Original subtitles

- Come on, guys! No, no, no, baths are fun.

You love baths.

There's water. You get to be naked, huh?

- Jump, geoffrey, jump! - No, ally.

Listen: The only reason I let you get older

Is so you could help me.

[children laughing and screaming]

Get off the couch. Off the couch.

- I told you it might be a little crazy.

Hi, dear.

- Hi, marie.

- I just brought hilda and artie over

'cause I wanted them

To see the kids do their "knock, knock" joke.

- We hear it's a hoot!

- Well, you know, now's not the best time.

I'm tryin' to get 'em upstairs.

- Michael, "knock, knock"-- - marie.

- Honey, let michael say "knock, knock."

- Knock, knock! Knock, knock!

- No "knock, knock" jokes right now.

We're goin' upstairs.

- "orange." debra, say "orange."

- Marie, please stop!

We are not telling "knock, knock" jokes right now!

We are going upstairs for our baths.

All right? Thank you.

Let's go.

Come on.

- Well.

- Hello, raymond, dear.

I just dropped by to pick up my big spoon.

Are you finished with it?

- Me?

- I was the one that borrowed it, remember, marie?

- If you're not done with it, raymond,

I could come back.

- Ma, what's goin' on? - Nothing...

I'm making sauce, and I just wanted my big spoon.

- Yeah? So ask debra.

- Um, I--I'm finished with it, marie, so...

Here.

- Thank you, raymond. Bye-bye.

- What's going on?

- How should I know?

You two have a little...Rowdy-dow?

- No.

That last time I saw her was yesterday

When she just dropped by with hilda and artie,

And I was trying to get the kids upstairs.

- Yeah? - What?

She wanted to hear the twins tell their "knock, knock" joke,

And I told her it was a bad time,

And we went upstairs.

- Did they do the goliath one? - No, I--

- 'cause that's a good one. Knock, knock.

Say "who's there?"

- What is with your family?

- Come on.

Say "who's there?" - who's there?

- Goliath. - Goliath who?

- Goliath down. You looketh tired.

- You're wonderful.

I mean, that couldn't be why she's mad at me,

Because I told her it was a bad time?

She couldn't be mad about that, could she?

- I think it's cute

How you're still a little naive.

- Oh, my god.

I mean, god, she's a lunatic!

- So why didn't you just let her hear the joke?

It only takes like two seconds.

Here, let's do goliath again. Knock, knock--

- That is not the point, okay?

- Things have to screech to a halt

Because marie's gonna waltz over here with her friends

To put on the "grandma show"?

- Yeah. You know what?

You should go over and apologize.

- What?

Are you kidding? You're taking her side?

- I'm not taking any side. It's too small to have sides.

- No, I let so much go with her, ray.

I mean, I'm always letting things roll off my back.

The woman ruins my life,

And I'm supposed to pretend everything is fine and dandy.

- Well, your life isn't ruined,

Everything is fine and dandy.

- I am not apologizing for this.

Your mother is acting like a child,

Giving me the silent treatment.

Do you realize how passive-aggressive that is?

- But--but--

- No, she doesn't want to talk to me,

She doesn't have to-- that's fine and dandy.

- So you're just gonna pout and go, "she started it"?

I think that's a little passive-aggressive.

- Oh, yeah?

- Which I still prefer to aggressive-aggressive.

- So...

How are things?

- Yeah, fine.

- That's nice.

And how's debra?

- Ma--ha, okay, I see.

You lured me over with cake

So you could pump me for information about debra.

- And feed you cake.

- Feed me cake.

- Raymond, I was just wondering

If debra picked up on my little signal yesterday.

- What, when you gave her the silent treatment?

- Oh, good. You noticed it too.

I was worried that I maybe was too...Subtle.

- Yeah, that's your problem-- too subtle.

- Eat your cake.

How did debra react?

- I don't know, ma, I don't want to--

- Just stay out of it, ray. - I am, dad.

- Frank, you don't even know what we're talking about.

- That's right, because I stay out of it.

- The fact is that your wife happened to be rude.

She humiliated me,

And what's worse, it was in front

Of my dear friends hilda and artie.

- You don't like hilda and artie.

- That's not the point.

I mean, hilda had just been telling me

About how close she is with her daughter-in-law,

And that for mother's day this weekend

They were going to a spa to have massages together,

With steam baths and body lotions.

- Hey, I'm eatin' here!

- And my own daughter-in-law can't tolerate me in her house

For a "knock, knock" joke.

I find that cruel.

- Look, ma, debra's sorry, okay?

- She is?

Really?

- Y-yeah. Yes.

I mean, she just has a hard time saying it, that's all.

And aren't you the mature one?

- That's true.

I've always been mature.

- She's as mature as the hills.

- All I'm sayin' is,

What if you were the one who went over and apologized?

Let me finish.

What if you apologized, because you're the mature,

Reasonable, responsible,

Beautiful one?

- You're suggesting I apologize?

Me?

- Yes.

Because you're beautiful.

- Shame on you, raymond.

- Ma! Aww.

- Guess which word you lost me on?

- Hey, is that last cookie mine or yours?

- I don't know. You can have it.

- 'cause I think it's mine.

- Okay, fine. Go ahead.

- No, not "go ahead" like you're givin' it to me,

Because I think it really is mine.

- You know what?

- I don't care, I'm gettin' it!

Give me that cookie!

[laughter]

Come on, debra!

- Debra, may I talk to you?

- Sure, marie.

- What happened the other day has really weighed on me...

And I did some serious thinking.

So, debra...

I was wrong. Please forgive me.

- Oh, wow. Marie, thank you.

But you don't have to apologize, I'm fine, really.

- No, no, no, debra, I want to.

First of all, I'm sorry I came over when I did.

I should know by now, by late afternoon

You've lost complete control of the kids.

And then, I brought company,

Which must have embarrassed you,

Since obviously you hadn't tidied up.

So I understand

Why you felt the need to snap at me so.

For all that, I'm sorry.

All right?

- So...

She's talkin' to you again!

- Well, she can do whatever she wants,

Because I'm done talking to her.

- This is what I get for trying to be nice.

- Come on, guys.

You're supposed to be helping me make a nice mommy's day brunch

To make mommy nice again, all right?

So come on, huh? Please!

Let's not bust daddy's hump.

I've been gettin' enough of that.

Hey, mommy is here!

Hey, happy mother's day! Hi, mommy!

You're supposed to be upstairs waitin' for breakfast in bed--

What are you doin' down here?

- I smelled something burning.

- It's all under control, okay?

So go back upstairs and get psyched for toast!

- Listen, ray,

I've been up there for two hours.

Can we just go out to breakfast, or...

Or lunch?

- Well, listen,

If some people were talking to other people,

We could be at other people's house right now

Having our annual very nice-- not cranky--mother's day brunch.

- I thought one of the requirements

For a happy mother's day was a happy mother.

- Listen, all I-- ding!

Toast is here!

Hey, guys, who wants to give mommy breakfast in bed?

- I do! - I do!

- Okay, here you go. Come on, here you go.

Take that.

Okay, let's go, come on, hurry up.

Everybody upstairs with mommy!

- Ray--

- Aw, oh, aren't they adorable? Look at them!

- Let's go, mommy.

- Enjoy your first course.

- Hey, what--

What are you doin'? Why aren't you with mom?

Evidently, it's simply not mother's day without raymond.

- She's been a miserable wretch all week long.

I mean, on top of the usual.

- How's it goin' over here?

- Yeah, well, it's not good. She's in a bad mood too.

I'm just gonna run these over and drop them off for mom.

- "drop these off"?

You'll never get out of there!

She's got your baby book out, and she's humming lullabies.

She sent us over to get you.

- What she doesn't know is, we're never going back.

- All right. Well, keep it down.

She can sense happiness.

- I don't like them not talking to each other.

It makes me nervous.

- It's like in korea...

It was most scary when it was quiet.

- I hate seeing them like this. I can't take it anymore!

You know what?

The three of us should go to florida.

- Just what every mother wants to do on mother's day--

Wash the butter out of her sheets.

- What you are doin', ma?

- Hello.

I was just flipping through your baby books...

Recalling the agony of your delivery.

And I was wondering

If I was going to get a visit from you

On mother's day.

- Yeah, of course, ma,

I'm takin' care of a few things here, that's all.

- Well, of course. By all means, take your time.

You obviously have other priorities--

On mother's day.

- Here you go, ma. There are for you.

- Hey, what are you talkin' about?

- Happy mother's day.

- Oh!

They're lovely!

Thank you, dear.

- Okay, listen, ray, I--

- Korea.

- Okay, well, I'm going back across the street.

Who's coming with me? - Ow!

I'll go with you, ma.

- Anyone else?

- She ain't my mother.

- Go ahead, ray.

- Raymond?

- Look, I shouldn't have to choose, okay?

This is not my fight!

Can't you two just start talkin' already?

Come on, it's mother's day!

Can't one of you two mothers just say somethin'?

Dad, please, can you help me out here?

- What, are you kiddin' me?

Maybe debra will come around at some point,

But we'll never get anything out of old sitting bull over there.

- Debra, please, come on, all right?

Just do it for me.

Great. Great, great.

You see? You see? Here's the problem, okay?

You think it's just her.

Well, I'm gonna say it--

We all know that if my wife wasn't so snippy all the time--

Yes, I said snippy--

None of this would have happened!

- You'd be snippy too

If this one was yammerin' at you all day long!

You got nothin' to complain about.

- How do you know what I've been goin' through over here?

I actually have to live with her,

So don't start with me, 'cause you don't know

What the hell you're talkin' about.

- Wow.

- Let me ask you somethin', pal.

What have you had, a tough week?

Well, I've been living with your mother

Since before you were born!

- Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!

- She's right! "knock, knock" jokes stink!

- Look, that's not the point!

Ma came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are

Tellin' a "knock, knock" joke,

And debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!

- Well, who the hell is marie to come barging in,

Demanding joy,

When debra's wrestling with the damn kids?

- She didn't have to be so rude!

- Rude it the only thing that gets through to her!

How do you think I got the way I am?

I used to be a gentleman!

- Never! You were never a gentleman!

You never gave mom any respect! You're just as bad as debra!

- That's a fine way to talk to your father!

- You don't like it? I don't talk to you at all!

- I don't talk to you at all!

- Hold it! Hold it! [both shouting]

Sit down!

- Yeah, I will sit down!

- Fine!

- Look what your fight is doing to the family!

It's mother's day, and you're ruining it.

This day is supposed to be for appreciating each other,

Not shutting each other out.

We should not be wallowing in hate,

We should be wallowing in a beautiful brunch

Of belgian waffles and berries

And sausages of both link and patty!

Now, I know when we're angry and hurt,

We can only see the negative in the other person.

But you two people know deep down

How you feel about each other,

How you care about each other,

And how much...

How much you love each other.

- I'm sorry, ray. - Me too, dad.

- Not you guys!

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, come on, how about it, debra?

- Yeah, what do you say, marie?

Can we eat?

- Why is there butter on your sheets?

- Oh, my god.

- Happy mother's day.

There was only one bigger bouquet in the store,

But it was for dead people.

- They're beautiful, ray. Thank you.

- Listen, you deserve them.

I'm sorry about what I said about you,

About you being snippy and all.

- Oh, that's okay.

- I'm sorry I was snippy to you.

- Yeah?

So what do you think?

What do you say we end this, huh?

Let's push speed dial number one,

And just tell her happy mother's day, from you.

- No.

- No, what? No.

Not "no." "yes."

You don't really want to stay mad, do you?

- I'm not mad at her anymore. - Yeah, but--but--

- I'm just gonna live my life. And you know what?

I think my life is gonna be better from now on.

- But it won't!

How could it be? There's gonna be tension!

- I think what I've done

Is actually remove the source of the tension.

- You mean my mom?

- I think so, yes.

- [groans loudly]

- Good night.

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Ivan.

- Ivan who?

- I've an idea-- talk to my mother.