Original subtitles

(theme song playing)

(horse whinnying)

(slurping)

(gulps)

Did you put root beer in my tea cup?

It's better than that gross chameleon tea you drink.

-Chamomile. -Whatever.

Just make a move already. This is so boring.

(groans) when are you going to understand? Chess requires...

Boring! Boring! Boring! Boring! Boring!

Clearly this was a mistake. I'm gonna just meditate instead.

(whirring)

-(raven clears throat) -(squeaks)

(inhales)

(sloshing)

-Beast boy! Shh. -(panting)

(inhales sharply)

(thudding)

(growling)

-(choking) -hey, guys.

-You are not gonna believe what cyborg just did. -(gasps)

(gasping)

-Oh. -Can it wait?

I was about to permanently banish beast boy into another dimension.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can banish him later. Check it out.

I created a computer program that analyzes all of your personality traits

-And matches them with your ideal superhero mate. -(beeping)

And why would you waste your time with that?

Because robin wants to prove he's a perfect match for star. Ow!

Ahem. (chuckles) okay. Let's get started.

(beeping)

Are we sure it is wise to let the machine decide who we love?

-(whirrs) -and starfire's ideal match is...

(cyborg mimicking drum roll)

Please be me. Please be me. Please be me. Please be me. Please be me.

(gasping) please be me. Please be me. Please be me.

(computer beeping)

Aquaman!

(gasping) aqua... What?

Guess what? Actually, that's me. What...

(laughing)

(screaming) die, computer scum! Die, die, die!

(beeping)

-(explosion) -(grunting)

(static)

-My turn. -(whirrs)

(beeping)

-Raven. -All: Raven?

Raven? Uh, me?

(chuckles) no. That must be a mistake.

Hey. Computers never lie.

Wow. This changes everything.

You can't actually be taking this seriously.

I'm willing to give it... To give "us" a shot.

If you are. Ow!

Yo, girl. Have you been using the power of telepathy again?

I don't have the power of telepathy.

Because you've been on my mind all day.

Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?

I have to wear them.

Because our future is so bright together, mama.

Ow!

So you and the old king of the sea?

Who would have thunk it, huh?

I give no credence to your machine.

But I admit aquaman does possess many admirable qualities.

And he's quite fit.

(giggling)

You know who else is fit?

What am I looking at?

It's like I can see everything!

You are not wearing the shirt

Or the pants.

Yep. Just got back from the pool.

Swam about 200 laps. No biggie.

I have never seen anything so pale before!

Oh, the reflection!

It's making me blind! I'm going blind!

I must go feed the silkie now.

Well, before you go, the exits to the room are...

(grunts) there...

And there.

Ooh, did I step in gum? Look at that calf. You can cut diamonds.

I've never been so uncomfortable in my life!

Let me out! Let me out of here!

-(screaming) -(crashes)

(chirping)

You are a raven, and I a dove.

And even though we are different, we are meant to be in love.

(whirring)

(squeaking) oh, come on.

That took me, like, all day to come up with.

And it'll take me all day to forget.

How about a little romantic horsey back ride?

(whinnying)

(whirring)

(whistling)

(sniffing) what is that smell?

You're probably picking up on my pheromones. You know, my chemical scent.

(sniffs) (gulps)

I know what pheromones are,

But all I smell is rotten fish!

I...Can't...Breathe.

(coughs)

(speaking gibberish)

(groaning)

-Hey, star. -Greetings.

(sniffs) (gasps)

Smell anything you like?

-(knocking on door) -go away.

Raven, it takes two to make a relationship work.

We don't have a relationship. Give it up.

I have never given up on anything in my life.

And I am not giving up on us.

What are you talking about?

You give up all the time.

I give up.

If you can give me one reason we're not meant to be together,

I'll walk away right now.

Hmm, well...

You're rude, you smell, you're annoying,

You say "bro" and "dude" too much,

I hate the color green, your voice irritates me,

Tofu makes me sick, you're irresponsible,

All you do is play video games, you can't tie a tie,

You're messy, you chew with your mouth open,

Your face gives me the creeps, your jokes are dumb,

Your pranks are stupid, your dancing embarrasses me,

You're lazy, you're dumber than the animals you turn into,

Your clothes are always covered in pizza stains.

Wow. No one's ever known me like you do.

-Ow! -(crashes)

(glass shatters)

-(dings) -(static)

-(bursting) -(clicking tongue)

(chattering)

Is that a shark tank in the living room?

Where did you get the sharks from?

Is that even safe? What's wrong with you?

Yep. Chicks dig a guy who can communicate... With fish.

I did not realize you had a fondness for marine life.

-Oh, yeah. Me and fish? (chuckles) we're like this. -(gasping for breath)

(clicking tongue)

(squeaking)

(gasping)

It's like I have this connection with them, you know.

(chattering)

(imitating seal barking) see?

We're having a lovely little chit chat...

(screams)

(muffled) I'm fine.

Do you think we should help him?

Whoa, whoa! Just a little miscommunication.

No. Let him talk his way out.

I'm okay.

(exhales)

-(groans) -he will not leave you alone, will he?

No. Ever since cyborg's computer matched us,

He's convinced we're meant to be together.

-And you are not? -Of course not.

I want someone who thinks and acts like me.

(wheel squeaking)

Hey, raven. Hey, starfire.

Look, I know what you're doing and it's not gonna work.

Oh, come on!

Just give me a chance.

Please. Pretty please with scary things on top.

Look, I painted my fingernails black for you, raven.

No. Let me make myself clear.

I want nothing to do with you...

Ever!

(glass shatters)

(sniffles)

-Beast boy. -Yes?

-I think I wanna make this thing work. -You mean it?

Oh. (sobbing)

Raven... (sniffles)

Will you marry me?

(church bells tolling)

This is beautiful.

I guess beast boy and I were meant to be together.

(wedding March playing)

I've never been so happy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hold the bacon.

There was a tiny, teensy, eensy, weensy little glitch in my matchmaking program.

You mean, I might not be beast boy's ideal match?

Only one way to find out.

Looks like beast boy's ideal match is...

The scratching post.

-A scratching post? -Hey.

Computers never lie.

How could I have been so blind?

(groans)

Wait. This means starfire's match isn't aquaman.

It might be me after all.

-Starfire's match is... -(beeps)

-(beeping) -also a scratching post.

(screams)

Maybe that glitch wasn't so eensy-weensy.

I don't think so. This feels real to me.

The post for scratching is meant to be with me!

It was mine first!

(groans)

(screams)

(sobbing)

(growling)

Why do I even try?