Original subtitles

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1 Don't worry, folks, you're not in an alternate dimension.

Our good girl is actually dating a bad boy.

After a truly humiliating start to senior year,

Devi was finally hitting her stride.

She was about to apply early to Princeton, and she was dating a stone-cold ten.

And sure, Ethan wasn't good at school or polite to adults,

but he had other skills that Devi deeply respected.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go play the Wordle

while the next scene illustrates said skills.

Okay, so we're gonna be home alone for hours,

and I was thinking maybe we could...

Yeah.

♪ ...feel that touch ♪

♪ Feel me course through your veins ♪

♪ Yeah, you love the idea of us... ♪

So how should we do this?

Me on top, or you on top?

Or perhaps, we could be side-to-side to be more egalitarian?

- Have you ever done this before? - Once.

But it didn't go so great.

Well, that's because you didn't have sex with me.

♪ Do you miss the smell of my skin? ♪

Wow.

See you tomorrow.

I'm back.

And today's Wordle should have been "shero"

because our girl has pulled her senior year out of a nosedive,

and now she's absolutely soaring.

♪ Face in the background ♪

♪ Speeding sideways... ♪

Devi was finally the type of sexually active senior

she'd always wanted to be.

but right now, she needed to shift her focus away from emissions

toward admissions

because today was the college fair, baby.

She would finally be face-to-face with the admissions officer

who would decide whether she got into Princeton.

And she was determined to make an incredible first impression.

'Sup?

I like your outfit. You look like a little business lady.

- Hmm. - It's hot.

Wanna go to the supply closet and boss me around later?

No, I can't. I have the college fair.

And, hey, maybe you should pick that trash up.

Mr. Morales, pick up your litter.

This isn't the 405.

Miss Vishwakumar, walk with me.

Mmm.

- I'll find you later. - Okay.

Ms. Warner, wanna discuss my plan of attack for the college fair?

No, no, I don't think you need any advice on how to attack anything.

No, I wanna discuss who you're choosing to spend your time with.

Ah, you're talking about my brand new, smoking-hot boyfriend?

Yeah, you can give me a high five for that.

Okay.

Look, I understand the appeal for the bad boy.

Most of my exes have stolen my identity.

But you're getting ready to apply to Princeton,

and I just don't want anything or anyone to drag you down.

Trust me, nothing is getting in my way.

I've been practicing my spiel for the Princeton rep for months.

The tone is gonna be half-Sheryl Sandberg, half-Kool-Aid Man.

Breaking through the glass ceiling and the wall.

- Mm-hmm. - Love it.

Just be careful.

Sometimes, certain people can cloud our judgment.

Ms. Warner, I'm a modern woman.

I can do a bad boy and a good college at the same time.

You'll see.

Hello, Miss Torres. Oh!

Elise, what a surprise.

Parents don't usually attend these college check-ins.

I know! But it's a big decision,

so I thought we could all tackle it together as a team.

Okay.

Well, Fabiola, what are you thinking?

Well, I've narrowed my list to 15 schools that all have amazing robotics programs

and a high ratio of single-stall bathrooms.

Well, these are excellent.

Michigan, Carnegie Mellon, Howard.

They have a killer mechanical engineering program.

So are you thinking about early decision for any of these?

I don't think so.

I wanna cast a wide net so that I find the absolute perfect school for me.

This is where I'd like to jump in.

I think Fab should apply early to an Ivy.

Oh, I don't even know if I wanna go to an Ivy, Mom.

Everybody wants to go to an Ivy. And applying early can help your chances.

Okay.

Um, there are Ivies who do offer early action,

so you can still apply to these other schools.

And which Ivies are those?

Uh, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.

Well, I can't do Princeton. That's Devi's school.

So I'm sure she'd love for you to go to school together.

Mom, Princeton is insanely selective.

They're not gonna take more than one person early

from a mediocre public school in the Valley.

- No offense. - No, no, no, that's pretty accurate.

And Devi would kill me if I mess with her shot,

especially when she called dibs on Princeton in, like, the first grade.

Fabiola, you cannot count out a world-class institution

because your friend called dibs.

I expect you to look at all of these schools at the fair,

including Princeton.

- Mom... - I said including Princeton.

Thank you, Jennifer.

Guess who's back from LASIK?

Oh. Kamala.

Aiyo. How are you feeling, chellam?

- The surgery was actually fine. - Uh-huh.

I'd say that Pati's driving was more stressful.

What was I supposed to do?

Not reverse on the highway because we missed our exit?

Okay.

Uh, Kamala, why don't you go to the couch, lie down and rest?

Andres is just patching the drywall upstairs. It's a bit of a mess.

Wait, Andres is still working on the house?

Didn't you already have him fix the stairs and then redo the garage?

What do you want me to do?

I mean, the house needs to be updated, right?

Would you prefer if I just let it fall down on our heads or something?

All right, gals, it's game time. Let's get into that college fair.

Okay, but first, how do I look?

Uh, fit check? Zit check?

Can you see this concealer blob is hiding a hickey?

Nope, you look extremely profesh.

Like a person who signs people up for credit cards at the airport.

Thank you.

Ms. Warner said I couldn't do it all. I can be both sexy and successful.

Wait. Why doesn't Ms. Warner think you're succ-sexy?

Oh no, she does. She just thinks that Ethan's bad for me.

Oh, well, that's true.

Yeah, he's like an anchor pulling you down into the depths.

W-W-W-Wait, you guys agree with her?

But, Eleanor, you had a crush on him too.

Yeah. 'Cause he's hot.

But I wouldn't trust him with my social security number.

- Or your email address. - Or your passwords.

- Or your credit card number. - Or your diaries.

Whoa, you guys are all wrong. He's just misunderstood.

Yeah, by you.

Devi, we get it.

You're having your sensual hornissance. We love that.

When the sex haze wears off, we will be here to help you flush that turd.

Okay, you know what, guys? Really not enjoying this conversation.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go practice my spiel.

Hey. I think I'm on snack duty with you?

Oh, welcome.

I see that you also got snubbed from the faculty trip to Margaritaville.

Wait, what trip?

Yeah. The rest of the teachers are out day drinking

while we chaperone this mayhem.

So congratulations on officially being real low status.

Uh, speak for yourself. I'm not low status.

Mmm, you're an assistant swim coach. I wouldn't call that a top-tier position.

So what? You're a substitute.

Yeah. I'm admitting that I'm at the bottom of the barrel.

Oh, I... I'm sorry, dude. I didn't mean to hit a nerve or anything.

I'm just making conversation, you know, at the saddest snack table in the world.

You didn't hit a nerve. It's totally chill.

If you can't tell, Paxton was feeling a little insecure

ever since he overheard the new Hot Pocket calling him pathetic.

Well, heads up, Pax,

another kick in the dick is incoming.

What's up, Paxton?

Hey, guess what. I, uh... I just talked to the ASU rep for, like, five seconds.

So I basically went through as long as you did.

Hey, that's real funny, bro.

Thanks, man.

So, uh, can I get some Fritos?

Yeah.

Appreciate it.

Devi was choosing to ignore what her friends said about Ethan,

and instead focus on the person who could decide the fate of her future.

A person who happened to be...

- I think you should make the trip. - Indian!

Big ups, gods. Thank you.

The deities had provided,

and Devi was now a shoo-in to wow her Desi sister.

Just as soon as she could get through this long-ass line.

Come on, Devi.

What would Sheryl Sandberg do here?

Forget that. What would the Kool-Aid Man do here?

I'd love to see. So here's some...

Hi.

Hi. Um, there's a...

I'm Devi Vishwakumar.

And here's why Princeton needs a girl like me.

I'm at the top of all my classes. I'm president of eight different clubs,

and I've read every single book in the school library,

including the dictionaries.

So some would say I was born in the wrong decade...

- Devi, is it? - Mmm.

I'm Akshara, and I was actually talking to somebody else.

Yeah, but I'm...

Mmm.

And you're... Mmm.

- Indian. - Oh my gosh, vanakkam to you too.

You're still gonna need to wait in line.

Uh...

Okay, how about the elevator pitch?

I'm in all AP classes, including two languages.

I have a well over 4.0 GPA,

and I'm actually first chair harpist in orchestra.

Well, I'm actually the only harpist,

but the harp is a difficult instrument to master...

That's great, Devi. Thanks for stopping by.

Oh. Is that it? You don't wanna ask any questions about myself?

Nope, I think I understand you pretty well already.

Oh...

Um...

You know what?

O-On second thought, I am gonna go to the back of the line.

And maybe we could start over when I get to you?

Not necessary. Have a great day.

So these are the packages I was talking about earlier...

Hold on. What the hell just happened?

Did Devi just screw up her chance at Princeton?

That's why Columbia should be all about the Benjamin.

Speaking of people who are shitting the bed at this fair...

God, look at him.

He's making me feel stressed,

and I'm sitting in a bath right now.

Yo, Devi, what are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be at your dork conference?

Nope. Because I blew it.

The rep hated me.

What? That bitch.

Listen,

do you want me to slash her tires or, you know, key her car?

No, please don't.

Agh! I think I just came in too hot.

Yeah, you did.

Okay, I appreciate how you made that sound sexy,

but I really need to figure out how I'm gonna fix this.

Okay. Here's what you have to do. So you follow her to her car.

And then when she starts to back up, you let her run you over just a bit.

She'll feel bad and give you whatever you want.

What? Does that actually work?

Yeah. How do you think I haven't been expelled yet?

- I get run over, like, once a week. - Huh.

Okay, so do I need to put, like, fake blood on myself, or...?

- Oh damn. - Uh... No, no, I'm not gonna do that.

And honestly, Ethan, you gotta stop messing with people's cars.

So, what are you gonna do?

I don't need a scheme. I'm just gonna show her who I really am.

A mature young woman filled with grace and dignity.

Please, please, please let me have another chance.

Actually, we have a lunch break now, so I'm gonna head to the lunchroom.

Oh, yeah, please, I just... I feel like I really misrepresented myself,

and I... I just thought I needed to say everything that I'm good at,

which I realize now is very unlikable.

I'm glad you realize that.

I just...

I've really wanted to go to Princeton ever since I was a little girl,

and I guess the pressure got to me.

All right, I'll give you 15 minutes,

but I want one of those California grain bowls you guys do here.

Yeah, yeah, coming right up.

It's kind of cool living with three generations of women in my house.

Yeah, Indian families definitely do not believe in nursing homes.

My grandmother shared a bunk bed with me all through high school.

Damn. Pati is way too much of a diva for that.

She demands a Cali king.

Hey, hey.

Uh... Ethan?

You must be the Princeton lady?

Yes, I am. And you are?

Oh no. What's this beautiful bonehead about to do?

Is he gonna graffiti her face?

I'm Ethan, Devi's boyfriend,

and I just wanted to emphasize what a sick student she is.

She's literally the smartest person I've ever met. Um...

This is the honor roll list.

I took it off the wall of the principal's office.

She's at the top of it.

And this is, like, a crazy huge school,

so you should let her into your college or whatever.

Wow. Impressive, Devi.

Oh my God.

Was Devi's renegade romp partner

actually being helpful to her academically?

Take that Fab, El, and Ms. Dubs.

Thank you, Ethan. That was really nice.

Don't worry about it. Just want to hype my girl up.

See you later, okay?

Okay.

I had a boyfriend like him in high school.

Make sure to enjoy it

because there truly are none of those in Ivy League schools.

Hmm.

Pati, how long have I been asleep?

About three hours.

Len? Where's my grandmother?

Yeah, well, I'm sorry to startle you, but she went out to run some errands,

so she asked me to keep an eye on you, and here I am.

Oh, look, it's Nirmy.

Oh, give me that.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Pati, where are you?

I'm picking up groceries so I can make medu vadai, your favorite.

However, I did get a little distracted

by the Bollywood movie playing in the store.

Well, can you please come home now?

Of course.

As soon as the father approves of his daughter marrying the lowly tutor.

Oh, so you're just going to leave me here with Len? I don't even know him.

Give him a chance.

Len is a great caretaker.

Oh, but let me go.

Ranveer is doing a shirtless dance. I'll be home soon.

What?

Pati, that's going to take ten hours.

Okay.

Look, I know it's a little weird that I'm here,

but I gotta say,

I am the king of staying home during the day, weekdays,

and we also have the holy grail of playing hooky,

and that is The Price Is Right.

I can't see anything.

You don't have to see the bid on household items.

You... You know your household items.

You know what I'm good at? Discount toiletries.

All right, Len, I see that you do have some skills.

- Mm-hmm. - Please hand me the saltiest snack.

That would be the popcorn.

- You want me to hold it for you? - Yes, please.

Okay.

Hey. How did it go?

Did Columbia offer you admission right there on the spot?

I haven't talked to them yet.

Uh, the line was too long. I'm just gonna wait till after lunch.

Are you okay? Why are you sweating so much?

I don't know. I've been practicing my speech for weeks,

and I was waiting in line,

and it just started to feel a little hard to breathe.

I think you're just panicking a little bit.

Oh God.

Here, why don't you do your speech for me? Maybe that'll help you loosen up.

Yeah, okay. But, uh, promise you won't be judgy.

- I'm not gonna be judgy. Just go for it. - All right.

Power, leadership, innovation, domination.

You're getting the full package when you admit me.

And that's why Columbia should be all about the Benjamin.

Okay, that was... good.

I knew it. You're judging.

Yes, I am,

but only because that felt like... a Bowflex commercial.

What?

Why don't you try a version that sounds more like you, or is more conversational?

Criticism is not what I need right now.

Don't...

go...

Oh shit.

Um...

Here, here, let me try and wipe it off.

- Uh... Ooh, that's... - Oh... Oh...

- Margot, just stop. - Uh...

Goddamn it. Oh.

Shit, shit, shit. Okay, come on.

What the hell happened to you?

Don't worry about it.

Well, I hope you got to talk to the Columbia rep

before you stabbed a minion.

- I haven't talked to the Columbia rep yet. - What?

- But you can't talk to him like that. - I know that, Devi.

Ah, damn it. I don't have one backup cable knit in here?

- I actually do think I've got a... - Devi, just walk away.

How many times do I tell you Margot doesn't want...

Want us to talk? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I already know that was your decision. I overheard you guys.

Listen... I'm just trying to say I have an extra shirt.

Yeah, hard pass.

Just come with me.

All right, you seem like a women's medium.

Take off your shirt.

What? Oh, okay.

Put this on.

Never thought I'd be grateful you're built like a shot-putter.

Um, please, I'm a snatched-waist slim-thicc queen,

And so are you, apparently.

Okay. Well, this actually looks pretty good.

Mmm.

But listen...

Yeah, yeah, we're still not friends. I get it.

Now, go talk to Columbia.

Okay, I talked to Harvard and Yale.

I just need to grab a brochure from Princeton

so my mom will get off my flipping case.

Sorry to use the F-word.

Devi's done, so you're good to grab.

Cool. Are you talking to any colleges?

No, I'm only applying to acting conservatories.

I'm not a liberal arts person. I'm a one-art person.

I'm only here to study regional accents.

Ooh, University of Iowa. BRB!

Hi. What's your name?

Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm just grabbing a brochure.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Wait, are you on the robotics team,

or is that, like, an ironic shirt, and I am just proving how old I am?

Oh, uh, yeah, I'm actually the captain.

Really? Is that something you wanna study in college?

Robotics?

Yes, it's my passion.

One of my best friends is actually a robot.

Probably shouldn't have said that out loud.

Well, Princeton has a phenomenal robotics team.

They're building Micromouse maze-solvers autonomous drones,

and, sorry to geek out, but this year they're building

a fully functioning BB-8 droid, like from...

- The Force Awakens? - Hmm.

Yeah, I'd say we have the best program in the Ivy League.

Here's my email if you have any questions.

Oh wow, thank you.

Mm-hmm. No problem. I didn't get your name.

Uh, it's Fabiola Torres.

- Hello. Can I help you? - What?

N-No, this isn't my shirt.

- Excuse me? - Uh, sorry. No, nothing.

I just... I had to borrow a girl's shirt.

I don't know why I'm telling you that.

- Um, hi, I'm Ben. - Hi, Ben.

Did you sweat through the first shirt? Happens all the time at these things.

No, um, I actually got a bunch of paint on myself when I was...

practicing what I was gonna say to you.

Ah. Well, then I think that paint did you a favor.

I hate when kids come to me with rehearsed spiel.

I'd much rather talk to someone who's just being themself.

Really? 'Cause normally, I don't trust my natural personality.

You seem okay to me, bud. So why don't you tell me about yourself?

Okay.

Um, well, I'm really involved at Sherman Oaks.

I've been wanting to go to Columbia my whole life.

You were so freaking amazing. You made me look so good.

You always look so good.

I feel like I could really get in, you know?

Mmm...

I mean, I'm basically best friends with...

Akshara?

Ethan, why do you have Akshara's wallet?

Because I stole it.

You robbed the Princeton rep? Are you insane?

She was a bitch. And she deserved it for icing you out.

Plus, there's some cash in there.

We could do a lot of damage at Romano's Macaroni Grill.

How could you go into someone's purse and steal their wallet?

Well, it was actually pretty easy because it wasn't really a purse.

It was more of a tote without a zipper or anything.

Oh my God, you are a dirtbag.

What?

You're not a bad boy, you're just a bad person.

That's a little harsh.

Ethan, thank you so much for this incredible sexual awakening,

but I think I'm now having a moral awakening.

I need to be with someone who knows right from wrong,

and that doesn't seem to be you.

So you're dumping me?

Oh, sweet Ethan.

Goodbye.

Devi, do not knock on that door.

Just leave the wallet in that potted fern and run.

She's gonna think you're a psycho.

Mmm.

Devi?

Why are you at my hotel?

Hi. Um...

I have your wallet.

Oh.

I've been looking everywhere for this. Thank you so much. Where did you find it?

Funny story.

Remember that handsome kid that was formerly my boyfriend?

Well, he stole it.

Oh.

- Wow. - Yeah. Turns out he's kind of the worst.

Anyway, I'm really sorry about almost all of our interactions.

I would understand if this is a deal-breaker.

- Can I ask you a question? - Mm-hmm.

Why admit this to me?

You could've just tossed it in that potted fern over there and run.

Yeah, I know,

but it felt like the right thing to do.

Mmm. Well, I appreciate your honesty.

It was brave bringing this back to me not knowing if I was gonna press charges.

Oh my God, was that on the table?

I was joking.

You're a good kid, Devi. I think you have a bright future ahead of you.

As long as you stop dating thieves.

Yep, I can do that.

Huh.

Yeah, I got it. Money.

Money. Oh my God.

Yo, what's up, Mad Pax? Why you look all Fury Road?

Trent, can I ask you a question?

Am I a loser now?

What?

Don't you dare talk about my best baby boy like that.

Those little punks used to worship me.

Now they're talking shit straight to my face.

I don't know if you remember this, but you're Paxton Hall-Yo-goddamn-shida.

You are the king of this jungle, baby.

You're a legend, you're a handsome son of a bitch,

and you're that guy.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Sometimes, I'm brushing my teeth at night. I can't even believe we're best friends.

And if you want their respect, you have to go in there

and make them remember who the alpha is.

- That's what I'm talking about. - That's what I'm talking about.

I gotta go to class.

- You're close. - Yo, Shrimp.

Hey.

That little ASU joke back there was pretty funny, huh?

Yeah, remember? Everyone who heard it laughed.

Yeah, man, yeah.

If you ever speak to me like that again,

I'll give you Saturday detention for the rest of the year.

Wait, what?

And I'll make your lunch period 9 a.m.

But I'll still be full from breakfast.

See, bro, I think you forget who you're talking to.

And now I have the power and the parking spot of a faculty member.

See, I can make your life miserable if I want to.

So show some respect.

Look, I'm... I'm really sorry, Paxton, all right?

Please don't be mad at me. I...

You... You look really handsome.

Red is totally your color, man.

Len?

Pati, is that you?

Look, I can't talk about this right now. There's somebody here.

- Hello? - Whatever, sweetie, I'll call you.

Oh. Look who's up from the couch.

- Was there someone else here? - Nope, just good old Len.

Your grandma should be home in about ten minutes.

Oh! Come on.

Let's get you back to the couch before you ruin your brand-new corneas.

But I heard somebody.

Oh, the neighbors love to talk and loud.

In Devi's attempt to have it all,

she nearly lost the thing she cared about most.

Yes, she did care about having a fulfilling sex life,

but not at the cost of her future.

And speaking of future,

it was beginning right now for her and all the other kids

submitting early-decision applications.

After all, for dorks like these kids...

Swoosh, baby.

...college is where your life really starts.

I am so proud of you, honey.

You're gonna be glad you did this.

I really hope so.

Unless, of course,

there's a Judas-sized obstacle in your path.

♪ You backwards motherlover ♪

♪ Enough rap about Good girls and bad girls ♪

♪ That's enough about Good girls and bad girls ♪

♪ You backwards motherlover ♪

♪ Enough rap about Good girls and bad ♪

♪ That's enough about Good girls and bad girls ♪

♪ You backwards motherlover ♪

♪ Enough rap about Good girls and bad girls ♪

♪ That's enough about Good girls and bad girls ♪

♪ You backwards motherlover ♪

♪ Enough rap about Good girls and bad ♪

♪ Bad girls ♪