All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S02E17.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing:

I didn't make the decision
to run again.

I wouldn't do that without you.

Sometimes I wonder
if I listened to
you two years ago

would I be President right now?

Do you ever
wonder that?

No, sir, I know it for sure.

Do you get
that you have MS?

Abbey...

Do you get that your
own immune system is
shredding your brain?

I've had one episode
in two years.

Mr. President, is there anything
we need to talk about?

Not yet, okay?

Okay.

SENATOR STACKHOUSE:
One teaspoon of salt,
one cup of cornflakes crumbs

a pinch of white pepper.

C.J.:
Dear Dad, first of all,
happy birthday.

Second of all, let me explain

why I'm not
on my way there right now.

You're not going
to believe this

but it's because
of a filibuster

a filibuster
that no one ever saw coming--

not the Senate leadership,
not the party leadership

and not me

and if you're angry at me

well, you've got
a lot of company.

I'm going to explain all this.

Right now, it's Friday night

and everyone's trying
to get out the door

only I won't let them.

...from the pan
and drain on absorbent paper.

24 shrimp will yield

approximately
four to six servings.

This isn't happening.

STACKHOUSE:
For an accompaniment, I suggest
tartar sauce or chili sauce.

C.J.?

Yeah?

What the hell is he doing?

It's a recipe for deep-
fried fan-tailed shrimp.

Yeah, but what's he still
doing up there?

He's got a recipe book.

How long will it go?
I don't know.

I'm saying, how many
recipes are there?

All together?
Yeah.

I can't cook,
but I think

there're probably
like, 20 or 30.

You're screwing
around with me.
Oh, yeah.

I'm about to miss
the 7:30 shuttle.

If I miss the 8:30

I miss the last train
to Sag Harbor.

You can spend
the night in New York.

I've only got two
nights, and you got
to see this house.

It's cool?
It's a Frank Lloyd Wright.

Isn't it cold in
Sag Harbor right now?

We wear sweaters.

It's a Tommy Hilfiger ad.

He can't last forever.

He's got 20 or 30 recipes
he could still read.

Sam, seriously, there're
more recipes than that.

Who cares?

He's blowing my weekend
in the Hamptons.

Maybe he doesn't know
about the sweaters.

C.J.:
The reason they needed
to stick around

is that the moment
the filibuster's over

there'll be a vote, and once
they vote, I need my spin boys.

JOSH:
C.J.!
I know.

Who gave him
the recipe book?

I really don't think

we can blame this
on the recipe book.

Plus, I now know the secret
to Cold Asparagus Chantilly

is a quarter cup
of whipped cream.

I'm going to
Port Saint Lucie

which may not mean
anything to you

but it happens to be
the spring training home of...

Of the New York Jets.
Yes, you've told me.

Josh, you can watch
basketball on TV.

Yes, except
the New York Knicks

are a basketball team.

The New York Jets
are a football team.

Port Saint Lucie is the spring
training home of the New York...

Mets! Yes, damn it.

I'm inadequate.

A weekend at
spring training, C.J.

Mike Piazza's going to be

standing in
the batting cage.

He's going to turn
and see me.

He's going to say, "Dude."

Well, I wouldn't
want you to miss

a legitimate dude sighting.

So I can take off?

No.

C.J.:
Why do I need the spin?

'Cause it's a bipartisan bill
and I'm all for bipartisanship

as long as we get the credit.

So I've taken
the press corps hostage.

( reporters clamoring )

Hey, guys, I'm sorry,
but you know what?

( filibuster
continues
)
Listen, seriously

you're looking
at democracy at work.

It's a beautiful thing.

REPORTER:
How much more

beauty can we
be expecting tonight, C.J.?

Well, I wouldn't think
it would be that much longer.

He's got a recipe book.

But how many can
there be? 20, 30?

C.J., it's Friday night.
I'm supposed to have
dinner with my girlfriend.

She's going to kill me.

Yeah, but you
know what, Mark?

This is just
the kind of thing

that can cleanse
the palate

of a relationship
that's gone stale

like a fine sorbet.

We've been going out
for three weeks.

And she's already
bitching about dinner?

C.J....
Lose her.

REPORTERS:
C.J....
Listen up, everybody.

This was unforeseen.

Obviously,
he's got to finish sometime.

When he does,
there'll be a vote immediately.

When it's done, the President
will make his calls

White House staff will be
available for comment

and most important

you will all
write about it.

In the meantime,
I say pizza for everybody.

Who's with me?

Excellent.

REPORTERS:
C.J....

We're going
to need, like

a massive truckload
of pizza

and, I don't know,
maybe some Cuervo 1800

if we got it lying around.

How much?
Just enough for me.

TOBY:
C.J.? So you know

I need to be at Telluride
first thing in the morning.

That's a rough assignment
you pulled there.

No, I'm saying
I already missed
the 6:50 to Denver

but I can catch
an 8:40 from National

if I change
planes in Chicago.

And as your travel agent,
it's important

that you update me
on that information.

C.J....
I'm supposed to be on
my way to Napa right now

for my dad's 70th birthday.

You hear me complaining?

You just did.

Get out.

( filibuster continues on TV)

It's your dad's
70th birthday?

Yeah.

You doing anything?

Yeah, we're all
getting together in Napa.

I meant right now.

No, I'm sitting and waiting.

I'm ordering pizza.

I'm catching up on e-mails.

All right.

Got a basketball game
on in my office if
you want to come by.

The Jets and the Mets?

The Nets and the Hawks.
Jets and the Mets?

I know the teams.
I'm joking when I do this.

I'm joking when I do this.

Okay.

( filibuster continues )

You know, there's a 9:00 to SFO.

You can drive to Napa.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm in my office.

It'll end.

You have any idea how many

recipes there are?

I really don't.

STACKHOUSE:
...a pack of
frozen chicken livers

one quarter of a pound
of dry mustard...

C.J.:
So the press
is in the briefing room

the staff's in the west wing
and I'm right here.

I'm betting when you hear this

you're going to be glad
I stayed.

I'm betting
you're going to end up

rooting for
a Minnesota Senator

named Howard Stackhouse.

I got to tell you--

this doesn't seem like
any old filibuster.

The rules of a filibuster
are simple enough.

You keep the floor
as long as you hold the floor.

What does that mean?

It means
you can't stop talking ever.

You can't eat
and you can't drink

which is fine, because
you can't leave the Chamber

to use the bathroom, either.

But all that's nothing compared
to this:

You're not allowed
to sit down.

You're not allowed
to lean on anything

or, for that matter, anyone.

It started with a bill

you'll read about
tomorrow morning

called
the Family Wellness Act.

Josh had been leading staffers

from the Legislative
Liaison Office

in negotiations with the
Conference Chairman for weeks

and this last Monday morning

he walked into Leo's office
and said...

We got the
Family Wellness Act.

It's done?
Yes, sir.

What'd we get?
What'd we lose?

Well, we got most of what
we wanted in Title VII.

That's infant
hearing loss?

We got a hearing test
for every child born
in the U.S.

What about...?

We did not get

mandatory hearing tests

for children
not born in hospitals.

We can live with that.

The Special Needs Adoption
Awareness Program?

Right, this is
a national campaign

to provide information
to the public

regarding the adoption
of special needs children.

How did we get it?
By agreeing
to a provision

that would require health care
staff to give pregnant women

information
about adoption

on an equal basis with all
other courses of action.

National
Organization

for Women's going
to hate that.

I know.

Women seeking abortions

should not be required by law

to be lectured at.
You'll help me, right?

Yes, I will.

I will once again

betray the
sisterhood.

I saw you, you, you
and y roll your eyes.

You weren't even
looking at me.

I felt you.

We're done.
Josh Lyman, everybody.

( cheering )

SAM:
Nice job.

I know. I'm thinking
seriously about turning pro.

Yeah?

Yeah, I got agents
talking to me

telling me I could go
high in the second round

maybe low in the first if
I have a good postseason.

You don't want to stay in school
and get your education?

Nah, I'm white.
Nobody's going to mind.

Josh, this looks good.

I mean, he stuck
sunsets on a bunch

of small ticket
items, but...

That's the way it's
going to happen.

You just spent $6 billion
on health care.

How do you feel?

I'd feel better if
it meant just once
I could go to a doctor

without filing out
something on a clipboard.

All right. What else?

TOBY:
Philip Sluman

who's the Chairman

of the Petroleum
Producers of America

testified yesterday
to the FTC

that "the Bartlet
Administration's"-- blah-blah--

"relentless pursuit
of stricter emissions standards

"in the form
of additives like MTBE

is a big reason we've
seen price hikes in some
parts of the country."

The Energy Secretary's
got to respond.

The Energy Secretary's
going to respond

and I'd like to mention that
to the Vice President.

You want me
to do it?
I've got it.

He's going to be
pretty unhappy.
Yeah.

Anything else?

No.

No.

No, sir.

Thank you.

C.J.:
So, there it was,
The Family Wellness Act

an omnibus health bill
aimed at diseases

that disproportionately
affect children.

This was a good day
'cause something got done.

The problem is
we only thought it was done.

Dad, this'd be a good time
to mention that it's possible

that an Egyptian cat goddess
named Bast

has put an ancient curse on me.

C.J.

Charlie.

Listen...
May I call you Chip?

No.
Chipper?

No.
Gilligan?

Listen.
Yes?

Hassan Ali is coming here
at the end of the week.

He's got 38 wives.
Yeah.

Imagine being the girl he
dated who he didn't marry.

C.J.?
Hassan Ali
is coming?

Yeah, and on
the President's
trip to Cairo

Ali gave him a gift--
a ceramic statue.
Okay.

The State Department told
the Office of Protocol

it's important that the gift
be displayed when Ali visits.

Display it.

The Office of Protocol
wasn't able to find it.

They should talk
to the gift officer.

They did.
And?

They say you have it.

I'm sorry?

Sherry Halpern,
the gift officer on the trip

says she handed it to you
in Cairo.

Did you say
a small ceramic statue?

Yeah, of a cat.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

C.J.?
Yes?

You know anything about it?

I'll have to think, Charlie.
It was a year ago

and it's not like I have
instant recall

of every ceramic cat statue
I've ever been handed in Cairo.

Should I tell Protocol...?

Tell Protocol I'm searching
my recollection.

Protocol's recollection
seemed pretty good.

Leave me now.
Sure.

Toby.

I'm going to see Hoynes.
Talk to me later.

Okay. Carol?
What do you need?

Some information,
possibly a disguise
and a fast getaway car.

Come inside.

HOYNES:
Tell me something

how did they
not anticipate
the flooding?

WOMAN:
There was an unexpectedly high
snowmelt.

The snow fell three months ago.

Did they not think it was going
to melt this year?

WOMAN:
Thank you,
everybody.

Thank you so much.

It was a pleasure.
Thank you.

Beautiful quilts. Thank you.

The temperatures
were unseasonably
warm last month.

We don't know why.

Well, it could have had
something to do with the
sun, though, right?

MAN:
Yes, sir.
Sir?

We're done. Yeah.

Can you see Toby Ziegler?

Yeah.

25 million acre-feet
of water, Candy.

That's eight trillion gallons.

Yes, sir.
Hey, Toby.

Good morning,
Mr. Vice President.

The California Aqueduct is twice
the length of Pennsylvania.

Did you know that?
I knew it was
pretty big.

What do you need?

Philip Sluman

testifying yesterday
in front of the FTC

charged that it was
the White House's pursuit

of tighter emissions standards
that's caused the rise in...

Phil Sluman had a good point.

Mr. Vice President, I don't
want to go 'round and 'round

with you on Sluman.
Okay.

He had no point.

HOYNES:
The policy forces them
to use expensive additives

whose benefits are questionable.

It's price gouging.

It costs marginally more

to refine the fuel
with the additives

and the cost is being
passed on to the consumer

at an outrageous markup.

Toby, if a refinery shuts down,
if there's a fire

which isn't, like,
out of the question

when you're dealing
with petroleum

production comes to a halt,
gas becomes scarce

the prices go up,
then they come back down.

Well, it's good to know
that the companies can make
it through the lean times.

Yeah.

Anyway, sir,
tomorrow night

Bill Trotter's going to be
delivering a speech

to the Detroit Economic Council

on "Energy Efficiency
in the 21st Century"

and we're going to rewrite
the draft to include

a fairly strong rebuttal
to Philip Sluman's remarks.

( clears throat )

You shouldn't have
Bill Trotter do it.

Why?

His rants against the oil
companies have become familiar.

The press has stopped
writing about him.

Still...

It's also pretty dicey

political terrain
for the Energy Secretary.

Who would you send?

To punch back?
Yeah.

Me.

Really?

I'm having a press conference
tomorrow afternoon

to announce an advisory group
for the antitrust policy.

I'll take questions at the end.

I'll open it up for anything

and they will ask me
about Sluman and oil.

Mr. Vice President...

Toby, if you think
I'll be too soft on him

stand in the back of the room.

If you don't like what I say,
call Bill Trotter and say

"You're on for
tomorrow night."

Would you mind if I prepared
some notes for you?

Oh, not at all.

Would you mind if I
shoved them up your ass?

No, sir, I...

Well, thank you, sir.

We appreciate it.

I heard you got the
Family Wellness Act.

They're going to schedule
the vote for Friday at noon.

You'll have the
bill by 12:05.

( filibuster continues on TV)

Thank you,
Mr. Vice President.

C.J.:
"I'll get back to the cat story
in a second

'cause I have to interrupt
to say this:

If you ever have a free
two hours and are so inclined

try standing up
without leaning on anything

and talking the whole time.

You won't make it.
I wouldn't make it.

Stackhouse wasn't supposed
to last 15 minutes.

He's 78 years old.
He has a head cold.

This bill is going to pass.

He has no hope, to say nothing
of I can't imagine

what the hell it is
he's fighting for.

Stackhouse wasn't supposed
to last 15 minutes..."

STACKHOUSE:
...and that is how you prepare

Virginia Green Apple Pie.

Let's turn now
to David Copperfield.

"Well, somebody forgot
to tell Stackhouse, Dad

'cause he just went
into hour number eight."

STACKHOUSE:
...from 1812 to 1870 began
this... this great work...

STACKHOUSE ( on TV ):
"...or whether that station
will be held by anybody else

"these pages must show.

"To begin my life with
the beginning of my life

"I record I was born, as I have
been informed and believe

"on a Friday at 12:00 at night.

"It was remarked that
the clock began to strike

and I began to cry,
simultaneously..."

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Well, it's a little complicated
and indeed difficult to explain

in layman's terms.

You can put the black
seven on the red eight.

Thanks.

Hey, Sam, who's
your favorite writer?

Toby.

Who's your favorite
fiction writer?

You're listening to him
right now.

You like Dickens?

Oh... yeah.

You know, I never got
a chance to say...

I mean, I feel bad about
your dad and everything.

Yeah.

We're doing better.

You know,
the ice is starting to thaw.

I'm in the middle of
an e-mail to my father.

Do you talk
to him a lot?

Not enough.

You're going to miss
the last plane.

I'll take Amtrak to Penn Station
and rent a car.

Okay. Well, I just came
down to get this coffee.

Go back to your e-mail.

Hey, did I hear you got spanked

by some 14-year-old kid
interning at the GAO?

I did not get spanked,
and she was 19 years old

and I demonstrated once again

that I am open
to all forms of debate.

With an intern?

If need be.

Okay.

She was very crafty.

Who?

The intern
from the GAO.

Yeah.

Go back to your e-mail.

I am.
Okay.

I'm taking my
coffee with me.

I'll see you upstairs.

STACKHOUSE:
"...and then she made a..."

( coughing )

"Then she made a frown
and a gesture to my mother

"like one who was accustomed
to be obeyed

to come open the door..."

SAM:
Dear Jackass...

"'Mrs. David Copperfield,
I think,' said Miss Betsy

"the emphasis referring, perhaps

"to my mother's mourning weeds

"and her condition,
not having been lighted, indeed

since my father's funeral."

SAM:
Dear Dad, C.J. Cregg's
writing an e-mail to her
father

to kill time
during a filibuster

and it reminded me
that I haven't told you

any tales from the White House
in the last few weeks.

Let's start again, okay?

Here's one about
how I got yelled at

by a 19-year-old intern

from the
General Accounting Office.

Josh was having
his twice weekly meeting

with Assistant Deputies.

He was basically staffing out

in-box material
for the next few days.

I was looking
for a good piece of fruit.

Write this down.

I-I need you to find out
if sufficient funds

have been appropriated
to the FAA

to begin work
on data-link communications.

They're going to ask
me what "sufficient
funds" mean.

That's when you get me
on the phone. Sam?

What are you doing?

I'm looking
for a piece of fruit.

Can we show you something
from the back or...?

I'm fine.

Okay, here's one.

Uh, the White House has been
instructed by Congress

to compile a list
of 400 government reports

that should be eliminated
as they serve little purpose

and cost the taxpayers
hundreds of millions of dollars.

We'll assume, though
the modifier was dangling

they mean the reports
serve little purpose

and not Congress itself.

Who wants to lead it?

I will.

Right. You're not
in this meeting.

You're shopping for fruit.

I'm done with the fruit.

I was listening to you.

You want to do this?

Absolutely.
Why?

'Cause it's insane.

We got over 3,000 reports
from federal agencies last year.

Agriculture spent
$40 million

producing
280 reports.

Four years of college,
three years of law school--

I spent 30 bucks at Kinko's.

Give me the thing.

All right, we're done.

Let me tell
you people something.

The GAO needs
a little housekeeping

and that's my nickname, okay?

I'm the Housekeeper.

Hey.

God, that's a
terrible nickname.

I'd start getting used
to it for a while.

Let me talk to you
a second.

I'm not going with
that nickname anymore.

What's going on?

I was just with Hoynes.

About Sluman's testimony?

Yeah.
What'd he say?

He defended it.

Isn't that what
you expected?
Yeah.

Did you tell him Bill
Trotter was going...?
Yeah.

What'd he say?

He said he wanted
to do it himself.

Really?
Yeah.

I don't understand.

He said he's doing
a press conference tomorrow...

Antitrust.

Yeah, and he'll take questions
at the end

and they'll ask
about the Sluman testimony

and he'll step up.

Well, somebody's got
to be there.

Oh... I'm going to be there.

If he ducks,
Trotter goes on in Detroit

but still, is it clear to you
what he's doing?

No.

Me, neither.

SAM:
Okay, so, I got a team together
and went about the task

of recommending 400 government
reports for elimination.

Report on the use of Pell Grants
for the incarcerated.

What's that?

Education scholarships
for prisoners.

Wasn't that program
terminated?
Yeah.

But we write
the reports anyway?

Yeah.
Lose it.

Report on
the study
of Route 66.

Which tells us...?

Condition and
traffic flow

of America's oldest
transcontinental highway.

Anything in there
I don't get from the song?
Nope.

Lose it.
( exasperated sigh )

Excuse me?

I didn't say anything.

You made a little sound there.

Sorry. I'll be out of your way

in just a moment.
Okay.

There are tiny
clams or mussels

taking over
the Great lakes.

Lose it.

( exasperated sigh )

Can I help you?

No, you seem to be screwing
the world up

all by yourself.

Who are you?

I'm an intern at the GAO.

It's almost noon. They're going
to be starting the vote.

Let's go watch.
Yeah.

Can you stay a second?

You're an intern?

Yes.

What are you, 14 years old?

I'm 19 years old.

And what's your problem
with my cutting reports?

Nothing, other than it being
utterly bogus.

What's your name?

Winnifred Hooper.

Should I call you Winnie?

Not unless you want me
to spit at you.

And I don't.
Okay.

Winnifred,
the accounting office tells me

I can save the taxpayers
$3 million

by cutting 400 reports.

Now every American family
can realize their dream

of a college education
for their children

with the penny and a half
you just saved them.

Okay, you know what?
You blow through
these things

like they don't
mean anything.

They don't mean anything.

You're an idiot!
Hey, hey.

You're talking
to senior staff.

Gee, genuflect
when you say that, fella.

"Report on the Obstacles

"to State and Local
Training Needs

in the Solid Waste Management
and Resource Recovery."

You know
what this is?
Yes.

It's about career
opportunities
for garbagemen.

And what's
wrong with that?

I think it's a tough sell

and I don't need a report
to tell me that.

Do you have any idea
how much MSW this country
generates in a single year?

That's...?

Municipal solid waste.

I knew that.

209 million tons
of MSW, or 4.3 pounds

per person per day,
and the kicker is

we only have hard
data available

from five years ago.

So the numbers would be
even higher today.

You bet your
boots they would.

Trash collectors play

an incredibly important
role in our society.

They start work at 4:00 a.m.

A three-person crew
could service 1,200 homes

in six hours collecting
50,000 pounds of garbage.

How do you know all that?

I've read the report.

You've read the report?

Yes.
Why?

I'm allowed.
Anybody's allowed.

No, I-I mean, why?

Well, they're
all sitting in
the office I work in.

So it just happens

you read the report
I pulled off the top?

I've read them all.

You've read them all?

I-I like to read.

They let me come early
and stay after.

( sighs )

Mr. Seaborn

the bottom line is

because of the low
rate of unemployment

people can be
a lot more choosy

and the municipal
sanitation departments

are having trouble
hiring qualified
trash collectors

which I think
you'll agree we need.

Yes.

Well, okay.

I have to go back to my room.

Winnie?

Yeah, I said it.

Listen, you're talented.

When you get out of school,
you should come see me

for a job.

I... I-I suppose you're
not a complete loser...

and you write very well.

So, when I get
out of school

you should come see me
for a job.

( typing on keyboard )

C.J.:
Back to the cat story, Dad.

I've done my research

and sure enough,
I was quite screwed.

I was in trouble and I needed
to tell someone-- a cohort--

someone whose criminal mind
was equal to my own.

Donna, I need to talk
to you right now.

I have to get
these to people.

So, we went to Cairo
last year.

Not me.

Right.
I had strep.

I didn't,
which is sad for me.

Are you in trouble?

I may be
in a spot of trouble, yes.

What happened?

Hassan Ali gave
the President a gift--

a small ceramic
statue of Bast.

Bast?

Bast-- a
cat goddess.

She was...
Donna,
did Josh leave?

He went to lunch.

She was the patron
saint of Bubastis

and rose to prominence

during the period of
the 22nd Dynasty.

How do you know all this?

I looked it up.

The cats in
the temple...

What temple?

The Temple of Bubastis,
maybe, I don't know.

The cats in the temple
wore jeweled collars.

They were treated royally.

They thought
cats controlled the
movement of the moon.

They had total authority
over royal houses

because of their ability
to see in the dark.

Anyone who killed a cat
was put to death.

I'm sorry, C.J.,
I'm not...

I broke the damn statue.

Not badly...

but, you know,
in several pieces

and since it came out
of his own collection

breaking the figurine

would amount to
a personal affront

implying he had bad taste
and that the object

was of little personal
value to the President.

Donna, they're asking for you
back at your desk.

How did you break it?

The gift officer handed
it to me. I tossed
it in my suitcase.

You tossed it in...?
Do you have any idea
how many pieces of crap

get stuck in the
President's hands

every time he leaves
the building?

Didn't the gift officer know
it was a priceless relic?

Well, apparently not
because she handed it to me

with a couple of T-shirts
and a box of baklava.

MAN:
Donna.
Yeah.

Why are you telling me this?

I thought maybe
you'd have an idea.

There's nothing really
I can think of right now

except to agree that
you're monumentally screwed.

I hate to leave it at that.

But you're going to.
Yeah.

What's going on?

It's this phone message
for Josh.

Who's it from?

Howard Stackhouse.

Who has my wallet?

Thank you.

DONNA:
Josh.

Did Senator Stackhouse
ask you to meet with
one of his aides?

Yeah.
'Cause I don't
have it down.

Yeah, I'm not
taking it.
Why?

He wants an amendment added
to the Family Wellness Act

that will allocate money
for autism care and research.

And we don't want to?

This is what's called
a Christmas tree bill.

Everyone hangs amendments on it.

We just closed it this morning.

We try and hang a star on top...

The tree topples over
and it doesn't pass.

Stackhouse isn't someone who has
a lot of muscle on this, so...

You got this
phone message.

From his office?
From him.

"You're going to
meet with me

or there's not going to be
a vote while I'm alive.
Stackhouse."

Give me that.

( sighs )

( Stackhouse continues reading
from David Copperfield )

C.J.:
...so maybe it's
the curse of the Bast

that made us not take
the Stackhouse threat
seriously

but whatever the reason,
it's time to take it seriously

'cause he's gassing me
out of time.

Still, I've got two hours
till the 11:00 print deadline

and there's no way.

There's no way he goes
another two hours.

Let's move on
to the rules of cards.

There's no way.

JOSH:
The message was pretty cryptic

like something
you'd slip to a bank teller

and it was unusual to get it

directly from a Senator who'd
normally dispatch an aide.

Leo agreed,
but was in no way concerned.

He told me to go ahead
and take the meeting

but not to sweat it

and under no circumstances
give anything away.

So I headed up to the Hill

wearing, by the way,
the new shoes you bought me

which I had never worn before.

Since Dad's not here to do it

I think it's my job to bore you
with history now.

The filibuster's been part
of the parliamentary stratagem

in this country
for over 150 years.

Now, the reason
we weren't sweating Stackhouse

is that Stackhouse
isn't really someone you
sweat.

but he has little influence,
little power and few friends.

So Dad would want me
to tell you

where the word "filibuster"
comes from.

It's from
the Dutch "vry guiter"

which translated literally
means "freebooter"

but what they meant
was "buccaneer."

Afternoon, Senator.

Good afternoon.

( coughing )

Sounds like a bad cold.

It's fine.

You taking anything?

I don't want
to talk about my cold.

I want $47 million
to fight autism.

Sir...
Five centers
of excellence

at universities
around the country

to help scientists
coordinate their research

three special units for
autism epidemiology at the CDC

and a centralized
facility

for gene and brain banking.

That's $43 million.

Senator...
Uh, the other
$4 million

is for a federal program
to educate doctors in order

to reduce the staggeringly high
percentage of cases

in which autism is misdiagnosed.

We can't do it.

Of course you can.

You simply pick up the phone,
you call

the Conference
Chairman and...

The bill started out
at $2 billion.

It's $6 billion now.

That's right.

So another $47 million
hurts you how?
Sir...

It's eight-tenths of one percent

of a bill aimed at health issues
affecting children

which is roughly
the same

as the percentage of children
affected by autism.

I don't need to tell you
that in these negotiations...

In these
negotiations

about a bill aimed at
health issues affecting children

we've allocated funds
for Alzheimer's, glaucoma

and erectile dysfunction.

Sir...
You know a lot
of two-year-olds

afflicted with that
horrific condition

do you?

There's no doubt
that that's a good point

but in order for us to ensure

that more important things
were in the bill...

So there was
a determination made, hmm?

I'm sorry?

A determination was made

an order of priorities.

Senator, there's going
to be a vote.

The bill's closed.

Open it back up again.

To do that would mean
to postpone the vote

and everyone's breaking
for the recess, and...

And you want the story
before everyone goes home.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sir, the next time around

and there will be
a next time around...

That's all.

I'm done with you now.

JOSH:
And that was that.

TV news reporter:
Also in the news at this hour

parliamentary procedure
in all of its glory

as a Senate filibuster
watches day turn to night

and possibly
back into day again.

78-year-old Minnesota Senator
Howard Stackhouse

stands alone tonight in the well
of the Senate Chamber

as his colleagues somewhat
impatiently wait for a vote

that was scheduled to take place
more than nine hours ago.

Stackhouse, a five-term senator
who once...

Hey, Zach?
Yeah?

You guys record the news feeds
coming in, right?
Yeah.

Could I get a dub
of the B-roll they're showing

on the Stackhouse story?

It's three or four seconds,
it's a campaign stop

and his grandchildren
are with him.

The voice-over is talking about
his seven grandchildren.

Sure, what's
the problem?

It's nothing.

I'll have it sent
up in a few minutes.

Thanks.
Donna.

You're booked
tomorrow morning

8:55, United, direct
to West Palm Beach.

Which gets in at...?

12:58.

It's still a 70-
mile drive to
Port Saint Lucie.

I'll miss the game.

I thought
they weren't playing yet.

It's an exhibition game.

You're flying to Florida

to see the Mets
play another team

in a game that
doesn't count?

Actually,
it's an intra-squad game.

So, you're
flying to Florida

to see the Mets play each other
in a game that doesn't count.

Yeah.

Okay. Uh, there's
a Continental flight

out of Dulles at 7:00 a.m.

You change planes in Newark.

I got to fly to New Jersey
to get to Palm Beach?

Look...
Whatever.

Just make sure
that tomorrow morning...

Mike Piazza calls you "dude."

Yes.

What are
you doing?

I'm writing an e-mail
to my mother.

Why?

To thank her

for a pair of shoes she sent me.

Your mother sent you shoes?

Donna, please,
try and keep it...

That is the sweetest thing...

Donna...

Okay.

JOSH:
Donna says hi, Mom.

Anyway, I didn't think much

about the meeting
with Stackhouse afterward.

There are always
going to be people

who don't get what they want.

I was thinking
about other things.

Like Toby, I was puzzled
as to why the Vice President

who made his money
from the oil industry

who champions the oil industry

would volunteer to admonish
the oil industry.

Uh, Steve.

Sir, I'm sure you're aware

that Philip Sluman
testified before the FTC

that the Bartlet
Administration's

relentless pursuit
of stricter emissions standards

in the form of additives is why
we're seeing price spikes.

Yeah.

Would you comment on that?

Yeah. Our relentless pursuit
of cleaner air standards

has resulted
in lower asthma rates

and the cleanest air
in California in 50 years.

It costs
marginally more

to refine fuel
with additives

but the costs
are being passed on to consumers

at an outrageous price.

WOMAN:
Mr. Vice President...

Uh, yeah, Chris.

Are you accusing members

of the PPA of price gouging?

Well, some of these CEOs
are old friends of mine

but, uh, I can tell you they do
know how to turn a profit.

Now, they'll claim
that prices will

go back down after
production increases...

JOSH:
Hoynes just kept hammering away

and I was reminded for a minute

how close he came
to being elected President.

Toby said it was an impressive
display from Hoynes

but couldn't get past
the question

of why he volunteered to do it.

And if you're wondering

what the President does
during a filibuster

I don't know,
'cause this is our first

but at the moment

he's in his private dining room
having dinner.

There's a famous French chef
visiting

and every time he comes,
he cooks for the President.

( knocking )
Leo.

Good evening, sir.

You busy?

What do you need?

Come have dinner with me.

Why?

Pierre Boileau
is cooking tonight.

You want to have dinner?

What's he serving?

That's your answer?

I'm just asking.

Well, I can tell you
that the man specializes

in a reinterpretation
of classic Provencal cuisine.

Cassoulet,
Duck with green olives...

Yeah?
Saffron chicken.

I haven't had
a good saffron chicken

in quite some time.

Well, don't you think
you deserve one?

Yes.

His specialty is his dessert

Tomate de Saltambique.

That's going to be
a big, seedless beefsteak tomato

stewed for three hours in creme
de caramel and stuffed with...

Passion fruit,
kiwi and hazelnuts, and...

Served on
a pomegranate reduction, yes.

Let's go.

Leave the
cell phone.

I'm taking my phone.

We're not leaving
the building.

People can find you.

Let's go.
What's he onto now?

The rules of blackjack.

PRESIDENT:
Oh, brother.

Don't worry about it.

Could Howard Stackhouse
possibly be

a bigger horse's patoot?

I don't know what part
of a horse that is exactly

but I've always thought
he was a decent guy.

He's a curmudgeon,
a grouchy old crank.

So are we.
You are.

I am full of mirth.

Okay.

He was all over me
the first year.

He called me
"Bartlet the Inert."

That was
pretty funny.

I'm a reformer. I'm the
most liberal President
he's ever served under.

His hero, Hubert Humphrey,
once, you know...

Shook your hand.
That's right.

I feel bad.

Why?

His wife died
a few years ago.

I didn't go
to the funeral.

Why?

I was kind of busy
running for President, Leo.

That's right.

Tomate de Saltambique,
my friend.

Yes, indeed.

Good evening.

Hi. Hang on.

They thought
I was going

to be eating
with Abbey, so...

Yeah.

We'll just, you know,
pretend there's
no candlelight.

Or that we're not paranoid
homophobes in any way.

Yeah.

( phone ringing )

Yeah.

Leo, you have a deputy

who's, frankly, a lot
smarter than you are.

Whatever it is,
let him handle it.

Who are you talking to?

My deputy.

Oh.
Yeah.

What does he say?

He says
there's no end in sight.

Okay, let's eat.

( Stackhouse filibustering )

C.J.?
Yeah.

Listen, I was looking at
the B-roll they're showing

on the Stackhouse story

and there's something
that struck me as odd.

What?

They show
two different events

during his last campaign

and his grandchildren
are next to him on stage.

He's got seven of them.

What's the problem?

There are only six
in the shot.

I don't think this is
what we think it is.

I don't think he's
just being ornery.

I think he
has a grandson
who's autistic.

Oh, holy hell.

Tell Josh.
Find out for sure.

Yeah.

STEWARD:
More brandy, sir?

Nah, I'm fine.

I hope the First Lady's

not feeling ill
this evening.

No, she's up at the
Manchester house.

Very good, sir.

No, it really sucks,
but thanks.

Yes, sir.

Did you hear that?

He said,
"Very good, sir."

Where do they
learn that?

Yeah. I'm sorry?

Nothing.

I'm sure that was moved
for a reason.

We're prepping
for a G-8 with Barney

and we're going
to Tel Aviv.

I just feel like
we don't talk anymore.

Tel Aviv's
the week after.

What?

See, you're not even listening.

Ben, let me call you back.

What's your problem?

I'm just saying we work all
day and then the day's over

and we go out to dinner
and you're still working

and, you know,
I'm sitting here.

No time to talk.

You know,
conversations like this

are the reason I got divorced.

No, it's not.

( clears throat )

Sir...

what's wrong?

I made...

Uh... I'm fine, Billy.

I made a deal with Abbey...

'cause of my thing.

One term?

My thing, by the way,
is the reason

that Hoynes stepped up on oil.

'Cause he thinks maybe...

Yeah.

It was three years ago.

She can't expect...

( cell phone ringing )

( sighs )

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's C.J.

Stackhouse has
an autistic grandson.

( sighs ):
Let's go.

C.J., we're coming up.

Charlie?

He's just coming over.

Thanks. Can we wait?

Yeah. Look, C.J.,
one of us

is going to have to tell
the President

that the statue's broken.

It's not broken.
It is broken.

She Crazy Glued it
back together.

You Crazy Glued it?
I didn't know
what it was.

I needed a
potpourri holder.

I have the ancient
curse of Bast on me

so get off
my back, Sparky.

Okay, but when you tell him,
I'd leave out the Crazy Glue.

And potpourri, right?
Yeah.

Here we go.

How does he not just tell me?

Sir...
How does he not
come to me and say

"Jed, this is my grandson and
there are lots more like him

and there are lots more to come.
Can you help us out?

Because he...
Damn it, he knows we
would've gotten it done.

Why doesn't he tell me...?

Because he doesn't
want to make political hay

out of his grandson,
which is commendable.

Nah, he's a crank.

Good evening,
Mr. President.

Hey.

Hey, Donna,
you need something?

Donna's the one who
started sniffing around it.

C.J., that phone message
was for real.

He's not going to stop
till he drops.

He might.

C.J., let me tell you something.

Don't ever, ever

underestimate
the will of a grandfather.

We're madmen;
we don't give a damn.

We got here before you
and they'll be here after.

We'll make enemies, we'll break
laws, we'll break bones

but you will not mess
with the grandchildren.

There was quite a bit of sugar
in the creme de caramel.

Yeah.

C.J....

if I told you
to screw the print deadline

what would you want to do

right now?

I'd want to see

if there was a way
I could help him out.

Give him some dignity, right?

And give him a rest. The guy's

going to collapse
out there.

Yes, sir.

Screw the print deadline. Leo?

Look...

We will talk about
the other thing later.

I'm just asking how
we're going to do this.

Excuse me.

The Chairman'll
gavel him off

if he stops
talking or sits.

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

I didn't know
if I'm supposed to...

We usually don't
raise our hands.

Though it's not the worst idea
in the world.

The Senator's allowed
to yield for a question

without yielding the floor.

What do you mean?
He's allowed
to yield

for a question
without yielding the floor.

I was in the House. I know
nothing about Senate rules.

Yes, sir, but Josh does,
and he likes to explain
things, and, well, I let him.

I'm pretty sure
it's true, sir.

What time is it?
Let's wake up a
parliamentarian.

Yeah, but the problem is

the only people who ask
questions are Senators.

We'll get one of them
to walk in there. Charlie!

The Senate wants to go
home. They want a vote.

Yes, sir?
I want to call
Senators.

We'll start
with our friends.

When we're done with those two

we'll go on to the other 98.

Yes, sir.
C.J.:
Charlie.

Start with the grandfathers.
Yes, ma'am.

There's no damn holiday
for us, either.

We'll be in
the dining room.

C.J., no kidding,
make this happen.

Yes, sir.

( quietly ):
Oh, and I broke

your statue.

I don't think
he heard you.

No.

The water peaked at
3,690 feet last month

because of an uncontrolled
release from Lake Powell.

You mean the uncontrolled
release of Lake Powell.

I suppose.

I am going home.

Good night, sir.
Good night.

Mr. Vice President.

Didn't I do it right?

No, sir, you did
it very well. I
appreciate it.

Yeah.

I'm sure you know
I was curious

about why you'd volunteer
for something like that.

Yeah.

So I got ahold of
some private polling
you've had done.

Oh.

Yeah?

A significant
number of people

are concerned over
your close ties to big oil.

Well, not anymore.

Yeah, but what
I was wondering

was why did you put
the poll in the field at all?

Mr. Vice President,
what do you know that I don't?

Toby, the total tonnage
of what I know that you don't

could stun a team of oxen
in its tracks.

Good night.

( engine starts )

C.J.:
And then came
the big moment, Dad.

JOSH:
Everyone was enlisted.

SAM:
You called whoever
you had a relationship with

and if you didn't get anywhere

they got a call
from the President.

Do I have your word
on that, Sarah?

JOSH:
We'd been at it 20 minutes

and we were coming up
with nothing until...

Got it!

SAM:
Senator Tom Grissom
of Washington State was headed

from his office to the Chamber.

C.J.:
...and everybody
started flooding

into the Communications Bullpen
to see what would happen.

SAM:
...the problem being

of course, that Stackhouse
would have to know

as much about rules
of procedure as Donna had

and not think we were
trying to screw him.

JOSH:
We stared at 14 different
television sets

while calculating in our heads
the time it would take Grissom

to walk from his office
to the floor.

C.J.:
And we were in frozen silence

while we listened
to the rules of blackjack.

...unless you
are counting cards.

C.J.:
And then it happened.

GRISSOM:
Point of order, Mr. Chairman.

CHAIRMAN:
Mr. Grissom?

Will the Senator
yield for a question?

Come on.

Mr. Stackhouse?

Come on.

Trust me just this once,
you grouchy old son of a bitch.

Mr. Chairman, I yield

to the Senator from Washington

for a question.

GRISSOM:
My question is in 22 parts

and might take quite a while.

Perhaps you'd like to sit and
have some water while I ask it.

( cheering )

C.J.:
And that was it.

Grissom gave him a rest,
and an opportunity

to answer some real questions
about autism

and when Grissom was done,
McNamara took over

and after McNamara came
Gianelli, grandfathers all.

I'm going to have
to finish this up now

and go into the press room
and explain what happened.

There'll be no vote tonight
and the Senate will go home

for the week,
and since Stackhouse...

JOSH:
...with our help,
blew the print deadline anyway

there's really no reason...

SAM:
...for Josh not to go back

to the Conference Chairman
and reopen the bill.

C.J.:
There are so many days here

where you can't imagine that
anything good will ever happen.

JOSH:
You're buried under
a black fog of partisanship

and self-promotion
and stupidity...

SAM:
...and a brand of politics
that's just plain mean.

C.J.:
Yes, Hoynes had us nervous with
all his admonishment of big oil

and yes, the President
was making us nervous, too

but that's for tomorrow

'cause tonight I've seen a man
with no legs stay standing, Dad

and a guy with no voice
keep shouting

and if politics brings out
the worst in people

then maybe people
bring out the best

'cause I'm looking
at the TV right now

and damn if 28 U.S. Senators

haven't just walked
onto the floor to help.

I'll catch the first plane out
in the morning

and if you wouldn't mind
not turning 70 until tomorrow

that'd be great.

In the meantime,
I love you so much.

Your daughter, Claudia.