Original subtitles

All right. Check one, check two, boys.

All right, here we go.

♪Well, I pulled on my Tight blue wranglers♪

♪I pushed up my leather boots♪

♪Splashed on a touch Of my favorite cologne♪

♪I dusted off my hat And buttoned up my shirt♪

♪And brushed my pearly whites♪

♪I want to be somebody’s someone tonight♪

♪Yeah, I put on my--♪

Hey, now, you are just about the pertiest thing I’ve seen all day.

I hope I’m not interrupting your sound check.

Marcus Martinez.

Travis Lockhart. It’s nice to meet you.

It’s nice to meet you, too.

So apart from being so sexy, what do you do for a living?

Well, I’m a writer for Country Bear Magazine,

and we’re looking to make you next month’s cover story.

Ooh, I like that.

You know, I know a few boys named Martinez.

- You got any Texas in you? - Not that I know of.

You want some?

♪Where the bears are We want to be♪

SEASON 6 EPISODE 5 KILLER BEAR

Clever pick-up line.

Hey, baby, city boys got pick-up lines,

country boys: we got pick-up trucks.

And mine’s got a mattress.

Nice.

You know how they say everything’s bigger in Texas?

I’m about to prove it to you.

Let’s go.

To CHAD All Clear!

Hey! What are you doing?

That’s Travis’s guitar!

Oh! Hey! Hey, Len.

I didn’t know you’re a bartender here now.

Um, I was, uh, just admiring it

and, uh, hoping to grab an afternoon cocktail.

Uh, we’re not open yet.

Oh, that’s a shame.

I was hoping to wet my whistle with a hot stud like you.

I guess I could make an exception.

What’s your pleasure?

A cold beer and servicing sexy bears.

There you go.

I never knew you were attracted to me.

You want to do it here, now?

Yeah, yeah.

I better go lock the front door...

No. I like the danger of it.

Okay.

Here.

Wow, you know, I’ve always thought you were hot,

but what about your husband?

Shh, don’t speak, don’t speak.

Here, put this on.

Oh, I don’t know.

Do you want me to suck that dick dry or what?

Oh, I do! I do!

Okay.

- You can’t see anything, right? - No.

- You’re good. - Uh-huh.

All right, I’m going to go grab my beer.

- You stay like this, okay? - Okay.

Oh, baby, I can’t wait.

This is going to be the best blowjob of your life.

We’re going to have so much fun.

I can’t wait to get my mouth on that sweet cock.

Here I come.

Are-Are you there?

- Did you get it? - It’s in the trunk.

Awesome.

Travis’ ex-boyfriend gets his guitar back,

and we get a big fat check.

Babe, with this job,

it brings this month’s earnings up to nine grand.

If we stay this busy, we’ll have to hire some office help.

By the way, was he that good?

- Who? - The ginger klepto cowboy.

You haven’t stopped grinning since you got out here.

I’m not grinning.

You were always a sucker for a sweet white boy in blue jeans.

Oh! Well…

I married you, didn’t I?

Don’t be jealous.

It’s not my fault that our client has a thing for Latin guys.

And for what it’s worth,

we never even made it past first base, I swear.

What? You don’t believe me?

Sure I do, babe.

By the way, your fly is still open.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper.

A peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked.

Sally sells seashells by the seashore.

- Nelson, I’d like you to meet-- - Hey, Reggie, Reggie.

I’m fine with you visiting the set,

but you’ve got to have a little respect for my craft!

This is a critical moment for me, preparing to do a scene!

I don’t have time to meet your latest hook-up!

Forgive him, Mr. Dorkoff.

He just knows that I would travel

through a hot desert for days without a camel or water

just to witness one of your great performances.

Nelson Dorkoff, nice to meet you.

Prince Omar Al-Fayeed.

I recently had the pleasure

of sitting next to Benedict Cumberbatch

at a Washington State Dinner.

I asked him who his acting influences were.

He said “The three D’s.

De Niro, Depp...

and Dorkoff.”

Shut up.

I thought you said the prince hated Nelson’s acting.

Yes, but we are guests in your country,

and there is a long standing tradition

in our culture to never insult your hosts.

Plus, he’s lying.

Here’s your prop gun, Nelson. We’re just about ready for you.

Scram, Kenny.

Can’t you tell I’m entertaining a VIP guest?

That gun looks real.

Oh, it’s not. It’s just a fake prop gun with blanks.

Here, see for yourself.

What else did Benedict say about me?

Well, you know, I’m crazy about him.

He's wonderful.

Really, a terrific actor,

but I think I would’ve been a little better as Dr. Strange.

Freeze!

Don’t worry, Cody, backup’s on the way.

We both know you’re not going to shoot me.

You’re still the big pussy you were since the sixth grade!

How could you?

How could you rape all those high school boys?

Harvey, we were friends.

I thought I knew you!

How on Earth did you become such a monster?

That was very nice of you

to build up Nelson’s confidence before his big scene.

I did it for you.

I mean, he’s your friend.

I would do anything to see that beautiful smile.

Don’t come any closer!

Go ahead, shoot me, Otis!

I’ll be with you forever!

I’ll be with you in your nightmares for all time!

(gun fires)

Oh, God!

Oh, no!

Oh, God!

- And... cut! - Brilliant!

- Thank you, thank you. - Good job.

I was talking about Toby, you turd.

What?

- What? You can’t be serious? - I am.

Oh, come on. That was the most overbearing,

unbelievable death scene I’ve ever seen in my life!

Hey, I’ve been accused of being a ham before, but please!

Toby hands down wins

the Most Over the Top Performance of the Year!

Hey, hey, asshole. You can get up now!

- Come on, Toby. - Toby!

Toby?

Oh, my God, he’s really been shot!

He’s dead. Toby’s dead.

♪Where the bears are We want to be♪

♪Where the bears are Where the bears are♪