Original subtitles

It's cold!

God, I'm gonna freeze my titties off.

Mmm!

Oh, trying to make up to me now after giving me all that...

- What was that? - God, that sounded like a small plane.

You're not going out there!

Yeah, they might need help.

- But you can't see anything! - Look, just find a phone and call an ambulance.

Call an ambulance, all right?

- Chris! - Call an ambulance!

Chris?

Susan?

Susan!

Are you all right? Hey, what happened?

Same guy came out of the water.

Where? From the plane?

Where did he go? Hey!

I don't know.

Well, was he hurt or what?

I don't know and I don't care.

Can we get out of here, please?

It's all right. Don't be afraid.

Don't even breathe.

That was a round of fire. Come on! - I'm on it!

Hey, it's over here!

Don't move, asshole!

- Let's go! - Call it in.

Officer needs assistance. Suspect is a male Caucasian

wearing dark pants and a jacket.

Last seen heading north...

- Hey, fool! - Huh?

You done busted into the wrong apartment now.

Freeze!

What the hell! Hey!

Somebody look under his jacket.

What for?

See if he's got a blue suit with a red "S" on his chest.

- What? - I think we just killed Clark Kent.

Scientists at the Griffith Observatory

claim to have tracked a meteorite high above the Santa Monica coastline,

but are unable to determine the meteorite's point of impact at this time.

In the local news, an unidentified suspect

was delivered to Memorial County morgue

after being shot by Los Angeles police officers more than 20 times.

A spokesman for the department claims that

the officers involved have been suspended...

- Oh, evening, Dr. Caisson. - Good evening, Moses.

Howdy, Doc. What's tonight's blue plate special?

Tonight we have ground round a la LAPD.

What was he doing? Jaywalking?

No, he's a street mime. That's his impression of a colander.

What are we supposed to do?

Check him for lead poisoning?

No, PCP.

I guess he was very uncooperative when they were trying to kill him.

Who was he?

Oh, who cares?

Your compassion for your fellow man is truly underwhelming.

Maybe so, but you don't hear my patients complaining.

Oh, I saw Frank Ramos today.

He's a nice guy.

Hard working, dependable.

Thrifty, loyal, brave.

Come on, Dori, you can't be a hermit the rest of your life.

How long has it been? Two years?

This is an old tune, Doc. Play something new.

Well, just tell me why you don't want to go out with him.

You know why. He's a cop.

So, you fall off a horse, you climb right back on.

Too old for pony rides.

Subject is a male Caucasian, approximately...

30 years of age.

Probably very strong, very healthy when he was alive.

Multiple gunshot wounds of different caliber appear to have damaged

every major organ in the body.

The epidermal tissue damage is massive.

However, there are no head wounds

other than the superficial cuts to the cheeks and forehead.

I will now make the first...

Excuse me, sir, can I help you?

I'm Phillips. Homicide.

Looking for a recent John Doe.

Well, you'll have to wait. He's in autopsy.

Autopsy...

Hey, you can't come in here!

And where's Dr. Caisson?

I wanna see your badge again.

You wanna see my badge, dickhead?

Well, I got one too, motherfucker.

Let 'em off, Townshend.

Oh, my God, that guy tried to kill us.

Well, he tried to kill you, which I can understand, but why me?

Oh, please, don't hurt me. I'll do whatever you say, just don't...

Shut up!

I don't care anymore. You understand me?

I don't care! You can kill me if you want, but I am not going with you anymore!

Okay, let's go.

What are you doing?

You want to go that way! Away from the bullets!

Ow!

Look, uh...

What... What do you want with me?

I don't have any money and I'm a bum lay, so...

Besides, you should be dead.

Oh, my God... You were dead.

I saw you.

I should know. That's my job.

I know dead when I see it.

That... That's a television.

Tele... vision.

Yeah. Right.

That's a stereo.

Very expensive stereo.

That's a radio.

Ra... dio.

Yeah, that's right.

This is a telephone.

Yeah. I can call the police...

And they're gonna come over with big guns

and blast the shit out of you.

And this time you're going to stay dead, aren't you?

Hello, you've reached 911, police emergency.

Hello, my name is Dori Caisson...

All of our lines are busy at the moment,

but if you'll hold, your call will be answered in the order it was received.

Oh, I don't believe this shit!

Oh, wait a minute. What are you going to do with that?

Here is an update to our earlier report.

Scientists at the Griffith Observatory

still believe they tracked a meteorite earlier tonight

heading far out into the Pacific Ocean.

However, an air traffic controller at LAX

claims he picked up the meteorite on his radar

after the observatory lost sight of it.

And according to him, the meteorite was falling dangerously close

to the Santa Monica shoreline.

Dr. Alan, a spokesman for the observatory,

claims that this 90 degree change in direction

would have been completely impossible.

More details as they occur.

Hey! Those are my husband's clothes!

Yes, I'm sorry, but I was cold.

I don't give a shit! Those are my...

Wait a minute.

I thought you couldn't understand me.

I couldn't.

Not until I listen to all of your programs.

You learned to speak English overnight?

Not really. I can mimic what I hear,

but it is a very difficult language to understand.

Oh, well, you're doing better than the average high school graduate.

You're, um...

You're not from around here, are you?

No, I'm from another planet.

Why did I know you were going to say that?

Because I saw you come back from the dead. That's why.

You thought I was dead?

But I hadn't even decomposed.

What? You guys decompose overnight?

No, it takes us 20 seconds.

20 seconds?

God, I'd be out of a job.

Doesn't your species rejuvenate?

Well, you know, we handle broken bones and hangnails fairly well,

but bullet to the heart and lungs, that's...

That's a killer.

We die only if we suffer massive damage to our brain.

Do you?

No, we just, um...

Go to work for the department of motor vehicles.

That's a joke.

Humor. A joke.

Look, this is a really strange conversation.

And, um, it's giving me a real bad headache, so...

What do you say, Starman, can we untie me now, please?

Sure.

I'm sorry I had to do this,

but I needed to know that I could trust you.

Get out of my way, or I'm going to run you down. I swear I will.

What do you want from me?

I need your help.

Why? What are you doing here?

And who is that guy that tried to kill us last night?

He's why I need your help.

Please, take me back to the ocean.

Back? I thought you said you came from outer space.

It's a long story.

Well, I'm a captive audience, remember?

What's your name?

Dori. Dori Caisson.

I am Townshend.

Townshend? Oh, Christ.

What's wrong with Townshend?

Oh, nothing. You know, I just thought your name would be

Spock or Darth Vader or something. Townshend...

Rise and shine, cow flop.

Why grandma, what a big gun you have.

Face down on the floor and keep your arms away from your body.

You have the right to remain silent.

- You have the right... - And I have the right to kick your ass,

unless you tell me where the body is.

Listen, scumbag.

The floor's covered in blood, and you're covered in blood, but there's not a mark on ya.

Now, you're gonna give me a straight answer,

or I'm gonna drive my thumb through your eye.

Jesus Christ, McCarthy.

- Let Ramos and the detectives handle this. - Screw Ramos.

Let's you and I take a quick look around this place.

What do you say?

What do we do with him?

- McCarthy, find anything? - No, not yet.

Keep on looking! It's bound to be in here somewhere.

What the hell was that? Come on!

- You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Did he get away? - Yeah, but I don't know how he broke those cuffs.

He didn't.

Underwater? Isn't that kind of a strange place to park?

My rover is airtight.

But I'm afraid the tide will eventually draw it out to sea.

And then I'll be stranded.

Well, couldn't your, you know, people, rescue you?

We've never been out of our own solar system.

Well, then you should leave right away.

First I have to find Yates.

He's the man from last night?

He's a serial killer.

He escaped in a planet rover.

I went after him,

but we got caught in a black hole that somehow dumped us here.

I had to crash land in the water.

I thought I'd lost him till we saw him in the hospital.

Well, then how come when he came right up to the car you didn't even recognize him?

- I don't know. - How are you going to find him?

- I don't know. - Then what do you want with me?

I need you to help me find my activator card.

It engages the rover's anti-gravity boosters.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me you can't leave

because you lost your car keys?

Well, uh...

Yes.

This is Candid Camera, right?

Tell me you're Allen Funt.

No. I am a peacemaker.

What you call a police officer.

You're a cop? A cop?

What's wrong with cops?

Oh, boy, I'm getting another headache here.

Maybe you should see a doctor.

- That's not funny. - Funny?

You weren't pulling my leg?

Is that a form of communication?

No, it's a form of a joke. Remember? A joke?

What's a joke?

Scented toilet paper.

- These are... Chili dogs. - Mmm-hmm.

But they're warm.

Not chilly, chili.

I thought that dogs were pets.

Well, these are beef. You know, from cows.

We just call them dogs.

Why?

I don't know. Like you said, it's a very difficult language to understand.

Get down!

I...

I think that was just a car backfiring.

Yes.

I realize now that I was wrong to ask you for help.

It's far too dangerous.

No... I mean, it's all right. I want to help.

Really.

Well, I guess we better move before somebody comes

and hoses us down.

I'm sorry if I frightened you.

I was only trying to protect you.

Well, you did. You kept me from eating that chili dog, didn't you?

Ramos.

Hello, Frank? This is Doc over at the morgue.

Hey, Doc. What can I do you?

Our security guard had a run-in with an intruder last night

and now I can't get Dori on the phone.

You think she's in trouble?

I don't really know.

- Okay, I'll check it out for you. - Thanks.

Bye.

- Rieger. - Yo.

Right behind you.

So, you could have dropped this car thing anywhere

during your skirmish with the police.

Yes. I'm afraid so.

Why are they after you anyway? What'd you do?

Nothing.

They were just chasing you for no reason?

Maybe I just look suspicious.

You? Nah.

You know what? The cops might have found your card thingy...

Townshend.

Dori? Dori, it's Frank, open up.

- You okay? - Yeah, I just... I hurt my head.

Look at me.

He's going out the side.

Take care of Dori. I'll get the asshole.

This is Unit 9 in pursuit of two perps.

Male Caucasian heading south. Both suspects are on foot.

Hey, watch out!

Oh, man.

Hey... Hey!

Hey, that's my bike!

This is Ramos, Unit 9. Get the hell out of my way.

All right, maggots, here's where I nail your balls to the trophy case.

Jesus Christ.

Who the fuck were those guys?

Aliens from another world.

Come on, Dori.

Intergalactic cops and robbers who come back from the dead?

No, that's not what I said.

I said they have a highly accelerated regenerating system

that enables them to suffer massive shock trauma without dying.

Oh.

Well, that's, uh...

Different.

Come on, Frank.

If you don't believe me, let's go to the beach and find his ship.

You mean the one that's under the water?

The one you never actually saw?

How about the fact that you didn't find their bodies?

Doesn't that prove anything?

Yeah. That a shack full of dynamite is hazardous to your health.

That's a good one, Sergeant. That's good.

We didn't find any bodies because we didn't expect to.

They're dead. You understand that?

He's dead. No one could have survived that explosion.

No, I guess not.

And before you shed too many tears for this guy,

you should know that he tried to steal a riot gun from the squad car.

And when the officer caught him, your alien friend threw him through the windshield.

Oh, my God.

Broke his goddamn hip. Good friends you have, good friends.

Look, you've been through a lot, huh?

Why don't I buy you dinner and maybe a drink or something? Help you relax.

Look, I just want to get into a nice hot bath.

Okay.

But you got to promise to wash my back.

That's a good one!

What are you, the cheering section?

No wonder everyone calls you Eager Rieger.

Now, what the fuck's that supposed to mean?

You're the detective, figure it out.

You know something, you're a...

Hey. Hey, that's enough here you two, huh?

Come on, everybody out. Clear out here.

Just remember, Rieger. The only difference

between a brownnose and a shithead is depth perception.

Fuck you.

Why do you gotta be like that?

Why does he have to be such an idiot?

And why do you have to hit on me all the time?

Force of habit I guess.

Yeah, well, if you don't mind, I'd like to skip our usual mating ritual for tonight.

I'm...

I'm really beat.

Okay.

Tonight you're off the hook.

But next time...

I'm coming on twice as strong.

God help me.

I'm gonna have a black and white take you home, okay?

- And then I'll check on you in the morning. - Okay. Thanks.

You're a sweetheart.

Yeah.

You know, I know why you won't go out with me.

You can't stand that I'm a confirmed bachelor.

Yeah, just like your father.

Rieger, call the motor pool, get me another car.

There you are, ma'am.

- Thanks a lot. Good night. - Good night.

Yates...

Give me an excuse and I'll give you a .38 caliber lobotomy.

Put those on.

Now kneel down and put your hands behind your head.

Where's Dr. Caisson?

I don't know.

That's the wrong answer.

Let's try again.

Where is she?

There you go. Safe and sound.

You call this safe?

You are wearing a seatbelt aren't you?

What, is that supposed to be funny?

Yeah, it is.

I don't have the hang of this humor thing yet, though.

We don't have it where I come from.

Yeah, I know. Townshend told me.

He speaking English already?

That means I don't have much time.

Time for what?

What do you want with me?

- You're the bait. - What for?

If you're an escaped convict, why don't you just escape?

Convict? Is that what he told you?

What else did he say?

Did he tell you that we're from some place...

Far away?

Damn, we've kept it a secret all this time.

"We"?

What do you mean, there are more of you here on Earth?

Hundreds of us.

But Townshend said that it was just the two of you.

That you both crashed here the other night.

He crashed here the other night.

Now I've got to rejuvenate before he arrives.

If there are so many of you, then why do you have to face him alone?

It's my job.

I'm a peacemaker.

This is just too weird.

All right, doctor, just hear me out. That's all I ask.

Okay.

Follow me.

All right, one,

if Townshend and I both arrived here at the same time,

why was only one meteorite spotted by LAX radar in the observatory?

Where was my ship?

Two,

if Townshend's chasing me, why didn't he recognize me at the hospital parking lot?

And three,

how did I find your house? I looked you up in the telephone book.

I read your language. I've been here 20 years.

Oh, God, I'm getting another headache.

Okay, and just one other thing.

If I'm a psychotic murderer, why didn't I kill you both when I had the chance?

Either at the parking lot or your living room.

Because you're not a killer. You're a peacemaker.

That's correct.

And I'm a sucker.

No, you're not. Townshend's slick and an excellent liar.

Yeah.

Why do you send your people here in the first place?

Your government does the same thing.

Witnesses are often given a new identity.

Relocated to a new city, sometimes a new country.

We've just taken it to the next logical step.

- Relocation to a new planet. - That's correct.

Now Townshend is here to kill one of them.

Well, how do you plan to stop him?

By shooting him with as many of these drugged bullets as I can.

It takes a few seconds, but it'll get to his brain.

And that's going to slow him down?

It's the only thing that saved me back at your place.

Your planet's gravity is only half as great as mine.

Do you understand what that means, doctor?

Well, yeah. It means that you're stronger and faster than us.

The same way our astronauts are stronger and faster on the moon.

Exactly.

But over the years I've adapted to your gravity.

Which means that I'm just about as weak as you.

If I hadn't shot Townshend when I did, he would have torn me apart.

Doctor.

Does Townshend have a black metallic punch card?

Not anymore. He lost it that first night.

That explains why he still needs you.

If he can't find that card, he can't find his victim.

It's a relocation ID badge.

Say goodbye.

No!

Come on, let's get out of here.

No, I have to catch him before he rejuvenates.

Look, you can catch a cold right now. Let's get the hell out of here.

Where to?

- My place. - I thought you'd never ask.

Nice place you got here, Yates.

Really got the "condemned".

Be it ever so rat infested...

There's no place like home.

- Uh, can I get you anything, or... - No.

No.

I'll be fine just as soon as I relax and rejuvenate.

Well, you just go right ahead.

Don't mind me.

It's not that easy. I think I blew it.

Townshend's out there somewhere and I don't know who he's after.

Yeah, well... You know, I think I might know where that card is.

- Where? - Relax. If I'm right, you can't go with me.

I've got to go alone.

No, I can't let you go. It's too dangerous.

Look, you're not strong enough to stop me.

Now just lie back and rest.

I'm taking your keys and I'll be back in an hour.

- Doctor... - Now look, call me Dori.

Dori...

Be careful.

He's still out there.

Yeah, but he's most likely drugged and unconscious, right?

If anything happened to you, I wouldn't forgive myself.

I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself.

My daughter's a big girl, too, but I worry about her all the time.

You have a daughter?

Back on my home planet.

I can see you as a father.

I just want to return you safely to yours.

Don't worry. I'm going to be fine.

- Get those reports from the lab on Ferguson. - Ferguson?

Good evening, Moses.

Oh, Dr. Caisson, you all right?

Yeah, sure.

- How about you? - Oh, sure...

I would have killed that son of a bitch if he hadn't sucker punched me.

So, is there anyone in there?

Well, I don't know. I just came on.

- Okay, thanks, I'm just gonna go get my purse. - Sure.

Okay.

It's me, Townshend.

It's all right. You're safe.

I can't believe you got away from Yates.

Yeah. I even stole his car.

Good. Where is he now?

I don't know.

- Did he say anything? - No. No. Not a word.

He probably hasn't learned your language yet.

All right, let's go.

Where to? Back to my place?

No, it's too dangerous.

Yates knows where you live.

We must find temporary accommodations.

You mean like a motel?

Yes, a motel. That's it. Let's go.

Okay.

This is not good.

I only have... Six shells left.

- Dori, what are you doing? - Yates told me all about you.

- Put down the gun. - Don't make me shoot you.

I don't know what Yates told you, but...

- He told me the truth. - I told you the truth.

He's an escaped murderer.

Then why didn't he kill you when he had the chance?

Maybe he needs me alive for some reason.

Maybe his rover is disabled and he needs mine to escape.

Then why didn't you recognize him at the hospital?

- Dori... - Don't!

How old would you say that I am?

I don't know... 30.

And Yates?

50 maybe.

I am two years older than him.

Somehow, when we went through that black hole,

it aged Yates 20 years.

That's why I didn't recognize him.

Yeah, right. Then why didn't it age you?

I don't know.

Maybe we went through a time-space continuum worm hole.

What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I don't know! I'm not a scientist, all right?

- You'll just have to trust me. - Yeah, fat chance.

Then you'll just have to kill me.

I will.

I'll kill you if I have to.

You didn't shoot.

Yeah, I just remembered that aliens were out of season.

What are we doing?

We're getting ready to mate.

Mate?

That's the word they used on Wild Kingdom.

- Is it wrong? - No.

No, it's fine, it's...

It's just, uh...

Look, don't get me wrong, I'm all for interracial relationships,

but interspecies is a little too progressive for me.

Dori.

You've seen me naked.

- Am I anatomically incorrect? - No.

God, no.

Then what's the matter?

You're a cop.

- A peacemaker. - It's the same thing.

You're all a bunch of unreliable macho jerks.

Believe me, I know.

I was married to one.

- Dori... - Look...

I like you...

More than I should, but I don't think you're going to be alive very long.

I just can't go through that again, I'm sorry.

I just can't.

Yates.

He must have spent that first night in the library.

No wonder Yates can speak English.

Mmm.

Talk about your close encounters.

- Dori. - Hmm?

Look at me.

You are gorgeous.

- What about me? - You're gorgeous, too.

But that's not why I woke you.

I need money for new clothes.

I saw a shop down the street that has men's clothing in the window.

Aw, and the bullet holes in your outfit are so gauche.

Oh, honey, that's a joke.

I used the rest of my cash for the room,

but you can use this.

You just hand it to the clerk.

Try and be ready by the time I get back.

I think I know where my activator card is.

I almost forgot!

- You have it? - I have! It was at the morgue.

I knew it.

Oh, is that what you were doing there?

Yes, but I couldn't find it.

Here I flattered myself, you were looking for me.

When I get back you can lead me to Yates.

You're welcome.

Rieger.

Hold on just for a moment. Sarge!

- It's your Dr. Caisson. - Get a trace.

- Dori, where are you? - I thought you might be worried about me.

You're damn right I'm worried about you. Now, where are you?

Frank, it's all right, I'm safe.

You're not safe. Is that space cadet with you?

Not at the moment.

Honey, please, wherever you are, get out of there before he comes back.

Frank, I'm telling you I'm all right.

Your spaceman went to the morgue last night looking for something.

- Yeah? - Doc walked in on him.

He's dead.

What?

Whatever this guy was looking for, he tried to torture it out of Doc.

Seventeen years on the force, I've never seen anything like it.

This guy makes the Night Stalker

look like Albert Schweitzer.

He's an absolute certifiable psychopath.

Now, where the fuck are you?

The Gate Six Motel on Century Boulevard in Room 8.

I'm on my way. Now hang up the phone and get out of there.

- Reiger! - Yo.

We're on it.

Going somewhere?

Can we get four guys on that?

Get down behind that.

All right, let him through! Move, move, let's go!

Watch that door!

- You guys ready? - Yeah, the entire motel is completely evacuated.

You, in the room.

In exactly one minute,

you're going to be up to your butt in tear gas.

Frank!

It's Dori. Goddamn it!

Settle down!

Don't do that again, Dori.

30 seconds.

Face it, Townshend, it's over.

No, you face it.

- We're getting out of here, and you're taking me to Yates. - How?

They have every exit covered.

20 seconds!

Not every exit.

10! Fuck it, go get him.

Sergeant Ramos.

He broke through the wall,

room to room,

all the way down to the manager's office,

and then out into the street.

Jesus Christ.

Who is this guy?

- Get out of the van! - What?

Oh, my God! It's Frank!

Dori!

Oh, shit!

Dori!

Wait!

Townshend's right behind me!

The gun!

Drop the shotgun, Townshend.

Or I'll blow her brains out.

What?

I mean it.

I know.

And you don't care?

- No. - Well, then...

All right!

Throw it here.

You had a handgun, Townshend.

Where is it?

I lost it when I was hit by a van.

I thought you looked a little run down.

A joke.

Turn around.

Open your jacket.

Ooh, that's a nasty looking scar.

Where'd you get it?

When I was hit by the van.

Seems to be healing nicely.

Where's the card?

I don't have it!

I can see that, asshole. Where is it?

I don't know!

Don't make me get nasty, Townshend.

That fat ass at the morgue made me get nasty.

He lived to regret it.

For as long as he lived, that is.

Oh, my God.

How?

If Townshend's telling the truth, how can you live in this apartment?

How can you own a car? How can you know our language and our customs

so much better than him if you both got here the same night?

Because, you stupid bitch,

we went through a black hole.

We entered on our side of the universe at the exact same time,

but we came out on this side 20 years apart.

- What? - What?

I guess all the theories about time traveling black holes are correct.

Now, I've been trapped on this piece of shit planet for long enough.

Where's the fucking card?

I don't have it!

No, wait! Wait, I've got it!

Dori, no!

It's right here in my purse.

Look, just please... Take it. Take it.

Take that!

Come on!

Come on.

Okay.

No!

Shit!

No...

You earned this, bitch.

So, what you're saying is that the other suspect was killed

in the explosion at the construction site.

Well, this guy's the only body you found here, right?

Look, somehow he was thrown clear and he came back to my house,

he kidnapped me, and he brought me here.

And you managed to get the gun, the shotgun, and kill him?

Yeah.

Tell me something, Dori. You still don't believe that...

These guys were from outer space, do you?

Obviously I was still in a state of shock when I told you that.

Obviously.

So, what were they?

- Some kind of PCP freaks, something like that? - Yeah, probably.

I think they kidnapped me in some misguided attempt to obtain prescription drugs.

Let me tell you, Dori, that this is the most

bogus statement that I've ever heard.

Maybe so, but that's my story...

And I'm sticking to it.

Yeah.

I can live with that.

Surf's up.

What do you do, you just dive in and swim to your ship?

Yes.

You know, it might not even be there anymore.

I know.

Even if it is there,

you don't know for sure how to get back.

No.

You could die out there...

Alone in space.

Maybe.

But you're still going.

Yes.

Why?

Because I'm a peacemaker.

You mean a macho asshole cop.

Yes, that's what I mean.

God, I wish I could think of something really funny to say right now.

Why?

I wouldn't understand it anyway.

No, I guess not.

Bye.