Original subtitles

[ Bell Rings ]

[ Male Voice ] Welcome to San Francisco, the city by the bay,

home to 30,000 fire hydrants,

4,000,000 tennis balls...

and very liberal pooper scooper laws.

My name is Lucky.

I'm a dog, in case you hadn't guessed, and I belong to this man.

You remember Dr. Dolittle, right?

The guy who can talk to animals?

If you don't, let me jog your memory.

He's a doctor, and he talks to animals.

Well, anyways, he's busier than ever.

Doctor, you've got Mr. Carson at 10:00 for a full workup.

Mr. Wennington's E.K.G. is at 12:00.

Mrs. Bloom called. She's got a bad rash. I told her 11:15.

- I gotcha. - Buster's got a deworming at 12:30.

Misty's kennel cough is back. I put her at 1:00. Afternoon-- wall-to-wall neuters.

You've got the Rotary Club dinner tonight.

- [ Lucky ] The Kennel Club breakfast tomorrow. - Push Mr. Carson to 11:00.

I will deworm Buster at 12:00, do the E.K.G. at 12:30. Move Misty to 1:15.

And stop mixing up my charts. Last week you almost had me neutering Mr. Panitch.

From what I hear, you'd be doing Mrs. Panitch a favor.

Any time, ladies. Thank you.

No matter how busy he got, Doc always found time to help animals.

Hi. My name is Bandit.

Hi, Bandit. How you doin', Bandit?

[ Sniffles ] And I'm a stray.

[ Dogs In Unison ] That's okay. We're all strays.

I know how hard it is the first time to get up there. Take your time.

- One paw at a time, Bandit. - Right. Never give up hope.

Never, ever give up hope. Not just Bandit. All you dogs, listen to me.

Every dog here can find a family and be somebody's best friend.

Let me hear you say that. Say, "I am somebody's best friend."

- [ Dogs ] I'm somebody's best friend! - One more time. Again.

I am somebody's best friend!

[ Dogs ] I am somebody's best friend!

That's right. That's right.

Also, there's a family out in North Beach that's trying to find a good watchdog,

somebody that's housebroken and great with kids.

Any of you guys got a background in security?

Oh, that'd be Rusty. Rusty's a watchdog.

- Who's Rusty? - Rusty, tell-- Oh, no.

Rusty! This better be important.

No, uh, never mind, Rusty.

It says, "Must not lick ass all the time."

[ Lucky Narrating ] Every zoo in the country had a job for the Doc.

He was especially good at matters of the heart.

How long's it been since you guys made little baby turtles?

[ Male ] Oh, not that long. Maybe 20 years.

[ Female ] It'll be 48 years next Monday.

Okay, I see the problem here. I know what to do. Listen.

I'm gonna give you these pills. I want you to crush 'em up and put 'em in your food.

- Oh, yeah? What do they do? - Oh!

[ Male ] Oh, yeah! You're looking fine!

Comin' at ya, baby!

[ Lucky Narrating ] In fact, he became an international celebrity,

traveling from Alaska to Australia.

[ Whispering ] I'm here with the world-famous Dr. Dolittle,

who actually speaks with animals.

Now, what we're gonna do is sneak up on...

and rescue this unsuspecting alligator.

But we'll have to be quiet so he doesn't know we're here. [ Alligator Roars ]

The trick with catching this alligator is to be wary of those teeth.

Huge, penetrating teeth. [ Alligator ] Hey, Dolittle.

See, what I'm doin' is allowin' Steve to think that I don't know he's back there.

Wait until he tries to grab me.

Turn on him and, Bob's your uncle, bite his arm off! [ Sinister Chuckling ]

I'm gonna have to get my arm around his neck and hang on--

Steve, I think he knows we're over here.

Shh! I don't want to blow the element of surprise. Now!

- [ Roars ] - Oh!

[ Steve ] Oh, crikey! Me arm! [ Alligator Burps ]

[ Lucky Narrating ] Yeah, it seemed everybody wanted a piece of the good doctor.

And his family understood.

Well, most of them did.

But we'll get to that part in a minute. Thank you.

Right now I gotta answer the door. [ Muttering ]

Yeah? Who's there?

It's me. I forgot my key. Open up.

[ Lucky ] Then I guess you'll have to beg. Come on, boy! Beg!

Get it? Role reversal.

'Cause usually it's the human t-that says to the dog, uh--

I know you'd better open up the door before I--

Just open the door, Lucky.

-Seeing as you're the one that feeds me, I'm gonna let you in. -Okay, thank you. Thank you.

Guess who's back from France!

John? Hey!

Hey! How you doin'? Hi, sweetie.

[ Grunting ]

I got you a present from Paris. That's for me?

Yes, that's for you. That's for us. Oh!

[ Laughs ] I can enjoy this present as well.

You know what would be a really nice present, though? What's that?

If you could keep that flock of your faithful away from the building.

I'm sorry. I'll talk to 'em later.

Daddy! Hey, baby! How you doin'?

I got you a little present from Mexico.

Gracias. I wonder what it is.

Aah! Earthquake! 9-1-1! ¡ Nueve-uno-uno!

Oh, no, no. I wouldn't shake it. Ow! My spleen!

Ooh, that hurt. Oh, he's so cute. Thanks, Dad.

Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta.

It's a chameleon. It can change color against different backgrounds.

[ Chameleon ] The blendmaster is in the house!

I gonna disappear! Now you see me-- Poof! Now you don't, eh?

- No, we can still see you. - I'm not gone? I'm not invisible?

You did remember Charisse's birthday?

I sure did. You remember to get the cake from Stinson's?

Uh, actually, Charisse doesn't want to have a family birthday party.

What's that about? I thought we always celebrate together.

- [ Chameleon ] You have anything green? - Take this thing to your room.

Guacamole? A big pickle?

- She's got a date. - [ Chameleon ] I suck.

- A date? With who? - I didn't ask. She's a big girl now, John.

We'll see about this date thing.

Where's the birthday girl at? Uh, she's unreachable.

What? Where is she?

She's in her room with the door locked and headphones on.

- You could try paging her. - She's in the house, and she's unreachable?

I'm supposed to page her in my house. I'm gonna page somebody in my own house?

Okay, we'll see if I'm gonna page some-- I ain't pagin' nothin'!

Careful, Doc, she's 16. That's a tough age.

Hey! Charisse, open this door!

Can you believe this?

Hey! Try her cell.

I'm not callin' on the cell phone while she's in her bedroom.

[ Rattling Doorknob ]

Hey! Charisse.

Open the door!

Okay. All right! Okay! Okay!

- [ Growling ] Charisse! - ** [ Headphones: R&B ]

Charisse! [ Slurping, Hiccuping ]

[ Chuckles ] Those teenagers, Doc. They can drive a man to drink.

Hey, what are you drinkin'?

Gatorade. Oh, really? Give it to me.

Hmph!

Gatorade make wine now, huh?

- Naaaah! - You better slow down.

- Which one of you is Dolittle? - What now?

- I have a message from the boss. - From the who?

The boss, the guard beaver. Now, save the questions and come with me.

You guys know the rules. You just don't come up here on my balcony.

Make an appointment. You make an appointment! Now, go.

You tell the beaver make an appointment just like everybody else.

I can't tell him that. I'll end up sleepin' with the fishes.

How's it gonna look in the paper when Dr. Dolittle throws a possum off the roof?

That's not gonna look right. Now, leave, 'cause I will. Watch your tone, buddy.

[ Muffled ] Charisse!

- ** [ Continues ] - [ Phone Ringing ]

- Talk. - This is Daddy. How are you?

Hey! I got a couple of questions for you.

I wanna know how come I gotta climb up the side of a building...

and get on a cell phone to talk to you! Calm down. Where are you?

[ Muffled ] I'm outside of the building, right here!

Dad! Dad, what are you doing?

What am I doing? It's the only way I can reach you!

What are you doing in here? What's all of that about?

You don't do that in public, do you? Dance? Of course.

That's not dancing. That's advertising.

What's this about you don't want to spend your birthday with your family?

Having dinner with your family is something you do when you're young,

not when you're turning 16.

- Besides, I have a date. - You can bring your date 'cause you're comin' to dinner.

Cool! Eric, these are my parents and my little sister. They're joining us on our date.

No, he's gonna be joining us at a family event. We have it every year.

I don't even know why--

What's this? Dad, that's private.

I can see why it's private. It's embarrassing. You got two C's and a D.

Embarrassing? [ Chuckles ]

Dad, you are the last person who should be talking about anything being embarrassing.

What are you talking about? What's that supposed to mean?

[ Screeches, Hiccups ]

I'm supposed to stop my work helping the animals because you find it embarrassing?

- That's not gonna happen. - That's right. It's not gonna happen.

So forget about it. You're comin' to dinner. Look at this.

- No cell phone for a week. - What am I supposed to do without my cell phone?

Here's some stamps. Learn how to write a letter. You think I care?

Do I look like I care? Look at me. No, Charisse.

No. Look at me. Do I look like I care?

Look. I don't care.

This is unbelievable. She has 50 numbers in here, not one of them is mine.

You shouldn't be looking at that. Why not?

"Biggie Mack, cell. Biggie Mack, pager. Biggie Mack, home."

Who the hell is Biggie Mack? I don't know, John.

I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is. I don't like that name.

What the hell kind of name is that?

[ Phone Rings ]

What is that? Marcus's cell phone.

Cell phone? Mm-hmm.

When did he get a cell phone? Last week.

What are you doing? John! Shh! I'm checkin' out Biggie Mack.

- Hello. - Hey, who is this?

- Well, who is this? - Is this Biggie Mack?

- Who wants to know? - Hey, I'm asking the questions here, punk!

What? How old are you?

None of your damn business.

- What if I make it my business to find out how old you are? - Are you threatening me?

I don't make threats! I'm promising you that if you ever--

John! Is this John Dolittle?

Hi, I'm so sorry. That's a wrong number.

That's a grown man on the other end of that phone.

I wish I could say the same thing about you.

[ Doorbell Ringing ] The door.

I hear the door. Go get that door right now!

Who am I, Mr. French? I got to get doors?

* Let me show you what it is right now * Just a minute.

* Chicks are switching like kicks right now *

Hey, Dr. D. What's up? It's me.

Me? Who's "me"? Back up, "me."

I'm sayin', you gonna let me in?

Dr. D. What's goin' on? Excuse me?

Remember me? Eric, Domino's Pizza.

Extra cheese, anchovies, tomatoes, guacamole? You're the pizza guy, yeah.

- I delivered that. - Thanks a lot, man. I forget to give you a tip?

I'm sorry. No, no, that's cool.

- You gave me something a little better than a tip. - I'm gonna take care of you.

It's nice to have a little-- What's up, baby?

What's goin' on? You ready? Hold on. Wait.

This is your date? Dad, Eric. Eric, Dad.

[ Chuckling ] My man. What's up?

Uh, Eric? Hmm, no.

We have to stay here with the family and eat dinner. Huh?

It's cool with me. Hey, Charisse, now, don't be like that.

You gonna ruin dinner for everybody. Come on now.

You know what, pops? Don't even sweat that, man. I know how to take care of her.

Pops? * Yeah *

* She caught me by surprise I must say **

Charisse has always had a mind of her own.

When she was about a year and a half, she decided she wasn't gonna wear diapers anymore.

- Remember that? - John.

She started having accidents around the house 'cause she didn't have it down yet.

We had little piles-- Dad, you just had to go there, didn't you?

This is family. We're talkin' the old days. It's cool.

I'm actually learnin' something here. Really?

You know what's interesting? You never learned to take off your hat at the dinner table.

Isn't your head getting hot? Mine's just getting hot just looking at you in that hat.

Sixteen!

Just think. In two years you'll be out of this house and on your way to college.

One year, ten months, sixteen days. You know what?

Berkeley's a really close college.

- You could live at home and save some money. - That's a good idea.

But I've already reserved a U-Haul for the day I graduated high school.

- Oh. You reserved a U-Haul already? - Uh, Dad?

Someone to see you.

Yo, step outside.

Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.

Bye, Dad. Love you. I love you too.

Excuse me, Eric.

Hey, hey, yo. Yo, down here. Okay.

What do you want?

First, let me say the beaver sends birthday greetings to your lovely daughter.

Really? That's very nice. You go and tell the beaver he's starting to get on my nerves.

What are you getting all bent out of shape for? He only wants a moment of your time.

What if I say no? I don't think you want to go down that road, my friend.

- [ Knocks On Window ] - Go and tell the beaver, 8:00, my office, tomorrow.

Oh, the beaver don't travel for nobody.

He knows you're a busy man, and he will remember this,

but this is truly a life-or-death situation.

All right, shut up, listen. My car, 7:00 a.m. All right?

Hey, this is good news. The beaver likes good news.

- Thank you. - Jimmy, get the car.

* Happy birthday to you *

* Happy birthday *

[ All ] * Happy birthday Dear Charisse *

* Happy birthday *

* Happy birthday to you **

[ Applause ] Come on, blow your candles out and make a wish.

- [ Girls Scream ] - [ Rat #1 ] Sweet... - [ Rat #2 ] Surprise!

Happy birthday! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

There's a mouse in the house!

Give me that! I am licking the candles!

Well, you can lick my fat, funky little-- Hey, don't be a piggy!

- Charisse, I am so sorry. - Ooh! Ooh, ouch! Hey, watch the fur, buddy!

We're tryin' to do somethin' nice for your daughter.

I bet if a little kitty popped out, you'd say, "Oh, how cute!"

But you're not. [ Rat #1 ] Put me down!

- You're not a couple of cute little kitties. - Yes, we are.

You're two disgusting rats... No, we're not.

that just ruined the birthday cake. So you wanna get personal?

Well, you know what "rats" spelled backward is? It's star!

[ Rat #1 ] That's right! I'm a star! Is that right?

- Well, do you know what "ha" spells backwards? - Uh, no, I don't have any--

[ Rats ] Aaaaah! Exactly!

Could it be? Yes, it is!

Diapers! My favorite! Chocolate!

Say, "Maya." Maya.

Maya. Maya.

What do you think you're doing?

I think he's about to say something. Bring me a bone.

And a large order of flies.

Super-size.

You will bring me ham, luncheon meats, cold cuts.

Lucky, out. Hey.

- Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone for a second. - Okay. Come on, boy.

[ Sighs ] Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight.

I'm thinking about cutting back a little bit and spending more time with you guys.

Great, now more animals will be here.

What if we don't stay here? We can go on a big vacation to Europe, the whole family.

Are you serious? I'm dead serious.

We can go to Paris, Rome, the Greek islands. We always talked about that.

What do you think?

Is this a bribe?

Yes, this is a bribe.

It's working.

Yo, Doc, one other thing-- Tomorrow!

- What? - Tomorrow.

Tomorr-- Yeah.

European vacation. So, tomorrow-- Tomorrow! We're going to Europe tomorrow.

* Do do do-do-do-do-do Do-do-do, do-do-do *

* So you on the road * * I'm on the road *

* You must explode *

* And have some fun People, have some fun *

[ Lucky Narrating ] So, Doc, the raccoon and the possum took a road trip...

to meet this mysterious beaver.

Nice wheels. What do you call this thing?

- Oh, this is a Mustang. - Yo, Doc, is there a car named after me?

- No, I don't think they make a Possum. - Why not?

Not a lot of cars named after rodents.

* So you're on the road * * I'm on the road *

* You must explode *

* And have some fun **

[ Raccoon ] I wanna go over a couple ground rules for when you're in the beaver's presence.

Number one: No sudden movements.

Number two: Do not stare at his teeth.

Between you and me, he's got a little bit of an overbite.

I personally think he needs braces, but I'm not a dentist.

Numbers three through ten: You will treat him with the respect he deserves.

Capisce? [ Dolittle ] We're talkin' about a beaver, right?

Hey, Doc! Hey, Tootie, how you doin'?

-Hey, Doctor, how are you? -Back away from him, Jimmy. Show some respect, you animals.

Look, the raccoon got the doctor. He says he's a miracle worker.

Hello? [ Raccoon ] Paulie, get the boss ready.

[ Paulie ] I'm doing everything like you say, Joey.

I'm just, I'm gonna go get some acorns.

Eh, Dr. Dolittle, I presume.

Welcome to my den. Would you like a fish?

Oh, no, thank you. I've eaten already.

Hey, the beaver offers you a fish, you take the fish.

Joey, shut up. Sorry, boss.

I've heard good things about you from some of the Bay Area families.

From the Bay Area families. Really? [ Chuckles ]

What are you guys, some kind of mafia? Mafia? No.

- We don't know nothin' about no mafia, do we, boys? - Nah, never heard of it.

No, that's a myth.

I'm just a simple fisherman who's blessed with many friends.

Perhaps you will be one of them.

What do you guys want from me? Well, I'm losing my territory.

What, the other animals movin' in on you or somethin'?

Yeah, the human kind. They're cuttin' down our homes, bustin' up families.

Word is they're cuttin' down the whole forest.

Guys, you're talking to the wrong person.

You need to contact one of those nature groups like the Sierra Club or, um--

It has to be you, Doc.

You're the only one who knows how to speak human.

Yeah, we can't fight humans on our own. They got guns and knives and pullout couches.

Sure, I got rabies. I could bite somebody. But I can only do so much!

You guys have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Sure, I do.

It's man against nature. But with you on our side, I like the odds.

Me on your side? I didn't say I was gonna help you.

I didn't say.

Doctor, before you say no, I would like you to see what we're talkin' about.

[ Sniffling ] It's gone.

Everything, gone.

How do you save a forest, anyway? It's not gonna be easy, John.

I would assume the lumber companies have a lot of clout.

But I do know if there were a threatened or endangered species living in the forest,

there are laws that protect it.

How am I gonna find out if there are any endangered animals in the forest?

Well... you could ask Eugene.

We found an endangered species of bear.

A female whose mother had been killed by poachers.

She's the only Pacific Western bear up there.

That's good. One bear has to be protected, right? Well, no.

The lawyers for Potter's Logging Company argued that since she's the only one there,

there's no chance for survival of the species anyway.

There'd have to be a male too. [ Female Voice ] Pardon me.

Why don't we get a male up there and let nature take its course?

Unfortunately, the only male Pacific Western bear we could find was raised in captivity.

[ Giraffe ] Excuse me. There's never been a bear raised in captivity...

that's been successfully reintroduced to the wild.

They've never had the world-famous love doctor makin' the introductions.

Psst! Doctor.

Excuse me a second.

Your man left the barn door open. Is somethin' wrong?

- Uh, d-- Eh-- - Oh, jeez.

Hope that Bam Bam didn't see that. Oh, I'm sure--

The giraffe is the one that was disgusted. I am so sorry.

[ Male Singer ] * Told myself that you'd probably *

* Need some time and *

* Maybe then you would come *

- * To change your mind * - I know you're disappointed.

** [ Continues ] Disappointed?

About not going to Europe?

Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?

I made you a promise. I'm gonna stick to it.

If you don't want me to do this, I'll understand. Okay?

Like I can actually say no and not feel guilty for the rest of my life.

-[ Maya ] When do we leave? -As soon as we get a court order stopping the clear-cutting.

Who's gonna argue the case?

Wh-Why you lookin' around? Me?

What, me? Not me. You.

- No, n-n-n-no. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

- No, no, John. - Yes, yes, yes.

- No. Don't make me do this. - Come on. For the animals.

[ Mock Whimpering ] Do it for the animals. I don't do animal law.

That's species-ism. You're a species-ist.

You're a species-ist!

No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction...

so that we might have the chance to save a species.

[ Chuckles ] Your Honor,

this is a delaying tactic- slash-publicity stunt.

I have affidavits signed by a range of experts...

who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild...

is, well, dangerous and irresponsible.

Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk"...

wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears,

let alone make it through its first winter.

No, it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.

Actually-- Well, yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.

Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior.

And just who is your father?

Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.

Dr. Dolittle.

[ Spectators Murmuring ] Dr. Dolittle.

Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear...

and mate it in the wild with a female?

Yes, I do, Your Honor.

In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove.

For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.

Thank you, sir. And, Doctor,

if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town,

I'll rescind this order immediately.

I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.

Thank you, Your Honor. [ Gavel Bangs ]

Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here! Dr. Dolittle!

Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals.

Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?

Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity,

so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.

[ Mouths Words ]

[ Lucky Narrating ] So much for a family vacation.

But Doc figured, how hard could this be?

That was before he met Archie.

** [ Rock ]

** [ Emcee ] Ladies and gentlemen, he's the bear with flair,

** the walkin' rug with an adorable mug-- Archie the bear!

[ Motorcycle Engine Revs ] [ Archie ] * Get your motor runnin' *

* Head out on the highway *

- They love me. Go. - [ Revving Continues ]

* Born to be wi-i-i-ild *

[ Crash ] [ Archie ] Ow! Gee!

* And that's the show **

[ Archie ] Whew! Big-boned gal, huh?

Oh. [ Chuckles ] Yeah, I guess so.

Got any action shots? You know what I'm talkin' about.

No, I don't, but listen, you'd be lucky to wind up with somebody like her.

Look, I have had so many girlfriends, you know-- [ Chuckles ]

Okay, look, I've never had a girlfriend. Just bring her by on Monday.

That's when I'm dark. Okay?

I can't bring her here. You have to go to her.

- Whoa, whoa. Go to her? Where? - Um, she's in the forest.

Ooh, uh, I don't play forests.

I'm strictly a state fair, small arena-type bear.

Archie, do you know what kind of bear you are? Um, let's see. Yes.

I'm a singer. Dancer-- three years tap, two years jazz.

No, Archie, you're an endangered species.

Is that a threat, buddy? Because my lawyer will be down here--

No, I'm not threatening you. You're a very rare bear.

- You're a Pacific Western bear. You know what that is? - Yes, I know what--

I can play any kind of bear. I've got range. Grizzly, panda. Here, check out my polar.

- I am freezing! It is cold! - I haven't made it clear. Let me break it down to you.

- Your ancestors come from the mountains of California. - Yes, blah, blah, blah.

When you were six months old, they took you from your mother...

and taught you to wiggle your hips to a recording of "Hound Dog."

No, no, I taught myself that. I admit I pander, because I'm a pander bear!

Get it? Ha ha ha!

Pander! Yeah, that's funny stuff, Archie.

But listen, what I'm proposing to you is,

I'd like to take you back to where your ancestors roamed,

get you out in the woods and teach you to be a real bear.

Look, I like the bear I am. Okay? I'm famous!

Have you been to the gift shop? I have my own beanie baby.

You do this, you'll be the most famous bear in all the world.

- Bigger than Pooh? - Are you kidding me?

You pull this off, they'll be saying, "Winnie the who?"

You got yourself a bear.

And in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year,

Dr. John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature...

by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild.

In doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction.

It's Darwin versus Dolittle.

Oh, get over yourself.

Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood.

I understand, Joe, but it's complicated.

Especially if that endangered bear survives.

I don't meet my quota, Governor, you're the one who's gonna be endangered.

Now, now, J.P., not to worry.

That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once.

And when he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy.

And I've got just the place to put him.

[ Male Singer ] * It's Saturday Get the car shined up *

[ Woman ] And? * Haircut lined up *

[ Woman ] What you gonna wear, y'all? * Haven't made my mind up *

* Better post one size up and tie it up * That's right.

* Hope she'll be there *

* I wonder how she'll wear her hair * What you gon' do?

* If I see her, I swear *

* I'm gon' put the gate down like, yeah *

[ Backup Singers ] * I'm looking good * * Looking for someone **

[ Lucky Narrating ] So we all moved to the forest and waited for Archie to arrive.

While the family got settled, it was time I started looking out for number one.

[ Chuckles ] Huh? * Doo-do-do-do-doo **

This looks like as good a place as any.

Ah, the simple pleasures of life.

Holy lord! That wolf is a fox!

I hope I don't have dog breath, you know, from lickin' my own-- Never mind.

Oh, you like that, huh? Yeah, that was me. [ Chuckles ]

Plenty more where that came from.

- [ Growls ] - "Grr" to you, too.

What is that, some kind of secret wild lady dog code for "You like me"?

Yeah, I do some dancin'.

Here's a little move I call the back-scratcher. Pretty cool, huh?

H-Hey, hot lady, wait. Where you goin'?

Call me!

[ Lucky Narrating ] And so, the big day finally came,

and I had a feeling the fur was gonna fly.

[ Dolittle ] Okay, everybody, you all know why we're here.

We're about to try to do something that's never been done before.

Everyone thinks we can't pull this off,

and they got their blades sharpened and their trucks ready to roll.

But we're gonna prove 'em wrong, right?

That's right. Now I want everybody to put their claws together.

How about a big round of applause for the bear that's gonna lead the way?

Let's hear it for Archie!

- [ Animals Murmuring ] - Yeah! Come on!

Are you ready to save the forest?

* Put your paws up Put your paws up Come on, now *

Is this some kind of joke?

Hey, I wanna go serious on ya for a second.

I know I've got my work cut out for me, but with your help I know one thing--

[ Whispers ] Now. Go.

** [ Piano Intro ]

** [ Up-tempo Disco ]

[ Off-key ] * I will survive *

* Yes, I will survive *

* As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive *

* Yes, I will survive *

* As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive **

Everybody!

- ** [ Archie Humming ] - We're dead.

- Nevermore. - This show's over.

- Let's go fool around. - You got your work cut out for you, Doc.

** [ Fades ] I'm done. Turn it off.

You're not a real bear. You're Wayne Newton in a bear suit.

So dirty. Look at my paws.

It's the woods, Archie. Its chief component is dirt.

Wait. Hey, Doc, is that her? She's a babe.

Yeah, that's her. Oh.

Look at the way she moves. Man, would I love to see her wet.

I'm gonna go over and introduce you. You just wait over there.

Yeah, good.

Hey, tell her I really dig her fat pouch, but don't be crude.

I'll try to work that in. Okay, good.

Wait, hey-- Gah!

[ Female Bear ] Oh, are you coming over here? I'm a little busy foraging.

Hi. Hello. My name is John. Hi.

- I'm Ava. - Hi, Ava. That's a pretty name. Nice to meet you.

Hi. Hey, uh, quick question, Ava.

How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?

You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies.

I'm not talkin' about me. I shouldn't have said "man." I should've said "bear."

The bear of your dreams. What do you think of that big, magnificent hunk of bear there?

Um, I don't think I see him.

Oh, is he standing behind that dork?

Oh, no, he is-- Look, let me explain to you what's going on, all right?

There's a logging company that's gonna tear down this whole forest, everything.

The only thing that can stop 'em is if I can get two Pacific Western bears together.

You're a Pacific Western bear, and so is he.

If I can get the two of you together and you made little Pacific Western bears, then--

You see where I'm going with this? Uh-huh, yeah.

Look, no offense, but I don't talk to bear pimps.

At least let me call him over so you can meet him. Archie, come over here.

Hey, Johnny, there you are. Come on, man. I thought we were gonna go work out.

Jeez.

- Okay, Archie, you're on. - What do I say to her?

- Get to know her a little. Tell her about yourself. - Hi! I'm Archie.

[ Nervous Chuckle ] I like moonlit walks on the beach,

uh, sharing slop buckets with that special someone,

and the soulful sounds of the Backstreet Boys.

- You're very weird. - Weird, as in sexy?

No, just weird.

Hey, Archie, uh, why don't you let me take it from here.

That was good. Okay.

[ Archie Whispers ] Damn!

- What do you think of Archie? Cute, huh? - Oh, don't make me eat you.

Stop that. I know he's a little uncomfortable around the female of the species at first, but--

That's not even really the point.

You see, I need a real bear, someone who can hunt and protect and provide for me.

Oh. Okay. I can understand that.

Oh, and I'm already involved with someone.

Really? You have a boyfriend already-- a "bearfriend."

- Are you in love? - "Love"?

My cousin married for love.

The next thing she knows, he's two-timing her with this little grizzly in a cave up north.

Okay, so you're not in love? No.

All right, let's make a deal. Don't make any decisions for a month.

I'm gonna go work with Archie, and in a month's time I'm gonna turn that bear...

into a bear that you'll be proud to have little bear cubs with.

Check it out! I've flipped for you--

[ Crunch ] Pinecone. Gah!

Hey. Hey.

[ Sighs ]

[ Inhales, Sighs ] Perfect night. [ Crickets Chirping ]

Sitting' out here, breathing this fresh country air, listening to the crickets chirp.

Yep.

You know what the crickets are saying?

I don't speak to the animals. You're the one who understands 'em, not me.

Little monkeys don't come up to me asking me for a 40-ounce.

I don't say, "Can I help you, little animal? Need a shot?" I don't do that, Dad.

I'm in my room listening to music. You see me talkin' to the animals?

Slow it down a second.

I was just gonna tell you that crickets are nature's thermometers, that's all.

You can tell how cold it is by how fast they chirp. Okay.

It seems a little cold out here, doesn't it? Yeah, a little nippy.

Maybe I need to go get my vest. Yeah.

[ Distant Rhythmic Thumping ]

** [ Hip-Hop ]

[ Vehicle Approaching ] ** [ Car Stereo: Hip-Hop Continues ]

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

Yo, Dr. Dre is still the best.

Hey, and get a tuneup, man. Get a tuneup.

- Yo, what's up, baby? - Hey, Eric.

[ Car Races Away ] Mmm!

H-H-- Hey! Hey! You left your homey!

- What's up, Dr. D? - I don't know, Eric. Maybe you should tell me.

Yo, man, I came to visit. Since y'all love me so much, I was gonna stay a couple days.

No, no. Hell, no. Charisse, I don't understand.

What's not to understand, Dad? Uh, Eric with bags. I don't understand that.

He's staying here for a couple nights. Mama said so.

Oh, your mother said so. Oh, okay.

Eric, you gonna be on the floor in the living room in a sleeping bag,

if you don't have a problem with that.

By the way, Eric, I'm watchin' you.

And not just me. I got eyes all around the woods. You know I talk to the birds.

- Thanks, Dad. - So watch your back.

[ Laughs ] I feel you. You feel me? Okay. All right.

I'm watching-- I'm watching you, Eric!

I'm watching your back!

[ TV: Narrator ] Bears are opportunistic eaters, finding food wherever they can.

Can we please see what else is on?

You need to watch this so you can learn how to feed yourself and survive during the winter.

What is he doin'? Diggin'?

- You never even wondered what your sharp claws was for? - Uh, no.

[ Narrator ] Bears are excellent swimmers.

[ Shudders ] Not this bear.

-I know you're not gonna tell me you don't know how to swim. -Wait, you haven't heard?

There's a new invention. It's called... the boat!

That's the last straw. We're gonna get up at dawn. I'm teaching you how to fish.

How 'bout noon-ish? Unbelievable.

[ Lucky Narrating ] And so began the bear-athon,

a training mission so "grizzly," so un-bear-able, so hairy-- okay, that's enough.

Archie, let's do it. This river's full of fish. Let's go.

Yup. So is Red Lobster.

Don't look at me, look at the water. That's where the fish are.

They're movin'. Oh, man, one just touched me. One just touched me!

Look, you big, furry baby, put your face down right now and grab a fish!

No! I want you to do just like you saw on TV.

Put your face under the water and catch a fish.

I'm here with you. Go under the water.

All right! I'll try it.

All right, one, two, three--

[ Inhales Deeply ]

That's Archie! What's up? What's up?

What's up? What's up?

[ Gurgling ] Hey, fellas, what's up?

Okay, okay, get one.

- [ Gurgling ] Can't breathe! - Archie!

- Can't breathe! - Hey!

Archie. Archie!

[ Grunting, Panting ]

[ Burps, Groans ]

How smart do you have to be to lift your head out of the water when you can't breathe?

I saw a light. It was a bright light. It was beautiful.

Okay, we're gonna take you on a little trip right now that's gonna toughen you up.

- What? What? - We're gonna find something even you can catch. Come on.

I saw my grandma.

Go on, eat. Oh, I--

Come on, eat! They're-- I don't eat, uh--

I'm good. Thanks.

[ Sniffs ] Okay, am I close?

- Cold. - Use the Force.

- [ Archie ] Colder? Warmer? - Arctic.

So, how's it going? It's going great. I'm not even gonna need three weeks.

Honey, look, he's already foraging grapes.

Why's he walking away from 'em? He's not walking away. He's circling the grapes.

Why? Are they dangerous grapes?

No, no, the grapes aren't dangerous... Eric.

- [ Archie ] Seriously, where are the grapes? - Don't worry, he's doing great.

- We're right on schedule. - I'm gettin' dizzy!

- Ohh! Oh! Oww! - [ Crashing Down Stairs ]

I'm okay! Concrete broke my fall!

Definite bruise.

[ Archie ] Now, explain this again.

I'm supposed to climb into a small, dark space and sleep for six months?

That's what bears do. It's called hibernation.

Sounds more like depression. Wait, how do I eat?

Well, you don't eat. What you do is, you eat a lot during the summer.

That lasts you throughout the whole winter.

- Where do I go to the bathroom? - No going to the bathroom.

- [ Laughing ] What? You're kidding. - I'm serious.

What you do is, a week before you hibernate...

you start eating things like dirt and moss and hair and grass,

and it forms a big plug in your, um-- it p-plugs up your, uh--

- Uh, you know. - It blocks my butt?

Oh, yeah, it blocks it all up with this big, nasty, hairy plug of hair and grass.

It's a big, nasty plug.

Whoa, whoa, wait. You want me to sleep for six months with a big cork in my butt?

Yeah, that's the idea of it.

- Okay, good-bye! See ya later! - Hey, Archie, come back here!

Nope, I'm gone! See ya! Archie!

Hey, headin' south? Archie, look, nobody's gonna pick up a hitchhiking bear.

I'll split the gas and sit in the back with the kids.

Come on, Archie, stop it. I'm sorry, Doc. This isn't working out.

I almost drowned. Ava doesn't like me.

I'm tired of your complaining. Look up in this tree. What do you see, huh?

- [ Squawks ] - Bird.

Right, a bird in his home. And on the branch below him there's a squirrel in his home.

And there's a little rabbit in his home.

All these animals are depending on you.

You can do this. Just listen to your inner bear.

Just trust him. He'll tell you what to do. Come on.

Okay, but I gotta tell ya, my inner bear has a problem with the butt plug.

All right, I'm gonna show you what happens to animals...

that don't have a home.

[ Imitating Hannibal Lecter ] Hello, Clarice.

Uh, Doc, this isn't necessary. It's time for a little tough love.

- Come on. - Look, Iggy!

What's the matter, boy? Couldn't make it on the outside?

- Hey-- - [ Bear ] Come on in, powder puff.

- Go on in there. - But, wh-why?

There's a couple bears inside that want to meet you.

I'll just sit over on that side of the cell.

I'm tired of this madness. [ Phone Rings ]

[ Archie ] Don't be scared. [ Bear ] I'll bite ya!

Yes, Dolittle. Oh, hi, honey!

Don't like to hunt? Don't like to fish?

You know what I would give to be in the forest instead of in this dump?

- Uh, Doc! - Do I hear someone talkin'?

No, no. See, that's the problem with kids today-- no respect.

Kid think he knows my life.

- I think he needs us to teach him a lesson. - N-No, I just--

I'm gonna give him a bear hug. Get on over here and let me give you a bear hug, Tiny.

No, it's actually going quite well.

I think I finally got this under c-- control. [ Snapping ]

[ Bears ] * Her name was Lola * Yeah!

* She was a show bear * Whoo!

Lisa, let me call you back. * With yellow feathers in her hair *

* And her dress cut down to there *

Where? * At the Copa * Yes!

* Copacabana * Doc, apparently everyone in this place loves musicals.

** [ Continues, Fades ] [ Laughs ] I'm kidding. I'll try harder.

[ Lucky Narrating ] Meanwhile, while the cat's away, the mice will play,

and by mice I mean teenagers.

All right, they still closed? Yes.

Here they come.

[ Charisse ] You did all this?

Okay, boys, remember what the doc said.

If this punk tries anything fresh, we let him have it.

I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever.

Taco? Did somebody say taco?

No, no, blend in, blend in. You're gonna blow our cover.

Charisse, there's somethin' I been meanin' to do ever since we got out here.

Oh, really. What's that?

This.

[ Male Singer ] * You never know one moment *

- [ Raccoon ] Now! - Eeeew!

He French-kissed me! Blecch! Blah! Blah!

Now, that worked out nicely.

The drinks are on me, Jenny.

[ Lucky Narrating ] Meanwhile, the doctor gave Archie and me some lessons of our own.

Could you leave a little for me? Technically, it is my--

- [ Growls ] - Just a thought.

Hey! What's going on here?

I've been so blessed, I feel I should give back to the hot lady dog.

- You don't have to put up with that. Get outta here! - [ Growls ]

That is one hot fox. What's the matter with you two?

Don't you know that every female is looking for the strongest male?

- But what about personality? - I'm gonna die a virgin.

Shut up and listen. The strongest male is called the alpha male.

The alpha male wants everybody to know he's the boss male.

You have to be him-- the boss of all the males.

You have to learn how to walk like the alpha male.

Walk the walk. [ Archie ] Walk the walk.

- And talk the alpha male talk! - [ Lucky ] I'm still on the walk.

It's about power and respect.

It's about pure, unchecked, uncompromised, testosterone-driven male power!

[ Lisa ] John, didn't I ask you to line the garbage pails?

You line 'em your damn self, woman!

- What? - I-I'm sorry, honey.

I was talkin' to the animals. I got a little riled up. I was teachin' 'em somethin'.

Stop messing with those animals and go and get us something to eat.

Okay, I'm on my way. Going right now, honey. Go.

[ Lucky ] Way to go, alpha male. Talk the talk. Shut up!

Who are you telling to shut up?

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the animals. I'm going to get the food.

- You sure you don't want another one of these things? - No, I'm fine.

Okay.

I got a question for you. Let's say you spend your whole life in show business.

What's gonna be your big finish? Every act has to have a big finish.

Big finish? Check it out. San Francisco Bee. Quote.

"The best thing about Archie's act is when it's finished." End quote.

No, I mean in life.

Who you gonna share your success with, your hopes, dreams, fears and failures?

Everything I do wouldn't mean anything if I didn't have my wife and kids to go home to.

Sometimes I do get very lonely.

I've never been in love.

Okay, this is your big chance. I think Ava really likes you.

Did she say somethin'? What'd she say?

You gotta learn to read between the lines sometimes.

She loves me? I knew it!

Hey, let's not get carried away.

I feel like I'm about to burst.

So, this is what love feels like, right? Oh.

Or maybe it's the marshmallows.

[ Burps ]

I think it's the marshmallows. You ate a whole bag of 'em.

Doc, tomorrow you're gonna see a brand-new bear.

I think I'm gonna call it a night.

Don't go. It's a little scary out here for me.

Can you stay here till I fall asleep?

Okay, I'll wait till you fall asleep. Then I'm leaving.

- Hey, Doc? - Yes, sir?

Can you leave the light on?

Okay, light stays on.

I'll keep these here, okay?

'Night, Archie. 'Night, Doc.

If you want a marshmallow, just gotta ask me, okay?

Look out, Ava! There's a new Archie in town!

Oh, yeah! That feels good!

Feel it comin'!

Feel the burn!

Feel the wind!

Feel the muscle cramp!

Oww! Aah!

Oww!

Come on, Archie, don't quit. Dig deep. Let's go!

I think I pulled my butt muscle.

Ouch. It stings. My butt stings.

Could you rub my butt? Could you rub it, please?

Rub my butt. Come back here, rub my butt.

Please rub my butt.

[ Lucky Narrating ] Doc finally realized he was never gonna make Archie fast enough...

or strong enough to impress Ava,

but maybe, maybe he could make him sweet enough.

[ Archie ] Wow, how could anybody be so beautiful?

Why don't you tell her that?

Oh, I don't know. I-- Oh, my--

What is that?

Oh, that's Sonny. That's her little "bearfriend." She told me about him.

But he's a Kodiak bear. Hey, don't get discouraged, man.

You can win her over.

The key to winning a woman over is, figure out what she likes.

Take my wife. Please!

Don't do that. This is serious. I'm sorry.

My wife, she likes to be surprised.

Like jumpin' out of the bushes, screamin'?

No, nothin' like that. They like romance. Do something romantic.

Something that says, "I'm thinking about you all the time."

Wow, that's really nice. You do stuff like that all the time?

I used to.

But lately I've been, you know, all caught up in this,

so I guess I'm a little out of practice.

Okay, candles, fruit, cheese, wine.

Perfect.

- What are you doing? - Oh, hey, honey.

I'll tell you what I'm doing. It's all about you tonight.

I've sent the children off to the movies, and the bear is camping in the woods.

We're all alone. [ Chameleon ] Oh, yes, all alone.

[ Clears Throat ] One second.

[ Chameleon ] You cannot see me. I am at one with the couch.

I am blended perfectly, interwoven into every fiber.

- Oops! Come on! I can give you some pointers! - So much for the intrusions.

Hey, come on. It ain't no fun if the homeys can't see none.

Now, where were we? You were thinking a few candles and some wine would make up...

for ignoring me the last few days.

I'm sensing a little resistance. I took that into consideration.

Here's something you won't be able to resist. ** [ Stereo: R&B Ballad ]

[ Lionel Richie ] * And I feel with you *

Is this our wedding song? * In my arms *

That's not fair. Is this the first thing you ever danced to as Mrs. Dolittle?

* This love will last * The show is about to start.

* Forever * What show?

It is! It truly is! * 'Cause I'm *

* Truly *

* I'm truly in love *

* With Mrs. Dolittle * * Truly in love *

[ Singing Along ] * Truly in love with you, girl *

** [ Continues ] Oh, he's so good.

Let me tell ya, he scratched my belly the other day, my leg went crazy.

- * Head over heels with your love ** - Hey, what's going on?

Apparently, he's truly, truly in love with her.

Hey, Doc, give her some garbage. Chicks like garbage.

** [ Continues ] How about plantin' a little sugar on Dr. D's lips?

I think I can do that.

Oh, really? Mm-hmm.

- [ Lucky ] Go, Doctor! Go, Doctor! - [ Archie ] D'oh!

- Ohh! - He broke her! [ Gasps ]

- Get outta here, all of you! - Aww! - The kid's got moxie.

- This ain't no peep show! - But this is really helpful. I'm learning a lot.

Truly. Just get outta here.

We'll discuss it tomorrow. [ Lucky ] Uh-oh. Busted.

You're gonna discuss what tomorrow? Oh.

Well, I w-- I was--

Well, baby, why don't we just pick it up where we left off.

Baby? Hmm?

Why don't you sleep on the couch.

[ Archie ] W-Wait, what'd she say, Doc?

She said she loves me so much, I get to sleep on the couch.

You're the man!

Yes, I'm the man.

I'm the man on the couch. [ Clears Throat ]

[ Snoring ]

[ Snoring Continues ]

Psst. Hey, Doc. Homey is on the move. His hormones are raging.

- [ Continues Snoring ] - [ Chameleon ] There he goes!

- Hold it. - [ Groans ]

I was only going to the bathroom.

You can hold it.

I know that trick.

[ Chuckling ] Hey, baby!

Hi. What's wrong with your voice?

[ Imitating Dolittle ] You're lookin' mighty fine.

So why don't you plant some of that sugar over here on my-- on Archie.

* Truly **

[ Laughing ] Oh, no.

Is that our song? [ Creaking ]

- Whoa! - [ Thud ]

Ow! Hard ground! Back!

You should maybe learn how to climb trees. Truly.

That's a bruise!

Hey, come on out of there, Archie. Never!

I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

It was the most humiliating thing I've ever done,

and I once rode a unicycle in a tutu!

Okay, I understand, but we can fix this. We just have to work harder.

Nope, I'm just gonna stay here and hibernate.

Tell him to stay in there. We're making our own bear suit. No, Archie's fine.

Good, 'cause we were wondering, would it be all right if every animal in the whole forest...

stays with you next week?

Archie, I'm not playing anymore. I want you to come out here right now, you big coward!

Uh, excuse me. Who are you calling a coward?

You. I'm calling you a big coward for quitting like this.

Well, it's hard. You know what hard is, Archie?

My wife is mad at me, my daughter's mad at me,

and I'm spending my vacation with a pizza boy who greets me by saying, "Dr. D, what's up?"

Now I'm listening to a big, furry baby telling me he wants to quit 'cause it's too hard!

[ Whines ] Well, Ava laughed at me.

Oh, boo-hoo! "Ava laughed at me.

I love her and I need her, and she laughed at me!"

You don't even deserve Ava! Why should Ava spend her life with a coward like you?

Hey, don't poke the bear, buddy.

I didn't poke a bear. If I poked a bear, a bear would be maulin' me.

- I don't know what I poked, but it sure ain't no bear! - Hey, I'm warning you!

Oh, yeah? And I'm pokin' you! Stop it!

- Poke, poke, poke! - All right, that's it!

Aaah! [ Groans ]

Archie, that hurt. [ Flies Buzzing ]

Hey, that felt good. Bear-like.

You're beyond my help. Just take your ass back to the circus.

Bear. Whoo-hoo!

[ Shouting ] I'm a bear!

I'm the alpha bear!

Grrr! Roar!

Bears say "grrr," right?

What happened to you? Archie.

I-- You know what--

Potter called. He wants to make a deal.

Just listen to what he has to say.

[ French Accent ] For you, madame.

- Thanks. - So does Sonny bring you fish?

No. Not a fish. Usually about a hundred.

A hundred? Wait. No. He can't carry that many.

Okay, but does Sonny tell you that you have...

the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen?

Does he promise to fill your life with love, poetry, laughs?

No. No. Mostly he just asks me when I think I'll be in heat.

[ Chuckles ] Prince Charming, huh? Yeah.

[ Chuckles ] So when is-- when is that?

[ Giggles ] Do you want to go for a walk?

- With you or alone? - With me.

- Okay. [ Chuckles ] - [ Giggles ]

This isn't a walk. We're running.

Why do we always have to run?

* I got you now and I just want to *

* Show you how to play *

* Goose bumps on your body *

* Guide the way *

* I wanna go all night *

* Ain't no stoppin' till the breakin' of the dawn *

* I wanna go inside every corner *

* 'Cause you really turn me on *

* I wanna go knock knock *

* Our bodies to the beat of when the mornin' comes *

* We'll let the sunshine stay **

[ Lucky Narrating ] Yep, there was love in the air.

Be the man. Be the man.

Be... the... man.

Hey. Now, you listen to me.

Yeah, that's right. You're in my house now.

- Hmm? - Yeah, my house.

Also my house. All of these are my house.

Hey, you're a lucky girl, you know that? Yeah.

You're the lucky one, not me. You. [ Chuckles ]

Hey. You want to go out with me tonight? Would that be good?

Hey, wait a minute. What do you think you're doing?

Who-Who-Who, me? No. I'm not doing anything.

I'm just, you know, assuming the position.

- Hey. You marked my tree. - Oh, no. I would never do that.

I would never mark-- mark your tree.

I don't even know what those words mean. I drank a lot of water.

I'll tell you something about water. It goes right through me.

Come on. It smells like lemonade.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, I see your point. Yeah, yours is...

very, very strong.

It's like-- like ammonia. I'm actually getting dizzy, to tell you the truth. Ha.

Come on. Let's beat it. We're leaving.

[ Lucky ] You two are going, huh? Have fun.

Have fun. You make a very handsome couple. [ Chuckles ]

God, I hate myself.

[ Buzzing ]

[ Archie ] Wow. [ Ava ] Yeah. Bears have died trying to reach that hive.

Well, if you want it, you got it.

Oh, please. Don't even think about it. That's not funny.

- No. I'm gonna go get it for you. - Archie, I'm serious.

Don't. It's too dangerous. Promise me. Okay.

Okay. I like you, Ava.

I like you too, Archie.

- Oh. What are you girls doing over here? - Sonny, don't.

Beat it, circus boy.

Sonny-- Oh, you keep your yap shut.

[ Chuckles ] Your charm is matched only by your odor.

- And what does that mean? - That just means you're a malodorous ignoramus.

- It's nothing, really. - What's he saying? I'm confused.

And I don't like being confused.

- Yeah, he really doesn't. - Really? Well, you'd think he'd get used to it, huh?

Let's go, Ava. Tryin' to confuse me. [ Mumbling ]

Ava, don't go. Look, maybe you can do better than me, but don't do worse.

I thought you liked me. Of course I do.

[ Sonny ] Come on, Ava. But you'll always be a city bear.

And I need more than that.

City bear. [ Sighs ] Great.

Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?

Of course.

This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making...

little bear babies as Riley here.

Ain't-a-gonna happen.

But, on the other hand, thanks to you,

I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity.

So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres,

turn it into a sanctuary.

You can bring all your little animal buddies there.

Plus, you'll be saving face.

You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.

Look, ten acres is ridiculous.

That's the offer.

The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear.

At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger,

every piece of logging equipment we've got.

By Friday, there won't be a tree standing.

[ Sighs ] I need to run this by my wife.

Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.

Excuse me.

Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness. Yeah.

[ Archie ] Whoo-hoo, woo, woo. Hey, Johnny.

What are you doing? Doc, I know what to do. I've got my big finish.

Look. Come in here. Quick. All right.

Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here.

Okay, listen. I got to tell you. This thing is over.

I'm just sorry I dragged you into all this.

I'm going to have to get you an audition in Vegas or something.

These guys offered me a deal, and it's the best I can do.

No, no, no. The best you can do is not give up on me, Doc.

Come on. You told me, "Listen to your inner bear." Remember?

- I don't know, Archie. - Look, I know how I can win Ava.

Okay. I know I'm nuts or something.

I'm gonna give it another shot. I'll give you one more chance.

Yes! Yes! Okay, let me get over--

Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh, what? What's the problem?

Ice cream is acting up. What ice cream?

I got depressed after Sonny and Ava, and I went on a bender.

And by the second gallon, I realized I'm in love with Ava...

and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia."

[ Belches ] Hey! Don't you dare throw up on me.

Ohh! That's not where it's gonna come out. Ohh!

Wait. You got to do that, sit down on the toilet.

- I can't hold it! - Wait! You got to lift the lid up first.

This is not going to be big enough! Oh, boy!

You'll be fine. Just sit there. I'm gonna keep guard outside.

I don't think it's-- Just take care of what you got to take care.

Hey. I'll be with you in one second. I'm gonna take care of business.

Who you talking to in there? I'm talking to myself. I was, you know--

Sometimes you got to coax it down. Right.

Give my sphincter a little pep talk. Excuse me.

Come on down, you.

Oh, my G-- I gotta stay in here with you.

Let me get the window open. Please, don't do nothing till I get the window open.

- Uh-oh! - The window only opens a little bit.

That's not going to be enough. [ Breaking Wind ]

Oh, hey, hey! You're doing it, aren't you? Wow!

Whoo-hoo-hoo! [ Breaking Wind ]

- It's worse-- It's worse than I imagined. - [ Breaking Wind ] Whoo!

[ Breaking Wind ] Ohh! Ohh! Oh, Archie!

You just had ice cream? That's not just ice cream. That's not just ice cream.

Oh, Archie! [ Breaks Wind ]

Oh, it ain't that bad. Come on. Whoo!

[ Toilet Flushing ]

Gentlemen, uh, no deal.

Thanks for your time.

[ Sniffs ]

[ Snores ] Hm! Is that me?

[ Maya ] Can you hear me? [ Pepito ] Stop staring at me. You're giving me a complex.

I'm trying to blend. Well, if you can hear me,

can you change to the color of this table-- What do you think you're doing?

- I think he understands me. - Well, if he understood me,

I'd tell him how sick I am of all these stupid animals.

[ Gasps ] Oh, that really hurt.

If you could understand me, I'd tell you to do something about those dandruff flakes.

It's looking like Christmas in July.

I hate this place.

So young. So angry. Damn that rap music.

[ Lisa ] Hey. Hey.

So how'd it go?

Well, I told Potter no deal.

I thought it wasn't working with Archie.

Archie thinks he can win Ava over. I'm gonna see this through.

So that means we're stuck here? Oh!

Charisse. Hey, Charisse. Hey.

Charisse. Hey, it's a long walk back to the city.

Hm. Hey, we're not gettin' along too good, are we?

I want to go home. I want to go home too. We're going home.

But there's something else that's bothering you, isn't it?

I'm not saying it's all your fault. Maybe it's my fault.

Maybe it's a phase that you're going through. But something's bothering you.

And your mother thinks that you got a problem, and you're not telling us about it.

No. You sure? There's nothing bothering you?

I'm sure. Charisse.

I'm fine, Dad. Okay, now.

I'm not saying you have a problem, but if you do we always work things out.

Right? Right.

You're cool? Cool.

All right.

'Cause your mother was a little worried. And I was startin'--

Tell her I'm fine. Okay. Okay.

Yeah.

- Dad? - Yes? Yes?

I knew something was bothering you. What is it?

Come on, talk to me. Come on, talk to me. You know, daddy to daughter.

Break it down. You can cry, whatever. We can cry together, if that's--

What is it? Stop. Nothing.

It must be the mountains messing me up, 'cause I'm fine.

You sure you're all right? Mm-hmm.

[ Giggles ]

She's all right!

You have your little space. I'll be in the house.

All right. Okay.

Talking time's done. It's time to be bold... for Ava.

He's goin' after the hive! He's goin' after the hive!

- Who? - Archie.

- Who? - Archie, you idiot. Jeez!

Boy, this cliff's a lot higher than I remember.

Bye-bye, species.

So this is your big plan, huh? Archie, you get back here right now! Come back in!

No way, Doc. I'm gonna do this or die trying.

- That bear is one bad mother. - Archie, what are you doing?

Archie, you get back in here right now. Stop playing!

I don't think I'm gonna win Ava by eating a bunch of worms.

I'm never gonna be more woodsy than Sonny.

I have to show her how much she means to me.

And if you fall, it's gonna prove that you're stupid and dead, Archie.

What's goin' on around here? Oh, circus boy's got a new trick.

- Quiet, Sonny. - Okay, I got it. I got it.

That log ain't gonna hold him. And I know logs.

- [ Log Creaking ] - Okay! Ohh!

- Don't move, Archie! Don't move! - Careful! Careful!

- I'll buy you the honey. - [ Archie ] Ooh! Ooh!

- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Break! Break!

- [ Archie ] This was not a good idea. - Archie, get down!

I'm fine. Oh, bees! [ Buzzing ]

[ Dolittle ] What's happening?

Hold still! I'll try to talk to them. Work something out.

- They're stinging me! No, no! - Uh, guys, uh...

[ Buzzing ]

I can't see! Ooh! They're stinging! Get away from me!

- [ Bees ] Attack! - No, no, no! No attack! Hey! Stop!

[ Bee ] Defend the hive! Ow! Hey, Archie!

Get the little guy! [ Yelling ]

[ Gasps ] [ Bee ] Protect the hive! Attack!

- Attack! - Banzai! Banzai!

Archie! Archie! Hey, Archie! Hey!

- [ Grunting ] - [ Archie Yelling ] - Archie!

- Archie, get back in here! - Jump, circus boy!

- Go suck a salmon! - Ava, I did it for you!

Good job, Archie! Way to go, Archie! All right!

- Yeah! You did it! - Woo! Woo! Woo!

- Yeah. - That kid's got moxie. I love him.

Okay. Okay, what's the matter with you, huh?

What'd you do something like that for, huh? Are you crazy?

I could have got that hive if I wanted it. Come on, Ava, before I get mad.

Sonny, we're not working out. So, take a hike.

- Honey? - Yeah, babe, what's up?

No. I meant, would you like more honey?

Oh, no. I'm good. Okay.

So, ready to talk about preserving the species?

Well, we could talk. Or you could count to a hundred...

and come and get me. Okay. Counting, great.

Um, one, two-- [ Ava Giggling ]

- One, two, three-- - That's impressive. He's really counting.

Come on, focus, focus. Uh, one--

Maybe I should stay in the open. One, two,

ten, G, H, P,

green, orange, fish.

Pace yourself. Not so fast. Uh, one, two, three, ten--

Uh, five-teen. Okay, 100.

- Ow! What the-- Nap. - [ Thud ]

Daddy? Hey.

Daddy's back.

What is it? What happened?

It's Archie.

[ Man ] Back up, back up. Okay, folks, let's move it back now.

We got a wild animal, coming through. Wild animal, coming through.

I know you've all seen the show When Animals Attack.

Have you seen When Animals Wake Up and Attack?

Now, there's nothing more dangerous...

than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear.

They have big, sharp teeth and claws--

Excuse me. I'm Dr. Dolittle. What happened in here?

Well, he broke down the back door,

and we found him ransacking the kitchen. No.

Yeah. I'm sorry, Dr. Dolittle. I was rooting for you. All right, let's move it out!

Show's over! Let's go!

Hey, Archie, it's me. What happened? [ Groggy ] Hey.

I was so close, Doc. They came out of nowhere.

And I-- Are you ready to save the forest?

[ Mumbles ]

The good news is, we're setting aside ten acres of forest.

We're calling it the Dr. Dolittle Wildlife Sanctuary.

We're very pleased about that. Ah, speak of the devil.

[ Man ] Can we ask you a few questions? You think you won this thing,

but you haven't. Fine.

We'll just level your forest and call it a tie.

Thanks very much, folks. That's it for today. Thank you.

[ Reporters Shouting Questions ]

If only I had an eyewitness. Did anybody see what happened? Yeah.

We got one problem. He's a friggin' weasel.

Oh, really. What'd he do? No, I mean he's an actual friggin' weasel.

Hey, weasel, the doctor's here.

Okay, you know what, that's Mr. Weasel.

Mr. Weasel, did you see what happened to the bear?

Ooh, the big scary bear. Did I see what happened--

Did you see anything or not? Okay, here's the deal.

You give me that shiny wristwatch of yours, and I'll tell you what you need to know.

- You're such a weasel. - Oh, thank you.

[ Dolittle ] Potter's people set Archie up. I got a witness.

An animal? You can't offer that into evidence.

Well, you got any better ideas? Well, I-I'll stall for time.

Maybe we'll get a private investigator.

Those trucks are ready to roll. They're gonna take Archie off to a zoo in Mexico.

John, if you go on the witness stand, Riley is gonna tear you to shreds.

Well, what do I have to lose? Your reputation.

Look, I don't care. I'm not giving up on those animals this easy.

Not without a fight. Excuse me. [ Sighs ]

Your Honor, we admit it was a setback.

But we would like one more week to rehabilitate the bear.

Might I suggest perhaps counsel would like to, uh,

admit the animal into the Betty Ford clinic.

- [ Spectators Laughing ] - Or the Yogi Bear clinic.

What if I could prove the entire thing was a setup?

That would be a very serious allegation.

Do you intend to present evidence?

We have an eyewitness.

[ Dolittle ] Your Honor, can I address the court,

just for a minute? Go ahead.

Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify that they heard a gunshot,

then they saw a truck backing up to the area...

- where the shot was fired. - Is that witness here in the courtroom?

No. Not in the courtroom with us, because, um, he's, uh--

He's a weasel. [ Laughing ]

- [ Gavel Pounding ] - [ Laughing Continues ]

Order! Your Honor,

I know this-this seems very unreasonable.

But I can talk to animals. One of them did come forward with this information, sir.

Your Honor, if it pleases the court,

I have no problem allowing Dr. Dolittle or counsel...

the opportunity to question the eyewitness.

I would just ask for a brief recess...

so that I have opportunity to get a camera.

I'd like a snapshot of the animal being sworn in.

[ Spectators Laughing ] That's enough!

Does the weasel need immunity? Certainly we could provide animal protection program.

[ Laughing Continues, Gavel Pounding ] That's enough.

I will not allow you to make a mockery of my courtroom.

The deadline has passed. Motion to extend denied.

That's a shame. You hate to see it. [ Laughing ]

Uh, Dr. Dolittle, will you appeal? Is this the end of the line?

Dr. Dolittle, can you tell us what the weasel said?

Hey. Hey, Doc. Okay. Come to get me out?

- Sort of. - Sort of? What do you mean, sort of?

I couldn't really prove your story, Archie.

So they, um-- What? They wh-what? They what?

They think you're too dangerous to be set free, so-- [ Inhales ]

Yeah? What?

[ Exhales ] They sold you to a Mexican circus.

Ai, Chihuahua.

Archie, I am-- I'm so sorry.

- For what? - For everything.

Dragging you out here and putting you through all this stuff.

Giving you hope. I feel like I ruined your life.

Ruined my life? Doc, you gave me a life.

You're the one who taught me about love.

And no one can ever take that away from me.

Hey, Charisse.

What are you doing down here?

Mom wanted me to tell you that her motion for an appeal has been denied.

Well, we knew it was a long shot anyway.

So, Archie, at least you'll be back in show business.

Ehh, that's not what I want anymore. I just want Ava.

- I know you want Ava. - Well, maybe I wasn't meant to be loved.

Everybody is meant to be loved. That's right.

Everybody's meant--

Charisse.

Oh, my God!

Charisse, since when?

A couple of weeks now.

At first, it was kind of fuzzy.

But, uh, now it's really clear.

And this is what you've been keeping from us, right?

I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to become a freak.

You're not going to become a freak. Not at all.

Hey, look. When it started happening to me, I got scared too.

You're just looking at it the wrong way. This is a good thing.

How? Look at all the good that's come out of it already.

What good? Well, look at us, like this, huh?

How about this, huh? Mm.

[ Chuckles ] Hey, guys. Now I know what I've been missing.

A family. I guess that's something I'll never have.

Dad, you got to help him. Isn't there something that we can do?

And it's not just him. It's all the animals.

There's so many of 'em.

Yeah, there are so many of 'em.

[ Chattering ]

You guys have given up, haven't you?

Hey, what am I gonna do? I'm six years old.

I'm not a young beaver no more.

Besides, we've been living in this forest how long?

About a hundred years we've been shakin' down this forest, boss.

- So we had a good run. - Look, I tried to do this by myself, but I can't.

So if you guys want to save your homes, you're gonna have to help me.

And whether or not you believe it, you guys have enormous untapped power.

[ Blows Raspberry ]

Whenever people talk about the best of the best, it's always an animal expression.

You got a heart like a lion.

Or he's as strong as an ox. He's got eyes like an eagle.

Or he can move swift like a gazelle. Or you stink like a skunk.

- What? - Sorry about that, man. I'm trying to make my point.

What I'm trying to say is, we can do this! We can do it!

Just don't give up without a fight!

[ Beaver ] Let the word go out from Sicily to SeaWorld.

The trucks don't move! Capisce?

Yeah! All right! The beaver's right!

Yeah!

Yeah!

[ Horn Honks ]

Hey, kids! I'm gonna have to ask you to move!

- No! - No?

Listen, don't start with me.

Everybody, take your positions!

[ Growling, Barking ]

Hasta la vista, baby.

Shoot! Roll 'em up!

[ Growling, Barking Continues ]

I ain't never seen nothing like this before. [ Mooing ]

None of 'em have any milk. What?

All of 'em are dry.

What's wrong, Annabelle? Strike! Strike!

[ All ] Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

Here's your eggs! You want 'em scrambled?

Strike! Strike! Strike!

Okay. Let's go get the Frisbee.

- Come on, go get it! - D'oh!

Strike! Strike! Strike!

Give me-- Give me-- Give me that leash!

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Oh, no!

** [ Blues ]

Hey, Archie. All the animals are working together.

You'll be out of here in no time.

It's ridiculous. Animals can't organize.

You may want to take a look at this for yourself then.

[ Man On TV ] All over the world, animals have organized.

They're striking in Paris, Texas, in Paris, France,

in Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.

[ Turns TV Off ] I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning,

but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.

And what? Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life-forms?

I took on the Democrats. I can take on a bunch of animals.

- [ Squeaking ] - Charge! - Oh, no!

- [ Squeaking ] - [ Gasps ]

- Go on! - Look out! - Watch it!

- Beat it. Ha! - Retreat! - Go on!

- Medic! - Organized.

[ Male Voice ] We have two bogeys, bearing Alpha Tango Niner.

[ Bird Cawing ] We are locked on targets.

Do you hear something? Commence bombing!

[ Bird Cawing ] Roger that, sir.

Well done, men! Hang in there!

The party ain't over yet!

- [ Growling ] - [ Riley ] Sir?

- Don't make any sudden moves. - Gotcha.

[ Growling, Barking ] [ Yelling ]

Attack! Back 'em up!

Poop's away! Firing number two!

Let's return to base and reload.

Sir, you, uh, you-you've locked the, uh--

What? You've locked the door, sir!

What? You might want to--

Sir!

I think you should run. Run! I'm an attorney. I was-- I'm not with him.

[ Bee ] There he is again! Get the little guy!

Banzai!

Not the face!

[ Chuckling, Gasps ]

[ Roars ]

No, please! No, no. I'm sure we can work something out.

I'm just reaching for my phone. I'm gonna call Dr. Dolittle.

Whoa, whoa. No sudden movements, or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis.

Uh, hello. The number for Dr. John Dolittle, please.

Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.

[ Phone Rings ] Dolittle.

Oh, Mr. Potter. How are you, sir?

Oh, I could be better. I'm here with a couple of your friends.

I know you can't possibly believe that animals are organizing.

Uh, well, you know, I don't know what to think anymore.

Tell you what. Let's put our cards on the table.

I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals...

so you can work out your problem. What?

Hey, look. It's the only way you're gonna be able to save face.

You won't have to admit you were wrong, and you can get out without looking like an idiot.

Okay, okay. Look, anything. Just-Just call them off.

Okay. All right, listen, put the raccoon on the phone.

He wants to speak to you. Make it short.

[ Clears Throat ] Hello. Yeah. No, no. I got it under control.

Hey, we'll call youse back. All right.

First off, let me say that I'm here only as a mediator.

And these negotiations will be between Mr. Potter...

and the representatives of the United Animals of the Forest, local 534.

- [ Beaver ] Yeah. Let's come to order. - This is my new proposal.

All right.

What's the stipulations, Doc? What kind of territory are we looking at?

It's only, uh, 12 acres here. It's 12 acres.

I got your 12 acres right here, pal.

- Hey, they like it. - I'll give you something you like.

- Like this. - [ Urinating ]

I think that's a "no."

Or "hell no," maybe.

[ Lucky Narrating ] Meanwhile, the strike kept growing.

Even the pros were getting in on the act.

[ Man On P.A. ] The last few runners left to load now...

for one of the biggest spectacles of the year: It's Derby time.

Last horse is in. Gate's closed.

And away they go!

[ Horses ] Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go!

- Hell, no! We won't go! - Run your own stupid race!

- You try running a mile. - Don't even think about reaching for that whip.

Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu!

[ Cheering, Applause ]

This is Shamu!

[ Audience Muttering ]

Nah. I don't feel like jumping through any hoops today. Any of you guys?

Uh-uh. No, no. Not today. I just ate. Uh-uh.

Mr. Potter, I hope we have a deal now.

All right! Yeah!

Good job. Taught him everything he knows.

Viv le bear! Viv le Archie!

[ Speaking French, Hiccups ]

Come on, give me a bear hug.

Come on! Oh, no. Absolutely not, Archie.

You're not leaving here until you get a bear hug.

[ Archie Laughing ] All right, give me a hug then. Just a little one.

Come on. Okay. All right. That's good.

Archie-- [ Gagging ] Archie! Archie, you're crushing my spine.

[ Gasping ] Archie!

Bye-bye. Drive safe now. Buckle up.

Hey, Archie, you in there? [ Archie ] What?

- Hey, Doc. - Hey, man, I just stopped by to say so long.

Oh. Thanks. For everything.

You are quite welcome. [ Ava ] Archie, I'm ready.

She's in heat. Excuse me, Doc. I got to go save the species.

[ Archie Chuckles ] Oh. Go do your thing, Archie.

Yeah, Archie. Archie! [ Chuckles ]

Oh, Archie.

[ Lucky Narrating ] Yeah, it was quite a summer. [ Lucky ] Hey, Doc.

Hey, Lucky. What are you doing?

What am I doing? Hmm.

Let me phrase it this way. [ Clears Throat, Howling ]

[ Howling Continues ]

You too, huh?

[ Lucky Narrating ] And Charisse and the Doc were closer than ever.

Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pepito. You'll get it eventually.

No, I won't. I will never blend in. I have a broken blender.

You will blend in. Trust me. You will blend in.

How? How will Pepito ever blend in? Pepito sucks.

[ Pepito Gasps ]

Look at me! I'm blending in!

- I'm invisible! - That's right. You're invisible.

Great job, honey. [ Pepito ] Did you ever doubt me?

The blendmaster is back. How about that?

I am king of the third world. Hey, can we do the whole house like this?

Is very fengshui.

[ Lucky Narrating ] But the best news of all came the following spring.

- [ Boy ] No, you don't know what you're talking about. - Kids, come on-- Hey! Ooh!

Over here! Kids! Whoo-hoo! Over here! Okay. [ Arguing ]

Now, it's step, step, turn, kick, step.

[ Girl ] Papa, I thought it was step, kick, turn, step, step.

Come on, kids. We open in six weeks, okay. [ Ava ] I thought you retired.

Oh. [ Chuckles ] I did, honey. We're just playing.

Okay, now from the chorus. Five, six, seven, eight--

* I will survive I will survive *

* For as long as I know how to love *

* I know I'll stay alive *

* I've got all my life to live *

* I've got all my love to give *

* And I'll survive I will survive *

* Hey, yeah **

** [ Fades ]

* Do do do do *

* Do do do *

* Do, ooh *

Hey, come on. This is the most boring party I've ever been to.

You guys are so stiff, so plastic. Come on, let's move!

Let's conga. Hey, baby, are those real?

Come on, let's get this party started. Let's go!

Ooy! Ooy! Party over here, party over there!

Raise the roof. The roof is on fire.

** [ Continues ]

[ Blender Whirring ]

Can you see me now? I bet you can't.

I'm invisible. Can you see me?

Of course. I see both of you.

[ Laughs, Hiccups ]

* There's a place in France *

* Where the naked monkeys dance * [ Hiccups ]

* Say you're on the road * * I'm on the road *

* You must explode *

* And have some fun People, have some fun *

* What I gotta do for you * * We can't get low unless we show *

* We're high on love * * Let's have some fun * Check this out.

* When I met you at the roller rink *

* Cotton candy with your Shasta drink *

* Race with the best Then we're quite okay *

* And the kissing we did was on the cheek *

* Remember like yesterday *

* We'd hop on our bikes and just ride away *

* Knew you'd be mine somehow, someway *

* And I must say I do *

* So you're on the road * * I'm on the road *

* You must explode *

* And have some fun People, have some fun *

* Somethin' about the East Coast *

* That makes us want to squeeze most *

* For those who don't think that we right *

* I'll show you how we do a damn thing *

* I'll show you how to be on your own *

* And here we go *

* Let's get it right on We're gonna have some fun *

* We'll be low on the do' That's fo' sho' *

* If we don't go then we're never gonna know *

* Say you're on the road * * I'm on the road *

* Then you must explode *

* And we'll have some fun People, let's have some fun *

* Oh, do ya wanna get aboard You, you, you, you, you **

** [ Fades ]

** [ Rap ]

* Yo *

* This goes out to all the Tameekas *

* Yeah * * All around the world *

* You know who you are I see you *

* Hey, yo, I met this shorty up on 125th *

* She was standing 5-4 with her hands on her hips *

* She had the clothes on Capris fit her to the tip *

* Her body, when she walks she holds the keys to the whip *

* I was laughing in the Bentley when the stoplight changed *

* Brought up this life 5-0 flipped the game *

* She looked at me as I made my way *

* As I rolled up, I asked what's your name * * Tameeka *

* Hot chick, wild chick got chick *

* Now she's a puppet for your spot chick *

* Tameeka *

* You know the type that moms don't want you hangin' with *

* Tameeka *

* And if you gotta go make sure she's the one that you're bringin' with *

* Tameeka *

* Yo, she ain't the one to be playin' with *

* Who can do you better than the one you're with *

* No more shoppin' on 1-2-Fifth *

* She could run through Tiff's Who else you'd rather be in a V-1-2 with *

* Other than young F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S *

* I'm a hot kid, hot vid And I don't got kids *

* Benzs, Bentleys And they don't got lids *

* Meet me, then you can say you know a roller *

* I don't talk to chicks unless it's through Motorolas *

* Plus the kid ain't the one that'd be playin' with evil *

* Look at me and tell I have trouble stayin' with fevers *

* I'd be laying with divas And now I don't like nothin' *

* And not the one that'd be playin' with beavers *

* There's somethin' about the way you switched your shakes *

* The air bags almost came out when I hit the brakes *

* The other's got Mickey D's I'm gonna get you steaks *

* My mom says hey and tellin' me not to hang with you *

* Tameeka * * Hot chick, wild chick got chick *

* Now she's about to blow your spot chick *

* Tameeka *

* You know the type that moms don't want you hangin' with * * Tameeka *

* And if you gotta go make sure she's the one that you're bringin' with *

* Tameeka *

* She ain't the one to be playin' with *

* Tameeka *

* Yeah, yeah **

** [ Fades ]

* Every time we take one step forward *

* You take two steps back * * Two steps back *

* Every time it's right you've been left back *

* 'Cause you really don't think about it *

* 'Cause there's really no doubt about it *

* You know that that's guilt But that's true *

* Every time we take one step forward *

* You take two steps back *

* Every time it's right you've been left back *

* 'Cause you really don't think about it *

* 'Cause there's really no doubt about it *

* You know that that's guilt But that's true *

* I don't understand where you're comin' from *

* 'Cause love's a sacrifice sometimes *

* If you feel like you're bendin' over *

* When the tears fly *

* You play me no longer rough, girl *

* And I do not want to touch you *

* When you play the little games you did before *

* Did you want to take the time to think *

* That maybe I'm just goin' through things *

* Just because you're a woman don't think you're the only one that's being misled *

* What about you rubbin' on my shoulders *

* Tellin' me I love you *

* And you do the things you used to do to me *

* Every time we take one step forward *

* You take two steps back * * Two steps back *

* Every time it's right you've been left back *

* 'Cause you really don't think about it *

* 'Cause there's really no doubt about it *

* You know that that's guilt But that's true *

* Every time we take one step forward * * Every time *

* You take two steps back *

* Every time it's right you've been left back *

* 'Cause you really don't think about it *

* 'Cause there's really no doubt about it *

* You know that that's guilt But that's true *

* Hey, that's the truth *

* It was so good *

* Whoo *

* Every time **