All language subtitles for Slam.Dunk.Ernest.1995.NTSC.DVDR-SPiFFY

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[ Ball Bouncing, Kids Chattering ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

Shoot it! Yea!

- I got him.
- All right, let's go.

Over here. Over here.

Emile! Emile!

Okay, do it again. Come on.

- Oh, no!
- Ernest?

Pass me the ball. Ernest,
pass it to me, okay?

Ernest, no. I know what you're thinking.
Don't shoot it.

It would be better to
just pass me the ball.

Ernest, don't shoot it!

Whoa!

Are you okay? I'm real sorry.

- Oh!
- [ Groaning ]

You all right?

- Yeah, baby, yeah!
-[ Men Chattering ]

- Hey, yeah.
- See that?

The grace? The agility?

That's it. That's basketball.

It's like a romance
with the ball. It's--

It's like a dance with the hoop,
know what I mean?

So I guess you think you can
take it to the hoop now, Ernie.

Yo, you think you could jam like that?
Yeah. [ Laughing ]

Don't get him started, all right?

If you fellas would just give me
a chance, I could show ya.

I'm a player. I'm a jock.
I'm in the zone.

- You're in the zone all right, Ernest.
- Yeah, the Twilight Zone.

- Brother, I'm gonna let ya in on
a little secret, Ernest. You're short.
- Short!

You remember Yoda?
Well,you're kinda Yoda-ish.
And you're clumsy, Ernest.

- Very clumsy.
- You're notjust white, baby.
You're whiter than white.

[ All ] You're a redneck!

- Right in the back.
- Guys, guys, that's enough.

- You crazy, Ernie.
- Let's go. You, too, Ernest.

All right, guys, come on.
We got work to do.

Hey, fellas? Last chance
to buy some lottery tickets.

- Ahh.
- You can win lots of money.

- Stay away from me, woman.
- Oh, come on.

- Uh-uh, baby, no way. Not on that scam.
- Hi, Erma.

Hi.

[ Sniffing ]

Snap out of it, man.
She is way out of your league.

- Come on. Stop whinin'.
- Ohh.

Okay, let's wrap her up, folks.
Last autograph.

The mall is closing. Tomorrow we
gotta be in L.A. for a Lakers game.

I'm so sorry. Bye-bye.
Thank you. Bye-bye.

- Make sure he's on time.
- Yes, sir, Mr. Moloch.

Hey, big guy, good job.

Nice shoes, huh, kid?

Yeah. If I had those shoes--

If you have those shoes,
you'd have the edge.

Everybody plays, but the winners--
they have the edge.

Really?

- I'd give anything to have those shoes.
- Now you're talkin'.

Kid, desire is 90% of the game.

If you want somethin',
you just gotta go for it.

Yeah, if I just had those shoes.

We're out of here, Barry. Don't forget
the alarm when you're done.

- Right, Chief.
- What's up, Quincy?

Later on, Chief.

- Hi, Dad.
- Quincy, get on home.

See ya at the house.

Gentlemen. It's show time.

- All right.
- Oh, yeah.

- Here we go!
- Let's hustle. City League
Tournament starts tomorrow.

Mr. Moloch and the other scouts
will be watching us.

Whee! All right, let's do this,
let's do this, let's do this.

Let's do this. Let's do this, baby.
Let's do this.

Let's do this again.
Oh, let's do this, baby.

[ Woman On Radio ]
This is your medicine woman...

- Dr. Love on the mighty WUSH.
- Oh, my nubian sister
has a voice from heaven.

[ Dr. Love ] I'd like to send this one
out to Laquita and Tommy...

Chantelle and the King,
and to the players on The Clean Sweep.

Go, baby, go!

Whoo! All right, come on, baby. Go!

[ Men Chattering ]

- Let's do it again.
- Come on, baby. Let's get
a free throw for Willie!

Come on, you guys. Hit me. Hit me.

[ Ernest ]
Hit me. I'm in the open.

Open does it. Hit me.
I'm the baby. I'm the boy.

Hit me. Yeah! Good play.

Okay, here I am.
Over here. Yeah, good.

Willie, up here. Hit me. Come on,
Willie. I'll drop it in the pocket.

Hit me. Up here--
[ Screaming ]

[ Ernest ] I'm drivin'
toward the west. Ohh!

Hit me. I can't miss from up here.
Hit me. I'm Air Ernest.

Spider-like reflexes.

- Keep it up. Move it up.
- T.J., watch it. Are you crazy?

Mr. Ellis paid a fortune for
this sculpture. Now check it.

[ T.J. ] Mr. Ellis need
to get his money back.

Come on. Come on.

- Ernie, no. Do not shoot the ball.
- Don't shoot it, Ernie.

No, no!

[ Screaming ]

[ Crash ]

[ Alarm ringing ]

Shut off the sprinklers.
Turn the alarms off.

[ Alarm Blaring ]

[ Sirens Wailing ]

- [ radio Transmission ]
Forty-six, please respond.
- [ Chattering ]

Mr. Worth, we are looking
at major damage here.

I want to know what happened,
and I want to know now.

-Right now.
-Yes, sir, Mr. Ellis. You see, we were--

Uh, it was rats. Giant mall rats.
Thousands of'em.

Swarming all over the place.
I would have stopped them, but--

Mall rats. [ Scoffs ]

Well, maybe it was aliens,
disguised as rats.

Thousands of'em,
swarming all over the place--

- Silence!
- Shh!

Mr. Worth, The Clean Sweep is your
company. This is your responsibility.

- Yours.
- Yes, sir. Mr. Ellis,
it won't happen again.

You bet it won't.
I'll see that it doesn't, Mr. Ellis.

It was my fault, Mr. Ellis.
Barry told me to watch what I was doin'.

- I'll pay for the damage.
- With what?

Well, you can take it out of my pay.

[ Scoffs ] His pay. [ Laughs ]

Fine. Tell Legal to garnishee his wages
for the rest of his life.

Thank you, Mr. Ellis.
You won't be sorry.

- I believe you gentlemen
have some mopping up to do.
- Whoa!

Watch your step, Mr. Ellis.

You didn't have to take
the heat on this, man.

Yeah, I mean stickin' your neck out
like that? That's serious biz, homie.

-Thanks, Ernest.
-Yeah, for real. You stepped up, Ernest.

Totally uncharacteristic
of your kind.

- We owe you one, man.
- Yeah.

We owe you, Ernest, so if there's
anything we can do to repay you...

you just let us know, all right?

- Yeah, sure.
- Well, there is one thing you could do.

Sure, man. What?

You could let me be
on the basketball team.

[ All ]
No, no, no, no, no.

- You trippin'. You definitely trippin'.
- We think not.

Well, I just wanna play
basketball with you guys.

You know, round ball,
hoops, hit the hardwood.

A cog in the lean, mean basketball
machine, know what I mean?

No offense, Ernest, but you see,
we're a well-oiled machine.

- Yeah.
- We've been playin' together
for like, what, 1 2 years.

- Five.
- Nine

- Seven.
- Two.

I just wanted to play
basketball with you guys.

You know.

I just, like, wanted
to be one of the guys.

- Hey, don't even go there, Ernest.
- Please.

Uh, look, guys, come here.

All right, guys, we do owe Ernest.

But he'll never play with us.

He'll just dress out, okay?

Hejust wants to be part of the group.
You heard him.

Think of him as a mascot.

A mascot?

Why can't we have
a smart mascot?

Yeah, like a goldfish.

Because we owe him.

All right, Ernest. You can dress out,
but you're gonna sit on the bench.

All right?
Do you understand?

Oh, oh, thank you, Barry!
Thank you so much! Thank you!

Oh, I'm your humble and obedient
servant. Oh, thank you so much.

Thank you, guys. Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

- I'm tellin' you right now, Ernest, you
better not make us look bad either.
- No.

- That's right, 'cause even
when we lose, we look good.
- Yeah.

- We do not lose.
- Ever.

No.

Ernest, Ernest, he's our man.

If he can't do it, no one can.

Yea!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Brakes Squealing ]

[ Backfiring ]

Ow. Ow! Ow!

Hey! T.J., are you ready?

- You know I am, home slice.
- Say what?

I said home slice,
you know I'm ready!

[ Together] Unh!

- How 'bout it, Walter?
Are you there for me, brother?
- I'm with you, black man.

Don't even worry 'bout it.

[ Together] Uh-huh!

- Worry is a drone emotion, my brother.
Now I've always said that.
- Step.

- Tommy T.! What's it gonna be?
- Nothin' but hoops and alley-oops.

- Let's do it.
- [ Door Creaking ]

Ah, the men's locker room.
Tank of the titans.

Temple of testosterone.

I'll bet you guys are
male bonding as we speak.

Right on. [ Snapping fingers ]

- Out of state.
- Be cool, Ernest.

- Frozen.
- Ernest, grab a locker, man.

Yeah, in another room. Don't come
near with all that trippin', Ernest.

Me trippin'? I'm not trippin'.
I'm on solid ground.

- What you talkin' about
some kind of solid ground?
- T.J.

- What he trippin' though?
- I know. Ernest, there's your uniform.

I'm goin' to warm up.

My uniform.

This is the proudest moment
of my adult life.

You must've had less of a life
than I thought.

- Lose the hat, Ernest.
- It's probably bolted to his skull.

Yo, T.J., we out there,
all right, man?

All right, man, I'm gonna catch up.
Hey, Ernest, check it out.

Take your time. You got all the time,
like about an hour.

Right.

[ Crunching ]

[ Growling ]

This is Dr. Love, your medicine
woman of the air...

on W-U-S-H, ''Wush.''

Tonight I'm broadcastin'live
from the first round of
the City League Tournament.

Clean Sweep and Krader Construction
will have the tip-off...

right after this brief message
from Lonnie's One-Stop Market...

the place to go
when you're in the know.

Yeah, so tell me, Dr. Love. How do
you feel about unrequited love?

Isn't it bad for your health?

Well, you see, baby,
I wouldn't know about that.

My love never goes unrequited.

- Excuse me, brother. Excuse me.
- Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

Don't play yourself like that.

Oh-so-fine perfection
of a black woman...

ifbeauty were a minute,
you'd be an hour.

If beauty were a flower,
you'd be a rose.

If beauty were an automobile, you'd
be a solid gold Rolls Royce classic.

Girl, sign my head.

[ Croaking ]
Ohh. I will never wash again.

I didn't think you ever had.

- Oh, please, baby, go easy on my man.
- Oh, she wants me.

- Oh, yeah, you smooth. You smooth.
- She don't got to be so--

This is Dr. Love, and we'll have the
tip-off right after a brief message...

from Evan Jones Auto repair.

-[ Men Chattering ]
- Take your time on the shot.

All right, guys, huddle up.

Now, watch that big
cornbread-fed-lookin' brother
over there settin' picks.

- When that happens, T.J.,
you switch with me.
- Uh, Barry?

Not now, Ernest. Walter, look.

- You can't muscle that
big, ugly forward, man.
- Barry.

- Big Foot even try that,
I'm out on that mother.
-Just be cool.

- And, Willie, you got
to hit the three tonight.
- If I believe, I can achieve.

- Barry.
- Not now, Ernest. 'Cause that'll
free up Tommy T. in the lane.

If you can't hit it, I'll hit
the three. I'll be there.

- Barry.
- What, Ernest?

I made lemonade for the whole team.
With real lemons.

It's not the mix, not the powder.
It's the real stuff

- See, it's still got
lemon peel floatin' in it.
- Okay. Thanks, Ernest.

- Everybody, in here. All right?
- Let's do this.

[ All ] Clean Sweep!

- [ Buzzer ]
- Go, team. It's right
over here if you want it.

[ Dr. Love ] The Clean Sweep takes the
floor here at the City Memorial Gym...

and we are ready to go.

All right, fellas,
want a good, clean game.

Watch the rough stuff
and the handshakes. Okay, ready?

Freeze.

Action photos for everybody's locker.

Ernest, I want you to sit down on
the bench and don't get up, you hear me?

- Over here on our side?
- Yes, over here on our side.

Oh, sorry.

[ Dr. Love ] There's bad blood
between these two teams.

- Last year's game ended in
a bench-clearing brawl.
- [ Whistle Blows ]

[ Spectators Cheering,
Players Chattering ]

Yes!

- [ Ball Bouncing ]
- [ Dr. Love ] The Clean Sweep
are playin'their hearts out.

They have the stuff it takes to
win the City League Tournament.

[ Heckling ]

[ Dr. Love ] And there goes
Barry Worth again to the hoop.

Yeah! Go, Dad!

[ Player ]
Yeah, baby!

Barry, Barry, he's our man.

If he can't do it, T.J. can.

T.J., T.J., he's our man.

Ifhe can't do it, Walter can.

Yea! Give me a ''W.''

- What are you doing? I don't care!
- Give me an ''A.' '

Uh, give me an ''L.''
Give me another ''L.''

[ Ernest ]
Yea! Give me a ''W.''

- Give me an ''A.'' Give me an ''L.''
- Man, where's your head?

The Clean Sweep can't seem
to keep their mind on the game.

Their cheerleader seems
to be distracting them.

Barry, Barry, he's our man.

- If he can't do it, T.J. can.
- Push up, T.J. Push up, baby.

T.J., T.J., he's our man.

- Ifhe can't do it, Walter can.
- I got Pillsbury Doughboy out here.

Give me a ''G. ''
Give me an ''L. ''

- Barry, Barry, he's our man.
What a chump team.
- Give me another ''L. ''

- Time out,Jake. Ernest!
- [ Whistle Blows ]

- Give me a cursive ''R.''
- Ernest?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Sit down and shut up!

- Go, team.
- [ Buzzer ]

- [ Players Chattering ]
- [ Whistle Blows ]

[ Dr. Love ] The Clean Sweep have gotten
things straightened out now...

and everything
seems to be on course.

- And there's another two points!
- Two, four, six, eight.
Who do we appreciate?

Ah! Was it somethin' I said?

[ Groaning ]

[ Dr. Love ] Now that The Clean Sweep
have had their huddle...

we're back to regular play.

[ Player ] That a way, Barry!
Yeah, baby! Here we go.

The Clean Sweep are leading
going into the third period,
and they look too fine!

Dr. Love! This one's for you, baby.

[ Dr. Love ] Ooh-hoo!
Now Willie Haskell is goin'on three.

- Yours truly.
- Ahhh! Ooh!

You showboat like that again,
I'm gonna put Ernest in for you.

- Oh, that's cold, Barry. That's cold.
- I'm serious.

[ Player ] Come on, baby.
Let's go. Quick.

[ Dr. Love ] The ball was in bounds,
and the Sweeps steal the ball.

There's the pass to Walter,
then to T.J.

The Sweep are tryin'to work it in.

Barry Worth takes the shot,
and there's three points!

Switch. Switch!

- The Kraders take it down the
court. Whoo! There's two.
- Clean Sweep!

- Two, baby!
-[ Ernest ] Clean Sweep!

Clean Sweep!

- Yo! Play ball!
- Get it, man!

- Let's go! Let's go!
-[ Dr. Love ] It's close.

Way too close to be comfortable.

The Clean Sweep are lookin'
like dust mops right now.

[ Whistle Blows ]
Time. Back.

That's what I thought. Time out.

Okay, guys, huddle up.

Willie, don't foul.

Your man does not miss
from the free throw line.

- Barry.
- Walter, if we get the ball...

I'm gonna hit ya at half court.

- Dish off to T.J.
T.J., don't take the three.
- Barry.

- Take it all the way to the cup, baby.
- Barry.

- Draw the foul.
- Barry.

- What?
- I just want you to know if you
need a rest, I'm fresh as a daisy.

My fingers are just aching for that
high-arching three-pointer.

Ah, that's okay, Ernest.
Savin' you for overtime.

- [ Buzzer ]
- Shrewd. Very strategic.

Well, I'll be your secret weapon.

I'll just sit over here on the bench...

like a coiled cobra,
throbbing with power.

[ Tongue Rattling ]

[ Dr. Love ]
It's anybody's game now.

It's been a touch-and-go game
since the start...

but The Clean Sweep are playing...

like the true athletes they are, and
I definitely like true blue athletes.

Beautiful! The Clean Sweep leading
by one with only ten seconds left.

- [ Players Chattering ]
-[ Dr. Love ] The Krader
Construction work the ball...

and the clock is tickin'down.

Here they come. This is critical
for Krader Construction.

[ Whistle Blowing ]

- Technical foul. Sweep. Two shots.
- No, Ref, he's not with us.

- He's a mascot!
- He's not even from this planet.

- He's wearin' your uniform.
- That's a technical foul
called on The Clean Sweep.

- That's it, Ernest. Come on, man.
- No, no, T.J.

- Let's go! It's a technical.
- Line up.

- What is he doin'
playin' with the balls?
-[ Barry ] It's all right.

[ Whistle Blows ]

-[ Applause, Whistling ]
- Yeah! Yeah!

[ Whistle Blows ]

Yeah! You, you, you!

[ Spectators Cheering, Whistling ]

[ Buzzer ]

[ Dr. Love ]
And there's the buzzer.

In a bizarre ending,
The Clean Sweep lose by one.

But it's a double elimination
tournament, so don't
throw in the towel yet.

Good night from WUSH.

You made us look bad.

I'm sorry. I--

I told you, Barry.

Are you just lucky,
or is that a God-given talent?

- It was an accident.
- Save it.

- The towel--
- Ernest, even I find this irritating.

I'm sorry.

- Barry--
- I know, Ernest. You let
me down, man, that's all.

I gave you a uniform,
and you lost the game for us.

And you didn't even play.

I've got more lemonade.

And I had double prints
made of those pictures.

[ Door Slamming ]

Gosh.

I just wanted to be one of the guys.

Part of the team.

Maybe go out for a pizza
after the big game.

Talk about super plays.

Talk stats and belch out loud.

That kind of a thing.

But I guess it was never
meant to be. [ Sobs ]

Why me, Lord? Why me?

Why you?

Who are you?

I'm the archangel of basketball.

Angel? Angel?

You mean like the little guy with wings
and the bow and arrow?

No, man, that's Cupid.

This has got to be a mistake.
I got the wrong dude.

- [ Thunderclap ]
- Wait a minute.

The archangel of basketball.

Oh, no. This is it. The big one.

I've committed such a grievous sin
against basketball...

that you've been sent here
to take me out of the big game.

For good. One technical foul
and I'm a dead man.

Get a grip, man.
You're not dead.

God doesn't take people out
for a technical foul.

Look, how long have you
been playin' ball?

Hour, hour and a half.

I was supposed to deliver you
a pair of shoes.

-But these definitely aren't your shoes.
-[ Thunderclap ]

All right, all right.
I'll give him the shoes.

Here. Enjoy the shoes.

Thanks.

Remember one thing, Ernest.

Don't misuse the shoes.

Right.

I wonder where Barry
and them got that guy.

Okay. You can come out now.

Ha-ha. Very funny. I get it.

Team initiation. Yeah. Now it's time
to blindfold old Ernest...

and paddle him.

Well, fun's over.
I'm outta here. I'm leavin'.

Get back in there. Hey! Ha!

[ Shoes Jabbering ]

- [ Shoes ] Bee-bee!
- Uh, yow! Ah! Ow! Yow!

- [ Shoes Jabbering ]
- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Let's just go through one shoe
at a time, shall we?

Okay.

Thank you.

No, no, no. Off here.
Let me here. No.

No, but-- but-- Brake.
No, but-- Brake, brake, brake.

All right, stop.
Brake, clutch.

Okay, out of the car.

Out.

[ Shoes Squeaking ]

Wait, you guys. Make up your mind.
Who's gonna drive?

You operate the gas. You operate
the brake. But not at the same time.

Oh, come on, you guys.
Don't get ahead of me.

- Ah!
- [ Shoes Squeaking ]

Come on. You're not
in a Gene Kelly movie.

Oh, hold on, you guys.
I'll let you in.

I know the guy that lives here. Come on.
I'm gonna have to paint the door.

[ Ernest Sputtering ]

[ Shoe Squealing, Ernest Muttering ]

[ Sighs ]

I know the three of us
have had a long and tiring day...

and I, for one, could use
a little shuteye.

With your cooperation.
Thank you.

Ah. Well, now let's
pop these puppies off and--

[ Shoes Squeaking, Complaining ]

Okay. [ Sighs ] Stay on.

Look, you two.
I'm going to sleep now...

and my legs are going
to sleep with me.

- Do you understand? Good.
- [ Squeak ]

Thank you.

[ Snoring ]

Oh-owwwww! Owwww!

Ah!

[ Groaning ]

Yah. Ohh.

- [ Sportscaster Speaks Indistinctly ]
- Wow.

If I just had those shoes.

- Hey, boy! I say, I say, boy!
- Hey, Dad.

- Hey, Dad?
- Yeah.

Can I have some new shoes?

Son, I just bought you new basketball
shoes two months ago.

Yeah, but I want some new ones.

Utopian Flights.
They've got 'em all over the mall.

Those $250 pair of showboat shoes.

You think they're gonna make you
a better player, don't you?

- No, but they'll give me an edge.
- An edge?

[ Laughs ] You know what gives you
an edge, little man?

Huh? Hard work.
Hard work and practice.

Yeah, right.

So you've worked hard. You played
every day of your life, I bet.

Yeah, guess I have.

So where did it get you?

Listen, I made a mistake, all right?

I could have played college ball,
and I could have gone pro.

Listen to me when
I'm talkin'to you.

But I messed up.

I dropped out of school, and I didn't
get an education and that was it.

So because you messed up,
I can't get the shoes?

No. No.

Because I messed up,
you can't mess up.

Thinkin' you need things
you don't. You're listenin'
to the wrong people, son.

Well, when you're older,
you'll understand.

When I'm older,
I'll end up just like you.

[ TVAnnouncer ] Now let's
go to our sports center.

And the Hornets announced today
they will play a very unusual
exhibition game in two weeks.

The general manager revealed plans
to play an exhibition game...

against the winner of
a City League tournament.

Some of the City League players
have got pro-league-caliber talent.

But these boys don't play for money.
They play for blood.

The NBA meets the streets,
and I'll be there with bells on.

Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?

The Hornets are gonna play
the City League champs. Hey!

Ifinally get a chance to play in front
of the pros. I gotta call the guys.

Jackie.Jackie!

Hey. Hey! Chance to play the pros, man.

- Oh, yeah, baby.
- And I'm finally gonna
get some competition.

Why y'all so chipper?
We ain't gonna make it.

- What do you mean?
- Yo, what's up with you, Barry, huh?

Did you forget that 1 50-pound,
scrawny, Gilligan-lookin' dodo
bird you saddled us with?

- I can deal with him.
- Yeah? Like you dealt
with him last night?

And where's Ernest anyway?

I guess the brother's
afraid to show, huh?

Yeah, well, he better be,
if he knows what's good for him.

- [ Shoes Chattering ]
- Right behind you.

I'm right with you. Hang on.
[ Muttering ]

Okay, I'm here. Now what?

- [ Engine Revving ]
- Come on. Be reasonable.

It's dark, it's cold
and I've gotta go to work.

[ Sound Of Bomb Dropping ]

Okay.

[ Shoes Chattering ]

[ Engine Starting ]

Yaaa-haa!

[ Boing ]

[ Ernest Groaning ]

[ Pop ]

[ Groaning ]

I don't know how many more of these
personal appearances they want you to--

Excuse me. I'll catch up.

Well, hello there,
Miss Terradiddle.

Hi. You wanna buy a lottery ticket?
You can make a lot of money.

Oh, really? Tell me.
How does it work?

Well, you see the little waxy bit here?

If you rub off two in a row,
you get lots and lots of money.

And if you rub off three in a row,
you get even more money!

- [ Evil Laughter]
- Want one?

[ Thudding, Shoes Squeaking ]

Ernest, where have you been?

Sorry, Barry. Sorry, fellas.

I just had a little trouble
gettin' out of bed... safely.

Yo, fellas, will you
check out homeboy's feet?

Yo, Ernest, you didn't pay $250
for those shoes, did you, man?

It seems as though Ernest's economics
have been significantly advanced.

Uh, no, actually,
somebody gave them to me.

I can't believe it. [ Laughs ]

A grown man.
You're as bad as my boy.

All right, let's get started.
We got a half an hour...

if we're gonna get out of here
in time for the game.

- Not tonight, you're not.
- Hey, Sarge.

[ Chuckling ]
Uh, we got started a little early.

We got a game--
City League Tournament.

Mr. Ellis said if this place
doesn't shine like new...

you guys are looking for a new gig,
and I don't think...

the City League pays its players.

- Gotcha covered, Sarge.
- Like you had me covered
the other night, right?

I'm going to eat,
and when I get back...

if you're not here
and this mall isn't shining,
don't bother coming in tomorrow...

because you've lost your contract.

Do you understand, Barry?

Yes, Sarge.

I'm outta here. I ain't gotta take this.
There's a million jobs better than this.

You can do anything you want, T.J.,
but I got a wife and a kid.

- We're gonna miss the game.
What about that?
- You wanna forfeit?

This is totally unexpected.

[ Snapping Fingers ] I've got an idea.
I'll stay. I'll finish up.

Your ideas are gettin'
better, my brother.

We be killin' two birds with one stone.

Yeah, he stays, we play, we win.

- Mm-hmm.
- You can't do this on your own.

I won't let you down this time, Barry.

It'll be clean; I guarantee it.
And the team needs to win this one.

- Come on, man.
- Really.

- Let's do it.
- Oh, yeah, that's
what I'm talkin' about.

Let's go play some ball.

I'm countin'on you, Ernest.

[ Shoes Squeaking ]

- What was that?
- Oh, don't worry, Barry.
Everything's under control.

Don't ever do that again.

If they hear you talkin' to me
or me talkin' to you--

Oh, uh, hi, Miss Terradiddle.

Just doing some yoga stretches,
you know, for the team.

Well, uh, going home
for the evening, huh?

Yeah, goin' home, Ernest.

You, uh, thinkin' about
goin' to see the guys play?

Well, I don't really like
basketball that much, Ernest.

Unless there's somebody playin'
who I really like.

Um, say, how come
you're not playin', Ernest?

Well, uh, I'm kind of
a secret weapon.

They hold me back until
the stakes get really high.

It's just City League,you know?

It just seems more fair that way,
kind of evens it up. Know what I mean?

Yeah. I guess so.

See ya later, Ernest. Bye.

[ Goofy Laugh ]
Bye, Miss Terradiddle.

We'll do lunch.

[ Haughty Chuckle ]

[ French Accent ]
From the moment we met...

I knew it would just be me...

and you.

Tryin' to play hard-to-get, huh?

[ Laughing ]

[ Shoes Squeaking ]

[ Humphrey Bogart Voice ] Ah,
sweetheart, they're playing our song.

The one we danced to in that
smokey little club in Tangiers.

Come. Let's dance
like there's no tomorrow.

[ British Accent ]
Oh, Erma...

you, burning with desire...

and I, alone, heartbroken...

scrubbing an empty mall.

[ Dr. Love ]
And there's the tip-off

The Clean Sweep are a picture
of form and grace...

as they put the first points
on the board.

- Yes! Ha-ha!
- Push up! Push up!

Look out, Willie! Hey,
get him in there! Yeah!

Yes, I do windows.

[ Shoes Squeaking ]

The secret of success is the polish
and the power in the player.

And the hang time.

Oh, yeah.

[ Dr. Love ] The Hackmore Antiques
look like little old ladies out there...

against the slammin',
jammin' Clean Sweep.

Dr. Love! This is for you, baby.

Come on, Willie.
Take him, Willie. Take him!

- Ohh!
-[ Buzzer ]
- [ Player] Whoo!

- Showboat.
- Mr. Razzle Dazzle.

[ Gasps ]

- Come on!
- Ow!

Barry, I can't let that man
play the second half.

Find another player or you forfeit,
you understand?

- Okay,Jake.
- Okay.

I don't believe it!

They don't call us
The Clean Sweep for nothin'.

- I feel like slappin' you.
- Ah!

- I feel like slappin' you.
- Ah!

- What, do you want to forfeit?
- What else are we gonna do?

Hey, you guys are winnin'!

What are you doin' here? You're supposed
to be back at the mall to cover for us.

- I finished.
- Yeah, right.

No, really. Sarge came back.
He was impressed.

Ernest, I trusted you, man.

I wouldn't let you down, Barry.

- I don't believe this.
- Wait a minute. Play Ernest.

- He's a registered player.
- I'd rather forfeit!

Look, Barry,you gotta play him. Ifhe
left the mall,you lost your contract.

You wanna lose the game too?

Barry, look. It won't work.
How we gonna win with an Ernest?

- It's gotta work.
- It'll work.

If I put you in the game, you
promise to stay out of the way?

- Your wish is my command.
-[ Buzzer ]

There's the buzzer.

Let's play ball.

So, is it forfeit, Captain?

No, sir. Our sixth man showed up.

Let's play ball.

[ Dr. Love ] William Bacon
has joined me on the WUSH mike.

His substitute is an Ernest P. Worrell.

At 5'9''and 1 43 pounds,
he's averaged no points...

no rebounds and no steals.

- [ Whistle ]
- And one technical foul.

Okay, fellas, let's have
a good, clean half.

- Twenty-eight, watch
the handshakes. Ready?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute.

Okay, Ernest, I want you
to stand right here.

I don't want you to touch the ball.
I don't want you to do anything, okay?

Explaino comprendo, el Capitano.

- Ready, Captain?
- Let's play.

-[ Dr. Love ] And there's the tip-off!
- Get it, Ernest! Get it!

Ernest! Ernest, why
didn't you get the ball?

- You told me not to touch it.
- Well, I know I said not--

I mean-- Look, if the loose ball comes
to you again,just pick it up...

and throw it back to me, okay?

Clever.

[ Tongue Rattling ]

[ referee ] red ball out ofbounds.
[ Blows Whistle ]

[ Players Chattering ]

[ Dr. Love ] Hackmore Antiques
brings the ball in.

It's one try at the hoop,
a miss and there it is!

Two points for raymond Boyd
of the Hackmore team.

This game has been
a seesaw of points...

as each team struggles
to edge the other out.

There's the throw in,
the pass way down court.

It glances off the number 1 7.
It's out.

- Way out!
- [ Shoes Whirring ]

- Barry! Come on!
- Oh, yeah.

- Did you see that?
- All right!

Wow!

Yo, baby! Let's go, baby!
[ Indistinct Shouting ]

I'll get it, Barry.
[ Rocket Firing ]

- Thanks.
- My pleasure.

- Yeah!
- Way to go!

Way to go, Ernest.

Ya! Go, Ernest!

[ Applause, Cheering ]

- Get it, Ernest, get it!
- Okay. [ Rocket Firing ]

Yes, Ernest! Yes, Ernest!

[ Cheering ]

You have to see this man
to believe him.

Ernest P. Worrell is all of 5'9''--

[ Dr. Love ]
It's nothin'short of phenomenal.

- [ Chattering ]
- Rebound! Rebound!

- Go for it, Ernest.
- Really?

Yes! Ernest!
You're the best, man.

[ Dr. Love ] There's the buzzer!
And that's the game.

- Yes!
-[ Dr. Love ] The Clean Sweep
has made a marvelous comeback.

Yes, Ernest!

- Way to go, Ernest!
- Throw another one like that!

She's here!

- She came!
- Ernest, come on, man.
Come on. Let's go!

Ernest! You're the best!

Hey, Uncle Walter.
Give me some right there, Dad.

All right, punkinhead.

- Who's that doing all the jumping?
- Ernest.

Did you see what he did?
He's incredible, isn't he?

Yes, quite. Quite unique.
He must have something very special.

I wonder what it is.

The shoes.

Ernest, I've always thought
you were a dumb redneck. Always.

But let me tell you somethin'.
You one dumb redneck who
can play some ball, baby.

- Good game, Ernest!
- Thanks, T.J.

Ernest, you were awesome, dude.
That last shot was incredible.

Well, thanks, Quincy, but I
learned that watchin' your dad.

Excuse me, fellas.
I don't mean to interrupt.

I just wanted to say
good game, Mr. Worrell.

[ Applauding ]

I'm Zamiel Moloch...

and I believe that you
are extremely talented.

You have played
one interesting game, son.

And I think that you are going
to become a very wealthy man.

I'll be talking to you more.
I got my eye on you.

Oh, and looking forward
to watching you fellas play
against the Charlotte Hornets.

That is going to be
one very interesting game.

[ Chuckling ]
Congratulations.

I'll see you later.

- I bet that was one of those
pro scouts or sports agents.
- Looks like a sports agent to me.

Mm-hmm. And you know what?
He said he has his eye on you, Ernest.

- You.
- Yeah, he did say that, didn't he?

Yeah, and he can't wait for us
to shut down the Hornets, baby.

[ All ] Shut 'em down.
Shut 'em, shut 'em down.

- Wicky, wicky, wicky.
- Everybody,just chill.

We still gotta win this tournament.
Just gettin' ahead of yourselves.

Ain't no stoppin'
The Clean Sweep, Barry.

- Now that we got the redneck.
- Ah-ah.

- Now that we got Ernest
slammin'andjammin', baby.
- Was I slammin' and jammin'?

- You almost looked like me.
- How 'bout some of that lemonade
to celebrate with?

- Whoa!
- [ Guys Laughing ]

Yeah, the real stuff, not the mix.
The kind with the peels floatin' in it.

Fresh. [ Rueful Laugh ]

- [ Laughing ]
- Thanks.

All right, come on.
One on one. Let's go.

Yes, Quincy! Way to hit, babe.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.
We're just warmin' up.

Hey, put that up again and I'll shove
it down your throat, little squirt.

[ Boys Chattering ]

[ Groaning ]

I told you. Don't mess with the big dog.

All right, I got a dollar. I got a dollar.

- All righty.
- Thanks.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, my pleasure.

Get down there, you squirt.

And how 'bout you, little brother?
What do you want?

I want $250.

Let me rephrase that.
What do you need?

I need new shoes,
so I can have the edge.

Maybe you should look for it
in the right place.

Huh?

- [ Whistle Blows ]
- Come on!

Whoo! Put it on, baby! Put it on!

- Go, Dad!
- [ Player] Oh, yeah. That's all it is.

Two, baby. Let's go, baby.

Go, baby! Yeah! Yeah!

The Clean Sweep are chewin'up
the Kik-a-kee Smoked Fish...

and spittin'them out
in this one-sided competition.

- Ernest!
- I got it.

-[ Dr. Love ] The Clean Sweep
are unstoppable.
- Slam and jam.

Coke, please?

Sir.

Oh!

Six.

[ Buzzer ]

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ Dr. Love ] It's tiptoe through
the Tulips as the Clean Sweep...

travel through the garden of the
Tulip Brothers'failed defensive plan.

[Jet Engine Soaring ]

[ Indistinct Shout ]

The City League teams keep burrowing
away as Ernest flies to victory...

with The Clean Sweep
as the ground crew.

Could I have a dog, please?

Thanks.

Thanks.

-[ Buzzer ]
-[ Spectators ] The boy! The boy!

[ Dr. Love ] Welcome to
another Thursday night...

and The Clean Sweep are at it again.

Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah!
- Go, Ernest! Go, Ernest! Go!

- [ Players Chattering ]
-[ Dr. Love ] It looks like
in just a few moments...

The Clean Sweep will be
off to play the pros.

[ Gasps ]

Hang time.

[ Dr. Love ] And The Clean Sweep
wins the City League Tournament.

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

- [ Cheering ]
- They are the City League champions!

- Good game.
- Big E!

- Yeah, baby.
- Big E!

- Yeah! Yeah!
- [ Giggling ]

- Yeah, mama!
- Oh, yeah!

- What?
- [ Chirp ]

- Now what's the matter?
- [Jabbering ]

[ Grunting ]
Erma comes to the game to see me...

- and you won't let me enjoy
a single minute of it.
- [ Shoes Giggling ]

Are you jealous? You can't be.
You're just a pair of shoes.

[ Hissing ]

- I'll call her.
- [ Squeaking, Chattering ]

[ Squeaking Continues ]

- That was low.
- [ Giggling ]

So, think you're smart, do you?

Well, watch this.

[ Inhales ]

- [Jabbering ]
- I showed you. [ Chuckling ]

Let's see. T-E-T-T.

Terradiddle. Terradiddle.

Terradiddle, Terradiddle,
Terradiddle, Terradiddle.

Three pages ofTerradiddles?

They must have settled the area.

D-E-E-E. Erma!
Erma G. Terradiddle.

[ Yapping ]

[ Whistling Softly ]

[Jabbering ]

[ Shrill Squeak ]

- No!
- [Jabbering ]

Uh-oh.

[ Announcer ] And now for
the winning lottery numbers
for the $ 1 0 million jackpot.

Six-four-three...

eight and two.

Those are tonight's
winning numbers.

- [ Rings ]
- Hello?

Uh, uh, hello, Erma?

Uh, this is your
B-ball star, Ernest.

Oh, hi, Ernest.

Gosh, you were so good last night.

- You hear that?
- [ Chattering ]

Uh, gee, thanks, Erma.
[ Awkward Laugh ]

Uh, listen, Erma...

I was just wondering, ahem...

since we won the, uh,
the tournament and all...

if maybe you'd be interested in...

[ Choking ]

...g-going to the, uh...

victory, uh, celebration dinner with me.
[ Relieved Laughter]

Oh, Ernest, that's
so thoughtful of you.

I mean that you would think
to invite me to something so special.

I'm so flattered.

But I can't go.

I have to sit with my poor old
grandmother, who has the chicken pox.

You understand.

Well, yeah, sure.

I-I understand, Erma.

I mean, your grandmother
can't go out in public...

with all those little pimply things
all over her face and stuff.

I'm so sorry. Maybe
some other time, huh?

Y-Yeah. Maybe when
the-the boils clear up.

Yeah, when they scab over.

Yeah. Well, uh, bye-bye.

Bye.

- So how'd I do?
- [ Evil Laughter]

You did just fine.

- Do you really have
the winning lottery ticket?
- Oh, yeah.

- Can I see it?
- First, a little lesson in...

temptation.

Oh, wow. [ Giggling ]

Oh! Thanks.

- [ Crowd Roaring ]
- [ Game Player] Put it up!

- Hope you're winnin'.
- Yeah! I'm beatin' the Hornets by six.

All right. Let's just hope the
real thing goes the same way.

This is my chance, man. Pros are finally
gonna get to see what I can do.

They won't be looking at you, Dad.
They'll be looking at Ernest.

[ Spectators Cheering ]

I tell ya, I was never really hurt.

- So why was you cryin' then?
- Hey, Kevin.

- Hey! You are the man.
- What up, Cap?

What's up? What's goin' on?
Hey, is this everybody?

Everybody but Ernest.

Brake. No, clutch.
No, brake, brake.

Come on, you guys.
I know, I know.

- It's a big night for me too.
- [ Shoes Chattering ]

Okay, okay, that's it.

I'm operatin' the gas and the brake
with my hands from this day forward.

Now calm down, both of you. Stop.

Good.

Danzo's. This is it.

[ Woman ]
I loved the ambience.

- I loved the salmon.
Wasn't the salmon wonderful?
- Oh, it was delicious.

- Good evening, sir. Valet?
- Oh, the keys are in it.

- Oh!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

It's not me.
It's these shoes.

[ Groaning ]

[ Shoes Giggling ]

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Hey, hey, hey!

Wow. I've never been in a restaurant
without a drive-through window before.

Right this way, Mr. Worrell.

Ooh, fancy. Look.
Real cloth napkins.

- Whoa.
- Nothin' but the finest, my brother.

As they say in Rome,
to the victors go the spoils.

We don't want the spoiled stuff.
Shouldn't the victors get
the fresh stuff?

- Mmm!
- Oh, come on, Ernest. Let's eat.

Some fine champagne,
huh, Mr. Worrell? Ha-ha!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'd like to propose
a toast before we begin.

- Okay now, The Clean Sweep
have come a long way.
- Well?

- And we have fought an uphill battle.
- Uh-huh.

But there's been one man that saw us
through. I'd like to propose a toast...

to the most valuable player
of The Clean Sweep...

Mr. Ernest P. Worrell, my man.

All right.

[ All ] Go, Ernest. Go, Ernest.
Get busy. Go! Go! Go! Go!

Yea, Ernest! Ho! Whoo!

- Ernest, can I have an autograph?
- Uh, yeah, sure.

Mine or somebody else's?

- [ Chattering ]
- It's the shoes, isn't it?

- Huh?
- It's the shoes.

Uh, no, no.
Uh, it's the Worrell moves. You know.

- It's that hit-and-run method--
- What a lovely moment.
This is wonderful.

Excuse me, fellas.
I hate to intrude like this.

Erma?

- Erma?
- Miss Terradiddle?

- That's Erma?
- Oh, Ernest, you're the greatest.

Oh, you are so exciting.

[ Kissing Sound ]

But, Erma, what about
your grandmother?

Oh, lucky for us,
her pox scabbed over.

Yeah. [ Awkward Laugh ]
Lucky scabs.

Ernest, when I'm close to you like this,
my heart beats so hard.

- Can ya hear it?
- [ Cash Register Ringing ]

- Yeah, I think so.
- Listen, guys, I need Ernest
for about ten minutes, okay?

Ernie, baby, got some very
important people for you to meet.
It'll only take a minute.

- We'll take a short limo ride.
- Ah! Limo?

- Like in limousine?
- Mm-hmm.

- Does it have a TV?
- Oh, it has a wide-screen TV.

These are very influential people
waiting to meet you, very influential.

- Very.
- Very.

- Influential.
- Very. Very.

Come with me, you big hunk you.

Ernest, won't take a moment.
This way to the limo.

- Does it have a Jacuzzi?
- With lots of bubbles.

[ Laughing ] Funny guy.
I mean, I love this guy.

Come on. Come on. This way.

Ernest, your life is about to change...

and all your dreams
are about to come true.

- [ Shoes Squeaking ]
- Oh! Ow!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Ernest, what's the matter?
- Come on. Not now.

Oh,just a little dance fever.

Come on. We gotta talk about this.

Stop it! Now. Ahem.

We're going to walk over there
and get in that limo...

and we're going to behave
ourselves, or we're going to
walk through the dog poop again.

- [ Shoes Chattering ]
- Good.

Cured. Miss Terradiddle?

Allow me.

- Oh. Ha.
- This happens to me all the time.

After you.

- [ Squeaks ]
- Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry,
Miss Terradiddle.

Really, I didn't mean that.

Ernest, I think
you're gonna like this.

Golly, bob howdy.
This is bigger than Waylon's limo.

- Nothing is bigger than Waylon's limo.
- Nothing.

Ernest, there's no doubt in my mind
you're gonna be a major star in the NBA.

- Gosh, I don't know
about that. I'm just--
- No, you are a star, Ernest.

And you'll be making a lot of money.

- Oh, yeah?
- It's a done deal. You're on your way.

What a glorious future
you're gonna have.

Gosh,just think:
me, a star in the NBA...

playin' basketball with the big boys.

Yes, and you'll be
making lots of money.

- Lots?
- Cash.

Ohh!

Fine champagne, huh, Mr. Worrell?

[ Moloch ]Just think of it.
You will be adored by fans.

You will take their breath away with
each move of those million-dollar legs.

[ Evil Laughter ]

You will be a sport phenomenon.

Your fame will be respected
throughout the world.

Over the whole big, wide world.

[ Moloch ] The media will
eat you up like ice cream.

Don't misuse the shoes.

-Everyone will want to eat what you eat.
-And drink what you drink.

And go where you go.

- And they'll give you even more money!
- Yeah.

Over the school, around the pizza joint,
off the twins' trampoline...

through the double wide,
nothing but net.

[ Moloch ] But it's not enough
just to play like a star.

You've gotta look like a star.

- Look like a star.
- And you can...

because you're so gorgeous.

Yeah, gorgeous.

New for this fall
from Armano Giorganni...

the complete Ernest line for men.

[ Erma ] Here comes Ernest now
in a flash-scare ensemble...

that hails to the grandeur
of the Ottoman empire.

Yes, your man will say, ''Golly bob,
I don't know how to thank you''...

when he puts on the comfy,
virile look of Ernest.

I don't think that outfit
goes with the shoes.

- [ Boing ]
- [ Goofy Laughter]

- [ Evil Laughter]
- Money, money.

And me. And more money.

And me. And more money.

- And me.
- Listen to her.

- Stay out of this.
- Ernest...

you can have anything you want.

- Yes, Mr. Worrell. Anything.
- Oh, yeah.

- And you.
- And me.

- And money. And you.
- And money. And me.

- And more money. And you.
- And more money. And me.

- And more money. And you.
- And more money. And me.

- And more money. And you.
- And more money. And me.

- And more money. And you.
- And more money. And me.

[ Both ]
And more money.

Ernest, why don't you
tell your friends...

that you can't work tonight?

Oh, I don't know.
I usually stay and help the guys--

You're the star, not them.

You're the only one anyone
cares about, including me...

and don't you forget it.

Ooh, I just love those muscles.

- Come here.
- Whoa, oh, oh.

- Good boy. Come on.
- Uh, yes.

- This way.
- Yes, I'm right here, dear.

- [ Whistling ]
Here's a good boy. Come on.
- I'm right with you.

Okay. Here. Let me get the door.

- Ow!
- Oh, you're all right.

- Yes, I am. Yeah, how silly.
- Come on.

Hey, Ernest!

Yo, Ernest! What's up, my brother?

Looks like Ern's been distracted.
Got his hands full.

Can't see us right now.
[ Laughing ]

How was the limo ride?
Did you have a TV?

- Yeah, but no cable.
- Where have you been?

We waited at the restaurant,
and now we have to finish these floors.

Or have you forgotten that we play
the Charlotte Hornets tomorrow?

He has some unfinished business
to attend to.

You see, gentlemen, when you're a star,
you not only have to act like a star.

You have to be a star.

So I'll catch you on the court, sport.

Man, oh, man,
Ernest got it goin' on.

You would too if you had hang time
long enough to grow a beard.

-[ Barry ] Get back to work.
- Whoo!

- Ernest.
- Did you see, baby?

Come on, Quincy.

It's way past your bedtime, mister.
Put your bike up and go on to bed.

I bet Ernest doesn't
have to go to bed.

Put your bike up.

You know, Quincy, Ernest has
to work just as hard as the rest
of us to play as well as he has.

Hard work has paid off for Ernest.

- Quincy.
- Come on, Dad.

Ernest put on those shoes and blew you--
and all your hard work away.

I'm going to bed.

Hey, hey, hey, Quincy.

- Come on, guys. Let's do it.
- Man, I can't believe...

we get to the biggest game
in the history of the planet
and Ernest bugs out.

[ Spectators Shouting ]

[ Player Chattering ]

- All right, guys.
- They don't look too happy.

Of course they're not. It's
a waste of their time to come
down here and kick our butts.

-[ Drumroll ]
-[ Erma ] And now,
ladies and gentlemen...

the moment you've all
been waiting for.

It's the mighty magnum
of basketball brilliance.

It's the hippest hoopster
of the hardwood.

It's the blizzard of the backboard...

the alpha omega of the hoop world.

It's the hardest-working Cracker
in basketball.

What is that?

- It's Ernest!
- It's Ernest, man. My main man!

Ernie Ali Al Worrell!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

When did Ernest
become a Black Muslim?

Ernest!

Here. Allow me.

[ Applause, Whistling ]

- Yeah!
- Okay, guys, let's huddle up.

All right, listen.
This is an NBA pro team.

Now, we're gonna start out
in the two-three zone, see
which way they're comin'from.

- T., I want you to throw the ball in.
- Barry.

Barry, please, spare us
the strategy rap.

All you have to remember
is to throw me the ball.

Feed me the pill. Pass me the rock.

And leave everything else up to me.

Know what I mean?

This is Dr. Love at the sidelines,
pitchin'the pro game...

straight to ya over WUSH.

One, two, three, go!

And the Hornets have taken the floor.

- Okay.
- Let's do this. Oh, yeah.

Let's go, Clean Sweep.

[ Dr. Love ] The Clean Sweep take
their position on the floor.

And it looks like the Hornets
are ready for this game,
as their center comes to face...

our own Ernie Ali Worrell.

-[ Whistle Blows ]
-[ Dr. Love ] And there's thejump ball.

Holy flash! Did ya see that?

That's right.

And that's the first two points
with Ernest dunkin' the ball...

with enough hang time to write
his name on the backboard.

Oh, yeah.

[ Dr. Love ] The Hornets
bring the ball down into Sweep
territory and set up a play.

Hey, T. baby. T. baby.

-[ Crowd Cheering ]
- Oh, yeah, my man!

This guy is awesome.

[ Squealing, Giggling ]

- [ Yawning ]
- [ Players Chattering ]

Is the ball in the air yet?

I'm clear! I'm clear!

I believe so.

- [ Rocket Engine Firing ]
- And there goes Ernest.

- Hoo-whoo!
- That was a three-pointer.
He turns it into a two?

[ Player Shouting ]

Come on now.

Way to go, Barry!

A little gump dunk.

[ Dr. Love ]
Was that fantastic?

The crowd is enthralled
with Ernest P. Worrell.

And he is so gracious
to his adoring fans.

What you got? Huh? I gotcha.
You can't go around me.

- Oh, no!
- [ Crowd Cheering ]

- Thirty-two. Run number two.
- I got it.

Don't you love team sports?

[ Dr. Love ] Ernest is determined
to crush these Hornets all by himself.

Oh, Ernest! [ Squealing ]

This just in on exhibition games
around the country.

The Charlotte Hornets
are getting trounced...

by a City League team who
call themselves Clean Sweep.

This is unbelievable.

The score is 36 to 4 in the middle
of the second quarter.

How can this be? A City League
team knocking the daylights
out of the Charlotte Hornets?

And it's all because of one man:

Ernest-- Ernest P.--
Ernest P. something.

Ernest-- Ernest P. Worrell.

He is being a one-man team
in this match...

and the Hornets have nothing
to combat this fly guy.

Let's take you to the action
where our travel cam sports crew
have just arrived.

This is absolutely the most incredible
thing the sports cruiser has ever seen.

This Ernest character is
literally punishing the Hornets.

They're not happy about it.
Their coach is not happy
about it, and it looks like...

Ernest's own team is not
all that happy about it.

[ Rocket Engine Firing ]

[ Evil Laughter]

-[ Buzzer ]
- There's the half-time buzzer...

and what a half it's been.

My, oh, my.

[ Reporter] Ernest, you look
like NBA material out there.

That's because I am NBA material.

How did you manage to outscore
an entire pro team?

- Quite nicely, I thought.
- You got a wonderful future.
What are your plans?

That's it, boys. That's enough.

I've got to go freshen up now.
[ Chuckling ]

We'll do lunch.

Ernest, Ernest, what are
your plans for the future?

-[ reporters Chattering ]
- No, really, that's all.
Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Hey, you guys. We're
really trompin' 'em, huh?

- We ain't doin' nothin', Ernest.
- Yeah.

- You doin' it, Big E.
- You doin' it all.

Well, hey, I thought if
we could win this game--

- We just gonna watch you play.
- But we're a team.

Define ''team.''

We don't wanna make you
look bad, know what I mean?

Excuse me, Air Ernie.

- I could make some lemonade.
- [ Door Closing ]

[ Door Opening ]

Ernest, you're the greatest. You're
the best player in the whole world.

- Well, what about your dad?
- Ah, he's nothing...

and never will be.

But you're a star. When I grow up,
I wanna be just like you.

- [ Buzzer ]
- Hey, Ernest! That's the buzzer.

Come on. Hurry up.
Come on, man.

Did ya hear that?

Now, on top of everything else, I've
turned this little kid against his dad.

- Yeah, some star.
-[ Shoes Jabbering ]

Oh, yeah? Well, you
were partly to blame.

- If you hadn't acted
so high and mighty and--
- [Jabbering ]

But if we do that,
we could lose, and--

[Jabbering ]

Well, I guess it would help
Barry and little Quincy.

-[ Chattering ]
- Ouch! Ow! Ow!

Stop squeezin' my toes. Okay, okay.

Stop it. Okay. Okay, I'm with you.

Okay, wait.

- Well, when's he comin' out?
- Who cares?

The Clean Sweep take the floor,
but where's the man of the hour?

Where's Ernest?

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Dr. Love ] There he is,
ladies and gentlemen.

The man! The superstar!

[ Giggling ]
Ernest, we love you!

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ Dr. Love ]
Ernest flips to Barry Worth.
Worth passes it back to Worrell.

Worrell to Worth, Worth to Worrell,
Worrell-- It's stolen!

What's wrong with you, man?
Take the ball and shoot it.

[ Dr. Love ]
And the Hornets score!

- What's goin'on out there?
- We got it.

What has happened to
this Clean Sweep team?

The star, Ernest P. Worrell,
keeps passing the ball off.

[ Player ] All right, all right.
Over here!

T.! T.! Off! Off!
Way to go, Barry!

Okay, rebound.
I got the rebound. Move!

What's with you? Stop 'em!

- Good idea.
- Shoot it! Shoot it!

[ Rocket Engine Firing ]

Oh! Oh!

- Yeah, yeah! All right!
- Get out of the way.

We comin' back.
We comin' back.

Man, I can't believe this.

- Get this close.
- Wake up, Ernest.

- Look, wake up, brother! Wake up! Unh!
- [ Rattling ]

[ Sighs ]

- He's not wakin' up.
- Oh, yeah, he will. Watch this.

Ow. Yeow.

[ Skin Snapping ]

Ouch. That hurt.

Come on, Ernest.
Snap out of it, okay?

We gotta finish the game.
Now come on.

I can't. You guys do it.

I'm hurt. Uh, old football injury.
Redskins. You know.

Come on, Ernest. We can't
win this thing without you.

Sure, you can. You guys can win it.
You're a team.

You're a basketball
machine, remember?

You guys can do it.

Hard work will do it.

You're right, Ernest.
Let's go, guys.

All right, let's do it.
Hard work, baby, hard work.

- Clean Sweep!
- Let's do this!

[ Players Chattering, Whistle Blows ]

The Clean Sweep team has taken the floor
without their star, Ernest.

Stand by. We may be
switching to midget racing.

[ Dr. Love ] The Hornets
have come back hard and fast...

without Clean Sweep superstar
to stand in their way.

Things are turnin'out for the worst
for the boys in blue.

What are you doing? You're kissing
a $5 million contract good-bye?

You're a star. You can't quit.
You're blowing the whole deal!

- I blew the whole deal.
- What? You were on the top!

What do you want? Anything.

You name it.
The world can be yours, man.

Just finish the game.

I wanted to be on the team,
and I'm not, and it's my own fault.

- What about me, Ernest?
- You're not what I thought.

You're making a big mistake,
Mr. Worrell.

No, I'm not. Now get away from me
and leave me alone.

- Oh, Ernest.
- Both of you.

Get away from me and leave me alone.

You are going to be very sorry.

[ Squeaking ]

[ Squealing ]

- [Jabbering ]
- [ Growling ]

What is he doing?
Ernest is givin' up his shoes?

Well.

I guess he thought it was
the right thing to do.

[ Crowd Cheering, Whistling ]

Willie! Hey, Willie!

[ Players Chattering ]

Come on!

-I got up. I got up!
-[ Dr. Love ] The Hornets have it again.

The shot. Oh, off the rim,
and Barry Worth on the rebound.

He's down the court.

He's up there.
That's two for the sweep!

For what it's worth, it's Barry Worth.
He is reachin'deep.

He just blew off two of the best
defense players of the NBA!

Barry is keepin' the Sweep on top.

[ Crowd ] Go!

I taught them everything they know.

- [ Whistle Blows ] T.J.!
- What?

What you talkin'about a foul?
You gotta wake up and watch the game.

That wasn't no foul. What are you
talkin' about? When was it a foul?

And with just five seconds left,
T.J. Wilson has fouled out.

- [ T.J. Shouting ]
- T.J.! Come on, T.J.

- T.J.!
- T.J.,just chill.

Ernest, you gotta come in, man,
or we're through.

Yeah, Ernest, go on in.

- I don't know, fellas.
- Ernest, it's what you must do.

- Come on, Ernest.
- But what if I cause us to lose
and we look really bad?

Ernest, that doesn't matter,
because you're part of the team.

You mean I'm really part of the team?

Yes, you're really part of the team.

You mean I'm really, really,
really, really, really, really...

really, really part of the team?

- Really.
- Really.
- Really part of the team.

- Okay.
- All right.

- Clean Sweep!
-All right, baby, let's go!

- You're really on the team,
Ernest. Hurry. Go!
- I'm out of here.

- Come on, baby, go!
- Here we go. Seconds to go,
and the Hornets lead by one.

Barry Worth has done an amazing job
leading the City League champs.

Barry Worth is definitely
an NBA-caliber player.

[ Players Chattering ]

- Come on! Pop it!
- Right here!

Ernest! Shoot!
Shoot it, Ernest! Throw it up!

Shoot the ball.
Shoot the ball!

I know what you're thinking.
Don't shoot, Ernest. It would be
better if you passed the ball.

[ Players ] Shoot the ball!
Shoot it, Ernie!

Don't shoot it, Ernest.

- Shoot the ball.
- Ernest, don't shoot it!

- Yeah! Yeah!
- [ Cheering ]

[ Indistinct Shouting ]

Clean Sweep does it again.

Boy, yeah! Baby boy! All right!

[ Indistinct Shouting, Cheering ]

Way to go, Barry.

That was quite a game
you played, Mr. Worth.

Thanks, but the rest of the team,
they played great. I mean--

We'd like to talk to you
in private, if we can.

Sure. Why?

We're a couple of pro scouts, and we're
always looking for a talent like yours.

- Come on, son.
- All right!

[ Shouting, Chattering ]

Yeah, that was great, wasn't it?

Yeah, we won it! We did it!

We did it! Ha-ha!

I'm sorry I took these shoes.

I just saw 'em, and I couldn't resist.

I'm really sorry.

So, you figured out that I
was after Quincy all along.

I had that kid the moment
he laid eyes on those shoes.

But you didn't see
Ernest coming, Zamiel.

- You lost big time.
- I gotta hand it to you.

Usin' the yahoo with the brown hat
and the magic shoes.

That was brilliant.
I was totally blindsided.

- I figured you'd be up
to your same old tricks.
- They work most of the time.

- But not this time.
- [ Chuckling ]

Wait a minute. How did you know
Ernest would make the right decision?

For that matter, how did you know
Ernest would become Quincy's role model?

- You cheated.
- It's chess, baby.

- I was three moves ahead.
- [ Thunderclap ]

But-- But I had help. I'm not sayin'
I did this on my own, you know.

- You won this one, all right.
- Maybe the next time Quincy
crosses your path...

he'll recognize you.

Enjoyed the game. 'Til next time.

Shall we take our leave,
Miss Terradiddle?

Say, you wouldn't happen
to know where the Phillies are
playing this week, would you?

Didn't think so.
Oh, for you, my dear.

- The winning lottery ticket.
- Oh. For me?

- [ Chuckling ]
- Ooh.

Will I make lots of money?

- Oh, yes, very expensive money.
- [ Chuckling ]

- Anybody else want some Clean Sweep?
- Ha-ha!

I always knew. We swept.

Just pass me the pill
and I'm ready to go.

- Finally gonna get my shot.
- Hey, Dad!

Hey, hey! What's up?

- Did you win?
- We did it.

I knew you could do it.
I'm proud of you.

Hey, where you been?

Doing some very hard work.

Let's go home.

Ah, the sweet smell of victory.

And all it took was
my spider-like reflexes...

my dazzling hand-eye coordination...

and, of course, a little fancy
footwork, know what I mean?

Wah! Ah!

- [ Crash ]
- Ahhh!

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