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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:14,538 It all began on New Year's Day... 2 00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:17,830 in my thirty-second year of being single. 3 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,455 Once again, I found myself on my own... 4 00:00:21,496 --> 00:00:25,788 and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. 5 00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:27,372 Every year, she tries to fix me up... 6 00:00:27,372 --> 00:00:29,747 with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore... 7 00:00:29,789 --> 00:00:32,997 and I feared this year would be no exception. 8 00:00:33,039 --> 00:00:34,872 There you are, dumpling. 9 00:00:34,914 --> 00:00:36,539 My mum... 10 00:00:36,581 --> 00:00:37,956 a strange creature from the time... 11 00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,372 when a gherkin... 12 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,874 was still the height of sophistication. 13 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,541 Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget. 14 00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:44,708 Third drawer from the top, Una. 15 00:00:44,749 --> 00:00:46,708 Under the mini gherkins. 16 00:00:46,708 --> 00:00:50,916 By the way, the Darcys are here. They brought Mark with them. 17 00:00:50,958 --> 00:00:52,541 Ah, here we go. 18 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:53,958 You remember Mark. 19 00:00:53,999 --> 00:00:55,667 You used to play in his paddling pool. 20 00:00:55,709 --> 00:00:57,542 He's a barrister. Very well off. 21 00:00:57,542 --> 00:00:59,584 No, I don't remember. 22 00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:01,542 He's divorced, apparently. 23 00:01:01,584 --> 00:01:04,000 His wife was Japanese. Very cruel race. 24 00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:05,750 Now, what are you going to put on? 25 00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:06,917 This. 26 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:08,834 Oh, don’t be silly, Bridget. 27 00:01:08,875 --> 00:01:10,001 You'll never get a boyfriend... 28 00:01:10,043 --> 00:01:12,001 if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz. 29 00:01:12,126 --> 00:01:13,085 Now, run upstairs. 30 00:01:13,126 --> 00:01:15,085 I've laid out something lovely on your bed. 31 00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:18,168 Tsk. 32 00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:28,961 Great. I was wearing a carpet. 33 00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:30,794 There she is. 34 00:01:30,836 --> 00:01:34,794 My little Bridget 35 00:01:34,836 --> 00:01:37,336 Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha. 36 00:01:37,377 --> 00:01:38,671 - Hmm. Had a drink? - No. 37 00:01:38,671 --> 00:01:39,963 No? Come on, then. 38 00:01:40,004 --> 00:01:41,713 Actually, not my uncle. 39 00:01:41,754 --> 00:01:43,504 Someone who insists I call him uncle... 40 00:01:43,546 --> 00:01:44,838 while he gropes my ass... 41 00:01:44,879 --> 00:01:47,963 and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. 42 00:01:48,004 --> 00:01:51,046 So... how's your love life? 43 00:01:51,088 --> 00:01:53,339 Super. Thanks, Uncle G. 44 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,339 Still no fellow, then, eh? I don't know. 45 00:01:55,339 --> 00:01:57,880 You career girls. Can't put it off forever. 46 00:01:57,922 --> 00:01:59,797 Tick-tock, tick-tock. 47 00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:02,380 - Hello, Dad. - Hello, darling. 48 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,005 How's it going? 49 00:02:04,047 --> 00:02:05,589 Torture. 50 00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:08,547 Your mother’s trying to fix you up with some divorcee. 51 00:02:08,589 --> 00:02:09,964 Uhh. 52 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:13,089 Human-rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast, apparently. 53 00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:16,547 Hoo. Ding-dong. 54 00:02:16,589 --> 00:02:19,464 Maybe this time Mum had got it right. 55 00:02:19,505 --> 00:02:22,798 Come on. Why don’t we see if Mark fancies a gherkin? 56 00:02:22,798 --> 00:02:24,798 Good luck. 57 00:02:24,881 --> 00:02:26,381 Mark? 58 00:02:26,423 --> 00:02:29,090 Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right... 59 00:02:29,131 --> 00:02:31,881 I’d been waiting my whole life to meet. 60 00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:35,048 You remember Bridget. 61 00:02:35,090 --> 00:02:36,842 Maybe not. 62 00:02:36,883 --> 00:02:38,633 She's used to run around your lawn... 63 00:02:38,675 --> 00:02:40,842 with no clothes on, remember? 64 00:02:40,883 --> 00:02:42,925 Uh, no, not as such. 65 00:02:44,633 --> 00:02:45,842 Come and look at your gravy, Pam. 66 00:02:45,883 --> 00:02:47,758 I think it's going to need sieving. 67 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:48,967 Of course it doesn't need sieving. 68 00:02:49,008 --> 00:02:50,759 Just stir it, Una. 69 00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:54,051 Yes, of course. I'll be right there. 70 00:02:54,093 --> 00:02:57,051 Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls. 71 00:03:01,009 --> 00:03:03,968 - So... ha. - So. 72 00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:07,135 You staying at your parents' for New Year? 73 00:03:07,344 --> 00:03:08,719 - Yes. - Mmm. 74 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,135 - You? - Oh, no, no, no. 75 00:03:10,344 --> 00:03:12,344 I was in London at a party last night... 76 00:03:12,385 --> 00:03:14,719 so I'm afraid I'm a bit hung over. 77 00:03:14,719 --> 00:03:16,635 Wish I could be lying with my head in the toilet... 78 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:18,135 Like all normal people. 79 00:03:20,136 --> 00:03:22,845 New Year's resolution... drink less. 80 00:03:22,845 --> 00:03:25,845 Oh, and quit smoking. Mmm. Ha. 81 00:03:25,886 --> 00:03:28,553 - Oh. - Oh. Ha. 82 00:03:28,595 --> 00:03:30,970 And keep New Year's resolutions. 83 00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:35,722 Oh. And, uh... 84 00:03:35,722 --> 00:03:38,680 stop talking total nonsense to strangers. 85 00:03:38,722 --> 00:03:41,013 In fact, stop talking, full stop. 86 00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:44,597 Yes, well, perhaps it's time to eat. 87 00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:45,597 Mmm. 88 00:03:47,472 --> 00:03:48,430 Apparently... 89 00:03:49,431 --> 00:03:50,514 she lives just 'round the corner from you. 90 00:03:50,556 --> 00:03:53,098 Mother, I do not need a blind date. 91 00:03:53,139 --> 00:03:55,764 Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster... 92 00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:57,639 who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish... 93 00:03:57,639 --> 00:03:59,681 and dresses like her mother. 94 00:04:02,348 --> 00:04:04,056 Yummy. 95 00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:05,973 Turkey curry. 96 00:04:05,973 --> 00:04:07,806 My favorite. 97 00:04:07,889 --> 00:04:10,723 And that was it. Right there. 98 00:04:10,764 --> 00:04:13,681 Right there. That was the moment. 99 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,057 I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon... 100 00:04:19,099 --> 00:04:21,765 I was going to live a life where my major relationship... 101 00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:23,682 was with a bottle of wine... 102 00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:26,890 and I'd finally die fat and alone... 103 00:04:26,932 --> 00:04:30,682 and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by Alsatians. 104 00:04:30,724 --> 00:04:33,392 Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close... 105 00:04:33,434 --> 00:04:34,851 in "Fatal Attraction." 106 00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:54,685 You have no messages. 107 00:06:27,693 --> 00:06:29,735 And so I made a major decision. 108 00:06:29,776 --> 00:06:31,151 I had to make sure that next year... 109 00:06:31,151 --> 00:06:34,443 I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to sad FM... 110 00:06:34,485 --> 00:06:36,901 easy-listening for the over-thirties. 111 00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:39,860 I decided to take control of my life... 112 00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,401 and start a diary... 113 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,069 to tell the truth about Bridget Jones... 114 00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:45,486 the whole truth. 115 00:06:46,902 --> 00:06:49,027 Resolution number one... ohh... 116 00:06:49,902 --> 00:06:50,861 obviously will lose twenty pounds. 117 00:06:50,861 --> 00:06:51,777 Number two... 118 00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:54,319 always put last night’s panties in the laundry basket. 119 00:06:54,361 --> 00:06:55,777 Equally important... 120 00:06:55,819 --> 00:06:58,403 will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with... 121 00:06:58,445 --> 00:07:00,445 and not continue to form romantic attachments... 122 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,070 to any of the following... 123 00:07:02,112 --> 00:07:04,487 alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics... 124 00:07:04,528 --> 00:07:05,820 peeping toms, megalomaniacs... 125 00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:07,737 emotional fuckwits, or perverts. 126 00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:10,487 And especially will not fantasize... 127 00:07:10,528 --> 00:07:15,029 about a particular person who embodies all these things. 128 00:07:23,821 --> 00:07:27,156 Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss... 129 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:29,448 Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver. 130 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,365 And for various slightly unfair reasons... 131 00:07:31,365 --> 00:07:33,615 relating to this year's Christmas party... 132 00:07:33,656 --> 00:07:37,490 I suspect he does not fantasize about me. 133 00:07:37,531 --> 00:07:39,656 BRIDGET, DRUNK, SINGING: Ohhh 134 00:07:39,698 --> 00:07:43,824 Can’t live 135 00:07:43,866 --> 00:07:47,491 If living is without you 136 00:07:47,532 --> 00:07:52,157 I can’t live 137 00:07:52,199 --> 00:07:53,782 Can't give anymore 138 00:07:53,824 --> 00:07:56,407 Or maybe I'm wrong. 139 00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:57,574 Huh? 140 00:08:06,157 --> 00:08:07,991 Ah. 141 00:08:08,032 --> 00:08:10,367 Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert. 142 00:08:10,408 --> 00:08:11,742 Happy New Year, Brenda. 143 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,450 Mr. Fitzherbert... Tits Pervert, more like. 144 00:08:14,492 --> 00:08:16,367 Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts... 145 00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:19,158 with no idea who I am or what I do. 146 00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:21,533 Morning. I need that "Kafka's Motorbike" release... 147 00:08:21,575 --> 00:08:22,742 by 11:00. 148 00:08:22,783 --> 00:08:25,410 Perpetua... slightly senior... 149 00:08:25,452 --> 00:08:27,410 and therefore thinks she's in charge of me. 150 00:08:27,494 --> 00:08:28,660 Most of the time... 151 00:08:28,702 --> 00:08:31,327 I just want to staple things to her head. 152 00:08:32,577 --> 00:08:33,785 Publicity. 153 00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,702 All I asked... I only asked... 154 00:08:35,744 --> 00:08:38,495 if he wanted to come on a mini-break to Paris... 155 00:08:38,536 --> 00:08:40,495 Daily call from Jude. Best friend. 156 00:08:40,536 --> 00:08:42,536 Head of investment at Brightlings Bank... 157 00:08:42,578 --> 00:08:44,078 who spends most of her time... 158 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,995 trapped in the lady's toilet, crying over fuck wit boyfriend. 159 00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:48,661 I'm too needy. 160 00:08:48,703 --> 00:08:50,161 Am I co-dependent? 161 00:08:50,370 --> 00:08:51,745 No, you’re not. 162 00:08:51,786 --> 00:08:53,871 It's not you. You're lovely. 163 00:08:53,912 --> 00:08:55,829 It's Vile Richard. 164 00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:58,829 Ugh. He's just a big knobhead with no knob. 165 00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:05,121 Is some people's opinion of Kafka... 166 00:09:05,162 --> 00:09:07,038 but they couldn't be more wrong. 167 00:09:07,122 --> 00:09:08,622 This book is a searing vision... 168 00:09:08,663 --> 00:09:10,788 of the wounds our century has inflicted on... 169 00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,705 on traditional masculinity. 170 00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:15,747 It's positively Vonnegut-esque. 171 00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,747 Thank you for calling, Professor Leavis. 172 00:09:19,038 --> 00:09:21,832 Guest list for launch party. 173 00:09:21,874 --> 00:09:23,040 Ah. 174 00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:27,999 Was that... F.R. Leavis? 175 00:09:27,999 --> 00:09:30,499 Mm-hmm. 176 00:09:30,499 --> 00:09:31,749 Wow. 177 00:09:31,749 --> 00:09:33,040 Huh. 178 00:09:33,082 --> 00:09:34,790 The F.R. Leavis... 179 00:09:34,832 --> 00:09:37,583 who wrote "Mass Civilization and Minority Culture"? 180 00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:39,083 Mm-hmm. 181 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:42,833 The F.R. Leavis who died in 1978? 182 00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:47,666 Amazing. 183 00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:52,125 Emergency summit with urban family... 184 00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:54,583 for coherent discussion of career crisis. 185 00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:56,875 Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of them. 186 00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:58,958 Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis... 187 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:00,833 up their fucking asses. 188 00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:03,458 Good, good. That's very useful, very useful. 189 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,001 Shazzer... journalist... 190 00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:06,834 Likes to say "fuck" a lot. 191 00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:09,417 And, Jude, what would you do if one of your assistants... 192 00:10:09,459 --> 00:10:11,667 made a harmless little mistake like that? 193 00:10:11,751 --> 00:10:13,084 I'd fire you, Bridge. 194 00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:14,792 Excellent. 195 00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:17,084 Is that Cleaver chap still as cute as ever? 196 00:10:17,126 --> 00:10:18,542 Oh, God, yes. 197 00:10:18,542 --> 00:10:20,544 Then I think a well-timed blow job's... 198 00:10:20,544 --> 00:10:21,711 probably the best answer. 199 00:10:21,711 --> 00:10:23,044 - Ohh. - Oh, you love it. 200 00:10:23,086 --> 00:10:25,419 Are you that chap that sang that song? 201 00:10:25,461 --> 00:10:27,128 Yes. Yes, I am. 202 00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,836 Tom... Eighties pop icon 203 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,961 who only wrote one hit record... 204 00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:32,961 then retired because he found that one record... 205 00:10:33,003 --> 00:10:34,462 was quite enough to get him laid... 206 00:10:34,504 --> 00:10:35,962 for the whole of the Nineties. 207 00:10:36,004 --> 00:10:38,629 - Great song. - Thank you so much. 208 00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:40,045 Total poof, of course. 209 00:10:40,045 --> 00:10:42,045 - More vodka? - No. 210 00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:44,962 Yes. Fill her up, God damn it. 211 00:10:45,004 --> 00:10:46,629 At least now I'm in my thirties... 212 00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:47,837 I can hold my drink. 213 00:10:49,046 --> 00:10:51,755 Ohh! Whoops. 214 00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:55,046 - Mind the step. - She's fine. Drive on. 215 00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:59,630 Apparently F.R. Leavis is coming. 216 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,631 Afternoon, Bridget. 217 00:11:03,714 --> 00:11:06,797 What do you mean you're going on holiday? 218 00:11:06,839 --> 00:11:09,756 Well, what about Julia? 219 00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:15,047 Does she have to go to the funeral? 220 00:11:39,384 --> 00:11:41,967 Listen, we got a little problem... 221 00:11:43,884 --> 00:11:46,884 The only problem is the kitchen. 222 00:11:46,925 --> 00:11:48,842 Quite frankly, there isn’t room... 223 00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:51,967 Message Mr. Cleaver. 224 00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:54,550 Am appalled by message. 225 00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:58,592 Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent. 226 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:01,760 Appalled by management's blatantly size-is attitude... 227 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,926 to skirt. 228 00:12:02,968 --> 00:12:06,676 Suggest management sick, not skirt! 229 00:12:06,718 --> 00:12:08,718 That's quite ridiculous. 230 00:12:08,718 --> 00:12:10,885 Ooh. Oh, I see. 231 00:12:10,926 --> 00:12:12,593 Hang on. Hang on. 232 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,178 Right. Yeah. 233 00:12:22,387 --> 00:12:24,178 No, I understand that. 234 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,928 I understand that perfectly. 235 00:12:31,429 --> 00:12:33,888 Very bad start to the year. 236 00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:35,763 Have been seduced by informality... 237 00:12:35,804 --> 00:12:39,054 of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel. 238 00:12:39,096 --> 00:12:43,554 Will persevere with resolution to find a nice sensible man. 239 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:47,389 Will put a stop to flirting... first thing tomorrow. 240 00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:48,805 Good plan. 241 00:12:57,764 --> 00:12:58,973 If walking past office... 242 00:12:59,015 --> 00:13:00,931 was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt... 243 00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:03,140 can only say that it has failed parlously. 244 00:13:03,181 --> 00:13:04,723 Cleave. 245 00:13:04,765 --> 00:13:07,848 Shut up, please. I'm very busy and important. 246 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:10,681 P.S. How dare you sexually harass me... 247 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,017 in this impertinent manner. 248 00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,517 Message Jones. 249 00:13:14,517 --> 00:13:15,767 Mortified to have caused offense. 250 00:13:15,808 --> 00:13:18,183 Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. 251 00:13:18,392 --> 00:13:19,850 Deeply apologetic. 252 00:13:19,892 --> 00:13:22,558 P.S. Like your tits in that top. 253 00:13:25,975 --> 00:13:28,018 Mustn’t read too much into it, no. 254 00:13:28,059 --> 00:13:29,809 Dum dum dee dum 255 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:32,601 Dum dum dee dum, dum dum dee dum dum 256 00:13:32,643 --> 00:13:33,893 And it all began, of course... 257 00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:35,851 with some very irresponsible e-mailing... 258 00:13:35,893 --> 00:13:38,101 over Bridget's non-existent skirt. 259 00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:50,518 Daniel. The New York office for you. 260 00:13:50,518 --> 00:13:53,393 Yeah, tell them I'll get back to them. 261 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,477 Daniel. 262 00:14:06,519 --> 00:14:07,685 Jones... 263 00:14:07,727 --> 00:14:09,810 - Evening, Kenneth. - Good evening, Daniel. 264 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:15,521 If you've got a moment... 265 00:14:15,562 --> 00:14:16,979 I'd like a word before you leave tonight. 266 00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:18,521 Yes, certainly. 267 00:14:21,687 --> 00:14:23,854 - I'll see you in a sec. - Excellent. 268 00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,480 - And, Brenda... - Yes? 269 00:14:25,522 --> 00:14:27,022 At the "Kafka's Motorbike" thing... 270 00:14:27,063 --> 00:14:29,063 I thought it might be fun if you introduce me... 271 00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:30,522 before I introduce him. 272 00:14:30,522 --> 00:14:32,522 Add a lovely sense of occasion. 273 00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:36,105 Certainly, sir. 274 00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:37,980 Hmm. 275 00:14:38,022 --> 00:14:40,606 Tch. Brenda, listen. 276 00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,189 What are you doing tonight? 277 00:14:42,398 --> 00:14:43,898 Actually, I'm busy. 278 00:14:43,898 --> 00:14:47,689 All right. Well, that’s a shame. I just, uh... 279 00:14:47,731 --> 00:14:49,189 well, I thought it might be a charitable thing... 280 00:14:49,231 --> 00:14:50,606 to take your skirt out for dinner... 281 00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:51,773 and try and fatten it up a bit. 282 00:14:51,814 --> 00:14:54,482 - Hmm. - Maybe you can come, too. 283 00:14:54,524 --> 00:14:56,649 What about tomorrow? 284 00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:58,732 No. Tomorrow's the launch. 285 00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:00,482 Ah, yes, of course. 286 00:15:00,565 --> 00:15:02,565 Possibly the worst book ever published. 287 00:15:02,649 --> 00:15:07,399 Well, in the end, that’s not the ad line we've gone for. 288 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,984 Next night? 289 00:15:09,026 --> 00:15:10,484 Let's see, shall we? 290 00:15:11,651 --> 00:15:13,067 Good night, Daniel. 291 00:15:13,067 --> 00:15:15,567 Right. No pressure, Bridge... 292 00:15:15,609 --> 00:15:19,109 but your whole future happiness now depends on how you behave... 293 00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:20,859 on this one social occasion. 294 00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:22,734 Right. What should I do? 295 00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:24,610 First, look gorgeous. 296 00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,152 Ohh! 297 00:15:36,193 --> 00:15:39,193 Ow! Gooh! 298 00:15:39,402 --> 00:15:43,777 Two... then totally ignore Daniel and suck up to famous authors. 299 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,485 Salman. 300 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,402 Salman. Salman. 301 00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:49,735 Circulate. 302 00:15:49,777 --> 00:15:51,861 Oozing intelligence. 303 00:15:51,903 --> 00:15:53,986 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 304 00:15:54,028 --> 00:15:56,653 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 305 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:58,111 Chech-nya! 306 00:15:58,153 --> 00:15:59,819 Introduce people with thoughtful details... 307 00:15:59,861 --> 00:16:01,986 such as, "Sheila... 308 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,569 "This is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. 309 00:16:04,611 --> 00:16:07,530 "Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. 310 00:16:07,571 --> 00:16:09,655 "Daniel enjoys publishing and comes..." 311 00:16:09,696 --> 00:16:10,946 All over your face? 312 00:16:10,946 --> 00:16:12,030 Exactly. 313 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,613 Excuse me. 314 00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:15,988 I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you... 315 00:16:15,988 --> 00:16:17,863 when you're having dinner. It's just that... 316 00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:20,696 Yes. Yes, it was me. 317 00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:22,989 Yes. Nine years ago. 318 00:16:23,031 --> 00:16:24,864 No current plans to record anything else. 319 00:16:24,906 --> 00:16:26,197 Thank you so much. 320 00:16:26,239 --> 00:16:27,989 Oh, it's just that, ahem... 321 00:16:28,031 --> 00:16:31,197 your... your chair is on my wife's coat. 322 00:16:32,864 --> 00:16:34,656 Your... your chair on the... 323 00:16:34,697 --> 00:16:36,698 Of course it is. Of course it is. 324 00:16:36,782 --> 00:16:38,407 Thank you so much. Thank you. 325 00:16:38,448 --> 00:16:40,823 Hmm. Major dilemma. 326 00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:42,573 If actually do, by some terrible chance... 327 00:16:42,615 --> 00:16:44,157 end up in flagrante... 328 00:16:44,198 --> 00:16:47,657 surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. 329 00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:49,824 However, chances of reaching crucial moment... 330 00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:52,408 greatly increase by wearing these. 331 00:16:52,408 --> 00:16:54,533 Scary stomach-holding-in panties. 332 00:16:54,574 --> 00:16:56,991 Very popular with grannies the world over. 333 00:16:57,033 --> 00:17:00,741 Ha. Tricky. Very tricky. 334 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,701 Ladies and gentlemen... 335 00:17:17,743 --> 00:17:20,536 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motorbike"... 336 00:17:20,577 --> 00:17:21,952 "The Greatest Book of Our Time"... 337 00:17:21,994 --> 00:17:24,786 and here to introduce it is Mr. Tits Pervert. 338 00:17:24,827 --> 00:17:27,786 Ooh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert. 339 00:17:28,952 --> 00:17:32,869 OK, circulate, oozing intelligence. 340 00:17:32,911 --> 00:17:36,202 Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous with everyone else. 341 00:17:36,411 --> 00:17:40,161 I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here. 342 00:17:40,202 --> 00:17:41,494 Ooh. 343 00:17:41,536 --> 00:17:43,744 It's like a whole theory of short fiction... 344 00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:45,536 and of the novella, you know? 345 00:17:45,577 --> 00:17:46,786 And, of course, the problem... 346 00:17:46,827 --> 00:17:48,578 with Martin's definition of the novella... 347 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:49,995 is that it really only applies to him. 348 00:17:52,953 --> 00:17:55,037 That doesn't sound like Martin. 349 00:17:55,078 --> 00:17:57,203 Not. 350 00:17:57,412 --> 00:17:59,620 I could be wrong. What do you think? 351 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:04,080 Uh... do you know... 352 00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:09,914 where the toilets are, huh? 353 00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:13,705 Stay calm. Can't get any worse. 354 00:18:16,665 --> 00:18:18,831 What are you doing here? 355 00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:22,081 I've been asking myself the same question. 356 00:18:22,123 --> 00:18:24,165 I came with a colleague. 357 00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:25,581 So how are you? 358 00:18:25,623 --> 00:18:27,540 Well, apart from being very disappointed... 359 00:18:27,581 --> 00:18:30,665 not to see my favorite reindeer jumper again... 360 00:18:30,706 --> 00:18:31,957 I'm well. 361 00:18:31,999 --> 00:18:33,791 Anyone going to introduce me? 362 00:18:33,832 --> 00:18:37,124 Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. 363 00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,874 Perpetua. Ha. 364 00:18:38,916 --> 00:18:40,707 This is Mark Darcy. 365 00:18:40,832 --> 00:18:42,874 Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick... 366 00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:44,666 with a cruel-racedex-wife. 367 00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,083 Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag... 368 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,042 who spends her time bossing me around. 369 00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,542 Maybe not. 370 00:18:51,583 --> 00:18:52,875 Anyone going to introduce me? 371 00:18:52,917 --> 00:18:55,458 Ah, Perpetua. 372 00:18:55,458 --> 00:18:57,500 Uh, this is Mark Darcy. 373 00:18:57,542 --> 00:18:59,500 Mark's a top barrister. 374 00:18:59,542 --> 00:19:01,752 Oh, he comes from Garth and Underwood. 375 00:19:01,794 --> 00:19:03,752 Perpetua is one of my work colleagues. 376 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:06,460 Why, Mark, I know you by reputation, of course. 377 00:19:08,544 --> 00:19:10,044 Ah, Natasha. 378 00:19:10,085 --> 00:19:12,669 This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. 379 00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:15,961 Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. 380 00:19:16,045 --> 00:19:17,420 Bridget works in publishing... 381 00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,836 and used to play naked in my paddling pool. 382 00:19:21,211 --> 00:19:23,670 - How odd. - Ha ha. 383 00:19:23,711 --> 00:19:25,586 Perpetua, how's the house hunt going? 384 00:19:25,628 --> 00:19:27,128 Disaster. 385 00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:29,461 I oughtn't go into it with you. 386 00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:33,503 By the by, that man is gorgeous. 387 00:19:33,545 --> 00:19:34,961 Ah, yes, Mark. 388 00:19:35,003 --> 00:19:37,253 Just give me time. Give me time. 389 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,003 You've written "a searing vision..." 390 00:19:41,086 --> 00:19:42,711 Can you remember the rest of this? 391 00:19:42,753 --> 00:19:44,171 "Of the wounds our century..." 392 00:19:44,212 --> 00:19:46,712 "has inflicted on traditional masculinity. 393 00:19:46,754 --> 00:19:48,712 "Positively Vonnegut-esgue." Obviously. 394 00:19:50,837 --> 00:19:52,837 Listen, you don't know where the loos are here, do you? 395 00:19:52,879 --> 00:19:54,837 Uh, yes. In the hallway. 396 00:19:54,879 --> 00:19:56,004 Thanks. 397 00:20:00,173 --> 00:20:01,464 One, two. 398 00:20:04,714 --> 00:20:06,798 Ladies and gentlemen. 399 00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:08,673 I... 400 00:20:10,756 --> 00:20:12,924 L-ladies and... 401 00:20:12,924 --> 00:20:14,757 I... 402 00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:15,924 Oi! 403 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,382 Oi! 404 00:20:19,424 --> 00:20:21,007 Sorry. The, uh... 405 00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:24,465 mike's not... work... working. Ahem. 406 00:20:24,507 --> 00:20:27,050 Ladies and gentlemen... 407 00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:32,591 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motorbike"... 408 00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:35,633 "The Greatest Book of Our Time." 409 00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:44,051 Obviously except for your books, Mr. Rushdie... 410 00:20:44,092 --> 00:20:47,676 which are also very good. 411 00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:52,634 And Lord Archer... 412 00:20:52,676 --> 00:20:55,803 yours aren’t bad, either. 413 00:20:55,844 --> 00:20:57,219 Anyway... 414 00:20:57,428 --> 00:20:59,678 uh, what I mean is, uh... 415 00:20:59,719 --> 00:21:01,803 welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 416 00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:04,803 Thank you for coming to the launch of... 417 00:21:04,803 --> 00:21:08,761 one of the top thirty books of our time. 418 00:21:08,761 --> 00:21:11,887 Anyway, at least. 419 00:21:11,929 --> 00:21:15,179 And here to introduce it, ha... 420 00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:16,845 properly, ha ha... 421 00:21:16,887 --> 00:21:19,554 is, uh, the man we all call, uh... 422 00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:21,804 Tits Pervert. 423 00:21:21,845 --> 00:21:23,012 Mr... 424 00:21:23,054 --> 00:21:24,137 Tits Pervert! 425 00:21:24,179 --> 00:21:25,929 Mr... 426 00:21:27,512 --> 00:21:28,637 Tits Pervert. 427 00:21:28,679 --> 00:21:30,595 Fitzherbert, uh... 428 00:21:30,595 --> 00:21:32,137 because... 429 00:21:32,179 --> 00:21:35,679 that is his name. 430 00:21:35,804 --> 00:21:38,012 Mr. Fitzherbert. 431 00:21:39,180 --> 00:21:40,680 Thank you. 432 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,888 Thank you, Brenda. 433 00:21:48,805 --> 00:21:50,846 Just switch this on. 434 00:21:55,015 --> 00:21:56,598 So how autobiographical... 435 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,098 is your work, Salman? 436 00:21:58,140 --> 00:21:59,515 You know, it's an amazing thing... 437 00:21:59,557 --> 00:22:01,473 nobody's ever asked me that question. 438 00:22:01,515 --> 00:22:03,098 Excuse me. 439 00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:05,765 Jones. Sod 'em all. 440 00:22:05,807 --> 00:22:08,183 It was a brilliant... 441 00:22:08,224 --> 00:22:13,558 post-modernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks, really. 442 00:22:13,558 --> 00:22:14,724 Uhh. 443 00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:16,558 You're looking very sexy, Jones. 444 00:22:16,558 --> 00:22:18,599 I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now... 445 00:22:18,599 --> 00:22:20,724 whether you like it or not, OK? 446 00:22:20,766 --> 00:22:21,933 Come on, get your stuff. 447 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,809 So how do you feel about this whole situation... 448 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:33,684 in Chechnya? isn’t it a nightmare? 449 00:22:33,725 --> 00:22:35,059 I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. 450 00:22:35,142 --> 00:22:38,976 Now, look, how do you know Arsey Darcy? 451 00:22:39,018 --> 00:22:41,976 Apparently, I used to run 'round naked... 452 00:22:42,018 --> 00:22:43,476 in his paddling pool. 453 00:22:43,518 --> 00:22:45,726 I bet you did, you dirty bitch. 454 00:22:45,768 --> 00:22:47,851 What about you? 455 00:22:47,893 --> 00:22:49,518 Same. Yeah. 456 00:22:51,018 --> 00:22:54,228 No, no, I was best man at his wedding. 457 00:22:54,270 --> 00:22:55,937 Um, knew him from Cambridge. 458 00:22:55,978 --> 00:22:57,228 He was a mate. 459 00:22:57,270 --> 00:22:59,270 And then what? 460 00:22:59,437 --> 00:23:02,645 And then, uh... nothing. 461 00:23:02,687 --> 00:23:05,187 You don't need to protect him. He's no friend of mine. 462 00:23:05,228 --> 00:23:07,771 Well, um, then... 463 00:23:07,813 --> 00:23:09,979 many years later... 464 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:13,521 I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake... 465 00:23:13,563 --> 00:23:17,938 of introducing him to my fiancée. 466 00:23:21,229 --> 00:23:22,854 And, um... 467 00:23:25,563 --> 00:23:29,479 I couldn't say, in all honesty, I've ever quite forgiven him. 468 00:23:29,521 --> 00:23:31,896 God, so... 469 00:23:31,938 --> 00:23:34,939 he's a nasty bastard. 470 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:36,730 And a dull bastard. 471 00:23:36,772 --> 00:23:39,022 Yes. Yes, I think that's fair. 472 00:23:39,022 --> 00:23:41,980 Anyway, fuck him. Listen, don't let him ruin our evening. 473 00:23:41,980 --> 00:23:43,689 Why don't you have some more wine... 474 00:23:43,730 --> 00:23:45,605 and tell me more about practicing French-kissing... 475 00:23:45,647 --> 00:23:46,772 with the other girls at school... 476 00:23:46,814 --> 00:23:47,897 because that's a very good story. 477 00:23:47,939 --> 00:23:50,649 - It wasn’t French-kissing. - Don't care. Make it up. 478 00:23:50,691 --> 00:23:52,607 That's an order, Jones. 479 00:23:52,607 --> 00:23:55,232 So, um, how about a drink at my place? 480 00:23:55,482 --> 00:23:57,732 Totally innocent, no funny business... 481 00:23:57,774 --> 00:23:59,732 just full sex. 482 00:24:00,816 --> 00:24:02,482 No, no, no. 483 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:04,608 I should get a taxi. 484 00:24:04,650 --> 00:24:07,817 But thank you for the lovely dinner. 485 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:12,983 It's a pleasure, Jones. 486 00:24:58,904 --> 00:25:01,905 Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. 487 00:25:01,947 --> 00:25:05,530 And this is a very silly little dress. 488 00:25:05,572 --> 00:25:07,155 And, um... 489 00:25:07,197 --> 00:25:09,780 these are, uh... 490 00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:12,613 fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. 491 00:25:12,655 --> 00:25:14,238 Jesus. Fuck. 492 00:25:14,405 --> 00:25:16,405 No, no, don't apologize. I like them. 493 00:25:16,447 --> 00:25:19,030 Hello, Mummy. 494 00:25:22,447 --> 00:25:23,780 I'm sorry, I have to have another look. 495 00:25:23,822 --> 00:25:25,613 - They're too good to be true. - No. 496 00:25:25,655 --> 00:25:26,780 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 497 00:25:26,780 --> 00:25:28,155 I'm wearing something quite similar myself. 498 00:25:28,197 --> 00:25:31,781 - Here, I'll show you. - No. No. 499 00:25:53,658 --> 00:25:54,866 Ha. Huh. 500 00:25:54,908 --> 00:25:56,116 That was fantastic. 501 00:25:56,158 --> 00:25:58,158 Ohh. Mmm. 502 00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,784 Ay, ay. 503 00:25:59,784 --> 00:26:01,534 Ohh. Daniel. 504 00:26:01,617 --> 00:26:02,742 Yeah? 505 00:26:02,784 --> 00:26:05,242 What happens at the office? 506 00:26:05,451 --> 00:26:07,242 Oh. Well, I'm glad you asked that. 507 00:26:07,409 --> 00:26:10,117 You see, it's a publishing house. 508 00:26:10,159 --> 00:26:12,159 So that means that people write things for us... 509 00:26:12,159 --> 00:26:13,742 and then we print out all the pages... 510 00:26:13,827 --> 00:26:15,035 and fasten them together... 511 00:26:15,077 --> 00:26:16,952 and make them into what we call a book, Jones. 512 00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:21,535 No, do you think people will notice? 513 00:26:21,577 --> 00:26:22,702 Notice what? 514 00:26:22,743 --> 00:26:25,868 Us. Working together, sleeping together. 515 00:26:25,910 --> 00:26:27,077 Hang on a minute, Jones. 516 00:26:27,118 --> 00:26:30,453 Just slow down. It started on Tuesday... 517 00:26:30,494 --> 00:26:32,036 and now it's Thursday. 518 00:26:32,078 --> 00:26:34,078 It's not exactly... 519 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,911 um, a long-term relationship, is it? 520 00:26:36,953 --> 00:26:40,536 You're very bad. 521 00:26:45,913 --> 00:26:47,038 Ohh. 522 00:26:48,205 --> 00:26:50,746 Mmm. 523 00:26:50,788 --> 00:26:52,746 Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess... 524 00:26:52,788 --> 00:26:56,580 with a very bad man between her thighs. 525 00:26:56,621 --> 00:26:58,872 Mum. Hi. 526 00:26:58,872 --> 00:27:01,081 It's the truth universally acknowledged... 527 00:27:01,081 --> 00:27:04,706 that the moment one area of your life starts going OK... 528 00:27:04,747 --> 00:27:08,831 another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces. 529 00:27:08,872 --> 00:27:10,997 Ah, anyone else want to have it off? 530 00:27:11,039 --> 00:27:12,872 Haha. Don't be shy, madame. 531 00:27:12,914 --> 00:27:19,872 French. Have it oeuf. Ha ha! With the wisecrack egg peeler. 532 00:27:19,872 --> 00:27:22,747 Now, nice firm grip. 533 00:27:24,081 --> 00:27:26,915 Put it in the hole. And... 534 00:27:26,915 --> 00:27:29,457 up, down, up, down. 535 00:27:29,498 --> 00:27:31,498 And off it comes in your hand. 536 00:27:32,790 --> 00:27:37,207 Oh! Mind the over-spray. Sorry. 537 00:27:38,915 --> 00:27:40,834 Darling, if I came in with my knickers on my head... 538 00:27:40,875 --> 00:27:42,250 he wouldn't notice. 539 00:27:42,417 --> 00:27:44,750 I spent thirty-five years cleaning his house... 540 00:27:44,834 --> 00:27:47,042 washing his clothes, bringing up his children. 541 00:27:47,084 --> 00:27:49,292 I'm your child, too. 542 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:50,792 To be honest, darling, having children... 543 00:27:50,792 --> 00:27:52,584 isn't all it's cracked up to be. 544 00:27:52,625 --> 00:27:55,085 Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any. 545 00:27:55,126 --> 00:27:57,543 And now it's the winter of my life... 546 00:27:57,585 --> 00:27:59,793 and I haven't actually got anything of my own. 547 00:27:59,835 --> 00:28:03,543 I've got no power, no real career... 548 00:28:03,626 --> 00:28:05,835 no... no sex life. 549 00:28:05,876 --> 00:28:07,668 I've got no life at all. 550 00:28:07,710 --> 00:28:09,711 I'm like the grasshopper who sang all summer. 551 00:28:09,794 --> 00:28:11,502 I'm like Germaine sodding Geer. 552 00:28:11,544 --> 00:28:13,002 Greer. 553 00:28:13,002 --> 00:28:16,627 Well, anyway, I'm not having it. And I've been talent spotted. 554 00:28:16,669 --> 00:28:19,461 Julian thinks I've got great potential. 555 00:28:19,502 --> 00:28:20,752 Who's Julian? 556 00:28:20,794 --> 00:28:22,711 From the Home Shopping Channel. 557 00:28:22,752 --> 00:28:24,753 Comes into the store to have his colors done. 558 00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,545 Potential for what? 559 00:28:26,587 --> 00:28:29,003 As a demonstrator on his cable show. 560 00:28:29,045 --> 00:28:30,712 You know, his assistant. 561 00:28:30,753 --> 00:28:33,045 Apparently, it's the highest- rated show on the channel. 562 00:28:33,087 --> 00:28:34,420 Well, apart from the one... 563 00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:36,587 where the fat people beat up their relatives. 564 00:28:36,587 --> 00:28:38,170 Ooh! I must wiz. 565 00:28:38,212 --> 00:28:41,589 - Have you heard from Mark Darcy? - Good-bye, Mum. 566 00:28:50,214 --> 00:28:51,797 Julian. 567 00:28:55,006 --> 00:28:57,590 Sorry to keep you waiting. 568 00:29:03,090 --> 00:29:07,506 And a few weeks later, it got lots worse. 569 00:29:07,548 --> 00:29:09,090 Hello! 570 00:29:09,131 --> 00:29:10,590 Look at this. 571 00:29:10,590 --> 00:29:12,881 Paying off this heart-shaped pendant. 572 00:29:12,923 --> 00:29:15,881 One of my own personal recommendations... 573 00:29:15,923 --> 00:29:18,756 is this absolutely stunning... 574 00:29:18,798 --> 00:29:21,215 matching necklace and earring set. 575 00:29:21,256 --> 00:29:26,841 The earrings measuring just over a centimeter... 576 00:29:26,924 --> 00:29:31,091 in genuine diamante with two pairs in lapis lazuli... 577 00:29:31,132 --> 00:29:34,091 in a lovely mock-gold finish. 578 00:29:34,174 --> 00:29:37,093 The exact replica of those worn at Wimbledon... 579 00:29:37,134 --> 00:29:41,259 in 1993 by Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Kent. 580 00:29:43,468 --> 00:29:45,801 Well. 581 00:29:45,843 --> 00:29:47,926 Has she actually moved out then? 582 00:29:47,968 --> 00:29:51,802 Apparently, she and this tangerine-tinted buffoon... 583 00:29:51,844 --> 00:29:53,094 are suddenly an item. 584 00:29:53,094 --> 00:29:56,094 Half our friends have had them around to bloody dinner. 585 00:29:56,094 --> 00:29:58,719 She's even taking Jaundice Julian... 586 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,552 to Una Alconbury's Tarts and Vicars party. 587 00:30:00,594 --> 00:30:03,052 That's not the Pamela I knew. That's cruel. 588 00:30:03,094 --> 00:30:07,845 Well, still, could be a golden opportunity. 589 00:30:07,886 --> 00:30:11,970 If you spent the entire party flirting with other women... 590 00:30:12,011 --> 00:30:13,970 it would drive Mum wild with jealousy. 591 00:30:14,011 --> 00:30:15,136 What? 592 00:30:15,178 --> 00:30:16,928 That's how I got my man. 593 00:30:16,970 --> 00:30:20,554 Have you got a boyfriend? A real one? 594 00:30:20,554 --> 00:30:23,929 I have, Father. I have. 595 00:30:24,012 --> 00:30:26,929 And he's perfect. 596 00:30:45,473 --> 00:30:49,599 Hurrah. Am no longer tragic spinster... 597 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,099 but proper girlfriend of bona fide sex god... 598 00:30:53,140 --> 00:30:55,224 so committed that he's taking me... 599 00:30:55,265 --> 00:30:59,015 on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend. 600 00:30:59,057 --> 00:31:00,474 Just promise me we don't have to sit... 601 00:31:00,515 --> 00:31:03,099 in any little boats and read poncey poetry to each other. 602 00:31:03,140 --> 00:31:05,474 He’s also protecting me at Uncle Geoffrey's... 603 00:31:05,515 --> 00:31:07,807 hideous Tarts and Vicars fancy dress party. 604 00:31:07,849 --> 00:31:09,807 This can't be just shagging. 605 00:31:09,807 --> 00:31:12,015 A mini-break means true love. 606 00:31:13,890 --> 00:31:16,557 Suddenly feel like screen goddess... 607 00:31:16,599 --> 00:31:19,558 in manner of Grace Kelly. 608 00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:25,100 Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure. 609 00:31:29,266 --> 00:31:32,893 It's very quiet here, isn't it? Are we the only guests, or... 610 00:31:32,935 --> 00:31:34,852 We have a wedding this weekend. 611 00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:37,560 I believe there are just four of you not involved. 612 00:31:37,602 --> 00:31:39,727 Oh. Hmm. 613 00:31:39,768 --> 00:31:42,560 You do the boats, I'll do the tea. 614 00:31:43,768 --> 00:31:44,977 Oh, Jesus. 615 00:31:45,018 --> 00:31:47,644 - Hello there. - Hi. 616 00:31:47,686 --> 00:31:49,728 Well, well. 617 00:31:49,769 --> 00:31:52,811 I take it you're also heading for the Alconbury's rockery. 618 00:31:52,853 --> 00:31:54,269 Yes, that’s right. 619 00:31:54,478 --> 00:31:57,769 I brought Natasha. Get a bit of work done. 620 00:31:57,811 --> 00:32:00,853 Thought I might make it a not entirely wasted weekend. 621 00:32:00,853 --> 00:32:02,770 How interesting. 622 00:32:02,812 --> 00:32:04,187 What a gripping life you do lead. 623 00:32:04,229 --> 00:32:07,229 I'll see you upstairs in a second. 624 00:32:21,896 --> 00:32:23,730 Hmm. Well, the weakness of their case... 625 00:32:23,771 --> 00:32:26,605 Lies in the deposition they made on August 30. 626 00:32:26,605 --> 00:32:28,063 Season of mist... 627 00:32:28,105 --> 00:32:29,940 and... 628 00:32:29,982 --> 00:32:31,773 mellow fruitlessness. 629 00:32:31,815 --> 00:32:33,607 Oh, fuck me, I love Keats. 630 00:32:33,690 --> 00:32:35,107 Have you heard this one? 631 00:32:35,148 --> 00:32:37,232 "There was a young woman from Ealing... 632 00:32:37,273 --> 00:32:40,148 "who had a peculiar feeling. 633 00:32:40,190 --> 00:32:42,940 "She lay on her back and opened her crack... 634 00:32:43,023 --> 00:32:44,691 "and pissed all over the ceiling." 635 00:32:44,733 --> 00:32:45,858 Oh, bollocks. 636 00:32:45,899 --> 00:32:47,941 What've you done? 637 00:32:47,941 --> 00:32:50,858 - I'm boarding you, Bridge. - Don't you dare! 638 00:32:50,899 --> 00:32:53,774 - I'm king of the world! - No! 639 00:32:53,816 --> 00:32:55,983 Fuck me. Uhh! 640 00:32:56,024 --> 00:32:57,649 Aah! 641 00:33:00,524 --> 00:33:02,191 Oh, piss and bollocks. 642 00:33:02,233 --> 00:33:04,024 You stupid ass. 643 00:33:06,566 --> 00:33:08,233 Bollocks. 644 00:33:08,274 --> 00:33:09,816 All right. 645 00:33:09,858 --> 00:33:11,816 Aah! No! 646 00:33:11,816 --> 00:33:13,233 So childish. 647 00:33:13,484 --> 00:33:15,525 Aah! No! 648 00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:16,984 Yes. 649 00:33:17,025 --> 00:33:19,192 Hey, Darce, come on in! 650 00:33:19,234 --> 00:33:21,067 The water's lovely! 651 00:33:21,109 --> 00:33:22,734 Come on, you're working too hard, mate. 652 00:33:22,775 --> 00:33:23,942 Ha ha! 653 00:33:25,484 --> 00:33:28,486 - Daniel. - Yes, Bridget? 654 00:33:28,486 --> 00:33:30,027 That thing you just did is actually illegal... 655 00:33:30,069 --> 00:33:31,236 in several countries. 656 00:33:31,277 --> 00:33:33,111 Well, that is, of course, the major reason... 657 00:33:33,152 --> 00:33:35,277 I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today. 658 00:33:35,486 --> 00:33:37,694 Yes. I can't understand... 659 00:33:37,736 --> 00:33:39,777 why the Prime Minister doesn't mention it more... 660 00:33:39,819 --> 00:33:41,069 in his speeches. 661 00:33:41,111 --> 00:33:43,028 You should write to him about it. 662 00:33:43,070 --> 00:33:44,278 I intend to. 663 00:33:47,695 --> 00:33:49,820 Daniel. 664 00:33:49,862 --> 00:33:50,945 Bridget. 665 00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:54,112 - Do you love me? - Shut up, or I'll do it again. 666 00:33:56,237 --> 00:33:57,779 Do you love me? 667 00:33:57,821 --> 00:33:59,488 Right. You asked for it. 668 00:33:59,529 --> 00:34:02,779 And over we go. 669 00:34:02,821 --> 00:34:04,196 I'm going to give you something to bite on. 670 00:34:04,238 --> 00:34:05,863 Here. 671 00:34:05,904 --> 00:34:08,279 OK? Pop this in your mouth, darling. 672 00:34:10,654 --> 00:34:11,780 You're begging for it. 673 00:34:13,072 --> 00:34:14,697 Stop it. 674 00:34:17,739 --> 00:34:19,239 No, no. 675 00:34:26,949 --> 00:34:28,074 Hmm. 676 00:34:28,116 --> 00:34:33,657 I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up. 677 00:34:33,657 --> 00:34:35,074 On a Sunday? 678 00:34:35,116 --> 00:34:36,574 No. The meeting's first thing tomorrow. 679 00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,574 I've got to work on some figures. 680 00:34:38,616 --> 00:34:43,492 We could just pop into the party for a minute. 681 00:34:43,533 --> 00:34:45,117 Bridget, I'm really sorry. 682 00:34:45,158 --> 00:34:48,658 I just can’t do it. I've got to head back. 683 00:34:48,700 --> 00:34:50,158 Listen, Daniel... 684 00:34:50,242 --> 00:34:53,617 if you've changed your mind, you could just say so... 685 00:34:53,658 --> 00:34:55,992 because, honestly, I don't see what could be so important. 686 00:34:56,033 --> 00:34:58,283 No, well, you wouldn't, would you? 687 00:34:58,450 --> 00:35:00,158 Because you don't have the faintest bloody idea... 688 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,492 of just how much trouble the company's in. 689 00:35:03,533 --> 00:35:04,950 You swan in in your short skirt... 690 00:35:04,992 --> 00:35:06,908 and your sexy see-through blouse... 691 00:35:06,950 --> 00:35:08,617 and fanny around with press releases. 692 00:35:08,617 --> 00:35:10,076 You know, this is the Americans flying in... 693 00:35:10,118 --> 00:35:11,743 because they're thinking of shutting us down... 694 00:35:11,784 --> 00:35:13,159 for fuck's sake. 695 00:35:16,076 --> 00:35:17,826 Sorry. 696 00:35:19,826 --> 00:35:21,659 I'm sorry, Bridge. I know I'm being a prat. 697 00:35:29,536 --> 00:35:31,536 Look, I'm going to arrange a lovely car... 698 00:35:31,578 --> 00:35:33,245 to come and pick you up and take you back... 699 00:35:33,286 --> 00:35:34,870 to London after the party, OK? 700 00:35:34,911 --> 00:35:36,995 If you have to travel alone, travel in style. 701 00:35:37,036 --> 00:35:39,079 Hmm. 702 00:35:39,121 --> 00:35:41,079 And, um... 703 00:35:41,121 --> 00:35:42,996 I also think it's very important... 704 00:35:43,037 --> 00:35:46,246 that you win this costume competition. 705 00:35:47,871 --> 00:35:49,079 Good. 706 00:35:49,121 --> 00:35:50,704 Good start. 707 00:35:52,580 --> 00:35:55,205 Now, then, Miss Jones, where does this go? 708 00:35:58,538 --> 00:36:01,497 Oh, well, here we go. 709 00:36:01,538 --> 00:36:02,997 Trying hard to fight off a vision... 710 00:36:03,038 --> 00:36:06,205 of Mum and Auntie Una in fishnet tights. 711 00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:09,873 Seems unnatural, wrong even, for 60-year-olds to dress up... 712 00:36:09,914 --> 00:36:12,748 as prostitutes and priests on a Sunday afternoon. 713 00:36:17,956 --> 00:36:19,956 Oh, holy Jesus. 714 00:36:21,289 --> 00:36:22,958 Bridget. 715 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,291 Where are all the other tarts and vicars? 716 00:36:25,291 --> 00:36:26,791 Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you? 717 00:36:26,791 --> 00:36:28,791 Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget? 718 00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:30,708 How's my little Bridget? 719 00:36:30,750 --> 00:36:31,875 Bop, bop. 720 00:36:31,916 --> 00:36:33,291 Oh. 721 00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:34,583 Geoffrey. 722 00:36:34,625 --> 00:36:36,626 So, where’s this chap of yours, then, eh? 723 00:36:36,667 --> 00:36:38,251 Ah, yes, well, he had to work, so... 724 00:36:38,292 --> 00:36:40,251 Ha! A likely tale. 725 00:36:40,501 --> 00:36:42,084 Off they run. Whee! 726 00:36:45,709 --> 00:36:48,917 Bizarre what some men find attractive. 727 00:36:48,959 --> 00:36:51,042 Oh, God. 728 00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:53,626 Darling! Geoffrey! 729 00:36:53,667 --> 00:36:55,209 What on earth are you wearing? 730 00:36:55,251 --> 00:36:57,209 You look like a common prostitute. 731 00:36:57,251 --> 00:36:59,084 Yes, well, that was, actually, the point. 732 00:36:59,126 --> 00:37:00,251 Say hi to Julian. 733 00:37:00,501 --> 00:37:02,542 Hello, Julian. 734 00:37:02,584 --> 00:37:03,792 My dear... 735 00:37:03,834 --> 00:37:05,918 you and your mother could be sisters. 736 00:37:07,668 --> 00:37:09,252 And what a lovely bracelet. 737 00:37:09,293 --> 00:37:11,043 It's what I call an all-arounder... 738 00:37:11,085 --> 00:37:14,002 the sort of thing one can wear with anything to any occasion. 739 00:37:14,043 --> 00:37:15,752 Oh. 740 00:37:15,793 --> 00:37:17,627 Have you spoken to my dad? 741 00:37:17,668 --> 00:37:20,254 Yes. He's behaving most bizarrely. 742 00:37:20,295 --> 00:37:21,837 I think he was actually trying to flirt... 743 00:37:21,879 --> 00:37:24,254 with Penny Husbands-Bosworth, poor thing. 744 00:37:24,295 --> 00:37:25,754 She was very frightened. 745 00:37:25,795 --> 00:37:27,587 She's only just had her ovaries done. 746 00:37:32,670 --> 00:37:34,088 I don't know what you ever saw in him. 747 00:37:34,130 --> 00:37:36,213 Shh. Bad man. 748 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,713 Heh heh. 749 00:37:45,755 --> 00:37:47,796 Didn’t tell you, either. 750 00:37:50,714 --> 00:37:52,964 No. I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. 751 00:37:57,839 --> 00:37:59,006 Oh. 752 00:38:00,214 --> 00:38:01,631 I'm sorry, Dad. 753 00:38:01,631 --> 00:38:03,757 The way she looked at me. 754 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,798 Well, she loves you, really. 755 00:38:06,798 --> 00:38:08,965 You love each other. 756 00:38:09,007 --> 00:38:10,298 This is only a temporary glitch. 757 00:38:10,507 --> 00:38:12,173 Is it? 758 00:38:12,173 --> 00:38:14,507 I don't know. 759 00:38:14,507 --> 00:38:16,548 I don't know. 760 00:38:19,842 --> 00:38:21,759 Ah, Bridget, there you are. 761 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,092 Don’t worry. You're not the only one. 762 00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:25,759 This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't get in touch with her, either. 763 00:38:25,759 --> 00:38:26,925 I'm sorry? 764 00:38:26,967 --> 00:38:28,800 I was just saying Geoffrey didn't contact you, either... 765 00:38:28,842 --> 00:38:30,259 to tell you that the Tarts and Vicars concept... 766 00:38:30,509 --> 00:38:31,760 had gone out of the window. 767 00:38:31,801 --> 00:38:33,676 Oh, yes, he did. 768 00:38:33,718 --> 00:38:34,926 Oh, right. 769 00:38:34,926 --> 00:38:36,635 Lovely dress. 770 00:38:36,676 --> 00:38:38,218 Very exotic. 771 00:38:41,843 --> 00:38:43,635 What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget. 772 00:38:43,676 --> 00:38:45,051 What's his name? David? Darren? 773 00:38:45,093 --> 00:38:46,551 Daniel Cleaver. 774 00:38:46,593 --> 00:38:48,301 Oh. Is he a friend of yours, Mark? 775 00:38:48,510 --> 00:38:49,760 Absolutely not. 776 00:38:49,801 --> 00:38:52,176 I hope he's good enough for our little Bridget. 777 00:38:52,218 --> 00:38:55,218 I think I can say with total confidence absolutely not. 778 00:38:55,301 --> 00:38:57,135 Well, I'm sure he'd say the same about you... 779 00:38:57,176 --> 00:38:58,885 given your past behavior. 780 00:38:58,926 --> 00:39:00,260 Sorry? 781 00:39:00,301 --> 00:39:01,927 I think you know what I mean. 782 00:39:01,969 --> 00:39:03,094 Mark. 783 00:39:17,846 --> 00:39:19,096 Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley... 784 00:39:19,138 --> 00:39:21,929 didn't get the message, either. 785 00:39:30,139 --> 00:39:31,305 Hi. 786 00:39:31,514 --> 00:39:35,764 I really, really wanted to see a friendly face. 787 00:39:35,805 --> 00:39:37,555 Oh, now, listen, I'll tell you what. 788 00:39:37,597 --> 00:39:40,514 I have an idea. Let me finish this... 789 00:39:40,514 --> 00:39:42,055 while you go home, have a long hot bath... 790 00:39:42,097 --> 00:39:45,681 and I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK? 791 00:39:48,598 --> 00:39:50,265 Is there someone here? 792 00:39:50,306 --> 00:39:52,598 Not that I'm aware of. 793 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,556 Unless that Bosnian family has moved in again. 794 00:39:54,598 --> 00:39:55,765 Bastards. 795 00:40:07,891 --> 00:40:09,891 Oh. 796 00:40:09,932 --> 00:40:11,724 I'm sorry. 797 00:40:11,766 --> 00:40:12,976 Sorry. 798 00:40:15,643 --> 00:40:17,018 I'm going mad. 799 00:40:17,018 --> 00:40:19,226 Listen, I am feeling really bad, actually. 800 00:40:19,268 --> 00:40:21,226 - I should've been there today. - No, I'm sorry. 801 00:40:21,268 --> 00:40:22,601 No, no, I'm sorry... 802 00:40:22,643 --> 00:40:24,643 but at least I got a hell of a lot of work done. 803 00:40:24,643 --> 00:40:26,643 Just give me one more hour, OK? 804 00:40:26,643 --> 00:40:28,310 Fine. That’s fine. 805 00:40:28,352 --> 00:40:30,810 I will go home and de-bunny. 806 00:40:32,227 --> 00:40:33,685 Oh... 807 00:40:33,727 --> 00:40:37,977 and you know last night when I said that I loved you? 808 00:40:38,019 --> 00:40:39,227 Mm-hmm. 809 00:40:39,269 --> 00:40:40,810 I didn't mean it. 810 00:40:40,852 --> 00:40:41,852 I was being ironic. 811 00:40:41,894 --> 00:40:45,685 Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know. 812 00:40:45,727 --> 00:40:47,144 All right. 813 00:40:49,727 --> 00:40:51,727 - Thank you, madam. - Mmm. 814 00:41:02,895 --> 00:41:05,936 Bridge. 815 00:41:05,978 --> 00:41:07,270 Bridget. 816 00:41:23,730 --> 00:41:27,731 This is Lara from the New York office. 817 00:41:27,773 --> 00:41:29,856 Lara, this is Bridget. 818 00:41:29,898 --> 00:41:31,689 Hey, there. 819 00:41:34,606 --> 00:41:37,564 I thought you said she was thin. 820 00:42:27,819 --> 00:42:29,861 I was hoping that you would want to be a part of it. 821 00:42:32,694 --> 00:42:34,319 This is totally insane. 822 00:42:34,528 --> 00:42:37,278 I'm 36 years old. It may be my last chance to have a child. 823 00:42:37,528 --> 00:42:38,694 Alex. 824 00:42:41,861 --> 00:42:44,153 Aah! 825 00:42:55,112 --> 00:42:59,612 The male penetrates the female and leaves. 826 00:42:59,695 --> 00:43:02,654 Coitus is brief and perfunctory... 827 00:43:02,695 --> 00:43:03,904 and the female... 828 00:43:07,322 --> 00:43:09,281 That's wonderful. 829 00:43:09,531 --> 00:43:11,031 Well, I don't think it's bad. 830 00:43:15,947 --> 00:43:17,114 Right. 831 00:43:32,657 --> 00:43:35,032 We've had very good response... 832 00:43:35,073 --> 00:43:37,241 to the Teddy Knows Best teaser campaign 833 00:43:37,283 --> 00:43:39,824 and had various local radio bits for... 834 00:43:39,949 --> 00:43:41,324 Look, Bridge, stop that. 835 00:43:41,533 --> 00:43:44,824 I feel... terrible. 836 00:43:44,866 --> 00:43:46,824 The thing is... 837 00:43:46,866 --> 00:43:48,866 with Lara and me... 838 00:43:48,908 --> 00:43:51,242 well, you know... 839 00:43:51,284 --> 00:43:52,742 No. You'll have to fill me in. 840 00:43:52,825 --> 00:43:54,700 Well, the truth is... 841 00:43:54,742 --> 00:43:57,242 the truth is, we’re the same, Bridge, you and me. 842 00:43:57,284 --> 00:43:59,242 You know? We're two people of a certain age... 843 00:43:59,325 --> 00:44:02,950 looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard. 844 00:44:02,992 --> 00:44:04,244 And I just think that in the end... 845 00:44:04,286 --> 00:44:07,577 it's got to be something extraordinary... 846 00:44:07,619 --> 00:44:10,077 something which makes us go that extra mile. 847 00:44:10,161 --> 00:44:11,327 And I think... 848 00:44:11,536 --> 00:44:13,661 Lara and... 849 00:44:13,744 --> 00:44:15,952 I don’t know, being American and all... 850 00:44:15,994 --> 00:44:20,995 it has something to do with confidence and being so... 851 00:44:21,037 --> 00:44:24,537 well, young, you know? 852 00:44:28,662 --> 00:44:31,912 Well, we’ve... become very close. 853 00:44:31,953 --> 00:44:35,537 Well, you’ve only just met her. She flew in yesterday. 854 00:44:35,578 --> 00:44:36,953 Uh... 855 00:44:39,203 --> 00:44:40,578 Oh. 856 00:44:41,870 --> 00:44:43,787 Silly Bridget. 857 00:44:43,828 --> 00:44:45,912 You haven't only just met her. 858 00:44:45,953 --> 00:44:47,287 No. 859 00:44:47,328 --> 00:44:49,621 No. I got to know her pretty well... 860 00:44:49,663 --> 00:44:51,871 when we were in the New York office together. 861 00:44:53,329 --> 00:44:54,746 Oh. 862 00:44:54,788 --> 00:44:56,746 Oh, fuck. 863 00:44:56,788 --> 00:45:01,079 There's no easy way to say this, but, um... 864 00:45:01,121 --> 00:45:06,081 I wanted you to be the first to know that... 865 00:45:06,123 --> 00:45:08,081 we're engaged. 866 00:45:27,207 --> 00:45:29,582 At times like this... 867 00:45:29,624 --> 00:45:33,167 continuing with one's life seems impossible... 868 00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:36,000 and eating the entire contents of one's fridge... 869 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,292 seems inevitable. 870 00:45:38,333 --> 00:45:40,917 I have two choices... 871 00:45:40,958 --> 00:45:44,917 to give up and accept permanent state of spinster hood... 872 00:45:44,917 --> 00:45:48,876 and eventual eating by dogs... or not. 873 00:45:50,043 --> 00:45:51,584 And this time, I choose not. 874 00:45:51,626 --> 00:45:53,293 I will not be defeated... 875 00:45:53,543 --> 00:45:57,126 by a bad man and an American stick insect. 876 00:45:57,168 --> 00:46:00,211 Instead, I choose vodka... 877 00:46:01,628 --> 00:46:03,045 and Chaka Khan. 878 00:46:45,630 --> 00:46:47,255 Ahh. 879 00:46:47,297 --> 00:46:48,672 Ohh! 880 00:46:50,255 --> 00:46:51,672 Fuck. 881 00:47:00,049 --> 00:47:02,007 Why do you want to be in television? 882 00:47:02,007 --> 00:47:05,965 Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed... 883 00:47:06,007 --> 00:47:07,799 to communicating to the public... 884 00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,257 the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news... 885 00:47:10,299 --> 00:47:12,174 both political and ecological. 886 00:47:12,216 --> 00:47:14,800 What do you think of the El Nino phenomenon? 887 00:47:14,841 --> 00:47:17,591 Um... it's a blip. 888 00:47:17,633 --> 00:47:20,633 I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out. 889 00:47:22,175 --> 00:47:23,716 So, why do you want to work in television? 890 00:47:23,758 --> 00:47:25,841 Because I'm passionately committed... 891 00:47:25,883 --> 00:47:27,759 to communicating with children. 892 00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:29,051 They are the future. 893 00:47:29,092 --> 00:47:31,051 Do you have any children of your own? 894 00:47:31,051 --> 00:47:32,676 Oh, Christ, no. Yuck! 895 00:47:34,717 --> 00:47:35,801 Ah. 896 00:47:35,842 --> 00:47:37,134 Sorry. 897 00:47:37,176 --> 00:47:39,759 So, why do you want to work in television? 898 00:47:39,801 --> 00:47:43,177 I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. 899 00:47:43,218 --> 00:47:45,052 Fair enough. Start on Monday. 900 00:47:45,093 --> 00:47:46,635 We'll see how we go. 901 00:47:46,635 --> 00:47:48,093 Oh, and... 902 00:47:48,135 --> 00:47:49,885 incidentally... 903 00:47:49,885 --> 00:47:51,302 at "Sit Up, Britain"... 904 00:47:51,343 --> 00:47:54,218 no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. 905 00:47:54,260 --> 00:47:56,054 That's a matter of principle. 906 00:48:00,679 --> 00:48:02,137 Oh, Bridget. 907 00:48:02,179 --> 00:48:03,929 Come on, it's... 908 00:48:03,970 --> 00:48:05,554 I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass... 909 00:48:05,595 --> 00:48:07,012 but there's no need to leave. 910 00:48:07,054 --> 00:48:09,054 No, actually, there is. 911 00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:11,888 I've been offered a job in television. 912 00:48:11,930 --> 00:48:13,346 Television? 913 00:48:13,555 --> 00:48:16,763 Mmm. And they want me to start straightaway. 914 00:48:16,805 --> 00:48:20,721 So I've got to leave in about, ooh, three minutes... 915 00:48:20,721 --> 00:48:22,721 so, um... 916 00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,638 Whoa. Just hold it right there, Miss Jones. 917 00:48:27,721 --> 00:48:28,930 I'm sorry to inform you... 918 00:48:28,971 --> 00:48:30,930 but I think you'll find that by contract... 919 00:48:31,013 --> 00:48:33,055 you're expected to give at least six weeks notice. 920 00:48:33,096 --> 00:48:34,721 Ah, yes, well... 921 00:48:34,763 --> 00:48:37,013 I thought with the company being in so much trouble and all... 922 00:48:37,096 --> 00:48:38,346 you wouldn't really miss... 923 00:48:38,388 --> 00:48:40,931 the person who waltzes in in a see-through top... 924 00:48:40,972 --> 00:48:43,222 and fannies about with the press releases. 925 00:48:44,847 --> 00:48:46,181 Bridget. 926 00:48:46,222 --> 00:48:49,222 I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch... 927 00:48:49,264 --> 00:48:50,931 I'm going to fire her bony little bottom anyway... 928 00:48:50,972 --> 00:48:53,599 for being totally spineless. 929 00:48:53,641 --> 00:48:54,933 What? 930 00:48:54,933 --> 00:48:58,141 Well, I just think you should know that, um... 931 00:48:58,183 --> 00:49:01,016 there are lots of prospects here for a talented person. 932 00:49:01,016 --> 00:49:02,224 Just give me a minute, will you, Simon? Thanks. 933 00:49:02,266 --> 00:49:03,849 Right-o, boss man. 934 00:49:05,099 --> 00:49:09,309 Lots of prospects for a person who... 935 00:49:09,559 --> 00:49:11,225 you know, perhaps for personal reasons... 936 00:49:11,267 --> 00:49:15,184 has been slightly overlooked professionally. 937 00:49:15,225 --> 00:49:18,184 Thank you, Daniel. That is very good to know... 938 00:49:18,225 --> 00:49:19,559 but if staying here... 939 00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,100 means working within 10 yards of you... 940 00:49:22,142 --> 00:49:25,976 frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass. 941 00:49:36,851 --> 00:49:38,852 Well, bye, everyone. 942 00:49:48,186 --> 00:49:49,644 Oh, just sod off. 943 00:49:49,811 --> 00:49:52,063 Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain." 944 00:49:52,146 --> 00:49:55,354 OK, everybody, it is bonfire night... 945 00:49:55,563 --> 00:49:57,188 and we are on fire. 946 00:49:57,188 --> 00:49:59,146 We have live fire station feeds... 947 00:49:59,188 --> 00:50:03,646 from Newcastle, Swansea, Sheffield, and Lewisham... 948 00:50:03,688 --> 00:50:05,354 just poised for tragedy. 949 00:50:05,521 --> 00:50:07,730 Bridget Jones, where are you? 950 00:50:09,647 --> 00:50:10,814 I'm here, Richard. 951 00:50:10,897 --> 00:50:13,022 Put on some more makeup. I want you on-camera. 952 00:50:13,064 --> 00:50:14,189 But... 953 00:50:14,230 --> 00:50:16,230 I'm thinking... miniskirt. 954 00:50:16,230 --> 00:50:17,814 I'm thinking fireman's helmet. 955 00:50:17,855 --> 00:50:19,647 I want you pointing a hose. 956 00:50:19,772 --> 00:50:21,064 I want you sliding down the pole... 957 00:50:21,064 --> 00:50:22,647 and then go straight into the interview. 958 00:50:22,689 --> 00:50:24,897 Great. 959 00:50:24,939 --> 00:50:26,689 I'll do it. 960 00:50:28,897 --> 00:50:30,355 No problem. Fine. Right. 961 00:50:30,355 --> 00:50:31,939 So, you drop into shot... 962 00:50:31,939 --> 00:50:33,064 and then interview Chief Fireman Bevan. 963 00:50:33,105 --> 00:50:34,940 Yep, yep, yep. 964 00:50:34,981 --> 00:50:36,190 Go, go. Go, go. Go! 965 00:50:36,231 --> 00:50:37,815 Go? 966 00:50:37,898 --> 00:50:41,065 Oh, no. We're going to Newcastle first. 967 00:50:41,106 --> 00:50:42,690 Stop! 968 00:50:42,731 --> 00:50:44,065 Climb back up. 969 00:50:44,106 --> 00:50:45,231 On you in thirty seconds. 970 00:50:45,273 --> 00:50:47,023 OK. 971 00:50:49,233 --> 00:50:51,817 Neville, what the fuck is going on? 972 00:50:51,858 --> 00:50:53,108 She's supposed to be sliding down the pole... 973 00:50:53,150 --> 00:50:55,317 - not climbing up it. - Go, go, go, go, go! 974 00:50:55,358 --> 00:50:56,817 Oh, OK. 975 00:50:57,858 --> 00:51:00,025 - Oh! - Oh, Jesus Christ. 976 00:51:00,067 --> 00:51:02,567 Uhh! Uhh! 977 00:51:02,608 --> 00:51:03,608 OK, we're out of time. We're out of time. 978 00:51:03,651 --> 00:51:05,109 Just wind 'er up. 979 00:51:05,109 --> 00:51:08,401 Well, that seems to be about all we've got time for... 980 00:51:08,609 --> 00:51:10,234 down here in Lewisham. 981 00:51:10,276 --> 00:51:14,068 Uh, Chief Officer Bevan, thank you very much. 982 00:51:14,109 --> 00:51:15,901 Excellent fire station. 983 00:51:15,943 --> 00:51:17,901 Uh, and now... 984 00:51:17,901 --> 00:51:20,194 back to the studio. 985 00:51:20,235 --> 00:51:21,902 Whoo! 986 00:51:21,944 --> 00:51:23,777 Whoo! 987 00:51:23,819 --> 00:51:25,819 Whoo! 988 00:51:25,860 --> 00:51:27,152 Whoo! 989 00:51:27,194 --> 00:51:29,860 Excellent. I'm a national laughing stock. 990 00:51:29,902 --> 00:51:32,110 Have bottom the size of Brazil. 991 00:51:32,152 --> 00:51:33,736 Am daughter of broken home... 992 00:51:33,778 --> 00:51:35,236 and rubbish at every thing and... 993 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:36,653 oh, God. 994 00:51:36,695 --> 00:51:39,320 I'm having dinner with Magda and Jeremy. 995 00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,236 The only thing worse than a smug married couple... 996 00:51:42,236 --> 00:51:45,153 Lots of smug married couples. 997 00:51:45,195 --> 00:51:47,780 Right, everyone. This is Bridget. 998 00:51:49,197 --> 00:51:50,780 Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane. 999 00:51:50,822 --> 00:51:52,322 And, obviously, you know, of course... 1000 00:51:52,363 --> 00:51:53,738 Cosmo and Woney. 1001 00:51:53,780 --> 00:51:54,988 - Hi, Bridge. - Hi, Bridge. 1002 00:51:55,030 --> 00:51:57,697 This is Alistair and Henrietta... 1003 00:51:57,738 --> 00:51:58,905 Julia and Michael... 1004 00:51:58,947 --> 00:52:00,030 Joanne and Paul... 1005 00:52:00,072 --> 00:52:01,906 and Jeremy's partners from chambers. 1006 00:52:01,906 --> 00:52:04,781 This is Natasha Glenville and Mark Darcy. 1007 00:52:04,823 --> 00:52:05,906 Hi, there. 1008 00:52:05,948 --> 00:52:07,323 Hello. 1009 00:52:07,364 --> 00:52:09,323 Not in your bunny girl outfit to day? 1010 00:52:09,364 --> 00:52:10,698 No. 1011 00:52:10,739 --> 00:52:15,364 We bunnies only wear our tails on very special occasions. 1012 00:52:15,364 --> 00:52:17,698 - Sit yourself down. - Right. 1013 00:52:20,823 --> 00:52:23,864 Hey, Bridge, how's your love life? 1014 00:52:23,948 --> 00:52:25,281 Oh... 1015 00:52:25,281 --> 00:52:27,739 Still going out with that publishing chappie? 1016 00:52:27,781 --> 00:52:30,073 Uh, no, no. 1017 00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:31,365 Terribly brill. 1018 00:52:31,532 --> 00:52:34,240 Never dip your nib in the office ink. 1019 00:52:34,282 --> 00:52:35,740 Right. 1020 00:52:35,782 --> 00:52:37,032 You really ought to hurry up... 1021 00:52:37,074 --> 00:52:39,615 and get sprugged up, you know, old girl? 1022 00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:43,199 Time's a-running out. Tick-tock. 1023 00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:45,242 Yes, yes. 1024 00:52:45,284 --> 00:52:47,742 Uh, tell me, is it one in four marriages... 1025 00:52:47,784 --> 00:52:49,784 that ends in divorce now or one in three? 1026 00:52:49,784 --> 00:52:51,034 One in three. 1027 00:52:52,034 --> 00:52:53,326 Seriously, though. 1028 00:52:53,367 --> 00:52:57,201 Offices full of single girls in their thirties... 1029 00:52:57,242 --> 00:52:59,159 fine physical specimens... 1030 00:52:59,201 --> 00:53:02,327 but they just can't seem to hold down a chap. 1031 00:53:02,368 --> 00:53:03,868 Yes. Why is it... 1032 00:53:03,868 --> 00:53:05,868 there are so many unmarried women in their thirties... 1033 00:53:05,868 --> 00:53:06,993 these days, Bridget? 1034 00:53:13,035 --> 00:53:15,203 Oh, I don't know. 1035 00:53:15,244 --> 00:53:18,286 Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes... 1036 00:53:18,328 --> 00:53:20,869 our entire bodies are covered in scales. 1037 00:53:33,745 --> 00:53:34,912 I very much enjoyed... 1038 00:53:34,954 --> 00:53:38,912 your Lewisham fire report, by the way. 1039 00:53:38,912 --> 00:53:40,370 Thank you. 1040 00:53:43,956 --> 00:53:45,997 I just... 1041 00:53:46,039 --> 00:53:47,664 yeah, well. 1042 00:53:49,206 --> 00:53:50,664 So. 1043 00:53:51,706 --> 00:53:53,039 It didn’t work out with Daniel Cleaver? 1044 00:53:53,081 --> 00:53:55,206 No, it didn't. 1045 00:53:56,706 --> 00:53:57,998 I'm delighted to hear it. 1046 00:53:59,582 --> 00:54:02,748 Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? 1047 00:54:02,790 --> 00:54:04,332 I mean, you seem to go out of your way... 1048 00:54:04,332 --> 00:54:06,665 to try to make me feel like a complete idiot... 1049 00:54:06,707 --> 00:54:11,540 every time I see you, and you really needn't bother. 1050 00:54:11,582 --> 00:54:15,957 I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway... 1051 00:54:15,998 --> 00:54:18,707 with or without a fireman's pole. 1052 00:54:21,248 --> 00:54:22,748 That'll be my taxi. 1053 00:54:22,748 --> 00:54:25,165 Good night. 1054 00:54:25,207 --> 00:54:26,749 Look, um... 1055 00:54:26,749 --> 00:54:29,708 I'm sorry if I've been... 1056 00:54:29,833 --> 00:54:30,999 What? 1057 00:54:31,041 --> 00:54:34,958 I don't think you're an idiot at all. 1058 00:54:34,999 --> 00:54:38,999 I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. 1059 00:54:39,041 --> 00:54:41,251 Your mother's pretty interesting. 1060 00:54:41,251 --> 00:54:42,585 And you really are... 1061 00:54:42,626 --> 00:54:44,626 an appallingly bad public speaker. 1062 00:54:44,668 --> 00:54:46,918 And you tend to let whatever's in your head... 1063 00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:48,251 come out of your mouth... 1064 00:54:48,293 --> 00:54:51,626 without much consideration of the consequences. 1065 00:54:51,668 --> 00:54:54,960 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet... 1066 00:54:55,001 --> 00:54:59,836 that I was unforgivably rude and wearing a reindeer jumper... 1067 00:54:59,877 --> 00:55:02,127 that my mother had given me the day before. 1068 00:55:03,377 --> 00:55:05,377 But the thing is, um... 1069 00:55:05,586 --> 00:55:10,087 what I'm trying to say very inarticulately is... 1070 00:55:11,587 --> 00:55:13,170 that, um... 1071 00:55:13,253 --> 00:55:14,920 in fact... 1072 00:55:14,962 --> 00:55:18,212 perhaps, despite appearances... 1073 00:55:18,253 --> 00:55:21,003 I like you very much. 1074 00:55:21,045 --> 00:55:24,254 Ah. A part from the smoking and the drinking... 1075 00:55:24,296 --> 00:55:27,129 and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea. 1076 00:55:27,171 --> 00:55:31,129 No. I like you very much... just as you are. 1077 00:55:32,796 --> 00:55:36,379 Mark, we really are making progress on the case in here. 1078 00:55:36,588 --> 00:55:40,381 Jeremy’s had the most brilliant idea. 1079 00:55:40,590 --> 00:55:42,173 Right. 1080 00:55:42,215 --> 00:55:43,631 Right. 1081 00:55:46,215 --> 00:55:48,381 I must go, because... 1082 00:55:50,131 --> 00:55:52,131 well... 1083 00:55:52,215 --> 00:55:53,841 bye. 1084 00:56:05,966 --> 00:56:08,841 Just as you are? 1085 00:56:08,882 --> 00:56:10,299 Not thinner? Not cleverer? 1086 00:56:10,382 --> 00:56:13,632 Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose? 1087 00:56:15,216 --> 00:56:16,716 Mm-mmm. 1088 00:56:19,799 --> 00:56:21,883 Well... 1089 00:56:21,925 --> 00:56:23,342 fuck me. 1090 00:56:27,383 --> 00:56:29,092 But this is someone you hate, right? 1091 00:56:29,133 --> 00:56:31,008 Mmm. Mmm. 1092 00:56:31,050 --> 00:56:33,175 Yes, yes. I hate him. 1093 00:56:39,677 --> 00:56:43,885 November 9. Weight... 138 pounds. 1094 00:56:43,927 --> 00:56:45,719 Cigarettes... three. 1095 00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:47,969 Birthday... thirty-three. 1096 00:56:49,260 --> 00:56:51,845 OK, Bridget, see if you can get it right this time. 1097 00:56:51,845 --> 00:56:55,011 The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney case is expected today. 1098 00:56:55,053 --> 00:56:56,053 Get yourself down to the high court. 1099 00:56:56,095 --> 00:56:59,720 I want a hard-headed interview. 1100 00:56:59,761 --> 00:57:01,595 You do know the Aghani-Heaney case? 1101 00:57:01,595 --> 00:57:04,595 Yes, of course. 1102 00:57:04,636 --> 00:57:06,721 Big case... 1103 00:57:06,762 --> 00:57:09,971 featuring someone called Aghanihini. 1104 00:57:10,054 --> 00:57:13,929 Or two people called Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney. 1105 00:57:13,971 --> 00:57:16,721 That's the one. 1106 00:57:16,721 --> 00:57:19,805 She's a British aid worker. He's a Kurdish freedom fighter. 1107 00:57:19,847 --> 00:57:21,763 The government want to extradite him home... 1108 00:57:21,805 --> 00:57:23,388 where he'll certainly be executed. 1109 00:57:23,555 --> 00:57:24,847 She's married to him... 1110 00:57:24,888 --> 00:57:26,638 and they fought for five years to keep him here. 1111 00:57:26,722 --> 00:57:28,055 Today is the decision. 1112 00:57:28,097 --> 00:57:29,638 Oh, that's exciting. 1113 00:57:29,638 --> 00:57:33,347 Yes, it is... so what are you waiting for? 1114 00:57:33,388 --> 00:57:36,724 Am suddenly hard-headed journalist... 1115 00:57:36,724 --> 00:57:39,807 ruthlessly committed to promoting justice and liberty. 1116 00:57:39,849 --> 00:57:42,015 Nothing can distract me from my dedication... 1117 00:57:42,057 --> 00:57:44,057 to the pursuit of truth. 1118 00:57:44,099 --> 00:57:46,682 Well, almost nothing. 1119 00:57:46,765 --> 00:57:49,808 Right. I'll just pop to the shop for some ciggies. 1120 00:57:49,850 --> 00:57:53,975 14p for the Polos and packet of Wheat Crunchies. 1121 00:57:54,016 --> 00:57:55,225 Packet of Embassy, please. 1122 00:57:55,225 --> 00:57:57,016 I'm sorry. I'm not quite fine... 1123 00:57:57,058 --> 00:57:58,891 Good afternoon. 1124 00:58:01,100 --> 00:58:02,266 Hi. 1125 00:58:03,391 --> 00:58:05,266 You like me just the way I am. 1126 00:58:05,350 --> 00:58:06,766 Sorry? 1127 00:58:06,808 --> 00:58:09,016 Nothing. 1128 00:58:09,058 --> 00:58:11,225 Bridget, we've fucked up utterly. 1129 00:58:11,266 --> 00:58:13,975 Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani have come and gone. 1130 00:58:14,016 --> 00:58:17,308 Oh, God. I'll be sacked. 1131 00:58:17,350 --> 00:58:18,642 Did the others get interviews? 1132 00:58:18,684 --> 00:58:20,684 I don't know. I was having a slash. 1133 00:58:20,684 --> 00:58:22,351 Actually, nobody got interviews. 1134 00:58:22,392 --> 00:58:23,684 How do you know? 1135 00:58:23,726 --> 00:58:24,809 Because I was defending him... 1136 00:58:24,851 --> 00:58:26,976 and I told him not to give any interviews. 1137 00:58:28,017 --> 00:58:29,976 Look... 1138 00:58:30,017 --> 00:58:32,228 I have a plan. 1139 00:58:32,269 --> 00:58:33,936 And action. 1140 00:58:35,978 --> 00:58:39,269 Mr. Darcy, you were defending Mr. Aghani. 1141 00:58:39,269 --> 00:58:41,353 You must be delighted. 1142 00:58:41,394 --> 00:58:44,061 Yes, well, Kafir Aghani has spent his entire life... 1143 00:58:44,103 --> 00:58:45,353 defending the basic human rights... 1144 00:58:45,394 --> 00:58:47,145 of his own people, and today's verdict... 1145 00:58:47,187 --> 00:58:49,145 has been the result of five years of struggle... 1146 00:58:49,145 --> 00:58:51,062 by this woman, Eleanor Heaney... 1147 00:58:51,062 --> 00:58:54,604 to save the man she loves from an extradition order... 1148 00:58:54,645 --> 00:58:58,187 that would've been tantamount to a death sentence. 1149 00:58:58,229 --> 00:58:59,687 Right. 1150 00:58:59,729 --> 00:59:02,730 And, Eleanor, over to you. 1151 00:59:02,730 --> 00:59:05,813 Did you fancy Kafir the first time that you saw him? 1152 00:59:08,688 --> 00:59:11,730 This has been Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1153 00:59:11,771 --> 00:59:16,272 with, let’s face it, a bit of a crush now, actually. 1154 00:59:16,314 --> 00:59:17,814 Good afternoon. 1155 00:59:17,856 --> 00:59:21,897 Bridget Jones... already a legend. 1156 00:59:34,316 --> 00:59:38,316 Oh, joy. I am broadcasting genius. 1157 00:59:38,358 --> 00:59:41,691 Celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. 1158 00:59:41,733 --> 00:59:43,233 Have sneaking suspicion... 1159 00:59:43,274 --> 00:59:46,150 am also something of a genius in the kitchen as well. 1160 00:59:46,192 --> 00:59:50,859 Tie flavor-enhancing leek and celery together with string. 1161 00:59:50,900 --> 00:59:52,275 Right. 1162 00:59:52,275 --> 00:59:53,650 String. 1163 00:59:53,650 --> 00:59:55,192 String, string, string. 1164 00:59:55,234 --> 00:59:57,234 Perfect. 1165 01:00:00,900 --> 01:00:04,775 Finely slice oranges and grate zest. 1166 01:00:09,775 --> 01:00:11,025 Aah! Oh, bugger! 1167 01:00:11,067 --> 01:00:12,025 Oh, bugger, bugger! 1168 01:00:17,235 --> 01:00:19,318 Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? 1169 01:00:19,318 --> 01:00:22,151 Oh, this is Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1170 01:00:22,193 --> 01:00:23,651 searching for tuna. 1171 01:00:28,112 --> 01:00:29,112 Bridget Jones. 1172 01:00:29,112 --> 01:00:30,695 Hello, darling. 1173 01:00:30,778 --> 01:00:31,945 Hi, Mum. 1174 01:00:31,987 --> 01:00:34,987 I just wanted a bit of a chat. 1175 01:00:35,070 --> 01:00:37,403 Ouch! Careful, you ham-fisted cunt! 1176 01:00:37,612 --> 01:00:39,737 The thing is, darling, I'm... 1177 01:00:39,778 --> 01:00:41,278 Between you and me, I'm not entirely sure... 1178 01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:43,279 that Julian isn't a bit of a shit. 1179 01:00:43,321 --> 01:00:44,321 Yes, well, you know, Mum... 1180 01:00:44,321 --> 01:00:46,279 I haven't really got time right now. 1181 01:00:46,321 --> 01:00:48,029 Oh, I... 1182 01:00:48,071 --> 01:00:50,821 I can't deny the sex is still very surprising. 1183 01:00:50,863 --> 01:00:52,863 You know, the other night, quite unexpectedly... 1184 01:00:52,904 --> 01:00:55,071 I was just dozing off, and I felt this huge... 1185 01:00:55,113 --> 01:00:56,739 Bye, Mum. 1186 01:00:58,155 --> 01:00:59,030 Ecch. 1187 01:01:00,364 --> 01:01:01,322 Oh. 1188 01:01:01,364 --> 01:01:03,655 Who can be calling now? 1189 01:01:05,239 --> 01:01:06,364 Oh. 1190 01:01:09,989 --> 01:01:11,323 The door was open. 1191 01:01:11,365 --> 01:01:13,906 I came to congratulate... 1192 01:01:13,990 --> 01:01:17,406 the new face of British current affairs. 1193 01:01:19,448 --> 01:01:21,781 Huh. 1194 01:01:21,823 --> 01:01:26,283 But I see I may have come at a bad time. 1195 01:01:26,325 --> 01:01:28,158 How's it look? 1196 01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:31,200 Great. It's, um... blue. 1197 01:01:31,242 --> 01:01:33,075 Blue? 1198 01:01:33,117 --> 01:01:34,658 No, but blue is good. 1199 01:01:34,700 --> 01:01:36,867 If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food. 1200 01:01:36,908 --> 01:01:39,908 Oh, shit. It must've been the string. 1201 01:01:39,950 --> 01:01:41,701 Oh, it's string soup? 1202 01:01:42,909 --> 01:01:44,826 Oh, God. They're going to be here any minute. 1203 01:01:44,868 --> 01:01:46,409 Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you... 1204 01:01:46,618 --> 01:01:50,659 and not orange parfait in sugar cages. 1205 01:01:50,701 --> 01:01:51,951 Have a drink. 1206 01:01:51,993 --> 01:01:53,118 Yes. 1207 01:01:57,201 --> 01:01:58,201 Happy birthday. 1208 01:01:58,243 --> 01:01:59,368 Thank you. 1209 01:02:02,618 --> 01:02:05,034 Did I really run round your lawn naked? 1210 01:02:05,076 --> 01:02:06,743 Oh, yes. 1211 01:02:06,784 --> 01:02:08,451 You were four, and I was eight. 1212 01:02:08,618 --> 01:02:12,077 Well, that’s a pretty big age difference. 1213 01:02:13,119 --> 01:02:14,660 It's quite pervy, really. 1214 01:02:14,702 --> 01:02:16,785 Yes, I like to think so. 1215 01:02:20,410 --> 01:02:23,077 What are we going to do about this dinner, then? 1216 01:02:25,246 --> 01:02:30,204 We can have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and... 1217 01:02:30,246 --> 01:02:31,287 well, for main course, we have... 1218 01:02:31,329 --> 01:02:33,996 uh, congealed green gunge. 1219 01:02:34,037 --> 01:02:38,080 - That is caper berry gravy. - Oh, yes. Yeah. 1220 01:02:38,122 --> 01:02:40,122 - Do you have eggs? - Yes. 1221 01:02:40,122 --> 01:02:41,122 Right. 1222 01:02:41,122 --> 01:02:42,747 - Omelet it is, then. - Ah. 1223 01:02:42,788 --> 01:02:44,205 With caper berry gravy. 1224 01:02:48,163 --> 01:02:52,623 You wouldn't by any chance have any beet root cubes? 1225 01:02:52,664 --> 01:02:55,664 A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive? 1226 01:02:55,706 --> 01:02:58,248 No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy. 1227 01:02:58,331 --> 01:03:00,331 The gravy needs sieving. 1228 01:03:00,456 --> 01:03:02,248 Surely not. Just stir it, Una. 1229 01:03:12,415 --> 01:03:14,707 Happy, happy birthday! 1230 01:03:14,749 --> 01:03:17,124 Hey, TV queen. 1231 01:03:17,165 --> 01:03:21,124 Hey, Bridge, you looked fantastic. 1232 01:03:23,792 --> 01:03:24,834 Hello. 1233 01:03:24,917 --> 01:03:26,084 Hello. 1234 01:03:26,126 --> 01:03:27,376 Are you joining us? 1235 01:03:27,626 --> 01:03:29,959 Yeah. Yeah, of course. 1236 01:03:49,127 --> 01:03:50,127 Excellent. 1237 01:03:50,127 --> 01:03:51,168 Mmm. Yeah. 1238 01:03:51,210 --> 01:03:53,127 Delicious. 1239 01:03:53,168 --> 01:03:54,418 Really special. 1240 01:03:54,668 --> 01:03:56,252 It's really... really very good. 1241 01:03:56,293 --> 01:03:58,085 Really. It's very nice. 1242 01:04:00,752 --> 01:04:01,793 Say... 1243 01:04:01,835 --> 01:04:03,127 Mmm. 1244 01:04:03,168 --> 01:04:04,668 Mark, why did your wife leave you? 1245 01:04:04,753 --> 01:04:06,711 Mmm. Eat up. 1246 01:04:06,753 --> 01:04:09,211 Eat up. Two more lovely courses to go. 1247 01:04:15,878 --> 01:04:17,086 Mmm, delicious. 1248 01:04:18,628 --> 01:04:20,671 I have to say, this really is the most incredible shit. 1249 01:04:24,588 --> 01:04:26,630 This is the worst of the three. 1250 01:04:26,671 --> 01:04:28,421 It does actually remind me of something. 1251 01:04:28,630 --> 01:04:29,421 It tastes like... 1252 01:04:29,630 --> 01:04:31,130 Marmalade. 1253 01:04:31,171 --> 01:04:32,755 Well done, Bridge. 1254 01:04:32,796 --> 01:04:35,881 Four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup... 1255 01:04:35,922 --> 01:04:37,422 omelet, and marmalade. 1256 01:04:37,464 --> 01:04:38,464 Thank you. 1257 01:04:38,631 --> 01:04:39,922 I think that deserves a toast, don’t you? 1258 01:04:39,964 --> 01:04:41,089 To Bridget... 1259 01:04:41,131 --> 01:04:44,297 who cannot cook, but who we love... 1260 01:04:44,339 --> 01:04:45,797 just as she is. 1261 01:04:47,631 --> 01:04:48,882 To Bridget... 1262 01:04:48,923 --> 01:04:51,382 just as she is. 1263 01:05:00,090 --> 01:05:01,673 I'll go. 1264 01:05:12,299 --> 01:05:13,591 Who? 1265 01:05:14,841 --> 01:05:18,093 Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1266 01:05:18,135 --> 01:05:21,885 I'm obviously interrupting a... 1267 01:05:21,926 --> 01:05:24,218 Darcy. 1268 01:05:24,301 --> 01:05:26,718 What brings you here? 1269 01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:29,260 Oh, right. Yeah. 1270 01:05:29,260 --> 01:05:30,718 I should've guessed, shouldn't I? 1271 01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:33,719 Hi. I'm Tom. It's really good to meet you at last. 1272 01:05:33,761 --> 01:05:36,677 Yeah, listen, I just came to, uh... 1273 01:05:36,719 --> 01:05:38,886 I thought you might be on your own. 1274 01:05:38,927 --> 01:05:41,052 Huh. What an idiot. 1275 01:05:44,344 --> 01:05:45,386 Excuse me. 1276 01:05:52,844 --> 01:05:54,802 I've been going crazy. 1277 01:05:54,844 --> 01:05:56,886 I can't stop thinking about you... 1278 01:05:56,927 --> 01:06:00,011 and thinking what a fucking idiot I've been. 1279 01:06:00,052 --> 01:06:02,637 Christ, is that blue soup? 1280 01:06:02,678 --> 01:06:04,387 Yes. 1281 01:06:04,387 --> 01:06:06,428 That Sunday in the country... 1282 01:06:08,803 --> 01:06:10,637 Come outside. 1283 01:06:12,095 --> 01:06:14,972 It was all just going so fast... 1284 01:06:15,014 --> 01:06:18,389 the hotel and that weekend, meeting your parents. 1285 01:06:18,430 --> 01:06:20,680 I just panicked. 1286 01:06:20,722 --> 01:06:22,305 You know me. I'm... 1287 01:06:22,347 --> 01:06:24,180 I'm a terrible disaster... 1288 01:06:24,222 --> 01:06:27,097 with a posh voice and a bad character. 1289 01:06:27,139 --> 01:06:28,680 You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. 1290 01:06:28,722 --> 01:06:30,765 I need you. Without you, twenty years from now... 1291 01:06:30,806 --> 01:06:35,265 I'll be in some seedy bar with some seedy blond. 1292 01:06:35,265 --> 01:06:37,306 Well, what about Lara? 1293 01:06:37,348 --> 01:06:40,431 Oh, over, over. totally fucking finito. 1294 01:06:40,640 --> 01:06:42,181 Dumped me. 1295 01:06:42,223 --> 01:06:46,224 She realized that I hadn't got over you. 1296 01:06:46,266 --> 01:06:48,266 I know you're thinking... 1297 01:06:48,266 --> 01:06:51,266 it's just a sex thing, but I promise you... 1298 01:06:51,307 --> 01:06:54,224 whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV... 1299 01:06:54,266 --> 01:06:55,724 I just close my eyes and listen... 1300 01:06:55,766 --> 01:06:58,099 to all the intelligent things you've said. 1301 01:06:58,182 --> 01:07:01,142 I was thrilled that little Kurdish bloke was set free. 1302 01:07:02,808 --> 01:07:04,058 Bridge... 1303 01:07:05,308 --> 01:07:07,892 I missed you a lot. 1304 01:07:10,975 --> 01:07:11,933 Oh, God. 1305 01:07:11,975 --> 01:07:13,685 I'm going now. Bye. 1306 01:07:14,769 --> 01:07:16,269 Mark, stay. We... 1307 01:07:16,269 --> 01:07:17,727 No, I don't think I will. 1308 01:07:17,769 --> 01:07:20,977 Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf. 1309 01:07:21,019 --> 01:07:26,185 I think it's time you and I put this past behind us. 1310 01:07:26,269 --> 01:07:27,770 At least stay for a birthday drink... 1311 01:07:27,811 --> 01:07:29,186 with me and Bridge, huh? 1312 01:07:29,228 --> 01:07:31,311 Good-bye, Bridget. 1313 01:07:32,686 --> 01:07:34,728 Mark. 1314 01:07:40,395 --> 01:07:41,353 Why are you here? 1315 01:07:41,395 --> 01:07:43,811 Bridge... 1316 01:07:43,853 --> 01:07:46,436 I just told you why I'm here. 1317 01:07:46,478 --> 01:07:49,478 Why was Mark "Wanker" Darcy here? 1318 01:07:49,645 --> 01:07:52,395 Oh, bloody hell. Wait a minute. He's back. 1319 01:07:52,436 --> 01:07:53,811 All right, Cleaver, outside. 1320 01:07:53,853 --> 01:07:55,395 I'm sorry? 1321 01:07:55,478 --> 01:07:57,021 Outside? 1322 01:07:57,104 --> 01:08:00,854 Uh, should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword? 1323 01:08:04,271 --> 01:08:05,646 All right. Hang on. 1324 01:08:14,939 --> 01:08:16,314 I should've done this years ago. 1325 01:08:16,356 --> 01:08:18,439 Done what? 1326 01:08:18,648 --> 01:08:19,648 This. 1327 01:08:19,648 --> 01:08:21,814 Ooh! Fuck! 1328 01:08:21,856 --> 01:08:23,731 Fuck me, that hurt! 1329 01:08:23,773 --> 01:08:25,607 Ahh! 1330 01:08:25,649 --> 01:08:26,899 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 1331 01:08:26,940 --> 01:08:28,274 - This. - Aah! 1332 01:08:28,315 --> 01:08:30,774 Aah! Oh, Christ, not again. 1333 01:08:30,774 --> 01:08:31,774 Uhh! 1334 01:08:33,857 --> 01:08:35,024 Fight! 1335 01:08:35,107 --> 01:08:36,940 What? 1336 01:08:36,982 --> 01:08:38,940 Well, quick! 1337 01:08:38,940 --> 01:08:40,358 It's a real fight! 1338 01:08:40,358 --> 01:08:41,941 It's a fight! 1339 01:08:43,775 --> 01:08:45,108 All right, all right, all right. 1340 01:08:45,108 --> 01:08:46,400 I give up. I give up. 1341 01:08:46,441 --> 01:08:48,191 Just give me a moment, all right? Just... 1342 01:08:48,233 --> 01:08:52,275 Let me get a moment's break here, OK? 1343 01:08:53,316 --> 01:08:55,234 Cheat! 1344 01:08:55,276 --> 01:08:56,859 Cheat! Cheat! 1345 01:09:04,984 --> 01:09:06,984 I should've knew it! 1346 01:09:19,194 --> 01:09:21,028 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 1347 01:09:21,069 --> 01:09:22,361 Whose side are we on? 1348 01:09:22,403 --> 01:09:23,654 Mark's, obviously. 1349 01:09:23,695 --> 01:09:25,654 He's never dumped Bridget for some naked American. 1350 01:09:25,695 --> 01:09:27,695 And he said he liked her just the way she is. 1351 01:09:27,737 --> 01:09:29,487 Yeah, but he also shagged Daniel's fiancée... 1352 01:09:29,695 --> 01:09:30,487 and left him broken hearted. 1353 01:09:30,695 --> 01:09:32,987 Good point. It's a very hard one to call. 1354 01:09:38,904 --> 01:09:40,279 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1355 01:09:40,320 --> 01:09:41,862 Oh, yes! 1356 01:09:44,445 --> 01:09:45,987 Mark! 1357 01:09:46,029 --> 01:09:47,404 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, all right? 1358 01:09:47,445 --> 01:09:48,987 Ohh! Ohh! 1359 01:09:49,029 --> 01:09:50,987 Aah! 1360 01:09:51,029 --> 01:09:52,405 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 1361 01:09:52,446 --> 01:09:54,030 I really am sorry. 1362 01:09:54,071 --> 01:09:55,030 I... I will pay. 1363 01:09:55,071 --> 01:09:56,696 Had enough, Darcy? 1364 01:09:56,738 --> 01:09:59,280 Not quite, if that's all right by you. 1365 01:09:59,321 --> 01:10:01,738 Oh! You broke my bloody jaw! 1366 01:10:01,780 --> 01:10:05,030 Happy birthday to you 1367 01:10:05,071 --> 01:10:08,698 Happy birthday to you 1368 01:10:08,740 --> 01:10:13,282 Happy birthday, dear what's-his-name 1369 01:10:13,323 --> 01:10:18,365 Happy birthday to you 1370 01:10:24,283 --> 01:10:26,908 - Uh... - Ohh... 1371 01:10:26,908 --> 01:10:28,241 - Uhh. - Uhh. 1372 01:10:31,658 --> 01:10:33,783 Jesus. 1373 01:10:33,824 --> 01:10:34,949 Uhh. 1374 01:10:39,742 --> 01:10:40,992 All right. 1375 01:10:41,034 --> 01:10:43,034 - All right? - Enough. 1376 01:10:43,117 --> 01:10:44,909 Enough. 1377 01:10:44,950 --> 01:10:45,950 Enough. 1378 01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:47,409 Wanker. 1379 01:11:01,201 --> 01:11:03,035 What is your problem? 1380 01:11:03,118 --> 01:11:04,912 - My problem? - Yes. 1381 01:11:04,953 --> 01:11:08,828 You give the impression of being all moral and noble... 1382 01:11:08,828 --> 01:11:10,245 and normal... 1383 01:11:10,287 --> 01:11:12,287 and helpful in the kitchen... 1384 01:11:12,328 --> 01:11:14,453 but you’re just as bad as the rest of them. 1385 01:11:14,703 --> 01:11:16,745 Well, I can see that I've been laboring... 1386 01:11:16,828 --> 01:11:19,288 under a misapprehension. 1387 01:11:19,329 --> 01:11:23,996 A very, very foolish mistake. Forgive me. 1388 01:11:38,163 --> 01:11:40,371 Uhh. 1389 01:11:44,121 --> 01:11:46,913 Let's go back upstairs. 1390 01:11:46,954 --> 01:11:48,414 Come on. 1391 01:11:51,330 --> 01:11:53,414 We belong together, Jones. 1392 01:11:54,872 --> 01:11:56,789 Me, you. 1393 01:11:57,997 --> 01:11:59,872 Poor little skirt. 1394 01:12:01,997 --> 01:12:04,041 Right. 1395 01:12:04,082 --> 01:12:07,999 If I can't make it with you... 1396 01:12:08,041 --> 01:12:10,832 I can't make it with anyone. 1397 01:12:13,166 --> 01:12:14,332 Um... 1398 01:12:20,333 --> 01:12:24,708 That's not a good enough offer for me. 1399 01:12:24,750 --> 01:12:26,667 I'm not willing to gamble my whole life... 1400 01:12:26,708 --> 01:12:28,375 on someone who's... 1401 01:12:28,375 --> 01:12:31,376 well, not quite sure. 1402 01:12:32,876 --> 01:12:34,793 It's like you said. 1403 01:12:34,876 --> 01:12:38,293 I'm still looking for something... 1404 01:12:38,334 --> 01:12:40,418 more extraordinary than that. 1405 01:12:59,752 --> 01:13:01,462 Ding dong, merrily on high 1406 01:13:01,671 --> 01:13:03,712 December 25. 1407 01:13:03,796 --> 01:13:06,837 Weight... 140 pounds... 1408 01:13:06,879 --> 01:13:08,462 Plus forty-two mince-pies. 1409 01:13:08,671 --> 01:13:11,921 Alcohol units... 1410 01:13:11,962 --> 01:13:12,962 Oh, thousands. 1411 01:13:13,004 --> 01:13:14,755 Bugger off! 1412 01:13:14,797 --> 01:13:16,422 Come on, kids. 1413 01:13:18,297 --> 01:13:21,172 This baroque carriage clock... 1414 01:13:21,213 --> 01:13:23,755 is a particular festive favorite of mine... 1415 01:13:23,797 --> 01:13:26,755 incorporating the Hallelujah Chorus... 1416 01:13:26,797 --> 01:13:28,255 from Handel's "Messiah"... 1417 01:13:28,338 --> 01:13:31,005 every hour on the hour. 1418 01:13:31,047 --> 01:13:32,088 I don't understand it. 1419 01:13:32,130 --> 01:13:33,963 The man's actually turned red now. 1420 01:13:34,047 --> 01:13:35,963 Merry Christmas, Pamela. 1421 01:13:41,963 --> 01:13:43,213 Well... 1422 01:13:43,255 --> 01:13:45,423 I'm going to Bedfordshire. 1423 01:13:52,464 --> 01:13:53,423 Night, night. 1424 01:13:53,464 --> 01:13:54,964 Night, night. 1425 01:14:09,008 --> 01:14:10,800 The thing is... 1426 01:14:11,925 --> 01:14:14,842 well, close up, he was almost purple. 1427 01:14:16,342 --> 01:14:19,884 You were such a lovely normal color. 1428 01:14:19,967 --> 01:14:23,801 He had a filthy temper. 1429 01:14:23,884 --> 01:14:26,134 And, well, the jewelery is fabulous... 1430 01:14:26,134 --> 01:14:29,093 and really very reasonably priced and... 1431 01:14:30,385 --> 01:14:33,385 I thought I might ask if... 1432 01:14:35,427 --> 01:14:37,385 we could have another go. 1433 01:14:39,010 --> 01:14:40,760 I mean, obviously, with some effort on your part... 1434 01:14:40,802 --> 01:14:42,886 to pay a bit more attention to me. 1435 01:14:42,928 --> 01:14:45,886 I do realize what I'm like sometimes. 1436 01:14:45,969 --> 01:14:47,178 It doesn't help that you and Bridget... 1437 01:14:47,219 --> 01:14:49,011 have your lovely grownup club of two... 1438 01:14:49,053 --> 01:14:50,344 and always saying... 1439 01:14:50,428 --> 01:14:52,886 "What's silly old Mummy gone and done this time?" 1440 01:14:52,928 --> 01:14:56,263 You used to be mad about me. 1441 01:14:56,305 --> 01:14:58,138 You couldn't get enough of me. 1442 01:15:02,055 --> 01:15:03,721 What do you think? 1443 01:15:07,180 --> 01:15:09,055 I don't know, Pam. 1444 01:15:11,389 --> 01:15:13,972 I just don't know now. 1445 01:15:16,306 --> 01:15:17,972 It's been very hard. 1446 01:15:18,014 --> 01:15:20,972 Oh, Colin. 1447 01:15:24,806 --> 01:15:27,347 I'm joking, you daft cow. 1448 01:15:28,431 --> 01:15:29,389 Oh! 1449 01:15:31,972 --> 01:15:34,764 Pam, I just don't work without you. 1450 01:15:37,681 --> 01:15:40,223 Awful. 1451 01:15:43,932 --> 01:15:46,890 Lovely, lovely, lovely. 1452 01:15:46,932 --> 01:15:49,098 Get back up those stairs, young lady. 1453 01:15:49,140 --> 01:15:50,348 Get dressed. 1454 01:15:50,390 --> 01:15:51,723 What for? 1455 01:15:51,765 --> 01:15:53,725 The Darcys' ruby wedding party. 1456 01:15:53,767 --> 01:15:55,142 What for, indeed. 1457 01:15:55,184 --> 01:15:57,809 Mark will be there... still divorced. 1458 01:15:57,850 --> 01:16:01,350 He's also still deranged. I'm not going. 1459 01:16:01,392 --> 01:16:04,267 Poor Mark. It's always a bad time of year for him. 1460 01:16:04,309 --> 01:16:06,392 You know, his Japanese wife left him on Christmas Day. 1461 01:16:06,475 --> 01:16:07,809 Cruel race. 1462 01:16:07,850 --> 01:16:09,060 Yes, but I'm not quite sure... 1463 01:16:09,060 --> 01:16:11,143 he didn’t deserve it, actually. 1464 01:16:11,185 --> 01:16:13,060 She ran off with his best friend from Cambridge. 1465 01:16:13,101 --> 01:16:15,435 Total scoundrel, apparently. 1466 01:16:15,476 --> 01:16:17,018 Best man at his wedding. 1467 01:16:17,060 --> 01:16:19,143 Christmas Eve, Mark comes home early from work... 1468 01:16:19,185 --> 01:16:22,310 finds the pair of them in a most unorthodox position... 1469 01:16:22,351 --> 01:16:24,769 stark naked, a tit like rabbits. 1470 01:16:29,769 --> 01:16:32,061 Just give me five minutes. 1471 01:16:39,187 --> 01:16:42,145 Stop. Stop the car. Stop the car. 1472 01:16:42,187 --> 01:16:44,353 Dad, get out. Too slow! 1473 01:16:48,270 --> 01:16:50,853 Hey, to keep me from you 1474 01:16:50,853 --> 01:16:52,730 Dad, get in. 1475 01:16:52,772 --> 01:16:53,939 - Hurry. - What's your hurry? 1476 01:16:56,022 --> 01:16:58,189 Not too fast. 1477 01:16:58,189 --> 01:17:01,355 Keep me from you 1478 01:17:07,481 --> 01:17:09,773 A bit snowy, isn't it? 1479 01:17:29,398 --> 01:17:31,690 Sorry. One moment. 1480 01:17:34,481 --> 01:17:35,816 Thank you for inviting me. 1481 01:17:35,857 --> 01:17:38,816 I didn't. It must've been my parents. 1482 01:17:43,316 --> 01:17:44,357 So... 1483 01:17:44,399 --> 01:17:46,441 So. 1484 01:17:48,024 --> 01:17:49,107 Hello, Bridget. 1485 01:17:49,149 --> 01:17:50,734 Didn't know you were coming. 1486 01:17:50,776 --> 01:17:54,734 Mark, your father wants to begin A.S.A.P. 1487 01:17:54,776 --> 01:17:56,276 Oh, does he? Right. 1488 01:17:56,318 --> 01:17:57,693 Well, uh... 1489 01:17:57,734 --> 01:17:59,859 Come on, Mark. Be helpful, please. 1490 01:17:59,901 --> 01:18:01,693 The caterers have totally screwed up. 1491 01:18:01,734 --> 01:18:03,151 Does nothing work outside of London? 1492 01:18:03,193 --> 01:18:04,944 Hmm? Apparently not. 1493 01:18:06,360 --> 01:18:07,944 Well, I'd better... 1494 01:18:09,860 --> 01:18:11,985 Listen, uh... 1495 01:18:12,027 --> 01:18:16,110 I owe you an apology about Daniel. 1496 01:18:17,819 --> 01:18:20,153 He said that you ran off with his fiancée... 1497 01:18:20,195 --> 01:18:22,778 and left him broken hearted, he said. 1498 01:18:22,820 --> 01:18:24,111 Ah. 1499 01:18:25,111 --> 01:18:26,361 No, it was the other way around. 1500 01:18:26,403 --> 01:18:29,903 It was my wife... 1501 01:18:31,111 --> 01:18:32,737 my heart. 1502 01:18:34,237 --> 01:18:36,279 Sorry. 1503 01:18:36,321 --> 01:18:40,071 That's why you always acted so strangely around him... 1504 01:18:40,112 --> 01:18:44,779 and beat him to a pulp, quite rightly. 1505 01:18:44,821 --> 01:18:46,154 Well done. 1506 01:18:47,198 --> 01:18:48,323 Well, um... 1507 01:18:48,364 --> 01:18:50,448 Can we just, um... 1508 01:18:50,489 --> 01:18:53,156 pop out there... 1509 01:18:53,198 --> 01:18:54,739 for a moment? 1510 01:18:57,156 --> 01:18:59,073 Quite delightful, isn't it, my dear? 1511 01:19:00,989 --> 01:19:02,490 OK. 1512 01:19:04,324 --> 01:19:08,199 I just have something that I want to say. 1513 01:19:08,240 --> 01:19:09,782 Um... 1514 01:19:09,824 --> 01:19:12,032 You once said that you liked me just as I am... 1515 01:19:12,074 --> 01:19:16,990 and I just wanted to say... likewise. 1516 01:19:17,032 --> 01:19:18,990 I mean... 1517 01:19:19,032 --> 01:19:21,157 there are stupid things your mum buys you. 1518 01:19:21,199 --> 01:19:22,865 Tonight's another classic. 1519 01:19:22,907 --> 01:19:25,407 You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing... 1520 01:19:25,449 --> 01:19:27,157 in every situation. 1521 01:19:27,199 --> 01:19:30,365 And I seriously believe that you should... 1522 01:19:30,407 --> 01:19:32,450 rethink the length of your sideburns. 1523 01:19:34,325 --> 01:19:36,950 But you're a nice man... 1524 01:19:36,991 --> 01:19:38,116 and... 1525 01:19:40,200 --> 01:19:41,741 I like you. 1526 01:19:44,908 --> 01:19:46,868 So if you wanted to pop by sometime... 1527 01:19:46,910 --> 01:19:48,285 that might be nice. 1528 01:19:51,827 --> 01:19:53,952 More than nice. 1529 01:19:56,202 --> 01:19:57,243 Right. 1530 01:19:59,202 --> 01:20:00,328 Crikey. 1531 01:20:03,244 --> 01:20:05,078 Ladies and gentlemen... 1532 01:20:05,119 --> 01:20:08,828 could I have your attention for a moment, please? 1533 01:20:08,869 --> 01:20:10,244 Excuse me. 1534 01:20:13,869 --> 01:20:15,245 Of course. 1535 01:20:15,287 --> 01:20:18,037 ...wife and companion Geraldine. 1536 01:20:18,037 --> 01:20:23,120 A toast to her, my... my wonderful wife Geraldine. 1537 01:20:23,162 --> 01:20:25,370 To Geraldine. 1538 01:20:25,370 --> 01:20:27,079 And we, in turn... 1539 01:20:27,120 --> 01:20:29,996 have been blessed with our son, Mark. 1540 01:20:30,038 --> 01:20:31,246 He's always made us proud... 1541 01:20:31,288 --> 01:20:33,955 and we couldn't be prouder of him... 1542 01:20:33,996 --> 01:20:35,080 than on this particular day... 1543 01:20:35,163 --> 01:20:37,788 because I'm thrilled to announce... 1544 01:20:37,830 --> 01:20:40,121 he has just been invited to be a senior partner... 1545 01:20:40,163 --> 01:20:42,246 in the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York. 1546 01:20:46,790 --> 01:20:48,332 He also, incidentally... 1547 01:20:48,373 --> 01:20:50,457 takes with him his brilliant partner in law... 1548 01:20:50,498 --> 01:20:52,457 Natasha. 1549 01:20:52,498 --> 01:20:54,498 And, well, I don't think they'll mind... 1550 01:20:54,707 --> 01:20:56,248 since we're amongst friends... 1551 01:20:56,290 --> 01:21:00,916 if I say that someday this remarkably clever girl... 1552 01:21:00,958 --> 01:21:04,291 is going to be something-else-in-law as well. 1553 01:21:10,166 --> 01:21:11,916 I begged him not to say anything. 1554 01:21:11,958 --> 01:21:13,374 So I ask you now... 1555 01:21:13,374 --> 01:21:15,458 to charge your glasses once again... 1556 01:21:15,499 --> 01:21:18,083 to Mark and his Natasha. 1557 01:21:18,166 --> 01:21:20,499 To Mark and his Natasha. 1558 01:21:20,541 --> 01:21:23,124 No! No! 1559 01:21:27,209 --> 01:21:29,959 It's just that... 1560 01:21:29,959 --> 01:21:32,375 it's such a terrible pity... 1561 01:21:34,917 --> 01:21:38,250 f-for England... 1562 01:21:38,292 --> 01:21:40,000 to lose... 1563 01:21:40,042 --> 01:21:42,461 such a great legal brain. 1564 01:21:42,502 --> 01:21:44,502 - Is she pissed? - What? 1565 01:21:44,711 --> 01:21:47,752 F-for the people of England... 1566 01:21:49,336 --> 01:21:50,919 Like me and you... 1567 01:21:50,961 --> 01:21:55,170 to lose one of our top people. 1568 01:21:55,212 --> 01:21:56,253 Uh... 1569 01:21:57,253 --> 01:22:00,753 just top person, really. 1570 01:22:03,462 --> 01:22:05,003 Ahem. 1571 01:22:06,378 --> 01:22:09,212 Well... better dash. 1572 01:22:09,253 --> 01:22:12,713 I've got another party to go to. 1573 01:22:12,713 --> 01:22:15,379 It's single people. 1574 01:22:15,421 --> 01:22:18,171 Mainly... poofs. 1575 01:22:21,504 --> 01:22:23,338 Bye. 1576 01:23:47,428 --> 01:23:50,971 I know I will be OK 1577 01:23:51,012 --> 01:23:51,971 Yes? 1578 01:23:52,012 --> 01:23:54,054 Hi, it's us! 1579 01:23:54,096 --> 01:23:56,429 Oh. 1580 01:23:56,471 --> 01:23:58,387 Great. Come on up. 1581 01:24:00,387 --> 01:24:02,429 Have we got the most fantastic surprise for you. 1582 01:24:02,512 --> 01:24:03,929 Oh, no. You're not going to sing. 1583 01:24:03,929 --> 01:24:06,347 Not that fantastic, sadly, no, but still pretty good. 1584 01:24:06,388 --> 01:24:08,013 We've decided we're taking you to Paris for the weekend. 1585 01:24:08,055 --> 01:24:11,013 Forget everything... particularly, forget about Mark Darcy. 1586 01:24:11,055 --> 01:24:13,138 I can't believe you said what you said you said. 1587 01:24:13,180 --> 01:24:14,513 I know. 1588 01:24:14,513 --> 01:24:16,972 There goes my invite to the Darcys' next year. 1589 01:24:17,013 --> 01:24:18,722 If he didn't leap over the family heirlooms... 1590 01:24:18,763 --> 01:24:20,181 and whip you up in his arms, then sod him. 1591 01:24:20,223 --> 01:24:24,806 Yes. He's clearly the most dreadful cold fish. 1592 01:24:24,848 --> 01:24:26,389 Exactly. 1593 01:24:26,431 --> 01:24:27,473 I mean, there’s been all these bloody hints... 1594 01:24:27,514 --> 01:24:29,306 and stuff, but has he ever actually... 1595 01:24:29,348 --> 01:24:31,014 stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat? 1596 01:24:31,056 --> 01:24:33,098 No. Not once. 1597 01:24:33,139 --> 01:24:34,516 I think we should pack, shouldn’t we? 1598 01:24:34,558 --> 01:24:36,100 Passport, Bridget. And pants. 1599 01:24:36,141 --> 01:24:37,558 Yep, pants. 1600 01:24:37,725 --> 01:24:38,933 Hurry up, Bridge! 1601 01:24:38,975 --> 01:24:40,808 We’re freezing our bollocks off out here! 1602 01:24:40,850 --> 01:24:43,016 Yeah. Just the keys. 1603 01:24:44,058 --> 01:24:45,850 I'm stuck! Oh! 1604 01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:51,267 Come the fuck on, Bridget. 1605 01:24:52,934 --> 01:24:53,976 Close the door. 1606 01:24:53,976 --> 01:24:55,309 Bridget? 1607 01:24:55,351 --> 01:24:57,309 Stop being so bossy. 1608 01:24:58,892 --> 01:25:00,934 What are you doing here? 1609 01:25:00,976 --> 01:25:03,142 I just wanted to know if you were available... 1610 01:25:03,142 --> 01:25:04,392 for bar mitzvahs and christenings... 1611 01:25:04,434 --> 01:25:06,476 as well as ruby weddings. 1612 01:25:06,726 --> 01:25:08,142 Excellent speech. 1613 01:25:08,142 --> 01:25:10,226 I thought that you were in America. 1614 01:25:10,267 --> 01:25:13,767 Well, yes, I was, but, um... 1615 01:25:13,809 --> 01:25:16,351 I realized I'd forgotten something back home. 1616 01:25:17,517 --> 01:25:18,768 Which was? 1617 01:25:19,893 --> 01:25:23,727 Well, I realized I'd forgotten to, um... 1618 01:25:24,977 --> 01:25:26,310 kiss you good-bye. Do you mind? 1619 01:25:28,893 --> 01:25:30,018 Um... 1620 01:25:30,060 --> 01:25:31,810 not really, no. 1621 01:25:35,312 --> 01:25:36,979 So... 1622 01:25:37,020 --> 01:25:39,770 you're not going to America, then? 1623 01:25:39,812 --> 01:25:41,312 - No. - No. 1624 01:25:41,354 --> 01:25:42,354 - Not. - Oh, oh. 1625 01:25:42,395 --> 01:25:44,479 You're staying here? 1626 01:25:44,520 --> 01:25:46,479 So it would seem. 1627 01:25:47,521 --> 01:25:49,980 Aah! 1628 01:25:52,021 --> 01:25:53,105 Go, Bridget! 1629 01:25:53,146 --> 01:25:54,105 Friends of yours? 1630 01:25:55,980 --> 01:25:59,105 No. I've never seen them before in my life. 1631 01:25:59,146 --> 01:26:01,106 Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not? 1632 01:26:02,856 --> 01:26:03,814 Not. 1633 01:26:03,856 --> 01:26:05,939 - No fucking room anyway. - No. 1634 01:26:05,981 --> 01:26:08,356 Maybe we should just go upstairs for a minute. 1635 01:26:08,397 --> 01:26:10,481 Yes. Very good idea. 1636 01:26:10,522 --> 01:26:12,939 No. Come on, let's go. No. 1637 01:26:12,981 --> 01:26:15,523 Of course she's not coming. 1638 01:26:15,565 --> 01:26:17,190 Close it down. 1639 01:26:20,940 --> 01:26:22,523 Uh... 1640 01:26:22,773 --> 01:26:24,148 give me just a minute. 1641 01:26:24,148 --> 01:26:26,940 Um... keep yourself busy. Read something. 1642 01:26:26,940 --> 01:26:29,898 Lots of very high-quality magazines... 1643 01:26:29,898 --> 01:26:33,859 with helpful fashion and romance tips. 1644 01:26:34,859 --> 01:26:37,275 I'll be right with you. 1645 01:26:43,359 --> 01:26:48,693 Definitely an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. 1646 01:27:18,819 --> 01:27:20,027 Right. 1647 01:27:25,027 --> 01:27:26,277 Right. 1648 01:27:32,988 --> 01:27:33,988 Mark? 1649 01:27:33,988 --> 01:27:35,988 Mark? 1650 01:27:40,238 --> 01:27:42,196 Mark! 1651 01:27:42,196 --> 01:27:43,905 Mark! 1652 01:27:49,155 --> 01:27:50,114 Oh. 1653 01:27:52,280 --> 01:27:54,322 Oh, shit. 1654 01:28:00,781 --> 01:28:02,365 Double shit. 1655 01:28:12,032 --> 01:28:13,532 Bollocks! 1656 01:28:13,741 --> 01:28:15,157 Oh, God. 1657 01:28:20,741 --> 01:28:23,282 Ooh! Wish me luck! 1658 01:28:23,324 --> 01:28:25,784 Good luck, crazy girl! 1659 01:28:25,826 --> 01:28:27,159 Ain't no mountain high enough 1660 01:28:27,201 --> 01:28:29,159 - Oh, ho - Ain't no valley low enough 1661 01:28:29,159 --> 01:28:31,826 - Ooh - Ain't no river wide enough 1662 01:28:31,909 --> 01:28:35,118 - Oh - To keep me from you 1663 01:28:35,201 --> 01:28:36,993 Ain't no mountain high enough 1664 01:28:36,993 --> 01:28:39,159 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 1665 01:28:39,201 --> 01:28:41,160 Say it again, ain't no river wide enough 1666 01:28:41,160 --> 01:28:44,827 Hey, to keep me from you 1667 01:28:44,827 --> 01:28:48,869 Ain't no mountain high enough 1668 01:28:48,910 --> 01:28:50,910 Nothing can keep me 1669 01:28:50,952 --> 01:28:52,160 Mark? 1670 01:28:52,160 --> 01:28:54,035 Keep me from you 1671 01:28:56,535 --> 01:28:57,910 Mark! 1672 01:29:00,077 --> 01:29:02,160 Oh, damn. 1673 01:29:03,744 --> 01:29:05,035 Ain't no mountain high enough 1674 01:29:05,077 --> 01:29:07,494 No, ain't no valley low enough 1675 01:29:07,744 --> 01:29:10,203 I am so sorry. 1676 01:29:10,245 --> 01:29:11,495 I'm so sorry. 1677 01:29:11,745 --> 01:29:13,370 I didn't mean it. 1678 01:29:13,411 --> 01:29:15,036 I mean, I meant it... 1679 01:29:15,078 --> 01:29:20,203 but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. 1680 01:29:23,453 --> 01:29:25,830 Oh, for Christ's sakes. 1681 01:29:28,538 --> 01:29:30,538 It's only a diary. 1682 01:29:31,913 --> 01:29:35,205 Everyone knows diaries are just full of crap. 1683 01:29:38,914 --> 01:29:40,373 I know that. 1684 01:29:40,414 --> 01:29:42,748 I was just buying you a new one. 1685 01:29:42,789 --> 01:29:44,289 Time to make a new start, perhaps. 1686 01:30:30,127 --> 01:30:31,502 Wait a minute. 1687 01:30:32,543 --> 01:30:35,168 Nice boys don't kiss like that. 1688 01:30:35,210 --> 01:30:36,753 Oh, yes, they fucking do. 117257

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