Original subtitles

(SH|P'S HORN BLOWING)

WAYNE: Always the same thing. You'll find one on every boat,

no matter where you go. I've been twice around the world, and it...

Well, gentlemen, last night out.

How about having a little drink with me?

-Dutch treat, of course. -Of course.

-Of course. -What‘|| it be?

-Bourbon and soda. -Make mine the same.

-You know mine. -Yeah, ginger ale and grape juice.

-Come, Wilson, that‘s no drink! -Well, that‘s all I ever take.

You know, it‘s a downright shame

that you gentlemen have never been to Habersville.

You don't know what you‘ve missed. Fine cultural background,

YMCA, beautiful library, and...

And our Rotary Club. Well, gentlemen,

you could drop in there any Thursday afternoon

and meet the finest bunch of fellows you‘ve ever met in your life.

I can imagine.

Let‘s see, that‘s 15 for mine, isn‘t it?

-Yes. There's no special tonight. -There‘s twenty.

-The extra nickel is for you. -Oh, thank you.

You know, gentlemen, there‘s another thing about Habersville.

-You‘ll find there that we have... -A little straight one.

Hi, boys! Make that two. Make it three.

-Make it four. -Thank you, no. I don‘t indulge.

So, you're too good to drink with me, huh?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, good night, gentlemen.

Hey, what‘s the matter? I asked you to have a drink.

-And I refused. -Oh, no. You can't do that.

-You can't insult me! -Nonsense, Ryan. Mr. Wilson doesn't drink.

I know. Grape Juice Wilson! Tonight he drinks!

You've snooted me long enough on this boat.

This is supposed to be a pleasure cruise.

You've been nothing but a ki||joy! Why don't you take off that stuffed shirt?

Go on, knock me down!

You're inebriated.

-What? -Inebriated.

(EXCLAIMS)

He did, did he?

So, you think I'm inebriated, huh?

I'll show you if I'm inebriated.

I can walk a straight line with anybody on this boat,

with anybody on any boat.

I can walk a straight line with anybody in the world.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to walk that rail!

(STAMMERING)

I wouldn't do that ifl were you, sir.

You're too intoxicated to realize your peril, sir.

I realize. I realize.

I want to show you something.

Here's something you can't do, Mr. Grape Juice.

Look. Blindfolded.

(WILSON SCREAMS)

A man overboard! Man overboard!

-Man overboard! -Help! Help!

Man overboard!

-Man overboard! -SAILOR: Ahoy! Ahoy!

There's two of them.

(ALARM RINGING)

It's Ryan. No, Wilson. He jumped in to save him.

-That's the stuff. -Who is it?

Wilson, the grape juice man!

(GROANSI

That's the stuff, pal.

How you feeling?

Dizzy? Little weak, huh?

-You dirty rat! You slugged me! -Take it easy, pal.

-Take it easy! -You slugged me!

No, I didn't, pal. Honest, I didn't. Honest, I didn't.

-It was a sailor with an oar. -Sailor with a...

Hey, wait a minute.

Why, this is a boat. What's the idea?

-Why, you saved my life last night! -I... What'd I want to do that for?

I don't know. It was certainly something for a guy like you to save a mug like me.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute!

Last night on a train somebody snatched 10 grand from me and...

I made a grab for him. There was a fight. He must have slugged me.

-But that wasn't a sailor with an oar. -Yes, it was.

So help me, Mr. Wilson.

-What did you call me? -Wilson. Mr. Wilson. Your name.

Wilson?

-I'll go get the doctor. -Sit down!

Who's that?

-I can get the doctor in just a minute. -No, sit down!

Why, that's real!

Look, pal. I won't be a minute. The doctor is right down the corridor.

Say, listen to me.

Last night I was on my way to the fight with 10 grand to bet.

-What fight? -Don't you read the papers?

The Schmeling-Stribling fight! I must have missed it.

-I'll say you did, by about nine years! -By about...

What date's this?

Here's the ship's news.

April the 10th.

-1940. That's a misprint. -Honest, pal, that's right.

But this is 1931.

-I got to get the doctor. -Wait a minute.

I don't need a doctor. I need a drink!

It's right here for you.

-Ginger ale and grape juice. -No, no, no! I said a drink!

Well, this is what you been drinking, buckets of it!

Ginger ale and grape juice?

There's no prohibition on these boats, is there?

There ain't no more prohibition. Roosevelt called it off.

Roosevelt? Teddy's been dead for nearly...

No, no, not Teddy Roosevelt! Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the President!

-He's the Governor of New York! -He's the President of the United States.

He's been elected twice.

How's he doing?

Look, Mr. Wilson.

I don't know what's the matter with you, but whatever it is, you can count on me.

I don't suppose you'll understand this, but after what happened last night,

I'm going straight! So help me, Mr. Wilson!

Say, why do you keep calling me Wilson? My name is Carey, George Carey.

You're not the George Carey that was partners with Duke Sheldon

in all them con games?

-What ifl was? -Wait a minute.

Don't be that way with me. After all, we're in the same business.

-What's your racket? -I just kind of work the boats.

You know, a little cards, dice.

The last thing I remember is getting aboard the train to go to the fight.

But that was in 1931. Haven't you got a line on yourself since then?

Nine years ago! You know, it's just like yesterday to me.

Where have I been? Where was I?

Say, wait a minute.

-There's a name for it! -Name for what?

Lapse of memory... Lost identity... Amnesia!

-That's what it is, amnesia! -Is that what you've got?

Why, no, but that's what I've had!

Why, a blow on the head can make you forget your entire past!

You can live on for years,

maybe the rest of your life, as somebody else,

unless... Unless a shock

or another blow brings you back to your right self!

You read about these things but you never think of them happening to yourself!

What kind of a guy was this Wilson?

-He was an awful heel! -Yeah?

-I like Carey better. -Thanks.

All he did was talk about himself and Habersville.

Habersville? Who's he?

It's not "he". That's an it. Don't you even remember that?

That's where you live. A little town in Pennsylvania.

I never heard of the burg.

-I wonder if this Wilson had any dough. -He must have.

You were the tightest guy I've ever seen. I mean, Wilson was.

Let's make a little investigation of his luggage.

Say, this is kind of funny.

We're talking about you and a mug named Wilson, and you're both fellows.

What was I, an end man?

Saltine wafers, dyspepsia tablets, hair restorer... Hair restorer?

(LARRY LAUGHS)

Gargle.

I certainly must have taken good care of this guy Wilson.

I'll bet you an even hundred you wore long underwear.

You think you're kidding?

Here's your wallet. Still wet.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

(LATCH RATTLING)

(SHUSHING)

-(WHISPERS) Mr. Wilson's suit. -Thanks.

-How is he? -Fine.

-If there's anything I can do... -I'll let you know.

Thanks.

Boy, was I a joiner! Rotary Club, Elks, Owls, Community Chest,

Primrose League.

Wait a minute. What's this?

"Habersvi||e National Bank. Lawrence Wilson, checking account C."

$147,000.83!

$147,000.83?

-Let me take a look at that. -Holy...

That's just the C account!

That means there must be an A and a B.

That might go right through the whole alphabet!

Say, why wouldn't it be a good idea for Mr. Wilson

to pay a little visit to Habersville, just long enough to collect this coin?

I'll need some help.

How'd you like to go in on this with me?

-Do you really mean that? -I'll cut you in for 25%.

I'd have done it for 10%. After all, you saved my life.

You know, I'm gonna need some dough.

I think I'll send a radiogram to the Habersville National Bank

and ask them to send me five grand to the Hotel Whitney tomorrow morning.

-Twenty-five percent of five grand. -But you decided to go straight.

That was only a whim.

(SH|P'S HORN BLOWING)

I think we'd better get right to the hotel and see if the bank has sent the...

The...

(BECKONING)

-What's the matter? -Boy!

Eighteen days alone on a boat is certainly along time to be alone on a boat

-for 18 days. -What are you talking about?

Take a look!

Isn't that some dish? I wonder who she's waving to.

Keep your mind on your work.

Larry! Larry! Are you all right?

-Oh, me? Yes, I'm fine. How are you? -Well, the paper said you were injured.

Oh, no, no, no, nothing serious. You know how papers are.

-Well, it certainly is good to see you. -I know you're surprised.

Surprised isn't the word for it. Yes, sir, it certainly is good to see you.

Come on, come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.

(STAMMERING)

This is Doc Ryan. Oh, yes, yes, good old Doc.

-How are you, Dr. Ryan? -I'm much better now, thanks to him.

-Habersville is pretty proud of that rescue. -Habersville?

Well, yes, good old Habersville.

Did you just leave?

When I read that you were hurt, I didn't know how seriously.

-Naturally, I had to come. -Naturally, yes.

-Well, yes, it certainly is good to see you. -So you said.

It's worth repeating.

Larry, you seem strange.

Well, that's just because you haven't seen me for a while.

Before you know we'll be right back to where we were.

That's another thing I came to see you about.

Oh... I'll go look after our luggage.

I'll leave you in care of the Doctor.

Dr. Ryan, is he really all right?

Well, you see, lady, he's had a pretty thorough shock.

Now, you just give me your name and telephone number,

and the minute he feels better, I'll have him call you.

-Call me? -Yeah, he'll ring you in a couple of days.

Thank you, Doctor, but do you know who I am?

Well, whoever you are, he needs rest and quiet.

-Now, if you're a friend of Larry's... -I'm his wife.

His wife?

Oh, yes. How stupid of me.

Well, all set.

-The boy's got the bags. -I was just saying

what a lucky girl this is to have you for a husband.

I wouldn't say that.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Well, what is it? What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing, nothing. I'm fine.

No, you're not. You're sicker than you think.

You need a lot of rest and quiet.

No, I'm all right. Just a day or two in bed.

Larry, are you sure you can walk?

-Maybe we can find a wheelchair. -Oh, no, no, no, I'm all right.

Ifl could just lean on you a little.

Are you checked in anywhere, dear?

I just got in town. My bags are still at the station.

We'll have them brought right over.

-The Hotel Whitney, and drive like mad. -Yes, sir.

Well, here we are.

Well, this is a suite.

(LARRY LAUGHS)

The best is none too good.

You get rid of Dr. Ryan, won't you, Larry?

You said it.

Let me help you on with your coat, old man.

-I was just taking it off! -It's all right, Doc.

There's not a thing you can do for me that my wife can't do.

Listen, Larry, don't get me wrong,

I'd like to lay my hands on some of that amnesia,

but if you give yourself away to this dame, we lose a fortune.

-Will you scram? -You can't get away with it.

She knows all about this Wilson, what he thinks, what he says.

(SHUSHING) Listen, ifl don't make a noise like a husband,

she's going to be even more suspicious.

I got a hunch your noise is going to ruin our racket.

-Will you get out? -You don't even know her name.

She wasn't christened "darling" or "dear", you know.

Okay! Okay!

Yes?

Yes?

-Yes, what? -I thought you called me.

Oh. Kay! Oh, Kay!

(EXCLAIMS)

Larry, I'd like to talk a little if you feel up to it.

Talk?

Yes, of course, dear. Here we... This looks cozy.

I'll sit over here, if you don't mind.

I don't know quite how to...

(PHONE RINGING)

-Hello. -Listen, Larry,

the more I think, the more I worry.

You're playing with fire.

No, I'm not. Not yet.

Lookit, Larry, if you'll only use your head.

I'd like to see Mr. Lawrence Wilson, please.

What name shall I say, sir?

Mr. Billings of the Habersville National Bank.

-Yes, sir. -Hey, Larry, listen.

I don't want to take any more phone calls from anyone. Understand?

Now they won't be able to get us for days.

Now...

(GROANS)

-I forgot all about your bags. -They won't be necessary.

Well, yes, but you'll need...

Oh, well, you can get a toothbrush and nightgown at one of the shops downstairs.

Larry, I'm not going to stay here.

-You're not going to stay? -No.

I've decided once and for all to go through with the divorce.

The...

Oh, Kay.

-I've made up my mind. -You know...

A thing like a divorce can break up a marriage.

-So I've heard. -And what's more...

Very often what seemed like a really good reason for a divorce

isn't a good reason for a divorce at all.

Now, take for example, suppose...

Suppose I'd been beating you or something like that...

I'd like to see you try.

Yeah, or, well, ifl had, say, been running around with some other woman...

You? With a woman? Don't be ridiculous!

You can never have enough proof, Kay. Look, let's forget about the divorce

and try and make a go of it, just once more, starting from scratch.

-It's too late, Larry. -Nonsense. It's never too late.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

-I'll tell you what we'll do. -There's someone at the door.

That's all right. It's locked.

-Go away! -You might as well answer it,

-because I'm leaving anyway. -But Kay...

I'll be at the Shorehaven until tomorrow if you want to get in touch with me.

You, you...

We kept ringing the room, and there was no answer.

-And here you were all the time. -How are you, Mr. Billings?

Couldn't be keener, thanks.

Well, Mr. Wilson, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you.

-That's what you think. -Goodbye, Larry.

Goodbye, Kay.

I met Mr. Billings in the lobby.

Came all the way from the Habersville National Bank.

Is that so?

It's along way to come from the Habersville National Bank.

Bank?

Well, yes. How are you, Mr. Billings?

-How are you? -Couldn't be keener, thanks.

Well, that's fine, fine. Pardon me, I was just wool gathering a little.

-Here you are. Sit right down here. -All right.

I think you'll find that's a nice, soft spot.

-Can I help you with that? -That's just fine, thanks.

-How're tricks? -Couldn't be keener, thanks.

-Well, now, here's the $5,000. -Thank you.

-Now, that makes you $2,700 overdrawn. -Overdrawn?

Well, when you went away, you had on deposit with us $2,800.

Then we paid five hundred for you as the final installment

on that plot of land at Marsh's subdivision.

Here's your deed for that. It's all paid in full.

Oh, yes, yes. And I owe the bank $2,700?

The bank was only too glad to accommodate you.

Nice of them.

Yes. Well, what about the other accounts?

Well, of course, the B and C accounts are separate.

Oh, yes, of course, of course.

But they're listed here in the statement.

Yes, here we are.

In the C account we have $147,000.83.

Could I hear that again, please?

$147,000...

-And 83 cents. -Yes.

-That's the Community Chest account. -What?

I said, that's the Community Chest account.

Naturally, that amount is intact as all checks drawn on that

have to be countersigned by Mr. Sims, Miss Breathwaite, Mr. Allen,

two directors of the fund, Mr. Cochran, and yourself, of course.

-Oh, yes, yes, of course. -How about the National Guard?

Don't they have to sign it, too?

Now, in the B account,

-which is the Anti-Vice League fund... -Anti-Vice League?

Well, we can skip that, right now, that is.

Well, just as you say, Mr. Wilson. I trust I've made everything clear?

Oh, yes, yes. Very clear. And you have the $5,000.

Yes, yes, we have the $5,000, all right.

-Yes, we have that. -Yes.

-Well, good day, gentlemen. -Thank you very much, Mr. Billings.

Give my compliments to Mr. Sims and Miss Breathwaite.

-I will, indeedy. Goodbye. -Goodbye.

Raising all that dough for an anti-vice fund.

You certainly were a stinker!

Say, a guy that can raise that much dough for the Community Chest

certainly ought to be able to raise a few bucks for himself.

-It stands to reason. -Sure.

Habersville. That's Pennsylvania.

-What about oil? -There's lots of money in oil.

Doc, I think maybe you and I had better be on our way to Habersville tomorrow.

You know, just to get the lay of the land.

Say, speaking of land, that guy Billings gave me a deed or something. Sure!

Boy, I'm a property owner in Habersville.

Why, this gag makes the oil a cinch.

I wonder if we could locate Duke Sheldon. You know, he used to specialize in oil.

We could get him to meet us down there.

-Wait a minute. -What's the matter?

-What about your wife? -She's going to divorce me.

Can you imagine? I meet a girl,

and in 20 minutes she's going to divorce me.

But I can't let her do that!

-I'll need her more than ever now. -For what?

Well, with a divorce going on, a scandal in a little town like that...

No, Larry Wilson couldn't sell peanuts.

Where are you going?

I think I'll run over to Shorehaven and have a little talk with the little woman.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

(WHISPERS) See who that is.

-Yes. -All right, where is he?

-Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. -Where's Kay? Larry! Where's Kay?

-What are you doing here? -Larry!

-Hey, come here a minute! -Larry!

You can't go in that room! You can't bust in like that!

-Where's Kay? -Who are you?

You know very well who I am.

Why, yes, but I... Who do you think you are?

-Kay? Kay? -She might've been taking a bath.

Shut up!

She's been here, all right. I saw the register.

-Did you, now? -Yes.

"Lawrence Wilson and wife." That's the way you signed it,

you dirty sneak. What do you mean by that?

Well, after all, she's my wife, isn't she?

Well, she may be your wife but she's engaged to me.

Engaged to... Yes, but why should Kay want to divorce me?

Have you ever taken a good look at yourself?

Let's not get personal. I asked, why should she want to divorce me?

You know why!

Yes, I do, but do you?

I'll say I do, and so does everybody else that knows you.

It's written all over you.

-Kay was never married to you. -Keep it clean, keep it clean.

No, she was married to the Rotary, the Kiwanis, the Lions, the Moose,

the Elks and the Greater Habersville Committee.

Boy, is that bigamy.

Your idea of showing her a good time

was to take her to the annual |adies' night dinner given by

-the Brotherhood of Hoot Owls. -Hoot Owls?

Yes, Hoot Owls!

Kay's spent five long years of boredom and penny pinching.

Now, she's going to have some fun out of life.

-With you? -It's against nature.

Would you mind getting rid of your wisecracking stooge?

We can settle this between the two of us!

There isn't anything to settle.

No, no, things have... And people have changed.

All bets are off.

From now on, it's every man for himself.

You promised Kay a divorce.

I might've known you'd go back on your word,

you dirty double-crosser, you!

You've been asking for this!

(GRUNTS)

You were asking for that!

(GROANS)

He might at least have told me his name.

Hello?

Oh, it's you.

Larry Wilson, what do you mean by acting that way with Herbert?

-His name's Herbert. -I'm not surprised.

Well, listen, Kay, I didn't mean to hit Herbert so hard, honestly.

-What's that you say? -What'd he say?

-He said he hit you. -He did not! I ran into a door!

You didn't hit Herbert. He ran into a door. What?

-What's he want? -He wants me to join him for dinner.

N0. no, no, no.

He says ifl don't go, he'll never give me the divorce.

Why, it's blackmail, that's what it is.

-Well, all right, but I'm going along, too! -Very well, Larry.

We'll join you. Yes, Herbert's coming, too. Goodbye.

I'm sorry, Herbert, but Larry has the upper hand.

We'll have to humor him.

You did run into a door, didn't you?

(SWING MUSIC PLAYING)

Lobster? We didn't order that.

Oh, yes, madam. They were ordered from this morning's nets.

-Why, there must be some mistake. -Oh, no, sir.

Mr. Wilson ordered them this afternoon when he reserved the table.

-Champagne? For Larry? -Oh, no. No. Not all of it.

You and Herbert can have some, too.

Larry, what have you done to yourself?

Your moustache and that outfit.

Just a few last-minute alterations. I'm sorry I'm late.

Herbert, black tie?

(CLICKING TONGUE)

-At least he didn't buy his this afternoon. -Yes, I can see that.

(CORK POPPING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Good old bubbles. Aged, I hope.

Well, if Habersville could see you now!

You, who ran for assemblyman on the prohibition ticket.

On the... Yes. Yes, dear, but you see,

the Doctor says that I should have a drink every 15 minutes.

No, thank you.

-You're not drinking, Herbert? -No, I'm not drinking.

Now look here, Wilson. Don't shush me.

Now, Kay and I came here tonight for only one reason.

Here's a man who gets loud on no drinks.

You're deliberately trying to make him lose his temper.

I'm so sorry, old man.

-How about a dance? -Certainly not.

-Not you. Kay. -We came here to talk.

But the Doctor says that I should have plenty of exercise.

When I dance with you, I'm the one that gets the exercise.

Well, I suppose I'll have to dance with myself, then.

Larry. stop it!

Larry!

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

For heaven's sake. I'll be right back.

Larry! Larry!

This isn't the Virginia Reel or any of your old-time favorites, you know.

-Where did you learn to dance like this? -By mail.

-Larry! -Something wrong, dear?

-Well, for one thing, I can't breathe. -Is this better?

No!

You know, dear, if we could just slip away for a few minutes,

-why, we could... -I came with Herbert.

Well, if you came with Herbert then you should leave with me.

That's only fair.

You know, darling, I took some of the loveliest snapshots on that cruise.

I'd just love to show them to you.

-I am not going to look at your snapshots. -Kay, be...

(MUSIC STOPS)

Excuse me!

Thanks for the use of my wife, old man.

Well, now, are we going to talk or aren't we?

I'm all ears. Fire away.

What are you going to do about the divorce?

The divorce?

Of course you can have the divorce in five or six weeks, perhaps.

-What? -Well, I'm opposed to this unseemly haste.

Somebody might get the idea that Kay didn't like me.

You can't fool me, Larry Wilson.

It's not Kay you're thinking of. It's the Chamber of Commerce.

Of course. Of course. I might have known.

Six weeks, you said?

By some odd coincidence that happens to be the date set for the election

of the president of the Chamber of Commerce.

You're afraid a divorce will hurt your chances.

Well... Well,

unless Kay comes back to Habersville with me

and for five or six weeks is my loving and devoted wife,

I'll have to fight the case. I feel it's my duty.

Oh.

If he feels it's his duty, we're sunk. We might as well give in.

You're taking my wife.

The least you can do is give me the Chamber of Commerce.

You're welcome. Well, I think we should be getting on, Kay.

-Yes, I think we'd better. -But you haven't eaten yet.

-I'm not hungry. -Well, but this...

Good night, Larry.

-Well, I'll walk out with you. -You needn't bother.

It's no trouble at all.

Taxi, sir?

-Goodnight, Larry. -Kay, do you think I... That is...

Could I kiss you goodnight, just once?

-If Herbert doesn't mind. -Say, what do you think this is?

A sort of farewell.

Well, if you must.

Farewell, Kay. Don't look back! It'll be easier.

(BELL RINGING)

The very air smells different in Habersville.

That's the glue factory.

Don't forget. Ifanything comes up you can't handle...

Yes, I know. I faint. Don't forget to catch me.

-You nervous? -What about?

(BAND PLAYING F0/-7 HE'S A JOLL Y G000 FELLOW)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Larry! Darling. Larry! I'm so proud.

|xnay! |xnay! The wife.

-Mother! -Kay, darling.

Mother? Mother! Mother! How well you're looking.

Well, you look wonderful yourself.

But you've changed, Larry. What is it?

Vacation! It's wonderful what a vacation will do for a man, Mother.

Larry, here's Mayor Carver.

Oh, yeah! Well, how are you, Mr. Mayor? You're certainly looking mighty fit.

Habersville is mighty proud of you, my boy.

What you did was not only a credit to yourself and the community

but a shining example for our youth.

And here is Habersvi||e's highest award, the key to our city.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Thank you, Mr. Mayor, and the good citizens of Habersville,

for this key to our city,

and I only want to say that you all have the key to my heart.

The silver-tongued stuffed shirt.

Yes, Mayor, this is my good friend Dr. Ryan.

-Mr. Mayor. -Dr. Ryan.

I am proud and happy to be here, folks,

and I would like to take this occasion to say...

Larry, it's my proud privilege to present a gift from the Municipal Band.

-Well. -A solid silver trumpet.

Well, that's very nice. Thank you very much, Mayor.

Thank you, boys. Thank you.

And now I hope you'll lead us in singing the Habersville town song,

your own brilliant composition.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Larry, suppose you start us with a fanfare on your new trumpet.

Yes, of course. Very glad to!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

Come on, boys. Right in here, gently now, fellas.

-Now, be careful, please. -Gently, right along in there.

Put the body on the bed, boys.

MOTHER: Do you think it's serious, Doctor?

Oh, no, no, no. It's all right.

He'll be quite all right. But he does need quiet. Absolute quiet.

He looks so pale.

I think if you two were to let him alone for a while...

-Doctor, isn't there anything we can get? -Not a thing, not a thing.

-A little hot water, perhaps, huh? -Hot water, that's the worst thing.

I know, but there's certainly something we can do.

-Not a thing. -Would you like another doctor?

-Don't worry about that. I'll handle... -Is there anything I can do?

Not a thing you can do. Goodbye. That's fine. Thank you very much.

(SIGHS)

All right, Little Eva, you can ease up on the dying now.

-Do you see it? -Yeah, it's there.

You stuffed that.

-What's that? -That is an owl.

You stuffed that, too.

And that, according to Mother.

What do I do at night, build a campfire to keep them away?

-This, is your room. -Where're you stopping?

-I'm your guest. Mother insisted on it. -Fine!

Yeah, maybe now you can keep your mind on your work.

What do you think I've been doing?

Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with business.

Lookit, Larry, you ain't going overboard for your wife, are you?

Say, just because a guy takes off his shoes and socks to go wading,

doesn't mean that he's planning to swim the Atlantic, does it?

So long as you don't get in over your head.

Look, Doctor, that's my department.

You better go out and take a slant at the town.

See who runs the burg, who the big shots are.

Find out what brand of suckers they grow here.

-Right. -And Doc...

You better phone the Palace Hotel from outside

and see if the Duke has checked in yet, huh?

-I'm on my way. -And Doc...

If I'm going to have to stay in this jungle alone,

you better send me up a bottle of Scotch.

Scotch coming up.

Doctor, how is he?

He's beginning to sit up and take notice.

Is there anything special in the way of diet?

Well, yes, he needs stimulants, scotch, brandy, champagne.

But Mr. Wilson is a teetotaler.

Well, he'll just have to force himself.

(COUGHING)

My, it's bitter, isn't it?

That's because you're not used to it, dear.

The Doctor said you might have to force yourself.

-Oh, no, no, no. I don't want to. -Now, drink every drop of it.

There, now. Feel better?

I can take it.

(HICCUPS)

-Where's Kay? -In her room.

Now, Larry, about Kay, I know the whole story. It's ridiculous.

I hope you brought her to her senses, Mother.

The idea! You in here, her in there, for a whole year.

-I don't see how you could do such a thing. -Well, neither do I.

But we're going to change all that. I've come to stay for a while.

I'm taking the porch room, which should have been a nursery long ago.

Mother.

Don't argue!

Who's arguing?

But you'll never win Kay back with a stuffed squirrel.

I'll never stuff another squirrel as long as I live.

Good. Now you better try and get some sleep.

-Goodnight, Mumsy! -Good night.

-KAY: Yes? -It's me. Larry.

-What do you want? -I'm hungry.

-Well, look in the icebox. -Well, all right, dear.

Don't you bother. I'll get my own food, even ifl faint before I get there.

Larry, what is it now?

Open the door, Katherine. I want to talk to you.

All right. I'm coming.

Katherine, I heard your conversation with Larry just now.

Larry's voice carries well, doesn't it?

How you can sit there while your husband, a sick man, does your work, I don't know.

(DISHES CLATTERING)

All right, all right, I'll fix him something to eat.

All right, you can relax now.

Kay...

-You came to me. -Wild horses couldn't keep me away.

-You want some eggs? -More than anything in the world. Almost.

I can't get over it.

The last time we had champagne in this house was three years ago

on New Year's Eve when the boss came to dinner.

And even that was a bottle Mother gave us for Christmas.

Kay, dear, you know I wish you'd forget about the past.

You know, I've changed a lot lately.

-Mmm-hmm. -Uh-uh.

Not you, Larry.

You couldn't change any more than one of your stuffed owls could change.

You be careful, madam, or you'll turn my pretty head with your flattery.

I've often wished I could turn your head on a spit, over a slow fire.

Kay, it makes my blood run cold.

Your blood was cold to begin with.

Now, there's where you're wrong. How do you know?

Why, I may be a man of hidden depths and secrets.

I may go along in a rut for years,

and then all ofa sudden, snap out of it like that.

-I feel awfully good. -Yeah?

-Awfully, awfully good. -Well, that's fine, darling. Fine.

-I'm sort of sorry. -Sorry?

I'm sort of sorry I'm not in love with you anymore,

because ifl was still in love with you I'd be awfully in love with you.

Kay, darling, you know,

I know the most wonderful game of two-handed post office.

I think I'd better drink my coffee.

Come on, let's play post office, huh?

-What did you put in this coffee? -Just a little rum.

-Why? -(STAMMERS) Well, it's healthy, dear.

It kills the bugs in the coffee.

Come on over here and sit around on my side.

I think we'd better have an understanding.

I'm in this house simply because of our agreement

to convince the general public that I'm still your wife.

All right, convince me. I'm one of the public.

Strikes me as a pretty foul thing to say about the public.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You're certainly making me pay for my scrambled eggs, aren't you?

-You're not even eating them! -Well, I'm not hungry.

I mean... I...

-So, you're not hungry? -Well...

Well, no. Not really, I guess.

You don't want to eat your nice scrambled eggs?

No.

Then wear them!

How'd you make out with her?

Just dandy.

What have you got on you?

Scrambled eggs.

-What did you think? -I didn't know.

-How'd you make out in town? -It's pie!

The town is loaded with dough. Just ripe for an oil boom.

-Did you phone the hotel? -Yeah, Duke just got in.

He'll meet you in front of the post office at 9:30 in the morning.

That's fine. Now, what about me?

You are the manager of a big pottery works here.

-I make pots? -Yeah.

You may not have any money but you certainly have plenty of pots.

-I guess we'd better case the works. -Tonight?

Sure. When I get there in the morning, I've got to know my way around.

-I'll go get dressed. -Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

-What about... -We'll pull a sneak.

Sales department. Haven't they got a cash department?

This is the sanctum sanctorum of L. Wilson.

-Now you know where you are. -Wouldn't you know it?

Uh-oh.

-A nice old one. -Yes.

Don't you think we should...

Wait a minute.

I've got the combination right here.

Try that.

(ALARM RINGING)

Stop!

Couple of thugs run in back of the Wilson house. Come on.

(CLATTERING)

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

Open the door, please. Officers of the law!

-What is it? -Two burglars run in back of your place.

Thought maybe they got in the house.

(SCREAMS)

-What's the trouble? What is it? -Burglars. Two of them.

-They came this way. -Prowlers, maybe.

I heard scraping sounds on the wall outside, up here.

Up here: 90 On. hurry!

Larry! Larry, are you all right?

(LARRY SNORING)

Larry!

(SHUSHING)

-He's not well. I was afraid to leave him. -Where is he?

I know he's here some place. There he is. What's the matter?

Wake up, Larry. There are burglars in the house!

-He's in no condition to see anybody. -You see, it was like this.

There was a window open and...

(GASPING)

(SHUSHING)

Don't wake him. No shocks.

-Look at him, the way he's breathing. -His face is dripping wet.

-He's perspiring. -Yes, that's because he's sweating.

-I'd better look around the house, ma'am. -I'll show you.

Doctor, why don't you get out of bed and do something?

-I can't. He gets upset ifl leave him. -Get a hot water bottle, Kay.

-I'll put it at his feet. -No, no, no.

Oh, no. Not his feet. Don't touch his feet. That's the one thing you mustn't touch.

Nonsense. I'll bet they're as cold as ice. Here, let me see.

(LARRY GROANS)

I just had the most horrible dream.

There, there, dear. Mother's just seeing if your feet are cold.

(LAUGHING)

Well, I must say, Doctor, I can't see anything to laugh about.

His feet are as cold as ice.

Kay, make that water good and hot.

Hey! Come here a minute, will you?

Get rid of her. I only sleep in the top of my pajamas.

Oh! All right. Will you show me the rest of the house, ma'am?

Yes, certainly.

It's all set.

Did you plant the oil?

-Tonight. How is your amnesia? -Fine, till I saw you.

-Where did you get that make-up? -I've been reading the fashion plates.

I'll phone you later.

Maybe we better say you're still too weak to work.

Don't destroy my confidence because I haven't got any.

Here goes.

-Mr. Wilson, how are you? -Well, hello!

Hello, Mr. Wilson! Gee, it's good to see you back.

-You're looking swell. -Fine, couldn't be better.

Well, well, look who's here.

This is my friend Dr. Ryan. Meet the boys.

-Very glad to know you. -We've read about you.

Look Chief, here's Mr. Wilson.

-Larry. -Fine, just...

Well, well, well, Chief. It certainly is good to see you again.

Welcome home, Larry. Say, you've changed.

Just a little streamlining, you know. Clothes make the man.

This is Dr. Ryan, Chief.

-How are you, Mr. Chief? -Sims is the name.

Yes. Well, how are things getting along?

Not as well as when you're here. By the way, that's too bad about

your collapse at the station yesterday.

-Just a little relapse. -Well, he's liable to do that

every once in a while for a couple of months.

Here you are, Larry, back home.

Yes. No place like home.

You've got a lot of work piled up. I'll look in later.

-Yes, yes, of course. -See you later, Mr. Chims.

Sims, Sims.

Mr. Wilson, I'm so glad you're back.

-How you have... -I know. Changed.

The police are here now, Mr. Wilson.

-What? Where? -In your office.

It's about the robbery last night.

The robbery.

Hello, Mr. Wilson! Glad to see you back.

-Well, how are you, Sergeant? -We're hot on the trail while it's still fresh.

The spirit of Habersville.

You remember Malavinsky, our fingerprint expert?

-How do you do, Mr. Wilson? -Yes, of course. Yeah, very well.

-Meet Sergeant... Dr. Ryan and... -Hi, Doctor.

-Hi, Sergeant. -Mr. Malavinsky, our fingerprint expert.

How do you do, sir?

HEY. don't!

My, how you scared me.

What's the matter? Have I done something?

Now they'll be your fingerprints!

They'll be my...

Oh, dear, how stupid of me!

Come on, Joe. It's no use now.

Guess we'd better mosey along. Well, so long.

So long, friend.

I'll see you again.

Smithson's waiting in my office. He wants an answer.

What are you going to do? Have you thought it over?

Have your changed your mind?

Well, Chief, you're going to be surprised by what I say to that.

I knew you'd come around. That's great. I'll go tell him right now.

-Here's all your mail, Mr. Wilson. -Yes.

-I've got good news for you, Mr. Wilson. -Oh, yes?

Very good news. Seventy hours from the kiln to shipping.

Seventy hours? Seventy. Why, that's fine. Fine.

-Okay, Mr. Wilson. -Stupid of me.

It's the Hendrickson order. He wants ninety gross of X-245

and prompt delivery, and we're out of stock.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. Well, now, that's a very important question.

You better call me back after lunch. Yes.

We're trying it in tile and clay. Shall we make up a bisque?

Well, have you taken it up with Mr. Sims?

He referred me to you.

How long have you been with us?

-Twelve years. -Twelve years.

Then you decide.

What? But Mr. Wilson, you always said that you...

But it's a new policy. From now on, every man is on his own.

That goes for you, and you, and everybody.

(INTERCOM BUZZING)

Well, it seems to be out of order.

Been changed since I've been away?

(BUZZING STOPS)

Here we are. Yes?

S7’//IIGCOMBE: Mrs. Wilson would like to see you far/ust a moment.

Yes, yes, by all means. Have her come right in.

If you boys will excuse me... Mrs. Wilson.

And remember, boys, individuality, that's what makes a firm.

Making our own decisions. Taking responsibility.

It builds character and gets the best results.

-Yes, Mr. Wilson. -Certainly, Mr. Wilson.

-Scram. -I get it.

-Good morning, Doctor. -Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.

Now, don't tell me, I know.

You just couldn't stand being apart any longer.

You needed me. No, no, here, this'|| be more comfortable.

There we are. Now.

It's the 15th.

The 15th? Yes, yes, yes.

That means that tomorrow is the 16th.

It's just continually amazing to me the things you can think of

to keep from writing a check.

A check?

(EXCLAIMS)

The 15th.

I guess we've established that, all right.

That would be how much?

You know perfectly well how much.

Well, what I meant was that maybe

we could just make it a lump sum this time.

How about $200?

What?

Well, that's just for the time being, of course.

-Have you struck oil? -Oil?

That's rich.

Suppose I give it to you in cash.

Now, if you run short, you just call on me.

Don't wake me up. Let me dream.

(INTERCOM BUZZING)

S/MS: Larry, can you get with Joe and me right away?

I'm very sorry, Chief, but something very important has come up.

I've got to go out right away. With my wife.

-With me? I'm going shopping. -You need a man's advice.

No, no, the last time I went shopping with you,

I wound up in a cut-price Mother Hubbard.

Well, you won't end up in a Mother Hubbard today.

You said something about nightgowns?

Well, Larry, we're running up a tremendous bill.

Now, don't you worry. I'm the penny pincher in our family.

Here we are.

I'd like to look at some...

The complaint department is on the third floor, Mr. Wilson.

What's eating her?

-The same old pillowcase. -Pillowcase?

The one they advertised for $2.69 and charged you $2.98 for.

You were only going to have her arrested.

Yes, yes. That's right. Well, I wish I had.

Can I help you, Mrs. Wilson? Mr. Wilson.

Yes, yes. Mrs. Wilson would like to look at some nightgowns.

Oh, yes. This is the model you usually buy, Mrs. Wilson.

-Well, wrap it up. -Yes, sir.

And burn it.

But you'll like this, Mr. Wilson. It's reduced to a special price this week.

You know, I think I could whip up

something niftier than that myself out of old flour sacks.

-Well, it's the cheapest we have. -But I don't want anything cheap.

I want something expensive.

Mr. Hymes.

-How do you do, Mr. Wilson? -How do you do?

Mr. Wilson said he wants to buy something expensive.

(MR. HYM ES LAUGHING)

Somebody's making fun of us today, eh, Mr. Wilson?

Well, I just want to buy something nice. I don't care whether it's expensive or not.

Give up?

No, no. I'm groggy, but I'm game.

Look, just forget about me.

Let's pretend that it's an entirely different customer. It's a...

Here. This is Mrs. Albemarle.

One of the Pittsburgh Albemarles. You know, coal and iron?

Well, now, Mrs. Albemarle wants to buy a new nightgown, and hang the expense.

Perhaps I better get the manager.

Larry, let's forget it. I don't really need a nightgown.

You're gonna get a new nightgown ifl have to buy two silkworms

and start from scratch.

Look, Mrs. Albemarle has been very patient up to now,

but she's getting just a little tired of this pup tent she's wearing.

Look at that sailcloth.

You'll pardon my cold hands, won't you, Mrs. Albemarle?

Why, she's positively ashamed to be seen in it.

She's probably more ashamed to be seen without it.

You don't know Mrs. Albemarle.

Now, haven't you something from, say, Charmaine?

Why, yes, sir.

Where did you learn about Charmaine?

On the boat. It was in a magazine.

Is this more like what you had in mind, sir?

Of course.

Well, now, that's...

No, here. Now. There we are.

-Now, isn't that pretty? -It's lovely.

How much is it?

(INAUDIBLE)

-Ninety dollars. -Good. Wrap it up and send it along.

Yes, Mr. Wilson.

Kay, what you need is some tea.

After a strenuous day shopping, there's nothing like a good cup of...

Pardon, madam, your s|ip's showing.

(EXHALES)

-Boy, what a place to get to. -Well, it certainly took you long enough.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Duke, I was delayed.

Isn't that beautiful? Duke, you're a genius. How'd you rig it?

The barre|'s buried under the bank. I just led the pipe out to there.

It sanded over in about ten minutes.

Well, if that doesn't sell itself, my name's not Larry Wilson.

-Come to think of it, it's not, is it? -Well, if you're not, who is?

What?

Don't confuse me, Doctor.

Now the question is, how to get the suckers out to this wilderness

so they can admire your landscaping, Duke.

You mean you haven't figured that out yet?

-Well, I've been sort of busy. -Yeah, I heard all about that.

Now listen, love-bug, flop on this job and it's a permanent flop.

Duke, the money is practically in your pants right now.

I got it. I'll give a picnic Sunday. Get the leading citizens out here.

Go in swimming, come out covered with oil.

That's great. This is Tuesday.

Why, there won't be enough oil around here to fill a cigarette lighter by Sunday.

Well, never mind. Leave it to me.

Getting them out here is my department. That's a swell job, Duke. We can't miss.

We better not. Now, don't get me wrong. I mean, we better not.

What are you worrying about?

Everything's going to be dandy-wandy. I'll see you fellows later.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Who is it?

Open the door.

It's open.

(LAUGHING) I thought it was locked.

Suppose it had been?

Well, I'd have kicked it down.

-What for? -What?

What for?

-So I could come in. -Why?

-Why? -That's right, why?

Well, because I wanted to see how pretty you looked in your new negligee.

I was just trying it on.

It's certainly pretty.

I've just spent two hours straightening things out with Herbert.

Don't you think you've caused me enough trouble for one day?

No.

Sometimes you remind me ofa high school boy

on a street corner, whistling at girls.

Well, it's romantic to whistle at the opposite sex. Birds do it. Lovebirds.

Lovebirds don't whistle, they coo.

No, they whistle. A sort of low, cooing whistle. Like this.

(IMITATING BIRD COOING)

Sort of gets you, doesn't it?

-Not particularly. -No?

You know, I knew a case once where a female Iovebird locked the male Iovebird

out of her nest, and he stood outside and he whistled and he whistled

and he whistled, like this.

(IMITATING BIRD COOING)

Please let me in.

It was pitiful.

Then finally he lost his temper, so he kicked the door of the cage down.

And what do you suppose the female did then?

Gave him a sharp peck at the base of the skull.

No. No, she spread her soft little wing around him and she sighed,

and she laid him an egg.

Larry, please, for heaven sakes, leave me alone.

Well, what's the matter? I haven't done anything.

What are you getting angry about?

I don't know. Yes, I do know.

I know. It's Herbert, that's who it is. It's Herbert.

Kay, if Herbert's doing anything to make you unhappy, so help...

It isn't Herbert. It's you.

-Me? -Yes, you.

You've done everything you could think of to make me miserable.

But what have I done?

I suppose you didn't take me out and buy me the most expensive clothes in town.

Is that bad?

And I suppose you didn't say nice things to me and pay me dozens of compliments

and try your best to please me.

You couldn't have been more absolutely charming.

You were just as nice and sweet and kind as you could be, and you know it.

Yeah, I guess I've been a heel.

You're not getting anywhere, and I wish you'd stop.

Stop not getting anywhere?

No. Stop getting me mixed up.

I want you to be your old self.

Your owl-stuffing, speech-making, pompous old self.

I don't want any more of this Jekyll and Hyde business.

Well now, let me get this clear.

You mean that you're upset because I've been acting as though I find you lovely?

Yes.

Yeah, but you are lovely, Kay.

If you'll only give me half a chance, I'd prove just how lovely I think you are.

There you go again.

-Well, I was only trying to... -No!

No what?

I've got something to tell you, and I don't want you to say a word.

-Not a word? -Just keep quiet. Understand?

You said before that I was lovely, attractive to you! Well, that's not so.

It's just your pride, that's all. Stop doing that.

You're losing me, so suddenly I seem worth holding on to. It's not me.

It's just the idea of giving up anything that ever belonged to you.

You don't love me. You never did. Public opinion's the only thing you love.

Public opinion, public buildings, public positions.

You just can't stand being hurt in the eyes of the public.

Now, that's why I resent your attentions.

And that's why my door is going to stay locked as long as I'm in this house.

Now, if you have anything to say, make it short.

(IMITATES BIRD COOING)

(SOBBING)

My gosh, Kay, there isn't anything to cry about.

Please go away. Please.

-Golly, you got up early. -Yeah.

Has Duke got any options?

He has on all the land surrounding yours. Cost him 400 fish.

I'm going to get some customers out to that creek today

if I've got to carry them out and rub their noses in it.

Yeah, Duke says he wants some action.

He wants some action? Do you think I want to hang around

this hick burg any longer than I have to?

Hey, that's funny. I thought...

-Well, you thought what? -Nothing.

That is, I... Well, nothing, I guess.

-Spread your eye over that. -What is it?

Just a list of all the higher income brackets. Uncle Sam's sucker list.

You mean they really print them?

Yeah, they try to make it a little easier for us now.

Leonard Harkspur, $210,000.

Isn't that beautiful?

Say, we've got to remember that.

Leonard Harkspur, $210,000.

Edward Littlejohn, $131,000.

Say, some of these local boys do pretty good, don't they?

Is it all right for Corporal Belenson now?

What do you mean, ‘'Is it all right?"

It's Wednesday, you know.

Yes, yes, so it is, Wednesday.

Who is Corporal Belenson?

You tell him, Miss Stingcombe.

He has a Ranger medallion, two silver stars, and a community stripe.

You don't say.

If you'd put me at ease, sir, I'd like to shake you by the hand.

Well. Well, that's easy.

-How are you? -At ease, Belenson.

The troop is very proud of you, sir. That rescue at sea.

I'm the guy whose life he saved. Ryan's the name.

Ranger leader Ryan from Scranton?

No, no, I'm awful sorry. I was in the Army, though.

It's 2:00, sir. The troop's outside all ready.

-Where are they going? -That's up to Mr. Wilson.

Well, I'm afraid this afternoon...

He can't go with you this afternoon.

But it's Harkspur's test's today.

It's out of the question.

-Harkspur? -Yes, sir.

Now, look here, young man.

-Leonard Harkspur? -Sure, Junior.

He's been waiting for you to get back to take his test for first class Ranger.

And Brown and Littlejohn have been working very hard

to get out of the tenderfoot class.

-Littlejohn, eh? -Yes, sir.

Don't you remember, Mr. Wilson? You said...

Why, of course. Of course I remember.

You know, as a matter of fact, I had arranged a test for today.

A sort of water test.

You remember we were talking about the water test, Doctor?

Very interesting.

That's splendid, sir, but how about shooting the buck first?

Go ahead. You're fader.

Gambling, at your age.

You don't understand, sir. Mr. Wilson's been showing us how to trail a deer

and then shoot it with a bow and arrow.

We call it "shooting the buck".

Well, what do you know?

Well, let's get going, eh? Lead on, Corporal.

-But your uniform. -My what?

For a moment you'd forgotten, hadn't you, sir?

What are you doing that for, sir?

-It's good for the leg muscles. -It's good for leg muscles.

BOY 1: Good for the leg muscles. BOY 2: Good for the leg muscles.

BOY 3: Good for the leg muscles. BOY 4: Good for the leg muscles.

Hey, Tom Thumb, you lost your army. They went that-a-way.

(LARRY LAUGHS)

Corporal Belenson.

BELENSON: Company, halt!

Corporal, are you sure this is the shortcut to the creek?

Oh, yes, sir. We're almost there now.

(BOYS GIGGLING)

All right.

BELENSON: Forward march!

Company, halt!

Right face!

Well, it certainly is great to see Larry Wilson back in harness, all right, all right.

Well, thank you. It's certainly good to be back.

You know our visitor from the West Habersville troop,

Patrol Leader Billings, all right, all right.

Oh, yes. Of course.

Ranger Leader Wilson,

at the last meeting of the Boy Rangers' Council

of the county of Habersville it was decided

to bestow upon you a token ofappreciation.

It gives me great pleasure to present to you, for outstanding service

to the youth of your community, the Brown Beaver.

(BOYS CHEERING)

ALL: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

Men? Men, I'm...

I'm not much at speech making,

so about...

About all I can say is that when in a... When I...

When I came out here this afternoon,

about the last thing I expected to get was the Beaver.

Hooray! Hooray!

So, thank you. Thank you one and all. And now let's go to the creek.

Sir, you've forgotten Harkspur's test.

Oh, yes, yes, Harkspur's test.

Committee in charge of the deer cleats, move.

-Sorry. -BELENSON: Harkspur, front and center.

Harkspur, in five minutes you will take up the trail of the buck.

Five minutes later the troop will follow you.

If you succeed in locating Ranger Leader Wilson

before the troop catches up to you, you will have passed the trailing test

ofa first class Ranger.

You have my own and the troop's best wishes.

You know, the whole organization is clamoring to hear more about

your woodsmanship, Mr. Wilson.

I thought I'd trail along with you today and take a few notes on your technique.

Patrol Leader Billings is going to write an article about you

for our Rangers' gazette.

Well, I wasn't planning on doing very much today.

I know it won't seem much to you. I just hope I can keep up, that's all.

-BELENSON: Ready, sir? -Ready.

On your mark, get set, go.

I'm sorry, Ranger Leader Wilson, but I don't get it.

Well, it's all very simple, Mr. Billings.

You see...

You see, I'm a four-footed animal in flight.

Yes, you see, in the first flush of panic,

the animal mind isn't bright enough to realize that he could have

run around the brush.

Well, that adds up all right.

Yes, just elementary deer psychology.

I see, that's where the deer bedded for the night.

Well, yes.

Yes, yes, that's it. You've got it.

You must have had your eyes wide open to find a spot like this.

Thanks.

But Mr. Wilson, won't this make it too difficult for the young fellow?

Yes, we mustn't make it too difficult for him, must we?

This particular deer doesn't seem to run very much, Mr. Wilson.

No, no, this deer relies more on his wits.

(CLACKING)

Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson!

Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Here you are. I found you. Well, where is he?

-The tracks end here. -The tracks end here?

-Yes. -Well, if the tracks end here,

how will I be able to follow him any further? I can't follow him.

Now I won't get to be a first class Ranger.

Don't you worry, young fellow, there's not a man in the country

who could solve this problem.

I tell you, it's the most amazing bit of woodsmanship I've seen in my life.

What's the matter? What's happened?

It's not fair. He didn't leave any more tracks.

(ALL CLAMORING)

There he is!

-Here he is waiting for us. -He was here all the time.

He was right here laughing at us.

Well, what happened? What delayed you?

Ranger Leader Wilson, when I meet a genius, I take off my hat.

I'd give a Sunday necktie to know how you did it.

Mr. Billings, that one's known only to creatures of the forest.

I had to learn it the hard way.

Why do you make the test so hard for me? Now I'm not gonna be a Ranger.

Now, don't worry, Harkspur. I'll give you another chance.

Now, I want to see how accurately you can find your way with the aid of a map.

You will proceed directly to the creek. You will cross the creek at this point.

And then you can go home.

The creek's right over the knoll there. Heck, that ain't no test.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, do you want to become a first class Ranger?

Okay. I'll go.

Wait a minute now. Littlejohn.

-Littlejohn! -Here, sir.

Oh, yes. Now, Littlejohn, you go along with Harkspur

and make sure that he carries out his orders.

-Yes, sir. -May I go, too, sir?

Belenson, what is your father doing these days?

Why, he's still president of the bank, sir.

He is, eh? Well, you run right along. Run right along.

HARKSPUR: I got tar all over me.

LITTLEJOHN: Me, too. BELENSON: That's not tar.

-Smells more like oil. -I wanna go home.

I'm going home.

-Is this where you crossed? -Yeah, just about here, Dad.

It's oil, all right. Come on.

(SHUSHING)

Somebody coming.

Well, well, how are you, Leonard?

Well, well, Edward.

-I suppose Tommy told you. -I suppose Junior told you.

What a cock-and-bull story. Imagine finding oil out here.

-But Dad, we seen... -Aren't you ashamed of yourself,

dragging your father off on a wild goose chase?

I suppose they got the oil off a truck or something.

No, we didn't. Honest!

Don't contradict me. I guess I know when you're lying.

Well, I suppose we might as well go home.

Yes, might as well, I guess.

-Goodnight, Leonard. -Goodnight, Edward.

-Hello, Ed. Hello, Leonard. -Hello, Phil.

Hi, kids. See, Dad, it was right over...

How many times must I tell you not to point?

Well, I suppose your boys told you.

Yes. Not a word of truth in it.

That's just what I told my boy when he told me.

No oil, huh?

Yeah, that's Duke all right. You won't forget the signal, will you?

I'll remember. Will you quit stewing?

-Where's your handkerchief? -In my pocket.

I've given up wearing it on my head this season.

Gee, those fellows ought to be here.

What did Harkspur say to you on the phone?

-He said they'd be here at 7:00. -Did he mention the oil?

-No, not a word. -That's fine.

They're gonna play you for the sucker. That makes it a cinch.

-Yeah. -I wonder if...

Larry, some gentlemen to see you.

-Show them in, by all means, Mother. -Come in, gentlemen.

-Well, Larry! -Well, well, old man. How are you?

(MEN CHATTERING)

You own a piece of land here.

-Marsh's subdivision. -Yes.

The state is building a new highway through the suburbs,

and we've brought some pressure to see that it runs out through your land.

What would you say to a check for $10,000?

A clear profit of $7,500.

(STAMMERS)

Why, that's a profit of 300% on my investment.

I couldn't take that, gentlemen.

We feel it's coming to you, Larry.

Why, yes, but, why, I'd feel like a profiteer, you know.

However, if it's agreeable to you gentlemen, it's a deal.

Splendid. I have a check right here.

I think I have the deed to that land right here in my desk.

Let's see, a grant deed, yes, here it is.

Now, shall I just indicate the transfer on the back?

DUKE: I must see Mr. Wilson at once, sir.

-Well, I wonder who that could be? -DUKE: It's a matter of utmost importance!

-Go ahead, Larry. -DOC: Don't break in there.

-DUKE: Stand aside, sir. -Be seated and await your turn!

I'm sorry to intrude, Mr. Wilson.

I am Mr. Wilson.

Thank you.

My name is Sheldon. Colonel E.J. Sheldon.

Well, this is rather unusual, sir, but how do you do?

This is Mr. Harkspur, Mr. Belenson, and Mr. Littlejohn.

How do you do, gentlemen? Mr. Wilson, I'll be brief.

You're the owner of Marsh's subdivision, I believe?

-Yes. -Splendid.

Now, my firm is very anxious to get a hold of that land.

What'|| you take for it?

(LARRY LAUGHS)

This is a coincidence.

I was just offered $10,000 for that land.

Mr. Wilson, I'll double that offer.

-You mean it? -I'm not in the habit ofjoking, sir.

Colonel Sheldon has heard about the new road.

New road? I know of no road. Mr. Wilson, I'm in the gravel business,

and your land contains valuable deposits of that substance.

Gravel on my land?

Well, you heard my offer, Mr. Wilson. How about it?

Wait a minute, Larry, we'll match Colonel She|don's offer.

-Larry. -Yes.

Larry, what are you doing? Are you selling those lots you own?

Well, no, not yet, dear, but it looks as if! might.

Do you know what's on the land?

Yes, dear. I know all about the rich gravel deposits.

Gravel deposits. Gravel deposits my foot. It's oil!

Oil?

Well, this is just an idle rumor, I'm sure.

You know, these things come up, and before you know it...

This is no idle rumor. This is oil, and gobs of it.

It seems to me, Colonel, that you have deliberately misrepresented the value

of Mr. Wilson's property.

Watch your step, Larry. Don't let anyone swindle you.

No. Thank you, dear. I won't.

(DOOR CLOSES)

-Major Shelby. -Colonel Sheldon!

Well, Colonel, Admiral, or whatever it is, I'll have to ask you to leave this house, sir.

Now just a moment, my dear sir.

Business is business, and I have the right to drive as good a bargain as I can.

You've no right to come in and try

to swindle one of our town's leading citizens, Colonel.

I'll give you $100,000

for a half interest in your property, Mr. Wilson.

No. My good fortune is Habersvi||e's.

My friends and I will handle this proposition.

-We certainly will. -You bet, you. That's right.

So, that's it. Well then, permit me to inform you

that I have options on the four pieces of property surrounding yours,

and I'll have drilling equipment out there by tomorrow night.

Chances are, my wells will drain off

every drop of oil and leave your property valueless.

Just a moment, Colonel Sheldon. Suppose we buy you out?

-With what? -With hard cash.

Right. How much would it take for your option?

Well, I own four parcels. I'll take $50,000 each.

How do you propose to handle that, Mr. Wilson?

Well, sir, it's a deal.

Very well. Suppose we meet in my rooms at the Palace Hotel?

-What time? -Better give us four or five hours.

All right. I shall expect you between 11:00 and 12:00.

See you later, gentlemen.

(DOOR CLOSES)

We'll have to work fast to get that money.

Exactly. We mustn't give Sheldon a chance to back out.

-We'll get it. -Will you meet us later

in She|don's room, Larry?

-What? Yes. -Well, fine, Larry.

Come on, fellows, let's go. Good evening, Doctor.

-Good evening, gentlemen. -Good evening, Doctor.

Great work, pal. I was listening at the door. I'm proud of you.

Yes, thanks. Where is Kay?

Kay? I saw her go out a minute ago with a letter in her hand.

By the way, how did she know about the oil?

Yeah, that's what I want to find out.

Kay? Kay!

Well, if your arm is going my way, I'll give it a lift.

No hat, envelope in hand. I deduce that you're going to mail a letter.

Yes, I'm going to mail it.

I needn't tell you how much you saved me.

I'm still so mad I could explode.

Those crooks pretending to be your friends.

And Herbert's no better. He acts as though I were a common thief,

as ifl ought to be glad ofa chance to pick your pocket legally.

So, that's how you...

You're the only honest one in the whole crowd.

-Who, me? -You're really too good for this town.

No, not really.

-Exit Herbert? -Exit Herbert.

I want to walk.

Well, is this a private walk or can anyone come?

Anyone can come. Even you.

Here we are.

Gosh, it was certainly worth the climb, wasn't it? A wonderful view.

Why, Larry, don't tell me you've forgotten this place.

Why, no. How could I forget it?

It was right here.

Oh, yes, yes.

No, no, I think it was a little more to the left.

I think you're right.

About there, eh?

That's just the way you were sitting.

Oh, yes, that's right. I was.

Remember what you said?

Yes. Do you?

Mmm-hmm.

You said, "Kay, darling,

"marriage is the soundest investment two people can make."

Yeah, that's right.

Kay, why did you ever marry me?

Because I felt that back of those stuffed trophies and lodge pins,

there was another person. An exciting person.

The sort of man I'd dreamt of marrying.

-He wasn't really there, though, was he? -Yes, Larry.

I finally found the man I thought I married.

(EXHALES)

Cities look different at night, don't they?

All those lights, like an evening gown, a black evening gown with spangles.

I'm sorry I didn't find him sooner.

Don't apologize for what you thought of me.

You were right. You're still right.

No. I was terribly wrong.

But I was afraid. I was afraid of falling in love with you again.

If you were afraid then, you should be twice as afraid now.

I don't understand that.

No, I hope you never will.

Well, I suppose I'd better be getting back. Shall we go?

Larry, come here.

You make me sick.

If there's anything that turns my stomach, it's a man who acts noble.

-Noble? -You know darn well that you love me.

And now you're acting noble and giving me up because something's wrong.

I don't know what it is but I'm going to find out.

Yeah, but Kay, wait, I...

Ever since you got off that boat you've been chasing me like an amorous goat.

You've tried your darnedest to make me fall in love with you and now you have.

So from now on, I'm going to do the chasing,

and believe me, brother, you're going to know you've been chased.

-You're finally back, huh? -Yeah.

How did she find out about the oil?

-Herbert. -Oh, yeah.

I thought we'd drop the suitcases out the window,

then grab them when we scrammed out of town.

I got yours packed already.

-Doc. -I've been figuring,

you know, my share of this will be about 50 grand.

Holy Ike, can you imagine me with fifty G's?

Doc, how would you like to go to work in my pottery mill?

I wouldn't like it. What's the angle?

About 30 bucks a week, more when you learn the business.

What're you getting at?

I'm getting at a chance to eat regular and sleep regular,

and not have to duck into a cellar every time you see a cop.

Maybe have a little home of your own with a nice garden, porch.

Are you kidding me?

Maybe meet some nice, plump little lady

who thinks you're the greatest guy in the world,

get married, have some kids,

teach them to ride a bike and play baseball if they're boys. If they're girls,

you can put hair ribbons on them and take them walking on Sundays.

-Gee, that sounds wonderful. -Yeah?

I'm glad you like it, Doc, because that's what we're going to do.

Yeah? Well, you're crazy.

Can you imagine us setting up housekeeping in this town

after the oil deal?

I'm afraid you're not very quick, Doc.

The oil deal is off.

The oil deal is off?

Then I don't get my 50 G's?

From 50 G's to 30 bucks.

And you're the guy that was only going in wading.

I'm sorry, Doc.

It's all right with me. After all, you saved my life.

Hey, what about Duke?

Yeah. I'm afraid Duke is just a wee bit mercenary.

Yeah, and he likes money, too.

Well, I suppose I might as well be on my way.

This is likely to develop into quite an argument.

Don't get him sore, Larry.

I seen you fight once, and honest, you was awful.

Doc, what I'm trying to hang onto is worth a punch in the nose.

A punch in the nose?

Duke'II kill him.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Hello, Doc.

Duke, were you ever in love?

Say, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about love, Duke.

You know, a nice little home, with a couple of kids and a porch.

And not having to duck a cop every time you see a cellar.

Say, what have you been drinking?

And look, Duke, if it's a boy, you can teach him to play baseball,

and if it's a bicycle, Duke,

you can put hair-ribbons on her and go walking on Sundays.

You better go and sleep it off.

You got to remember another thing, Duke.

Larry's had this here now amnesia.

Duke, you don't know amnesia, it just does things to a fellow.

For instance, you take love. Love...

Love Me ran fifth.

Yes, that's right, didn't even get in the money.

Well, I just thought you'd like to know.

That's all. Goodbye. Hello.

It's a guy I know. He's horse crazy.

How did Amnesia come in, Doctor?

Why, he...

Amnesia wasn't in the race.

Come here, Doctor.

Sit down.

Now, we're going to have a nice, long talk.

Yes, ma'am.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Come in.

-Duke. -It's you.

Say, you're here early. What's up?

Up? Why?

Yeah, Doc Ryan just phoned me.

He did, eh? What'd he say?

Well, it wasn't quite clear,

but I got the feeling that I was headed for the sharp end of a sellout.

Come on, Carey. What is it? Let's have it.

Well, Duke, the oil deal is finished. I'm calling it off.

Take another look in your crystal ball, my friend.

This oil scheme is pure fraud.

And if you welsh on me, I'll see that the whole town knows who cooked it up.

Whatever you do, I can't go through with it.

I can't give my wife a dirty deal like that.

Well, the deal you're giving me isn't exactly lily-white.

I know, and it isn't easy for me to let you down,

but I simply can't help it, Duke. I can't go through with it.

This moonlight and roses hooey don't fool me.

You and this dame are up to something.

No, you're wrong there. She doesn't know anything about it.

Larry.

Why, Kay. What are you doing here?

It's all right, Larry, I know.

So, she didn't know a thing, huh?

You told her? About the oil?

She pumped it out of me.

Kay, I want you to go home.

-Nobody's going home. -Just a minute, Duke.

She had nothing to do with this. Let her out.

Don't you dare lay a hand on him, you overgrown bully.

Shut your trap, madam. Now, you listen to me.

If you and this tootsie here want to play house when we get the cash, that's okay,

but this car runs to the end of the line, and nobody gets off till it gets there.

You can't give me orders, you crook.

That's right lady, I'm a crook. But what do you think he is, a Bible salesman?

I don't care if he was an ax-murderer. That's all finished.

I've seen him in love before. It usually lasts from four to six weeks.

That's a lie.

Listen, lady, I generally never sock a dame,

but I'm inclined to make an exception of you.

Okay, Duke, you asked for it.

(KAY EXCLAIMS)

Don't do that, Duke. What's the matter with you?

Take it easy, you've knocked the poor guy cold.

-You've killed him! -I hope so.

Darling. Larry.

(GULPING)

-Help. I'm drowning. -Larry, darling.

Kay. Kay.

How did you get aboard ship?

Yes, you. It's all your fault, sir.

It's all your fault. Falling overboard.

Your drunken conduct is inexcusable.

All right, Carey, get up and quit stalling.

I don't believe I know you.

-Holy Ike. -Larry.

Why, this isn't the boat. What's happened?

Come on, pal, pull yourself together, will you?

We're in the middle ofa big deal!

Deal? Oh, yes.

If you'll come to my office I'll be very happy to show you our full line of pots.

(SOBBING)

It's no use. It's no use.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

I hope you don't mind, Larry, if we let Herbert in on our little proposition.

He's agreed to put up...

-Why, what's the matter, Larry? -Why, what is it?

He doesn't remember anything up till a few minutes ago.

He's had an attack ofamnesia.

Amnesia. Good heavens.

Don't worry, Larry. It's no worse than a bad cold.

Amazing. Doesn't he remember about the oil deal?

Oil? Oil deal?

Yes, yes. The oil deal.

-Certainly. -Of course!

Why, gentlemen, you know I've always said that a man should stick to his line.

My line is pots.

But Larry, Colonel Sheldon says this deal must be closed tonight.

Why are you torturing him like this?

Can't you see he's in no condition to discuss your silly business now?

-Sit down, Larry. -Take it easy, pal. Take it easy.

I had the foresight to cash a large check when I heard about the oil.

Gentlemen, Mrs. Wilson is right.

It's not fair to a man in his condition to ask him to talk business tonight.

-Come along. -But this is an important deal.

Naturally, I'm sympathetic, but at the same time...

After all, he's right. There's nothing you can do.

Quiet, boys. Quiet.

Just think of it.

A clunk on the head gives me a pal, another clunk takes him away from me.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(IMITATES BIRD COOING)

(GLASS BREAKING)

Larry!

Mrs. Wilson, I forgot to tell you...

What?

Nothing. You certainly can kick that amnesia around.

English - SDH