Original subtitles

- Just going out for a wee while Jock.

I may be some time.

Janice.

- You'd better go straight in, he's waiting for you.

- Ta.

Come in.

It's not entirely satisfactory, is it?

- No.

Some people think that the world turns on credit.

You would appear to agree with them Constable.

- Well, I don't, I don't know.

- I don't subscribe to that notion.

Thrift.

Thrift, it's a virtue that preserves purity of thought.

Keeps us from sinful avarice.

You could say,

it brings us closer to God.

Would you agree Constable Macbeth?

- Well, I suppose I don't know.

Aye.

- And yet, you seem to have lost that virtue.

- Well, I had a few unforeseen expenses.

- Indeed you have.

This very day a check for 340 pounds

presented by MacAlpine's Wholesale Whisky

and Spirits Limited, Inverness.

- Ach it was a special bulk buy bargain offer.

- It's a bargain with the devil, that's what it is.

The check has been returned unpaid.

You've got a month to find the 1356 pounds you owe this bank

before we commence proceedings.

You can hand in your cash card on the way out.

- Well how am I gonna eat?

- It's a wicked, sinful world we live in PC Macbeth

and we're both put here by the Lord to turn folk

away from error.

No matter how painful that redemption is.

Hi Jimmy.

- Hamish.

Duncan.

- Eh?

Oh morning Hamish.

- Mr Soutar,

I'm ready for you now.

- It's all right son.

I'll take care of this.

- So there we were.

Oh 63p please.

So it's the big fight.

Big Dougie gets his flick-knife out,

starts waving it in front of Bobby's face.

- There's 55.

- Before anyone can stop him, he steps up to Bob,

slips on a floorboard and wham,

in goes the blade, right up to the hilt.

It was an awful sight.

The blood was spurting out of Bobby in a jet.

Great big gobs of it.

I tell you it was terrible.

- 63 pence.

There you go.

See you later Rory.

- Hey hey, you've not listened to a word I've said.

I'm just after telling you how Bobby Gillespie was stabbed.

- Bobby Gillespie?

When?

- Last night.

At the rehearsal.

- Oh right.

- It was a terrible accident.

God alone knows how we're gonna replace a singer

of Bobby's caliber with only three weeks to go.

- Ah well.

- Hey, you've given me Spanish money.

- Could you let me aff wi' it Rory?

The bank manager's stopped my cash point card.

- Never.

- Aye.

Wee Jock's sitting out in the car, he's starving.

- Oh for goodness sake.

State of the world.

Letting a wee dog starve like that.

There.

- That's,

very kind of you Rory, very kind.

Kind of hungry myself.

- Help yourself.

Pay me when you can.

- I really appreciate this Rory.

Anything I can do for you.

Anything.

- Ach, wheesht.

Ah Hamish.

There might be just a wee something.

you're the top cat in town

with the heavyweight crown

the swingin'est thing

little man you're a King

Rican's a lousy chicken

Nice bit of left hand work there Esme.

Thank you Rory.

- I can appreciate a woman with supple hands.

- Good, good all of you.

Hamish, not bad for a first try.

- Aye.

Let me get this straight.

There's two gangs right.

The Jets and the Sharks.

And they're always like fighting,

stabbing one another.

But in between they do a fair bit of singing and dancing?

- That's it.

- Uh huh.

And like these are the Jets,

who are like a band of savage teenage thugs.

- Do you have a problem with that Hamish?

- Well I mean come on you've got to admit.

No no um, where's the Sharks?

- We do them as well.

- So what happens when the Jets and the Sharks meet up?

- It's surprising, with a bit of subtle reworking,

how seldom they have to meet.

- Aye, but when they do.

- We spread oot.

- Sorry Isobel, I had to work.

- You're cutting it fine hmm.

We're just about to do your scene.

- Sorry.

Evening Hamish.

All right Jimmy.

- Scene 21 please.

- Is that no' Phyllis Dicks, bank manager's daughter?

- It is, okay Rory.

Roll it.

- I didn't know young Jimmy could act.

- Oh there's not much acting about it.

Watch this.

thing I'll see forever

and in everything I do

- Does her father know she's doing this?

- How should I know.

- What is the matter with you?

Just saying I don't think her father would approve

of the way she's handling young Jimmy.

- Oh well.

That's what West Side Story's all about Hamish.

The forbidden star-crossed love.

- Ahem.

Jimmy.

Phyllis.

That was great.

Jimmy.

- Sorry.

Do it again?

- No that won't be necessary.

Some of these men will need hospitalization

if they have to witness unbridled lust twice in one night.

Come on now, there's work to be done.

- I'm telling you, didn't know you had it in you Jimmy son.

- Aye.

Just a wee bit, you know.

- Listen is your dad okay?

- Aye.

How?

- Didna look himself in the bank this morning.

- It's nothing we can't handle.

You coming?

See you. - See yah.

Rory.

Tell me ah.

You wouldn't happen to know if there's anything wrong

wi' Jimmy's father, would you?

- Well that would be confidential of course.

- Oh yeah of course yeah.

- It's a hard life keeping sheep on these hills.

Solitude, financial crisis, drink.

They could all conspire to break a man.

Hypothetically speaking of course.

- Of course.

And I mean a man might need a wee bit of help

even if he was too proud to ask.

- Hypothetically, aye.

- Step, kick, step cross hey.

- That's it, that's it.

- You've cracked it.

- Hey Doc, Hamish look at this.

Amazing.

- Oh yah beauty!

Hey the drinks are on me!

- It is amazing the strange magic of theater

that leads grown men to make complete tits of themselves.

- Absolutely.

- What was Mr Macbeth saying about your dad?

- My dad's just.

Since my mum died he's not been right.

Everything's kinda.

I don't know.

Phyllis, we're skint.

- Was my father sympathetic at the bank?

- Not very.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh it's okay, we'll cope.

- Oh my hands are cold.

Yours too.

- Are you not kidding me on here?

- I haven't yet learned how to joke that way.

I don't think I ever will.

- Get your hands off her.

- Kenneth!

- Stay away from my sister.

There's only one thing he wants from you.

- Kenneth just mind your own business.

- How can I?

You'll end up cast from the sight of the Lord.

You'll be nothing but a visitor of clinics.

- Och Kenny shut up.

And get lost.

- No, you've been missing meetings of

the Good News Fellowship for weeks.

Does Father know what you've been doing instead?

- Look Kenneth, don't tell him.

It's just a musical.

It's harmless.

- Well, we'll have to see about that won't we.

- Jeez-o, he's kinda revved up, your Kenneth.

- Yes.

Think it's his hormones.

- Aye well, I know how he feels.

At least I didn't get God.

Just plooks.

- I don't care.

Come here.

- Well it's a night made for loving Jocky boy.

But.

My woman disnae want me.

Naebody wants a bankrupt polis.

No' even one with three cases of the finest malt whisky

known to man.

- Hamish.

- Isobel.

- You forgot your script.

Phyllis.

What do you have to tell me daughter?

- Dad.

- You have been missing your church meetings

to attend the rehearsals of a,

an entertainment.

Which I am told involves dancing.

In public.

- I.

Yes.

- And now Kenneth says he found you

compromising your dignity with a village boy.

Who is he?

Jimmy Soutar.

Duncan Soutar's boy.

- That's correct Father.

He was all over her, hands everywhere.

- Enough.

His father's an idle, feckless waster,

who cannot live within his means.

- That's not true.

- I'll not let you taint the memory of your mother

with such wanton foolishness.

You're not to see him again.

You hear me girl?

Goodnight Father.

- Goodnight.

You did right to bring this to me Kenneth.

Your mother would have approved.

- I wish I'd known her.

- She was a fine, upstanding woman son.

Not like some you'll find.

On you go.

Fine woman.

- Shouldna really be drinking this stuff.

That bank manager bounced my check.

I'm in debt up to my ears.

- What are you going to do?

- I don't know.

Maybe run away to the rigs.

- Nah.

You don't wanna do that.

You'd be missed.

- Would I?

- Yeah.

- Would I?

- Hamish!

Hamish, are you all right?

- For God's sake what is it?

- I sensed something.

Some sort of karmic surge coming out of your house.

Something going down.

I thought you might be in some kind of trouble.

- Does it look like I'm in trouble?

- Well you can't be too careful.

You've opened a bottle then.

- Och, sit down, I'll get you a glass.

Isobel.

- Hello!

Duncan!

Hi Jimmy.

- All right. - How you doing?

- Yeah, fine.

- I was wondering if I could have a word with your father.

- Sure.

Listen, you'd better come in.

- Duncan.

Come on Duncan you need to get a move on man.

It's eleven o'clock already.

- There's no point.

- There's every point.

Come on the world's no' such a terrible place.

There's young Jimmy there,

he's the toast of the village the noo wi' his singing.

Eh, having a romance wi' young Phyllis Dicks

as well I hear.

- What?

Not the Dicks girl.

- Dad.

Are you trying to shame me boy?

- No. - I told you

to stay away from her.

Her father's intending to drive me out of business

and you're running around with his girl behind my back.

- Duncan.

- You keep away from that girl!

For God's sakes what are you trying to do to me boy?

God's sakes.

Duncan.

He's just a boy Duncan.

- I can hear the selkies from here.

- Who?

- The seal folk.

They sing tae us.

Marie's down there.

- Marie's been dead for seven years.

- No no.

No she's down there, calling for Jimmy.

She went back to the seal folk

and now she wants him as well.

They come back for their own you see.

- Duncan.

Look.

The guy has cashed in his marbles, it's obvious.

- Maybe aye, maybe no.

- You're no' saying you believe him.

- Well I'm not saying I believe him.

Not saying I don't believe him.

- Ah well thank you Paddy Ashdown.

You saying to me that you believe that this guy's wife

has turned into a seal?

- A thing doesn't actually need to happen for it to be real.

- Gie's a break John.

- Duncan's suffering from love sickness,

and he's not the only one.

- What?

- There's a selkie calling for you as well Macbeth.

- I'm warning you.

- But you're looking on the wrong beach.

- Right.

That's it.

I'm off.

And John, John.

Stop polishing the fax machine.

- Cease this simple spectacle!

Put my daughter down boy.

- Excuse me Mr Dicks, but you're interrupting our rehearsal.

- This rehearsal is over.

Under the standing orders of the church hall sub-committee,

any lewd or licentious use is barred at the discretion

of the chairman of the said sub-committee.

- And who is the chairman?

- I am.

Phyllis, home.

- It's scandalous.

Two months hard work down the drain.

- It's just our luck to have a religious maniac

on our patch.

- There's nothing to do.

We'll have to call the production off.

- You cannae give up as easy as that.

I mean if Cameron Dicks wants to,

what is it rumble,

then I say we rumble.

What do you say?

- Well I say, go go.

- I say, mix.

- I say boomba boomba.

- Wacko daco!

- I applaud the sentiment ladies and gentlemen

but what can we do?

Dicks is well in with the minister.

- Discredit him.

Discredit him?

- Mm hmm.

- You need to have done something to be discredited.

The Pope has more form than Cameron Dicks.

- Oh come on if we cannae find any dirt on him

we'll just have to make it up.

- Always the consummate police professional eh Hamish.

- Ah there's guilt tugging at the heart of that man.

I can see it.

Aye you mark what I'm saying.

He's got a past.

I hate to say it, but he's seldom wrong.

- Hey I've just remembered something.

An old mate of mine told me once.

What?

- Do you know I never gave it one thought.

- Come on what?

- Aye aye hang on.

Hi, Zoot boy?

Aye yes it's Lachlan MacRae here.

Aye, aye that Lachlan yes.

So em, how's sunny Inverness then?

Aye you southerners get all the good weather don't you eh?

Yes I was wondering, did you tell me once that you knew

a Cameron Dicks, back in the 60s?

Yes oh aye it was great days in Lochdubh as well aye.

Yes.

- Zoot?

- Zoot, aye, aye.

- Who is he?

- Well, he, used to be an old customer of mine you know.

And he was a leading light in the bohemian cafe society

of Inverness as well.

- I never knew they had bohemians in Inverness.

- But this was in 1967 man.

You know miniskirts, music, free love.

- Sometimes I think I've wasted my entire life.

- I'm afraid the bank

can't do anything more for you Mr Soutar.

If you can't meet your commitments in five days

we'll be commencing repossession.

- My farm?

You'd put me out.

- That was the agreement.

- Is there nothing,

is there nothing I can do?

- If you can't keep your son off of my girl,

I'll keep you out of my town.

- What?

- So I think that concludes the interview Mr Soutar.

Thank you very much for coming in.

Good morning.

- Aye it's some place you've got here Zoot boy.

- Aye, kinda freaky, you know lads.

Very nice.

- Aye you should be here for one of our

nature communion weekends man, I mean it's, it's like a,

like a sex machine.

- Ah, sounds cracking boy.

Em Zoot, did you tell me that you knew Cameron Dicks

didn't you?

- Know him, I was his best man.

- Really.

- Oh one of the swingin'est gigs ever.

We stained ourselves wi' blue woad,

we hailed the sun as it rose over Dingwall

and flung were selves naked in the Caledonian Canal.

Fantastic.

- This cannae be the same Cameron Dicks.

- Sure it was.

Effie ran off wi' a polis sergeant fae Milngavie in the end.

Poor Cameron never even got his car keys back.

It was round about then he signed himself up

with the God squad.

Definitely no' my scene man, you dig?

I thought his wife was dead.

- No no no.

Come here.

That's us at the Isle of Wight in 67.

Giving an entirely new meaning to the term pleasure beach,

I can tell you.

And this, is Effie.

She's running the Ann Summers shop in Wick these days.

- Oh what.

- My God.

- I wonder Zoot, do you think you could give us

a loan of that for a couple of days?

In Wick?

- Aye, busy.

- No it's eh, it's Cameron's been creating a few

negative vibes in the village you know.

Upsetting folk unnecessary, but I think if he was to see

these photographs he might change his ways,

do you know what I mean.

- Oh I see.

Would you be interested in a film I shot

at the Nairn Free Love Festival in 69?

My God what a gig that was.

Didna hae a stitch on for a fortnight.

Aye, we all know when we gave all Dunky Dicks his nickname.

- Dunky?

- Oh God aye.

Never seen nothing like it.

- Oh well, I suppose we could take a wee look.

Could we?

- See you later. - See you.

Hamish.

- Jimmy.

- Hamish, you need to come.

It's Dad.

He's off his head.

- Come on in.

All right Jimmy.

You try and get some sleep and go back in the morning

when he's calmed down eh.

- He's going to lose the farm.

It's all because of me.

- No it's no' your fault.

- He's smashing the place up.

I tried to stop him but he just went--

- Jimmy, Jimmy.

I'll take care of it okay.

Okay?

Duncan.

Put that down.

You get your hands off her. - Whoa whoa.

You just keep off.

- Duncan whoa, take it easy.

Duncan you all right?

You all right?

- Hamish.

- Aye.

- I can't stand it.

I'm losing her Hamish, I'm losing it all.

- You're all right.

All right, all right.

God what a night.

- You've got a customer Hamish.

- Mr Dicks.

Something I can do for you?

Perhaps you heard there's someone enjoying themselves

and you want me to lock them up.

- You would be better advised not to take that

satirical tone with me Macbeth.

I want Jimmy Soutar found and arrested.

- For what?

- For taking my girl, against my will.

She went out last night and didn't return.

I want them found.

- Well your girl wisnae wi' Jimmy last night.

- You know that for a fact?

- Aye I do.

Jimmy still in the cells John?

- Aye.

But it's not that simple.

- Right Mr Dicks, this way.

- Oh Hamish I don't think this is a good idea.

- You want proof that Jimmy was alone last night.

Hamish.

- Right behind this door.

- And very much regret this course of action,

but in this event repossession proceedings

are being brought forward,

and will commence immediately.

Yours et cetera, et cetera.

Right Janice, get that off to Soutar.

- Yes Mr Dicks.

- Ah, take another.

To police complaints, Inverness.

Dear Sir.

I wish to report the use of a police station as a brothel.

- You're ruining everything.

- Thank you Janice, we'll do this later.

I won't have you associating with that boy.

- You can't stop me.

- Well we'll have to see.

You might find that he's moving out of the district.

His father's gone bankrupt.

- Yes, you made sure of that didn't you?

- Phyllis.

I'm trying to do my duty by you.

- I hate you.

- Wait!

Phyllis.

Come back here!

- I never realized what a wonderful sport volleyball was.

- Gentleman, I give you the toast.

Revenge.

Revenge.

- Apparently his wife isn't even dead.

He just pretended she was.

Even his children don't know.

When this gets out, he's finished in this place.

- Aye, the man's been living a lie.

And now he's gonna pay.

Phyllis.

- I came to.

I thought Jimmy was still here.

- Better go after her.

Phyllis I'm really sorry you had to witness that.

I don't know what we were thinking of.

- How could he?

All these years, thinking she was dead.

- Well I don't know I mean.

Maybe he felt he had to, you know, make up the story

to help him cope with the loss.

People do that all the time.

- This'll kill Kenneth.

He thought my mother was a saint.

- I'm really sorry.

Look.

Why don't you and me put our heads together and

see if we cannae do something right for a change.

Eh?

Aye.

Come on.

- Brought the post in from the road.

Right then.

- Jimmy.

Don't go son.

I cannae manage.

- Got to get on.

- What's that?

- That's your holiday shots from Nairn.

- What are you talking about?

I haven't been to Nairn for.

- Why didn't you tell me my mother was alive?

- Phyllis.

- Morning Father.

Bless this food oh Lord.

May your fruit strengthen our will

against the forces of sin.

Amen.

- Amen.

- Sorry Father, I'm late for school, got to dash.

- Your mother didn't want you.

I had to find a way of,

of making things right.

Kenneth--

- Kenneth thinks she was next to God.

She wasn't.

- You mustn't tell him.

Please.

I don't want him hurt.

- You're gonna let Jimmy's dad keep his farm.

Otherwise, I'm leaving.

And Kenneth gets the whole story.

- You can't.

Phyllis.

Don't leave.

- It's up to you.

- Damn you Effie.

Damn you.

- That was Cameron Dick's car.

- Better get after him.

- Soutar!

Soutar!

Mr Soutar!

Mr Soutar!

Don't no!

- Mr Soutar!

- Dad!

- Soutar.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

- Kenneth?

Kenneth.

- Father?

live it up and die in bed

Tony when you come, use the back door.

Si.

Oh Tony.

What does Tony stand for?

Anton.