Original subtitles

Chester, you're not even dressed.

- The reservation is in 15 minutes. - Shh!

He's back.

Every night, at exactly 8:00 p. m...

the well-dressed blond man appears.

Chuck and Joanne are going to be waiting.

You don't understand. Every night, he does this.

Every single night.

He steps out of his building...

walks exactly seven paces, stops...

and smiles.

Honey, I'm worried about you.

Is he trying to communicate with someone?

Is he trying to communicate with me? Why is he doing this?

But aside from not being able to fart in the apartment, how's living with Quinn?

Oh, it's great.

## [Upbeat Pop]

## [Man Vocalizing]

## [Ends]

Yeah, living with Quinn is great.

Great, great, great. Great.

- So how bad is it? - Pretty bad.

Last night, I had just come back from my 8:00 fart.

- Sure. - Go on.

Still no mail.

I think they only deliver it once a day.

Hey, listen, when I moved in here, I sold all my stuff...

because I know you like your place as is...

and I was totally fine with that.

Just one little thing.

Would it be okay if instead of using your coffee mugs...

we use mine?

Hmm.

No.

Barney, she got rid of all of her stuff for you.

Oh, I see what this is really about.

Yeah, mugs.

Coffee? Tea?

All right. Religion.

This is about the fact that you don't think this relationship is gonna last.

That's why you don't want to throw anything out.

Because when that inevitable breakup comes, you don't want to buy new mugs.

That's why I've never thrown anything out...

for any relationship ever.

Isn't that right, honey?

Oh, that's right, I'm alone.

Lily, here's the thing.

It's my apartment...

and I need to assert my dominance as a man.

Don't... ever say that...

to any girl ever.

Too late.

What did you just say to me?

She gave up her apartment for you.

You know what?

I don't have to sit here and take this from you ladies.

I'm goin' to Ted's...

the man cave...

where guys can be guys.

- Assert your dominance as a man? - You have no respect for women.

- You have a mother. - You guys too?

I'm goin' to the "Y" for a shvitz.

No, dude, hold on. You're not goin' anywhere.

- It's trilogy time. - [Gasps]

[Ted Narrating] Kids, here's the deal with trilogy time.

It all started a long time ago in a dorm room far, far away.

Dude, if we fail this econ final...

for the rest of our lives, we're not gonna be able to-

We won't know how to-

Do you even know what econ is?

No idea. We're screwed.

There's only one thing left to do at a time like this-

watch the entire Star Wars trilogy all the way through...

because I haven't done that in, like, five years.

Dude, you can't let that happen.

If you're not "tril-ing" it at least once every three years, the Dark Side wins.

Okay, let's make a pact.

No matter what, every three years...

we sit down and "tril" it up big time.

Agreed?

A- Greedo.

Wow.

2003?

What's that gonna be like?

Hey, Ted. Sweet hair.

I told you it would eventually stop growing out and start growing down.

Anyway, I'm just working on designing yet another skyscraper.

And I'm carrying this briefcase because now I'm a successful lawyer.

I like that. Can I make one adjustment?

With a cool mustache.

Nice.

And who knows? By then, you and Lily might be engaged.

Engaged? Bro, I'm gonna do way better than that.

Ah, being pregnant is so much fun.

I want to do this four more times.

Oh, baby, how do you feel after spending all day working on your art?

Since I make enough to support us both financially.

Horny.

I hope we don't bother you, Ted, because even though we're married and pregnant...

it still makes sense that we all share adult-size bunk beds.

So... Star Wars?

Sure. I don't have to be at work until late afternoon-ish...

because my boss appreciates that I like to stay up late drinking...

and... rocking out with our band.

Did someone say "rockin' out"?

## [Funk]

Whoa. Who's the babe?

That's the best part.

Guys, you remember my awesome girlfriend...

- who was a virgin until we met? - Mmm.

My name's Rhiannon, like the Stevie Nicks song.

I'm hot, but in a crunchy, earthy kind of way.

[British Accent] Oh, and I'm from England.

Nice. Okay, Star Wars time.

But first... we jam.

Good thing I spent the last three years learning to wail on guitar.

## [Rock]

Babe.

Yep.

Our band is gonna be in demand.

And luckily, there'll be plenty of supply.

Supply? Demand?

Dude, do you realize what we just did?

We used econ.

We're gonna ace this final.

[Ted Narrating] We both got zeros.

Oh, dude, 2003 is gonna be awesome.

## [Plunking, Off-key]

"Satisfaction"?

"Hot Cross Buns."

Well, keep it up, bro.

So, you ready to watch the trilogy?

Oh, I don't know.

I really thought that by now I'd be a lawyer with a kick-ass mustache.

But I still haven't gotten into law school...

and my facial hair just grows in patchy.

Just red and patchy.

Come on, your life's not that bad.

Dude, I manage a Structure.

Yeah, but you get 10% off vests. I mean, that's something.

The vests are pretty sweet, but, look, Lily and I aren't married...

and we don't have a baby on the way.

- But we did get the cool apartment. - That we can barely afford.

I mean, I don't see any way that our lives are better now than they were three years ago.

[Barney] Oh, really, Marshall? Nothing comes to mind?

By the way, guys, this is Lisa.

You'll be seeing a lot more of Lisa.

And they never saw her again.

Whazzup?

Okay, three years ago...

we had this whole fantasy about how great our lives were gonna be...

and it didn't pan out.

But I'm tellin' you, three years from now...

when we're watchin' the trilogy in 2006...

our lives are gonna be awesome.

## [Orchestra: Classical]

Ah, hello, Ted.

I'm an environmental lawyer now.

Sure, it's not the most lucrative field...

but luckily I have the cash and prizes...

from my historic seven-week run...

on Wheel of Fortune.

Can I make just one little adjustment?

For which I was knighted by Her Majesty the Queen.

Ah, Lady Aldrin.

Oh, Sir Marshall.

I cannot wait to get a house down the street from your parents...

so we can be close to your mom, whom I get along with now.

[Chuckles]

But here's the best part.

Rhiannon. Hurry.

Just because I designed the opera house doesn't mean they'll hold the curtain for us.

[Chuckles] Just kidding. Of course it does.

Take your time, my love.

Hey, guys, it's me again.

I'm pretty much the same as last time, only now I'm super rich and fancy.

Oh. [Speaking French]

- [Tittering] - [Tittering]

And it still makes sense that we all live together.

[Laughing]

What about you, Barney? Any predictions for 2006?

Oh, yeah. Picture it.

By the way, guys, this is Jodie.

You'll be seeing a lot more of Jodie.

[Chuckling]

And they never saw her again.

Whazzup?

How is that any different from your life right now?

It's not. I'm K. F.C., baby.

You don't mess with the colonel's recipe.

I want things to stay exactly the same, but with a different hottie.

'Cause Barney don't slurp no sloppy seconds...

especially his own.

Okay, the bottom line is things are gonna get better.

- All I care about is getting into law school. - You will.

2006 is gonna be awesome.

And look what happened.

You got into law school, just like I said you would.

See? Things aren't so bad.

Lily left me.

[Sobbing] And now I'll never have a mustache.

Ah, baby, there you are.

I have spent all day thinking about all the naughty, naughty things you and I are gonna do-

to cheer up Marshall.

Like what?

Um, uh, I'll let you guys hang out, okay?

Um, I'll just be waiting in the bedroom.

[Chuckles] Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that to sound like...

"Ted and I are gonna do it" kind of thing.

Okay? [Mouths Words]

Okay. Okay. See ya.

Marshall, this will pass. Trust me.

Three years from now-

Briefcase, lawyer, knighthood, mustache, all that stuff from before.

Congratulations, bro.

And congratulations to you, too, Ted, for locking this down.

You know what's weird?

I never thought I would get married, but you talked me into it.

Or rather, banged me into it.

[Giggles] You're so good in bed. Ooh.

[Both Moaning]

- How is this helping me? - I'm getting to it.

In three years, not only will Lily be back, but-

Ah, it's so nice to be married to a wonderful guy...

and be carrying his child.

I think you're being kind of optimistic, Ted.

Can I make one little adjustment?

Ah, it's so nice to be married to a wonderful guy...

and carrying his child.

And here he is now.

Guys, I want you to meet some douchey guy named Trey.

- 'Sup, brah? - Mmm.

I don't know what I love more- his thick mustache or his trucker hat.

You know I hate those hats.

Then you're really gonna hate this sonogram.

No!

No!

A baby in a trucker hat. That's awesome.

Anyway, Ted's right. 2009 is gonna rule.

By the way, guys, this is Maya.

You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya.

And they never saw her again. Whazzup?

Okay, seriously, at least tell me you're gonna change...

the what will by then be nine-year-old beer commercial reference.

There's gotta be at least one way that you'd like the future to be different.

I guess there is one thing.

By the way, guys, this is Maya. You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya.

And not because of these.

Because of these.

Back boobs.

The visual stimulation of missionary...

meets the emotional detachment of doggie style.

Patent pending. Whazzup?

The point is, Marshall...

this time in three years, everything is gonna be great.

See? Lily came back.

Of course, Robin and I didn't end up together.

But I did get engaged...

and left at the altar.

But I did start my own architectural firm.

And it failed after two months.

- Can we put the movie on, please? - Yeah. Sure, buddy.

Hey, by the way, where is Robin?

[Ted Narrating] In the summer of 2009...

Barney and Robin were secretly dating.

Oh. Uh, Barney says she's taking some extension class in how to decoupage...

and Barney's taking a different decoupage class in the same building.

That's why they shared that cab that one time.

[Ted Narrating] We were idiots.

Wait a minute.

You're saying that Barney Stinson...

is at a decoupage class?

That means we can watch Star Wars on his giant TV.

Punch it, Chewy.

[Panting, Gasping]

Oh. You're back from decoupage.

What's decoupage?

Oh, uh, yeah, I took that cab there that one time.

Hold on.

Come on in.

- Uh, we were hoping we could watch the trilogy here. - Uh, sure.

But, uh...

first go look out my, uh, bedroom window.

There's a, uh...

naked lady, uh...

jumping up and down on a mini-trampoline...

in the apartment across the, uh, street.

[Gasps]

- Get me out of this thing. - There's no time.

I'm not ready for them to find out about us.

Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy.

- Wha- - Don't worry. It's only 382 minutes.

Nerd.

So where do you guys think we'll be in three years? It'll be 2012.

That's an easy one.

- Guys, this is Sophia. You'll be seeing a lot more of- - [Glass Shatters]

[Marshall] Okay, that is so weird.

I was just trying to use the Force.

I mean, do you think instead of making a beer fly out of the fridge...

I made that lamp break?

Either that or the stormtrooper did.

[Laughing]

Oh, the stormtrooper would never do that.

He knows that lamp cost $1,200.

Anyway, while it's just us guys...

Iet me ask you something.

We've all had that same fantasy about having sex...

with a girl in a stormtrooper costume, right?

- Mmm, no. - Never.

Guys.

Come on. No girls around.

Just us bros. Safe space.

Let's stop being polite and start gettin' real.

Stormtrooper fantasy. Every guy's had that one, right?

- Not even once, no. - No. No.

So I'm the weird one?

- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

How about you, Ted? How's your life gonna be different in, what, three years?

Oh, you know, the usual.

Gonna meet a nice girl and get married.

I mean, I know I say that every year, but let's be honest.

In 2012, I'll be 34.

If it still hasn't happened for me by then...

something is seriously wrong with me.

[Laughing]

You know? Seriously.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

I can't do this anymore.

I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

when all the evidence points to the contrary.

You really think that three years from now, things aren't gonna be awesome?

I'll tell you what things are gonna be like three years from now.

Uh, yes, hello.

I see on my frozen entrée for one...

they printed this number...

where I can voice comments and concerns.

Well, there's more cinnamon in the cobbler than usual.

No, I like cinnamon.

Mmm, you're very welcome for my comment.

Wait, uh, don't go.

Um, do you like cinnamon?

Hello? Hello?

Marshall, you want to watch Star Wars?

No can do, old bean.

You see, we're up on the Cape...

Iiving the idyllic family lifestyle that you've always dreamed of.

Oh, and I'm pregnant with baby number five.

Baby number four isn't even out yet.

I'm just that good. [Chuckles]

Oh, hold on. There's somebody wants to say hello to you.

Hey, Ted, I just wanted to say that things are great...

and I'm married to that douchey guy in the trucker hat.

Whassup, brah?

It turns out it was just you I didn't want to commit to.

[All Laughing]

Oh, and I got back boobs. [Giggling]

So things are great. Buh-bye.

- [Squeals] - [All Laughing]

[Beeps]

By the way, Ted, this is Melanie.

You'll be seeing a lot more of Melanie.

W- W-Wait a minute. Who is Melanie?

Barney, if there's one thing I can count on not to change...

it's you walking in with some random girl on your arm.

No. No, I don't want that.

For the first time in my life...

I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl...

no matter how many boobs she has.

I want to be with Quinn.

Guys, you're gonna be seeing a lot more of Quinn.

Dude, we've been to the Lusty Leopard. We've seen plenty.

I kind of walked into that one. All right, buh-bye.

- What are you doing? - We're living together. I'm excited about it.

And I'm gettin' rid of my mugs.

- That was mine. - Sorry. I don't know which are which.

The truth is, I never drink coffee at home.

- This one? - Mm-hmm.

There. I don't need my coffee mugs 'cause I got yours.

For the rest of my life.

Or as long as you'll have me.

We haven't really talked about the future.

Did I make things awkward?

- Just keep smashing mugs. - [Chuckles]

Or donate them.

The point is, I plan on being with you for a long time.

You okay with that?

- [Shatters] - Sounds great.

- Ooh. - Ohh. [Farts]

I am so sorry.

No, no, it's great.

A guy has to be the first one to let it rip.

I was actually hoping this would happen soon.

I've been crop-dusting the patio for weeks.

The patio.

I've been going out on the street.

Like exactly this time, every night.

Where are you, blond man?

Show yourself.

I'll be at my mother's.

We're a real couple now, aren't we?

We are.

- [Farts] - [Farts, Gasps]

Mmm.

Hey, buddy, I get that you're bummed.

But l-I got a good feeling about 2015.

I think that's gonna be your year.

[Ted Narrating] Kids, that was the one time...

I ever lost faith in the idea that my life would be better in three years.

And what's funny is, three years from that moment, my life was amazing.

- All right. It's trilogy time. - Can I just lodge one complaint?

This is a guys tradition. It's kind of a lame move on Ted's part to bring a chick.

Come on, dude. Cut him some slack.

I know. He loves her.

And I'll give him this- she is pretty damn cute.

Thank God she takes after her mother.

All right. Let's watch this thing.

TV, play Star Wars trilogy.

Play Star Wars tril-

You know what? Screw it.

Okay, you are about to see something awesome.

And just know this-

Han shot first.

[Whispers] It's true.

I wonder if things will be a lot different...

when we watch the trilogy again in 2018.

I hope not.

[Gasping, Panting] Oh, that was awesome.

You were right. Not weird.

No. [Chuckling]

[Moaning]