Original subtitles

I saw last week’s dailies...

you better cover those bags

because you are on thin ice, mister, okay?

All right.

Guys, I am so happy

you came up here for moral support today, thank you.

Of course, Reggie,

there’s nowhere else Todd and I would rather be today.

Right, honey?

What?

Oh, no, I’m not hungry.

Look, I can’t stay long.

The agency’s in total disarray because Nick’s been arrested

and everyone’s freaking out because we still don’t know

who the Falcon is and when the assassin’s going to strike.

Whatever, Todd,

if you think your piddling little assassination plot

is more important than my show winning a Peabody,

who am I to argue?

Out of my way!

It is more important though, right?

Yes.

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

SEASON 6 EPISODE 14 BEARS ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP PART ONE

Oh, Wood, this is so cinematically beautiful.

I know, right?

Uh, hope Reggie doesn’t mind us

shooting a porn right next to where he’s broadcasting.

Oh! That queen is so self-absorbed,

he probably won’t even notice.

Oh! Okay, right down around the corner here,

that is the exact spot

that I had sex with the detectives in a sling,

right before Jeremy went over the mountain.

We can re-create the scene blowjob by blowjob

with you, Chuck... (gasps)

...and Conner.

Definitely Conner!

Oh, Wood, I really think this is the way to go…

an autobiographical film of all the sexual

pivotal moments in your life.

I even have the perfect title, stay with me…

Wood Fellas.

I love it!

It’s like Goodfellas but with “Wood.”

Oh, look how smart my baby is.

But I want a less straightforward approach,

something more abstract and conceptual.

No, George, I swear, the detectives were totally into it.

Oh, not “consensual,” dear, “conceptual.”

And instead of re-creating the scene here as it happened,

I want to film a more claustrophobic,

fevered dream, in an enclosed, small, tight space,

almost as if we were actually deep inside your brain.

Sometimes I feel like I am in the presence of pure genius!

Oh, isn’t that the truth?

- Let’s go see it, come on. - Yes.

Oh, Jeremy went that way.

Oh?

You came all the way up here just to wish me luck.

For Prince only.

Hey, how are you going to get back to the studio in time?

Your live broadcast starts immediately following mine.

I came by helicopter.

You rented a helicopter just to come see me.

No, I bought one.

Now that is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.

Most guys I know wouldn’t even splurge on an Uber.

Reggie, I want to be completely honest with you.

There is something I must tell you.

You want to go back to being a top?

- No. - Oh, thank God.

It’s this address that I’m giving to viewers today.

It’s not to unveil the network’s upcoming programming slate.

It’s not?

No, I’m going to come out of the closet.

It’s something I’ve been planning for some time.

I want to do it for the thousands of gay men

in my country who are forced to hide

and can’t live as their true selves.

Maybe if they see me as one of them, they will have hope.

Now that is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.

It’s why I bought the Inquisitive Channel.

My family would never have allowed me

to do this back home on state-run television.

They would have stopped me.

But here in America, I am free to do as I wish…

and nobody puts Baby in a corner.

I’m a huge Dirty Dancing fan.

I can see those closet doors bursting open already.

Omar, I’m so proud of you.

Reggie, I-I know we’ve only known each other a short while,

but I feel you and I share a special bond

and I would very much like to continue seeing you.

Oh.

Let me think about it. Yes!

Oh, you’ve made me very happy.

Now I must go.

I don’t want to be late for my own coming-out party.

Thank you.

What’s the matter with you, jealous?

What? No!

Of course not.

I’m not romantically interested in you.

Even the idea of you and me…

No!

I wasn’t talking about me, I thought you liked the prince.

But I’m flattered your mind went there.

I don’t know, George,

I don’t think Reggie would want us shooting in his trailer.

I told you, Wood, the sex has to start in an enclosed space.

I mean, what better way to pay tribute to white trash Americana

than to have you flip fuck in a recreational vehicle?

It’s both trashy and claustrophobic.

Whatever you want, you’re the artist.

Oh, drat! I just got a text from Chuck.

His car broke down outside of Pomona, of all places,

and he and Conner aren’t coming.

Oh. Oh! Oh, why must I be so cruelly persecuted this way?

We have the perfect location.

You have got to make this work, Wood.

How?

We’re in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, what are the odds we’re going to find

some young, hot gay stud

who wants to get his ass pounded on film in an RV?

Excuse me, but...

you wouldn’t happen to be Wood Burns, would you?

- That’s me. - Oh, my God!

I’m so thrilled to meet you.

My name’s Dash, Dash Plowright.

“Plowright,” did you hear that? “Plow-right?”

I heard, George, I heard!

I am such a huge fan of your work.

I have seen all of your movies, I use all your sex toys,

I even wear your clothing line, see?

“Sporting Wood,” I love it!

Especially the fabric, it gives my junk room to breathe.

Right?

Oh, that's because of the cotton-poly blend

that I absolutely insisted upon…

Not now, George!

All right, this may sound crazy,

but would you be interested in being

in a gay porn film right now with me?

You want me to have sex with you…

right now in a movie?

Uh-huh!

Hell yeah!

It’s gonna happen! It’s gonna happen!

No-no-no, not here.

We’re going to do it in the RV.

Oh, okay sure.

I love my life.

And then he’s going to tell the whole world he’s gay

and finally fly free from his gilded cage.

It’s so brave and meaningful.

It’s going to have such an impact.

That is really wonderful, Reggie.

Hey, this is for everybody, right?

- Yeah. - Okay.

Now, are you sure you really want to date him?

He’s a royal prince, Nelson. Why wouldn’t I want to date him?

I don’t know.

You two just don’t seem to have that much of a connection.

Let me reiterate, he’s a royal prince with his own helicopter.

He can buy us a connection!

So stay the hell out of my love life, Nelson!

And save some for the crew.

I didn’t mean to upset him.

I just don’t think he should be dating the prince

for the wrong reasons.

“Cage?" "Fly free?”

What’s the matter?

Oh, my God. It’s the prince!

The prince is the Falcon!

There must be a faction of his government

that wants to stop him from coming out.

They’re going to shoot him on live television!

Nelson, we have to warn him!

- Reggie’s got his number! - Okay.

Let’s go!

We are here atop Big Bear Mountain,

where four years ago a traumatic event unfolded.

Reggie, we need to talk to you.

Even more traumatic than being interrupted on live television.

Uh, it’s an emergency.

Hey, isn’t that…

Oh, no fucking way.

Reggie! Reggie, behind you!

Only now am I ready

to talk about what really happened that day.

Reggie, it’s Jeremy Richards.

Let me get through the intro, Nelson,

and then we’ll get to that, all right?

Boo!

It’s just the actor playing Jeremy.

Jesus, where did they find you?

You’re a dead ringer.

And you’re just dead.

Thank you for tuning in, all you home viewers.

Welcome to The Jeremy Show.

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

♪Where the bears are, Where the bears are♪