!

Again. don't do this
in a street fight.

-Okay.
-'cause you won't
make contact.

-But this isn't good, right?
-No, it's just terrible.

You don't want to telegraph it
in a street fight.

You want to telegraph it
for the American viewer.

-Right.
-yeah, or whoever
gets it abroad.

You don't need that.
You need-- boom!

-Okay, I'm gonna
do one more, okay?
-Okay, go for it.

-Ow!
-oh, my god!

-Oh god, are you okay?
-Yeah, yeah, I'm faking.

-Oh, my god.
I'm so sorry.
-Wow!

-That's okay.
-I'm so sorry.

You came so close
that you actually hit me.

-That's how close you came.
-Yeah, it was pretty good.

-I really felt it that time.
-By the way, it doesn't hurt.

-Oh, god.
-It's fine. It's fine.

My eyes are only watering
'cause of my nose

-is really sensitive.
-Oh, right.

[David narrating]
"I hope that someday
you will read this letter.

And if somehow
i return home again,

that our eyes
will meet once more.

Yours, William Clark."

[Flula]
ah! David!

Help, David!
I'm trapped!

Ah! oh, David!

David, help!

Help, David!

Oh, god!

David!
David, help!

-Oh, my god!
-Rock hit me!

-Oh, David!
-What happened?

The rocks! The rocks!
I was recording a tone!

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

-[Yelling]
-ah!

Dude, I'm getting no service.
We can't call out.

-I don't know what to do.
-Pretend I'm like James Franco.

I'll do-- no, no, no, no!
I cannot cut you!

-We have to cut it, David.
-Oh, no, no, no...

-No, David, you have to cut it.
-I didn't want to do this.

-This is my honeymoon!
-Cut it, David! I'm gonna die!

David,
you have to cut it.

-Take it.
-Oh, my god.

If we don't make it out, David,
send my arm to my dad.

My father
would like my arm.

-Don't do the tendons.
-All right.

-The tendons first.
-I need a countdown.

-Three, two--
-no, no, but then what?

-What?
-David! if anybody
would cut my arm,

I would want it
to be you, David.

Oh man, I'm sorry, buddy.
Let's do this, ready?

-One...
-two...

-Three!
-[screams]

-David, a snack.
-Is that ketchup?

-Do you have some fries?
-[Laughs]

-Perhaps some hash browns.
-That was really elaborate.

-Did I get you?
-You did get me.

That is so bizarre that you
would go to that length.

-You are a six-year-old-boy.
-Maybe seven.

-It's going to be coming.
-I'm ready.

That's my knife,
by the way.

Do you have a towel?

[Telephone buzzing]

I got reception!

Reception's gone.

David! put down
your phone,

and join me
in these waters.

Come take a freezing
cold bath with me, David.
You will love it.

Just ignore
the shrinkage.

David,
i have goose skin
right now.

It feels so good.

Oh, hi, ducks.

[David]
hopin' for a signal.

I need to know
if I got this part.

[Flula]
come, David.

Increase your
hip-moving velocity.
Let's go.

And I have to talk
to Frankie.

Oh, David, stop it.
Focus your face on this nature.

[David narrating]
"It seems we are now beyond
reach of the known world.

I think of those at home
who have no knowledge

of our well being."

Nothing.

[David narrating]
"If we are alive or dead."

Why do you think
Frankie contacted me?

I mean, do you think
that she wants to move
back in with me?

I don't know, David.

Okay, according
to this map,

we should go onto
the other side of this Ridge,

and there
could be a tower
over there.

We're surrounded
only by nature, David.

I don't think beavers
can build cell phone towers.

Well, the phone
says otherwise.

[Water rushing]

[Groans]
nothing still.

David, here.
I'm slightly taller.
Let me try.

Okay.

[Straining]

Uh! a little higher.

Yep. here we go.

All right, cell towers.
Smell this phone.

-[Signal connects]
-Ha! We got it!

-We got--
-ah!

-Oh, god!
-[Splash]

Ugh!

-Oh, no, no!
-Oh, scheiße.

[Water rushing]

Yeah,
it's completely fucked.

I'm sorry, David.
Scheiße.

Here.
get your phone out.

I didn't bring it.
It's in the car.

I-- I didn't think
we would have service.

[Groans]

-The maps were in this phone.
-Uh, no, that's okay.

Before it broke,
i checked.

We have to go to like a place
called red fox.

Yeah.

Well, do you
know where that is?

We'll find it for sure.

How many red foxes
are there, David? Right?

Uh, I think
it's red fox hills.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Why-- why-- why is that?

-It's in my guts.
-Uh, we're going
with your guts now?

That's how we're hiking?

Well, what would
Lewis and Clark do?

They would have used
a native American guide

or a compass.

Compass? great.
Let's use that.

Oh, good, yeah.
Uh, that was on my phone.

So, do you have a guide?

I don't have a guide.

-Let's go that way.
-Let's do it.

It's probably
all the same.

-Come on, David.
-[Grunts]

[David narrating]
"When I first viewed
these mountains,

I felt a sudden pleasure.

But now, as I reflect
on the difficulties

which this snowy barrier
throws in our way,

and the sufferings
and hardships of our party,

it in some measure
counter balances

those fond memories."

And what are your guts
telling you now?

I don't know.
My GPS is down, David.

Oh, you have a GPS?

Yeah.
my guts positioning system.

It's not working
because I'm hungry.

I think it needs
a sandwich.

[David narrating]
"After narrowly avoiding
ruiness injury"...

[Grunts, spits]

-Come, David.
-[Grunts]

[David narrating]
..."We look to descending
from this retched mountain

which we have now named,
'wretched mountain.'"

well, this was your idea
to do red fox hills.

Red fox is an idiot.

We call hills like this
in Germany mountains.

[David narrating]
"But we take joy in knowing
that tonight

we shall bed
at the last outpost
of civilization."

[Wind whistling]

I called my agent.

It's between me
and one other guy.

Oh, that's great.

I called Frankie.
There was no answer.

-Oh.
-but,

I did pick up another map,

and you are not
going to touch it.

I will treat it like a baby
if I touch it.

Listen, I mailed this
two weeks ago.

It was supposed to be
for me and Frankie, but

-now it's for me and you.
-Ooh.

Champagne.

-Hey, buddy.
-Oh, yeah, oatmeal-raisin mix.

-Oh, condoms.
-We don't need those.

-But who know, David?
-Those were not meant for us.

[Flula gasps]

And it seems as though
you sent yourself a package.

[Gasps]

It means
"honeybuddies,"

but in German.

[Laughs]

Oh, my god.

-It's for you.
-That...

Is a very orange shirt.

Yeah.

I selected the color
for safety.

You know, like if hunters are
looking for elks or reindeers,

who are we?

[Scoffs]
humans in shirts.

[Laughs]
this is ridiculous.

Look on the left.
That's you.

-Oh, slightly shorter.
-Well, it's accurate, yeah.

-Oh, man, thank you.
-Oh, great.

Look, okay.
I gotta be a grownup.

I'm gonna put
the whole phone incident

behind us.

Okay, it was an accident.

And honestly,
it's kind of a blessing
in disguise.

I-- I'd rather not have
the outside world

encroaching on this.

Well, sorry again
about that.

Oh.

This champagne's
not gonna drink itself.

No, we are gonna do it.

That's what you meant,
right?

-Yes.
-okay, then.

[Music intro begins]

[Flula]
party pooper.

[Music playing]

* turn up

[music playing]

* oh, I tell you,
Jennifer *

* she's really
a party pooper... *

[crickets chirping]

[Whistles]

David, we're empty.

We need some more champagne.

Let me get it.

Ooh.
[tapping]

[Whistles, tapping]

[Grunting]

[Frankie's voice]
"Dear David.

I just found your
secret honeymoon package.

And even though I'm probably
sitting right there next to you,

I decided to write you
a little note.

I wanted to just tell you
that I'm the luckiest person

in the world
to have you in my life.

I know things
haven't been easy lately,

but I'm sure
it will all be worth it.

I can't wait to spend
the rest of our lives
together.

Love you like crazy.

Your new wife,

Frankie."

[Tapping on glass]

What are you doing, David?

Oh, ah...

Just getting
another bottle.

[Water rushing]

All right, David,
I'm going down the creek

to get some
cool river sounds.

-Be careful.
-Okay.

[Exhales]

Come here, sounds.

[Owl hooting]

[Chirping]

[Sighs]
this is perfect.

[Echoing]
take one of rock sounds.

[David narrating]
"Meriwether has once again

left to capture
new specimens."

Sometimes I worry
what might happen to him
when he is alone."

- Ah, gottverdammt, scheiße.
-[Rock clicks]

[Tapping]

[Tapping rock
mimicking drum beat]

[Electricity static]
This is what it is.

Ver sind da?
Who's here?

[Exhales]
verdammt noch mal, du.

-[Screams]
-[growls]

[Laughs]

Oh, god.

Dude, it's me.
It's me. It's me.

-David.
-I'm sorry, man.

-You got me.
-I know,

but the thing
with the arm.

So, we're even.
I'm so sorry.

-Dude, are you okay?
-No.

[Both laughing]

-Oh, David.
-Uh, we're even now, buddy.

We are even Steven.

Oh, I'm gonna
get you so hard.

Oh no, we're done.
You got me, and I got you back.

No, it's my turn.
It's like a frisbee.

No, we can be done.

[David narrating]
"What drives men to do
such things?

Are we full of courage?

Are we mad?

Or do we simply flee
what we've left behind?"

What do you
want me to say?

It's not my fault
i didn't get the job.

I'm actually okay with you
putting your career before me.

What I have a problem with
is when you treat me like shit.

So after he pulled out
the heart, you know,
from that man,

that's when I decided
I'm never visiting Indiana.

Yeah, his name
is Indiana Jones.

That scene
took place in India,

and that was a movie.

Well, I'm not going.
I don't care where it is.

It's scary.

-Hey, guys.
-Hello.

Let me guess.
Uh, best friend forever,
David and dj flula.

Yeah.

I've been stalking you.

-[Laughs]
-I'm kidding.

I saw your names
on the hiking registry.

Ah-hah-hah!
that's what you put down
in the registry?

-Yeah, it's the truth.
-Okay.

I guess we must've
passed you guys

yesterday
at red fox trail?

Yes.
we actually ended up
doing red fox hills,

which was far less direct.

-Very scenic.
-Cool.

Well, did you guys
wanna stay with our
group tonight?

-We have backpacker beer.
-You bet.

Heck, yes, hello.
Do bears poop in forests?

-That sounds great. Sure.
-They do.

Okay, awesome.
Um, well, there's a--

there's a great spot, actually,
right over there.

You guys wanna go grab it,
and I'll meet you there?

-Great.
-awesome.

-Cool.
-thanks.

-Bff.
-bye-- bye-bye.

David,
she is very attractive.

Yeah, I guess.
If you're into that
sort of thing.

What? no.
She was looking
at you, David.

No, she was looking
at both of us.

No, she was looking at you.

Stop thinking about Frankie
all the time.

Start thinking about
hot new ladies.

[Music playing]

* deep in the night

* far from the path

* the need for sleep

* finally conquer

* the urge to fight

* the howl of the winds

* my head still rings...

[Grunts]
okay.

Oh, yeah, David.

Yeah, get it.
Oh, yeah, looking good.

Okay, so, tonight,
just--

you do some good things,
and I'll be your wingman.

Oh, yeah, I do not need
a wingman tonight.

-Thank you.
-You don't think
you don't need one.

-Right.
-but you do.

* deep in the dirt

* far from the past

* the need to leave

* finally conquer

* the will to live

* it's slowly fading

* without a sound

* the howl of the wind

* my head still rings

* the howl of the wind.

[Song ends]

Hello, everyone.

I'm flula
and this is David.

-Hi.
-i smell very bad,

uh, but David smells
really great.

So.

Do you guys wanna learn
how to make backpacking beer?

-Oh...
-uh, yes, but,

if this is a
difficult task,
watch out.

I am very stupid.

But David,
he's like a scientist
of the world.

It's really easy.

I-- i--
I'm sure you both
will be fine.

Uh, this is some water--

naturally sourced,
that we then carbonated.

Step one.

And then,
here is the concentrate.

It's just a teaspoon of this
into what you guys have.

Just be careful
'cause it's like

70 percent alcohol.

-Ooh.
-just be careful.

That sounds like too many steps
for my small brain.

I will probably
urinate everywhere.

Also, I'm very terrible
with sexual intercourse.

Just fyis.

Do you know
what that means?

Uh, where are you from?

That's the saddest thing
I've ever heard.

It was a, uh,
tough time,

but, uh,

you know,
whatever doesn't
kill you, right?

No.
i mean,

that is literally
the saddest thing
i have ever heard.

I don't know
how you're just

keeping it together
like this right now.

Yes, last week,
David was crying

-all day,
just everyday.
-Tsk, oh.

This week David's only crying
a few minutes every day.

-[David laughs]
-Yeah,

it's because
he's so manly.

Unlike me,
he's very good
at things like

French kissing.

Yeah, okay,
thank you.

Um, you sir,
are the greatest

best man
you could ever want.

He's also never done
a porno film.

But he's received
many offers.

That's very flattering.

Uh, well, flula,
you were the best man.

-Did you write a speech?
-Yes, I have it here.

-You do?
-Yeah.

That's amazing.
You-- you have to--

you have to say it.
You have to give the speech.

-Yeah?
-no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, not now.

-Yes. yes.
-How 'bout a little later?

-Speech, speech.
-No, don't start.

-Don't start.
-[All chanting] Speech. Speech.

-Guys, no! It's stupid.
-[Chanting] Speech. Speech...

-[David] yes! Hey!
-[Chanting]

"Hello everyone.

What a wonderful location
for a wedding like this--

this great golf course
we're on tonight.

You guys
are all such sexy
'motherputters.'

four!"

Okay.

"David, Frankie--

David, ladies, gentlemen,

and all the attenders
of this great event,

hello to you
and thank you for
your presence

and also,
your presents.

Oh, look at that one
with the nice stripes and bows.

Oh, what is it?
Perhaps a crock pot?

Or a lawn mower?

A question for you.

Who is a lucky person?

Is it a small baby child
who is born

and can immediately
toot horns

like a jazz expert?

Yes, this is a lucky baby.

Or what if a man
who cannot speak with words

but only with loud screams
of agonizing terror?

No, he's actually
not lucky.

But now,
let us see

who is the most lucky person
in all the world.

My finger shall tell you.

It is me.

Because I have the best friend
in all of the world.

David.

-Aw.
-some years ago,

my life as a deejay
was, as you say,

a complete
and 'butter' failure.

Everyone in my town
was hating at my sound,

but then one night
everything changed.

When an American man
made a stop in the bar.

He was on a
'soul search' trip
he did say.

We talked for many hours

and had many,
many schnappses

speaking of our
frustrations in life.

We did hug and dance
and, yes,

cry some long and hard tears
like two pirates

searching for Booty
for many years

but finding only dirt
and some coconuts.

In the morning
before David did leave,
he told me,

'flula, anytime you are
in Los Angeles, look me up.'

and so the next day,
i purchased a ticket

-and flew
to Los Angeles."
-Yep.

"David was not yet home
from his soul search trip,

so I did sleep on his porch
for 16 days.

When he arrived home,
he called the police

and did pretend
not to remember me."

Which was very funny,
i must say, David.

Really, it's this acting.
Whoa, you are nail it, right?

Man, great work.
Talent.

Anyway.

"After the police left,
our friendship sprouted

like a fresh field
of asparagus.

Except unlike asparagus,

our friendship
did not make our urine
smell terrible."

And here's--
oh, and some nice things
about Frankie.

Some more--
no, it's not applicable.
Ah, ja.

"David, we have been friends
from when we were both

at the bottoms of life.

And this is when
friendships are made strong,

like two chandeliers

that have fallen
inside a volcano.

The chandeliers melt,
but then they stick together.

And then
when they cool down,

they are hugging forever.

Nothing can break this new
double chandelier apart.

Except if it falls back
into the volcano.

Or slips into a geyser."

I mean, or if you drop it
from a large height,

then it--
it will shatter.

But then...

"David, I love you
very much.

Here is to you,
my best friend forever
and my honeybuddy.

So, now let's have a toast
for David and Frankie"--

nope, just David,
we are just toasting for David.

[Cheering, clapping]

Cheers, guys,
thank you.

That was so sweet.

-Oh, thanks.
-That really was.

And, um, I'm just sorry
you didn't get to say it
at my actual wedding.

-Next time.
-You're really good at that.

You should be
a public speaker.

-Oh, no.
-Professionally.

-No, stop it.
-Yeah.

David is the real
master thespian here.

-Oh...
-wait.

In knew
you looked familiar.

Uh-uh.

-You're a TV star,
aren't you?
-Well, not a TV "star."

I've-- I've done
some stuff on TV.

-No big deal.
-No, you're, like, famous.

You were on that show
"portland steel," right?

-Yeah.
-yeah, I was on
"portland steel."

I did that, uh,
pilot episode.

I was-- the character
didn't make it, but...

-You saw that?
-Oh, my god.

I was so pissed
when they fired you.

-Wow.
-i loved you.

-You were great.
-Thank you.

-Yeah.
-[gasps]

So, what else have you
been up to lately?

I mean, any--
anything I would've seen?

Uh, well,

okay, just some, um,
little kind of indy things.

-Yeah.
-did a couple indy dramas.

-That's so cool.
-Some got a lot of buzz
on the circuit.

Do not be so modest.
He's done so many things.

-Uh, stop it.
-"Zombies vs. Monkeys,
part three."

-No one saw that movie.
-I'm not really into Sci-Fi, so.

-That was just
for a paycheck.
-I'm just--

I swear there's
something else, though.

-What?
-no, there's-- I can't

-put my finger on it.
-That's pretty much it.

-That is everything.
-I know there's-- no.

Well, there's "little genius."
There's "little genius."

-[Gasps] oh, my god!
-Why would you say that?

It's "little genius."

Oh, my god.

You are like
a national treasure.

That is the--
like, my favorite show

-when I was little.
-Yeah?

You were so cute.

You used to be like,
"but I'm the real boy." Right?

It had that song, too--
how did the song go?

-Like, little...
-[Camper] I know that song.

-You do?
-Yeah.

-Yes, you have to play it.
-No-- hey, no.

-We you don't need to do that.
-Oh, my god, this is perfect.

-[Guitar playing intro]
-Please, can we not do that?

[Singing in english]

[Polly]
it's so good.

[Sings]
here's comes the...

[All singing chorus]

[All]

* we got a

[all]

[All]

[Imitates drum solo intro]

All right, big finish.

* yeah, we got a...

[All]

-[Song ends]
-[Cheers, clapping]

-What, he doesn't like it?
-It's a really good song.

-It's so good, yeah.
-It's actually a
really good song.

May be bathroom break.
I don't know.

[Peeing, sighs]

He doesn't shut up.

[Zips zipper]

[Background chatter]

Ugh!

[Bird squawking]

[Polly's voice]
"Dearest flula, thank you,

or, should I say,
danke for last night.

Wow, wow.

You are a master
at making love.

You are probably
better at making love
than making music.

I would've thought
that was impossible,

since your music
is the best in the world,

but, it is possible.

I'll never forget you.

Also, I'm glad I chose you
instead of David.

Sincerely yours,

Polly."

"Ps: David"...

[Flula's voice]
..."This is really flula.

I did not have any
intimate relations with Polly.

That would
be inappropriate.

Also, you just
got punked!"

[Birds squawking]

[Clapping]

[Imitating flula]
Oh, did I ruin your sounds?

[Gasps]
you saw my love note.

Yeah, it was real funny.

What?

She was mine last night
and that's what I needed.

And you came in
and you cockblocked me so hard.

I told you
i didn't need a wingman, okay?

You don't know
when to shut up.

Talking about
"little genius"?

She liked you because
of "little genius."

I brought this up,
immediately, she likes you.

-They were singing the song--
-enough with "little genius."

-You're telling me
enough of "little genius"?
-Yeah.

That's all you
think about, David.

I'm trying
to bring you here to nature,
but where are you?

You are stuck inside
your cranium there.

I'm here
to help you feel better
here on this trip.

And all you do
is you're a little bitchier
and you're a little moaner.

Well, I've had enough moaners
and enough bitchers, David.

-Suck it up.
-Sorry I'm depressed

after my fiancée left me.

But you know what you do
all day long?

Dude, you have no filter.

Did you see the note
that Frankie left me yesterday?

Is that what this joke
is all about, man?

What note?
David, no.

You can't just laugh and dance
through real life shit.

There are repercussions.
And you know another thing?

-What?
-remember that night

in Germany when we met

and had that great time
got all drunk off of schnapps?

-Yeah.
-i don't.

I don't remember
meeting you.

That is the Genesis
of this relationship, okay?

And I don't remember
inviting you to America.

[Sighs heavily]

You know what?

I'm going to go
to the next campsite
without you.

Clearly you need
to be alone.

Okay, yeah,
i hope you get there
without a map.

[Music playing]

* it's hard to keep
the rain clouds out *

* when the windows
never close *

* and the house feels like
a graveyard now *

* like the floorboards
hide the bones *

* and now I have lost
your face *

* and slips between
my fingers now *

* and all the world
is gray *

* as though you took
the colors with you *

* when you went
and passed away... *

[vocalizing]

[Song ends]

[David narrating]
"Fatigue is high.

Bad spirits abound.

This is without a doubt

the lowest point
of our journey."

[Music playing]

-What is this?
-Oh, my god.

I can't believe
i forget to cancel them.

They look like vikings.

But friendly.

Well, hi.
You must be David.

-Yes.
-and you must be Frankie.

-Uh...
-we're very pleased

to be able to play for you
for this special occasion.

This is the organ
renaissance band,

and we have just played

a piece by
Anthony holborne called,
"the nightwatch."

And we have
a few more numbers to play
for you this evening,

and we hope
that you enjoy what we've
put together for you.

Two, three, four...

[Music playing]

[Song ends]

[Birds chirping]

What?
the vikings are here?

Hey, man,
i know I've been a, uh,

-real dick.
-Yeah.

And I want
to apologize to you.

Uh, it's okay.
I forgive you, David.

[Laughs]
don't give it to me
that easy.

-I...
-it's fine, David,
we're friends again.

Shh.

I want to make it up
to you,

and here's how.

Yeah?
remember these?

Now, I've never
done these before,

but i-- okay.

I-- I think you have to be
in the right headspace...

My god, stop.
That's way too much.
Give that to me.

Wow.

Go, David.

Mm.

This do this.

-Let's do this.
-[Warped music playing]

* I'm dressed like
a punk singer *

* 'cause this is,
is what a humdinger *

* but to tell who I am

* you don't need
no sketch artist *

* 'cause I read the hardest

* on a cassette cartridge

-* chime driver
-* driver

* you know me, I cry,
yell at him *

* I yell at him,
i yell at him *

* I yell at him

[music scratches]

* 'cause I was the cutest kid,
who blew their wigs *

* amusin' gigs,
yes, I am the fugitive *

* you know
I'll try for dead *

* wake up

* I know you see me
when I'm blowing dope *

* in school zones
I'm too grown *

* can't you tell?

* wake up

* I know you see me
when I'm on the road *

* and then vote,
turn... *

* can't you tell?

* can't you tell?

* can't you tell?

* is it 'cause
of how we did this? *

* yeah, waiting for weekend,
earn the wages *

* and 'cause of how I fit
my hood and a turn of phrase *

* is it 'cause my niggas
know this world's a perfect
cage? *

* I don't know,
do you get it... *

[music slows, stops]

[Panting]

[Panting stops]

[Growls]

[Snarls, growling]

[Music resumes]

* can't you tell?

[Crickets chirping]

Do you think
the wolf is gonna eat us?

I don't think we should
close our eyes, David.

[Crickets chirping]

I think I know why
Frankie left me.

If we make it out
of here alive,

I'm gonna change
my priorities.

I'm gonna change
my whole life.

I dropped your phone
on purpose.

[Birds chirping]

Oh. good morning, David.

Good news.

We did not get eaten
last night.

Suck it, wolf!

[Groans]

Let's go find that lodge.

Aw, man,
I'm so hungry.

Hungry like a--
a wolf, actually.

[Music playing]

[David narrating]
"Great joy in the party.

We have reached
the end of the continent.

To my dear friend
meriwether,

no man exists
with whom I would have
preferred to endure

such a journey.

Now let us enjoy
this celebrated day."

[Flula]
wow, David.

It looks like
a robots helmet.

[David]
yeah, it's quite modern,
isn't it?

David, are you ready
for all the snacks?

I'm ready for 'em.
Give 'em to me.

Do you think they have
spaghetti bolognese.

Oh, they got everything.

-Steak?
-yes.

-Fries that are French?
-Yes.

-Croissants?
-oh, I know
they got croissants.

-Cabbage?
-no, I don't want those.

Well, I'll eat
your cabbage.

Gentlemen,
welcome to big piney.

-Both: thank you.
-Saw you coming up the walk.

-Is one of you David?
-Yeah, that's me.

Your agent's been calling
quite a bit, and, uh,

he wanted you
to have this note.

Something about
Lewis and Clark.

[David]
wow, awesome, uh,
a quick question.

Sir, would it be possible
to bring a cot

-into our room?
-Yeah, no problem.

-We'll have one
brought up right away.
-[David] You hear that, flula?

Nobody's cutting
any beds in half tonight.

Okay, go on in.

Breakfast is ready,
hot coffee is ready.

-All set for you guys.
-Sounds wonderful.

Have a great stay.

Ah, stop and look at me, David.

-Is there a problem?
-I just remembered.

-I'm allergic to cots.
-You're not coming?

I think we should
keep on hiking, David.

Come on, this direction
looks like a fun place.

We're just now learning
how to survive wolf attacks.

I just want a hot shower.
You get it.

No, no, you don't--

this place looks dirty,
has very low reviews on "yelp."

Let's go here
and hike and hike and hike.

I gotta get some food.

Hi, Frankie.

Oh, look at that fog.

It-- it badly
needs to be recorded.

Right away.

I texted you,
but I never heard back.

I was trying to tell you
I'd be here.

That's what
you were trying
to tell me?

Yeah.

Why?

Nothing.

Just i--

I don't know
what I was thinking.

Listen, I'm-- I'm sorry.

I wasn't ready
to get married.

I-- I just...

I wish I had done it
a lot earlier.

I could've saved both of us
a lot of heartache.

But I'm glad
you went on the honeymoon.

You look different.

You look like shit,
actually,

but you look happy.

So, how was hiking
with flula?

It was interesting.

He is a, uh...

[Blowing]

Human puzzle.

[Frankie]
what is he doing?

[David]
he's a recording a song.

And it's either
going to be the greatest
German work since Wagner,

or it's going to set
all of humanity back 100 years.

[Laughs]

[David]
it's been quite a honeymoon.

How did--
did you hike here?

-No, I drove.
-All the way?

-Yeah, took 20 minutes.
-Wow. Yeah.

We shoulda drove.

What's in the note?

Oh, um,
this was from my agent.

It's about
the "Lewis and Clark" movie.

Remember that?

I'm not gonna
open it, though.

You know, I think I'm gonna
start focusing more

on what's in front of me.

Good luck,
David and Frankie.

[No audio]

Hey, flula.

-Hey.
-hey.

Hey, I just noticed
you were taking off,

and I just wanted to say
this was fun.

Yeah,
i figured you want to,

you know,
figure things out
with Frankie, so.

Yeah, I'm gonna
stick back with Frankie.

But, hey, man,
it was a great trip.

It's not finished.
I'm-- I'm gonna finish it.

So...

-Hey.
-yeah.

See you.

Dude.

You really think
I'm not gonna finish
this trip with you?

-What're you, crazy?
-David.

I'm a little insulted.

Look, the Frankie stuff
will figure itself later.

-You got me.
-Well, I'm pretty good.

Now it's my turn.
You know this, right?

Well, trip's over.
We're even.

-That's it.
-Okay, David, no problem.

-Fingers crossed.
-[David exhales]

You know, you're not
actually supposed to say

"fingers crossed"
when you lie.

Understood, David.
Fingers crossed.

Hey, did you
get enough sounds
for your song?

Oh, yes, David,
it's going to be

the greatest song
of all times.

It's called
"honeybuddies forever,
superman never"

you know,
because of superman's blatant

human rights violations,
of course.

Do you actually think
that Lois Lane and superman

were the ones
who explored this area?

What-- does he--
what I don't get

is why superman and Lois
had to take canoes at all.

-You know?
-Uh...

[Flula]
couldn't superman just carry
Lois in his arms

and fly around
these beautiful mountains,

and then tell
president traveston

and Lex Luthor about it
when he got back?

Seems logical to me.

[David]
you are raising questions
that I promise you

historians
have never asked.

[Flula]
thank you.

One last question
for you, David.

Do you--
do you see that white furry,
dog-like creature

-running towards us?
-[Snarling]

It's 30 meters.
No, it's 20 meters.

It's like
ten meters away...
Wait-- ah!

[David]
uh...

[Music playing]

Honeybuddy, yeah!

Yeah! boom!

[Growls]

-Honeybuddies.
-[growls]

-Do that again.
-[Tapping]

-No, back, back.
-What?

Back-- shh!
[Taps]-- Do that again.
[Taps to beat] No.

-What?
-back, back.

-What?
-back-- shh!-- Do that again.

-No, back, back.
-What? What?

-Back-- shh! Do that again.
-[Music playing]

No-- back, back.
Just go faster.

[Music playing]

Just go faster.

Yeah!

-What is happening?
-Shh!

[David narrating to music]
"We are now about to penetrate

a country

on which
the foot of civilized man
has never trod.

It was on the spot
where I saw a beautiful
white wolf

the largest
we had ever seen.

But this beauty surely allies
some unknown danger.

I am no coward,
but I fear that all will not

make it across
this continent."

Just go, just go, just go,
just go, just go, just go,

just go, just go, just go,
just go, just go, just go,

-just go--
-[Man] Danger. Danger.

-Danger. danger.
-[Growls]

Danger. danger.
Danger. Danger.

-[Growls]
-danger. danger. Danger.

Danger. danger. Danger.
Danger. Danger--

-[growls]
-[music skipping]

[David, flula]
Honeybuddies, yeah!

-Together: honeybuddies.
-[Growls]