All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S02E03.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing:

President:
You go out with Zoey, you
better get your picture taken.

There's going to be
a lot of people not wild

about the sight of you
and the President's daughter.

Charlie, you've been
getting death threats.

Are they white supremacists?

I know what I'm looking for.

What happened?

It's a gunshot wound! No exit!

They didn't hit anything.
They'll make sure.

President:
The guy the Secret Service have
in custody is named Carl Leroy.

Josh, a bullet collapsed
your lung.

I'm putting in a tube
to re-expand it.

They tried to kill the President
because Zoey and I are together.

No.

Charlie, the President

wasn't the target.

Josh:
It's called The Theory
of Everything.

The Theory of Everything?

Yes.

Is it comprehensive?

C.J.!

That was a joke there,
pal of mine.

I want you to lead with it.

Carol, I'm missing
the OMB stats.

C.J., I want you
to lead with it.

I'm not going to lead with it.

Yes, you are.

Okay.
So you got it?

Sure.

You got what you're
supposed to say?

The EPA committee
won't be out till 3:00.

He's making me crazy.

You know, I heard that.

I understand
how a speaker phone works.

Say it for me.

Joshua, I have to get
to the briefing room.

Say it, please?

Psychics at Cal-Tech

and the Fermi National
Accelerator Lab

are close to announcing...

Physicists! Theoretical
physicists at Cal-Tech.

Not psychics?

No!
I should jot that down.

Please.

If it was psychics,
I'd lead with it.

C.J....

Talk to you later, mi amor.

I don't think you understand
how important this is...

Let Josh rant a little
before you hang up the phone.

Toby:
C.J.?
Yes, ma'am?

The Bureau of Labor
Statistics is going

to report that the
CPI jumped 0.7 percent.

Okay.

It's the biggest
one-month increase

since the bureau began
tracking prices in '52.

All right, let me say this:

The market basket used
to calculate the CPI
is antiquated.

Say "outdated."

And doesn't include
regular household
items like computers...

Yes, the prices are
always dropping.

And it doesn't reflect

significant technical
improvements like airbags
in automobiles

which increase the price
of the car very slightly

but provide a much
greater value to
the consumer.

You've got all that?

Let's find out.

Look, C.J....
Leopold.

Mention the HUD secretary's
announcing changes

in the underwriting
criteria for the Federal
Housing Administration.

Well, the network's going
to want to break in

with special
coverage for that.

The adjustments are in
FHA-related lending.

They're going
to need time

to put together a logo
and theme music.

You know, the Bureau
of Labor Statistics...

...reported the CPI
jump by 0.7 percent.

Thank you.

Sam:
C.J.?

Oh, Holy Interruptus, Batman!

Grant Samuels died.

Really?
Yes.

He's really dead
this time?
Yeah.

Because last time
you told me he was
dead, he wasn't.

He's dead this time.

Somebody poked him
a little to see...

He died, C.J.!

Okay, then I shouldn't
have made a joke.

I'm almost certain
he's dead.

Sam!
I was making
a joke, too.

What, you work alone?

He's survived by his wife,
Eileen, son Robert

his two daughters Priscilla and
Patty, and eight grandchildren.

I won't learn
their names.

That's fine.

Eileen, Robert, Priscilla,
Patty, eight grandchildren.

I'm assuming it was
complications due to...
Yeah.

Do you know anything
about theoretical physics?

Ahhh, the Grand
Unified Theory.

Do you know
anything about it?

No.
Okay.

Folks, take your seats.
The briefing will start now.

Good morning, everybody.

I have to start
with a sad announcement.

Congressman Grant Samuels
finally succumbed

to pneumonia last night.

His wife, Eileen, his son,
Robert, his daughters

Priscilla and Patty
and his eight grandchildren

are all in the President's
thoughts today.

I also want to talk this morning

about the Bureau
of Labor Statistics

and the Federal Housing
Administration.

And as a special treat
for our friend, Josh Lyman

who is recovering
very nicely at GW

the President's science advisor
is telling us

that psychics at Cal-Tech

and the Fermi National
Accelerator Lab...

You know what?

I'm pretty sure that was
supposed to be physicists.

Toby:
81 percent.

Sam:
Can you believe it?

C.J.:
And all we had
to do was get shot at.

81%,
Those numbers are soft.

Do you think?
You don't?

A week ago, the
job approval's at 51

we get shot at,
it's at 81?

Yeah, I think
the numbers are soft.

Still, 81%.

All:
Good morning, Mr. President.

Good morning, everybody.

Anybody know what

the word "acalculia" means?

It's an inability to perform
arithmetic functions.

I'm sorry,
Mr. President.

You wanted to answer
the question, didn't you?

Yeah, but I'll get over it.

That's very mature.

Shut up.

Not over it yet, are you?

No.
Okay.

Did we really
poll at 81%?

Those aren't internals.
It's CNN/USA Today.

That's soft.
No.

When asked, "Whose approach on
important national problems do

"you think is generally best

President Bartlet or the
Republican leaders of Congress?"

Bartlet gets 61%.

Well, 19% of the country

has clearly made up their minds
about me.

20% just feel
sorry for me.

This is what you want

if you're the leader
of the free world.

Give us an overview.

We've got an
honest-to-God shot

at taking back the House.

Taking back the House
and possibly picking up

two seats net
in the Senate.

Two Governorships
and maybe six state houses.

Where should
we be looking?
Indiana, Sixth

California Fourth and 14th.

Michigan 12th.
Michigan 12th,
Texas 12th.

Florida four,
five, and nine.

They're won't elect
a Democrat in the
Florida Ninth.

I'm sorry.
Florida Eighth.

They won't elect a Democrat
there, either

but let's put some time into it.
What else?

I can hold
or you can call me back.

An inability to perform
arithmetic function.

Sure.

Apparently, there's
a specialized circuit

in the brain for numbers.
You know where it is?

I'm sorry?

It's in the left parietal lobe.

Thank you.
Hey, Zoey.

Hey, Margaret.
Where's Mrs. Landingham?

A funeral. The President's
in the Roosevelt Room.

I wasn't here
to see my father.

I was here to see him.

Do you know
what acalculia means?

Yes, because I got it
at breakfast.

Okay. Thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

Mrs. Landingham
asked me to ask you

to call Technical
Support and have them
look at her computer.

You're supposed
to ask for a man

named Andrew
Mackintosh

he's the only one
she trusts.

Mackintosh?

Like the apple.
Sure.

Thank you.

I called you
at home last night.

I didn't get
home till late.

Where were you?
I was here.

I called here, too.

I'm not lying
to you, Zoey.

I don't think you're
lying to me, Charlie.

I just think you were
either at home

or here and you
didn't return my call.

I was here. I didn't
get the message.

I was home, I got
the message.

I didn't return your call
because it was late.

I don't mind
being woken up.

Well, now I know that.

Now you know that?
Excuse me.

We have been dating
for nine months.

I've got to go
in there.

Cumberland, Monroe,
possibly Stanwyck.

Since you brought up
Cumberland and Monroe

can I say a word
about the shooting?

It's been a week and the
honeymoon's about to be over.

She's right.

We want to be sure it
doesn't look like we're

taking advantage
of the situation.

Why not?

Why not what?

The entire country was the
victim of domestic terrorism.

Why not use the soft numbers
before they disappear

and go after the guns
and go after the hate groups?

It doesn't look good.

It looks good to me.

Well, you work
for the White House, Toby.

I think we were counting
on your support either way.

Mr. President...

C.J., if you get questions
about the midterms

say we haven't thought
that far ahead

due to recent events.

And when they ask

about the linkage between
the approval numbers

and the shooting, the
President's deeply gratified

by the public support

but eager to focus
on the issues.

Which will be?

I'll let you know.

Thank you very much, everyone.

All:
Thank you, Mr. President.

Mr. President.

It's fine.
Tell him around 3:00.

Yes, sir.

Was Zoey out there?

Yes, sir.

Is she still here?

I don't know, sir.
Okay.

Yes, sir?
Leo.

Did you know
Elliot Roush is running

for the school board
in Manchester?

I didn't, sir, but
then I don't know

who Elliot Roush is, so...

Elliot Roush.
Yes?

My Elliott Roush.

I'm sorry, sir,
but I'm still...

I beat him in my first
Congressional campaign.

I can't believe
I didn't commit

that piece of arcane
information to memory.

I want some polling numbers
on that race.

I don't want you
focusing your attention

on the school board race
in New Hampshire.

Yeah, looking
at two numbers on
a piece of paper

really takes
the life out me.

I know where
this is going.

Get me the numbers.

And let me tell
you something...

I'm ready to go
out there.

No.

I don't need to wait
another week.

Sir, let's play
a game

of "Who Do You Think
I'm Going to Agree With?"

14 doctors say
you should wait
another week

before assuming
a campaign schedule.

Who do you think
I'm going to agree with?

Get away from me.

Yes, sir.

Sam.

Is he here?

Want me to
bring him back?

Uh, I'll go get
him myself.

Tom.

Sam, hello.

I hope you weren't
waiting too long.

No. I mean,
I don't mind.

Sam, this is
my wife, Sarah.

Hi.

It's nice to meet you.
You got married.

Two years, with a
baby on the way.

Is it his?

Uh, yeah!

Okay. Follow me.

Tom and I had a contracts
professor at Duke

who couldn't stand me.

"Those may be
your thoughts,
Mr. Seaborn

but that's
not the law."

If he knew how
many times I wanted

to tell him to take the law
and shove it up his...

Have you guys ever been
in the White House?

No.

We were looking forward
to a tour.

Ah. Well, that's
my office over there

and the President works
in that round room over there

and nobody else really matters.

Come on in.

This is the
Mural Room.

Can you tell us
anything about it?

It's called
the Mural Room.
Have a seat.

You know why I wanted
to talk to you?

I really don't.

Because the Democratic
Congressional Campaign
Committee asked me to.

Grant Samuels died
a few days ago.

Yeah, we saw
on the news.

He wasn't going
to be running again

anyway 'cause he
was pretty sick

and the man who
was going to be
running in his place...

Seymour Worthen.

Right, isn't going to.

Sy Worthen's not running?

Tom, you are a
phenomenally attractive
Democratic candidate

for that district.

There are 162 games
in a Major League
baseball season

and the players
have a saying:

"Every team's going
to win 54 games

"every team's going
to lose 54.

It's what you do
with the other 54
games that counts."

In your district,
you got Democrats

you got Republicans,
and the other 54
games are women.

Specifically,
young mothers

among whom the number-
one issue is crime.

You are a graduate
of Oberlin and
Duke Law School.

You passed up
many lucrative
opportunities

to work in
the DA's office.

You're a prosecutor
with an exceptional
conviction record

and certainly nobody can
hang "soft on crime"
around your neck.

You are active
in local politics.

You are personable.
You are articulate
and energetic.

You are married
and you are having a baby.

I thought you
didn't know that.

I'm sorry?
When we were
in the lobby

it seemed as if you didn't know
that Tom was married

and that there was a baby
on the way.

Now it sounded
like you had that information.

Sarah, there's very
little information

about your husband
that I don't have

and tell your mom
happy birthday for me.

Sam...

Tom, you will have
the full weight

of the Democratic
National Committee

the Congressional
Campaign Committee

the minority leader, whom we
hope to make the majority leader

and the President
of the United States.

What do you say? Do you want
to run for Congress?

Well, there's a lot
to consider, Sam.

How much time do I have
to think about it?

Five minutes. I'll be outside.

You're pissed at me?

I'm saying I could
have used your
support in there.

You get my support
the same way I get yours

when I agree with what
you're saying

or when I don't care
about what you're saying.

This time I disagreed.

You don't think we should
use this moment

to get aggressive
about guns and hate groups?

I think we were victims
of a violent crime

and it's unseemly to use
this moment at all.

We didn't get the
country drunk, C.J.

We're not taking
advantage of anybody.

And even if we
were, who cares?

Every Republican spending
the next 12 weeks

trying to keep control
of the House.

Toby, if you and
the FBI want to go
after hate groups

I'm not the one
you have to convince.

Go bag the
President.
I will.

I've gotten a lot of calls
about pieces people want to do

on how staffers are handling
the shooting in the aftermath.

Psychologically?

Yeah.

I don't think it's a good idea,
do you?

We're not the story.

That's what I'm saying.

Leave me alone.

I've got it.

I've got it, I've got it,
I've got it.

Bonnie, Ginger,
I've got it.

Excellent.

Way to go.

Sam.

Do you know what?

No.

Sam?

Sam?

Right here.

Oh, I thought you
were in there.

I wasn't.

I got it.

Got what?

How to avoid
the appearance

that we're randomly
and generically

going after
extremist groups

in violation
of their civil liberties.

We can avoid that
appearance by
not doing it.

Yes, or with this:

The shooting was the
action was the action

at least three
card-carrying members

of West Virginia
White Pride.

They have cards?

What?

They actually have
membership cards?

No, Sam, it's
an expression.

The key phrase
is that "at least"
at least three members

there might be more,
we don't know.

So therefore the FBI has
grounds to investigate?

Yes, to investigate
and curtail the activities

of all extremist
organizations.

Under the cover
of investigating

this one
particular crime?

How do we know
young Nazis
of Delaware

weren't co-conspirators?

It's not an uncommon
way to get around
the Bill of Rights.

I'm surprised it
took you three weeks
to come up with it.

Possibly because
I had no help
from anyone else

who works in this building.

Toby...

I'm taking it to Leo.

Knock yourself out.

Toby:
Donna.

Yes?

Are you going
to see Josh?

I'm taking him
his lunch.

Can I come?
No.

Listen.
No.

Donna.
You know the rules.

The rules are dumb.

The rules are not dumb.

Donna, seriously.

He's recovering from
an attempted murder.

He's supposed
to be resting

and I don't want
people going
over there

getting him fuhtushed.

Fartoost.

Don't bring
the Yiddish

unless you know
what you're doing.

You know what word
should be Yiddish?

Spatula.
Also "far-fetched."

I need to talk
to him about...

...the hate crimes

and how to bring
it to the President.

He's got the papers
you wrote.

He's got the materials
you sent him.

You talk to him
on the phone 93
times a day.

I would like to go
to his apartment
and talk to him.

No.

Donna.

Maybe if you hadn't said
the rules were dumb.

Yeah.

Hey, Leo.

Hey, kid.

I was looking for my father.

He's making campaign calls.

He's not
in the office.

He's making them
from the residence.

Why?

Your father has a very

strict interpretation

of something called
the Pendleton Act

which prohibits
campaign donations

to be solicited
on government property.

It's a little impractical
for the President

to step across the street
to use a pay phone, isn't it?

Exactly.

Isn't the residence
government property?

Yes.

Then why does he bother?

Because your father is
a demented, demented man.

I'm going over there.

Leo, these last
few weeks

do you feel
like Charlie...

Nope.

C.J.:
Sir.

46 percent.

Yes, sir.

The guy is
polling at 46%.

I didn't think they
had polling data

on people running
for seats on the
Board of Education.

They don't.

I had to have our guys do it.

Do you think you're becoming
obsessed with this race?

He's polling at 46%.
He's not a joke.

He's polling inside the margin.

In a race for
the Board of Education

in a school district
that has 43 kids.

It has 1,100 kids.

You don't take
these people seriously

because they don't get
anywhere nationally

but they don't have to.

All they have to do
is bit by little bit

get themselves on
the boards of education

and city councils

because that's where
all the governing

that really matters
to anybody happens.

We do a little governing,
Mr. President.

I'm on hold with a guy whose
name I got on an index card.

How much governing do you think
is going on around here today?

And can you believe
I'm on hold?

You're not, sir.
You finished the call.

I did?
Yes, sir.

How'd it go?

Very well.

Good morning, Mr. President.

Elliot Roush is now
polling at 46%.

How do you know?

I had our...
...people check.

I have three
daughters

who grew up in
that school district.

Leave Elliot Roush alone.
You beat him already.

And he has come back,
like crabgrass

pulled from the lawn,
not by the root

but by the other thing.

I stopped by to see
how the calls are going.

They're going fine.
Then I'll leave.

Can't tell you how much
I'm going to miss you.

You wanted to talk to me?

Not if you're
in this mood.

( sighs )

This is real.

And a man who makes
the Spanish Inquisition

look like
a Barbara Walters special

is now polling at 46%
in your school district

for which I
have personally

baked things to raise money.

You can go, too.

You baked things?

You can go.

Thank you, Mr. President.

What do you want?

Dad...

The calls are
going well.

Good.

Listen, Leo, we're
still getting asked

to participate
in aftermath stories.

Psychological effects?

Yeah, I was wondering...

Don't do it.

No, I know that,
but I was wondering...

You were wondering what?

( pager beeping )

This isn't going
to be good.

You were
wondering what?

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

Hey, it's C.J. Cregg.

Step 3: Public disclosure of
membership and contributor rolls

for all organizations

on the Attorney General's
list of hate groups.

This allows the
American public

to know who these
people are

and where their
funding is coming from.

Yes, and to do it
in blatant violation

of their Right
to Free Association.

Laws like that
were passed in the South

during the Civil Rights
movement to root out members

of such terrorist
organizations
as the NAACP.

I knew you were
going to say that.

The Supreme Court struck
down those laws
as unconstitutional.

That was an
ultra-activist
Warren Court

that struck
down those laws.

I think they'd see it
differently today.

Toby, you're
an ultra-activist.

And I was shot at
and so I'm acting

right now!

Sam.

He wants everyone
to have to register affiliation

with the FBI.

Any problems with
the First Amendment?

I'll get around them.

I need to talk to you.

What's up?

There's a problem
with your friend.

Which friend?

Tom Jordan, the guy
you've got running in...

What's the problem?

His prosecutorial record.

It's great.

Not during jury selection.

Preemptive challenges?

Your friend likes
white juries for
his black defendants.

He's a prosecutor, C.J..

Not anymore.

Now he's a politician
and this needs a save

so get into it,
would you?

Yeah.

President:
Do we know how Tokyo opened?

Charlie:
I thought it was up
three-eighths against the yen

but let me check
with somebody.

Is that it for me?

No sir, you've got

four or five phone calls
still to make.

Wyman, Frank Gates
and MacNamara?

Yes, sir.

Those are campaign calls.

Mr. President

why don't you stay
in your office

and make the damn...

Because I choose not to,
Charlie.

Because however
an empty gesture it may seem

I would like to take some
Executive notice of the notion

that it's probably not
a good idea

for the most powerful and
influential person in the world

to be calling up the people
whose laws he signs

and asking them for money!

I'm going to do it

but not behind this desk,
not in this room.

What else?

I was asked to tell you
that an event was added

for Tuesday the 7th--

a reception for
talk radio, hosts.

I guess they're called,
talk radio.

It's three weeks away.

You don't need
to commit right now.

Yeah.

I'm going to make these calls
from the residence.

Tell C.J. I want
to see her in an hour.

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Are you a Cabinet Secretary?

Can you tell me
your name?

Jeffrey.

Jeffrey what?

Jeffrey Mackintosh.

Like the apple?

Yeah.

You're here
with your dad?

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Jeffrey when I tell you
to sit and stay put

you know what
I need you to do?

That. I need you
to do that

not some variation
on that, but that.

Sorry.

Sorry. Okay, see, now
I've got to make you

rewire the house.

I'm Andrew Mackintosh.
I'm from Technical Support.

I'm installing some
new software...

Yeah, I thought that
was a few weeks ago.

It was, but there
were some bugs.

I hope nobody minds.

They said it was okay
for me to bring my son.

My wife works some nights.

Sure.

Let's go, big man.

Take it easy, Jeffrey.

Take it easy.

Hey, man.

Hey.

Leo?

Oh, Sam, come in,
close the door.

What's going on?

Josh is on the speaker.

Josh:
Hey, Sam.

What's going on?

A guy who went
to college

with Tom Jordan says he belonged

to an all white fraternity.

The local papers are going
to carry it tomorrow.

I checked that
out weeks ago.

It wasn't an
exclusive fraternity.

They just didn't have
any black pledges.

Still.

It's not uncommon
on a college campus

to have black fraternities
and white fraternities.

Yeah, but you put this together
with the preemptive challenges

in voir dire and
serious leaders

in the African-American
community have a problem.

I'll talk to them.
Nah.

Leo...
No, it's over, Sam.

I'm going to...
No.

...cancel the President's stop
and shut down the money.

You can't cut
and run.

Josh:
We don't have a choice, Sam.

Of course we
have a choice.

We've got a chance at the House.

We've got three weeks left.

Put the President and money

where they can win.

Tom Jordan is running
against a man who...

You don't have to tell me.

We're handing it to him.

Which will matter less

if we get back to the House.

Jordan is down by seven

and he's not going
to come back from this.

Not only that,
but we stand by him

this is a national thing.

It could drag down
black turnout

in districts
where we're competitive.

I told him...

Yeah.

I told him we would
stand by him.

I told him he would have
our full support.

I was the one who asked
him to run.

I know.

We walk away and that's it--
he's a racist.

The White House just said so.

We can't afford all the things
we want, Sam.

It's over.

Hey, Leo, you know,
there's something called

the Superstring Theory

which at its most basic level
says that the universe

consists of these tiny loops
of string

that vibrate
at different frequencies.

How did that bullet
not kill you?

Just lucky, I guess.

Yeah.

Toby?

Yeah.

Any chance I could see
an advance copy

of the President's remarks

for Asia-Pacific?

Um, what?

Asia-Pacific?

I have a draft here.

I'm going to rewrite it.

I thought I was
going to have it by
the end of the day.

The day's not over yet.

You know, Toby

these pieces
everyone wants to do

on the psychological
aftermath of the shooting

for the staff,
they've had me
thinking.

Do you think there might be
a psychological aftermath

and we're not paying
attention to it?

C.J., I really don't have time
to have this conversation.

I'm saying I think
you should have

this conversation
with somebody.

My problem is psychological?

You're Director
of Communications

and you've been
ignoring operational
responsibilities.

That's crap.

So you can behave like
the director of the FBI.

I'm waiting for the Director
of the FBI to behave that way.

Toby.

I'm waiting for
the Justice Department.

I'm waiting
for Congress
to behave that way.

I'm waiting for the White House
to behave that way!

You want to lock
up everybody with
a white sheet?

Yes I do, yes I do.
Who has a problem with that?

Bring them to me
right now. Yes, I do!

( knocking )

He's ready for me?

In the residence.

Thank you.

I'll be here for awhile

so whenever you can get
me Asia-Pacific...

Give me an hour.

( knocking )

Come in.

Good evening,
Mr. President.

Hi, C.J..

Charlie said you
wanted to see me.

Yeah.

Why has there been
no press mention

of the fact that Elliot Roush

was an opponent of mine
in New Hampshire?

Elliot Roush is the man...?

He's running
for a seat

on the School Board up in...

Yes sir, I'm sure
it's gotten
local coverage.

I can have the News Office
run...

Why isn't it

more than local?

It's a school board seat.

It's a human interest story.

Not a very interesting one.

I'm saying, if anyone
in the press room

wanted to do this story

that I would comment
on the record.

Sir...

the President can't
publicly take sides

in a local school board
election.

Why can't he?

Because it's not done

and it's not fair.

It's personal
and it's irresponsible.

It will galvanize
Republicans

and Democrats in Congress
will think you've abandoned them

that you don't care about
winning back the House.

I don't care about
winning back the House.

Mr. President...

I don't care about

winning back
the House!

Well, I don't believe
that's true.

So let's just keep
that between you and me.

C.J., I've known men
of faith in my life.

Towering men.

Men of wisdom
and compassion.

Men of all faiths,
of healing and peace.

Pro-choice, pro-life

Republican, Democrat,
men and women of God.

Elliot Roush...

...is polling at 53%.

He's polling at 53%.

He's the front-runner.

Then that's the way it is.

In a democracy, oftentimes
other people win.

Yeah.

It was just a thought.

But I mean, obviously,
you're right.

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

Thank you,
Mr. President.

Ginger?

They're still too
close to call.

All twelve?

Yes.

Hey, get me somebody
in the Midwest, would you?

I want to see
everybody
on telephones.

Okay, good,
just like that.

God, Tom, Sarah...

I'm sorry,
I forgot I was...

I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm glad you could make it.

Sarah:
It was no problem
coming, Sam.

It turns out there was
really no reason for us

to stay in our district
on Election Day.

Yeah, you've seen the exits.

You're going to lose, Tom.

No kidding?

Probably 58-42.

Yeah.

Forty-two percent's
a very respectable number.

The district's 49% Democrat,
Sam.

Well, we'll
get them next time.

Shut up.

Sarah...

There's not going to be
a next time, so shut up!

Not even a word
from the White House.

Not even a word.

That's how we do it.

Sam...

Any time we have
the opportunity

in the future to screw you...

count on getting screwed.

Good luck with the baby.

Man:
No, no, that was K-TALK
out of Minneapolis.

You're thinking
of SLAM-100

serving the
Great Lakes region--

"The number one station
with the number one sound."

But then it was
classic rock

or at least what
our program director

thought was classic rock,
Fleetwood Mac and whatnot.

Then they switched over
to news and information

back in '82?

'82, '83.

Yeah, we started
with drive time

then went to
the four-hour format.

Say, is Howard
showing up today?

Stern...

I heard he was
going to show up

if Imus was coming,
and Imus wasn't showing
up if Howard was coming.

By the way, I was
"Dave in the Morning"

before he was
"Imus in the morning"

but that's water
under the bridge.

Isn't Don Imus
in his seventies?

I believe so, yes.

( laughs )

How were you "Dave
in the Morning"

before he was
"Imus in the Morning"?

It's very painful.

I don't like
to talk about it...

Okay...

Fellas, I'm sorry,
but it's Election Day

and I need to check in
with the exit polls...

Sure.

...and whatnot.

Good meeting you both.

Good talking
to you, C.J.

Who's that?

Jenna Jacobs.

That's Jenna Jacobs?

Carol:
Yeah, she changed
her hair.

What's the latest?

Twelve races
too close to call

Thompson, Marinovich...

I'm going
to go check in.

Good evening,
Mr. President.

Toby, I'm drinking
the most fantastic thing

I've ever tasted
in my life--

chocolate syrup,
cold milk, and seltzer.

I know it sounds terrible,
but trust me

I don't know where
this has been all my life.

It's called
an egg cream

Mr. President.

We invented it in Brooklyn.

In Brooklyn.

Yes, sir.

Not New England?

There are some good things
in this world

not from New England, sir.

Toby, don't ever let me
hear you say that again.

Yes, sir.

What's on your mind?

Mr. President,
I was thinking...

I was thinking it might...

You want to take
a leave of absence?

I was thinking I might need
some time off, yes, sir.

That's no problem, Toby.

Okay.

It's not a problem at all.

Thank you, sir.

Fifteen minutes.

It's time to get up
off the mat, Toby.

Sir, what's so wrong with having
the Attorney General

designate potentially
dangerous organizations...

Toby.

...that promote violent acts?

I-I understand
it's problematic

that there'd be no judicial
review or legislative oversight

or even, for that matter...

legal finding of fact, but...

( sighs )

Okay, fine, fine.

( sighs )

Why does it feel like this?

I've seen shootings before.

It wasn't a shooting, Toby.

It was a lynching.

They tried to lynch Charlie
right in front of our eyes

can you believe that?

What's this?

Keyhole satellite photographs.

It's the Headquarters
for West Virginia White Pride.

Headquarters...

It's a diner outside Blacksburg.

Every night for
the last 12 weeks

I've picked up the phone

and called the Attorney General

fully prepared to say two words:
Take 'em.

And then I hang up the phone
because I know

it'll be better tomorrow,
and better the day after that.

We saw a lynching, Toby,
that's why it feels like this.

I'm not sure I'm going

to come out of the other side
of this thing.

I'm not sure I can, either.

But until we are sure

I think we should keep coming
to work every day.

How's it going with
your school board guy?

Yeah, he's going to win.

When you ran against him,
how did you beat him?

I don't remember.

I've been thinking about it
for weeks

but I honestly don't remember.

( knocking on door )

Excuse me,
Mr. President,
good evening.

Hey, Sam.

I wasn't sure
whether you'd be stopping by

the talk radio reception.

I scratched out
a few remarks for you.

Let me look at them
while we walk.

Toby, go with us
to this radio thing.

Oh, God, really sir?

There'll be crab puffs.

New England crab puffs,
by the way

made in New England.

Actually, it's
Alaskan crab, sir.

There's Alaskan crab
in this White House?

He would've known
the difference?

Have you tried them?

I... yes, reluctantly.

I think it was clear
in the way I ate
the crab puffs

that it was a
gesture of protest.

Were they good?

Extraordinarily good,
they're going very fast.

Let's get there.

I call myself
Gary with a "G."

How else would you spell Gary?

No other way,
I'm saying

that's what I call myself:

"Gary with a "G," talking
to you on K.A.D.R. A.M."

Like Liza with a "Z."

Exactly.

Hokey?

Maybe so, but I have

900,000 listeners
in the Rocky
Mountain region.

Would you excuse me?
Mmm.

Excuse me, ladies
and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen

the President of
the United States.

( applause )

Thank you very much.

Thanks a lot.

I wish I could spend more
than a few minutes with you

but the polls don't close
in the east for another hour

and there are plenty of election
results still left to falsify.

( laughter )

You know, with so many people
participating

in the political and social
debate through call-in shows

it's a good idea to be reminded
every once in a while...

( clears throat )

It's a good idea to be reminded
of the awesome impact...

of the awesome impact...

I'm sorry, you're
Dr. Jenna Jacobs, right?

Yes, sir.

It's good to
have you here.

Thank you.

The awesome impact
of the airwaves

and how that translates

into the furthering
of our national discussions...

but obviously, also,
how it can...

( clears throat )

how it can...

Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs,
are you an M.D.?

A Ph.D.

A Ph.D.?
Yes, sir.

In psychology?

No, sir.

Theology?

No.

Social work?

I have a Ph.D.
in English literature.

I'm asking 'cause
on your show

people call in for advice

and you go by the name

Dr. Jacobs,
on your show

and I didn't know

if maybe your listeners
were confused by that and

assumed you had advanced
training in psychology

theology, or
healthcare.

I don't believe
they are confused, no, sir.

Good.

I like your show.

I like how you
call homosexuality
an abomination.

Jacobs:
I don't say
homosexuality

is an abomination,
Mr. President.

The Bible does.

Yes it does, Leviticus.

18:22.

Chapter and verse.

I wanted to ask you

a couple of questions
while I had you here.

I'm interested in
selling my youngest
daughter into slavery

as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7.

She's a Georgetown
sophomore, speaks
fluent Italian

always cleared the table
when it was her turn.

What would a good
price for her be?

While thinking about
that, can I ask another?

My Chief of Staff,
Leo McGarry

insists on working
on the Sabbath.

Exodus 35:2 clearly says
he should be put to death.

Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself

or is it okay to
call the police?

Here's one that's
really important

'cause we've got
a lot of sports
fans in this town.

Touching the skin of a dead pig
makes one unclean.

Leviticus 11:7.

If they promise to wear gloves,
can the Washington Redskins

still play football, can
Notre Dame, can West Point?

Does the whole
town really have
to be together

to stone my brother, John

for planting different crops,
side by side?

Can I burn my mother
in a small family gathering

for wearing garments
made from two
different threads?

Think about those questions,
would you?

One last thing.

While you may be mistaking this

for your monthly meeting
of the ignorant tight-ass club

in this building,
when the President stands

nobody sits.

( camera shutter clicks )

( camera shutter clicks )

Toby.

Yes, Mr. President.

That's how I beat him.

I'm just...

...I'm just going to
take that crab puff.

( camera shutter clicks )

Jeffrey:
Do you want
one of my animal crackers?

I have... elephants

and I have lions.

( thunder rolling )

Andrew:
You bugging the man?

No, we're okay.

Software problem again?

I think I got it.

Just want
to run a few programs

and, then,
I'll be out of here.

Pretty busy day
around here, huh?

Yeah.

My name's Charlie Young,
by the way.

Don't think I know
who you are--

man who almost got
the President killed?

Yeah.

That's going to look good
on my resume.

( chuckles )

I'll just be a minute.

( thunder rolling )

( keyboard clacking )

My mother used to work nights,
too.

Andrew:
I'm sorry?

My mother used to work nights,
too.

Oh. Was she a nurse?

A police officer.

Is she gone?

She was shot and killed
in the line

a year ago June.

Ironically, she wasn't supposed
to be on the shift.

She switched shifts that day
'cause I asked her to.

Hey, Charlie, um...

you know what I think she'd say
if she was here right now?

What?

Same thing my father would say.

"If they're shooting at you

you know you're doing
something right."

Yeah.

Yeah.

( thunder rolling )

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Aren't you Zoey Bartlet?

It's too much to happen
to someone your age--

your father and your
mother... and this.

I don't know, I...

Charlie, I mean...

What do you do?

I was going to go vote.

I could come.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi, Leo.

Uh, Charlie,
I'm looking for the President.

Is anything wrong?

No, no.
I, um...

I think he may have done
a couple of numbers

at the talk-radio reception.

Okay.
Zoey and I are going out.

I'll be on my pager.

You're going out?

Yeah.
Charlie, you're taking
extra protection, right?

Hey, Leo, I...

Secret Service protection,
Charlie

but thanks for loading me up
with that image.

Yeah, we'll have
extra protection.

Okay.

Something
about a dead pig's skin.

I need to find him.

Okay.

Everybody should have
to stay inside for three months

so that they truly appreciate
the outdoors.

I appreciate the outdoors now.

I'm an outdoorsman.

Josh?
Yeah?

I said I'd
let you outside

if you stopped talking
about being an outdoorsman

and if you
stopped talking

about theoretical... physics.

Aha! You thought I'd forget
about it, didn't you?

Banner headline
five days ago--

"Model for
the Unified Theory Solved."

Banner headline
in the New York Times.

You said it wasn't
going to be news.

Hey, you're wearing
my pajamas.

Yes, I am.
Take your coat off.

Let me see.

Those are too big.

Yes, they are.

All this time I've been working
with you

did you also think
I was playing

power forward
for the Cleveland Cavaliers?

I think they look
good on you.

I think
you're both freaks.

( beeps )

What do you have?

You're not going
to believe it.

How'd they go?

12 races--

in none of them
did the incumbent win.

In none of them
did the party

that previously
held the seat win.

You know how it went?

Seven/five.

You're kidding.

Seven Republicans,
five Democrats?

Yeah.

The House stayed the same?

After... four months
and $400 million

everything stayed the same?

Yep.

Tell me democracy doesn't have
a sense of humor.

( chuckles dryly )

We sit here, we drink this beer
out here on this stoop

in violation of about...
47 city ordinances...

I don't know, Toby,
it's election night.

What do you say
about a government

that goes out of its way

to protect even citizens
that try to destroy it?

God bless America.

God bless America.

God bless America.
Donna:
God bless America.

God bless America.