Original subtitles

Jeff, we just got this in. Do we have time to run this?

- Stand by, camera one. - In four, three, two...

- Yeah, got it. - All right, let's go then.

Hello, and welcome to Soccer Saturday.

I'm Jeff Stelling, here with George Cartrick

and Clinton Morrison.

Now, the hottest team in the country is clearly Richmond

on a ten-game winning streak on the back of some inspired play by Sam Obisanya.

Jeff, you have to think Sam Obisanya will make his Nigeria debut,

or the world's gone truly mad.

But our top story:

the mysterious managerial vacancy at West Ham United.

The club has suddenly parted ways with the Wonder Kid, Nathan Shelley.

It's a shocker, Jeff. They were having a great season.

Yeah, but look, Nate Shelley isn't the reason West Ham are in second place.

I mean, "Wonder Kid"? Come on.

He was my kit man, for God's sake.

No, Rupert Mannion is the brains behind this whole operation.

Okay. Let's turn our attention to the international break.

National squad announcements are trickling in.

Which players will get the honor of representing their country?

All right, fellas, great play out there today.

Congratulations on yet another victorious outcome!

That's right.

Hey, quick reminder.

Because of the break in our schedule due to international play,

there is no game next week, all right?

All right. Hey, look, kind of hurts my feelings

y'all don't want to spend next weekend with me, if I'm being honest.

But I am the strong silent type, so I ain't gonna let you know.

But I'm also loud and weak, because I, like all humans,

contain multitudes. Am I right?

Great speech.

Anyhoo, we want to say good night and good luck to the fellas on our squad

that have been chosen to represent their home country next week.

Coach, who we talking about?

Just up the way at Wembley, making his debut for England, Jamie Tartt!

Go!

Taking the plane to Toronto to play goal for Canada, Van Damme!

He's got a plane ticket.

Who will be going up against Mexico and Dani Rojas!

Oh, boy.

Bumbercatch holding it down for Switzerland.

My guy!

- Wait, hold on. Bumbercatch, you're Swiss? - Yeah. Look at me.

No, you're right. Yeah. All right.

- And repping Wales, Colin Hughes! - Hey, there he is.

Let's go, boyo.

Is that it?

And that's it.

Okay. All right, well, let's go ahead and wish our friends safe travels

and Godspeed,

or whatever narcotic your deity chooses to self-medicate with.

Rest of y'all, see ya on Monday.

Oi, 24.

They fucked you, man. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Hey, congrats to you though.

Listen. You good, yeah?

Yeah. Of course.

Hey, yo. Congrats, bro.

I am not your bro.

We are now enemies, and soon, you will be my bitch.

What the f...

So you're telling me it only shows up once a month?

- And it never skips a month? - Only if you're pregnant.

Well, shoot. I got to check out this wine delivery service.

Sounds like a real corker. Yes.

Did you hear about Nathan?

- I did. - What do we think happened there?

Well, boss, I'm like an incomplete list of Madeline Kahn's best films:

I ain't got no clue.

And it ain't really none of my business anyhow.

Ted, look, I mean this in the nicest way possible,

but you suck at girl talk.

I know. I just don't like gossip.

It's not gossip, Ted. It's speculation.

I've actually been hearing rumblings of inappropriate workplace behavior

- over at West Ham. - See? Excellent girl talk.

So, chaps, what do we think?

Is Nathan capable of being involved in something like that?

- No. - Nah.

- Good morning. - Hello, Leslie.

So, I heard some interesting scuttlebutt last night.

I don't like gossip, but my butt don't mind a little scuttle.

Go on, Leslie.

Edwin Akufo's back in town.

What now?

Apparently, he's sniffing around

about trying to create a Super League of some sort.

Where did you hear this?

Well, Rebecca, I am the director of Football Operations.

And a bunch of us DFOs have a little jazz jam band

we call "The Directors of Beboperations."

Akufo came up at rehearsal.

This is not good.

I'm sorry. Why is it so bad that a billionaire wants to put together

a bunch of superheroes to fight crime?

Ted, you're thinking of the Justice League.

God, dang it. Yeah, I am.

Super League is when the world's biggest and wealthiest teams

decide to compete against each other.

So, not only would David never get to face Goliath,

the Davids could cease to exist altogether.

Wow.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if Rupert was involved in this.

Speak of the devil.

- It was Rupert. - Yes.

Sorry. Okay. I thought it was the actual devil for a second.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

Are you alive?

Unfortunately, yeah.

You're okay.

Am I an idiot?

Sometimes, yes.

No, I meant for quitting my job.

Do you wish you hadn't?

Then there's your answer.

I just don't know what I'm gonna do.

Do you need me to stay?

No. No, that's... No, I'm okay.

Do you want to come to Poland with me?

You can help me and my family screw in light bulbs.

- That's very funny. - Why is it funny?

I don't know. Sorry. I... No.

- I'll see you in a few days. - Thank you.

Can you tell us about Coach Shelley?

Hey, Nate! Nate!

- Hi. - Sorry.

- It's all right. - Thanks.

Shit.

Keeley, you are the nicest boss I've ever had.

Thank you, Dan.

And definitely the hottest.

That's a complicated compliment.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Barbara, what's going on? Are we being slowly robbed?

Wait. I'm sorry. You haven't spoken with Jack?

I haven't heard from Jack in weeks.

But she emailed me last night to say that she was gonna reach out and tell you.

Tell me what, Barbara?

The board of the VC have decided to pull funding.

They're shutting down KJPR.

What?

When?

Oh, well, don't worry, we've got plenty of time.

- We don't have to be out till Friday. - It's Wednesday.

Yeah. I suppose that is quite soon, isn't it?

Especially if you didn't get the email last night.

I mean, if he doesn't want to coach West Ham for millions, I'll bloody do it.

What a wanker.

Pineapple juice or apple juice?

Hi.

Hey, Dani!

Dani, what's up, man?

He's my teammate.

Dani, you want some chips?

Boy, oh, boy.

Tell you what, Sam had himself a case of the mean reds out there today, yeah?

I don't fucking blame him.

It's hard to see the ball when your eyes are full of tears.

Hey, Sam!

Hey, look, I know this week ain't been easy on ya.

But don't forget, even the great Michael Jordan himself

didn't make his high school varsity basketball team.

- Yeah? - Yes, Coach.

But wasn't that because he was only a 5'10" sophomore

and the team was in need of height, so they sent him to the junior varsity

with the hope that he would develop physically?

Which he did, growing 5 inches the very next summer.

I mean, if you know all the details,

it does render the story a little less motivational,

but my point still stands.

Keep your head up. Be a goldfish.

- All right? - Okay.

Boom!

Tonight, me and Jane have reserved an axe-throwing lane at Hatchet and Rye.

You fellas care to join the festivities?

That sounds equal parts fun and dangerous. What are y'all celebrating?

Karma's speedy delivery of a shit sandwich to the Wonder Turd.

Here, Jane made targets.

Don't you feel it's bad karma to celebrate someone else's bad karma?

No. You in?

I'd love to, but I've got a thing.

Here we go.

Hey, Janey baby!

Yeah, we're all set. Could you remember to bring my throwing axe, please?

No, not that one. The one with the leather sleeve.

You know what? Just bring 'em all.

Yeah, we are.

Okay. Love you too.

How many axes you got now?

Seventeen. But they're not all for throwing.

Right. But they're all here in the UK?

Oh, yeah. Couldn't imagine being in a different country than my axes.

She's gonna have trouble carrying that.

- Hey, Sam. - Hey.

I'm so sorry about the national team.

Well, you know. I guess I could have worked harder.

Well, I think you're wonderful.

Thank you, Rebecca.

- See you. - Yeah.

Hello, Rebecca.

Where's the Hockney I gave you?

Got rid of it. Sorry. W... How did you get past security?

My old mate, Renee.

The creepy old man that lives in the sewers?

Oh, Rebecca, that's rude.

He only works in the sewer.

Right. Well, maybe next time you could make an appointment.

Of course.

So, what do you want?

To invite you to this meeting for the Akufo League.

Why?

I've wanted to extend an olive branch.

And I think it's important that you're part of this.

Could be great for the game.

Well, I will give it some thought.

Good.

Sneaking in here today reminded me of the first match I ever saw at Nelson Road.

When they used to play by candlelight.

I look forward to hearing from you.

What happened with Nathan Shelley?

Some people just aren't ready when they get their shot.

Happy Uncle Day!

- You know it's not a real holiday, right? - Yes, it is.

Right, Mummy?

Any day that annoys Roy, holiday for me.

I'll get it.

Phoe told me that Uncle's Day is her favorite holiday of the year.

- Fuck off. - Yeah, seriously.

It was Uncle's Day, Uncle Roy's birthday, and then Perchtenlaufen,

the German holiday where people dress up as evil spirits

and roam the streets in order to scare winter away.

She might be an old soul, but she's a proper fucking dweeb, isn't she?

Is that your Range Rover outside?

- No, it's my mum's. - Oh, right, all right.

Hey, how you doing? You all right?

- Sorry I'm late. - It's okay.

You can just sit down next to Uncle Roy.

Hello, Uncle Roy.

What the fuck is he doing here?

I had to invite your best friend.

- He's not my best friend. - He isn't my best friend.

Well, you talk about him a lot, and you spend every day together.

Well, he's not.

So, who's your best friend, Jamie?

Probably Isaac.

- Fuck off. - He is.

- That's a pound, Uncle Roy. - Bill me.

Okay. Now, open Jamie's gift.

It's stupid. It's dumb. I don't know.

Here.

It's your original England kit from the 2014 World Cup.

Your name's on the back there.

I got 'em to change the E to a U.

I love it.

Yeah. You owe me a pound, Jamie.

But I didn't say nothing.

No, but you made me think it, and that's basically the same thing.

Yeah, fair play.

Okay, my turn.

All right.

Who's that?

Good wrapping, that.

I made it at school.

The colors spell your name. Red, orange, yellow. Roy.

She's been very excited to give it to you.

What do you think?

Well, I mean, I fucking love it.

It was worth it.

Thank you.

Okay. Mum and I are going to put our costumes on for the performance.

Heads-up, team. There is an intermission.

- Your sister is fit. - I will cut your eyes out.

Simi, what's going on? I thought we were fully booked.

All the reservations bailed.

Well, except one.

Hey, you. Look who it is.

It is Pinky Dick.

Sorry. I mean Sam.

Of course you remember Francis.

Charles, this is Pinky Dick.

I mean Sam.

Pinky-Dick-I-mean-Sam, this is Charles Siziba,

- food blogger for The Times. - It is nice to meet you.

Edwin has told me awful things about you.

Charles is helping me find the best West African chef in London

because I'm starting my own Nigerian restaurant but 20 meters from here.

You're doing what?

We are going to serve the finest Nigerian cuisine,

along with Chicago-style hot dogs, because it's my favorite food.

Oh, Sam. I mean Pinky Dick.

Mr. Akufo found a tiny piece of glass in his food.

I assume our meal will be complimentary?

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Good man.

It is nice to put a name to such an ugly, horrible face.

I'm so sorry to see that business is not going well.

No. Actually, we were fully booked.

We just had a few last-second cancellations.

That's because all the reservations were me.

Hello. Ola's Chop Life?

Can I make a reservation for eight for Wiafe.

David Ettlemen, party of six.

Starkey, party of four. Fab four.

Table for 12, please. Last name Picard.

And please, bring out all of your finest African cheeses.

- Good to see you, Edwin. - Isn't it?

Yes, I was so sad to hear that you were not selected for Nigeria's national team.

But I was happy to hear that the Nigerian government was pleased

to accept a free $20 million check from me to keep you off the team.

I will never stop, you Nigerian turd.

Never ever.

No, never.

Please don't do this, Francis.

- Stop right there. - Sorry.

- What's the emergency? - Nathan?

Yeah.

Never mind, Officer. My son is home.

You moved the key.

Jesus Christ.

Hey, Mum.

Do you want anything to eat, dear?

No, thank you. I just wanna sleep actually.

Well, if you're cooking, I could eat something.

Lloyd, stop.

What?

Leslie?

- Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. - It's okay. It's not too bad.

Damn.

How can I help, Rebecca?

I just need some advice.

- Keeley didn't text you back? - She did not.

- Ted? - Can't find him.

- Sassy? - On a plane with no Wi-Fi.

- Can you imagine that? - Disgusting.

- How about your mother? - Are you fucking with me?

I am flattered. Okay, let's do this shit.

I don't want to be part of the Akufo League.

Why? Because he's an emotionally erratic billionaire

with the temperament of one of those kids in Willy Wonka

that gets murdered at the chocolate factory?

I don't think that's what happens, Leslie.

I hate to break it to you, Rebecca, but those children are dead.

I think the only reason Rupert has invited me in

is because I'm a woman and it'll make them look good.

Who cares why Rupert invited you?

You've got a seat at the table.

So go and see what's what.

Thank you, Leslie.

And if any of the other people start disappearing one by one

due to a series of unfortunate accidents seemingly caused by their own hubris,

you get the hell out of there. Do you hear me?

Everything all right, dear?

Everything? Fuck no.

What is it called when you have the opposite of the Midas touch?

- The Midas shits. - That's it. That's what I have.

Everything I touch turns to shit.

Shit helps things grow, love.

Oy, I'm Keeley. What's your name?

- Mae. - Mae? I wasn't expecting that.

That's a really nice name.

- Short for anything? - Maybe.

And is this your place, Maybe?

Little over 40 years.

Wow, that's impressive.

It's hard though, right? Being a boss?

It has its moments.

But for some, it's better to follow your gut

than pretend to be excited by following someone else's.

What would you do if someone took it all away from you?

Like the man once said,

"Once you make it to the top of the mountain,

what's left for you but lightning?"

Wait, is the lightning a good thing or a bad thing?

Depends whether you're ready for it or not.

Now, I'm gonna get you some food.

'Cause I can't have another sad, skinny girl pass out in my pub.

Fucks me Yelp rating.

Bocce balls.

Ted! Ted!

Hey.

Ye...

You know, Lanny, when Mexico comes up here in our kitchen,

the record books go right out the window.

Well, for sure, Bruce.

It's a tough game, but there's a begrudging mutual respect

between the two teams, hey?

- They go together like nachos and poutine. - Now you've made me hungry. Oh, no.

- Mexico gains possession. - Here we go!

Dani Rojas is on the loose, face-to-face with Van Damme. And...

Oh, no! Right in the nose.

Straight in the sniffer. That almost seemed deliberate.

Dani kicked the crap out of it too.

For sure, Bruce. He's a different fella in a Mexico shirt.

That's a lot of blood, for gosh sakes.

I apologize for the language there, folks.

Hey.

Twins.

Fuck's sake.

All right, go on in.

- Have a nice day, Uncle Roy. - You too.

You look nice.

- Sure. - Bye!

It's Coach Kent.

- Hello, Ms. Bowen. - You don't have to call me Ms. Bowen.

- You can use my first name. - Okay...

You don't know it, do you?

No.

- Leann. - Hello, Leann.

I like your T-shirt.

You off to protest the Vietnam War?

Phoebe made it for me.

- You look different. - Well, yeah.

I don't normally dress like a fucking clown.

No, I don't mean the T-shirt. I mean you.

You seem lighter than the last time I saw you.

Less... stuck.

- Stuck? - Yeah, stuck.

Hold on.

Weren't you flirting with me last time I saw you?

I teach kids. I don't mind cleaning up a mess.

I just hope that mess didn't cause too much damage.

Fudge.

- It's good to see you. - Yeah, you too.

"I don't mind cleaning up a mess."

Smooth move, fuckwitch.

All right, kids, let's go!

Hi, Barbara.

That's a nice outfit.

Thank you. Yes. I like clothes that tell the truth.

I got you something.

Thank you for all your help.

I really wish that we could have worked together longer.

You're fun.

- I am? - Yeah.

Thank you.

It's just that I have to buy the snow globe,

or it doesn't really count.

Okay.

- Do you have any cash on you? - Yes.

It was actually 60 quid.

I think you paid a bit too much there.

Thank you for this.

You're welcome.

I'm gonna need the receipt.

- Of course. Can I email it to you? - Yeah, email's great.

- Sooner the better. - I'll get on it.

Nathan, your father and I are headed to the farmers' market for a few hours.

We love you, sweetheart.

Hello, there. Good morning.

- Hello, madam. - Hello there.

- Can I take your coat? - Oh, yes, absolutely.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Hello, Rebecca.

Rupert.

Thank you for accepting my invitation.

How could I resist the chance of having a bunch of old men

speak directly to my chest?

Mr. Mannion, you left your phone in the car.

And your fecalist emailed your results.

Two big thumbs up as expected.

Wonderful.

Ms. Bread, Rebecca Welton.

Rebecca, this is my assistant, Ms. Bread.

Nice to meet you.

Excuse me.

- New assistant? - Yeah.

What happened to the corporate pixie dream girl?

Skewed. Dramatic.

- Shall we? - Yes.

So, gentlemen, hello.

I believe most of you know Rebecca, owner of AFC Richmond.

It's been my title since we got divorced, and I took the only thing he ever loved.

Wonderful.

- Rebecca. - Hello, Robert.

When Rupert told me you were joining us today,

I was truly excited.

Then when you walked in, in that outfit, I remember why.

Greetings to you all!

And thank you for coming.

Francis.

- Rebecca. - Mr. Akufo,

how wonderful to see you again.

Yes, I'm very glad that you are here.

It's nice to not be the only minority in the room, eh?

Gentlemen and lady, I'm sure you're all very anxious to get started.

But as my father would say,

"Never talk business on an empty stomach."

So...

Please take your seats and let us enjoy some delicious Ghanaian bites

as well as some Chicago-style hot dogs,

as enjoyed by the likes of Scottie Pippen, Obama and Ferris Bueller.

Please.

Yes, please. Please sit down. Sit down.

Thanks.

So, now that our bellies are full, let us talk business.

But first, there is one thing to take care of.

It's okay. I will leave now.

Yeah, no, thank you, Nicolay. It's just easier for everybody...

No. I get it.

It's just the whole Russia thing. You know, it's not a good look right now.

You... It's a "pull."

You have to pull. It's a...

It's a... You're pushing. It's a pu... You have to pull the door.

What you're doing is obviously w...

You're pushing, and you have to pull.

There. Okay, goodbye.

Okay, gentlemen. And one woman.

I invited you here to tell you about the Akufo League.

A global football league made up of only the best teams.

Yes, it will cost the fans a bit more, and some may not be able to afford it.

But those who can will see the cream of the crop.

Each matchup, a clash of titans.

Each game, an undried dream.

Now, in the beginning, some people will hate it

because some people hate change.

But remember, at one time, we only rode horses

and hated the idea of automobiles.

Now we can't live without our cars,

and the hot dogs we just ate are 85% horse meat.

Change is inevitable.

Why should football not change?

Why should it not evolve?

Why should your profits not grow exponentially?

Yes, the fans will protest. They will whine.

They will make up mean-spirited but admittedly clever parody songs

using our surnames and sing them outside the buildings that we own.

But in time, they will come to embrace the superior product.

Just as we have all embraced the automobile...

the smartphone...

the squatty potty.

The Akufo League is the future of football.

And the future is now.

Francis will pass out the projections for the first five years.

Please take a moment to peruse.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay.

- Yeah. - Yes.

Well, makes sense to me. I'm in.

Wonderful.

Rebecca, what do you think?

Is this a fucking joke?

Excuse me?

What do you think you're doing? Just stop it!

I mean, how much more money do any of you really need?

Why would you ever consider taking something away from people

that means so much to them?

This isn't a game.

Football isn't just a game.

England dominating. No surprise.

It's one of those amazing things in life that can make you feel shit one moment...

You'd expect Southgate to be looking at his bench about now,

and we do have a substitution.

AFC Richmond's Jamie Tartt winning his first cap for England.

An unforgettable moment and well-earned.

And then, like it's Christmas morning the next.

Tartt's wearing 24,

a nod to his Richmond teammate, the spectacular Sam Obisanya.

It has the ability to make heroes and villains out of ordinary men.

People love this game.

My father loved this game.

You all used to love this game.

I'm sure of it.

I knew this little boy. Working-class. From Richmond.

And he loved football so much, he used to sneak into the matches

because his family just couldn't afford the tickets.

And one afternoon, he finally got caught.

And the security guard smacked him round the face, knocked him on the ground.

But that little boy stood up, smiled,

kicked the security guard in the bollocks and ran away.

Never to return.

Until 25 years later, when he walked in and bought the entire club.

And on his first day as owner,

he went and found that same security guard

and gave him a pay rise without any explanation.

Just because we own these teams doesn't mean they belong to us.

And I don't want to be part of something

that could possibly destroy this beautiful game.

Because I would hate for all those little kids and grown-ups out there

to ever lose access to that beautiful, passionate part of themselves.

What a lovely speech.

Now, who wants to make a lot of money?

Jesus fucking Christ!

Hey, sorry.

I thought you'd gone out.

I did. But my acid reflux started playing up, so I came home.

I didn't know you had acid reflux.

I don't.

But your mother knows I like my alone time.

Sorry if I disturbed you.

No, not at all.

I really miss hearing you play.

You do?

Of course.

Thought you hated it when I played.

Why on earth would you think that?

'Cause you literally said that to me once, Dad.

You said I wouldn't practice enough.

How I was squandering my potential and wasting my privilege.

You were given opportunities I never had,

and so I expected a lot from you.

Well, it scared the shit out of me.

I know that now.

And I'm sorry.

I didn't know how to parent a genius.

What?

A genius.

You're brilliant, Son.

You've always seen things other people couldn't,

and that's a blessing.

Yeah, I know it must also be a curse too.

But you're right.

I pushed you to be the best at everything, even at violin.

'Cause I thought that's what I had to do.

I thought that's what you wanted.

I just liked playing.

Nathan, be successful, don't be successful.

I never cared about any of that.

I just want my son to be happy.

Well, that was all very interesting.

Lunch soon?

Yeah, sure.

Rebecca, you still look lovely.

You know,

the last time I saw you two alone in a room together,

was right after your wedding.

You really wanted me to leave.

Hey, remember when we...

We both snuck into a Richmond game together?

I do.

Although you were the owner of the club, so the stakes were a little bit lower.

You got... May I?

Oh, yeah.

Rupert.

- Oi, what you doing there? - Jesus fucking Christ!

Look at you in color.

- What are you doing here? - I live here.

But it's the middle of the day.

What's that?

It's for you.

- You don't have to look now. You can... - I don't mind.

I still can't read your handwriting.

"Dear Keeley, I want you to know something.

You never did anything wrong. It was all me.

I was stuck. Stuck in my own shit.

And I didn't wanna cause you any harm with it, so I pulled away.

But you are..."

You are and always will be Keeley fucking Jones.

And if I ever did anything...

Anything at all...

That made you feel like that wasn't true...

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

"Sincerely yours, Roy Kent. XOXO."

You are the only Roy I know.

- Well, I didn't want to assume. - No.

Thank you.

Okay.

I win.

Come on.

Come on.

Have you been shot?

I just convinced a roomful of Rupert's dickhead friends

to pull out of the Akufo League.

- Oh, no! - Oh, no, it's very good. Hug me.

Oh, yes! I'm so proud of you!

Even though I don't totally get it.

Thank you. Wait.

Now that I know that you're actually alive, I'm very cross with you.

Where the hell have you been?

And they just pulled your funding?

Arseholes. Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I couldn't find the right time.

And the right way.

And I didn't want to.

Well, they are idiots.

Because you, Keeley Jones, are a bloody marvel.

How much money were they putting in?

No. I'm not letting you do that. It's a lot.

Oh, shut up. My money, my choice. Come on, tell me.

What are you doing?

This is how they do it in the movies.

Are you joking?

I told you.

I think I have that much money on me in cash.

- No. - Yes.

- No! - Yes.

Thank you!

- Rupert tried to kiss me. - What?

Did your lips touch?

No, I pulled back straightaway.

And I just looked at him and made it all so clear.

Babe, that's huge.

Jesus. Can you imagine if you fell for it, and you got back with Rupert?

After all that floppy cock has done, you would have to be insane.

You would have to be at the bottom of your emotional barrel

to do something that dumb, right?

Hi.

Thanks, Renee.

We've done some restructuring,

but KJPR would still love to help you take your sunglasses global, Ms. Jayye.

I would maybe say "ambitious nightmare" over "crazy."

But yes, we have parted ways with Shandy.

Okay. Of course. Great. Yeah, talk to you soon.

- Nice. Okay. - Ms. Jones.

Barbara, hi. What are you doing here?

I need to give this back to you.

I've given Jack my resignation,

and I only buy a snow globe when I leave a job.

I mean, that is, if you're looking for a CFO.

I mean, I might not... It's...

Would you mind loosening your grip?

'Cause I need to get the receipt so you can reimburse me.

Thank you.

How are you?

Hola, amigo.

Hola.

How's your nose feeling, man?

It feels broken.

It was such a crazy game, right?

I mean, yeah. Yeah, it was.

So many memories.

He's hit the ball with his nose. Top ten moments in sports history.

- You good? - Hey. Yeah, not bad.

So where are you from originally?

None of your business.

Yeah, it is a bit personal.

I'm from Peoria.

- Morning, boss. - Good morning, Ted.

That's cool! Did you draw that?

No, Ted, that's a David Hockney.

Oh, well, he's a very talented little boy.

There you go.

Ted, I want to share something with you that I've realized recently.

How weird it is that Margherita pizza doesn't have alcohol in it?

I'm with you, sister.

No, Ted. I've realized I no longer care if I beat Rupert.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

I mean, I still want to win.

But for all of us.

For Richmond.

I wanna win for us too.

It just feels like it's ceremonial at this point.

As long as none of that tree piss gets in my mouth, I'm actually okay with it.