Original subtitles

hello it's me I was thinking about you

hello it's me I was thinking about you

hello it's me I was thinking about you all day I'm pregnant

am I the father yes are you sure yes

how do you I know have you told your

how do you I know have you told your

how do you I know have you told your husband

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

Oh

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] oh there you go

oh there you go

oh there you go oh yeah oh hey goes like a postage to

oh yeah oh hey goes like a postage to

oh yeah oh hey goes like a postage to not an envelope a post there you go oh

I'm almost there I'm almost there

I'm almost there I'm almost there

I'm almost there I'm almost there I don't feel comfortable this camera in

I don't feel comfortable this camera in

I don't feel comfortable this camera in the room doing done

the room doing done

the room doing done get down there hmm

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] okay I know you're thinking that this is

okay I know you're thinking that this is

okay I know you're thinking that this is tweaked the cameras in the vents a

tweaked the cameras in the vents a

tweaked the cameras in the vents a camera on the tripod my husband

camera on the tripod my husband

camera on the tripod my husband suffocating under the sheets avoid doing

suffocating under the sheets avoid doing

suffocating under the sheets avoid doing his void thing let me back up

his void thing let me back up

his void thing let me back up [Music]

[Music]

you

you

you [Music]

I met Ryan at a bookstore in the city he

I met Ryan at a bookstore in the city he

I met Ryan at a bookstore in the city he was in town for a rodeo convention I was

was in town for a rodeo convention I was

was in town for a rodeo convention I was working at an advertising agency

working at an advertising agency

working at an advertising agency downtown wait let me back up again one

downtown wait let me back up again one

downtown wait let me back up again one of the all-time greats Johnny's in the

of the all-time greats Johnny's in the

of the all-time greats Johnny's in the battlefield of life men and women are

battlefield of life men and women are

battlefield of life men and women are each equipped with an arsenal different

each equipped with an arsenal different

each equipped with an arsenal different weapons men have an historical advantage

weapons men have an historical advantage

weapons men have an historical advantage of wealth power and penis envy but women

of wealth power and penis envy but women

of wealth power and penis envy but women have a secret weapon

have a secret weapon

have a secret weapon a weapon so powerful that mortal men are

a weapon so powerful that mortal men are

a weapon so powerful that mortal men are instantaneously brought to their knees

the power to emote where the hell have

the power to emote where the hell have

the power to emote where the hell have you been I've been waiting since 5

you been I've been waiting since 5

you been I've been waiting since 5 o'clock it's been two and a half hours

o'clock it's been two and a half hours

o'clock it's been two and a half hours do you have any idea how embarrassing it

do you have any idea how embarrassing it

do you have any idea how embarrassing it is sitting there alone for two and a

is sitting there alone for two and a

is sitting there alone for two and a half hours I'm sorry I didn't I didn't

half hours I'm sorry I didn't I didn't

half hours I'm sorry I didn't I didn't forget I didn't forget our date oh I was

forget I didn't forget our date oh I was

forget I didn't forget our date oh I was just I was really nervous about like

just I was really nervous about like

just I was really nervous about like what was going on between us I was

what was going on between us I was

what was going on between us I was feeling really insecure about our

feeling really insecure about our

feeling really insecure about our relationship I just didn't know if you

relationship I just didn't know if you

relationship I just didn't know if you still liked me all right I'm sorry

please don't cry

please don't cry

please don't cry come here

I'm sorry I got so mad it's okay

I'm sorry I got so mad it's okay

I'm sorry I got so mad it's okay do forgive me yes I forgive you just

do forgive me yes I forgive you just

do forgive me yes I forgive you just like rock beats scissors emotion beats

like rock beats scissors emotion beats

like rock beats scissors emotion beats anything phallic in nature but every

anything phallic in nature but every

anything phallic in nature but every once in a while a man has the feminine

once in a while a man has the feminine

once in a while a man has the feminine gift and the balance of power is

gift and the balance of power is

gift and the balance of power is completely altered

completely altered

completely altered I love Michael Silverman it's such a

I love Michael Silverman it's such a

I love Michael Silverman it's such a wonderful tree

wonderful tree

wonderful tree laughs the little boy so much it's a

laughs the little boy so much it's a

laughs the little boy so much it's a loving tree yeah

[Music]

[Music]

so do you like children oh yes ma'am

so do you like children oh yes ma'am

so do you like children oh yes ma'am they're so perfectly idealistic eyes

they're so perfectly idealistic eyes

they're so perfectly idealistic eyes full of wonder lines full of hope

really if he had a labrador puppy in one

really if he had a labrador puppy in one

really if he had a labrador puppy in one arm and a baby in the other i couldn't

arm and a baby in the other i couldn't

arm and a baby in the other i couldn't have been wetter are you comfortable

have been wetter are you comfortable

have been wetter are you comfortable yeah I make a decent living yeah are you

yeah I make a decent living yeah are you

yeah I make a decent living yeah are you cold I can give you jacket out of the

cold I can give you jacket out of the

cold I can give you jacket out of the car I'm wonderful as much as I was

car I'm wonderful as much as I was

car I'm wonderful as much as I was enamored with his sensitivity I also

enamored with his sensitivity I also

enamored with his sensitivity I also wanted a real man man I could ride like

wanted a real man man I could ride like

wanted a real man man I could ride like a bucking bronco so what do you do for a

a bucking bronco so what do you do for a

a bucking bronco so what do you do for a living well I'm professional bull rider

take me

take me

take me No would you like my massage your back

No would you like my massage your back

No would you like my massage your back for a while first

[Music]

ain't no distance - after an hour back

ain't no distance - after an hour back

ain't no distance - after an hour back rub a manicure and seven stanzas of

rub a manicure and seven stanzas of

rub a manicure and seven stanzas of poetry sensitive cowboy and I finally

poetry sensitive cowboy and I finally

poetry sensitive cowboy and I finally made love and that's exactly what it was

made love and that's exactly what it was

made love and that's exactly what it was Michelangelo couldn't have sculpted a

Michelangelo couldn't have sculpted a

Michelangelo couldn't have sculpted a more beautiful orgasm

more beautiful orgasm

more beautiful orgasm [Music]

[Music]

[Music] so in a nutshell his family is rich

so in a nutshell his family is rich

so in a nutshell his family is rich we got married I weaned him from that

we got married I weaned him from that

we got married I weaned him from that stupid cowboy hat I bought him speech

stupid cowboy hat I bought him speech

stupid cowboy hat I bought him speech lessons to fix his hick accent we moved

lessons to fix his hick accent we moved

lessons to fix his hick accent we moved to the suburbs I became bored out of my

to the suburbs I became bored out of my

to the suburbs I became bored out of my mind and his niceness began to drive me

mind and his niceness began to drive me

mind and his niceness began to drive me to the brink of insanity yes sir I'm

to the brink of insanity yes sir I'm

to the brink of insanity yes sir I'm gonna be more experimental I'll let you

gonna be more experimental I'll let you

gonna be more experimental I'll let you use the video camera today other things

use the video camera today other things

use the video camera today other things come on sir we talked about this I don't

come on sir we talked about this I don't

come on sir we talked about this I don't like the missionary position it's so

like the missionary position it's so

like the missionary position it's so mother Teresa I don't like other

mother Teresa I don't like other

mother Teresa I don't like other positions it feels unnatural maybe I

positions it feels unnatural maybe I

positions it feels unnatural maybe I could call you daddy

could call you daddy

could call you daddy oh hey that's like Brady Bunch hell we

oh hey that's like Brady Bunch hell we

oh hey that's like Brady Bunch hell we could play President and First Lady

could play President and First Lady

could play President and First Lady too much patriotism for me fine let's

too much patriotism for me fine let's

too much patriotism for me fine let's talk about money I want a new house and

talk about money I want a new house and

talk about money I want a new house and a new car Sarah I bought you in your car

a new car Sarah I bought you in your car

a new car Sarah I bought you in your car it's an American car with four cylinders

it's an American car with four cylinders

it's an American car with four cylinders I want a Mercedes what's wrong with this

I want a Mercedes what's wrong with this

I want a Mercedes what's wrong with this house it's so small

house it's so small

house it's so small I won't square footage I want a courage

I won't square footage I want a courage

I won't square footage I want a courage I'm gonna pool you've got the money I

I'm gonna pool you've got the money I

I'm gonna pool you've got the money I wouldn't feel right spending my

wouldn't feel right spending my

wouldn't feel right spending my inheritance on something so superficial

inheritance on something so superficial

inheritance on something so superficial don't you want me to be happy I thought

don't you want me to be happy I thought

don't you want me to be happy I thought you loved me

you loved me

you loved me a Sarah

a Sarah

a Sarah you are everything to me hey hey look at

you are everything to me hey hey look at

you are everything to me hey hey look at me I love you Sara I would trade my life

me I love you Sara I would trade my life

me I love you Sara I would trade my life for yours alright I'm sorry I love you

for yours alright I'm sorry I love you

for yours alright I'm sorry I love you too

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] okay I'll admit it in the eyes of God

okay I'll admit it in the eyes of God

okay I'll admit it in the eyes of God and the people who witnessed me take my

and the people who witnessed me take my

and the people who witnessed me take my sacred vows plan to kill my husband was

sacred vows plan to kill my husband was

sacred vows plan to kill my husband was rather and wife-like

rather and wife-like

rather and wife-like [Music]

but if you'd spent three loving

but if you'd spent three loving

but if you'd spent three loving caressing years with them you'd

caressing years with them you'd

caressing years with them you'd understand

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] Kendra was one of those girls that

Kendra was one of those girls that

Kendra was one of those girls that everyone has in their family you know

everyone has in their family you know

everyone has in their family you know brilliant manic-depressive misanthropic

brilliant manic-depressive misanthropic

brilliant manic-depressive misanthropic eternally bitter but in a good way

eternally bitter but in a good way

eternally bitter but in a good way she was my best friend

she was my best friend

she was my best friend [Music]

sorry so how are you doing today well I

sorry so how are you doing today well I

sorry so how are you doing today well I haven't blown my brains out through the

haven't blown my brains out through the

haven't blown my brains out through the back of my head so I guess that's a plus

back of my head so I guess that's a plus

back of my head so I guess that's a plus I thought you were feeling better you

I thought you were feeling better you

I thought you were feeling better you know what it's like it's like I made the

know what it's like it's like I made the

know what it's like it's like I made the man of my dreams in a supermarket and I

man of my dreams in a supermarket and I

man of my dreams in a supermarket and I want to club him to death with a leg of

want to club him to death with a leg of

want to club him to death with a leg of lamb just to make a point yeah so how

lamb just to make a point yeah so how

lamb just to make a point yeah so how was Law School far as much fun as

was Law School far as much fun as

was Law School far as much fun as ripping my ovaries out with a pair of

ripping my ovaries out with a pair of

ripping my ovaries out with a pair of chopsticks you are so negative I have a

chopsticks you are so negative I have a

chopsticks you are so negative I have a total optimist you are there's a cynical

total optimist you are there's a cynical

total optimist you are there's a cynical person I know

person I know

person I know I am a cynical optimist I still think

I am a cynical optimist I still think

I am a cynical optimist I still think you should start therapy don't trust it

you should start therapy don't trust it

you should start therapy don't trust it and why if I told the therapist that I

and why if I told the therapist that I

and why if I told the therapist that I have reoccurring fantasies about

have reoccurring fantasies about

have reoccurring fantasies about torturing old naked men might look

torturing old naked men might look

torturing old naked men might look premeditated if I actually did it

premeditated if I actually did it

premeditated if I actually did it I see your point what is your husband

I see your point what is your husband

I see your point what is your husband he thinks I should go to some depression

he thinks I should go to some depression

he thinks I should go to some depression Anonymous meetings people yeah like I

Anonymous meetings people yeah like I

Anonymous meetings people yeah like I really want to make friends with someone

really want to make friends with someone

really want to make friends with someone who might slit their wrists and send me

who might slit their wrists and send me

who might slit their wrists and send me spiraling into deeper depression I'm

spiraling into deeper depression I'm

spiraling into deeper depression I'm gonna go I like it I can't wait yes this

gonna go I like it I can't wait yes this

gonna go I like it I can't wait yes this is wrong on numerous levels my parents

is wrong on numerous levels my parents

is wrong on numerous levels my parents divorced when I was very young and

divorced when I was very young and

divorced when I was very young and subsequently I was raised in a maternal

subsequently I was raised in a maternal

subsequently I was raised in a maternal environment in many ways I always

environment in many ways I always

environment in many ways I always thought to fulfill that fatherly

thought to fulfill that fatherly

thought to fulfill that fatherly influence that I never had in my youth I

influence that I never had in my youth I

influence that I never had in my youth I miss you so much are you gonna watch me

miss you so much are you gonna watch me

miss you so much are you gonna watch me tonight god yes do you like that Charles

tonight god yes do you like that Charles

tonight god yes do you like that Charles I want you to leave your husband aren't

I want you to leave your husband aren't

I want you to leave your husband aren't you too old for me

you too old for me

you too old for me well I lack in age I make up with

well I lack in age I make up with

well I lack in age I make up with immaturity you married too

immaturity you married too

immaturity you married too I can take care of you about your house

I can take care of you about your house

I can take care of you about your house I'll call you later my friends coming

I'll call you later my friends coming

I'll call you later my friends coming out does she know about us

out does she know about us

out does she know about us nobody does now go and Charles seemed

nobody does now go and Charles seemed

nobody does now go and Charles seemed very willing to play the role of

very willing to play the role of

very willing to play the role of surrogate father

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] I wish we could go out to a real

I wish we could go out to a real

I wish we could go out to a real restaurant I have too many clients in

restaurant I have too many clients in

restaurant I have too many clients in this city don't monthly really well tell

this city don't monthly really well tell

this city don't monthly really well tell Ryan I'm visiting my family

let's say Europe together

I would love that maybe we could do that

I would love that maybe we could do that

I would love that maybe we could do that permanently

permanently

permanently what do you say

I want you in my life permanently are

I want you in my life permanently are

I want you in my life permanently are you gonna leave your husband I want us

you gonna leave your husband I want us

you gonna leave your husband I want us to kill him I thought the other night

to kill him I thought the other night

to kill him I thought the other night was a joke you're serious he's wealthy

was a joke you're serious he's wealthy

was a joke you're serious he's wealthy if he dies we keep all of his money so

if he dies we keep all of his money so

if he dies we keep all of his money so divorce him I can't

divorce him I can't

divorce him I can't I signed a prenuptial agreement if we

I signed a prenuptial agreement if we

I signed a prenuptial agreement if we divorce I get nothing

divorce I get nothing

divorce I get nothing Sara I'm not a violent man we could pay

Sara I'm not a violent man we could pay

Sara I'm not a violent man we could pay someone to do it it's too risky

someone to do it it's too risky

someone to do it it's too risky I know someone who would do it for the

I know someone who would do it for the

I know someone who would do it for the right price

Richard is kyndra's husband definitely

Richard is kyndra's husband definitely

Richard is kyndra's husband definitely two people who should not be allowed to

two people who should not be allowed to

two people who should not be allowed to procreate together Richard is an actor

procreate together Richard is an actor

procreate together Richard is an actor the kind who must become the very

the kind who must become the very

the kind who must become the very essence of his next character not so

essence of his next character not so

essence of his next character not so much in a Pacino kind of way but more of

much in a Pacino kind of way but more of

much in a Pacino kind of way but more of a I'm a fucking crazy method actor kind

a I'm a fucking crazy method actor kind

a I'm a fucking crazy method actor kind of way

oh hey Richard

what's wrong

what's wrong

what's wrong you okay yep natural killing the crisis

you okay yep natural killing the crisis

you okay yep natural killing the crisis last night oh my god Richard I'm so

last night oh my god Richard I'm so

last night oh my god Richard I'm so sorry thank you because I don't know

sorry thank you because I don't know

sorry thank you because I don't know what to say

don't bother mag didn't that's exactly

don't bother mag didn't that's exactly

don't bother mag didn't that's exactly how I did it in addition I didn't get

how I did it in addition I didn't get

how I did it in addition I didn't get the fucking port your piece of work

the fucking port your piece of work

the fucking port your piece of work don't do the scroll by its nuts - listen

don't do the scroll by its nuts - listen

don't do the scroll by its nuts - listen I'm doing this audition right player

I'm doing this audition right player

I'm doing this audition right player film film and the casting director has

film film and the casting director has

film film and the casting director has me improvising with this guy who's

me improvising with this guy who's

me improvising with this guy who's supposed to be my boss and fires

supposed to be my boss and fires

supposed to be my boss and fires befallen right so I'm taking my boss and

befallen right so I'm taking my boss and

befallen right so I'm taking my boss and I kneel when the balls really really

I kneel when the balls really really

I kneel when the balls really really hard very much yeah well I'm in

hard very much yeah well I'm in

hard very much yeah well I'm in character right so he drops like an

character right so he drops like an

character right so he drops like an altar boys pants a confession and I

altar boys pants a confession and I

altar boys pants a confession and I start tricking them in the stomach cuz

start tricking them in the stomach cuz

start tricking them in the stomach cuz he's my boss a fireman a fucking pissed

he's my boss a fireman a fucking pissed

he's my boss a fireman a fucking pissed off man sure really hurts my feelings

well I thought you're moving to LA I'm

well I thought you're moving to LA I'm

well I thought you're moving to LA I'm there when I get the money Kenner I'm

there when I get the money Kenner I'm

there when I get the money Kenner I'm packing up and going yeah yeah you see

packing up and going yeah yeah you see

packing up and going yeah yeah you see me sin here but I'm not no no I'm

me sin here but I'm not no no I'm

me sin here but I'm not no no I'm totally there I do have this on this one

totally there I do have this on this one

totally there I do have this on this one for me not them a few weeks good

for me not them a few weeks good

for me not them a few weeks good character you bet your ass something a

character you bet your ass something a

character you bet your ass something a character

I'd kill someone you know that didn't

I'd kill someone you know that didn't

I'd kill someone you know that didn't know that that's all it takes to get the

know that that's all it takes to get the

know that that's all it takes to get the part

part

part I kill you good to know you're my friend

I kill you good to know you're my friend

I kill you good to know you're my friend right but I kill you

right but I kill you

right but I kill you well that's dedication I'm a dedicated

well that's dedication I'm a dedicated

well that's dedication I'm a dedicated man hey um so how about the four of us

man hey um so how about the four of us

man hey um so how about the four of us get together tomorrow night light up a

get together tomorrow night light up a

get together tomorrow night light up a bomb Marlene Watson Oliver Stone flick

bomb Marlene Watson Oliver Stone flick

bomb Marlene Watson Oliver Stone flick good idea preferably Patel

[Music]

[Music]

here are the files that you wanted sir

Sean Corrigan guy has the social skills

Sean Corrigan guy has the social skills

Sean Corrigan guy has the social skills of a rice cake whoa

of a rice cake whoa

of a rice cake whoa did you write bipolar on this history

did you write bipolar on this history

did you write bipolar on this history record yes sir this guy's clearly

record yes sir this guy's clearly

record yes sir this guy's clearly manic-depressive but isn't it the same

manic-depressive but isn't it the same

manic-depressive but isn't it the same thing oh there are nuances that wait I'm

thing oh there are nuances that wait I'm

thing oh there are nuances that wait I'm sorry where did you get your PhD from

sorry where did you get your PhD from

sorry where did you get your PhD from again oh you don't have one I see I'll

again oh you don't have one I see I'll

again oh you don't have one I see I'll make you a deal you don't tell me how to

make you a deal you don't tell me how to

make you a deal you don't tell me how to diagnose and I won't tell you how to

diagnose and I won't tell you how to

diagnose and I won't tell you how to type okay yes sir that afternoon Kendra

type okay yes sir that afternoon Kendra

type okay yes sir that afternoon Kendra was experiencing a quarter life crisis

was experiencing a quarter life crisis

was experiencing a quarter life crisis so I popped in my power yoga tape a new

so I popped in my power yoga tape a new

so I popped in my power yoga tape a new concept developed by Wall Street

concept developed by Wall Street

concept developed by Wall Street stockbroker twice the meditation in half

stockbroker twice the meditation in half

stockbroker twice the meditation in half the time come one with yourself see your

the time come one with yourself see your

the time come one with yourself see your future be your future

did I ever tell you I had the biggest

did I ever tell you I had the biggest

did I ever tell you I had the biggest crush on my priest growing out that sex

crush on my priest growing out that sex

crush on my priest growing out that sex with the priest once I wasn't religious

with the priest once I wasn't religious

with the priest once I wasn't religious I'm having issues with Ryan men are

I'm having issues with Ryan men are

I'm having issues with Ryan men are useless I hate men are you talking about

useless I hate men are you talking about

useless I hate men are you talking about you love men I love to fuck man there's

you love men I love to fuck man there's

you love men I love to fuck man there's a difference I think Ryan is cheating on

a difference I think Ryan is cheating on

a difference I think Ryan is cheating on me just because you're paranoid doesn't

me just because you're paranoid doesn't

me just because you're paranoid doesn't mean your husband's not banging another

mean your husband's not banging another

mean your husband's not banging another woman thank you

why do you think Ryan's cheating on you

why do you think Ryan's cheating on you

why do you think Ryan's cheating on you he doesn't touch me very often it's not

he doesn't touch me very often it's not

he doesn't touch me very often it's not very experimental he doesn't spend very

very experimental he doesn't spend very

very experimental he doesn't spend very much money on me

much money on me

much money on me maybe you should initiate more be more

maybe you should initiate more be more

maybe you should initiate more be more of an activist like me you were not an

of an activist like me you were not an

of an activist like me you were not an activist and you never go to any

activist and you never go to any

activist and you never go to any meetings I'm a pacifist activist these

meetings I'm a pacifist activist these

meetings I'm a pacifist activist these fine does the moral thing Richard says

fine does the moral thing Richard says

fine does the moral thing Richard says yeah but it takes an act of Congress but

yeah but it takes an act of Congress but

yeah but it takes an act of Congress but I dated this beautiful Jewish man for a

I dated this beautiful Jewish man for a

I dated this beautiful Jewish man for a year before I met Richard mm-hmm he

year before I met Richard mm-hmm he

year before I met Richard mm-hmm he never went down monza guess it wasn't

never went down monza guess it wasn't

never went down monza guess it wasn't kosher

[Music]

making myself at home and going through

making myself at home and going through

making myself at home and going through my shit damn right this is private

my shit damn right this is private

my shit damn right this is private it's public now hi honey just watching

it's public now hi honey just watching

it's public now hi honey just watching television what are you coming home

so if you don't get it yet I'll break it

so if you don't get it yet I'll break it

so if you don't get it yet I'll break it down I set up four cameras in the house

down I set up four cameras in the house

down I set up four cameras in the house so the Charles can watch me I think it's

so the Charles can watch me I think it's

so the Charles can watch me I think it's exciting and besides it's not cheating I

exciting and besides it's not cheating I

exciting and besides it's not cheating I mean that stuff back at the hotel was

mean that stuff back at the hotel was

mean that stuff back at the hotel was cheating that this isn't of course Ryan

cheating that this isn't of course Ryan

cheating that this isn't of course Ryan doesn't know kind of stupid question is

doesn't know kind of stupid question is

doesn't know kind of stupid question is that

nothing brutal or painful just a few

nothing brutal or painful just a few

nothing brutal or painful just a few quick deep gashes to the neck bored

quick deep gashes to the neck bored

quick deep gashes to the neck bored nicely

hey that's what he gets for making me

hey that's what he gets for making me

hey that's what he gets for making me sign a prenuptial agreement he brought

sign a prenuptial agreement he brought

sign a prenuptial agreement he brought this on himself all I want is for death

this on himself all I want is for death

this on himself all I want is for death to do us part

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] that evening

that evening

that evening much like our usual get-togethers we

much like our usual get-togethers we

much like our usual get-togethers we tried to delve into the ontological

tried to delve into the ontological

tried to delve into the ontological riddles of our time film is my life I

well

well

well the paintings are the kidneys everyone

the paintings are the kidneys everyone

the paintings are the kidneys everyone has one I've got to what everyone has to

has one I've got to what everyone has to

has one I've got to what everyone has to I did it

I did it

I did it I think Sarah is a point though what are

I think Sarah is a point though what are

I think Sarah is a point though what are you saying I'm saying you're not gonna

you saying I'm saying you're not gonna

you saying I'm saying you're not gonna Christopher Walken okay okay you want

Christopher Walken okay okay you want

Christopher Walken okay okay you want some dedication you guys want some

some dedication you guys want some

some dedication you guys want some fucking acting

fucking acting

fucking acting [Music]

that's my gun yep my back Gator of the

that's my gun yep my back Gator of the

that's my gun yep my back Gator of the devil huh by the white lightning big boy

devil huh by the white lightning big boy

devil huh by the white lightning big boy Jesus butchered I'm sorry

Jesus butchered I'm sorry

Jesus butchered I'm sorry he'll fucker

[Music]

that's his shit dreams are made up just

that's his shit dreams are made up just

that's his shit dreams are made up just like Christopher Walken in The Deer

like Christopher Walken in The Deer

like Christopher Walken in The Deer Hunter this is your life that's some

Hunter this is your life that's some

Hunter this is your life that's some movie life is a movie just with the

movie life is a movie just with the

movie life is a movie just with the larger cast how do you expect me to

larger cast how do you expect me to

larger cast how do you expect me to start and a beat knock them up I can't

start and a beat knock them up I can't

start and a beat knock them up I can't look death in the face try acting do you

look death in the face try acting do you

look death in the face try acting do you know what stop the Vietnamese Empire

know what stop the Vietnamese Empire

know what stop the Vietnamese Empire from marching past London right in

from marching past London right in

from marching past London right in Washington DC

Washington DC

Washington DC no the Marines the next day kyndra's

no the Marines the next day kyndra's

no the Marines the next day kyndra's words are Ryoga rang true in my mind was

words are Ryoga rang true in my mind was

words are Ryoga rang true in my mind was i paranoid was I am money whoring bitch

i paranoid was I am money whoring bitch

i paranoid was I am money whoring bitch who would sell her husband by the pound

who would sell her husband by the pound

who would sell her husband by the pound probably a bit of both

how do me how could you possibly ask me

how do me how could you possibly ask me

how do me how could you possibly ask me a question so you're not what are you

a question so you're not what are you

a question so you're not what are you expect me to say if I wasn't wasn't I

expect me to say if I wasn't wasn't I

expect me to say if I wasn't wasn't I give you the same answer that's not the

give you the same answer that's not the

give you the same answer that's not the kind of honesty that I'm looking for

kind of honesty that I'm looking for

kind of honesty that I'm looking for so ask me if I'm cheating on are you of

so ask me if I'm cheating on are you of

so ask me if I'm cheating on are you of course not is that the truth

course not is that the truth

course not is that the truth of course it's the truth but you'd say

of course it's the truth but you'd say

of course it's the truth but you'd say that even if you were cheating on me yes

that even if you were cheating on me yes

that even if you were cheating on me yes that's my point Ryan I'm your wife and

that's my point Ryan I'm your wife and

that's my point Ryan I'm your wife and I'm your husband I get the relationship

I'm your husband I get the relationship

I'm your husband I get the relationship for almost two years now

for almost two years now

for almost two years now I have been a faithful and loving wife

I have been a faithful and loving wife

I have been a faithful and loving wife and now you're the one between those

and now you're the one between those

and now you're the one between those goddamn sacred vows that we took in

goddamn sacred vows that we took in

goddamn sacred vows that we took in front of that shitty fucking altar Sarah

front of that shitty fucking altar Sarah

front of that shitty fucking altar Sarah I promise you not once have I cheated on

I promise you not once have I cheated on

I promise you not once have I cheated on you

today mentioned the six knee surgeries

today mentioned the six knee surgeries

today mentioned the six knee surgeries he's limping around right now

he's limping around right now

he's limping around right now I mean one of those guys over the

technically didn't lie to her

technically didn't lie to her

technically didn't lie to her it wasn't once it's been more like a

it wasn't once it's been more like a

it wasn't once it's been more like a dozen times doesn't make me feel better

dozen times doesn't make me feel better

dozen times doesn't make me feel better tell me that's not holding he held him

I'm just saying and a court of law it

I'm just saying and a court of law it

I'm just saying and a court of law it wouldn't be perjury oh is the law

wouldn't be perjury oh is the law

wouldn't be perjury oh is the law student Law is the only thing you've got

student Law is the only thing you've got

student Law is the only thing you've got when you're a rotten husband hey I love

when you're a rotten husband hey I love

when you're a rotten husband hey I love my wife well your love is running down

my wife well your love is running down

my wife well your love is running down my leg right now how can you talk to me

my leg right now how can you talk to me

my leg right now how can you talk to me that way quite easily actually I can't

that way quite easily actually I can't

that way quite easily actually I can't believe I'm doing this this is so wrong

believe I'm doing this this is so wrong

believe I'm doing this this is so wrong with your friend's wife in your wife's

with your friend's wife in your wife's

with your friend's wife in your wife's bed you really are a sick twisted fuck

bed you really are a sick twisted fuck

bed you really are a sick twisted fuck he's going deep throw the ball you pussy

he's going deep throw the ball you pussy

he's going deep throw the ball you pussy throw it throw it

have you dropped that pathetic I could

have you dropped that pathetic I could

have you dropped that pathetic I could have caught that I really could have

have caught that I really could have

have caught that I really could have caught that yeah I've decided I'm not

caught that yeah I've decided I'm not

caught that yeah I've decided I'm not gonna sleep with you again yeah you kena

gonna sleep with you again yeah you kena

gonna sleep with you again yeah you kena this was the last time yeah this is it

this was the last time yeah this is it

this was the last time yeah this is it overruled I'll tell your wife you

overruled I'll tell your wife you

overruled I'll tell your wife you wouldn't you'd thank me sir would kill

wouldn't you'd thank me sir would kill

wouldn't you'd thank me sir would kill me hey don't look a gift horse in the

me hey don't look a gift horse in the

me hey don't look a gift horse in the mouth I'll tell your husband fuck my

mouth I'll tell your husband fuck my

mouth I'll tell your husband fuck my husband he's crazy he'd kill you he'd

husband he's crazy he'd kill you he'd

husband he's crazy he'd kill you he'd kill us both

kill us both

kill us both they'd kill you worse

this isn't fair I'd like to have my 10th

this isn't fair I'd like to have my 10th

this isn't fair I'd like to have my 10th grade aspect life's not fair

first down 34 is good he rushed for 180

first down 34 is good he rushed for 180

first down 34 is good he rushed for 180 yards asking really yeah Sarah hates

yards asking really yeah Sarah hates

yards asking really yeah Sarah hates football we can't keep doing this we'll

football we can't keep doing this we'll

football we can't keep doing this we'll stop eventually

stop eventually

stop eventually do you promise objection leading the

do you promise objection leading the

do you promise objection leading the mistress I'm not gonna let you dictate

mistress I'm not gonna let you dictate

mistress I'm not gonna let you dictate my life to me and I want you to do that

my life to me and I want you to do that

my life to me and I want you to do that swirly twirly thing with the time a

swirly twirly thing with the time a

swirly twirly thing with the time a little longer

why are you so mean to me Brian can't

why are you so mean to me Brian can't

why are you so mean to me Brian can't ever nice to me anymore whatever do to

ever nice to me anymore whatever do to

ever nice to me anymore whatever do to you I'm sorry you just talk don't take

you I'm sorry you just talk don't take

you I'm sorry you just talk don't take me so personally you know I just put on

me so personally you know I just put on

me so personally you know I just put on this tough aside for my wittle boy

you have got to be fucking kidding me

looks like he's not the only one putting

looks like he's not the only one putting

looks like he's not the only one putting his eggs in more than one basket half of

his eggs in more than one basket half of

his eggs in more than one basket half of me felt that I had as much luck as a

me felt that I had as much luck as a

me felt that I had as much luck as a hooker with lockjaw but the other half

hooker with lockjaw but the other half

hooker with lockjaw but the other half realized that I was being paid back in

realized that I was being paid back in

realized that I was being paid back in spades for a lifetime of feigned emotion

spades for a lifetime of feigned emotion

spades for a lifetime of feigned emotion I was sleeping with the devil and his

I was sleeping with the devil and his

I was sleeping with the devil and his name was sensitive cowboy

I had no idea

I had no idea

I had no idea I guess they've never slept in your bed

I guess they've never slept in your bed

I guess they've never slept in your bed together well in all fairness hey

together well in all fairness hey

together well in all fairness hey hypocrisy is one of my strongest

hypocrisy is one of my strongest

hypocrisy is one of my strongest weaknesses what are you gonna do have

weaknesses what are you gonna do have

weaknesses what are you gonna do have him killed take all of his money and

him killed take all of his money and

him killed take all of his money and live happily ever after in my heart of

live happily ever after in my heart of

live happily ever after in my heart of hearts I knew the only good sensitive

hearts I knew the only good sensitive

hearts I knew the only good sensitive cowboy was a dead one

my obvious choice was Ryan's best friend

my obvious choice was Ryan's best friend

my obvious choice was Ryan's best friend Richard it's like the old saying goes if

Richard it's like the old saying goes if

Richard it's like the old saying goes if you can't kill your friends and who can

you can't kill your friends and who can

you can't kill your friends and who can you kill so in other words you want me

you kill so in other words you want me

you kill so in other words you want me to kill Ryan for $10,000 those exact

to kill Ryan for $10,000 those exact

to kill Ryan for $10,000 those exact words really does Ryan know sure Richard

words really does Ryan know sure Richard

words really does Ryan know sure Richard was God's gift to teeth but he was a

was God's gift to teeth but he was a

was God's gift to teeth but he was a little misguided look Richard you're a

little misguided look Richard you're a

little misguided look Richard you're a visionary Thanks

visionary Thanks

visionary Thanks you can see hundreds of feet ahead

you can see hundreds of feet ahead

you can see hundreds of feet ahead you're better than the knocking

you're better than the knocking

you're better than the knocking really here's my point

really here's my point

really here's my point think what this could do for your acting

think what this could do for your acting

think what this could do for your acting career yeah what would all men do

career yeah what would all men do

career yeah what would all men do what would dinero do

maybe I should do a dry run sure

maybe I should do a dry run sure

maybe I should do a dry run sure get into character before you know

get into character before you know

get into character before you know getting into character I'll do it

I told you about to sleep with you again

I told you about to sleep with you again

I told you about to sleep with you again why I thought the relationship is based

why I thought the relationship is based

why I thought the relationship is based on sex

on sex

on sex what did you think it was based on tofu

what did you think it was based on tofu

what did you think it was based on tofu I want something besides sex I need to

I want something besides sex I need to

I want something besides sex I need to be held can you please just fuck me is

be held can you please just fuck me is

be held can you please just fuck me is that too much to ask would you rather I

that too much to ask would you rather I

that too much to ask would you rather I want you for your mind in your money I'd

want you for your mind in your money I'd

want you for your mind in your money I'd rather you fuck my body for my mind I

rather you fuck my body for my mind I

rather you fuck my body for my mind I have a marriage I have a well whatever I

have a marriage I have a well whatever I

have a marriage I have a well whatever I have to know what separates me from you

have to know what separates me from you

have to know what separates me from you we have different parents I love my wife

we have different parents I love my wife

we have different parents I love my wife your best friend I'm not being fulfilled

your best friend I'm not being fulfilled

your best friend I'm not being fulfilled tell you what want to take some of that

tell you what want to take some of that

tell you what want to take some of that money if got stashed away fulfill my

money if got stashed away fulfill my

money if got stashed away fulfill my living room with a new set of furniture

living room with a new set of furniture

living room with a new set of furniture I'll tell you what's wrong let me guess

I'll tell you what's wrong let me guess

I'll tell you what's wrong let me guess you two are sleeping together and now

you two are sleeping together and now

you two are sleeping together and now Ryan's having second thoughts move to

Ryan's having second thoughts move to

Ryan's having second thoughts move to strike

strike

strike just kidding it's amazing how a Rolex

just kidding it's amazing how a Rolex

just kidding it's amazing how a Rolex will spread of woman's legs

will spread of woman's legs

will spread of woman's legs what a jerk don't even smile okay so now

what a jerk don't even smile okay so now

what a jerk don't even smile okay so now I'm the bad guy in the kitchen

you're like carrot peelers serve only

you're like carrot peelers serve only

you're like carrot peelers serve only one purpose and you know that's only

one purpose and you know that's only

one purpose and you know that's only useful in rare occasions

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] on the back

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

name and rank soldier knowing I'll slit

name and rank soldier knowing I'll slit

name and rank soldier knowing I'll slit your throat motherfucker name and rank

your throat motherfucker name and rank

your throat motherfucker name and rank fine fine corporal Ryan Sullivan

fine fine corporal Ryan Sullivan

fine fine corporal Ryan Sullivan reporting for duty sir

of course not seriously I mean sergeant

of course not seriously I mean sergeant

of course not seriously I mean sergeant Sullivan's asleep sir

Sullivan's asleep sir

Sullivan's asleep sir any news report just the fact you're

any news report just the fact you're

any news report just the fact you're certifiable sir tell me that wasn't

certifiable sir tell me that wasn't

certifiable sir tell me that wasn't convincing very organic you see how I'm

convincing very organic you see how I'm

convincing very organic you see how I'm always in my head always bringing my

always in my head always bringing my

always in my head always bringing my a-game never the bee game always the egg

a-game never the bee game always the egg

a-game never the bee game always the egg game well see you tomorrow

I wanted to be careful the landlines I

I wanted to be careful the landlines I

I wanted to be careful the landlines I plan it out front say a human gun down

plan it out front say a human gun down

plan it out front say a human gun down on my wife lately have you what me yeah

on my wife lately have you what me yeah

on my wife lately have you what me yeah just checking this kid is clinically

just checking this kid is clinically

just checking this kid is clinically insane

okay thought you're going to work out I

okay thought you're going to work out I

okay thought you're going to work out I was going to but I was looking for my

was going to but I was looking for my

was going to but I was looking for my keys this morning

keys this morning

keys this morning and I found this dr. Charles Weissman

and I found this dr. Charles Weissman

and I found this dr. Charles Weissman board-certified psychiatrist

board-certified psychiatrist

board-certified psychiatrist specializing in depression Ryan I can

specializing in depression Ryan I can

specializing in depression Ryan I can explain this you don't have to I know

explain this you don't have to I know

explain this you don't have to I know what's going on

what's going on

what's going on no it Ryan it's nothing started I've

no it Ryan it's nothing started I've

no it Ryan it's nothing started I've been depressed lately yes I am I'm very

been depressed lately yes I am I'm very

been depressed lately yes I am I'm very concerned they're concerned I'm just a

concerned they're concerned I'm just a

concerned they're concerned I'm just a sensitive guy you know I know that the

sensitive guy you know I know that the

sensitive guy you know I know that the thing is I love you I just want you to

thing is I love you I just want you to

thing is I love you I just want you to be happy I thought so

be happy I thought so

be happy I thought so so I made an appointment what what dr.

so I made an appointment what what dr.

so I made an appointment what what dr. Weissman

I don't want to be alone in the same

I don't want to be alone in the same

I don't want to be alone in the same room with your husband if you cancel his

room with your husband if you cancel his

room with your husband if you cancel his appointment it will look suspicious what

appointment it will look suspicious what

appointment it will look suspicious what if he pulls out a gun or something then

if he pulls out a gun or something then

if he pulls out a gun or something then he'll most likely shoot you

he'll most likely shoot you

he'll most likely shoot you Ryan's thorough that way besides be a

Ryan's thorough that way besides be a

Ryan's thorough that way besides be a good opportunity to pick his brain find

good opportunity to pick his brain find

good opportunity to pick his brain find out how much money he is I've got to get

out how much money he is I've got to get

out how much money he is I've got to get back to the office lately Charles bye

hey I have been on 11:30 with dr.

hey I have been on 11:30 with dr.

hey I have been on 11:30 with dr. Weisberg did you sign in please

mr. Sullivan dr. Westman will be with

mr. Sullivan dr. Westman will be with

mr. Sullivan dr. Westman will be with you in a minute

dr. Weissman your 11:30 sear right yeah

dr. Weissman your 11:30 sear right yeah

dr. Weissman your 11:30 sear right yeah Charles Wiseman come into my office if

Charles Wiseman come into my office if

Charles Wiseman come into my office if you don't mind it'll be a more

you don't mind it'll be a more

you don't mind it'll be a more productive session I swallowed it

so you're here because you feel

so you're here because you feel

so you're here because you feel disconnected well I have a hard time

disconnected well I have a hard time

disconnected well I have a hard time opening up like with my wife opening up

opening up like with my wife opening up

opening up like with my wife opening up to your wife exactly what do you feel

to your wife exactly what do you feel

to your wife exactly what do you feel like this stems from I don't know money

like this stems from I don't know money

like this stems from I don't know money maybe tell me about money Ryan well I

maybe tell me about money Ryan well I

maybe tell me about money Ryan well I have a lot of money and I is this I'm

have a lot of money and I is this I'm

have a lot of money and I is this I'm sorry is this the kind of thing I can

sorry is this the kind of thing I can

sorry is this the kind of thing I can talk about yes yes please go on I mean a

talk about yes yes please go on I mean a

talk about yes yes please go on I mean a lot of money like forty million dollars

lot of money like forty million dollars

lot of money like forty million dollars Jesus Christ excuse me

Jesus Christ excuse me

Jesus Christ excuse me please continue and my wife doesn't know

please continue and my wife doesn't know

please continue and my wife doesn't know because you signed a prenuptial

because you signed a prenuptial

because you signed a prenuptial agreement I mean she knows I have money

agreement I mean she knows I have money

agreement I mean she knows I have money but not really and money really matters

but not really and money really matters

but not really and money really matters to her it doesn't to me so I tend to

to her it doesn't to me so I tend to

to her it doesn't to me so I tend to close myself off close yourself off

close myself off close yourself off

close myself off close yourself off precisely what do you think this stems

precisely what do you think this stems

precisely what do you think this stems from

I don't know is there something in your

I don't know is there something in your

I don't know is there something in your childhood right maybe Ryan tell me about

childhood right maybe Ryan tell me about

childhood right maybe Ryan tell me about your childhood

your childhood

your childhood I don't want to talk about please

when I was a little boy my mother and

when I was a little boy my mother and

when I was a little boy my mother and and father I never had the Easter eggs

on me they didn't I'd open the door

on me they didn't I'd open the door

on me they didn't I'd open the door Easter morning and there would be these

Easter morning and there would be these

Easter morning and there would be these these eggs yeah where's the adventure

these eggs yeah where's the adventure

these eggs yeah where's the adventure doctor huh where's the fun that's not

doctor huh where's the fun that's not

doctor huh where's the fun that's not fun

fun

fun of course my stocking stuffers always

of course my stocking stuffers always

of course my stocking stuffers always sucked at Christmas but that's a

sucked at Christmas but that's a

sucked at Christmas but that's a different issue altogether

he'll change a person your husband has a

he'll change a person your husband has a

he'll change a person your husband has a screw loose

screw loose

screw loose another reason to kill him but he has 40

another reason to kill him but he has 40

another reason to kill him but he has 40 million dollars what he told me I

shouldn't be telling you this there's a

shouldn't be telling you this there's a

shouldn't be telling you this there's a patient doctor oh fuck you're old he's

patient doctor oh fuck you're old he's

patient doctor oh fuck you're old he's got 40 million dollars that's what he

got 40 million dollars that's what he

got 40 million dollars that's what he said oh my god

said oh my god

said oh my god he never told me how much money his

he never told me how much money his

he never told me how much money his family left him Charles he has to die

you could retire we could get a beach

you could retire we could get a beach

you could retire we could get a beach house in Hawaii I could show you why I

house in Hawaii I could show you why I

house in Hawaii I could show you why I was a state ranked gymnast in high

was a state ranked gymnast in high

was a state ranked gymnast in high school no I don't think let's not

school no I don't think let's not

school no I don't think let's not discuss it now what I really need is a

discuss it now what I really need is a

discuss it now what I really need is a very deep psychoanalysis so what do you

very deep psychoanalysis so what do you

very deep psychoanalysis so what do you think your problem is I hate people come

think your problem is I hate people come

think your problem is I hate people come on well not in a Hitler sort of way just

on well not in a Hitler sort of way just

on well not in a Hitler sort of way just generally speaking what else I don't

generally speaking what else I don't

generally speaking what else I don't know Sarah I'm just miserable I'm sorry

know Sarah I'm just miserable I'm sorry

know Sarah I'm just miserable I'm sorry well that's what I get from being a

well that's what I get from being a

well that's what I get from being a perfectionist Kendra you aren't even

perfectionist Kendra you aren't even

perfectionist Kendra you aren't even remotely a perfectionist I'm a pragmatic

remotely a perfectionist I'm a pragmatic

remotely a perfectionist I'm a pragmatic perfectionist

perfectionist

perfectionist it could be worse you know thank God I

it could be worse you know thank God I

it could be worse you know thank God I thought I was it there are starving

thought I was it there are starving

thought I was it there are starving children in China who would do anything

children in China who would do anything

children in China who would do anything to be in your shoes Thanks now I'm

to be in your shoes Thanks now I'm

to be in your shoes Thanks now I'm depressed and guilt-stricken you should

depressed and guilt-stricken you should

depressed and guilt-stricken you should start group therapy that's not very fun

start group therapy that's not very fun

start group therapy that's not very fun well it'd be no worse than having sex

well it'd be no worse than having sex

well it'd be no worse than having sex with my husband trust me it's pretty

with my husband trust me it's pretty

with my husband trust me it's pretty hard right but I do know this

hard right but I do know this

hard right but I do know this psychiatrist in town that does free

psychiatrist in town that does free

psychiatrist in town that does free group therapy

group therapy

group therapy Thursday night bring Richard needn't do

Thursday night bring Richard needn't do

Thursday night bring Richard needn't do it fine would kill to see a suicide to

it fine would kill to see a suicide to

it fine would kill to see a suicide to all you new faces I'm dr. Wiseman

all you new faces I'm dr. Wiseman

all you new faces I'm dr. Wiseman welcome tonight cricket Christopher is

welcome tonight cricket Christopher is

welcome tonight cricket Christopher is going to open the evening with a prayer

going to open the evening with a prayer

going to open the evening with a prayer please help me welcome cricket

my name is cricket and I'm a glutton for

my name is cricket and I'm a glutton for

my name is cricket and I'm a glutton for punishment

sorry am I not switch my name's cricket

sorry am I not switch my name's cricket

sorry am I not switch my name's cricket and I'm an unhappy person God may we

and I'm an unhappy person God may we

and I'm an unhappy person God may we find solace in ourselves even though the

find solace in ourselves even though the

find solace in ourselves even though the people that were close to do us harm may

people that were close to do us harm may

people that were close to do us harm may we make peace with the world even though

we make peace with the world even though

we make peace with the world even though our ex-husband felt the need to go ten

our ex-husband felt the need to go ten

our ex-husband felt the need to go ten rounds after drinking a fifth of Jack

rounds after drinking a fifth of Jack

rounds after drinking a fifth of Jack every Friday night may we forget the

every Friday night may we forget the

every Friday night may we forget the many strippers we found passed out on

many strippers we found passed out on

many strippers we found passed out on the brand-new linoleum floor that I paid

the brand-new linoleum floor that I paid

the brand-new linoleum floor that I paid for and may we make peace with that

for and may we make peace with that

for and may we make peace with that unsympathetic philandering fuck of a

unsympathetic philandering fuck of a

unsympathetic philandering fuck of a boss for firing me Christmas week

boss for firing me Christmas week

boss for firing me Christmas week because I wouldn't do overtime

because I wouldn't do overtime

because I wouldn't do overtime underneath his desk

you goddamn people don't you get it life

you goddamn people don't you get it life

you goddamn people don't you get it life is shit

is shit

is shit there is no hope I've been in this

there is no hope I've been in this

there is no hope I've been in this program for 12 fucking years and I'd

program for 12 fucking years and I'd

program for 12 fucking years and I'd rather get decapitated by a helicopter

rather get decapitated by a helicopter

rather get decapitated by a helicopter propeller then I had to go to another

propeller then I had to go to another

propeller then I had to go to another one of these goddamn meetings hell's

one of these goddamn meetings hell's

one of these goddamn meetings hell's gonna feel like a fucking tanning bed

gonna feel like a fucking tanning bed

gonna feel like a fucking tanning bed compared to my miserable shitty life say

compared to my miserable shitty life say

compared to my miserable shitty life say it girl

somebody's kill me please I'll sign a

somebody's kill me please I'll sign a

somebody's kill me please I'll sign a waiver

waiver

waiver you'll be accountable a sympathetic God

you'll be accountable a sympathetic God

you'll be accountable a sympathetic God would understand

in God's name we pray

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

I think they know where's Richard right

I think they know where's Richard right

I think they know where's Richard right now he's taking a powa prison in our

now he's taking a powa prison in our

now he's taking a powa prison in our backyard that doesn't know you're here

backyard that doesn't know you're here

backyard that doesn't know you're here he thinks I'm not buying rats and bamboo

has he said anything to you

has he said anything to you

has he said anything to you no but Sara's made innuendos what didn't

no but Sara's made innuendos what didn't

no but Sara's made innuendos what didn't you windows are you fucking my husband

you windows are you fucking my husband

you windows are you fucking my husband things like that Richard's gonna kill me

things like that Richard's gonna kill me

things like that Richard's gonna kill me my sleep with this big knife

my sleep with this big knife

my sleep with this big knife now you'd wake you first yes dr.

now you'd wake you first yes dr.

now you'd wake you first yes dr. Weissman is available on Tuesday but I

Weissman is available on Tuesday but I

Weissman is available on Tuesday but I would have to I'm gonna have to call you

would have to I'm gonna have to call you

would have to I'm gonna have to call you back

back

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] may I help you I'm here to see my father

may I help you I'm here to see my father

may I help you I'm here to see my father your father dr. Weissman

your father dr. Weissman

your father dr. Weissman [Music]

dr. Weissman your daughter's here my

dr. Weissman your daughter's here my

dr. Weissman your daughter's here my daughter hi Daddy

dr. Waisman I didn't know you had a

dr. Waisman I didn't know you had a

dr. Waisman I didn't know you had a daughter

daughter

daughter oh you don't tell people at the office

oh you don't tell people at the office

oh you don't tell people at the office about me well dad daddy why don't we go

about me well dad daddy why don't we go

about me well dad daddy why don't we go into my office

skits a multiple Sara you can't do that

skits a multiple Sara you can't do that

skits a multiple Sara you can't do that come on Charles gross sense of humor

come on Charles gross sense of humor

come on Charles gross sense of humor what if my wife was here I just missed

what if my wife was here I just missed

what if my wife was here I just missed you I wanted to be with you I'll go okay

you I wanted to be with you I'll go okay

you I wanted to be with you I'll go okay I'm I'm sorry I missed you very much

I'm I'm sorry I missed you very much

I'm I'm sorry I missed you very much yeah

have you thought about what I said Sarah

have you thought about what I said Sarah

have you thought about what I said Sarah I'm not gonna pay someone to kill your

I'm not gonna pay someone to kill your

I'm not gonna pay someone to kill your husband why not what about your marriage

husband why not what about your marriage

husband why not what about your marriage vows I think they're open to generous

vows I think they're open to generous

vows I think they're open to generous interpretation listen I'm a trendsetter

interpretation listen I'm a trendsetter

interpretation listen I'm a trendsetter and think what we could do with that

and think what we could do with that

and think what we could do with that money

money

money I can afford to take care of you until

I can afford to take care of you until

I can afford to take care of you until when when you get tired of me when my

when when you get tired of me when my

when when you get tired of me when my youthful Lester has worn off but you're

youthful Lester has worn off but you're

youthful Lester has worn off but you're the most beautiful woman

the most beautiful woman

the most beautiful woman save it Harlequin forget I mentioned it

come on you look sexy Ryan where's the

come on you look sexy Ryan where's the

come on you look sexy Ryan where's the Abraham Lincoln beard okay show me

Abraham Lincoln beard okay show me

Abraham Lincoln beard okay show me patriotic come on please

dear God give me army yeah now say it

dear God give me army yeah now say it

dear God give me army yeah now say it really oh yeah say it four score and

really oh yeah say it four score and

really oh yeah say it four score and seven years ago no water Kennedy ask not

seven years ago no water Kennedy ask not

seven years ago no water Kennedy ask not what your country can do for you ask we

ask not what your country can do for you

ask not what your country can do for you

ask not what your country can do for you ask what you can do for your country

ask what you can do for your country

ask what you can do for your country ah take me now mr. president

[Music]

[Music]

you

Sara hmm

Sara yeah

I have to tell you something

I made a mistake

I had an affair

do you I do I love you so much

we all make mistakes

and in that blissful moment I realized

and in that blissful moment I realized

and in that blissful moment I realized that love is not about money or material

that love is not about money or material

that love is not about money or material worth it's about loving someone

worth it's about loving someone

worth it's about loving someone unconditionally the person who we choose

unconditionally the person who we choose

unconditionally the person who we choose to spend the rest of our life with

Sarah what where have you been around

Sarah what where have you been around

Sarah what where have you been around you haven't returned my calls you turn

you haven't returned my calls you turn

you haven't returned my calls you turn off the cameras forget that out huh I

off the cameras forget that out huh I

off the cameras forget that out huh I miss you I need to be with you listen I

miss you I need to be with you listen I

miss you I need to be with you listen I don't think it's gonna work out between

don't think it's gonna work out between

don't think it's gonna work out between us I love you well Ryan is trying to

us I love you well Ryan is trying to

us I love you well Ryan is trying to give me what I need which is more than I

give me what I need which is more than I

give me what I need which is more than I can say for you

can say for you

can say for you look it's immoral okay what about our

look it's immoral okay what about our

look it's immoral okay what about our child I'll do it

we'll have your husband killed I'll turn

we'll have your husband killed I'll turn

we'll have your husband killed I'll turn the cameras broken and then I remembered

the cameras broken and then I remembered

the cameras broken and then I remembered that the new model Mercedes came out

that the new model Mercedes came out

that the new model Mercedes came out next month and that my favorite color

next month and that my favorite color

next month and that my favorite color was candy apple red

was candy apple red

was candy apple red [Music]

[Music]

[Music]

I didn't get the part sorry to hear that

they're only ten of us and I still think

they're only ten of us and I still think

they're only ten of us and I still think at the part

what are the odds 110 we're turning a

what are the odds 110 we're turning a

what are the odds 110 we're turning a gun

Sarah let me park with the addition

Sarah let me park with the addition

Sarah let me park with the addition Thanks

at anytime

hello

richer richer

Jesus would you like a ninja couple

Jesus would you like a ninja couple

Jesus would you like a ninja couple Richard brought that back all right

Richard brought that back all right

Richard brought that back all right I kind of need to borrow this for what

I kind of need to borrow this for what

I kind of need to borrow this for what you're right we shouldn't sleep together

you're right we shouldn't sleep together

you're right we shouldn't sleep together anymore

little Merrill dispute don't mind us man

little Merrill dispute don't mind us man

little Merrill dispute don't mind us man sorry about your floor

something wrong

something wrong

something wrong Kenda was gonna kill me what with our

Kenda was gonna kill me what with our

Kenda was gonna kill me what with our gun have you called the police

gun have you called the police

gun have you called the police not yet why would she what do you want

not yet why would she what do you want

not yet why would she what do you want to do finish the job

Sarah Ryan why won't your money Ryan if

Sarah Ryan why won't your money Ryan if

Sarah Ryan why won't your money Ryan if you won't give it to me I'll kill you

you won't give it to me I'll kill you

you won't give it to me I'll kill you for it

for it

for it Sarah there is no way Segan I don't have

Sarah there is no way Segan I don't have

Sarah there is no way Segan I don't have inheritance if I had money I would have

inheritance if I had money I would have

inheritance if I had money I would have spent it on you

spent it on you

spent it on you I signed a prenuptial agreement Ryan I

I signed a prenuptial agreement Ryan I

I signed a prenuptial agreement Ryan I fell in love with you believe me if you

fell in love with you believe me if you

fell in love with you believe me if you knew I was broke I shouldn't have lied

knew I was broke I shouldn't have lied

knew I was broke I shouldn't have lied to you

to you

to you you were screwing my friend reluctantly

you were screwing my friend reluctantly

you were screwing my friend reluctantly head messed up I know I messed up but I

head messed up I know I messed up but I

head messed up I know I messed up but I love you Sarah but what I put empty

love you Sarah but what I put empty

love you Sarah but what I put empty casings in it

daddy's not gonna hurt you

I love your fucking pants

Sara I'm sorry sweetheart come on come

Sara I'm sorry sweetheart come on come

Sara I'm sorry sweetheart come on come out let's make up I'm sorry

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] I hope you're proud of yourself doctor

I hope you're proud of yourself doctor

I hope you're proud of yourself doctor this is not good bedside manner

[Music]

Sara flavor she tastes like well you

Sara flavor she tastes like well you

Sara flavor she tastes like well you know how she tastes don't you doc she

know how she tastes don't you doc she

know how she tastes don't you doc she can I'll give you two guesses yours oh

can I'll give you two guesses yours oh

can I'll give you two guesses yours oh yeah you almost called the police didn't

yeah you almost called the police didn't

yeah you almost called the police didn't you Charles he did but that would mean

you Charles he did but that would mean

you Charles he did but that would mean you're asked to after all hiring someone

you're asked to after all hiring someone

you're asked to after all hiring someone to commit a murder is a felony

to commit a murder is a felony

to commit a murder is a felony besides hey it was self-defense

besides hey it was self-defense

besides hey it was self-defense I know what you're thinking how did this

I know what you're thinking how did this

I know what you're thinking how did this happen

why me here's a Cliff Notes version

why me here's a Cliff Notes version

why me here's a Cliff Notes version I saw the cameras in the vents about a

I saw the cameras in the vents about a

I saw the cameras in the vents about a month ago obviously Sara's up to

month ago obviously Sara's up to

month ago obviously Sara's up to something so one afternoon I decided to

something so one afternoon I decided to

something so one afternoon I decided to follow her and I saw you and her going

follow her and I saw you and her going

follow her and I saw you and her going to the hotel together and when I went in

to the hotel together and when I went in

to the hotel together and when I went in your office for what look

your office for what look

your office for what look wellness therapy I put a bugger Neath

wellness therapy I put a bugger Neath

wellness therapy I put a bugger Neath your chair

your chair

your chair and you can stare disgust killing me I

and you can stare disgust killing me I

and you can stare disgust killing me I just I had to make plans of my own

just I had to make plans of my own

just I had to make plans of my own Sara wanted to pay me ten thousand to

Sara wanted to pay me ten thousand to

Sara wanted to pay me ten thousand to kill Orion I figured blackmail was a

kill Orion I figured blackmail was a

kill Orion I figured blackmail was a bigger payoff but I guess my wife took

bigger payoff but I guess my wife took

bigger payoff but I guess my wife took the job so and now because of you both

the job so and now because of you both

the job so and now because of you both of our wives are dead lifeless

of our wives are dead lifeless

of our wives are dead lifeless you ruined my holy union between man and

you ruined my holy union between man and

you ruined my holy union between man and wife and now I want to pay we I'm sorry

wife and now I want to pay we I'm sorry

wife and now I want to pay we I'm sorry we want to get paid what's the cost of

we want to get paid what's the cost of

we want to get paid what's the cost of two dead wiseness busting economy I'm

two dead wiseness busting economy I'm

two dead wiseness busting economy I'm thinking like $250,000 each sounds fair

thinking like $250,000 each sounds fair

thinking like $250,000 each sounds fair that's $500,000 wire to the following

that's $500,000 wire to the following

that's $500,000 wire to the following account it

account it

account it Jefferson Bank and Trust

actually your business card is kind of

actually your business card is kind of

actually your business card is kind of ironic disease account number get a pen

ironic disease account number get a pen

ironic disease account number get a pen okay one two nine seven three six five

okay one two nine seven three six five

okay one two nine seven three six five one zero routing number essay one three

one zero routing number essay one three

one zero routing number essay one three five two six here's the flipside maybe

five two six here's the flipside maybe

five two six here's the flipside maybe you don't pay us and maybe don't spend

you don't pay us and maybe don't spend

you don't pay us and maybe don't spend 20 years in jail getting raped by a

20 years in jail getting raped by a

20 years in jail getting raped by a bubble but I know where you live I know

bubble but I know where you live I know

bubble but I know where you live I know where you work

where you work

where you work we're very fragile right now you pay us

we're very fragile right now you pay us

we're very fragile right now you pay us in full today

we're coming for you doc

you

you

you [Music]

you

[Music]

cameras all clear good job - yeah we're

cameras all clear good job - yeah we're

cameras all clear good job - yeah we're clear you so good yes I do

clear you so good yes I do

clear you so good yes I do there you go I'm gonna go pack some

there you go I'm gonna go pack some

there you go I'm gonna go pack some stuff up I'll help you we just changed

stuff up I'll help you we just changed

stuff up I'll help you we just changed my shirt right there okay

hey how'd it go

hey how'd it go

hey how'd it go [Music]

[Music]

[Music] not yet wait it's coming out it looks

not yet wait it's coming out it looks

not yet wait it's coming out it looks like he's in a bit of a hurry I'll be

like he's in a bit of a hurry I'll be

like he's in a bit of a hurry I'll be back in five minutes

[Music]

[Music]

well do we do it I think we did it

well do we do it I think we did it

well do we do it I think we did it who says love can't buy money we stick

who says love can't buy money we stick

who says love can't buy money we stick this in the clock I'm gonna go to the

this in the clock I'm gonna go to the

this in the clock I'm gonna go to the garage and get some more boxes you got

garage and get some more boxes you got

garage and get some more boxes you got this hey man look at one of my face

this hey man look at one of my face

this hey man look at one of my face still yeah you got a little bit yeah the

still yeah you got a little bit yeah the

still yeah you got a little bit yeah the cars back so we're good

hey we get the cameras yeah okay all the

hey we get the cameras yeah okay all the

hey we get the cameras yeah okay all the microphones are they out I know this

microphones are they out I know this

microphones are they out I know this situation requires a little backstory

the owners of this house are out of the

the owners of this house are out of the

the owners of this house are out of the country for about so you would have

country for about so you would have

country for about so you would have total access to their books TV there's

total access to their books TV there's

total access to their books TV there's stereo and now again this is only one of

stereo and now again this is only one of

stereo and now again this is only one of the two houses that are furnished well

the two houses that are furnished well

the two houses that are furnished well it's it's very plenary let me show you

it's it's very plenary let me show you

it's it's very plenary let me show you the bedroom what do you think honey that

the bedroom what do you think honey that

the bedroom what do you think honey that would work here

would work here

would work here oh look sugar plum the vent is

oh look sugar plum the vent is

oh look sugar plum the vent is overlooking the bed just the way you

overlooking the bed just the way you

overlooking the bed just the way you like it

like it

like it um Dickens circulation did you say there

um Dickens circulation did you say there

um Dickens circulation did you say there was an extra bed yes I did

was an extra bed yes I did

was an extra bed yes I did there's one in the back of the house oh

there's one in the back of the house oh

there's one in the back of the house oh great way

in here have a kitchen

so how long did you want to rent it do

so how long did you want to rent it do

so how long did you want to rent it do you go month-to-month yes we do but that

you go month-to-month yes we do but that

you go month-to-month yes we do but that would require an extra months deposit

okay

[Music]

[Music]

so we have 22 possibilities 23 for

so we have 22 possibilities 23 for

so we have 22 possibilities 23 for Katherine stockbroker now mark him off

Katherine stockbroker now mark him off

Katherine stockbroker now mark him off they get depressed too easily

they get depressed too easily

they get depressed too easily yeah it's REM himself off a building for

yeah it's REM himself off a building for

yeah it's REM himself off a building for it pays us how many women only one in

it pays us how many women only one in

it pays us how many women only one in this town married has two children CEO

this town married has two children CEO

this town married has two children CEO of inner foam communications I'll give

of inner foam communications I'll give

of inner foam communications I'll give her a shot we can do the employee sexual

her a shot we can do the employee sexual

her a shot we can do the employee sexual harassment thing maybe she doesn't like

harassment thing maybe she doesn't like

harassment thing maybe she doesn't like it under guys I'll remind her for we're

it under guys I'll remind her for we're

it under guys I'll remind her for we're their husbands long forgotten that

their husbands long forgotten that

their husbands long forgotten that stamina bad no this is our guys dr.

stamina bad no this is our guys dr.

stamina bad no this is our guys dr. Charles Weissman he's got one herbal

Charles Weissman he's got one herbal

Charles Weissman he's got one herbal midlife crisis written all over his face

midlife crisis written all over his face

midlife crisis written all over his face what did he do is a head psychiatrist at

what did he do is a head psychiatrist at

what did he do is a head psychiatrist at First Methodist Hospital and also has a

First Methodist Hospital and also has a

First Methodist Hospital and also has a private practice how much 12 million

private practice how much 12 million

private practice how much 12 million that's liquid

that's liquid

that's liquid about five million CDs and a very large

about five million CDs and a very large

about five million CDs and a very large savings account he's our guy

savings account he's our guy

savings account he's our guy psychiatrist I was demented in the head

psychiatrist I was demented in the head

psychiatrist I was demented in the head we can do the voyeurism blackmail thing

we can do the voyeurism blackmail thing

we can do the voyeurism blackmail thing shrinks up to watch

[Music]

[Music]

I think this one do you have any sevens

I think this one do you have any sevens

I think this one do you have any sevens Go Fish no sorry yeah do you guys one of

Go Fish no sorry yeah do you guys one of

Go Fish no sorry yeah do you guys one of the beer

the beer

the beer yeah please thank you oh no okay you

yeah please thank you oh no okay you

yeah please thank you oh no okay you guys okay so how's the hotel oh it's

guys okay so how's the hotel oh it's

guys okay so how's the hotel oh it's better than this place so how close are

better than this place so how close are

better than this place so how close are we

we

we I have my first date with Charles

I have my first date with Charles

I have my first date with Charles tomorrow so the camera set up yet

tomorrow so the camera set up yet

tomorrow so the camera set up yet yes we put one camera in his office that

yes we put one camera in his office that

yes we put one camera in his office that one camera two studies we can just

one camera two studies we can just

one camera two studies we can just monitor him I have four cameras in this

monitor him I have four cameras in this

monitor him I have four cameras in this house one in the bedroom one in the

house one in the bedroom one in the

house one in the bedroom one in the living room one in the dining room and

living room one in the dining room and

living room one in the dining room and in the kitchen beds okay how long do you

in the kitchen beds okay how long do you

in the kitchen beds okay how long do you think it's gonna take two months tops

think it's gonna take two months tops

think it's gonna take two months tops he's easy and I have his wife's medical

he's easy and I have his wife's medical

he's easy and I have his wife's medical records so mrs. Weissman cannot have

records so mrs. Weissman cannot have

records so mrs. Weissman cannot have children you can use that to our

children you can use that to our

children you can use that to our advantage

advantage

advantage I'm gonna get together tomorrow do some

I'm gonna get together tomorrow do some

I'm gonna get together tomorrow do some rehearsals get into character okay I

rehearsals get into character okay I

rehearsals get into character okay I want to play Richard the crazy actor guy

want to play Richard the crazy actor guy

want to play Richard the crazy actor guy man you always need to be Richard the

man you always need to be Richard the

man you always need to be Richard the crazy actor guy please every time you

crazy actor guy please every time you

crazy actor guy please every time you get to be this guy fine you can do thank

get to be this guy fine you can do thank

get to be this guy fine you can do thank you but the guy with a limp

yeah Denver um something different why

yeah Denver um something different why

yeah Denver um something different why don't you be Ryan that's a good idea

don't you be Ryan that's a good idea

don't you be Ryan that's a good idea there you go so do you all have any

there you go so do you all have any

there you go so do you all have any please Queens ha no you don't have any

please Queens ha no you don't have any

please Queens ha no you don't have any Queens at all well that's funny because

Queens at all well that's funny because

Queens at all well that's funny because when you turn your hand I saw two queens

when you turn your hand I saw two queens

when you turn your hand I saw two queens Oh see that's funny because that's a

Oh see that's funny because that's a

Oh see that's funny because that's a jack and a king

jack and a king

jack and a king [Music]

so you're not what do you expect me to

so you're not what do you expect me to

so you're not what do you expect me to say if I wasn't if hey you guys we go to

say if I wasn't if hey you guys we go to

say if I wasn't if hey you guys we go to meet this looks really not well camera

meet this looks really not well camera

meet this looks really not well camera point of view what if I came in this

point of view what if I came in this

point of view what if I came in this right here I see yeah something okay

right here I see yeah something okay

right here I see yeah something okay she used to fall behind the couch

she used to fall behind the couch

she used to fall behind the couch [Music]

yes sir do you know what really turned

yes sir do you know what really turned

yes sir do you know what really turned me on tell me if you were to watch me

me on tell me if you were to watch me

me on tell me if you were to watch me when I wasn't with you what do you have

when I wasn't with you what do you have

when I wasn't with you what do you have in mind

in mind

in mind I could put cameras in my house you

I could put cameras in my house you

I could put cameras in my house you could watch me in bed would you like

could watch me in bed would you like

could watch me in bed would you like that

[Music]

[Music]

make sure this is the right bar yeah

make sure this is the right bar yeah

make sure this is the right bar yeah this is it he said it comes here every

this is it he said it comes here every

this is it he said it comes here every Tuesday and Thursday

Tuesday and Thursday

Tuesday and Thursday fucking boring is that

there he is

there he is

there he is he's here yeah give you about 10 minutes

he's here yeah give you about 10 minutes

he's here yeah give you about 10 minutes okay I do have this one this one Furby

okay I do have this one this one Furby

okay I do have this one this one Furby not them a few weeks good yeah I'll be

not them a few weeks good yeah I'll be

not them a few weeks good yeah I'll be in character bet your ass I'll be in

in character bet your ass I'll be in

in character bet your ass I'll be in character

character

character I'd kill someone you know that

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] I didn't see that gonna move it's been

I didn't see that gonna move it's been

I didn't see that gonna move it's been gone all day

yeah maybe he's buying me house

he's back ready let's go

he's back ready let's go

he's back ready let's go okay have you don't you know how can you

okay have you don't you know how can you

okay have you don't you know how can you possibly ask me a question like that so

possibly ask me a question like that so

possibly ask me a question like that so you're not dr. Wiseman

you're not dr. Wiseman

you're not dr. Wiseman I'm Marcus I'll be handling your wire

I'm Marcus I'll be handling your wire

I'm Marcus I'll be handling your wire transfer

hello it's me I was thinking about you

hello it's me I was thinking about you

hello it's me I was thinking about you all day I'm pregnant

am I the father yes how do you have you

am I the father yes how do you have you

am I the father yes how do you have you told your husband

that's quite a wire transfer well I need

that's quite a wire transfer well I need

that's quite a wire transfer well I need you to initial here here and here

you to initial here here and here

you to initial here here and here and sign here here and there

Red Rover Red Rover

let me see your face

yeah that's good yeah okay

yeah that's good yeah okay

yeah that's good yeah okay hunky-dory so are you buying something

hunky-dory so are you buying something

hunky-dory so are you buying something my fucking life back

[Music]

okay okay

the trunk

got the keys yeah there you want to

got the keys yeah there you want to

got the keys yeah there you want to drive yeah okay so I made the whole

drive yeah okay so I made the whole

drive yeah okay so I made the whole thing up how I met Ryan the sensitive

thing up how I met Ryan the sensitive

thing up how I met Ryan the sensitive cowboy thing

cowboy thing

cowboy thing yada yada actually our real names aren't

yada yada actually our real names aren't

yada yada actually our real names aren't Ryan and Sarah either but we really are

Ryan and Sarah either but we really are

Ryan and Sarah either but we really are married and we are very much in love

married and we are very much in love

married and we are very much in love we're just professional thieves a minor

we're just professional thieves a minor

we're just professional thieves a minor detail I left out there are worse ways

detail I left out there are worse ways

detail I left out there are worse ways to make a living so are we still on for

to make a living so are we still on for

to make a living so are we still on for Santa Barbara a lot of money out there

Santa Barbara a lot of money out there

Santa Barbara a lot of money out there yeah the beach would be nice

yeah the beach would be nice

yeah the beach would be nice you guys ready

so do I ever really think about killing

so do I ever really think about killing

so do I ever really think about killing my husband well don't we all

but I'm not going to give you advance

but I'm not going to give you advance

but I'm not going to give you advance notice if I decide to

I know

[Music]

ain't no distance too far

[Music]

to do what it needs from here to the sky

to do what it needs from here to the sky

to do what it needs from here to the sky [Music]

[Music]

[Music] ain't no love to sweet

ain't no love to sweet

ain't no love to sweet [Music]

you make you all mine

from now till eternity

from now till eternity

from now till eternity [Music]

[Music]

[Music] 6 kb 9

and I can be we

[Music]

first become bird

first become bird

first become bird and bird become playing

and bird become playing

and bird become playing [Music]

it's just a game

it's just a game

it's just a game [Music]

ain't no goal to

ain't no goal to

ain't no goal to [Music]

[Music]

[Music] you spell

you spell

you spell that amazed

me

me

me [Music]

[Music]

[Music]