Original subtitles

(upbeat funk music)

https://www.avsubtitles.com

♪ Well welcome to the future ♪

♪ In the hopes that it will suit ya ♪

♪ Yeah welcome to the great society ♪

♪ It's the age of the computer and the rocket ship commuter ♪

♪ Well the whole wide world has changed technologically ♪

♪ Here in civilization 2000, 2000 ♪

♪ We find love and will you find me ♪

♪ Here in civilization 2000, 2000 ♪

♪ We find love and will you find me ♪

♪ And the people on the planet from Pacific to Atlantic ♪

♪Are all getting along here most uncomfortably ♪

♪ 'Cause while life here isn't perfect ♪

♪ Provided you're a robot or a circuit ♪

♪ Well getting it on is only done electrically ♪

♪ Here in civilization 2000, 2000 ♪

♪ We find love and will you find me ♪

♪ Here in civilization 2000, 2000 ♪

♪ We find love and will you find me ♪

♪ In this new and glorious nation ♪

♪ Where folks have been reduced to a computation ♪

♪ Why love and its message have vanished evaporatively ♪

♪ And there is very little magic ♪

♪ In a world that no longer believes ♪

♪ But maybe there's enough to restore our destinies ♪

♪ Here in civilization 2000, 2000 ♪

♪ Will we find love, will we be free ♪

♪ Here in civilization 2000, 2000 ♪

♪ Will we find love and will you find me ♪

♪ Will we find love and will you find me ♪

♪ Will we find love and will you find me ♪

♪ Will we find love and will you find me ♪

♪ Will we find love and will you find me ♪

(computer beeping)

- Good evening, my children.

This is your Controller here again with another one of our

intimate little electronic fireside chats.

A little progress report on the state of the planet.

But first a few computerized statistics to fill you in

on our recent anti-crime progran.

Petty crime is down 48%.

Computer crime is up 12%, goddamn it.

Oh, sorry about that.

Rape is up 35%.

Aggravated assault is up 53%.

Unauthorized fornication has risen

to an all-time high of 95%.

This cannot continue.

Fornication without the express permission of the Controller

and Control Central is verboten!

- [Man] Forbidden.

- Forbidden, thank you.

A planet without order is a planet out of control.

You all must realize that for the common good

fornication must be regulated.

And indiscriminate sex must be outlawed completed.

Do you understand what I mean?

Cut out that goddamn screwing, I mean it!

Take cold showers, run around the block, anything.

But cool off.

I'm warning you, don't get me hot.

Good night from Control Central.

(Roscoe beeping)

(couple laughing)

- [Roscoe] Fornication without sanction!

Fornication without sanction!

- [Man] You are too late, Roscoe.

- [Roscoe] What?

No, no, no!

Fornication without sanction!

Fornication without sanction!

Fornication without sanction!

Fornioation, fornication, fornication.

Fornication, fornication.

- Ouch.

- Sorry, I'll try to be more careful.

Are you okay?

- Of course I'm okay, why?

- Because I'm not doing anything, that's why.

- Oh.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

- No.

Wait a minute, I made some sketches.

- Geez, that doesn't look like much fun.

I could get hurt.

- You think so?

- Oh yeah, hey, I can't do this.

- Boy, I never knew it could be so hard.

- Hard, that's it.

Roll over, cowboy.

Let's see if Jill can find the magic oil.

Ah, this looks like the spout.

- [Roscoe] Two more violators, two more violators.

Caught in the act, caught in the act.

- Who are you?

- What are you?

- [Roscoe] I'm Roscoe, what do I look like?

The Controller's moral officer of course.

AW, the hell With it.

- We didn't do anything, honest.

We don't even know how.

- [Roscoe] The list, the list.

Let's have the Controller's list.

The Controller's list, the Controller's (beeps).

Roscoe are you all right?

I'm fine, how are you?

- [Man] Here you go, Roscoe.

- [Roscoe] Zach, Mack, Tack, Brak.

Bill, Gill, Lil, Dill, Nil.

You're not on the list, you're not on the list.

No more bedroom fornication for you.

- But we need the practice, damn it.

- [Roscoe] I've never seen that program before.

- Just give us another five minutes please.

- What good would five minutes be?

We've had an hour.

- [Roscoe] Move 'em out, move 'em out, gotta be punished.

Violation ordinance number 9369.

Gotta be punished, gotta be punished, gotta be punished.

(computer beeping)

- Who told you to polish this counter, Cindy?

- You did, Mother.

- I am not your mother.

It's a curse that I'm even your stepmother.

If you can see your face, it's too shiny.

Remember that, goddamn it.

Damn it, damn crow's feet.

When you finish those windows, I want the ironing done,

the floors waxed, the China closet dusted,

the silverware polished, dinner started,

and don't forget to check out the closed circuit monitors.

That goddamn security system is fouled up again.

- Yes, mam.

- [Roscoe] Move on in, shake a leg, shake a leg.

Keep moving, move on in, move on in, shake a leg.

- We never got to shake anything.

- [Roscoe] Never got to shake anything.

Never got to shake anything.

Never got.

- What are you gonna do with us?

- [Roscoe] Never got to shake anything.

Never got to shake anything.

- Say, big boy, how about you and me

discussing this privately?

- [Roscoe] What you got in mind, hot pants?

Was that me?

- Hear ye, hear ye,

will everyone please watch the television?

- [Roscoe] Right, right, move on in, move on in.

Please recognize his most magnificent,

merciful, our Controller.

- Flagrant fornication is against

the best interests of our planet.

Not just because we are overpopulated

and because it is decadent but because it is dirty.

Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt!

- [Roscoe] Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt!

- Only those selected by the central computer can fornicate.

Anyone else caught doing it will be punished

in accordance with the full limit of the law.

I have spoken.

- [Roscoe] He has spoken.

Fornication without sanction of the Controller.

Violation ordinance number 1369696969 (beeps).

68,68(be€P$)

69.

Remove their coats.

- No, Jack, I won't do it.

- You have to, Jill, we're already in enough trouble.

- But Jack, these people are perverted.

- [Roscoe] Perverted, perverted, perverted, perverted.

Perverted, perverted, perverted, perverted.

- Why does Mom buy this cheap crap?

Gimme that lipstick.

- Bitch, get your own.

- You sleazy little slut.

You're so nasty.

What, you think your funny, don't you?

Think you're funny.

Look, two can do this.

- You think so, huh?

- Yes.

- I'll get you (laughs).

- Wait just a minute (laughs).

- Someone has been in my makeup!

Cindy!

Just as I suspected.

Look, look at the color in those cheeks.

- But I don't use makeup, mam.

I've never had any to use.

- Don't you lie to me.

There isn't anything you wouldn't try

if you thought it might make you pretty.

Now admit it, admit it, damn it!

- Yes, mam, it was me.

- That's more like it.

Look at you, what difference would makeup make anyway?

Who'd look at you?

And cover yourself up, you shameless little hussy.

Don't think you are kidding me any.

You are just waiting for the day you can leave me.

Only that day will never come.

Your old man left me next to nothing when he died.

Nothing but you.

And I aim to work your little buns off, you hear?

- Oh yes, mam.

- I want everything done by the time I get home.

And stay the hell out of my makeup!

Lord knows I don't really need any.

I'd just as soon trade you in

on a well-built male type robot.

(Stepmother laughs)

A robot.

- Looks like I'll never get to go hiking now.

- You said it, you forfeited your afternoon off.

- Are you trying to get us in trouble or something?

Go scrub that floor.

- Oh, don't mind her.

She always blows her mind when she's horny.

- Who wouldn't be horny?

Some life we've got.

Books are outlawed, no True Confession magazines.

I can't even get laid on this planet.

Everything that's fun is against the law.

(upbeat funky music)

♪ Living on this planet is a pain in the neck ♪

♪ Yeah, it's turning me into a nervous wreck ♪

♪ We got to practice abstinence ♪

♪ 'Cause the other is a criminal offense ♪

♪ Well the government expects you to sit here and rot ♪

♪ While the central computer either picks you or not ♪

♪ Your number could never come through ♪

♪ And then you know that you really got screwed ♪

♪ And we are doing without ♪

♪ Yes, we are doing without ♪

♪ And it's a frustrating route without any doubt ♪

♪ We're desperate because we're doing without ♪

♪ Well I wish I could say that relief is in sight ♪

♪ I've been waiting so long night after night ♪

♪ I long for the touch of a man ♪

♪ But to them I'll take the problem in hand, you know ♪

♪ Doing without, yes we are doing without ♪

♪ And it's a frustrating route without any doubt ♪

♪ We're desperate because we're doing without ♪

♪ Oh if I ever get selected, just one man won't be enough ♪

♪ Yeah, one look at you's enough to shrivel it up ♪

♪ Hey, cool it or I'll tear you to shreds ♪

♪ I'm like a tigress lean and unfed ♪

♪ I just can't understand all the things that you say ♪

♪ I don't remember ever feeling that way ♪

♪ You couldn't, you ain't got no class ♪

♪ Yeah, you wouldn't know your arm from your ass ♪

♪ Yeah, you'll be doing without ♪

♪ Yeah, you'll be going about without ♪

♪ And while we're working it out and making the rounds ♪

♪ You'll be stuck in the house without ♪

- You know, I'm horny.

- You wouldn't know how to do it anyway.

- Uh yeah?

You should talk.

Look what I found.

- That's mine, give it to me!

Come on, give it to me!

Give it to me!

Come on, give it to me!

Give it to me, you bitch!

- No, no! - Come on, give it.

Come on, give it.

Give it to me.

- You're not using it.

- Come on, give it.

- Ow! - Give it to me, you bitch.

Come on.

- Get away from me.

- Give it to me, you bitch.

Come on, it's mine, give it to me.

Come, come on, give it to me!

What was that?

- Nothing.

Here, don't electrocute yourself.

See ya.

- Don't think you're foolin' anyone, Stella.

Stella.

Hey, Stella!

I know what you're up to in there.

- Bella, Bella, I was supposed to have the afternoon off.

It's my turn for a holiday in the country.

I've saved up all my coupons.

And it's been almost three months now, okay?

- Oh, go on, you know what Momma said.

Goddamn, Stella, wonder what's going on in there.

- Oh, Stella - It's Jack D. Ripper.

Oh my God, Stella.

Stella, you wouldn't do that.

God, she would.

I hope the poor girl doesn't choke on it.

Stella.

Come here and listen to this.

- No thanks, Bella, it's supposed to be done in privacy.

- Says who?

- Look, Bella, if I finish all my chores,

can I take my holiday now, please?

- Gee, if I had a guy,

I'd do it so long, so sweet, and so good.

- Some stud you are, Jack D. Ripper.

What's the D stand for anyway?

- Dependable.

- You're dependable all right.

- Well, I was slick enough to get by the cameras

and through that security system, wasn't I?

- Sure, after I cut the wires.

Bella, Bella, come here and help me for a sec!

- All right.

- But what about me?

- Sorry, it's a family affair.

- Bella, I mean can I take off after I finish my chores?

- Okay, but leave the security system as it is, okay?

Hey, hey, hey!

Stella, move out the way.

Now that Bella's here, Jack, you just won't be the same.

- [Jack] Who's she?

- She's a specialist.

- Yeah, now lay down and say ah.

Yeah.

(upbeat funky music)

No, no!

- Go on.

- Now wait-- - You go down there.

- I need 15, 20 minutes.

(girls grunting)

(Bella screams)

- Jill, I think I figured out how to do it.

- Oh great, terrific.

- [Roscoe] Ready to reduce, ready to reduce.

Ready to reduce machine.

(machine whirring)

- Not two more.

- Hi, Tom.

- Careful there.

Poor things, just for making love.

- That horny bitch dropped me.

- [Roscoe] Fornication without sanction.

Fornication without sanction, fornication--

- Don't you ever give anyone a break?

- [Girl] Speaking of fornication--

- Take a cold shower, will you?

Do you want us to end up like them,

miniaturized for six months?

- Oh, it would be worth it

to bounce on the mattress with you.

- Hey, I've got seniority around here.

- Relax, the computer decides who sleeps with who, remember?

And I've already got my number for today.

- Number one?

- Number two?

- Number 34.

(girls groan)

Good bye.

Surprise.

Guess who's here.

- Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers?

L give UP-

You wouldn't happen to have a fresh emery board, would you?

This one's the pits.

- My name's Tom Prince, I'm your sexual surrogate for today.

Nice room for making love.

Good lighting, plenty of bounce on the mattress.

- Watch it, Tiger, don't make me dizzy before we start.

- So many of the girls I'm paired with just

spread their legs, groan a couple of times, and that's it.

- I get motion sickness, didn't you read the printout?

Hey, Romeo, capiche?

- But I've got a feeling this time's going to be different.

I've got a good feeling about this, how about you?

- Do you think my toesies need a touch-up?

- Sure, go ahead, what difference does it make?

- Then again, I can wait until we're through.

Sound better?

I haven't done this in a long time.

You'll have to help me.

- I intend to.

- Oh you, you know what I mean.

Just tell me what to do.

- Okay, how about turning around and bending over?

- Sure.

Like this?

- Yeah, that's it, on your knees.

- This is going to be fun.

- No, no, no, that's not allowed.

You know better than that.

Please proceed with position number one.

Commence fornicating.

- Can I at least have a little mood music?

- Oh, I'm sorry, there's no music indicated

on this work order.

Please proceed.

Oh, all right.

(wacky electronic music)

(slow string music)

- And there was beautiful music.

And there was dancing and dancing.

All of a sudden, the music stopped and everyone turned

to gaze upon the beautiful young princess,

all wondering who she was.

And Cinderella ran to her mirror and said,

why I am beautiful.

And her fairy godmother said,

why of course you are, Cinderella, you always were.

And with a wave of her wand,

she turned a pumpkin into a gilded coach

and the four white mice into four livery coachmen

and sent Cinderella off to the ball.

And when Cinderella arrived at the palace,

the handsome prince came to greet her himself.

And with great joy and gaiety,

he took his arm and placed it up on hers

and led Cinderella into the ballroom.

And as the music began to play,

Cinderella began to dance with her own prince charming.

(light string music) ♪ Cinderella, Cinderella ♪

♪ Oh why can't I be you ♪

♪ Living happily thereafter in a fairy tale life ♪

♪ Oh why can't my dreams come true ♪

♪ Cinderella, Cinderella ♪

♪ In your world of make believe ♪

♪ Will I ever be free like you are ♪

♪ Oh why won't it happen to me ♪

♪ I would go to the ball, be the prettiest of all ♪

♪ Cinderella, why can't I be you ♪

♪ I would dance by the moonlight entwined in his arms ♪

♪ Oh why can't my dreams come true ♪

♪ Cinderella, Cinderella ♪

♪ Oh why can't I be you ♪

♪ Will I ever be happy or will I always be blue ♪

♪ Oh why can't my dreams come true ♪

♪ Will I ever be happy or will I always be blue ♪

♪ Oh why can't my dreams come true ♪

(ship humming)

(beam whirring)

Who are you?

- Well, I'm your Fairy Godmother.

I mean, Godfather.

Silly.

Who did you think I was?

- You've got me.

- My assistants.

Most unsettling place, this Earth.

I'll be damn glad when this assignment's over with.

- What are you doing here exactly?

- Well, I'm here to bring you peace and love.

I'm the ambassador of love, of course.

You don't know anything do you?

- I have led a rather sheltered existence.

- Really.

I don't understand it,

why they would want to save this horrid old planet.

- Save it?

I don't understand, from whom?

- From you, that's who.

You're going to destroy yourselves warring all the time,

shooting missiles at one another, repression.

Where did you get that book?

- What book?

- See what I mean?

You can't even have books on this planet.

Not to mention sex.

The planet I come from is an open place,

a place of love and beauty and harmony.

What a useless, silly old planet.

Why would they even want to make love here?

- What is love?

- Love is, well, you know.

Love is take off your clothes and rub up against someone

until the sparks fly, and then you get it on.

- Yes, I see, you mean fornication.

- Oh no, no, no, not fornication.

No, that's icky.

No, where I come from, we don't even have fornication.

- Really?

Well, whatever you may call it, we're not allowed to here.

- Oh, that's too bad.

Everyone's doing it.

Come, let me show you.

Ah, here's a likely subject.

Go on, do it.

That's strange, they're always doing it.

Ah, my wand.

Let's see, I left it.

(wand whirring)

(wand whirring)

Now go on, do it.

You know, I really don't think

this planet is worth educating.

Ah, now notice the tenderness, the love and the care.

Why it hardly seems animal at all.

As a matter of fact, I'm not sure it is animal at all.

Oh, how silly of me.

Yes, the joys of love.

The most glorious thing two people can do together.

Well, go on, do it.

Please continue.

Ah, now does that look like fornication to you?

It's love, the loveliest of all the four-letter words.

♪ Well here on planet Earth among the flowers and the trees ♪

♪ Be it rabbit, hen, or flea, we all need love ♪

♪ It's a need you can't outgrow ♪

♪ And you'll profit blow by blow ♪

♪ Yes you will, I tell you so, we all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Yes indeed ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ In the morn and in the eve ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You may wish and you may hope ♪

♪ Indulge in various kinds of dope ♪

♪ Yet nothing improves you stroke by stroke as well as love ♪

♪ As even the coldest Eskimo ♪

♪ living in the northernmost part of the pole ♪

♪ Can always find refuge in a hole ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Yes we need to belong ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ From you and me to King Kong ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Would a fairy be wrong ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Please be assured love is the norm ♪

♪ Nor do I mean any old ship in the storm ♪

♪ It must be right, it must be warm ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You will discover perfect glory ♪

♪ And though it could sound a little corny ♪

♪ It's so much better than being horny ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Oh, it's not electronic ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Nor is it bionic ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ It's a natural tonic ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ When you're down in the dumps ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ When you're in a slump ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Just climb on a rump ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Mister or madame ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Need I expand ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ A mix of heart and glands ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Yes indeed ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ In the morn and in the eve ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

- But you know, love is for making, not watching.

And before I'm through,

there will be love throughout the constellation.

Not only here on Earth but even that rocky old moon

and nasty old Mars.

- Godfather, I think it is beautiful.

- Damned right, it's beautiful.

The most beautiful damn thing there is.

Before I'm through, I will not be content

until everyone is making love.

- Yes.

- Until people here realize that sex is not dirty,

that it can be elevated to the personification of love.

- Yes.

- Only loving sex can bring us together and unify us!

- Yes.

Godfather.

- Yes.

- I don't understand, what is the difference

between loving sex and fornication?

- Loving sex and fornication, ah.

When I drink an excellent glass of wine,

I can imagine myself on a deserted island all alone,

lying on the white sands.

The sun beating down on my naked body.

The waves lapping at my feet.

The breeze blowing through my hair.

And the sun sets into the sea.

And out of the sun comes this gorgeous,

gorgeous beautiful goddess, Aphrodite.

She walks on the water towards me,

and I'm lying on the beach.

The waves are lapping at my feet and breeze is blowing

through my hair, and she strews pearls on my body.

On the other hand, when I drink beer,

I just want to fornicate.

- Godfather.

- Not me, heavens no.

Control yourself.

- But Godfather, if not you, who?

- Ah, you'll know soon enough.

Yes, I must go now.

Good bye, good bye.

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

(computer beeping)

(Stepmother breathing heavily)

(Stepmother moaning)

- I need sex.

I need sex.

I can't stand it anymore.

(Stepmother moaning)

- [Stella And Bella] She's got the hornies.

- And she's got them really bad.

- Quick, let's get her to the clinic.

(Stepmother moaning)

(computer beeping)

(device beeping) (door creaking)

- Disgusting.

- [Stepmother] Love, I need love!

Love!

- Someday things will be different here.

We'll have free and open love,

and the hornies will be a thing of the past.

I hope.

- Oh, how could they ever have printed such filth?

Oh (laughs).

Oh.

Oh.

- Love, love!

I need loving bad!

I need it bad.

- See here, what's the meaning of this?

- Begging your pardon, sir, it's the hornies.

- Oh, of course, the hornies.

Oh, it's the worst case I've ever seen.

I don't think the normal treatment will even work.

She's pretty far gone.

- Well, handle it with dispatch

and do whatever you have to do.

- Yes, sir.

- Just one time, please, please!

(device beeping) (door creaking)

- She needs love.

What about me?

I confiscated all these books and magazines,

and what good are they?

I'm a failure.

I can't even have women.

- I need it, I need it, give it to me, give it to me.

- Don't worry, you're gonna get it all right.

- I need it, I need it now.

- Watch it, lady, you want to get reduced?

- Yes, it's been so long.

♪ Doing without ♪

♪ I've been doing without ♪

♪ Struck down in my prime, what a terrible crime ♪

♪ I've got a fatal disease, terminal celibacy ♪

♪ Doing without ♪

♪ I've been doing without ♪

♪ What a horrible way to wind up a day ♪

♪ My temper is the only thing that I can get up to stay ♪

♪ Doing without ♪

♪ I've been doing without ♪

♪ What a frustrating route without any doubt ♪

♪ I'm desperate 'cause I'm doing without ♪

(computer beeping)

(door whirring)

- Who's that in my reception room?

- It's only me, magnificent one, Tom Prince.

- Oh, it's you, Tom.

Why didn't you say so?

How are you, my 190V?

Why so glum?

You with every woman on the planet lusting after you.

- I can't cut it anymore, Chief.

I'm going to have to step down.

- But Why?

You're the envy of every man alive.

- It just isn't fun anymore.

I can't get up for it.

- You, Tom Prince, the stud?

- Oh, no, no, no, I can get it up, sure.

Never any trouble there.

But why should I?

These women just don't care.

- You play a very important role here at Central.

You're the Controller's designated surrogate.

Just think of it, centuries from now,

this society will be studied and you will--

- But you don't understand.

They don't have any feelings.

Their emotions have been repressed so long,

they've forgotten what passion was ever like.

- Wrong-o.

I know exactly how they feel.

I should say I know exactly how they don't feel.

- If you should assume my role for a change,

if you filled the work orders--

- Oh no.

I refuse to be ridiculed, no.

If they learn for one minute that I'm impotent--

- Then you just have to change the laws.

Make love and sex open to everyone like it used to be.

- But that's out of the question.

- Everyone would love you for it.

- Everyone loves me now.

- People on our planet don't even know how to love anymore.

It's only a memory.

- Oh nonsense.

- You're not alone with them like I am.

- Of course not.

It's vile, it's disgusting.

Besides, that's what I have you for.

You'll feel differently after the annual ball next week.

- Yes, but is that wise

with feelings running the way they are?

- What do you mean?

- Well, people are getting pretty fed up

about the way things are, this anti-sex program.

It's against everyone's nature.

Why not make this year's ball really democratic?

- Democratic, that's disgusting.

- Oh, believe me, it's good politics.

Why everyone will know that you don't just favor the people

here at Central but that you are truly

our merciful Controller.

- Well, I'm beginning to like that idea.

Oh, but who in the world would I invite?

- Why not let the computer decide?

Let it make a random decision and invite new people here

from far and wide.

- You can't trust computers.

- Oh, believe me, it'll be the talk of the land.

The great Controller's uncontrolled masquerade ball.

Why you'll go down in history

as our most benevolent Controller.

- You really mean it?

- I can feel it.

- I'm beginning to feel it myself.

- The great Controller's uncontrolled masquerade ball.

- Let's do it then.

Let's do it.

(both laughing)

- [Stella] Give me that.

- No. - That's for me, damn it.

- No, it's not.

See how it's addressed?

It's addressed to the foxiest lady in the house,

and baby that's me.

- Like hell.

- I'm invited to the Controller's

uncontrolled masquerade ball.

- Well, here's another one, you left it in the mailbox.

- That's mine, give it to me.

- That is addressed to occupant.

- That's me, occupant.

Wow, the great Controller's uncontrolled masquerade ball.

- Stel, it's arrived, the big time.

We made it.

- The uncontrolled ball,

a chance to really freak out once and for all.

- Yeah, wild!

- Isn't that a dumb name for a party?

- For Christ's sake, lady, spread your legs.

- You really mean that?

- You have to get your hand out, it's illegal.

- Illegal, illegal, everything that feels good is illegal.

When was the last time you boys had a real good fuck?

- Don't say it.

Ouch!

- Then let me do it please.

- [Roscoe] All they talk about in this movie

is sex, sex, sex.

What's a robot to do, huh Roscoe?

♪ Mechanical man is what I am ♪

♪ How do I get turned on ♪

♪ What do I do to begin ♪

♪ And where do I plug it in ♪

♪ I long to crimp around your edges ♪

♪ And oil about your grooves ♪

♪ We'll cross-connect your input ♪

♪ With my heated output tube ♪

♪ Mechanical man is what I am ♪

♪ How can you turn me on ♪

♪ What button do I push, what nob can I spin ♪

♪ And where do I plug it in ♪

♪ I wish I knew your innermost circuits ♪

♪ I could touch your voltage controls ♪

♪ You would press your eager anodes ♪

♪ Against my horizontal hold and hold and hold and hold ♪

♪ We would be so happy, yes, the two of us you'd see ♪

♪ Later on we'd raise a family ♪

♪ Just one or two TVs ♪

♪ I lust to realign your tuning ♪

♪ Oh and to turn your amperage up higher ♪

♪ You can play with my control knobs ♪

♪ While I nibble on your wires ♪

♪ Your wires, your wires, your wires ♪

♪ Mechanical man is what I am ♪

♪ Oh won't you turn me on ♪

♪ What button can I press and what knob can I spin ♪

♪ And where do I plug it in ♪

♪ Oh tell me what button can I press ♪

♪ And what knob can I spin and where do I plug it in ♪

(upbeat funky music)

♪ What button can I push, what nob do I spin ♪

♪ And where do I plug it in ♪

(Snow White crying)

- Don't cry, don't cry.

Why are you crying?

Everything will be all right.

- No, it won't.

Everybody is going to the ball but me.

I want to be uncontrolled too.

I want to have fun.

- But Snow White, it's not your movie, it's Cinderella's.

- I don't care.

I'm just as pretty as she is.

Oh, can't I have a prince too?

- You will, you will.

But there's nothing I can do about it right now.

- And you, all of you are supposed to be my friends.

And here I lie getting hornier and hornier.

And he doesn't know what to do about it.

- There must be some way.

Just let me think about it.

Maybe if I read up on this, I will find the answer.

That's it, that's it, I will consult my books.

- What I need can't be found in any of your old books.

- You'll never know.

- [Dwarves] We know what you need, Show White.

(lively piano music)

- [Snow White] That feels so good.

- Hey, leave some for us.

- Oh come on, all of you, do it to me.

- [Dwarf] Hey, move over.

- [Dwarf] Wait a second.

- Oh, down there.

- [Dwarf] It's my turn.

- [Dwarf] You'll get your turn.

- [Dwarf] Come on, move over.

(Show White moaning)

- [Dwarf] Watch it or you're gonna

fall in, shortie. - Oh yes.

- [Dwarf] My arm is stuck.

- [Dwarf] What the hell is your arm doing in there?

(Snow White moaning)

- There you are.

What are you doing fooling with those plants?

You silly little fool, they're already pretty.

- And so are you, Stella.

- I am not.

- You are a very beautiful woman.

- I don't even have a thing to wear,

and you're supposed to be fixing my dress.

Now come on.

- Okay, I'll hem it for you.

You can slip into it again.

- I'm gonna be the ugliest one there.

Even Bella, that slob, is gonna look better than me.

- No, you're both going to look just lovely.

Now believe me.

Hold it there.

- What are you doing working on her stuff?

What about my outfit?

- Bella, it's coming along just fine.

- I'll bet it is.

- She's just jealous, don't mind her, Cindy.

- Of what, that pimply bean pole body of yours

with the two watermelons on it?

- You're just full of a lot of hot air.

I'll show you.

- Ouch!

Fool, what's wrong with you?

You're always picking on me.

This time I'm gonna show you.

I'm getting fed up.

You're gonna leave me alone.

- [Stella] Ow, ow!

- You're gonna leave me alone, aren't you?

- I hate you.

Don't touch me.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, over there, over there.

You don't know anything about balloons.

That's why you deserve to be enforcers.

Tom, my boy, how are you?

Isn't this exciting?

A great idea.

You know, I'm so excited,

I haven't even been in my library yet today.

- Library?

- Did I say library?

- That's what you said.

(both laughing)

You really have the feeling, don't you Chief?

- Oh mercy, yes.

I haven't had so much fun since I had

all that pornography stolen from Mars.

- I can tell you're going to have the time of your life.

That was a great idea you came up with,

letting the computers do the inviting I mean.

- Oh, that was your idea and you know it, Tom Prince.

And a splendid one.

Do you really think it will be big

with the peons and the little people?

That I'll be remembered for centuries to come like you said?

- Oh, I'm sure of it, Chief.

It's an emancipating thing you're doing.

- It is?

- Bring my slippers, my red slippers right now, Cindy!

- You're going to make us both late now.

- What difference does it make?

You're not gonna get laid anyway.

- You just never know.

(Bella laughs)

- Double ha.

- Look what you made me do.

- No, no, wait, wait, please.

I'm sorry, it's my fault.

- I'm not gonna wear it.

- Good, I'll go alone.

- Now look, I've got enough material.

It'll take just a minute to stitch it up.

- But what about the sequins and the rhinestones?

- Bella, I can't possibly--

- Do you think I'm gonna let that bitch look better than me?

- Bella, my hands are all full of holes and--

- Oh, quit your belly-aching.

You're just jealous because you're not going.

- If she was invited, I'd stay home.

(beam whirring)

- Boy am I hot.

- It's not working.

- I don't believe it.

I've never seen anything like this before.

- I have, but it was a long time ago.

- [Man] Whafd you do?

- [Man] Plan B.

- [Men] Plan B.

(engine rumbling)

- Our ride's here, come on, hurry.

- See you, losers.

- Come on, Bella, just a few more stitches.

- No, that's enough.

- You'd like to be going.

But let's face it, kid, you don't have it.

- Maybe next year.

- Sure.

- See ya, Cin.

- Yes, don't wait up.

(bright lighthearted music)

- Well, get a move on, you're not even dressed.

- For what?

- For the ball, of course.

- But Godfather, I wasn't invited.

And besides, I have nothing to wear, nothing.

- No problem, I'm well connected in that department.

My wand (laughs).

Oh, my wand, yes.

(wand whirring)

(upbeat funky music)

(wand whirring)

(wand whirring)

(wand whirring)

(wand whirring)

Damned imports.

Should've taken it back when it was still on warranty.

(wand whirring)

(Cindy crying)

Oh no, no, no, you'll ruin your makeup.

- Godfather, this is like my dream come true.

- I beg your pardon, dreams are not my bag.

I deal in the real thing.

- Oh, Godfather.

Godfather, thank you.

Thank you so much.

You are the greatest fairy godfather

in the whole, whole world.

- Well, of course, who'd you think you were dealing with?

But save your kisses for the ball.

You'll have a chance to use them soon enough.

- But Godfather, I am so excited.

- Free love, sexual emancipation.

Remember, that's the theme of the ball tonight.

" Sex?

- Fornication then.

But you must set a good example, Cindy.

Our time here on Earth is almost through,

and I'm do on Saturn the first thing in the morning.

Oh dear dear, we must get a move on.

- But Godfather, how shall I get there?

I'll be awfully late.

- Hm, ah.

Hello, what's this?

Interesting, yours?

No, of course not.

Well, yeah, here we go.

Bing.

- My goodness.

- Handy little gadget.

Now remember, tonight you're Aphrodite, the goddess of love.

You have a chance to strike a blow for free love everywhere.

- Blow?

- Bad choice of words, you know what I mean.

Now get a move on and remember you must be back my midnight.

I have a date on Venus.

- You are a rascal, Godfather.

(wand whirring)

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I was afraid you weren't gonna show up.

- I'm here.

- You look lovely.

Would you like a cigarette?

- No, thank you.

- Just relax.

You do want to do this, don't you?

- Yeah.

- How long has it been?

- It's been a long time.

Two years.

- It's something you never forget, believe me.

It still feels good.

- Yeah, but it's illegal.

- Nonsense.

On this planet, you have to take whatever you can get.

- But I've never been with a girl.

- It'll feel good, you'll see.

(slow sultry music)

(Roscoe beeping)

- [Roscoe] Fornication without sanction!

Fornication without sanction!

- Hey, baby, this isn't fornication.

- [Roscoe] But it's dirt.

Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt.

Arrest them.

- Hey, baby, you're kinda cute.

- [Roscoe] No, I'm not.

- Yeah, I know you've got a real hot rod

somewhere down there.

Come on, baby, show me where it's at.

Oil my parts, huh?

- [Roscoe] No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(computer beeping)

(slow waltz music)

(guests applauding)

- My word, who is that?

(slow waltz music)

(wacky upbeat music)

(slow waltz music)

- You dance beautifully.

Who are you?

- I am Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty.

- You certainly are.

- There must be someplace we can be alone here, yes?

- Why yes, yes of course.

Right this way.

- Who is that bitch?

Where did she come from?

- I don't know, but I wish it were me.

- Is this private enough?

- Do you really sleep here?

- Among other things.

Sit down, see if you like it.

- How do you feel about free love?

- I beg your pardon?

- That is what it is called, I believe.

- (laughs) I thought you said free love there for a moment.

Everyone knows that lovemaking is against the law.

- That is only because our Controller is a tyrant.

It is not what the people want.

I think that it is unjust.

- You're beautiful.

But are you trying to get us arrested?

Because what I'm thinking is against the law.

There's no doubt about it.

- [Cindy] But then you must think that that is a dumb law.

Because making love can be very beautiful.

Or at least my Godfather thinks so.

- I don't know, I've never been in a position to know.

- Then I think it is time that we found out for ourselves.

Because you see, we will never have a better chance, Tom.

- I've never known anyone like you.

I don't believe this is really happening.

- Sooner than you know, everyone's going to be doing this.

You will see.

- The Controller would never allow it.

He thinks it'll corrupt us.

- Do you feel corrupt?

- I feel great.

- Stella, it's almost midnight,

and we haven't even had a nibble yet.

I mean, have you seen anything

that looks halfway decent around here?

- Sure, Prince Charming,

but it looks like the princess already nabbed him.

- Aw, screw 'em, they look like virgins anyway.

- [Tom] Have you ever done this before?

- [Cindy] No.

- Me neither, not and have it feel like this.

I must be dreaming.

I don't even know who you are.

- I'm someone who's going to show you

the meaning of real love.

- I believe you.

I couldn't stop you now if I wanted to.

(slow string music)

- Whatever happened to young Tom Prince?

- I'm sure he's keeping busy.

(Controller laughing)

(both laughing)

- If this is love, everyone should have it.

- You're right, you're right.

This one's for you, Godfather.

(Roscoe beeping)

- [Roscoe] Caught in the act, caught in the act.

Two more violators, two more violators.

- But who are you?

- [Roscoe] Why I am the Controller's morals officer,

and you are guilty of fornication without sanction.

- Now just a minute, Roscoe.

- We were not fornicating, we were making love,

my Prince Charming and I.

- That's right, but my name is Tom Prince.

- [Roscoe] Look at the list, look at the list.

- Now wait a minute, Roscoe.

Apparently you've forgotten about that time I caught you

making it with that x-ray machine.

- [Roscoe] But Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom.

- God, it's midnight.

- Wait.

Don't go, it'll be all right.

Let me go, you fools.

Don't let her go.

- This yours, mam?

- So you want a woman?

Go play with the computer.

Oh, okay, so maybe you're tired of computer roulette

and maybe you want somebody all your own, eh?

I just got this catalog from Denmark.

Pick yourself out a bionic woman.

Go ahead, I'll pay for it.

And we can sneak it through customs

and you will have it for the weekend.

- You don't understand, Chief.

I don't want anybody else but her.

I talked to the doorman.

Ran a tracer through all the computers.

Apparently she wasn't one of the invited.

- Tom, you stand them upside down, and they all look--

- The same?

- That's what they tell me.

- Not this one, Chief.

She's something special.

- Well, if you don't know what she looks like,

how you gonna know when you found her?

(both laughing)

Find her, my boy, find her.

Yes, I can't have my super stud moping around here

like an undertaker.

You're on leave of absence as of right now.

- Do you really mean it?

- I think I mean it.

Yes, I mean it, I mean it.

Find her, my boy, yes.

Take whatever measures you have to, yes.

Bend the rules just this once, but find her.

I want to have a look at this creature for myself.

Go on, go on.

- Who said you're not human?

- Someone said that?

He may never return.

(frantic upbeat music)

- November 21st, 2047.

Dear diary.

Oh, diary, it all seems like such a dream to me now.

Nothing is real anymore, not my Godfather

or my beautiful gown or the music or the dancing or...

My handsome prince is not real.

Nothing is real.

Nothing is real.

Except that tingling feeling I get between my legs

when I think of him.

- Stella, Stella, the Controller's sexual surrogate

is on his way down our street right now!

- Christ, I gotta douche.

- Did someone say sex?

(frantic upbeat music)

- Hear ye, hear ye, by proclamation of--

- Hey, cut the lip, bring on.

Oh, hello hello, handsome.

I hear you have the best meat and potatoes in town.

Is it kosher?

- Oh, come on, get over here.

Come on, come over here.

Oh God.

Oh, you feel good.

Oh, what's the matter?

- 30 seconds.

A goddamn, lousy 30 seconds,

and he says it's pointless to continue.

It's pointless?

It's more like sexless.

I'm never gonna get my rocks off.

- Bella, you just have to calm down.

Someday the right guy is gonna come along.

Just have to have faith.

- Faith?

My faith is all dried up, it's gone to sea.

You too?

- You better get in there fast, Cin,

before Mom scares him off.

- You really think I should?

- What the hell?

- Sure, you might as well get shut out too.

- Quick, quick, we got a bad case of the hornies.

- [Stella And Bella] The hornies?

- We got to get this one to the clinic fast!

(slow string music)

(Godfather clears throat)

- Well?

- Who are you?

- This is the man I told you about, my Fairy Godfather.

Tom.

- Oh yes, I know Tom Prince.

You don't think his being here is a mistake, do you?

- This is a little much.

It's been a rough week.

- Oh, break it up, break it up, break it up.

We've got work to do.

The Controller is waiting for us.

You and you and bing.

- Who are you?

- Oh mighty and merciful one, you are about to have

a whole new world opened to you.

- Iam?

- You and your silly little people have lived

in the Dark Ages long enough.

Cindy, enlighten him.

Play upon the flute.

Make the music that will make this planet dance once again.

- Godfather, I--

- He's right, bring forth the joy that you brought to me

so the whole world can join us.

[Cindy] But l

- Real love is not a selfish act, Cindy.

- I am a virgin.

- Was, past tense.

- Godfather, that was different.

I mean, with my Tom it was holy.

- So is this, believe me.

You have our blessings and that of the whole universe.

- No, no.

No, this never works.

As least it never works for me.

(Controller laughing)

(Controller moaning)

That's never happened before.

Oh, okay, I'll get one of my own.

- I was hoping you would.

- It's exhilarating.

- [Tom, Cindy, And Godfather] We thought you'd like it.

- This would be good for everybody.

- I'm glad you see it that way.

- Why I'll make a proclamation, yes.

Tonight is a very festive occasion.

There will be lovemaking again in the land.

But no fornication.

Fornication is outlawed in favor of lovemaking.

♪ Well here on planet Earth among the flowers and the trees ♪

♪ Be it rabbit, hen, or flea, we all need love ♪

♪ If it's a need you can't outgrow ♪

♪ And you'll profit blow by blow ♪

♪ Yes you will, I tell you so ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Yes indeed ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ In the morn and in the eve ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You may wish and you may hope ♪

♪ Indulge in various kinds of dope ♪

♪ Yet nothing improves you stroke by stroke as well as love ♪

♪ As even the coldest Eskimo ♪

♪ Living in the northernmost part of the pole ♪

♪ Can always find refuge in a hole ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Yes we need to be loved ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ From you and me to King Kong ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Could a fairy be wrong ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

- Hey, he)'-

- What are you doing?

- How about if you and me unwind?

- Oh no, no, you don't seem to understand, you see.

Now you see, Fairy Godfathers just teach how to

and expose people to the actual feelings of it,

but they don't actually take off their clothes and sweat

or anything like that.

If you'll excuse me, I must leave now.

- Please. - Bing.

- Oh shit.

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ It's not electronic ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Nor is it bionic ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ It's a natural tonic ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ When you're down in the dumps ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ When you're in a slump ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Just climb on a rump ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Mister or madame ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Need I expand ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ A mix of heart and glands ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ Yes indeed ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ In the morn and in the eve ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

www.avsubtitles.com

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪

♪ We all need love ♪