Original subtitles

- Hi, daddy. - Hi, daddy.

- Hey, hi. - Hi, dad.

- Morning.

- Hey. - Hey.

You know, I had a dream

That you made me pancakes

And bacon and eggs for breakfast.

- Wake up.

- Hello, family.

- Ooh, hello, officer barone.

Don't you look handsome.

- Why, thank you.

I just thought I'd stop by

To invite you both to be my guests for dinner tonight

To help me celebrate my first day back on the job.

- Oh, that's great. We would love that.

- And amy will be joining us.

- What?

- Amy?

How did that happen?

- She called me.

Allegedly to ask for her pink sweater back.

[chuckles]

- You can't give that back.

What are you gonna wear with your blue skirt?

- Comical.

- So this is very exciting, huh?

- Yup.

Back with amy, going back to work,

Living in my own place again.

I'll tell you, things are really moving forward.

- To where they were four months ago.

- Very happy for you, robert.

- Ah, thank you.

- Yeah. Forget it. I'm not kissing you.

- What's the matter, cubby? - Yeah.

- Come on.

Give me a little sugar.

- Get lost.

Get outta here. Get out.

Hey, no!

- You love it. You know you love it!

- Hey, screw you!

- It's good for you. It's good for you.

- Yeah.

- [laughing]

- He thinks because he buys me dinner,

He gets to kiss me?

- This is great cake.

You guys didn't have to do this.

- Well, partner, we wanted to welcome you back right.

Besides, I like cake.

- Best bunch of guys in the world.

- Oh, everybody missed you.

Give me some frosting.

Both: Mmm.

- It's unbelievable.

- You know, it's so good to see somebody

Enjoying their food for a change.

Four months with officer doyle.

- What? He's a good cop.

- All he ate was protein bars.

I tried a peanut butter one once.

Tasted like feet.

- Hey, if you see a flower shop, let's pull in.

- Oh, you didn't have to do that.

- No, no.

I'm taking amy out to celebrate tonight.

- Amy?

After all the times you bounced her around,

She's still coming back for more?

- It's very hard for a woman

To resist the charms of officer love.

[radio beeps] - 2-3 sergeant.

- 2-3 sergeant.

- Investigate 1010, disorderly youths

At wazir's candy store, 22 south mcdonnell drive.

See the complainant.

- We copy, 10-4. Wazir's candy store.

- Oh, disorderly youths. That's all?

I was hoping your first day back

We'd have a homicide.

- Oh, that's sweet.

Though, hey, it's still early yet, right?

- Finally.

Thank goodness you've come.

- I'm officer rosemond, and this is sergeant barone.

What seems to be the trouble?

- You see those kids over there?

One of them stole something.

- Well, did you see it? - Yes.

They were fooling around,

And that one in the green coat,

He took something and put it in his pash-pash.

- In his pash-pash.

- I think that's his pocket.

- Yes, in his pash-pash.

- Okay, look, why don't you take a statement,

And I'll go talk to the kid?

- Sure, sarge.

[bells dinging]

- Excuse me.

Excuse me.

- Hey. I was playing that.

- I've got to ask you a couple questions,

And I would appreciate your full attention.

- What did I do?

- Well, I don't know yet.

Nice jacket.

Kind of warm for today, though.

- What are you, the fashion police?

[laughter]

[bells dinging]

Hey, what's your problem?

- All right, take--take it easy. Just back off.

- Take it-- you back off, man!

- Judy?

- Why are you hassling me?

- Judy, could you get over here?

- [groans]

- In a second, sarge.

- Get over here now.

- What's wrong?

- I don't know. I don't know.

- He's a freak!

- Was I talking to you?

Here. Sit. Now rest your mouth!

I can take care of this. You gonna be okay?

- I don't know. I guess so.

- Well, why don't you go wait in the car?

I'll bring you some goobers.

- Marie, if the kids come down,

Don't give them any candy now,

'cause they didn't eat their dinner.

- I saw the meat loaf pan in the sink.

I'm sure they did the best they could.

[doorbell rings]

- What the hell was that?

- Doorbell.

- You always had that?

- Amy. - Hi.

Look at you.

- Hi, amy. - Marie.

- Ohh, darling. - Hi.

- Boy. - Is robert here yet?

- No, he's not here yet. You look fantastic!

Look at those shoes. That's very sexy.

- They're killing me.

But see how tiny my feet look?

- Where you been? Let's go.

- Hi, robert. Ow, ow, ow, ow.

How was your first day back?

- It was okay.

- Is that what you're wearing to dinner, robert?

- Yeah, what the hell, man?

- I don't feel like going out tonight.

- Why? What's wrong?

- Nothing.

A person doesn't want to eat, he doesn't have to eat.

- That's not true.

- But I thought we were gonna celebrate tonight.

I bought very uncomfortable shoes.

- You know, I really don't need

This kind of pressure right now.

- Robert, what's the matter?

- Nothing! Nothing! Just leave me alone!

- Fine.

Don't want to go out? I understand.

What I can't understand is how I can be such an idiot!

Ow.

I'll tell you one thing.

I'm returning these damn shoes.

- Robert.

- What's with all the screaming?

You guys aren't even married yet.

- I didn't scream at her, all right?

- Well, you weren't nice.

- Just shut up, raymond.

- We don't say "shut up," robert.

- Well, then, be quiet, ma.

- Oh, now, just one minute, mister.

You do not come into my house--

- Our house. - Fine.

Our house.

What happened?

Did you have a bad day at work today?

- You could say that.

- Well, I hope it goes better tomorrow,

But this is no excuse--

- It's gonna go better, ma, because I quit the force.

- Well, I guess we're not going out.

[sighs]

Meat loaf.

- What the hell do you mean, you quit?

- I quit.

I'm not a police officer anymore.

- Oh, come on. You didn't quit.

- I told my squad this afternoon.

- But, robert, you were so excited about going back.

- I changed my mind.

- What happened? Did you skip lunch?

You know how cranky you get.

- That wasn't it, ma.

Judy and I went into this candy store--

- Candy is not a meal.

- Mom.

What--well, what happened, robert?

- I had a confrontation with some punk in the candy store,

And I don't know.

I just--I got scared.

I was thinking, you know, what if his friends jump me?

What if he has a gun?

I froze. It's never happened before.

- Is this gonna be in the papers?

'cause I'm just starting to live down

The bull in the ass thing.

- No, dad, but thanks for understanding.

- You know, robert, that was your first day back.

You have to give yourself a chance to adjust.

- You can't adjust to terror.

You never know what's out there.

I didn't know a bull was gonna come

Around the corner at me.

I didn't know what the kid had in his pash-pash.

I'm not going back.

- Pash-pash?

- I know what will make you feel better, robbie.

Come over. I have some lamb chops.

- Oh, yum.

Bet that comes with a big side of room and board.

- What are you saying?

- You got no job. You can't pay your rent.

Here's robbie!

- I'll get another job, okay?

There's lots of things I can do.

- Yeah, right.

- Frank. - Don't "frank" me.

I'm the one who's gonna be shelling out for his feed

For the next 20 years...

Or however long giants live nowadays.

- Robbie. I'll help you, dear.

Have you been thinking of anything else

You'd like to do, dear?

- I was thinking about getting into telemarketing.

- Oh, god, no.

- A friend of mine does very well

Selling extended appliance warranties over the phone.

- Telemarketing? You think people hate cops.

- Robert, listen. You don't want to do that.

You've always told me how much you love protecting the public.

- I'll still be protecting the public

From faulty appliances.

Listen, look. I've thought about this, okay?

On a good week, I can make the same pay

As I would on the force.

And as a telemarketer,

I don't even have to leave my apartment.

- Or bathe.

- All right, you know, forget it, okay?

Why do I even bother talking to you people?

- Robert, come on.

You really want to leave your friends and your partner

And the job you've had your whole life?

- Don't you get it? I froze out there, man.

- All right, robert, robert, listen.

- No, you listen, okay? You all listen.

I'm done being a cop.

A door closes; another one opens.

And I'm going through that door.

And I'm shutting it behind me.

The end.

- Okay, this is awful, ray. You've got to do something.

- I know. Telemarketing.

The first people those guys call are their family members.

- You know, he needs to talk to somebody about this.

- Like who? A shrink?

- Well, what's wrong with that?

- Excuse me, but they don't help.

They just blame the mother.

- Yeah, that can't be it.

- No, they don't blame anybody.

They just help you sort things out.

- How do you know?

- Well, because I've been to one.

- Really?

- Why would you tell her that?

- What? When I was in college.

- Did you know this before you got married?

- Hey, a girl goes out with me, I don't ask questions.

- Robert's scared, you know?

He needs to get some help. He's got to face his fears.

If he doesn't, he's not gonna get any better.

- All right. Enough. "face his fears."

So he got a little scared. So what?

You think I wasn't scared in korea?

- Oh, god.

- We were all scared. We didn't have shrinks.

You know what snapped us out of it?

50,000 screaming chinamen.

- Well, dad, where's robert gonna get his hands

On 50,000 screaming chinamen?

- What are you doing?

I thought we were going to lunch.

- Yeah, I know. We're going for lunch.

I just thought, you know, we'd take a walk.

- Walk.

- What? It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Two brothers can't go for a walk

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon?

- Oh, so this is a regular thing now?

We're gonna do this every 40 years?

- If you want, yeah.

Come on, man.

How's it going? - Good.

Let me ask you, raymond.

Is your lettuce wilting before it should?

- What?

- How about your dairy products?

Do you find yourself throwing away the milk

Before the expiration date?

- Our refrigerator's fine, robert, okay?

We don't need any of your damn appliance insurance.

- All right, then perhaps I should talk to the missus?

- Do you know how stupid you sound?

- Now let me tell you something here.

If this was over the phone, you'd be begging me for this.

- Yup. - By the way, how is your phone?

- You guys cover that?

- Ah. - All right.

I don't care about that.

Come on, look, I brought you out here for a reason.

We were talking about you after you left.

- Yeah, you mean laughing about me.

- No, not as much as you think.

Debra said something that kind of made sense.

You're never gonna get better until you,

You know, face your fears.

- Who says I've got to get better?

- Well, I do, and mom and dad and debra

And anyone else who gets one of your phone calls

About their humidifier.

- Humidifiers, left unattended,

Are virtual breeding grounds--

- All right, all right. Enough.

We're here.

- What do you mean, we're here?

What's that smell?

[chickens clucking]

- Hey, I got something for you.

- Fuzzy acres petting zoo?

- You're gonna face your fears.

- I don't have a fear of manure.

- Yeah. There it is.

- Oh, my god. That's him.

- No, no, no. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

- What is he doing here?

- Judy and I did some research.

After you busted up that rodeo,

Your bull got sentenced to community service here.

Want to go see him?

- No, I don't want to go see him.

What are you, crazy?

You saw what he did to me.

- I understand you're a little nervous.

Want to work your way up?

Start with a duck.

- There is absolutely nothing funny about this, raymond.

- Listen to me.

I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was good for you.

I just want you to see that he's not a monster, you know?

The day you two guys met,

He was probably all freaked out.

He was probably more scared than you were.

Now look at him.

He's just nestor, the happy bull.

- Well, I'm glad he's happy.

How is this supposed to help me?

- Come on, just go look at him.

You were a cop.

You told me once about that victim therapy stuff.

So go ahead.

Confront your attacker.

- I don't know, raymond.

This fence doesn't look too sturdy.

- Well, he seems pretty mellow.

Turn around. See if he recognizes you.

Go ahead. Show him your fuzzy acres.

- You gonna make jokes? - All right, sorry.

- Is that what you're gonna do? - I'm sorry.

Sorry. Good. I'll just--I'll be upwind.

- Funny man.

Hey.

Remember me?

You ran into me a few months ago.

Actually, it was more than that.

You gored me.

You ran after me,

You caught up with me,

And you gored me...

Right in the ass!

That's right. Why did you do it?

Huh? You damn bull.

- Robert, robert.

I know we're outside, but inside voice.

- All right.

Look, you were probably just going on instinct,

But you really screwed things up for me.

I got famous 'cause of you.

And not the good kind of famous.

The kind of famous where people point at your butt and laugh.

I was in the hospital. That's right.

I had to sit on a special pillow.

I don't know where your parents are right now,

But how would you like to have to go

And live with them for a while?

My father has always been a very insensitive man.

Then my mother--

Well, there's really not enough time for that.

- Hey, robert, robert, you should probably--

- I want him to know.

- Hi, bull.

- This was the one.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

It felt even bigger.

Hey, you hungry?

I know if I don't eat, I get all cranky.

Oh, you like that, huh?

Good...Bull.

Nestor. So you're spanish?

So I went to see nestor the bull,

You know, to face my fears,

And, uh, that went pretty well.

In fact, I'm back on the force again

And I'm feeling pretty good.

So I thought I'd come here to face you.

Not--not that I'm afraid of you,

But I would really feel better if you blinked.

See, I--I was afraid of us--

You know, commitment.

And, uh, well, if--if you feel like giving me a second chance--

Or actually a fifth chance--

Um, that would really make me happy.

Okay?

You hungry?

Male announcer: And now a message

From your local safety council.

- Hello.

I'm sergeant robert barone

Of the new york city police department.

Now, you may remember me and my friend nestor here

From this little video.

That's me,

And that's nestor.

Not a fun day.

Remember, always be alert when crossing the street.

Use crosswalks and always look in both directions

For oncoming traffic before stepping off the curb.

Take it from me and nestor.

When you're out on the street,

Anything can happen.

And that's no bull.

[chuckling]

[bull moos]