Original subtitles

(theme song playing)

(whooshing)

Titans, I've assembled you all here for a staff meeting.

Staff meeting! Staff meeting! Staff meeting! Staff meeting!

What was that for?

-(beeping) -I've been going over the performance reviews

And vigilance is down 4%. Justice, 5%.

Yet, somehow, horseplay is up 95%.

(neighing)

What?

Now, if you guys were just more like my staff here...

Ugh... Here we go again.

-What? -You treating that staff like it's a person!

They got a great tuna melt there, too... Uh, I'm sorry, what, cyborg?

I missed that. We were discussing lunch plans.

Yeah. It's super weird, robin.

Oh, yeah? Well, we think you're super weird. So, ha!

On tamaran, many people communicate with lumps of wood.

Thank you, starfire.

Those people are banished from our city and fed to the dorpnug.

You do know it's just a stick, right?

Uh-oh! He hates being called that!

A stick?

You better stop calling him that!

Well, that's what it is. Mr. Sticky stickerton.

A stick, stick, stickitty stick!

(wobbling)

Whoa, whoa! Calm down, buddy. Trust me, they're not worth it.

Look into my eyes. Go to your happy place.

(squeaking)

(whispering) stick.

-I warned you! -(whooshing)

-What you call a stick... -Ow!

...Is the most refined fighting instrument on the planet!

-Perfectly balanced! -Ooh... Ooh... Ow!

-(zapping) -multi-purpose!

And the best friend a guy could ask for.

But I thought I was your best friend.

-No! -Oh! Ow!

Bottom line, this staff is the best sidekick any hero could ever have.

-Oh, what's that? -(whispering)

Oh, yeah, burger sounds great, buddy.

They got that cool kaiser bun that... You driving?

(sizzling)

(heavy footsteps)

Uh, anyone seen the plunger?

Why not use robin's staff?

Yeah, he seems to think it can do any job.

(flushing)

(indistinct dialogue)

(whooshing)

Wow, this stick is awesome!

(groaning)

(all arguing)

I love this stick.

-(cyborg's siren blaring) -whoa, whoa, whoa, dudes, I got a solution.

(grunting) there.

Ooh... I think you broke it.

Aw, snap! Literally.

Robin will be greatly upset.

Then no one better tell him.

Maybe I can put this together with a little magic.

-(electricity crackling) -(powering down)

(zapping)

(yawning)

Morning, guys. Anybody seen my staff?

-Uh-uh. -(nervously) nope.

-Sorry. -(stammering)

We broke it!

What?

Yeah, your stick got broke.

But, we taped it together!

Good as new. Here you go, bro.

-Yeah, I can still use this. -(whooshing)

-Sure you can, bud. -(screeching)

I have a feeling everything's gonna be a-o-k.

A-o-k, yeah.

(laughing)

(robing grunting)

Everything is not a-o-k! (sobbing)

(weeping loudly)

(sobbing) it's not fair. It worked so well before.

(whimpering)

(snoring)

(sobbing)

-Argh! -(bomb beeping)

(sobbing and grunting)

Sad punch... Sad punch!

Frowny kick!

(robin yelps)

(vehicles honking)

(loud crash)

Oh, how I hate when robin glorbnaks with the sadness.

Yeah, bro needs a new stick.

But you heard him, that staff was irreplaceable.

If a spell won't work, there is one place he could get a new one.

(sobbing)

Robin...

(blowing nose)

What?

Ugh... I know a place where you can find a new staff.

One that's even better than the last one.

There can never be another staff! Never! (whispering) never!

(sniffling) look, I don't want a new staff.

What if it was magic?

I like magic.

Then you have to journey to the ancient universe tree.

The tree that will heal your pain and give you a new staff.

The universe tree? (sniffling)

-How do I find it? -Make no mistake.

The quest is long and dangerous.

You will have to scale the mountain of doubt,

Pass over the infinite chasm, and only when you see the falcon of truth

Will you be halfway there.

And finally, you will arrive at the universe tree.

Is there somewhere I can drive to instead?

-No! -(grunts)

(wind whistling)

(falcon screeching)

Whoa... This must be the universe tree.

(angelic singing)

Ah...

I am, indeed. I have been waiting for you, robin.

You can talk?

Of course I can talk. I am the magic tree of elderioth.

In fact, I speak many languages,

Some only known to demons and fairy-folk.

I've come to find a new staff.

It would appear you have already found one. (chuckles)

-This? -You see, robin, your journey was not about finding...

Yeah, this is a root! I ripped it out of the side of a filthy mountain.

-It's got bird dookie on it! -(bird cawing)

-Wait! Don't do... -(robin groans)

I want a magic staff.

I'm afraid you do not understand.

The staff is merely... Ow! Ow!

Hey! What are you doing there?

(grunting) came here for a staff, gonna get a staff!

You're missing the point. Ow... Ow! Ow!

Okay, that's starting to hurt.

(chainsaw buzzing)

(motor whirring)

Please, if you stop now I may yet survive.

(robin yelling) timber!

(snapping) not bad.

(whistling)

How could you cut me down! I have been here providing wisdom to travelers

Since the beginning of time!

(thunder crashing)

-Sounds boring. -A little bit, yes.

Well, now you're going to get to see the world and hit people in the face.

That could be a nice change of pace.

You know, my other staff talked, but never really out loud.

It was only kind of in my head. This might actually work out.

Both: We are the magical tree custodians, guardians of the forest.

Prepare to be punished!

Knee smack!

Custodian poke! Custodian poke!

-Ear bite! -(custodian groaning)

Huh... My old staff didn't bite.

Do I look like your old staff?

I've assembled you all here for a staff meeting.

-Staff meeting! Staff meeting! -Cyborg and raven: Ow!

-Staff meeting! Staff meeting! -Beast boy and starfire: Ow!

Beast boy: Ouch...

Check it out. I have a new staff,

Even better than the one before.

(angelic singing)

It appears you are in much better spirits.

Thanks to raven. This guy is great!

Then I guess you don't want your old one back.

-My staff! -Oh...

(laughing) you're alive!

-Yeah, what's that? -(whispering)

Oh, yeah, buddy. I missed you too.

I finally figured out a spell to put it back together.

We've got a lot of catching up to do. What?

Oh, yeah, a movie sounds great.

What are you going to do with me?

Oh, I know exactly what to do with you.

For 3,000 lives of men, I have bestowed wisdom and knowledge.

I was not made for this!

Man, you talk too much.

(staff gurgling)