All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S02E12.WEBRip.x264-FGT

He's a lunatic.

He's colorful.
He's certifiable.

Who?
Lord John Marbury.

You really going to let him
loose in the White House

where there's
liquor and women?

We can hide the women

but the man deserves a drink.

Allow me to present myself.
Lord John Marbury.

I was summoned
by your President.

Yes. We've met
ten or 12 times.

I'm Leo McGarry.

I thought you were the butler.

You're the one
who's been saying

we need
a radical approach.

Yes, yes, I have

and I got shouted down
in every meeting.

I prefer not
to paint a picture

in the interest
of great oratory.

The year is one week old

the legislative session
hasn't begun

and we can't put a fork
full of waffles in our mouth

without coughing up
the ball.

You got beat.
Yes.

Figure it out; tell me
what you're going to do.

( indecipherable
radio communications )

Yeah.
Are we patched
into the Pentagon?

Yeah.
We can hear them?

We can hear
what they're
saying at Command?

Yeah.

Why can't
I hear anything?

Guys, why aren't we
hearing anything?

MAN 1:
15 seconds to target launch.

Okay, why don't
you just tell me
to shut up?

MAN 2:
We have a target
launch sequence. Go flight.

Kwajalein Atoll, how do you
read?

MAN 3:
We read you 5 by 5, Command.

Positive target launch sequence.

Here we go.

MAN 1:
Target launch in five...

four, three...

two...

Target is aloft.

MAN 2:
We confirm target launch.

How long do I have?
Two minutes, ten seconds.

I'm going to see

if I can get the President
to watch this.

Mr. Sumatra, I understand
you're a sports fan.

Yes, sir, Mr. President. Golf.

Okay, well, golf's not a sport.

It's fine-- don't get me wrong--

but let's not you and I confuse
it with things that men do.

Yes, sir.

We're going to Bangkok

in June, I think.
June, Charlie?

Yes, sir.
You're staying
at the Oriental.

Best hotel
in the world, right?

Your own James Michener
wrote many of his books

at the Oriental

and one of his
typewriters remains

in the suite
they named for him.

Is that right?
Yes, sir.

Make sure I see that.

Yes, sir.

Tom?

Mr. President,
it is with pleasure

that I present
His Excellency

Tada Sumatra
of Thailand

and, by request of
the Secretary of State

ask that you accept
his credentials

from King Bhumibol Adulyadej

as Thailand's Ambassador
to the United States.

Mr. Sumatra,
I accept your
Letter of Credence

from King Adulyadej

and, by affixing
my signature and seal

do hereby declare you to be

an Ambassador
Extraordinary
and Plenipotentiary.

May our people know
peace and prosperity.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Mr. President.

We've got some gifts,
and we'll stand
for pictures.

Ambassador,
right here.

Madam, congratulations.

He's got about
another two minutes

and then
I've got to pull him.

Okay.

Hey, Charlie,
is he done?

He's got about
another two minutes.

I'd like him in
the Situation Room.

Can I pull him?

Shall I tell him
it's an emergency?

It's not
an emergency

just time-sensitive.

Okay.

What are
you looking at?

You're testing

that preposterous
contraption again.

It's not
preposterous

it's not
a contraption

and mind your
own business.

In my day, we knew
how to protect ourselves.

In your day, you
could pretty much
turn back the Indians

with a Daniel Boone
musket, couldn't you?

Ah, sarcasm--
the grumpy man's wit.

Sharpen a pencil,
would you?

What's up?

The target's
in the air.
They're going

to launch
the intercept
any moment.

And I'm sure somebody

will come along soon thereafter
and tell me it didn't work.

Why do you take
that attitude?

'Cause it's
not going to work.

What do I get
if it works?

Yes.
What do you get?

Well, I can't make you

Thailand's Ambassador
to the U.S.

'cause I just signed
that guy's letter.

Come with me to
the Situation Room.

You know what you are?

You are the Charlie Brown
of missile defense.

The Pentagon is Lucy.

I'm not familiar
with the reference, sir.

Peanuts--
Charlie Brown.

I've heard of them.

I'm just not
conversant in them.

Why?
I've never read
the comics.

Leo, were you born
at the age of 55?

I know that
there's a dog.

Charlie Brown wanted
to kick a football

and Lucy would hold it

except she'd pull it
away at the last minute

and Charlie Brown
would fall on his butt.

That's funny?

No, but each time

Lucy would find a way
to convince Charlie Brown

that this time she wouldn't
pull the ball away

but she would
and, once again

Charlie Brown would
fall on his butt.

And that's funny?
It's satirical.

What's it satirizing?

The DOD bringing you
to the Situation Room

every time they run
a new missile test

so that you
can come tell me
how great it works

so I'll put money
in the NMD system.

You should put money
in the NMD system.

It doesn't work.

It will work--
one day, soon.

There are a couple
of three-star
generals in there.

Call them Lucy and
you're on your own.

Good morning,
Mr. President.

Hey, where are we?

The Kill Vehicle
is on a clear trajectory.

What's its time
to the target?

50 seconds.

Colonel, could you
walk the President through?

Yes, sir.

Mr. President,
approximately
three minutes ago

a missile was launched
with a simulated
nuclear warhead

from the Kwajalein Atoll
in the South Pacific.

And it's going to hit my garage
in New Hampshire exactly when?

Sir, once the missile
cleared cloud cover

it was detected by

the early warning
satellites, which
launched an interceptor

or Kill Vehicle.

MAN 1:
Ten seconds to SRB sep.

OFFICER:
"SRB sep" is "Solid Rocket
Booster separation."

That means the high-resolution
radar on the ground

has gotten a "lock-on" signal
from the Kill Vehicle.

MAN 1:
Go SRB sep.

MAN 2:
Confirm Solid Rocket
Booster Separation.

MAN 1:
Kill Vehicle's away.

MAN 3:
20 seconds to target intercept.

MAN 1:
Go Flight.

So what happens now?

In 20 seconds, it collides
with the nuclear warhead.

Where?
Outer space.

17 miles above the
Earth's atmosphere.

But we don't have anybody
out there right now, do we?

MAN 1:
Ten seconds to intercept.
Sir...

When we stay at
the Oriental in Bangkok

we have to check out
James Michener's typewriter.

MAN 1:
Intercept in five...

Here we go.

MAN 1:
three...

two... one...

Is that silence usually
a pretty good sign?

No.

MAN 1:
Negative intercept.

Have we got sensor readings?

No.

MAN 1:
Negative intercept.

KM warhead has overshot
its target.

It was just enthusiastic.

By how much?
Uh, Leo...

By how much did it
miss the target?
Colonel?

One-three-seven.

We missed it by 137 feet?

Miles.

We missed it by 137 miles?

When you consider
the size of outer space,
Leo, that's not so bad.

Sir...
By the way, the words
you're looking for are

"Oh, good grief."

C.J.:
For those of you
who haven't seen it

it's a very lovely ceremony.

It's relatively informal.

The ambassadors are led
into the Oval Office

probably with a few friends
and family.

They chat for a few moments
with the President

maybe exchange some gifts,
and they're officially presented

by the State Department's
Chief of Protocol

who asks the President to accept
the ambassador's credentials

and the President signs
a letter to that effect. Yes.

C.J., you're accepting four
new ambassadors this week.

Is there an order, a protocol,
in which they're seen?

There is. It's the order

in which they arrived
in Washington.

This morning, the President saw
Ambassador Sumatra of Thailand.

Then it will be
Peter Hans of Sweden

followed by Her Excellency
Renee Ernesto of Argentina

Noah Jola of Burkina Faso

and the newly named British
Ambassador to the United States

will be arriving
in the United States

just as soon as
he's been newly named.

I thought it was
going to be...

I've forgotten his name.
Anthony Bratt.

Anthony Bratt cited
family obligations at home

and withdrew over the weekend.

But weren't they going
to replace him with...

Sir Christopher
Nealing-Roach, yes.

No, Sir Christopher has been
diagnosed with a rare form

of encephalitis
contracted during

his recent
posting to Kenya.

So who's the new
British Ambassador?
I don't know.

As soon as the State Department
tells me, I'll know.

In the meantime,
it's pool photographs only

until tomorrow night
when there'll be

a cocktail reception
for the new ambassadors.

That's all.

Anybody want to know
who's been here the longest?

The Dean of the Diplomatic
Corps? Anybody?

Guys, you know, I study
these things just for you.

It's Prince Bandar Bin
Sultan of Saudi Arabia.

I could've also told
them that Burkina Faso

has a population
of 11 million

and in even years, they host
Africa's largest crafts market.

I need a chance to
use that knowledge.
Yes.

C.J.

Do you know the chief crops
of Burkina Faso?
No.

Millet, sorghum, rice,
peanuts and cotton.

You should mention in
your afternoon briefing
that we've accepted

a last-minute invitation
for the President to address

the Global Defense Council
tomorrow night at the Sheraton.

I thought we passed
on the GDC.

We passed on it
three months ago

when we thought the
President was going
to be in South America

but the trip got
canceled and they lost
their keynote speaker

so we're going to use
this to launch CARE

and that's what I want
you to announce at the
afternoon briefing.

CARE?
Yeah.

Okay.
Clean Air
Rehabilitation Effort.

Yeah.
You don't know
what it is.

The Clean Air
Rehabilitation Effort?
Yes.

It's an effort by which...
Okay.

we clean the air
and rehabilitate it.

I'm not involved
in the nuances of
environmental policy.

Which will come
as a relief to
environmentalists.

Sam...
I'll brief you later.

I knew the crops
of Burkina Faso.

I'll brief you later.

Have we heard from Toby?

No.

Do we know if he's landed?

No.

How's everybody doing in here?

They're doing fine.

Is global warming
a real environmental condition

or merely
a temporary anomaly?

Is it a global threat or the
exaggerated claim of alarmists?

The time for such debate
is over.

As of today, it shall be

the unequivocal position
of the United States government

that global warming constitutes
a clear and present danger

to the health
and future well-being

of this planet
and all its inhabitants.

Yes.
Did somebody get that?

I didn't see anyone writing.

You already wrote it.
I added a thing.

We got it.
I added, "The time for
such debate is over."

We got it.
It sets up the reveal.

Yes.

Okay, $22 trillion in benefits

versus a half a trillion
in compliance costs--

we're making sure that's right
in a couple places?

They're making sure.

Three sources.

And we don't know
if Toby's back?

Sam, you'll know
as soon as he's back.

Sam?
It is Toby?

Yeah.
Can I have the phone?

He's standing right there.

Thanks.

22,000 fewer respiratory-related
hospital admissions.

I don't want to use the stats
unless I have three sources.

How was the trip?

It was fine.

What's going on?

The President's
going to speak

at the GDC conference
tomorrow night.

I'm sorry?
He's going to...

What are you
talking about?

He's going
to launch CARE.

Since when?
Their keynote speaker
fell through.

When was this decision made?

Last night.

Why wasn't I involved?

You were in Kansas City.
I have a telephone.

Toby...
I have a damn
telephone, Sam.

Frankly, I didn't think...

I thought there'd be
a consensus.

Who was at this meeting?

Where?

Where the decision was made.

It was me, Carl Taub
of the EPA, Jane Ziskin...

Toby, we've been looking for
an opportunity to launch...

Leo wasn't there?
No.

We've been looking for
a platform, the opportunity...

I understand.
presented itself.
What's the problem?

There are a number
of problems

any one of which
I could have told you about

had you gotten me
on the phone.

What's the problem?
For one thing

we already blew off the AFL-CIO

telling them the President was
going to be in South America.

The President was
going to be

in South America.
Now he's not.

Instead, he's speaking
to labor's good friend,
the environmental lobby.

Also, he's the President
of the United States.
He's nobody's understudy.

You got him going out there
like Joey Bishop.

I got to say,
I hear all that

but the President was
very enthusiastic.

Of course he was enthusiastic.

I'm saying I wasn't
in there twisting his arm.

I told him
this opportunity had opened up

we had enough notes so that I
could finish the speech in time

he asked us a few questions,
we answered them, he said yes.

All right, all right.

All right.

It's going to be
a good speech.

Yeah.

They need you.

Thanks.

How was the trip?

Fine.

I need to see Leo.

Yeah.

C.J.:
It's not going to be

Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach.
I heard.

I said it's not going to be
Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach.
And I said I heard.

But I like to say
"Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach."

Who's it going to be?
I'm waiting to hear from someone
at the State Department.

Me, too.
Maybe it'll be
Sir Christopher Nealing-Roach.

Can I stop talking to you now?

What are you doing?

I'm standing with my back
straight against the wall.

Why?

I was told by doctors

it would relax me.

Josh?

Got to go.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yeah. What?

Is it true that Leo can't stand
a guy named Lord John Marbury?

Why?
A reporter asked me.

What's a reporter
doing talking to you?
It's a friend of a friend.

Leo McGarry has nothing
but respect and affection

for John Marbury.
That's what I said.

Leo thinks he's a lunatic.

He's very handsome.

That may be so, but Leo
thinks he's a lunatic.

Are you threatened
by his brilliance?
No.

You seem threatened
by his brilliance.

How do you know he's brilliant?
I saw his picture.

I'm not threatened
by his brilliance

nor am I threatened
by his good looks.

What about
his charm?
I'm not
threatened at all.

I'm sorry. I meant Leo.

Neither Leo or I

are threatened by his brains,
his looks or his charm.

He is, however, a lunatic Brit

and we're grateful
there's an ocean between us.

There isn't anymore.

There isn't what?

An ocean between you.

Please don't tell me...

He's the new British Ambassador
to the United States.

( sighs ):
Yeah.

Josh?

Yeah.

He's dreamy.

I'm just going
to stand next
to the wall

a little while longer.

Okay.

( door bangs )

( groans )

Josh?

Okay, what I need
people to do is knock.

I did knock.

But you didn't wait
for a response.

Why would I?

Because I could
have been relaxing

by standing
behind that door.

All right.

How was the trip?

It was fine. So we're
pinch-hitting at the
GDC conference.

For the record, I
didn't think it was
a good idea and I said so.

And that seems
to have helped.

Look, we can't appear to
be at the beck and call
of the environment.

We could try
insulting them.

Yes.

I'm kidding.

I'm not.

We were invited.

Don't care.

What do you have?

Environmental terrorists
burned down a ski resort

and the GDC
didn't comment?

Why did environmental
terrorists burn down
a ski resort?

To save the lynx.

The links?
Yep.

Environmental terrorists
burned down a ski resort

to save a golf course?

It's an animal.

Sam's going to have
strong objections.

Yes, I know.

You want me
to talk to Leo?

I'm going to talk to him.

I want you to talk to C.J.

About what?

The Will Rogers dinner
is going to ask

Cornelius Sykes
to host.

You're kidding me.

Nope.
He didn't laugh
at the joke.

Yeah.
Talk to C.J.

Why do you
relax by standing
behind a door?

I'm not standing
behind the door.

I'm standing with my
back straight against
the wall, so I...

I don't care.

Yeah.

McGarry:
Keith, I...

Keith, I can't
tell him that.

I can't tell
the President

that nine out of ten things
went right.

He's going to say, "Yeah,
but we didn't hit anything."

Would you, please?

Thank you.

( hangs up phone )

We had an NMD test
this morning.

We were successful
on nine out of ten criteria.

We missed?

Yeah.

By how much?

We were trying
to shoot down

an incoming Intercontinental
Ballistic Missile.

Once you miss, it really
doesn't matter by how much.

I suppose.

137 miles.

Sam just told me
about the speech.

Which speech?

The GDC.

Yeah.
Leo...

How did...?
I wasn't
in the meeting.

It happened fast.

I'm saying...

It happened fast.

Sam pitched it
and the President

wanted to do it.

How could you not
be in that meeting?

'Cause I'm trying to get
the President to warm up

to a missile shield
that's supposed to save humanity

and there is a limit
to the number

of rooms I can be in at once.

You want to file
a complaint?

No.

Good.

Here's what I think.

Screw the environmental lobby?

Did I say that?

Did I say, "Screw
the environmental lobby"?

You didn't say
anything.

That right, and before
I even open my mouth

you decide I'm going
to say, "Screw the... "

I apologize.

There's an extent to which

we've got to screw
the environmental lobby.

Yeah.
A clear and public demonstration
that the President's

not beholden to them
isn't a bad idea right now.

You think he should walk
into their ballroom and
smack them around?

I really do, for 30 seconds
out of a 40-minute address

announcing an initiative
they love.

How do you think they're going
to feel about the 30 seconds?

Not that good, but
that's the point.

We don't have
to move to our right

if there's an opportunity
to spank the people to our left.

Anything in particular
we want to spank them for?

Failing to publicly admonish
acts of eco-terrorism.

The GDC doesn't engage
in acts of eco-terrorism.

Yes, but they fail

to publicly admonish
those who do.

For example?

A $12-million

Colorado ski development

that was under construction
was set on fire

because it threatened the
habitat of a rare local lynx.

Is a lynx a...?

I don't know.

I think it's like

a possum or
something.

All right, tell Sam
to find a place to out it.

I don't want it
in the advance text

and I don't want Sam
and his 14 objections.

It should just be a drop-in.

I'll talk to the President.

Anything else?

137 miles?

Yeah.

Is that a lot?

Yeah.

Okay.

We have 30 minutes
at the ballroom

after the speech to spin

and obviously,
the next morning as well.

Among the things you'll want
to be emphasizing are what?

America is the biggest emitter
of carbon dioxide.

We have four percent
of the population.

We're responsible for 25%
of the greenhouse emissions.

How are we going to reduce
those levels

of greenhouse emissions,
you ask?

Through the Clean Air
Rehabilitation Effort.

Yes, which you can read about
in bullet points

beginning on page 11.
Please don't skip the footnotes

and please don't just
read what's underlined.

C.J.:
Question.
Yes.

Did girls go out with you
in high school?

Yes.
Really?

Under these regulations

there will be a
cap on the volume
of carbon dioxide

a company could emit in a year,
but what's the good news?

If a company comes
in lower than the cap,
they can sell the balance

of their emissions
allowance to
another company.

Creating what?
BOTH:
A cash incentive.

A cash incentive.

Can you tell us anything
else about that, C.J.?

No, but I can tell you
that lumber, cocoa beans

aluminum and petroleum products
are the major exports

of Cameroon.

Then you're all set.
Yeah.

Can I have her for a second?

Yeah.
Why do you ask
him and not me?

He looked in charge.

Of where I go?
Can we please?

Did you hear they named
John Marbury

British Ambassador?

Yes, I did.

Lord John Marbury?

I know. It's got to be

like Davy Jones
is showing up.

Don't make fun
of Davy Jones, all right?

He once wrote me a letter.

He took that kind of time,
and he still tours.

Plus, my love
for John Marbury is real.

It's not a schoolgirl crush.

He calls me Principessa.

Does he?
Yes.

He calls Leo Gerald.

He's eccentric.
Yeah.

What do you need?

Janice Barry is saying
they're going to ask

Cornelius Sykes to host
the Will Rogers dinner.

They know for sure?

They're going to ask him
on Monday.

Yeah.
They're trying
to stir this up again?

He didn't laugh at the joke.
How many more ways are there

for me to say that?
He didn't laugh at the joke.

You guys are friends;
I was thinking...

We're not friends.
You know each other.

I don't hang out
with Corey Sykes.

Yeah, but you know him.

Where is he?

He's in New York doing stand-up.

Since you'll
be there...
I'll see him tomorrow night.

Thank you.

He didn't laugh
at the joke.

Yes.
You'll see him
tomorrow night?

Josh...
Would you see
that a meeting is arranged

for tomorrow night in New York

Yeah.
with C.J. and Cornelius Sykes
and no one else?

Thank you.

And I was thinking...

Yeah?
When Marbury gets here?

Yeah?
You can encourage him

to introduce me to any
royal and single men
he might know.

That's a good idea.
I'm going to do that.

You're not really,
though, are you?

No.

You know what I think?

A lot of people don't realize

that Swedes have lived in Sweden
more than 5,000 years longer

than nearly any other
European people.

That's right, sir.

In fact,
Gothic tribes from Sweden

played a major role
in the disintegration

of the Roman Empire,
did they not?

They did.

So you've got that
to answer for.

Yes, sir.

Uh, Mr. President,
it is with pleasure

that I present
His Excellency

Peter Hans of Sweden

and by request
of the Secretary of State

ask that you accept
his credentials from
King Carl Gustaf

as Sweden's Ambassador
to the United States.

Mr. Hans, I accept
your Letter of Credence

from King Gustaf

and by affixing
my signature and seal

do hereby declare you
to be an Ambassador

Extraordinary
and Plenipotentiary.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Congratulations.

( both men chuckling )

Mr. Ambassador.

Family, please.

Congratulations,
Ambassador.

Leo.

Is he still holding
you responsible

for the fall of
the Roman Empire?

Oh, yes.

Welcome to my world.

I'll see you
at the reception, right?

Yes, sir.
Congratulations.

Mr. Ambassador, you
and your family
can step this way.

Sweden has a 100%
literacy rate, Leo.

100%. How do they do that?

Well, maybe they don't,
and they also can't count.

Maybe.

Sir, I really think
you should know...

Yes?

That nine out
of the ten criteria

that the DOD lays
down for success in
these tests were met.

The tenth being?
They missed the target.

Damn! So close.
Sir...

Mr. President...
It's that tenth one.

See, if there

were just nine...

Look, the tracking software
on the KM vehicle

clearly acquired
a read on both the
target and the decoy

and for the
first time ever

successfully
rendered a clean

identification
differential.

Leo, seriously, when they were
telling you that on the phone

how stupid did you think
you'd sound saying it to me?

This project
needs money.

It doesn't work.

Neither did several
phases of Apollo 11

but Neil Armstrong
claims it was a success.

Do we need
to decide this right now?

No.
Okay.

So, about the
GDC speech?

Yeah.

Since we're giving them
exactly what they want

Toby thinks
it's not such a bad idea

if we signal
our independence as well.

How?
A drop-in.

Eco-terrorism that's gone
un-admonished by the GDC.

For example?

A ski development in Colorado

that threatened a rare lynx
was burned in protest.

And we can't take it for granted

that everyone pretty much
fundamentally opposes arson?

A year and
a half ago

you stood in the Mural Room

and took Al Caldwell's head off
because the Christian League

hadn't publicly admonished
religious extremists.

It would be hypocrisy

Yes.
not to hold our friends
to the same standard

and yet it feels strange
to score political points

by doing
the right thing.
Yeah.

I'm victim
to my own

purity of character.

Whatever. We got you
some information on the lynx

which is a kind
of possum, I think.

Okay, well,
it's not a kind of a possum

so why don't you get me
that information?

Toby doesn't want it
in the speech?

Just a drop-in.

Did you hear?

About Marbury?
Isn't it great?

Yes, sir, and I assume

you're enjoying
my suffering?

Absolutely.

Anything else?
No.

Thank you,
Mr. President.

2,000 environmentalists
are going to try

to kill me
tomorrow night.

They're going
to come at me

with vegan food
and pitchforks.

That doesn't really sound
like something people do.

Still, I'd like you
to get between me

and any boiled seaweed
you see coming my way.

Mr. President?

Leo just talked to me.

About the GDC tonight?

Yeah. I'm not doing this
for the politics.

I'm doing it 'cause
it's the right thing to do.

Well, I'm doing it
for the politics.

A lynx isn't a possum.

I think it's in
the possum family.

It's a cat.

Oh, and we don't
have enough of those.

How does Sam feel
about this?

Toby?

This isn't
Government Camp.

It's not like...

It's not important that
everybody gets to play.

I'm not going to tell you
how to run your office, Toby.

Thank you, sir.

Vegan food coming at me
all night long.

C.J.?

Yeah?

Where you going?

New York, New York, Toby.

The town so nice
they named it twice.

What are you doing there?

I'm receiving
the Matrix Award

from New York Women
in Communications.

For what?

I discovered a comet.

What do you mean
"for what"?

Past winners, by the way

include Cokie Roberts, Diane
Sawyer and Ms. Leslie Stahl.

Did Josh
talk to you about...?

I'm meeting him for a
drink after the thing.

And you're briefed on
the Clean Air Rehabilitation...?

Yeah.

Okay. You might need this.

"The President
has always spoken out

"against moderate groups

"not taking responsibility
for extremism

"and he isn't going to stop
with the environmental lobby.

Friends are honest
with each other."

He's going to
do a drop-in?

I'll see you
tomorrow night.

Hey, Toby, you want
to see the speech?

Sam's writing
a good one.

Oh.

SAM:
Climate changes
have accelerated.

Glaciers are shrinking.

Polar sea ice is what?

TOBY:
It's thinning.

The polar sea ice is thinning

causing a rise in sea levels
around the globe.

And what do we say
when they say

"But the proposals
in the Clean Air

"Rehabilitation Effort
would seriously choke

the auto, trucking
and utility business?"

$22 trillion
in benefits produced

versus a half a trillion
in compliance cost.

Public health benefits?

We'll make that clear.

Where's C.J.?

She's in New York.

What's she doing
in New York?

She had a lunch.

Media Women,
Women of Media.

That was
this afternoon.

She had to
stay around.

So it's just me?

Yeah. Call me
from the place.
Yeah.

Final draft?

Well, it's
the 12th draft.

Whether it's the final draft
is really up to you.

Was that sass?

Yeah.

Okay.

The difference between a good
speech and a great speech

is the energy
with which the audience

comes to their feet at the end.

Is it polite? Is it a chore?

Are they standing up because
their boss just stood up? No.

We want it to come
from their socks.

We got a half an hour.

Let's read this again.

Every time one of
these tests fails

Congressional
Democrats

jump on it as a reason
to kill the program.

You're not going to turn
the President around

on the missile shield.

Well, I'm not going to
turn him around today

and probably not tomorrow

but as long as somebody
has the money

to keep trying to make
it work, then I'm fine.

Leo?

Yeah.

There's someone here to see you.

Who?

Gerald!

Oh, God.

Gerald, old friend.

Good to see you,
Ambassador.

It's as if
the gods themselves

insist that we be
not long apart, you and I.

They do seem to strongly
insist upon that, yes.

Your assistant, Margaret,
is looking positively buxom.

Thank you, I'll tell her.

MARGARET:
Thank you.

Yes, well done.

John?

Oh, oh, my aide, Caprice.

How do you do?

Leo McGarry.

Good to see you,
Ambassador.

God bless you, Josh.

The prayers of millions
were answered.

Thank you, sir.

I have come.
Yes.

I am Lord John Marbury, along
with my aide, Caprice, and I'm

hereby presenting
my credentials

in the fervent hope that...

John, we do that later
with the President.

Excellent.

I will tell you, though,
that I personally welcome you

and I look forward
to our new partnership.

As do I.

I know we've had our
differences in the past

but I think you know
I respect you.

I congratulate you
on this auspicious occasion

and, as a matter of fact,
the timing

How so?
of your arrival
couldn't be better.

Leo's trying to convince
the President to give
the NMD more time.

You're an expert in the field

and I hope I can count
on your support.

You may hope for it,
but you'll not have it.

Because the NMD
Why not?

is an absurdly wasteful
military boondoggle

that will never produce
a working missile.

It violates any number
of elements of the ABM treaty

and any argument
you make in its defense

will surely be moronic.

Ah... detente.

I'm sorry, Gerald.

We're going
to have this out.
Excellent.

Let's go get you knighted

or whatever the hell it is
we do.

( water running )

Hey.

Hey, how you doing?

Not bad.

Thanks for taking the time.

Yeah. I got to get
back pretty soon.

I won't take long.

You want to stay
for the show?

I got to get the 7:00 shuttle.

You want something to drink?

Uh, club soda.

Alicia, can I get
some club soda?

Oh, I haven't seen
the movie yet.

You should see it.
It's good.

That's what everyone's saying.

Well, I appreciate that.

( both laughing )

So, you know, this is
about the Will Rogers dinner.

Yeah.

They're going to ask you to host

and, obviously, the President's
going to be there.

We, uh...

appreciate the support...

You want me to say no.

We think the press will
go back two years

Let them.
and bring up the whole...

I don't want to.

You know, you know
how I feel about you.

You know I don't mean
you disrespect...

You don't?

No.

I've raised money for you.

I've registered voters for you.

I've done commercials for you

and I've voted for you.

Because of something I never did
wrong two years ago

you don't want to be on
the same dais with me.

That's not...

It takes a special
kind of arrogance

not to think that
that's disrespectful.

Ah, thanks, Alicia.

Make your case.

I got to be funny in a while.

It missed by 137 miles.

Yes.

It could've missed
by 37 fewer miles

and it would've
still missed by
a hundred miles.

It doesn't work.

That depends
what your definition is.

My definition is precisely
the same as everyone else's.

John!

Mr. President.

It's good to have you here.

Your servant,
as always.

What made you agree
to take the post?

I suppose it's possible
I was drunk.

Reasonable bet.

Listen, I got to go
a few blocks across town

and give an address
on global warming

and the future of our planet.

That's not something
you're interested in?

Oh, good God, no.

Okay. Stay here and fight
with Leo about something.

We'll get you some dinner.
I'll be back in an hour.

We'll do your thing
and then enjoy the reception.

Excellent.
Indeed.

Charlie?
Here we go.

Eagle's moving.

An hour, did he say?

Yes.

I'll need
some amusement.

Good evening, Your Lordship.

Excellent.

Wait a second.
Let me finish.

It was not a benign joke.

You don't tell
benign jokes.

That's a matter...

It was a joke
about New York City cops

shooting black men.

I'm black man.

I'm in a room full of rich
Democrats in an election year.

You thought I was going
to talk about airline food?

It was a political
fund-raiser in the heat

of a national campaign.

You weren't doing a 2:00 a.m.
set at Catch a Rising Star.

You know how many years
it's been

since I worked
Catch a Rising Star?

You made the joke, and
inoffensive as you think
it may have been

there was
enormous pressure
on the candidate

to disavow your remarks,
and he did not.

And I'm supposed...

Corey...
I'm supposed to feel
good about that?

That he didn't disavow me?

That I wasn't disavowed?

We were courting
law enforcement, Corey.

Don't be naive.

You were also courting
the black vote, C.J.

I'm not naive.

What'd you expect us to do?

I expected
that when I was called

in any of number of places
a Hollywood sleaze

that you might have said a
few words, maybe, on my behalf.

I expected that you
we're going to say

"We in the
Bartlet campaign

"don't believe Cornelius Sykes
is a Hollywood sleaze.

"We believe
he's a world-class humorist

"and millions
of Americans agree.

"We believe
his humor can be
disconcerting to some

"but those who are making noise
right now

"are feigning their concern

in an effort to frighten
white men."

But what you said was

he didn't laugh at the joke.

Corey...

He did laugh at the joke.

Yeah.

He laughed at the joke, C.J.

I've been doing this 20 years.

You don't think I know
if I had him?

I killed that night.

That was a very
big deal for me.

To play in front
of that audience

to get that man to laugh?

And the next day

my parents read in the paper
that I am Hollywood sleaze.

But that's okay

'cause the candidate didn't
think I was funny.

I understand.

I don't want to cause
any trouble for the President.

You knew that
when you walked in here.

I'll pass on the dinner.

I'll tell them...

it was 'cause I couldn't get out
of a booking.

But the President laughed
at the joke, C.J.

I killed that night.

You did.

Okay, I got to go.

I'll see you next time.

Is the President
offstage yet?

Just about.

Anyone know
how it's going?

Toby?
Yeah.

It's Sam.
Yeah.

Yeah?

Sam...
He admonished them.

He went off the speech
right at the end

and slapped them down
for not speaking out

Yeah. Listen...
on eco-terrorism.

Sam, listen...
He just flew
right off the speech.

Something about
a Colorado ski resort.

Sam, are you listening?
Here's what you say:
Talk to me.

Friends are honest
with each other.

The President has always spoken
out on moderate groups

not taking responsibility
for terrorism

and he isn't going to stop
with the environmental lobby.

God bless you all,
and God bless America.

Got that?
Yeah.

What's happening?

Sam, what's happening?

They're not standing.

So, you're actual royalty?

Well, yes.

It's not just an
honorary thing?

No. In fact,
there's little honor

attached to it at all.

Tell me about yourself.

Well, my mother
was a descendant

of the third of the nine
children of Queen Victoria.

Victoria was the
granddaughter of
George III

who was the great
grandson of George I.

George I was the great
nephew of Charles I

who was the son of James I

and, uh, James's mother
was Mary, Queen of Scots.

And are you
and Caprice an item?

Uh, no.

Mr. Ambassador?

Is he back?

He's back,
but he's receiving credentials

from Her Excellency
Renee Ernesto of Argentina

and asks for your patience.

My patience
he shall have.

C.J....

Yeah?

You just get back?
Yeah.

You heard
what happened?

Yeah, and here's what it is:

The President has always
spoken out on moderate groups

not taking responsibility
for extremism

and he isn't going to stop
at the environmental lobby.

Friends are honest
with each other.

Sam?

Have you spoken to Toby?

When?

Since after the
speech tonight?

No.

Okay.

They're setting up
for the reception?

Yeah.

$60 billion can be spent
on other things.

I'm all for retention pay.

I'm all for health benefits.

I'm all for procurement.

I'm talking about
Abrams tanks

and Apache helicopters,
which we know work.

An Apache helicopter

will not stop a Shahab-3
long-range Stiletto

or a North Korean ICBM.

Well, so far,
neither can anything else.

Hey, Sam?

I'm going back in there.

Have you been
getting questions?

I'm sorry?

Have you been
getting questions?

Yeah.

From the press, or...?

The press'll
be tomorrow.

So, who's asking...?

The chairman of the
GDC, four congressmen

the Secretary
of the Interior.

Who'd you think would
be talking to me?
What did...?

I said, "Sometimes friends have
to be honest with each other."

I said exactly
what you told me to say

which, coincidentally, is
exactly what C.J. told me to say

which is remarkable
when you consider

during the event and didn't
speak to you afterward.York

I mean, it's almost
as if there were people

who already knew it
was going to happen.

Sam...
Get away from me.

( door opens )

Hey, Sam.

Is it possible I could
get in for just a minute?

He's pretty tight right now.

I don't think

I can get you in.

MARBURY:
Oh, well, yes,
uh, certainly.

There's, uh, Edward,
Earl of Ulster.

He's the son of Richard,
Duke of Gloucester

who's the son of Henry,
Duke of Gloucester.

Edward, Earl of Ulster?

Yes.

You think he'd like me?

Do you date
younger men?

Sure. How old is he?

Five.

Okay, well, let's stick a pin
in that for a moment

and move on.

Hello.
Hello.

Am I interrupting?

Not at all.

Ambassador Marbury
was just telling me

about how royal men
are schooled in the
ways of courtship.

King George III,
for example

sailed his bride
up the River Thames

to music that was
specially composed.

Yeah. That was just
a few years

before we opened up a big can
of whup-ass on him at Yorktown.

Leo, uh...

How can you look

at North Korea,
which 24 months ago

fired a Taepodong missile...

Uh, which failed.

And with some modifications

it'll be able to reach Alaska.

Well, I don't
live in Alaska.

I live in England,
which, by the way

is not protected by the shield.

Not that anybody else is
at the moment, either.

You've also forgotten
that we're both signatories

to the '72 ABM Treaty,
of which this shield
is in clear violation.

You've forgotten
that it will

compel China to strengthen
their nuclear arsenal.

You've forgotten that
the European allies

have strong
reservations
about the shield

and you've forgotten
that it doesn't work.

You know what
I haven't forgotten?

What?

That we opened up

a big can of whup-ass on you
at Yorktown.

All right.

CHARLIE:
Leo?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I'm going to correspond
with Edward, Earl of Ulster

once he learns
how to read and write.

Okay.

Here you go.

TOBY:
No, no, Alice,
I got it.

It's all right.

No, I got it.

You want a beer?

Yeah, thanks.

( sighs )

You don't ever go into
the Oval Office mad.

Look...
No. No, no.

No, Sam, you don't ever
go in there mad.

I think the President's remarks
were... ill-advised

to say the least.

Well, you're wrong.

The drop-in's the story
now, Toby, not the
energy package.

The energy package
doesn't need to be

a story. It's
going to be a law.

You'd don't think we need

the environmental lobby?

I think
we need them.

I just don't think
we're going to lose them.

And I think you're
tragically misguided.

Sam, I...

Many, if not most
environmentalists

are absolutists
who will use this insult to pull

their support under cover
we cut a deal with Detroit.

Well, then,
they can grow up, Sam.

"Use this insult"?

They just got the energy package
they wanted

they just got the President
at their dinner

and they should shut up!

Well, you should

explain it to them
just that way, Toby

'cause they're really pretty
receptive to that argument.

When they look down
the ballot and see
the alternatives

they get receptive
in a hurry.

Was there anything else,
or can I sit here now?

Yeah, you can sit here.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

( sighs )

Sam, I'm looking
at opposition polling

that scares the
hell out of me.

I'm looking at
internal numbers

that change by the hour.

I'm listening to
economists that tell
me there's weather...

You left me out.

( sighing ):
Yeah.

You think I'm the reason
you got beat

on the Leadership breakfast?

I got creamed, Sam.

You think I'm the reason?

I didn't want
the discussion!

Then what are you doing here

talking to me?

Now you want
the discussion.

You and the President may think
they deserved it

but the cynicism
of attacking your friends

for political protection
offends them and it offends me.

It offends you, and there's
really nothing I can do

to make you feel better
about that.

We can't govern if we don't win.

You should talk to me
about the numbers more.

Yeah.

Anyway, I have
this beer, so...

Yeah.

I was just going to
sit down and drink it.

Yeah.

I mean, we don't have
to talk or anything.

Yeah.

That was
Chairwoman Shelly Loobis

I just got off the phone with.

Before that was a conference
call with Jamie Schwartz

from the Environmental
Defense Fund

Bryce Davis
from the Sierra Club

and three Democratic Congressmen

from the Subcommittee
on Energy and the Environment.

The number
of different words

they had
for "manipulative..."

Leo, there's no way
they didn't have

a thesaurus open
in front of them.

Bryce Davis said
if I keep this up

he's going to encourage
Seth Gillette

in a third-party bid.

What'd you say?

I said for 50 bucks
and a ride to the airport

Gillette could have the job
right now.

( chuckles )
What'd you say?

I politely reminded them
that it's probably

not a good idea to threaten
the President. Nancy!

I want to know,
when you're pushing me

towards the missile shield

it's not 'cause you want me
to look strong on defense.

NANCY:
Yes, sir?

Would you tell Charlie
I'm ready?
Yes, sir.

Don't.
I'm not. I'm
pushing you

toward the shield
'cause I think it works.

Based on what?

Confidence...

and the understanding
that there's been a time

in the evolution
of everything that works

when it didn't work.

JOSH:
You know, can
I say this?

Why don't we just
give the $60 billion

to North Korea
in exchange for
not bombing us?

It's almost hard to believe

that you're not on
the National Security Council.

I know. I feel like they're
missing an important voice.

( door opens )

Good evening.

PRESIDENT:
John!

Let me explain why
you've been waiting.

I have to see people
in the order in
which they arrive

and you got beat
by Argentina.

Oh, uh, well, yes.

You also lost out
on preferred seating

for the State
of the Union.

I'm required to attend
the State of the Union?

Yes!

Well, then,
attend it I shall.

Okay. Tom?

it is with pleasure
that I present His Excellency

Lord John Marbury
of Great Britain

and by request
of the Secretary of State

ask that you accept
his credentials

from Her Royal Majesty,
Queen Elizabeth II

as Great Britain's Ambassador
to the United States.

Hmm...

Where are you on
the missile shield?

Well, I think it's dangerous,
illegal, fiscally irresponsible

technologically unsound

and a threat
to all people everywhere.

Leo?

I think the world
invented a nuclear weapon.

I think the world
owes it to itself

to see if it can't
invent something

that it would make
it irrelevant.

Well, that's
the right sentiment

and certainly a credible one

from a man who's fought
in a war.

You think you can
make it stop?

Well, you can't.

We build a shield.

Somebody will build
a better missile.

Well, it's a discussion
for serious men.

They say a statesman

is a politician
who's been dead for 15 years.

I'd like us to be statesmen
while we're still alive.

Lord Marbury, I accept

your Letter of Credence
from Queen Elizabeth

and by affixing my
signature and seal

do hereby
declare you to be

an Ambassador Extraordinary
and Plenipotentiary.

Well, thank you, sir.

Congratulations.

God bless America.

God save the Queen.

Let's go.

( chuckling )