Original subtitles

(suspenseful music)

(heavy breathing)

I'd say another year, this is all desert, dirty.

What's this?

Oh my!

Oh, my lucky stars!

He has been looking for you. (Laughing)

(electric zapping) (bubbling liquid)

My payment, and don't be stingy.

(whimpering)

Good, good.

Fresh.

Flesh for flesh, fallen angel, demon jester,

master of disgrace, Killjoy,

the "I" incarnate.

(dramatic music)

(laughing)

Oh, oh! (bones cracking)

Why have you summoned me, maggot?

(laughing)

I didn't summon you.

(dramatic music)

(laughing)

This is awkward.

(electric zapping) (screaming)

[Monitor] How do you plead?

How do I plead?

What the fuck do you mean how do I plead?

This is your arraignment.

Arraignment?

I'm on trial? (Laughing)

What court could try me?

Don't you know who I am?

Who are you?

(electric zapping) (screaming)

How do you plead, innocent or guilty?

What are you talking about?

I'm Killjoy, I'm guilty as hell! (Laughing)

(electric zapping) (screaming)

(intense music)

(Sandie laughing)

All still missing.

(Sandie laughing)

But we found a hell of a lot of Zilla's blood on the carpet.

And on you.

(Sandie laughing)

Do you think that's funny?

It isn't that simple.

Three years ago, I was the first officer on the scene,

when I showed up, she was covered in Zilla's blood.

DNA also shows splatter of her boyfriend's blood.

[Ericson] Calm down, Grimley.

We know she did it, and she just laughs.

It isn't that simple, detective.

Look, is this an interrogation?

[Ericson] No.

[Simmons] Do I need to get a lawyer for my patient?

No, no, we just need to ask her a few questions.

We want to find the rest of the students' bodies

so their families can have some closure.

Look at her, no remorse.

Detective, please.

I don't think you really understand what's going on here.

I still want to talk to her, alone.

Just a moment, I've got to show you this.

This is a normal brain, of someone laughing.

And this, is your suspect, my patient.

It's similar to the laughing one.

So that's when she laughs, so what?

No, this is her brain all the time, even when she sleeps.

There's constant neural activity,

that's similar to that of laughter,

in appearance, anyway.

It's like that all the time.

Every second.

Is this your defense?

You don't think she could do it

because she's got a case of the giggles?

It's not my job to defend, but to treat my patient.

Listen, I don't know if Sandie killed those kids or not,

but I can't imagine anyone being functional in this state.

She's a mental invalid.

Doc, what could do something like this?

I don't know, my first thought was a tumor, then drugs.

But her brain is clean, she's clean.

Except for the shitstorm in her noggin, she's normal.

That doesn't answer the question.

I don't have an answer for you, I don't know.

[Grimley] Doesn't goddamn matter.

She was found mentally unfit to stand trial.

The perp got away with murder by reason of insanity.

But I don't think she wants to get away with anything.

Sandie waived her right to doctor-patient confidentiality.

She wants you to talk to me.

She wants to talk to you.

(Sandie laughing)

[Ericson] Just relax I'm not gonna ask about your friends.

You see, my colleagues don't think it pertains to the case.

But I'm fascinated.

You could say this thing I wanna ask you about

has become my new obsession.

At the scene of the crime,

we found a large amount of material.

Mostly crazy lists of names, all ancient-sounding,

like something out of a comic book.

You see I've taken up the reading through that pile,

the professor's notes, his computer files,

even his publications going 10 years back.

I thought, maybe I'll be able to find a clue.

(Sandie laughing)

I'm no expert, but after a while I begin to feel

that all these names belong to one demon.

One name stuck out like a sore thumb.

One name didn't fit because it just didn't sound old.

And I tell you what.

I heard it before, when I was a kid.

I thought it was just an urban legend in the neighborhood.

Shocked the shit out of me when it

now turned up in the professor's notes.

Sandie, look at me.

What could you tell me about Killjoy?

(Sandie laughing)

(intense music)

Wait, wait a second, where are we?

What happened to my hair, who the hell are you?

I'm the bailiff.

[Killjoy] What? Whoa!

(elevator music)

Hey, big guy.

Hey, mister bailiff, where are we going?

We're going down.

(suspenseful music)

Look, how long is this gonna take, exactly?

(intense music)

(bell dings)

Oh! Oh!

Come on, what the fuck!

[Bailiff] Kneel for the honorable Judge Beelzebub.

(distant wailing and moaning)

What the hell?

Indeed.

I demand to know what the...

You can demand nothing.

You are here to stand trial.

Trial? What for, what did I do wrong?

What haven't you done wrong?

Scribe.

The defendant is indicted on the following charges,

incompetence, ineptitude, inadequacy,

and a general lack of evilness.

The defendant stands accused in the grievous lapse

of his duties as the standing member of the demon realm.

Unworthy of a listing on the canon scroll.

Who accuses me?

[Jezabeth] I do! I bring these charges.

Bazoomba!

I'm Jezabeth, the D.A.

The District Attorney, huh?

No, Devil's Advocate.

I'll be prosecuting you.

Okay.

Do you have anything to say for yourself?

I do. I'm Killjoy!

(dramatic music)

(laughing)

(hammer squeaking)

Okay, what the hell happened to my powers?

Where's my hammer?

You have no powers, you pathetic laughing stock.

So this is malice buffoon?

The famous clown-hammer...

But, it's mine!

Silence.

You will be tried for your indictment.

We will adjourn until you get your witnesses

and your evidence.

If nothing else, this will be fun. (Laughing)

(Killjoy groaning)

You know, Sandie, you never talked about Killjoy.

After my little meeting with the detectives,

I'm beginning to think there's more to that subject.

Would you like to tell me about it?

(laughing) Would I like to tell you about it?

Sure, maybe I'll just laugh in your face. (Laughing)

Now you're just clowning around.

(laughing) Clowning around, that's it.

Clowning around...

Did Killjoy murder your friends?

(laughing) Yes, yes.

It was, it was Killjoy?

But Sandie, Killjoy isn't real.

(laughing) I knew you would say that.

No one will believe what really happened. (Laughing)

No one will believe a hysterical little girl. (Laughing)

Okay, okay.

Let's say for argument's sake that I believe you.

Killjoy the clown murdered your friends.

(laughing) Yeah, yeah. (Laughing)

So how come you were the only one that escaped?

(laughing)

Laughter, is that the key, right?

That's why you're laughing?

You're laughing to protect yourself from a killer clown?

So why does that work?

Because that's what you're supposed to do to a clown.

[Simmons] Sure, you're supposed to laugh at a clown.

But nobody would laugh at Killjoy.

[Sandie] Yeah, nobody would laugh at Killjoy.

(laughing) That would be insane.

Yeah, that would be, insane.

(buttons beeping)

(phone ringing)

Ericson here.

Detective.

Yes, Dr. Simmons.

You got something for me?

I think you should continue

to look into this Killjoy thing.

You think Killjoy did it?

[Simmons] I don't know if it's all in her mind or not.

But even if it is her imagination,

I think she truly believes

that this demon clown killed her friends.

It might be another personality.

Regardless, the patient's constant laughter

is a way of suppressing this thing.

And I think the professor's research holds the keys.

Well, I'm way ahead of you there.

I'm becoming a virtual expert on the subject.

The problem is, if Sandie's suffering from delusions,

then the professor shared it.

[Simmons] What do you mean, detective, explain that to me.

[Ericson] The professor had a son, Michael.

They were estranged.

Before they reunited, Michael was murdered.

This happened 13 years ago.

By Killjoy?

[Ericson] No, by gang members.

See, the professor seemed to believe that his son Michael

was possessed by this demon.

That's interesting.

You think so? It gets better.

Indulge me.

Coincidentally, those same gang members,

who probably killed Michael,

were murdered a year later.

No suspects?

No, not at the time, but as strange as it seems,

I think we finally found our person of interest.

(distant moaning)

Oh, oh that reeks.

I don't remember that one sneaking out.

[Skid] Oh no, no! No open flames!

What the...

Mr. Killjoy, sir.

Who the fuck are you?

Oh, I'm your biggest fan, my name's Skid.

Mr. Killjoy, sir?

How the hell did you get in here?

I can poof in and out of many places.

It's one of two powers I have.

Yeah, well, that's great, kid.

Skid, it's Skid.

Kid, Skid, all I know is, you stink!

You smell like a human, a little too fresh for my taste.

I'm sorry about that, sir, I'm new.

Just became demonic.

Oh, well that's just great, just what I need,

a newbie, a convert, huh?

I was born a demon, I was created a Prince.

But now, look at me, this is pathetic!

How humiliating.

Where are my powers, huh?

I should be able to teleport, too, but look at this!

Look at this!

Look, look at this, look at this, look at this!

Nothing! Nothing...

You lost your mojo, sir, you have no more powers.

But I'm motherfucking Killjoy.

Oh, you are majestic, my liege.

So magnificent, stellar, special, sublime!

[Killjoy] Yes, I am all of those things,

you little shit stain, what do you want?

I want to be you.

What?

I mean, I want to be just like you, I could never be you,

so powerful, impressive, monumental, svelte, endowed...

Alright, I get it, alright?

What do you want, my autograph or something?

I kinda want to help.

(laughing)

You? (Laughing)

You help me?

(laughing)

How?

I'm your attorney.

Really?

Somebody get me out of here, get me out of here!

So that about does it for the strategy.

Remember, you have to plead not guilty,

for all of these charges, you are definitely not innocent.

Yeah yeah yeah, I got that already, what else?

[Skid] Witnesses.

[Killjoy] What?

Witnesses, you know, like character references.

Look, I'm not gonna exactly win any popularity contests,

alright, what are they gonna testify?

They're gonna testify how evil you are.

Remember, you're on trial for being too much of a softie.

You're mushy, ineffective, uncommitted, and impotent.

Aright, alright, I get the point already!

Too human!

On your last incarnation,

you summoned a posse of three demons.

These demons are the only witnesses to your latest failure.

Yeah, well, they were all destroyed.

And I don't have enough power, or flesh,

to incarnate them again.

Don't worry about that, they're demons.

They can be resurrected with a sacrifice or something.

Look, I've got enough human blood in me to get the job done.

I'll pay for it, and you just summon them back up.

Yeah, good.

That's good, Squid, or whatever the hell your name is.

No sweat, and it's Skid.

[Killjoy] Right, Squid.

Alright, here goes nothing.

Flesh for flesh.

Come on, come on, there's only a little left.

(laughing) You were explosive.

That's just my demonic powers. (Laughing)

I gotta be careful when I fart, know what I mean?

(laughing)

[Killjoy] Yeah, sure.

[Skid] It's all yours.

I summon thee, Punchy!

(dramatic music)

(laughing)

I conjure thee, Freakshow!

(dramatic music)

Ahh, excellent.

(speaking gibberish)

Yeah, yeah, don't think anything of it,

you big worthless piece of shit.

And you, don't even come over here and touch me,

you're freaking me out, okay?

Alright, alright, you know what,

I'll hug your little brother.

He's the better of the two of you. (Gasping)

And that is grosser than holy sharts, man!

What happened to the little guy, the Kuato?

You know who I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah, alright, hey, it's no problem, I'll just make...

Oh, no no no no no!

There's only enough of that for three.

So?

What about Batty Boop?

That rectal canker, you think I want her back?

She's a pain in the ass!

[Skid] She's the only one who can really speak.

She can talk, she's the best one.

Oh, I hate you for being right.

Sorry Freakshow.

Ugh, I conjure thee, Batty Boop.

Come on out, you crazy bitch.

(dramatic music)

Boo-ya!

(laughing)

Hey, baby how you doing?

Snookums!

You won!

You beat the kids.

You defeated the professor.

You ate his soul and gained his powers.

And now you're free to roam the earth,

and cause turmoil and destruction,

and you want me to join you.

Right?

Not exactly.

Oh, exactly what happened?

Well, sort of kind of exactly...

I'm on trial for failure of my mission,

letting one of the victims go,

and just you know, a general lack of evilness.

What?

Batty, I lost my powers, babe.

Aww, you poor baby.

(yelping)

[Killjoy] What the fuck, Batty?

You snapped your fingers and blew me to pieces,

after all I done for you.

So I'm sorry, alright?

Sorry? Was that any way to treat a lady?

(laughing)

[Killjoy] You a lady? That's a good one.

No, no, no, don't, don't, don't!

You're pathetic.

I ain't doing nothing for you.

I'm out of here.

Come on, Batty, baby!

Come on, baby, come on back!

Oh, don't worry about her.

I'll talk her into it.

You just get ready for your first court session.

See you there. (Farts)

I got this.

Ms. Boop? Ms. Boop?

Ms. Boop? Ms. Boop? Ms. Boop!

Ms. Boop? Ms. Boop?

What the hell do you want, squirt?

Can I just ask you some questions

about your old boyfriend?

No, I don't like him no more.

Oh, okay I know.

But could you do it for old time's sake?

Do I know you?

Perhaps in a past life?

In your dreams, Romeo.

Ms. Boop, I'm your biggest fan.

Could you just answer some questions about my client?

You know, for old time's sake?

Yes, alright for old time's sake.

I do have some good memories with the whack bastard.

I wanna know all of Killjoy's tricks.

I wanna know everything.

(intense music)

(banging)

Order, order!

Court is now in session.

Let's get to it.

Did you get your witness?

Yes, your honor.

You may start, my dear.

Killjoy...

I object!

To what?

I don't know, I guess I just got a little excited.

Do you even know what you're doing?

Keep it in your pants, or else.

Or else?

(zapping)

[Beelzebub] I saw that in a movie once.

I could do that all day.

Go on, my dear.

Killjoy, king of the trickster gods,

the royal jester of hell,

he has been tormenting humanity from the beginning.

But somewhere in history, the accused has become...

a joke.

Whereas previously, Killjoy would strike terror

with his macabre tricks.

He is now laughed at.

The one that got away.

The what? The who?

Silence!

Killjoy, once a god of skill, wisdom, and intelligence...

Once?

Now a pathetic clown.

Can Killjoy fill those very, very big shoes?

Aww man.

Perhaps the realm is ready for a new trickster king,

a new harlequin, a new top clown.

No!

Killjoy is known by many names.

And he is worthy of none.

Agreed.

Scribe...

(dramatic music)

What just happened?

Once a name is crossed, it's gone forever.

What happened to confession before punishment?

This is Hell, punishment is part of the process.

Was it more than you anticipated?

Counselor?

Oh boy, my turn.

Ladies and germs, devils and demons,

my client Killjoy didn't do nothing!

[Killjoy] What are you doing?

I know, that's why he's here.

I mean he's innocent.

Fuck!

No, I'm evil! Say I'm evil!

I mean you couldn't ask for a nicer guy.

I think that's the problem.

Well put, Counselor.

Thank you.

Oh, just shut up.

Just goddamn motherfucking shut your mouth.

What I meant to say...

Counselor, sit down.

I don't want this trial to end before it starts.

Do you even know what the fuck you're doing?

I'm sorry, I just got a little nervous.

Oh, if I had my powers, I would pie you so hard.

(groaning)

Damn it, not even a cupcake.

Where'd you get your degree anyway, correspondence school?

Oh, hell no.

Ah, good.

I got it online.

They took life-experience as credit.

Okay Sandie, we're not gonna

assume that you're the killer.

Just tell us what happened that night.

(laughing) You really wanna know what happened?

Yes.

(laughing) As crazy as it sounds?

Yes, as bat-shit crazy as it sounds.

Just tell us what happened that night, as you saw it.

Answer the question.

Damn, he's useless. He can't even talk.

Doesn't the court understand that?

The court doesn't care.

I will assume that the witness' refusal to speak,

his silence, is an admission of the defendant's guilt.

I object! That doesn't make any sense!

Yeah, he's a mime!

This is bullshit, it's not fair.

Now you're getting it.

You know, if we had Freakshow's brother, he could talk.

But we couldn't bring him back.

Why not?

We didn't have enough flesh, your honor.

Too bad.

Bailiff!

Scribe, strike another name off the register.

(screaming)

Make it two.

(groaning)

Those things will shorten your lifespan, detective.

So will working the graveyard shift.

Make your point.

[Grimley] Now that I don't have a beat on the night shift,

I got time to spare.

Watch your count, detective.

Those things kill more people than bullets do.

What do you think about that nut-job's story.

Well, clearly it's tunes.

But I think she really believes it.

No way.

[Ericson] At least she's cooperating with us.

Even if it is a fantasy.

[Grimley] Maybe just looks like she's cooperating.

The girl is singing and I'm gonna listen.

As long as she blabs, we're getting information out of her.

Fuck it, maybe you're right.

So how do you wanna proceed?

Proceed like it's a true account.

Track down some leads.

Now we look crazy.

Who's the suspect?

Killjoy.

Accomplices?

- Punchy. - Sounds tough.

- Freakshow. - Puss.

And Batty Boop, the suspect's girlfriend.

Kinky. (Laughing)

Any aliases?

Yeah, 50 of them.

I thought it was 53.

Really, 53?

Hold on, I've got three files missing.

So what?

They weren't before.

This is weird.

Do you remember the names?

I think we've gotta talk to Sandie.

Alright, when?

[Ericson] As soon as possible.

(intense music)

[Jezabeth] Punchy the clown...

Created by Killjoy...

Incarnated with the spirit of the demon Behemoth.

My, you are a big boy, aren't you?

Where were you on the night in question?

(speaking gibberish)

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

(speaking gibberish)

I still don't understand, what language is he speaking?

He only speaks Carnie.

[Beelzebub] Is there anyone here that speaks Carnie?

Great.

Does anyone here speak Mime?

Or can play charades very well?

Oh me, me! I love charades!

Or as the Romans say, Pantomime.

Continue with your cross, please.

Punchy, you were with Killjoy on the night in question?

(speaking gibberish)

Yes.

And it was your job to help Killjoy

acquire those nubile young souls of these teenagers?

(speaking gibberish)

- Yes... - Yes, yes!

Just say yes, he just did the same friggin thing!

Briefly, tell me what happened.

(speaking gibberish)

We had a really fun time with the kids.

We gave them a yummy dinner.

And Killjoy was a nice host.

What?

(speaking gibberish)

Yup, that's correct.

Are you sure that's exactly what he said?

Yeah, sure.

Damn it, he must be still mad about his

shitty work conditions, long hours,

and lack of health insurance.

Well, it sounds like things were downright rosy.

That does not fit the personality requirements of a hellion.

At least, not to the standard of an evil demon.

No more questions.

Fine.

But, but, but I am evil!

Let me prove it to you!

Order! (banging)

Scribe.

(groaning)

I'm fading, I'm fading fast.

Counselor, your turn.

No, no, no questions alright?

My grave is getting deeper by the minute.

No questions, your honor.

So be it.

(growling)

Who's the next witness?

The court summons the succubus clown,

Ms. Batty Boop.

(sexy music)

(grunting)

Almost perfect.

(laughing) Clown...

Fuck off.

So...

You're Batty Boop.

Batty, Batty Boop.

Yeah, that's my name, don't wear it out.

Ms. Boop, tell us about your relationship with Mr. Joy.

That's Killjoy!

Emphasis on the kill part.

I guess he's my boyfriend.

I mean, I think he's a dreamboat.

He's so evil.

Thank you, Batty.

But that was before I caught him

frolicking with his prey, little Ms co-ed.

He was actually gonna do it with her.

It?

Sex.

[Beelzebub] Yeah, so?

Consensual sex.

No...

Consensual sex?

You know what that leads to.

Cuddling.

But she was a virgin.

A minor point in your favor.

Continue.

What happened after you caught him

with that human?

Then fish-poop over there

decided he didn't want me no more.

He snapped his fingers and blew me to pieces.

Then what? What did the bastard do?

He made a splendid feast for her.

The main course, tell the court

about the main course, Batty!

Silence.

He just threw you away didn't he?

Yeah.

Like a piece of tissue paper.

Yeah.

He just blew his wad in you,

and threw you over his shoulder.

Yeah.

- No calls. - Yeah.

- No letters. - Yeah.

No emails.

What?

Oh, man.

Oh, man what?

I just recognized her.

Yeah, it's me!

After all we went through.

I'm gonna nail you, sucker.

Dog-breath, what's she talking about?

(laughing) Batty, it was before I met you, okay?

It was a wild week of drunkenness,

a ton of sex and drugs...

It was a good time at first,

but then I realized that I was

wasting my time not concentrating on the things

that I really loved.

You dropped me like a bad habit.

You were a bad habit!

So addictive and needy!

The first chance I saw, I got the hell out of there.

So that's your M.O.

Fool around with the girl,

get her hopes up and then ditch her.

Batty, Batty I shouldn't have blown you up, okay?

You know I could've brought you back at any time.

That's not good enough.

Who'd you leave me for?

I didn't leave you, I just kind of vaporized you.

And for your information, there is nobody else.

There isn't?

No, there isn't, I promise.

What do you want from me, Batty?

You know what I want.

Alright, alright Batty, okay.

I apologize, alright?

I'm sorry, there I said it, are you happy now?

Very sweet, very sweet indeed.

What a nice apology.

Did I just apologize?

[Skid] Yep.

In public?

[Beelzebub] Yes, you did.

What a humble, noble, thoughtful thing to do.

Oh, shit.

I didn't mean to do that.

I mean, that's not what I wanted to happen.

Not evil! He's not evil.

I don't accept it.

I don't accept the apology.

Too late, Scribe, that will be 20 names.

(dramatic music)

No, no, no, no.

(groaning)

(gasping)

I've had enough for the day.

The next session will be.

Killjoy on the stand.

Court is dismissed.

[Bailiff] All rise!

Well, that was a disaster.

What do we do next?

I don't know.

You're next.

(phone ringing)

[Simmons] Hello?

Dr. Simmons?

[Simmons] Detective, it's very late.

Is something wrong?

You could say that.

We need to see you at your office right now.

[Simmons] Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can, bye.

Hello there.

I think I have something you're looking for.

But first, you need to give me something.

(moaning)

Oh, I see.

You like my magic mirror?

You can use it if you like.

But I need something in return.

Come to Mama!

(laughing)

(intense music)

I say we take them all by storm, now!

But the guards, they're too strong.

We could take them if we all work together.

Remember, together. Together.

Nonsense, you rat-faced buffoon.

We let the trial play out.

It's time for a new top clown around here.

We've decided to leave Killjoy to the fates.

Even if he survives the trial, they'll snuff him out.

If he survives, we'll follow him.

Make sure nobody stabs him in the back.

Yeah, it should be our decision, the whole lot of us.

(laughter)

Ridiculous.

So, you think you can start a little club

and upset the apple cart?

Go ahead, pie the little fuck!

(laughing)

[Clown] Punchy!

That's right, motha-fucka.

Punchy the clown, baddest mofo there is.

But, but a harlequin can't get hit with a pie!

And a hobo can't prey on another clown.

That's the way it is.

That's the way it's always been.

(splattering)

[Clown] So boss, what's the plan?

Plan?

I'm dying out there.

What the hell is my lawyer good for anyway?

My ass actually hurts.

I need an enema. I need a beer enema.

I need a beer enema and Jello shot.

That's what I need. Batty!

You look surprised to see me.

[Killjoy] Surprised?

You hung me out to dry out there.

Hey, I was just speaking my mind.

Didn't take you too long did it?

Kiss my ass.

I was trying to help you...

Yeah? You could've fooled me.

I'm getting killed out there.

My lawyer is useless.

Half of my names have just disappeared.

I can't remember any of them.

Look, I'm fading, Batty, I'm fading fast.

I know, Snookums, it don't look good.

And you don't got any powers.

I know, I know.

I'm helpless. I can't do shit, alright?

I need help.

I need you Batty.

That's all I wanted to hear.

I've got a plan.

What? You have a plan?

[Batty] Yeah, don't act so surprised.

Alright, alright, just what is it?

I'm gonna go get the mortal.

The mortal? The mortal?

[Batty] Yeah, the mortal.

The mortal? The girl, yes.

The one that got away.

That's right, the virgin.

Yeah, the virgin is the reason

that I'm here in the first place.

The virgin is the reason I don't have any powers.

I can still hear her in here, you know?

Laughing all the time, she doesn't stop.

I don't know how she does it.

She's our next witness, okay?

And she's the only one that can give you your powers back.

We gotta call her to the stand.

Fat chance of that.

She'll be the first to condemn me.

She'll rake me over the coals.

And she'll laugh the entire time.

Then you're gonna have to find some way to convince her.

Ah, I don't know.

How do you plan on getting up there anyway, huh?

The magic elevator?

Guess what, you need a key for that.

I don't know yet.

Freakshow, you ready?

Ah, I get it, you miss your brother, huh?

You want a prosthetic conjoined twin, huh?

You want a bionic brother now.

Stand back, I got this.

(laughing)

Just like new.

Mommy.

That was disgusting. (Laughing)

You've got her spit in your hole.

That's gross, man.

[Batty] What?

A mirror?

A magic mirror?

A mirror with saggy titties and you...

Oh, a mirror, the magic mirror at the old hag's.

Yeah, that's it.

Freakshow and I are gonna go get that girl.

We'll use the old hag's damn mirror for transportation.

Excellent.

Why did you leave Jezabeth?

Who?

The D.A.

You were with her, way before me.

And she's stunning.

[Killjoy] Batty, look at me.

I left her for you.

(emotional music)

(Batty moaning)

(laughing)

See you in court.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, hey Batty?

Where's Punchy?

Punchy? He's putting together a plan.

(laughing)

Punchy? Plan?

So, you come up with a plan yet, boss?

(sighing)

Killjoy's lost his mojo.

I don't see how he can get out of this one.

Unless he has a trick up his sleeve.

I don't think he's got any tricks.

That's it.

We give him a bag of tricks.

He don't need no powers with those.

(speaking gibberish)

Good idea.

Alright clowns, you've all gotta contribute.

One trick each.

How do you work this thing?

I lost the remote.

Great, what do we do now?

How about technical support?

Not that again.

Good thinking there, fish lips. Plug it in.

(beeping)

There she is.

Okay, I'll input the route.

What?

There's not enough bars.

You need more power or a different mode.

Oh, that's right, clown mode compression.

The same one used in those little clown cars.

Let's go.

[Hag] Come back in one piece.

I want to have a chance to play with your new attachment.

Mommy.

[Radio] Jim, bring patient 256

to my office as soon as you can.

[Jim] Copy that. Out.

(knocking at door)

Come In.

Thank you doc, for seeing us on such short notice.

Something extremely weird Is going on here.

We're losing evidence like crazy.

[Simmons] Yeah, me too, detectives.

I share your concern.

I've already asked security to bring Sandie to my office.

(knocking at door)

Ms. Giggles? Wake up.

Someone's here to see you.

(laughing)

(booming)

What the hell...

(whooshing)

The hell Is that?

(rapid knocking)

(suspenseful music)

What the hell?

(shrieking)

(screaming)

(gasping)

Show us your computer files, doc.

All references to Killjoy's names are disappearing.

I can't even remember what they are.

See, this is happening to me too.

I only know that something is missing.

What's taking your security guy so long?

Jim, Jim do you copy?

Jim, Jim do you copy, Jim?

Should we call 911?

I am 911.

Ericson?

You there?

(suspenseful music)

Damn, who put this up?

How'd they put it up?

[Batty] Do you like it?

Maybe it should be a little higher.

Don't move. Put your hands on your head.

Oh, brother. You're gonna pull that routine on me?

Get on the ground. Kiss the floor.

(moaning)

(gunshot)

(gunshot)

(groaning)

(suspenseful music)

(screaming)

(Sandie laughing)

What are you?

If we had more time,

we'd have a lot of fun.

But I'm here on business.

(hissing)

(laughing)

It's fucking true.

What do I do?

Run.

Run!

(laughing nervously)

(sighing)

You can't hurt me. (Laughing)

I'm laughing.

I'm laughing at you.

I ain't gonna hurt you.

Yet.

How about that? Kicking and screaming.

Jim? Jim do you copy?

Jim, where are you? Jim?

I'm gonna go help your partner.

I don't think he knows where they're at.

(beeping)

(suspenseful music)

(whispering) Oh, shit...

Jim?

Shit...

(ominous music)

(beeping)

Grimley?

(laughter)

Grimley? (laughter)

(laughter)

[Baby] Mommy.

(dramatic music)

(hissing)

(chuckling)

(screaming)

Kill. Joy.

(knocking)

[Killjoy] Who is it? What do you want?

[Beelzebub] I want to show you something, Killjoy.

Beelzebub?

What's that?

A little insurance.

Would you like to know what's in it?

Oh, I would.

There'll be time for that later.

Come with me.

(grinding)

(slamming)

Come on, I'm gonna take you on a little trip.

It might be the last time you get out.

(slamming)

(beeping)

(whooshing)

Where are we going?

To a very special place.

So, am I still on trial?

(laughing) You sure are.

Then why are we doing this?

There's something I want to see.

Sir, I don't follow.

When you're as old as I am,

you start to think about things differently.

When something dies, there's usually something left behind.

Like a body or some bones.

But when a memory dies, it's gone forever.

Except for one thing.

What thing? What's that?

[Beelzebub] The one thing I remember is a feeling.

An emotion, a residual tone.

Tell me, what do you see?

[Killjoy] It's like a dying sun that's fading.

The final circle of hell.

It's not what you'd expect.

No fire...

No torture...

It's not even cold.

It's nothing.

Welcome to oblivion.

[Killjoy] Why are you showing me this?

All my names are disappearing.

Soon I'll be erased forever.

It will be like you had never existed.

No one will know that you have ever been.

The only thing that you'll feel, is emptiness.

But, if I cease to exist,

then why did you bring me to this place?

It seems like a waste of time.

It wasn't for you.

I wanted to see the look on your face.

I will remember that feeling.

(laughing)

Answer the question.

[Jezabeth] Are you responsible to harvest

those souls you claimed? Yes or no.

Yes.

Then when you let the last one get away,

you failed in that responsibility. Yes or no?

It's not as simple as that.

Yes or no?

Yes.

Scribe, strike some more names.

Wait, wait.

No, no, no!

This is shit!

[Beelzebub] Now we've got some fire.

Get to the point.

I live for the torment of humans.

Their pain is sweet and delicious.

Their agonizing cries are like music to my ears.

How dare you question that!

That little brown-noser, my lawyer,

has been dropping the ball every single time.

From day one, he's been sabotaging my case.

And he's not even a real demon.

He's merely demonic.

Well you're not the easiest client to work for, you know?

Fuck you and the ass you rode in on.

You're fired!

But I'm your biggest fan.

You are a wanna-be.

From now on, I'm gonna represent myself.

Now get out of my sight before I break you in half,

you human...

Well if that's the way you want it, fine!

See you in Hell, Killjoy.

Clown mode?

I'm a clown?

(beeping)

(beeping)

Boo-ya.

Hmm...

Ah, the mirror.

We can use it to...

(gasping)

Damn it.

[Beelzebub] Now that you're representing yourself,

what is your next motion?

I motion...

I think I'm ready for a verdict.

I call my first witness.

The mortal. The one that got away.

(laughing)

No way.

I beat you. (Laughing)

I beat you.

Who are you?

The devil. Take your seat please.

Hey, where's the squirt?

I fired him.

Good, he was trouble.

He looked familiar too.

Like a bad one night stand,

when you turn on the lights in the morning.

Yeah, yeah, hey Batty?

Do you really think this is gonna work?

When it's your turn to cross examine,

you should ask her this...

(whispering)

(laughing) Yes.

Will you please account for your ordeal

involving Killjoy in the night in question.

It all started because I was

house-sitting my professor's house and...

(suspenseful music)

Killjoy murdered all my friends.

(laughing)

That seems pretty cut and dry.

Killjoy, your witness.

Wish me luck.

(Killjoy laughing)

Hey there. Long time no see.

Fuck you.

Feisty. What's got your panties in a bunch?

This is what I call a hostile witness.

Hostile?

You wanna see hostile?

(banging)

Let's get on with it.

(muttering)

Well that was an accurate and thorough

representation of the night's events.

And granted, you were victorious.

But, I just have one question for you.

How did it make you feel?

Feel? How am I supposed to feel, you son of a bitch?

You stabbed Zilla in the heart.

You smashed my boyfriend's head,

clear off his body in a bloody mess.

And you squashed the professor

into a pile of blood and goo.

My best friend was eaten alive.

What kind of filthy, foul monster,

would ask me how I feel?

I'm stuck in a nut-house and I can't stop laughing.

I have no family, no friends, no future,

all because of your heartless games.

I hope you rot.

I hope you burn forever.

(laughing) Man, she sure ripped you a new asshole.

Tell me about it.

I didn't really need more than two of them.

[Beelzebub] That was well put.

Thoughtless, heartless, cruel,

insensitive, filthy, foul.

You're starting to sound like a demon again.

But, he's not. He's not evil.

Hush.

So, I'm good to go?

Stamp me evil?

Not so fast.

You've absorbed a lot of human empathy

in your little quest to incarnate on earth.

You've got a lot of mortal souls in you.

But I think you've earned yourself a fighting chance.

What do you need from me?

Anything, I'll do anything, come on.

Trial by combat.

(banging)

Oh, anything but that.

I mean, come on.

I present to you, your challenger.

Next in line for your job.

What?

Skid Mark? You've gotta be kidding me.

Yep, it's me. Put up your dukes.

I want your job.

[Killjoy] You gotta be joking.

(booming)

(laughing)

(bell dinging)

Fight!

(screaming)

(groaning)

I'm gonna kill you.

You are a pathetic excuse for a demon.

Merely human...

(groaning)

Atomic wedgie!

(screaming)

(laughing)

That's gotta hurt. That's gotta hurt.

Oh, yeah!

Love you guys.

(laughing) So what's your second trick, human?

Oh, it's a good one.

And you've got Batty to thank for it.

You, it's you!

What are you talking about?

He was one of my victims.

I had him at a frat-party.

But I don't remember what happened.

Oh, you had me alright.

One bite. That's all it took.

Why didn't you just finish him off?

You should've killed him.

I know, I passed out.

I slipped her a little something-something.

You roofied me?

You rapist pig!

Batty, I love you.

When Hell freezes over.

No, when I win, the deal is your ass is mine.

Oh, like hell it is.

I'm gonna end you now.

You puny human.

Not quite. Remember what I said.

You've got Batty to thank for this.

For what?

Her love bite. And my second trick.

(groaning)

(suspenseful music) (groaning)

Oh...

Oh!

He's infected.

(growling)

Oh, shit!

Check me out.

Not so puny now.

Hey boss, here!

(laughing)

A bag of tricks.

Yum.

(laughing)

[Skid] You're mine, Killjoy.

(laughing) Aww, yeah.

Go and help him or we'll all be dust.

(groaning) (bones cracking)

[Skid] I'm crushing you.

(groaning)

Die, Killjoy! (Roaring)

Your ass is mine!

(grunting)

(groaning)

[Sandie] Killjoy, here!

[Squid] What's this?

Ugh, aww man.

(groaning)

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I have it! I have the power!

The malice buffoon is mine!

(groaning)

(laughing)

(splatting)

(roaring) (growling)

Charge!

(screaming) (roaring)

(intense music) (raucous fighting)

(roaring)

I've had enough.

(intense music) (raucous fighting)

I've had enough of this.

(electric zapping)

So you got your powers back, huh?

You think that I'd do mine?

Where you going with that key?

You're not going anywhere.

Ugh, virgin, you disgust me.

(laughing) I got it!

Oh, come on. Stop wasting time, you have the key.

Get in the elevator and get out of here!

Got it.

Wait, just one second.

[Batty] Oh, no.

I gotta know.

Oh, don't give in.

- Come on! - Don't do it!

(gasping)

Oh!

Fuck it!

(alarm blasting)

(laughing) Why did I do that? (alarm blasting)

[Speaker] Self destruct sequence initiated.

T-minus 60 seconds to self destruct.

Oh, man! We gotta get out of here!

(alarm blasting)

Out of the way, you big jerk.

I got the key, I got the key.

[Speaker] T-minus 50 seconds.

Come on! Come on!

Come on, get it in the hole!

As usual, you're not helping!

Alright, now shut up!

I got it, I got it.

Twist it! Twist it!

Which button?

Terra firma!

(screaming)

[Speaker] T-minus... Oh I see you're doing quite well.

At this rate, you will have no problem escaping.

So I'll just hurry it up a bit.

T-minus one second.

Kiss your ass goodbye.

(booming)

(screaming)

Can't we make this thing go faster?

I can...

Turbo!

(buzzing)

(screaming)

(intense music)

(police sirens)

Where are we?

Earth.

Yeah, we had a good time, didn't we kid?

(laughing) Oh, no.

It's not so funny anymore is it?

Your name is...

(laughing) Your name is...

Your name is...

Oh, that name's gone. Gone forever.

You know, I think I even forgot it myself.

(laughing)

Hey, I saved your ass.

That's true, you did.

And for that, you get a 60 second head start.

What?

(speaking gibberish)

[Sandie] What'd he say?

Run bitch, run!

(laughing)

So what do you want to do now, baby?

The usual.

Murder, mayhem, destruction.

And a really good martini.

Yeah, sounds good.

How long's it been Punchy?

(speaking gibberish)

30 seconds. Seems fair enough.

Let's go!

(laughing)

(intense music)

I'm mother fucking Killjoy.

I was born a demon.

I live for the torment of humans.

Who accuses me? Who accuses me?

Don't you know who I am?

I'm Killjoy! I'm Killjoy!

Alright, alright. I get the point already.

(intense music)

How long is this gonna take exactly?

I need an enema. I need a beer enema.

I need a beer enema and a Jello shot.

That's just great. Just what I need.

That was disgusting. (Laughing)

Who accuses me? Who accuses me?

Don't you know who I am?

Who accuses me? Who accuses me?

From now on, I'm gonna represent myself.

I'm Killjoy! I'm guilty as hell! (Echoing)