All language subtitles for The.Unicorn.S02E13.WEBRip.x264-ION10.Hi

Hey, Delia,
do you want to see

if this is well done
enough for you?

No, I'm sure it is.

You always say that,

and then you make
him put it back on.

No, I'm sure it's fine.

Look. It looks fine. I mean,
just maybe two more minutes

on that side
and then flip it over

and do 30 seconds
or, you know, whatever, I'm--

you know, I'm so easy, so...

I'll eat mine raw
with some dirt on it.

Uh, hey, Nat.
You, uh, you want

to ask your sister
if she wants a burger?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.FORREST:
Hey, Saturday night's

the big opening of
the new hotel, huh?

Yeah, it's gonna be
pretty sweet.

Yeah.
Pedro's Hot Chicken
is gonna do a taco bar

and sushi.

[moans]
MICHELLE:
You know, Pedro makes

some surprisingly good sushi.

I have to admit that I was
close-minded at first.

Shame on me.

Well, this job
has been huge for me.

I hired three new guys,
bought another van.

I-In fact,
things are going so well

that a certain
college student asked

if she could analyze my company

for her business management
class, but frankly,

I think she's just trying
to get in my pants.

Yeah, like that's so hard to do.[laughter]

You know, I was
looking over your books

and I already found some ways
where you can cut expenses.

Have you ever thought about
downsizing your office space?

BEN:
Oh, whoa, whoa, okay.

Slow down.

You know,
this isn't the classroom.

I operate in the real world,
and in the real world,

sometimes you have
to spend money

to make money. You know?Yeah.

So, Wade, tell me, you got
a date for the big event?

You know, I was gonna ask
Delia and Forrest

if you-- would you
be my date?Yes! Yes.

You-- Really?
Yes. Yes.

Of course. The
answer is yes, Wade.

Oh, my God,
free sushi?

I'm gonna have to start
fasting on Wednesday.

[laughs]Wow.

But you should
really bring a date.

[sighs]MICHELLE:
'Cause Lord knows

you've got options.

Women are always
hitting on you.

Oof.It's disgusting.

BEN:
Yeah, at soccer,
Tracy Wilvers

hit you in the head
with her boobs.

Okay, she didn't
see me sitting there.

The hell she didn't.
That was premeditated.

Come on, guys. Cut me
a little slack, all right?

Shannon and I just broke up
a minute ago.

I mean, it was actually a
month ago, but-- no, uh, yeah,

no, I get it.

FORREST:
Quick query?

So it was just a swipe,

or was it like

a "foof"?

Foof.

It wasn't a foof.

It was like a graze.
It was grazing.

Not a foof.What's a foof?

Uh, nothing.
FORREST:
Nothing.

What does your sister want?

Two cheeseburgers
with everything,

two cheeseburgers
with ketchup, one plain,

and one veggie burger.

Okay.

Why did you do that?[laughter]

Uh, hey, kids.

Hey, Dad.

You remember, um,
Phoebe and Eleanor.

And?

Duncan, Bryce and Jack.

Cute little Jack from Gymboree?

That's right.WADE:
Wow.

Okay. Hey, uh, Grace, you want
to help me with the hamburgers?

Look, I know we made a deal.

The garage is your
personal space.

No questions asked.

But why are there boys in there?

That's a question.Okay, let me rephrase.

[chuckles] I find it curious
that there are boys in there.

God, can you guys please get him

out of the house
and dating again?

[sighs]We're trying.

Yeah, he's getting foofed
left and right.
Hey, hey.

Come on, come on.
Stop badgering Wade.

I think if he wants
to talk to someone,

he could...
reach out to a professional.

Did I tell you
about the new therapist

that moved into the suite
next to my office?

Yeah, you did, like, 15 times.

He's so great.
He drives a Peugeot,

and he went to Brown,

and he brings
his own salad dressing

every day from home. [chuckles][phone chimes]

Wow, he sounds super cool.

Yeah.WADE:
Huh.

I just got a text from Shannon.

Hmm."Running late.

See you there at 7:30"?What, she's coming here?

I had no idea.

"You're coming to my place?"

[phone chimes]"Question mark, question mark.

Did you start drinking
without me, Steve?"

Ouch.

You must be very upset.

So I'm just gonna leave
Dr. Vogler's number for you.

♪

[chuckles]:
Dennis! Hey. What's shaking?

[chuckles]:
Hey, Delia.

I have a very quick
professional question for you.

I have this friend who lost
his wife a couple years ago,

and it's been a little bit
of a bumpy road ever since.

And I'm just... I'm just feeling

like he could really benefit
from some therapy.

Great. Um, tell him
to give me a call.

Yeah, he's not gonna do that.
So, I'm wondering,

is there a way that we could
ethically force him into it?

I mean, you know, gently,

of course. Yeah.Delia,

it sounds to me like
you're trying to exert control

over your friend's life.[laughs]:
Yes, exactly.

But he won't cooperate, so...

Do you find this is a theme
in your life?

Hmm?

The need to control things?
[chuckles]Oh.

[chuckles] God, yes.Hmm.

I mean,

yeah. Yeah. Definitely.

I mean, somebody's got to.
Right?

I mean, ever since
I was even a kid,

I was the one
in my house who had

to keep everything together,
so...

Even my mom.
She's a total train wreck.

I mean,
completely disorganized.

Like, one summer,

I told her
I wanted to go to camp.

So, she drops me off,
waves goodbye, drives away.

But sadly,
she forgot to enroll me.

And they couldn't really get
ahold of her 'cause she decided

to go eat some mushrooms
in Vermont with all her friends.

Let's just say
that was a pretty tense

couple of days there.
[chuckles]

Plus, it was an all-boys camp.
Oops.

But at least
I got to be popular.

But for the wrong reasons.

TREY:
Boys,

I need your help
with a little problem.

Do you know anybody

who's interested
in making a lot of money?Well,

yes.
[chuckles]

Not just a-a lot of money.

We're talking
buttloads of money.

Possibly even
multiple buttloads.

I love buttloads of money.

Good, good, good.[both chuckle]

Yeah.
Because I'm about
to break ground

on a new golf resort
in Fearrington.

It's a huge project.

I want you guys in on it.

Hell yes!Great!

Problem solved
by the Can-Do Brothers.

[laughs]All right.

Listen, I've got to, uh,

go meet my fiancée for lunch.

So, uh,
what do you say we continue

this conversation
at the big hootenanny

on Saturday night?Sounds great.

Oh! Shing!Oh!

[all scream]

Get some![Ben laughing]

Wow.

That was, uh,
that was awesome.This is great!

We got to go out tonight
and celebrate!

You know, I...

I just don't think
I'm up to it tonight.

Wade, this is not what
you want to hear right now,

but as your friend, I have

to keep it
a hundred with you.

Your girlfriend has moved on.

Now, the only way
you're gonna come to terms

with that, and I mean

the onlyway, Wade,

is to come out with me tonight,

drink eight shots
of tequila,

and hit on every adult woman
in a ten-mile radius.

[scoffs]Wade, say yes.

I, uh... Okay, yes. I'm in.

Yeah! How'd he do it?
[grunts]

So, the mariachi band leaves.
It's 11:00 at night.

I am starving, and I say,

"Mom, I've got to take
the PSATs in the morning."

And she says, "Darling,

you can't rush paella,
sweetheart."

And all her little drunk friends
from Majorca

just thought
that was hilarious.

Delia,

I can't help but wonder
if you've reacted

to that childhood feeling
of a lack of control

by overcompensating
as an adult.

[whispers]:
Really?

It's natural.

Those of us who are
prone to anxiety

try to exert control
over situations

and people to try to
avoid that feeling.

[whispers]:
Yes.

That's exactly right.

Oh, wow.

I have way overcorrected.

I have to wrap up.Aw.

I've got an 11:30.Wait,

does that mean I was your 10:30?

[exhales, chuckles]

It would be great advertising.
Just a simple sign

in front of the hotel.

"Another
quality installation

by Celebrity Home Theater."

I don't think Trey
would go for that, baby.

Well, did you ask him?

Michelle,
this is about the relationship

that I have with the man
and how I handle my business.

You can't get that from a book.Oh,

I see. It's a man thing.

No. Hey! Look at that.
Forrest and Delia here.

Hi!Yeah, Forrest and Delia.

What's up, guys?
Delia's gonna

drop us off at the bar
so we can get drunk!

And I have no
problem with that.

[chuckles]MICHELLE:
Really?

You okay?I'm great. I'm in therapy.

[chuckles]
Yeah, man.

So eye-opening. Whoo!MICHELLE:
Now, that's funny,

'cause I just assumed
you were in therapy for years.

I do, I seem the type. Yeah, no.

So, we're doing
some real deep stuff.

Like, for example,
I've always had

you know, mom issues.

Okay, obviously.FORREST [laughs]:
Oh,

yeah.What was that?

Yeah, I mean...
No, a regular "yeah."

DELIA:
So, I started to wonder,

is it possible

that by trying to be
the opposite of my mom,

I've become too controlling?Huh.

I think you're just
the right amount of controlling.

Well, see, that's what you'd say
to somebody if you wanted them

to think
that they were in control.

Got me.

WADE:
You were so right. It feels

so good to just let myself
be pissed off.

I hate Steve.

To hell with Steve.

I bet you he's ugly

and stupid.BEN:
Yeah.

But this place is teeming
with attractive females.

[whoops]
And there's

nothing holding you back, Wade.

That is a fact.Would you like

Captain Cristal
to make an appearance

and flush
some of these babes out

and herd them in your direction?

That is a really
unenlightened thing to say.

And yet I want to see it.

[all laugh]

Oh. Wow.

Caroline is here.BEN:
Game on.

Who better to get over Shannon
with than Caroline?

[sighs]Fun. Simple.
No strings attached.

Get back up on that horse, boy.

Oh, come on, guys.
I mean, I don't know.

I mean, that's a little...

Wonderful? Convenient?Splendid? Scrumptious?

Come on, man.
When's the last time

you did something selfish,

Wade? Really.
Something just for you.

Yeah, you are
always so worried

about everybody else, man.
You're worried about your kids,

the dogs, your friends.

You know,

I bet you if Shannon
hadn't accidentally texted you,

you'd still be worried
about her.

BEN:
And it's okay

to put yourself first
sometimes, Wade.

It's like they tell you

on the airplane
about the oxygen mask.

Put your own mask on first
before helping others.

I like that.
I like that a lot.

[sighs]

You're a wise man.[Ben chuckles]

Caroline.

Hi.
Wade.

Oh, my gosh.[chuckles]
Hi.

Oh, God. Wow.Hi.

How are you?

I'm really good.

Yeah. I haven't...
I haven't seen you

at widows' group in a while.No.

I know. I, um...

I kind of moved past
that phase in my life.

I just feel like I needed

to rein things in a little,

you know, take things
a little more seriously.

Ah.
That second
adolescence of mine

lasted a little
too long. [chuckles][chuckles]

I hate to hear that.

It's funny. I've-I've actually
decided to go the other way.

Huh.Yeah. I've just been

taking things so seriously
for so long.

[chuckles softly]You know, like when you
and I got together last year,

I wasn't really in a place
where I could cut loose.

Mm-hmm.But lately I'm starting
to realize,

like Jack Kerouac said...

[chuckles]

..."life is just a gate,

"a path to Paradise.

"Why not live for fun
and love and joy or...

"some girl by a fireside?

Why not go to your desire
and laugh."

[moaning softly]

Let's go to our desire
and laugh.

Let's go to our desire
and laugh.

Hey, hey,
guys, uh...

[exhales]

I'm out of here.

What? Boo!

He's leaving with
Caroline, fool.

Oh, sorry. Fully on board.
Saddle up.

I'm out. Okay.Yes. Yes.

[barks]
Let's go.Oh, hey.

Good morning, girls.

Sorry I was, uh, so late
getting home last night.

It's okay.What'd I miss?

Nothing much.
Just hung out.

Yeah?Mm-hmm.

Uh, with you, Natalie?No.

I'm not allowed
to be in her garage

when she has
certain people over.

Put on your
hat, Linda.[whines]

Dad, the deal was that I could
have friends in the garage.

Yes, some of
them are boys.

And, yes,
everyone is out by 10:00.

I'm holding up
my end of the deal.

I know,
but I was thinking

maybe we could renegotiate
that deal.

Dad, come on.

What kind of example
does that set

that you can't even keep a deal

with your own
daughter? Besides,

I'm not asking you
where you were last night.

Mm-hmm?Okay, you win.

Mm-hmm.Yeah,
I guess, uh...

I guess maybe we could both use
a little more freedom.

Thanks, Dad.

Yeah.What?

I was just thinking
of something your mom told me.

"You got to look out
for that one.

She's much smarter
than you."

She did?Did she say
that about me?

[beeping]

Hey. Uh, coffee's ready.

BEN:
I'm telling y'all,
Wade is on fire.

Last night, Caroline.

And, just now, this honey
was looking at the plants,

and he was like,
"Oh, baby, you like that?

"No, that's
a-a Zantherinium pantoombium

with a-- with a side of
Brazilian Ogallalala."[laughs]

You got none
of those right.

None of 'em.Wow.

You know, Wade, I can't believe
I was ever worried about you.

You just bumble into Caroline
and then everything works out.

Thank you. All right,
who wants some drinks?

Yeah. Yeah,
can you get me, uh, my...Okay.

Surprise me.Okay.

[exhales][laughs]

Therapy is amazing.Look at this place.

[grunts]Here's the thing.
I have been

to every single one
of Dr. Vogler's cancellations.

That's five sessions this week.

Plus, I sat in
on his fear-of-flying group.

You're afraid
of flying?

No, that was just for fun.

Actually, I'm gonna see
if Dr. Vogler has any openings

for Monday.

So? What do you think, baby?
Pretty posh, huh?

I'm just gonna keep my opinions
to myself.

[stammers, exhales]

I value your opinion,
Michelle.

You know I do.

But this is my thing.

You know?
A-At home,

we share the power
fifty-fifty.

Um, actually,
usually more like 60-40, you.

When it comes
to my company,

I got to be the king.

I get it.

You might not want
to read my paper,

'cause the king's
gonna come across

a little bit like a jackass.

The king is used to it.
Okay.

WADE:
I want to get three

white wines, a beer
and a Johnnie Black.

You sure that's enough?

It's a start.
[chuckles]

I know you.

I work
at the Wildwood Tavern.

A while back,

you and your friends
came in and...

made quite a scene.

Yeah. Oh, um... Lena?Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wade.

Forrest.
[chuckles]

Less importantly but yes.

You know, I s--
I seem to remember

you giving me your
number that night.

You didn't call it.

That was a mistake,

and I would never make
that mistake again.

Oh-ho-ho!

Who's the ladies' man, huh?

This guy.

You boys having a good time
or what?

Hey, uh, Trey, I want you
to meet one of my best friends.

This is Forrest.Forrest.

Yeah.I almost didn't see you
for the trees.

[laughing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's nice to meet you.

Okay, you win.

Hey, stay right here.

I want you guys to meet
my fiancée, all right?

Oh, great.

Uh, you okay?

That was some
intense eye contact.

He's like a
German shepherd.

Yeah.
[exhales]

Oh, my God.

It's Caroline.

His-his fiancée's Caroline.His fiancée's Caroline.

Oh, no. No. Come on. No.

No, no, no, no, no.No, no. Hey, hey.
No, no, no. Hey, be cool.

Be-- Just be cool.
Be cool. Be cool.Boys,

this is Caroline.

Wade.

Uh, hello.

Hi.Hi.

You two know each other?

Not well.

Sorry. Hi.

Hi. Hi.Hey.

Uh...
[stammers]

Wade and I...
[chuckles]

we bumped into each other last
night at my bachelorette party.

I-I did not know that that
was your bachelorette party.

Obviously.

Why obviously?

Why am I talking?

Is something
going on here?

Trey, no. No, there's not--
No, nothing's going on.[laughs]

We're friends,
and we've been friends

for a long while.Yeah.

Yeah. A long...Yeah, yeah, yeah.

really long...

while.
[sighs]: Oh, my God.

This is so stupid.

No, it's not. It's not stupid.It...

No, it is, Wade.No, no, it's not.

It is, though.It's really not.

I don't think it's stupid.

I've been trying to find
the right time to...

talk to you.

But now that...

this is coming out...It's not coming out.

It-it needs to.N-No. Caroline.

Nothing is coming out.

Zero.

Wade said something to me last
night that just rang so true.

TREY:
Hold on a second, baby.
Um...

[chuckles]
Where you going with this?

Life is so short. Right, Wade?

I mean...That's what you said.

Uh, it can be short.
It can be long.

And you need to live it
for yourself,

and I owe it
to you

to be honest with you.

And there's

never a good time

for this.Tomorrow.

Tomorrow would be
a great time.

Where are our drinks?Seriously.

[chuckles]

Trey, look, I'm-I'm
really sorry.

I-I had no idea...What's going on over there?

Do you have any idea how
many plants I bought from you?!You don't have to,

you don't have to give me
the hotel job.

Oh, you think? You...

[clamoring]

What?!Oh, my God.

Okay. Mm-mm.Wade, are you...?

Come on. I got you.
Come on. I got you.

Let's go.

Grab your coat.
Let's go, baby.Why?

He got you good.
Baby, grab your coat.Am I bleeding?

Delia, I'm fine.

Okay, you say that,

but, uh, you could have
a concussion.

Who's the president?
Biden.

That's too easy.
Even if you had

brain swelling,
you'd know that.

Uh, who's secretary
of agriculture?

I have no idea.

Oh, God.
MICHELLE:
Delia,

nobody knows that.

Tom Vilsack.
DELIA:
Ah.

See?I can't believe this.

I just knocked out the
biggest client I've ever had,

and I'm leveraged
out the wazoo, baby.

Yep.

It's a fob with
a braided strap.

A little loop. Okay?

Got to sell the van.

I could let some
of the crew go.

Yep. It's a real pickle.

It's right--
it's right there.

Right-- See where I'm pointing?
Right there. Up, up, up.

You think you could-- you could
help me figure this thing out

with some of your
great business ideas?

Well, is the king sure?

FORREST:
Oh, for God's sake, man.

It's right here.

Thank you.
Come on. Let's go.

Yeah.

I know, Delia.

I really screwed up.

I don't know.

Maybe this is a good thing.

I mean,
you're getting out there.

You're taking chances.

[chuckles]:
Jill would be so proud of you.

Really?

She would be proud of this?

[laughing]:
Yeah.

She would.

She really would.

You know, I never told you
this, but, um...

Do you remember
when Jill was really sick

and you guys had the hospice
nurse staying at the house?

The-the Serbian one
with the insane...

[chuckles]:
Yes, of course.[chuckles]

It was Teodora.Right.

Well, one night,
Jill said to me

that she really hoped
that, after she was gone,

that you would hit that.

She said that?

Yeah. And I was so appalled.

I was like, "What?"

But that's just so Jill.

It's just-- You know,
everything in life for her

was an adventure.

At least she thought
it should be. And...

I just really--
I want to...

I want to try to be more
like that, you know?

What was it
she used to always say?

Uh, "life is this vast,
glowing empty page

and you can do
anything you want."

Yeah.Yeah.

Kerouac.Yeah.

The night we met,

she took me to
a used bookstore

and bought me a copy of
On the Roadfor 25 cents.

It was dog-eared
and dirty.

One of the pages even had
a beetle smushed on it.

I still keep it by my bed.

Did you take
the beetle out at least?

No. Little fella's
still on page 15.

I can lend it to you.

No, that's... It's okay.

I'll just get it
on Kindle, thanks.

[laughing]

[horn honks]

Here's us.

Wade.Uh, Lena.

I-- Here you go.

For your... eye.

Th-Thank you.

I-I wanted
to give you my number,

in case you lost it.CAROLINE:
Hey!

Wade.
I'm ready.

Let's go.Caroline.

Here.
Um...

Who's this?
Lena.

Oh, okay. Great.

I just call off my engagement,

and now you're hitting
on the bartender?

Excuse me, I'm a novelist.

Sure.FORREST:
Hey!

Wade!

Come on! Let's go! Move it!

Uh, my, uh...
my-my ride's here.

L-Listen, don't worry.
I'm-I'm gonna...Wade.

I have no idea
what I'm gonna do.

BEN:
Wade!

I got to go.

You're both
so awesome.

You're s-- I mean...

Awesome.

[phone chimes]

Oh, my God,

I just got a text from Shannon.

"I canceled
my date.

I couldn't do it."

Uh-oh. She's not over you.

[chuckles]

[laughing]

What is so funny?

Look at me.

My life is insane!

Oh, my God!

Looks like our boy's gonna
be living his best life.

Yeah. Suck it, Steve.[laughter]

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