Original subtitles

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SOUND SO MANY TRUMPETS?

I'M NOT JEHOVAH.

WHY CAN'T A PRINCE COME HOME WITHOUT A FUSS?

PRESUMABLY BECAUSE HE IS A PRINCE, SIR.

OTHER PEOPLE CAN SNEAK IN THE BACK WAY UNANNOUNCED,

WHICH IS HOW IT SHOULD BE.

WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT?

OH, WAS I SMILING, SIR?

JUST THE SUDDEN WARMTH CRACKING MY FACE.

A PRINCE'S LOT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A BORE.

YOUR FACE CRACKS RATHER EASILY, DOESN'T IT?

NOW, YOU MARK MY WORDS,

BEFORE YOU CAN COUNT TO 10,

THROUGH THAT DOOR, WITH THE ODIOUS PUNCTUALITY

OF OUR NEIGHBOR'S MUCH VAUNTED,

RECENTLY INVENTED, HIDEOUSLY IRRITATING CUCKOO CLOCK,

WILL COME OUR DEAR AND LOYAL SUBJECT,

THE EVER-UNCTUOUS LORD HIGH CHAMBERLAIN.

5, 6...

Man: 7!

HE'S IMPROVING.

ONE OF THESE DAYS, HE'S GOING TO ACHIEVE

THE ELUSIVE 10-MINUTE MILE.

HA HA HA HA!

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS. AH, WELCOME HOME.

WELCOME HOME, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

MY LORD HIGH CHAMBERLAIN,

WHAT AN UNEXPECTED PLEASURE.

I AM COMMANDED BY

HIS MAJESTY THE KING, YOUR FATHER,

AND HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN, YOUR MOTHER--

YES, YES, NOW, DON'T TIRE YOURSELF,

I AM ACQUAINTED WITH THEM.

HOW ARE MY DOTING PARENTS?

THEIR MAJESTIES ARE NATURALLY MOST ANXIOUS TO HEAR

SUCH GLAD TIDINGS I FEEL SURE YOU BEAR

CONCERNING YOUR RECENT ABSENCE FROM THE COURT.

NAMELY, THE MATTER OF YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF

AND BETROTHAL TO THE PRINCESS SELINA OF CAROLSFELD.

INDEED, IN ANTICIPATION OF SUCH WONDERFUL NEWS,

HIS MAJESTY THE KING HAS DECIDED TO MAKE YOU

A KNIGHT GRAND CROSS

OF THE MOST ILLUSTRIOUS ORDER OF SAINT DAVID THE MARTYR.

WHICH IS USUALLY AWARDED POSTHUMOUSLY.

A SUITABLE HONOR, AS IT HAPPENS,

FOR THE MATTER OF MY BETROTHAL IS VERY STATUS QUO.

I DID NOT FIND THE LADY OF YOUR CHOICE TO BE MY CHOICE.

OH, BUT, SIR-- WE ARE RETURNED...

AS WE DEPARTED.

THE KING I'M SURE, AND INDEED MY DEAR MAMA

WILL SHARE YOUR NOTICEABLE GRIEF.

Chamberlain: INDEED, SIR, THE WHOLE COURT WILL BE GRIEVED.

WELL, SO BE IT.

ANY SIMPLE PEASANT IS AFFORDED THE ABILITY

IN LOVE... TO WIN OR LOSE

WHILE I OF THE NOBILITY AM ROBBED OF THE FACILITY

TO CHOOSE

ANY SERF OR SERVANT CAN BY NATURAL SELECTION

ELECT HIMSELF A MATE IF SHE'S AMENABLE

BUT DUE TO MY HIGH BREEDING, I'M CONTINUALLY ACCEDING

TO DEMANDS I FIND INCREASINGLY

UNTENABLE

ALL I ASK, AND IT'S A SIMPLE ENOUGH REQUEST--

WELL, FOLLOW ME, BY ALL MEANS, FOLLOW ME.

I WISH TO KNOW, I DEMAND TO KNOW...

WHY CAN'T I BE TWO PEOPLE?

WHY CAN'T I LIVE TWO ROLES?

WHY CAN'T ONE OF ME PERFORM ALL THE CLOYING AMENITIES TI

WHILE THE OTHER ME, TWIN BROTHER ME

BE A FREE AND HAPPY SOUL?

WHY CAN'T I BE TWO PEOPLE?

SPLIT MYSELF RIGHT IN HALF

THEN I COULD SATISFY AND MOLLIFY

AND PACIFY AND QUALIFY

WHILE THE OTHER ME WOULD HAVE

A HELL OF A HEALTHY LAUGH, HA? '11

THE CUSTOM OF ROYALTY IN REFERRING TO ONESELF

IS TO NATURALLY EMPLOY THE ROYAL "WE“

"WE ARE VERY HAPPY" SI

Y, “WE ARE VERY SAD“ “I

“WE ARE BORED AND SUFFER FROM ENNUI"

FOR A ROYAL PRINCE, THERE'S NO SUCH WORD AS “ME"

IT'S ALWAYS "WE“

SO, RIGHTFULLY, I SHOULD BE TWO on THREE

DON'T YOU AGREE?

IT'S NOT FOR ME TO SAY, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

PERHAPS NOT.

SO, I ASK MYSELF...

WHY CAN'T I BE TWO PEOPLE?

WHY CAN'T I PLAY TWO PARTS?

WHY CAN'T ONE OF ME ENDURE THE APPALLING FORMALITIES

WHILE THE OTHER ME, TWIN BROTHER ME

HAVE A FREE AND HAPPY HEART?

IF I COULD BE TWO PEOPLE

LIFE WOULD NOT PASS ME BY

I'D HAVE A CHANCE TO PICK AND CHOOSE

I'D HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN OR LOSE

AND MAYBE ONE OF US WOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO LIVE...

BEFORE WE DIE!

DIE? WHO'S DIED?

AH! AT LAST! OUR DEAR SON.

WE ARE... WE ARE... WE'RE WHAT?

DELIGHTED.

YES, DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU RETURN.

OH!

AH, YES, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Prince: FATHER...

Chamberlain: YOUR MAJESTY--

KNEEL, SIR.

FATHER.

I DO NOT WISH" IT WOULD BE MOST INAPPROPRIATE...

YOUR MAJESTY, HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS HAS RETURNED--

OF COURSE HE'S RETURNED! YOU GET MORE SENILE EVERY DAY.

I HAVE RETURNED, FATHER--

NOW YOU' RE CATCHING IT.

EMPTY-HANDED. KNEEL, SIR.

FATHER, THIS IS MOST EMIBARRASSING.

I COMMAND YOU TO KNEEL, SIR!

I DON'T DESERVE IT. I HAVEN'T EARNED IT.

NOBODY EARNS THIS.

IT'S GIVEN BECAUSE I AM THE KING AND I LIKE IT.

WHERE'S MY SWORD?

AH! IT'S FAR TOO HEAVY.

YOU KNOW, I WAS BORN WITH THE CURSE OF THE WEAK WRISTS.

OH, I DO SO LOVE A CEREMONY.

AH, THAT'S BETTER. I DUB THEE--

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

SHOULDN'T THERE BE SOMETHING BEFORE THAT?

YES, INDEED, SIRE. I HAVE IT HERE.

YOUR MAJESTY--FATHER, DO WE--MUST I--

us, or COURSE, YOU MUST. AHEM!

“LET IT BE KNOWN TO ALL HERE PRESENT

“THAT BY OUR COMMAND HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS,

“THE PRINCE EDWARD CHARLES

"ALBERT GEORGE JAMES RICHARD AUGUSTUS PHILIP

HAS RECEIVED OUR GRACIOUS FAVOR.“

ER... WHO WROTE THIS?

YOU DID, SIRE.

AH, YES, WELL, IT'S MAGNIFICENT STUFF.

WELL WORTH PAYING ATTENTION TO.

“FROM THIS DAY HENCEFORTH SHALL BE ENTITLED

"TO BE KNOWN AS A KNIGHT GRAND CROSS

OF THE MOST ILLUSTRIOUS ORDER OF SAINT DAVID THE BLESSED MARTYR. "

THERE'S... SOMEBODY IN THE ROOM!

VERY FINE. NOW I KISS YOU ON BOTH CHEEKS.

THAT'S THE PART I LIKE BEST.

I SOMETIMES GIVE MEDALS TO A WHOLE REGIMENT.

GOOD. VERY TOUCHING CEREMONY.

Chamberlain: MOST TOUCHING, SIRE.

SYCOPHANT!

DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO AGREE, YOU KNOW.

CONGRATULATIONS, DEAR COUSIN.

OH, LORD! WHO LET HIM IN?

CONGRATULATIONS ! I HEARD ALL THE TRUMPETS.

NOW, DON'T YOU START.

OH! A LITTLE PREMATURE, AM I?

I SAY, HAVE I DROPPED THE TINIEST OF SOCIAL BRICKETTES?

I MEAN, I WAS BEING QUITE SINCERE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, AS SINCERE AS I EVER AM.

OH, no!

WHO IS IT? HAS THERE BEEN AN UPRISING?

NO, YOUR MAJESTY. IT'S JUST THE DUKE OF MONTAGUE.

IS HE STILL ALIVE?

I THOUGHT WE BURIED HIM.

FATHER, EVER SINCE I ENTERED THIS ROOM,

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT

WHAT YOU EXPECTED OF ME DID NOT TAKE PLACE.

MY THROW, I THINK.

No, IT'S NOT. YOU'RE CHEATING AGAIN.

KINGS NEVER CHEAT. THEY ADAPT TO CIRCUMSTANCES,

BUT THEY NEVER CHEAT.

IF I MAY, SIR, BY roux LEAVE,

THIS THING IS CHOKING ME.

YOU SEE HOW I'M PLACED?

ACCUSED IN FRONT OF THE COURT BY MY OWN WIFE.

FATHER, THIS IS SERIOUS.

OF COURSE, IT' S SERIOUS.

I SHALL PROBABLY CONCEDE THE GAME.

IT'S A ROYAL PREROGATIVE TO BE UNSPORTING.

NEVER CONCEDE.

I THROW.

BLACK 5 !

THE MATCH, FATHER, WAS OF YOUR MAKING NOT OF MINE.

EVEN So, AS A DUTIFUL SON,

I JOURNEYED FAR BEYOND OUR BORDERS

TO PAY MY RESPECTS TO THE LADY AND...

SEE FOR MYSELF.

AND SHE WAS FAIR, WAS SHE NOT?

INDEED, SIR. PERHAPS PALE RATHER THAN FAIR.

A SICKLY LADY, SIR, GIVEN TO MUCH SWOONING

AND... AND VAPORS.

ALL LADIES SWOON. THEY KNOW IT'S EXPECTED OF THEM.

SOME SWOON MORE THAN OTHERS, SIR,

AND SWOONING TO EXCESS IS NOT A QUALITY I GREATLY ADMIRE.

SHE REFUSED YOU? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

No, FATHER, SHE COULD NOT REFUSE ME

BECAUSE I DID NOT OFFER.

YOU PERHAPS PLACED TOO MUCH TRUST

IN THE PORTRAIT PAINTERS OF CAROLSFELD.

THE LIKENESS WAS No LIKENESS.

INDEED, SINCE YOU FORCE ME TO THE DISCOURTESY,

THE LADY WAS BALD, SIR.

HER GOLDEN TRESSES FALSE!

HER MOUTH CRABBED WITH AGE, SIR, AND DEVOID OF TEETH!

IN SHORT, SIR, SHE LEFT MUCH TO BE DESIRED.

EXTRAORDINARY '.

FATHER, IT'S A SMALL THING

AND DOUBTLESS VERY IRRITATING TO YOU

BUT WHEN I MARRY, AS NEEDS I MUST ONE DAY,

IT WILL BE FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF LOVE,

RATHER THAN THE CONVENIENCE OF... CONVENIENCE.

LOVE? DID HE SAY LOVE?

HA HA! HOW ABSURD.

WHAT HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH GETTING MARRIED?

WHY SHOULD LOVE ENTER INTO IT AT ALL?

LOVE CAN MAKE YOU QUITE EMOTIONALLY HARRIED WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED

IT'S PEDANTIC AND ROMANTIC FOLDEROL

FIND A MATE, DEAR BOY, FIND A MATE

PRINCESS SUSAN PRINCESS KAREN

PRINCESS KATE

FIND A MATE, DEAR BOY, FIND A MATE

LOVE WILL HAVE TO WAIT

I DISAGREE.

YOU DISAGREE?

HOW CAN YOU DISAGREE, DEAR?

LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT US.

Us, HA HA! LOOK AT us.

WHAT HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH BEING MARRIED?

BEING MARRIED IS A PROBLEM ALL ITS OWN

LOVE IS HIGHLY OVERRATED AND MAKES MARRIAGE COMPLICATED

WHEN THE BED IS ELEVATED TO THE THRONE

FIND A MATE, DEAR BOY, FIND A MATE

PICK THE PROPER PRINCESS PRIMIED TO PROPAGATE

FIND A MATE, DEAR BOY, FIND A MATE

LOVE WILL HAVE TO WAIT

THERE IS MANY AN ELIGIBLE MAIDEN

OF GOOD FAMILY WITH TITLE OF HER OWN

WHO WOULD COME TO US BOUNTIFULLY BELADEN

WITH AN ARMY THAT COULD FORTIFY OUR THRONE

UNCLE!

I COULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT BETTER MYSELF.

WELL, I COULD,

AND IN FACT, I THINK I WILL.

WHAT HAS MARRIAGE GOT TO DO WITH BEING HAPPY?

BEING MARRIED CAN'T COMPARE WITH BEING ROYAL

BEING ROYAL YOU ENGENDER EVERY LUXURY AND SPLENDOR

WHILE A MARRIAGE CAN GET OVERRIPE AND SPOIL

'FIND A MATE, DEAR COUSIN, SET THE DATE

WHY PROCRASTINATE

UH-UH!

T AND STAY THE HAND OF FATE? T

'FIND A MATE, DEAR COUSIN, SET THE DATE

HAPPINESS CAN ALWAYS WAIT

GET HIM OUT OF HERE. GET HIM OUT.

OH, HAVE I MADE A LITTLE FAUX PAS?

I WAS ENJOYING MYSELF.

THERE, YOU SEE, THAT'S THE PRICE THAT WE SHALL HAVE TO PAY

UNLESS YOU NAME THE DAY.

LISTEN, LEND AN EAR. I SAY AGAIN...

WHAT HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH GETTING MARRIED?

Queen: WHAT HAS BREAD GOT TO DO WITH WEDDING CAKE?

WE ARE BORED WITH YOUR DEFIANCE OF CONNUBIAL ALLIANCE

FOR A LINE OF ROYAL GIANTS IS AT STAKE

FIND A MATE, DEAR BOY, FIND A MATE

WE ARE GROWING OLD AND TIME IS GROWING LATE

FIND A MATE, DEAR BOY, FIND A MATE

IT'S YOUR DUTY TO THE STATE NOT TO STAY A CELIBATE

FIND A MATE

FIND A MATE.

FIND A MATE. FIND A MATE.

WHAT HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH GETTING MARRIED?

WE ARE NOT PREPARED TO SAY.

Woman: OH, WHAT A RELIEF

THAT IS OVER AND DONE WITH.

HELP ME, MY DARLINGS. MY FINGERS ARE POSITIVELY NUMB.

Girl: MAMA, DIDN'T YOU THINK THE VICAR WAS--

Woman: GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS.

CAN YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING WITHOUT SQUABBLING?

BLACK WAS NEVER MY COLOR.

Girl : So UNBECOMING.

ESPECIALLY WHEN ONE'S So YOUNG AND PRETTY.

AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING, CHILD?

TO MY ROOM, STEPMOTHER.

YOUR ROOM?

Girls : HER ROOM!

Stepmother: ALL THE ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE ARE MINE NOW.

YOUR FATHER, M'! LATE HUSBAND,

SADLY MISSED BY US ALL,

IS DEAD, CHILD.

DEAD AND BURIED BENEATH THE SNOW

IN THE SAME GRAVE AS YOUR DEAR MOTHER.

THAT IS A DOUBLE MISFORTUNE FOR YOU.

AND NOW YOU MUST START A NEW LIFE.

YOUR FATHER, AS A TOKEN OF HIS GREAT LOVE FOR ME,

SAW FIT TO MAKE A WILL

PLACING YOU IN MY CARE AND PROTECTION.

MY FATHER NEVER LOVED YOU.

YOU TRICKED HIM.

HOW DARE YOU, MADAM!

YOU TRICKED HIM!

WELL...

WELL IF I DID,

HE DID NOT LIVE TO RUE THE DAY, DID HE?

AND NOW YOU CAN CURB YOUR TONGUE;

CULTIVATE HUMILITY,

KNOW YOUR PRESENT PLACE.

I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU ALL.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME, GIRL, AND HEAR ME WELL!

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN A WIDOWS TEARS,

AND GOD KNOWS I HAVE SHED ENOUGH OF THOSE.

I HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS OF MY OWN TO SUPPORT,

WHICH SITUATION HAS FORCED ME

TO MAKE CERTAIN ECONOMIES IN THE HOUSEHOLD.

IS THAT NOT SO, GIRLS?

YES, MAMA.

CERTAIN DRASTIC ECONOMIES, MAMA.

EXACTLY.

BUT BEING A WOMAN OF PRINCIPLE,

I SHALL HONOR YOUR FATHER'S LAST WISHES

AND CONTINUE TO PROVIDE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD

BELOW STAIRS!

AND DO NOT THINK YOU WILL FIND SYMPATHY WITH THE STAFF.

THE STAFF HAVE BEEN DISMISSED.

YOU ARE NOW THE STAFF.

TO TAKE ORDERS INSTEAD OF GIVING THEM.

MOSTLY FROM US.

NEVER. OH, YES.

YOU WILL COOK AND YOU WILL CARRY.

YOU WILL FETCH AND YOU WILL MEND.

YOUR FATHER'S WILL ALLOWS AND THE LAW UPHOLDS.

So, TAKE YOUR PICK,

EITHER ACCEPT YOUR LOT

OR Go TO THE ORPHANAGE.

Stepsister: THEY TELL ME, CINDERELLA,

ONE CAN BE AWFULLY HAPPY THERE

AND VERY WARM.

THEY SLEEP 6 TO A BED.

NOT COUNTING THE RATS.

DO NOT TEASE, MY DARLINGS.

IT SPOILS YOUR LOOKS.

NOW, YOUR FIRST TASK WILL BE TO MAKE US SOME SOUP.

BURYING A HUSBAND IS A COLD BUSINESS.

AND SADLY FOR ME, I HAVE NOW BURIED TWO.

Girls: POOR MAMA!

GIVE ME YOUR CLOAK, GIRL.

YOU WILL NOT BE NEEDING IT DOWN THERE.

HURRY, GIRL, HURRY!

AND DO NOT KEEP US WAITING FOR THE SOUP.

COME ALONG, MY DOVES, WE MUST REARRANGE THE ROOMS.

Stepsister: OH, MAMA, MAY I HAVE CINDERELLA'S ROOM?

Second stepsister: No, MAMA, YOU PROMISED ME FIRST PICK.

SHE ALWAYS HAS EVERYTHING-- MY DARLINGS...

EVERYTHING WILL BE FAIRLY DIVIDED. NOW, COME ALONG.

I'M THE ELDEST, AND I SHOULD HAVE FIRST CHOICE.

SHE MAY BE THE ELDEST, BUT I'M MAMA'S FAVORITE.

OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

OH, MAMA, sun's so BEASTLY!

Stepmother: LITTLE STEPS, GIRLS, LITTLE STEPS.

ONCE I WAS LOVED

I KNEW I WAS LOVED

I FLEW THROUGH MY DAYS

IN FANCIFUL WAYS

SECURE AND SURE THERE'D ALWAYS BE

ENDLESS LOVE

FOR ME

GONE IS THAT LOVE, MY FANCIFUL DOVE... 'H

HAS TEARS IN HER EYES, SHE NO LONGER FLIES

AND YET, MY HEART WILL NOT DESPAIR

FOR IT'S THERE, JUST A MEMORY AWAY

ONCE I WAS LOVED

SO ALWAYS COME WHAT MAY, LOVE'S HAPPY MEMORY

K EVER WILL BE LOVING NE L

Man: COME ON!

HEY! HA HA!

Prince: THIS PLACE FASCINATES ME, ALWAYS HAS,

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD.

IT ISN'T JUST THOUGHTS OF DESTINY

OR MORBID CURIOSITY.

LOOK HERE.

WHEN THEY FIRST BROUGHT ME HERE

IT WAS PART OF MY ROYAL EDUCATIOH, YOU SEE.

I WAS ONLY KNEE-HIGH TO A TOMBSTONE.

THEY STOOD ME IN FRONT OF THIS AND THEY SAID,

"THAT'S YOURS. THAT'S WAITING FOR YOU. "

VERY CHEERFUL !

HUMOR WAS NEVER THE FAMILY'S STRONG POINT.

I WASN'T FRIGHTENED.

I WAS INTRIGUED.

I SEE THEY'VE EVEN PUT YOUR NAME ON IN ADVANCE.

IT'S A SOBERING THOUGHT, ISN'T IT?

No MATTER WHAT I DO OR DON'T DO,

No MATTER HOW I DO IT OR DON'T DO IT,

MY LAST APPOINTMENT IS HERE.

GOOD KINGS, BAD KINGS,

SANE KINGS OR MAD KINGS

BENEVOLENT OR NEFARIOUS T

HERE IS WHERE THEY BURY US

OH, HO, HO, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO KNOW

THERE'S A PREARRANGED SPOT IN THE FAMILY PLOT

WHERE MY ROYAL BONES WILL Go

K YES, TEL BE SLEEPER) 'Q

INTO THE BEAUTIFUL FAMILY CRYPT

QI OH, HO, HO, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO KNOW

THAT DRUNKARD, YOUNG KING FERDINAND

HE REIGNED FOR HALF AN HOUR

OH, YES?

HE GOT So SOUSED WHEN THEY CROWNED HIM

HE FELL FROM THE CASTLE TOWER

AND HERE LIES OLD KING FREDERICK

HE STOLE FOR 4O YEARS

THE DAY HE DIED, THE PEOPLE CRIED...

THEY CRIED?

THEY CRIED, "THREE CHEERS ! "

110E110, HE, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO SEE

THE TRADITIONAL STONE THAT IS ALL M'! OWN

WHERE MY DYING DATE WILL BE

IN PEACE YOU'LL REST

BENEATH THE BEAUTIFUL FAMILY CREST

110E110, HE, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO SEE

AND HERE LIES BRAVE KING ROTHAR

OH, THE BATTLES THAT HE WON

K HE HES N STATE, SERENE. AND GREAT K

STILL GETTING NOTHING DONE I

WHAT ABOUT KING LLOYD?

KING LLOYD, KING LLOYD.

KING LLOYD WAS LEWD AND LECHEROUS

EVIL, CRUEL, AND TREACHEROUS

KING ROY?

WAS MAD AND DREADED

'TILL THE DAY HE WAS BEHEADED

QI OH, HO, HO, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO KNOW

QI OH, HO, HO, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO KNOW

BUT REMEMBER GOOD KING PHINEOUS

SAINTLY, KIND, AND WISE '11

HE DID NOTHING IGNOMINIOUS

YET BESIDE THESE NOBLE BRUTES AND KNAVES

AND DRUNKS AND SKUNKS HE LIES

K 0“, H0, “O K

WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO KNOW

THERE'S A PREARRANGED SPOT IN THE FAMILY PLOT

WHERE YOUR ROYAL BONES WILL Go

YES, I'LL BE SLIPPED

INTO THE BEAUTIFUL FAMILY CRYPT

Both: I HO, HO, HE, WHAT A COMFORTING THING FOR YOU TO SEE

OH, HO, HO, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO

OH, HO, H0, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO

Both: OH, HO, HO, WHAT A COMFORTING THING TO KNOW

WHO WAS THAT?

SIR?

THE GIRL. THERE.

SHE WAS HIDING THERE.

I SAW NO ONE, SIR.

I COULD HAVE SWORN.

A SERVANT GIRL.

SO, MADAM, YOU ARE RETURNED AT LAST!

YOU WICKED GIRL, HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I ONLY WENT... YES?

TO MY PARENTS' GRAVE, STEPMOTHER,

TO PUT SOME FLOWERS THERE.

HOW TOUCHING...

WITH FLOWERS FROM MY GARDEN,

STOLEN FLOWERS !

NO.

I SAY YES !

I SAY YOU STOLE THEM.

YOU'RE NOT ONLY A LIAR BUT A THIEF,

AND THIEVES WE KNOW MUST BE PUNISHED.

COME !

THIS IS YOUR PLACE,

AND THERE IS YOUR TASK.

WE ARE EXPECTING GUESTS FOR DINNER TONIGHT...

IMPORTANT GUESTS.

AND FOR REPAYING MY KINDNESS WITH CUNNING AND DECEIT,

HENCEFORTH, YOU WILL NOT DARE TO VENTURE FROM THIS ROOM

WITHOUT MY SAYING.

IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

YES, STEPMOTHER.

THEN MAKE A START AND MAKE AMENDS.

Prince: JOHN, TELL ME SOMETHING.

HAVE YOU EVER WISHED YOU WERE IN LOVE?

OH, YES.

OFTEN? I MEAN, AS OFTEN AS I WISH IT?

WELL...

WELL, I AM IN LOVE.

YOU ARE? HOW AMAZING.

WHO IS SHE?

THE LADY CAROLINE, SIR, SINCE YOU ASK.

WHAT? THE LADY-IN-WAITING TO MY GRANDMOTHER?

THAT LADY CAROLINE?

YES.

HOW AMAZING!

WM.

WELL, IT' S EXTRAORDINARY.

NOT EXTRAORDINARILY EXTRAORDINARY, OF COURSE,

BUT I NEVER GUESSED.

HEH, HEH. I KNOW.

WELL, I'M DELIGHTED. YOU HAVE M'! BLESSING.

I - I - I MUST CONGRATULATE HER.

No! No, PLEASE, SIR. DON'T DO THAT.

IT'S KIND OF YOU, BUT IT WOULDN'T BE SEEMLY.

HOW SO?

ALAS, MY CAUSE IS A LOST ONE.

WELL, THE LADY DOES NOT RETURN YOUR AFFECTIONS?

OH, INDEED! BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT I AM WHAT I AM:

A SERVANT!

POSITIOH, SIR. POSITION.

JOHN, I'M TWICE AMAZED.

I MUST BE VERY DENSE. AM I?

OF COURSE NOT. YOU HAVE YOUR PROBLEMS;

I HAVE MINE.

King: WHERE ARE WE?

THAT's US?

YOU'RE SURE THIS MAP'S BEEN DRAWN TO SCALE?

I BELIEVE SO, YOUR MAJESTY.

THEN WHAT HAVE I BEEN LOOKING AT ALL THESE YEARS?

I THOUGHT THAT WAS US.

I ALWAYS GO BY THE BROWN PARTS FOR THE LAND

AND THE BLUE PARTS FOR THE SEA.

WHO'S THAT?

FIRST LORD OF THE NAVY, SIRE.

HAVE WE GOT A NAVY?

THE ROYAL BARGE ON THE LAKE?

OH, YES, YES.

WELL, REMIND ME NOT TO TRAVEL IN IT AGAIN.

King: SO, EVEN ALLOWING FOR ERRORS IN THE CARTOGRAPHER'S ART,

WE ARE SMALL IN COMPARISON WITH OUR NEIGHBORS.

THOUGH GREAT IN, AHH, WHAT'S THE WORD?

ER, TRADITION?

TRADITIOH, YES. GREAT IN TRADITION AND SPIRIT,

IN FACT, WE ARE SMALL.

HEAR, HEAR.

SO WE HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN!

NOW, YOU'RE ALL AWARE OF THE PROBLEMS

OF MY SON'S RELUCTANCE TO HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD WIFE

CHOSEN FOR HIM.

THIS GENERATION HAS No RESPECT AT ALL.

I MEAN, I WAS MARRIED OFF BEFORE I WAS 14!

CAROLSFELD - -WHERE'S THAT?

AH, YOU SEE, THE SIZE OF IT, SEE THE SIZE OF IT. PERFECT.

NOW, WHAT'S THE SOLUTION?

WITH RESPECT, YOUR MAJESTY,

I HAVE PREPARED A SMALL PAPER.

WHAT I AM SEEKING IS A PROPER BALANCE,

WEIGHING WHAT WE SACK

AGAINST WHAT WE HAVE TO OFFER.

OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, STOP TALKING IN THOSE BORING, DIPLOMATIC RIDDLES.

SPEAK THE KING'S EUPHRANIAN, MAN!

FORGIVE ME, YOUR MAJESTY.

I HAD IN MIND A CELEBRATION.

King: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO CELEBRATE?

A MARRIAGE, SIRE.

GETTING MARRIED AGAIN?

HMM. FINALLY GOT RID OF HER, EH?

WELL, NOT MY MARRIAGE, SIRE.

HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, THE PRINCE EDWARD'S.

WELL, WE'D ALL LIKE TO CELEBRATE THAT.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

SOMETIMES I THINK I'M SURROUNDED BY A LOT OF IDIOTS.

HERE WE ARE, HEDGED IN BY HOSTILE FORCES,

AND ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN THOUGHT OF.

SIRE, THIS TIME, I HAVE A NEW IDEA,

AN IDEA THAT THE PRINCE HIMSELF WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RESIST!

WELL, MAKE SURE THAT SHE'S GOT TEETH.

HE'S GOT AN OBSESSION ABOUT THEM HAVING TEETH.

I THOUGHT, A BALL!

A BALL?

A GREAT BALL !

THE GREATEST BALL THAT HAS EVER BEEN KNOWN, SIRE.

AND TO IT, WE WILL INVITE EVERY ELIGIBLE PRINCESS IN EUROPE,

AND EVEN BEYOND, YOUR MAJESTY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT IDEA?

I REMEMBER MY FIRST BALL.

YES, WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO Go INTO THE REALMS OE FANTASY.

WHAT ELSE?

I HAVE PREPARED A LIST, your: MAJESTY,

AND I THOUGHT WE COULD MAKE SUCH PREPARATIONS

AS WOULD DAZZLE OUR ENEMIES AND DMDE THEM,

FOR PROTOCOL WOULD NOT ALLOW THEM TO MAKE WAR

WHILE THEY ARE GUESTS IN OUR MIDST.

AND I REMAIN CONVINCED THAT THE PRINCE, YOUR SON,

WILL DO HIS DUTY.

INDEED, FACE TO FACE IN THE PRESENCE OF THE ENTIRE COURT

HE COULD HARDLY FAIL TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.

General: THE OCCASION, THE MUSIC, THE CANDLELIGHT,

THE SWIRLING DRESSES, THE PERFUME,

THE VERY ATMOSPHERE OF LOVE!

PUT HIM ON THE RETIREMENT LIST.

I SHALL MAKE A ROYAL DECISION!

TAKING THIS IDEA AND IMPROVING ON IT,

WE MUST PLAN EVERY DETAIL.

NOBLESSE OBLIGE!

Chamberlain: QUITE SO, YOUR MAJESTY.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT DIPLOMACY.

PROTOCOL!

YES, WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

SIRE! PLEASE, SIRE.

WHEN ITS ARMY IS BATTERED AND BROKEN

AND BACK TO ITS BORDERS IT CRAWLS

TO WHAT CLINGS A TOTTERING KINGDOM

IF NOT TO ITS PROTOCOLS?

AND WHEN THE TREASURY'S TAPPED OF ITS TREASURES

ARE THE TAPESTRIES STRIPPED FROM THE WALLS?

No, THE COURT CARRIES ON WITH ITS PLEASURES

INQUISITIONS AND BANQUETS AND BALLS

All: BUT THEY MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

T MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

HO, HO, WELL-DONE, SIRE.

PRECEDENT!

WE NEED A BOOK THAT WILL GIVE US CHAPTER AND VERSE.

IN THE LIBRARY-- IT'LL BE IN THE LIBRARY.

I BELIEVE WE ARE ALREADY WITHIN THE LIBRARY, YOUR MAJESTY.

WELL, OF COURSE, OF COURSE.

I KNEW THAT !

WHAT VOLUME DO YOU SUGGEST?

THERE IS ONLY ONE, YOUR MAJESTY, THE BIBLE.

BIBLE?! WELL, LET'S KEEP RELIGION OUT OF IT.

NO, SIRE. I SHOULD SAY IN THIS CASE,

THE BIBLE IS FORMS AND ADDRESSES

FOR ROYAL OCCASIONS B'! DE LYON.

AH.

NOW THEN, LET ME SEE, SIRE...

ABDICATIONS, DISMISSAL OF MINISTERS,

GARDEN PARTIES, INVESTITURES...

JUDICIAL BEHEADINGS"

YES, SKIP ALL THAT.

YOUR MAJESTY, QUESTIONS OF PRECEDENT PERTAINING

TO THE SEATING OF CROWNED HEADS

IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS.

AHH! WE SHOULD REHEARSE IT!

UH, YOU CAN BE THE PRINCESS ESMERELDA,

EVER WILLING TO SERVE, YOUR MAJESTY.

AND YOU THE DUCHESS OF RAMBOUILLET,

AND YOU THE DAUGHTER OF THE EMPEROR OF BRATISLAVA,

AND, UH... OH, THE REST OF YOU CAN SORT IT OUT AMONGST YOURSELVES.

WHAT AN INSPIRED IDEA, YOUR MAJESTY.

IF THE DAUGHTER OF THE DUCHESS OF SNARDEN

WERE TO BE SEATED BY THE COUNTESS OF SNEAD

FOR THIS BREACH OF DECORUM TO SNARDEN

THE INVASION OF SNEAD WOULD PROCEED QI

AND SEAT THE HEIRESS TO THE BARONY OF NEUBURG

BY THE SIDE OF HER HATED COUSIN GWENN

OH, HOW QUICKLY THE ARMIES OF NEUBURG

WOULD DEPLOY TO DESTROY US AGAIN

All: SO WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

T MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

So WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

T MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

PROTOCOL

PROTOCOL

PROTOCOL

PROTOCOL

ABOVE ALL

ABOVE ALL

ABOVE ALL

MAKES A KINGDOM RISE OR FALL

So WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

T MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

WELL, NOW!

WERE YOU EXPECTING ME?

NO. I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYBODY.

FUNNY. YOU SHOULD HAVE FELT SOMETHING.

I'M LOSING MY TOUCH.

COULD I COME IN AND REST BY YOUR FIRE, PLEASE?

I'VE BEEN TRAVELING A LONG WAY.

WELL... I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO ANYBODY OR SEE ANYBODY,

BUT...

YES, OF COURSE.

YOU'RE WELCOME TO SHARE MY FIRE...

SUCH AS IT IS,

BUT I'D BE OBLIGED IF YOU DIDN'T STAY TOO LONG.

PLEASE EXCUSE ME IF I CARRY ON WORKING,

BUT I HAVE TO FINISH THESE, AND I'M VERY SLOW.

YES! WELL, THERE ARE MORE WAYS THAN ONE OF PEELING POTATOES.

THE FIRE SEEMS TO HAVE CHEERED UP.

I COULD WARM YOU A LITTLE BROTH IF YOU LIKE.

No, THANK YOU. BUT THANK YOU FOR THE THOUGHT.

LIVE DOWN HERE on YOUR own, no YOU?

I DO NOW. YES.

THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN TO SAY THEY WON'T CHANGE AGAIN.

I GET AROUND QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW.

MUST BE NICE TO TRAVEL.

YES AND No.

I SOMETIMES WISH I COULD SETTLE IN ONE PLACE,

BUT THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH TIME.

I'D LIKE SOMEWHERE COZY, WITH A DOG TO KEEP ME COMPANY.

I EXPECT YOUR DOG IS A GREAT COMFORT TO YOU.

MY DOG? I HAVEN'T GOT A DOG.

ISN'T HE YOURS?

WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

HE CAME IN WHEN I CAME IN.

OH! OH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH HIM?

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU KEEP HIM?

HE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF.

HE'S AN OLD HAND AT THAT.

OHH!

HE SEEMS TO LIKE YOU.

OH, I LOVE HIM!

I'M JUST SO AFRAID OF WHAT MY STEPMOTHER WILL SAY.

Stepmother: CINDERELLA!

THERE SHE IS, AND I HAVEN'T FINISHED!

I'VE GOT TO HIDE YOU.

WELL, I'LL BE OFF. I'VE SEEN WHAT I WANT TO SEE.

YOU JUST TAKE CARE OF HIM.

Stepmother: CINDERELLA!

I KNOW! I'LL HIDE YOU UNDER HERE.

PROMISE NOT TO MAKE A SOUND.

HAVE YOU BEEN STRUCK DUMB, GIRL?

OH! OH!

ANSWER ME WHEN I CALL.

YOU KNOW I HATE HAVING TO RAISE M'! VOICE.

NOW, I HOPE YOU HAVE BEEN HARD AT WORK. I...

I SEE.

WELL, UH...

UH, I SEE.

I SEE I SHALL HAVE TO GIVE YOU MORE TO DO NEXT TIME.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF ALL THAT?

King: I WILL NOT HAVE MY AUTHORITY FLOUTED

IN THIS FASHION.

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE CUSTOM

FOR THE HEIR TO THE THRONE TO TAKE A WIFE IN GOOD TIME.

AND YOU SHOW A STRANGE RELUCTANCE TO COMPLY WITH TRADITION.

FATHER, I EMPHATICALLY DISAGREE.

AND I TOTALLY REFUSE TO TAKE PART IN SUCH AN EMBARRASSING CHARADE.

BUT I'VE DECREED IT!

THEN YOU MUST UNDECREE IT.

IMPOSSIBLE !

YOU TALK TO HIM.

DEAREST BOY--

OH, MOTHER, IT'S NO USE TRYING

TO GET ROUND ME THAT WAY.

THE VERY IDEA OF GIVING A BALL

AND INVITING A SELECTION OF TITLED WALLFLOWERS

TO VIE FOR MY HAND IS UTTERLY REPULSIVE!

DEGRADING TO ALL CONCERNED.

IN MY DAY, I NEVER HAD THE CHOICE!

NOT THAT I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN ANY DIFFERENTLY, OF COURSE.

YOU TAKE A DECISION WITHOUT CONSULTING ME.

WELL I AM YOUR FATHER, AND I AM THE KING!

IT'S LIKE SOME SORDID BEAUTY CONTEST

WITH ME AS THE GRAND PRIZE.

SINCE YOU WON'T GO TO MECCA, MECCA MUST COME TO YOU!

Queen: YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED SOMEDAY, DEAR.

BUT NOT IN THIS WAY.

WELL, IT SEEMS PERFECTLY REASONABLE TO ME.

WE'VE INVITED EVERY ELIGIBLE PRINCESS IN THE ALMANAC.

AND IT'S A QUESTION OF DUTY!

FATHER, I HAVE NEVER QUESTIONED THAT IT IS MY BOUNDEN DUTY

TO TAKE A WIFE AND ENSURE THE ROYAL SUCCESSION.

BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TO BE PARTY TO AND JUDGE A CATTLE SHOW!

WHOEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING?

CAP-CATTLE SHOW!

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

WHERE EVERY MAIDEN'S BOUND TO LAUGH AT ME

THE ROYAL FATTED CALF

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

THOUGH I'M THE ONE WHO DOES THE CHOOSING

I'M THE ONE WHO DOES THE LOSING

IT'S NAUSEATING, NAUSEATING!

CAN'T YOU JUST IMAGINE IT?

HOPE SPRINGS IN ALL

SHORT, FAT, OR TALL

AS THEY PRIMP AND PREEN AND PRAY

THAT THIS WILL BE THEIR LUCKY DAY

THERE IS NO AFFAIR

OF WHICH I'M AWARE

MORE GALLING TO BEAR THAN A BRIDE-FINDING BALL

Montague: I JUST HEARD THE NEWS!

King: OH, WHO LET HIM IN?

IS IT TRUE, DEAR UNCLE?

THE TATTLE IS THAT YOU'RE GOING TO INVITE A WHOLE NURSERY

OF NUBILE DELICACIES TO A BALL.

SOME OTHER TIME, NEPHEW. WE'RE BUSY NOW.

OH, BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE.

YOU JUST CAN'T, UNCLE.

I MEAN, I REALIZE THAT I WON'T HAVE FIRST PICK,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME BECAUSE I'M NOT PROUD.

I'M JUST DESPERATE.

WE'RE ALL DESPERATE!

SO IT'S TRUE, THEN! OH, HOW EXCITING!

NOW, I MUST DECIDE WHAT TO WEAR.

HIGH HEELS, I THINK, TO GIVE ME ADDED STATURE.

THE MOMENT YOU'VE MADE YOUR CHOICE,

I SHALL UNLEASH MYSELF.

I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE, COUSIN.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR PICK OF THE LOT.

OH, BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

YOU CAN'T BE SUCH A SPOILSPORT! I MEAN...

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

WHERE LUSCIOUS LOVELIES FROM EACH LAND

WILL VIE TO WIN THE ROYAL HAND

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

A BRIDE-FINDING BALL SI

WITH FRILLS ON TRESSES, PARTY DRESSES

EVERY MAIDEN EFFERVESCES

GIVING HER BEST

GVING HER ALL

DANCING, GLANCING, LAUGHING, TEASING

WHIRLING, SWIRLING

TOUCHING, SQUEEZING

THERE'S NO AFFAIR

TO EVER COMPARE

OR THRILL OR ENTHRALL

LIKE A BRIDE-FINDING BALL

Chamberlain: YOUR MAJESTY.

King: WELL, WHAT IS IT?

I BRING GRAVE TIDINGS.

CAROLSFELD HAS MOBILIZED.

THERE IS TALK OF WAR.

WAR?! WAR?!

WAR. WAR.

AS YOUR MAJESTY'S SENIOR MINISTER OF STATE,

IT IS MY SOLEMN DUTY TO ADVISE YOU THAT THE SITUATION IS CRITICAL.

THE NEWS THAT HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS SAW FIT TO DECLINE

THE HAND OF THE PRINCESS SELINA IN MARRIAGE,

WAS ILL-RECEIVED.

TRUE. TRUE.

EDWARD, M'! sou...

I BESEECH YOU NOT AS A FATHER BUT AS YOUR MONARCH.

RECONSIDER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

PUT ASIDE YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS.

THE WHOLE COUNTRY LOOKS TO YOU TO FORM AN ALLIANCE

THROUGH THE MARRIAGE BED.

AND DO AS I DID WHEN I TOOK YOUR MOTHER.

I CLOSED MY EYES AND THOUGHT OF EUPHRANIA.

Chamberlain: BRATISLAVA!

WILDENSTEIN!

NEUBURG !

OH! OH!

AAH!

UHH!

King: HOW MANY DOES THAT MAKE?

WELL, YOUR MAJESTY, OF THE COURIERS WHO RETURNED,

6 HAVE REPORTED ACCEPTANCES.

IN ADDITIOH, THERE WERE 5 REFUSALS.

ONE OF THEM COUCHED IN THE MOST OBSCENE TERMS.

TWO OF THOSE INVITED WERE DEAD,

AND THE REMAINING 3 COULD NOT BE TRACED.

THAT MAKES 6 OUT OF 16.

WELL, I THINK THAT'S A FAIR AVERAGE, DON'T YOU?

YES, INDEED, SIRE.

PERHAPS NOT QUITE THE BREADTH OF CHOICE

WE AT FIRST ENVISAGED.

WELL, INVITE ALL LOCAL NOBILITY AS WELL.

WE DON'T WANT THE PLACE HALF EMPTY.

WE CAN ALWAYS RAISE THE TAXES TO PAY FOR IT.

IN FACT, I'LL INVENT A NEW TAX, A TAX ON SNOBBERY.

THEY'LL ALL PAY THAT.

BRILLIANT, YOUR MAJESTY! BRILLIANT!

DON'T OVER DO IT. DON'T OVER DO IT.

YOU'LL BE PAYING IT, TOO.

Stepmother: GIRLS! GIRLS!

ISOBELLA! PALATINE!

Isobella and Palatine: RIGHT HERE, MAMA!

COME QUICKLY!

WHAT IS IT, MAMA?

WONDERFUL NEWS.

WE HAVE RECEIVED A ROYAL INVITATION TO A BALL

IN HONOR OF HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, THE PRINCE!

OH, MAMA, BUT--

NOW, NOW, NOW, CAREFUL, CAREFUL.

YOU MIGHT TEAR IT,

AND I WANT TO HAVE IT FRAMED.

OH, I THINK IT'S SO EXCITING,

I SHALL HAVE THE VAPORS!

HOW SHALL I HAVE MY HAIR?

OH, WHAT SHALL I WEAR?

THERE IS WORK TO BE DONE.

WE HAVE NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE.

WHAT CAN WE WEAR?!

WE'LL HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING NEW.

YES. I MEAN, NONE OF MY THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

LET US GO AND SEE.

OH! CAN YOU NEVER DO A JOB PROPERLY, GIRL?

LOOK AT ALL THAT DIRTY WATER.

YOU HAD BETTER DO THE WHOLE STAIRCASE AGAIN!

COME, GIRLS!

MAMA I THINK PALATINE SHOULD WEAR A BROWN DRESS.

Palatine: YOU SPITEFUL CREATURE!

YOU SHOULD WEAR GREEN TO MATCH YOUR COMPLEXION.

Isobella: OH, MAMA!

BUT THE PRESTIGE, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS, THE PRESTIGE!

IT WILL PUT EUPHRANIA ON THE MAP.

UH, PIN THERE, IDIOT.

NOT THERE, THERE.

EXCUSE ME, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

FINE, FINE, FINE. ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.

I'M DELIGHTED. YOU'VE DONE VERY WELL.

NOW LEAVE US, PLEASE.

OH, JOHN!

WHAT HAVE I LET MYSELF IN FOR?

A LITTLE MORE POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE.

AND WHO KNOWS?

PERHAPS THERE WILL BE ONE TO WHOM YOU CAN GIVE YOUR HEART.

WILL YOU DANCE WITH YOUR LADY CAROLINE?

ALAS, NOT DONE, SIR.

OH, YES, HOW STUPID OF ME. I WAS FORGETTING.

NOT IN 20 YEARS!

WE'RE SOLD OUT!

MY CHOICEST BROCADES!

Stepmother: SOLD OUT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU RIDICULOUS MAN?

HOW CAN YOU BE SOLD OUT

WHEN WE HAVE NOT PURCHASED ANYTHING?

THE BALL, GRACIOUS LADY.

I'D SCARCELY OPENED ME DOORS THIS MORNING WHEN THEY DESCENDED!

WHO? WHO DESCENDED?

EVERYBODY, MI LADY !

THEY CAME LIKE THE HERON TO THE POOL,

TAKING EVERYTHING I HAD.

I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.

YOU, MY GOOD MAN, SHOULD LEARN TO DISTINGUISH

BETWEEN RIFFRAFF AND PEOPLE OF CONSEQUENCE, LIKE US.

WHAT SHALL WE DO?

Stepmother: COACHMAN, DRIVE US HOME.

GIRLS, DO STOP PULLING THOSE DREADFUL FACES.

I'M IN A BAD ENOUGH MOOD AS IT IS.

IDIOT!

Palatine: OH, MAMA, SHE'S SO BEASTLY TO ME!

CINDERELLA!

CINDERELLA! WHERE IS THAT WRETCHED GIRL?

WHY DO YOU NOT COME WHEN I CALL YOU?

COME OVER HERE. I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU TO DO.

TAKE THESE, UNPICK THEM, AND MAKE 3 SPLENDID NEW DRESSES OUT OF THEM.

OH, MAMA, YOU'RE SO CLEVER.

MAKE SURE THEY FIT TO PERFECTION.

NOW START IMMEDIATELY.

THERE'S NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE.

BE SURE YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN BEFORE YOU START SEWING.

AND WE'RE TO LOOK AS PRETTY AS POSSIBLE.

AH, WELL, AS PRETTY AS WE ARE!

WE MUST ALL BE UTTERLY SPLENDID.

SO RUN ALONG, CHILD. START AT ONCE!

YES...

UTTERLY... SPLENDID!

BUT ALREADY, HIS HEART WAS--

OH, HENRIETTA, no STOP GRUMBLING.

HIS HEART WAS BURNING WITH... LOVE

AS IF IT HAD BEEN LAID ON RED HOT GOALS!

YOU LIKE THAT? So DO I.

SIT DOWN, DEAR. DON'T DO THAT.

AT THIS POINT, SCHEHERAZADE SAW THE APPROACH OF MORNING

AND FELL SILENT.

AS WELL SHE MIGHT.

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, SET YOUR FRIENDS OFF.

I SUPPOSE YOU WANT FEEDING.

NO REST, NO PEACE.

WELL... SEE IF YOU LIKE THIS.

YOU'LL FALL.

HANSEL, GRETEL...

IS THAT THE WRONG WAY ROUND?

WHO'S THAT?

OH, IT'S YOU, IS IT?

OH, DON'T WIPE YOUR PAWS, WILL YOU!

I'VE GOT NOBODY TO HELP ME CLEAN, YOU KNOW.

I HAVE TO DO ALL MYSELF.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT TIRESOME SCHEHERAZADE IS BARELY HALFWAY THROUGH HER 1,001 NIGHTS?

I HAVE TO THINK OF ANOTHER 496 TALES BEFORE SHE'S SAFE.

AND M'! DIARY IS CHOCK-A-BLOCK.

LOOK! WEDNESDAY, A SEA JOURNEY TO TAKE CARE OF A LITTLE MERMAID.

FRIDAY... OH, THE UGLY DUCKLING'S DUE TO HATCH.

WELL, I HAVE TO BE BACK FOR THAT.

OH, DO BE QUIET, HENRIETTA. I CAN'T THINK!

NOW, WHAT'S THAT?

AH! A NEW KEY CUT FOR PANDORA' S BOX.

WELL, IT'S ALL VERY WELL FOR HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN

TO SAY HIS LIFE IS A FAIRY STORY.

MINE ISN'T.

NOTHING! ONE LONG SLOG!

I CAN DO ALL MANNER OF THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE,

BUT NEVER ANYTHING FOR MYSELF.

WATCH! YOU'D LIKE A BONE.

SIMPLE. THERE YOU ARE.

LET ME TRY IT FOR MYSELF.

WOULD I LIKE A CUP OF TEA?

YES, I WOULD. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NOW WATCH THIS.

KETTLE, BOIL.

SEE? DISASTER.

NOW, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO CINDERELLA?

HOW FUNNY.

I WAS JUST WISHING--

YES. I KNOW.

DO YOU MIND IF I MAKE A VERY RUDE COMMENT?

THESE ARE HOPELESS.

THEY'RE WORSE THAN HOPELESS.

I'VE RUINED THEM.

I'M GOING TO GET INTO SUCH TROUBLE.

NOW, WE DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT.

DRY YOUR TEARS AND HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT.

HMM. YOU LOOK HALF-STARVED AND WORN OUT.

I'M AFRAID THERE ISN'T ANYTHING TO EAT.

I WAS TOO BUSY DOING THOSE TO COOK ANYTHING.

WHAT'S THAT, THEN?

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

AND WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

I DON' T UNDERSTAND.

NO. WELL, VERY FEW PEOPLE DO.

YOU'RE NOT MEANT TO UNDERSTAND IT.

YOU'RE MEANT TO ACCEPT IT GRACIOUSLY.

NOW, LOOK. I'M A VERY BUSY WOMAN,

AND I SOMETIMES-- SOMETIMES LACK TACT.

THE FIRST THING YOU MUST LEARN IN LIFE IS NEVER TO GO BY APPEARANCES.

THINGS ARE NEVER QUITE WHAT YOU THINK THEY ARE.

DO EAT UP; THAT'S ONE OF MY BEST RECIPES.

TAKE ME, FOR EXAMPLE.

I'M NOT WHAT I SEEM.

MIND YOU, I DON'T DRESS THE PART

AND FOR VERY GOOD REASON.

HUMAN NATURE--OH, WELL,

WE WON'T GO INTO WHAT I THINK OF HUMAN NATURE,

BUT IF I WERE TO Go ABOUT MY BUSINESS ALL SPARKLE AND GLITTER,

QUITE APART FROM LOOKING ABSURD"

BECAUSE DESPITE WHAT THEY WRITE IN THOSE STORYBOOKS FOR CHILDREN,

IT'S A MOST UNSUITABLE COSTUME FOR A GROWN WOMAN--

I SHOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO SORT OUT THE WORTHY FROM THE UNWORTHY.

DON' T YOU AGREE?

I'M NOT SURE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I'M A... FAIRY GODMOTHER.

HAVE BEEN ALL MY LIFE.

AND PLEASE DON'T ASK HOW I GOT INTO IT,

BECAUSE IT'S A LONG STORY.

HIGHLY IMPROBABLE...

AND I SOMETIMES WISH WE'D NEVER BEEN INVENTED.

ARE THERE MANY OF YOU?

NOT ENOUGH TO GO ROUND,

JUDGING BY THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE TO DO.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

DELICIOUS.

IT'S THE SAUCE, YOU KNOW.

THAT OLD WIZARD MICHELIN GAVE ME THE SECRET

IN RETURN FOR 3 OF MY MAGIC KNIVES AND FORKS. WHERE WAS I?

YES! WELL, I HAVE TO PUT PEOPLE TO THE TEST.

NOW, YOU PASSED THE TEST.

THOSE-THAT UNHOLY TRIO UPSTAIRS I SIMPLY DIDN'T BOTHER WITH.

NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.

HOWEVER, TO WORK.

BEST THAT YOU CAN DO IS GET A GOOD NIGHTS REST.

NO'! YOU.

I DIDN'T INCLUDE YOU. YOU'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

WM.

AH. LET ME CONCENTRATE.

WHAT ARE THEY WEARING IN PARIS THESE DAYS?

I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH FASHION.

WELL, HAVE YOU GOT ANY IDEAS?

OH, CONCENTRATE. CONCENTRATE.

Stepmother: OF COURSE, IT IS NOT WHAT I AM USED TO,

BUT I MUST SAY, YOU HAVE MADE A REASONABLE JOB OF STITCHING THIS.

Palatine: I'M MAM'SA FAVORITE, AND SHE PROMISED ME FIRST.

GIRLS, IT IS TIME TO LEAVE!

WE MUST NOT KEEP THE PRINCE WAITING.

MAMA, I'VE JUST BEEN TELLING PALATINE

THAT SHE'S NOT TO FEEL JEALOUS

IF THE PRINCE ASKS ME TO DANCE FIRST.

OH, MAMA!

SHH.

CINDERELLA, STRAIGHTEN THAT HEM.

Palatine: HOW DO I LOOK, MAMA?

DON'T I LOOK SUPERB?

YOU BOTH LOOK RAVISHING.

IT WILL BE DIFFICULT FOR YOUR POOR MAMA TO OUTSHINE YOU.

WELL!

COME, LET US DEPART.

CLEAR UP THE MESS IN MY BEDROOM, CINDERELLA.

I DO NOT WANT TO COME HOME AND FIND IT ALL UNTIDY.

Cinderella: HAVE A NICE TIME.

Stepmother: YOU MAY DEPEND ON THAT!

Palatine: OH, MAMA, WE LOOK WONDERFUL.

Isabella: WELL, I DO.

Stepmother: COME, GIRLS.

Man: YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS,

MY LORDS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

HER SERENE HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS MARIA OF TUSCANY.

THE GRAND DUCHESS SOFIA ELIZABETH OF DIETRICHSTEIN.

HER IMPERIAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS ALEXANDRE.

OH, WHY NOT?

I'LL JUST MAKE TIME.

YES. YES, JUST AS I THOUGHT.

SITTING ALL ALONE FEELING SORRY FOR OURSELVES, ARE WE?

WELL, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, I SUPPOSE,

THOUGH I NEVER CARED MUCH FOR THESE ROYAL OCCASIONS MYSELF--

TOO FORMAL, AND NOT ENOUGH TO EAT OR DRINK.

STILL, I DARESAY IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS YOU'D LIKE TO GO.

GO?

ME Go TO THE BALL?

WELL, OF COURSE.

THAT WHAT YOU WERE WISHING, ISN'T IT?

NOT WISHING, EXACTLY,

BUT THINKING WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE.

SAME THING.

NOW, LISTEN. I HAVEN'T GOT A GREAT DEAL OF TIME,

BECAUSE I'M SIMPLY RUN OFF MY FEET THESE DAYS--

WHAT A MISERABLE FIRE.

YOU SHALL Go TO THE BALL.

I JUST HOPE I HAVEN'T STRETCHED EVERYTHING TOO FAR

AND THAT I CAN MAKE IT WORK.

MY POWERS ARE NOT UNLIMITED, YOU KNOW.

NO, I DIDN'T KNOW.

OH, I HAVE TO SHARE THEM OUT.

NOW, LET ME THINK.

YES, I CAN BORROW A BIT UNTIL MIDNIGHT.

RIGHT.

NOW.

YOU !

OUTSIDE.

HEY, I SHALL NEED YOU, So OFF YOU Go.

OH, AND YOU.

TAKE THEM WITH YOU, DOG,

AND SEE IF YOU CAN ROUND UP A FROG OR A LIZARD.

NOW, THEN, I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK, THIS,

BUT THEN, I HAVE BEEN LUCKY.

OH, DEAR.

OH, DEAR!

MOST UNSUITABLE FOR A BALL.

YES.

YES, IT IS.

WELL, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO Go AS YOU ARE.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

WELL, THAT'S A TRADE SECRET,

BUT IT HELPS IF YOU DREAM.

IF YOU DREAM...

SUDDENLY

'SUDDENLY IT HAPPENS AND THE DREAM COMES TRUE

WONDERFULLY

BEAUTIFULLY IT HAPPENS AND YOUR WORLD IS NEW

X MAGICALLY fl

YOU'RE HOLDING THE GOLDEN PRIZE

MYSTICALLY

YOUR CASTLES BEGIN TO RISE

SUDDENLY

DIZZILY YOU'RE SPINNING WITH THE THRILL OF LIFE

SUDDENLY

'THIRSTILY YOU'RE DRINKING IN YOUR FILL OF LIFE

K BUT SECRETS)! fl

YOU JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S TRUE

AND WONDERFULLY

BEAUTIFULLY fl

SUDDENLY IT HAPPENS TO YOU

CINDERELLA.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

OH.

MY STEPMOTHER AND MY STEPSISTERS"

THEY'LL RECOGNIZE ME.

No ONE WILL RECOGNIZE YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE.

PEOPLE SELDOM DO.

BUT HOW SHALL I BEHAVE?

I'M DRESSED LIKE A PRINCESS.

OH, JUST BE YOURSELF.

AND FOR TONIGHT, YOU ARE A PRINCESS--

THE PRINCESS INCOGNITA.

BUT I MUST WARN YOU--

AND TAKE HEED, FOR IT IS A SOLEMN WARNING--

THE MAGIC I HAVE CONJURED HERE TONIGHT IS BORROWED MAGIC.

ON THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT, YOU MUST RETURN IT.

OTHERWISE, EVERYTHING I HAVE TRANSFORMED

WILL CHANGE BACK TO ITS ORIGINAL STATE.

Chorus: SUDDENLY

DIZZILY YOU'RE SPINNING WITH THE THRILL OF LIFE

SUDDENLY

THIRSTILY YOU'RE SPINNING WITH THE THRILL OF LIFE

BUT SECRETLY

YOU JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S TRUE

WHEN

WONDERFULLY

BEAUTIFULLY fl

SUDDENLY IT HAPPENS TO YOU

NOW...

OFF YOU Go, AND ENJOY YOURSELF.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU, FAIRY GODMOTHER.

REMEMBER, BEFORE THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT!

SUDDENLY

'SUDDENLY IT HAPPENS AND THE DREAM COMES TRUE

WONDERFULLY

BEAUTIFULLY IT HAPPENS AND YOUR WORLD IS NEW

X MAGICALLY fl

YOU'RE HOLDING THE GOLDEN PRIZE

MYSTICALLY

YOUR CASTLES BEGIN TO RISE

SUDDENLY

DIZZILY YOU'RE SPINNING WITH THE THRILL OF LIFE

SUDDENLY

'THIRSTILY YOU'RE DRINKING IN YOUR FILL OF LIFE

K BUT SECRETS)! fl

YOU JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S TRUE

WHEN WONDERFULLY

BEAUTIFULLY fl

SUDDENLY IT HAPPENS

TO YOU

SPLENDID. I ALWAYS ENJOY A POLONAISE.

AHEM. CHARMING LITTLE THING.

DOESN'T SPEAK A WORD OF EUPHRANIAN.

JOHN?

John: MA'AM?

TAKE ME ON THE FLOOR.

YES. YES, or COURSE.

HOW VERY INTERESTING.

DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

EXCELLENT TEETH. HA HA!

YOUR MAJESTIES, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS,

MY LORDS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

HER HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS... INCOGNITA.

WHO IS SHE?

WHO CAN SHE BE?

I'VE No IDEA, YOUR MAJESTY.

SHE'S NOT ON MY LIST.

YOUR LIST, YOUR LIST.

YOUR LIST. FIND OUT, MAN. FIND OUT.

YES, SIR.

I DIDN'T QUITE CATCH THE NAME.

NO, MOTHER. NONE OF US DID.

MOST IRREGULAR.

PLAY ON. PLAY ON.

I THINK...

I THINK I SHOULD EXPLAIN WHY I'M HERE, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

MY EYES GIVE ME ENOUGH REASONS.

MY NAME IS EDWARD,

AND IT IS FOR ME TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU,

EXPLAIN WHY I SUBJECTED YOU

TO THIS RIDICULOUS CHARADE.

I'M SURE I SEEM TO YOU THE MASTER OF MY FATE,

BUT UNTIL THIS MOMENT,

I'VE BEEN A PRISONER TRAPPED BY MY BIRTHRIGHT.

TRAPPED?

YES.

IT WAS NEVER MY INCLINATION TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS.

WHAT I MEAN IS...

AND I'M NOT SAYING IT VERY WELL...

I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT MARRIAGE...

SHOULD BEGIN WITH LOVE.

I'M SURE YOU AGREE.

I HAVE NEVER GIVEN THE MATTER MUCH THOUGHT.

I'M AMAZED YOU EVEN ACCEPTED THE INVITATION TO THE BALL.

YES.

I WAS A LITTLE AMAZED MYSELF.

DIDN'T YOU THINK IT ODD?

I SUPPOSE I DID.

BUT... YOU STILL CAME.

WHY?

MUST YOU ASK THAT?

YES, I MUST.

I HAD HEARD MUCH OF YOU.

GOOD OR BAD?

OH, NOTHING BUT GOOD.

I CAN'T THINK HOW.

IF I WERE YOU, I'D HAVE BELIEVED THE WORST.

YOU SEE, I WAS EXPECTING--

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT I WAS EXPECTING.

BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS AFTERWARDS,

I SHALL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS MOMENT.

AND YOU MUST TAKE MY PRESENT HAPPINESS TO MAKE YOU HAPPIER.

TAKE IT... WITH ALL MY HEART,

FOR I GIVE IT WITH ALL MY HEART.

THERE'S A SECRET KINGDOM ALL MY OWN

WITH No CASTLES AND No VASSALS AND NO THRONE

JUST TWO SUBJECTS, YOU AND ME

IN MY PRIVATE MONARCHY

WHERE THE KING IS LOVE AND LOVE ALONE

IN THAT SECRET KINGDOM THAT YOU SEE

SHOULD THE MAKE-BELIEVE BECOME REALITY

WITH No SCEPTER IN YOUR HAND

No DOMINION TO COMMAND

WOULD YOU BE CONTENT WITH ONLY ME?

WHAT IS A SONG THAT'S NEVER SUNG?

WHAT IS A HEART THAT'S NEVER THRILLED TO BE YOUNG?

WHAT IS A DREAM THAT CAN'T COME TRUE?

WHAT IS MY LIFE TO ME WITHOUT M'! LOVE FOR YOU?

IF THAT SECRET KINGDOM'S OURS TO SHARE

I COULD NEVER WISH FOR MORE, FOR YOU'D BE THERE

JUST TWO SUBJECTS, YOU AND ME

IN OUR PRIVATE MONARCHY

ALL ALONE TOGETHER

WE WOULD LOVE FOREVER

IN OUR SECRET KINGDOM FAR AWAY SOMEWHERE

AHEM.

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS?

YES? WHAT IS IT?

HIS MAJESTY REQUESTS AN AUDIENCE

WITH THE PRINCESS INCOGNITA.

Edward: PLEASE TELL MY FATHER

WE'LL BE HAPPY TO GRANT HIS REQUEST.

YOU FRIGHTENED HER, YOU FOOL!

WAIT !

COME BACK!

COME BACK.

RAINBOWS RACED AROUND THE ROOM

WHEN HE DANCED WITH ME

SHOOTING STARS BEGAN TO ZOOM

WHEN HE DANCED WITH ME

IN HIS ARMS I WAS ASCENDING

MY WORLD BECAME A MAGIC BLENDING

OF DREAMS AND HOPES AND LOVE

WHEN HE DANCED WITH ME

THOUGH THIS LOVELY NIGHT WAS ONLY A FANTASY

AND I KNOW TONIGHT IS ALL THERE WILL EVER BE

DANCING IN HIS ARMS FOREVER

MY HEART WILL NEVER BE FREE

'DREAMING OF THE NIGHT HE DANCED WITH ME

RAINBOWS RACED AROUND THE ROOM

WHEN SHE DANCED WITH ME

SHOOTING STARS BEGAN TO ZOOM

WHEN SHE DANCED WITH ME

IN HER ARMS I WAS ASCENDING

AT LAST I SAW THAT PERFECT BLENDING

OF DREAMS AND HOPES AND LOVE

WHEN SHE DANCED WITH ME

COULD IT BE THAT SHE WAS ONLY A FANTASY?

COULD IT BE TONIGHT IS ALL THERE WILL EVER BE?

DANCING IN HER ARMS FOREVER

MY HEART WILL NEVER BE FREE

DREAMING OF THE NIGHT SHE DANCED WITH ME

'DREAMING OF THE NIGHT SHE DANCED WITH ME

Stepmother: CINDERELLA!

WHERE IS THAT WRETCHED GIRL?

CINDERELLA!

YES, STEPMOTHER?

THERE YOU ARE.

WHY DO YOU NOT COME WHEN I CALL?

I WANT A WEAK INFUSION OF TEA.

MY HEAD IS FIT FOR CRACKING.

GOOD MORNING, MAMA.

MORNING, MAMA.

BRING THE BREAKFAST.

IMMEDIATELY, CINDERELLA.

I WASN'T ABLE TO SLEEP.

OH, OH, THE EXCITEMENT OF LAST NIGHT!

NOT ON THE BED, MY PRECIOUS.

Palatine: YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN AMAZED.

YOUR STEPSISTERS WERE A TRIUMPH.

HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE LATE ARRIVAL OF THAT MYSTERIOUS PRINCESS,

I FEEL SURE THE PRINCE WOULD HAVE MADE HIS CHOICE BETWEEN MY TWO ANGELS.

WHAT PRINCESS WAS THAT?

NOBODY SEEMED TO KNOW.

HE SEEMED QUITE TAKEN WITH HER,

BUT THEN, MEN ALWAYS Go FOR THE OBVIOUS.

OH, YES.

I MEAN, SHE WAS NOT THAT PRETTY...

STRIKING, PERHAPS.

Isobella: DON'T FORGET M'! BREAKFAST.

Stepmother: BREAKFAST.

THINK, MAMA--

WE WERE ACTUALLY THERE AT THE CASTLE.

WHERE YOU BELONG, MY DEAR.

I WONDER WHAT THE PRINCE IS DOING TODAY?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE PRINCE IS GOING TO DO TODAY.

THE PRINCE IS GOING TO EXERCISE HIS ROYAL PREROGATIVE FOR ONCE.

King: LEAVE US.

No, STAY. I WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS.

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE SOME VILLAGE IDIOT!

King: I'M GLAD YOU STAYED TO HEAR THAT.

AFTER ALL, HE IS THE HEIR TO THE THRONE.

FATHER, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TREATS ME LIKE AN IDIOT.

YOU ARRANGE A BRIDE-FINDING BALL.

AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT, I FALL IN WITH YOUR PLANS.

I PLAY MY PART.

I GREET, I'M POLITE, I DANCE WITH, I FLATTER,

I CONCEAL MY BOREDOM FROM HALF A DOZEN TWITTERING MAIDENS OF BLUE BLOOD.

IN SHORT, I FULFILL MY SIDE OF THE BARGAIN.

TRUE. I CAN 'T FAULT HIM THERE.

AND THEN, BY SOME MIRACLE, I FIND THE LADY OF MY CHOICE,

AND WHAT HAPPENS? YOU FRIGHTEN HER AWAY!

A SEARCH HAS BEEN MADE, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

IS BEING MADE EVEN AS WE SPEAK.

OUR POLICE--

OUR POLICE, FATHER, COULDN'T FIND A MISSING HAYSTACK,

LET ALONE A NEEDLE.

HOW COULD SHE DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE?

DO WE NOT HAVE FRONTIERS, CUSTOMS POSTS, GUARDS?

WE HAVE CUSTOMS, OF COURSE.

VALUABLE SOURCE OF REVENUE.

AND MOST PEOPLE SAY THAT OUR POLICEMEN ARE WONDERFUL.

THIS IS APPARENTLY THE ONLY CLUE WE HAVE, AND I FOUND IT.

IT'S REMARKABLY DAINTY.

EXACTLY.

IT'S UNIQUE... LIKE ITS VANISHED OWNER.

THEREFORE, WE MUST USE IT.

WHOEVER FITS THE SLIPPER MUST FIT THE BILL!

HE'S RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT!

WHOEVER FITS THIS SLIPPER SHALL MARRY MY SON!

YOUR MAJESTY, YOU HAVE SOLVED THE PROBLEM.

QUITE So.

NOW, WE MUST ACT--

UH, YOU MUST ACT.

UM, THIS SLIPPER MUST BE TAKEN

TO EVERY STRANGER OF NOTE IN THE LAND.

THIS REALLY IS--

IT REALLY IS VERY DAINTY.

UM, THE YOUNG LADY ARRIVED INCOGNITA

BUT MUST OBVIOUSLY BE OF SOME CONSEQUENCE.

SHE CANNOT REMAIN UNKNOWN FOREVER.

A PROCLAMATION IS REQUIRED, SIRE.

YES. DRAFT IT IMMEDIATELY.

BE IT KNOWN THAT IT IS OUR ROYAL WILL

TO FIND THE OWNER OF THIS CHARMING, UH"

HALF THE SIZE OF YOUR MOTHER'S--

THIS GLASS SLIPPER, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE IT WITH YOU.

VERY DISTURBING.

HMM. I'M PROUD OF YOU, EDWARD.

BY ROYAL COMMAND OF HIS MAJESTY THE KING,

KNOW THIS--

THAT WHOSOEVER SHALL TRY ON THIS SLIPPER

AND FIND IT A PERFECT FIT,

THEN, BY ROYAL DECREE,

SHE SHALL BE GIVEN IN MARRIAGE

TO HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCE EDWARD OF EUPHRANIA,

HEIR TO THE THRONE.

GOD SAVE THE KING!

PUSH! PUSH!

OH, I AM PUSHING, MAMA!

IT DOESN'T FIT. LET ME TRY.

OOH...

NOW, PUSH HARD!

Edward: HAVE YOU FOUND HER?

ANY SIGN OF HER AT ALL?

AND YOU?

AND YOU?

SIR?

HMM?

I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS.

I KNOW SHE EXISTS.

THE SLIPPER WILL REMAIN THERE

AS A MONUMENT TO MY LOST LOVE.

Edward: HOW ABSURD LIFE IS.

DOWN THERE, EVERYTHING IS So SIMPLE.

PEOPLE MEET, FALL IN LOVE,

MARRY, AND HAVE CHILDREN.

I DARESAY THEY ENVY ME HERE.

I'M TOLD ENVY OF PRINCES IS A COMMON ENOUGH THING.

Edward: 3 MONTHS, 6 DAYS, 10 HOURS.

THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE LAST I SAW HER.

WHAT TORTURE LOVE IS!

YES.

OH, HOW SELFISH OF ME. FORGIVE ME, JOHN.

HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR LADY CAROLINE?

OH, YES...

INFREQUENTLY.

WHAT TORTURE LOVE IS.

YOU SEE, SIR, IF MY FATHER WERE A CHANCELLOR...

HOW EASY IT WOULD BE

THE LOVELY LADY CAROLINE

WOULD BE A PROPER WIFE, YOU SEE

BUT MY FATHER WAS A SERVANT

AND MY MOTHER SAME AS HE

So THE LADY OF MY CHOOSING

IS A WORLD AWAY FROM ME

THAT'S HOW IT IS

AND HOW IT WAS

AND HOW IT ALWAYS SHALL BE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE SOCIALLY CONDITIONING

HOW YOU'RE BORN, HOW YOU'RE BRED

PREDETERMINE WHO YOU WED

WHICH MEANS THERE'S NOTHING CHANGEABLE

NOTHING'S REARRANGEABLE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE EVERYTHING IN LIFE

FARMERS' DAUGHTERS MARRY COW HERDS

THAT'S ACCEPTABLE AND RIGHT YES.

BUT ABSURD AND QUITE UNHEARD OF

IS A MILK MAID AND A KNIGHT

I QUITE AGREE

HE QUITE AGREES

SHE QUITE AGREES

THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS SHALL BE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE SOCIALLY CONDITIONING

PEOPLE HIGH, PEOPLE LOW

KEEP THE STATE OF STATUS QUO

WHICH MEANS THERE'S NOTHING CHANGEABLE

NOTHING'S REARRANGEABLE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE EVERYTHING IN LIFE

WHEN A LAD FIRST JOINS THE ARMY

THIS IS WHAT HE LEARNS FOR STARTERS

NEVER COURT YOUR COLONEL'S DAUGHTER

OR HE'LL HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS

THAT'S HOW IT IS

AND HOW IT WAS

AND HOW IT ALWAYS SHALL BE

John: FOR POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE SOCIALLY CONDITIONING

HOW YOU DRESS AND HOLD YOUR HEAD

PREDETERMINE WHO YOU WED

WHICH MEANS THERE'S NOTHING CHANGEABLE

NOTHING'S REARRANGEABLE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE EVERYTHING IN LIFE

ALL THE SERVANTS IN A CASTLE

THEY REFLECT THE WORLD OUTSIDE

THEY HAVE RANK AND THEY HAVE STATION

AND ADHERE TO THEM WITH PRIDE

OH, THE STAFF THAT WORK BELOW STAIRS

THEY HAVE DREAMS TO WORK ABOVE

AND THEY'RE LOCKED IN THEIR POSITIONS

BY TRADITION'S IRON GLOVE

THAT'S HOW IT IS?

AND HOW IT WAS

AND HOW IT ALWAYS SHALL BE

WE KNOW OUR PLACE, AND HAPPILY

WE BOW AND SCRAPE AND BEND OUR KNEE

BUT WOE BETIDE THE WOE BEGONE

WHO TRY TO JOIN OUR ECHELON

FOR PRIVILEGE IS NOT, YOU SEE

CONFINED TO JUST THE ROYALTY

BEHIND THESE DOORS, I MIGHT SUGGEST

I'M SIMILARLY BLESSED

Chorus: YES, POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE SOCIALLY CONDITIONING

THOUGH YOU WORK YOUR LIFE AWAY

WHERE YOU START IS WHERE YOU STAY

WHICH MEANS THERE'S NOTHING CHANGEABLE

NOTHING' S REARRANGEABLE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE STUCK WITH YOU FOR LIFE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE SOCIALLY CONDITIONING

THOUGH YOU WORK YOUR LIFE AWAY

WHERE YOU START IS WHERE YOU STAY

WHICH MEANS THERE'S NOTHING CHANGEABLE

NOTHING' S REARRANGEABLE

POSITION AND POSITIONING

ARE EVERYTHING IN LIFE

EVERYTHING IN LIFE

EVERYTHING IN LIFE

I LIFE, LIFE, LIFE, LIFE, LIFE, LIFE I

THAT'S HOW IT IS? AND HOW IT WAS.

AND HOW IT ALWAYS SHALL BE

Edward: ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE CONVINCED ME,

BUT I SHALL PROVE YOU WRONG,

FOR PRINCES, WHEN CONVINCED,

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR POSITION.

I CAN'T THINK WHY I DIDN'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BEFORE.

John I ABOUT WHAT?

WAIT, AND ALL WILL BE REVEALED.

KNEEL.

WHAT? ME?

I COMMAND IT.

I DUB THEE, AS IS MY PRIVILEGE SO TO DO,

A KNIGHT OF THE ORDER OF SAINT DAVID.

ARISE, SIR JOHN.

AS A KNIGHT OF THE REALM,

YOU CAN NOW CLAIM THE HAND OF THE FAIR LADY CAROLINE--

WHICH IS FORTUNATE FOR YOU BUT WHICH, ALAS,

LEAVES ME WITHOUT A COMPANION-AT-ARMS.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

UH, WILLOUGHBY, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

CAN HE NOT ANSWER FOR HIMSELF?

IT'S NOT HIS POSITIOH, YOU SEE.

AH, TRUE.

BUT IT WILL BE.

I SHALL ELEVATE YOU, TOO, WILLOUGHBY.

FROM HENCEFORTH, YOU ARE MY PERSONAL COMPANION-AT-ARMS,

WITH ALL THE PRIVILEGES SUCH OFFICE BESTOWS.

YOU WILL NEED A SWORD.

HERE.

TAKE MINE.

IT GOES THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

HELP HIM, WILL YOU?

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD MORNING'S WORK.

John: CONGRATULATIONS, WILLOUGHBY.

AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, TOO, SIR JOHN.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

NOTHING.

GO AND FIND HER.

BE HAPPY.

HAPPY ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US.

I MUST FETCH THE PRINCE.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, YOU WRETCHED GIRL? YOU...

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

OH! OH!

I LITTLE KNEW, MADAM, THAT I WOULD HAVE THE PLEASURE OF MEETING

YOU AND YOUR DELIGHTFUL DAUGHTERS AGAIN IN SUCH HAPPY CIRCUMSTANCES.

WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS?

YOU ARE THE LEGAL GUARDIAN, I BELIEVE, OF MY WIFE TO BE.

YOUR WIFE TO BE?

WHY, YES. I AM MORE THAN HER LEGAL GUARDIAN.

I HAVE BEEN A MOTHER TO HER.

THEN I DO RIGHT BY FORMALLY ASKING YOUR PERMISSION

TO TAKE CINDERELLA'S HAND IN MARRIAGE.

OH! OH!

CONTROL YOURSELVES !

PERMISSION? WHY, OF COURSE!

GLADLY! NATURALLY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. DO I--

WILL YOU BE QUIET?

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS, PLEASE ALLOW ME THE HONOR OF

INVITING YOU INTO OUR HAPPY HOME.

COME, CINDERELLA, DEAR. WE WERE So WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

THANK YOU, BUT No, I HAVE OTHER URGENT BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.

IN MY HAPPINESS, I FORGIVE YOU ALL.

FORGIVE ME?

HOW DARE SHE FORGIVE ME?

AND WHAT DO THEY CALL YOU?

CINDERELLA, YOUR MAJESTY.

A MOST UNUSUAL NAME.

Edward: THE NAME, MOTHER, IS SURELY OF No IMPORTANCE.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT I'VE MADE MY CHOICE AND WAIT FOR YOUR BLESSINGS.

YOU GAVE US A LOT OF TROUBLE, YOU KNOW, AFTER THE BALL.

PEOPLE LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE. VANISHED, YOU SEE.

DID YOU Go BACK TO YOUR OWN KINGDOM?

NO, YOUR MAJESTY. I WENT BACK TO WHERE I LIVE.

AND WHERE IS THAT, CHILD?

WHY, HERE, YOUR MAJESTY.

HERE? IN THE CASTLE?

No, FATHER. AS YOU'VE OFTEN REMARKED, LOVE IS BLIND.

AND WE SOMETIMES DON'T LOOK UNDER OUR NOSES.

CINDERELLA LIVES IN OUR OWN EUPHRANIA, NOT 20 MILES FROM HERE.

WHO IS THIS GIRL?

WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?

THIS IS THE GIRL THAT EDWARD WANTS TO MARRY.

IS GOING TO MARRY, FATHER.

I DON'T WISH TO SEEM OFFENSIVE,

BUT IT DOES SEEM TO ME THAT SHE'S MOST UNSUITABLY

DRESSED FOR SUCH A SOLEMN OCCASION.

YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT, GRANDMAMA. IT'S SOMETHING I SHALL CORRECT IMMEDIATELY.

FATHER, BY YOUR LEAVE.

King: QUESTIONS OF PRECEDENT.

UNPRECEDENTED QUESTIONS OF PRECEDENT.

MY OWN THOUGHT, SIRE.

A MEETING, I THINK. THE STAFF COUNCIL.

IT HAS ALREADY BEEN CONVENED, YOUR MAJESTY.

PITY. CHARMING LITTLE THING.

IN OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES...

MOST APPEALING.

WHO IS IT?

MILADY, I'M COMMANDED BY HIS MAJESTY THE KING

TO REQUEST AN AUDIENCE.

OH.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

PLEASE ENTER.

MI LORD CHAMBERLAIN.

MILADY.

FORGIVE ME FOR DISTURBING YOUR REST...

BUT, ALAS, THERE ARE SOME MATTERS OF STATE

THAT CANNOT BE DELAYED.

HIS MAJESTY HAS REQUESTED ME, AS HIS PRINCIPAL MINISTER...

TO BROACH...

A QUESTION OF SOME DELICACY.

I...

YOU LOVE THE PRINCE EDWARD, DO YOU NOT?

WHY, OF COURSE.

WHO WOULDN'T?

OH, QUITE SO.

UH, PLEASE. PLEASE.

AND HE HAS EXPRESSED HIS LOVE FOR YOU

BEFORE THE WHOLE COURT.

YES.

YES, HE HAS.

VERY COMMENDABLY.

BIS MAKES...

OH, DEAR.

OH, DEAR. OH, DEAR. OH, DEAR.

I'M REALLY TOO OLD FOR THIS SORT OF THING.

FORGIVE ME, MY DEAR CHILD, BUT...

DESPITE MY APPEARANCE

AND THE POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE OF MY HIGH OFFICE...

I AM NOT WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR PLIGHT.

FOR PLIGHT IT IS.

TO BE BLUNT,

BECAUSE THE HOUR IS LATE.

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HIS MAJESTY TO GIVE CONSENT

TO SUCH A MARRIAGE.

NOT POSSIBLE?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

HMM. WELL...

YOUR LOVE FOR THE PRINCE

AND HIS LOVE FOR YOU,

WELL, THAT IS A FINE AND PRIVATE THING.

WOULD THAT IT COULD REMAIN so,

BUT THE TIMES DEMAND SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

THE PRINCE MUST MAKE A MARRIAGE OF ALLIANCE

WITH A PRINCESS OF THE BLOOD ROYAL.

AND THAT IS WHY I AM HERE,

BURDENED WITH THIS UNHAPPY TASK.

YOU SEE, MY DEAR CHILD,

IN LIFE, LOVE CANNOT ALWAYS FIND A WAY.

YOU WERE BORN HERE,

SO YOU KNOW THAT OUR LITTLE KINGDOM,

WHILST FAR FROM PERFECT,

HAS YET ENJOYED COUNTLESS CENTURIES OF PEACE.

NOW THAT PEACE IS THREATENED FROM WITHOUT.

THERE ARE SOME WHO LOOK TOWARDS OUR FRONTIERS

WITH GREEDY EYES.

YOU SEE ONLY LOVE AND HAPPINESS

STARING YOU IN THE FACE.

I SEE NOTHING BUT WAR AND DESTRUCTION...

UNLESS A SACRIFICE IS MADE.

AND THE SACRIFICE...

IS TO BE ME.

YES.

IT'S A LOT TO ASK,

BUT I HAVE TO ASK IT.

TO LEAVE HIM NOW?

TO LEAVE HIM NOW,

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

BUT HE WOULD SEARCH FOR ME AGAIN.

HE WOULD SEARCH FOR ME AND FIND ME.

I KNOW HE WOULD.

YES. THAT, TOO, IS TRUE,

BUT WE'VE ALLOWED FOR THAT.

IT IS SUGGESTED THAT WITH PROPER DOWRY

AND EVERY OTHER CONSIDERATION

FITTING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THIS MOST UNHAPPY OCCASION,

IT IS SUGGESTED THAT YOU BE TAKEN FROM HERE THIS VERY NIGHT

TO A SECRET PLACE OF EXILE FAR BEYOND OUR BORDERS.

YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN NOTHING, THEN.

I THANK YOU FOR BRINGING SUCH TIDINGS

WITH TACT AND UNDERSTANDING.

YOU WERE WELL CHOSEN FOR THE TASK.

YOUR LADIES-IN-WAITING WILL BE SENT FOR.

BUT IN BOWING TO THE ROYAL DEMANDS,

I MUST MAKE ONE OF MY OWN.

MILADY?

IT IS NOT VERY MUCH

AND SOMETHING WHICH...

WITH YOUR GREATER EXPERIENCE IN THESE MATTERS,

YOU WILL NOT FIND VERY DIFFICULT.

I WISH YOU TO TELL HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS...

PRINCE EDWARD...

I WISH YOU'D TELL HIM...

TELL HIM...

TELL HIM THAT IT WASN'T LOVE

SAY I TRIED

SAY I LIED

TELL HIM I'M UNWORTHY OF

WHAT HE FEELS INSIDE

TELL HIM THAT YOU HEARD ME SAY

WHAT SEEMED RIGHT

JUST LAST NIGHT

SIMPLY SEEMED TO FADE AWAY

IN THE LIGHT OF DAY

TELL HIM OF THE COUNTLESS OTHER LOVERS

WHOM I TANTALIZED, VICTIMIZED

TELL HIM OF THE MANY OTHER TIMES

I'VE PLAYED THIS HEARTLESS GAME

JUST TEE SAW'.

'TELL HIM WHAT I REALLY AM

IS JUST A COLD AND EMPTY SHAM

TELL HIM ANYTHING

BUT NOT THAT I LOVE HIM

TELL HIM THAT IT WASN'T LOVE

ALL WE SHARED, ALL WE CARED

MAKE HIM HATE MY MEMORY

MAKE HIM GLAD HE'S FREE

PAINT ME EVIL, PAINT ME CRUEL

SAY I BROKE EVERY RULE

MAKE HIM FEEL THAT HE'S A FOOL

FOR HIS LOVING ME

DON'T LET HIM KNOW

WHY I MUST LEAVE HIM

WHY I MUS GO

SO FAR AWAY

FOR IF HE KNEW

HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM

NO POWER ON EARTH

COULD MAKE HIM STAY

YOUR MAJESTY.

THE DEED IS DONE.

SHE CERTAINLY BEHAVED LIKE A PRINCESS.

Edward: COME ON!

THE FRONTIER!

FATHER.

FATHER, YOU HAVE DONE WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

THE SPOILS ARE YOURS,

BUT IT IS A SMALL VICTORY.

IF I COULD EXPLAIN...

SPARE ME THAT.

SPARE ME THE FINAL HYPOCRISY OF YOUR SYMPATHY.

TAKE YOUR MAP.

REARRANGE IT TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

MAKE YOUR PRECIOUS MARRIAGE OF ALLIANCE.

YOU'VE DESTROYED WHATEVER VESTIGE OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS

I MIGHT HAVE FOUND,

AND YOU'VE DONE IT IN THE NAME OF PATRIOTISM.

SO... LET IT BE THUS.

CHOOSE ME A BRIDE

FROM AMONGST THE RAGBAG OF ROYAL VIRGINS

I HAVE TWICE REJECTED.

CHOOSE WHO YOU WILL. I CARE NOT.

I'LL PLAY MY PUBLIC PART TO THE ALTAR

BUT NO FURTHER.

YOUR ROYAL HOUSE WILL LIVE WITH YOU

BUT DIE WITH ME.

DEAR CINDERELLA, FORGIVE ME.

I HAVE NO HEART FOR WHAT I MUST SHORTLY PERFORM.

MY HEART IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE.

I WOULD NOT HAVE YOU GRIEVE FOR WHAT WAS NOT TO BE.

IT'S ONLY IN FAIRY TALES

THAT THE PRINCE...

MARRIES THE LADY OF HIS CHOICE.

THE REAL WORLD IS NOT SO KIND.

THERE ARE NO PRIVATE KINGDOMS"

ONLY PUBLIC ONES.

I HAVE LOVED BUT ONCE.

I HAVE LOVED BUT YOU,

AND I HAVE LOST YOU TWICE.

I CAN'T FORGET THE MELODY

ALTHOUGH OUR SONG IS THROUGH

THE LOVE WE SHARED

THE DREAM WE DARED

WAS JUST A PRAYER THAT CAN'T COME TRUE

I TRY TO STOP REMEMBERING

BUT TILL THE DAY I DIE

WITHIN MY MEMORY

WILL LIVE THE MELODY

OF THE SONG

THAT WAS YOU AND ME

ALTHOUGH OUR SONG IS THROUGH

I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU

FOR I CAN'T FORGET THE MELODY

AND WHAT, MIGHT I ASK, ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, IT'S YOU.

YOU GAVE ME SUCH A SHOCK.

I SHOULD HOPE So.

THAT IS NOTHING TO THE SHOCK YOU'VE JUST GIVEN ME.

WHY, YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE AT ALL.

THAT'S NOT HOW I PLANNED IT.

OH, REALLY!

I SOMETIMES WISH I COULD RETIRE.

UNLESS I'M ON THE SPOT

TO TAKE CARE OF EVERY LITTLE DETAIL,

SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

YOU STAYED BEYOND

THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

YES. OH, BUT PLEASE DON'T SCOLD ME.

I'M UNHAPPY ENOUGH AS IT IS.

WELL, OF COURSE, YOU'RE UNHAPPY.

ANY GIRL WOULD BE UNHAPPY

IF SHE WERE MISSING HER OWN WEDDING.

WEDDING?

YES.

THE PRINCE GETS MARRIED TODAY.

I HAD THE DATE UNDERLINED IN MY DIARY.

WHY ELSE DO YOU SUPPOSE I AM DRESSED LIKE THIS?

WHO...

WHO'S HE MARRYING?

WELL, AT THE MOMENT, THE WRONG GIRL, OBVIOUSLY.

OH, IT'S TOO IRRITATING.

I HAD IT ALL MAPPED OUT.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I SHALL SIMPLY HAVE TO RISE TO THE OCCASION

AND DO SOMETHING SPECTACULAR YET AGAIN,

AND SPECTACULARS ALWAYS TAKE So MUCH OUT OF ME.

JUST COME DOWN OFF THE SWING.

IT WAS THE SAME WITH SNOW WHITE.

ALL THE SAME, YOU YOUNG GIRLS.

NEVER DO AS YOU'RE TOLD.

MEN ARE MUCH EASIER.

OH, MAMA.

YOUR MAJESTY.

SIRE.

AHEM.

SIR.

AHEM !

OH...

King: WHAT CAN I SAY? THIS Is, UH--

I CAN ASSURE YOU--

Father of bride: YOUR EXCUSE IS ABSOLUTELY INADEQUATE.

AHH.

IS THE CEREMONY OVER?

WHAT A RELIEF!

YOUR MAJESTY, THIS COULD LEAD TO WAR.

I KNOW, I KNOW! WELL, THINK OF SOMETHING!

HE CANNOT MARRY HER, SIRE.

THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT ALLOW IT.

WELL, DON'T TELL ME. I WROTE IT.

YES. DON'T TELL HIM. HE WROTE IT.

I BEG YOUR PARDOH, MADAM?

AND IF HE WROTE IT, HE CAN UNWRITE IT.

DON'T YOU AGREE, YOUR MAJESTY?

HE CAN WRITE WHAT HE LIKES,

So LONG AS HE CLEARS THIS ROOM.

THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE IN IT BY FAR,

MOST OF THEM NOT WORTH A CANDLE.

AFTER ALL, YOU ARE THE KING.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. I AM!

AND ABSOLUTE MONARCHS SHOULD ACT ABSOLUTELY.

IT'S VERY BECOMING.

SHE'S RIGHT WHO IS SHE?

I'VE NO IDEA, SIRE.

SHE MUST BE ONE OF THE VISITORS.

BUT EVEN IF YOU ALTER THE CONSTITUTIOH, YOUR MAJESTY,

IT DOESN'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF THE OTHER BRIDE.

No, YOU'RE RIGHT. SO WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED.

IT'S STARING YOU IN THE FACE.

WHAT IS?

THE ANSWER.

King: WHAT SORT OF AN ANSWER IS THAT?

Fairy Godmother: THEY'RE IN LOVE!

THEY ARE?

IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

YOU HAVE MY WORD FOR IT.

ASK HIM.

COUSIN...

COUSIN, IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY NOTICE--

OH, YES. AND TO MINE.

ISN'T SHE RAVISHING?

BUT, UH, AM I TO UNDERSTAND--

YES... ANYTHING.

Woman: IT REALLY IS DISGRACEFUL.

WELL, WHAT CAN WE DO AS FATHERS FACED WITH THIS VERY HUMAN DILEMMA?

IT'S A QUESTION OF HONOR.

YES. WELL, IT WOULD SEEM IN ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES TO BE, UH...

AFAIT ACCOMPLI?

IT'S CERTAINLY A FATE. HA HA.

THE YOUNGER GENERATION'S SO FICKLE.

NOT LIKE US, NO SENSE OF DUTY,

NO SENSE OF HISTORY.

SPEAKING FOR MYSELF, I HAD A SWORD IN MY BACK.

YOU, TOO?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

WE NEVER SHIRKED OUR RESPONSIBILITIES.

SO, WHAT'S IT TO BE?

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER WEDDING.

YES. IT LOOKS LIKE THAT.

CAN I SPEAK AS MAN TO MAN?

I'D WELCOME IT.

HE'S, UH, NOT WHAT I WANTED, BUT, us...

THEN NEITHER WAS SHE.

OH, CHARMING GIRL!

PLENTY OF SPIRIT.

I'LL ARRANGE EVERYTHING. MY PLACE, I THINK.

THE SOONER THE BETTER.

YES, THUS CEMENTING OUR GREAT ALLIANCE.

CONCEAL ING OUR SHAME.

AMEN.

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER,

OF THE SOH, AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

AMEN.

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER

AND OF THE SON AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

AMEN.

AMEN.

Cinderella and Prince: NOT A ROYAL STATE

A ROYAL STATE OF MIND

IT COMES SHINING INTO VIEW

WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE LOVES YOU

AND ALONE TOGETHER

YOU WILL REIGN FOREVER

IN THAT SECRET KINGDOM

WHERE LOVE'S DREAMS COME TRUE

Chorus: SO WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECTi

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

So WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

T MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

King: PROTOCOL

Chorus: PROTOCOL, PROTOCOL, PROTOCOL

ABOVE ALL

ABOVE ALL, ABOVE ALL, ABOVE ALL

MAKES THE KINGDOM RISE OR FALL

So WE MUST BE PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

GOOD FORM MUST NEVER SUFFER FROM NEGLECT

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS WE RESPECT

MUST BE TREATED CIRCUMSPECT

ELSE THE KINGDOM WILL BE WRECKED

WE'VE A SYSTEM TO PROTECT

CHECKED AND DOUBLE-CHECKED

AND PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT

King: PROTOCOLIGORICALLY CORRECT