Original subtitles

I need help.

I can offer you help.

And a place to stay.

That ain't happening.

You should let her crash here. What?

Show that you can be a good guy,

you'll win some points with Allison.

If I got a copy of your book,

would you at least sign it for me?

You stay clean for 36 hours, the sofa's yours.

Deal.

Yeah.

I gotta use the bathroom.

Just a second.

Look what I found behind the toilet.

I'm sorry.

Sorry doesn't cut it, man.

You were supposed to watch her.

You ever hear of a vision quest?

Don't leave me out here, you son of a bitch!

I'm leaving. Fuck you both.

So when did you have your last drink?

Thirty-six hours?

You made it.

Uh, who are you again?

I'm Carl. Uh, Allison's boyfriend.

Yeah.

Enjoy your frittata.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

Hey, maybe you guys can--

Can you settle a bet for me?

Sure.

I got a buddy who says Gettysburg

was more deadly than Appomattox, okay?

Now, I tried to tell him that

despite its prevalence in the cultural mindscape,

Gettysburg's actually the less deadly of the two.

Am I right?

How would we know?

Well, 'cause you're Civil War re-enactors, right?

I mean, there's no reason--

There's no reason to have beards

like that in this day and age.

We're not Civil War re-enactors.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I saw the itchy flannel shirts, and I--

Are-are you lumberjacks?

No.

Time-travelers.

You're time-travelers.

We're musicians, asshole.

Well, I hope the band is called:

The Time-Traveling Lumberjacks of the Confederacy.

Fuck you.

That is a pretty good band name.

You're welcome.

I-I was just thinking, have you ever said a word

over and over, and then, it starts to sound weird?

There are a lot of words like that.

Towel.

Towel.

Towel? I dry off with a towel?

Sponge.

Sponge.

Squeegee.

Squeegee...

Hm. It's all bathroom products, huh?

Cunt-fart's another one.

Cunt-fart.

Cunt-fart. Cunt-fart.

After a while, it just starts to lose its meaning.

Actually, not to be a stickler here,

but "cunt-fart" is two words.

It has a dash.

Cunt, dash, fart.

Yep, found the Harvard man.

Actually, the word I was thinking of was,

uh, um, "daughter."

Daughter.

Daughter, daughter.

See what I mean?

Okay, so why are you thinking

- of the word "daughter"? - I don't know.

It just pops into my head this time of year.

And maybe 'cause next week's my daughter's birthday.

Yeah, that-that might have something to do with it.

I didn't know you had a daughter.

What is a cunt-fart anyway?

It can't be gas, right?

No. It's air.

Like, this one time, I was having sex with Wyatt

when he was on some kind of, like, herbal Viagra.

Let's just say he was pushing a lot of air up there.

Okay, thank you, Kate Middleton.

I think we ought to focus on Mugsy's thing.

I wanna hear more about her thing.

Mugsy, what, uh--

You gonna see your daughter for her birthday?

No.

No, no, no.

I-I haven't seen her in years.

How come?

Well, back when my old lady and me got divorced,

my daughter--

There it is. Dau-- Daughter.

Daughter. Anyway, my daughter, Latte,

uh, she didn't like spending time

with me on the weekends.

Then, one time, she and her friends,

they wanted to go to a Hannah Montana concert.

She told me that was more important

than being with her dad.

Uh, little star-fucker, huh?

Heh-heh-heh.

No. That's gross.

So, anyway, um, I said:

"No, it's my day, and you can see

Hannah Montana any time you want."

So she got pissed,

and she said I was ruining her life, and that, uh,

she didn't wanna see me anymore.

So that was it.

That was it?

Yeah, that was it.

Pretty strong words, wouldn't you say?

No, teenagers say shit like that.

Listen, I-I-I would've accepted it

if it came from a teenager.

She was only 10.

You haven't seen her since she was 10?

No. She made her choice,

and I'm just honoring her wishes.

You know? Like a-a good father does.

Jesus Christ, Mugsy.

Kids say dumb shit like that, okay?

You gotta-- You gotta reach out to her.

No. As far as I'm concerned, ball's in her court.

I'm here if she needs me.

She definitely needs you.

Well, whatever.

It's too late now.

She's 18. All grown up.

No, you're supposed to be the grownup,

you dumb fuck.

Now, come on, you're somebody's father.

You start acting like one.

You know, Hannah Montana doesn't even exist anymore.

She's turned into some kind of sex gremlin.

Isn't it a shame? Everybody changes.

Bruce Jenner's a chick.

Cute little Chastity Bono

turned into that singer from Smashmouth.

Hey, where you get that herbal Viagra, anyway?

In any gas station.

Goes by the name of "Nature's Rod."

Hey, Eddie, you sure you're in the right group?

What day is it?

Shouldn't be too hard to find

a 17-year-old girl named "Latte."

By the way, what kind of maniac

names his daughter, "Latte"?

What is he, manager of Starbucks or something?

From what I know about Mugsy, she's lucky her name's not

"Quaalude" or "Hash Oil."

"Hash Oil," though,

that'd be a pretty cute name,

like Popeye and Olive Oyl.

They have a stoner daughter named "Hash Oil"

who smokes all of Popeye's spinach--

Oh, here she is.

That's her Faux Friends page. Mm-hm.

How are you just able to do that?

How are you not?

Can't believe how ignorant you are

when it comes to the Internet.

Well, it's like, I don't--

You know, I'm not a fan of the thing

that destroyed the music industry.

Feel like I'm sleeping with the enemy now.

Well, as long as you're sleeping with somebody.

You remember that movie?

Hello. Hey, you.

No. Well, no, I--

I don't know that I could right now.

Huh.

Look at her. She's adorable.

Mugsy's a fucking idiot.

Hey, you know, I gotta go.

We're in the middle of something.

Talk to you soon. Bye. Okay.

Yeah, I don't know how somebody

goes eight years without talking

to their own kid.

See if you can figure out where she lives

or how I can get in touch with her.

And, uh, oh, do we have any more cranberry juice?

Stop drinking cranberry juice.

You love cranberry juice.

No. No. I love vodka.

I drink the cranberry juice, so I can pretend I taste vodka.

Allison, hi.

Hi. I made meatballs, but Carl surprised me

with a trip to Gozzer for the weekend.

So you guys want them?

- Aw, that's very sweet. - Absolutely. Thanks.

I don't have to share them with fuckface, do I?

Uh, it might be nice.

Okay, but I'm in charge of them.

Okay. Come on in.

Am I interrupting, or--?

Nah, no, no.

I was just helping Loudermilk

find a girl online.

Oh.

How's that going? Terrific. We found her.

She's a little...

young, no?

Yep. She's 17,

but she's got a birthday coming up.

Hey, you think she still likes Miley Cyrus?

Might loosen her up if I brought her an album or someth--

Hey.

What are-- What are you doing here?

I, um, I just dropped by some meatballs, so--

Yeah, I'm-- I gotta-- I gotta go.

Oh.

Well, thanks. That's-- That's, uh--

Oh. She brought meatballs.

Yeah, but I'm in charge of them.

That's nice of her, right?

She comes over, drops off meatballs, and leaves.

She's, like, the perfect woman.

Ha-ha-ha. Hello.

Who? No, you got the wrong number.

Oh, it's perfectly fine. Ha-ha-ha.

Okay, you, too. Bye.

You two would make an adorable couple,

and I know you're both single.

Shut your mouth, Loudermilk.

Mrs. Wilkes stopped by to see

if you've been making any progress

with her daughter, Claire.

Actually, yeah, she, uh, she opened up

at the last meeting.

Oh? What did she say?

Did she give you any indication

of why she dropped out of school?

Yeah, I don't-- I don't talk about

what's said in the room.

But she did open up?

I just told you she opened up.

The other day she called me a B-I-T-C-H.

Well, don't take it personally.

She's just lashing out.

No, that was a good thing.

She used to call me the C-word and the F-word.

A couple of times, she even called me the N-word.

So she's getting better?

Alphabetically speaking.

I'd love to know what triggered this.

I know it was more than her father dying.

Well, why don't you fucking ask her?

Loudermilk.

What?

Why does every conversation

with you have to turn ugly?

You asked me to help your daughter,

not hump your leg.

There's a thing called accountability,

and you need to open up an account.

You don't know me,

and you don't know what I've been through.

All right. I'll look into it.

What a cocksucker.

Yeah.

All right, so last week,

we touched on some very heavy stuff

about fathers and daughters, which I'm sure,

hit home for a lot of us, right?

Come on. Really?

I took you down a very emotional road last time,

and now, you're all sitting here on your hands,

with your mouths shut.

Except Roger.

What does that tell me?

You, uh, suck at this?

Tells me that nobody's doing the work in here but me.

What are you talking about?

We're all working very hard in here.

Yeah? H-how hard do you work?

Did you reach out to your daughter?

There's no point.

She doesn't wanna see me.

And even if she did wanna see me,

there'd-there-- I--

There would be no way for me to find her.

Yeah, bullshit.

I found her in two minutes on the Internet.

She lives 20 minutes from here,

and goes to school right down the street.

She's a cutie.

She volunteers at a homeless shelter?

Yeah.

Oh, so maybe she's not just a star-fucker.

That's good. That's good.

Gonna be there on Saturday.

In fact, I think

it's a perfect opportunity

for you to re-introduce yourself.

What? What do y--?

You mean, just show up there?

And do what?

Talk to her. Tell her you're her dad.

Tell her you're sorry. Tell her you miss her.

You were wrong.

I-I wasn't wrong.

That was my day.

That was not Hannah Montana's day.

Yeah, but you let that

ruin the relationship,

and that was wrong.

No.

- I can't. - Why not?

Because he's a pussy.

Heh, heh.

Do you know how wrong it is

to have a daughter

and simply choose not to speak to her

for eight years?

I lost my dad, and it hurts every day.

Don't you know how important it is

for a girl to have her dad,

even a piece-of-shit dad like you?

Hey, you think I wanted any of this to happen?

Then fix it, dickhead.

Grow some balls, and go down there,

and see your little girl.

Yeah, and-and say what?

Well, now, maybe Claire could help you with that.

Because I'm sure she probably understands

a little bit about how your daughter feels.

Yeah?

Fuck it. I'll go with you.

Mugsy?

Okay.

And you say I suck at this.

Well, you know.

Come on. Jesus.

This is kind of a shitty place

for my daughter to be hanging out.

Be proud of her.

She's a young woman

who wants to make a difference.

And you got to have a good woman.

Sound strategy. Thank you.

This-- This is fucked up.

These guys all seem so lost and broken.

Except for that guy.

That guy's not, like, mentally-ill homeless.

He's like bass-player homeless.

You know what these guys are, is quitters.

That's a little harsh.

No, they're lousy fucking quitters.

Life gives them a nut-punch, sure,

but instead of digging in and fighting back,

they just roll over and let it define who they're gonna be

for the rest of their lives.

Didn't you quit being a music journalist?

There she is.

Where?

All right, now, come on.

Hey, hey, come on. Come on, come on.

Latte?

Sam Loudermilk, and I think you know who this guy is.

Hey.

I'm your father.

You wanna t-tell her why you're here?

Why? 'Cause you're homeless?

Homeless? No.

Jesus, do I look like I'm homeless?

A little.

No.

Listen, I was thinking,

if you'd like,

I-I-I'd like to see you again.

I know it's been a long time,

but I was thinking if, you know,

we could just get to know each other a little bit.

If that something you're comfortable with.

This is weird.

Mom would never tell me where you were. So...

I kind of thought maybe you were dead.

Well, you know, in a way, I was.

Mm. Mm. Yes, but he's not dead.

All right? I mean, you're lucky in that, Latte.

A lot of people, they lose their father,

and he never comes back.

Your dad was gone, but here he is.

He-he's back from the dead.

He's like-- He's like--

He's like E.T. in the cooler, right?

I don't know what that is.

E.T.

The "Home-- Phone home."

Oh, man. I've been a horrible dad.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I know you got a lot of anger,

but I was thinking maybe we could, uh,

start with an ice-cream cone,

and put all of this behind us.

Yeah, because that would make everything all better.

Okay, look,

I accept your apology,

but it doesn't change the fact

that you walked out on your nine kids.

What? You had nine kids?

Seven. The twins weren't born yet.

Jesus Christ.

If it's any consolation,

the pain you caused me

made me wanna help other people in pain.

So I am a better person today because you left us.

Man.

And all this time,

I was thinking I did the wrong thing.

Let's get out of here.

Affinity, communication,

and an empathy for the human condition

is what binds us and keeps a soul in wonder.

Two things. Don't touch me,

and I think you pissed your jammies.

I like you.

Ah, good guy. I like that guy.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

He fucking ditches out on nine kids?

Well, seven, because the twins weren't--

Jesus Christ.

My dad was a great guy,

and this piece of shit gets to live.

Yeah, well, hey.

You don't know what was going on in his life.

All right? He's an addict.

That's the answer right there.

Fucking Latte.

She gets the shit-end of the stick,

and she turns it into a candy cane.

And look at me.

I get every break in the world,

and now I'm just some homeless junkie

that sleeps on some asshole's couch.

You know, Ben's doing the best he can.

You know.

All right, let's-let's, uh, go for a walk, all right?

No, this way, come on.

You know, I bet if your dad was here,

you'd probably tell him what was bothering you.

Of course, I'd be shitting my pants in horror

'cause he's been dead for six months.

But he's not here.

I am.

What's eating at you?

Nothing's eating at me.

And if there was, I wouldn't tell you.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Little help?

Uh.

Yeah, sure.

What are you doing?

What?

Go throw with the guy.

What? Why?

What do you mean, why?

Look at him. He doesn't have anybody to play with.

Come on, come on, you'll get along great together.

It's not my fault he doesn't have any friends.

Maybe he's a dick.

He's not a dick. That guy-- Look at him. Look at him.

He doesn't even know how to be a dick.

Get out there. Come on.

Okay.

Fine.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

Oh. Ha, ha.

♪ Ooh, ooh

Charlie, that's high enough.

Ah, quit your bitching.

Oh, my God.

It's like I'm at the Cirque du Soleil.

Hey, I got some, uh, stale gummy fish if anybody wants.

Crazy stale.

Kind of like eating birthday candles. Here.

Thank you. I gotta go.

I hope to see you around.

All right, yeah.

Bye, Claire.

Bye.

Nice to see you.

What do you know? You're dating again.

BTDUBS, we're out of bologna.

Uh, well, FYI, we would have some

if you didn't E-A-T it all.

But look how much time

we're saving by verbally texting.

LMFAO.

I got some meatballs that Allison brought over.

Do they taste like unrequited love?

Ha-ha-ha.

I think I got you finally figured out, Claire.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Feels to me like you've lost somebody.

And that's what's got you down.

And I don't just mean your dad.

I know that's a big piece of it.

And I certainly don't mean, what's-his-name, uh, Pigpen.

Wyatt.

Uh. No, I'm--

Thinking it's somebody else.

Like, somebody you had feelings for.

Yeah? Am I right?

Somebody at school?

Another student, maybe? No.

Is it a teacher?

Oh, man.

Yeah, and then, that went south,

and that's why you quit school.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Professor Crane and I, we just--

We bonded over books.

Mm.

And then, it was lunch.

And then, it was dinner.

And then, it was...

More.

Um, and then, it was over.

It was just-- It was the first time

in a long time that I had felt

seen, and...

heard, and...

Connected?

It's affinity and communication--

--and an empathy for the human condition--

--that binds us all, and keeps a soul in wonder.

What's that from?

Uh.

Fuck if I know.

So why, uh, why did it end?

Because, um...

It had run its course.

For her.

Oh.

A-all right.

How did you know?

Oh, I-- You know, I just-- I had a hunch, you know?

Got a gut feeling. Took a stab at it.

Gotta give you credit.

You're good at what you do, Loudermilk.

Mm.

Oh, hey, if this is Allison,

can you tell her that the girl on the computer

is Mugsy's daughter?

Mm-hm.

Think she bought it?

What the fuck are you doing here?

You owe me money.

I gave you 20 bucks yesterday.

I gave it to Claire for cigarettes.

Twenty dollars for cigarettes?

And plus, she show me her tits.

That's your problem, Charlie.

I didn't tell you to do that.

Besides, she probably would have showed you for free.

Nuh-uh. I asked.

You didn't even tell me the professor was a woman.

I don't see gender.

By the way, Claire's a horrible fisherman.

What are you talking about?

She had hooks stuck in her tits, man.

All right, all right. Here's 20 bucks, all right?

Just go. Okay?

Charlie, the bill is good.

Come on, get out of here. Meatballs are ready.

Hey, can you tell Charlie that we don't have his Frisbee?

Yeah, no, you had it when you were leaving,

remember? And--

You're a real piece of shit.

You set me up.

You paid this little asshole to talk to me.

No. Yes, you did.

Well, you had to talk to somebody.

You tricked me again.

Well, if it ain't broke.

Look.

The important thing is that the truth is out.

Okay? It's like Van Morrison said:

"It's all part of the healing game."

You know what? Fuck you,

and your stupid old-man rock lyrics.

Fuck.

You like meatballs?

I have Down's Syndrome.

Of course, I love fucking meatballs.

All right, come on.

Hey, you think Allison, uh, heard Claire

yelling at me last night?

I think they probably heard that in Spokane.

Ha-ha-ha. Hello?

Oh, goddamn. No, no, no. I have had it with that.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Every time you answer the phone,

you do this stupid fake-ass laugh as you pick it up.

That's-- What? No, I don't.

No, here's you on the phone.

"Ha-ha-ha. Hello."

No, I don't do that. You do! Absolutely.

You do it every time.

It drives me fucking crazy.

Okay, I think you're exaggerating a bit, Sam.

Oh, let's call. Let's call.

I wanna hear your answering-machine message.

Come on. No, let's listen.

Because you could be watching

Schindler's List at a funeral,

all right, and if the phone goes off,

you turn into the fucking Pillsbury Doughboy.

Here we go. Hello.

Ha-ha-ha. This is Ben.

Ha-ha-ha. Leave a message,

and I'll get back to you, okay? Ha-ha-ha.

Okay. So let's talk about how that went down.

You're obviously at a comedy club, right?

Billy Burr's in town. He's fucking killing it.

You're laughing your ass off.

And you say, "I'm gonna record my outgoing message. Ha-ha-ha."

Yeah? No, I don't think so. No.

No? That's not how it happens? No. No. No.

Well, what the fuck is it, then, okay?

Is it you just want the whole world to think

you're living in the middle of a laugh riot

or something? That's bullshit.

I live with you. That's bullshit.

Okay, I'm an addict.

Heaven forbid, people hear me laugh on the phone.

I mean, is it so bad for people to think I'm happy?

What people are you trying to fool?

Are you trying to fool somebody out there,

or are you trying to fool yourself?

So I have a laugh on the phone. Whatever. Big deal.

It's not just me, okay.

A lot of people are talking about this.

What do you mean a lot of people are talking?

If people are talking, how come I've never heard it?

Well, maybe only a true friend would, uh, point it out to you.

Oh, well. Hopefully, this is a real friend calling right now.

Ha, ha, hello? I have a problem.

♪ When I told my friends About him ♪

♪ They all were On my side ♪

♪ But I could see Through the haze ♪

♪ He looked so crazy

♪ I put my head right down And I cried ♪

♪ Slow down, cry

♪ My poor lover

♪ Cried like a mother For my poor lover ♪