Original subtitles

Coming soon from Love Shack International!

Oh.

You might want to slow down a little bit there, soldier.

Oh.

I haven't had anything to drink in quite a while, so

I better indulge myself just a little bit.

And I'm kind of sick of corn liquor, you know,

because, you know, well,

you see what's around us. - Corn, yeah.

Yeah.

I get that.

Well I'm just glad

that you came back with me after Cornfest.

I feel privileged.

You're the winner of the corn eating contest.

- Well, you know,

I have an affinity for corn, and,

Mmmm, and, you know

I figured that I'm the king of this area

and I figured I could eat my weight in corn.

And by god, I'm gonna do so.

- Sounds like it.

But I tell you what, the corn around here,

I hear they use growth hormones,

and all kinds of weird stuff.

Like I even heard people have seen lights around here,

and some people are even saying

there are some alien growth hormone rays or something?

- Alien growth what?

Alien growth hormone?

- I read it in your brother's newspaper.

- Oh.

I guess.

Yeah I guess he don't get,

he'll do anything to get news these days.

- No, I mean he's got,

have you seen his YouTube channel?

He's got video of Bigfoot.

- It's probably his wife, you know, dressed up

in some kind of - No, I heard.

- For the movies. - I heard Dilbert

came out here, and nobody's seen him.

- And she doesn't shave her legs,

it could have just been her

and they could have been doing something,

God knows what, I mean.

Whatever, you've had too much to drink.

Oh, I'm just getting started.

- No, I think we need to get up and get some exercise.

- Oh.

- What do you say if we play

a little hide and seek out here,

see if there is a monster out there

and maybe you might find me in my birthday suit?

Well, I tell you what.

I'll give you a 10 swig head start.

- 10 swigs and I don't think

you're gonna make it off this blanket.

But, let's see.

- Ooh.

- Come on!

Get your drunk ass up, buddy!

- All right, baby, ready or not,

here I come!

- Hey!

Come on, Corn King!

I got something you're gonna want.

- Actually, ooh!

Oh, my goodness, what do we got here?

Oooh, baby!

- Did you find that?

I got something else for you too.

Drunk ass motherfucker, find that.

- Oh!

Oh yeah baby,

I think there's a monster in here now.

Just wait till I get my pants down.

Ooh.

- Hello, Mr. Drunky.

Got another thing for ya!

What in the hell?!

Is that a corn cob?

Or are you just happy to see me?

Weird ass scarecrow.

Well here you go.

'Cause my man's probably drunk somewhere passed out.

You're not.

All right, come get me,

you got competition, boy!

- Oh, god.

Who the?

Who the hell is that?

Hey babe, what kind of kinky shit are you into?

I'm just gonna sit and relax for a minute.

- Where the hell are you?

Oh my god.

I'm gonna leave you one more thing down here.

Best be finding it for me.

Oh my god.

I think I'm gonna go take my chances

with the corn stalk dude back there.

At least the shark had a hard-on.

All right.

You got one more chance.

Come and get 'em!

Where the hell is he?

Shark!

- Time to kill.

- Yeah, I'm fine.

I just don't want you to worry about me, okay?

And don't send anybody here to check on me.

I hate when it's totally dark.

Hey, sis, I've gotta go, okay?

Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you in a little bit.

Okay, bye.

Wow, look at you.

You're all dressed up an incognito.

I thought the coronavirus is over by now.

Or so I thought anyway.

Are you looking to party by chance?

Do you have a room here?

Okay, here's the deal.

It's 60 up front and 60 when we're done.

Is that okay?

Now aren't you the true gentleman?

With all those teeth.

With all those sharp teeth,

I bet you love to bite, don't you?

Oh, wow!

Oh my god, look at all of this cool stuff!

Dude, you must really be into sharks or something.

You know, you can bite me

at no extra charge.

Oh my god!

Like what is all of this stuff?

- The Great White.

It's the greatest creature that ever lived.

- Hmm.

- They are goddesses.

Sharks are older than trees, you know, and dinosaurs.

450 million years old.

They don't age, they don't get cancer.

Strong, fearless.

Merciless.

The only species to have survived

four out of the five extinctions.

Nobody knows the power of the Great White.

But they're about to find out.

We are one with them.

- Okay, so what are you like,

a Marine Biologist or something?

Like George Costanza?

- Yeah it's something like that.

- Oh, okay.

- He's an inspiration.

Hmm.

Ooh, what do you have here?

That's a nice big set of teeth you have there.

- Mhmm.

Do you like those? - Are you gonna

bite me with this or something?

- Oh, you are so good at what you do.

Try this on.

- I'm gonna wear this like a crown?

- All hail Carcharodon carcharias!

The true goddesses of this world!

This is your bidding, Chichimatul.

This is my offering.

All true believers will persevere

in the war that is about to conclude!

My work is near complete.

- So tell me again what happened here.

- The last thing I remember

is that we came back from the festival,

and that we decided to have some alone time,

and I kinda want to spend a little,

you know, a little time with Susan, you know?

Anyway, we decided to have a few drinks,

and things got a little heated

and we decided to play a little strip and go seek.

And she took off.

- So in other words, you made a pass at her,

she didn't like it, she got pissed off,

you got too aggressive,

and then she bought off?

- Wait, no, Constable.

It was absolutely nothing like that.

I mean, I had a few drinks and we were

running through here,

I was picking up her clothes as we went along,

and things were getting exciting.

And I just must have had too much to drink

and I passed out.

- And you didn't see anything or hear anything?

- I mean, no I didn't, honest to God.

You gotta believe me, I didn't.

- Well, what do you make of that mauling she got?

- From the looks of things, it looks,

I mean it could have been a wild animal.

I mean, it could have been a Bigfoot.

- Bigfoot, aliens?

You and your brother Jonathan would like that wouldn't you?

It'd be great press and publicity for his newspaper

and real estate ventures.

Get people to come out here

and buy some of these farms, look for old Sasquatch.

By the way, your brother, where is he?

- I don't know, it's not like I keep up with him.

- Don't get smart with me, Gary.

We got ourselves a murder investigation here.

Susan Blake was a beautiful,

well loved woman in these parts.

Church goer.

She was a librarian for God's sakes!

I'm inclined to believe that you and your brother

had something to do with this for your own reasons.

That's what I'm talking about, bubba.

- Seriously?

I mean, have you seen the bites and scratches?

- I've seen them.

You guys could have made anything up

to make that happen.

And it got all creature features

with some device or something like that.

Where'd you say your brother was?

- As far as I know, he was in Lexington

doing a real estate videoing and showing some houses.

Doing his damn job.

- Well, I wanna talk with him.

In the meantime, I'm gonna take your fat ass

down to the station,

I'm gonna process you

and then we're gonna investigate this further.

- Whatever, flathead.

- Officer Rosenberg, anything from our field team out there?

- Just a scarecrow with a shark head,

and Susan's tracks,

and lots and lots of condoms.

Should we close the cornfield?

- No, no, I don't think we should be closing the cornfields.

We got everything we need right here.

Besides, it's harvest season.

People gotta pay their bills.

- Right.

- Shark scarecrow?

Huh!

- Any problems?

- Not like we haven't faced third world shitholes before.

- All right.

Let me get your money.

Half now, half after I sell the item

like we agreed.

- Sounds like a deal to me, let's make it happen.

Fucker!

- Sorry to be a Danny Downer, guys,

but this is just too important.

Life, it's rougher than a cob, ain't it?

Get a good nap in while I finish this work.

- Where are you?

I know I saw you in here.

Come to mama.

My, my, my!

What big feet you have.

I guess I'll just have to follow your footprints.

Wait, Sasquatch!

Come back!

Come back!

Come back!

- Hi, I'm Jonathan Gottlieb,

and I'm here to offer you a little slice

of Kentucky Magic right here at Druid Hills.

You can be a monster hunter!

You can look around for all the creatures

the locals say they see.

And if you're interested,

I'm ready to sell you a property today!

1-800-BIGFEET!

That's right 1-800-BIGFEET for John Gottlieb, that's me.

We're Druid Hills Realty all the way!

- Gottlieb, I swear.

You make sure you stay in Druid Hills

with that baloney sandwich stuff.

We got enough problems in this world

without adding Bigfoot to the mix.

Scheider to Grossman, do you copy?

Copy, Chief, go ahead.

- You got anything going on out there?

No ma'am, hot day.

Candice saw bandits.

Hey, I had Gardner drive by Lorna's place.

Still no sign of her.

- Okay, over and out.

Out, babe.

- I don't think that's protocol, sir.

We wouldn't want another visit to the HR now, would we?

Oh, ah, sorry about that, Chief.

- Over and out.

That looks weird.

Hey, Mr. Shark.

Got your license and registration on you?

Get out of the car!

Get out of the car now!

Put your hands up where I can see 'em.

Put your hands up!

Put your fucking hands up!

What is this crap?!

- Where's your dildo, cop?

- Get up against the car.

I've got you now, you stupid fucking-

- You don't know what the fuck you're doing!

- I know what I'm doing!

Get down on the fucking ground!

- What are you, some fucking monkey, huh?

That's excessive force, pig!

It's gonna get even more excessive,

you piece of shit!

- I'm gonna bite you in half.

- You're not gonna bite shit!

Roll over.

- This is great.

It's all for Chichimatul.

- You have the

right to remain-

- Why don't you sit on my face, you fucking pig?!

- Anything you say or do

can be used against you

in a court of law.

Court of law?

You're not gonna make it to the court of law.

Neither are you, you shark boy,

if you keep this fucking shit up!

- Well, well.

Don't you look familiar.

- Grossman, I need you to send some backup right now.

10-4.

- Hurry.

- Yes, Gary, how many times are you gonna call?

This is like the 500th.

I'm really busy right...

Jail?

What are you talking about?

What do you mean murder?

Okay, okay, just calm down.

Look, I'll be there as fast as I can.

Just hang tight, brother.

- Benchley, I see you made it.

I wish I could say I'm glad to see you.

- Always a pleasure, Jeffrey.

I see you have your goon squad with you.

- You know you can't be too careful

when you're chasing diamonds in the sky.

- You can never be too careful.

- Certainly.

- So, do you have the item?

- Of course I do.

Not exactly with me, but it's close by.

- So there's a trust issue?

- Sounds like there's a trust issue.

- Let's just say I want to get the money first.

And then I'll give you the map

that tells you where the item is.

- So where is it?

- Close by.

Do you have the money?

Nice.

All you guys have such great personalities.

Each one unique and different too.

- Oh, it's so nice of you to notice.

So there is a trust issue.

- I'm not quite sure if you all are the good guys.

- Murray, Murray, Murray.

Where have you been?

We're two decades into the 21st century, man.

There are no good guys anymore, just greycoats.

Blending of the dark and the light.

Little bit of this and a little bit of that.

- Little bit of this,

and a little bit of that.

- Will you just shut up?

Sorry boss.

- And by the way,

you'll notice, Murray,

you don't see any of us wearing any shark tooth

necklaces or bracelets.

- Gray suits with white bellies.

Just like sharks.

Ready to maul the world.

- Well, well, Murray it really depends

on things like agenda and perspective

if you know what I mean.

- I don't like this guy.

I don't trust him.

- So, do you want the money now or not?

- I guess I do.

And to get as far away from here as possible.

- Well, you can try.

And the money'll surely give you that option.

Watch my back.

- Go get that Chichimatul pup.

- We're on this shit.

- They're on it.

- They're on it.

- I'm not saying I don't trust you.

I just don't trust you.

- It ain't light, you can trust me.

- You can trust him.

- So it says that it's in one of these, so let's look.

- Yeah, it's gotta be right over here somewhere.

I think it might be,

did we pass the row?

Wait, what's that?

- Wait, hold on, hold this.

I'll look.

I think I found it!

- Oh yes!

We got it.

Shark!

Come on!

Come on!

- Go, kill it, what are you doing!?

- Double cross!

- Double cross!

- You and your partners!

- Impossible, I silenced them all!

- Angelo.

Go get the Chichimatul pup.

Go get the pup!

- Go get the pup!

- Get the pup!

- I'm sorry, boss!

- Benchley!

Get back here, you scoundrel!

- Benchley's got the,

he's got the shark pup,

he's got the money, he's got both!

- Benchley!

Benchley, you're finished!

- You're finished!

I'm so tired.

I don't even wanna eat!

The shark's got Joey and Zoey.

You and me go after Benchley.

- No, that won't be necessary.

I planned ahead, I planted a GPS tracking device

in that money bag.

We're gonna be on them like wrath.

- Then off to the eggbeater!

- Let's go.

- Now Teddy, we're gonna start at the beginning again.

Is that okay?

- Yeah.

Sure, you got another milkshake on you?

- When we begin.

This time I'm gonna record you.

Just so you know.

- Yeah, that's fine.

The end is almost upon us anyway, sweety.

Kind of a outdated recorder machine you got there, huh?

- It's mine from home, if you must know.

And defunding, and the budget cuts

from our police departments,

it's happening everywhere, you know?

- I believe it.

Great White Lives Matter, you know.

- Okay Teddy, that was funny.

Right.

Testing, testing, one, two, three.

Okay, so.

Okay, I'm with Teddy Bo Lucas

in interrogation room B in Chance Kentucky.

The date is September 13th.

And he's speaking to me of his own free will,

waiving the right to a lawyer, right, Teddy?

- Correcto mundo.

Another milkshake please?

Maybe some fries?

- Well, you're in luck.

- All right, all right.

- As I was saying,

Teddy also has the right to remain silent.

Anything he says or does

can be used against him in a court of law.

He has waived his right to an attorney

and has been told that one would be provided for him

if he so desires.

Right, Teddy?

- Surely, yes ma'am.

- All right, Teddy, let's get into things.

So I pulled you over for a traffic infraction

and I found dismembered body parts in your vehicle.

Are you denying that?

- No denial.

It's just my work.

I've been on the road for years

all over the Midwest States.

Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,

Ohio, here in Kentucky,

just killing folks.

Killed so many I barely remember their faces.

- So are you trying to tell me that

you're a mass murderer?

- Well, if that's what you wanna call it, yes.

This is my calling in life.

- Do you think that you're the infamous killer

that the media has dubbed "The Great White Ripper"?

Is that what you're telling me?

I mean the one whose favorite way

is to use shark teeth to rip people's faces off and stuff?

Is that what you're telling me?

- These fries are rubbery.

They are too cold and chewy for my taste.

But yes, that's exactly how I kill someone.

I am the shark, the predator.

I am one with the Great White Goddess Chichimatul.

- I see.

So how long have you been out there

killing innocent people, Teddy?

- Oh, not innocents, no one is innocent.

For they all fall short of reaching their true potential.

They're not evolved in any way, shape or form.

The new Chichimatul order is coming.

I kill for sacrifices.

They are martyrs.

Their blood will initiate a new establishment of society.

- And so this Chichimatul, as you call it,

is this your god?

- Goddess.

Great white shark goddess.

There is no higher aspiration than to be one with her.

To usher in her bidding of a new species

of shark humanoids.

A loftier, perfect new race

that will rule the world.

Great Whites are focused, higher end predators.

They never lose.

A 25 foot torpedo shooting through the sea like bullets!

Afraid of nothing, propelling themselves

completely out of the water when necessary.

Air demons, no bounds, no mercy.

And their mouths are lined with up to 300

serrated, triangular teeth.

And they have an exceptional sense of smell

to detect prey.

As we will become sharkanoids from the deep.

They even have organs to sense the tiny

electromagnetic fields generated by prey,

and the higher alien calling of transformation

pulsating from Stonehenge.

Everything is falling into place as we speak.

We give the world nightmares as it sleeps.

Teddy, you're really starting

to give me a headache with all this gibberish

that you're just spewing out here.

How many people have you killed out there on the road?

- Oh, I have no clue.

Endless, hundreds, it's simply part

of my process, these sacrifices.

The Stonehenge signals tell me what to do,

which is why I allowed myself to be caught.

Things are wrapping up.

- Stonehenge signals?

Like voices in your head, maybe?

- Pulsing sensations that mystically guide me.

And I'm not the only one, you know.

There are hundreds more like me out on the road.

All members of the shark cult on their way to becoming.

We're not even afraid of the devil, ma'am.

He fears us.

For we have teeth and we bite.

So do you happen to believe in Bigfoot too?

- Huh?

- Never mind.

Nothing.

Teddy, when we first met,

you said I looked familiar.

Do you know this girl?

She's missing.

And we found some of her blood in the motel room.

- My, my, she looks a lot like you.

I couldn't be sure, but yeah,

I probably offed her.

So many, it's all just a blur of gray.

Like a dead end job, you know?

My reward is in the becoming.

All right, Teddy.

Where are all the bodies buried

of those that you killed?

- I'm not sure.

It's not like there's an address or anything.

For me, it's just this one cornfield.

I could take you there though, show you.

Once I feel the winding roads,

I know how to get there.

I could ride there blindfolded.

- All right.

Well how about you and me take a little ride

and you take me there?

- Come on.

Ugh!

No!

Piece of shit hole.

Fuck you.

Nature walk.

- See if it's here.

Maybe it's over there.

- Come on, I came as soon as I found out.

- I bet you did.

I bet you were the one phone call

of your brother Gary.

- I can't believe you're still holding him.

- Who else am I gonna hold?

He's suspect number one, and then there's you.

- Me?

Are you out of your mind?

I was in Lexington.

You can check.

And besides, you know Gary couldn't do anything like that.

It's crazy!

- Well let's see here, what we got here,

Mr. Bob Woodward himself,

prize winning editor, Pulitzer prize Corn Magazine.

But I digress.

Not exactly Rolling Stone.

We got one dead luke blood local holly here, Susan Blake.

And we got your brother Gary running around

in the corn fields.

Lots of boozing going on and schmoozing.

Let me ask you a question,

who do you think did it, freaking Bigfoot?

Maybe it was the Bigfoot in your TV commercial,

the one where brother Gary is running around

playing the Sasquatch.

- Come on man, quit drinking the Kool Aid.

That doesn't make any sense.

It's bad PR.

- Bad PR, good PR, Bigfoot, you don't care.

Gossip, anything is good

for your own real estate ventures and publicity.

Well, you know what Gottlieb,

nobody likes you in this town

let alone Mayor Zanuck or me.

We don't like the fact that you came from money, right,

and we had to bust our asses

and make a living through farming and corn.

You run around with your newspaper,

all your real estate listings and run this town

airing everybody's dirty laundry

and publicizing it in your newspaper.

Hell, you put the stuff in there

about me and my mistress.

I didn't appreciate that.

That caused me a lot of pain.

I almost lost this job.

So don't expect any sympathy from me, Mr. Money Bags.

- Look.

I have something that you need to see.

I was videoing some properties with my drone

for my real estate videos.

And I recorded this.

For the second time.

First time I thought I was,

I don't know, hallucinating or seeing things, but this.

- You expect me to believe there's sharks

in the cornfields?

- You can see it with your own eyes!

Kramer, we have got to tell Mayor Zanuck

to close down all the corn fields in Druid Hills!

And then we gotta try and figure out what's going on.

I've done a little research

and turns out there's a shark cult that,

- I had enough of this malarkey.

I want you out of this office right now!

That looks like there's some clouds in the sky going by

or some crazy false computer imagery.

You'd do anything to get publicity for your newspaper.

- Listen to yourself, Kramer, it makes no sense.

I came as soon as my brother called

I wouldn't have time to do anything like that.

- Well, furthermore, this is the best corn harvest

we've had in years.

Weather's been perfect,

everything's been going well.

And if you expect to come out with one peep

about something as stupid as farmers

and the cornfields, and sharks out there,

I'm gonna have you out of here

for fake news propaganda.

Why don't you put something in your newspaper

about you and your brother Gary

being indicted for murder?

- Fine, just fine.

Kramer, as ludicrous as it sounds,

those are sharks.

And I know what a shark looks like

'cause I keep seeing them in the cornfields!

Now I've researched what I think this is,

and I'm pretty good at my job.

So you had better do something about this

or you won't have to worry about getting sued

or being ruined

if this turns out to be what I think it is,

because there won't be anybody left!

- I don't see anything in there.

I think he's crazy.

- So Chief, you about ready?

- I guess as ready as I'll ever be.

- Well, I could go with you.

You know, I'm not opposed to that.

- Oh, I appreciate that, Sam.

But I really need somebody here

with a good head on their shoulders

to keep a watch out on the office

and make sure everything runs smoothly.

And in case I don't make it back.

- Thanks, but don't talk like that.

You're gonna be fine.

- This is not really on the up and up.

I mean I really should have given

all the information that I have

to the State Police, the FBI.

But also, on a good note,

this may put me on a map

for bigger and better things.

And most importantly,

to find out if Teddy killed Lorna.

- Oh I know, it's personal.

And since you're gonna do it this way,

I brought you this.

- What's this?

- This is something we got from a peaceful protest

a couple of weeks ago.

I think there's plenty of weapons in there

that you might find useful.

If you do have to use it

I know you'll put each thing to good use.

You'll feel much safer with that.

Cest la vie.

- Thank you, Sam.

I appreciate that.

- Yippee.

Gonna beat it.

Your prisoner's ready, Chief.

Get on in there!

- All right, he's all yours.

- All right.

- All right, Chief, I'll be on the dispatch

for the next 44 hours, so.

- All right.

- Are you wired into the GPS that Benchley's carrying?

- Yes I am.

Got the little varmint.

- Got the varmint!

- Let's go.

- Let's go!

- To the helicopter.

- To the helicopter.

- Good throw, you're learning.

- Ray Aubergash, you're gonna get Billy sunburned

if you keep him out here much longer!

- Oh no!

- Oh, that was a good one.

Lighten up, Barbara.

Trying to have a little father son time here.

It's not like we can do this every day.

- I know, I know.

You just have to watch it.

I mean, there's no ozone left,

all the ultraviolet rays.

You have to watch it when they're young,

you know that already, okay?

- What is wrong with her?

- Did you put sunscreen on him?

- Oh, mom.

- All right, you got 10 more minutes

and then we gotta go

'cause Grandma's making cowboy cornbread casserole.

- Not that garbage disposal junk again!

Last time we threw it straight in the garbage,

what'd you think we're gonna do with it this time, eat it?

Oh, I'm kind of scared

of all the snakes back there.

- Oh, ain't no snakes in the corn.

Here you go.

Ah!

Gosh.

That's it.

Well, you'll be all right.

You go and get it.

Sorry.

Sorry I threw it back in there so...

Shark!

- No!

- You better hope you're being straight with me, Teddy bear.

'Cause if you're not,

you and me are gonna have some problems.

- Straight as a roundabout, ma'am.

- Now what does that mean?

- It means everything is about to come full circle.

The fullest blood moon prophecy will rise

on the appropriate night.

Maybe this one.

And the cosmic revelations

and forces of Stonehenge

will be fully empowered.

That's why I had to keep my shark tooth on.

I don't wanna miss being transformed.

- So wait, you're saying Stonehenge

gives off some sort of signal

to your shark goddess Chichimatul?

A real Great White Shark you and your cult worship?

- Yes.

The signal will be received

by her electromagnetic sensitivity.

Not only used for prey

but for intuitive commands like this,

when the becoming is to begin.

We have members that have been keeping track of her,

following her in the Atlantic for decades now.

All for the becoming.

That's an incredible belief, Teddy bear.

I mean, it is a little farfetched though.

- Mock it if you will, cop.

I already have electroreception.

I can smell your fear, like sweat

and,

something else.

- Won't be long now, boss.

We'll be coming up on him fast.

- Technology makes me hard.

- Hard.

- Geez, not much left of old Billy in there

but lots of blood on the corn stalks.

- Jesus Christ, what in the name of Randy Travis

is going on around here, Kramer?

- Well, Mr. Mayor, they say-

- They, they,

spit it out already!

- They said it was a shark attack.

They said that Billy went in to get his frisbee

and shoom, shark ate him right up.

- A shark attack?

Who said that, some damn crackhead?

Somebody snorting airplane glue?

Mushroom eaters?

Shit!

- I've known the Aubergashes for years.

They're straight and narrow, churchgoers,

white bread eaters.

Honey the extra fiber with every meal.

We had a similar incident, Mr. Mayor,

about a week or so ago

in those yonder fields maybe a mile away.

Gary Gottlieb and Susan Blake,

same kind of thing happened to them.

- Which means Gary should be freed, gentlemen.

You had him locked up when this happened.

So can we spring my brother now?

- Oh Jesus, I need this

like a damn Billy Goat pecker going on top of my head.

What the hell are you doing here, Gottlieb?

- Well Mr. Mayor, I'm the news, the people around here,

and so I'm here in my official capacity

with the Corn Gazette.

As well as having a personal stake in this matter!

- So Mr. News Man, what's your big take on all this?

Who's behind these gruesome murders?

Bigfoot, Loch Ness monster, the boogeyman?

- Well, all right, generally the Bigfoot thing

is just more of an advertising conjecture

to help me sell farms, you know.

- As in one big fat country fib.

- So in fancy schmancy talk,

it's just a bunch of bulldog gravy

with no damn bacon on it.

- Well, look, did I say I saw Bigfoot, no.

But people around here say they saw Bigfoot.

Are they making it up, I don't know.

But I didn't make that up.

You know, I always worry I would run into Bigfoot out here

and then I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

Now, I've been looking into it

since I started seeing sharks in the cornfield

with my drones I film my real estate videos with.

Take a look at this, Mr. Mayor.

- I don't believe this shit.

- As you can see, there are sharks in the cornfields.

Now, I've done some deep dive research on this.

And these fields, all these fields

are on an ancient burial ground.

And there's this shark cult

that worships a humanoid shark goddess.

And they believe she's about to return.

And when she does, they'll be transformed into hybrids,

changed into shark people.

- I feel like you'd have to go with Bigfoot, Gottlieb!

This shit's ridiculous!

All I see is a bunch of clouds,

weird figures up in the clouds.

Hell, people see weird stuff like that in the clouds

all the time!

My grandma saw the devil jumping rope

one time in the clouds!

- You all have your heads in the clouds!

Even with the video evidence right in front of you

you won't believe.

Listen.

I know it sounds completely insane.

But lives have been lost,

including a little boy's, directly in front of you.

Now this situation is only going to get worse and worse

as the energy source in that cornfield

gets stronger and stronger.

Soon, those corn sharks will be able to get out of the field

and there's no telling what they'll be able to do

when they get loose.

Now I think that there are fields all over the place.

Maybe all over the world.

- Jonathan, why don't you go back to your office

with that corn cob pipe, put some hash in it

and toke on a little bit harder?

- Something crazy is going on here

and you better do something about it

before it swims up

and bites you in the cornhole!

Now can we please close down these corn fields

and try and get a handle on this?!

- Can't you see, you idiot?

It's harvest season, and a damn good one!

People out here, that's how they make a living,

it's off selling the corn!

I'm not going to shut the cornfield down,

that's just ludicrous!

Now, if you think there's some kind of Bigfoot

or monster out here injuring people,

like they did to those poor people,

the little redneck boy, and all these farmers,

you and your boys should go catch them,

take them down, get them outta here.

Jeez!

- Look, this is way bigger than any of us can fathom,

do you hear?

Base to Rosenberg.

- Go with base.

Just got a report from Eleanor

at the Williams farm.

She said that the boys and some friends

that have stumbled into the cornfield

and there were some tracks or something.

They're all shook up and they ain't making much sense.

They say there's a lot of blood and body parts

and well, they're afraid to go into the field, because-

- Because why?

Well this sounds crazy,

but because of sharks in the cornfield.

They say they can see the fins

and they appear to be about eight to 10 foot Great Whites.

- Never go swimming with bowlegged women.

You boys and girls get your asses over there

and see what the hell's going on.

And if it's what they say it is,

you nail them damn fish!

Or...

We close the damn corn fields.

- But Mr. Mayor!

- You listen to me, you dumb dick,

for the first time in your life!

This is election year.

We got to at least make some kind of a half ass effort

to act like we care.

You got me?

Now, you go do what you need to do

and get the hell outta here.

No, no, no, where you think you're going, Lois Lane?

Ace reporter, we're gonna have a chat, you and I.

- It's not like going down to the pond

chasing bass and crappies, is it, Mr. Mayor.

- Well, that's why me and you,

we're gonna walk the perimeter.

I wanna ring the damn dinner bell myself,

see if anything popped up to get a little snack.

- I think I have some things in my car

that might help us.

- Well, let's go do it, man.

- Hey.

You need a ride?

- No, no thanks.

I'm good.

- Are you sure?

I mean, it's starting to rain outside.

You look a little bit frazzled.

We're gonna head up to Druid Hills.

I don't mind giving you a ride,

or do you want me to call somebody for you or something?

- All right.

You talked me into it.

I'll go up to your.

I know you're a cop and all

but didn't your mom teach you not to pick up strangers?

- You know, to be a good cop,

you've gotta have good instincts, right?

- All right. - Yeah.

Yeah, no worries.

This back here, in the back seat,

this is Teddy Bo Lucas.

Self-proclaimed serial killer or something.

So he says he's gonna take me up to Druid Hills.

There is supposedly a burial mound

where he's killed all these people.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I'm intrigued.

- You should be.

So what's your name?

- Murray.

Murray Benchley.

- Well nice to meet you, Murray.

I'm Chief Scheider.

Vera, from Chance, Kentucky.

So where are you headed?

Coincidentally, Druid Hills.

- All roads lead to Druid Hills, people.

- Hah, well that worked out good for you, didn't it?

Yes, yes it did.

- What you got in that briefcase?

- Paperwork, blueprints.

- Uh huh.

Mr. Benchley.

I can feel what you have in there.

You believe in predestination?

- Not really.

- You should, my friend, you should.

Everything is falling into place.

Everything.

- You two know each other?

- No.

No.

- We're closing in on Benchley.

He's moving fast now.

It's almost like he's in a car.

- No worries.

We're gonna sneak up on him kinda unexpectedly

and then we're gonna bite him in the balls.

Balls!

- All right, Angelo won't be long now,

you got your gun locked and loaded?

- Sir, I left my piece back at base.

- What do I pay you for?

Have a handicap, they say,

he'll be fun to watch.

Oh man, do I gotta do everything myself?

You know, you can pick some of that toe cheese out

and we have some nasty ammunition

to throw at the bad guys.

- Bad guys.

- Yeah there he is.

We're gonna nail that guy and destroy that shark pup.

- Destroy that pup!

I see somebody in there

but I don't think they're coming.

- Yeah, they're moving around there.

I think they're terrified.

See, they just ran into the other room.

Aw hell, we're on our own, I guess.

- Yeah, anyway let's go check out that cornfield.

- All right.

- Looks harmless, why don't you go in there

and take a look around?

- Ha, no sir, not without you.

- Get on in there and let's see

if we could find those bodies.

The mayor wants to know about this

and we gotta get back to him right away.

Yeah, we're gonna go in there and take a look around.

If we see anything, we'll just shoot 'em with our gun.

- I don't think that's gonna work.

- Get in there a little bit closer.

Go on, come on now, come on.

- You go. - Come on, come on.

Ladies first. - No way.

- Get on in there deep, Rosenberg,

let's take a look around.

- What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

- Well, if there's bodies in there,

we gotta find them.

We gotta clean this place up

and see what's going on here.

- Man, what the hell is the rush, man?

- Well, you did this all in training.

We took that course for 12 hours,

I taught you all this stuff, you should know better.

- Shh!

I thought I heard something.

Oh shit, I thought I saw...

A fin, or a reflection or something!

- Saw what?

- Oh, shit, I don't think we're in here alone.

- Come on, now.

- Oh, my shit!

Oh, shit!

- Everything is coming together exactly as planned.

I can feel it in my bones.

What about you, Chief?

You feeling that excitement buzz?

Teddy, this is just all so weird!

Base to Chief.

- Go ahead, Grossman.

How are you making out, Chief?

- We're doing okay, we're almost there.

You be careful out there, Chief.

We're getting some odd and disturbing reports

from Druid Hills.

- Wait, what kind of reports?

- Well to be quite honest,

we're getting some attack reports on people.

People are being attacked in Druid Hills,

in cornfields, by sharks.

Shark attacks?

Okay.

Thanks for the heads up.

- Over and out, Chief.

Sharks in the popcorn!

Doggone it!

Sharks everywhere.

Wow.

Chief?

Ah, more coffee.

- So what do you think?

You still going to head to Druid Hills with me?

- Well, Chief, I got a confession.

Actually,

I'm with the CIA.

I'm an agent.

Been investigating this shark cult for many months now.

Initially it was just investigative and speculative

but now with Teddy and all these murders,

we're taking it more serious.

First we thought the mafia was involved

but it turns out that

we think they just knew something really bad was comin'.

So as of now I'm not sure what the hell is going on.

But it's officially been upgraded from

some crackpot niche group

to an actual terrorism threat

against the United States.

- You got that right, sucker.

It's going down right now.

You're going down too.

- I knew there was something about you.

Just an intuition.

- Good call.

Smart cookie.

- So what do you think?

Do you want to go in to the eye of the storm?

Fuckin' A.

- Well let's go.

- Jesus Christ, Captain Quint,

where the hell did you get that thing?

- Local pawn shop.

Just got lucky, I guess.

You never know what you'll run into

at the old hawk shops.

- You better watch them pawn shops, boy.

I know somebody who bought a pair of panties there one time,

ended up with gonorrhea and the damn herpes.

- What?

- Yeah.

Don't know about them rubbers there either.

I just read about the Chinese.

They're taking used rubbers,

cleaning them out and reselling them.

- Damn, that's some nasty shit.

- Yeah.

- I was hoping my order would get here anytime

before we actually went into these stalks.

- Order, what the hell are you talking about?

What'd you order, a pizza?

- Well.

Hey Jonathan.

- Hey. - Here's that package

that you ordered and

you're a little bit out on the farm than usual.

- Ah yeah, out fishing actually.

Thank you, you guys rule.

Well, glad to be of service.

- What the hell was that?

- Ah, that's Amazing.com.

They deliver, I belong to the Pronto program

so I get packages in four hours,

and free streaming movies right to my phone.

- What are you, the damn spokesperson for them or something?

What the hell?

That old boy must have hemorrhoids or something.

- This guy has his last delivery today.

And what is all these, flea collars?

- They're shark-repellant bracelets,

like Off, but for sharks.

They're designed to work underwater

where the sound travels faster and further,

but they should have some nominal effect

in the open air.

In close proximity at least, I hope.

- I'll be dipped in shit.

You can get anything from Amazing.com.

Still, I ain't gonna wear one of those things, you putz.

It don't matter, there ain't no sharks out here.

Probably a wildcat, maybe a bear.

Hell, maybe your old friend Bigfoot

really is the one out here doing all this.

- Well, this might repel those predators too,

I don't know.

- Well as long as you keep me safe, Mr. Shark Hunter Boy.

- Ah, you know, if you come here

it's gonna be at your own risk.

- You sure you don't want some flippers

and a snorkel too, you dumbass?

- Well, at least you won't need a bigger mouth

if you start screaming in there.

You got that much going for ya.

- Let's go.

- Is he comin'?

- Yeah.

Come on, Ted.

- Come on now.

You fucking freak.

So is this where you buried my sister?

This is the burial mound you're talking about?

- Yes, ma'am, I believe it is.

It's all coming back now.

All the victims' blood will align

with the power of Stonehenge

and the crimson moon!

Chichimatul will become one

with the shark goddess.

All those martyrs in the field

will be reborn in the great becoming,

in her honor!

- So this is where everything lines up with Stonehenge?

All right, we need to go in

and destroy the sharks and the source.

Do you have any more weapons?

- Actually, I do.

I've got a backpack back here

that Grossman gave me.

Hold on to this

fucking freak. - Got him.

- And I think it has a bunch of weapons in it.

Even a grenade.

- A grenade?

Ah probably from some peaceful protesters.

Okay, I'm gonna need to borrow your phone.

Time to call in the big guns.

Things are about to get real.

- Now, now, Chief.

Knocking out a CIA agent, a fellow comrade?

I think you just overstepped your jurisdiction.

- You know?

All my life, I've been nothing to anybody.

I've always been nothing but a fucking failure!

I've never been good for anybody.

I've always been spit on by family and friends.

And I'm sick and tired of it.

I'm so tired of just doing things for everybody else

and nobody giving a fuck about me!

So no, I'm gonna do this,

and I'm gonna do this for Lorna.

She needs to be reborn

and I'm not a failure anymore.

So I wanna make sure that I merge

with the Great White Shark Cult.

I now know

that wrong is right.

And I wanna be with the becoming of Chichimatul.

I didn't believe you at first, Teddy.

I really was on the fence about it.

But now I know.

You were telling the truth the whole time.

And I'll do anything possible to make sure

that Lorna is reborn again.

- I knew it.

This is perfect!

You were the one all along, Chief.

I am honored and humbled.

As it has been written.

- Let me get you out of these.

- We need my shark jaws and what's in Benchley's briefcase

to complete the perfect circle.

This is the 13th pup.

The 13th pup from Chichimatul!

- You mean the Great White Shark's babies?

- Exactly.

The people watching over her had been collecting

her stillborns for decades.

I buried them here in the field

with the other martyrs.

Like your sister.

This is the last one we need to lay to rest

for the becoming.

It's finally time!

- Well let's do this, my friend.

- So far so good.

You doing okay, Mr. Mayor?

- Oh, I'm just sitting in butter back here myself.

Hey wait, do you hear that?

I thought I heard a car.

You think it may be Rosenberg and Kramer?

- Maybe, but, they haven't contacted us yet though.

I don't know.

- Damn, what, what?

You hear something, see something?

- If I saw something, it was gray,

something gray, it was like a flash.

- Well maybe your old buddy Bigfoot,

he's wearing a gray sports jacket.

He's going to the Daytime Emmy Awards or something.

- At least they haven't attacked us yet.

- Lorna?

- I'm sorry.

But you are blessed.

She's a martyr for Chichimatul now.

- So she'll live again when I become the shark goddess?

- Yes.

But like you said, you have to want to do it for you.

- Oh, I do.

I just want her to have a chance

to come back in the most purest of forms.

Yes.

Yes.

Feel the power.

Feel the power of the blood sacrifices I've made for you

with those shark jaws.

Begin you calling.

It's almost time.

Dress as the shark scarecrow,

and when the blood moon rises tonight,

the Stonehenge energy will give us the cosmic revelations

we yearn for.

The becoming will begin.

- Benchley is right there!

Somewhere down in the cornfield!

Shark!

- Shark?

- Did you see that?

That helicopter!

The shark kicked it right out of the sky!

Gave me a chance to get out of there.

- Who are you?

- Oh, I'm one of the good guys, I think.

Jonathan Gottlieb.

I'm publisher of the Druid Hills Corn Gazette.

Me and Mayor Zanuck,

we went in there to investigate the corn sharks and,

they got him.

- Corn sharks?

Okay look, I'm Murray Benchley,

I'm with the CIA.

I was investigating this with Chief Vera Scheider,

but she hit me on the back of the head

and ran in there with one of the cult murderers.

- Traitor!

Well she's part of the problem now.

- So you're up to speed on everything?

- Yes sir, I think so.

If these lunatic shark cultists have their way

it'll be the end of the world as we know it.

- No doubt.

- So what do we do now?

- All right, look.

It's gonna be dark soon.

So I say we wait until cover of darkness.

Then go in when they least expect it

and take 'em out.

- All right, I'm with you.

I've got shark repellant bracelets from Amazing.com,

harpoon gun from the pawnshop.

- Well I got a bag full of girly toys

that should make a lot of noise.

- All right.

Well let's not let this pie go stale.

- No doubt.

♪ Show me the way to go home ♪

Ahh.

Yeah we probably should see

what is going on here.

- Tonight we come full circle.

Everything is aligned for Chichimatul and the becoming.

The 666 martyrs have been served

and lie in this cornfield!

The blood of the shark teeth has been ingested!

And we now live in the prophetic revelations

as the blood moon rises.

As it is written,

we have a mortal volunteer

to become one with Chichimatul.

By the power of Stonehenge!

I pro offer, the final pup

and Vera Scheider's willing soul,

in your honor and glory, almighty Chichimatul!

- Hmm.

Sure is getting crowded in here.

- Yeah.

What happened to the Conan virus and social distancing?

I'm gonna tell Governor Andy about this one.

- Do we need a reason?

Just look around at the state of humanity!

Inferior, weak, sickly, frail,

divided, hateful, afraid!

Truly the monsters, the viruses of this age.

Becoming one with Chichimatul

will absolve us of these shortcomings.

We will all be part of the same mindset in the becoming.

Rulers of this planet,

and eventually the universe.

I pro offer the 13th pup!

The barriers are now unbound!

What was once impossible is now possible!

The festival of the Sanguinary is upon us!

The last serious attempt having taken place

1300 years ago,

when the earth ran red

with blood sacrifices, famine, and war!

All hail to our craft!

- Witchcraft!

Stonehenge and the moon

are in alignment.

It is time to change the world with the becoming.

All hail Chihimatul.

We are one with her now

and I am her protector!

I call upon the ancient powers of Strigoy.

- So this is what happens?

- Okay, I guess we better do something

besides watch this like it's a bad movie.

Smile, you son of a bitch.

- Have a grenade, bitch.

I guess we did it.

Now this is a story for your paper.

- Yeah, but.

That was really Bigfoot.

- Yeah.

With a big fucking rock.

I was afraid he would be real, but,

- No doubt now.

Let's get out of here so you can write that up.

You got it.

You ready?

Let's do it, brother.