All language subtitles for Lucifer.S05E03.1080p.REMUX.BluRay.DTS-HD5.1.MA.X264-TBD-2

So you're telling me...

...that my dickhead twin showed up
on Earth,

assumed my identity,

and then wreaked
all sorts of havoc on my life.

That about covers it. Yes.

Great. Great.

And you came down here
to tell me this why?

Just to torture me?

I suppose this
is the appropriate place for it.

Yeah.

Is there somewhere else
that we can talk?

I don't like having
private conversations in the hallways,

and Kenneth doesn't mind.
Do you, Kenneth?

It's not funny.

- It's not funny.
- No.

No, it certainly isn't.

My slopey-shouldered brother
is pulling a prank,

hardly worthy of Saved by the Bell,
in order to humiliate me.

This isn't about you, Luci.

- Michael's threatened Charlie's safety.
- Oh, please.

Michael needles people's fears.
It's what he does.

But we also know
he's all bark and no bite.

Don't you remember growing up?

He'd get under your skin
with one of his schemes,

then you'd give him one
of your atomic wedgies,

and that would be that.

I don't think a wedgie
is gonna do it this time.

Things have changed up in Heaven.

Last time I was there,

Michael had managed to seat himself
at Father's right hand.

- So... Dad's talking to him?
- No.

No, he's talking to Father.
But he's the only one.

Nobody else in the Silver City
has a line to him. Nobody.

- And Michael has seen to it.
- Michael?

Weaselly, cowardly, Michael.

Now suddenly the power
behind the throne.

Without being able
to speak to Father, who knows.

But he's stronger than you think, Luci.

Michael's become
untouchable in the Silver City.

Well, he's not
in the Silver City now, is he?

So excuse me while I go touch him.

I can see how
that's a poor choice of words.

Just... hold the fort while I'm gone.

Hold the...

What?

Should we... get back to work, or...

Make it quick 'cause
I'm on another mission

Burnt coffee and body odor
have never smelled so good.

Are you ready

Are you ready for this

Hello, Detective.

No, no.

Get the hell outta here.

- Detective, I can explain.
- No, I don't want to hear it.

If you didn't understand
the first four times I shot you,

I will gladly shoot you again, Michael.

It's me. It's Lucifer.

Do you really expect me
to fall for that again?

Look at the hair, or, uh,
the perfectly arranged pocket square.

Could Michael pull this off?
I don't think so.

I...

Cacuzza, come here. Come here.

Oh, it's good to see you again.

Tell me...

What is it you desire?

I...

I wanna figure out
how to disable the cameras in evidence,

so I can nap in there.

Oh, naughty you.

Thank you.

Now I know my brother can't do that.

It's really you.

- How?
- It's a funny story actually.

So there I was in Hell...

Unfortunately, I can't stay for long.

Uh, day job and all that.

It's okay. I...

I understand.

I just...

I just needed to make sure
you're okay.

But of course you saw
through Michael's charade.

My clever detective.

Well, I... It did take a bit.

I... He was very convincing that...

- And some of the things he said...
- Well, good news on that front.

Every word that comes out

of that admittedly dashing face
is a lie.

Oh, well, that's a relief,

because he said something so insane,
I...

Well, obviously I knew
it had to be a lie.

Uh, did he claim he's friends
with Elvis?

'Cause, for one, the King is still alive
and I'm the only one who knows where.

So...

No, no. He told me, get this...

he told me that I was a gift from God.

That's, uh, that's what he said.

I mean, that's...

That's crazy.

That's...

That's not true, right?

Lucifer, I'm not...

a gift from God
made just for you, right?

Yes.

And I know how it sounds.

- But, trust me, when my mum told me...
- Your mom told you?

Your mom told...

What? Over a year ago?

You've kept this the whole time?

Back then you didn't even believe
in the celestial side of things.

And anyway, Mum only told me
'cause she was trying to keep us apart.

Why?

Why, because, if you know
I were a gift from your dad,

you'd, what, throw me away?

Because she thought if I knew the truth,

it would mean the feelings
that I had for you weren't real.

That I'd feel you were just some...
some tool to manipulate me.

But I don't feel that way,
'cause I realized...

Detective, I realized that
whether you were made for me or not,

it doesn't matter.

Well, it matters to me.

Hey, we've got a body. WB Studios.

- Oh, unless I'm interrupting.
- No.

You're not interrupting.

Perfect timing.

Such a gift.

Wow.

Hey, that... that reminds me.

I made something for you.

It's just like mine.

Huh?

Why on Earth would I want that?

Detective. Detective, wait.

No, I don't have time for this.
I have work to do.

But, Detective,
you're the only reason I'm here.

Apparently, you're the only
reason I'm here.

So I'm gonna do my job that I chose.

- And don't you have somewhere to be?
- I...

Oh, Michael, you bastard.

- Hey, Ella.
- Hey.

What do we have?

Meet Matt Owens.

Stabbed to death.

We're still looking
for the murder weapon.

He was a TV writer, showrunner,

in fact, in charge of a series
that shoots here on the lot.

I mean, dude's gotta figure...
he's the boss,

he's got all these plans in,
and then bam!

Somebody else has a plan
for him, you know?

Hmm, yeah.

You okay?

Uh, Lucifer and I had, um,
sort of a difficult conversation

and I might have told him to go to Hell.

Oh, yeah, relationship drama.

Oh, believe me, I hear ya.

I could tell you some stories,
like this one time in Mexico...

But I totally will not
tell you some stories.

- Mm-hmm.
- Just... trust me.

If the worst thing
you said to him was "go to hell,"

you're totally okay.

Well, you'd think that...

- Detective
- Lucifer.

Detective.

Thank you.

- You're still here.
- Yes,

and I'm not going anywhere
until I know you're okay.

Oh, well...

well, I mean, I'm happy to hear that.
But I'm sorry. I mean...

If God made me for you, he probably
would want me to feel that way.

So I just...

So I need a little time
to absorb all of it.

Right. Well in the meantime
why don't we absorb whilst we work?

I may as well
help solve this murder for you

whilst I'm up here fixing things.

Um, I don't think this is an easy fix.

This isn't one of those cases

where you just waltz in
and figure it out as you go.

Oh, hello.

- I know that man.
- Really?

Yes, that's Matt Owens.

I did him a favor a couple years ago

to help get his career started
as a TV writer.

Huh, that does sound like our victim.

- Huh, you really know him?
- Oh, yes.

Yes. I mean, even after the favor
he'd come over and we'd talk for hours.

It's funny. I've been wondering
what he's up to recently,

- you know, before I went...
- Right.

Yeah.

I may know the answer to that.

Actually, now I think of it,
we did mostly talk about me.

Hmm.

I have to hand it to you, Diablo.

Your unorthodox methods solved
a case that stumped the rest of us.

You managed to bring in the kidnapper,

and rescue his victim in time
to administer her lifesaving insulin.

That's damn fine police work!

It was a devil of a case,

but this scum
didn't stand a chance in Hell.

Book him.

Diablo, I don't get it.

How did you manage to get a lead
from a single strand of dental floss?

Like I keep telling you,
Detective Doofus.

I've got connections in the underworld.

This is the show that you helped Matt...

This is the show that
you helped Matt get on the air?

No, no. All I did
was introduce him to a network exec.

I had no idea why
he was asking me so many questions.

And I have to say, it's shocking.

I mean, the way in which
he brought my descriptions to life,

the accuracy is truly eerie.

I can see why he had
such a meteoric rise in the biz.

Obviously the man was
a tremendous talent.

- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Hmm.

Oh, no thanks.

What?

City council has asked me
to present you with this.

Thank you, everyone.

But really, I should share
this with my partner. Where is she?

Detective Dancer?

Sorry, Diablo.

I was just pumping a suspect for leads.

- Oh! Is that a commendation for you?
- For us.

If anyone deserves this,

it's a woman who's gone

from the stripper pole

to the detective pool
in just three years.

Oh, dear.

But they could have given it
a once-over.

It's a bit tarnished.

Don't worry, Diablo.

You know I'll polish your bugle
any time.

And, cut!

Hmm.

Break.

That's...

Is that how you described me to him?

Well, Matt didn't nail everything.

Obviously,
he took some creative license.

Are they going again?

So it seems a little odd
that you all are shooting today,

since your showrunner
was killed this morning.

Matt would have wanted us to keep going.

We're the biggest hit of the fall,
and he's really proud of that

People can't get enough Diablo!

Hear hear!

Well, I think it's gross
that we're still working.

I mean, in all honesty,

I know it's bad to speak ill
of the dead,

but I'm not surprised
someone stabbed Matt, either.

Um, why not?

The man was a control freak.

I mean, I know all showrunners
have to have an ego,

but... Matt was a megalomaniac.

Come on. The man was an artist.

- I'm sorry, is that a vape pen?
- Hot cinnamon.

Keeps the weight off.

Ugh, you were doing so well.

So the megalomaniac showrunner,
did he choose your wardrobe?

All his idea.

I wear what he gives me,
go where he tells me.

Oh, okay.

I mean, does that bother you at all,

that you have no say
in what your character does or says?

Are you kidding?
I'm a lead in a hit show.

And you know,

there are strippers out there
considering becoming detectives now.

- Wow.
- I'm kind of a role model.

Oh, lovely.

Matt gave me that.

Interesting.

So, anyhow, did either of you
have a problem with Matt?

Us? No way.

But let me tell you something.

I've been doing this job
for seven episodes now,

and if there's one thing I've learned,
it's why people kill.

Uh?

It's because they yearn for something.

You want to find the killer,
figure out their yearning.

Right, isn't there a better word
for that?

No.

So okay, who do you think
yearned to kill Matt?

Keri Belwood, his number two.
You should talk to her.

Everyone knows she did
all the work on the scripts,

and he took all the credit.

So Keri killed Matt
to finally be in charge.

Yes.

Her yearning was for his job.

- Uh.
- Well, uh, of course, possibly.

There could be other motives
to kill him.

Uh-oh,
sounds like we have a "Dancer Answer."

What?

See, Diablo comes up...

...with the wild theories
and crazy hi-jinx,

and Dancer's the fun police.

"That's not procedure, Diablo."

Hmm. I get it.

- Well, thank you for your time.
- Yes, thank you.

Did they seem familiar to you?

So you left Amenadiel in Hell.

Really, Doctor?

An evil twin, the detective
finding out she's a gift from God,

and that's the part you're stuck on?

Amenadiel...
The father of my child?

Oh, yes.

Well, not to worry, Doctor.

I'll, uh, I'll put
what Michael did right

and get Amenadiel back

before Charlie even notices
he's gone, okay?

But what about Michael?

Do you even know where he is?

Well, if past is prologue,

he's probably hidden himself
off somewhere

to laugh about the mess he's made.

Which is actually why I'm here.

Michael didn't coax any awful,
soul-poisoning fears out of you, did he?

Me? No. No.

No. Not... not outta me.

- No.
- Good.

Good.

Well, that's a relief,
'cause I worry that

this "not having any free will
and being a puppet of fate" thing

may have knocked
the Detective off her stride.

"May have"?

Lucifer, when you come back unexpectedly

and casually drop celestial bombs
on the people in your life,

you have to expect some shock.

Some anger. Some frustration.

In my defense,

this particular bomb
was planted by my father

and set off by my brother. So...

Okay, well, instead of deflecting
responsibility, try empathizing.

Try really listening
to what your friends are saying.

What? So if I give people
the opportunity,

they'll tell me what to do.

Exactly.

Like "bring back
my baby's daddy from Hell."

Yes, yes. Thank you.

- I've got to go.
- To Hell?

No. To find out what other chaos
Michael may have caused up here.

I mean, who knows how many people
I'll have to listen to.

Thank you.

Keri Belwood, Detective Decker, LAPD.

I figured I'd be your first stop.

Why's that?

In my experience,

the innocent don't normally
expect to be questioned by the police.

I've written a hundred episodes
of TV murder mysteries,

and I've got
the carpal tunnel to prove it.

Motive, opportunity... it adds up.

You know the math on this.
So I can see why Matt put you in charge.

Yeah, I was the one who was
always here doing most of the work,

but I was definitely not "in charge."

Matt was the worst kind of boss,
lazy and a control freak.

I can see why
he would be hard to deal with.

Yeah, not really.

He never even came
into the writers' room.

I'd usually send him a script overnight.

And by the morning,
it'd be completely changed.

So you and the writers would work
in here,

well into the night and Matt would come
and undo all the work?

Do you know how dispiriting it is

to spend days figuring out
a really clever clue path,

just for your boss
to replace it with a lap dance?

Hmm. Yeah, I can see why
you doing all that work

and feeling like you have no control
could possibly make you angry.

My assistant can vouch
that I was here writing all morning,

so if you're suggesting
that I killed Matt to take his job,

then you need a new theory.

Besides, showrunners have all the power,

but you know what else they get?

The blame.

- But I thought the show was doing well.
- That's almost worse!

You got a network show that's a hit,

suddenly everybody at the studio
takes an interest.

Everyone wants a piece of it,

and the second the ratings dip,
everyone wants someone to blame.

No, thanks. I already got
two ex-husbands and three kids.

I don't need a drug problem
on top of that.

Matt had a drug problem?

All I know is

one night Matt's email was down

so I had to hand deliver
a script at midnight.

He has me bring it to a seedy motel
full of tweakers and burn-outs.

Insane writer under intense pressure
holed up in a crime-infested drug den?

Even Diablo could follow that clue path.

I see.

Well, I'll need you to give
an official statement at the precinct,

and then, also,
if you have the address of that motel.

Sure.

Oh, Michael.

Of all the things you've done
to hurt me,

this might cut the deepest.

Maze!

Oh, I missed you while I was gone.

You know, there was
a few tough nuts down there

and there were times
I could have really used your blades.

Mazikeen, please, let me explain.

- Mazikeen!
- Aah!

Wait.

Listen to me, Mazikeen!

I'm not Michael. It's me...

Lucifer.

Oh!

Wait! Wait, wait.

Would you rather that I was Michael?

Either.

He left me in the closet. But you...

You went to Hell without me.

- You left me!
- No, I didn't, Mazikeen.

You're not my servant anymore.

By all means, you're welcome to join me.

I don't have wings, you idiot.

Well, Amenadiel does.

Why didn't you
just ask him to fly you down there?

God!

Look, I'm really just trying to listen.

So if you're telling me
that you'd like to stab me...

and...

Just avoid the old parsnip
for old times' sake.

Well, you know,
my twin is still likely skulking around.

It'd be a big help
if you'd like to stab him.

Stab him yourself.

Unbelievable.

Ah, Detective.

Sorry I'm late.
Forgot about the traffic.

- So, where are we going?
- Uh, room 18.

Oh, right.

Good news. Linda is fine,

- and Maze is... well, Maze.
- Mm-hmm.

And I figured out
how to fix things between us.

Oh, how's that?

Well, you're going to tell me
what to do.

Oh.

Well, I'm sure that
makes sense to someone.

Yes.

- Anyhow, so Matt had no family.
- Right.

Lived alone.

If he had a drug problem,
why not stay home?

Illicit venue for illicit acts,
I suppose.

Be prepared for a good old-fashioned
Hollywood den of sin.

Hmm.

Huh.

Well, this place looks pretty tidy.

Doesn't look like a drug den to me.

I knew TV writing isn't all hookers
and blow like the '80s, but...

I had no idea how sad it had got.

Number 18? Hold on.
Someone's in there.

Freeze! LAPD!

Drop the gun!

What? I'm a real cop. With a real gun.

- That's a prop. Put it down.
- Sorry.

Force of habit.

Well, that little showdown
will be fueling

my fantasies for the next few millennia.

Uh, what are you two doing here?

Trying to solve the case, of course.

We can do it on TV.

- Why not in real life?
- Hmm.

And how did you find out
about this place?

I found this...

where Matt was killed.

It fell out of his pocket.

Just a little thing
I like to call "evidence."

You stole evidence from the crime scene?

Well, to be fair, Detective,
that is absolutely on-brand.

Oh, this is really bringing it back.

I'd almost forgotten how much fun
solving murders is!

Uh, excuse me.

Um...

What are you doing with this idiot?

Well, he was gonna come
with or without me,

and at least if I'm here,
I can keep him safe.

I didn't realize
you two were this close.

Oh, yeah.

And if something does happen to him,
our show dies for real.

And I cannot go
through another pilot season.

I've just realized
why this place felt so familiar.

This is where Matt was living
when I first met him.

Matt mentioned he had a place

he liked to hide from the world
when he was writing,

where none of the execs could find him.

Oh, so he didn't...

hole up here to go on a drug binge.

He came here to reconnect
with the time in his life

where he felt control over his fate.

Returning to the place
where it all began!

- Yearning to find...
- Okay, thank you.

Okay, you two, out. All right.

I have to bag the who place
for evidence.

And you both are not cops.

So playtime's over.

- Out!
- Don't take offence.

She used to say the exact same thing
to me.

And you, too. Out.

Right, well, if that's what
you're telling me, Detective...

Mm-hmm. I am. Yes.

I'm feeling a little...

Uh, overwhelmed by, um,
well, you, right now.

Right.

I don't get it.

Dude had a glamorous job, tons of money,

and he ate Panda Express,
like six times a week.

- People are who they are, I guess.
- Yeah.

Do you believe in
the idea of predestination?

You're forced to walk a path
that's already laid out for you.

Are you kidding?

My childhood and family backgrounds
run by criminals and dirtbags,

I should've ended up in jail.

But instead I chose
to get right with the Big Guy,

walk the straight and narrow,
and here I am.

Living proof people can change
old, bad patterns.

Hmm.

Well, you got a text. Hmm.

Oh, woah, that's a penis.

- That's a tattooed penis.
- Um, this...

Some patterns are harder
to change than others.

Well, uh, that looks familiar.

- Wait, you know Craig?
- No. This.

No, I don't know Craig
and his tattooed penis.

Hey, pal.

- Aw, come on, man, it's my cup.
- Is it?

Are you doing okay?

Just fine, up until this very moment.
I'm just listening to the Detective.

What, you're listening to her
from out here?

Well, I'm certainly not listening
to you.

So goodbye.

I know you're trying to push me away.

And I brought curiosity in that,

and realized you're just
in a projective state.

Because you're feeling vulnerable
right now and that's pretty damn scary.

Oh.

Detective Douche.

If you want to see something
really scary,

wait until you see
what your new all-soy diet

is doing to your bone density.

You've got a lot of ugly pictures
in your head, man.

You need to work
on positive visualization.

- Uh.
- Made a lot of progress with that.

It can really help you.

Well, actually, maybe you can help me.

This cosmic impotence,

the knowledge that you're
the plaything of a cruel, uncaring God.

The suffocating feeling that everything
you've ever accomplished is meaningless.

You're the perfect person
to ask about these things, Daniel.

- Tell me, when you were born...
- Oh.

Hi. So we have a new suspect
in Matt Owen's murder.

A hot cinnamon vape cartridge?

Really, Detective,

no one is more horrified
by this than me,

but it doesn't make Diablo our killer.

No, but Diablo did say that
he hadn't been to that room before.

Ella found this buried
in two days of Matt's trash.

So why lie?

That cheeky devil.

I just don't get it, Detective.

Why would an actor kill a man
who gave him a role of a lifetime?

I don't know. Maybe he didn't like
being someone else's puppet.

Sir, please, your scene
was supposed to start 40 minutes ago.

Uh, stand aside, please.

Thank you.

Oh, man

How could nobody notice him
missing since lunch?

I mean, this man is the entire show.

None of these people would even exist
without him here.

Yeah.

Okay. Yep.

Everyone around is just here
to service you...

I mean... Diablo.

I mean, Diablo.

Anyhow, so, yes, he was stabbed too.
Hopefully with the same instrument.

- If we can find the murder weapon...
- Found the murder weapon.

It's actually a prop from the show.

Supposed to be the only blade
that can kill the devil.

How ironic is that, right?

- Hmm.
- Hi-yah!

Hmm.

Sorry. That seemed
a lot funnier in my head.

I'm sure.

Um... That's rubber.
It can't be the murder weapon.

- Well, this is the stunt murder weapon.
- Hmm.

See this is the rubber version
they use for action sequences.

The one they use for close-ups
is sharp and metal. So...

We find that one, we find our murderer.

- Huh.
- Hmm.

Losing signal, losing people

Soon be single
If I keep up with this guise

With this guise

Blaze,

tell the girls to swap their G-strings
for evening gowns tomorrow night.

Wow.

It's like looking into a mirror.

Of course, My liege.

Simpler times.

Me and Lucifer, together.

Side by side for eons.

...behind this bar.

Now everyone just comes and goes.

Okay.

Maze, you know I'm not going anywhere.
Right?

Maybe not on purpose but, you're gonna
drop dead, in what, five years?

How old do you think I am?

I don't know, 30?

Maze, you have nothing to worry about.

I'm gonna be around for a while.
And then, I'll be down in Hell.

And I guess we can spend the rest
of eternity together, right?

Sure, I guess.

I think what you're struggling with
is a fear of abandonment.

It's completely normal.

It comes from someone important to you
letting you down in your youth.

I didn't have anyone important
in my youth, Linda.

Just my blades.

They have never let me down.

It can cause a lot of anxiety
in intimate relationships.

Yeah, but it's something we can work on.

- Oh, my!
- ...it's the devil himself.

- I suppose that's me.
- Back into Hell itself.

But until that day, I intend
to enjoy the Earth.

Come here, Doctor.
I'm ready for my treatment.

- This is gonna be good.
- Yeah, I'll have some of that.

Great, thank you.

This one would have been amazing,
Diablo was gonna solve a crime in space.

Wow. And what was Dancer doing?
A zero G striptease?

Have you read this already?

Look, Detective. I want you to know
that I understand.

I know how powerless I felt when Mum
told me the truth about you.

That's right.
Your mother told you the truth.

Unlike my partner who kept
a huge secret about my life from me.

And now that you know,
it's hurt you, Detective.

And look, I want to fix things,
but you won't let me, so...

Hey, guys?

A PA was supposed to be sitting
at the door to Diablo's trailer,

but she got called away right around
the time he was murdered.

Great. So whoever called her away
could be the murderer. Who, who was it?

- Second AD called her away.
- Second, it is.

But he got the message
from the first AD.

The first.

Who was actually just passing
on the message of the AD

that needed to be on set
in the first place.

For God's sake. Who put in the request?

More importantly, who was smart enough
to launder it through multiple people?

- Keri Belwood.
- The second on the show.

Great.

...recasting is not such a crazy idea.

He's the Devil right,
he could change how he looks.

We've got a good relationship
with Ice Cube,

so maybe we could talk to his agent.

Please tell me you're here
to put me out of my misery.

Could be. Yes.

Why did you take
the PA off Diablo's trailer?

I didn't. I've been on notes calls
all day.

You can ask my assistant.

Same assistant that provided your alibi
for Matt's brutal stabbing.

Everyone knows you need to pay
your dues in Hollywood,

but what kind of promotion do you get

for helping your boss
beat murder charges?

You knew exactly how to manipulate
the AD chain to get Diablo alone.

You guys have got to be kidding me.

Why would I kill the star
of what's suddenly my show?

Look what I'm putting up with now.

Hello, what's this?

Research files for cases on the show.

Excuse me, that's private.

Uh. Uh...

Well, it appears

that someone's been taking
their research a little too seriously.

That is not mine.
I didn't put that there.

- Really?
- Keri Belwood, you're under arrest.

What, are you serious?
This is ridiculous.

I'm trying to say this
from a constructive place.

I can feel your negative vibrations
from across the room, man.

Well, then you should...
probably move even further away.

I've just given the detective space
for the moment.

You can give me space forever.

It's just your pain talking.

Do you know, of all the ways
you humans try to control your lives,

these silly New Age superstitions
are by far the most embarrassing.

I should be having a field day watching
you make a fool of yourself like this.

But honestly, Daniel, it's...
It just makes me sad.

Okay. Is it all bullshit?

I don't know. Maybe.

Probably.

I don't care.

'Cause losing Charlotte
made me realize...

we have so little control of our lives.

I was so pissed off about it
for so long. But this...

it keeps my mind positive.
And it helps me.

I need every win I can get,
man, we all do.

Even you.

Daniel...

I am lowering my walls,

and I'm willing to be re-harmonized.
I'll take the bracelet.

Wait. Really?

Oh, yes. Really.

You sure?

'Cause you need to want it.

- Now just give me the damn thing.
- You need to...

Give me the damn thing.

Yes!

What is this?

Oh, those are the personal notes
from the actor who played Diablo.

He had a fascinating insight
into the character.

Some wild theories about self-loathing,

but we can't get it all right.

Oh, that is awful.

- "Diablo in Space."
- Oh, truly a great episode.

Yeah. Such a pity
we'll never get to see it.

Coming.

Hi, I just thought you'd want to know
that we arrested Keri for the murders.

I wanted to tell you in person.

Thank you, Detective.

I wish I could say
I was surprised but...

Keri never stopped bitching about Matt.

"He cut all my jokes. He was a hack.

He only let us order
tender greens for lunch."

That's actually pretty dead on.

Yeah, I just wish I had more motive
why she would want to kill your co-star.

Well, maybe he actually figured it out
that she did it.

I mean...
He wasn't the brightest ball, but,

he was surprisingly insightful.

You two were close, I'm sorry.

The thing is when you're stuck
with someone in a situation

you have absolutely no control over,

I know it sounds silly to a real cop,

but we were partners.

No, it doesn't sound silly.

You know, I know exactly
what you're talking about.

"I can't believe
you pulled it off, Diablo.

We made it back to Earth piloting
a hijacked space shuttle. Insane."

"You can say that again, Dancer.

A devil in the heavens.
Ah, but crime, it must be punished."

Daniel, the original actor
playing Diablo is dead, not you.

Please. Can we just
give it a bit of a life?

Just set me up for the next line, okay?

Big smile. Just have fun with it.

"Another case closed, Diablo.

So does that mean
I can put my bra back on?"

Uh. It's not Shakespeare, is it?

Whoa, what's going on here?

You guys are acting out Diablo
episodes without me?

Oh, we're trying.

Don't tell him
the Devil made you do it.

- Huh?
- We won't.

Damn. Lucifer, you did so much prep
on your character.

- Oh.
- I'm not surprised though.

No, these are Diablo's notes.

Yeah, previously,
they'd all been about the character.

But these new ones,
they're just gibberish, look.

"Yearning equals freedom.

Weapon equals Baphomet's blade."

Yearning?

I knew the man was a genius.

These are Diablo's notes
on the case.

He was investigating
Max Owens' murder as well.

And look, killer equals number two.

Keri was the show's number two.
I can't believe it,

but he actually solved it.

Oh, Diablo.
Is there anything you can't do?

But didn't Keri kill Matt
to take his job?

I don't think freedom
was the yearning, man.

Yeah, I don't think
Keri killed him at all.

Based on the stab wounds,

I was able to confirm that the victims
were killed by someone right-handed.

And Keri has repetitive stress
injuries in her wrist.

I mean, it'd be highly unlikely
that she could

stab someone with the force
that made those wounds,

especially with her non-dominant hand.

Well, it says it right here
in black and white.

Diablo was certain
the killer was number two.

Unless he meant someone else.

So this is Diablo's Club.

Hades, where Christie Dancer
was a stripper

before she joined the police force
to solve her father's murder.

Don't worry. One of these bottles,
there is actual booze in it.

A little secret from the scenes

where Detective Dancer has to get
a confession... with a lap dance.

Mmm.

- Oh, thank you. Cheers.
- Mm-hmm.

So, how do you do it?

No, no, no. I mean,
the way they write your character.

I mean, she only exists to serve Diablo.

So what's the secret
to getting up everyday,

knowing everything you do and say
is only servicing another person.

Do you think there is a secret?

It's literally hell on Earth,

saying those lines,
wearing those clothes, oh.

Thank God, it's over.

Now I can really push myself.

There's this film. It's a tiny indie.
But the part is so great.

It's this woman coming back
from Afghanistan

dealing with her mother's Alzheimer's.

And now that I'm free,
I can take the part

and the director's so collaborative.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling.

No, no, it's just, um, you said...

this was an amazing gig
and that you were grateful to have it.

That's true, I was,
but you gotta move on. You...

When a gig ends, sometimes,
it's easier to focus on the bad.

It's actor stuff. We're crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, I totally get it.

And now you can showcase your talent
on a show that lets you

and well, for example,
the impression you did of Keri,

I mean that was really, really good.
Dead on.

- You think so?
- Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, it would be nearly impossible
to tell you two apart over the phone.

Okay, I understand

killing your showrunner
for holding you back.

And I get you hiding the vape cartridge
to frame your co-star.

But why would you kill him

when you wanted us to think
he was the murderer?

Because that idiot deduced my yearning

and figured out what I did.

He was honestly sweet in a dopey way,

but I wasn't gonna let him take away
the freedom I almost got myself.

I am not spending the next six seasons
with my main prop as a stripper pole.

So, Diablo was right.

The killer was number two,
on the actor's callsheet.

How long have you been here?

Long enough to realize you had this
totally handled on your own.

Much as I appreciate the effort,
I think I prefer my own club.

And I definitely prefer the way
my father made you, Detective.

I'm sure your tips
would have been great.

Uh.

That wasn't the right joke, was it?

I'm just not finding the right
thing to say. I'm sorry, Detective.

I wish you'd just tell me what to do.

I...

I don't know if there's anything
for you to do, I...

I thought that I had found someone
who had the answer.

Someone who knew how it felt.

Someone... who could help me cope
with feeling... so powerless.

But I was wrong.

You have mentioned a few times now

that you are worried
about going to Hell.

What's the problem?
I literally grew up there.

I-I-I turned out fine.

Yeah. I mean, you're right.

You're right, I don't...

It's just some stupid thing humans say.

Hmm.

But I want to know about you,
though.

Your abandonment issues.

I wouldn't call them
abandonment issues.

They're not issues.

I mean who cares
if Lucifer left me, right?

Chole left me.

Then she left me.

Why did she leave me?

Eve?

Ugh!

I was wondering
when you'd show our face again...

brother.

Welcome home.

So how do you like
the mess I made, Samael?

Trying to get under my skin, brother?

Well, I hoped turning your life
upside down would do that.

But if all it takes is a name,
maybe I overestimated you.

- Wondering why I'm doing all of this?
- Not particularly.

Oh, right.
You're so above it. I forgot.

Figured I'll be as cool as you.

Well, isn't that what this is about,
Michael, hmm?

It's funny how
turning my life upside down

actually involved pretending to be me.

It worked, didn't it?

That's the only trick you ever pulled.

All our lives
you wanted everyone to think

that you were the cleverer one,
the big brain.

But, it's only ever been about me.

About trying to be me.

You always thought too small.

Not like you, right?

Lucifer, the rebel, deciding you can do
a better job than Dad.

Well...

You know, I wonder

how you got that idea in your head
in the first place.

Oh, right. That's your play is it?

Taking credit for my failed rebellion?
By all means, it's yours.

Now you see,
that is the best part.

All I did was plant the idea.

You're the one who chose to do it.

You still get to keep
all of the blame yourself.

Your lies are so tedious, Michael.

Not as tedious as your denial.

Because I'm not lying now, brother,

and I think deep down
you are realizing that.

And once you realize that,

you're gonna wonder,

maybe it wasn't just the rebellion
that was my suggestion.

What else?

What about your little sexcapade
in the garden,

or, oh, your vacation here to Earth?

- That's impossible.
- Mm-mmm.

It was quite easy, actually.

All it took was a little whisper here,

a carefully orchestrated
coincidence there.

And your pathological self-absorption,
of course. Voila!

All your idea.

Why?

Because all our lives you thought
that you were better than me.

The great Lucifer Morningstar,
but you're not, are you?

You're just Samael.

Stop calling me that!

All right.

Why don't I call you what you know
you really are?

Unworthy.

You may want credit
for my decisions, but...

I'm confident, this one is all mine.

Lucifer.

You okay?

You look like hell.

Appropriate.

Um...

So, uh, good news is...

I dealt with the Michael problem.

He won't be impersonating me ever again.

Bad news is that I've discovered,

apparently, he's been manipulating me
since the dawn of time.

Oh.

Yeah. Must be, um...
terrible to not control your own fate.

All right, I get it.

Detective, you're struggling
with feeling like you can't cope.

Well, welcome to the bloody club.

You have no right to yell at me.

Our situations are nothing alike.

You are an angel.

You deal with celestial craziness
all the time.

I am just a person, Lucifer.

Just a person who was already dealing

with the fact that
I'm in love with the Devil.

And then, I find out

that I was made... to feel that way.

That my life isn't my own.

So I am sorry if your brother
is a jerk to you sometimes.

I... I spent thousands of years

in Hell imagining our reunion.

Getting my partner back, getting...

getting you back and now...

I just thought it would go differently.

Yeah. Me too.

I thought what we had was real.

Decker! Yo?

Come on. It's 9:30.
Even you can't be in bed.

She's not here.

She left quite abruptly, actually.

She was quite upset.

Oh.

Suppose you're the person
I wanted to talk to anyway.

I, well, I wanted to say that, um...

that I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have tried to stab you.

Turns out, you weren't the one
I was upset with to begin with.

Really?
You're not upset with Lucifer?

Well... you should be.

Well, this night turned out
better than expected.

Now I get to cut out your lying tongue.

You're right, you're right, I'm a liar.

And Lucifer always tells the truth,
doesn't he?

Oh, yeah.
Except for when he leaves things out.

Like the secret that he kept from Chloe

and the one that he's keeping from you.

What secret?

Mmm. Uh-uh.

I can't tell you that.
You won't believe me.

'Cause I'm a liar, right?

But, I can tell you
how to find it out for yourself.