All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S02E11.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing:

Leo, hard as you might try

the Republican Party
isn't going anywhere.

We don't know that
for sure, sir.

They could all end up
moving to Vancouver.

I don't think so.

Me neither, but
being in power means

everybody else can take
a seat for four years.

You have
post-traumatic stress disorder.

Well, that doesn't really sound
like something they let you have

if you work for the President.

This president was elected
with 48% of the vote, Toby.

Yes, but he was elected.

Without a mandate.

The majority of people
in the country voted

for somebody else.

DONNA:
We don't need

some kind of permission
for this?

JOSH:
No.

DONNA:
What about supervision?

Shouldn't there be
some official supervision?

We're making a fire
in a fireplace.

What kind of supervision
do you want?

FEMA, the American Red Cross...

SAM:
What kind of wood is this?

Josh...
I don't know.

It's freezing in here.

I acknowledge
that it's cold.

It's like Ice Station Zebra.

It also might bother someone.

It's half past midnight.

See, here's the thing.

Yeah?
This looks like
spruce to me...

...and spruce is soft wood.

Soft wood burns out quickly.

You know what we need
for a slow-burning fire?

That's right.
A hard wood?

That's interesting.

Where did you get the wood?

It was sitting in the... thing.

I think that is meant
to be decorative.

It's wood. We're not burning
Benjamin Harrison's log cabin.

What?
You know what?

Why?
We might be.

It was made
out of spruce.

Where's C.J.?

She's over in
the Roosevelt Room.

Yeah.
Is she doing
the seating chart?

Jancowitz has a hearing aid
that seldom works.

He needs to be
seated somewhere
near the center.

Yeah.
Would you
tell her that?

You're not using lighter fluid
or anything, are you?

No, no flammable liquids of
any kind to start a fire, ever.

What?
!
Found it.

Kerosene.

Josh.

Go.

C.J.:
Speaker...

House Majority,
House Minority...

Senate Majority,
Senate Minority...

Whip, Whip, Deputy, Deputy...

Right.
Yes.

Then...
What?

Yes.
The Committee Chairs.

Ways & Means here.

Finance goes here, House
Appropriations goes here.

Senate Appropriations goes here,
House Budget.

Excellent.
Senate Budget.

Which brings us to...

That's right.
White House Staff.

So we've got
the Chief of Staff.

Next to him
the Deputy
Chief of Staff.

On the other side
of Leo will be the
Congressional Liaison

and then the
Political Liaison.

Next to them will be the
Communications Director

and the Deputy
Communications Director.

What about Staff aides?

The aides will stand
around the wall.

We're set.
So we're done.

Yes.

C.J.

Don't give me a thing.

Josh says Jancowitz
has to sit closer
to the center.

Why?
He doesn't hear well.

He can't sit closer
to the center.

His hearing aid
malfunctions.

Who cares? It's a breakfast

to trumpet a new spirit
of bipartisan cooperation

and understanding
in the new year.

No one's going to be listening
to each other anyway.

I'm just a messenger,
but I think he's saying
we don't snub Jancowitz...

Yeah.
'Cause of the thing.

All right, we're going
to have to move somebody.

Would you ask him
if it's better to dis

Yeah.
the House Whip
or the Senate Whip?

You want to stand them
in a tripod, right?

Yeah, standing three
sticks on end

and slanting them
to a common center.

Yeah, but...
Isn't that a tripod?

You just thought
you'd say more words?

Yeah.

Josh.

Hang on.

You know what we need?

Dried leaves.

We need dried leaves.

To move Jancowitz, we got
to move either the House
or the Senate Whip.

DONNA:
Why?
( in unison ):
House.

'Cause life is tough
in the big, cruel world

and if he doesn't like
it, he can kiss me.

Yeah.
So the spirit
of bipartisanship begins?

Could you possibly get us
some dried leaves?

Yeah, I'll just run out
to the forest and be right back.

You know what?

You think
she's being sarcastic?

Yeah, I don't think
she's getting the leaves.

You know what
we could use?

Newspaper.

See, this is
what I'm talking about.

It really is.
This is teamwork.

House. Yes.
House?

So, we'll move the House Whip
to the left of Sam.

We'll move Jancowitz
across from Leo

and we're set, right?

CAROL:
Yes.

C.J.:
Larry, Ed, we're set?

Either one of you?

Yeah.
Yes.

Thank you.

You see, you guys thought

it was going to take
a long time.

It only ended up
taking 71/////2 hours.

Somebody working
on the heat?

Seating arrangement's set.

That took some time.

It was hard.

Yeah, you got to
find the magic marker.

Toby, when people
are sitting with
the President

there's excruciating
protocol involved.

What?
Uh-oh.

Missed one.

Who?

Take a look.

I'm looking...

It'll happen.

Okay, guys,
you know what we did?

We forgot the President.

There it is.

Does anybody smell smoke?

Oh, God...

( coughs )

I think this might be
because the wood is wet.

Well, the fire

You'd think.
ought to dry it pretty
quick, shouldn't it?

What did you do?

It's going pretty good now.

There's smoke
in the hallways.

What the hell's
going on?

The wood's drying out.

Are you burning
a dining room table?

Spruce is
a slow-drying wood.

No.
Do you have any
idea what you're
talking about?

Hang on.

Are those instructions?

It says that this fireplace

was a favorite
of President Andrew Johnson

and he would sip whiskey
from a charcoal keg

while reading
by its light.

That doesn't help.

The flue's been welded shut
since 1896.

What are you doing?
Well, that's probably it then.

Somebody started
a fire in this
fireplace, Charlie.

If the smoke alarms go off,
they're going to make me
wake the President.

The President's a
thousand yards over
and two flights up.

It's Secret
Service procedure.

Well, let's get
a fire extinguisher

and put it out
before the smoke alar...

( smoke alarm blaring )

What?

Mr. President,
you know how you told me

not to wake you up unless
the building was on fire?

TOBY:
These are the rules.

They're the guidelines.

Yes.
The meeting will
last 90 minutes

The guidelines.
and the rules...

We can't talk about
the Patients' Bill
of Rights?

We can talk about
the Patients'
Bill of Rights.

We just can't talk about
dropping the provision

that would allow
for litigation.

Why not?

'Cause that's not
what the breakfast is for.

What's it for?

To symbolize
the spirit of cooperation

as the new sessions begins
and to eat pancakes.

So with regard
to the Patient''
Bill of Rights

we'll just be debating
the things we agree on.

Yeah.

And raising
the minimum wage?

We won't be talking
about that at all.

No, we shouldn't,
'cause there's a chance

it could lead to something.

We can't talk
about the Patients'
Bill of Rights?

We can talk about it.
We just can't talk

about dropping the
no litigation clause.

Leo, what's the point
of having rights

if you can't sue
for them in court?

That's a
fine argument.

But we won't
be making it.

Not at
this breakfast.

And the minimum wage?

Not so much.

I see we won't be
talking about the
993 tax cut.

We won't be, but we've agreed

to call it tax relief
instead of a tax cut.

Yeah.
We're calling it
tax relief?

No.
But we won't be talking
about it.

Leo, the Patients' Bill
of Rights...

Which we'll be referring to

as the Comprehensive Access
and Responsibility Act.

What's the Comprehensive Access
and Responsibility Act?

It's the Patients'
Bill of Rights

but the CARA was
introduced in 1999.

It's fundamentally
the same thing

and the Republicans
have agreed

to discuss changing
the name back.

In exchange for calling
tax breaks tax relief.

I'm in a musical.
Or income
enhancement.

Getting it renamed
for the old bill
is a hell

of a concession.
Leo, I'm going to check in
with you for a second, okay?

Sure.

Yeah.
Sick people?
Who aren't getting
proper medical care?

Right. Yes.
Because they
can't afford it?

Probably don't care

that we've agreed
to change the name of the bill.

We've agreed
to discuss
changing the...

Security briefing.
What's after that?

Agriculture.
After that?

Who was the idiot who set off
the smoke alarm last night?

Well, it sounds a lot like

you're talking about Sam,
Mr. President.

Were you
inconvenienced, sir?

They had me on
the Truman balcony

for six minutes
in my underwear.

Was it cold?

In January? No. Why do you ask?

Mr. President,
I'd like to talk

about those rules
in that memo you're reading.

It's a breakfast, Toby.
It's a pancake breakfast.

There's nothing
in that memo that's important.

We're having
Vermont maple syrup?

Mr. President,
if you read item four

you'll see that time
at this breakfast will be spent

discussing calling the
Patients' Bill of Rights

the Comprehensive Access
and Responsibility Act.

I don't give a damn

if they call it
the Monroe Doctrine.

What the hell are we doing
serving Vermont maple syrup?

On the minimum wage

if we all turn our attention
to item five

of the Rules
of Bipartisan Breakfast...

They're guidelines.
You keep calling them rules.

Margaret, what does it say
at the top of the memo?

"Rules for
Bipartisan
Breakfast."

I keep meaning to fire you.

New Hampshire syrup
is what we serve
in this White House.

TOBY:
Sir...

It's a breakfast.
We eat, we pose
for pictures.

You do a post-game
conference.

Everybody gets the
hell out of here

Anything else?
and I don't have
to be Officer Krupke.

An OMB efficiency expert
has said we can free up
much-needed office space

by moving the press room
across the street.

What else?

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you.

Josh.

Yeah.

You feeling all right?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah.

No.
You don't mind
me asking?

'Cause I'm going to ask you
once a day, okay?

Okay, but you just asked
me four times in the
last ten seconds.

I want you to go to Ben
and Sally's for dinner tonight.

Are you going?

No.

Was I invited?

No.

Are Ben and Sally asking for me?

No, they'd rather
you didn't come, but
they'll do me a favor

and I need you
to do me one, too.

What's at Ben and Sally's?

Karen Cahill.

And what stupid-ass Irish thing

did you say to Karen Cahill

that you now need me
to apologize for

at Ben and Sally's
like a little girl?

Let me tell you

what was surprising
about that moment just then.

I said that only 12 hours
after you were very cool

about my almost accidentally
setting the building on fire.

I made a joke about her shoes.

I'm sorry?

I made a remark about her shoes.

You're the second
most powerful man
in the country.

And she writes a column
for the New York Times

and who knows what kind
of special relationship

women have with their shoes?

What could you possibly
have said...?

It doesn't matter.

It was perfectly benign

to anyone who doesn't take
shoes that seriously.

Just tell her I love her
and that I'm sorry

and I'll take her shoe shopping.

Why don't you tell her?

If someone else tells her

it seems like I was thoughtful
enough to mention it.

If I tell her,
it just makes me seem feminine.

You don't think the
shoe shopping's going
to take care of that?

Let's call the insurance company

and see how much water damage
was done in the Mural Room.

You don't need
to wave a stick, Leo.

I am totally there for you.

Thank you.

Fine.
Can I get Sam to do it?

Anything else?
No.

This isn't about

what they say in the meeting.

It's about what they say
after the meeting.

So let's decide
what they're going to say.

It'll be simple enough.

Like what?

We appreciate
the President's
invitation

and welcome him
to the cause of
bipartisanship.

C.J....
And I'll end
the press conference.

You're going to welcome him
to the cause of bipartisanship?

What's the problem?

I think C.J.'s objecting

to the implication that
we got there first.

Yes.

How about, "We all agree
on a need for a renewed
spirit of bipartisanship"?

Yes.
The meeting was positive?

Yes.
Friendly, frank
and productive?

And we're certain our goals
can be met

under the
President's leadership.

No way.

What's the problem?

I think what my aide
is objecting to is
the implication

it's the President's
leadership under which
our goals will be met.

The meeting was positive,
friendly, frank and productive.

With a spicy bouquet
that suggests a fine Merlot.

The press will be
at the northwest entrance.

Assuming we're done at 10:30

the Majority Leader will speak
and take questions

the Minority Leader,
then CJ will answer questions

20 minutes later
in the briefing room.

If all goes well,
we should be back...

I've got to stop you.
Why in the briefing room?

That's where I brief.

The Majority Leader's briefing
first and outside.

You're doing it last,
in back of a podium

and in front of a blue curtain

with a big picture
of the White House.

And the Majority Leader
will be doing it in front
of the actual White House.

No, he'll be doing it
on the Capitol steps.

Traditionally, these are done
in front of the White House.

Traditionally

the person in my job
has cared what's traditional.

The President's not going
to want to end

a bipartisan breakfast

with the Republicans speaking
from one place

and the Democrats...

And the Majority Leader's
not going to stand

at a cardboard podium
in your front yard

while you stand in the
White House Press Briefing Room

and with good reason.

Which is?

I don't think
they're on equal footing.

Yes.
My boss and your boss?

I don't think they are, either.

C.J....

Ann, the Majority Leader's
going to brief outside.

If the Majority Leader
wants to skip breakfast

there'll be more pancakes
for the rest of us

and my press room
can write about why.

Well, you can't blame a girl
for trying.

You need me?

Can I borrow

her for a moment?

We'll wait.

These rules are crap.

The guidelines?

We're working
with C.J. right now.

I could care less who says what
in what order.

I'm talking about
what we say when we sit down.

You've got concerns?

Yes, I do.
Name one.

The President prefers maple
syrup from New Hampshire.

( chuckles )
I'm not kidding.

Then we better meet on this.

Breakfast tomorrow?

What should I wear?

I don't give a damn.

I've heard different.

CAROL:
9:45--

so we got that straight.
Where were we?

You were giving
me and my staff
an ultimatum.

DONNA:
Sam?

Did you know
there's a swimming pool

underneath
the press briefing room?

I didn't.

There's a swimming pool
underneath there

and I'll tell you what else.

According to
the OMB efficiency auditor

there are more people working
in the west wing

of the White House
than at any point in history.

You want to free up
office space by kicking
out the press corps.

Yeah.
And putting in
a swimming pool?

I realize that there are
some flaws in my logic.
Yeah.

Leo needs a favor.
What?

He needs you to go to dinner
at Ben and Sally's

and apologize to Karen Cahill
for making fun of her shoes.

I didn't make
fun of her shoes.
He did.

I don't have any problem
with her shoes.
Leo did.

What was his problem
with her shoes?

Doesn't matter.
Just do what you usually do.

Here's the thing.
What?

I don't do well
with Karen.
Why?

I get nervous.
What happens?

I become unimpressive.

In what way?

In many ways.

You don't fall
down, do you?
When?

With Karen.
Once.

You'll be fine.
You think?

You'll be impressive.
I never have been before

but that's no reason
to think I'm not
going to do it.

Right.
You know why?

It doesn't really matter.

Perseverance--
you get right
back on the horse.

I am going to sit there,
and she's going
to go home saying

"That Sam Seaborn is
impressive. I'm going to
say nice things about him."

Reach for the stars, Sam.

I will.
Good.

Yeah.

I'm going to have breakfast
with Ann Stark tomorrow.

Leave it alone.

I think we should be
able to discuss...

Toby. It's
a brand-new year.

So let's not faff around.

It's breakfast.

I know it's
breakfast.

We're not going to
come up with solutions

in 90 minutes

but we have the
principals in a
room with no cameras.

The leaders of the land.

( chuckling )

And not to talk about

how we're going
to approach the
minimum wage

the Patients'
Bill of Rights

tax relief and education
in the legislative session
that's about to begin

is a criminally negligent
and cowardly refusal

to do what we were...
all sent here to do.

This is what my ex-wife and I
did for years.

We had these rules.

We could talk about anything

but why we couldn't live
with each other.

I could have been
two years younger right now.

There was a freshman Democrat

who came to Congress
50 years ago.

He turned to a senior Democrat
and said

"Where are the Republicans?

I want to meet the enemy."

The senior Democrat said

"The Republicans
aren't the enemy.

"They're the opposition.

The Senate's the enemy."

Those days are over.

Toby, in this climate...

This climate
is exactly when...

Toby...
Real debate

is what bipartisanship
should look like.

This woman's had this job
two weeks.

I don't like dealing with people
who are trying to impress me.

I know her a little.

Have breakfast with her.

Thank you.

Toby?

Yeah.

Jenny and I
wouldn't talk about it, either.

You know why?

Why?

Because we loved each other...

and it was awful...

and we knew
it was never going to change.

Ever.

I want them to talk
about the minimum wage

and I want them to talk about
the Patients' Bill of Rights.

I believe you
might be talking

about the
Comprehensive Access

and Responsibility
Act there, Toby.

Uh, yeah.

I brought you a present.

What is it?

Guess.

Really?
Sure.

Why?

( laughs )

I would think it'd be fun.

You don't think it'd be
a colossal waste of time?

You've lost your
sense of humor.

It's a bottle
of New Hampshire maple syrup.

It's a can of New
Hampshire maple syrup

and you just ruined
what I think could've
been a nice moment.

Ann...
You know,
tax breaks

are tax relief now

and we're changing South
Carolina to Italy.

The minimum wage.

You cannot muster up the
behavior to say thank you?

For the syrup?
Yeah.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And congratulations.

( laughs softly )

Thank you.

You are now the Chief of Staff

to the most powerful Republican
in the country.

Obviously a great deal
of confidence

has been placed in you...

Where's my present?

For being promoted?

Yeah.

Uh, I don't have one.

Give me my syrup back.

MAN:
Are you ready to order?

He's going
to need syrup.

I have syrup here

but he doesn't
have any.

Scrambled eggs, wheat toast,
and coffee, please.

Carol, did the
President say

that the stats were
even more staggering

right here in
Washington, D.C.?

Yeah.

Would you remind me
to clarify that?

Why?

He was in Louisville, Kentucky,
when he said it.

Hey.

Hey.

You got my note?

About moving the press room
to the OEOB? I did.

And?
Don't let anyone ever know
that you wrote it

and don't ever mention
it again under any
circumstances.

Moving the press room?
See what you did?

C.J....
You mentioned it.

Look, if...
You did it again.

No, I didn't.
You were about to.

Just the OEOB,
just across the street.

We're not getting a
swimming pool, Sam.

I know we're not getting
a swimming pool

but we can get
much-needed office space

and we can put
a little physical distance

between the press
and the President

and we can put them
just across the street

in a state-of-the-art
facility.

By state-of-the-art,
you mean...?

A room with electricity.

The press doesn't want physical
distance from the President

and the American people
would prefer the President

didn't have physical distance
from the press.

C.J....

We can't exile
the press.

But the room
I'm talking about

is 100 yards from
where we're standing.

It sends a signal

we're trying to hide things
from them.

We are trying to hide things
from them

but we won't be any better at it
if they're across the street.

No.

I'll get more
information for you.

I don't need more information.

So that you
can ruminate.
I don't need
to ruminate.

How'd it go?
Excellent. Josh.

What do you need?
Hang on a second.

Did the monthly DNC
go out yet?

It's going
out now.

Is there time
to tack on a question?

Yeah. Donna, get me
the polling center

at Global Strategies Group.

DONNA:
Yeah.

What's the question?

C.J. thinks if we move the press
out of the west wing

the American people
will object.

She's crazy.

So I want
to show her numbers.

DONNA:
Mike at
Global Strategies.

I want to tack on
a question, okay?

"Would you object...?"
"Would you have...?"

"Yes or no-- would you
have an objection if...?"

What should the question be?

"If the White House
moved the press corps

to Trenton, New Jersey,
would you give a flying...?"

"Would you object to the White
House moving the press room

out of the west wing and into
a facility across the street?"

Read it back.

How'd it go?

It went great.

JOSH:
Thank you.

I had to talk to Karen Cahill
last night.

Did you fall down at all?

I did not.

In fact, we were talking
about the stability

of former Soviet republics and
their fear of Islamic extremism

and I have to say that I made

some very
scholarly points

regarding the remaining
nuclear weapons

in Kyrgyzstan, and I...

Kazakhstan.

Hmm?

The nuclear weapons
are in Kazakhstan.

I said Kyrgyzstan?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, Kyrgyzstan
has no nuclear weapons.

No.

Kazakhstan's a country

four times the
size of Texas

and has a sizable
number of former
Russian missile silos.

Yeah.

Kyrgyzstan's on the side
of a hill near China

and has mostly
nomads and sheep.

I'm sure you got it right
last night.

Yes.

I'm sure.

Okay.

STARK:
It's a photo-op, Toby.

Let them talk about the Redskins
and their kids.

And why not talk
about the minimum wage?

Because you'll say you
want it raised two dollars

in 50-cent increments
over two years

and we'll say three years.

Ann, do you know
what a full-time worker

employed at $5.15 an hour

makes in a year?

$10,712.

Which is $2,600
below the poverty line.

Why have a minimum wage?

Now you're talking.

Ann, I...

You really think
raising the minimum wage

is going to put a dent
in the poverty rate?

I'm saying it could at least
keep up with inflation.

In the last 30 years

the purchasing power
of the minimum wage
has gone down 30%

while you know
how much the stock
market has gone up?

115%.

Toby, small businesses
will fold or produce less

because they can't afford to pay
a federally mandated wage.

The unemployed will in turn
face higher prices

while receiving no wage.

Fine, so let's talk
about it at breakfast.

No.
Why?

'Cause 20 senators will call me

and say,
"What the hell are you doing

starting the ball rolling
without us?"

No, they will call and say

"What the hell are you doing
rolling the ball at all?"

You're going to sandbag
the thing in committee.

You've shown us your whole hand.

You're playing a game

and not that well.

I just got here.

Your predecessor
didn't play it well.

Maybe that's why
they gave me her job.

Ann, we're not going to get
screwed around on the wage hike.

No?

We have the votes,
and you know it.

Well, having the votes
doesn't matter that much

if the leader decides
there isn't going to be a vote.

There is going to be a vote,
straight up or down

and if there isn't,
we'll offer the wage hike

as an amendment
on everything that moves.

Say that again?

You heard me the first time.

Do you not remember
that I am the same person

who bought you a can of syrup?

Ann...

Toby

what have I done

to make you think
I'm scared of you?

The Patients'
Bill of Rights.

We can talk about it?

We can spend 15
minutes on dropping
the litigation shield.

In exchange for what?

Some flowers wouldn't
be out of line.

In exchange for what?

The spirit of
bipartisanship.

In exchange for what?

I want the press conference
at the Hill.

Our guys are tired of looking

like the President's
stupid cousin.

That's all?

Yeah.

You want the press conference
on the Hill?

Yeah.

Done.

C.J. Cregg says no.

C.J. works for me.

Thank you for breakfast.

You're welcome.

Charlie!

Yes, sir.

Who's the next meeting?

Kim Woo of
Singapore.

You want the
cheat sheet?

I don't need a cheat sheet.

Kim Woo.

He won a bronze medal
for fencing

he's a Buddhist,
and he enjoys European history.

You see, Charles,
even though it's a handshake

I'm able to make him
feel like a friend

and that's a little thing
they call people skills.

Kim Woo's a woman, sir.

The man's an Olympic athlete,
Charlie.

I wouldn't say that to his face.

Sir.
What else?

Sam wanted me to show you
some remarks he jotted down

for your toast

at the breakfast
tomorrow.

"Ladies and gentlemen..."

That's funny.

Yeah, that's funny.

She's a woman?

Yes, sir.

Did you mark
that down?
Yes, sir.

"We spend so much time
demonizing the other side

"treating our opponents as if
they were threatening strangers

"with whom
we share nothing in common

that we've lost sight, perhaps,
of the greater truths."

Did you know it's bad luck
to toast with water?

I didn't.

Yeah, you don't want
to make a toast with water.

Should we go, sir?

It's from Greek mythology,
I'm almost sure.

You lose your spirit.

To what?

Hmm?

To what do you
lose your spirit?

That's a good question, Charlie,
and I could tell you

but I think it's better
if you look it up on your own.

I'll hit the library

as soon as I get off work
tonight at 1:00 a.m.

"...that we've lost sight,
perhaps, of the greater truths.

There is a lot more that unites
Americans than divides them."

That's good.

"There's a lot more that unites
Americans than divides them."

Remind me to tell
Sam that's good.

Yes, sir.

And remind me not
to toast with water.

Yes, sir.

Ah, let's go.

I said the wrong one.
Maybe not.

I'm fairly certain.
You had a 50-50 chance.

It was Karen Cahill.

If there was a 99
in 100 chance of
saying the right one

I said the wrong one.

Why do you guys get
worked into a lather

over Karen Cahill?

She's a very influential woman.

You're a very
influential man.

She's a columnist.
She gets the last word.

You talk to lots
of columnists.

She has some kind
of special powers.

You think?
Yeah.

Maybe you didn't
get it wrong.
I got it wrong.

Maybe there really
are remaining nuclear
weapons in Kyrgyzstan.

There are barely pots and pans
in Kyrgyzstan.

You think New York Times is
going to make fun of you?

I do.
You've got to be used
to that by now, right?

Yeah. Here's what
we're going to do.

We're going to
do something?

You're going
to talk to her.
I don't even
know her.

You've met her.
We've been
introduced.

You said you felt the two
of you made a connection.
That's true.

Here's what you're
going to do.

I connect
with people.
Yes.

I'm a people person.
That's great.

You're going to
the South Street
exhibit tonight?

How did you know?
You told me.
She's going, too.

How do you know?
She told me.

So there's quite a bit
of reconnaissance work
that went into this.

Yes. You're going to go
up to her, "Hi, I'm Donna Moss.

"I don't know
if you remember me.

I'm Josh Lyman's assistant."

You just had to come up to her

'cause you knew she'd get
a kick out of this.

"Sam Seaborn
is being so cute.

"He was talking to you

"and he thinks
he may have said 'Kyrgyzstan'

when he obviously meant
'Kazakhstan.'"

"Sam Seaborn's
being so cute"?

It'd kill you?
No.

Thank you.

( knocking )

Yeah?

Yeah.

Listen, I just had breakfast
with Ann Stark.

Minimum wage?

No.

It's for the best.
Why?

'Cause there'll be a fight.

Yes.
Toby...

There should be a fight.

We disagree on something
important and immediate.

Which means there should be
a compromise.

Which isn't going
to happen by posing
for a picture.

It isn't going to happen
eating pancakes, either, Toby

so let them tell dirty jokes

for 90 minutes, shake hands,
and start the year.

Not when it's
the taxpayers' pancakes.

The taxpayers will be happy
to know that the Democrats

are trying to tighten
their belts where they can.

They're willing to put
a provision

of the Patients' Bill
up for discussion.

Well, that's a little something
you can all disagree on.

15 minutes.

You can do a lot of shouting
in 15 minutes.

In exchange, she wants the
press conference on the Hill.

Now, she wants
the whole thing on the Hill?

Yeah, listen...

I said no yesterday
to the split conference.

What makes her think

I'm going to put
the whole thing on the...?

'Cause I'm
asking you to.

What?!

That's what they get
in exchange for...

You kidding me?

Look...
Toby,
are you kidding me?

Who cares where the...?

First of all...

I don't even know
where to start!

C.J., who...?
But first of all, if they say
anything that needs a response

I need 20 minutes with staff.

I can't stand around there

and huddle in front
of the White House

and Congressional Press Corps.

There's not going
to be a surprise.

You've already decided
what you're going to say

which is not much
of anything at all.

We don't speak for the President
on the steps of the Capitol.

We don't need to be offered
their microphone.

It makes us look like
less than what we are.

In fact, it makes us
look small.

We're calling tax
breaks "tax reliefs"

refusing to discuss
raising the salary

of those living in poverty,
arguing the seating arrangement

and you think that that's what's
going to make us look small?

Toby...
We're talking
about the no-litigation clause

for 15 minutes.

I don't care
if the damn press conference

is outside
the Rotary Club!

It shouldn't be me, then.

It should be Henry.

Fine.

It should be a deputy.

I'll tell Ann it's
not going to be you.

I think
this is a bad idea.

I think
the first visual we get

is that Congress
is the seat of power

and the President is irrelevant.

Not only that

but you just took my legs out
from under me with Ann.

Are you ordering me
to move it to the Hill?

I don't like doing that.

You're going to have to.

Do it.

( camera shutters clicking )

C.J.:
It's about to start.

C.J.
Hey, Steve, you should be
up on the Hill.

I'm going to
watch it on TV.

I wanted to ask you

are you guys
thinking about
moving the press room

across the street?

No.

I heard you were
discussing it.
From who?

Chris.
It's starting.

She seemed pretty sure
you were discussing it.

Why?
She got called
by a pollster

who asked her how she felt...

She got called
by a pollster?
Yeah.

She herself got called?

CAROL:
It's starting.
Anyway, uh...

Let me get into it.

Thanks.

Good morning.

We're joined today
with, uh, Congressman Dade

Congressman Shallick

Senator Hammond
and Senator Ford.

Unfortunately, the Majority
Leader has a sore throat

and is unable to join us here.

He's gone back to his office.

We've just concluded a very
frank and productive meeting...

When did he get a sore throat?

I-I don't...

She took the Majority Leader
off the board.

...what we all feel is
an important moment

of bipartisanship as we face
the coming legislative session.

We thought we'd answer questions
for a few moments this morning.

Yes?

Was the Patients' Bill of Rights
discussed?

The Comprehensive Access
and Responsibility Act...

Yes, it was discussed

though I hesitate
to comment on...

She took him off the board.

...it was agreed that...

Was it a balance thing?

No. She didn't want balance,
she wanted power.

Why'd she take her boss
off the board?

We discussed
the litigation clause

but again, I don't want
to get into the specifics of...

We're about to get hit.

WOMAN:
What about
the minimum wage hike?

The wage hike
was not discussed.

Well, are you considering
a two-dollar increase

over two years?

Well, we want the same thing,
but over three years.

Certainly,
the Leader's position...

Call on Simon.

...but we didn't discuss it.
Craig?

Call on Simon.

Is it fair to say
it's the Majority Leader

who's holding this up
and not the majority?

Well, I don't think it's fair
to say either.

Uh, yeah?
In the back. Simon.

Congressman, I'm quoting
a senior White House aide

who says they have the votes.

The aide said that
unless they get

a straight up or down vote
from the Leader--

and this is the quote--
"We're going to attach it

as an amendment to
everything that moves."

THOMAS:
Could you say that again
to me, please?

This senior
aide said...

Yeah. Listen, I don't want
to comment on this.

I think I'd like to get back
to the breakfast meeting

and then for...

But, uh... I'm sorry.

My friend from Michigan is far
too polite to comment on this.

I am not burdened with
any such sense of etiquette.

This is disgraceful

and I think
the record should show

that a spitball contest

was begun behind our backs,
through the press

and before the 107th Congress
was even gaveled into session.

You want some quotes?

( phone rings )

Open your notepads.

It's Toby.

It is sadly not atypical

of this White House
to make a public show...

I'm the senior aide.

No kidding. Get me Henry.

We came here in an honest effort
to find common ground...

Henry.

...so we could make...

I've got Henry.
What do you want?

...on the myriad of challenges
that are facing us

in the legislative session.

If the White House insists
on saying one thing to our face

and another to us
through the media

if the White House insists
on ambushing us

with ultimatums in the press...

What do you want me
to do, Toby?

...please deliver this message
to the White House:

Don't let him take the podium.

...minimum wage will be...

You'll take questions in
the briefing room in 20 minutes.

...there will be
no up or down vote in...

Henry, get home.

Thank you.

( slams phone down )

WOMAN:
Congressman, one last question!

Hey, what the hell happened?

That was me.

( sighing ):
I gave Ann Stark the quote,
and she fed it to a reporter.

Why'd you give her
the quote?

It wasn't a
quote when I
gave it to her.

What the hell was it?

I was letting her know
that we had the votes...

She knows
we have the votes.
I wasn't...

She was just promoted
to Chief of Staff

for the Senate Majority Leader.

You don't think she knows
we have the votes?

( sighing ):
I misunderstood my relationship
with Ann Stark.

Yes, you did.

And now it looks like
we went to the press

and went for his knees.

Excuse me, but Toby's not the
one who gave it to the press.

You think the Majority Leader's
going to believe that?

No.

It was a breakfast!

It was
a damn photo opportunity.

The year is one week old

the legislative session
hasn't begun

and we can't put a forkful
of waffles in our mouth

without coughing up the ball.

You got beat.

Yes.

I have press
in ten minutes.

Figure it out.

Tell me what you're going to do.

( Toby clears throat )

JOSH:
We can take
the high road

and say we don't want
it to disintegrate
into a war of words.

We don't want to disrupt
the fragile peace.

The fragile peace
has been disrupted.

We've been accused
of ambushing the Majority Leader

in the press.

Also, Labor's going
to want to know

we stand by
the minimum wage.

Why don't we pass it off
to Labor?

Have the Labor Secretary
make a statement:

"We support the
two dollar minimum wage."

JOSH:
Yeah. Let's emphasize
how close we are on this.

"We support the two dollar
minimum wage hike spread
over two years.

"The Republicans want it
over three years.

We're close
to an agreement."

Sounds like we're close
to agreeing on 30 months

which we're not,
and no one's going to want

to cover a statement
from the Labor Secretary

which is good,
'cause if they did

it'd look like
we're ducking.

No, I don't think...
She's right.

We can't be passive

and the high road doesn't go
where we need it to.

( all sighing )

Be cool, be funny,
smack them down hard.

SAM:
The Majority Leader

is tragically out of touch
with the needs of real people.

And why wasn't he
at the podium?
A sore throat?

We know how tough
that can be.

Thank goodness he had
health insurance.
There it is.

That's the sound bite.

And that's the new story.

Toby?

Do it.

Carol, I need voting
stats on health care.

Five minutes.

JOSH:
How's this for a phrase?

"You can lay down
in front of the train

or you can get on board."

That's a really
bad phrase.

Is it better if it's

"You can get
on board the train

or you can lay down
in front of it"?

No. It's really
bad either way.

Josh, this was delivered
by messenger.

What is it?

It's... wait, wait...

No. Damn, my X-ray vision
is failing me today.

Give me that.

How did it go?
Last night?

Did you talk to her?

Yes, I did,
and I explained

that you might have said
"Kyrgyzstan"

when of course
you meant "Kazakhstan."

Did you say how
it was cute the way
I worried about it?

I did.
Did it turn out
I got it wrong?

She said she wasn't
really listening

while you were talking.
Okay...

I, on the hand

had a most stimulating
conversation with her.

It was pithy, it was erudite,
and most of all

it required no
next-day-follow-up explanation.

JOSH:
Donna?

What was
in the envelope?
Your underwear.

What?

I'm holding
your underwear

in my hand
right now.

And the way I know
it's your underwear

is that your name
is sewn in the back

which obviously

we'll spend
some time

talking about
at a later date.

How did you get
my underwear?

Donna, did you
by any chance

wear the same pair of pants
two days in a row this week?

No.

Donna?

Yes.

Okay, when you
got dressed

on day two

did you check
the pant leg

for the previous
day's underwear?

I don't need
to check the pant leg...
Donna...

( sighs )

They fell out of my pants?

It would appear
that way.

Where?

The South
Street exhibit.

Where?

On the floor in front
of Karen Cahill.

Please tell me
she's not the one...

She sent a note.

( gasps )

C.J.:
Fred and Ethel, would
you follow me, please?

She's talking
about us.

( grunts )

C.J.:
Did a question get tacked onto
the monthly DNC tracking poll

about moving the press room?

Yes, it did.

Because I at least wanted
to shoot down the argument

that the public...

The public get their news
from the press

and the press
gets their news...

It's a private poll.
The press doesn't
have access to it.

So they don't know what
questions we're asking?

Yeah.
Are you sure?

The only way they'd
know what questions
were being asked

is if they were
actually called by
one of the pollsters

and... oh, my God.
Yes.

A reporter got called
by one of the pollsters?

Yes, indeed, yes.

Wow. What are the chances
of that?

The chances of that
are astronomical.

Guys...

We can calculate it.
They sample 800 respondents...

Would the two of you stop
being amazed by the mathematics?

All right,
I'd pass it off.

Just say some poor schnook
in the management office

got the idea and wanted
to kick it around.

Sam...

It's going to be me, right?

Okay.
Yeah.

You ready?
Yeah.

You had a lot of opportunities
today

to say "I told you so"
and score some points with Leo.

You're a class act.

Why were you holding
women's underwear before?

Never really
needed a reason.

Eat them up.

REPORTERS:
C.J.! C.J.! C.J.!

NEWSCASTER:
White House Press Secretary
C.J. Cregg characterized

the Republican response
as bizarre.

C.J.:
There was no intent to "ambush"
the Republican party

with an issue that's been
on the table for over a year.

ANNOUNCER:
Ann Stark, recently installed
Chief of Staff

in the Majority Leader's office

said that she was surprised
by the White House information.

And shocked.

Shocked, I say, to discover

that there's gambling going on
in this establishment.

Maybe if you'd gotten me
a gift of some kind.

You think this is funny?

You used to have a sense
of humor, Toby.

Nah, you never had a sense
of humor, Toby.

Ann...

I think you'll have to start
getting next to the idea

that your party
isn't in the majority.

My party's in the White House.

A building
to which the Constitution

does not endow sovereign power.

You think
I'm going to sit around

while you reduce the President
to Prime Minister?

Stand or sit,
we're in the majority

and things are going
to have to look it.

And by the way,
don't ever walk into my office

without an appointment.

You'd think this could wait
until an election year.

When is it not an election year?

Because ten years ago

we used to be able to sit down

we'd order a couple of bourbons,
we'd talk about health care

we'd talk

about the minimum wage.

( chuckles softly )

He didn't have a sore throat.

No.

You kept him off the board so he
could come back on and fix it.

Yeah.

When are you going to announce?

Announce what?

That he's running for President?

I'm pretty sure we just did.

Good morning.

I'm going to read
a short statement

in response
to the rather bizarre take

on what was an otherwise
unremarkable...

I think the whole damn thing
is bizarre.

Mr. President, I don't know
if this is the right moment.

Right moment for what?

Donna Moss needs a favor.

While talking last night
to Karen Cahill

she accidentally dropped
her underwear.

She feels there's a chance

that Karen Cahill may
have misinterpreted that

and Donna asked me to ask you
if you would call Karen Cahill

and make it clear she wasn't
making a sexual advance.

Well, I'm not sure

there is a right moment
to ask me that, Charlie.

So I should tell her no?

Yeah.

Good evening, Mr. President.

Donna wants me
to call Karen Cahill

and make it clear
she wasn't hitting on her

when she gave her
her underwear.

Yeah, that's 'cause I made fun
of her shoes

and then Sam said there were
nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan

and Donna went to clear up
the mix-up

and accidentally left
her underwear.

There can't possibly be
nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan.

Mr. President, please don't wade

hip deep
into this story.

Sir?
Okay. Yeah?

Toby.

I'm going to bed.

If anybody thinks of new ways
for us to make friends

don't hesitate to wake me.

Or, you know, just feel free
to start a fire.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Good night.

Toby.

He didn't want to see me?

He'll be all right
in the morning.

Yeah.

You're the Communications
Director. It was a TV show.

It was a blunder
from top to bottom.

You should know

that it could have been avoided
at several points along the way

if I'd listened to C.J.

Or me.

Yeah.

Alexander Hamilton
didn't think

we should have
political parties.

Neither did John Adams.

They thought
political parties
led to divisiveness.

They do.

They should.

We have honest disagreements.
Arguments are good.

Only if they lead
to statesmanship.

Or it's just theater.

And statesmanship
is compromise.

What about persuasion?

They're coming for us, Leo.

I know.

I mean they're coming
for us now.

Toby, if you knew
what it was like

getting him to run
the first time...

I know.

Like pushing molasses
up a sandy hill.

If I go and tell him
it's time to run again

he's going
to get crazy...

and frustrated.

He's going to sink into his head

and he's going to say
he's not running.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we've got to do it for him.

We'll keep it away
from this office

but we've got

to get real now.

Leo, Ann Stark's
a wartime consigliere.

That's why she was bumped up.

I'm a wartime consigliere,
too, Toby.

Yeah.

I was just hoping it'd be
peacetime a little longer.

Yeah.

Son of a bitch.

Yeah.

Shake my hand.

We just formed it.

Formed what?

The Committee to
Reelect the President.