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1
00:00:23,550 --> 00:00:33,550
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2
00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:35,944
Don't get out of this bathtub! Julie!
3
00:00:36,153 --> 00:00:37,446
Julie!
4
00:00:37,696 --> 00:00:40,741
Julie Christina Ubriacco!
5
00:00:42,617 --> 00:00:44,745
You're dripping suds
all over the place.
6
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:47,622
Come here. Where are you?
7
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:51,001
I don't want to brush my teeth.
I brushed them Saturday.
8
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,879
You'll have plants
growing out of your mouth.
9
00:01:05,807 --> 00:01:07,434
Honey?
10
00:01:07,684 --> 00:01:09,728
Are you all right?
11
00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:18,278
This is why we don't run around
all wet.
12
00:01:21,073 --> 00:01:24,242
I don't want to go to bed.
13
00:01:24,493 --> 00:01:28,288
- You got to go to bed.
- I went to bed last night.
14
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:31,041
How many times a week
do I have to go to bed?
15
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:35,587
Once upon a time, there was a princess
and she moved to Queens. The end.
16
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,464
That's not a story.
17
00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:40,592
It is tonight. Good night.
18
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,512
- Change partners.
- Do-si-do.
19
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,430
Daddy, tell me a story.
20
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,682
Two nuns walk into a bar...
21
00:01:47,891 --> 00:01:50,102
- James!
- What?
22
00:01:50,352 --> 00:01:51,561
Oh, man.
23
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,773
- Night-light!
- Night-light!
24
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,527
Damn! Honey...
25
00:02:01,405 --> 00:02:03,115
...did you leave that truck there?
26
00:02:03,365 --> 00:02:06,243
- Mikey did it.
- Good night, Julie.
27
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,662
Mom, want to play teacups?
28
00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:11,456
No, I don't want to play teacups.
Good night.
29
00:02:11,707 --> 00:02:12,708
Good night.
30
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:15,001
Do I want to play teacups?
31
00:02:19,256 --> 00:02:20,882
Man, am I exhausted!
32
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:24,177
I know. I feel like I can't move.
33
00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:27,931
Every night we go through
the same thing.
34
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:33,270
What?
35
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,230
What is that look?
36
00:02:35,439 --> 00:02:36,898
Are you kidding?
37
00:02:37,816 --> 00:02:40,235
Honey, no.
They're not even asleep yet.
38
00:02:40,444 --> 00:02:42,112
- They will be.
- No, they won't.
39
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,240
They're probably outside the door,
playing teacups.
40
00:02:45,449 --> 00:02:47,325
Wait. No. Honey...
41
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,453
...they're probably right outside.
42
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,621
Lock the door.
43
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,582
Oh, Mollie.
44
00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:55,459
Oh, James.
45
00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:58,795
- Oh, Princess.
- Oh, Trooper.
46
00:02:59,838 --> 00:03:01,298
It was a lovely evening.
47
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:05,052
Was? I take you to the best
dumpster in town...
48
00:03:05,302 --> 00:03:07,721
... and all I get is a lick
on the cheek?
49
00:03:07,929 --> 00:03:09,347
I'm not that kind of spaniel.
50
00:03:09,598 --> 00:03:12,225
Come on. You're the cutest thing
on four legs.
51
00:03:12,476 --> 00:03:14,686
I think you're wonderful, but...
52
00:03:14,936 --> 00:03:17,147
... I can't.
53
00:03:17,355 --> 00:03:18,732
Wait! Princess.
54
00:03:19,441 --> 00:03:21,026
I didn't want to tell you...
55
00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:24,863
... but I'm going to the vet tomorrow.
I may not make it.
56
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,157
Oh, Trooper.
57
00:03:27,366 --> 00:03:28,492
Really?
58
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:29,868
Bingo.
59
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,822
Yes! I am the king!
60
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,365
The king of the kennel!
61
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,117
Losers! Losers!
62
00:04:11,993 --> 00:04:14,287
Who cares?
She was a dog anyway.
63
00:04:14,496 --> 00:04:16,289
There's another one! Go for it!
64
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:18,291
Don't tell the guys.
65
00:04:18,542 --> 00:04:20,335
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
66
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,421
And another one!
67
00:04:22,671 --> 00:04:24,506
They're all over!
68
00:04:24,715 --> 00:04:26,341
Come to papa!
69
00:04:28,677 --> 00:04:31,388
What will the girls
at the hydrant say?
70
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,348
Ma, check it out.
71
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:36,810
I got these things on my face to open.
I can see!
72
00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:38,520
I can see...
73
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:41,189
... wrinkly butts!
74
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,234
They're not mine.
They're your brothers and sisters.
75
00:04:44,568 --> 00:04:47,237
Good. That makes me the cute one.
76
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:53,201
So how did this happen?
77
00:04:53,452 --> 00:04:54,995
How did this happen?
78
00:04:55,245 --> 00:04:58,957
Look, here come the three kings.
It must be a miracle.
79
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,919
- Who were they?
- They're my masters.
80
00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:05,047
They're hideous.
81
00:05:05,297 --> 00:05:08,925
They're just big dogs who walk funny.
You take care of them.
82
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,344
I don't want any stupid masters.
83
00:05:11,595 --> 00:05:13,221
Someday you will.
84
00:05:14,431 --> 00:05:17,684
I'll never get my figure back.
It's Cycle Four for me.
85
00:05:23,398 --> 00:05:24,983
What are you colouring?
86
00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:30,906
Christmas list.
87
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:34,368
Christmas list in September?
What is that?
88
00:05:34,659 --> 00:05:37,120
A dog? We've been through this.
89
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,623
But, Mom, we need a dog.
90
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:44,586
Because, those guys who come to sell
stuff, he could chew their legs off.
91
00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:46,338
That would be nice, but...
92
00:05:46,588 --> 00:05:48,965
And you could save money.
He could babysit.
93
00:05:49,674 --> 00:05:51,885
You know dogs can't babysit.
94
00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:54,638
Dogs are smart.
We could teach him stuff.
95
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,516
Yes, we could.
Like, how to pick up your room.
96
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,226
- Cool.
- Cool.
97
00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:01,520
I'll tell you what I will do.
98
00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:05,065
I promise you
that we will buy you a dog.
99
00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:07,150
And I know you'll treat it well.
100
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:11,154
But we live in this teeny apartment,
and it wouldn't be fair to a dog.
101
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,198
What if Santa thinks it is?
102
00:06:13,824 --> 00:06:15,325
Let's talk after school.
103
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,160
You always say that.
104
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,037
You always bug me.
105
00:06:19,287 --> 00:06:20,455
Bug, bug, bug.
106
00:06:20,664 --> 00:06:22,457
Go bug your teacher.
107
00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:23,959
Julie!
108
00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:38,515
Snap out of it, honey.
Aren't you bored with that tape yet?
109
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,309
- It's good.
- It's good? With a pass to Julie...
110
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,689
...up she goes.
She scores a hundred million points.
111
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:50,902
Most girls are obsessed with ponies,
not sweaty men making jump shots.
112
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,113
Should we be worried? Mike?
113
00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:56,950
It's the Suns. If it were
the Mavericks, I'd be worried.
114
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,744
Let me look at you.
115
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:01,538
- I don't know about the tie.
- What?
116
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:02,998
Silly.
117
00:07:04,332 --> 00:07:06,960
You haven't seen the whole effect.
Look at this.
118
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,046
It does this.
119
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:13,633
Are you going to wear that
on a job interview?
120
00:07:13,884 --> 00:07:15,802
- It's a joke.
- I know it's a joke.
121
00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:17,763
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
122
00:07:18,013 --> 00:07:20,098
This is the tie I'm going to wear.
123
00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:22,476
That is a joke.
124
00:07:22,893 --> 00:07:24,478
What?
125
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:28,857
They'll know my wife put me in
this suit. It's the colour of poo.
126
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:31,151
Daddy said, "poo."
127
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,530
Mike, what do you think of this suit?
128
00:07:35,739 --> 00:07:38,784
- You look like my principal.
- Even he thinks it's stupid.
129
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,744
He isn't offering a dental plan.
130
00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:43,246
This isn't me. I want to be myself.
131
00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:45,916
You won't get this job
if you're yourself.
132
00:07:46,958 --> 00:07:49,294
I didn't mean it to sound that way.
133
00:07:49,544 --> 00:07:53,173
A CEO of a corporation is looking
for a certain demeanor...
134
00:07:53,382 --> 00:07:54,633
...in a corporate pilot.
135
00:07:54,883 --> 00:07:57,469
Don't tell them you still drive a cab.
136
00:07:57,719 --> 00:08:00,889
Let me drive. Sit in back
and act like you don't know me.
137
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,892
- And don't tell long stories.
- I won't talk.
138
00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:06,436
- You can talk, but, James...
- What?
139
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,480
- Don't tell jokes.
- I'm funny.
140
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:12,651
- You are funny, in sort of a...
- Corny.
141
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,403
Corny kind of funny.
142
00:08:14,778 --> 00:08:16,196
Bash Brothers!
143
00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,158
Look out for that pud...
144
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,163
Sorry about the suit.
145
00:08:25,414 --> 00:08:28,750
My son kind of splattered me
this morning.
146
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,045
We were doing this kind of
"Bash Brothers" thing...
147
00:08:32,295 --> 00:08:35,215
It's not spit-up or anything.
It's just...
148
00:08:35,465 --> 00:08:37,050
...mud.
149
00:08:37,759 --> 00:08:41,555
Frankly, Mr. Ubriacco, your résumé
is not very extensive.
150
00:08:41,805 --> 00:08:43,348
I know that.
151
00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:46,852
Yet people who have flown with you
insist that I meet you.
152
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,520
Really?
153
00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:51,314
I'd be interested to know why.
154
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,649
May I?
155
00:08:57,779 --> 00:09:00,532
Mr. Martin.
I know why he recommended me.
156
00:09:02,034 --> 00:09:05,245
We're on this flight,
and they're having a party...
157
00:09:05,495 --> 00:09:08,206
...and singing that English song:
158
00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:13,128
You know, you're English.
I get on the microphone and say:
159
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:19,801
You had to be there.
160
00:09:20,302 --> 00:09:23,138
God, I hope he doesn't blow it.
161
00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:25,640
When he gets nervous, he gets honest.
162
00:09:25,849 --> 00:09:28,602
And that is a major
business liability.
163
00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:31,688
- I think he'll be okay.
- I think he's freezing up.
164
00:09:31,897 --> 00:09:36,026
I've been married to him long enough.
I have ESP. He's freezing up.
165
00:09:36,234 --> 00:09:39,946
And he said, "That thing's
been following me all day!"
166
00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:49,331
I'll make a soufflé. If that doesn't
cheer him up, I don't know what will.
167
00:09:49,581 --> 00:09:54,336
It's not like we can't live off my
paycheck. We have a hundred times.
168
00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:57,339
Pink! Mine's pink today.
That's festive.
169
00:10:09,226 --> 00:10:12,604
Man, I can't believe it.
I always wanted to fly a Falcon.
170
00:10:12,854 --> 00:10:17,234
- Honey, how did you find me?
- They told me you were down here.
171
00:10:17,734 --> 00:10:20,737
Mollie, this is Samantha D'Bonne,
my new boss.
172
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:22,698
How do you do?
173
00:10:22,948 --> 00:10:24,449
I do just fine, thank you.
174
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,535
Oh, honey...
175
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:28,704
Congratulations.
176
00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:30,497
This is my son, Mike.
177
00:10:30,706 --> 00:10:34,251
- Hello.
- Sometimes he gets stuff on his hands.
178
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,379
- And my daughter, Julie.
- Hello, Julie.
179
00:10:37,629 --> 00:10:39,464
Knock, knock.
180
00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:43,093
- Who's there?
- Transsexual.
181
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,138
- What's it mean?
- It's an airline.
182
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:48,306
Excuse me.
183
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:54,271
So you work for Majique.
That's a big corporation.
184
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,356
Ms. D'Bonne is the president.
185
00:10:56,606 --> 00:10:59,401
You're the president?
But you're so young.
186
00:10:59,651 --> 00:11:03,864
- I'm 30. I'm practically past it.
- You can read about her in
Fortune.
187
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:06,158
You're in
Fortune?
188
00:11:06,742 --> 00:11:08,869
Actually, it's two pages.
189
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:11,204
Hey! Mikey!
190
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,750
Wait! You'll end up in Guam.
191
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,627
- Get back here.
- I didn't do anything.
192
00:11:18,253 --> 00:11:20,005
Oh, God. Honey.
193
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,215
They're a full-time job.
194
00:11:22,466 --> 00:11:24,259
Did you get off early from work?
195
00:11:24,468 --> 00:11:25,635
Yeah, I did.
196
00:11:25,844 --> 00:11:28,722
- Was it an office party?
- I wouldn't call it a party.
197
00:11:28,972 --> 00:11:32,434
You never get off early.
What did you do? VP! She got VP!
198
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:34,644
- Did you get VP?
- Not exactly.
199
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:39,524
This is great! What a day!
I get a job and you get... Oh, man!
200
00:11:40,275 --> 00:11:42,861
- Let's talk at home.
- Give me the good news.
201
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,072
I was fired!
202
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:49,951
Oh, honey.
203
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:55,624
- What happened?
- I think it's because of the cutbacks.
204
00:11:55,874 --> 00:11:59,127
I asked if it was my work
and they said no, it was great.
205
00:11:59,378 --> 00:12:02,464
They said I was the best,
which is why I was most expensive.
206
00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:07,302
I said, "What if I'd been better?
What would you have done? Shoot me?"
207
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:10,097
You're better than that company.
208
00:12:10,347 --> 00:12:13,975
Nine years and they give me a cactus.
209
00:12:14,226 --> 00:12:15,519
A cactus, honey.
210
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,730
Excuse me.
I couldn't help overhearing.
211
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,691
- Really?
- I'm terribly sorry.
212
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,735
Don't be. This is nothing.
213
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:27,489
Financially, you don't need to worry
about a thing. You see...
214
00:12:27,739 --> 00:12:30,033
...I'm negotiating a merger
with Maxim Conti.
215
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,536
Next month alone,
we'll be flying to Rome...
216
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,788
...Paris, New Zealand...
217
00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:37,708
I'll just keep him as busy as I can.
218
00:12:38,417 --> 00:12:41,044
That makes me feel a lot better.
219
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,755
I'm sure you'll find something.
220
00:12:45,716 --> 00:12:47,217
Oh, honey.
221
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,386
It'll be okay.
222
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,388
- Knock, knock.
- Nobody's home.
223
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:52,973
- Knock, knock.
- Nobody's home!
224
00:12:53,223 --> 00:12:56,309
- Knock, knock.
- All right, who is it?
225
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,978
- Buck.
- Buck who?
226
00:12:58,228 --> 00:13:00,272
Buck, buck, I'm a chicken!
227
00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:02,524
Mom, can I kill her?
228
00:13:02,774 --> 00:13:04,192
Not before dinner.
229
00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:05,902
Knock, knock.
230
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:09,406
Don't torture your mother, honey.
231
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,748
He's cute.
232
00:13:18,749 --> 00:13:22,753
What's going on?
Where are they taking everybody?
233
00:13:23,545 --> 00:13:25,672
I'm scared! I'm going to pee.
234
00:13:25,922 --> 00:13:27,591
Put him back. That's my brother.
235
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,510
He's so fuzzy.
236
00:13:30,761 --> 00:13:32,554
Is that kibble on your hat?
237
00:13:32,763 --> 00:13:35,474
I like you.
238
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,686
- Mommy, I want this one.
- All right.
239
00:13:39,936 --> 00:13:42,355
Got any treats? I'm into treats.
240
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:48,612
It's just me, huh?
241
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,114
So nobody wants me?
242
00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:53,200
What's wrong with me?
243
00:13:53,492 --> 00:13:56,370
Okay, I drool more
than some of the other guys.
244
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:59,539
And I whine a little bit, sure.
Who doesn't?
245
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:03,627
You smell good. Like cookies.
246
00:14:05,587 --> 00:14:09,049
And dirt. Can I go with you?
I like you. Please?
247
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,051
Mikey?
248
00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:13,470
- Kid, take me.
- Michael, get over here.
249
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,390
Please? I'll eat shoelaces
and vegetables.
250
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,308
I'll even eat dog food.
251
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,935
Kid! Don't go away!
252
00:14:20,185 --> 00:14:22,771
Where are you going?
Where did you go?
253
00:14:23,814 --> 00:14:25,524
Bad smell.
254
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:29,277
You don't look like dog people.
You look like snake people.
255
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,823
Not the neck! I hate that.
256
00:14:33,031 --> 00:14:34,491
He's kind of scrawny.
257
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,785
I've coughed hairballs
better-looking than you.
258
00:14:36,993 --> 00:14:38,453
Take him, don't take him.
259
00:14:38,662 --> 00:14:40,539
- Make up your mind.
- I'll take him.
260
00:14:40,789 --> 00:14:43,667
Don't let happen to him
what happened to the gerbils.
261
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,503
Why don't I have a good feeling
about this?
262
00:14:49,673 --> 00:14:51,091
So here they are.
263
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,677
My new masters.
264
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:55,971
Not!
265
00:14:57,514 --> 00:14:58,765
Swallowed a bug!
266
00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:03,061
Tuck and roll. Tuck and roll.
267
00:15:06,898 --> 00:15:09,526
Big room. Wonder where the walls are.
268
00:15:09,735 --> 00:15:12,362
Who needs masters?
I can take care of myself.
269
00:15:14,865 --> 00:15:16,450
What kind of dog was that?
270
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,953
Maybe I do need a master.
271
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:25,834
How would you like to adopt
a cute little pup?
272
00:15:26,043 --> 00:15:27,252
Same to you, pal.
273
00:15:27,502 --> 00:15:31,006
He was too skinny.
Probably didn't have any good treats.
274
00:15:31,214 --> 00:15:33,967
Now if I was food, where would I be?
275
00:15:34,217 --> 00:15:37,304
In my stomach, because I would have
eaten me already.
276
00:15:37,554 --> 00:15:39,556
Fatter people. This is good.
277
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,893
There's gotta be treats
around fat people.
278
00:15:43,101 --> 00:15:45,353
Doggie dish at 12:00.
I'm coming in.
279
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:47,314
What's this, metal food?
280
00:15:47,564 --> 00:15:50,233
Hey there, little fella.
281
00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:53,737
- You hungry?
- Are you kidding? I just ate a nickel.
282
00:15:54,613 --> 00:15:56,239
What a guy. What do you got?
283
00:15:56,448 --> 00:15:58,992
Food? You going for food?
284
00:15:59,242 --> 00:16:00,660
Let me see what's in there.
285
00:16:00,911 --> 00:16:03,622
Get your hand away. I'll do it.
I got it.
286
00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:16,468
I would like a Ferrari Testa Rossa...
287
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:20,889
...Alien Autopsy, a Super-Squirt
Phlegm Gun with laser sight...
288
00:16:21,139 --> 00:16:23,350
...a helicopter...
289
00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:24,810
...a space suit...
290
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:27,896
That goob's been up there
for an hour. Get him off.
291
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,608
I told you, Santa doesn't want you
to be a naughty girl.
292
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,360
Who are you, his mother?
293
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,613
No, I'm a Vulcan.
294
00:16:36,822 --> 00:16:40,200
- How would you like a death grip?
- Yeah, right.
295
00:16:40,659 --> 00:16:42,994
- a million dollars, a toy store...
296
00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:46,039
- Mom!
- Mommy!
297
00:16:47,416 --> 00:16:51,712
See? I told you Mommy had a big,
important job with Santa.
298
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:55,465
- Hey, no cuts!
- A spot. Tricked you.
299
00:17:04,307 --> 00:17:07,144
Hello there, everyone!
300
00:17:09,688 --> 00:17:13,608
Merry Christmas, everyone!
301
00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:23,827
- You look hot.
- Yeah.
302
00:17:24,286 --> 00:17:27,164
- How's it going?
- It's going bad. I hate children.
303
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,291
I used to love them. Now I hate them.
304
00:17:29,541 --> 00:17:32,586
This music is driving me nuts.
I want to hurt Bing Crosby.
305
00:17:32,836 --> 00:17:34,504
Something will come for you.
306
00:17:34,755 --> 00:17:38,425
- 40 interviews and no one's hired me.
- Then it can only get better.
307
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:41,678
- Maybe next year I can be a reindeer.
- Look at the perks.
308
00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:43,847
Hey, guys.
309
00:17:44,056 --> 00:17:47,642
What are you standing there for?
Mom's personal best friend, Santa...
310
00:17:47,893 --> 00:17:50,020
...is ready to see you. Come on.
311
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,938
There you go.
312
00:17:52,397 --> 00:17:54,066
There we go.
313
00:17:56,568 --> 00:17:58,278
Merry Christmas.
314
00:17:58,904 --> 00:18:02,866
- Well, how are you today...
- Mikey.
315
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,827
...Mikey?
- You know me?
316
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:10,374
What would you like Santa
to bring you this Christmas?
317
00:18:11,666 --> 00:18:15,128
- I want a dog.
- A dog? Well, that seems...
318
00:18:15,337 --> 00:18:16,546
No.
319
00:18:16,755 --> 00:18:18,882
You see, Mikey...
320
00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:22,052
...even Santa doesn't control
some things.
321
00:18:22,511 --> 00:18:26,515
Now somewhere out there
is the absolute perfect dog for you.
322
00:18:26,765 --> 00:18:28,350
Maybe he's already been born.
323
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:31,019
Maybe he hasn't. But when he is...
324
00:18:31,269 --> 00:18:33,313
...believe me, I'll know...
325
00:18:33,563 --> 00:18:34,815
...and you'll get him!
326
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:38,318
- So I'll get him for Christmas?
- I'll do my best.
327
00:18:38,568 --> 00:18:41,822
- Thanks, Santa.
- You're welcome, Mikey.
328
00:18:44,408 --> 00:18:46,326
Here's Santa.
329
00:18:47,744 --> 00:18:50,163
Hello, honey.
330
00:18:51,873 --> 00:18:53,917
Mommy!
331
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:03,760
Santa is not mad at you.
Now listen to Teddy.
332
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,430
- Is Santa mad at Julie?
- No.
333
00:19:06,638 --> 00:19:09,391
- Will Julie still get presents?
- Yes.
334
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:11,393
Give me kisses.
335
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:18,108
Come on, Julie. Cheer up.
How about a pre-Christmas present?
336
00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:39,588
I have to get these shoes off.
My toes are curling.
337
00:19:40,505 --> 00:19:42,924
Good night, Prancer.
Good night, Dancer.
338
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:51,266
What's the matter with you?
339
00:19:51,475 --> 00:19:53,560
You don't know how to write?
340
00:19:53,977 --> 00:19:57,397
Yeah? You gonna send some
monkey around to bust my knees?
341
00:19:58,940 --> 00:20:00,859
Hey, all right.
342
00:20:01,109 --> 00:20:04,112
I'll come up
with a couple of bills for you.
343
00:20:04,363 --> 00:20:06,114
I was just kidding, okay?
344
00:20:06,365 --> 00:20:09,159
Yeah, and a merry to you too.
345
00:20:10,327 --> 00:20:12,746
You miserable sack of...
346
00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:17,709
You're a fake!
347
00:20:17,918 --> 00:20:20,879
- How could you let him see that?
- You were watching him.
348
00:20:21,129 --> 00:20:22,339
I was calming Julie.
349
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,509
- What did Mikey see?
- Nothing, honey.
350
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:27,969
- You said he was real.
- I know, you see...
351
00:20:28,178 --> 00:20:30,722
The real Santa's busy,
so he sends these...
352
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:34,726
- Cousins.
- That was Santa's cousin, Sidney Claus.
353
00:20:34,976 --> 00:20:37,187
He's Jewish. He's his Jewish cousin.
354
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,190
But you said he was real.
355
00:20:57,833 --> 00:21:00,377
All right, you chipmunks,
ready to sing your song?
356
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,796
- I'll say we are.
- Let's sing it now.
357
00:21:03,046 --> 00:21:04,715
- Okay, Simon?
- Okay.
358
00:21:04,965 --> 00:21:06,842
- Okay, Theodore?
- Okay.
359
00:21:07,092 --> 00:21:08,969
Okay, Alvin?
360
00:21:09,553 --> 00:21:10,929
Alvin?
361
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,557
- Alvin!
- Okay!
362
00:21:53,305 --> 00:21:55,265
Oh, Mikey, Mikey.
363
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:58,477
What do you want?
You want a pizza pie?
364
00:21:58,769 --> 00:22:01,146
Great. The Cornball Family.
365
00:22:01,772 --> 00:22:03,899
It didn't work.
366
00:22:09,613 --> 00:22:12,074
Honey, you used to love that song.
367
00:22:12,324 --> 00:22:14,493
What can we do
to make you feel better?
368
00:22:14,993 --> 00:22:17,162
Just tell me the truth.
369
00:22:17,412 --> 00:22:19,414
There is no Santa, is there?
370
00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:24,461
Yes. There is, honey.
371
00:22:24,711 --> 00:22:26,213
But you know what it's like?
372
00:22:26,421 --> 00:22:30,592
I'll tell you. You know how in
Cub Scouts you have den mothers?
373
00:22:30,801 --> 00:22:31,843
Well, Santa has...
374
00:22:32,094 --> 00:22:33,720
...den Santas.
375
00:22:33,970 --> 00:22:37,099
Mike, you want to know the truth,
right?
376
00:22:37,349 --> 00:22:39,976
You don't want us to lie to you...
377
00:22:40,227 --> 00:22:42,062
...and this is the truth.
378
00:22:43,397 --> 00:22:45,482
You know the whole thing about...
379
00:22:45,732 --> 00:22:47,526
...the North Pole?
380
00:22:47,776 --> 00:22:49,194
It's just a story.
381
00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:51,363
It's just a story.
382
00:22:51,613 --> 00:22:53,031
Santa is...
383
00:22:53,281 --> 00:22:54,783
Santa is really...
384
00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:56,284
...from Finland.
385
00:22:57,327 --> 00:22:58,412
Finland.
386
00:22:59,913 --> 00:23:01,164
Give me a break.
387
00:23:01,373 --> 00:23:03,125
- No. He is.
- How could he...
388
00:23:03,333 --> 00:23:05,335
...get around the world
in a night?
389
00:23:05,585 --> 00:23:07,212
- Finland Airlines.
- Correct.
390
00:23:07,462 --> 00:23:09,589
And how could reindeer fly?
391
00:23:09,798 --> 00:23:10,966
Freight.
392
00:23:11,216 --> 00:23:15,303
And how come Rudolph's nose glows?
What is he, radioactive?
393
00:23:15,887 --> 00:23:18,974
Well, how come your
grandfather's nose glows?
394
00:23:20,392 --> 00:23:22,728
I have the answer to this question.
395
00:23:23,562 --> 00:23:26,189
Some things in life are magic.
396
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,608
Santa is magic.
397
00:23:31,153 --> 00:23:32,529
Magic's for babies.
398
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,910
Honey, nice try.
399
00:24:20,077 --> 00:24:21,328
Can I play?
400
00:24:21,578 --> 00:24:24,790
- With me?
- Let's get busy.
401
00:25:07,624 --> 00:25:09,126
New York Centre.
402
00:25:09,376 --> 00:25:13,630
New York Centre,
Fox Juliet,
flight level 4-1-0. Roger.
403
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,966
- Knock, knock.
- Hi.
404
00:25:22,889 --> 00:25:24,307
How's the meeting?
405
00:25:24,975 --> 00:25:28,061
We're all posturing, making threats.
Business as usual.
406
00:25:28,311 --> 00:25:30,188
Zero-5-8. Roger.
407
00:25:30,439 --> 00:25:32,941
We'll have to work
through this weekend.
408
00:25:33,191 --> 00:25:35,569
Do you mind staying in Boston
a couple of days?
409
00:25:35,861 --> 00:25:37,029
No.
410
00:25:37,279 --> 00:25:38,530
I'll buy you dinner.
411
00:25:38,780 --> 00:25:41,033
You don't have to. It's my job.
412
00:25:41,283 --> 00:25:43,285
So you'll keep me feeling guilty.
413
00:25:43,493 --> 00:25:46,955
Okay, but nothing fancy.
Just a paper napkin place.
414
00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:50,917
Okay. Just don't sound
too thrilled about it, will you?
415
00:25:53,045 --> 00:25:54,963
It's not that.
416
00:25:57,215 --> 00:25:59,217
I was just thinking about Mikey.
417
00:25:59,468 --> 00:26:01,136
- He's upset and...
- Why?
418
00:26:02,888 --> 00:26:04,890
Mollie's gonna hate me for this...
419
00:26:05,140 --> 00:26:07,976
...but I think we're looking
at the D word.
420
00:26:08,226 --> 00:26:09,311
Divorce?
421
00:26:11,438 --> 00:26:12,898
No.
422
00:26:13,148 --> 00:26:14,566
Dog.
423
00:26:18,278 --> 00:26:20,530
Watch it, pussy. I'm walking here.
424
00:26:20,781 --> 00:26:23,367
Cats. Can't live with them,
can't eat them.
425
00:26:23,617 --> 00:26:25,327
They're ruining this city.
426
00:26:25,577 --> 00:26:30,040
Look at those. Extra crunchy.
Wrap them up, I'll take them to go.
427
00:26:30,290 --> 00:26:33,543
Step on me, lady,
you get a nose in the crotch.
428
00:26:35,587 --> 00:26:36,797
Hey, pal.
429
00:26:37,255 --> 00:26:39,257
This was sitting on a park bench.
430
00:26:39,508 --> 00:26:41,885
Next to some guy who was eating it.
431
00:26:42,135 --> 00:26:45,764
Catch you later. I got a date
with a cute Pekingese on Park Avenue.
432
00:26:46,139 --> 00:26:49,226
Face like a Mack truck,
but what a body.
433
00:26:49,476 --> 00:26:52,104
What can I say? I'm a hound.
434
00:26:52,312 --> 00:26:55,190
Gotcha. Come on now, boy.
No trouble.
435
00:26:55,399 --> 00:26:58,276
Okay, I didn't mean
to steal that Frisbee.
436
00:26:58,527 --> 00:27:01,530
I thought two calzones were mating!
437
00:27:01,780 --> 00:27:03,031
Lousy dog cop!
438
00:27:05,867 --> 00:27:10,247
Hey, liver. Jeez, I could
get used to this.
439
00:27:10,622 --> 00:27:12,999
You got liver? Hey, fellas!
440
00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:14,710
Spot here got liver.
441
00:27:15,043 --> 00:27:17,129
- He got liver?
- That's a shame.
442
00:27:17,337 --> 00:27:19,840
Already? That's a crock.
443
00:27:20,048 --> 00:27:22,968
- What's wrong with liver?
- That's your last meal, amigo.
444
00:27:23,218 --> 00:27:24,636
Then it's a big nap.
445
00:27:24,886 --> 00:27:26,179
What did I do?
446
00:27:26,430 --> 00:27:28,014
What did any of us do?
447
00:27:28,265 --> 00:27:29,349
I bit a cop.
448
00:27:29,599 --> 00:27:31,476
I got to talk to someone.
449
00:27:31,977 --> 00:27:34,104
Too late. Here comes Dave.
450
00:27:44,114 --> 00:27:46,783
Come on. Can't we work out
some kind of deal?
451
00:27:47,034 --> 00:27:49,453
I got bones buried everywhere.
I'll share them!
452
00:27:49,661 --> 00:27:53,415
- Hey, Dave. You big dumb clod!
- Hey, ugly!
453
00:27:53,623 --> 00:27:55,625
You can't even pee right.
454
00:27:55,876 --> 00:27:57,794
Can I take a dump in your hat?
455
00:27:59,337 --> 00:28:01,757
Sorry, fella. It's time to go.
456
00:28:01,965 --> 00:28:03,842
Don't let him see your fear.
457
00:28:04,092 --> 00:28:06,428
Don't give him the satisfaction.
458
00:28:06,678 --> 00:28:09,056
- Kill Dave!
- Kill Dave!
459
00:28:15,187 --> 00:28:18,065
- What are we doing?
- We're going underwear shopping.
460
00:28:18,315 --> 00:28:20,233
- I don't like underwear.
- You love it.
461
00:28:20,484 --> 00:28:22,611
- I hate them.
- You love them.
462
00:28:23,737 --> 00:28:25,655
Look alive, guys! We got masters!
463
00:28:28,742 --> 00:28:30,327
Go ahead.
464
00:28:34,414 --> 00:28:36,792
I'm neutered.
I've humped my last leg.
465
00:28:37,042 --> 00:28:39,711
I will follow orders!
466
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:44,341
Yo, I can help you meet chicks.
I got this Lassie thing down.
467
00:28:44,591 --> 00:28:46,802
You can call me Spot or Measles.
468
00:28:47,594 --> 00:28:49,304
Hey, kid!
469
00:28:50,180 --> 00:28:52,599
I do everything. Tricks! Roll over!
470
00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:54,351
What about this guy?
471
00:28:54,601 --> 00:28:56,645
Not a boy. I hate boys.
472
00:28:56,895 --> 00:28:58,605
He looks pretty cool.
473
00:28:58,855 --> 00:29:02,234
- He looks like a hot dog with ears.
- I resent that!
474
00:29:03,902 --> 00:29:06,822
Here's the thing.
I got puppies out there.
475
00:29:07,030 --> 00:29:09,366
Maybe. I don't know.
I've been around.
476
00:29:09,616 --> 00:29:12,244
You know how it is. Give me a break.
477
00:29:12,494 --> 00:29:14,788
I promise I'll go straight.
478
00:29:15,038 --> 00:29:18,500
I'll even help out some blind guy
with a pencil cup.
479
00:29:19,167 --> 00:29:22,045
I know that smell. Cookies and dirt.
480
00:29:23,296 --> 00:29:25,382
- That's my kid!
- I said, let's move it.
481
00:29:25,590 --> 00:29:26,758
Move on this.
482
00:29:28,135 --> 00:29:30,679
Kid! You know me, don't you?
483
00:29:30,929 --> 00:29:32,556
Get me out of here!
484
00:29:33,974 --> 00:29:35,600
Him, Daddy. I want him.
485
00:29:35,851 --> 00:29:38,103
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
486
00:29:40,856 --> 00:29:42,899
You want him?
487
00:29:43,734 --> 00:29:44,818
Here you go.
488
00:29:45,027 --> 00:29:49,197
- We'll take him.
- This one's scheduled to be destroyed.
489
00:29:49,448 --> 00:29:52,367
What? No way.
Take me, I'm yours!
490
00:29:54,202 --> 00:29:56,288
- Well, he's been reprieved.
- Yes!
491
00:29:57,914 --> 00:30:00,208
Okay, here we go.
492
00:30:02,502 --> 00:30:04,588
- What are you gonna name him?
- Rocks.
493
00:30:04,838 --> 00:30:06,715
Rocks? How come Rocks?
494
00:30:06,965 --> 00:30:09,426
Because that's what he left
in the back seat.
495
00:30:09,676 --> 00:30:11,595
Sorry about that.
496
00:30:11,845 --> 00:30:13,555
Oh, man!
497
00:30:14,890 --> 00:30:17,059
Here we are. This is where we live.
498
00:30:17,976 --> 00:30:19,728
Warm. Dry. No puddles.
499
00:30:19,936 --> 00:30:23,982
Wait a minute. Nice cushy thing
to sleep on. A little lumpy.
500
00:30:24,191 --> 00:30:26,068
Maybe I'll just dig out the middle.
501
00:30:26,443 --> 00:30:28,153
Honey, is that you?
502
00:30:35,202 --> 00:30:36,453
Hello, James.
503
00:30:36,953 --> 00:30:38,789
What's going on?
504
00:30:39,039 --> 00:30:42,167
Samantha has brought us
a big surprise.
505
00:30:42,417 --> 00:30:44,252
Really for Mikey and Julie.
506
00:30:48,131 --> 00:30:50,258
What a tiny kennel.
507
00:30:50,467 --> 00:30:52,636
I've seen enough.
Bring the car around.
508
00:30:54,179 --> 00:30:55,305
Her name is Daphne.
509
00:30:55,555 --> 00:30:59,267
She's purebred and trained
at the Radcliffe of obedience schools.
510
00:31:00,018 --> 00:31:02,145
Radcliffe, wow.
511
00:31:02,979 --> 00:31:04,356
Daphne, sit.
512
00:31:05,148 --> 00:31:06,233
Voilà .
513
00:31:06,608 --> 00:31:09,820
- Aerobics.
- But where's my personal trainer?
514
00:31:14,116 --> 00:31:15,909
Isn't she a wonderful dog?
515
00:31:16,368 --> 00:31:18,870
I'll have my manicure now, please.
516
00:31:19,121 --> 00:31:21,331
- But I like Rocks bet...
- A dog!
517
00:31:21,581 --> 00:31:23,166
A dog!
518
00:31:23,375 --> 00:31:25,502
Mikey, wow. Finally, a dog.
519
00:31:25,794 --> 00:31:27,921
Play with your rocks later.
520
00:31:28,505 --> 00:31:30,632
But as I was just saying
to Samantha...
521
00:31:30,882 --> 00:31:35,095
...we wouldn't dream of taking
her precious baby away from her.
522
00:31:35,345 --> 00:31:37,597
And as I was telling Mollie...
523
00:31:37,848 --> 00:31:40,142
...we're travelling so much...
524
00:31:40,392 --> 00:31:43,729
...she doesn't get enough attention.
- I think it's a great idea.
525
00:31:44,062 --> 00:31:45,731
Good.
526
00:31:47,899 --> 00:31:50,068
Radcliffe, honey. Radcliffe.
527
00:31:53,113 --> 00:31:55,365
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
528
00:31:55,615 --> 00:31:58,577
Bye-bye? You can't leave me
with these people.
529
00:31:58,827 --> 00:32:02,831
They haven't been properly trained,
or groomed, or...
530
00:32:03,081 --> 00:32:05,125
I'm getting a migraine.
531
00:32:05,542 --> 00:32:07,210
Goodbye, Mollie.
532
00:32:08,128 --> 00:32:10,380
I'll be sending over her things.
533
00:32:10,630 --> 00:32:13,050
- See you later, James.
- Thank you. Bye-bye.
534
00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:15,677
Things? A dog has things?
535
00:32:15,927 --> 00:32:17,220
She's just being nice.
536
00:32:17,429 --> 00:32:20,474
The nerve! Coming in
and treating us like a kennel.
537
00:32:20,724 --> 00:32:24,519
She dumps this dog on this family
without even consulting me?
538
00:32:25,645 --> 00:32:27,064
Look what we got, Mom.
539
00:32:27,314 --> 00:32:29,941
His name's Rocks.
540
00:32:31,401 --> 00:32:34,905
Den. Don't even think
about loving on me, pal.
541
00:32:37,616 --> 00:32:39,242
We already talked about this.
542
00:32:39,493 --> 00:32:43,497
Yes, we talked but we didn't decide.
Now we have two dogs.
543
00:32:43,747 --> 00:32:45,957
If I take Rocks back,
he'll be put to sleep.
544
00:32:46,208 --> 00:32:47,626
Take...
What's her name?
545
00:32:47,876 --> 00:32:50,462
- Daphne.
- Take Daphne back to Princess Di.
546
00:32:50,712 --> 00:32:55,175
I can't insult Samantha.
This is the best job I've ever had.
547
00:32:55,425 --> 00:32:59,471
This is your responsibility. You
brought these dogs here, you fix it.
548
00:32:59,721 --> 00:33:02,057
Or I will fix you.
549
00:33:04,559 --> 00:33:05,602
All right.
550
00:33:05,852 --> 00:33:08,146
This is my chair, this is my cup...
551
00:33:08,397 --> 00:33:11,191
...and this is my stinky
brother, Mikey.
552
00:33:11,525 --> 00:33:12,984
Schwing!
553
00:33:13,527 --> 00:33:15,237
Hello, baby!
554
00:33:15,487 --> 00:33:19,241
Oh, my! What a set of paws.
555
00:33:19,449 --> 00:33:22,369
Powder Puff, how about we nose
through the garbage?
556
00:33:22,577 --> 00:33:26,123
- What cat dragged you in?
- The kid sprung me from the joint.
557
00:33:26,331 --> 00:33:29,084
I don't associate with mutts.
I've got papers.
558
00:33:29,459 --> 00:33:32,879
I been hit by those.
Hurts like hell, huh, Daffy?
559
00:33:33,088 --> 00:33:35,841
It's Daphne, you tick magnet.
560
00:33:36,049 --> 00:33:38,176
Jeez! Like you never sniffed a butt.
561
00:33:38,385 --> 00:33:40,762
Why don't we keep them both for now.
562
00:33:41,012 --> 00:33:42,848
The one that works out, stays.
563
00:33:43,098 --> 00:33:45,976
The one that doesn't,
we find another home for.
564
00:33:46,226 --> 00:33:49,855
- I don't know about that.
- Come on. Look how happy they are.
565
00:33:50,105 --> 00:33:53,066
Wasn't there ever anything
you really wanted?
566
00:33:57,404 --> 00:33:58,780
I'll never have breasts!
567
00:33:58,989 --> 00:34:00,741
Oh, honey.
568
00:34:03,243 --> 00:34:07,330
Okay. But the one that
we choose not to keep goes.
569
00:34:07,581 --> 00:34:08,623
- Goes.
- Goes.
570
00:34:08,832 --> 00:34:10,459
- Goes.
- Swear.
571
00:34:11,543 --> 00:34:14,671
Don't. I don't want you
to love me yet. Not yet!
572
00:34:15,297 --> 00:34:18,175
I'm telling you.
You're not in the clear, buddy.
573
00:34:18,842 --> 00:34:21,011
Look! They like each other.
574
00:34:21,261 --> 00:34:23,388
- Mongrel.
- Bitch.
575
00:34:23,638 --> 00:34:26,141
Look, honey, they like each other.
576
00:34:56,129 --> 00:34:58,256
I don't need a bath.
I just lick down there.
577
00:34:58,507 --> 00:35:01,176
Trust me.
I smell worse wet than I do dry.
578
00:35:01,426 --> 00:35:05,430
- Cut it out! I'm warning you.
- Quick, Mike, grab his tail.
579
00:35:09,643 --> 00:35:11,687
What, no bubbles?
580
00:35:11,937 --> 00:35:14,523
And I see there's no slice of lemon.
581
00:35:14,773 --> 00:35:16,733
- Drink it.
- Take it away!
582
00:35:16,942 --> 00:35:21,279
I don't know why they put my dish
up so high, but they serve good food.
583
00:35:21,530 --> 00:35:23,573
Look at this cut of meat.
584
00:35:24,366 --> 00:35:27,411
Here we go. Gonna play
"chase the meat" again.
585
00:35:27,619 --> 00:35:30,163
Eating and running
are my two favourite things.
586
00:35:30,414 --> 00:35:34,292
I'm gonna eat this meat
and save you the fat, big boy.
587
00:35:34,543 --> 00:35:36,712
Bad dog! Stop!
588
00:35:37,379 --> 00:35:40,340
I'm frizzing.
Brush while you blow, please.
589
00:35:40,549 --> 00:35:43,885
Look at your hair. I can't believe
I trust you with mine.
590
00:35:46,430 --> 00:35:48,473
What's this guy doing here?
591
00:35:48,724 --> 00:35:52,310
Gonna get some treats from
the cabinet? Get some for me too.
592
00:35:53,020 --> 00:35:54,813
Hit the clicker!
593
00:35:55,022 --> 00:35:57,858
- Daphne, sit.
- Oh, no, it's way back like this.
594
00:35:58,066 --> 00:35:59,109
Daphne, beg up.
595
00:35:59,317 --> 00:36:01,236
- Start with one hand.
- Two hands.
596
00:36:01,486 --> 00:36:02,612
If you insist.
597
00:36:02,821 --> 00:36:04,990
Rocks, roll over.
598
00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:08,702
Roll over, like this.
599
00:36:12,289 --> 00:36:14,332
You guys are total entertainment.
600
00:36:14,541 --> 00:36:17,044
It's better than chasing hubcaps.
Do it again.
601
00:36:17,252 --> 00:36:18,628
- Julie, paw.
- Daphne, paw.
602
00:36:18,879 --> 00:36:20,172
- Good girl.
- Good girl.
603
00:36:20,380 --> 00:36:22,924
You're getting so much better.
604
00:36:23,508 --> 00:36:25,761
- No!
- What?
605
00:36:25,969 --> 00:36:27,512
No!
606
00:36:27,763 --> 00:36:28,889
What?
607
00:36:30,223 --> 00:36:32,601
- No!
- What?
608
00:36:37,773 --> 00:36:39,900
Get that skinny man out my spaghetti.
609
00:36:40,150 --> 00:36:42,944
- Someone's playing with their food.
- No, no!
610
00:36:43,195 --> 00:36:46,239
Kid, shoot one of them round,
meaty things my way.
611
00:36:46,448 --> 00:36:47,949
Begging is so gauche.
612
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,327
Come on, come through for me,
will you?
613
00:36:50,577 --> 00:36:53,413
Come on, come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
614
00:36:53,622 --> 00:36:55,165
Yes, he scores!
615
00:36:55,624 --> 00:36:57,584
Hey! He threw a meatball!
616
00:36:57,793 --> 00:36:59,711
- Squealer.
- Spaghetti face!
617
00:37:02,964 --> 00:37:06,051
What is that?
Ice cream headache! Pain! Pain!
618
00:37:06,259 --> 00:37:07,928
Sorry, guys.
619
00:37:10,597 --> 00:37:12,099
Chicago.
620
00:37:16,645 --> 00:37:18,772
You kids behave yourselves.
621
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:21,608
My poor nerves.
622
00:37:21,942 --> 00:37:26,029
- Little high-strung, aren't we, Daffy?
- I'm just sensitive.
623
00:37:26,363 --> 00:37:28,699
You've got that skeevy inbred look.
624
00:37:28,949 --> 00:37:31,410
Mom knew her cousin
a little too well, huh?
625
00:37:31,660 --> 00:37:33,954
Better than your mother
knew your father.
626
00:37:34,162 --> 00:37:35,497
Put a sock in it.
627
00:37:35,747 --> 00:37:38,375
I hope you won't be gone very long.
628
00:37:42,754 --> 00:37:47,092
Hey, time for my walk, remember?
I'm getting kind of squirmy here.
629
00:37:49,636 --> 00:37:53,598
Okay, you guys are busy.
I'll go right here, no problem.
630
00:37:55,976 --> 00:37:57,894
- No!
- What is he doing?
631
00:38:00,772 --> 00:38:01,815
Bad dog.
632
00:38:02,024 --> 00:38:04,026
Right hand, green.
633
00:38:05,235 --> 00:38:09,781
Unbelievably, incredibly,
endlessly bad dog!
634
00:38:09,990 --> 00:38:13,118
I just marked that spot.
I'll do it again tomorrow.
635
00:38:35,182 --> 00:38:36,808
- Hello?
- Hi, honey.
636
00:38:37,059 --> 00:38:39,811
- How are you?
- This has been a week of hell.
637
00:38:40,062 --> 00:38:42,522
- Is it Daphne?
- No, it's not Daphne.
638
00:38:42,773 --> 00:38:45,567
It's that other moron, Rocks.
He pees all over...
639
00:38:45,817 --> 00:38:50,447
- He'll grow out of that.
- All right, he also is a shoe gourmet.
640
00:38:50,655 --> 00:38:53,533
He only eats Charles Jourdan,
never my tennis shoes.
641
00:39:07,422 --> 00:39:08,965
Daddy.
642
00:39:11,885 --> 00:39:16,390
I'm sorry. I wish I could be there.
I feel like I can train him.
643
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,559
Doctor Dolittle couldn't train
this dog.
644
00:39:19,810 --> 00:39:23,897
So, what do you think, hon?
We should find him a new home?
645
00:39:25,816 --> 00:39:29,069
- Oh, man! You win again!
- But of course.
646
00:39:30,445 --> 00:39:32,698
No. I'll give him one more chance.
647
00:39:32,906 --> 00:39:36,326
Great. If he chews anything else...
648
00:39:36,535 --> 00:39:39,079
...he's gone. Okay?
- Okay.
649
00:39:41,581 --> 00:39:44,292
I miss you. I'm excited about
seeing you tonight.
650
00:39:44,501 --> 00:39:45,877
That's why I'm calling.
651
00:39:46,086 --> 00:39:48,088
We're going to France tonight.
652
00:39:48,547 --> 00:39:51,216
France? James...
653
00:39:51,466 --> 00:39:54,261
...you've already been gone
for two whole weeks.
654
00:39:54,469 --> 00:39:56,388
I've gotta go board now.
655
00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:58,932
All right. I'll tell the kids.
656
00:40:00,809 --> 00:40:02,477
Come say bye to Daddy.
657
00:40:06,648 --> 00:40:08,984
Honey! What were you doing?
658
00:40:09,234 --> 00:40:10,277
Flying.
659
00:40:10,485 --> 00:40:12,904
Flying? Honey, you can't fly.
660
00:40:13,155 --> 00:40:15,615
But those people can.
661
00:40:16,616 --> 00:40:21,705
That is make-believe, honey. Remember
when we talked about make-believe?
662
00:40:21,955 --> 00:40:25,667
The basketball man isn't make-believe
and they can fly.
663
00:40:25,876 --> 00:40:28,628
Do you like them
because you think they can fly?
664
00:40:30,005 --> 00:40:33,216
They can't fly, either.
But they can jump really high.
665
00:40:33,425 --> 00:40:34,801
Daddy flies.
666
00:40:35,010 --> 00:40:38,972
He does fly.
But, honey, he flies in an aeroplane.
667
00:40:39,181 --> 00:40:41,892
Daddy doesn't fly... Daddy.
668
00:40:43,727 --> 00:40:45,020
James?
669
00:40:45,479 --> 00:40:47,939
James. Honey?
670
00:40:59,868 --> 00:41:01,828
Rocks!
671
00:41:02,204 --> 00:41:05,082
- I like yours.
- Yeah, it's so cute.
672
00:41:05,332 --> 00:41:06,958
Where's your collage?
673
00:41:07,209 --> 00:41:10,504
- Didn't do it.
- Miss Craig is gonna slime you.
674
00:41:10,754 --> 00:41:12,798
- Big deal.
- Excuse me, ladies.
675
00:41:13,048 --> 00:41:15,509
Why didn't you do your assignment?
676
00:41:15,759 --> 00:41:20,722
It's stupid. We had to make a collage
of things we asked Santa for.
677
00:41:20,972 --> 00:41:22,391
But there is no...
678
00:41:22,641 --> 00:41:25,686
Don't say that in front of Julie
or anyone in class.
679
00:41:25,936 --> 00:41:28,605
You don't want to upset
everybody, do you?
680
00:41:29,106 --> 00:41:30,816
- It's the truth.
- What is?
681
00:41:31,066 --> 00:41:34,653
Nothing, honey.
Mike, please, just do me this favour.
682
00:41:34,903 --> 00:41:37,155
Don't say anything to anybody.
683
00:41:37,656 --> 00:41:39,908
- Okay.
- All right! Bash Brothers!
684
00:41:40,117 --> 00:41:42,828
- All right! We are Bash! We...
- Mom. Mom!
685
00:41:43,078 --> 00:41:44,287
You're a girl.
686
00:41:45,455 --> 00:41:47,874
Sorry. He'll be back soon.
687
00:42:10,731 --> 00:42:13,483
- Did he win at the dog races?
- Ma.
688
00:42:13,734 --> 00:42:16,069
Where'd he get the jacket? He looks...
689
00:42:16,319 --> 00:42:19,072
- Hot. The word's "hot."
- Hot. Hot.
690
00:42:24,661 --> 00:42:29,624
Excuse me. This is a special evening.
I'd like a bottle of Cristal.
691
00:42:30,333 --> 00:42:32,127
And this is for the table.
692
00:42:32,335 --> 00:42:34,129
He's picked up a few things.
693
00:42:38,341 --> 00:42:39,259
What?
694
00:42:39,468 --> 00:42:42,804
Six months in Miami, I return
to the
The Twilight Zone.
695
00:42:44,931 --> 00:42:46,808
You've had faith in me
all these years.
696
00:42:47,017 --> 00:42:49,895
What better way to show my thanks
to my mother-in-law...
697
00:42:50,103 --> 00:42:53,565
...than to...
- Rub her nose in it. I get it.
698
00:42:53,774 --> 00:42:56,735
You made good. I'm impressed.
Okay?
699
00:42:57,486 --> 00:42:58,528
Okay. Thank you.
700
00:43:05,744 --> 00:43:07,662
Gentlemen, would you excuse me?
701
00:43:09,164 --> 00:43:10,457
There's Samantha!
702
00:43:10,665 --> 00:43:12,084
- Great.
- What?
703
00:43:12,334 --> 00:43:15,629
I feel so schlumpy around her.
Do I have dog hair on me?
704
00:43:15,879 --> 00:43:17,297
Hello, James.
705
00:43:17,547 --> 00:43:20,175
This is my mother-in-law.
Rosie, Samantha.
706
00:43:20,384 --> 00:43:22,761
- How do you do?
- Hello.
707
00:43:22,969 --> 00:43:26,640
- And you know my wife, Mollie.
- Yes, of course, Mollie.
708
00:43:26,890 --> 00:43:29,851
- Nice to see you again.
- Did you ever find a job?
709
00:43:31,895 --> 00:43:34,272
I'm starving. Let's order.
710
00:43:34,481 --> 00:43:35,649
Do try the duck.
711
00:43:35,899 --> 00:43:39,152
Samantha ought to know.
She recommended the place.
712
00:43:39,528 --> 00:43:40,445
You did?
713
00:43:41,321 --> 00:43:44,157
How else would we get
into a place like this?
714
00:43:46,284 --> 00:43:47,661
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
715
00:43:47,869 --> 00:43:50,414
Have a lovely, lovely evening.
716
00:43:50,664 --> 00:43:52,416
Nice jacket.
717
00:43:52,666 --> 00:43:56,253
She's teasing me.
She bought this jacket for me.
718
00:43:57,379 --> 00:43:58,755
She bought it for you?
719
00:43:59,047 --> 00:44:01,508
We were in France,
at a fancy restaurant.
720
00:44:01,717 --> 00:44:06,471
I couldn't wear my uniform, so she had
her driver buy me this jacket.
721
00:44:08,306 --> 00:44:09,808
Of course.
722
00:44:11,018 --> 00:44:13,979
Gosh, she forgot her pocketbook.
Hey, Samantha!
723
00:44:16,857 --> 00:44:19,943
Is it just me, or was she...
724
00:44:20,193 --> 00:44:22,320
I wanted to slap her teeth out.
725
00:44:22,529 --> 00:44:23,822
It's obvious, isn't it?
726
00:44:24,072 --> 00:44:26,950
She practically offered him
Taster's Choice.
727
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:28,618
I don't know what to do.
728
00:44:29,036 --> 00:44:31,538
I know people.
We could have her audited.
729
00:44:32,289 --> 00:44:35,042
That is not a good idea.
It's my fault anyway.
730
00:44:35,292 --> 00:44:38,795
I pushed him to make him exactly
what I wanted him to be.
731
00:44:39,046 --> 00:44:40,964
And now he is. I hate it.
732
00:44:41,173 --> 00:44:43,091
He's a keeper. Talk to him.
733
00:44:43,550 --> 00:44:44,968
I know it.
734
00:44:45,677 --> 00:44:46,720
Can you excuse me?
735
00:44:46,928 --> 00:44:49,848
Good. Make a scene.
Here, throw this in her face.
736
00:44:50,057 --> 00:44:52,976
Ma, I am just gonna call the sitter.
737
00:44:58,231 --> 00:44:59,274
Hello?
738
00:45:00,484 --> 00:45:02,569
Yeah, everything's cool.
739
00:45:02,819 --> 00:45:04,446
All right, bye.
740
00:45:07,824 --> 00:45:09,493
You hooligans.
741
00:45:09,701 --> 00:45:11,995
Well, what do you do for fun? Shed?
742
00:45:12,245 --> 00:45:15,499
At least I don't have vermin
building condos in my fur.
743
00:45:15,707 --> 00:45:19,836
At this rate, you won't have fur.
That kid's giving you a bald spot.
744
00:45:20,045 --> 00:45:23,465
My mistress is kind.
Your child is demon spawn.
745
00:45:23,673 --> 00:45:25,175
"Your child is demon spawn."
746
00:45:25,384 --> 00:45:28,678
Quit brushing her.
She already looks like a Q-tip.
747
00:45:28,887 --> 00:45:30,764
Your dog smells like a diaper.
748
00:45:30,972 --> 00:45:33,225
- Does not.
- Diaper dog! Diaper dog!
749
00:45:33,433 --> 00:45:34,893
Q-tip-head dog.
750
00:45:35,102 --> 00:45:36,186
Stinky dog!
751
00:45:36,395 --> 00:45:37,813
Bald-butted dog.
752
00:45:42,275 --> 00:45:44,277
I got it! It's mine. No problem.
753
00:45:47,364 --> 00:45:48,573
I'm homeless!
754
00:45:53,036 --> 00:45:54,079
What happened?
755
00:45:54,287 --> 00:45:55,706
You mongrel wretch!
756
00:45:55,914 --> 00:45:59,042
- Get real. It's just a box, Daffy.
- Daphne!
757
00:45:59,251 --> 00:46:00,585
Come on. I'm sorry.
758
00:46:00,836 --> 00:46:03,964
- Look, I can fix it.
- I never want to see you again!
759
00:46:04,172 --> 00:46:05,757
It'll be tough. I live here.
760
00:46:06,007 --> 00:46:08,552
We'll just see about that!
761
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:09,845
Let's see.
762
00:46:10,095 --> 00:46:15,142
She yells the most
when he gets the ones in boxes.
763
00:46:16,184 --> 00:46:18,478
What does he see
in these smelly things?
764
00:46:18,687 --> 00:46:23,442
Courage, Daphne, courage.
You'll be rid of him soon.
765
00:46:23,650 --> 00:46:28,363
You think there's nothing weird about
buying someone dinner and clothing?
766
00:46:28,572 --> 00:46:31,825
If a guy asks me to Le Cirque
and buys me a teddy, it's okay?
767
00:46:32,075 --> 00:46:35,370
A jacket's not a teddy.
This is a teddy.
768
00:46:36,288 --> 00:46:40,000
I'm trying not to be a shrew
and scream and hate her guts.
769
00:46:40,250 --> 00:46:44,171
Although I wouldn't mind seeing
her decomposing body by the river.
770
00:46:44,421 --> 00:46:46,965
You don't have to socialize with her.
771
00:46:47,215 --> 00:46:49,384
Just keep your eyes on the road...
772
00:46:49,634 --> 00:46:52,721
...or the sky or whatever you keep
your eyes on.
773
00:46:52,971 --> 00:46:55,849
Answer me this:
Why is it that I can trust you...
774
00:46:56,099 --> 00:46:59,353
...when you had an affair
with a married client?
775
00:46:59,561 --> 00:47:02,689
That was 8 billion years ago!
I never see him.
776
00:47:02,939 --> 00:47:06,485
How do I know that? I can only trust.
I have faith in you.
777
00:47:06,693 --> 00:47:09,613
You don't have much faith
if you keep bringing it up.
778
00:47:09,821 --> 00:47:14,785
I don't keep on bringing...
Oh, honey, listen to us.
779
00:47:14,993 --> 00:47:17,079
After six years, we're still jealous.
780
00:47:17,287 --> 00:47:19,790
- Isn't that good?
- I don't know.
781
00:47:20,582 --> 00:47:24,211
It's you I like. It's not Samantha.
782
00:47:24,461 --> 00:47:25,962
I like you.
783
00:47:26,213 --> 00:47:29,383
Honey, I'm crazy about you.
I love you so much.
784
00:47:29,633 --> 00:47:33,762
Watch out for her. She's real flirty.
I know about girls like that.
785
00:47:34,012 --> 00:47:35,430
I was one.
786
00:47:36,098 --> 00:47:38,642
- Okay. I promise.
- Okay.
787
00:47:42,979 --> 00:47:43,897
He did it!
788
00:47:44,147 --> 00:47:46,233
Mom, it was her fault.
789
00:47:47,609 --> 00:47:48,777
I'll put them to bed.
790
00:47:49,027 --> 00:47:52,531
Honey, don't ruin it.
Don't ruin the moment.
791
00:47:58,578 --> 00:48:00,706
- I don't want to go.
- You have to go.
792
00:48:00,956 --> 00:48:04,209
- But you don't trust me.
- I do. I do trust you.
793
00:48:05,836 --> 00:48:07,754
I don't trust her.
794
00:48:10,465 --> 00:48:12,384
You two, come on.
795
00:50:05,372 --> 00:50:06,331
Hi, honey.
796
00:50:06,540 --> 00:50:08,291
- Where are you?
- I'm in London.
797
00:50:08,583 --> 00:50:10,502
I'm in San Francisco, honey.
798
00:50:10,711 --> 00:50:12,254
I'm in Reno.
799
00:50:14,214 --> 00:50:15,716
We're in Dallas.
800
00:50:15,966 --> 00:50:19,428
What do you mean I'm being audited?
It's not even tax season!
801
00:50:40,991 --> 00:50:42,909
Mom? Where's Dad?
802
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,786
He'll be home soon.
803
00:50:45,620 --> 00:50:48,331
Will he be here for Christmas?
804
00:50:48,915 --> 00:50:52,544
Your dad wouldn't miss Christmas
for all the stars in the sky.
805
00:50:52,794 --> 00:50:54,588
What about the moon?
806
00:50:56,673 --> 00:50:58,341
The moon too.
807
00:50:59,634 --> 00:51:00,677
Bedtime.
808
00:51:00,927 --> 00:51:02,512
Bedtime.
809
00:51:10,062 --> 00:51:12,731
- I love you.
- I love you too.
810
00:51:20,113 --> 00:51:21,281
Good night.
811
00:52:16,211 --> 00:52:18,630
- She thinks we're in Dallas?
- She bought it.
812
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,716
- Dumb cow!
- Dumb cow!
813
00:52:35,397 --> 00:52:39,067
And what do you want
for Christmas, little boy?
814
00:52:43,030 --> 00:52:45,240
Well, Mollie...
815
00:52:45,490 --> 00:52:48,535
...I never asked you what you want
for Christmas.
816
00:52:49,327 --> 00:52:54,458
Santa, I can't think of any present
I'd rather have than you.
817
00:52:57,753 --> 00:52:59,129
Oh, Albert!
818
00:53:01,882 --> 00:53:04,926
Come here, you studmuffin!
819
00:53:39,419 --> 00:53:42,464
Honey, what are we doing?
820
00:53:42,964 --> 00:53:46,676
I don't know. This isn't us.
We'd never do this.
821
00:53:46,927 --> 00:53:48,762
Do you think we're dreaming?
822
00:53:49,012 --> 00:53:52,057
I think it's one
where you know you're dreaming.
823
00:53:57,312 --> 00:54:00,899
Excuse me,
but we were having an affair.
824
00:54:02,025 --> 00:54:05,612
Does this mean we can do
whatever we want to do in the dream?
825
00:54:06,530 --> 00:54:08,657
Excuse me.
826
00:54:20,043 --> 00:54:22,713
You see that?
I told you they weren't real.
827
00:54:28,844 --> 00:54:31,680
Honey, you know I can't dance.
828
00:54:31,888 --> 00:54:34,307
You can dance. This is our dream.
829
00:55:44,336 --> 00:55:46,380
Oh, James.
830
00:55:46,630 --> 00:55:49,591
Ex cuse me. Mistress?
Please wake up.
831
00:55:49,841 --> 00:55:53,428
I need to be walked quite badly
as a matter of fact.
832
00:55:53,679 --> 00:55:56,139
Oh, well, I'm a lady. I can hold it.
833
00:55:56,348 --> 00:55:59,685
No, I can't, I'm desperate!
Oh, God, she's in a coma.
834
00:55:59,893 --> 00:56:01,228
Please wake up!
835
00:56:01,436 --> 00:56:05,565
I can't have an accident like
a common mutt. It's too demeaning.
836
00:56:05,816 --> 00:56:09,152
Baby, you are so jumpy.
Let her alone. She looks happy.
837
00:56:09,361 --> 00:56:11,071
Well, what am I supposed to do?
838
00:56:11,780 --> 00:56:13,532
- I'll take you out.
- But how?
839
00:56:14,032 --> 00:56:15,325
Come on.
840
00:56:16,118 --> 00:56:18,704
But we need a master to open the door.
841
00:56:18,954 --> 00:56:20,330
Want to bet?
842
00:56:22,290 --> 00:56:23,500
How did you do that?
843
00:56:23,750 --> 00:56:25,794
I know things not taught in school.
844
00:56:26,044 --> 00:56:27,963
Ex cuse me. I was valedictorian.
845
00:56:28,213 --> 00:56:29,756
Give it up, kid. Come on!
846
00:56:29,965 --> 00:56:31,174
What about my leash?
847
00:56:31,383 --> 00:56:33,468
You haven't lived
till you try it naked.
848
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:35,429
Don't get fresh!
849
00:56:39,558 --> 00:56:42,060
- How about dinner out?
- I'm not hungry.
850
00:56:42,310 --> 00:56:46,398
You dolls always say that.
Forget your diet. Let's get Italian.
851
00:56:46,648 --> 00:56:49,985
No. I'm so fat these days,
I look like an English sheepdog.
852
00:56:50,193 --> 00:56:51,778
You nuts? You look great.
853
00:56:51,987 --> 00:56:56,074
When I was young, I had one
of those greyhound hardbodies.
854
00:56:56,283 --> 00:56:59,703
- What do you mean? You're a kid.
- Well, I'm pushing 7.
855
00:56:59,911 --> 00:57:02,539
Seven?
You don't look a day over 5.
856
00:57:02,748 --> 00:57:05,959
Do you really think so?
Well, maybe a little Chinese.
857
00:57:06,168 --> 00:57:08,086
I know just the place. Follow me.
858
00:57:10,964 --> 00:57:13,633
Wait until you taste
their moo goo gai pan.
859
00:57:13,884 --> 00:57:15,719
- Great.
- Hope it's on the menu.
860
00:57:15,969 --> 00:57:18,347
But wait. Where are the dog dishes?
861
00:57:18,555 --> 00:57:20,265
We don't need no dog dishes.
862
00:57:20,474 --> 00:57:22,893
- What are you doing?
- Getting us takeout.
863
00:57:23,268 --> 00:57:24,353
How clever.
864
00:57:24,978 --> 00:57:28,231
The green tea ice cream goes great
with lobster sauce.
865
00:57:28,482 --> 00:57:30,400
- Oh, ex cuse me.
- Good, huh?
866
00:57:33,236 --> 00:57:35,739
What do you think
about the world at large?
867
00:57:35,947 --> 00:57:40,619
I must admit, there's a certain
exhilaration to this leash-less state.
868
00:57:40,827 --> 00:57:45,040
When I think about it, Samantha
never let me run free, or petted me...
869
00:57:45,290 --> 00:57:49,586
... or played with me. Actually, I
never liked her. You know what else?
870
00:57:49,795 --> 00:57:54,383
I hate this haircut.
My butt is freezing!
871
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:57,928
Nice butt.
No offense, no offense!
872
00:58:00,931 --> 00:58:03,350
It's getting bright out.
We should get back.
873
00:58:03,558 --> 00:58:06,687
- It's only the shank of the evening.
- We really should.
874
00:58:06,937 --> 00:58:08,980
All right. I know a shortcut.
875
00:58:09,189 --> 00:58:11,441
- Through that?
- Yeah.
876
00:58:11,650 --> 00:58:13,110
Wait a minute. What is it?
877
00:58:13,318 --> 00:58:16,071
Mud. You never seen mud before?
878
00:58:16,279 --> 00:58:19,700
It's mud. When the wet stuff
comes down and hits the dirt.
879
00:58:20,450 --> 00:58:22,661
- Dirt?
- Oh, you have been sheltered.
880
00:58:22,911 --> 00:58:25,747
I won't lie:
It's not the highlight of our evening.
881
00:58:25,956 --> 00:58:28,625
Just gotta grit your teeth
and slog through it.
882
00:58:28,834 --> 00:58:32,963
Oh, no, no, no. There is absolutely
no possible way I could...
883
00:58:34,297 --> 00:58:35,424
Firm...
884
00:58:35,632 --> 00:58:38,468
... yet squishy.
885
00:58:38,802 --> 00:58:40,053
Yeah. I'm sorry.
886
00:58:40,470 --> 00:58:43,015
Sorry? I like it!
887
00:58:43,265 --> 00:58:46,810
The oozy gooey-ness of it. It's so...
888
00:58:47,019 --> 00:58:48,437
... sensual!
889
00:58:48,687 --> 00:58:51,189
- It's glorious!
- It's mud.
890
00:58:51,940 --> 00:58:53,191
- Play with me!
- Now?
891
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,527
Play with me in the mud!
892
00:58:55,736 --> 00:58:57,779
You're a wild thing!
893
00:59:02,284 --> 00:59:04,870
This is totally filthy!
894
00:59:12,252 --> 00:59:15,422
By the way, I never asked you...
What's your name?
895
00:59:15,630 --> 00:59:17,591
Me? They call me "No."
896
00:59:17,799 --> 00:59:22,929
Silly. "No" isn't your name!
That's what they say when you're bad.
897
00:59:23,305 --> 00:59:26,558
No. What's another word they say
all the time to you?
898
00:59:26,850 --> 00:59:28,685
There's that "Rocks" thing.
899
00:59:28,894 --> 00:59:31,396
Rocks! That's it.
That's your name.
900
00:59:31,646 --> 00:59:33,732
You are one smart cookie, you know?
901
00:59:33,940 --> 00:59:35,359
You finally noticed.
902
00:59:35,609 --> 00:59:38,236
Well, be cool.
Here comes the doorman.
903
00:59:43,450 --> 00:59:45,702
Permit me to walk you to your door.
904
00:59:45,952 --> 00:59:47,871
I almost hate for this to end.
905
00:59:48,455 --> 00:59:52,376
Well, Rocks, thank you
for a wonderful evening.
906
00:59:52,584 --> 00:59:54,669
It's so ex citing out there.
907
00:59:55,337 --> 00:59:58,131
But it's nice to have
a warm place to come back to.
908
00:59:58,590 --> 01:00:03,011
Where you don't fight for food,
and people don't throw you into trucks.
909
01:00:03,220 --> 01:00:05,555
- You mean home?
- Is that what this is?
910
01:00:05,764 --> 01:00:07,265
It's our home.
911
01:00:07,808 --> 01:00:09,768
Yeah. Home.
912
01:00:09,976 --> 01:00:12,396
- I like the ring of that.
- No!
913
01:00:13,814 --> 01:00:17,567
Rocks! You have eaten
your last shoe around this house!
914
01:00:17,818 --> 01:00:19,444
- Oh, no.
- What'd I do?
915
01:00:19,695 --> 01:00:22,239
- You are out of here!
- No!
916
01:00:22,489 --> 01:00:25,951
Mike, hold on.
Honey, open the door.
917
01:00:26,326 --> 01:00:29,287
Mike, will you please open the door?
918
01:00:29,496 --> 01:00:31,540
I want Daddy!
919
01:00:35,419 --> 01:00:37,421
Merry Christmas, guys.
920
01:00:37,671 --> 01:00:41,383
Merry Christmas, Tom.
Merry Christmas, Dave.
921
01:00:42,843 --> 01:00:45,095
Merry Christmas, Samantha.
922
01:00:48,223 --> 01:00:50,934
Oh, dear.
This is going to be difficult.
923
01:00:51,184 --> 01:00:54,688
I spoke to Conti. After swearing
he'd keep all our people...
924
01:00:54,896 --> 01:00:57,065
...he now won't go through
with the merger...
925
01:00:57,274 --> 01:00:59,276
...unless I let go of 3000 of them.
926
01:00:59,484 --> 01:01:02,529
You're kidding.
Well, can't you do anything about it?
927
01:01:03,113 --> 01:01:06,783
Well, I have this one chance.
He has this cabin upstate.
928
01:01:06,992 --> 01:01:11,371
He wants me to go there,
plead my case this afternoon.
929
01:01:12,164 --> 01:01:16,043
Oh, Samantha, it's Christmas Eve.
I can't.
930
01:01:16,251 --> 01:01:18,086
I know. Believe me, I know.
931
01:01:18,295 --> 01:01:22,340
If there was any other way,
but, I mean, 3000 people?
932
01:01:24,801 --> 01:01:27,054
Be right back. Ralph!
933
01:01:29,264 --> 01:01:31,433
Ralph, you're current
on the Falcon, right?
934
01:01:31,641 --> 01:01:32,893
No. No way.
935
01:01:33,143 --> 01:01:35,729
- Don, I know you are.
- Christmas Eve, man.
936
01:01:35,937 --> 01:01:38,273
- Bill, I'll give you $500.
- I can't.
937
01:01:38,482 --> 01:01:40,359
- 600.
- Hell, I'll do it.
938
01:01:40,609 --> 01:01:42,110
- 750.
- We're married.
939
01:01:42,319 --> 01:01:45,364
We want to stay that way.
Jerry might do it. He's single.
940
01:01:45,572 --> 01:01:47,657
Too late. He's on the runway.
941
01:01:48,658 --> 01:01:52,079
Jerry! Stop! Jerry, stop!
942
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:01,004
Honey, I'm really sorry.
943
01:02:01,838 --> 01:02:04,841
I did everything I could
to try to get out of this.
944
01:02:05,050 --> 01:02:07,511
My parents will be here
in less than an hour.
945
01:02:07,761 --> 01:02:11,515
I'm still peeling potatoes and
a sock's stuck in the garbage disposal.
946
01:02:11,723 --> 01:02:13,558
I'll take care of it later.
947
01:02:13,767 --> 01:02:17,062
And I'll be there for dinner,
I promise.
948
01:02:17,354 --> 01:02:18,647
Can I talk to Mikey?
949
01:02:18,855 --> 01:02:22,693
Yes. Mike, it's your dad!
950
01:02:28,281 --> 01:02:30,033
- Hello.
- Hey, Mike.
951
01:02:30,575 --> 01:02:34,287
I know that you're not feeling
so good right now, but...
952
01:02:34,496 --> 01:02:35,580
When will you be home?
953
01:02:36,123 --> 01:02:37,874
I'll be home very soon.
954
01:02:38,208 --> 01:02:39,418
I want you now.
955
01:02:39,626 --> 01:02:40,877
I want to be there too.
956
01:02:41,086 --> 01:02:44,798
Hey, do you think Santa would
keep us apart on Christmas Eve?
957
01:02:45,257 --> 01:02:47,676
I mean, no way. Right?
958
01:02:48,635 --> 01:02:50,012
Here's Julie.
959
01:02:52,723 --> 01:02:53,765
Hi, Daddy.
960
01:02:54,141 --> 01:02:56,143
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
961
01:02:56,351 --> 01:02:57,519
- Mary.
- Mary who?
962
01:02:57,728 --> 01:02:59,521
Merry Christmas, Daddy!
963
01:03:04,401 --> 01:03:06,903
- Hi, Rocks.
- How you doing, kid?
964
01:03:08,447 --> 01:03:10,657
I'm sorry.
Mom won't let you in the house.
965
01:03:10,907 --> 01:03:13,744
It's not like I never spent
the night outside before.
966
01:03:15,829 --> 01:03:18,206
Why'd you have to go
and chew on her shoes?
967
01:03:18,415 --> 01:03:21,877
It was me, Rocks. I did it.
968
01:03:22,210 --> 01:03:24,421
- I set you up.
- I know.
969
01:03:25,088 --> 01:03:29,468
But it was before we...
Oh, I'd give anything to take it back.
970
01:03:29,718 --> 01:03:31,928
Mom says you have to go away.
971
01:03:32,179 --> 01:03:36,308
It was only a matter of time.
This home stuff was too good to last.
972
01:03:36,892 --> 01:03:40,062
Mom says someday
I can get another dog.
973
01:03:40,896 --> 01:03:44,733
But I don't want another dog.
You're my dog.
974
01:03:45,734 --> 01:03:49,279
It's okay, kid.
I don't belong here.
975
01:03:49,488 --> 01:03:52,616
You're nice people.
You deserve a classy dog like Daph.
976
01:03:52,866 --> 01:03:54,534
She's got looks, brains.
977
01:03:54,910 --> 01:03:56,953
Brains aren't everything.
978
01:03:58,372 --> 01:04:01,124
I may not be smart,
but I know I'm out of here.
979
01:04:01,375 --> 01:04:04,711
You are smart. If you'd pay
attention, you could learn...
980
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:06,588
... everything they'd want you to.
981
01:04:06,797 --> 01:04:09,299
What do you mean, tricks?
It's too late.
982
01:04:09,549 --> 01:04:12,886
Not with America's most
overtrained dog as your teacher.
983
01:04:23,188 --> 01:04:26,566
- Well, here we are.
- Do you mind if I use the phone?
984
01:04:26,942 --> 01:04:30,946
Oh, no. There's one downstairs
in the kitchen, to the right.
985
01:04:45,293 --> 01:04:47,671
This line is dead.
Do you have another line?
986
01:04:47,921 --> 01:04:52,009
There's a fax machine here.
Oh, what's this?
987
01:04:52,384 --> 01:04:56,805
It's from Conti. You read it.
I can't see without my glasses.
988
01:04:58,223 --> 01:05:01,643
"Won't be in until late tonight,
possibly first thing tomorrow.
989
01:05:01,893 --> 01:05:04,521
Don't leave.
Please make yourself at home."
990
01:05:05,230 --> 01:05:06,481
Oh, man.
991
01:05:08,150 --> 01:05:10,569
- This is dead too.
- Damn!
992
01:05:10,777 --> 01:05:12,654
I gotta go.
I better stop the driver.
993
01:05:12,904 --> 01:05:15,157
- He's gone.
- He's gone?
994
01:05:16,450 --> 01:05:18,744
I can't miss my family's Christmas.
995
01:05:18,994 --> 01:05:22,247
James, I feel absolutely
ghastly about this.
996
01:05:22,497 --> 01:05:23,749
Scotch?
997
01:05:25,375 --> 01:05:28,587
Let's start with something easy.
"Sit" is very popular.
998
01:05:28,795 --> 01:05:30,547
- You've heard it?
- Sounds familiar.
999
01:05:30,839 --> 01:05:34,134
Okay. Front paws stiff.
Butt on floor.
1000
01:05:34,343 --> 01:05:36,136
That's all there is to it.
1001
01:05:36,386 --> 01:05:38,513
That's what they've
been babbling about?
1002
01:05:38,764 --> 01:05:42,267
What can I say? It's a power trip.
Uh-oh, busted.
1003
01:05:42,517 --> 01:05:45,771
Hey, kid's mom!
Let's do the "sit" thing.
1004
01:05:45,979 --> 01:05:47,773
Hey, come over here. Ask me.
1005
01:05:49,399 --> 01:05:50,817
What's with you?
1006
01:05:52,152 --> 01:05:53,779
You're being affectionate?
1007
01:05:55,238 --> 01:05:56,448
Try guilty.
1008
01:05:56,698 --> 01:06:00,452
Well, you do have
a sweet side, don't you?
1009
01:06:00,702 --> 01:06:02,079
Yeah.
1010
01:06:02,329 --> 01:06:03,955
Please don't send Rocks away.
1011
01:06:04,206 --> 01:06:08,502
Here! Over here! Look, look, see?
I got this "sit" thing nailed.
1012
01:06:08,710 --> 01:06:11,963
He's decent, loyal.
Everything I'm not.
1013
01:06:12,172 --> 01:06:13,215
What?
1014
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,051
What, do you miss Rocks?
1015
01:06:17,135 --> 01:06:18,387
I thought you hated him.
1016
01:06:18,595 --> 01:06:20,847
Once you get past the fleas,
he's charming.
1017
01:06:21,098 --> 01:06:23,600
That's the way it goes, isn't it?
1018
01:06:23,809 --> 01:06:26,061
First, you think
they're not good enough.
1019
01:06:27,270 --> 01:06:31,483
Then they grow on you,
and then you can't live without them.
1020
01:06:32,401 --> 01:06:34,111
Ain't it the truth.
1021
01:06:40,325 --> 01:06:43,954
Look, I'm just gonna walk into town
and rent a car, okay?
1022
01:06:44,162 --> 01:06:45,789
I'll be home in a few hours.
1023
01:06:46,039 --> 01:06:49,126
Okay, whatever you want to do, but...
1024
01:06:49,376 --> 01:06:52,504
...do you think you ought
to walk 10 miles in that?
1025
01:07:12,024 --> 01:07:15,902
That's him! That's my husband!
1026
01:07:30,834 --> 01:07:35,464
Oh, yeah? Well, a Merry Christmas
to you too, you rude bimbo!
1027
01:07:35,672 --> 01:07:37,424
There's the holiday spirit.
1028
01:07:37,674 --> 01:07:40,761
Samantha's office won't give me
the number where they are.
1029
01:07:41,011 --> 01:07:43,430
They're treating me
like I'm some wacko!
1030
01:07:45,265 --> 01:07:46,558
I know what I'll do.
1031
01:07:46,767 --> 01:07:51,521
I'll call Mr. Conti. I bet his
secretary will tell me where they are.
1032
01:07:58,028 --> 01:08:00,364
Mr. Conti's office.
1033
01:08:01,615 --> 01:08:03,283
What cabin?
1034
01:08:04,743 --> 01:08:07,829
I'm sorry.
There must be some mistake.
1035
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:12,417
Mr. Conti is in the Bahamas
with his family.
1036
01:08:18,882 --> 01:08:22,886
James better hurry.
That bird's ready to come out.
1037
01:08:23,136 --> 01:08:26,807
He doesn't need to hurry, Mother.
He's having an affair.
1038
01:08:27,474 --> 01:08:30,394
- What?
- There is no meeting.
1039
01:08:30,644 --> 01:08:34,022
He and Ms. Fortune 500
are shacked up...
1040
01:08:34,231 --> 01:08:36,024
...in some cabin upstate.
1041
01:08:36,274 --> 01:08:40,570
So while I am here, peeling
thousands of little pearl onions...
1042
01:08:40,821 --> 01:08:44,950
...because he loves them, he's having
an affair on Christmas Eve.
1043
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:49,246
Come on, now.
You don't believe that.
1044
01:08:49,496 --> 01:08:51,832
Well, Mother, what would you believe?
1045
01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:55,210
Sweetie, you remember in the war...
1046
01:08:55,460 --> 01:08:59,256
...when your father's ship was shelled
and he was on that island?
1047
01:08:59,506 --> 01:09:03,635
For 17 days, then he was rescued.
What does that have to do with this?
1048
01:09:03,885 --> 01:09:07,514
What you don't know was
he was on that island alone...
1049
01:09:07,764 --> 01:09:10,600
...with 13 USO girls.
1050
01:09:10,851 --> 01:09:14,146
God forbid, it wasn't Bob Hope.
1051
01:09:14,438 --> 01:09:16,648
Those girls had been
around the block...
1052
01:09:16,898 --> 01:09:21,445
...and remember, your father was
a devastatingly handsome man.
1053
01:09:23,530 --> 01:09:25,032
That's beautiful.
1054
01:09:29,745 --> 01:09:33,040
Go on, Mother. So, what happened?
1055
01:09:33,290 --> 01:09:35,876
Nothing. At least
he swore nothing happened.
1056
01:09:36,084 --> 01:09:38,128
Said they played gin rummy
the whole time.
1057
01:09:38,378 --> 01:09:40,881
- And you believed him?
- Of course not.
1058
01:09:41,131 --> 01:09:42,507
Well, Mother!
1059
01:09:42,716 --> 01:09:45,552
Now, wait.
Later I met some of the girls.
1060
01:09:45,802 --> 01:09:50,265
It turned out that he hadn't
played gin rummy the whole time.
1061
01:09:50,515 --> 01:09:52,517
All he did the whole time...
1062
01:09:52,726 --> 01:09:55,187
...was talk about me.
1063
01:09:55,395 --> 01:09:58,357
And I believed them.
1064
01:10:00,942 --> 01:10:02,944
Now, in your heart...
1065
01:10:03,195 --> 01:10:07,741
...do you really believe that
James would cheat on you?
1066
01:10:20,087 --> 01:10:24,424
Well, James, since we're stuck here,
we might as well relax.
1067
01:10:27,219 --> 01:10:28,261
Isn't it great?
1068
01:10:35,143 --> 01:10:36,478
This isn't good.
1069
01:10:36,770 --> 01:10:37,813
What?
1070
01:10:38,355 --> 01:10:41,191
What is this?
This all seems like some kind of...
1071
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:42,984
Some sort of what?
1072
01:10:50,158 --> 01:10:52,285
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
1073
01:10:52,536 --> 01:10:55,664
You think I planned this
as some sort of... Oh, God.
1074
01:10:55,872 --> 01:11:00,752
God, I'm wrong! Oh, man! To even
think you'd go for a guy like me!
1075
01:11:01,002 --> 01:11:02,045
Sit down.
1076
01:11:02,254 --> 01:11:06,299
I am so stupid!
You probably have someone like...
1077
01:11:06,508 --> 01:11:09,678
...Prince Charles in a condo,
waiting for you somewhere.
1078
01:11:09,928 --> 01:11:14,516
No. And no, I didn't have
any plans for tonight.
1079
01:11:14,725 --> 01:11:18,478
You're kidding. You were actually
going to be alone for Christmas?
1080
01:11:19,021 --> 01:11:21,398
- I'm used to it.
- I can't believe it.
1081
01:11:21,648 --> 01:11:24,443
When I was little,
I was usually at boarding school.
1082
01:11:24,860 --> 01:11:26,111
Where were your folks?
1083
01:11:26,445 --> 01:11:30,240
- Oh, I don't know. Skiing.
- Instead of being with their kid?
1084
01:11:31,033 --> 01:11:35,454
Their parents did it to them,
they did it to me. It was fine.
1085
01:11:35,704 --> 01:11:39,708
I also had a lot of advantages.
I went to the best schools.
1086
01:11:39,958 --> 01:11:42,669
I could speak 4 languages
by the time I was 15.
1087
01:11:43,754 --> 01:11:46,381
When I was 15,
I was flunking English.
1088
01:11:47,090 --> 01:11:49,134
I suppose I did wonder about...
1089
01:11:49,384 --> 01:11:53,263
Well, you know,
regular high school. Boys.
1090
01:11:54,181 --> 01:11:57,434
- Dances. That kind of thing.
- You didn't go to dances?
1091
01:11:57,642 --> 01:12:01,188
No. If I'm really honest,
I actually don't know how.
1092
01:12:01,396 --> 01:12:03,273
Come on. Everybody can dance.
1093
01:12:03,482 --> 01:12:05,400
- Everybody cannot dance!
- They can.
1094
01:12:05,650 --> 01:12:08,028
- No, they cannot!
- It's easy.
1095
01:12:12,908 --> 01:12:14,159
What's wrong?
1096
01:12:14,451 --> 01:12:15,494
Nothing.
1097
01:12:15,702 --> 01:12:17,287
He's not coming, is he?
1098
01:12:17,746 --> 01:12:20,791
Oh, honey, he's trying real hard
to get back tonight.
1099
01:12:21,291 --> 01:12:23,335
I knew it. He's not coming back.
1100
01:12:23,585 --> 01:12:27,881
Let's go and open some of the gifts
that Grandma and Grandpa brought.
1101
01:12:28,090 --> 01:12:29,841
I'm sure Santa wouldn't mind.
1102
01:12:30,050 --> 01:12:32,052
- There is no Santa!
- What?
1103
01:12:32,636 --> 01:12:34,346
There is no Santa.
1104
01:12:34,596 --> 01:12:35,889
Now, you stop that!
1105
01:12:36,098 --> 01:12:39,351
If there was, wouldn't he
let Daddy be with us?
1106
01:12:39,851 --> 01:12:43,563
- What's wrong? Where's Daddy?
- Oh, sweetie!
1107
01:12:43,814 --> 01:12:45,816
I want my daddy.
1108
01:12:46,066 --> 01:12:47,442
Christmas stinks.
1109
01:12:47,693 --> 01:12:50,696
Everybody just hold it!
I think I have an idea.
1110
01:12:51,071 --> 01:12:55,242
Let's open some presents.
Look what's in this. Open this one.
1111
01:12:55,492 --> 01:12:57,452
- I don't want one.
- I'll have it.
1112
01:12:57,661 --> 01:12:59,579
Ms. D'Bonne's office, please.
1113
01:13:01,206 --> 01:13:04,918
Hello. I am calling
from Olympic Florist...
1114
01:13:05,168 --> 01:13:08,547
...and I have 350 red
long-stemmed roses...
1115
01:13:08,797 --> 01:13:10,799
...to deliver to Ms. D'Bonne.
1116
01:13:11,299 --> 01:13:13,135
I need the address, please.
1117
01:13:13,427 --> 01:13:15,220
They're coming from a Mr...
1118
01:13:15,470 --> 01:13:18,807
...James Ubriacco, Ubri...
1119
01:13:19,057 --> 01:13:22,310
Yeah, doll, that's it. That's it.
1120
01:13:25,814 --> 01:13:29,192
Good. Thanks, doll.
And a Merry Christmas to you too.
1121
01:13:29,401 --> 01:13:30,736
Sucker.
1122
01:13:31,278 --> 01:13:33,989
Kids, listen to Mommy.
Go in your rooms...
1123
01:13:34,197 --> 01:13:36,908
...and put on warm clothes.
We're taking a trip.
1124
01:13:37,159 --> 01:13:39,619
Daddy, will you
put the presents in the car?
1125
01:13:39,870 --> 01:13:44,624
Ma, will you put the onions in some
Tupperware? Come on, let's move it!
1126
01:13:44,875 --> 01:13:49,421
Go! Daddy won't come to Christmas,
Christmas will come to Daddy.
1127
01:14:03,060 --> 01:14:05,437
Rocks, I don't feel so good.
1128
01:14:05,645 --> 01:14:08,690
It's fun. It's chasing
without the stupid running.
1129
01:14:08,899 --> 01:14:11,276
I'm going to lose my Kibbles 'n Bits.
1130
01:14:19,326 --> 01:14:20,577
What's this?
1131
01:14:20,952 --> 01:14:24,289
Touch a present and you'll be
hunting gophers for dinner.
1132
01:14:38,470 --> 01:14:39,846
I smell fruitcake!
1133
01:14:40,097 --> 01:14:42,599
- That's gotta be fruitcake.
- Rocks, I said no!
1134
01:14:43,308 --> 01:14:45,185
Mom. Mom, look out!
1135
01:14:52,651 --> 01:14:54,528
Don't worry. Mommy's just playing.
1136
01:14:57,239 --> 01:14:58,865
Hang on!
1137
01:15:02,661 --> 01:15:03,704
Stop this thing!
1138
01:15:15,424 --> 01:15:17,801
Are you okay?
Are you okay, honey?
1139
01:15:18,135 --> 01:15:19,302
Is everybody okay?
1140
01:15:19,553 --> 01:15:23,056
All right, good.
Now, wasn't that fun?
1141
01:15:23,306 --> 01:15:24,516
No.
1142
01:15:24,766 --> 01:15:26,101
No. All right.
1143
01:15:26,476 --> 01:15:30,355
Okay. Well, tell you
what we're gonna do.
1144
01:15:30,856 --> 01:15:33,734
Mommy's gonna figure out
how to get us out of here.
1145
01:15:34,693 --> 01:15:36,445
- I got an idea.
- What?
1146
01:15:36,737 --> 01:15:38,697
You push and I drive.
1147
01:15:38,947 --> 01:15:42,117
Really? Good. You have
your driver's license with you?
1148
01:15:42,909 --> 01:15:43,744
No.
1149
01:15:43,952 --> 01:15:46,955
Okay, good try.
I know. I have an idea.
1150
01:15:47,205 --> 01:15:51,668
Look, there's lots of pine cones here.
I'm gonna gather some up for us.
1151
01:15:51,918 --> 01:15:54,546
- And while I do that...
- I don't like pine cones.
1152
01:15:54,796 --> 01:15:56,423
Oh, you don't?
1153
01:15:57,007 --> 01:15:59,676
Well, okay,
then I will get you a stick.
1154
01:15:59,926 --> 01:16:03,096
And then you guys sing
and guard the presents, okay?
1155
01:16:03,347 --> 01:16:06,850
So sing a nice loud Christmas song
so Mommy can hear you.
1156
01:16:21,740 --> 01:16:23,950
Now what am I gonna do?
1157
01:16:32,042 --> 01:16:34,836
Will you stop messing me up!
1158
01:16:54,940 --> 01:16:56,775
Meals on wheels.
1159
01:16:57,067 --> 01:16:59,319
Mommy found another doggie.
1160
01:16:59,528 --> 01:17:00,654
That's no dog.
1161
01:17:00,904 --> 01:17:03,407
Hey, mama,
on your way to Grandma's house?
1162
01:17:04,783 --> 01:17:06,493
Hey, you! Beat it!
1163
01:17:09,621 --> 01:17:12,290
Ooh, I love the smell of fear.
1164
01:17:12,499 --> 01:17:14,209
Nice wolf.
1165
01:17:15,419 --> 01:17:17,129
I won't hurt you.
1166
01:17:19,631 --> 01:17:20,882
Nice wolf.
1167
01:17:23,010 --> 01:17:24,553
I like wolves.
1168
01:17:28,974 --> 01:17:31,018
Let me out of here! Let me out!
1169
01:17:31,226 --> 01:17:32,060
Nice wolf.
1170
01:17:33,979 --> 01:17:35,355
Come on, come on.
1171
01:17:40,318 --> 01:17:44,656
Just leave the lady alone, unless
you want to get spayed the hard way.
1172
01:17:45,282 --> 01:17:48,869
He talks the talk,
but can he walk the walk?
1173
01:17:50,912 --> 01:17:53,206
Back off, this ain't your business.
1174
01:17:53,457 --> 01:17:55,709
The hell it ain't.
That's my family.
1175
01:17:55,959 --> 01:17:59,671
Remember when Mommy told you
the story about Peter and the wolf?
1176
01:17:59,921 --> 01:18:04,885
Well, there's the wolf. Where is
that crazy Peter when you need him?
1177
01:18:18,231 --> 01:18:19,858
Rocks!
1178
01:18:46,927 --> 01:18:49,054
Rocks! Oh, no! No!
1179
01:18:53,850 --> 01:18:55,102
Rip his throat out!
1180
01:18:57,479 --> 01:18:59,773
Ow! My tail!
1181
01:19:00,190 --> 01:19:03,235
Never mess with
a street dog, you wuss.
1182
01:19:14,371 --> 01:19:17,541
Rocks, you're hurt!
Look at your paws and your ears.
1183
01:19:17,749 --> 01:19:21,420
Your little ears. And your neck.
What did that animal do to you?
1184
01:19:21,628 --> 01:19:23,505
- It's nothing.
- Oh, sweetheart.
1185
01:19:23,714 --> 01:19:26,091
Sweetheart? Oh, baby!
1186
01:19:29,594 --> 01:19:31,847
Hey, I smell kid's dad.
Up this way.
1187
01:19:32,097 --> 01:19:33,223
The master?
1188
01:19:33,432 --> 01:19:35,809
But you're hurt.
Come back to the car.
1189
01:19:36,018 --> 01:19:38,770
- We gotta get them help.
- Then I'm going too.
1190
01:19:39,021 --> 01:19:42,274
- No, you're a house dog.
- I've still got my animal instincts.
1191
01:19:42,524 --> 01:19:44,901
All right. Go back
that way and get help.
1192
01:19:45,152 --> 01:19:47,696
All right. Which way?
1193
01:19:47,904 --> 01:19:50,866
- You gotta sniff for people.
- Sniff?
1194
01:19:51,116 --> 01:19:53,577
- Stick your nose in the air and suck.
- What?
1195
01:19:53,785 --> 01:19:57,080
Mommy's gotta go get the dogs
before they run away.
1196
01:19:57,622 --> 01:20:01,043
- Take care of yourself.
- Don't worry about me.
1197
01:20:01,501 --> 01:20:03,170
Sniff. No, that's snort.
1198
01:20:05,172 --> 01:20:07,090
Rocks! Here, boy!
1199
01:20:07,341 --> 01:20:08,592
Come on, guys!
1200
01:20:08,842 --> 01:20:11,470
- Where'd they go?
- Daphne! Here, girl!
1201
01:20:11,678 --> 01:20:13,597
Maybe they went to the bathroom.
1202
01:20:13,847 --> 01:20:17,309
They should have gone to
the bathroom before we left, right?
1203
01:20:17,517 --> 01:20:18,977
That's right.
1204
01:20:19,478 --> 01:20:20,854
Rocks, come back!
1205
01:20:21,104 --> 01:20:23,774
- Daphne!
- Let's get back in the car.
1206
01:20:24,024 --> 01:20:25,901
- He'll come back.
- Come back, girl.
1207
01:20:26,151 --> 01:20:29,237
I'll let you open a present.
Whichever one you want.
1208
01:20:29,488 --> 01:20:31,073
But Rocks is hurt!
1209
01:20:31,323 --> 01:20:34,076
Honey, he'll be fine.
1210
01:20:34,451 --> 01:20:36,370
Six, seven...
1211
01:20:36,620 --> 01:20:38,413
...eight and slow.
1212
01:20:38,663 --> 01:20:40,499
Quick, quick, slow.
1213
01:20:40,749 --> 01:20:42,584
Quick, quick, slow.
1214
01:20:46,171 --> 01:20:49,091
Good. Quick, quick, slow. Good.
1215
01:20:51,176 --> 01:20:53,595
Excellent. Good.
1216
01:21:07,234 --> 01:21:10,112
- See, you can dance.
- But how do we do it like this?
1217
01:21:10,362 --> 01:21:13,198
Well, you just do it the same way.
1218
01:21:13,657 --> 01:21:14,491
Slow.
1219
01:21:14,741 --> 01:21:16,868
Quick, quick, slow.
1220
01:21:17,119 --> 01:21:19,121
Quick, quick, slow.
1221
01:21:21,456 --> 01:21:25,293
I think I'm sniffing.
I'm inhaling and I'm getting nothing.
1222
01:21:25,544 --> 01:21:28,922
I'm just an inbred washout.
I can't even smell... People!
1223
01:21:31,842 --> 01:21:32,718
I did it!
1224
01:21:32,968 --> 01:21:37,014
I can sniff! I am not a poodle,
I am a wild, marauding beast!
1225
01:21:38,598 --> 01:21:40,726
Move it! My masters need help.
1226
01:22:01,997 --> 01:22:04,833
The phone is out, huh?
You are unbelievable.
1227
01:22:05,083 --> 01:22:07,210
How dare you treat me like that?
1228
01:22:07,419 --> 01:22:09,713
Easy. You're a lousy human being.
1229
01:22:12,424 --> 01:22:17,220
Listen to me, James.
You are a very impressive man.
1230
01:22:17,471 --> 01:22:20,349
Over the past few months,
I have watched you bloom.
1231
01:22:20,557 --> 01:22:22,684
You deserve better than some...
1232
01:22:22,934 --> 01:22:26,021
...frumpy housewife who doesn't
have the resourcefulness...
1233
01:22:26,229 --> 01:22:28,231
...to find herself a decent job.
1234
01:22:30,776 --> 01:22:33,737
She's smart enough to find me here.
That's our dog!
1235
01:22:38,075 --> 01:22:42,371
- Hey, Rocks. All right.
- Hey, big guy. Hey, pal, give me paw.
1236
01:22:42,621 --> 01:22:45,624
- What happened?
- Not so rough.
1237
01:22:45,832 --> 01:22:48,251
Whoa! Is she in heat, or what?
1238
01:22:52,130 --> 01:22:55,717
If you walk out that door,
I will personally guarantee...
1239
01:22:55,926 --> 01:22:57,427
...that you never fly...
1240
01:22:57,636 --> 01:23:01,431
...for a reputable company
for the rest of your pathetic...
1241
01:23:03,517 --> 01:23:06,770
How do you like that?
That'll cool you off.
1242
01:23:08,563 --> 01:23:09,690
Rocks, let's go.
1243
01:23:09,898 --> 01:23:11,274
Good shot, huh?
1244
01:23:13,235 --> 01:23:14,361
Bye.
1245
01:23:20,575 --> 01:23:22,202
It's a hat.
1246
01:23:22,452 --> 01:23:25,414
It's a hat. Let's put it on.
1247
01:23:26,456 --> 01:23:28,166
I think it goes a different way.
1248
01:23:28,625 --> 01:23:32,087
Let's see. You look so pretty!
1249
01:23:33,422 --> 01:23:37,884
Look at that face!
Mikey, you want to open another one?
1250
01:23:38,844 --> 01:23:40,554
It's probably more clothes.
1251
01:23:40,804 --> 01:23:43,140
You're lucky we gave you
some boring things.
1252
01:23:43,390 --> 01:23:46,685
Otherwise, you'd be freezing
your tushy off right now.
1253
01:23:52,065 --> 01:23:53,775
Is that Daphne?
1254
01:23:56,695 --> 01:24:00,282
My God! My dog is a genius!
1255
01:24:00,532 --> 01:24:02,284
Way to go, Daphne!
1256
01:24:02,534 --> 01:24:05,662
No need for applause.
Just throw treats.
1257
01:24:06,204 --> 01:24:08,165
Come on, we're almost there.
1258
01:24:09,458 --> 01:24:12,627
Okay, Rocks, where are they?
Are we getting close?
1259
01:24:13,170 --> 01:24:15,422
Are we? Right.
1260
01:24:15,630 --> 01:24:18,216
What are you gonna say?
"They're just up the road...
1261
01:24:18,467 --> 01:24:21,303
...about a quarter of a mile,
just past the 7-11."
1262
01:24:22,637 --> 01:24:23,680
This way.
1263
01:24:23,889 --> 01:24:28,518
Are you gonna trust that dinky bulb
on your face or my nose? Come on!
1264
01:24:28,727 --> 01:24:31,104
All right. I hope you're right.
1265
01:24:37,194 --> 01:24:40,280
Mollie! Mollie!
1266
01:24:41,573 --> 01:24:44,242
Oh, God. Mollie!
1267
01:24:45,786 --> 01:24:47,621
They're gone? I can't believe it.
1268
01:24:47,871 --> 01:24:50,832
Look on the floor. They were here.
I left them here.
1269
01:25:04,429 --> 01:25:05,722
Come on in.
1270
01:25:08,725 --> 01:25:11,561
There are some cots
in the back you could use.
1271
01:25:11,770 --> 01:25:15,941
No, thank you. We can't sleep here.
We have to find my husband tonight.
1272
01:25:16,149 --> 01:25:17,901
No one's going anywhere tonight.
1273
01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:21,405
You hunker down here.
We'll go out in the morning.
1274
01:25:21,655 --> 01:25:24,366
We have to go.
This is Christmas Eve. We've gotta...
1275
01:25:24,574 --> 01:25:25,742
I'm sorry.
1276
01:25:27,077 --> 01:25:29,871
If it's any consolation,
I have cookies and eggnog.
1277
01:25:30,080 --> 01:25:31,873
You can help yourselves.
1278
01:25:33,208 --> 01:25:34,501
Thank you.
1279
01:25:49,975 --> 01:25:52,060
I'm sorry, you guys.
1280
01:25:52,310 --> 01:25:55,689
I didn't mean to get us stuck
out in the middle of nowhere...
1281
01:25:55,939 --> 01:25:57,983
...without our daddy. Sorry.
1282
01:25:58,358 --> 01:26:01,111
How's Santa gonna find us here?
1283
01:26:03,572 --> 01:26:06,408
Don't worry, he has special radar.
1284
01:26:14,708 --> 01:26:18,086
- Merry Christmas, Mom.
- Merry Christmas, Mom.
1285
01:26:18,754 --> 01:26:20,380
Merry Christmas.
1286
01:26:32,893 --> 01:26:35,479
- He was big and he jumped me.
- We'll find him.
1287
01:26:36,104 --> 01:26:39,358
Wait, wait. I think
I'm picking up on something here.
1288
01:26:40,442 --> 01:26:42,361
Fresh meat, fresh meat, fresh meat.
1289
01:26:49,826 --> 01:26:51,661
Yeah, that's the guy.
1290
01:26:52,120 --> 01:26:53,205
Damn.
1291
01:26:53,413 --> 01:26:54,831
- He bit me.
- He ain't so big.
1292
01:26:55,040 --> 01:26:56,083
He had friends.
1293
01:26:56,291 --> 01:26:58,251
The fur's gonna fly.
1294
01:26:58,460 --> 01:27:00,462
Run! I'll take care of these guys.
1295
01:27:00,879 --> 01:27:02,839
You take care of nobody, chump.
1296
01:27:04,758 --> 01:27:05,801
It's showtime.
1297
01:27:06,009 --> 01:27:07,594
- Your funeral.
- Your mama.
1298
01:27:08,595 --> 01:27:09,638
Kill!
1299
01:27:27,322 --> 01:27:29,533
Honey, let's go to bed now.
1300
01:27:29,783 --> 01:27:32,953
- I'm not sleepy.
- I know.
1301
01:27:33,203 --> 01:27:34,663
But you know what?
1302
01:27:34,913 --> 01:27:39,001
The sooner we go to sleep,
the sooner Christmas will come.
1303
01:27:58,145 --> 01:27:59,646
Santa?
1304
01:28:16,204 --> 01:28:17,372
Mom.
1305
01:28:17,998 --> 01:28:20,292
Come over here. Look.
1306
01:28:20,584 --> 01:28:22,586
I think it's Santa.
1307
01:28:33,638 --> 01:28:34,723
Hello?
1308
01:28:39,519 --> 01:28:40,562
Man.
1309
01:28:40,937 --> 01:28:43,148
Merry Christmas, honey.
1310
01:28:52,866 --> 01:28:54,493
Daddy!
1311
01:28:54,785 --> 01:28:56,953
- Daddy!
- Hi, Julie.
1312
01:29:05,212 --> 01:29:06,797
Where's Rocks?
1313
01:29:07,047 --> 01:29:10,759
You wouldn't believe it.
We ran into these wolves, right?
1314
01:29:11,009 --> 01:29:13,011
We actually got attacked by wolves.
1315
01:29:13,220 --> 01:29:16,390
- Oh, no.
- And Rocks came to my defence.
1316
01:29:16,640 --> 01:29:20,352
And one of the wolves chomped
on my beeper. Look at it.
1317
01:29:20,811 --> 01:29:24,940
And they all totally spazzed out.
Bunch of wimps.
1318
01:29:27,150 --> 01:29:29,528
Hey, kid, it's great to see you.
1319
01:29:30,862 --> 01:29:33,198
Oh, Rocks! How did you find us?
1320
01:29:33,407 --> 01:29:35,575
I just followed your scent.
1321
01:29:36,326 --> 01:29:39,079
And you smell beautiful, Daphne.
Oh, honey pie!
1322
01:29:39,287 --> 01:29:42,374
- Pumpkin butt.
- Not in front of the kids.
1323
01:29:42,708 --> 01:29:46,628
And, James, before the wolves...
1324
01:29:47,129 --> 01:29:48,255
...what were you doing?
1325
01:29:49,423 --> 01:29:51,008
Getting fired.
1326
01:29:53,719 --> 01:29:55,220
Thank God!
1327
01:29:57,305 --> 01:29:59,224
Mom, can Rocks stay with us now?
1328
01:30:00,434 --> 01:30:02,686
Honey, have a heart.
1329
01:30:02,894 --> 01:30:05,480
If not for Rocks,
we wouldn't be here together.
1330
01:30:05,814 --> 01:30:08,859
- I mean, I might even be dead.
- I know! That's why...
1331
01:30:09,067 --> 01:30:11,862
So, what if he's not
the smartest dog in the world?
1332
01:30:12,112 --> 01:30:14,197
Who cares if he can sit down?
1333
01:30:14,406 --> 01:30:15,449
I can sit down.
1334
01:30:15,657 --> 01:30:19,036
- Or if he can beg.
- Beg? Beg's easy. Look.
1335
01:30:19,244 --> 01:30:22,748
Who needs a beggar in the family?
Or lie down?
1336
01:30:22,998 --> 01:30:25,959
I mean, the point is,
he is still a great dog.
1337
01:30:26,543 --> 01:30:27,753
He stays.
1338
01:30:28,003 --> 01:30:28,962
- What?
- He stays.
1339
01:30:29,212 --> 01:30:30,464
Really?
1340
01:30:30,672 --> 01:30:32,466
Hey, Mike, did you hear that?
1341
01:30:34,051 --> 01:30:35,469
I'm gonna stay!
1342
01:30:35,719 --> 01:30:37,095
Hey, guys?
1343
01:30:38,221 --> 01:30:40,432
I'm picking up
something weird over here.
1344
01:30:48,607 --> 01:30:51,276
Hey, what is that? Come here.
1345
01:30:52,527 --> 01:30:54,654
Is that sleigh bells?
1346
01:30:56,656 --> 01:31:00,118
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
1347
01:31:02,162 --> 01:31:04,539
- I told you he was real.
- I knew that.
1348
01:31:04,790 --> 01:31:06,291
- You did not.
- I always knew.
1349
01:31:06,541 --> 01:31:08,210
- You did not.
- Did too.
1350
01:31:08,669 --> 01:31:11,463
- She kissed you!
- I hate my sister.
1351
01:31:11,672 --> 01:31:13,840
- Get the cootie spray!
- Let's go to bed.
1352
01:31:14,091 --> 01:31:17,177
- I don't want to go to bed.
- This is so exciting!
1353
01:31:17,386 --> 01:31:21,723
Santa's right outside. He's right
above our head. Can't you hear it?
1354
01:35:02,819 --> 01:35:03,862
Subtitles by
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1355
01:35:03,962 --> 01:35:13,962
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