All language subtitles for Never.Have_.I.Ever_.S02E02.1080p.WEB_.H264-GLHF

A text from Ben and Paxton?

No, people, this is not a dream.

Even in Devi's wildest
hormone-driven fantasies,

she'd never been cocky enough
to imagine having two boyfriends...

...or smart enough to juggle them.

My life is over!

- Yeah, I'll see you later.
- Okay.

♪ Did you believe it would last forever? ♪

♪ Couldn't you feel us
Running out of time? ♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

The 1823 eponymous
foreign policy...

What is the Monroe Doctrine?

Three, two, one, go!

♪ Even if it takes all night, boy ♪

♪ I gotta make you make you mine ♪

♪ No use in fighting... ♪

I don't usually
condone cheating,

but this nerd's playing doubles
like a pro.

Yeah, you better ice those lips, Devi.

Dude, how's it going
with your two paramours?

I can't believe
you haven't gotten caught yet.

I know! Luckily,
they have no academic or social overlap,

except for Facing History,
which is a sexual dead zone.

I was actually worried
about the statistical improbability

of you getting away with this,
so I ran some numbers.

The amount of people that pay attention
to you is low, like, shockingly low.

Like, you're basically invisible.

Yeah. I get it, Fab. Move along.

And then there's Ben.

As you can see, no one care.

Now Paxton is someone
people can't take their eyes off of...

...except when he is with you.

Hey, this slideshow is very hurtful.

What? No! This is great news.
You'll never get caught!

If you were Zoe Maytag,
you wouldn't stand a chance.

People still talk about the time she ate
a banana on her way to third period.

I think it's exciting,
like a farce-y Molière play!

One lover out the balcony
whilst the other comes through the door.

I mean, I can't help
that I like both of them.

Ben gets my super brainy side,
and Paxton gets my mega horny side.

I just have to keep them separated
for a few more weeks, and then, boom.

I'm on a 24-hour flight to India.

We should throw you a going-away party
while your mom's out of town.

Oh yeah! Something classy.
We're talking champagne, oysters.

I love this idea.

And Kamala's been working at her lab
until 3:00 every night,

- so we don't have to worry about her.
- Perf.

Let's make it a small adult soiree.

Just me and Oliver,
Fab and Eve, and you and, um...

Hmm. Which one of your boyfriends
seems most soiree approps?

Well, Ben has an appreciation
for fancy things,

but Paxton has fake ID
and can buy us alcohol.

I'll invite Paxton.

Aren't you coming to gym?

Nah. I got some errands to run.

Plus, I'm pretty sure PE credits
don't transfer to India.

So what am I even exercising for?

Devi, what are you doing here?

Hey, Doc.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry

for the way I acted
the last time I saw you.

Okay, I... I appreciate that.

Apology accepted.

But this is also a goodbye,
because I'm all better now.

So here are some See's.

- Thanks for everything.
- Nuh-uh. Sit.

Tell me about India.

Is it my first choice on where to live?

No. That's in Calabasas
next to the Kardashians,

but it means a lot to my mom,
so I'm going with it.

Which is why I have to cram in
all of my American high school dating now.

- That's why I have two boyfriends.
- What?

Do both these boys know
they're in open relationships?

Don't lie.

Not exactly, but I'm leaving
at the end of the semester,

so by the time they figure it out,

I'll have busted out town
like Road Runner.

Devi, I worry that the stress of this move

is causing you
to make some questionable decisions.

I mean, do you even like both these boys?

I really like them.

Ben's smart, and we talk,
mostly argue, for hours,

and Paxton's so hot,

he basically counts
as a celebrity hall pass,

but also, he's really sweet to his sister.

Then if you care about them,

why would you do something
that could hurt them?

Real relationships
are built on honesty and trust, Devi,

and I know you think
you got two boyfriends,

but by those standards,

girl, I think you got zero.

After a full day of flying,

Nalini was expecting more fanfare

when she showed up
to her parents' house in Chennai.

Unfortunately, her arrival was given
all the celebration of an Amazon package.

Hi, Amma!

Kannamma! You scared me!

Is today the day you visit? I guess so.

Welcome.

- Thank you, Amma. You look so beautiful.
- Hmm.

Might be a little too much
for condo shopping.

They will definitely raise the prices
when they see your jewelry.

Oh, I'm so sorry. We can't go with you.
Your father and I are off to a wedding.

Wait. Uh, why didn't you
just tell me this earlier?

I could've come next week.

Next week is Diwali, and the week after,
we booked a trip to Goa.

I ordered a sleeveless dress
to surprise your father.

Amma, how is going to a wedding
more important than finding a roof

for me and your granddaughter? Thanks, ma.

I love you and Devi,

but I also value my social life.

- It's feminist!
- Hmm?

Fine.

And I assume you can't help me find
a space for my medical practice either.

You still plan to work
when you come to India?

At your age, maybe it's time
to be a little less aspirational.

Self-care is also feminist.
I read that on goop.

- I hope you don't ignore me like that.
- Nirmala has been calling me

every five minutes since I landed.

Your mother-in-law is exhausting,

but you should
probably have a meal with her.

I know,
but her stories are so boring, Amma.

There's always one about
how she outsmarted some shopkeeper

to get some extra lentils.

What did you say? You want some lentils?
Ramya! We'll make you some paruppu.

Oliver, what about an adult soiree
screams potato skins to you?

But I make them really good though.
I'm full MasterChef with my air fryer.

Devi's going-away party
is an elegant occasion.

Bouches need to be amused!

You're planning Devi's going-away party?

Uh...

Not to pull rank, but as her boyfriend,
I should help throw it.

We aren't sure
if boys are invited.

I'm going, and I'm bringing
my world-famous potato skins,

so come hungry.

All right. Wouldn't miss it.

Uh, Nirmala Mami?

Nalini! So happy to see you!

- Come, come, come!
- So nice to see you.

Did you always have this many plants?

Oh, I might have gotten a couple
since the last time you were here.

- Come, come. Sit, sit.
- Thank you.

- Here, eat something.
- Oh, oh, oh.

- Okay.
- You are too thin, ma.

Okay.

- The paruppu is good, no?
- Oh. Mm.

- And to think you almost didn't get any.
- Mm.

The shopkeeper said he was out of lentils.

I said, "Go look in the back."

One minute later, he returns,

and in his hand, lentils.

Ayyo. Venda, venda, Mami.
You really don't have to do that.

Relax.

It's been a hard year, hasn't it, Nalu?

"Nalu."

Mohan used to call me that.

Nalini had forgotten the feeling
of someone taking care of her

and how nice it could be.

Maybe I can come by tomorrow too.

Smallest of hiccups.

I accidentally invited Ben to your party.

You what? But I invited Paxton already.

You need to disinvite him.

That's gonna be tough.

He's already hired David Chang
to make appetizers.

Okay, I'll disinvite Paxton.

I bet he has Hot Pocket plans
to fall back on anyway.

Yeah. Seems like they know
how to make their own fun.

Hit me in the crotch.

Yes.

- That was awesome!
- Yes.

Hey, did you see me hit Trent in the dick?

For sure. For sure.

So, about Friday.
It's gonna be just girls now.

I don't mind eating with just girls.

Kinda happens to me
every time I go to the mall.

Like, I'll just look up
from my Sbarro pizza...

Bam! Six girls at my table.

Right. It's just,
maybe we can hang another night.

I'm free tomorrow.

You don't want me at your dinner?

No cap, Devi.
You trying to ice out my boy?

- Cancel week of? That's freaking hurtful.
- Yeah.

It was Eleanor's stupid idea
to make it all girls.

Shame on you, Eleanor!

Whoa, don't be so tough on Eleanor.

Women should support other women.
What else did we march for?

Cool, so I'll see you Friday?

Yeah...

Awesome. Let's go, man.
See you guys!

Shit, do we just cancel the party?

Did you know that zebras stand in a herd
to create an optical illusion

so lions can't pick one out of the pack?

I love interesting facts, but that
wasn't interesting enough to cheer me up.

Don't you see? We need more zebras.

If we invite enough people, Ben and Paxton
won't notice they're both your dates.

Do you work at the Apple Store?
'Cause you're a frigging Genius!

Cancel David Chang.
We're scrapping the adult soiree.

We're throwing a classic,
sloppy, teenage rager.

Text everyone you know.

Tonight Devi was throwing
her first and only high school party.

And while she had been
manifesting this moment

on her vision board
for the last two years,

she couldn't stop thinking about
what Dr. Ryan had said to her earlier.

Guys, am I doing something wrong?

Yeah. Those earrings are giving me
grandma-back-from-a-cruise vibes.

What if Ben and Paxton see me
doing something flirty with the other one?

Like spooning at a potter's wheel?

Is this too risky?
What if they find out about each other?

I don't want that to happen
till I'm halfway around the world

and can't be extradited for my crimes.

It's gonna be fine.
We just need to separate the boys.

We'll do wine tasting in the living room
for Ben 'cause he's fancy,

and flip cup in the garage for Paxton
'cause he loves the garage.

Don't be a Devi Downer.
You're gonna be legendary.

You have two boyfriends
and are about to throw the sickest rager.

Yeah, you'll go down
in the Sherman Oaks Hall of Fame

like that sophomore in the '90s
who got Señora Gilbert pregnant!

Devi did like the sound
of becoming a Sherman Oaks God.

Certainly much more
than being totally forgotten.

All right, let's do this.
Let's blow the roof off this mother!

- Yeah!
- But...

let's also make sure
people pick up after themselves.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

Did you see
how Vinitha ignored us at the store?

She has a real 'tude ever since her nephew
got her a stainless-steel fridge.

When Devi and I move here,
we can get you one of those.

No, you can't move here.

I thought you liked having me here.

I love having you here,
but you are too westernized now.

I'm not too westernized, Mami.

I saw you reach
for the seat belt in the car.

It was quite insulting to the driver.

Also, what would Mohan think?

America was Mohan's dream, not mine.

I went because I loved him, and because
I liked the idea of no power outages.

Maybe you didn't want it at first,
but what about now?

What about your practice?

Mami, I need to move here.

I need my family's support.

And are you getting that from them?

Okay, Ben should be here soon.
I'll take him to the wine station.

Paxton probably won't be here for a while
because cool people are always late.

Ben said he just pulled up.

- Paxton's here.
- What?

Paxton's also here.

Oh shit.

- What if one tries to kiss you hello?
- What? What do I do?

- Run away!
- We need a diversion.

- How do we turn on the sprinklers?
- I don't know! God, I am so...

What urp?
Your boy's ready to get slizzered!

Come through, robotics team!

My mom took us
to Chuck E. Cheese to pre-game.

Not gonna lie,
a lot of us need to use the restroom.

Mom, we're safely at the porch.

You can go now! I love you.

Behave yourselves.

Okay, studs, this is our moment.

Let's try flirting.

I'm gonna ask a girl about her interests.

That seems like a lot of work.
I'm just gonna steal a girl's hat.

Go.

Yes!

Fab, I never thought I would say this,

but thank you for inviting
the entire robotics team to my party.

We have a problem.

Paxton and Ben are both
at the fancy wine station!

Why is Paxton at the wine station?

I guess Trent's dad is a sommelier,
so he's doing impromptu tasting.

A lot of people
turn their noses up to a blend,

but I find that mixing and matching
different grape varietals

can yield some pretty fun surprises.

Devi, come in here!

Yeah, Devi, Trent's opening up a Shiraz.

Why'd we think we could pull this off?

Push me down the stairs.
I'll go to the hospital and hide.

But what if they both try
to ride in the ambulance with you?

Damn it!

Hey, Eleanor, I brought my skins!

Not now, Oliver. We're in a crisis.

Okay. I'll just put them on the table.

All right. Think. Think.

We just need to get
one of them out of there.

I heard there's flip cup in the garage.
That's cool. You guys wanna play?

Oliver, crisis! Ask someone else.

Hey, Ben, wanna play flip cup with me?

Yeah, man. Sounds good.

Oh.

Hi, Amma, Appa.

Nalini! Come, join us.
This is Gokul, the groom's grandfather.

Namaskaram, mama.

And he's also a widower.
Can you believe it?

Yes, I can, due to his age.

The two of you have so much in common.

You both love peace.

Oru nimisham, mama. Amma, inga vamma.

Excuse me.

What is happening? Are you trying
to set me up with a skeleton?

The women at the nursing home
chase him like he's one of the Beatles!

You shouldn't be setting me up.

It hasn't even been a year
since Mohan died.

You know how hard it is
to be a single mother?

Why not let Gokul help you?

First of all, Gokul will not be helpful
because he is currently asleep.

Or dead.

Secondly, Amma, won't you be helping me?

Yes, of course.

I mean, time permitting.

But when we are available, count us in.

Come. Now, let's go wake up Gokul.

He was telling a story about dancing with
Elizabeth Windsor before she became queen.

As Nalini watched her mother
gently slap Gokul awake,

it occurred to her
that Nirmala might be right.

The support system
she was uprooting her life for

was, in fact, not in India,
but in her imagination.

Yoink!

So you're drinking during swimming season?

Oh. No, I just took a sip
so Trent would shut up about the bouquet.

I gotta be fresh for tomorrow.

I've a scout from Stanford
coming to watch me swim.

Whoa, you might go to Stanford?

It's not my first choice.

I kinda want to go to ASU, but I guess
the swimming is better at Stanford,

so maybe I'll just, like, go there.

I have never heard anyone
talk about Stanford this way.

I went to Stanford,

and this kid's not showing
enough respect for the Tree!

So, would you maybe want to come
cheer me on tomorrow

at my swim meet?

I'd love to look up and see you
when I climb out of the pool.

And I'd also love to see you
climb out of that pool.

Hey, why don't I get you a drink?

A non-alcoholic drink. Be right back.

Okay.

Yo, I'm bummed. I'm gonna go on the roof.

Hey, babe.

Sorry we're late.

Guess what? Sasha got us tickets
to King Princess next month.

- You'll come, right?
- Sure. Is that a play?

Are you for real?
You've never heard of King Princess?

She's a singer
and the most unproblematic celesbian.

Right!

So, where can we get a drink?

Kitchen!

Chatty as ever, Fabiola.

Oh my God, Fabiola. Malcolm Stone's here.

Oh yeah.

He went to elementary school with us,
before he got on some Disney Channel show.

Yeah, he was the star
of The Stretched Out World of Kyle French.

You know, the show where the kid
and his dad drive a magical limo?

God, he's sexy.

Ugh!

I'm not dressed for networking,
and Eric stole my hat.

If I'm gonna talk to him,
I need more vodka.

All right, I'm here. Let's flip some cups!

All right, you guys are going down.

We've got the first chair harp player.
Okay? Her finger dexterity is on point!

And Ben went to Space Camp,
so he knows all about gravity.

Yeah, none of those things help you
with the beer part.

- Yoink!
- What the hell!

My zebra buckie.

Three, two, one.

Begin!

- Go! Oliver!
- Go, go, go, go!

- Go, Oliver!
- Any day now.

- God! Come on!
- The foam is tickling my nose.

Just drink it!

- Flip, flip!
- Whoo!

Go, go, go! Flip! Flip, flip!

- Aw, do it a little more. Oh! Yes!
- Yes!

Okay, Ben, come on, come on. Any faster?

- Mm!
- Come on!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

Come on.

You got it. Yup.

- Whoo!
- Yeah, nice!

Be right back! Go team! USA!

- I'm so disappointed.
- I know.

Hey, where did that kid go
with my beanie?

♪ Oh ♪

Now we wait.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ah, wasn't enough connection ♪

♪ But I love texture ♪

Oh God.

Oh my God, guys, it was... Pfft!

Genuinely, it was like no big deal,
but like I had the best time at the Mouse.

Miley actually gave me the best advice
for how to stay grounded.

Rule number one, don't name-drop.

Demi Lovato said the same thing.

And you know how I feel
about the farm-core gays.

Neutral? I'm wrong, aren't I?

Hey, how's it all going?

Good! Just crushed flip cup with Ben,
grabbing some water for Paxton.

I think I'm low-key pulling this off.
I just have to stay moving like a shark.

Hey, do we have any hard ciders?

GQ says that it's the go-to beverage
for the international business set.

What are you doing on this side?

Wait, am I not allowed to be?

Is this girl talk? Is one of you gonna
start crying about female friendship?

I'll be in the living room.

No! Don't go to the living room.
Go to my bedroom.

That way, uh...

we can be all alone.

Yeah?

Sounds good. I'll see you up there.

See? Legendary save.

That kid who knocked up Señora Gilbert
has nothing on me.

Huh?

Uh, hey. What are you doing here?

I was looking for Devi.

Oh. Cool. I... I think she's headed up here.

Oh. Cool.

Why are you looking for Devi?

Just because.

Wow, thank God this Zoomer
doesn't know how to express himself.

Is it true you're, like,
with Paxton now?

What? I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Oh my God, she definitely is.

You deserve it. You're so pretty.

Excuse me.
Did you say you're dating Paxton?

Eleanor.

Right?

Yeah.

I'm Malcolm.
Heard you're the lead in Menagerie.

You know, my TV show recently ended,
so I'm back at normal school.

I guess my Adam's apple
became too pronounced

to keep playing a fourth grader.

Would you, uh, maybe want
to show a fellow actor around? Hmm?

- Uh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Come on!
- Yeah? Yeah.

Of course you would.

But you're not dating Paxton, right?

Who, me? No.

That makes it sound like you are dating,
but you're not.

So just say it normal,
without the straw in your mouth.

Oh! You guys need to leave this room!

- What? Why?
- Yeah.

- I'm about to hook up in here.
- My sweet, you found me.

- Oh!
- Agh!

Wait, I didn't steal your hat.

Why are you in here?

I'm flirting.
You of all people should recognize that.

Oh.

This is weird.
I'm gonna go back downstairs.

Yeah, I'm gonna... roll.

Thanks, guys. Phew!

Well?

Eric, give those hats back.

All right.

♪ Real school makes you wanna get high ♪

There you are.

Are you hiding up here from my friends?

No. I like your friends.

Come on, Fab.

I haven't seen you this nervous
since the last SpaceX launch.

It's really upsetting
when they explode.

Well, why don't we just hang out in here,
you and me?

Wait.

I am hooking up in here?

♪ This is the diagnosis... ♪

Why do you care if Zoe's with Paxton?

- Because Zoe's not dating Paxton?
- Says who?

Says Zoe, multiple times,
just in a weird way. And also me.

Yeah, but like, who are you even

aside from like this strange girl
that lives in this hilare yellow house?

Paxton's legit girlfriend.

Yeah. I'm dating Paxton.

What?

Hi, Nirmala Mami.

Oh, I didn't know you were coming, Nalu.
I would've made something.

No need, no need.

I just stopped by to tell you
that you're right.

I can't move back to India.

While I really loved my visit...

it just doesn't fit like it used to.

You must do what is the best
for your family.

I will miss seeing you every day.

Aravind is in US. My daughter is too busy.

You wouldn't know it by looking at me,

but sometimes I'm a little lonely.

While we all
came to this conclusion

after we saw her insane plant collection,

Nalini knew it took a lot
for Nirmala to admit this.

Mm.

We took this the day we moved to America.

Don't be so sad, Ma.

You will forget me just like your brother.

California has taken another son from me.

It'll be okay.

In a few years, Nalini and I
will have a Hollywood mansion.

You'll come stay with us,
just like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

I do like the way Carlton dances.

Mohan, it's... it's already 7:00.
We can't be late for the flight.

Okay.

I love you, Amma.

I'll make you proud.

You don't have to live here, you know?

Don't you have a sister in Australia?

I hear it's a plant lover's paradise
over there.

No.

This is the home where I raised Mohan.

I want to live where he lived.

You're right.
You should live where Mohan lived.

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

- Yeah! Whoo!
- Ben, stop. Just let me explain.

Hey, Paxton.

You should know we're dating
the same person.

- I don't think so, man.
- I can explain.

But the explanation might sound
a lot like what Ben said.

Technically, yeah, I'm dating both of you.

What?

I'm really sorry,

but it's not as bad as it sounds.

I mean, you guys didn't even notice, and...

I just... like you both so much.

And if I were a guy,
you'd be high-fiving me right now?

This is insane. I'm out.

Paxton! Paxton, wait.

That was embarrassing.

Mostly for you, Ben.
But hey, we can keep partying right?

Yeah, right?

I think you have my hat.

Oh. That I do.

You're kind of a bad boy, huh?

I'm terrible.

Paxton!

Paxton, please come back.
I swear I didn't mean to hurt you!

Get over yourself, Devi,
as if you could hurt me.

Don't worry, he's not dead.

Damn!

Oh shit!

I'm coming for you, bro.
Blood brothers for life!

No! No! Aah! Aah!

That hurt.

Hi, it's Dad.
I'm here at the mall to pick you up.

I'm parked in front of P.F. Chang's,

but a brute security guard
is making me circle around.

Uh, oh, wait, I see you.
Ah, there's my perfect girl.

Mom, I was thinking.

What if we move to India earlier?
Don't unpack your bags.

I already put pictures of our furniture

- on Craigslist...
- Devi, we're not moving to India.

Huh?

But a little bit of India
is moving in with us.

Devi!

Pati! Oh my God, you're here!

Darling granddaughter.
We shall have so much fun.

Now, who wants to help me
unpack my homemade pickles?

Oh, it's so nice to be... Hold on.

Why is the Ganesh statue askew?

Did you have a friend over?
I thought we said no friends.

What if I said
I had multiple friends over?

Would you punish me
by sending me off to a boarding school?

And pay for someone else to raise you?

Why do you think
I brought your grandmother then?

You're lucky I'm jet-lagged.

Va, ma.

While Nalini may have spared her
from one punishment,

Devi knew there was much worse
waiting for her at school.

♪ And you said
What's the worst that can happen? ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Last night
I dreamed of a terrible light ♪

♪ Last night
I dreamed of a terrible light ♪

Go to bed.