Original subtitles

Tom you took unauthorised photos at the crime scene

potentially contaminating evidence.

If this gets out I'm in big trouble.

- Hi, I'm Cooper. - Great name.

And I look forward to seeing you again in a few hours.

Glorious Gloria.

Bonjour Simone.

I have a proposition for you.

Hallelujah!

Mind my bespoke buttonhole!

I want to press that for posterity!

God love our Sharon

bringing all the presents back from the wedding.

She's the only one that doesn't drink anymore.

She's a slave to that slimming club.

Shall we open our prezzies?

Go on then. Right.

This... Lots of love.

I'm in my 60s.

Does she really think I've never made a piece of toast before?

No, it's retro. Like you.

You're not wrong!

Look! She's left the gift receipt in. Bless her.

I'll trade it in for some champagne!

Right. This one.

It's from your Theresa.

Let's have a look.

A personalised soap dispenser.

Just what we need!

Did you see Theresa's face

when she didn't catch the bouquet?!

I thought she was actually going to lamp someone.

Oo, this looks nice.

Whose it from?

There's no gift card, it must have fallen off.

- Here, you open it. - Okay.

Ooh.

A pouch.

There's some age to them.

You can tell by the paper.

I'm not really up on this sort of stuff though.

I've never seen anything like them.

I wonder who they're from?

It'll be one of my dealer mates.

I'll ring round tomorrow.

Did you hear that?

No.

No.

I'm hearing things now.

We'll make an early start in the morning?

Sounds good.

I cant wait for you to meet Jean.

- You're gonna love her. - I hope so.

Because I haven't really liked any of your other friends to be honest.

I like just me and you. Just the two of us.

Yeah.

Go on... Go and get me some more champagne.

I'm on it.

Are you okay, darling?

My God! What happened?

♪ Do you remember the first time ♪

♪ That my eyes set on you ♪

♪ Your smile came from nowhere ♪

♪ For sometime never or sometime soon ♪

♪ The road is a long one ♪

♪ I was only passing through ♪

♪ I was only passing through ♪♪

Jean! How lovely to see you.

So good to see you.

Jean, this is my new husband George.

Husband! Gonna have to get used to saying that.

It's so lovely to meet you.

Lovely to meet you too!

Tell you what, that is the last time

I get a bus from the airport.

That kid never stopped screaming the whole journey, honestly.

Wait a minute... what!

I'm getting straight on the phone to that bus company.

Look, I'm sure it was an accident.

- Looks deliberate to me! - That's outrageous!

Look, you can call on the way.

My house is only round the corner. Come on.

- It's a new bag. - We'll see about that.

Here you go Darlings, I hope you'll be comfy.

It's lovely.

Look at that.

No, doesn't look like they have taken anything.

That would have be all you needed.

Look at you going all Carmen Miranda since living abroad.

It's the south of France!

Anyway it covers a multitude of sins.

I remember that!

Antiques fair, Skegness.

I thought Id bagged myself a lovely bit of Paige pottery.

Until you put your glasses on.

It was such a bad copy. I had to have it!

Ill never live that down!

It's work, I should probably take it.

- Can you give me a minute? - Yeah. Of course.

Bye, love.

What happened? I need to know everything.

How long have you got, kid?

Well, why don't we start at the beginning.

What happened between you and Alan?

Why did you break up?

Well..

You know he was getting more and more New Age

which I didn't mind at all when it first started.

Go on.

But it all came to a head when we got to Mallorca.

- He wouldn't let us eat out. - What?

Said he would only eat foods to awaken his soul.

I mean, I tried me best, Jean

but there's only so many times you can have

broccoli for breakfast.

I'm really sorry, love.

We just grew into different people.

We had 10 great years and we're fine now.

And actually he's been great about George.

So, where did you meet George?

Antiques Do in Mayfair.

He's a top Sommelier, supplied the wine.

That's handy.

I know I'm punching above my weight.

I mean, it's only been three months but

I have never felt anything like this before in my life, Jean.

He seems to know everything I'm thinking about.

Hey, you are only here once.

You should grab your happiness with both hands.

Yeah. It's great to see you, Jean.

And you, love.

How was the wedding?

I'm so sorry I couldn't make it.

Don't be daft.

My lot were all there of course.

Anything for a free drink as you know.

And our Theresa's had a perm that

makes her look like Kevin Keegan.

And we got some lovely gifts, but the weirdest one

were these creepy playing cards.

I don't know who gave them to us.

I rang round all my dealer mates who came

but nobody would own up to them.

Cool!

Wow, they are old, aren't they?

Not really my thing, but my business partner'll know.

But look at though!

Jack of Clubs, first card out.

- That is a sign of good luck. - Yeah?

Well, it wasn't much good luck on my wedding night, was it?

You know that mirror in my pantry?

Yeah.

It fell down and nearly chop me head off!

Blimey! You didn't mention that!

I know! It put the fear of God into me!

I bet it did. You alright now?

- Yeah, I'm fine. - Alright.

Well, when George gets off the phone I'll show you around here.

Sounds great.

You need my wife to get to Jean?

Yes.

Well, I don't think Charlie's gonna fall for a love letter.

She hasn't been to visit once over the past six months.

Did you write down exactly what I told you to?

Yes.

Well, if she still loves you, she'll be back. I promise.

Use your phone call to tell me when she does

and I'll tell you what to ask next.

And you still agree to my fee?

I paid you well last time, didn't I?

Yeah.

And to think I was scared of you.

You should be.

Yeah, massive bells.

I can see why you live here, Jean.

Yeah, it's beautiful but

it's about the people really.

When Rory died there wasn't much to keep me in Manchester.

In fact, you're the first people I've shown around here.

- I must be selling. - Yeah.

Do you fancy going over to see my shop?

- Yeah. Definitely. - It's only down here.

- That's a massive church. - They love a big church here.

Charlie must have nipped out!

Wow!

This place is amazing, Jean.

Well, we're getting there.

Ooh!

Nice bit of Kintsugi going on there.

- May I? - Yeah.

What's Kintsugi?

Well, Kin means golden

and Tsugi mean to join.

So, literally to join with gold.

The story goes that when a 15th century shogun

that broke his favourite tea bowl

when it was repaired it was with awful metal pins

so craftsmen filled all the cracks with golden lacquer.

Yeah, so the cracks are seen as beauty elements.

The philosophy being that

we should embrace our imperfections.

And think carefully before we discard something

just because it's broken.

Like you did George when you married me.

Ooh!

- Now, I like this. - Oo.

So that's got pink and turquoise opals on the handle.

I made a bomb out of a black opal

when I was travelling across Australia.

I'd like to buy this for you.

As a wedding gift.

Thanks Love but don't get me wrong but I don't want it.

I don't mean to be ungrateful.

It's just I'm a bit superstitious about Opals.

Play of the colours, ever changing.

I just don't trust them.

Suit yourself.

Well, Id like to buy it, I think it's lovely.

Well, to you, it is free.

Thank you.

Before I forget.

Can you leave those cards for Charlie to have a look at?

Yeah, of course.

Here they are.

They must be French because they are in the Rouen style

which was banned from being imported to England in 1628.

The English ones were much cruder.

There's a shock!

Charlie'll know.

I'm starving. Lets go to the pub.

I can safely say there is nothing

mechanically wrong with your car.

Thanks Glo. I've was so worried about it.

We just cant afford for the car to break down.

But I did find these little fellers.

The noise was these rolling about under the seat!

You found them!

Are they your little nephews from when he stayed?

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. It is Jack's. Thank you.

I'll have a sparkling water.

- On the house. - Thank you very much.

There's more carbs on that plate than I've eaten in a year.

I try to keep myself trim for George but that ship sailed.

- Nothing like Alan? - Nah.

Is it true that you actually ate broccoli for breakfast?

We ate it, we drank it, in fact there

wasn't much we didn't do with it.

Alright?

No! Not like that!

- Thank you. - Thanks love.

Here you go.

And one more of the same.

Enjoy your lunch and if you need

anything else, don't hesitate to ask.

Nial, let me introduce you.

This is one of my dearest friends, David

and this is his new husband George.

Lovely to meet you both.

I've forgotten your cutlery, just a minute.

Niall, come here.

Who's that with Jean?

Old mate of hers.

Him and his fellow have just got married.

Aw! Nice.

Yes, love is indeed in the air at the moment. Isn't it?

- You are so obvious. - What?

I didn't know Cooper was a taxi driver.

What are you talking about?

I've known you for 20 years Dominic

and you have always been very transparent and a rubbish liar.

Thank you very much.

So, how's it going with you two?

Great. I really like him.

Someone to do nothing with.

What?

Me and you once said

it wasn't about finding someone to do something with

it was about finding someone to do nothing with.

Do you remember?

Yeah. Yeah, I do, yeah.

I think you'll really like him Dom.

Well, he has got excellent taste in women

so I'm sure I will. Come here.

Aw, Dom! Thanks, love.

- Happy for you love. - Thanks.

- Voila! - Thank you!

I thought we deserved a treat.

Now, this is especially for you George.

Being a top Sommelier.

Come on, George, what is it?

It's er... er...

Chateau Simone Rouge.

Of course!

Wow! Thank you so much. That's very kind.

Don't be fooled George, she is gagging for a glass.

I am.

After this do you boys mind going for an explore?

I just have got loads of admin to do.

I'm dying for an explore!

It's like Disneyland round here.

I haven't seen so many antiques on display

since my mothers Am Dram group did The Lion King.

Jean?

Jean?

Where did they get these cards from?

They were a wedding present.

From who?

They couldn't find the gift card.

What's the matter?

Look at the Queen.

Each card of the Queen has the mark of a winged serpent.

That means they were made for La Voisin herself.

- Who? - You don't know La Voisin?

The French Sorceress? Burned at the stake?

Like many innocent women before her.

Non!

There was nothing innocent about La Voisin.

She was evil through and through.

You have heard of Laffaire des poisons

during the reign of King Louis XIV?

Yeah, I do. That rings a bell.

Remind me.

Many fortune-tellers and alchemists

were suspected of selling not only divinations

séances and aphrodisiacs

but also "inheritance powders."

- Inheritance powders? - Poisons.

They were rounded up and tried.

La Voisins testimony implicated

mistress of the king

who claimed she had performed black masses with her.

- Black masses? - Oui.

La Voisin was convicted of witchcraft and

poisoning and burnt in public on

the Place de Grève Paris in 1680.

And you think the cards

actually belonged to her?

The winged serpent proves it.

Jean, these are very, very rare.

And very, very cursed.

Ball park?

Thousands? Depending on the buyer.

Wow. That's some wedding present.

They need to find the gift card.

Did you hear what I said Jean?

They carry a curse.

Yeah. Curses.

You beauty.

Hi, Maggie!

Thanks for getting back so quickly...

Well, it's a bit of a funny story, actually.

My friend David got married.

And he got the cards as a wedding present.

No, not Jewellery David... no...

Ceramic David.

Well, I've just found out

they belonged to a mad French witch.

Yeah, La Voison. Yeah.

First person I thought of was you.

Because you like the supernatural and all that.

Do you think you can shift them for me?

Maggie that's fantastic.

Yeah very strange ring.

George?

Thank you for your statement, George.

I don't know about you, darling, but I could do with a brandy.

Yeah.

So, David, what do you remember?

I'll try my best officer but

I'm a bit of a mess to be honest.

Take your time.

Erm... We were walking down the street

when this man came out of nowhere, screaming...

That must've bee terrifying, love.

Could you describe what the man looked like?

As George has already said.

His face was covered, we didn't see anything!

He's got to ask, love.

I know it's hard. But just do your best.

Sorry, I, erm...

He came at me.

So, you are sure he came at you alone?

George says he came at both of you?

Yeah, yeah. He came, he came at both of us.

I've never been more scared in my entire life.

I can completely understand.

Have you any idea what he was screaming at you?

No! It was all in French!

I knew I should have paid more attention at school.

I think that is enough for now.

- Thank you for your statements. - Thank you.

St. Victoire is a small town, I'm sure we will catch them.

Yeah, that's good to know. Thanks.

- I will be in touch. - Thanks, Andre.

They've had such bad luck since he got here. I'm so embarrassed.

Have you got any leads?

We do have someone who says he saw what happened

but he had had a good few drinks

so I don't know how reliable he is.

It doesn't quite fit with Georges version of events.

What did he say?

Well, he says that the cyclist seemed

to steer right into David's attacker.

Of course, it all happened so fast.

Surely, if that was the case he would have

stayed around to see if Dave was okay.

You know, made himself known?

Yes, that's what I thought.

He's got it wrong clearly.

Go back to your friends, I'll keep asking around.

- We will do everything we can. - Thank you.

Caron is a good copper.

I'm sure he'll do everything he can.

He seems really nice.

I feel terrible.

I just froze.

I should have helped.

It's okay, love.

It was a bit like closing time when I was a kid.

Thank God that cyclist was passing, I owe them a drink!

David, I do have some good news.

Go on.

Charlie had a look at your cards.

That's nice of her.

Well.

She reckons they were specifically made

for a 17th Century French witch

who was done for poisoning and burnt at the stake.

She says they're worth thousands to the right buyer!

17th Century French witch?

Do you mean La Voison?

Yeah! That's her.

Did she say anything else?

Well, she said they carry a curse

but that's not your problem once you sell 'em, is it?

A curse? Jean!

It's been nothing but bad luck since I opened those cards.

David...

I told you, before we left

that mirror nearly chopped my head off,

and then the bag was slashed and then

somebody tried to knife me in the street!

That is all awful, love, but

what's that got to do with a pack of cards?

Jean, it could have everything to do with the cards.

I mean, that mirror had been on the wall for 10 years.

Why did it fall then, at that precise moment?

Exactly!

I've just had a thought.

The slash mark on your bag

it's in the shape of a letter V.

I'm getting straight on the phone to that bus company.

Look I'm sure it was an accident.

Yes!

It's the witch isn't it?

She's tying to make me go mad.

Come on, David!

We trade in provenance.

Not superstition.

Our spiritual journey has opened David up somewhat.

Sorry?

We got married in a Spiritualist Church.

Maybe that's why you're being so sensitive at the moment

because you're channelling dark energy.

Yes.

It's the witch, isn't it?

She's trying to communicate.

Come on. Curses?

- It's just twisted psychology. - Sorry?

Seeing patterns in random events where there are none.

I think I'll have a brandy.

It's her!

It's her! It's her!

La Voisin. In the mirror!

I think we should burn them to a cinder.

Don't you think we should find out the facts

before we go setting fire to potentially thousands of pounds?

I saw her, Jean.

Last night in the mirror. She's coming to get me.

Who is?

La Voisin!

The witch.

The facts are, Jean, she will not stop until I'm dead.

Can I make a suggestion?

Now, what would Oprah say?

Yeah.

When you don't know what to do, do nothing.

So, why don't you two do just that?

What do you mean?

I'll go to work.

I'll get a second opinion on the cards

and you just stay here and relax.

I think that's a great idea.

Yeah.

It is. Thanks, Jean.

That's my pleasure.

Take those things with you.

And help yourselves to anything you want.

Listen...

It's me. Jean.

I'm right here for you.

Thanks, Jean.

I'm just gonna go make some calls.

- You okay? - Yeah, yeah I'm fine.

I'll make us some brunch when I'm done.

- You just stay there. - Thanks, love.

Jean. I'd like to apologise for my oversight.

Oversight?

Jean...

Jean.

Please, can we be friends again?

I sound like a ten year old.

I have really missed you.

Come on, Dom. You can do this.

Alan!

- You know him? - That's his ex.

Hi, I'm Dom. Jean's mate.

Alan is behind bars awaiting questioning.

As soon as there is any update

Caron's gonna give us a call.

What happened?

I would never have believed this

but I think Alan was out to get you.

I think he was stalking you.

My God.

- Thanks, Dom. - You're welcome.

- You alright? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

It's good job you were here.

Is it?

No offence, Jean, but we've given our statements

and I want David out of here, now.

Don't you think you should wait to--

Waiting around to find what kind of maniac Alan is?

I think it's pretty clear.

I have booked a hire car, it should be here any minute.

We won't be staying.

My partner of 10 years was trying to kill me!

We are going to Marseilles

and we're gonna begin our honeymoon.

Are you sure?

And that will be the hire car.

Well, it's a bit sudden but, um, I suppose--

- You ready, darling? - Yeah.

- Bye, love. - Bye.

Jean, when you get this message, can you get down here?

He says I am an oppressor of the state

and he does not recognise my authority.

He says he will only speak with you.

Please hurry.

If there is anything you need just let me know, okay?

Thanks, Jean.

- Love you, kid. - I love you too.

Well it's... It's lovely to meet you.

Look after each other?

Thanks, Jean.

And thank you.

Pleasure.

And you expect me to believe that?

You have to believe me if you want David to live.

Jean, I have been following David

to protect him from George.

Why does he need protecting from George?

When we broke up I was devastated.

But I left it in the hands of the Universe.

Then a friend came to me with evidence

that David was going to be Georges third husband.

The two previous husbands had died

within months of marrying him.

What evidence?

The marriage and the death certificates.

I've been watching David to protect him.

He'd never have believed me if I'd have told him.

He's changed

he's just completely obsessed by him.

The morning of the wedding, George was the last one out.

I watched him go back into the pantry

and tamper with the mirror.

He balanced the mirror right on the edge of the door.

I knew that was for David and David alone.

David was the first one into the pantry when they got back.

To save him, I didn't know what to do

so I just started banging on the window

and it was enough to stop him walking underneath the mirror.

When I got here I hired a bike and I followed him.

I didn't know what was gonna happen

but I knew something would.

And sure enough it did.

George must have paid for that thug to knife David

so I knocked him to the ground.

And the cushion?

I was watching through the patio window

and George came behind David with the cushion.

I forced my way in and punched him in the face.

If this is all true

why didn't you just tell David

that George was trying to kill him?

Because he would never have believed me.

George has been gaslighting him.

Well...

He's certainly not been his self lately.

Come on, Jean.

Two weddings and the corresponding

death certificates within months?

I'm telling you, David is in grave danger.

I believe you.

Caron?

- Did you hear all that? - Oui.

We need to find David. Now.

They're on their way to Marseilles.

There are two roads to Marseilles.

Dom, I need your help.

Why are we stopping here?

You know I've got vertigo.

You were feeling car sick because you hadn't eaten.

You know what you're like on an empty stomach.

I can't eat.

You need to pull yourself together.

I'm sorry, I'm still in shock.

Alan trying to kill me.

Those cursed cards.

We'll flog these in Marseilles. Get rid of them.

Hopefully they'll make thousands.

Fancy us thinking that those cards were cursed

when it was Alan trying to kill you.

I still think the cards are cursed.

You know you sound mad?

Seeing ghosts, cursed cards.

You sound like a child.

George?

Put that thing away. You know I cant stand opals.

George, if this is meant to be kinky

it's not doing it for me.

Always the joker.

- Get up. - George...

Get up!

By the way, I'm desperate, you're not forgiven yet.

Thanks for your help, Dom.

I knew there was something dodgy about him

when he didn't know what wine I'd bought them in La Couronne.

Top wine expert my foot.

So, he gets these fellows

marries them and then bumps them off?

I know, it's hideous

but he moves around so much they just

can't pin anything on him.

Blimey, that's a bold career choice, isn't it?

Just move that wing mirror for us, Jean?

That's how he did it!

Did what?

Made the infamous La Voisin appear

in my spare bedroom mirror.

I put a black shawl on top of the dresser to hide a heat mark.

Ironically you cant get a decent French polisher over here.

You cant move for them in Stockport.

Go on.

Anyway, I found the shawl under one of the pillows

when I was making their bed up this morning.

He must have precisely positioned the mirror

put on the shawl, looked in the mirror,

woke David up, scared him to death

then pretended to wake up himself

to comfort him.

You better put your foot down.

- It won't make any difference. - It won't make any difference.

Only got one speed, this...

Your cards?

- But why? - To send you mad.

Send me mad?

What are you talking about?

The cards, the mirror.

The luggage.

It was all me.

Do you know, you will be my third husband.

Deceased.

Third husband?

George, what... Please...

I've already found my fourth. Over here actually.

You've gotta move around.

It really is all too easy.

I thought we were in love.

You made me leave Alan.

I changed my life for you.

Yes and thank you for that but...

Now, you're just a mad old man with vertigo.

I tried to save David but he...

The vertigo just got too much for him.

I think it was all the stress that Alan put him under.

It really is too easy.

George... Please...

Don't do this.

Please, I-I-I am begging you.

Your pleading's getting boring now.

One more step.

George! No!

Nobody calls me boring.

Blimey!

They've got a lot to talk about, haven't they?

Yeah. Yes, they have.

I knew it wasn't you.

Liar!

We had some great times, didn't we?

Do you remember when we found that Andy Warhol

painting in me Aunty Dee Dees garage.

How could I forget?

You took it to Sotheby's in a bin bag

and sold it for six grand.

She moved to San Francisco last week.

Said she was never the same after you

lent her a copy of Tales Of The City.

She's 89 with one lung and half a hip, who insured her?

No insurance?

She stuck two fingers up to the system and did what she wanted.

Just like you.

We've both changed, haven't we?

Yeah.

The bloke I met was first in the queue for chips, curry and rice.

That's certainly not me anymore.

No.

Thanks for looking out for me, Alan.

For being there.

I just wish you'd told me.

And would you have believed me?

No.

I cant half pick them, cant I?

The love of my life ends up loving broccoli more than me

so I marry the first psycho I clap me eyes on.

Hear you made up with, Glo?

I didn't know we'd fallen out.

Well, she said that you weren't answering her calls or texts.

Well...

A little bit gutted she didn't mention that taxi driver thing.

Well, she didn't know he was one before he asked her out.

Yeah, that's what she said.

And even if she did, would it have made a difference?

Um, I don't know.

I'm just a little bit worried this town

aunt big enough for the both of us.

Yes, yes, I know.

That makes me sound like I'm in a Western.

Funny that, so does Cooper because he is actually American.

See! I told you he was a cowboy!

Dom, thanks for today.

You were a proper superhero.

Listen, Jean, the reason I came round...

Yes, why were you here when you caught Alan?

Well, look, I...

I just wanted to say how deeply

sorry I am for betraying your trust.

- Don't-- - No, no, no Jean, please.

Let me finish.

I've proper missed you and I'm dead mad at meself.

Come here.

Bonjour Simone.