Original subtitles

♪ When all my sins are erased

♪ I'm going places, places

♪ When all my fears have changed ♪

♪ I'm going places, places

Is this right?

I don't know. I forgot the map, dude.

Don't tell me you forgot the gold stuff, too.

You know what? I think I've heard that shit before.

It's like total skunk, right? Like that shit gets you high!

No, Zack, no. The pans.

We're gonna pan for gold. Dude, it was your idea.

Oh, yeah. Gold.

Okay, look. I looked up stuff on the Net and stuff,

and I found, like, these historic sites where you still find gold.

Look, it's really cool.Right on.

This is your first vacation without your parents, right?

- Oh, shh! Riff! - You want a historic sight?

Just keep your eye on, uh, Kate and me.

- Mmm... - Yeah.

Hey, what if we did find gold,

and we struck it, like, totally rich?

I'd buy the Sea-Quarium, dude, where Shamu lives,

make a bong out of it.

- You are pathetic. - What if you were Shamu?

I'd get Shamu so high.

What would I do if we found gold?

Well, first, I'd buy a tan like Vicky.

And then, I don't know, I'd travel for a couple years.

I wanna buy a house and settle down one day.

Big backyard, big swimming pool, jungle gym and monkey bars.

What do you think, Riff?

Who knows? Maybe Kate and I...

settle down and have us some children.

- Oh, really. - - I'd like to do a little baby-making.

Keep your pants on. I was just dreaming.

- What would you do, Ashley? - Well, I'd save the animals.

Come on, Ash! That is so lame!

- No, it's not. - Whatever. You would go shopping.

How about you, Vicky?

I would buy a set of boobs

and a really hot convertible.

Then another bigger set of boobs.

What are you doing?

Dude, you said turn right. I took a right.

Get the shit out of your ears, dude. I said, "Turn right here." Left.

All right, look. This is too complex for me.

Dude, maybe you should drive again.

That's what I'm talking about. It must mean "campsites."

Told ya I knew what I was doing.

Uh, campsites? I don't think so, guys.

Yo, I'm not camping out here.

Whoa. Look.

- Did you see that? - What?

That.

Wait. Where did it go?

Lookin' for someone in particular?

Holy shit!

- Where'd you come from, man? - Watch your language, boy.

Have a little respect for the dearly departed.

Um, we're lost, and I don't even know why I came here.

You're here because you begged me to come with my crazy friends

because your parents were out of town.

That's right, bee-yotch.

I'm a crazy mo-ooh!

We're looking for the river. Someplace to camp out?

Best place is back thataway.

Right on down there where y'all come from.

All the way back there to where you come from.

We're going camping. Can you help us or not?

Yeah, we heard this place called The Heathers was the spot.

You know, just campsites by the river.

You know, middle of nowhere. No people, no rules.

Where it happened. Is that what you're looking for?

Where what happened?

The murders.

Wait. What murders?

Who's hungry?

I'm hungry.

Hungry for a hot shower

and something to eat we don't have to kill first.

Ugh. Where the hell are they?

Simon? Stanley!

Simon, stop!

Now, look, you're gonna hurt yourself.

Go play over there.

Go stand where I showed you.

They ought not to be alone in them woods.

They're 15, Lon. They're not stupid.

I wasn't referring to Simon.

Simon is such a sweet and loving boy.

And Stanley. He resents Simon.

Simon? You can turn around now.

Stanley, wait. I won't-- I won't duck next time.

You know how mean Stanley is.

He is hateful. Just like you.

Not on purpose.

Yes. Yes, on purpose.

...forty-nine, fifty.

Fifty feet, Stanley.

We're definitely breaking some rules.

Let's play a game.

Simon says.

I like Simon says.

Simon says smoke this.

No, Stanley.

TV says bad. Make you crazy.

You're already crazy.

This time Simon says smoke like a choo-choo train.

- Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! - Whoo, whoo!

- Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! - Whoo, whoo!

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

It's getting dark. I'll go look for 'em.

- Fine. - Stanley!

Whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo!

Stanley! Simon!

Daddy would smoke like a choo-choo train!

Simon, stop! Simon!

You're gonna get me a beatin'!

Mother's gonna beat me hard!

Urban legend. I love that kinda shit.

Filleted them like a couple of trout.

Hey, I'm down. The creepier, the better.

Okay, this is the time to fully appreciate the fact that my parents are away.

- My Bel Air house is vacant. - Big, lots of rooms vacant.

I mean, heated pool, Jacuzzi.

He's talking ancient history. Just show us to the spot.

Kid's buried over there.

- The retard? - Or the veggie?

Neither one.

Talking about William Bonney. Billy the Kid.

Billy killed 19 men. One for each year of his life.

Including his twin brother.

Just tell us how to get to the river.

Go through town, take the first left,

and don't stop till your wheels hit the water.

- Where's town? - See that building over there?

That's town.

Where do you live?

Out of town.

You guys wanna get out of here, now?

Thanks.

Come on, Pig. We gotta get a couple of holes in 'fore dinner.

Looks like five by my count, Sty.

- He was shitting us, right?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- What now? - What?

Oh, I just totally got a vision, dude.

Of him actually shitting us.

Shitting us out his ass!

Zack, they named the place after you.

Yeah. "Beer."

No. "Minor tool."

That's not what your mom said last night.

Anybody in?

Hello?

- Hello! - Hello.

Hello?

Hey, Ashley. They got all your favorites.

Ew!

What are friends for?

Twins.

Yo!

Is anyone here?

Yeah, we wanna buy something.

Just take it. This place is like a ghost town.

You'd have to pay the price.

Cheaper...

just to buy.

Don't... wanna go to jail.

They do...awful things to girls in jail.

Earth to Simon.

I don't suppose you have any Fiji water in here?

Or Evian will do. Just no carbonated.

This guy doesn't know shit!

He's a friggin' 'tard.

I'm...not...retarded.

Simon...not crazy.

Not crazy!

Not retarded!

Not crazy!

Way to go, asshole.

You can see he's not right. God--

Sometimes I wonder why I'm even with you.

Excuse my brother.

He's got, uh, good days and... bad.

Yeah?

These. And, uh... for the gas.

And I-I think that's it.

- Yeah. - Oh, um, and ice.

No ice. Sorry.

Yeah, we don't, uh, get a lot of folks coming through here.

Not a lotta call for necessities.

Must get... pretty lonely up here.

I mean, with, uh, you know, being in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah.

Well, it's not so bad, you know.

Uh, especially if I could spend it with a dream girl...

like you.

What? What happened?

What'd you do?

That pump is dead as a fuckin'...

Oh. Looks like I missed the fun, huh?

Uh, can we just pay and get out of here?

Yeah. Hey, I see you had a cooler back there.

- You mind if we grab some beers? - No beer.

- That's it, man. - Dude, chill, chill, chill, chill.

Sorry. Steroids.

Hey, uh, that looks like you up there, huh?

You got a-- You got a twin brother?

And you're dressed up as, uh, Billy the Kid, I bet.

That's pretty cool.

Gravedigger dude over on the hill over there,

he was saying Billy the Kid,

he killed a man for every year he was alive.

There's no way he could have killed anybody when he was a baby, right?

So I was figuring maybe he started when he was a teen.

My God. Which one are you?

You know, he killed somebody every two years, three years.

Maybe took a year off.

Killed four or five just to catch up.

Stanley? Simon?

Hey. I think that's all.

Just the Jack and, uh, we'll be gone.

Your money's no good here.

Just, uh, think of it as my present for ya.

Keep the change.

Fuckin' weirdo.

You know, one call to the health department,

and you're out of business, mister.

Chill out, doll. Get in the van.

Yeah, doll. Go.

Hey, dude, you don't happen to have any Zig-Zags.

Double wide? Roll a fatty?

Smokin' can kill ya. Trust me.

Gotta die sometime, right? Might as well be high!

Peace.

♪ Can't stop the conscious revolution ♪

♪ With a kiss we're the possible solution ♪

You're not too baked to be doing this, right?

What?

Drive?

You are baked!

Too baked or not too baked. That is the question.

Whoa! Oh...

Never too baked.

Ashley, chill out. Hey, spark it up.

You smoke pot? Since when, Vic?

Hmm. Let me see.

Was it at my grandma's funeral?

I was twelve then.

Or was it every day before choir practice?

Yeah, maybe that's it.

Smokin'.

Hey, you should really try this stuff.

It's designer stuff. Beverly Hills gear. Like the actors burn.

Have you ever heard of secondhand smoke?

I got that covered, too.

I bottle it up.

- For the droughts. - He's joking, right?

- Drought? - Nope!

- Oh. - Oh, yeah, hit that.

Oh, go, go, go! Oh, yeah. Whoo!

That's sexy.

Ooh! Oh, that was a good one.

Wow. Is anybody straight here but me?

- I'm gettin' straight. - Oh, God...

- Give me your hand. I'll show you.

How 'bout you show me?

Whoo! Get ready.

You're not falling for that one, are you?

- I guess you just don't know him like I do. - Duh.

I remember you had no problem calling him a dickwad.

Well, he does make you hate him before you like him.

And once you like him, you really learn how to hate him.

I'm gonna show you girls something you'll never forget.

This'll be a nice addition to my collection.

He just wants to screw with your head, Vicky.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

- Whoo! - It's all yours, ladies.

Oh, my God! What are they doing?

Double taskin'.

And that, ladies, is how a one-armed man counts his change.

What a jerk.

I told you.

Zack!

- Watch the road! Hitcher! - We should pick him up.

- No! - Can we at least see if he's hot?

No hitchers. Two words for you, dude:

- Texas Chainsaw Massacre. - That's like five words.

All right. Come on. Hey, hey.

- Hey! - Sorry.

Thank you! And I really mean that in a mixed sort of way.

Sorry, dude! You'll get picked up!

♪ Trickle down slowly

♪ Trickle down past me

♪ Make me go crazy

♪ And trickle down slowly

♪ It seems after rain it's perfectly strange again ♪

♪ And these are the same They're probably ours by name ♪

♪ And they say To the river we'll go ♪

♪ If you're shiverin' cold Go home ♪

♪ To the river we'll go

Put it in the circle, city boy.

Psh! Dude! Huh?

♪ Go home!

Move your ass, boy.

Zack!

- Sorry, dude. - So, Zack, what's on the menu for tonight?

Oh, shit, dude.

I was supposed to bring the food, too?

I'm not talking about the food, dude. The girls got the food.

I mean between you and Vicky.

Because if you're looking to get some sleep tonight,

I strongly suggest you move your tent real far from mine.

Unless, of course, you don't mind the screamin' when Riffy gets a stiffy.

Uh... I mean, I'm screwed, dude.

I... I got two chicks in my tent.

You think like you throw, man.

Lame-o!

Did you even hear what you just said? Come here.

I mean, is that head of yours so full of smoke your brain got squeezed out or something?

You're complaining about having to sleep with two chicks, man.

Those opportunities don't just fall out of the sky.

Listen, listen. I got two words for you: threesome.

That's like four wo--

All right, bu-- Fuck. You serious?

You think those two girls would want to get down like that?

Yeah. Are you down for that?

Am I down for that? Please!

That's what I'm talking about, boy.

Dude, you have any idea how long I can hold my breath?

- Zack? - Zack!

Zack!

- Zack? Zack, come on. - Where are you?

Yo, I think I broke my record!

What are you motherfreakin'--

- Anybody time me? - Stupid!

- Asshole! - Wasn't funny.

♪ Been paid back, playback

♪ I'm gonna take it like a man ♪

♪ I was trippin', slippin'

♪ Now you're fallin' through my hand ♪

♪ Yes, I did it I hid it ♪

♪ But I swear it's just a thing ♪

♪ I'll still feel ya thrill ya ♪

♪ I'm your king if you're my queen ♪

♪ Be my queen

♪ Mm-mm, I'll be your king

♪ Won't ya be my queen

♪ Feel me now Now tell me ♪

♪ When we gonna fuck the pain away ♪

♪ Your truce...

Anything that needs doing before dark,

we should get done right now.

It could get real dark up here.

The food's ready.

We just need a place to cook it.

Oh, and a campfire for later, right?

You'll never guess what I'm gonna make.

If she says "s'mores," I'm throwing her in the river.

S'mores!

- That's it. - Hey, Riff.

I thought you said we were gonna lay out.

Huh? You know, I want my tan like yours, deep.

Riff likes anything deep.

All right. I'm gettin' wood.

Uh, I'm gonna go with him.

To help with the wood.

Oh, so much for laying out, huh, Vic?

Hey, Riff, wait up.

What about my run?

Go. I mean, you still got plenty of time.

Okay, good.

'Cause Che, my personal trainer,

um, says that if you don't do an hour,

you might as well do nothing at all.

Nothin'. I mean, I wouldn't knock nothin'.

Nothing's like a highly developed skill.

If you think about it, everything's pretty much nothing.

♪ Let the fun begin

♪ Let the fun begin

♪ Let the fun begin

What is that for?

You know... lay it on the rocks over the fire.

Barbecue grill.

- Oh, that's so nasty. - Nasty?

Nah. I mean, this is seasoned right here.

That's chicken and...

That's rattlesnake. Here, try.

No, no. Thank you.

It's called cookin'.

But I'm sure you've never had to really do that by yourself.

I'm not eating anything that touches that.

Do you have a real barbecue?

Nah. I mean, I got a hibachi in the truck.

Got the tank, but... forgot to fill it up.

My God!

Zack, what, do you smoke that shit in your sleep?

Hey, you have one year of school left, okay?

You really, you gotta drop this kid shit.

I mean, get off the pot, man.

You think you can just walk into the real world

with your head in that smoke cloud?

You know what, Kate?

You know how much this little one-on-one talk has meant to me?

What are you, my fuckin' mom? Here.

Not many opportunities out there for stoners.

Sure there is.

I mean, bus drivers, airplane pilots.

President.

You want fries with that?

All right, fine.

I'll go back to that little shithole

where Mr. Smoking- Will-Kill-You is at,

and I'll go get you some propane, all right?

And you're gonna leave me here all alone?

It's always all about you, huh?

You don't wanna eat off the grill.

You don't want me to leave you alone.

How about this?

How about you watch me leave?

I'll be back in like 45 minutes.

Wha-- What, you're just gonna leave me here alone?

I don't wanna be left alone!

So, Riff, where do you see yourself next year?

I don't know.

I got a plan, if that's what you're asking.

Oh, yeah? And what's that?

I wanna be a Viking.

- Mm, pillage. - Minnesota.

The Minnesota Vikings?

Duh.

Gettin' outta here, Vic.

Got one more season. Then... draft choice?

Who knows? That is the thing football teaches you.

You gotta have goals.

Actually, I was talking more about the whole you and Kate thing.

I love her.

Sort of. I mean, she's hot.

But after school's out...

hell, even I may choose a new direction.

Maybe I could help you with your "nude erection."

Well, I don't get what you see in her.

I mean, I thought you and I made a much better couple.

Don't you think?

Vic, what are you doing?

The twins miss you.

They don't like to be out of touch.

And like I said... no rules.

Well, for now, I'm with Kate.

Keeps my nose in the books.

My library's always open.

Vicky, stop.

You're gonna get hurt. Right here.

Where you're most vulnerable.

Like Kate said, get over it.

"Like Kate said"? Ow.

You're gonna get hurt real bad.

So, do you always do what Kate says?

No.

She didn't tell me to do this.

What else didn't she say to do?

She didn't tell me to do this.

How about this?

- Shit. Get dressed. - What?

Hello? Anybody there?

Kate?

- Oh, shit! - Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

I can't-- Oh, my God.

You know, I'm not as naive as you think I am.

And definitely not as naive as Kate.

- Uh, you know, what-- - Uh-uh.

Oh, and, Riff, don't forget your wood.

- What a bitch. - You brought her.

To keep Zack busy.

As long as the sun was out, I knew where Kate would be.

Like you said, goals.

It's over, Vic.

This is wrong.

Besides, Zack's got his eye on you.

Which one? The red one, or the really, really red one?

Do you hear what I'm saying?

He left me here. The guy's a total dick.

Asshole.

He'd forget his friggin' head if it wasn't attached.

And Ashley hasn't showed up either.

She saw us.

We saw her.

She was running.

What?

I should have gone with her.

Do you have any idea how creepy it is

to be alone out here?

Baby, I'll go find her.

Riff, I just said I don't want to be alone.

I'm gonna throw on some clothes, and we'll all go.

I'll go. She can't be far.

Besides, you should probably do what Kate says.

Do what? What does she mean by that?

It's not nice to keep your dream girl waiting.

But I'll forgive you.

Could you put some lotion on my back?

Pour lots of it on. Just rub it all over me.

Thank you.

It's not gonna work, Riff. I'm still pissed.

And I'm here.

I need a shot... and a beer.

Kate has entered the forest!

That's the girl I--

Tough word, tough guy?

Hey. You know that I do.

I just need to drink.

I'm still pissed about Vicky.

What? You know Vicky.

That is exactly my point.

What'd you two do out there, hmm?

I didn't do nothin'.

Okay, well, then what didn't you do?

I didn't do this.

And I didn't do that.

Do that, do that.

Jesus, Riff! Two in a row?

I don't care what you do with these other sluts,

but just stay away from me!

- No. Wait-- - You bastard.

You screwed Vicky!

No, I didn't! I mean-- Kate, we weren't--

Fuck!

Why do you always do that to me?

♪ You look so good like everybody else ♪

♪ In your fox fur hide

♪ Unlike water we taste like wine ♪

♪ I can't drink our pain

♪ Died in a mall

♪ Second-floor shoe store's where I crawl ♪

♪ I died in a mall

♪ Never woke up in a hospital

♪ Ah, the ambulance

♪ Drove so fast but I have died ♪

♪ Died in a mall

♪ Seems so impossible

♪ I'm on sale You can be too ♪

♪ Cheap and ready to move

♪ Too many drugs to try to fit in ♪

♪ Under the weight of this skin ♪

♪ I died in a mall

♪ Second-floor shoe store's where I crawl ♪

♪ I died in a mall

Ow!

You're not dream girl.

You're...

- Chill out, doll. - Yeah, doll.

Doll.

Simon...

says...

you're not...

- Please, don't hurt me! - dream girl.

You're doll!

Help!

Not dream girl! Not dream girl! Doll!

Help!

Help!

Ow.

Help!

Ahh!

I like this game.

Make you special present...

for my dream--

Ashley?

Ashley!

Everybody wanna play this game.

Oh, I like this game.

Ashley! Ashley!

I don't know who I'm gonna kill first, you or Zack.

Ashley!

Ashley!

Ashley!

Don't worry, doll.

I won't forget ya.

You're a special present for...

dream girl.

Simon says we've got us company!

Bad, bad, bad puppy!

Want doll's hand back.

Baker One, got an incoming.

Closing in on the target.

- Here he comes. - Right. I got a visual.

Stand by.

On my count. One, two... Tag him!

What the fuck?

Who the hell is this?

Simon says...

let's play a game over here.

Wanna play? Okay, let's play.

This-a-way. Here.

Over here.

Let's hurt him.

I'm gonna shoot the motherfucker in the face.

There.

What the hell?

Game over.

Reggie B!

Reggie B!

Reggie B!

Oh, Reggie. What have you got? Bring it to mommy.

What have you got?

Oh...

Want doll's...

hand back.

Puppy sleepy.

- Hey, hey, hey. You okay? - What happened?

- Slow down. Slow down. - No. This man killed Reggie B.

- Molly, calm down! - Reggie B is dead!

No.

Only sleeping.

Don't take another step, man. I'll cut your head off!

Simon says...

let's play...

catch!

Garth!

I'll play with you! Come on, fucker!

You forgot to say Simon...

says...

Game over, fucker!

Simon says...

overtime.

Sudden death overtime.

Help.

Now game over.

Oh, God. Oh, my God!

Oh, fuckin' great.

Yo!

One of you guys in here?

Yo!

Fucking great.

"I don't wanna eat off that grill!"

What am I doing?

Yo! I need some fuckin' propane!

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody here?

Just wanna get some propane.

Fill it up myself.

Get some beer, too. Make it worth your while.

Dudes?

♪ Zoot suit riot

♪ Pull a comb through your coal black hair ♪

♪ Zoot suit riot

Hello?

♪ Throw back a bottle of beer ♪

Just coming in the cooler to get some beer.

Ugh.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck! Ah! Fuck!

They're not gonna believe me.

Fuck!

Fuck. Fuck.

You want proof? I got proof, motherfuckers.

Fuck.

Ow. Fuck.

"Mysterious deaths in the forest," my ass.

Fuckin' bug!

Fuckin'-- Ah! Ugh! Fuck!

Ah!

You're a lucky, girl.

Your ride...is here!

Shit!

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Uh...

Shit. Hit a fuckin' dog.

Fucking ax murderers.

Fucking camping. Fuck this shit!

Fuck!

And I'm fuckin' lost.

What the hell's he doin' here?

Hey, y'all!

This is getting a little too weird for me.

Did you see Zack? He was heading back to your place.

I saw the van down there on the low road,

so he should be pullin' up here any minute.

Have you seen our friend Ashley?

That's that little Oriental girlfriend?

She went running, and it's not like her to be gone this long.

- Especially in the dark. - Uh, my brother Simon's gone a-missin'.

Probably, uh, that little Oriental girlfriend of yours

and Simon got together.

Okay, now this is even getting weird for me.

What's that supposed to mean?

Maybe Zack picked them both up

and we could have a good laugh while I beat the shit out of him.

- Simon? - No, Zack. Christ!

Just chill, man.

Is Ashley with you?

No, she--

Sh-She ain't here?

What the fuck?

What'd you hit?

A...dog.

You hit a dog?

Was it flying?

Maybe he hit that little, uh,

Oriental friend of yours.

Dude, tell me that's not true, man.

Dude, I didn't fuckin' hit Ashley.

That's a lot of blood.

- Where's the dog? - You!

- Back off! - Sorry. I'm just a little tense here,

what with Simon missing and all!

He's like a child!

Dude, I hit a fuckin' dog. It was a dog.

Look, Simon-- Simon's probably back at your store, okay?

Zack, did you see Simon there?

Nah. I-I-I didn't even get to go to the store.

I-I turned around right when I hit the--

- Hit the dog? - Stop it.

Look, our friend Ashley is missing,

and we really need to focus on finding her.

Yeah.

Well, we got a couple of cars here.

So why don't we kill two birds with one stone

and one of you come with me.

- No! Um... - Zack!

We'll find our friend.

We got it covered, all right?

Just like your brother. I'm sure he's probably waiting for you now.

Yeah. Dude, this whole thing was my fault.

I shouldn't have left the girls alone.

You should probably go look for your brother.

Bye.

What the fuck was that about?

These!

Dude, this guy Stanley, he's a fuckin' murderer.

These were all on fuckin' three dead bodies.

Dude, that hitcher was in there, too!

Look. Twins... kill their parents.

That must have been his parents in there.

Ashley!

Oh, my God, you guys!

You guys, you guys, come here! Look, look!

What do we do, what do we do?

Oh, shit! All right.

Gather anything that you can use as a weapon.

Get all the flashlights, grab your cell phones,

but nothing that can hold us back.

- Ashley! - Ashley!

- Ash! - Ash!

Ashley!

Ashley!

Ash!

- Ashley! - Ashley!

- Ashley! - Shh! Listen.

You hear that?

Ashley?

I fucking hate camping.

- Ashley? - Ash!

Ashley!

- Ashley? - Ashley!

Where the hell is she?

Oh, my God! What happened?

- Run! Come on! - Run! Get outta here!

- Go, go, go, go! - Go! Go! Get out!

Hey! Hey!

Help, anybody.

Anybody?

I need to borrow your truck. It's an emergency. Hello?

Hello?

Anybody, anybody, please! Help.

Hello? Hello? Anybody!

Calm down!

Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me!

Look. That's not me.

That's my brother. That's Simon.

I don't know who to believe or who to trust!

Believe me. Trust me.

Please, I don't know. Which one are you?

Stanley!

- Stanley! - Simon.

- Which one are you? - Stanley.

Simon.

- Simon. - Stanley!

Which one are you?

Stanley.

I'm not gonna let Simon hurt ya!

Why should he have all the fun!

Stop! Stop! Help! Help!

Now, uh, why don't you girls

just, uh, hang out!

Vicky! Kate!

Simon says...

it's time for Stanley

to have some fun.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck! Ah, ah...

Fuck!

Fuck!

Ah. Fuck.

♪ Everything's gonna be nice and sweet ♪

♪ When I come sweep you off your feet ♪

Don't run.

- Run. - It's gonna be okay.

Everything's all right! You get in here!

Can't leave without my friends.

I'm sorry about your friends.

That was, uh, Simon.

Sheriff's been notified.

They're searchin' for him right now.

Your, uh, other friends...

Vicky and Zack?

Yeah.

Yeah, them two.

They're all right.

Where are they? Why aren't they with you?

Well...

that little blonde girlfriend of yours,

she was hurt.

But, uh, not very serious.

She broke her ankle.

Yeah, she's back there at the shop.

Little bit afraid, uh, to be left alone.

So, uh, that boyfriend of hers with the hat, watchin' over her.

I don't believe you.

Yeah. Well...

I'll understand if you don't wanna come with me.

Why, we-- we kinda got off to a bad start,

you and I.

But, uh...

we've got a kind of a connection.

So, look.

You keep yourself hidden.

You don't let anybody see you.

I'll go back. I'll get the sheriff.

I'll have him come back out here and he'll get you.

- Yes! - No!

Are you sure that they're back there?

Oh, yeah. They're safe and sound!

You'll be with 'em in 15 minutes if you come with me.

Ten, if you don't mind my speedin'!

That's right. Step in here.

- No! - Slam it!

- Hard! - Slam it!

- Here, let me help you with it. - I can do it.

Okay, then slam it.

Slam it!

♪ There's a thief in the street ♪

♪ And he's lookin' to steal...♪

I'm sorry about what happened to your friend.

But at least we know you and your other friends are gonna be okay!

Why don't you put that seat belt on for your safety.

Made it this far. Wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.

Here, let me help you with that.

Oh!

Better safe than sorry.

Oh, God! Oh, no!

Yeah. It's for your own protection.

Please, no!

Simon and I like it like that. Nice and tight.

For off-roadin'!

Yeah!

Yeah! You think you're havin' fun now?

Just wait!

Yeah!

So... dream girl.

Mother...

and, uh...

Daddy.

Who's hungry?

Would you like, uh...

chicken?

How about...

a hand sandwich!

I'm sorry. I just-- I love that one.

One of Dad's favorites, too. Right, Dad?

Right? Right?

Let me help you with this.

Otherwise, what would Mother think?

See, Mother? I'm, uh...

I'm helpin' her.

Simon says Stanley

is a good boy.

Here. Let me help you eat.

Can I eat it myself?

Please?

You forgot to say "Simon says"!

No!

Not before we say prayers!

Oh... God...

Amen. Let's eat!

Not without me.

Simon?

You want something to eat?

You want a... pork?

Or your favorite?

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that!

You want a pork...

or your favorite?

My favorite.

Sit down.

Hold out your hand.

Like you always tell me, brother,

you didn't say...

"Simon says"!

Zack!

Now it's time for you to die.

You didn't say "Simon says."

I want this to be special for Simon.

You owe him that.

He deserves that, and you will pay up.

Oh.

Oh! You could be in real trouble here!

One call to the sheriff, and "Bye-bye, stupid!"

But, uh, hell, we are having a party here, aren't we?

So, what do you say we...

roll a fatty and get down to business!

Zack... Zack, why did you come back?

Like I said.

It's all about you.

It's always been all about you to me, Kate.

You're my dream girl.

Now... that's what I call a fatty!

Yeah.

- No! - Yeah!

You can do better than that!

I know a stoner when I see one.

All you need is a little help inhaling!

Yeah!

You want a hit?

Good choice. Wouldn't want Mother and Daddy

to think I'd bring home that kind of girl!

And I know you are ready for another hit.

Oh, no!

Kate!

Kate, help!

- No! - Hey!

Did I mention how smokin' can kill ya?

Zack, no!

No!

It's called the "Devil's Cry."

I don't know why it happens, but, uh, they all seem to do it.

Salem witch trials.

It's, uh, well-documented.

No! Oh, God!

What are you gonna do to me?

I could never hurt you.

Maybe... Mother...

will tell you how she always loved Simon more.

I was the firstborn!

I had a birthright! I was the chosen one!

And then, when they found out that Simon wasn't all there,

Mother tortured herself every day!

It was like I didn't even exist!

I was nothin' more than Simon's shadow!

Well, we're gonna be sharing

a lot of secrets tonight.

No peeking.

Stanley, you can still get help.

There's still people who can help you.

The only person that can help me...

is right here.

We can do what you want. We can do more. Just untie my hands.

That sounds like a real good idea.

If I was stupid! Like Simon!

You're not stupid, Stanley.

You were always the best. Simon always looked up to you.

I know everyone paid attention to him, but he always looked up to you.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, that's right.

Right. Mm-hmm.

Y-Y-Yeah.

Promise I won't go anywhere.

Besides, it looks like your friend wants me to touch him.

Stanley, untie my hands.

Don't worry about her. She can't see us.

And we'll be real quiet.

And if anything hurts, then I'll kiss it and I'll make it all better.

Come on, Stanley.

You've worked really hard for this.

And it's time someone paid attention to you.

What if I need two hands?

You like it rough? I can be real rough.

You know, pleasure and pain are so close,

sometimes you can't even tell them apart.

You've had too much pain, Stanley.

It's time for pleasure.

Let me help you.

This is what you want.

Look at me, Stanley.

Do you like that?

Give me your hand.

I'm gonna make you feel something...

you've never felt before.

You forgot to say "Simon says"!

Ow!

I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him for you, Zack.

I'm gonna kill him for you, for everyone.

There's only one way outta here...

and it's the way I'm comin' in!

I hope you enjoyed your little run.

'Cause, uh... I didn't!

Simon says I'm Stanley!

And Simon!

Simon was in a coma for years,

and I took his place!

After all, who's gonna convict a crazy retard!

You know what the best part being Simon?

Handicap parkin'!

And now, now I know...

you like Simon better than me,

I'm gonna kill ya!

I know you're here.

I can feel ya.

I can smell ya.

I can taste ya.

You forgot to say, "Simon says."

I'm just gonna--

Stanley...

Stanley.

Oh, God. Please.

Who is that?

- Whoa, look. - Where did she go?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, check that out.

Oh!

I am so sorry.

I-I don't know why I did that,

Simon.

That me.

- Hey. - Hey, man, you open?

Always open.

Seven... twenty-four.

Dude, tell me I'm not that retarded.

I could, but I'd be lyin'.

We just need some gas and some-- some junk, like food, beer...

- Beer. - And ice.

- We have money. - But listen, mostly...

we need you to direct us to the most righteous campsite

in the most remote spot...

in the deepest, darkest part of the woods,

where dangerous men do dark deeds.

I can do that.

So... do it.

You...

forgot to say...

"Simon says."

Simon make a joke.

Fuckin' weirdo.

Dream girl, it's, uh, time to have some fun!

the things we did ♪

♪ But we were young so learn from it ♪

♪ The things we'd write The things we'd say ♪

♪ There's things that never made the grade ♪

♪ I studied books I studied us ♪

♪ I studied you in photographs ♪

♪ And all I know is not enough ♪

♪ So I don't know So I give up ♪

♪ I give up

♪ I give up

♪ And your tongue is in my mouth ♪

♪ Well, it can't really help you talk ♪

♪ And all you say is with your eyes ♪

♪ All that we should do is touch ♪

♪ That's how things work from fast to friends ♪

♪ I do not know But I do know ♪

♪ This is not what I had wanted ♪

♪ I had you once now never again ♪

♪ So I give up

♪ I give up I give up ♪

♪ I give up I give up ♪

♪ So stay in love

♪ Stay in love

♪ I can't believe the things we did ♪

♪ But we were young so learn from it ♪

♪ The things we'd write The things we'd say ♪

♪ There's things that never made the grade ♪

♪ I studied books I studied us ♪

♪ I studied you in photographs ♪

♪ And all I know is not enough ♪

♪ So I don't know So I give up ♪

♪ So stay in love

You forgot to say "Simon says."