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CLOCK STRIKES 11
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TRAIN WHISTLES
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00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,629
Oh, er, excuse me, could you tell me
the way to Nutbourne College?
4
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,543
You must be the new
English Master, Tassell?
5
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,212
Right?
- Yes, that's right, Richard Tassell.
6
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,631
My name's Billings.
I teach maths here.
7
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,891
Oh.
- The carriage should be without.
8
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,602
BlLLlNGS: Hello, Rainbow, old scout.
- How are you, sir?
9
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,515
How was Mon Repos, Southsea?
- Oh, middlin', sir.
10
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,683
This is Mr Tassell,
the new English Master.
11
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,600
Pleased to meet you, sir.
12
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,360
You'd better keep on
the right side of Rainbow -
13
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,487
he runs the school
and knows the country.
14
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,693
Black market whisky, butter, eggs...
15
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,028
Anything, at a price.
16
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:44,161
Right, Rainbow?
- Times are difficult, sir.
17
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,740
Is this your first appointment?
- Yes.
18
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,408
Ex-service?
- Army.
19
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,747
Pond interviewed you, I suppose.
What d'you make of him?
20
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:54,371
Seemed quite pleasant.
- He's bats.
21
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,790
You're going to loathe it
here, you know.
22
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,050
That's a fine way of
introducing me to it, I must say!
23
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:14,517
I see you've been putting in a spot of work
on the garden for a change, Rainbow.
24
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,230
Er, that's Mr Pond, sir.
25
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,270
He's been on at me and Edwin
all the week...
26
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,029
Clean this up, paint that...
27
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,656
Hasn't given us a moment.
28
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,738
Must be expecting a gaggle of parents.
29
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:24,902
RAlNBOW GRUNTS
30
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,866
BlLLlNGS:
There are six cottages in the village...
31
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,576
a pub, and a post office...
32
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,458
...We're now entering
the main hall of the noble pile.
33
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:34,711
According to history,
it goes back to Henry Vlll.
34
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,917
According to the bank,
it goes back to them
35
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,174
unless Pond keeps up
with his payments.
36
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,675
A fine old staircase...
- TASSELL: Hmm.
37
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,341
BlLLlNGS:: Until you have to climb it
twenty times a day!:
38
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,889
This is the common room -
39
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,977
haven from howling kids
and the back-parlour of our domestic life.
40
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,482
You'll find your evening here rollicking.
41
00:03:56,528 --> 00:04:00,316
Matthews, he's the Second Master,
plays a good hand of ecarte.
42
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,323
Jou�, here, suffers from insomnia.
43
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,658
Takes French,
and he plays backgammon.
44
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,069
When he's awake.
45
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,783
I'll introduce you to him later.
46
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,322
What about you? What do you do?
47
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:14,664
Football pools. I once won 30 bob -
it's lead me astray ever since...
48
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,170
CAR HORN SOUNDS
- TASSELL: What on earth's that?
49
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,298
BlLLlNGS:: Hyde-Brown -
known to the natives as Whizzo...
50
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:24,382
...He's the Sports Master. He's the only chap
who isn't really affected by this place.
51
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,218
Well, I 'm sorry if I'm
painting a gloomy picture.
52
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,474
BlLLlNGS::
Oh, hello, Ramsden...
53
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,100
...This is Tassell,
the new English Master.
54
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,937
How do you do?
- TASSELL: How d'you do?
55
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,603
BILLlNGS:
He's the Science Master.
56
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,060
We call him the ghost of Nutbourne.
57
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,947
Ha! How are you, Billings,
you jaundiced swine?
58
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,199
Had a devil of a journey...
Thought I 'd never make it!
59
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,734
Nearly ran out of juice.
60
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,780
Must get old Rainbow
to get me some more petrol coupons...
61
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,039
Hello?
62
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,208
Hello, that you, Joan, dear?
63
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,289
Get me Ashfield 69.
64
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,875
Not going to pay
what he asked last term.
65
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,130
Seven bob a gallon.
66
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,383
This is Tassell, the new Englisher.
Victor Hyde-Brown.
67
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,793
How are you, old boy?
68
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,303
Hello? Hello, that you, Alf?
Vic here.
69
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,886
Look, what won the 4:30? Oh.
70
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,301
HYDE-BROWN:
What were second and third? Oh.
71
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,811
Did, er, Windsor Cottage run?
72
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,556
Oh, thanks.
Just my luck!
73
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,600
BlLLlNGS: I say, Tassell,
you can have this cupboard.
74
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,019
Here... what's that ass Pond
been up to?
75
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:25,906
This place hasn't had a coat of paint
since they took the photos for the prospectus.
76
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,658
HYDE-BROWN:
I say, you chaps, take a butcher's at these!
77
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,240
Er, this is a little job I ran across
in a joint in Montmartre.
78
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,280
HYDE-BROWN:
She comes from Birkenhead, actually...
79
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,619
...Er, the one with the
advanced ideas, that's Jeanne.
80
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,910
Won't you ever grow up?
- I certainly hope not.
81
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,958
That's Yvette. What a scorcher!
Talk about l'amour, old man.
82
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,420
BlLLlNGS: From which you'll gather
Brownie is interested in a wide variety of sports.
83
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,336
Ah, there you are, Billings.
I expected you earlier today.
84
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,381
I'm not going to run through the second fifteen
fixtures or anything of that sort.
85
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,389
What is it?
- I put a notice on the board.
86
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,972
Ah, Mr Tassell, I take it.
How d'you do?
87
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,137
How d'you do?
- I 'm Matthews, the Second Master.
88
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,932
You'll find us a very happy family here.
- Since when?
89
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,104
Well, what is it on the board, Mattie?
90
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,735
Really, really, Billings -
it's only three yards!
91
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,737
Mr Pond wants us to go to tea today.
- BlLLlNGS: Tea?
92
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,944
That's the first time old Pond
ever coughed up tea!
93
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,159
HYDE-BROWN: What's the idea?
- I haven't the remotest notion.
94
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,537
But it's about five thirty and I saw Mrs Hampstead
going in with the tea about two minutes ago.
95
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:18,792
Well, we have no alternative but to investigate
this strange phenomenon. Let's go.
96
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,873
Oh, do you want Weary Willie?
97
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:24,255
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
And before term's started!
98
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,710
M'sieur Jou�.
Wake up, M'sieur Jou�! Wake up!
99
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,094
J'aurais, tu auras, il aura...
100
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,553
He hasn't had old Rainbow and Edwin
skipping around all day for nothing!
101
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,515
BlLLlNGS: If Pond's dishing out a free bun-fight
there's something brewing apart from tea...
102
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,806
HYDE-BROWN: Maybe he's getting married.
Bringing the lady down here to impress her.
103
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,066
BlLLlNGS: The day Pond
exchanges a smile with a woman...
104
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,818
...I 'll dance the hornpipe naked
on the village green...
105
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:49,732
...As for anything in this dump impressing
anyone but a Chinese workhouse master...
106
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,945
KNOCKS AT DOOR
- Come in, gentlemen, please.
107
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,783
Excuse me. Tea is served, I think...
108
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:07,416
Mr Tassell, welcome to Nutbourne.
Delighted to have you join us.
109
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:11,132
My colleagues, I 'm sure, will tell you
all that you need to know about the school.
110
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,421
Right, Billings?
111
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,799
Sit down, gentlemen, sit down...
112
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,013
Lend me a hand with the tea,
Billings, will you, please?
113
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,895
Well, I hope you all enjoyed
your vacations...
114
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,352
Come in, Matthews, come in Jou�...
115
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:26,143
And here we are all once again
back in the harness
116
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:29,529
and I for one can say
that I 'm not sorry.
117
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,236
Sit down, Ramsden...
118
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,322
Yes, it's fifteen years
almost to the day since I first...
119
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,328
Don't forget the sugar, Billings.
120
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,665
Fifteen years since I came here.
121
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:45,454
And I may say it's fifteen years that I shall
look back on with very deepest affection.
122
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:50,046
There'll be many more to look back upon
before you and Nutbourne part company, sir.
123
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,044
I appreciate that sentiment, Matthews.
124
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:55,635
But I 'm afraid it's a pleasure
that may not be granted to me.
125
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,800
Oh, come, sir...
- POND LAUGHS
126
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,262
Are those crumpets?
- I don't know.
127
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,894
POND: As a matter of fact,
that is why I 've asked you all to come here.
128
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,727
You see, there is a distinct possibility
that l...
129
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,688
I may be translated
to a higher sphere.
130
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,236
Not your heart again, sir?
131
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,359
My heart is perfectly all right, Billings.
132
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,071
No. I 'm being urged
to consider a position elsewhere.
133
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,362
No, sir!
- Yes, the Headmastership of Harlingham.
134
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,077
But that's a decent school,
one of the majors!
135
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,415
This is a very great shock to us.
136
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,293
MATTHEWS: I hardly dare think
what would happen to Nutbourne if you left.
137
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,000
It would be a tremendous wrench
for me too, Matthews.
138
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,174
Crumpets it is.
Plates, Billings.
139
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:36,930
But I think you'll agree, Matthews, that the call
of duty comes before even that of affection.
140
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,512
And the call of duty would be
stronger at Harlingham, sir?
141
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,936
I have always felt that
the highest aim of a teacher
142
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:47,771
is to sow the seeds of knowledge
over ever wider and more fertile fields.
143
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,276
We are a comparatively
small school here
144
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:55,987
and, judging from recent examination results,
not... not abundantly fertile.
145
00:08:57,328 --> 00:09:00,070
Give Jou� his tea,
will you, Billings, please?
146
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,705
Which brings me to my second point.
147
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,619
The governors of Harlingham will shortly
be visiting here to study my methods...
148
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,707
Then you haven't
cornered the job yet, sir?
149
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,790
That problem is a mutual one, Billings.
150
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,004
Will Harlingham suit me?
151
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,091
Will I be equal to Harlingham?
- I 'm confident of that, sir.
152
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,846
Thank you, Matthews.
153
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,805
But I'm sure with your co-operation, gentlemen...
Perhaps a little... Iittle extra effort
154
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:27,348
we can show the governors of Harlingham
that our school is every bit as good as...
155
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,981
Ramsden.
156
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,442
Will you please sit down?
157
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,358
Oh, and bearing this in mind,
M'sieur Jou�
158
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,740
do you think you might contrive
to spend a little more of the day with us?
159
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,739
Thank you, Jou�.
Oh, and you, Billings...
160
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:47,080
Billings, do you think you could devote a little
more of your time to obtaining class results
161
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:50,871
and a little less to trying
to forecast the football variety?
162
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,588
Good.
163
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,750
And talking of football,
Hyde-Brown
164
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:59,843
I seem to recall that last year our first fifteen
lost eleven out of the twelve matches.
165
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,851
Might I suggest in your case
a little more of the coach
166
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,182
a little less of the
Coach and Horses?
167
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,769
Oh, I say, that's a bit
of a reflection, isn't it, sir?
168
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,524
Come, come, come,
come, come, come.
169
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:16,438
You mustn't think, gentlemen, that I make these
comments in any spirit of carping criticism.
170
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,356
On the contrary.
171
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:24,116
Beggin' your pardon, sir. I wonder if you'd mind
tellin' me how many new boys there is this term?
172
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,286
Rainbow, you know better than
to interrupt me in the middle of a conference.
173
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,202
I gave you a note this morning,
we're expecting two.
174
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:33,543
You may be expectin' two, sir.
You're going to get a hundred and two.
175
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,333
See Mr Matthews about it later
and go away now, please!
176
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,594
I 'm sorry, gentlemen...
- Two hundred and seventeen trunks.
177
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,131
Two hundred and seventeen
tuck boxes, it says here.
178
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,847
Invoice seven three four eight...
179
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,852
Er, British Railways.
180
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,605
Rainbow, I'm not in the least concerned
about what the British Railways think.
181
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,482
It is obviously the mistake
of some stupid clerk.
182
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,314
Now, take it away now.
Take it away and forget about it.
183
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:59,652
Can't hardly forget two hundred and seventeen
trunks and tuck boxes, sir.
184
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,113
Really, this is worse than
teaching algebra to the removed.
185
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,244
It is only on paper, man.
On paper.
186
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,575
Take a look at the drive, sir.
187
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,613
The drive?
188
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,750
Two hundred and seventeen
trunks and tuck boxes!
189
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,543
POND: Two hundred and seventeen?
Good gracious!
190
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,588
And all correct too, sir.
I counted them.
191
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,929
This is what comes
of nationalising the railways.
192
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,220
The fellows don't know their L.M.S
from their Southern Region.
193
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,015
I mean, instead of the ordinary muddle
we've complete chaos!
194
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,604
Look, Rainbow, you and Edwin
will have to sort out all those trunks
195
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,814
and send those that don't belong to us
back to the station.
196
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,900
How do I know which belong
and which don't, sir?
197
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,689
Mr Billings will give you
the school register.
198
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,904
If there's any clash about names
you can tell by the initials.
199
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,318
For instance, here we have
a D. Johnson.
200
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,987
Now, we have an A. Johnson,
but no...
201
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:52,785
But this is addressed to St Swithins',
Nutbourne College, Nutbourne, Hants.
202
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,623
There's another St Swithins' here, sir.
203
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,590
I suppose this isn't some
fourth form prank?
204
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,793
I don't offer this as a solution, sir
205
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,179
but a letter came this morning
addressed to Secretary of St Swithins'.
206
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,590
What did you do with it?
207
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,134
I marked it 'unknown'
and returned it to the Ministry.
208
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:12,771
The Ministry?
The Ministry wrote to St Swithins' here?
209
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,976
Yes, sir.
- And you didn't open it?
210
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:18,109
Oh, no, no, of course not.
- RAlNBOW: Excuse me, sir.
211
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:21,521
But I may be able to offer
a helping hand here, sir. - Oh?
212
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,066
You know the postman is supposed
to clear the box in the hall at mid-day?
213
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,154
Yes, yes, yes. Well?
214
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,946
Well, as a result of an arrangement
between him and me
215
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,240
I've been in the habit of taking
the post to the village for him.
216
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:34,033
And today you haven't?
217
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,170
Not yet, but, er,
I've got the key, sir.
218
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,913
I see.
219
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:42,255
Then the G.P.O. don't receive the letters until
you hand them over in the village post office?
220
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,543
Er, pub, sir...
221
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:47,555
That poses a pretty problem as to when exactly
the letters become the property of the post office.
222
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,263
It's not a problem I intend to go into
too deeply, Mr Billings. Thank you, Rainbow.
223
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,221
POND: The attached form E.43
should also be signed...
224
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,483
...by a responsible representative of the school
whose premises are being shared.
225
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,234
Premises being shared?
226
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,237
What on earth could have happened?
227
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,148
Name of school to be revacuated...
228
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,487
Revacuated...
what on earth's revacuated?
229
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,402
Somebody's written against it
St Swithins'!
230
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,410
That's them.
231
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,323
Destination, Nutbourne College, Hants.
- Us.
232
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:16,994
Date of arrival, 17th September...
- Today.
233
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,537
It can't, I mean, it can't...
It ca...
234
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,672
Look, I'll get onto this government
department at once.
235
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,549
Somebody's made some
nonsensical blunder.
236
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,380
Whitehall 1312, please.
237
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,629
POND: That anyone should send a school here
without first consulting me...
238
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,047
...It's... it's outside
the bounds of possibility.
239
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,466
Shall I stop Rainbow
taking that luggage to the station?
240
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,350
Certainly not.
241
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,929
If the Ministry
make some fatuous error...
242
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:39,315
Hello, I want to speak to the schools
resettlement department, please.
243
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,645
POND:
I beg your pardon?
244
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,107
But there must be somebody there...
245
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,655
Then put me on to somebody
somewhere else...
246
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,033
Nobody?
247
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:56,784
It's fantastic.
It's absolutely fantastic!
248
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,410
They've closed the office
and gone home.
249
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:03,127
So, at any moment, we may expect
one hundred extra boys.
250
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,418
Well, I must talk to Mrs Hampstead at once.
251
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,221
One hundred extra boys
with staff, I presume.
252
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,432
Not even a postcard
to let us know they're coming!
253
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,595
Nothing we can do about it, apparently, until
I talk to somebody responsible in the morning.
254
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,888
But we've barely enough space
for our own boys, sir...
255
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,478
You rang, sir?
- POND: I did.
256
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:25,520
Mrs Hampstead, you will prepare
to receive two hundred and seventeen boys.
257
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,813
Pardon?
258
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,983
One hundred and seventeen of our boys,
and one hundred from another school.
259
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,410
I see.
260
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,492
The other school will remain
for one night only.
261
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,745
Now, let me get this clear, sir.
262
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,832
I 'm to expect two hundred
and seventeen boys tonight.
263
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,087
That's right.
264
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,498
Now, there's only one way
to deal with a crisis like this...
265
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,041
First...
- What are they going to eat?
266
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,086
Hmm? Well, er...
267
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:52,301
They'll have what we have, of course.
- Well, if they have it, we won't.
268
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,591
Mrs Hampstead, do you mind
if we deal with first things first?
269
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,555
With small boys, that comes first.
270
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,845
Now then.
Where are they going to sleep?
271
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,763
Obviously there's no room
in the dormitories
272
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,149
so, er, we'll have to find
somewhere else.
273
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,981
You know, if I go to Harlingham,
I'll be dealing with far greater numbers of boys.
274
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,486
This might prove
a blessing in disguise.
275
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,355
BlLLlNGS: That's one way of looking at it.
- Yes!
276
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,695
Well, gentlemen, I propose
we make a tour of the school.
277
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,486
I 'm sure with a little application
we can settle the whole problem.
278
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,492
TASSELL: Shall I tell Rainbow to unload those
trunks before he takes them to the station, sir?
279
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,741
Oh, yes. Thank you very much, Tassell.
I 'd forgotten all about them.
280
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,159
POND:
Come along, everbody.
281
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,702
Oh, Matthews.
282
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,963
As to bedding, we've all those straw palliases
we use in the summer camp!
283
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,374
I'll have Rainbow get them out.
- If you don't mind, sir...
284
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:32,216
...while you're running around, I'll slip down
and break the good news to Cook.
285
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:36,383
Mrs Hampstead, we are faced with an
emergency. I expect the staff to rise to it.
286
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,677
They'll rise alright.
- Good.
287
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:42,142
Whew, I dunno how it's ever
gonna get as far as the station.
288
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,773
No, l, er, don't know that it is.
289
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,525
How long did it take you
to load that lot?
290
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,562
Oh, twenty-five minutes.
291
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,606
Well, you've got a chance to beat it.
You've got to unload it again.
292
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,321
Huh?
- St Swithins' is coming to stay for the night.
293
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,406
You're not really speaking
in earnest, are you?
294
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,538
That's the strength of it, sorry...
295
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,914
Whew!
296
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,375
Somebody must've gone barmy.
297
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:07,539
One hundred bloomin' extra kids,
first day of term! Huh!
298
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,089
Your turn to do the shoes.
299
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,546
The staff sleeping problem
presents some difficulties
300
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,513
but we'll overcome them.
Whose room is this?
301
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,220
Hyde-Brown's and mine.
302
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,810
Pleasant Iittle room.
303
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:24,142
Yes, now, let me see,
do you think we might put...
304
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:26,899
put two more beds in here, hmm?
Any difficulties?
305
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,026
None, except how to get into bed.
306
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,437
You're not adopting
a very helpful attitude, Billings.
307
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,779
Look... Iook, we are obliged
to offer this school our hospitality.
308
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,567
I suggest we do it with grace.
309
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:40,037
I feel it is not too much to ask you to share
your rooms with the staff of St Swithins'.
310
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:43,495
I doubt whether we could find suitable
accommodation for their Headmaster, sir.
311
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,916
If you are looking to me
to give you a lead, Billings
312
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:51,799
I may say that I shall be only too glad to share
my room with the opposite number in St Swithins'.
313
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,225
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: As I expected...
An ancient mausoleum.
314
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,727
Topping grounds for the Guides
and Brownies to muster in.
315
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:07,516
The mustering of the Guides and Brownies
is not our only activity, Miss Gossage.
316
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:08,603
No...
317
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,102
If there are any dorms
facing south, Miss Jezzard
318
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,692
you'll make it your business
to see that our girls get them.
319
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:17,074
The infant animal needs space
to breathe and blow...
320
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:21,863
Of course, we could settle the whole thing quickly
by sleeping the kids two in a bed, end to end.
321
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,327
We've the parents to consider, Billings.
322
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,210
After all, we must appear to give them
value for their money.
323
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:30,088
No... I 'm afraid we must seek
other fields for St Swithins'...
324
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,668
That's a thought.
- Hmm?
325
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,548
Fields, sir.
326
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:39,677
Yes, I 'm quite sure, Hyde-Brown, your ready wit must
make you exceedingly popular in the fourth form.
327
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:44,803
Heavenly place...
328
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,095
DOORBELL RlNGS
329
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,854
I've never heard of anything like it.
330
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,142
Mr Pond may think he's obliging someone
but he's not obliging us.
331
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:54,062
We're not slaves, you know!
- Nobody said you were.
332
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:57,528
The front doorbell's ringing, Millie.
- Oh, let it ring!
333
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,034
I shall speak to Mr Hyde-Brown
about this.
334
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,204
Evidently not on their toes.
335
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,615
We'll try our luck inside.
336
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,669
Well, a tap on that gong
should bring them from their burrows.
337
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,338
Yes, Miss Whitchurch.
338
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,550
GONG SOUNDS LOUDLY
339
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,682
A tap, Gossage, I said a tap.
340
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,638
You're not introducing a film.
341
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,019
We're not getting on very fast, gentlemen.
342
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:30,727
You don't seem to realise there are
still sixty boys to accommodate.
343
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,108
Matthews, find out
who's ringing that gong.
344
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,645
If it's one of the boys back already,
give him a hundred lines.
345
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,859
There must be somewhere else.
346
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,942
POND:
The attic.
347
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,452
We can't bumble around here all day.
348
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,447
What's in there?
349
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,325
It's another sort of hall,
Miss Whitchurch.
350
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,422
I seem to detect an odour
of last term's cottage pie!
351
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,482
MlSS WHlTCHURCH
CLEARS THROAT
352
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,528
Yes, well, when Rainbow
has cleaned all this up
353
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:21,486
there ought to be room here
for, oh, sixty boys.
354
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,742
What about air, sir?
- Air?
355
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,789
Let me see now.
Well, if we open this skylight...
356
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:32,752
And I daresay it'll open... And keep the hatch wide,
there ought to be a nice through-draft.
357
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,588
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: Well, I'm wondering
more and more what's in store for us, Gossage...
358
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,715
...It's a perfectly ghoulish atmosphere...
359
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,046
...The sunlight seems quite out of place...
360
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,763
...No polish on the stairs or bannisters
and dust everywhere.
361
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:51,141
Whatever else they teach here,
it certainly isn't housecraft.
362
00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:00,484
Are you in the habit of writing your name
all over the place, Gossage?
363
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,696
No, Miss Whitchurch.
- Then kindly stop doing it at once.
364
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,501
Well, the mistress's common room,
I assume!
365
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:15,707
Huh.
366
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:18,839
Cold comfort farm,
by all appearances.
367
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,417
Billiards.
368
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,513
How very strange.
369
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,432
No tips.
370
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,934
Hunting, shooting and fishing,
it seems.
371
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:37,525
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: 'Wetherby Pond, 1939.'
But no mention of who caught it.
372
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,652
Probably bought at auction.
373
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:45,111
Boxing! Self-defence, I suppose.
374
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:47,777
Doesn't surprise me
after reading the school motto.
375
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,036
No...
376
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,995
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: Heavy smokers too.
No signs of lipstick. That's astonishing.
377
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,500
Cards?
378
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,000
A race horse?
379
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,840
Gaming, nicotine, fisticuffs...
380
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:05,007
We're moving in a
descending spiral of iniquity!
381
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,340
Ah!
382
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:09,924
A woman's bookshelf is an
infallible guide to her character.
383
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:14,562
Oxford English Dictionary...
Dictionary of Phrase and Fable...
384
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:19,191
The Diary of Samuel Pepys, abridged.
Well, that's something to be thankful for.
385
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,069
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
What's up here?
386
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:27,317
Memoirs of Casanova...
387
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:30,285
Wasn't that the book we caught
Jessica James reading in the closet?
388
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,946
Yes.
- Yes...
389
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,535
Decameron Nights...
390
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:36,291
Well, really!
391
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:39,670
Whatever else this establishment
may or may not be
392
00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:43,173
it's clearly not a suitable place
to bring carefully nurtured girls.
393
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,507
I should jolly well say not.
- But what can we do about it?
394
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:49,888
Well, we must tell the Ministry.
They go us into it... They must get us out of it.
395
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:53,513
Well, that settles the sleeping question.
396
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:54,972
Now as to meals...
397
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:57,354
Well, it looks as if Cook
will simply have to stagger them.
398
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,640
Well, that shouldn't be difficult.
- Of course not. Come along.
399
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:08,069
Rainbow can bring down the table from...
from the carpenter's shop.
400
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:10,401
What's this 'Gossage'? Hmm?
401
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,410
Some of the boys starting to arrive?
402
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,617
Give the boy who
wrote his name there fifty lines.
403
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,374
Gossage?
I don't know any Gossages...
404
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,910
Maybe it's a St Swithins' kid.
- POND: Then give him fifty lines.
405
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:23,502
I'll not have their boys coming here,
writing their names over all our dust...
406
00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:27,464
Who's that?
407
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,340
Er, little girl?
- Yes.
408
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,634
Who... who... who are you?
I mean, what do you want?
409
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,269
This is Nutbourne College?
- BARBARA: That's right.
410
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,600
I've just biked on ahead
with Miss Harper's things.
411
00:22:39,650 --> 00:22:41,515
She's with the crocodile.
412
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:44,652
Crocodile?
What on earth's she talking about?
413
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,688
Who... who... who's Miss Harper?
414
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,857
Miss Harper? Oh, she's English and History
and jolly dee.
415
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:52,902
In fact, she's the only
decent mistress in St Swithins'.
416
00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,616
St Swithins'...
417
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:58,449
You don't mean to say that yours
is a school of boys and girls?
418
00:22:58,502 --> 00:22:59,742
BARBARA:
Oh, no!
419
00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:01,501
Only girls.
420
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:06,503
Does this mean, sir, that we are to expect
one hundred young ladies?
421
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:12,760
It means that not only have the ministry made
a mistake in sending a school here at all
422
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:16,517
but they've apparently been guilty
of an appalling sexual aborration.
423
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:19,470
I shall ask for the home number
of the man responsible.
424
00:23:19,523 --> 00:23:22,435
If they refuse,
I shall speak to the Minister himself.
425
00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:29,064
D'you know what this means, old boy?
Popsies. Scores of 'em.
426
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:32,984
There are only two type of school mistress, chum.
The battleaxe and the amazon.
427
00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:35,824
I bet you five bob they fall
into one class or the other.
428
00:23:39,335 --> 00:23:42,953
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: The condition of the place
is indescribable. Dust and dirt everywhere.
429
00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:45,621
And the staff seem to match
their surroundings.
430
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:47,790
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: At all events,
I've seen quite enough to know...
431
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:50,630
...that it's no place to bring
well brought-up girls to.
432
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,294
I agree with that last statement, madam.
433
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:55,511
Now will you kindly remove yourself
from my chair, my desk, my telephone.
434
00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:57,390
I 'm sorry, I didn't catch what you said, l...
435
00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,303
I said will you kindly
remove yourself from my telephone.
436
00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:02,938
Will you please refrain from interfering!
437
00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:07,272
I don't know who you are, but I 'm in the middle
of an important conversation with the Ministry.
438
00:24:07,321 --> 00:24:09,186
Hello? Well, l...
- Give me my telephone!
439
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:12,276
Will you desist at once, sir!
- Madam, you leave me no alternative.
440
00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:14,442
How dare you, sir!
- How dare you, madam!
441
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:18,487
Hello, hello,
this is Wetherby Pond speaking.
442
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,496
POND: The Headmaster
of Nutbourne College...
443
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,658
...Look, I don't know how much you know
about what's been going on here...
444
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:25,168
...but I find it difficult
to speak temperately about it.
445
00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:31,084
I will not have a girls' school on my premises,
not for a single day, not for a single hour. Not...
446
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,218
Look, I don't want your sympathy, man.
I want action.
447
00:24:33,263 --> 00:24:36,130
I want these women removed,
bag and baggage.
448
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:38,640
And if the last train's gone,
you must lay on a special.
449
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:41,849
Anyway, I 'm not putting down this telephone
until I know what you're going to do about it.
450
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:43,512
Have I made myself clear?
451
00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:45,726
Oh, yeah, I understand!
452
00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:48,859
But I think you'd better 'ave a word
with the guvnor when 'e comes back.
453
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,610
POND: Where is he?
- Eh?
454
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:52,647
I fink 'e's stokin the boilers.
455
00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:55,695
To whom am I talking?
456
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:05,876
You were speaking to the
Junior Assistant Caretaker.
457
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:07,877
The Ministry is closed.
458
00:25:10,592 --> 00:25:13,925
I take it you're some sort of official
in this girls' school?
459
00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:16,257
I don't like your tone, my man!
460
00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:18,467
I 'll answer you when you're
in possession of yourself.
461
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,382
Madam, I am well able to control myself
462
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:23,428
unaccustomed as I am to having
girls' schools thrust upon me
463
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,722
I have no doubt in the years to come
I shall look upon all this as amusing.
464
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:28,311
Well, I shan't.
465
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:33,316
I suggest the only solution is to send your girls
back home until the whole position is rectified.
466
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:37,278
Out of the question. At least fifty of my girls
come from the colonies.
467
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,943
St Swithins' specialises in outposts.
468
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:41,783
Madam, I 'm not in the least concerned
where they come from
469
00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:43,242
or even if the sun
never sets upon them.
470
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:45,203
It is impossible for them to remain here.
471
00:25:45,252 --> 00:25:48,335
It is equally impossible
for them to go elsewhere.
472
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,621
At any moment now they'll be arriving.
473
00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:52,414
Hot and tired from their journey
474
00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:55,130
bursting for a hot bath
and peckish for their high tea.
475
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:58,546
By the way, ahem,
my name is Whitchurch.
476
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:02,008
I am Principal of St Swithins'.
477
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:03,975
Oh.
478
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:06,595
How d'you...
How d'you do.
479
00:26:06,648 --> 00:26:09,060
And what's more I make it a rule
that my junior school
480
00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:12,272
go up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire
at six thirty sharp
481
00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:16,360
with their milk and biscuits...
digestive... have you digestive?
482
00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:19,404
I don't know.
483
00:26:19,453 --> 00:26:21,239
But if there are any,
they'll be eaten by my boys.
484
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:23,620
Oh, come now, it's no use
playing dog in the manger.
485
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:25,496
Let us face this squarely.
486
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:29,000
Which day do your boys arrive?
- Today, at six fifteen.
487
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,796
Hot, tired and peckish
for their high tea.
488
00:26:33,675 --> 00:26:36,337
Yes, I see your problem.
- I'm grateful for that.
489
00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:39,093
Well, we must don our thinking caps.
490
00:26:39,139 --> 00:26:41,130
Madam, I'm not donning anything.
491
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:45,475
We've just been hurled out
of our common room...
492
00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:46,510
By a bunch of ruffians...
493
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:50,147
One of them - a foreigner, I fancy - got hold
of my arm and pulled me out of my chair!
494
00:26:50,192 --> 00:26:51,602
Miss Whitchurch,
you realise where we are?
495
00:26:51,652 --> 00:26:54,735
You don't imagine I 've been here
indulging in social chit-chat?
496
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,943
Mr Pond, permit me
to introduce my staff.
497
00:26:57,991 --> 00:26:59,697
No. No, no, no, no.
498
00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:02,359
I... I don't want to appear rude,
but there's no point in meeting them
499
00:27:02,412 --> 00:27:04,494
since they're not going to remain here.
500
00:27:05,082 --> 00:27:07,664
Look, madam, I really am surprised
that a woman in your position should...
501
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:11,331
...should ignore the domestic absurdity
of bringing a hundred girls here.
502
00:27:11,380 --> 00:27:13,792
There are feeding problems,
servant problems.
503
00:27:13,841 --> 00:27:16,799
There's no problem there, sir.
They're leaving.
504
00:27:16,844 --> 00:27:19,551
MlSS ARMSTRONG, OUTSlDE:
Left, right, left, right, left, right...
505
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:21,382
Oh, good egg,
here comes our croc.
506
00:27:27,354 --> 00:27:28,810
And there goes ours...
507
00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:36,231
Three years it's taken me
to get a good kitchen staff.
508
00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:40,072
POND: What am I to do?
- Well, that's childishly simple.
509
00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:42,529
You forget you have
a girls' school with you.
510
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:43,567
Forget!
511
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,282
It will provide an absolutely
superb opportunity
512
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:49,494
for my advanced cookery girls
to show their paces.
513
00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:52,626
No, madam. Not that.
Not that!
514
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:54,502
That's more than
flesh and blood can stand.
515
00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:57,210
I'll go through purgatory with you madam,
but hell no.
516
00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:58,624
Hell no.
517
00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:01,005
I owe you a dollar.
518
00:28:02,055 --> 00:28:03,511
BlLLlNGS:
Thanks.
519
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:05,889
We're in for a whale of a time.
520
00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,220
Morris dancing in the gym,
eurythmics on the lawn...
521
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:12,730
Queues for the bathroom, no smoking anywhere
and compulsory cocoa at eleven.
522
00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:16,687
Well, I'm for a couple of voluntary pints at the
Coach and Horses before the little beasts arrive.
523
00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:18,318
Any takers?
524
00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:22,565
I 'll gladly stand anyone a pint
if they would care to join me.
525
00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:28,158
I'm a lifelong teetotaler but I'm almost
inclined to accept Brown's invitation.
526
00:28:28,207 --> 00:28:29,822
I'm going to.
527
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:38,205
Is this right?
- That's right, press on - straight ahead.
528
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:39,748
Let me...
529
00:28:42,596 --> 00:28:46,430
I suppose this costs me five bob.
- Yes. Cheap at the price!
530
00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:48,466
Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
531
00:28:49,436 --> 00:28:51,973
Oh, I 'm sorry.
- That's quite all right. Allow me.
532
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,262
Thank you.
533
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:00,440
I'm Richard Tassell.
I teach English here.
534
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:03,026
So do l, but I don't quite understand...
- Well, we'll have something in common, won't we?
535
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:05,236
I'm Victor Hyde-Brown,
Sports Master here.
536
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:08,364
Sports Master?
- Oh, won't you sit down, Miss... Miss...?
537
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:10,278
Harper.
- JOU�: Harper.
538
00:29:10,332 --> 00:29:12,288
The rot's setting in...
539
00:29:12,334 --> 00:29:13,870
Cigarette?
- Thank you.
540
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:16,535
You know, I never expected
anything like this.
541
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:19,751
How many mistresses have you?
- Well, l, er...
542
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,415
POND:
Er, gentlemen...
543
00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:23,709
I must talk to you gentlemen.
544
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:27,300
We are in an unprecedented
predicament. We...
545
00:29:27,349 --> 00:29:29,305
Miss Harper, Mr Pond.
- How d'you do.
546
00:29:29,351 --> 00:29:32,343
How d'you do. You'll find your colleagues
in the first door on the right.
547
00:29:32,938 --> 00:29:36,021
May I leave my things here?
- Yes, of course.
548
00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:41,810
Who is he?
- I 'll explain later.
549
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,694
POND: Hyde-Brown,
will you please close that door?
550
00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:45,776
DOOR CLOSES
- Thank you.
551
00:29:45,826 --> 00:29:49,660
Now, gentlemen. We are faced
with an appalling dilemma.
552
00:29:49,705 --> 00:29:52,572
We have a wooden horse
in our midst.
553
00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:54,910
Possession is nine points of the law.
554
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,372
Our girls are in the hall,
their boys haven't arrived.
555
00:29:57,379 --> 00:29:58,710
Come in, Miss Harper.
556
00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:01,041
Did you pass a long, bald-headed person?
557
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:03,252
If you mean a man called Pond,
he's in the common room.
558
00:30:03,302 --> 00:30:06,760
Excellent. We'll find out where their
dormitories are and take our girls there.
559
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:10,172
Ladies, you are facing
your supreme test.
560
00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:13,888
Remember our netball cry...
- Effort, St Swithins'. Effort!
561
00:30:13,937 --> 00:30:15,518
Quite so, Miss Gossage.
562
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:19,056
If trespassers threaten your property,
you build fences. Hmm?
563
00:30:19,109 --> 00:30:21,896
I propose we lock the dormitories.
BlLLlNGS: Hear, hear.
564
00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:26,029
But we must act before that female
spawns her young all over the building.
565
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:29,532
Now, Billings, you will take the
fourth form dormitory and Hyde-Brown, the fifth.
566
00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:32,866
And Matthew and Jou�
the third and the sixth.
567
00:30:32,914 --> 00:30:35,200
Have you got a key
to the common room, sir?
568
00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:37,411
POND: We don't have to lock
this room, Billings.
569
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:39,956
No. And we can't unlock it
unless you've got a key.
570
00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:47,335
Is this a practical joke?
- The key's on the outside.
571
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:50,591
This is the last straw.
572
00:30:50,807 --> 00:30:53,799
Come along now, hurry up.
We've got plenty to do.
573
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,683
Stand by, Tennyson and Longfellow.
574
00:30:55,729 --> 00:30:59,438
Forward, Miss Armstrong.
As quick as you can. No time to lose.
575
00:31:02,027 --> 00:31:04,564
Hyde-Brown, the honour
of Nutbourne is at steak.
576
00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:06,069
Oh, alright, I'll have a go.
577
00:31:06,114 --> 00:31:09,698
But there's not much use unlocking the
stable door after the horses have got there first.
578
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:12,693
What's happening up there?
- Hey, look up there!
579
00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:19,875
Gosh, it's old Whizzo!
- Hey, Whizzo!
580
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:21,126
BlCYCLE BELLS RlNG
581
00:31:21,171 --> 00:31:23,537
POND: That's it, Hyde-Brown.
That's it, press on.
582
00:31:23,632 --> 00:31:26,419
BOYS SHOUT AND WHlSTLE
583
00:31:26,468 --> 00:31:28,129
There's nothing to be afraid of.
584
00:31:28,178 --> 00:31:30,134
POND:
That's it, you're almost there.
585
00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:32,262
You're doing splendidly, Hyde-Brown.
586
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:43,311
POND: Carry on, Hyde-Brown.
- BOY: Come on, Whizzo!
587
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,396
BOY:
What's wrong with the stairs?
588
00:31:45,445 --> 00:31:46,935
Carry on, Hyde-Brown.
589
00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:48,728
Go away at once, you boys!
590
00:31:48,782 --> 00:31:51,273
Go straight upstairs to your dormitories
and stay there until I call you.
591
00:31:51,535 --> 00:31:54,948
POND: I warn you, any boy left hanging about
will get five hundred lines.
592
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,492
POND: Now then,
one leg and you've done it!
593
00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:04,791
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: Now, Tennyson and
Longfellow, settle down as quickly as you can.
594
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,331
I'll have that trunk sent up
in a few minutes, Miss Harper.
595
00:32:07,384 --> 00:32:08,464
MlSS HARPER:
Very well, Miss Whitchurch.
596
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:09,966
Oh, not in here, Miss Gossage.
597
00:32:10,011 --> 00:32:13,629
Follow me, Milton and Browning,
as quick as you can. No dawdling.
598
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:22,263
I say, Talbot - there's girls
in our dormitory!
599
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:23,521
WARD:
Girls? Where?
600
00:32:23,525 --> 00:32:26,187
UNSWORTH: Hundreds of them!
Go and see for yourself, they're everywhere!
601
00:32:26,236 --> 00:32:29,319
ROSS: Have you gone potty?
- What are you talking about?
602
00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:31,446
Go and see for yourself.
They're all over the place!
603
00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:33,277
He's right,
there are girls in the dormitory!
604
00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:35,442
That's what I 've been trying to tell them!
- Come on, let's see!
605
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:41,372
This way, Milton and Browning.
606
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:42,954
Come along, girls, come along.
607
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:45,710
I realise it's not quite
what you're accustomed to.
608
00:32:45,755 --> 00:32:47,120
A GlRL SCREAMS
609
00:32:47,174 --> 00:32:49,210
Heavens above! What's that?
- Trouble already.
610
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:51,591
Sounds like something in Tennyson.
- We must go and see at once.
611
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:54,753
CHlLDREN SHOUT
612
00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:25,576
WHlSTLE SOUNDS FEEBLY
613
00:33:35,263 --> 00:33:37,345
MATTHEWS:
Aren't you going to stop them, sir?
614
00:33:37,390 --> 00:33:41,133
There are times, I think, when little boys
should be seen but not interrupted.
615
00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,221
Come.
616
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,308
COCK CROWS
617
00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:49,145
BELL RlNGS
618
00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:04,073
Where am l?
- In the French Master's bed.
619
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:08,873
SOMEONE SNORES
620
00:34:08,922 --> 00:34:11,629
BELL RlNGS
621
00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:19,046
BELL RlNGS DISTANTLY
622
00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:47,641
Madam, l...
623
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,229
Really, this is too much.
624
00:35:52,275 --> 00:35:56,314
I give up my bedroom to you,
only to find my clothes flung all over the place.
625
00:35:56,363 --> 00:36:00,151
Look, madam, where are my shirts
and underwear? - In the filing cabinet.
626
00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:04,367
It's no use telephoning the Ministry.
627
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:06,994
There won't be anybody there
before ten o'clock.
628
00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:11,040
Well, it's rough and ready, Jezzard,
but it'll serve. - Yes.
629
00:36:12,045 --> 00:36:13,785
There we are.
- Thank you.
630
00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:16,671
Now we'd better see
how they're faring in the kitchen.
631
00:36:18,551 --> 00:36:21,543
Breakfast is at eight sharp,
so don't loiter.
632
00:36:22,055 --> 00:36:23,591
DOOR SLAMS
633
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:31,720
Good morning, girls.
- Good morning, Miss Whitchurch.
634
00:36:31,773 --> 00:36:35,482
Everything shipshape and Bristol fashion?
- Yes, Miss Whitchurch.
635
00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:36,937
I'm afraid we shall be a Iittle late.
636
00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:39,648
The fishcakes are ready
but there's a hold-up with the porridge.
637
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,906
Why, what's the trouble there?
- I had to throw one lot away.
638
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:44,441
That'll never do.
639
00:36:44,494 --> 00:36:46,735
Come now, Angela,
you've made porridge before.
640
00:36:46,788 --> 00:36:48,324
Yes, but no one had to eat it.
641
00:36:48,373 --> 00:36:50,614
That's a defeatist attitude, my dear.
642
00:36:50,667 --> 00:36:53,079
Stir it well and don't shilly-shally.
643
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:56,620
Now, now, now, Mary!
644
00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:59,665
You know better than to make tea
in that haphazard fashion!
645
00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:01,583
How many people
are you making it for?
646
00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:03,547
Two hundred and thirty three.
- Good.
647
00:37:03,596 --> 00:37:05,962
Then put in two hundred
and thirty three teaspoonsful
648
00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:09,007
and one, well, perhaps two, for the pot.
649
00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:10,967
MlSS WHlTCHURCH
CLEARS HER THROAT
650
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:13,887
One... two...
651
00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:16,352
I understand your fishcakes
are ready, Alice.
652
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:17,982
They've been ready
for twenty minutes.
653
00:37:18,027 --> 00:37:20,234
We don't want any
temperament, my dear.
654
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,022
What did you put in them?
Or shouldn't I ask?
655
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:24,564
SHE LAUGHS
656
00:37:24,617 --> 00:37:26,699
Anyway, they smell delicious.
657
00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:29,282
They've gone hard.
- Never mind.
658
00:37:29,330 --> 00:37:32,788
I don't suppose hungry little tummies
will notice a thing like that.
659
00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:35,913
They will afterwards.
660
00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:40,626
Twenty-eight... twenty-nine...
one hundred and thirty...
661
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:43,963
These little adventures break the monotony
in school life, don't they, Mr Billings?
662
00:37:44,012 --> 00:37:46,799
I love monotony.
- Oh.
663
00:37:47,849 --> 00:37:49,840
Morning, Mr Pond.
664
00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:51,550
Oh.
665
00:37:51,603 --> 00:37:54,060
I think I'll just have tea and toast today.
666
00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,936
It's five past eight.
667
00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:57,973
Well, there's been a slight hiatus
with the porridge
668
00:37:58,026 --> 00:38:01,063
but it's all going swimmingly now.
Shall we move in?
669
00:38:03,948 --> 00:38:06,564
What form of grace
do you say here?
670
00:38:06,618 --> 00:38:10,156
Well, I usually ask that we should be
grateful for what we're about to receive.
671
00:38:22,467 --> 00:38:26,506
Please, sir, I don't want any more.
No, sir.
672
00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:30,505
Oh, very well.
673
00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:33,892
It's still Arkwright but he's trying
to put me on to a Mr Tripp.
674
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:37,888
Apparently, a Mr Bullock
got the papers from a Mr Forrester.
675
00:38:37,941 --> 00:38:42,184
He passed them on to Mr Arkwright,
who passed them on to Mr Tripp.
676
00:38:42,904 --> 00:38:48,024
And we've got to sit here,
while they keep on passing around...
677
00:38:48,785 --> 00:38:50,741
Well, the girls must write home,
Miss Gossage.
678
00:38:50,787 --> 00:38:52,948
We shall simply have
to rely on their discretion.
679
00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:55,113
Well, it's the younger girls
that are the trouble, Miss Whitchurch.
680
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,122
I've got a letter here
from Monica Redfern.
681
00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:59,625
'Dear Mummy, I'm having
a very exciting time this term.
682
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:01,502
We've been sent to
a boys' school by mistake, '
683
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:04,085
Well, that's a statement of fact.
We can't conceal it.
684
00:39:04,133 --> 00:39:08,877
'Everybody's having lots of fun.
The mistresses are sharing the masters' rooms. '
685
00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:12,514
Aha, yes... Fiddle-de-dee.
I see what you mean.
686
00:39:13,268 --> 00:39:16,180
Well, we must institute
a system of censorship at once.
687
00:39:16,229 --> 00:39:17,139
Yes, Miss Whitchurch.
688
00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:19,975
And I advise you to take
similar steps, Mr Pond.
689
00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:25,944
We have a bond of trust here at Nutbourne,
the boys and l, which is never abused.
690
00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:29,356
POND: Yes, Billings?
- I caught young Sutton posting this.
691
00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:32,993
Well, there's nothing against the boy
sending parcels home. What is it?
692
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:34,493
A fishcake.
693
00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:36,951
And Sutton's father
is an analytical chemist.
694
00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:38,869
There's a note inside,
which reads
695
00:39:38,918 --> 00:39:43,753
'Dear Dad, Our breakfast.
Get weaving. Reg. '
696
00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:51,670
Well, I suppose we all have
our black sheep.
697
00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:55,136
Do you want me to skim through the rest
of the flock to see if there are any more?
698
00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:58,972
Yes, perhaps you had. I suggest you
get together with, er, this lady.
699
00:40:02,775 --> 00:40:05,983
MATTHEWS:
Hello, is that Mr Tripp? It is?
700
00:40:06,029 --> 00:40:09,442
Oh, good...
- Mr Tripp? Mr Pond.
701
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:12,982
Look, I take it Mr Arkwright has told you
what Mr Bullock told him I told Mr Forrester?
702
00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:14,776
MR TRlPP: Oh yes,
I'm acquainted with the facts...
703
00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:16,785
...I just can't think how it occurred...
704
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,822
...Well, I wouldn't like to promise that...
705
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:21,116
...It'll take a little while
for the machinery to be set in motion.
706
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:23,376
POND:
...bag and baggage by the first train.
707
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,662
You're not an approved school,
by any chance?
708
00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:30,004
I'll do everything I can to expedite matters,
you may rest assured. Good morning.
709
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:45,064
BUGLE SOUNDS
710
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:00,913
DRUMMlNG CONTlNUES
711
00:41:07,966 --> 00:41:10,332
Will these little blighters
never stop writing home?
712
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:13,001
I can't pass one in ten of these.
713
00:41:13,054 --> 00:41:15,340
No, nor can l.
714
00:41:15,390 --> 00:41:19,759
Still, you know, I do think it's been heaps of fun
working together side by side like this.
715
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:23,645
It has, hasn't it?
- Not my idea of fun, Miss Gossage.
716
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,812
Call me sausage.
717
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:34,398
That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet.
718
00:41:34,450 --> 00:41:36,907
So Romeo would...
- Thank you, Betty.
719
00:41:36,953 --> 00:41:39,069
Now, does anyone know
the goodnight passage?
720
00:41:39,122 --> 00:41:41,613
Yes, I do, please, Miss Harper.
- MlSS HARPER: Very well, Barbara.
721
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:45,742
Where shall I start, Miss Harper?
- From 'Well, do not swear... '
722
00:41:46,796 --> 00:41:50,459
Well, do not swear although I joy...
- KNOCKS AT DOOR
723
00:41:51,634 --> 00:41:53,090
Oh, er...
-...in thee.
724
00:41:53,136 --> 00:41:55,218
TASSELL: Oh, do you think I might borrow
another duster, Miss Harper?...
725
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:56,878
...I seem to have mislaid the last one.
726
00:41:56,931 --> 00:42:00,094
That's the fifth in the last three days.
- Oh, is it as many as that?
727
00:42:00,143 --> 00:42:03,852
If you're not careful, the children will begin
to misconstrue your intentions.
728
00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,102
Misconstrue?
729
00:42:05,148 --> 00:42:07,355
One or two of them
seem to be doing so already.
730
00:42:08,109 --> 00:42:11,021
MlSS HARVEY:
Barbara, don't stand there staring. Carry on.
731
00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:13,903
I have no joy of this contract tonight.
732
00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:17,566
it is too rash, too unadvised,
too sudden...
733
00:42:17,618 --> 00:42:20,485
Too like the lightening
which doth cease to be...
734
00:42:21,247 --> 00:42:26,833
Ere one can say ' It lightens'.
Sweet, good night. This bud of love...
735
00:42:26,878 --> 00:42:28,743
TASSELL:
By Summer's ripening breath
736
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:31,663
may prove a beauteous flower
when next we meet.
737
00:42:32,133 --> 00:42:34,840
Goodnight, goodnight...
738
00:42:34,886 --> 00:42:39,300
I would prefer that you make it good morning,
and return to your class, Mr Tassell.
739
00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:42,260
Well, I haven't got a class this session,
Miss Whitchurch.
740
00:42:42,310 --> 00:42:44,175
Then don't interrupt ours.
741
00:42:44,353 --> 00:42:46,969
I made it perfectly plain
on the noticeboard
742
00:42:47,023 --> 00:42:50,060
that there was to be no inter-school
puddle-faking.
743
00:42:50,109 --> 00:42:51,815
And while I'm not...
744
00:42:56,616 --> 00:42:58,197
Well, really!
745
00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:01,325
And the tail was alight and the
starboard engine had gone for a burton...
746
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:03,907
and there was l, upside down,
with nothing on the clock
747
00:43:03,956 --> 00:43:06,322
so I just pressed on.
Nothing else for it.
748
00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:10,835
You must've had a
gorgeously exciting time, Vic.
749
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,496
I simply would have adored
to see you in your uniform.
750
00:43:13,549 --> 00:43:16,712
Well, I looked much the same
as the rest of the bunch, you know.
751
00:43:16,761 --> 00:43:20,174
I say, you girls
are bang on seventeen.
752
00:43:20,223 --> 00:43:22,965
Mr Brown! What are you doing
with my Senior Botany?
753
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:25,133
Oh, I was...
just showing them the petunias.
754
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:28,144
Jolly good display this year.
Bit past their best now, of course.
755
00:43:28,189 --> 00:43:31,306
The petunias are not alone in that respect.
Will you leave us, this minute.
756
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:35,523
Well, I was only giving them a few hints.
The facts of nature. Nothing else.
757
00:43:36,656 --> 00:43:39,864
And you girls, get back
to your indoor Botany at once.
758
00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:43,493
POND: I know it's slightly distracting
to have to work in the hall...
759
00:43:43,538 --> 00:43:46,871
...but we must try and profit
through adversity...
760
00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:51,747
...I will choose a phrase at random
and let us see if we can analyse it.
761
00:43:51,796 --> 00:43:53,457
Morning, boys.
- Morning, Miss Whitchurch.
762
00:43:53,506 --> 00:43:57,249
We will take a phrase at random...
- If you please, Mr Pond...
763
00:43:57,301 --> 00:44:01,840
Would you be good enough to ask your masters
not to consort with my staff and girls?
764
00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:07,179
What's more, I think it advisable to alter the
curriculum and to cut out the Biology classes.
765
00:44:12,024 --> 00:44:15,391
Let us analyse that excellent phrase
of John Knox's.
766
00:44:15,444 --> 00:44:20,484
'The first blast of the trumpet
against the monstrous regiment of women. '
767
00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:24,696
That's enough.
768
00:44:25,163 --> 00:44:30,999
The verb, in this case, is understood,
like... Iike some other things...
769
00:44:31,043 --> 00:44:38,165
So we take it that the sentence runs:
This is the first blast of the trumpet, etc, etc...
770
00:44:38,217 --> 00:44:41,801
'This' the subject, 'is' the verb.
Now, is everybody paying attention?
771
00:44:41,846 --> 00:44:44,303
BOYS: Yes, sir.
- POND: Very well then.
772
00:44:44,348 --> 00:44:45,884
Talbot!
773
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:47,844
Sir?
- POND: Take a hundred lines.
774
00:44:47,894 --> 00:44:49,600
TALBOT:
Yes, sir.
775
00:44:50,021 --> 00:44:52,558
Now, how are we to deal
with the rest...
776
00:44:55,067 --> 00:44:56,728
POND: What about the object?
- MRS HAMPSTEAD: Good morning.
777
00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:58,483
Good morning.
778
00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:03,319
POND: Can any boy tell me what is the object...
- LADY: My name is Sidebottom.
779
00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:07,110
POND:...in this particular... case?
- LADY: I 've called on behalf of Miss Whetstone.
780
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,779
Whose bed is that
and where are you taking it?
781
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:15,543
It belongs to the late cook, sir.
Miss W says Miss J's to have it.
782
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:18,587
We'll see about that.
Take it up to my study at once.
783
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:24,378
I'm quite sure Mr Pond will listen to reason
if I can only have a word with him.
784
00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:26,887
MlSS HAMPSTEAD: Well, you can't.
He's teaching, I tell you.
785
00:45:26,933 --> 00:45:29,766
LADY: You don't seem to realise that the future of the
country is at stake... - POND: What is the object?
786
00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:32,222
RAlNBOW:
Up your end, Edwin. Come on.
787
00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:33,932
What is the object?!
788
00:45:33,981 --> 00:45:36,063
Mr Pond...
789
00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,361
What's the use? I might as well
try to teach in Waterloo station.
790
00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:47,651
There's a lady at the door, sir, wanting to know
if you'll vote for Miss Whetston in the election.
791
00:45:49,538 --> 00:45:54,407
Mrs Hampstead, you can tell your lady
that if there is a male candidate
792
00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:58,829
whether he is Conservative, Socialist,
Communist or Anarchist
793
00:45:58,881 --> 00:46:01,998
or, for that matter, Liberal,
he will have my vote.
794
00:46:02,051 --> 00:46:03,837
That's what I thought, sir.
795
00:46:06,847 --> 00:46:11,887
There is no object in this at all.
So let us take the word 'trumpet'...
796
00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:13,927
It's no use hanging back
like that, Margaret.
797
00:46:13,980 --> 00:46:16,016
Come along, this minute.
It'll only be the worse for you.
798
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:19,557
Now, what do you propose
we ought to do with 'trumpet'?
799
00:46:19,610 --> 00:46:20,690
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
Come along now, Margaret.
800
00:46:20,736 --> 00:46:22,897
You mustn't think because
you're in a school like this...
801
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,029
...that you can behave as you please.
802
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:31,361
I repeat, what do you propose
we ought to do with 'trumpet'?
803
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,659
Talbot, take another hundred lines.
804
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,619
BED CLATTERS
805
00:46:35,668 --> 00:46:37,624
Higher, fathead, higher!
806
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:43,296
Oh! You wait here.
807
00:46:44,677 --> 00:46:47,669
Now, run along upstairs
and report to Miss Armstrong at once.
808
00:46:48,389 --> 00:46:51,722
BED CLATTERS
809
00:46:51,767 --> 00:46:54,930
Alright then, let us leave 'trumpet'
and let us think of 'blast'.
810
00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:58,433
'Blast', somebody.
- GONG RlNGS
811
00:46:58,482 --> 00:47:00,894
'Blast', anybody?
812
00:47:00,943 --> 00:47:03,650
BOYS SHOUT AND SCREAM
813
00:47:06,699 --> 00:47:09,315
GlRLS SHOUT AND SCREAM
814
00:47:37,813 --> 00:47:42,147
POND: As a young man,
I studied Yogi for a brief period.
815
00:47:42,485 --> 00:47:47,570
It has enabled to bear with fortitude a situation
which otherwise I could never have endured.
816
00:47:47,615 --> 00:47:49,230
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
Poppycock.
817
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:51,732
POND: Please let me finish.
818
00:47:52,078 --> 00:47:56,913
But Yogi or no Yogi, I'm determined
not to allow this situation to deteriorate further...
819
00:47:56,957 --> 00:47:58,572
If that were possible.
820
00:47:58,626 --> 00:48:00,287
MATTHEWS: Good afternoon, Mr Tripp...
- POND: Furthermo-
821
00:48:00,336 --> 00:48:02,201
MATTHEWS:
Mr Pond wishes to speak to you.
822
00:48:02,254 --> 00:48:03,994
Mr Tripp...
823
00:48:04,048 --> 00:48:07,882
Since you have apparently done nothing
whatsoever to rectify the state of affairs here
824
00:48:07,927 --> 00:48:11,465
I intend to visit the Ministry
this afternoon to see Mr Forrester.
825
00:48:12,765 --> 00:48:15,222
I am not in the least concerned
whether I have to have an appointment.
826
00:48:15,267 --> 00:48:17,474
If Mr Forrester will not see me,
I shall go to the House of Commons
827
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,719
and speak to my
Member of Parliament.
828
00:48:19,772 --> 00:48:22,104
He's probably playing golf.
829
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:24,390
Matthews, will you ask Rainbow
to get me a taxi, please?
830
00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:25,808
I'm going to London
by the three fifteen.
831
00:48:25,861 --> 00:48:28,068
Er, can I have a word
with you, Miss Whitchurch?
832
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:30,856
Well, what is it, Miss Jezzard?
- MlSS JEZZARD: It's this porter again.
833
00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:33,695
He's refusing to take orders from me.
834
00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:35,700
I just wanna know where I stand.
835
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:38,738
Every time I ask him to do anything
he says he's too busy.
836
00:48:38,791 --> 00:48:41,248
She says I'm to take
the break to the station
837
00:48:41,293 --> 00:48:44,626
and Mr Hyde-Brown says
I 'm to mark out the second fifteen pitch
838
00:48:44,672 --> 00:48:47,539
Now, which is it to be, eh?
Brake or pitch?
839
00:48:50,886 --> 00:48:52,968
Very well, sir.
That's all I want to know.
840
00:48:53,013 --> 00:48:55,425
Just a moment, Rainbow.
- RAlNBOW: Hmm?
841
00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:59,300
I shall consider these requests
entirely on their merits.
842
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:01,514
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
That's right - haver about.
843
00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:03,555
Why has the brake
to go to the station?
844
00:49:03,607 --> 00:49:06,724
To meet three lots of parents
off the three o'clock train.
845
00:49:06,777 --> 00:49:10,895
Whose parents?
- Ours! - Ours? Ridiculous.
846
00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:13,610
But... you invited them yourself.
847
00:49:13,659 --> 00:49:16,742
Mr and Mrs Parry, Mrs Jones
and Mr and Mrs lbbertson.
848
00:49:16,787 --> 00:49:20,075
You remember they were nervous about
what sort of school we were being sent to...
849
00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:23,537
...so you said they could come down on the
first Tuesday of the term and see for themselves.
850
00:49:23,586 --> 00:49:26,999
Why on earth didn't you remind me?
We must stop it at once!
851
00:49:27,047 --> 00:49:29,914
I imagine stopping the three o'clock
will be too much, even for you.
852
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:31,127
What are we to do?
853
00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:34,795
It's out of the question to have the parents here
with this man and his rabble around.
854
00:49:34,847 --> 00:49:36,838
MlSS JEZZARD:
Well, it had occurred to me...
855
00:49:36,891 --> 00:49:39,803
Nonsense, Jezzard. Nothing ever occurs to you.
Otherwise they wouldn't be coming.
856
00:49:39,852 --> 00:49:43,811
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: What do you suppose they'll
say when they find we're sharing a boy's school?
857
00:49:43,856 --> 00:49:47,144
They'll withdraw their children,
pass the word to other parents...
858
00:49:47,193 --> 00:49:49,650
Before we know where we are,
we shall have no school left!
859
00:49:49,695 --> 00:49:51,526
That, of course,
will solve the whole problem.
860
00:49:51,572 --> 00:49:55,565
It is no time for prep-school repartee.
- POND LAUGHS - Thinking caps.
861
00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:57,866
Thinking caps.
862
00:49:58,621 --> 00:50:02,739
I have it! You must remove
your boys for the afternoon.
863
00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:04,865
Remove my boys?
864
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:07,080
Ha ha... from my own school?
865
00:50:07,129 --> 00:50:10,838
Mr Pond, for the past six days
we have been living together
866
00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:13,044
with a fairish measure
of rough and ready harmony.
867
00:50:13,093 --> 00:50:16,585
Harmony? Ho ho!
With your shrieking progeny everywhere?
868
00:50:16,639 --> 00:50:20,598
I 'm completely unmoved by your plight, madam.
I don't give a fig for what your parents think.
869
00:50:21,143 --> 00:50:23,350
Mr Matthews. Miss Jezzard.
870
00:50:23,395 --> 00:50:26,512
Would you be good enough to wait outside
and take the porter with you?
871
00:50:31,946 --> 00:50:33,732
There is talk in the common room
872
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:36,818
that you're seeking an appointment
as Headmaster of Harlingham.
873
00:50:37,660 --> 00:50:40,072
What has that got to do
with removing my boys?
874
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,702
Well, I though you might like to know
that I'm fairly well acquainted
875
00:50:42,748 --> 00:50:45,080
with one of the the Governors
of that school, that's all.
876
00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:46,160
Ha!
877
00:50:46,210 --> 00:50:49,748
Oh, I 'm afraid, madam, that I shall not consider
a recommendation from you an advantage.
878
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:52,254
I wasn't thinking
of a recommendation.
879
00:50:54,301 --> 00:50:56,417
If you're trying to coerce me
with threats, madam
880
00:50:56,470 --> 00:50:59,337
I 'd remind you that the law
takes a very serious view of that.
881
00:50:59,390 --> 00:51:02,882
Have you the temerity to suggest
that I 'm trying to blackmail you?
882
00:51:02,935 --> 00:51:05,551
I should merely make a factual report.
883
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,521
I see.
884
00:51:10,150 --> 00:51:14,143
There appear to be no depths
to which you are not prepared to sink.
885
00:51:16,532 --> 00:51:19,274
If you have nothing to add
but idle abuse
886
00:51:19,326 --> 00:51:23,786
shall we recall Miss Jezzard and
Mr Matthews and lay our plans?
887
00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:27,490
BOYS SHOUT
- HYDE-BROWN: Run!
888
00:51:27,543 --> 00:51:29,659
Go on, run! Run!
889
00:51:45,394 --> 00:51:47,680
BOYS:
Awwww...
890
00:51:47,688 --> 00:51:49,929
BOY:
What's going on?
891
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:52,724
What on earth's going on?
What are they doing with the goalposts?
892
00:51:52,776 --> 00:51:54,562
There's been a slight change
in the curriculum.
893
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:56,477
The whole school's got to beat it
to the swimming baths.
894
00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:58,987
What? - Some of the girls' parents
are visiting the school.
895
00:51:59,033 --> 00:52:02,366
There's to be no sign that the shadow of man
ever crossed the ancient joint.
896
00:52:02,411 --> 00:52:04,493
Well, how long's this rot
going to last?
897
00:52:04,538 --> 00:52:06,369
Matinee performance only.
898
00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,269
Oh, look. There they are.
899
00:52:37,571 --> 00:52:39,186
MRS PARRY:
Greek dancing...
900
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:42,527
Yeah. Two guineas extra.
- We know.
901
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:48,697
I see Mrs lbberston is wearing
that white hat she wore in the summer.
902
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,956
This is no time for
sartorial tittle-tattle.
903
00:52:51,752 --> 00:52:54,209
How do you do, Mrs lbbertson.
It's so nice to see you again.
904
00:52:54,254 --> 00:52:55,460
Miss Jezzard...
905
00:52:55,506 --> 00:52:56,996
How do you do, Mrs Jones.
906
00:52:57,049 --> 00:52:59,882
You seem to be in a most delightful spot.
- Yes, we are.
907
00:52:59,927 --> 00:53:02,339
How do you do. - How do you do, Mr Parry.
- How do you do.
908
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:04,970
I'm having tea made for you
in the study.
909
00:53:05,140 --> 00:53:07,096
A gracious old hall, don't you think?
910
00:53:07,142 --> 00:53:10,475
Yes. Still, it must be rather trying
to have to share the school.
911
00:53:10,521 --> 00:53:13,354
Well, we are bedding down
very nicely, considering.
912
00:53:13,399 --> 00:53:15,310
A certain amount of hugger-mugger,
of course.
913
00:53:15,359 --> 00:53:18,021
Is there any difference in the...
in the class of the other school?
914
00:53:18,070 --> 00:53:21,904
Well, not so much of class as of outlook,
shall I put it that way?
915
00:53:22,491 --> 00:53:25,904
On second thoughts,
I think I'll show you the dining hall first.
916
00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:30,071
I hope you don't let the girls mix too much.
- MlSS WHlTCHURCH: Not if I can help it.
917
00:53:30,124 --> 00:53:33,457
This dining hall is something
of a gem, in its way.
918
00:53:33,794 --> 00:53:36,160
Of course, it's rather a squeeze,
when we're all of us here
919
00:53:36,213 --> 00:53:38,829
but I manage to stagger
most of the meals.
920
00:53:41,635 --> 00:53:45,298
'Guard thine honour'?
- That's the Nutbourne school motto.
921
00:53:45,347 --> 00:53:47,929
In my young days,
such things were taken for granted!
922
00:53:47,975 --> 00:53:51,012
Well, you must remember,
the place goes back to Henry Vlll.
923
00:53:54,148 --> 00:53:58,767
They tell me this part of the building
used to be a barn before they rebuilt it...
924
00:53:58,819 --> 00:54:01,856
...Well, ahem,
what about pottering upstairs?
925
00:54:01,905 --> 00:54:04,738
I'm sure a cup of tea would be welcome.
- It would indeed.
926
00:54:04,783 --> 00:54:09,243
And then to the fray, like giants refreshed.
Off we go!
927
00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:12,613
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
I understand Henry built it for Anne Boleyn.
928
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,373
But she was beheaded
before she could move in.
929
00:54:15,961 --> 00:54:18,873
Such an unlucky woman, I always feel.
Don't you think?
930
00:54:18,922 --> 00:54:22,210
Shall we have an opportunity
of seeing the other school?
931
00:54:22,259 --> 00:54:24,591
Well, they've gone on an all-day ramble,
more's the pity.
932
00:54:24,636 --> 00:54:27,048
I wish you could have seen us
working in tandem.
933
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,758
Not in there,
that's the common room.
934
00:54:28,807 --> 00:54:30,798
Oh, what a snug little retreat!
935
00:54:30,851 --> 00:54:32,591
Yes, it... it is rather nice.
936
00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:35,886
It's a bit on the small side
for our two staffs but it serves.
937
00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:39,932
Looks out onto the grounds, I suppose.
May l? - Of course.
938
00:54:40,611 --> 00:54:42,021
Oh...
939
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:45,609
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
There's nothing much to see there, I'm afraid.
940
00:54:45,657 --> 00:54:48,194
Quite an attractive view.
- Yes, isn't it?
941
00:54:48,243 --> 00:54:51,360
They tell me you can see the sea
on a clear day.
942
00:54:52,289 --> 00:54:55,247
Stand with your back to the bookcase.
I don't want them looking in there.
943
00:54:56,126 --> 00:54:58,868
MRS JONES: Nutbourne must be
a rather unusual school.
944
00:54:58,879 --> 00:55:01,666
Surely they're not in favour of
blood sports?
945
00:55:01,715 --> 00:55:05,549
Oh... I gather that was a present
from somebody's aunt.
946
00:55:06,136 --> 00:55:07,672
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
Huh! Ahem...
947
00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:09,052
Er... just a minute.
948
00:55:09,097 --> 00:55:11,804
Excuse me.
It's that stupid village newsagent.
949
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:14,933
I ordered The Lady
and he sent Men Only!
950
00:55:16,688 --> 00:55:19,851
Shall we be getting along
to my study now?
951
00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:23,646
DOOR CREAKS
952
00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:30,153
What on earth
are these doing here?
953
00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:36,493
This is Janet Hackett, who won
the two tweny yards breaststroke in 1946.
954
00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:42,875
And this is Evelyn Forbes, who won
the hundred yards freestyle in 1947.
955
00:55:43,257 --> 00:55:49,423
And, er... this is Freda Harris, our champion
Morris dancer, caught in mid-action.
956
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:50,878
And I think that's all.
957
00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:03,766
Telegram for Mr Pond.
I thought it might be important.
958
00:56:03,819 --> 00:56:04,934
Better open it, I s'pose.
959
00:56:04,987 --> 00:56:07,899
Really, Billings, I'm Second Master here.
If anyone's going to open that... - Oh, shut up.
960
00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:11,026
I say, this is the
absolute penultimate!
961
00:56:11,076 --> 00:56:13,283
The Governors of Harlingham
are coming out here to visit the school!
962
00:56:13,328 --> 00:56:14,659
Upon my soul!
- Believe it or not, today!
963
00:56:14,705 --> 00:56:15,865
This is impossible.
- Well, here.
964
00:56:15,914 --> 00:56:16,903
Well, he did say
they were coming, didn't he?
965
00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:19,744
Yes, but he couldn't have known when, otherwise
he wouldn't have breezed off to London like that.
966
00:56:19,793 --> 00:56:22,876
He'll never be Headmaster of Harlingham
if the Governors come here now.
967
00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:24,502
You don't need a crystal
to tell you that!
968
00:56:24,548 --> 00:56:28,211
He will remain here then. - For the term
of his natural life. You realise what that means.
969
00:56:28,260 --> 00:56:31,047
What are we to do? - They've turned the school
upside down, we must put it back.
970
00:56:31,096 --> 00:56:33,007
And we must get Pond back.
Now, what time does his train go?
971
00:56:33,056 --> 00:56:34,466
Three fifteen.
- Ten minutes.
972
00:56:34,516 --> 00:56:36,632
Alright. You get rid of the girls,
I'll go down to the station.
973
00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:53,157
Hello, there's Pond!
Good afternoon, Mr Pond!
974
00:56:53,201 --> 00:56:55,738
SlR ANGUS: I thought you might not
have received our telegram.
975
00:56:55,787 --> 00:57:00,121
Doctor Collet wanted it to be a surprise visit
but I told him that would hardly be fair.
976
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:02,874
I just didn't want anything
'specially laid on, d'you understand?
977
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,128
I just wanted to see the school
working under normal conditions.
978
00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:09,836
Er, so would l...
Yes. So would l.
979
00:57:09,885 --> 00:57:11,841
Er, so you shall.
980
00:57:11,887 --> 00:57:16,051
Well, well, well.
How d'you do, gentlemen. Ha ha.
981
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:19,092
Welcome to Nutbourne. Ha ha.
982
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:21,806
It's just that your telegram
scarcely left me enough time
983
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:25,018
to make the necessary arrangements
for your... your reception.
984
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:29,026
Will you excuse me one moment while I go and
telephone and see what's happened to the taxi?
985
00:57:29,029 --> 00:57:32,567
TRAlN CHUGS AWAY
986
00:57:32,616 --> 00:57:35,483
Oh, thank heavens you're still here...
- Put that away, man.
987
00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:36,695
Gentlemen!
988
00:57:36,745 --> 00:57:39,111
Mr Billings, for heaven's sake,
keep your wits about you and smile.
989
00:57:39,164 --> 00:57:41,826
Gentlemen, this is Mr Billings,
my Maths Master.
990
00:57:41,875 --> 00:57:44,241
Realising the difficulty I might have
in obtaining a taxi
991
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:46,660
he very thoughtfully brought
the school brake along. Hmm?
992
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,374
Thank you, Billings.
- Oh, that's alright, sir.
993
00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:51,381
It was not our intention
to disrupt the school work, Mr Pond.
994
00:57:51,426 --> 00:57:52,757
On the contrary.
995
00:57:52,803 --> 00:57:54,589
Oh, but I can't imagine
Mr Billings has left the boys
996
00:57:54,638 --> 00:57:56,469
without setting them
a few problems to solve.
997
00:57:56,515 --> 00:57:58,471
Hmm? That so, Billings?
- Yes, sir.
998
00:57:58,517 --> 00:58:01,008
I imagine they'll take quite a while
to clear them up...
999
00:58:01,061 --> 00:58:04,303
Er, ha ha, yes...
I have no doubt.
1000
00:58:04,356 --> 00:58:06,563
Well, at any rate, there's...
There's no hurry.
1001
00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:09,065
We want to catch
the last train back, Mr Pond.
1002
00:58:09,069 --> 00:58:11,651
Beautiful country round here,
isn't it? Isn't it?
1003
00:58:11,697 --> 00:58:14,609
Yes, yes, no doubt. But as I said before,
we want to catch the last train back.
1004
00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:16,489
Oh, but you can do that
with plenty of time to spare.
1005
00:58:16,535 --> 00:58:18,617
POND: Oh, but there's
plenty of time to spare...
1006
00:58:18,662 --> 00:58:21,369
...I do love this part of the country.
- Delightful.
1007
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,576
Which, er... Which way
are you going, Billings?
1008
00:58:27,629 --> 00:58:31,497
Oh, I take it I drive back through Fairhurst and
Upper Dudley and Lower Dudley and Braxton?
1009
00:58:31,550 --> 00:58:35,668
The short way.
- That's right, Billings. The short way.
1010
00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:40,468
I ask no more for youth than space and air
and freedom from distraction.
1011
00:58:40,517 --> 00:58:43,054
I'm so glad to hear you say that,
Miss Whitchurch.
1012
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:45,594
Cynthia has reached
the difficult age...
1013
00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:47,137
Angela's just the same.
1014
00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:50,557
I 'm sure Miss Whitchurch grasps
the dangers of adolescence.
1015
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:53,022
Oh, firmly, in both hands,
if I may say so...
1016
00:58:53,071 --> 00:58:54,277
PHONE RlNGS
1017
00:58:54,322 --> 00:58:56,529
Oh, shall I answer it?
- Yes, please do.
1018
00:58:56,950 --> 00:58:59,066
With all the discoveries
of modern science
1019
00:58:59,119 --> 00:59:01,781
the tree of knowledge is very poor these days.
- MlSS JEZZARD: Hello?
1020
00:59:01,830 --> 00:59:05,914
MlSS JEZZARD: Yes, that's right.
- It's possible to climb to its topmost branches...
1021
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:08,450
Er, what?
- A Mr Hartley at the Ministry.
1022
00:59:08,503 --> 00:59:10,960
Tell him we'll ring him back,
in about an hour's time.
1023
00:59:11,006 --> 00:59:16,546
I wonder if you'd mind if we rang back?
You see... I beg your pardon?
1024
00:59:17,387 --> 00:59:19,924
Just wondering how
we're settling down, I expect.
1025
00:59:20,891 --> 00:59:23,598
Now, let me see.
Where were we?
1026
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:27,932
Er, oh yes, it is possible to climb
to its topmost branches
1027
00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:30,017
and select the fruit where we will.
1028
00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:32,149
MlSS JEZZARD:
Are you sure you can't?
1029
00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:35,064
Oh dear...
- MlSS WHlTCHURCH: I said we'd ring him back!
1030
00:59:35,113 --> 00:59:39,277
He says he's going out. He's only just got the
case and he wants to know if we're still in trouble.
1031
00:59:39,326 --> 00:59:42,113
I haven't the remotest idea
what he's talking about.
1032
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:44,699
We're perfectly happy here, perfectly.
1033
00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:49,208
No, we're alright, thank you... very much...
Good afternoon.
1034
00:59:49,252 --> 00:59:51,664
Ahem. Where was l?
1035
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:53,829
Up the tree.
- Oh yes!
1036
00:59:53,882 --> 00:59:56,589
Well, I do think it's a jolly rotten show.
1037
00:59:56,635 --> 00:59:58,375
I haven't had any instructions
from Miss Whitchurch.
1038
00:59:58,428 --> 01:00:01,044
And now without a word of explanation...
- We'll explain later.
1039
01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:04,716
Well, it's not fair. Is it?
Now, look!
1040
01:00:04,768 --> 01:00:08,181
Where are you going
with our goalposts? Honestly!
1041
01:00:08,230 --> 01:00:12,439
I thought you said the school
was a mere five minutes from the station.
1042
01:00:12,484 --> 01:00:16,693
In terms of jet propulsion, no doubt...
- It said Nutbourne down there!
1043
01:00:24,329 --> 01:00:26,866
We've a really first-class rugger team
at Harlingham this year.
1044
01:00:26,915 --> 01:00:30,157
What sort of shape's yours in?
- It varies.
1045
01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:32,872
SlR ANGUS:
Very pleasant outlook here.
1046
01:00:32,921 --> 01:00:36,129
Uninterrupted too,
or so the estate agents say.
1047
01:00:36,174 --> 01:00:40,258
Look, Mr Tassell, I 'm all for the team spirit and
I don't in the least want to rock the boat, but...
1048
01:00:40,303 --> 01:00:43,591
Honestly, I can't keep my LAX
girls cooped up here all afternoon.
1049
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,847
Well, just hold on a minute.
1050
01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:53,688
Ah, Matthews. This is Mr Matthews,
my most able second in command.
1051
01:00:53,733 --> 01:00:54,722
MATTHEWS:
How d'you do.
1052
01:00:54,776 --> 01:00:57,233
This is Sir Angus McNally, Doctor Collet...
- MATTHEWS: How do you do, sir.
1053
01:00:57,279 --> 01:00:59,520
...And Mr James Rich. Ha ha.
1054
01:00:59,865 --> 01:01:02,857
Well, gentlemen, shall we...
shall we go inside?
1055
01:01:09,249 --> 01:01:11,956
Oh, well, here we are.
This is the oldest part of the school.
1056
01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:13,492
Yes, it goes back to Henry Vlll.
1057
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:16,207
Erm, anyone in the dining hall?
- No, sir.
1058
01:01:16,256 --> 01:01:18,588
Well then, Billings, perhaps you might
show it to these gentlemen
1059
01:01:18,633 --> 01:01:21,045
and Matthews and l
will see about a little refreshment. Hmm?
1060
01:01:21,094 --> 01:01:23,380
Certainly, sir.
After you, gentlemen.
1061
01:01:25,056 --> 01:01:28,093
What happened? - I am dreadfully sorry, sir.
We did what we could in the time.
1062
01:01:28,143 --> 01:01:30,725
We got the girls off the playing fields.
- Where are the rest of them?
1063
01:01:30,770 --> 01:01:34,103
Still here, I 'm afraid. You see,
we couldn't very well tell Miss Whitchurch.
1064
01:01:34,149 --> 01:01:38,358
She's having tea with the parents in her study.
- Her study? - Your study, sir.
1065
01:01:38,403 --> 01:01:39,893
She won't be for long.
1066
01:01:39,946 --> 01:01:42,608
There's simply no holding Byron
at lacrosse this term
1067
01:01:42,657 --> 01:01:46,775
so this afternoon Tennyson and Shelly
have got together to try and stop the rot.
1068
01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:50,571
When you've finished your tea we'll run down
and see how the battle's faring.
1069
01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:55,458
RAlNBOW: Up, your end!
Higher, fathead! Higher!
1070
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:03,629
The sun's very gay this afternoon.
1071
01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:05,589
Another cup of tea, Mr lbbertson?
1072
01:02:07,807 --> 01:02:09,798
Miss Whitchurch,
I must speak to you at once.
1073
01:02:10,393 --> 01:02:12,509
Oh... Doctor...
1074
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:15,429
If it's about that little protuberance
on Cecilia Watson's neck
1075
01:02:15,482 --> 01:02:18,724
I 'll see you in the common room.
If you don't mind, Doctor.
1076
01:02:18,777 --> 01:02:23,362
You will excuse me, won't you? I hardly think
that buns and protuberances mix!
1077
01:02:26,326 --> 01:02:30,239
How dare you burst in there
jeopardising my position in that reckless fashion!
1078
01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,244
I don't care what you have to say.
1079
01:02:32,290 --> 01:02:34,702
Do I have to remind you
about the Governors of Harlingham?
1080
01:02:34,751 --> 01:02:38,164
You do not. They are downstairs,
in the dining hall, here to see the school!
1081
01:02:38,213 --> 01:02:41,455
Miss Whitchurch! They've gone and shut
Shelly and Tennyson and Byron in the pav.
1082
01:02:41,508 --> 01:02:43,123
And you can shut up
all your other brats with them.
1083
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,337
I'm bringing my boys back
from the swimming pool at once!
1084
01:02:45,345 --> 01:02:47,802
Would you please keep your voice down!
My parents will hear you.
1085
01:02:47,847 --> 01:02:51,339
Not to put too fine a point upon it, madam,
your parents can go and... - Mr Pond!
1086
01:02:51,351 --> 01:02:54,138
I don't want the whole building
involved in the bruhaha!
1087
01:02:54,187 --> 01:02:56,929
If you don't mind,
we'll thrash this out in the common room.
1088
01:03:02,821 --> 01:03:05,278
1931 was a vintage year, as you see.
1089
01:03:05,323 --> 01:03:07,279
Three scholarships to Oxford,
two to Cambridge.
1090
01:03:07,325 --> 01:03:09,111
Before Pond's time, I imagine.
1091
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:11,242
There's no use you brandishing
the Governors in my face.
1092
01:03:11,288 --> 01:03:14,371
One look at what's going on here,
and my chances at Harlingham are ruined!
1093
01:03:14,374 --> 01:03:17,616
The very least I can do is to establish myself
as a victim of circumstances.
1094
01:03:17,669 --> 01:03:21,127
Oh, Ramsden.
You'll find Mr Matthews in the hall.
1095
01:03:21,172 --> 01:03:24,881
Tell him to have the boys brought back
from the swimming pool at once.
1096
01:03:24,926 --> 01:03:26,462
Oh, so that's where they are...
1097
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:28,797
My mind is made up in one thing,
Miss Whitchurch.
1098
01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:31,384
If I sink, you sink with me.
1099
01:03:32,350 --> 01:03:35,057
POND: Well, don't act
as if next week will do, man!
1100
01:03:35,103 --> 01:03:36,343
Wait!
1101
01:03:36,938 --> 01:03:39,429
Why should we sink, Mr Pond?
1102
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:43,475
If we all keep our wits about us,
we may still come through with flying colours.
1103
01:03:43,528 --> 01:03:46,520
Now, do let us examine
this problem calmly.
1104
01:03:46,573 --> 01:03:50,157
Miss Whitchurch...
the Governors are in the dining hall.
1105
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:51,987
And my parents are in the study.
1106
01:03:52,037 --> 01:03:55,746
Both parties wish to tour the school.
Very well, so they shall.
1107
01:03:55,790 --> 01:03:58,623
But never the twain shall meet.
1108
01:03:58,668 --> 01:04:01,250
What on earth is going to happen
when the Governors meet a swarm of girls?
1109
01:04:01,296 --> 01:04:02,752
They mustn't.
1110
01:04:02,797 --> 01:04:05,914
The Governors must only see boys:,
the parents, girls.
1111
01:04:07,135 --> 01:04:09,126
We'll have two conducted tours.
1112
01:04:09,179 --> 01:04:12,717
Going clockwise,
or anticlockwise as the case may be.
1113
01:04:13,475 --> 01:04:15,591
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
Oh, it's no use being lily-livered.
1114
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:20,933
If one party leaves five minutes after the other,
we shall just have time to interchange the classes.
1115
01:04:21,024 --> 01:04:23,185
It would have to be a miracle of timing.
1116
01:04:23,234 --> 01:04:27,273
Well, but if both parties follow the same course
and everyone keeps on the qui vive...
1117
01:04:27,322 --> 01:04:29,859
If you want my opinion,
the whole thing's imposs.
1118
01:04:29,908 --> 01:04:33,366
We don't want your opinion.
Thank you, Miss Gossage.
1119
01:04:33,411 --> 01:04:36,369
Look, every single boy and girl
would have to co-operate.
1120
01:04:36,414 --> 01:04:40,703
Well, that would mean Doris and Cynthia
and Pamela deceiving their parents!
1121
01:04:40,752 --> 01:04:43,744
Oh, an extra half holiday would cure that.
Where's your child psychology.
1122
01:04:43,797 --> 01:04:48,131
That's not the school spirit!
- Don't talk to Mr Pond like that, Gossage.
1123
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:51,251
Thank you, Miss Whitchurch.
- Kindly leave these arrangements to us.
1124
01:04:51,304 --> 01:04:53,636
What exactly do you envisage,
Miss Richards?
1125
01:04:53,681 --> 01:04:56,468
Well, if I take my parents
to see the school museum
1126
01:04:56,476 --> 01:04:58,558
while you bring your Governors
to tea in the study
1127
01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,969
that'll give us time
to set the stage. - Yes.
1128
01:05:01,022 --> 01:05:04,355
Now, let us swiftly plot the itinerary.
- Yes.
1129
01:05:04,401 --> 01:05:07,518
Please, please. Allow me, Miss Whitchurch.
- Thank you, Mr Pond.
1130
01:05:08,446 --> 01:05:13,110
Now, this must be very exactly timed.
Shall we first synchronise our watches?
1131
01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:14,069
Oh. Excellent.
1132
01:05:14,119 --> 01:05:16,781
I 'm not a complaining man,
you know that, Maud.
1133
01:05:16,830 --> 01:05:22,370
But take these rugby posts.
It's an annual job, that I don't look forward to.
1134
01:05:22,419 --> 01:05:27,129
But today we've had 'em up, taken 'em
down again, and had 'em up again!
1135
01:05:27,173 --> 01:05:28,709
And now you've got to
take them down again!
1136
01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:32,000
And they want tea for four in the study
right away, Mrs Hampstead.
1137
01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:34,669
You know, I think everybody's
gone absolutely batty!
1138
01:05:34,722 --> 01:05:37,304
The Governors of Harlingham
have arrived!
1139
01:05:37,392 --> 01:05:40,634
What? I say, but...
- Don't argue, you get the boys back to school!
1140
01:05:41,604 --> 01:05:43,014
WHlSTLE BLOWS
1141
01:05:43,064 --> 01:05:47,774
We'll just have one... one very quick cup
and then we'll start on our travels. Hmm?
1142
01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:54,777
BUGLE CALLS
1143
01:05:55,326 --> 01:06:00,116
Priscilla Johnson was romping in a haystack
when that bastard purple alighted on her
1144
01:06:00,165 --> 01:06:02,247
but she had him
in the killing bottle in a flash!
1145
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,500
Here they come, girls.
Onto the field again. Buck up!
1146
01:06:05,545 --> 01:06:08,207
GlRLS CHEER
1147
01:06:15,263 --> 01:06:16,218
WHlSTLE SOUNDS
1148
01:06:18,099 --> 01:06:20,556
Well, I think that exhausts the butterflies.
1149
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:23,518
Shall we start on our
tour of the classrooms?
1150
01:06:23,563 --> 01:06:27,397
POND: It's always been my view that too much...
- WHlSTLE BLOWS
1151
01:06:27,442 --> 01:06:30,855
Is that the rugger game starting?
- No, no. No. A short blast...
1152
01:06:30,904 --> 01:06:34,772
Er, too much concentration on examinations
makes boys sluggish.
1153
01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:38,825
Good afternoon, girls.
You may sit down.
1154
01:06:38,870 --> 01:06:41,532
Good afternoon, Miss Harper.
- Good afternoon, Miss Whitchurch.
1155
01:06:41,581 --> 01:06:45,039
This is the sixth form.
They're taking French History.
1156
01:06:45,084 --> 01:06:48,497
Let me see now, it'll be, er, Louis Xlll?
- There's Angela.
1157
01:06:48,546 --> 01:06:50,628
MRS PARRY:
Could we have a word with Angela?
1158
01:06:50,673 --> 01:06:54,791
Oh, if you wish, certainly.
Angela Parry, you may fall out.
1159
01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:57,593
Hello, Mumsy!
1160
01:06:57,805 --> 01:06:59,591
Hello, Pop.
- Hello, Angela.
1161
01:06:59,599 --> 01:07:01,555
It's good to see you.
1162
01:07:01,601 --> 01:07:04,593
Your mother and father want to know
how you're liking the new school.
1163
01:07:04,646 --> 01:07:07,809
But there's no need to commit yourself
unless you've quite made up your mind.
1164
01:07:07,857 --> 01:07:09,518
Oh, but I have.
1165
01:07:09,567 --> 01:07:12,479
I think it's an absolute scorcher.
I never dreamed that...
1166
01:07:12,529 --> 01:07:16,647
How's your History progressing, Angela?
- She's always been weak on dates, I 'm afraid.
1167
01:07:16,699 --> 01:07:18,610
Not this term, Pop.
1168
01:07:18,618 --> 01:07:20,574
MRS PARRY:
What are you up to at the moment, Angela?
1169
01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:25,697
If they've been telling you
about Archie Brown...
1170
01:07:25,750 --> 01:07:30,540
Archie... Archibald Brown -
in case you didn't know it -
1171
01:07:30,588 --> 01:07:33,045
was the man who held the torch
for Guy Fawkes.
1172
01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:37,797
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: I've been running them over
what I like to call the back-room boys of history.
1173
01:07:37,845 --> 01:07:40,928
Better get back to your class now, Angela.
Say goodbye to your mother and father.
1174
01:07:40,974 --> 01:07:43,841
Bye, Mumsy. Bye, Pop. - MR PARRY: Bye, dear.
- MR PARRY: Goodbye, Angela.
1175
01:07:43,893 --> 01:07:46,430
That's right. Now, come along, everybody.
1176
01:07:46,479 --> 01:07:50,313
Such a charming child,
and a great favourite with the other girls.
1177
01:07:50,358 --> 01:07:52,940
It's a pity she's leaving us this term.
1178
01:07:52,986 --> 01:07:55,523
Oh, to the right, now, Mrs lbbertson.
1179
01:08:03,663 --> 01:08:04,869
Ok!
1180
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:09,957
BlLLlNGS: All clear.
Away with the first party.
1181
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:12,710
TASSELL: Right, remove!
One pace forward! March!...
1182
01:08:13,464 --> 01:08:15,455
...Now, at the double!
1183
01:08:16,259 --> 01:08:19,751
BUGLE CALLS
1184
01:08:21,723 --> 01:08:24,681
Surely they'll find out about this!
- Ours not to reason why...
1185
01:08:24,684 --> 01:08:27,266
If they do, we'll have to find
fresh posts tomorrow!
1186
01:08:27,312 --> 01:08:30,145
Yes, we'll have to apply for a job in a
progressive school where the kids throw inkpots!
1187
01:08:30,189 --> 01:08:31,520
It'll be a rest after this!
- You're right!
1188
01:08:31,566 --> 01:08:33,397
GlRL: They're off!
- WHlSTLE BLOWS
1189
01:08:33,443 --> 01:08:35,559
That must be the start of the game.
1190
01:08:35,612 --> 01:08:38,604
No, no, no. Three... er,
three short blasts for that!
1191
01:08:38,656 --> 01:08:42,194
Well, now, gentlemen, if you've finished with
your tea, perhaps we can start on our little...
1192
01:08:42,243 --> 01:08:43,904
Our little circumambulation. Hmm?
1193
01:08:43,953 --> 01:08:48,367
Now we're going to see the miming class.
They're doing the death of Charles l.
1194
01:08:48,416 --> 01:08:50,953
The one with the crown is the king,
oddly enough.
1195
01:08:51,002 --> 01:08:56,292
Couldn't we go in and watch?
- Ahem, er... Perhaps for a few minutes.
1196
01:08:56,341 --> 01:09:00,334
But, mind, no talking. It's an iron rule
with the miming class.
1197
01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:12,641
Good afternoon, boys.
1198
01:09:12,690 --> 01:09:14,180
Good afternoon, Mr Tassell.
- TASSELL: Good afternoon, sir.
1199
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:17,600
Sit down, boys. This is the remove gentlemen.
They're taking English.
1200
01:09:17,654 --> 01:09:19,394
Carry on, Mr Tassell.
1201
01:09:19,447 --> 01:09:21,529
Now, boys, as I was saying,
a mixed metaphor
1202
01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:25,158
is an expression in which two or three
metaphors are confused.
1203
01:09:25,203 --> 01:09:27,535
Could one or two of the boys
give us an example?
1204
01:09:27,580 --> 01:09:29,946
I 'd like to see what they know.
- Certainly.
1205
01:09:29,999 --> 01:09:33,912
Er, Metcalf, would you give us
an example of a mixed metaphor?
1206
01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:36,828
We're playing with fire,
skating on thin ice.
1207
01:09:36,881 --> 01:09:39,793
And if anything happens
to upset the apple cart...
1208
01:09:39,842 --> 01:09:42,675
...someone's going to lose
his bread and butter.
1209
01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:45,427
Very good, Metcalf.
Sit down.
1210
01:09:45,473 --> 01:09:47,464
They seem quite bright.
- Yes.
1211
01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:49,348
That satisfies me.
Shall we move on?
1212
01:09:49,394 --> 01:09:53,057
Oh, gentlemen, wouldn't you like to hear
a little... a little... a little onomatopoeia?
1213
01:09:53,106 --> 01:09:55,142
They've very good
at onomatopoeia...
1214
01:09:55,775 --> 01:09:58,061
What did you say your name was?
- METCALF: Metcalf, sir.
1215
01:09:58,111 --> 01:09:59,351
Metcalf.
1216
01:10:00,321 --> 01:10:02,232
To your right, gentlemen,
to your right.
1217
01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:37,772
Down mimes, girls.
Away you go.
1218
01:10:40,111 --> 01:10:42,272
MlSS JEZZARD:
Come along, Jennifer. No loitering.
1219
01:10:42,321 --> 01:10:44,687
The school curriculum I wanted
to go over with you gentlemen.
1220
01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:47,983
I 'll explain it quite briefly, it's...
- We don't want to know about the curriculum.
1221
01:10:48,035 --> 01:10:51,823
What we want to get is a general picture
of the way the school is running.
1222
01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:55,039
BUGLE CALLS
1223
01:11:02,884 --> 01:11:06,547
Who on earth was that? - That was little Lucy,
the housekeeper's daughter.
1224
01:11:06,596 --> 01:11:10,180
The little rascal's not allowed upstairs.
I'll have to speak to Mrs Hampstead about it.
1225
01:11:10,224 --> 01:11:12,590
Well, gentlemen,
shall we make history?
1226
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:18,600
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
There's quite a maze of corridors around here.
1227
01:11:18,649 --> 01:11:20,810
This way, if you please.
Round the corner.
1228
01:11:21,819 --> 01:11:25,403
We shall have to hurry if we want to see
the dress-making class before break.
1229
01:11:25,448 --> 01:11:28,940
The middle third are leading the school
with their underwear this term.
1230
01:11:31,245 --> 01:11:34,032
The upper fifth are taking
the landing of William of Orange.
1231
01:11:34,081 --> 01:11:36,288
COLLET: I don't think we need
bother about that, eh, Sir Angus?
1232
01:11:36,334 --> 01:11:38,370
I don't think so, no.
- Not William of Orange?
1233
01:11:38,419 --> 01:11:39,875
I 'd much rather see the rugger.
- Yes.
1234
01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:41,995
Oh, but so you shall, Doctor.
So you shall, Sir Angus, only...
1235
01:11:42,048 --> 01:11:43,709
...you've got to see
some other things first.
1236
01:11:49,514 --> 01:11:52,176
They've skipped the upper fifth!
They're catching up! - Crumbs!
1237
01:11:52,225 --> 01:11:55,092
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: Quite an impressive
collection of nether garments, Miss Curtis...
1238
01:11:56,896 --> 01:11:59,638
Well, I think we'd better pass on now.
1239
01:11:59,690 --> 01:12:02,102
I don't want you to miss
the school choir's rendering
1240
01:12:02,151 --> 01:12:04,813
of ' Nymphs and Shepherds, come away'
before the gong goes.
1241
01:12:04,862 --> 01:12:09,026
Thank you, Miss Curtis. Come along,
Mrs Parry, will you? Or we shall be too late.
1242
01:12:09,617 --> 01:12:14,077
Gentlemen, please... Ha ha!
You simply must look at these etchings.
1243
01:12:14,121 --> 01:12:16,112
POND:
Now, this particular one...
1244
01:12:16,165 --> 01:12:18,531
very interesting, I 'm sure,
but hardly what we came to see.
1245
01:12:18,584 --> 01:12:22,702
Where do we go from here?
- Hmm? Well, now, you see, we...
1246
01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:27,044
Yes, I think we might risk a little...
a little theoretical physics. Hmm?
1247
01:12:30,847 --> 01:12:33,554
BOYS LAUGH
1248
01:12:33,599 --> 01:12:36,932
Quiet, boys, quiet!
Get that stuff out of sight.
1249
01:12:36,936 --> 01:12:40,269
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: We seem to be doing
quite a lot of tearing round, don't we?
1250
01:12:40,314 --> 01:12:47,061
Oh... Oh! How stupid of me. Ha.
The physics class is first right, first right again.
1251
01:12:47,113 --> 01:12:49,320
Fifteen years here
and I don't know my own way yet!
1252
01:12:51,284 --> 01:12:54,651
They've gone down the wrong corridor.
- Gosh, that's torn it!
1253
01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:57,320
Well, of course, 'Nymphs and Shepherds'
should really be accompanied
1254
01:12:57,373 --> 01:12:58,909
by a recorder and a harpsichord.
1255
01:12:58,958 --> 01:13:01,165
What is it, dear?
- They've gone the wrong way.
1256
01:13:01,210 --> 01:13:04,998
Don't bother me now, Alice.
Unpick it and start again.
1257
01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:10,091
She's such a panicky child.
She never can manage her blackberry stiches.
1258
01:13:10,136 --> 01:13:12,752
Oh, we've plenty of cupboard
accommodation, fortunately...
1259
01:13:12,805 --> 01:13:14,887
MlSS WHlTCHURCH: Oh, good gracious me!
I should have known they were there.
1260
01:13:14,932 --> 01:13:16,513
I am so sorry.
1261
01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:18,015
A little mistake at the sports shop.
1262
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,346
We ordered netballs
and they sent the wrong sort.
1263
01:13:20,396 --> 01:13:22,637
This is indeed circumambulation!
1264
01:13:22,690 --> 01:13:25,352
Pack them all in, Helen.
Never mind how long it takes!
1265
01:13:25,401 --> 01:13:28,484
Oh, we're almost there, gentlemen...
Heavens, who did that?
1266
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:31,191
That reminds me...
- Yes, I was afraid it would.
1267
01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:33,071
But all in good time, Doctor.
1268
01:13:33,534 --> 01:13:35,490
I'll enquire into this later.
1269
01:13:35,536 --> 01:13:36,992
Now...
1270
01:13:39,540 --> 01:13:41,622
Good afternoon, boys. Sit down.
- RAMSDEN: Good afternoon, sir.
1271
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:43,407
Good afternoon, Ramsden.
1272
01:13:43,461 --> 01:13:47,795
This is the middle fifth. They're fairly advanced
with their physics, I'm happy to say.
1273
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:50,547
POND:
Electronics... well, l...
1274
01:13:50,593 --> 01:13:52,003
What the devil's this?
1275
01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:58,388
Have the dress-making class
been here?
1276
01:13:58,434 --> 01:14:00,095
Many of our boys go into the Navy,
you know.
1277
01:14:00,144 --> 01:14:02,180
In fact, we've had a special request
from the Admiralty
1278
01:14:02,229 --> 01:14:04,641
that they should know something
about mending their own clothes.
1279
01:14:04,690 --> 01:14:06,931
Yes, but this is crepe-sheet underwear!
1280
01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:08,940
Oh! Huh! Lucky to get it!
1281
01:14:08,986 --> 01:14:11,193
Very, very lucky indeed.
1282
01:14:12,573 --> 01:14:15,531
# In this grove, in this grove
let's sport and play...
1283
01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:18,784
# Let's sport and play,
let's sport and play
1284
01:14:18,829 --> 01:14:22,196
# For this, this is Flora's holiday
1285
01:14:22,249 --> 01:14:24,456
# This is Flora's holiday
1286
01:14:24,502 --> 01:14:28,165
# This is Flora's holiday... #
- There's Angela again.
1287
01:14:28,214 --> 01:14:30,671
SONG CONTlNUES
- Fancy now!
1288
01:14:30,716 --> 01:14:34,629
There must have been a quick changeover
while we were coming upstairs.
1289
01:14:35,638 --> 01:14:39,347
SONG CONTlNUES
1290
01:14:41,394 --> 01:14:43,305
I'm sorry we couldn't stay any longer.
1291
01:14:45,398 --> 01:14:48,765
SONG CONTlNUES
1292
01:14:53,072 --> 01:14:55,404
I love listening to boy sopranos,
don't you?
1293
01:14:56,158 --> 01:14:58,695
Sometimes it's almost impossible
to distinguish them from girls.
1294
01:14:58,911 --> 01:15:03,200
OLDER BOYS: # Where have you been
all the day Billy boy, Billy boy?
1295
01:15:03,249 --> 01:15:07,083
# Where have you been
all the day my Billy boy?
1296
01:15:07,128 --> 01:15:09,744
SONG CONTlNUES - Of course, I'm a great
believer in contrast too, you know.
1297
01:15:09,797 --> 01:15:12,038
I mean for developing
musical appreciation.
1298
01:15:12,550 --> 01:15:16,134
Look, I don't think we want to be bothered
any more with this, do we, Doctor Collet?
1299
01:15:16,178 --> 01:15:18,385
What? No, I suppose not.
1300
01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:20,513
I 'd rather like to...
- No, I thought not.
1301
01:15:20,558 --> 01:15:23,174
But I should like you gentlemen to look in
at the sick room for one moment.
1302
01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:25,809
Just now I 'm more interested
in the fit than the unfit.
1303
01:15:25,855 --> 01:15:28,597
What about this rugger?
- lmmediately afterwards, Doctor Collet.
1304
01:15:31,110 --> 01:15:33,476
To the right if you please,
and then up the stairs.
1305
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:36,111
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
That's the way, there we are...
1306
01:15:37,658 --> 01:15:40,946
Well, we haven't had many people
in the sicker this time, fortunately.
1307
01:15:40,995 --> 01:15:42,656
I think the air must agree with them.
1308
01:15:42,705 --> 01:15:46,368
I always think it's nice to have the sickroom
at the top of the house.
1309
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,411
So much more air.
1310
01:15:48,461 --> 01:15:51,328
We mustn't stop long in here.
Good afternoon, girls.
1311
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,416
Good afternoon, Miss Whitchurch.
1312
01:15:53,466 --> 01:15:56,583
I mustn't let you pick up any germs
or the doctor will be on my tracks.
1313
01:15:56,635 --> 01:15:59,718
Now for the gymnasium.
To your right and downstairs.
1314
01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,470
DOOR SLAMS
1315
01:16:04,393 --> 01:16:07,681
BUGLE CALLS
1316
01:16:07,730 --> 01:16:11,598
I hate to be a nuisance, Miss Whitchurch,
but I am anxious to see the lacrosse.
1317
01:16:11,650 --> 01:16:14,733
Oh, yes, Mrs Jones. Well, we'll see
what we can do about it, shall we?
1318
01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:17,111
I 'm sure you'll be delighted
with the gym display.
1319
01:16:21,744 --> 01:16:24,281
MlSS WHlTCHURCH:
Quite a pleasant little gym, isn't it?
1320
01:16:26,707 --> 01:16:28,572
MRS PARRY:
Why, there's Angela again!
1321
01:16:28,626 --> 01:16:31,242
Well, now, so it is.
The child's quite ubiquitous.
1322
01:16:32,338 --> 01:16:34,750
Miss Harper!
It should be rugby now
1323
01:16:34,799 --> 01:16:38,257
but run and tell Miss Gossage to lay on the
lacrosse again in five minutes' time, will you?
1324
01:16:38,302 --> 01:16:39,792
Very good.
- Thank you very much.
1325
01:16:41,931 --> 01:16:44,547
BUGLE CALLS
1326
01:16:45,226 --> 01:16:49,390
Miss Gossage! You've to get the girls
back on the field. It's lacrosse again!
1327
01:16:49,438 --> 01:16:52,726
But they've just started a rugger game!
- Those are Miss Whitchurch's orders.
1328
01:16:52,775 --> 01:16:54,731
GlRLS MOAN
1329
01:16:54,777 --> 01:16:56,893
Alright, girls. As you were.
Back on the field.
1330
01:16:58,989 --> 01:17:00,945
Well, here we are.
1331
01:17:01,117 --> 01:17:04,200
And nothing much wrong with the patients,
I'm glad to say.
1332
01:17:04,203 --> 01:17:05,784
Now for the gym.
1333
01:17:05,830 --> 01:17:08,196
Well, we've just time
to take a quick look at the garden
1334
01:17:08,249 --> 01:17:11,366
and then to the lacrosse. Eh, Mrs Jones?
- Thank you.
1335
01:17:11,418 --> 01:17:14,285
We go to the left here.
Would you like to follow me?
1336
01:17:14,755 --> 01:17:16,586
Come on, girls! Out!
1337
01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:26,797
Right. First six boys on the mat.
Come on. Quickly.
1338
01:17:26,851 --> 01:17:28,512
Down.
1339
01:17:29,103 --> 01:17:30,263
Change around.
1340
01:17:30,312 --> 01:17:33,429
POND: That's right, gentlemen, to the left.
I 've had a special display laid on for you.
1341
01:17:33,482 --> 01:17:35,268
They're coming!
- Here...
1342
01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:38,525
POND: This way, gentlemen...
I think you'll like it. The boys are very keen.
1343
01:17:46,912 --> 01:17:48,573
POND LAUGHS
1344
01:17:48,622 --> 01:17:51,409
Good, good.
Very, very good, Tassell.
1345
01:17:52,293 --> 01:17:57,083
Yes, I always think there's nothing like
plenty of good, healthy exercise.
1346
01:17:57,131 --> 01:17:58,792
Don't you agree, Doctor? Hmm?
1347
01:17:59,091 --> 01:18:00,706
Where's Doctor Collet?
1348
01:18:01,010 --> 01:18:02,591
Where's Doctor Collet?
1349
01:18:02,636 --> 01:18:06,254
Good afternoon. Could you tell me
where I could find Miss Whitchurch?
1350
01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,801
I've never heard of her.
1351
01:18:10,603 --> 01:18:13,015
Doctor Collet!
Where's Doctor Collet? Right...
1352
01:18:13,439 --> 01:18:14,849
SlR ANGUS:
There's that boy again!
1353
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:16,139
Dr Col...
1354
01:18:16,817 --> 01:18:18,557
Look out, Sir Angus!
1355
01:18:27,119 --> 01:18:30,657
Mr Pond!
- We're waiting for an explanation, Mr Pond!
1356
01:18:30,706 --> 01:18:33,072
Can't you see I 'm trying to think of one?
- Never mind about that.
1357
01:18:33,125 --> 01:18:34,956
Come outside with me.
I'll show you something.
1358
01:18:40,090 --> 01:18:42,456
CHlLDREN SHOUT
1359
01:18:42,509 --> 01:18:45,091
Take a look at that!
- SlR ANGUS: What on earth...
1360
01:18:58,525 --> 01:19:02,609
We won seven matches last term
and we hope to do even better this term.
1361
01:19:05,866 --> 01:19:07,231
That's done it.
1362
01:19:11,330 --> 01:19:13,286
MlSS GOSSAGE: Tackle him low, girls!
Tackle him low!
1363
01:19:13,332 --> 01:19:16,074
MlSS GOSSAGE: Get him down!
- HYDE-BROWN: Sausage, stop it!
1364
01:19:16,543 --> 01:19:19,250
MlSS GOSSAGE: Hold him! Hold him!
- Stop it, Sausage, stop it!
1365
01:19:19,296 --> 01:19:21,161
Hold him!
- Sausage! Sausage!
1366
01:19:21,924 --> 01:19:23,164
That's ghastly.
1367
01:19:23,217 --> 01:19:24,457
Lacrosse.
1368
01:19:26,971 --> 01:19:29,007
La double-crosse.
1369
01:19:29,348 --> 01:19:32,090
SlR ANGUS: It's unbelievable.
- COLLET: It's monstrous.
1370
01:19:32,142 --> 01:19:34,599
Excuse me, you are Mr Pond, I believe?
1371
01:19:34,937 --> 01:19:37,974
My name is West.
I 'm regional officer of the Ministry.
1372
01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:40,230
I 've been instructed
to deal with this matter.
1373
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:43,188
Most unfortunate but
I think I've found a solution.
1374
01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:46,479
You are a co-educational school,
I believe.
1375
01:19:46,532 --> 01:19:49,899
Well, I 've arranged for
another co-educational school
1376
01:19:49,952 --> 01:19:52,819
to replace St Swithins'
next Wednesday.
1377
01:19:52,871 --> 01:19:57,114
SlR ANGUS: What, another school?
- RlCH: It looks as if they're ahead of schedule...
1378
01:19:57,167 --> 01:20:00,955
CHlLDREN CHEER,
WHlSTLES BLOW
1379
01:20:16,270 --> 01:20:18,386
MlSS HARPER: Have you
the faintest idea what's going on?
1380
01:20:18,397 --> 01:20:19,386
No, Jane...
1381
01:20:23,319 --> 01:20:26,311
BELL RlNGS
1382
01:20:26,363 --> 01:20:30,527
BUGLE SOUNDS
1383
01:20:31,285 --> 01:20:35,574
CYMBALS CRASH
1384
01:20:39,543 --> 01:20:42,000
BUGLE SOUNDS
1385
01:20:42,046 --> 01:20:45,504
CHlLDREN CHEER
1386
01:20:52,181 --> 01:20:55,969
I have a brother who grows
ground-nuts in Tanganyika.
1387
01:20:56,018 --> 01:21:00,136
He writes that there are splendid opportunities
for education among the natives.
1388
01:21:00,939 --> 01:21:03,976
Oh, madam, I'm amenable
to any suggestion!
123290
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