All language subtitles for Young.Sheldon.S01E14.HDTV.x264-SVA

Well, I am happy to report
that my potato salad

is once again the
hit of the potluck.

That's great, honey.
I feel bad

for Pam Staples.

No one's touching
her potato salad.

If you feel bad,
then why are you smiling?

'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

Howdy, Coopers!
How we doing today?

Pastor Jeff.
Thank you, Pastor Jeff.

Y'all remember
my wife Selena.

Hi, Selena.
Oh, yeah.

¿Qué tal?

You're married
to her?

Why, yes, I am.

You can think it--
you don't need to say it.

How are you liking Medford,
Selena?

¿Cómo te gusta Medford?

She likes it fine.

Oh.

She needs to use
the little girls' room.

Mary, could I talk to you
for a second?

Sure.

Don't worry.
I'll bring her right back.

Wasn't worried, but okay.

Okay.

His Spanish is terrible.

That's not what
she said at all.

Oh.

I don't know if you've heard,

but our church secretary,

Elizabeth Sohinki,
is currently seeking treatment

for a little problem
with-- shall we say--

under-the-counter medications.

Oh. So that rumor's true.

Mm-hmm.
Well, she did

always seem extremely alert.

Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,

we need someone to step in
and fill the position.

I was wondering
if you might consider it.

It's not just bookkeeping.

I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues-- you know,

plumbing, electric,
what have you.

And I'd also head
the planning committee

for all the
social events,

which, of course,
includes the big three:

baptisms, weddings, funerals.

And here is the cherry on top.

The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...

"Be an organ donor,
give your heart to Jesus"?

Exactly.

Guess whose job it would be
to write those.

Yours.

Already working on a couple.

Listen to this.

"The best vitamin
for a Christian is B1."

What?

You know, be one.

Like be a Christian.

And also B1 the vitamin.

Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.

Yeah. Might be a thinker.

But there's a lot more
where that came from.

What about the twins?

Well, I'll still get 'em off
to school every day.

And when they get home,

Mom can keep an eye on 'em
till I get back.

Think she'll go for it?

Are you kidding?
She loves 'em like crazy.

Fat chance.

Oh, come on.

You come on.
I'm in the prime of my life.

I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing

and my bowling league.

But you love your grandchildren.

I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it

from 3:00 to 6:00
five days a week.

Well, I'm very disappointed.

And I'm fine with that.

Why don't you just
get a babysitter?

Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.

Oh, yeah, right.

All right, let's
think about it.

Georgie.

Football practice.

And I don't trust him
when I'm home. Oh.

Okay, now, what are we
talking about here?

Sheldon is intelligent
and responsible,

and Missy...
is his sister.

I think they'll be
fine home alone

all by themselves for a couple
hours after school.

You think?
I do.

As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.

These kids today
are so coddled,

I honestly think
y'all are raising

a whole generation
of sissies.

Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?

Yes.

== Synced & corrected by MaxPayne ==

Hi.

How'd it go
with your mom?

She's not interested
in watching 'em.

Doesn't want to give up
her afternoons.

Of course. Sorry.

You know what, it's okay.

The timing wasn't right.

Maybe when the kids are older.

Okay.

I guess
I'll go get dinner started.

How about this?

Go ahead and take the job.

Yeah, if it turns out

Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves

for a couple hours
after school,

then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.

Are you sure about this?

Yeah. Actually,
probably good for 'em.

Teach 'em a little
responsibility.

That's exactly
what my mom said.

Really?

Well, I still like
the idea.

Mmm.

Thank you, God, for this food

we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment

of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.

Amen.

So, kids,

we have a little family
business to discuss.

You're pregnant?
No.

We're getting a puppy?
No.

I'm not sure I care.

Starting next Monday,
I'm gonna take

a full-time job
at the church.

Well, who's going
to take care of us?

Well, nothing will change in the
morning-- I'll make breakfast,

take you both to school.
Then, after school,

you'll come home,
do your homework,

watch TV,
play with your toys

till I come home around 6:00.

Well, why can't Meemaw
take care of us?

'Cause she's not the person
you think she is. George...

You're really gonna leave
these two alone?

Yes.

That's a brave choice.

Look, this job is important
to your mother.

We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.

I can do that.

Missy?

I'm thinking about it.

Very brave.

Okay, let's go over it
one more time.

House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.

There's after-school snacks
in the fridge.

One for each of you.

Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.

First aid kit is
in the hall closet.

And you won't be needing it,

but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.

Ooh, that looks fun.

For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.

It's like
she can read my mind.

Don't worry, Mom.

We'll make you proud.

I know you will, baby.

All set for your first day?

I believe I am.
Mm.

Mwah.
Mwah.

Go get 'em.

Thanks for waking me up.

I woke you up
40 minutes ago.

Well, you didn't do
a very good job.

Bye, y'all.

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Okay, later.

Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?

Jeff! You available?!

On the phone.

He's on the phone.

You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking

by chewing that nicotine gum.

Got some right here.

So you do.

Come on in.

Go on, you heard him.

Thank you.

Hey, hey.

Hey, Mare.

Uh, you finding everything
you need?

Oh, you bet.

So, I've been going
over the books,

and I think we have
enough money in our budget

to purchase
a personal computer

to handle all
the church business.

Okay.

Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,

and I'll-I'll take
a look at it.

Of course.

That's for your perusal.

Everything okay?

What?

Yeah. Right as rain.

All righty.

Hey, if you have a minute,

I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.

Yeah, sure.

So far so good.

Hello?

Anybody?

They weren't kidding.

Maybe I'll just have
one little peek.

How come you're not
eating your snack?

I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.

You're like an old person.

Thank you.

What's your homework?

Non-Euclidean geometry.

How about you?

"Symonyms."

You mean synonyms.

I'm pretty sure
she said "symonyms."

Did you see that?

Someone's out there.

Oh, no. They're
in the backyard.

What do we do?

Aah!

Would one of you please
get me a towel?

Why were you sneaking
around out there?

Yeah, you scared us.

I was checking up on you two.

And in case you're wondering,
you scared me back.

Well, why didn't you knock?

Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.

And you don't
think we can.

Of course I do.

I'm the one who told your mother

that you were fine by yourselves
in the first place.

Then why were you
checking up on us?

That's called being two-faced.

We'll be okay on our own.

Yeah, we need to prove
we can do this.

All right.

I respect that.

And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.

Really? I'm
telling everyone.

It was hilarious.

I'm going bowling.

When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.

That's when
it is wonderful.

All the problems started
once we got married.

Well, marriage will do that
to a relationship.

I-I got Selena
a credit card

to make small purchases
for the house.

You know...
...coffee maker, DustBuster.

You know what she did?

She went to that
Sharper Image store

and she bought a massage chair.

Oh, I sat in one of those
at the mall.

It was terrific.

It's $2,000.

Oh. Well, seeing as I know
how much you make,

you can't afford that.

I... uh-uh.

Of all the afflictions

that can befall a child,
one reigns supreme.

Beyond scraped knees
and paper cuts,

nothing strikes fear into the
hearts of kids around the world

like a splinter.

No!

Tell me why you were pretending
to have amnesia.

I've got a splinter!

So?

So, it's an emergency!

Call Meemaw!

Oh, calm down.

We can take care of this.
No, we can't!

Sheldon, if we can't handle
a little splinter,

they're never gonna leave us
alone again.

You're right.

So, what do we do?

Let me see it.

Oh, boy.
That's a deep one.

Hey, it's throbbing
really bad.

Mom would take it out
with tweezers.

Well, where would
we find tweezers?

Let's see what we got.

Band-Aids...

cotton balls.

What's "gowz"?

It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that

is not filling
me with hope.

Where would Mom
keep the tweezers?

Sometimes she uses a
needle on splinters. No.

No needles. Anything
but needles.

Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.

She plucks her eyebrows
with them.

And sometimes her mustache.

Anything?

Nope.

Wait.

Maybe they're
in her room.

We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.

Want me to get the needle?

Let's make this quick.

Why are you whispering?

That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.

I wouldn't know.

I'm naughty all the time.

You're really not coming in?

No. But you're doing great.

What's wrong?

This really is naughty.

I told you.

I don't see anything.

There's just a Bible
and a flashlight.

What do I do?

Answer it but sound calm.

Hello.

Hey, it's Dad.

How you guys doing?

We're great.

Glad to hear it.

I'm watching TV,

and Sheldon's reading quietly.

I knew you could handle this.

I'm proud of you.
You know what?

I'm proud of us, too.

Okay, baby doll,

I'll be home in a couple hours.

Stay out all night.
We got this.

Wha... Love you, too.

That was intense.

I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.

You answer it this time.

I can't; I'm supposed to be
reading quietly.

Answer it, Sheldon.

Well, I'm not going in there.

Hello. Cooper residence.

Sheldon speaking.

Hey, Shelly.

Oh, hello, Mom.

How's your day going?

Shelly?

Shelly? Shelly? You there?

Yes, I'm here.

She wants to know
how my day's going.

Say it's going good.

I can't say that.

Why not?

It's bad grammar.

How are you supposed to say it?

"It's going well."

Oh, that's nice.

I've got to get back to work,

but I love you
and miss you very much.

Okay.

I handled that really well.

Got a minute?

Sure, come on in.

I just wanted to apologize.

I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.

Here it is,
your first day and all.

Oh, that's fine.

Always happy to lend an ear.

Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.

Really?
'Cause you told me a lot.

This morning,
while Selena was in the shower,

I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.

Oh, my.
Now,

do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?

You know, saving us
from bankruptcy and whatnot?

Wow. Um, yeah,
that's complicated.

Um... going through her purse--
probably wrong,

but on the other hand...

...well, there is no other hand.

You can't be
doing things like that

and have a healthy marriage.

Why don't you just talk to her?

Explain
your financial situation?

That...

Oh, we're closing
the door now, okay.

That's not so easy.

Because of the language barrier?

That, and I implied,
when we were dating,

that I was... well-to-do.

Oh, Pastor Jeff,
why would you do that?

You saw her.

Uh, she is the kind of woman

that can make a man do
bad things.

Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.

Maybe you ought to pray on it.

You're right.

You're absolutely right.

I'll do that now.

I'll do the same.

Thank you.

God, please give me the strength

to not spread this juicy gossip
about Pastor Jeff.

Amen.

What are you doing?

I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.

Found 'em.

The tweezers?

Mom's needles
and her magnifying glass.

Absolutely not.

Let me at least try.

No.

You're being a baby.

Nothing you can say
will change my mind.

What if it gets infected
and turns green

and they have to cut it off?

I think it's numb.

Great, put your hand out.

Wait, how do you plan
on sterilizing the needle?

Mom uses a lit match.

We're not allowed
to play with matches.

What else would work?

Alcohol.

Stick your finger in there.

I'll do the needle.

Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.

How long till you're sterile?

I don't know,

but I'm getting lightheaded.

No matter what happens,
hold still.

I can't do it.

Yes, you can.
No, I can't.

Just let me get it.

What if you slip
and stab me in the eye?

I'm not gonna slip.

Who always wins when we play...

Be right back.

In 1989
the Milton Bradley Company

had dozens of board games
on the market,

but only one
where you were the doctor.

Operation came complete

with a red light-up nose,

13 plastic body parts
for players to remove

and, most importantly,
one pair of genuine tweezers.

My sister performed
a medical procedure using

a children's board game,

while I bravely sat very still.

I guess you could say
there were two heroes that day.

Gee, how do you suppose
that happened?

- Hello?
- In here.

Why does the kitchen smell
like whiskey?

Ask her.

Oh, dear Lord!

Wait till you hear
what I did to Meemaw.

Our show came at number one.

I did it! I did it!