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Okay.
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00:01:32,899 --> 00:01:38,838
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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Christian is running a few minutes late.
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Thank you for your patience.
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00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:44,342
We will start the meeting
once he arrives.
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My mom is calling.
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That's weird, she never calls.
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Can I talk to Linda? I love her.
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Jake, stay away from my mom.
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Matt, first of all, it's not sexual.
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Secondly, love is love,
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and when you know, you know.
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I feel like in another lifetime,
I could've married Linda.
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Then I would've been your dad.
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00:02:00,210 --> 00:02:02,312
What game are you playing, Daddy?
16
00:02:02,412 --> 00:02:03,880
It's called "2071."
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00:02:03,981 --> 00:02:05,181
It's set in a dystopian future
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00:02:05,281 --> 00:02:07,083
where you get to
murder people with a sword.
19
00:02:07,184 --> 00:02:09,019
It's extremely violent,
but it soothes my soul.
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00:02:09,119 --> 00:02:10,321
I was supposed to
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00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:12,121
take the day off
and go on an ayahuasca trip
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with my best friends,
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00:02:13,457 --> 00:02:15,159
but I'm sure
this meeting will send me on
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00:02:15,258 --> 00:02:17,928
an equally terrifying,
introspective anxiety cyclone.
25
00:02:18,027 --> 00:02:20,464
I feel like I'm wasting
my life at meetings like this.
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00:02:20,564 --> 00:02:22,032
That's absolutely what's happening...
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00:02:22,132 --> 00:02:23,466
but if it makes you feel any better,
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00:02:23,566 --> 00:02:25,100
there's no way not to waste your life.
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00:02:25,202 --> 00:02:26,803
The best you can do
is find something you love,
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00:02:26,902 --> 00:02:29,205
and work so hard and so long
at it that it eventually
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00:02:29,305 --> 00:02:31,142
becomes something
you mostly complain about.
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00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:33,310
All I want out of life
is to lose my mind
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00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:35,145
on a drug I don't understand
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00:02:35,245 --> 00:02:37,413
and then justify it
as a spiritual awakening.
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00:02:37,513 --> 00:02:39,649
Fuck this fucking game.
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00:02:42,384 --> 00:02:44,654
My mom is calling again.
37
00:02:44,753 --> 00:02:46,290
Can you believe they called this meeting
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on the exact day
Adele tickets went on sale?
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00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:50,627
Adele is what sent me into,
but got me out of,
40
00:02:50,727 --> 00:02:52,362
my last three bouts
of clinical depression.
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00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,163
I never took you
for an Adele fan, Baron.
42
00:02:54,263 --> 00:02:56,265
Well, I'm not.
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00:02:56,365 --> 00:02:58,234
I'm gonna buy as many tickets
as possible online
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00:02:58,334 --> 00:03:00,036
and sell them at a massive markup.
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00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:01,672
People will give
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00:03:01,771 --> 00:03:03,840
their first born child to see Adele,
47
00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:05,442
and her music is so powerful,
48
00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:07,343
it'll help them get over the loss.
49
00:03:07,443 --> 00:03:09,179
Now my dad is calling?
50
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,680
My parents are divorced.
51
00:03:10,781 --> 00:03:12,582
The last time I got
this many calls from them
52
00:03:12,681 --> 00:03:14,618
at the same time was
when my grandpa stole a car
53
00:03:14,717 --> 00:03:16,185
and drove it off a cliff on purpose.
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00:03:16,286 --> 00:03:17,687
Just go call your parents.
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00:03:17,787 --> 00:03:19,722
The meeting won't start
till Christian gets here.
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00:03:19,822 --> 00:03:21,191
Okay.
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00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,495
He was cursing like a sailor,
so then I said to him...
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00:03:26,596 --> 00:03:28,030
"Frank, I got news for you.
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00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:30,233
Wives are bad."
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00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,503
Women: can't live with them.
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00:03:32,602 --> 00:03:33,936
And that's the end of that saying.
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00:03:35,638 --> 00:03:38,274
Uh, Bill, let's try
to keep that kind of talk
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00:03:38,375 --> 00:03:39,610
to a minimum today.
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00:03:39,709 --> 00:03:41,510
I mean, these lawsuits against
you are getting expensive.
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00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,080
Hello, everyone.
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00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,916
I'd like to introduce you
to Bill Hathaway,
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00:03:46,015 --> 00:03:47,684
who's been with Hampton DeVille
for over 30 years,
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00:03:47,784 --> 00:03:50,421
and currently sits on
our board of directors.
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00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,422
Hampton DeVille is my middle name.
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00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,025
Just kidding. It's Margaret.
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00:03:55,126 --> 00:03:56,527
Just kidding!
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That's a woman's name.
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00:03:59,061 --> 00:04:00,596
Anyway, here we go.
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00:04:00,697 --> 00:04:02,265
Bill Hathaway is a nightmare.
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00:04:02,365 --> 00:04:03,900
He thinks it's 1975.
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00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:06,337
The last time he talked to me,
he said I would look prettier
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00:04:06,436 --> 00:04:07,469
if I were massaging his groin.
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00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:08,839
He said the exact same thing to me.
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00:04:08,927 --> 00:04:10,425
Which brings me to
the reason why I called
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00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:11,556
all of you here today:
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00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:14,510
to discuss five new ideas that I...
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00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:16,212
One moment.
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00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:19,850
Oh, wow. I have to take this call.
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00:04:19,949 --> 00:04:21,118
I might be a minute.
85
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:25,255
I need you to take charge
until I get back.
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00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:26,357
I'm counting on you.
87
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,894
- All right, everyone.
- All right.
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00:04:30,993 --> 00:04:31,861
So let's get started.
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00:04:31,961 --> 00:04:32,863
- Oh!
- Oh, Christian...
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00:04:32,962 --> 00:04:34,263
- Me.
- No, well, he pointed at...
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00:04:34,363 --> 00:04:35,264
- Me.
- Me.
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00:04:35,365 --> 00:04:36,365
- Me.
- Mimi?
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00:04:36,466 --> 00:04:37,800
I'm in charge.
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00:04:37,901 --> 00:04:39,502
Why would Christian
point to you when I'm...
95
00:04:39,603 --> 00:04:42,139
Can somebody pour
hot coffee all over my face?
96
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,440
- John...
- I have been waiting
97
00:04:43,539 --> 00:04:45,093
for the chance to take the lead
for my entire...
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00:04:45,147 --> 00:04:47,377
- life, including when I was...
- Professional career...
99
00:04:47,478 --> 00:04:49,088
- I was born!
- Because I have a vagina!
100
00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:50,947
And you wear glasses,
you have inferior vision.
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00:04:51,046 --> 00:04:51,948
Okay, everyone,
102
00:04:52,048 --> 00:04:53,115
- let's just take two...
- Yeah.
103
00:04:53,216 --> 00:04:54,685
- While John and I...
- Everyone, take two.
104
00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:56,219
- A quick convo.
- Sidebar convo here.
105
00:04:57,473 --> 00:05:00,190
Now my sister's texting asking
why I haven't called Mom and Dad
106
00:05:00,289 --> 00:05:01,791
about Grandma Dorothy?
107
00:05:01,892 --> 00:05:03,493
Oh, my God.
108
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:04,894
Is Grandma Dorothy dead?
109
00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:07,531
Okay, since we don't know
who he pointed at,
110
00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:10,399
let's just run the meeting together.
111
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,002
Now what five ideas
was he talking about?
112
00:05:12,101 --> 00:05:14,637
No clue. All I know is I'm scared
113
00:05:14,738 --> 00:05:16,572
and I need to pee,
but the nervous energy
114
00:05:16,673 --> 00:05:19,243
from holding it in is
what's fueling me right now.
115
00:05:19,343 --> 00:05:20,511
Okay.
116
00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:21,978
Let's just do something
so that senile lump
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00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:23,981
doesn't report to Christian
that we dropped the ball.
118
00:05:24,081 --> 00:05:25,014
- Yeah. Hey.
- Yeah?
119
00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:26,183
We're a team.
120
00:05:26,283 --> 00:05:28,819
Hey, you, the one without the hair.
121
00:05:28,918 --> 00:05:31,020
Come on, let's get this thing rolling.
122
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,188
He knows my name?
123
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,024
Be a man and take charge.
124
00:05:35,125 --> 00:05:36,327
Absolutely, Bill.
125
00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:38,394
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
126
00:05:38,495 --> 00:05:40,630
Okay, everyone. Enough dillydally.
127
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,299
I'm gonna get things started.
128
00:05:42,399 --> 00:05:43,867
John and Kate have definitely had sex.
129
00:05:43,966 --> 00:05:46,202
How do you know?
130
00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:48,137
Working in HR,
I've developed a sixth sense
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00:05:48,238 --> 00:05:49,673
for people's sex lives.
132
00:05:49,772 --> 00:05:51,541
I'll bet there's a crazy Venn diagram
133
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:53,043
of sexual encounters in this room.
134
00:05:53,142 --> 00:05:56,312
It is weird to think that all
these people wearing nice suits,
135
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:58,615
drinking coffee, talking calmly,
136
00:05:58,714 --> 00:06:02,118
have all had penises
and vaginas in their mouths.
137
00:06:02,219 --> 00:06:03,387
Literally, all of them.
138
00:06:03,486 --> 00:06:05,121
Tailored suit's the only thing
hiding the fact that
139
00:06:05,221 --> 00:06:06,555
we're all hairy mammals
with horrifying genitalia.
140
00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:09,425
I mean, yeah, my genitalia is fine,
141
00:06:09,526 --> 00:06:10,827
but I understand what you're saying.
142
00:06:10,926 --> 00:06:12,195
- My genitalia is horrifying.
- So...
143
00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:14,197
let's get...
144
00:06:15,197 --> 00:06:17,233
Ha-ha-ha.
145
00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:19,103
L-O-L. L-O-L.
146
00:06:19,202 --> 00:06:21,238
Very funny, guys.
147
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,572
And blastoff!
148
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:26,108
Let's start by asking a simple question:
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00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:30,247
why are we here?
150
00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:32,247
Shouldn't you know the answer to that?
151
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,449
Of course, Baron.
152
00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:34,785
Because that was a rhetorical question.
153
00:06:34,884 --> 00:06:36,920
Okay.
154
00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:39,455
We just need to brainstorm five ideas.
155
00:06:39,555 --> 00:06:41,425
But to be safe, let's come up with 50.
156
00:06:41,524 --> 00:06:43,258
- Let's make it 100!
- Any idea is welcome
157
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:44,428
when brainstorming.
158
00:06:44,528 --> 00:06:45,729
Literally anything you say
will be discussed
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00:06:45,829 --> 00:06:47,163
in detail without criticism.
160
00:06:47,264 --> 00:06:49,566
My brain just stormed an idea.
161
00:06:49,666 --> 00:06:51,233
How about we call off this meeting
162
00:06:51,334 --> 00:06:52,235
until Christian gets back?
163
00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:53,570
Come on, that's a bad idea.
164
00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:55,906
I thought we weren't gonna
criticize ideas.
165
00:06:56,005 --> 00:06:57,640
Fine. Yeah. Let's put it on the board.
166
00:06:57,740 --> 00:06:59,875
Any other ideas?
167
00:06:59,976 --> 00:07:01,345
We're going into a brainstorm hole.
168
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,279
I can literally say anything right now.
169
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,948
- Racism.
- Racism.
170
00:07:05,048 --> 00:07:05,949
- Great idea.
- Nice.
171
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,550
Jesus Christ, this is a nightmare.
172
00:07:07,649 --> 00:07:08,917
What's that, Matt?
173
00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:11,120
Oh, I just said
that this is a nightmare.
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00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:12,990
This is a nightmare. Great.
175
00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:15,058
You know, this reminds me
of when I was selling
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00:07:15,158 --> 00:07:17,494
cigarettes wholesale
to health food stores
177
00:07:17,594 --> 00:07:19,062
back in the '70s.
178
00:07:19,163 --> 00:07:21,097
At the time, we didn't know
they were bad for you.
179
00:07:21,197 --> 00:07:23,899
Or, actually, we did know,
but we kept a lid on it.
180
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,502
Back then, you were allowed
to have secrets.
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00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:29,038
Secrets from the government,
from your wife.
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00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:30,440
It didn't matter!
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00:07:30,539 --> 00:07:32,774
I hope my grandma died
doing what she loved most:
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00:07:32,875 --> 00:07:35,178
sitting in her chair,
worrying that I'm gay.
185
00:07:35,278 --> 00:07:36,546
Your grandma's lucky.
186
00:07:36,646 --> 00:07:38,515
When you're dead, nobody
expects anything from you.
187
00:07:38,615 --> 00:07:40,050
Death is the retirement package you get
188
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,717
for a lifetime full
of pain and suffering.
189
00:07:41,817 --> 00:07:43,921
That's why I say
you should always bring a gun
190
00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:44,988
to a knife fight,
191
00:07:45,087 --> 00:07:46,855
or a knife to a gun fight, if you wish.
192
00:07:46,956 --> 00:07:49,093
Now, you might die,
but at least no one can say
193
00:07:49,192 --> 00:07:51,928
you weren't interesting.
194
00:07:52,028 --> 00:07:53,096
Thank you...
195
00:07:53,195 --> 00:07:54,964
so much, Bill.
196
00:07:55,065 --> 00:07:56,266
Very helpful.
197
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:57,601
Does anyone have a coherent idea?
198
00:08:01,937 --> 00:08:03,873
Hey, guys?
199
00:08:03,973 --> 00:08:04,973
Guys!
200
00:08:05,074 --> 00:08:06,810
Can we get off our phones and focus up?
201
00:08:06,909 --> 00:08:09,646
You know, we didn't
used to have phones in meetings.
202
00:08:09,747 --> 00:08:12,783
Back then, if you wanted
to send someone a nudie pic,
203
00:08:12,882 --> 00:08:15,752
you had to show up at their door
wearing just a trench coat
204
00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:18,120
and show them what you got!
205
00:08:18,221 --> 00:08:19,555
Your thoughts?
206
00:08:19,656 --> 00:08:21,757
Yeah, well, Bill makes
a good point here.
207
00:08:21,858 --> 00:08:22,759
Um...
208
00:08:22,858 --> 00:08:24,327
Oh.
209
00:08:24,428 --> 00:08:25,461
Here's an idea.
210
00:08:25,562 --> 00:08:26,796
How about we try something new
211
00:08:26,895 --> 00:08:29,264
and have everyone in the room
212
00:08:29,365 --> 00:08:31,067
put their phones
213
00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:32,168
in this box.
214
00:08:32,269 --> 00:08:33,504
No!
215
00:08:34,887 --> 00:08:37,395
Thank you. You'll get it back
at the end of the semester.
216
00:08:37,582 --> 00:08:39,723
Having your phone taken away
from you is like having
217
00:08:39,776 --> 00:08:41,449
a civil liberty stripped away.
218
00:08:41,694 --> 00:08:43,429
It's just inhumane.
219
00:08:43,779 --> 00:08:45,048
Baron.
220
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:48,151
Baron?
221
00:08:52,154 --> 00:08:53,573
Yeah.
222
00:08:54,323 --> 00:08:55,824
Thank you.
223
00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:56,826
Back pocket.
224
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:59,763
And the other.
225
00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:05,134
Okay.
226
00:09:07,837 --> 00:09:09,939
Stand up.
227
00:09:11,673 --> 00:09:13,610
Sorry I have to do this, but...
228
00:09:13,710 --> 00:09:15,945
just want to a have
a nice, focused meeting.
229
00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:18,836
Oh?
230
00:09:22,018 --> 00:09:24,288
That's mine.
231
00:09:25,422 --> 00:09:26,923
My dad's finally responding.
232
00:09:27,023 --> 00:09:28,258
Oh.
233
00:09:33,496 --> 00:09:34,830
Thank you.
234
00:09:34,931 --> 00:09:36,900
Now!
235
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,335
Where were we?
236
00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:39,635
Bill, you were saying something.
237
00:09:39,734 --> 00:09:42,489
Actually, uh, I was gonna say something.
238
00:09:42,591 --> 00:09:45,351
Yet here I am, saying something.
239
00:09:45,437 --> 00:09:47,830
This reminds me of
a time I was a child...
240
00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:49,099
And my mother said,
241
00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:50,476
"You'll never amount to anything,"
242
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:54,037
and I felt hurt till I realized
she was talking to my father.
243
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:56,039
There he stood
with his party dress on...
244
00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:58,910
Anyway...
245
00:09:59,051 --> 00:10:00,496
How long have we been here?
246
00:10:00,605 --> 00:10:02,949
Without our phones, there's no way
to measure the passage of time.
247
00:10:03,004 --> 00:10:05,402
It could be years, decades even.
248
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:07,761
Okay! I think
we're really starting to get...
249
00:10:07,793 --> 00:10:08,760
somewhere.
250
00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:11,990
Christian should be back
any minute, so...
251
00:10:12,091 --> 00:10:13,358
let's just keep going.
252
00:10:13,457 --> 00:10:15,360
Maybe I'll kill him.
253
00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:18,697
Could I handle it emotionally, though?
254
00:10:18,797 --> 00:10:20,365
Yes.
255
00:10:20,465 --> 00:10:22,000
But how would I do it?
256
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,368
Strangling.
257
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:25,069
But why would I kill him?
258
00:10:25,169 --> 00:10:26,137
Because nature is a brutal mother,
259
00:10:26,237 --> 00:10:28,172
and everyone must die.
260
00:10:28,273 --> 00:10:29,474
Hm!
261
00:10:29,573 --> 00:10:31,242
There was so much I wanted to say
262
00:10:31,342 --> 00:10:33,544
to my grandma before she died.
263
00:10:33,644 --> 00:10:35,001
Actually, that's not true.
264
00:10:35,087 --> 00:10:36,719
We had nothing in common.
265
00:10:36,822 --> 00:10:39,389
Wait, am I even sad she's dead?
266
00:10:39,490 --> 00:10:41,392
Yes... I am.
267
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:42,726
Okay, good.
268
00:10:42,827 --> 00:10:44,294
If anyone knew the horrible thoughts
269
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,564
in my head, I would 100% be in jail.
270
00:10:46,664 --> 00:10:48,598
Thank God nobody knows my thoughts.
271
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,302
But I guess on some level,
that also means
272
00:10:50,402 --> 00:10:51,803
I'll always be alone.
273
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:54,572
- Oh, well.
- This meeting is bullshit
274
00:10:54,673 --> 00:10:56,510
and I deserve better than this.
275
00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:58,306
Maybe I don't.
276
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,245
Maybe I'm a loser and this is
exactly what I deserve.
277
00:11:01,346 --> 00:11:04,615
No, I'm not a loser.
278
00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:07,284
That's why I needed to do
ayahuasca this weekend:
279
00:11:07,385 --> 00:11:08,553
to learn that I'm not a loser.
280
00:11:08,653 --> 00:11:10,721
Why did I lie about the reason
281
00:11:10,822 --> 00:11:12,090
I'm getting Adele tickets?
282
00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:13,356
I love Adele.
283
00:11:13,457 --> 00:11:15,927
She sings directly to my soul.
284
00:11:16,027 --> 00:11:17,429
Why can't I admit the music I like?
285
00:11:17,529 --> 00:11:18,395
I'm in my 30s.
286
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:19,630
It's time to be myself.
287
00:11:19,730 --> 00:11:23,301
I'm buying those tickets
for me, God damn it!
288
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,936
I gotta get out of this meeting.
289
00:11:32,243 --> 00:11:34,479
It's crazy that I can have thoughts
290
00:11:34,578 --> 00:11:36,747
while speaking out loud.
291
00:11:36,849 --> 00:11:38,950
But wait,
who am I speaking to right now?
292
00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:41,085
Myself?
293
00:11:41,186 --> 00:11:43,889
Because if I'm speaking to myself,
294
00:11:43,989 --> 00:11:45,423
who's doing the speaking?
295
00:11:45,523 --> 00:11:48,226
If I do propose,
296
00:11:48,327 --> 00:11:51,929
I'm going to do
something romantic, like...
297
00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:54,932
have a blunt conversation about
the bleak realities of marriage.
298
00:11:56,701 --> 00:11:58,370
I don't know how I started
talking about that.
299
00:11:58,470 --> 00:11:59,237
Did someone even...
300
00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:00,270
who said marriage?
301
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:01,439
Absolutely.
302
00:12:01,539 --> 00:12:02,373
Okay, everyone.
303
00:12:02,474 --> 00:12:04,208
Let's get back on track
304
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,110
and discuss the five ideas
305
00:12:06,211 --> 00:12:07,144
that Christian asked for.
306
00:12:07,245 --> 00:12:08,846
Kate, I gotta stop you right there
307
00:12:08,946 --> 00:12:11,115
'cause I have something to say,
and my voice is deeper
308
00:12:11,216 --> 00:12:12,483
and louder than yours.
309
00:12:12,582 --> 00:12:14,084
So here we go!
310
00:12:14,184 --> 00:12:16,053
I'm sad the only dating
options for my grandma
311
00:12:16,154 --> 00:12:17,522
were men like Bill.
312
00:12:17,623 --> 00:12:19,057
It hasn't gotten much better.
313
00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:21,559
Now the options are men
like you and Jake.
314
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,294
- Great point.
- So then I said to him,
315
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:26,597
"Son, your mother and I
are getting a divorce,
316
00:12:26,697 --> 00:12:30,134
and it is your fault,
so please apologize to us."
317
00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:31,603
And to his credit, he did.
318
00:12:31,702 --> 00:12:34,271
I haven't talked to him in years.
319
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,908
Often wondered what happened to him...
320
00:13:01,332 --> 00:13:03,567
Okay, I think I figured out
321
00:13:03,668 --> 00:13:05,303
who all has had sex in this room.
322
00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:06,471
Who?
323
00:13:06,571 --> 00:13:07,706
Those two are currently having sex,
324
00:13:07,806 --> 00:13:09,674
but trying to play it cool.
325
00:13:09,774 --> 00:13:11,076
The point is that marriage...
326
00:13:11,176 --> 00:13:12,410
Who else?
327
00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:15,079
She wants to have sex with...
328
00:13:15,179 --> 00:13:16,847
something...
329
00:13:16,947 --> 00:13:19,683
and he wants to have sex with me.
330
00:13:19,783 --> 00:13:21,718
And connect the dots previous,
331
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:23,754
and it's not just the ideas
that live within,
332
00:13:23,855 --> 00:13:27,392
ideas that are critical
to examine in a deep way,
333
00:13:27,491 --> 00:13:29,793
but it's also the peripheral ideas
334
00:13:29,894 --> 00:13:32,831
that kind of live next to the main idea,
335
00:13:32,931 --> 00:13:34,499
if you know what I mean.
336
00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:37,468
If you think of
the main ideas being a city,
337
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,636
the other ideas are suburbs,
or sub-ideas, in a way,
338
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:43,106
and to unpack that notion just a bit...
339
00:13:43,207 --> 00:13:44,775
You have to kind of unpack
340
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,178
the term "unpack."
341
00:13:51,316 --> 00:13:53,451
Hi there, Matt.
342
00:13:53,551 --> 00:13:56,588
Just to give you a heads up,
I'm dead and in heaven.
343
00:13:56,687 --> 00:13:59,256
Ah, just kidding.
344
00:13:59,356 --> 00:14:01,458
Heaven isn't real.
345
00:14:01,558 --> 00:14:03,293
Anyway, I came here to tell you
346
00:14:03,394 --> 00:14:05,797
you are wasting your life,
347
00:14:05,897 --> 00:14:07,999
but more importantly, honey,
348
00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:10,535
your hair is a mess.
349
00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:12,803
I wish you'd comb your hair.
350
00:14:12,904 --> 00:14:15,807
You look so much nicer
when you comb your hair.
351
00:14:15,907 --> 00:14:17,841
Maybe if you combed your hair,
352
00:14:17,942 --> 00:14:19,610
you'd be able to get laid.
353
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,814
Don't you want to get laid, Matt?
354
00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:26,451
So that concludes
the story of how I got laid
355
00:14:26,551 --> 00:14:28,319
by Margaret Thatcher.
356
00:14:28,418 --> 00:14:30,355
Great at sex, but...
357
00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:32,194
terrible at politics.
358
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,835
Freedom is...
359
00:14:35,427 --> 00:14:36,494
slavery.
360
00:14:36,594 --> 00:14:38,096
Okay.
361
00:14:38,196 --> 00:14:39,931
I think we're finally starting
to make some progress here.
362
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:42,032
It's cruel to keep us here in this room.
363
00:14:42,134 --> 00:14:43,734
I gotta get out of here
364
00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:45,068
and call my family.
365
00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:47,271
Why are they keeping us trapped in here?
366
00:14:47,371 --> 00:14:48,205
Why?
367
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,912
Why are we here?
368
00:14:54,011 --> 00:14:55,878
Why are we pretending
369
00:14:55,879 --> 00:14:59,016
all this is not a total waste of time?
370
00:14:59,116 --> 00:15:00,885
What are we doing with our lives?
371
00:15:00,985 --> 00:15:03,821
We're alive for a blink of an eye,
372
00:15:03,922 --> 00:15:07,926
and yet we spend it
working in jobs we hate
373
00:15:08,025 --> 00:15:10,460
to fill the pockets of
rich megalomaniacs
374
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,629
who treat us like cattle!
375
00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:15,500
We're all just fucking cattle!
376
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,869
Just eating grass and shitting
377
00:15:17,969 --> 00:15:20,705
and... and waiting to be slaughtered.
378
00:15:20,806 --> 00:15:21,940
Fuck that.
379
00:15:22,039 --> 00:15:23,640
Can we please get some security in here?
380
00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:26,278
Fucking fuck that.
381
00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:29,112
Quit your job...
382
00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:32,283
sell your home, and live in the woods!
383
00:15:32,383 --> 00:15:34,317
You'll probably die because you
don't know survival skills,
384
00:15:34,418 --> 00:15:35,053
but who cares?
385
00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:36,654
You're gonna die anyway.
386
00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:40,392
Am I the only one who thinks that?
387
00:15:40,491 --> 00:15:42,192
Am I crazy?
388
00:15:42,293 --> 00:15:43,494
No!
389
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,830
I think, in fact,
I am the only sane one here.
390
00:15:45,929 --> 00:15:48,132
Am I wrong, or am I right?
391
00:15:48,232 --> 00:15:49,500
What happened? You could've left.
392
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,436
- You were free.
- I realized I have no idea
393
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:53,103
what my parents' numbers are
without being able to
394
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,371
look them up on my phone.
395
00:15:54,471 --> 00:15:55,573
Why?
396
00:15:55,673 --> 00:15:56,942
Why?
397
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:02,847
Okay then!
398
00:16:02,947 --> 00:16:04,148
I have an idea.
399
00:16:04,248 --> 00:16:06,017
How about we take a little mental break
400
00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:08,019
and watch a funny YouTube?
401
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:10,822
I'm a little cucumber.
402
00:16:10,922 --> 00:16:12,824
I'm a little cucumber.
403
00:16:12,923 --> 00:16:14,826
I'm a little cucumber.
404
00:16:14,926 --> 00:16:16,461
I'm a little cucumber.
405
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:17,829
I'm a little cucumber.
406
00:16:17,928 --> 00:16:18,996
Oh, me? I'm a little cucumber.
407
00:16:19,096 --> 00:16:22,132
I'm a little cucumber.
408
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,835
I'm a little cucumber.
409
00:16:24,936 --> 00:16:27,839
I'm a little cucumber!
410
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,808
- I'm a little cucumber.
- I'm a little cucumber.
411
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,144
I'm a little cucumber.
412
00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:35,145
I'm a cucumber.
413
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,447
I'm a little cucumber.
414
00:16:36,548 --> 00:16:39,149
How long have we been watching
YouTube videos?
415
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:40,751
- A lifetime.
- I'm a little cucumber.
416
00:16:40,851 --> 00:16:42,886
I think I'm having an anxiety attack.
417
00:16:42,986 --> 00:16:44,855
Try taking a deep breath.
418
00:16:44,956 --> 00:16:46,658
I still feel the same.
419
00:16:46,758 --> 00:16:49,394
Oh, well, I guess that's just
what your life is now.
420
00:16:49,494 --> 00:16:50,428
Oh, my God.
421
00:16:50,528 --> 00:16:52,397
What if I did go on that ayahuasca trip
422
00:16:52,496 --> 00:16:55,365
and this is how it's
manifesting itself in my mind?
423
00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:57,101
I'm a little cucumber,
I'm a little cucumber,
424
00:16:57,201 --> 00:16:59,569
I'm a little cucumber. Ho-ho-ho!
425
00:16:59,671 --> 00:17:01,639
- Is this even real?
- I'm a little cucumber.
426
00:17:01,739 --> 00:17:04,509
Are you even real?
427
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:07,144
I'm a little cucumber.
428
00:17:07,244 --> 00:17:08,645
Hey, it's me, Little Cucumber.
429
00:17:08,747 --> 00:17:09,747
Thank you so much for watching.
430
00:17:09,846 --> 00:17:11,749
Don't forget to subscribe!
431
00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:14,117
That's it?
432
00:17:14,218 --> 00:17:16,787
What the fuck was that?
433
00:17:16,886 --> 00:17:20,392
Who suggested that video?
434
00:17:20,491 --> 00:17:21,492
Mary!
435
00:17:21,593 --> 00:17:23,628
What was supposed to be
funny about that?
436
00:17:23,728 --> 00:17:26,230
Can you explain to me
what was funny about that video?
437
00:17:26,329 --> 00:17:28,131
Ooh! I have one more we have to watch.
438
00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:30,667
No, John! No more YouTube videos.
439
00:17:30,768 --> 00:17:32,170
I was trying to give us a break.
440
00:17:32,269 --> 00:17:33,570
We don't need a break.
441
00:17:33,671 --> 00:17:35,605
We need to get back to work
before Christian gets here.
442
00:17:35,707 --> 00:17:37,475
That's what I've been saying
this entire time.
443
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:39,778
- Right, Bill? Oh.
- This is incredible.
444
00:17:39,877 --> 00:17:41,078
Okay, John, with all due respect,
445
00:17:41,179 --> 00:17:42,714
you have zero leadership abilities.
446
00:17:42,814 --> 00:17:44,949
Oh, is that right? Here it comes.
447
00:17:45,048 --> 00:17:46,250
- I have no leadership abilities?
- Yeah.
448
00:17:46,349 --> 00:17:48,919
You were put in charge of
this meeting, too, Kate,
449
00:17:49,019 --> 00:17:50,221
and look where we're at.
450
00:17:50,321 --> 00:17:51,889
The word "racism" is
written on the board twice!
451
00:17:51,990 --> 00:17:54,325
That's right, I was put
in charge and you stepped over.
452
00:17:54,424 --> 00:17:57,294
Did I step over, or was it
more like a step up to the plate
453
00:17:57,394 --> 00:17:59,297
- to lead a dominating meeting?
- You stepped on that...
454
00:17:59,396 --> 00:18:02,232
Did I crush the plate, or was
the plate meant to be crushed?
455
00:18:05,103 --> 00:18:06,003
I did it.
456
00:18:06,104 --> 00:18:07,205
Jesus Christ, Baron.
457
00:18:07,305 --> 00:18:09,140
Go home and take care of yourself.
458
00:18:11,808 --> 00:18:13,577
It's okay, it's okay.
459
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,946
Adele...
460
00:18:16,047 --> 00:18:17,949
Come on, guys, let's...
461
00:18:18,048 --> 00:18:19,349
Genius.
462
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:20,751
Let's get back to work, please.
463
00:18:20,852 --> 00:18:23,321
Where's the marker?
464
00:18:23,421 --> 00:18:25,923
- Who has the marker?
- Who stole the marker?
465
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,357
Guys, this isn't funny.
466
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:29,326
Morgan, did you take the marker?
467
00:18:29,425 --> 00:18:31,361
Morgan, why is your hand in your pocket?
468
00:18:31,461 --> 00:18:35,700
Morgan, take your hand
out of your pocket right now!
469
00:18:37,468 --> 00:18:38,936
Oh, my God. It's a bird.
470
00:18:40,171 --> 00:18:41,172
Hi, bird.
471
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,574
How did it get in here?
472
00:18:43,673 --> 00:18:45,542
It must have flown in when Baron left.
473
00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:47,969
- Should we do something?
- Maybe it's hungry.
474
00:18:48,024 --> 00:18:50,214
No, it's okay. It knows what to do.
475
00:18:50,315 --> 00:18:52,917
It got in here, it can
get back out if it wants.
476
00:18:53,017 --> 00:18:54,486
It's amazing.
477
00:18:54,586 --> 00:18:57,259
I feel like we're experiencing
something really special.
478
00:18:58,890 --> 00:18:59,957
What?
479
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,393
Got him.
480
00:19:03,961 --> 00:19:05,063
That bird is so lucky.
481
00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:06,998
It only had to be in
this meeting for a minute,
482
00:19:07,097 --> 00:19:10,867
- and then it got to die.
- Grandma Dorothy loved birds.
483
00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:12,870
Oh, wait, no, she didn't.
That was my other grandma.
484
00:19:12,970 --> 00:19:13,971
Grandma Dorothy hated birds.
485
00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,941
God, I wish she was here to see this.
486
00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:21,045
Ever since that bird died
one minute ago...
487
00:19:21,144 --> 00:19:22,246
- Hm.
- I started thinking about
488
00:19:22,346 --> 00:19:24,449
my own mortality,
489
00:19:24,548 --> 00:19:25,750
and...
490
00:19:25,849 --> 00:19:28,252
I'm just really sorry that
I acted the way I did.
491
00:19:28,353 --> 00:19:30,121
Why not we just do what we do best:
492
00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:32,256
suppress our emotions
493
00:19:32,355 --> 00:19:34,592
and pretend like this never happened?
494
00:19:38,663 --> 00:19:40,631
Sorry I was out for so long.
495
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:42,567
Bill...
496
00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:45,402
I didn't expect you to stay this late.
497
00:19:45,502 --> 00:19:46,770
How're you holding up?
498
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:49,107
I killed a big bug.
499
00:19:49,207 --> 00:19:50,675
- Excellent work, Bill.
- Thank you.
500
00:19:50,775 --> 00:19:52,743
So!
501
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:55,212
Let's see what you guys came up with.
502
00:19:55,313 --> 00:19:56,414
Ah...
503
00:19:56,513 --> 00:19:57,648
a lot of ideas here.
504
00:19:58,648 --> 00:20:00,549
Uh... huh...
505
00:20:02,819 --> 00:20:04,355
You know, I don't like any of them.
506
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,790
We'll pick up tomorrow
where we left off.
507
00:20:06,891 --> 00:20:09,159
- Bill, let's go to dinner.
- Yeah, I could eat dinner.
508
00:20:09,259 --> 00:20:11,062
Then after, I know a place
509
00:20:11,162 --> 00:20:12,896
that gives great groin massages.
510
00:20:12,998 --> 00:20:14,932
It's called a public library.
511
00:20:15,032 --> 00:20:16,933
Anyway, here we go!
512
00:20:17,034 --> 00:20:18,269
So...
513
00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:20,103
I guess everyone can have
their phones back now.
514
00:20:26,277 --> 00:20:27,711
So let me get this straight,
Grandma Dorothy.
515
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,480
You wanted me to watch
a funny YouTube video,
516
00:20:29,580 --> 00:20:32,382
so you told my mom and dad to call me?
517
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,850
Why didn't you just send them the link?
518
00:20:35,519 --> 00:20:38,462
You were gonna have them spell
it out on the phone to me?
519
00:20:38,719 --> 00:20:40,391
What's the video?
520
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,692
I've already seen
"I'm a little cucumber."
521
00:20:44,127 --> 00:20:46,163
No, I don't know if the woman
in the video is single.
522
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:50,534
No, I'm not going to
ask her out on a date.
523
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:52,502
It's none of your business
how much I'm getting laid.
524
00:20:52,603 --> 00:20:53,537
How much are you getting laid?
525
00:20:53,636 --> 00:20:54,904
That's my question.
526
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:56,941
Well, then, don't ask me!
527
00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:02,339
And you guys know I'm a language guy.
528
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,076
And a math guy. Um...
529
00:21:04,382 --> 00:21:06,616
I don't know... I know that...
530
00:21:06,718 --> 00:21:07,919
Kate knows that I went to Yale.
531
00:21:08,019 --> 00:21:11,387
Uh, and I know Larry knows
I went to Yale.
532
00:21:11,489 --> 00:21:13,257
Bill, uh, I don't know if
I've told you this,
533
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,759
but I actually went to Yale.
38153
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