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(♪ Love As A Weapon ♪
by Little Scream)
2
00:00:06,115 --> 00:00:08,051
♪ I was putting on my raincoat ♪
3
00:00:08,117 --> 00:00:10,319
♪ When I saw myself again ♪
4
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,988
♪ I was thinking about
how I felt ♪
5
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,457
♪ When you fooled
my heart again ♪
6
00:00:14,524 --> 00:00:15,992
♪ When your love's not
a shelter ♪
7
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:19,729
♪ And you get caught
in the rain ♪♪
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00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,769
- So, how would we do this?
9
00:00:26,836 --> 00:00:28,137
- I love that question.
10
00:00:28,204 --> 00:00:29,906
- Do you mind logistically?
11
00:00:29,972 --> 00:00:31,374
- More physically.
12
00:00:31,441 --> 00:00:32,675
- We believe
in skin on skin.
13
00:00:32,742 --> 00:00:35,545
Eye contact building,
secure attachment.
14
00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:38,014
What is it we like?
The "seal?"
15
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,016
- Oh, the "Dolphin."
Firm but flexible.
16
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,452
- We're not into lawn mowering.
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00:00:42,518 --> 00:00:44,454
- I don't know what that is.
- Or helicoptering.
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00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,323
- Oh, right!
Is that where you would...
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00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,493
- There has to be room
to breathe.
20
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,529
- Oh, I'm not into
asphyxiation.
21
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,731
- More free-range.
22
00:00:55,798 --> 00:00:57,800
- That sounds... so organic.
23
00:00:57,867 --> 00:01:00,937
- Exactly.
- I can be a tiger.
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00:01:01,003 --> 00:01:03,039
- Wow. Great.
25
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,740
- Well, protection
is everything.
26
00:01:04,807 --> 00:01:05,942
Especially, in the beginning.
27
00:01:06,008 --> 00:01:08,611
- Yeah, we have
to use protection.
28
00:01:08,678 --> 00:01:09,545
- What?
29
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,314
- I can't wait
to all sleep together.
30
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:14,283
(laughing)
- Me too.
31
00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:18,788
- No.
- Us and the babies.
32
00:01:19,255 --> 00:01:20,423
- What babies?
33
00:01:20,490 --> 00:01:22,191
- The babies that we...
34
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we both want to get
pregnant at the same time.
35
00:01:24,327 --> 00:01:26,062
But we wouldn't with you,
do the...
36
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,864
- No, you would...
in a cup and then...
37
00:01:27,930 --> 00:01:30,600
(lips popping)
- I'm so confused.
38
00:01:30,666 --> 00:01:32,435
- Did you not put this
on our profile?
39
00:01:32,502 --> 00:01:35,605
- This was definitely
not on your profile.
40
00:01:35,671 --> 00:01:37,540
- Rosa's not great
with technology.
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00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:39,509
- Oh, I take that
as a compliment.
42
00:01:39,575 --> 00:01:42,612
- We're best friends.
We met when we were 15?
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00:01:42,678 --> 00:01:44,714
- Yeah, when we worked
in that bathing suit store.
44
00:01:44,780 --> 00:01:46,382
- Oh, he doesn't need
to know that.
45
00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:47,583
- The owner would make us
46
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,418
try on the bikinis
just to, you know,
47
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:50,653
like, see how they fit.
48
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,088
And then he would
take our picture--
49
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,289
- Stop, stop!
- And then...
50
00:01:53,356 --> 00:01:54,991
- Anyhow...
- In retrospect,
51
00:01:55,057 --> 00:01:56,125
it was very wrong.
52
00:01:56,192 --> 00:01:57,293
- We bonded,
53
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,928
and we've been best friends
ever since.
54
00:01:58,995 --> 00:02:00,429
Now, we're both
recently single.
55
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:01,964
- Out of some bad relationships.
56
00:02:02,031 --> 00:02:03,599
- The point is...
57
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,301
we both always
wanted to be mothers,
58
00:02:05,368 --> 00:02:07,170
but we don't want
to do it alone.
59
00:02:07,236 --> 00:02:08,437
- We love each other.
60
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,039
You know, but time is ticking
61
00:02:10,106 --> 00:02:11,707
so why not do it together?
62
00:02:11,774 --> 00:02:13,309
- But adoption
is super complicated.
63
00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:15,411
- And buying sperm is...
- We don't want that.
64
00:02:15,478 --> 00:02:17,680
- Because...
- We want a dad in the picture.
65
00:02:17,747 --> 00:02:19,849
- You'd be very much involved.
- Definitely.
66
00:02:19,916 --> 00:02:22,885
- But we can't have actual sex
with you because...
67
00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:24,720
- It can get complicated.
68
00:02:25,788 --> 00:02:27,356
- So...
69
00:02:27,423 --> 00:02:30,259
Why are you on
a threesome app?
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00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:33,563
(light background chatter)
71
00:02:35,064 --> 00:02:37,466
- Why are we
on a threesome app?
72
00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:40,536
- Are we?
(chuckling nervously)
73
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,940
- That is definitely
not a co-parenting app.
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00:02:44,006 --> 00:02:45,007
- No.
75
00:02:45,074 --> 00:02:46,809
- You put "looking for daddy"
76
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,010
on a threesome app?
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- Well, because we are.
78
00:02:49,278 --> 00:02:51,314
We are looking for daddy.
79
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,383
(playful music)
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00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,561
- Did you bring everything?
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00:03:05,628 --> 00:03:08,297
- For the third time, yes.
82
00:03:08,364 --> 00:03:10,199
- After that debacle
with the co-parenting app,
83
00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:11,701
you can't really blame me
for worrying.
84
00:03:11,767 --> 00:03:13,469
- Well, that was kind
of your fault, though.
85
00:03:13,536 --> 00:03:15,304
- How is that my fault?
- Well, if you weren't
86
00:03:15,371 --> 00:03:17,640
in recovery from
your dating app addiction,
87
00:03:17,707 --> 00:03:19,141
you would've put us on the app.
88
00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:20,843
And none of that
would've happened.
89
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,345
- Shh, he's coming.
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00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,315
(footsteps approaching)
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00:03:26,382 --> 00:03:29,752
- Sorry about the sweat.
I'm training for a triathlon.
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00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:31,320
(man groans)
93
00:03:31,387 --> 00:03:32,955
Cycling's my weakest.
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00:03:33,022 --> 00:03:34,624
(chuckling)
95
00:03:36,492 --> 00:03:38,694
- You're so athletic.
96
00:03:39,695 --> 00:03:40,997
(chuckles)
97
00:03:43,232 --> 00:03:44,533
- So...
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00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,902
A mortgage,
I'm excited to help you
99
00:03:46,969 --> 00:03:47,970
take this next step.
100
00:03:48,037 --> 00:03:49,972
- Us, too. Very.
101
00:03:50,039 --> 00:03:51,607
- So let's start
with your assets.
102
00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:53,509
- Anna has more assets
than I do.
103
00:03:53,576 --> 00:03:56,879
- Don't sell yourself short.
Rosa also has assets.
104
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,381
- Not really.
105
00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,915
- Did you bring everything?
106
00:03:59,982 --> 00:04:02,251
- My last two tax returns,
107
00:04:02,318 --> 00:04:05,154
my bank statement,
my credit card statement.
108
00:04:05,221 --> 00:04:07,189
I also have some savings.
Rosa does too.
109
00:04:07,256 --> 00:04:08,824
We could pool together
about 80k.
110
00:04:08,891 --> 00:04:12,028
- That's pretty low
for this city, but, um, okay.
111
00:04:12,094 --> 00:04:13,329
Uh, are you freelance?
112
00:04:13,396 --> 00:04:15,064
- I'm a wardrobe stylist.
113
00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:17,933
Events, print ads,
film premieres.
114
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,136
- I'm currently working
my way through the entire
115
00:04:20,202 --> 00:04:21,671
Criterion Collection.
116
00:04:21,737 --> 00:04:23,706
- I'd love to know
your favourites.
117
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:25,975
- Yeah, um...
118
00:04:27,877 --> 00:04:30,346
Back to, um... So...
119
00:04:30,413 --> 00:04:32,014
On your own,
this would be tough,
120
00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:33,482
but as a couple...
121
00:04:33,549 --> 00:04:35,785
- Oh, we're not a couple.
We're best friends.
122
00:04:35,851 --> 00:04:38,154
- We live together, though.
I mean, Anna lives with me
123
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,889
since her most recent
very bad divorce.
124
00:04:39,955 --> 00:04:41,057
- It wasn't that bad.
125
00:04:41,123 --> 00:04:43,092
Anyway, we thought,
"Why not pool our resources
126
00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:44,427
and get into the market?"
127
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,862
- Makes a lot of sense
in this economy.
128
00:04:46,929 --> 00:04:48,831
- Exactly.
129
00:04:48,898 --> 00:04:50,833
- So can I see yours?
130
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,401
- Uh-huh...
131
00:04:52,968 --> 00:04:54,437
(clears throat)
132
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:02,745
- This is a...
This is your resume.
133
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:06,182
And a bank statement.
134
00:05:06,248 --> 00:05:08,417
Okay, and, um...
135
00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:11,387
"Rosa is kind and warm-hearted,
136
00:05:11,454 --> 00:05:13,989
and I love it when she reads
to me and rubs my feet."
137
00:05:14,056 --> 00:05:16,959
What is this?
- Some assessments of my work.
138
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:18,094
- No, Rosa,
139
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,497
I said, "Notice of assessments"
from your taxes.
140
00:05:21,564 --> 00:05:24,100
- Have you filed your taxes?
141
00:05:24,166 --> 00:05:26,969
- Um, it's been a few years.
142
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,138
- A few?
- Seven...
143
00:05:29,205 --> 00:05:31,207
Nine... Ever...
144
00:05:31,273 --> 00:05:33,309
But I am on it now.
145
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,677
I'm ready.
146
00:05:34,744 --> 00:05:37,179
- Hmm, okay, you're ready!
147
00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:38,914
Alright, so...
148
00:05:40,249 --> 00:05:41,650
You're a...?
- Poet.
149
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:42,752
And a personal support worker.
150
00:05:42,818 --> 00:05:44,887
- Rosa's amazing
with old people.
151
00:05:44,954 --> 00:05:47,423
- Elderly. We don't
say "old" anymore.
152
00:05:47,490 --> 00:05:48,858
- Full-time?
153
00:05:48,924 --> 00:05:50,126
- Sort of.
154
00:05:50,192 --> 00:05:52,695
I also, I need time to write.
155
00:05:53,295 --> 00:05:55,998
- Okay, yeah... Uh...
156
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:59,235
I'm sorry. I don't
think I can make this work.
157
00:05:59,301 --> 00:06:01,771
- What?
- You have no other holdings.
158
00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:03,706
A bare minimum down payment.
159
00:06:03,773 --> 00:06:05,975
How would you cover
closing costs
160
00:06:06,041 --> 00:06:08,511
or taxes and escrow?
161
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,945
Maybe you should just rent.
162
00:06:10,012 --> 00:06:12,314
- But we're hoping
to start a family.
163
00:06:12,381 --> 00:06:14,750
We need security,
we need roots.
164
00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:16,452
- Can you get us a tiny house?
165
00:06:16,519 --> 00:06:17,853
- Not the tiny houses again.
166
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,488
- In some places,
five people
167
00:06:19,555 --> 00:06:20,856
live in a walk-in closet.
168
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:23,492
This would be just the two of us
in a shipping container.
169
00:06:23,559 --> 00:06:25,294
- Stop it.
- We just need a starter.
170
00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:27,797
You know, to build up
our portfolio.
171
00:06:27,863 --> 00:06:28,964
- Equity.
172
00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:31,000
- We need a nest.
173
00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:32,968
Please, help us.
174
00:06:34,069 --> 00:06:37,006
- I mean, if you're willing
to go low, like,
175
00:06:37,072 --> 00:06:38,941
400 square feet...
176
00:06:39,575 --> 00:06:41,410
- We are.
- We are?
177
00:06:41,477 --> 00:06:43,078
- Well, then get me
your tax returns
178
00:06:43,145 --> 00:06:44,680
as soon as possible.
179
00:06:45,381 --> 00:06:46,482
And I'll do my best.
180
00:06:46,549 --> 00:06:48,751
- Thank you.
- You won't regret this.
181
00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:52,054
- Mmm. Mm-hmm. Okay.
182
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:55,958
- Oh.
183
00:06:56,892 --> 00:06:58,994
How do you feel
about being a father?
184
00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:00,996
- Oh, my God.
185
00:07:01,063 --> 00:07:03,599
- I'm pretty good
just being a mortgage broker.
186
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:05,501
(nervous chuckling)
187
00:07:05,568 --> 00:07:07,470
- Thanks.
188
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,840
- What? He's good with money,
likes movies.
189
00:07:10,906 --> 00:07:13,175
Plus, we've had no good matches
on the app, yet.
190
00:07:13,242 --> 00:07:15,611
- It takes time!
We get more interest every day.
191
00:07:15,678 --> 00:07:18,380
See?
- Hello, Baby Daddies.
192
00:07:18,447 --> 00:07:20,282
Did you reply?
Should I reply?
193
00:07:20,349 --> 00:07:22,785
Let me hold it!
- No apps for you!
194
00:07:22,852 --> 00:07:24,720
You spiral.
- Fine.
195
00:07:24,787 --> 00:07:26,455
But don't be too keen. Be cool.
196
00:07:26,522 --> 00:07:27,623
We don't want
to seem desperate.
197
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:29,091
- Says the woman
who just propositioned
198
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,259
our mortgage broker.
199
00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:31,794
- Again, good with money,
200
00:07:31,861 --> 00:07:33,963
likes movies, very athletic.
201
00:07:34,029 --> 00:07:36,131
(♪ Love As A Weapon ♪
by Little Scream)
202
00:07:36,198 --> 00:07:38,701
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