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(EERIE SOUNDS, MUSIC)
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♪♪
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♪ Into the Dark 2x03 ♪
A Nasty Piece of Work
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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(SOFT, DARK MUSIC)
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♪♪
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_
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(TENSE MUSIC)
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- (TIRES SQUEALING)
- _
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♪♪
11
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TATUM: Wait, he sent
you to the Ambassador
12
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to grab his golf clubs?
13
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No, no, honey, hang on.
14
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♪♪
15
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He mentioned he was
thinking about playing golf,
16
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but that he left his
clubs at the Ambassador.
17
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♪♪
18
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Excuse me.
19
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It is not enough to accommodate
20
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his whimsical desires.
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You have to anticipate
his whimsical desires.
22
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That is what it takes
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to get a Christmas bonus around here.
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TATUM: But fetching his golf clubs?
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It's like everything...
everything is a test.
26
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Jesus!
27
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Heads up, man!
28
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TATUM: Are you okay?
29
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I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
30
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TATUM: Ted, I know you're trying
to prove yourself to him,
31
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but is it really worth
giving yourself a heart attack?
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Honey, I'm here, I gotta go.
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TATUM: Okay, I love you...
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♪♪
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Ted, did you just rush
off and get my golf clubs?
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I did.
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ESSEX: My Honzu Japanese Four-Stars?
38
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TED: Well, you did mention
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you were thinking about
squeezing in a round, so...
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ESSEX: Are you mad?
41
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That's a $75,000 bag of clubs.
42
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Have you any idea what
the winter grass will do
43
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to the platinum-plated fairway driver?
44
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GAVIN: Jesus, Ted.
45
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Even a weekend duffer would know to grab
46
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his Ping G10s, not his Honzu Four-Stars.
47
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I can zip back right now.
48
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It'll just take a second.
49
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ESSEX: Don't bother.
50
00:02:08,815 --> 00:02:11,154
Gavin, would you pop
down to the Ambassador?
51
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I would ask Ted, but I'm afraid
52
00:02:12,575 --> 00:02:14,534
he'd come back with my polo mallet.
53
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(GAVIN LAUGHS)
54
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Nice try, Ted.
55
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(SOFT MUSIC)
56
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♪♪
57
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I apologize, sir.
58
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I was just trying to
show a little initiative.
59
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Hey, who knows, maybe in the spring,
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I could join you at the club
61
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and you can teach me the difference.
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♪♪
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- (TOILET FLUSHES)
- _
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(EERIE MUSIC)
65
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♪♪
66
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CHOIR: ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
67
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
68
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
69
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♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
70
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♪ Good tidings to you wherever you are ♪
71
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♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a happy New Year ♪
72
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
73
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
74
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
75
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♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
76
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
77
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
78
00:03:46,383 --> 00:03:48,422
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
79
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♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
80
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("WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS")
81
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♪♪
82
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
83
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
84
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♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
85
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♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
86
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(GLASS SHATTERS)
87
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(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF
"HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING")
88
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♪♪
89
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Just tell us.
90
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Do we get a fucking
Christmas bonus or not?
91
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Come on.
92
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But no.
93
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These sadists make us sweat it out.
94
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♪♪
95
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Here we go.
96
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ESSEX: Well, I wanted to
wish you all merry Christmas,
97
00:04:44,324 --> 00:04:49,132
but I've been told that I
must consult Legal first.
98
00:04:49,133 --> 00:04:51,922
It is good to learn what to avoid
99
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:55,722
by studying the misfortunes of others.
100
00:04:55,723 --> 00:04:58,152
A bit of wisdom from a fellow called
101
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Publilius Syrus in 45 BC.
102
00:05:02,153 --> 00:05:04,872
But that ancient Latin still makes
103
00:05:04,873 --> 00:05:08,002
very sound business sense today.
104
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:11,046
We've seen a number of
private equity companies
105
00:05:11,047 --> 00:05:12,882
fail in this last year,
106
00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:14,512
and the common thinking is
107
00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:17,682
it's something to do
with the excessive bonuses
108
00:05:17,683 --> 00:05:20,022
paid out to those at the top.
109
00:05:20,023 --> 00:05:22,072
Well, I'm not going to lie to you,
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it's been a tricky year for Falconheart.
111
00:05:26,033 --> 00:05:27,702
So in the spirit of learning
112
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from the mistakes of others,
113
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there will be no end-of-year payments
114
00:05:31,673 --> 00:05:33,593
to our executives.
115
00:05:34,683 --> 00:05:37,312
Now, I can't ask our executives
116
00:05:37,313 --> 00:05:39,062
to do something I wouldn't expect
117
00:05:39,063 --> 00:05:41,192
of the entire team.
118
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And so I've decided
to suspend all bonuses
119
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to the entire company this year.
120
00:05:46,953 --> 00:05:49,542
We will all bite the bullet together
121
00:05:49,543 --> 00:05:51,842
as any family would.
122
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And someone suggested a
jelly of the month club,
123
00:05:55,343 --> 00:05:58,102
but I think you would all prefer
124
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the dignity of shared sacrifice
125
00:06:01,063 --> 00:06:03,612
to some fancy jams.
126
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,072
Am I right?
127
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:07,372
Now more than ever,
128
00:06:07,373 --> 00:06:12,502
we must abide by the motto
of Falconheart Ventures:
129
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"Brave solutions, steadfast commitment".
130
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(SOFT MUSIC)
131
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♪♪
132
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Happy holidays.
133
00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:25,243
(APPLAUSE)
134
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♪♪
135
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TATUM: I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
136
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The dignity of shared sacrifice.
137
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Are you fucking kidding me?
138
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At least we could have
eaten the goddamn jelly.
139
00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:43,482
TATUM: We'll figure something out.
140
00:06:43,483 --> 00:06:45,402
Don't get worked up.
141
00:06:45,403 --> 00:06:46,782
Why don't you go outside
142
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and take some deep breaths?
143
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,912
Yeah, you know what?
144
00:06:51,913 --> 00:06:53,292
I should go outside.
145
00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:56,012
TATUM: Good. Just don't
take this too personally.
146
00:06:56,013 --> 00:06:58,432
I'm sure your boss
sees how hard you work
147
00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:01,102
and all those extra hours you put in.
148
00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:02,892
I gotta go do something.
149
00:07:02,893 --> 00:07:04,862
TATUM: Wait, what do you mean?
150
00:07:04,863 --> 00:07:06,282
- Ted?
- I love you, sweetheart.
151
00:07:06,283 --> 00:07:07,742
TATUM: What are you do...
152
00:07:07,743 --> 00:07:10,282
(EERIE MUSIC)
153
00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:14,283
♪♪
154
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Are you all right, Ted?
155
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I just wanted to wish
you a merry Christmas.
156
00:07:49,953 --> 00:07:52,913
And let you know that it's
an honor to work for you.
157
00:07:54,713 --> 00:07:57,842
Well, I'm glad you came out here, Ted.
158
00:07:57,843 --> 00:07:59,592
There's something I
want to share with you
159
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about some changes coming to the firm.
160
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:06,062
I'm taking the money we
usually spend on bonuses
161
00:08:06,063 --> 00:08:09,692
and I'm using it to create
one more high-level job.
162
00:08:09,693 --> 00:08:10,983
I'm implementing something
163
00:08:10,984 --> 00:08:13,122
called the Opportunity Initiative,
164
00:08:13,123 --> 00:08:14,202
which will give employees
165
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the chance to reach executive status.
166
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:18,383
Needless to say,
167
00:08:18,384 --> 00:08:22,552
a life-changing transformation.
168
00:08:22,553 --> 00:08:26,232
Yeah, yeah, I imagine it is.
169
00:08:26,233 --> 00:08:29,442
Kiwi and I are giving
a dinner at the house.
170
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Just a few folks from the firm.
171
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I'd like you to be there.
172
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Ring up your wife and see
if she'd care to join us.
173
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I...
174
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Yes, thank you, I will.
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(SOFT MUSIC)
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♪♪
177
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(PHONE RINGING)
178
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- TATUM: Ted.
- Hey.
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00:08:53,993 --> 00:08:55,122
Are you sitting down?
180
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TATUM: Oh, my God.
181
00:08:56,253 --> 00:08:57,752
What did you do?
182
00:08:57,753 --> 00:09:00,252
Put on something nice.
183
00:09:00,253 --> 00:09:03,132
We've been invited to the boss's house.
184
00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:05,722
♪♪
185
00:09:05,723 --> 00:09:09,102
This is so huge for you.
186
00:09:09,103 --> 00:09:11,862
Maybe. I mean, you've
seen how the guy works.
187
00:09:11,863 --> 00:09:13,072
He probably thinks this will be
188
00:09:13,073 --> 00:09:14,492
a hilarious way to fire me.
189
00:09:14,493 --> 00:09:16,622
Sweetheart, I know this whole thing
190
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,252
with the golf clubs was humiliating,
191
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,252
but you have to get past it.
192
00:09:20,253 --> 00:09:23,012
You are incredible at your job,
193
00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:24,762
and you deserve a promotion.
194
00:09:24,763 --> 00:09:27,522
Honey, promotions don't go to
the people who deserve them.
195
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:29,652
They go to ass-kissers like Gavin.
196
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,639
I don't understand.
When you first started,
197
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,242
you really believed in yourself.
198
00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:36,032
You didn't used to be so cynical.
199
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,292
Yeah, well, I don't believe
200
00:09:37,293 --> 00:09:38,792
in Santa Claus anymore either.
201
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:40,882
Why do you keep looking at my earrings?
202
00:09:40,883 --> 00:09:42,882
- I just...
- What?
203
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,012
TED: Nothing.
204
00:09:44,013 --> 00:09:46,868
- It's a holiday party.
- TED: I know, I know.
205
00:09:46,869 --> 00:09:50,272
It's just... we're going
to Steven Essex's house,
206
00:09:50,273 --> 00:09:54,492
and those just... they kind of scream,
207
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,413
"I'm from Des Moines".
208
00:10:00,503 --> 00:10:02,752
I bet he's gonna love my earrings.
209
00:10:02,753 --> 00:10:06,642
(CLASSICAL MUSIC)
210
00:10:06,643 --> 00:10:10,643
♪♪
211
00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:13,022
TED: Wow.
212
00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:16,202
I can see the company is
really suffering.
213
00:10:16,203 --> 00:10:19,202
TATUM: Okay, I'm going
to take your cynicism
214
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,040
and keep it in the glove compartment
215
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:22,842
for the rest of the night.
216
00:10:22,843 --> 00:10:25,172
- And your sarcasm.
- TED: Well, now you're asking me
217
00:10:25,173 --> 00:10:26,892
to go in there naked.
218
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,182
They're gonna love naked Ted,
219
00:10:29,183 --> 00:10:31,312
and they're gonna love my earrings.
220
00:10:31,313 --> 00:10:33,653
♪♪
221
00:10:36,453 --> 00:10:39,083
I don't get why there are no other cars.
222
00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:42,582
(EERIE MUSIC)
223
00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:46,842
♪♪
224
00:10:46,843 --> 00:10:48,802
(TIRES SCREECHING)
225
00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,103
[SHOUTING] Jesus!
226
00:10:53,863 --> 00:10:57,112
You've gotta be kidding me.
227
00:10:57,113 --> 00:10:58,872
Are you okay?
228
00:10:58,873 --> 00:11:01,372
I'm fine.
229
00:11:01,373 --> 00:11:03,582
Ted.
230
00:11:03,583 --> 00:11:05,002
What are you doing here?
231
00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:06,512
Well, I knew wherever you were going,
232
00:11:06,513 --> 00:11:07,972
that's the place to be.
233
00:11:07,973 --> 00:11:10,973
[WHISPERING] Sarcasm in
the glove compartment.
234
00:11:12,353 --> 00:11:16,862
GAVIN: Uh, you guys, this is Missy.
235
00:11:16,863 --> 00:11:20,123
Missy, these guys.
236
00:11:22,873 --> 00:11:24,502
Hello there.
237
00:11:24,503 --> 00:11:29,723
Falconheart's brightest
and best have arrived.
238
00:11:31,723 --> 00:11:33,022
TATUM: I don't understand.
239
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:34,732
He has the same job as you,
240
00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:35,733
the same salary,
241
00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:37,742
how does he drive a Porsche?
242
00:11:37,743 --> 00:11:39,742
Like an asshole.
243
00:11:39,743 --> 00:11:41,662
ESSEX: Good God, Missy.
244
00:11:41,663 --> 00:11:43,912
I only invited Gavin so I could see
245
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,382
what you'd be wearing.
246
00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:46,502
- Mm!
- MISSY: Oh!
247
00:11:46,503 --> 00:11:48,132
(MISSY GIGGLES)
248
00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:50,053
Don't wait up, Gavin.
249
00:11:52,143 --> 00:11:53,523
Hello, my dear.
250
00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:58,402
KIWI: Are we entertaining on
the front lawn tonight, Steve?
251
00:11:58,403 --> 00:12:01,242
ESSEX: Kiwi's got a wild
hare up her ass tonight.
252
00:12:01,243 --> 00:12:05,243
♪♪
253
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,052
TATUM: Oh, hi, I'm Tatum.
254
00:12:11,053 --> 00:12:12,512
Just give her your coat.
255
00:12:12,513 --> 00:12:13,953
KIWI: Jesus, I would have thought
256
00:12:13,954 --> 00:12:15,272
you had made drinks by now.
257
00:12:15,273 --> 00:12:17,522
I don't know how he is as a boss,
258
00:12:17,523 --> 00:12:20,822
but he's a lousy host.
259
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:24,082
♪♪
260
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:25,712
Excuse me, I'm gonna change my clothes.
261
00:12:25,713 --> 00:12:27,582
No, you're not, my dear.
262
00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:29,342
Follow us.
263
00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:33,343
♪♪
264
00:12:36,273 --> 00:12:38,442
Make yourselves comfortable.
265
00:12:38,443 --> 00:12:40,322
TED: So is it just us then?
266
00:12:40,323 --> 00:12:41,323
It is.
267
00:12:41,324 --> 00:12:42,912
Are we enough for you?
268
00:12:42,913 --> 00:12:44,737
KIWI: We like to keep
these types of events
269
00:12:44,738 --> 00:12:47,293
more intimate.
270
00:12:50,213 --> 00:12:52,052
What about the people upstairs?
271
00:12:52,053 --> 00:12:54,102
KIWI: What people upstairs, darling?
272
00:12:54,103 --> 00:12:55,723
The staff are down here.
273
00:12:57,353 --> 00:12:59,482
MISSY: Oh, what are we drinking?
274
00:12:59,483 --> 00:13:01,442
A 44-year-old Cognac.
275
00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:03,362
You may never get another chance.
276
00:13:03,363 --> 00:13:05,742
(KIWI CHUCKLES) You trying
to get her drunk, Stevie?
277
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,251
Trust me, I'm not leaving you alone
278
00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:08,753
with either one of them.
279
00:13:12,013 --> 00:13:14,052
TED: So tell me about these guns.
280
00:13:14,053 --> 00:13:15,852
STEVE: Ah, the Lee-Enfields.
281
00:13:15,853 --> 00:13:19,102
The most successful bolt
action rifle in history.
282
00:13:19,103 --> 00:13:21,072
It came to prominence in World War I,
283
00:13:21,073 --> 00:13:23,853
remained in widespread British service
284
00:13:23,854 --> 00:13:26,757
- until the mid '60s.
- KIWI: Oh, good Christ, Steve.
285
00:13:26,758 --> 00:13:30,148
Why don't you just advertise
your erectile dysfunction?
286
00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:36,642
TED: Um, and what about the sword?
287
00:13:36,643 --> 00:13:41,084
STEVE: Ah, a Confederate cavalry
officer's saber, used only once.
288
00:13:41,085 --> 00:13:42,902
Really? When was that?
289
00:13:42,903 --> 00:13:44,362
On our wedding night,
290
00:13:44,363 --> 00:13:47,122
when Kiwi removed my testicles.
291
00:13:47,123 --> 00:13:49,663
(KIWI LAUGHS)
292
00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:55,762
Uh, this is Rome, right?
293
00:13:55,763 --> 00:13:58,142
I recognize the Castel Sant'angelo.
294
00:13:58,143 --> 00:14:00,022
Missy and I took our honeymoon in Rome.
295
00:14:00,023 --> 00:14:04,362
- In Rome?
- MISSY: Yes, dear. It's a town in Italy.
296
00:14:04,363 --> 00:14:07,873
It's a city, but I won't
hold that against you.
297
00:14:10,293 --> 00:14:11,293
Hm.
298
00:14:11,294 --> 00:14:13,052
So do you have any children?
299
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,461
KIWI: Steve has always believed
300
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,052
that children should be sacrificed
301
00:14:16,053 --> 00:14:18,392
in the interest of occupational goals.
302
00:14:18,393 --> 00:14:20,442
Behave yourself.
303
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,062
♪♪
304
00:14:22,063 --> 00:14:23,692
Define behave.
305
00:14:23,693 --> 00:14:26,782
You know exactly what I mean.
306
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:30,083
♪♪
307
00:14:33,213 --> 00:14:35,722
It's so nice you're all here.
308
00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:37,433
To new friends.
309
00:14:39,063 --> 00:14:42,192
ESSEX: Remember what the
Russians say about friends.
310
00:14:42,193 --> 00:14:43,562
Friends are just enemies
311
00:14:43,563 --> 00:14:46,453
that don't have the guts to kill you.
312
00:14:49,163 --> 00:14:50,453
House boy!
313
00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:58,802
(SOFT MUSIC)
314
00:14:58,803 --> 00:15:02,803
♪♪
315
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:12,872
Aren't they divine?
316
00:15:12,873 --> 00:15:14,132
♪♪
317
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:18,262
There is something so unobtainable
318
00:15:18,263 --> 00:15:20,222
about physical perfection.
319
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:24,102
ESSEX: And I have the plastic
surgeon's bills to prove it.
320
00:15:24,103 --> 00:15:26,732
♪♪
321
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:29,362
You unbelievable prick.
322
00:15:29,363 --> 00:15:31,492
I think the one above best resembles
323
00:15:31,493 --> 00:15:33,962
my wife's true features.
324
00:15:33,963 --> 00:15:37,963
♪♪
325
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,852
Just another sacrifice.
326
00:15:44,853 --> 00:15:48,853
♪♪
327
00:15:52,663 --> 00:15:57,302
ESSEX: So, where do you
stand on climate change?
328
00:15:57,303 --> 00:15:59,052
GAVIN: Oh, oh, okay.
329
00:15:59,053 --> 00:16:01,577
Uh, well, I guess you've kind of
330
00:16:01,578 --> 00:16:03,642
got to take all those "studies"
331
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:06,522
with a grain of salt, right?
332
00:16:06,523 --> 00:16:07,902
ESSEX: Are you kidding?
333
00:16:07,903 --> 00:16:11,112
It's absolutely terrifying
what's going on out there.
334
00:16:11,113 --> 00:16:12,999
They say by the year 2030
335
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,329
most of the planet's
wine-producing regions
336
00:16:15,330 --> 00:16:16,632
will cease to be.
337
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:18,854
Can you imagine a
world where Napa Valley
338
00:16:18,855 --> 00:16:20,682
can no longer produce a single bottle
339
00:16:20,683 --> 00:16:22,932
of Screaming Eagle Cab?
340
00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:24,562
I'm not sure that's a world
341
00:16:24,563 --> 00:16:27,522
that I want to live in.
342
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:30,442
So what do you do for a living?
343
00:16:30,443 --> 00:16:34,162
I'm a mediator for an insurance company.
344
00:16:34,163 --> 00:16:36,212
Conflict resolution.
345
00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:38,342
Oh, that's a bit
counterintuitive for me.
346
00:16:38,343 --> 00:16:39,963
(LAUGHS)
347
00:16:41,343 --> 00:16:44,312
I bet in this crazy world
it keeps you very busy.
348
00:16:44,313 --> 00:16:46,142
It can get a little hectic,
349
00:16:46,143 --> 00:16:49,572
but I don't have it as bad as Ted.
350
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:50,652
In the last few years,
351
00:16:50,653 --> 00:16:52,935
he's been in the office
every Friday night
352
00:16:52,936 --> 00:16:54,451
- until midnight.
- In the office
353
00:16:54,452 --> 00:16:57,212
every Friday night until midnight?
354
00:16:57,213 --> 00:17:00,342
- I had no idea.
- TED: Yeah, it's...
355
00:17:00,343 --> 00:17:02,842
it's no big thing.
356
00:17:02,843 --> 00:17:04,552
MISSY: Oh, I just couldn't take anymore.
357
00:17:04,553 --> 00:17:06,982
Gavin is really charming
the pants off your husband.
358
00:17:06,983 --> 00:17:08,602
Steven must be a Sagittarius.
359
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:12,113
Gavin has always had his
way with a Sagittarii.
360
00:17:15,873 --> 00:17:18,372
Doesn't he look so great in that suit?
361
00:17:18,373 --> 00:17:21,052
Everyone looks just smashing.
362
00:17:21,053 --> 00:17:22,553
Well, most of us.
363
00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:25,472
What did you just say?
364
00:17:25,473 --> 00:17:27,853
Can you show me to the powder room?
365
00:17:30,903 --> 00:17:33,532
Right this way.
366
00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:35,623
(GAVIN AND STEVE CONVERSING)
367
00:17:36,743 --> 00:17:38,292
TATUM: Ted, Ted.
368
00:17:38,293 --> 00:17:40,422
She's just trying to suck up.
369
00:17:40,423 --> 00:17:42,672
If it doesn't bother me,
it shouldn't bother you.
370
00:17:42,673 --> 00:17:44,432
[WHISPERING] Honey,
this is getting weird.
371
00:17:44,433 --> 00:17:46,920
I feel like we're just here
for their own sick pleasure.
372
00:17:46,921 --> 00:17:49,646
It's like, "Let's invite
the struggling couple over
373
00:17:49,647 --> 00:17:51,130
and wave all our expensive booze
374
00:17:51,131 --> 00:17:53,442
under their noses and see
how much shit they'll eat".
375
00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:55,782
Well, if you want to, we can go home.
376
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,082
But I know you can do this.
377
00:17:58,083 --> 00:18:01,213
And I still think we
can have a fun night.
378
00:18:05,093 --> 00:18:07,052
Is it getting a little
late for you there, Ted?
379
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,392
Why don't you go on ahead?
380
00:18:08,393 --> 00:18:11,942
Don't worry, I'll
have her back by sunup.
381
00:18:11,943 --> 00:18:15,702
♪♪
382
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,202
KIWI: What a dump, right?
383
00:18:17,203 --> 00:18:21,962
MISSY: Oh, you have amazing feng shui.
384
00:18:21,963 --> 00:18:24,302
It must have cost you a fortune.
385
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:28,312
Well, luckily, they didn't
charge us for the feng shui.
386
00:18:28,313 --> 00:18:30,482
And of course they gave us a nice deal
387
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:31,732
because of the murders.
388
00:18:31,733 --> 00:18:33,822
So, the bathroom is
just through those doors
389
00:18:33,823 --> 00:18:35,492
and to the left.
390
00:18:35,493 --> 00:18:38,122
Wait... murders?
391
00:18:38,123 --> 00:18:40,281
Oh, apparently there was a deranged man
392
00:18:40,282 --> 00:18:42,345
who lived in the crawl
space between the wall,
393
00:18:42,346 --> 00:18:43,842
something silly like that.
394
00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:47,472
Oh, I bet there are so
many auras in this house.
395
00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:48,972
(EERIE MUSIC)
396
00:18:48,973 --> 00:18:51,312
I read auras, you know.
397
00:18:51,313 --> 00:18:53,312
Of course you do, darling.
398
00:18:53,313 --> 00:18:57,313
♪♪
399
00:19:00,938 --> 00:19:02,962
_
400
00:19:02,963 --> 00:19:05,342
♪♪
401
00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:08,722
TATUM: I think you're
making a great impression.
402
00:19:08,723 --> 00:19:11,522
Just imagine if I had my sarcasm back.
403
00:19:11,523 --> 00:19:13,862
KIWI: Darling, would you be a lamb
404
00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:15,482
and make me a La Cali?
405
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:16,992
A La Cal... what?
406
00:19:16,993 --> 00:19:18,412
KIWI: Creme de cassis, vodka,
407
00:19:18,413 --> 00:19:20,662
rum, lemon, and a lump of sugar.
408
00:19:20,663 --> 00:19:23,922
Oh, I'm sure you've
made it a million times.
409
00:19:23,923 --> 00:19:27,763
TATUM: Um, all right, sure.
410
00:19:31,513 --> 00:19:33,884
I have to say that you've shown
411
00:19:33,885 --> 00:19:36,862
a remarkable amount of composure.
412
00:19:36,863 --> 00:19:39,662
And don't think that Steve
and I haven't noticed.
413
00:19:39,663 --> 00:19:41,993
We have got our eye on you.
414
00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:45,502
ESSEX: From the look on your face,
415
00:19:45,503 --> 00:19:48,132
she's probably just about in his lap.
416
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:49,382
What do they say about women?
417
00:19:49,383 --> 00:19:51,812
You can't live with them,
you can't shoot them.
418
00:19:51,813 --> 00:19:53,376
GAVIN: I don't know what I would do
419
00:19:53,377 --> 00:19:55,402
if Missy ever cheated around on me.
420
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,352
ESSEX: Well, what is it
about a beautiful woman?
421
00:19:57,353 --> 00:20:00,572
That unique ability to
make a man so miserable.
422
00:20:00,573 --> 00:20:02,162
Yeah, don't get me started.
423
00:20:02,163 --> 00:20:04,212
Oh, please, do tell me.
424
00:20:04,213 --> 00:20:06,082
No, you don't want to hear about it.
425
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:07,462
ESSEX: Of course I do, Gavin.
426
00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:09,302
Why do you think I invited you here?
427
00:20:09,303 --> 00:20:11,092
It's because I felt
it was time to find out
428
00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:14,392
just what makes you tick.
429
00:20:14,393 --> 00:20:16,443
Oh, well...
430
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,072
Look...
431
00:20:20,073 --> 00:20:23,912
Missy is a necessary
part of the package.
432
00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:26,332
You know, you can't have the sports car
433
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:29,842
and the fancy clothes
without a trophy wife
434
00:20:29,843 --> 00:20:33,602
with a spectacular ass, right?
435
00:20:33,603 --> 00:20:36,102
But... but... but the thing is,
436
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:38,942
she thinks she knows more than I do,
437
00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:41,857
so I gotta sit there and listen
438
00:20:41,858 --> 00:20:45,962
to these pearls of wisdom from a dingbat
439
00:20:45,963 --> 00:20:48,752
with two semesters of community college
440
00:20:48,753 --> 00:20:51,842
and a minor in Tarot cards.
441
00:20:51,843 --> 00:20:53,403
I mean, shit, we should talk to the guys
442
00:20:53,404 --> 00:20:54,476
in Research and Development
443
00:20:54,477 --> 00:20:55,982
about coming up with an off switch,
444
00:20:55,983 --> 00:20:57,602
am I right?
445
00:20:57,603 --> 00:21:00,183
Absolutely magnificent.
446
00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:06,002
Don't tell me it's impossible
to get a rise out of you.
447
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:08,252
Well, not as difficult
as getting a raise
448
00:21:08,253 --> 00:21:09,502
out of your husband.
449
00:21:09,503 --> 00:21:11,512
(KIWI GIGGLES)
450
00:21:11,513 --> 00:21:12,882
Wordplay, I love it.
451
00:21:12,883 --> 00:21:14,762
I was hoping there'd be games tonight.
452
00:21:14,763 --> 00:21:17,772
Yeah, maybe a little pin
the tail on the donkey.
453
00:21:17,773 --> 00:21:20,782
Except I'm not too excited
about being the donkey.
454
00:21:20,783 --> 00:21:23,152
Oh, you're not a donkey.
455
00:21:23,153 --> 00:21:26,492
You're a tiger inching your
way towards the red zone,
456
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,922
and I know you're capable of it.
457
00:21:28,923 --> 00:21:30,802
♪♪
458
00:21:30,803 --> 00:21:32,052
I don't know what you're talk...
459
00:21:32,053 --> 00:21:33,778
I want to meet the Ted that uses
460
00:21:33,779 --> 00:21:36,852
my husband's stupid
platinum-plated golf clubs
461
00:21:36,853 --> 00:21:39,522
to bash in the bathroom mirror.
462
00:21:39,523 --> 00:21:40,812
♪♪
463
00:21:40,813 --> 00:21:42,282
Did you believe that's something
464
00:21:42,283 --> 00:21:43,902
that wouldn't get around?
465
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:46,912
♪♪
466
00:21:46,913 --> 00:21:50,002
Boo, I was hoping you'd be more fun.
467
00:21:50,003 --> 00:21:54,003
♪♪
468
00:21:55,513 --> 00:21:57,141
Does Mrs. Conflict Resolution
469
00:21:57,142 --> 00:22:01,152
share your capacity for fireworks?
470
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,032
She can see us.
471
00:22:03,033 --> 00:22:05,282
Let's put on a show for her.
472
00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:06,283
♪♪
473
00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,026
- Hey.
- Oh, I am gonna get
474
00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:09,962
a rise out of you one way or the other.
475
00:22:09,963 --> 00:22:11,212
Okay.
476
00:22:11,213 --> 00:22:13,962
ESSEX [SHOUTING]: You filthy slut!
477
00:22:13,963 --> 00:22:16,694
I will not allow you
to make a vile spectacle
478
00:22:16,695 --> 00:22:18,182
in front of my employees.
479
00:22:18,183 --> 00:22:19,312
(KIWI LAUGHS)
480
00:22:19,313 --> 00:22:20,942
So if they weren't your employees,
481
00:22:20,943 --> 00:22:22,272
you'd be fine with me grabbing
482
00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:23,782
another man's package?
483
00:22:23,783 --> 00:22:25,202
Wait, what did I miss?
484
00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:27,662
KIWI: Oh, just another episode
of Profiles in Impotence.
485
00:22:27,663 --> 00:22:29,832
ESSEX: Shut your dirty mouth.
486
00:22:29,833 --> 00:22:31,212
Or what?
487
00:22:31,213 --> 00:22:33,342
It's not like you wear
the pants around here,
488
00:22:33,343 --> 00:22:35,052
house boy.
489
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:36,592
Out of my way, Dunlop.
490
00:22:36,593 --> 00:22:38,523
I said get out of my way right now!
491
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:40,732
No, please, just calm down, okay?
492
00:22:40,733 --> 00:22:42,732
Gavin, it could be arranged
493
00:22:42,733 --> 00:22:44,612
for one employee to receive
494
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,362
a generous Christmas bonus this year.
495
00:22:47,363 --> 00:22:50,942
100k and two weeks in Aruba.
496
00:22:53,003 --> 00:22:54,712
[MOUTHING] Move.
497
00:22:54,713 --> 00:22:58,713
♪♪
498
00:23:02,853 --> 00:23:04,692
- Oh my God.
- Jesus.
499
00:23:04,693 --> 00:23:08,872
♪♪
500
00:23:08,873 --> 00:23:11,752
I will not be humiliated in my own home.
501
00:23:11,753 --> 00:23:13,372
KIWI: I wonder if we have
something interesting to read.
502
00:23:13,373 --> 00:23:15,212
ESSEX: Don't turn your back on me.
503
00:23:15,213 --> 00:23:17,512
- KIWI: Boring!
- Turn around right now.
504
00:23:17,513 --> 00:23:19,642
KIWI: Stevie, why
don't you be a good boy
505
00:23:19,643 --> 00:23:21,142
and pour me a drink?
506
00:23:21,143 --> 00:23:22,352
(GUNSHOT)
507
00:23:22,353 --> 00:23:24,903
(COMMOTION)
508
00:23:25,783 --> 00:23:28,153
This is my house.
509
00:23:31,413 --> 00:23:33,922
- (OMINOUS MUSIC)
- _
510
00:23:33,923 --> 00:23:37,552
♪♪
511
00:23:37,553 --> 00:23:39,552
Oh, my God.
512
00:23:39,553 --> 00:23:40,642
Oh...
513
00:23:40,643 --> 00:23:41,772
♪♪
514
00:23:41,773 --> 00:23:44,022
Okay, Mr. Essex,
515
00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,862
you need to put down the rifle.
516
00:23:45,863 --> 00:23:47,532
Mr. Essex.
517
00:23:47,533 --> 00:23:49,032
Steve!
518
00:23:49,033 --> 00:23:52,122
♪♪
519
00:23:52,123 --> 00:23:53,913
What have I done?
520
00:23:56,543 --> 00:23:58,173
Fuck.
521
00:24:00,349 --> 00:24:03,172
No, don't!
522
00:24:03,173 --> 00:24:05,576
You've got to help me.
523
00:24:05,577 --> 00:24:07,850
Help you?
524
00:24:07,851 --> 00:24:09,061
Oh, my...
525
00:24:10,203 --> 00:24:11,322
ESSEX: What are you doing?
526
00:24:11,323 --> 00:24:12,702
I'm calling 9-1-1.
527
00:24:12,703 --> 00:24:13,952
No, you can't do that.
528
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,296
TATUM: She might still be alive, okay?
529
00:24:15,297 --> 00:24:16,712
We have to find somebody
that could help her.
530
00:24:16,713 --> 00:24:17,962
ESSEX: It doesn't matter.
531
00:24:17,963 --> 00:24:21,122
I'll lose everything,
my entire life's work.
532
00:24:21,123 --> 00:24:22,183
What?
533
00:24:22,184 --> 00:24:24,183
ESSEX: How can I get out of this?
534
00:24:27,153 --> 00:24:30,073
I would owe you everything.
535
00:24:32,663 --> 00:24:34,332
Don't just stand there, say something!
536
00:24:34,333 --> 00:24:35,923
Forget this.
537
00:24:37,333 --> 00:24:40,972
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
538
00:24:40,973 --> 00:24:42,472
You were cleaning your gun.
539
00:24:42,473 --> 00:24:43,553
You were cleaning your gun
540
00:24:43,554 --> 00:24:45,852
and it went off accidentally.
541
00:24:45,853 --> 00:24:49,862
At 1:00 in the morning
after the Christmas party.
542
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:51,363
Give me the phone, give me...
543
00:24:52,363 --> 00:24:53,623
GAVIN: Don't, don't.
544
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:56,372
She killed herself.
545
00:24:56,373 --> 00:24:58,002
- Suicide.
- Exactly.
546
00:24:58,003 --> 00:24:59,733
TED: Yes, Gavin, yes,
547
00:24:59,734 --> 00:25:02,012
she shot herself in the back of the head
548
00:25:02,013 --> 00:25:03,483
from across the parlor.
549
00:25:03,484 --> 00:25:05,732
Have you ever heard of ballistics?
550
00:25:05,733 --> 00:25:08,102
ESSEX: Okay, so what have you got?
551
00:25:08,103 --> 00:25:10,192
TATUM: What? No. Ted...
552
00:25:10,193 --> 00:25:11,742
ESSEX: They tell me Ted Phipps
553
00:25:11,743 --> 00:25:13,742
can think outside the box.
554
00:25:13,743 --> 00:25:16,962
Can you alibi your
way into a VP position?
555
00:25:16,963 --> 00:25:20,342
- Wait, what?
- ESSEX: You heard me.
556
00:25:20,343 --> 00:25:21,882
Well, self-defense.
557
00:25:21,883 --> 00:25:24,512
ESSEX: Don't be ridiculous, Gavin.
558
00:25:24,513 --> 00:25:25,513
Come on, Ted.
559
00:25:25,514 --> 00:25:26,966
You've been waiting a lifetime
560
00:25:26,967 --> 00:25:28,772
for an opportunity like this.
561
00:25:28,773 --> 00:25:30,732
Oh, my God.
562
00:25:30,733 --> 00:25:31,863
No.
563
00:25:33,493 --> 00:25:37,122
I mean, it could work if you
thought she was an intruder.
564
00:25:37,123 --> 00:25:39,422
Go on.
565
00:25:39,423 --> 00:25:41,052
You were... you were in bed.
566
00:25:41,053 --> 00:25:42,631
You were... you were drunk.
567
00:25:42,632 --> 00:25:44,224
You... maybe you took sleeping pills.
568
00:25:44,225 --> 00:25:45,388
There's all sorts of precedents
569
00:25:45,389 --> 00:25:47,013
for the crazy shit people do on those.
570
00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:48,738
You heard a noise downstairs
571
00:25:48,739 --> 00:25:49,982
and you thought you were being robbed.
572
00:25:49,983 --> 00:25:52,652
Um, hello, burglar alarm?
573
00:25:52,653 --> 00:25:54,335
TED: You forgot to set the alarm
574
00:25:54,336 --> 00:25:55,441
because you came home drunk,
575
00:25:55,442 --> 00:25:57,242
and you crept downstairs in the dark.
576
00:25:57,243 --> 00:25:58,761
You felt your way along the wall,
577
00:25:58,762 --> 00:25:59,922
you found the rifle,
578
00:25:59,923 --> 00:26:02,762
and you didn't realize what
you had done until you...
579
00:26:02,763 --> 00:26:04,883
until you turned on the lights.
580
00:26:06,763 --> 00:26:09,942
Oh, uh, okay, okay, um, uh...
581
00:26:09,943 --> 00:26:14,282
Um, what about the
rifle fell off the wall
582
00:26:14,283 --> 00:26:16,072
and discharged accidentally?
583
00:26:16,073 --> 00:26:17,952
Yes!
584
00:26:17,953 --> 00:26:20,082
Or drive-by shooting.
585
00:26:20,083 --> 00:26:21,962
A stray bullet just came
through the window.
586
00:26:21,963 --> 00:26:25,092
It happens every day.
587
00:26:25,093 --> 00:26:27,552
I... I can chop up the body
588
00:26:27,553 --> 00:26:29,062
and bury it in the backyard.
589
00:26:29,063 --> 00:26:30,392
They never get a prosecution
590
00:26:30,393 --> 00:26:32,522
- when there's no body.
- TATUM: Did you just volunteer
591
00:26:32,523 --> 00:26:34,152
to chop up this woman's body?
592
00:26:34,153 --> 00:26:36,027
GAVIN: Okay, maybe not,
but, hey, I can get this.
593
00:26:36,028 --> 00:26:39,453
- Just give me a minute.
- TED: No, no, no. Listen to me.
594
00:26:39,454 --> 00:26:41,792
The four of us have to leave right now.
595
00:26:41,793 --> 00:26:43,527
If the coroner puts the time of death
596
00:26:43,528 --> 00:26:46,092
before your security cameras
catch us driving out the gate,
597
00:26:46,093 --> 00:26:48,577
- we are all screwed.
- TATUM: You can't be serious
598
00:26:48,578 --> 00:26:50,812
about this, we're accomplices here.
599
00:26:50,813 --> 00:26:51,942
ESSEX: I promise
600
00:26:51,943 --> 00:26:53,982
you'll all be well taken care of.
601
00:26:53,983 --> 00:26:56,492
- Accomplices to murder.
- MISSY: So what?
602
00:26:56,493 --> 00:26:59,702
You don't even know her.
603
00:26:59,703 --> 00:27:01,962
ESSEX: Somebody's gonna
have to make sure she's dead.
604
00:27:01,963 --> 00:27:04,593
I can't possibly go near her.
605
00:27:21,253 --> 00:27:22,622
Where's my drink?
606
00:27:22,623 --> 00:27:25,253
(SCREAMING, LAUGHTER)
607
00:27:30,353 --> 00:27:33,138
Oh, darling, you were so brave
608
00:27:33,139 --> 00:27:35,272
right up until that last moment there.
609
00:27:35,273 --> 00:27:36,782
Wow!
610
00:27:36,783 --> 00:27:38,282
Bravo.
611
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:39,356
KIWI: Brava.
612
00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:41,072
STEVE: Well, I don't know
about the rest of you,
613
00:27:41,073 --> 00:27:43,162
but after a performance like that
614
00:27:43,163 --> 00:27:44,922
I need a stiff drink.
615
00:27:44,923 --> 00:27:46,552
KIWI: Will you top mine off, darling,
616
00:27:46,553 --> 00:27:48,052
while I go powder my nose?
617
00:27:48,053 --> 00:27:50,643
(ESSEX APPLAUDS)
618
00:27:52,523 --> 00:27:55,022
(SOFT MUSIC)
619
00:27:55,023 --> 00:27:59,023
♪♪
620
00:28:01,493 --> 00:28:04,042
(BELL RINGING)
621
00:28:04,043 --> 00:28:06,042
♪♪
622
00:28:06,043 --> 00:28:07,802
ESSEX: The ultimate measure of a man
623
00:28:07,803 --> 00:28:10,892
is not where he stands
in moments of comfort,
624
00:28:10,893 --> 00:28:12,682
but where he stands in moments
625
00:28:12,683 --> 00:28:15,142
of challenge and controversy.
626
00:28:15,143 --> 00:28:17,942
Martin Luther King, Jr.
627
00:28:17,943 --> 00:28:19,572
Unconventional? Yes.
628
00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:21,532
Irresponsible? Probably.
629
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:23,912
And yet I learned more
about you two just now
630
00:28:23,913 --> 00:28:26,842
than if I'd interviewed
you for a week straight.
631
00:28:26,843 --> 00:28:28,212
As I told Ted earlier,
632
00:28:28,213 --> 00:28:31,222
there is a position open at Falconheart,
633
00:28:31,223 --> 00:28:32,852
as I'm sure he said,
634
00:28:32,853 --> 00:28:35,392
a rather life-altering position,
635
00:28:35,393 --> 00:28:39,192
if you're thinking of
running off into the night.
636
00:28:39,193 --> 00:28:42,072
We're not going anywhere.
637
00:28:42,073 --> 00:28:44,832
So you're up for continuing
638
00:28:44,833 --> 00:28:47,842
this rather unorthodox job interview?
639
00:28:47,843 --> 00:28:50,753
I should say, Ted, you do
hold a slight advantage.
640
00:28:50,754 --> 00:28:53,972
You crushed the alibi category.
641
00:28:53,973 --> 00:28:57,312
♪♪
642
00:28:57,313 --> 00:29:02,202
This is wrong on so many levels.
643
00:29:02,203 --> 00:29:07,372
But... I'm here to support my husband.
644
00:29:07,373 --> 00:29:11,132
♪♪
645
00:29:11,133 --> 00:29:13,852
(TCHAIKOVSKY'S "DANCE OF
THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRIES")
646
00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:17,982
♪♪
647
00:29:17,983 --> 00:29:19,982
This is the library.
648
00:29:19,983 --> 00:29:22,452
Gavin, it's for books.
649
00:29:22,453 --> 00:29:26,453
♪♪
650
00:29:27,123 --> 00:29:29,632
GAVIN: So? What's next?
651
00:29:29,633 --> 00:29:31,132
KIWI: Drinks.
652
00:29:31,133 --> 00:29:34,092
If this dunce would
ever refill my glass.
653
00:29:34,093 --> 00:29:37,233
I've already murdered you once tonight.
654
00:29:40,113 --> 00:29:42,652
So here we are.
655
00:29:42,653 --> 00:29:46,122
Nobody really admits
their greatest weakness,
656
00:29:46,123 --> 00:29:47,872
and nobody is really aware
657
00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,752
of their greatest strength.
658
00:29:49,753 --> 00:29:55,303
So, Ted, why shouldn't
I give the job to Gavin?
659
00:29:57,273 --> 00:30:01,232
I mean, take away the
suit and the haircut
660
00:30:01,233 --> 00:30:03,032
and what's left?
661
00:30:03,033 --> 00:30:04,782
What does that even mean?
662
00:30:04,783 --> 00:30:07,622
TED: I think under the
suit and the haircut,
663
00:30:07,623 --> 00:30:10,252
there's nothing.
664
00:30:10,253 --> 00:30:11,422
There's no soul.
665
00:30:11,423 --> 00:30:13,672
(GAVIN LAUGHS)
666
00:30:13,673 --> 00:30:16,142
Please, Ted, give us an example
667
00:30:16,143 --> 00:30:18,392
of how I have no soul.
668
00:30:18,393 --> 00:30:20,902
TED: Okay, um...
669
00:30:20,903 --> 00:30:22,652
Do you know the name of the guy
670
00:30:22,653 --> 00:30:24,952
who comes around with the catering cart
671
00:30:24,953 --> 00:30:26,573
at the office every day?
672
00:30:27,852 --> 00:30:28,876
No.
673
00:30:28,877 --> 00:30:31,159
Does that mean I don't have a soul?
674
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,813
- It's Ronaldo.
- Guillermo.
675
00:30:33,814 --> 00:30:36,587
- From Ecuador.
- El Salvador.
676
00:30:36,588 --> 00:30:38,058
Same thing.
677
00:30:40,313 --> 00:30:44,192
Have you ever talked to
Guillermo about his family?
678
00:30:44,193 --> 00:30:45,402
- Of course not.
- TED: Right.
679
00:30:45,403 --> 00:30:48,202
So you've never asked him about his son
680
00:30:48,203 --> 00:30:49,542
who has Down syndrome
681
00:30:49,543 --> 00:30:50,792
and is the vice president
682
00:30:50,793 --> 00:30:52,042
of his high school class?
683
00:30:52,043 --> 00:30:53,043
GAVIN: Okay, obviously I didn't know
684
00:30:53,044 --> 00:30:54,672
the guy's kid had Down syndrome.
685
00:30:54,673 --> 00:30:56,052
TED: Yeah, I figured you didn't
686
00:30:56,053 --> 00:30:57,535
because of the countless times
687
00:30:57,536 --> 00:31:00,352
you've screamed the
word "retard" near him.
688
00:31:00,353 --> 00:31:02,501
- You think he cares?
- He probably cares
689
00:31:02,502 --> 00:31:04,862
- when you scream it at him.
- GAVIN: What?
690
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:07,612
- No, I... I never...
- TED: Gavin,
691
00:31:07,613 --> 00:31:09,992
you called him a fucking retard
692
00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:13,132
last week because he didn't put lemon
693
00:31:13,133 --> 00:31:15,093
in your Diet Coke.
694
00:31:18,263 --> 00:31:21,222
Okay, I have to be an asshole, okay?
695
00:31:21,223 --> 00:31:22,812
It's how you get into the club.
696
00:31:22,813 --> 00:31:24,612
It's what they expect from us.
697
00:31:24,613 --> 00:31:26,492
Do you think I want to be that guy?
698
00:31:26,493 --> 00:31:27,722
Do you think I want to drive around
699
00:31:27,723 --> 00:31:30,492
in a fucking Porsche
that I can't afford?
700
00:31:30,493 --> 00:31:34,002
But that is the person
that I have to project.
701
00:31:34,003 --> 00:31:35,592
That's why everything that you see
702
00:31:35,593 --> 00:31:37,011
from my wife's dress
703
00:31:37,012 --> 00:31:39,262
to my fucking douchebag cufflinks
704
00:31:39,263 --> 00:31:42,853
is paid for on one maxed out
credit card after another.
705
00:31:45,153 --> 00:31:47,492
You'll always be my douchebag.
706
00:31:47,493 --> 00:31:49,412
ESSEX: You made good points, Gavin.
707
00:31:49,413 --> 00:31:53,293
You may now present
your critique of Ted.
708
00:31:54,423 --> 00:31:56,923
He's a pussy.
709
00:31:58,553 --> 00:32:01,762
ESSEX: Is that the
entirety of your argument?
710
00:32:01,763 --> 00:32:04,772
Well, like an hour ago
he wanted to go home.
711
00:32:04,773 --> 00:32:07,086
He asked Tatum if he could go to bed
712
00:32:07,087 --> 00:32:09,652
because people were being too mean.
713
00:32:09,653 --> 00:32:11,162
I mean, come on.
714
00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:13,500
I'd way rather have
20 dicks working for me
715
00:32:13,501 --> 00:32:15,922
than one thin-skinned milquetoast.
716
00:32:15,923 --> 00:32:17,172
KIWI: Oh, what I wouldn't give
717
00:32:17,173 --> 00:32:19,633
to have 20 dicks working for me.
718
00:32:21,933 --> 00:32:24,562
Ted, did you ask your wife
719
00:32:24,563 --> 00:32:28,582
if you could go home?
720
00:32:28,583 --> 00:32:29,693
Yeah.
721
00:32:29,694 --> 00:32:31,072
Do you consult your wife
722
00:32:31,073 --> 00:32:34,832
on all big life decisions?
723
00:32:34,833 --> 00:32:35,833
I do.
724
00:32:35,834 --> 00:32:38,212
ESSEX: Do you tell her everything?
725
00:32:38,213 --> 00:32:39,422
Of course.
726
00:32:39,423 --> 00:32:41,682
STEVE: You wouldn't keep secrets?
727
00:32:41,683 --> 00:32:43,455
- No.
- KIWI: You wouldn't tell her
728
00:32:43,456 --> 00:32:46,692
you work every Friday night
until midnight if it weren't true.
729
00:32:48,193 --> 00:32:50,952
Why did she say that?
730
00:32:50,953 --> 00:32:53,162
Because she's trying
to get a rise out of us.
731
00:32:53,163 --> 00:32:56,462
GAVIN: Nah, no secrets, huh?
732
00:32:56,463 --> 00:32:59,052
ESSEX: Gavin, you tell
your wife everything?
733
00:32:59,053 --> 00:33:00,470
GAVIN: Well, I mean, I don't tell her
734
00:33:00,471 --> 00:33:01,722
what I have for lunch every day.
735
00:33:01,723 --> 00:33:03,102
MISSY: I really don't care what he eats,
736
00:33:03,103 --> 00:33:04,602
but it's mostly protein and fish.
737
00:33:04,603 --> 00:33:06,982
That's why he's so muscular.
738
00:33:06,983 --> 00:33:09,004
GAVIN: But I certainly don't keep
739
00:33:09,005 --> 00:33:10,692
my whereabouts from her.
740
00:33:10,693 --> 00:33:12,492
ESSEX: You tell her
everything, don't you,
741
00:33:12,493 --> 00:33:16,002
because you respect
her intelligence, right?
742
00:33:16,003 --> 00:33:17,502
I mean, you were saying earlier
743
00:33:17,503 --> 00:33:21,972
how much you appreciate her
insight into the business.
744
00:33:21,973 --> 00:33:23,972
Ooh, I forgot to be careful with this.
745
00:33:23,973 --> 00:33:26,812
It's got a voice activated memo feature.
746
00:33:26,813 --> 00:33:29,482
And I never know when it's recording.
747
00:33:29,483 --> 00:33:32,362
GAVIN: No, please, you
don't have to do this.
748
00:33:32,363 --> 00:33:33,742
(SHUSHING)
749
00:33:33,743 --> 00:33:36,582
No, please, please.
750
00:33:36,583 --> 00:33:40,502
[RECORDING] Missy is a
necessary part of the package.
751
00:33:40,503 --> 00:33:43,028
You know, you can't have the sports car
752
00:33:43,029 --> 00:33:46,101
and the fancy clothes
without a trophy wife
753
00:33:46,102 --> 00:33:48,982
- with a spectacular ass, right?
- Please.
754
00:33:48,983 --> 00:33:50,902
[RECORDING] But the thing is,
755
00:33:50,903 --> 00:33:53,402
she thinks she knows more than I do,
756
00:33:53,403 --> 00:33:55,742
so I gotta sit there and listen
757
00:33:55,743 --> 00:33:59,622
to these pearls of wisdom from a dingbat
758
00:33:59,623 --> 00:34:02,422
with two semesters of community college
759
00:34:02,423 --> 00:34:04,940
and a minor in Tarot cards.
760
00:34:04,941 --> 00:34:06,762
I mean, shit, we should talk to the guys
761
00:34:06,763 --> 00:34:08,022
in Research and Development
762
00:34:08,023 --> 00:34:09,482
about coming up with an off switch,
763
00:34:09,483 --> 00:34:10,982
am I right?
764
00:34:10,983 --> 00:34:14,983
♪♪
765
00:34:17,953 --> 00:34:21,002
How could you?
766
00:34:21,003 --> 00:34:22,132
No, Missy, no.
767
00:34:22,133 --> 00:34:23,882
Missy, no.
768
00:34:23,883 --> 00:34:26,262
MISSY: No!
769
00:34:26,263 --> 00:34:28,892
ESSEX: I think we should all take five.
770
00:34:28,893 --> 00:34:32,652
Everybody relax, have a drink.
771
00:34:32,653 --> 00:34:36,653
♪♪
772
00:34:48,393 --> 00:34:50,892
(SNIFFLING)
773
00:34:50,893 --> 00:34:53,402
(EERIE MUSIC)
774
00:34:53,403 --> 00:34:57,403
♪♪
775
00:35:32,143 --> 00:35:34,693
(BANGING ON DOOR)
776
00:35:39,163 --> 00:35:40,792
Go away, Gavin.
777
00:35:40,793 --> 00:35:44,332
ESSEX: Missy, it's Steven.
778
00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:47,302
Come on out, I want to apologize.
779
00:35:47,303 --> 00:35:49,802
♪♪
780
00:35:49,803 --> 00:35:51,102
You can't stay in there.
781
00:35:51,103 --> 00:35:53,482
Well, where would you
sleep, in the bathtub?
782
00:35:53,483 --> 00:35:56,192
You'll ruin that beautiful dress.
783
00:35:56,193 --> 00:35:58,452
I need to apologize.
784
00:35:58,453 --> 00:36:01,452
You can't see me, but I'm on my knees.
785
00:36:01,453 --> 00:36:03,252
I look pathetic.
786
00:36:03,253 --> 00:36:07,253
♪♪
787
00:36:11,353 --> 00:36:12,602
You'll have to help me up.
788
00:36:12,603 --> 00:36:15,983
I ruined my knees
playing squash at Oxford.
789
00:36:19,473 --> 00:36:20,493
I'm really sorry.
790
00:36:20,494 --> 00:36:23,752
I am an incorrigible bastard.
791
00:36:23,753 --> 00:36:25,372
I don't think you understand
792
00:36:25,373 --> 00:36:27,882
how important this is to us.
793
00:36:27,883 --> 00:36:28,962
But I do.
794
00:36:28,963 --> 00:36:32,722
I know the money worries
you and Gavin have.
795
00:36:32,723 --> 00:36:33,982
Do you think I'd come this far
796
00:36:33,983 --> 00:36:36,022
without having you vetted thoroughly?
797
00:36:36,023 --> 00:36:37,083
MISSY: You don't know what it's like
798
00:36:37,084 --> 00:36:38,569
to have this desperate weight on you
799
00:36:38,570 --> 00:36:40,742
every single day.
800
00:36:40,743 --> 00:36:43,032
Sure you would do absolutely anything
801
00:36:43,033 --> 00:36:45,663
to get out from under this awful burden.
802
00:36:48,173 --> 00:36:52,262
He would do anything for this.
803
00:36:52,263 --> 00:36:54,772
I said you.
804
00:36:54,773 --> 00:36:57,233
Would you do anything?
805
00:36:59,533 --> 00:37:02,782
There's only one thing I want.
806
00:37:02,783 --> 00:37:04,292
A kiss.
807
00:37:04,293 --> 00:37:05,912
I've been thinking what it would be like
808
00:37:05,913 --> 00:37:10,112
to have one brief, soft kiss
809
00:37:10,113 --> 00:37:13,303
from that perfectly lovely mouth.
810
00:37:15,273 --> 00:37:19,273
♪♪
811
00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,212
Thank you, my dear.
812
00:37:28,213 --> 00:37:31,972
That was every bit as
lovely as I'd imagined.
813
00:37:31,973 --> 00:37:35,973
♪♪
814
00:37:39,443 --> 00:37:43,282
There is one other thing
I've been thinking about
815
00:37:43,283 --> 00:37:45,532
since we first met.
816
00:37:45,533 --> 00:37:49,422
♪♪
817
00:37:49,423 --> 00:37:54,182
Trust me, the things I've
done to get where I am
818
00:37:54,183 --> 00:37:56,222
would make you blush.
819
00:37:56,223 --> 00:37:58,482
♪♪
820
00:37:58,483 --> 00:37:59,692
Hm.
821
00:37:59,693 --> 00:38:02,992
Now, Missy, a girl like you,
822
00:38:02,993 --> 00:38:05,832
you know how it goes from here.
823
00:38:05,833 --> 00:38:09,833
♪♪
824
00:38:24,953 --> 00:38:27,792
Baby, I am so sorry.
825
00:38:27,793 --> 00:38:28,873
No, it's fine.
826
00:38:28,874 --> 00:38:30,502
No, hey, hey, look at me.
827
00:38:30,503 --> 00:38:32,502
I just said what I thought
he wanted to hear.
828
00:38:32,503 --> 00:38:33,842
I didn't mean any of it.
829
00:38:33,843 --> 00:38:35,382
I said I'm fine.
830
00:38:35,383 --> 00:38:37,893
(ESSEX HUMMING)
831
00:38:40,353 --> 00:38:42,652
KIWI: What did you do to her, you worm?
832
00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:44,532
What are you talking about?
833
00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:46,162
KIWI: Look at her!
834
00:38:46,163 --> 00:38:47,662
She was perfectly unfazed
835
00:38:47,663 --> 00:38:49,465
by me getting the top
of my head blown off,
836
00:38:49,466 --> 00:38:50,868
but you follow her into the bathroom
837
00:38:50,869 --> 00:38:52,672
and she's completely gone to pieces?
838
00:38:52,673 --> 00:38:55,052
She wanted to divorce her
husband five minutes ago
839
00:38:55,053 --> 00:38:57,932
and yet now she just runs into his arms.
840
00:38:57,933 --> 00:39:00,142
What did you do to her?
841
00:39:00,143 --> 00:39:02,522
You have a fertile imagination.
842
00:39:02,523 --> 00:39:04,315
Perhaps I should give you the job.
843
00:39:04,316 --> 00:39:06,782
Oh, wait, your only qualification
844
00:39:06,783 --> 00:39:11,043
is 25 years of draining
expense accounts.
845
00:39:12,673 --> 00:39:15,003
(ESSEX HUMMING)
846
00:39:17,553 --> 00:39:20,562
(TENSE MUSIC)
847
00:39:20,563 --> 00:39:24,563
♪♪
848
00:39:26,323 --> 00:39:29,072
(GUN COCKING)
849
00:39:29,073 --> 00:39:31,542
(ESSEX HUMMING)
850
00:39:31,543 --> 00:39:32,712
♪♪
851
00:39:32,713 --> 00:39:34,712
TED: Okay, this again.
852
00:39:34,713 --> 00:39:36,302
ESSEX: Give it a rest, darling.
853
00:39:36,303 --> 00:39:39,342
- You're not fooling anyone.
- Oh, I'll do it.
854
00:39:39,343 --> 00:39:40,932
I will obliterate
855
00:39:40,933 --> 00:39:43,442
those useless testicles of yours.
856
00:39:43,443 --> 00:39:45,822
Jesus.
857
00:39:45,823 --> 00:39:47,902
Oh, you find this amusing, Gavin?
858
00:39:47,903 --> 00:39:50,912
That my husband most likely slobbered
859
00:39:50,913 --> 00:39:52,202
all over your wife?
860
00:39:52,203 --> 00:39:56,212
Are you so stupid that you
actually find that amusing?
861
00:39:56,213 --> 00:39:58,722
I think stupid would be falling
862
00:39:58,723 --> 00:40:01,222
for the same routine twice
863
00:40:01,223 --> 00:40:03,603
in the span of, like, an hour.
864
00:40:05,313 --> 00:40:07,612
(LAUGHING)
865
00:40:07,613 --> 00:40:08,742
Oh, yes.
866
00:40:08,743 --> 00:40:11,122
Just another phase of the interview.
867
00:40:11,123 --> 00:40:14,462
Well, maybe this isn't
a test of smarts, Gavin.
868
00:40:14,463 --> 00:40:17,503
Maybe this is a test of bravery.
869
00:40:20,093 --> 00:40:21,853
Raise one hand.
870
00:40:23,223 --> 00:40:25,812
(TENSE MUSIC)
871
00:40:25,813 --> 00:40:28,442
♪♪
872
00:40:28,443 --> 00:40:31,992
I'm sure you remember that
there were two rifles.
873
00:40:31,993 --> 00:40:34,712
Is it possible that one of them
874
00:40:34,713 --> 00:40:36,332
was loaded with blanks
875
00:40:36,333 --> 00:40:39,132
while the other contains actual bullets?
876
00:40:39,133 --> 00:40:43,133
♪♪
877
00:40:46,353 --> 00:40:48,362
Well, you took the first round, Phipps,
878
00:40:48,363 --> 00:40:51,162
so I guess I don't really have a choice.
879
00:40:51,163 --> 00:40:52,872
But with all due respect,
880
00:40:52,873 --> 00:40:55,412
I don't think either of you
should quit your day jobs
881
00:40:55,413 --> 00:40:57,996
and move to Hollywood.
882
00:40:57,997 --> 00:41:00,802
"Brave solutions and
steadfast commitment".
883
00:41:00,803 --> 00:41:02,512
♪♪
884
00:41:02,513 --> 00:41:04,513
- (GUNSHOT)
- Oh, Jesus!
885
00:41:04,514 --> 00:41:07,352
(SCREAMING) Fuck!
886
00:41:07,353 --> 00:41:09,022
(VOMITING, SCREAMING)
887
00:41:09,023 --> 00:41:10,862
What have you done, you bedlamite?
888
00:41:10,863 --> 00:41:14,282
KIWI: Well, who puts their
hand in front of a gun?
889
00:41:14,283 --> 00:41:15,622
(COUGHING, SHOUTING IN AGONY)
890
00:41:15,623 --> 00:41:18,542
My dear boy, I am beyond contrite.
891
00:41:18,543 --> 00:41:21,512
Kiwi, don't we have a
first aid kit somewhere?
892
00:41:21,513 --> 00:41:23,512
I think it's with the cleaning supplies.
893
00:41:23,513 --> 00:41:25,182
Do I look like I know
894
00:41:25,183 --> 00:41:27,192
where to find cleaning supplies?
895
00:41:27,193 --> 00:41:29,273
Oh, God, help us.
896
00:41:31,783 --> 00:41:35,032
TATUM: Okay, now I'm calling 911.
897
00:41:35,033 --> 00:41:36,582
No, don't, not a chance!
898
00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:37,832
I'm staying here!
899
00:41:37,833 --> 00:41:39,212
- What?
- What?
900
00:41:39,213 --> 00:41:40,962
- What?
- TATUM: Gavin!
901
00:41:40,963 --> 00:41:42,722
You are seriously hurt.
902
00:41:42,723 --> 00:41:44,472
And you are seriously fucking crazy
903
00:41:44,473 --> 00:41:47,392
if you think I'm gonna walk away
from an opportunity like this.
904
00:41:47,393 --> 00:41:49,772
I bet... I bet this
puts me in the lead now.
905
00:41:49,773 --> 00:41:51,822
Okay, Gavin, you know what,
906
00:41:51,823 --> 00:41:53,322
I would be lying if I said
907
00:41:53,323 --> 00:41:55,200
I didn't enjoy that just a little,
908
00:41:55,201 --> 00:41:58,582
but I think we need to
officially call it a night.
909
00:41:58,583 --> 00:42:00,332
GAVIN: Great, great.
I'll see you on Monday.
910
00:42:00,333 --> 00:42:03,092
Might need a little help
moving into my new office.
911
00:42:03,093 --> 00:42:05,052
Yeah, he might need you and the retard
912
00:42:05,053 --> 00:42:07,062
to carry some boxes for him!
913
00:42:07,063 --> 00:42:08,562
♪♪
914
00:42:08,563 --> 00:42:09,942
(GAVIN BREATHING HEAVILY)
915
00:42:09,943 --> 00:42:12,362
Okay, that's enough.
916
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:14,362
♪♪
917
00:42:14,363 --> 00:42:16,072
We're staying.
918
00:42:16,073 --> 00:42:18,622
(MUMBLING)
919
00:42:18,623 --> 00:42:20,832
(KIWI SCREAMS)
920
00:42:20,833 --> 00:42:23,092
- ESSEX: Kiwi, not again!
- GAVIN: Fuck!
921
00:42:23,093 --> 00:42:25,642
ESSEX: Your antics are growing tiresome.
922
00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:27,176
KIWI: Screw you, Steven!
923
00:42:27,177 --> 00:42:28,982
This time it's for real!
924
00:42:28,983 --> 00:42:31,362
ESSEX: You're being a very silly girl.
925
00:42:31,363 --> 00:42:32,982
(CONCRETE SCRAPING)
926
00:42:32,983 --> 00:42:34,492
You can just go to hell!
927
00:42:34,493 --> 00:42:36,742
ESSEX: It can't be any
worse than living with you.
928
00:42:36,743 --> 00:42:38,872
KIWI: Well, you're not gonna
have to worry about that
929
00:42:38,873 --> 00:42:40,962
very much longer, are you?
930
00:42:40,963 --> 00:42:42,592
Ah, come by the fire.
931
00:42:42,593 --> 00:42:43,842
(KIWI SOBBING)
932
00:42:43,843 --> 00:42:46,132
- TATUM: Is she all right?
- KIWI: Apparently not!
933
00:42:46,133 --> 00:42:48,892
Apparently I always ruin everything!
934
00:42:48,893 --> 00:42:51,273
Isn't that right, Steven?
935
00:42:53,403 --> 00:42:57,162
Uh, there was some talk about first aid?
936
00:42:57,163 --> 00:43:02,246
Yes, I was waylaid by this impromptu
performance of Lady Macbeth.
937
00:43:02,247 --> 00:43:06,127
Meanwhile, take these.
938
00:43:09,513 --> 00:43:11,272
- What are they?
- I don't know.
939
00:43:11,273 --> 00:43:13,362
I found them under a sofa cushion,
940
00:43:13,363 --> 00:43:15,993
so they must do something fun.
941
00:43:17,113 --> 00:43:19,242
TATUM: She wouldn't really...
942
00:43:19,243 --> 00:43:20,872
ESSEX: Oh, I've lost count
943
00:43:20,873 --> 00:43:23,632
of the number of times she's
threatened to kill herself,
944
00:43:23,633 --> 00:43:25,802
but her reasons aren't without merit.
945
00:43:25,803 --> 00:43:28,682
You see, there was a horrific accident
946
00:43:28,683 --> 00:43:30,432
involving our son.
947
00:43:30,433 --> 00:43:32,192
A mother's worst nightmare.
948
00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:35,782
But, Tatum, you're a moderator.
949
00:43:35,783 --> 00:43:36,952
Mediator.
950
00:43:36,953 --> 00:43:38,322
ESSEX: You could go and talk to her.
951
00:43:38,323 --> 00:43:39,702
Offer some soothing words.
952
00:43:39,703 --> 00:43:41,162
[WHISPERING] And whilst you're there,
953
00:43:41,163 --> 00:43:43,156
give that cherub the faintest nudge.
954
00:43:43,157 --> 00:43:45,803
KIWI [SHARPLY]: I heard that.
955
00:43:48,343 --> 00:43:50,932
(SOFT MUSIC)
956
00:43:50,933 --> 00:43:52,942
♪♪
957
00:43:52,943 --> 00:43:55,652
ESSEX: You may have to give
up badminton and croquet
958
00:43:55,653 --> 00:43:56,902
for a few weeks.
959
00:43:56,903 --> 00:43:58,952
GAVIN: It's cool if I
leave for workers' comp?
960
00:43:58,953 --> 00:44:00,452
KIWI: I really like your boots.
961
00:44:00,453 --> 00:44:02,082
I've been meaning to tell you.
962
00:44:02,083 --> 00:44:03,582
TATUM: Thanks.
963
00:44:03,583 --> 00:44:05,172
I got 'em at Bergdorf.
964
00:44:05,173 --> 00:44:07,842
I wouldn't necessarily brag about that.
965
00:44:07,843 --> 00:44:09,432
♪♪
966
00:44:09,433 --> 00:44:10,972
So...
967
00:44:10,973 --> 00:44:13,852
it seems like you're feeling
968
00:44:13,853 --> 00:44:16,692
like your husband was a bit hard on you
969
00:44:16,693 --> 00:44:19,702
after you shot Gavin.
970
00:44:19,703 --> 00:44:25,252
KIWI: Why do we put up
with these repulsive brutes?
971
00:44:25,253 --> 00:44:26,632
We support them,
972
00:44:26,633 --> 00:44:30,092
but when it's their time
to return the favor...
973
00:44:30,093 --> 00:44:32,142
(CHUCKLES)
974
00:44:32,143 --> 00:44:33,223
Well...
975
00:44:35,483 --> 00:44:38,112
Does he support you, darling?
976
00:44:38,113 --> 00:44:41,993
Does he believe in
you in your time of need?
977
00:44:44,123 --> 00:44:47,382
Would you be a dear and grab me a towel?
978
00:44:47,383 --> 00:44:49,512
It's just in the cabinet room,
979
00:44:49,513 --> 00:44:51,132
just through those doors.
980
00:44:51,133 --> 00:44:52,762
(TENSE MUSIC)
981
00:44:52,763 --> 00:44:54,642
I've got wet feet.
982
00:44:54,643 --> 00:44:57,522
♪♪
983
00:44:57,523 --> 00:45:00,242
TATUM: I don't see anything in here,
984
00:45:00,243 --> 00:45:01,662
besides the tissues.
985
00:45:01,663 --> 00:45:03,412
KIWI: It's all the way in the back.
986
00:45:03,413 --> 00:45:04,872
You have to reach in.
987
00:45:04,873 --> 00:45:06,872
TATUM: Oh, oh, okay.
988
00:45:06,873 --> 00:45:08,542
♪♪
989
00:45:08,543 --> 00:45:10,012
(SCREAMING)
990
00:45:10,013 --> 00:45:12,052
(INTENSE MUSIC)
991
00:45:12,053 --> 00:45:14,262
♪♪
992
00:45:14,263 --> 00:45:15,772
(PANTING)
993
00:45:15,773 --> 00:45:17,902
TED: What? What happened?
994
00:45:17,903 --> 00:45:19,272
Somebody grabbed me,
995
00:45:19,273 --> 00:45:21,742
in that room, in the cabinet.
996
00:45:21,743 --> 00:45:23,662
Someone in the cabinet?
997
00:45:23,663 --> 00:45:26,252
♪♪
998
00:45:26,253 --> 00:45:28,422
You really can't hold your liquor.
999
00:45:28,423 --> 00:45:30,252
I am not drunk.
1000
00:45:30,253 --> 00:45:32,552
Okay, are you sure there's
not someone else in the house?
1001
00:45:32,553 --> 00:45:34,182
Because earlier, I
really thought I saw...
1002
00:45:34,183 --> 00:45:35,932
ESSEX: I'm not sure
I like the implication
1003
00:45:35,933 --> 00:45:38,016
that we've got some
poor soul locked away
1004
00:45:38,017 --> 00:45:40,272
in between the walls.
1005
00:45:40,273 --> 00:45:42,072
(TENSE MUSIC)
1006
00:45:42,073 --> 00:45:45,202
Maybe you got your hand
snagged on something?
1007
00:45:45,203 --> 00:45:49,203
♪♪
1008
00:45:50,093 --> 00:45:54,342
Yes, where are they when
we need their support?
1009
00:45:54,343 --> 00:45:58,343
♪♪
1010
00:46:00,153 --> 00:46:02,192
(SPLASHING)
1011
00:46:02,193 --> 00:46:06,193
♪♪
1012
00:46:11,093 --> 00:46:13,592
(LIGHT MUSIC)
1013
00:46:13,593 --> 00:46:17,593
- ♪♪
- _
1014
00:46:21,443 --> 00:46:23,112
MISSY: It's okay, baby.
1015
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:24,702
TED: Hey. Hey!
1016
00:46:24,703 --> 00:46:26,372
- TATUM: What?
- TED: I'm sorry.
1017
00:46:26,373 --> 00:46:29,122
I really am. I should've had your back.
1018
00:46:29,123 --> 00:46:30,252
♪♪
1019
00:46:30,253 --> 00:46:32,002
TATUM: I guess you're not the only one
1020
00:46:32,003 --> 00:46:34,632
set up to be humiliated tonight.
1021
00:46:34,633 --> 00:46:35,892
♪♪
1022
00:46:35,893 --> 00:46:37,512
(TATUM SIGHS)
1023
00:46:37,513 --> 00:46:41,513
♪♪
1024
00:46:45,493 --> 00:46:47,122
(GLASSES CLINK)
1025
00:46:47,123 --> 00:46:51,123
♪♪
1026
00:47:06,363 --> 00:47:08,373
ESSEX: Oh, come on.
1027
00:47:13,753 --> 00:47:15,052
How are you feeling?
1028
00:47:15,053 --> 00:47:19,062
GAVIN: Nice, like, really nice.
1029
00:47:19,063 --> 00:47:22,272
I'm 110% committed.
1030
00:47:22,273 --> 00:47:25,402
I just want to make
sure that you know that.
1031
00:47:25,403 --> 00:47:28,872
Yes, I believe you are.
1032
00:47:28,873 --> 00:47:31,162
GAVIN: This, this is what you need.
1033
00:47:31,163 --> 00:47:34,882
You need a new executive like this.
1034
00:47:34,883 --> 00:47:36,922
Someone who will ride into battle
1035
00:47:36,923 --> 00:47:40,432
with total and complete loyalty.
1036
00:47:40,433 --> 00:47:43,193
Would you like to try it on?
1037
00:47:45,073 --> 00:47:46,442
Could I?
1038
00:47:46,443 --> 00:47:48,323
Be my guest.
1039
00:47:50,333 --> 00:47:52,202
Phippses, Dunlops.
1040
00:47:52,203 --> 00:47:53,672
I have a confession to make.
1041
00:47:53,673 --> 00:47:56,422
I haven't been entirely forthcoming
1042
00:47:56,423 --> 00:47:58,342
in describing the parameters
1043
00:47:58,343 --> 00:48:00,852
of The Initiative Agenda.
1044
00:48:00,853 --> 00:48:02,932
The Opportunity Initiative.
1045
00:48:02,933 --> 00:48:05,192
ESSEX: One of you will
ring in the new year
1046
00:48:05,193 --> 00:48:09,072
with an enviable new role
at Falconheart Ventures.
1047
00:48:09,073 --> 00:48:10,952
GAVIN: Do you have a horse?
1048
00:48:10,953 --> 00:48:13,042
I just feel like I want to get on top
1049
00:48:13,043 --> 00:48:15,422
of the biggest fucking horse right now.
1050
00:48:15,423 --> 00:48:18,473
ESSEX: No, Gavin, we don't keep horses.
1051
00:48:20,093 --> 00:48:21,932
I wasn't exaggerating earlier.
1052
00:48:21,933 --> 00:48:24,942
It's been a lean year for Falconheart.
1053
00:48:24,943 --> 00:48:28,362
What's allowing us to create
a new executive position
1054
00:48:28,363 --> 00:48:32,122
is the elimination of the two
positions you currently hold.
1055
00:48:32,123 --> 00:48:35,622
So it's a bit of an addition
by subtraction conundrum.
1056
00:48:35,623 --> 00:48:38,762
A single position, two candidates,
1057
00:48:38,763 --> 00:48:42,642
one of whom will become expendable.
1058
00:48:42,643 --> 00:48:44,732
♪♪
1059
00:48:44,733 --> 00:48:46,062
"Again and again,
1060
00:48:46,063 --> 00:48:48,362
the impossible problem is solved
1061
00:48:48,363 --> 00:48:49,952
when we see that the problem
1062
00:48:49,953 --> 00:48:53,242
is only a tough decision
waiting to be made".
1063
00:48:53,243 --> 00:48:54,872
Dr. Robert Schuller.
1064
00:48:54,873 --> 00:48:57,632
"There can be only one".
1065
00:48:57,633 --> 00:48:59,212
Highlander.
1066
00:48:59,213 --> 00:49:01,762
TED: God, Gavin, would
you sit the fuck down?
1067
00:49:01,763 --> 00:49:03,102
They're lying!
1068
00:49:03,103 --> 00:49:05,102
This has all been made up.
1069
00:49:05,103 --> 00:49:06,852
The Opportunity Initiative,
1070
00:49:06,853 --> 00:49:09,032
the company having a bad year,
1071
00:49:09,033 --> 00:49:10,492
the screaming matches,
1072
00:49:10,493 --> 00:49:12,662
the tragic accident with their child.
1073
00:49:12,663 --> 00:49:15,002
It's all made-up bullshit!
1074
00:49:15,003 --> 00:49:17,042
- (SLAPS)
- Hey!
1075
00:49:17,043 --> 00:49:18,672
(GROANS)
1076
00:49:18,673 --> 00:49:20,762
- How dare you?
- ESSEX: I'll have you know
1077
00:49:20,763 --> 00:49:23,552
that only my tax returns
are made-up bullshit.
1078
00:49:23,553 --> 00:49:25,062
Yeah, you have no right to talk.
1079
00:49:25,063 --> 00:49:27,102
We all know you're full of shit.
1080
00:49:27,103 --> 00:49:30,282
I mean, what do you do every
Friday until midnight, huh?
1081
00:49:30,283 --> 00:49:31,652
GAVIN: Yeah, Ted,
1082
00:49:31,653 --> 00:49:33,372
'cause I'm there late on Fridays
1083
00:49:33,373 --> 00:49:36,372
and I sure as hell don't see
you there until midnight.
1084
00:49:36,373 --> 00:49:38,542
You know what, he doesn't have
to explain anything to you.
1085
00:49:38,543 --> 00:49:41,302
MISSY: You have a little
piece of meat on the side, Ted?
1086
00:49:41,303 --> 00:49:42,762
I've seen the way you look at me.
1087
00:49:42,763 --> 00:49:45,312
I can feel your stare
on the back of my neck.
1088
00:49:45,313 --> 00:49:47,062
Oh, get the hell outta here.
1089
00:49:47,063 --> 00:49:48,812
Or what, you're gonna smash my head in
1090
00:49:48,813 --> 00:49:50,442
with one of the boss's golf clubs?
1091
00:49:50,443 --> 00:49:53,322
- You shut your fucking mouth!
- Ted.
1092
00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:55,386
MISSY: Must be scary to
live with someone like that.
1093
00:49:55,387 --> 00:49:56,450
Probably a Scorpio.
1094
00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:58,314
GAVIN: Okay, let's do this.
1095
00:49:58,315 --> 00:50:00,008
You and me, motherfucker.
1096
00:50:00,009 --> 00:50:01,992
(SCOFFS)
1097
00:50:01,993 --> 00:50:04,946
You think that'll get
you a promotion, Gavin?
1098
00:50:04,947 --> 00:50:06,063
Huh?
1099
00:50:06,064 --> 00:50:08,392
Even though the concept of a CEO
1100
00:50:08,393 --> 00:50:10,562
having two of his
employees battle it out
1101
00:50:10,563 --> 00:50:12,442
like... like pit bulls in a basement
1102
00:50:12,443 --> 00:50:16,032
is totally beyond anything
that actually happens
1103
00:50:16,033 --> 00:50:17,042
on planet Earth?
1104
00:50:17,043 --> 00:50:18,712
They're fucking with us, man!
1105
00:50:18,713 --> 00:50:20,962
Well, guess what, I'm fine with that.
1106
00:50:20,963 --> 00:50:24,092
So you would be fine with
killing another person
1107
00:50:24,093 --> 00:50:28,062
for nothing more than
their sick holiday pageant?
1108
00:50:28,063 --> 00:50:31,232
I'm ready to do whatever it takes.
1109
00:50:31,233 --> 00:50:33,612
Well, are you gonna
kill my wife as well?
1110
00:50:33,613 --> 00:50:36,323
Because you would probably have to.
1111
00:50:39,083 --> 00:50:40,252
TATUM: Gavin,
1112
00:50:40,253 --> 00:50:42,592
I know that you feel
like you should say y...
1113
00:50:42,593 --> 00:50:44,613
Yes.
1114
00:50:46,723 --> 00:50:49,562
- What about your wife?
- What about my wife?
1115
00:50:49,563 --> 00:50:53,232
TED: If Essex offered you
a million dollars right now,
1116
00:50:53,233 --> 00:50:55,613
would you kill Missy?
1117
00:50:57,373 --> 00:50:58,872
When you say a million dollars,
1118
00:50:58,873 --> 00:51:00,002
you mean one million dollars,
1119
00:51:00,003 --> 00:51:02,252
or like an annual salary
of a million dollars?
1120
00:51:02,253 --> 00:51:03,882
(SCREAMING)
1121
00:51:03,883 --> 00:51:06,592
What? I was just making sure
I understood the question!
1122
00:51:06,593 --> 00:51:08,102
[SHOUTING] You shit!
1123
00:51:08,103 --> 00:51:10,772
The fact that you had to even
stop to think about it!
1124
00:51:10,773 --> 00:51:12,152
What? What do you want from me?
1125
00:51:12,153 --> 00:51:13,862
What if the situation was reversed?
1126
00:51:13,863 --> 00:51:15,282
What?!
1127
00:51:15,283 --> 00:51:16,782
Be honest, when you do
1128
00:51:16,783 --> 00:51:19,122
your Ideal Success
Visualization Exercises,
1129
00:51:19,123 --> 00:51:21,222
- am I the one you're married to?
- My what?
1130
00:51:22,623 --> 00:51:24,132
She doesn't even do
1131
00:51:24,133 --> 00:51:26,632
Ideal Success Visualization Exercises.
1132
00:51:26,633 --> 00:51:28,512
How does a person set benchmarks
1133
00:51:28,513 --> 00:51:30,182
for their personal life goals?
1134
00:51:30,183 --> 00:51:32,902
ESSEX: I know, it's shocking.
1135
00:51:32,903 --> 00:51:34,272
Come with me, Gavin.
1136
00:51:34,273 --> 00:51:39,242
Let's find somewhere where
you can sit down and relax.
1137
00:51:39,243 --> 00:51:40,412
Take it easy.
1138
00:51:40,413 --> 00:51:43,542
Take the weight off your weary feet.
1139
00:51:43,543 --> 00:51:46,922
Here we are, tuck your
little butt in there,
1140
00:51:46,923 --> 00:51:49,142
and when you're ready,
1141
00:51:49,143 --> 00:51:51,182
press the red button.
1142
00:51:51,183 --> 00:51:54,192
And Gavin, I know you
would never lay a finger
1143
00:51:54,193 --> 00:51:55,572
on your lovely wife.
1144
00:51:55,573 --> 00:51:56,942
(CHAIR RUMBLING, METAL RATTLING)
1145
00:51:56,943 --> 00:52:00,162
Still, I do appreciate
that you even considered
1146
00:52:00,163 --> 00:52:02,452
making such a sacrifice.
1147
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:04,582
(SOFT MUSIC)
1148
00:52:04,583 --> 00:52:07,213
(CHAIR RUMBLING, METAL RATTLING)
1149
00:52:08,593 --> 00:52:11,602
What the hell do you
know about sacrifice?
1150
00:52:11,603 --> 00:52:14,562
What kind of a sacrifice
have you ever made
1151
00:52:14,563 --> 00:52:17,822
in your entire privileged life?
1152
00:52:17,823 --> 00:52:21,332
Oh, I can tell you exactly
1153
00:52:21,333 --> 00:52:23,082
the kind of history
1154
00:52:23,083 --> 00:52:25,018
this man has had with sacrifice.
1155
00:52:25,019 --> 00:52:27,422
Not now.
1156
00:52:27,423 --> 00:52:31,674
I believe Steven said something
earlier about our son.
1157
00:52:33,733 --> 00:52:35,862
Our Jim.
1158
00:52:35,863 --> 00:52:37,362
Our poor Jim.
1159
00:52:37,363 --> 00:52:39,453
Our beautiful Jim.
1160
00:52:40,573 --> 00:52:42,492
Did Steven mention how little time
1161
00:52:42,493 --> 00:52:45,712
he actually spent with our child?
1162
00:52:45,713 --> 00:52:46,752
Always working...
1163
00:52:46,753 --> 00:52:48,382
I'll not have you dredging...
1164
00:52:48,383 --> 00:52:50,342
- Always traveling.
- Enough!
1165
00:52:50,343 --> 00:52:53,012
Yet, Steven was home one weekend,
1166
00:52:53,013 --> 00:52:55,482
and Jim, our Jim,
1167
00:52:55,483 --> 00:52:57,732
stuck in that boarding school,
1168
00:52:57,733 --> 00:53:01,492
wanting to see his father so badly,
1169
00:53:01,493 --> 00:53:04,622
stole the keys to a staff member's car.
1170
00:53:04,623 --> 00:53:06,252
(SOMBER MUSIC)
1171
00:53:06,253 --> 00:53:09,882
At only 12, he had the wherewithal
1172
00:53:09,883 --> 00:53:11,762
to steal a car
1173
00:53:11,763 --> 00:53:15,142
and drive in the dead of night.
1174
00:53:15,143 --> 00:53:19,143
♪♪
1175
00:53:20,783 --> 00:53:23,493
(METAL RATTLING)
1176
00:53:24,663 --> 00:53:26,752
It was less than a mile.
1177
00:53:26,753 --> 00:53:27,773
♪♪
1178
00:53:27,774 --> 00:53:31,052
Oh, just less than a mile
1179
00:53:31,053 --> 00:53:33,552
from the house when it happened.
1180
00:53:33,553 --> 00:53:35,722
♪♪
1181
00:53:35,723 --> 00:53:38,902
So, don't believe for a second
1182
00:53:38,903 --> 00:53:40,732
that my husband knows nothing
1183
00:53:40,733 --> 00:53:44,032
about making a sacrifice for his career.
1184
00:53:44,033 --> 00:53:48,042
♪♪
1185
00:53:48,043 --> 00:53:50,252
So, what happened?
1186
00:53:50,253 --> 00:53:52,262
Did the little bugger swerve
1187
00:53:52,263 --> 00:53:54,052
to avoid hitting a porcupine?
1188
00:53:54,053 --> 00:53:56,432
TATUM: Ted, would you
stop being so cruel?
1189
00:53:56,433 --> 00:53:59,272
I don't know, Tatum, will
you stop being so naive?
1190
00:53:59,273 --> 00:54:00,822
Can't you grasp the idea
1191
00:54:00,823 --> 00:54:02,952
that there are twisted
people in this world
1192
00:54:02,953 --> 00:54:05,332
who might just tell a grotesque lie
1193
00:54:05,333 --> 00:54:07,332
for their own perverse pleasure?
1194
00:54:07,333 --> 00:54:09,922
So if all of this is bullshit, Ted,
1195
00:54:09,923 --> 00:54:13,802
if you really believe
that there is no promotion,
1196
00:54:13,803 --> 00:54:15,802
then what are we doing here?
1197
00:54:15,803 --> 00:54:19,192
We're riding this out for what?
1198
00:54:19,193 --> 00:54:22,072
To prove that you're smart?
1199
00:54:22,073 --> 00:54:23,652
Okay, we get it.
1200
00:54:23,653 --> 00:54:25,572
You are smart.
1201
00:54:25,573 --> 00:54:29,962
But you don't get to talk
to me like I'm a rube.
1202
00:54:29,963 --> 00:54:31,542
You're not a rube!
1203
00:54:31,543 --> 00:54:33,342
You're a radiant diamond.
1204
00:54:33,343 --> 00:54:35,472
Let me pour you a brandy.
1205
00:54:35,473 --> 00:54:37,972
Nothing fancy for me,
I'm just a dumb hick.
1206
00:54:37,973 --> 00:54:41,822
I'm fine just drinking
out of the fucking toilet.
1207
00:54:41,823 --> 00:54:45,992
[SARCASTICALLY] Well, thank you, Kiwi.
1208
00:54:45,993 --> 00:54:49,332
Is anybody still talking to anybody?
1209
00:54:49,333 --> 00:54:51,462
GAVIN: I'm here!
1210
00:54:51,463 --> 00:54:54,972
I think we should all call it a night.
1211
00:54:54,973 --> 00:54:56,012
But...
1212
00:54:56,013 --> 00:54:57,262
(METAL RATTLING)
1213
00:54:57,263 --> 00:54:58,722
(GROANS)
1214
00:54:58,723 --> 00:55:00,982
- But...
- ESSEX: I'll render my decision
1215
00:55:00,983 --> 00:55:02,192
on Monday.
1216
00:55:02,193 --> 00:55:03,572
(GROANS)
1217
00:55:03,573 --> 00:55:05,742
Ted, you should probably go
ahead and warm up the car.
1218
00:55:05,743 --> 00:55:08,452
It seems your wife might need a moment.
1219
00:55:08,453 --> 00:55:11,462
(DARK MUSIC)
1220
00:55:11,463 --> 00:55:15,632
Gavin, there is a piece
I want to show you.
1221
00:55:15,633 --> 00:55:19,633
♪♪
1222
00:55:33,228 --> 00:55:35,252
_
1223
00:55:35,253 --> 00:55:37,182
I thought you'd like it.
1224
00:55:37,183 --> 00:55:41,183
♪♪
1225
00:55:57,013 --> 00:55:58,302
(EERIE MUSIC)
1226
00:55:58,303 --> 00:55:59,762
Hey!
1227
00:55:59,763 --> 00:56:03,763
♪♪
1228
00:56:09,203 --> 00:56:11,832
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
1229
00:56:11,833 --> 00:56:14,332
(DARK MUSIC)
1230
00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:18,333
♪♪
1231
00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:21,562
(DOOR HANDLE RATTLING)
1232
00:56:21,563 --> 00:56:23,682
Hello?
1233
00:56:23,683 --> 00:56:25,562
♪♪
1234
00:56:25,563 --> 00:56:26,902
(BANG)
1235
00:56:26,903 --> 00:56:29,952
(TENSE MUSIC)
1236
00:56:29,953 --> 00:56:33,953
♪♪
1237
00:56:46,733 --> 00:56:49,192
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
1238
00:56:49,193 --> 00:56:52,122
GAVIN [SHOUTING]: I am a
powerful, successful person!
1239
00:56:52,123 --> 00:56:53,452
(SMASHING)
1240
00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:55,962
(TED GROANING)
1241
00:56:55,963 --> 00:56:58,092
[CONFUSED] What the fuck?
1242
00:56:58,093 --> 00:57:00,132
(DARK MUSIC)
1243
00:57:00,133 --> 00:57:02,972
♪♪
1244
00:57:02,973 --> 00:57:04,353
(HANDLE CLATTERS)
1245
00:57:06,313 --> 00:57:08,112
(SCREAMING)
1246
00:57:08,113 --> 00:57:10,192
(INTENSE MUSIC)
1247
00:57:10,193 --> 00:57:11,612
♪♪
1248
00:57:11,613 --> 00:57:13,452
(GAVIN SCREAMING)
1249
00:57:13,453 --> 00:57:17,453
♪♪
1250
00:57:18,593 --> 00:57:20,382
(GAVIN SCREAMING)
1251
00:57:20,383 --> 00:57:23,142
♪♪
1252
00:57:23,143 --> 00:57:25,022
ESSEX: Choose wisely.
1253
00:57:25,023 --> 00:57:29,023
♪♪
1254
00:57:30,993 --> 00:57:33,282
So, you got a 50-50 chance.
1255
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:34,662
But guess what that means.
1256
00:57:34,663 --> 00:57:37,172
That means I've got a 50-50 chance.
1257
00:57:37,173 --> 00:57:39,292
So this whole night...
Fuck the whole night!
1258
00:57:39,293 --> 00:57:42,552
Your whole life
comes down to a coin toss.
1259
00:57:42,553 --> 00:57:45,512
So you gotta ask yourself,
do you feel lucky?
1260
00:57:45,513 --> 00:57:47,273
(GUNSHOT, GLASS SHATTERING)
1261
00:57:48,863 --> 00:57:50,783
Shit.
1262
00:57:52,493 --> 00:57:53,992
(DARK MUSIC)
1263
00:57:53,993 --> 00:57:55,492
(TREMBLING)
1264
00:57:55,493 --> 00:57:59,493
♪♪
1265
00:58:01,003 --> 00:58:03,182
Why stop now, Ted?
1266
00:58:03,183 --> 00:58:04,432
Let me guess:
1267
00:58:04,433 --> 00:58:06,682
Because it wouldn't be a fair way
1268
00:58:06,683 --> 00:58:09,522
of making it to the top, hmm?
1269
00:58:09,523 --> 00:58:11,022
You know something, Ted?
1270
00:58:11,023 --> 00:58:12,442
It will never be fair,
1271
00:58:12,443 --> 00:58:16,952
because the playing field is
always tilted one direction.
1272
00:58:16,953 --> 00:58:19,332
But by simply pulling that trigger,
1273
00:58:19,333 --> 00:58:22,552
you'll reserve yourself
a first-class seat
1274
00:58:22,553 --> 00:58:24,842
on the tilted side.
1275
00:58:24,843 --> 00:58:27,222
(MUSIC INTENSIFYING)
1276
00:58:27,223 --> 00:58:31,223
♪♪
1277
00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:36,073
(TED GROANING)
1278
00:58:38,913 --> 00:58:41,082
(PANTING)
1279
00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:44,172
(SOFT MUSIC)
1280
00:58:44,173 --> 00:58:48,173
♪♪
1281
00:58:58,364 --> 00:59:00,364
_
1282
00:59:06,763 --> 00:59:09,022
(TED BREATHING HEAVILY)
1283
00:59:09,023 --> 00:59:12,362
♪♪
1284
00:59:12,363 --> 00:59:14,862
TATUM: Ted.
1285
00:59:14,863 --> 00:59:16,322
Ted!
1286
00:59:16,323 --> 00:59:18,992
♪♪
1287
00:59:18,993 --> 00:59:20,872
- Let me see, let me see.
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
1288
00:59:20,873 --> 00:59:23,002
I'll do it, I'll do it, I'm fine.
1289
00:59:23,003 --> 00:59:24,252
MISSY: What happened?
1290
00:59:24,253 --> 00:59:26,762
ESSEX: Just Ted snatching defeat
1291
00:59:26,763 --> 00:59:28,852
from the jaws of victory.
1292
00:59:28,853 --> 00:59:31,102
(SLAMS RIFLE) I mean, really!
1293
00:59:31,103 --> 00:59:35,076
You were so close to winning!
1294
00:59:35,077 --> 00:59:36,576
TED: No, no.
1295
00:59:36,577 --> 00:59:39,622
The only way I win is
if I don't play the game
1296
00:59:39,623 --> 00:59:41,372
because there is no promotion.
1297
00:59:41,373 --> 00:59:43,542
It's all just stories and lies
1298
00:59:43,543 --> 00:59:44,922
and make-believe bullshit
1299
00:59:44,923 --> 00:59:46,632
so you and your psychotic wife
1300
00:59:46,633 --> 00:59:48,012
can get your rocks off.
1301
00:59:48,013 --> 00:59:49,033
(GAVIN GROANS)
1302
00:59:49,034 --> 00:59:50,312
GAVIN: Take it easy on 'em.
1303
00:59:50,313 --> 00:59:51,472
They lost their son.
1304
00:59:51,473 --> 00:59:53,102
TED [SHOUTING]: No, they didn't, Gavin!
1305
00:59:53,103 --> 00:59:54,902
It's a joke! It's from a play!
1306
00:59:54,903 --> 00:59:57,032
Jesus Christ, maybe
if you read something
1307
00:59:57,033 --> 01:00:00,122
other than Seven Habits
of Highly Effective People.
1308
01:00:00,123 --> 01:00:03,292
ESSEX: It seems you
still need convincing.
1309
01:00:03,293 --> 01:00:04,792
I think you should wake him up
1310
01:00:04,793 --> 01:00:08,262
and invite him to meet our guests.
1311
01:00:08,263 --> 01:00:10,553
(SNICKERING) Yay!
1312
01:00:15,023 --> 01:00:16,943
Do you think it's him?
1313
01:00:18,073 --> 01:00:20,573
Are we gonna have a séance?
1314
01:00:22,583 --> 01:00:25,582
Hey, I'm sorry for everything, I am,
1315
01:00:25,583 --> 01:00:27,092
but this is out of control.
1316
01:00:27,093 --> 01:00:30,472
We need to go right now, okay?
1317
01:00:30,473 --> 01:00:32,102
Okay.
1318
01:00:32,103 --> 01:00:34,642
- (DOOR OPENING)
- KIWI: Ho, ho, ho!
1319
01:00:34,643 --> 01:00:39,282
I hear there are some naughty
boys and girls in here!
1320
01:00:39,283 --> 01:00:41,282
(KIWI LAUGHING, CHAIR WHIRRING)
1321
01:00:41,283 --> 01:00:43,542
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
1322
01:00:43,543 --> 01:00:45,712
♪♪
1323
01:00:45,713 --> 01:00:47,342
Say hi to Santa.
1324
01:00:47,343 --> 01:00:50,342
That's it, all the way around the room.
1325
01:00:50,343 --> 01:00:52,472
Santa's gotta see everybody.
1326
01:00:52,473 --> 01:00:54,602
(KIWI SNICKERING)
1327
01:00:54,603 --> 01:00:58,822
♪♪
1328
01:00:58,823 --> 01:01:00,492
Ahh!
1329
01:01:00,493 --> 01:01:02,992
♪♪
1330
01:01:02,993 --> 01:01:05,122
Ta-da!
1331
01:01:05,123 --> 01:01:07,002
(KIWI LAUGHING)
1332
01:01:07,003 --> 01:01:08,882
Everyone, this is Jim.
1333
01:01:08,883 --> 01:01:10,262
Jim, this is everyone.
1334
01:01:10,263 --> 01:01:13,472
I'd go around the room, but
he's terrible with names.
1335
01:01:13,473 --> 01:01:15,852
Oh my God.
1336
01:01:15,853 --> 01:01:17,562
You didn't.
1337
01:01:17,563 --> 01:01:18,982
(DARK MUSIC)
1338
01:01:18,983 --> 01:01:21,242
Oh, look at that, Ted.
1339
01:01:21,243 --> 01:01:23,952
He likes you, that's uncanny.
1340
01:01:23,953 --> 01:01:26,082
I have so much admiration
for the both of you.
1341
01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:28,502
I can only imagine what
a burden he must be.
1342
01:01:28,503 --> 01:01:29,632
Oh, don't be silly.
1343
01:01:29,633 --> 01:01:31,512
That's why we hire people.
1344
01:01:31,513 --> 01:01:33,892
MISSY: Well, he looks very
comfortable in his chair.
1345
01:01:33,893 --> 01:01:35,142
KIWI: Well, hop onboard!
1346
01:01:35,143 --> 01:01:37,272
He'd love to take you for a spin.
1347
01:01:37,273 --> 01:01:39,232
- Oh, I...
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
1348
01:01:39,233 --> 01:01:40,992
Just think of him as Santa.
1349
01:01:40,993 --> 01:01:44,242
You can tell him everything
you want for Christmas.
1350
01:01:44,243 --> 01:01:46,042
Come on, right on. That's it.
1351
01:01:46,043 --> 01:01:47,792
Oh... sorry.
1352
01:01:47,793 --> 01:01:49,422
(KIWI LAUGHING)
1353
01:01:49,423 --> 01:01:50,882
Please stop this.
1354
01:01:50,883 --> 01:01:55,262
KIWI [SINGING]: Oh, here we
go round the mulberry bush.
1355
01:01:55,263 --> 01:01:57,482
(KIWI LAUGHING)
1356
01:01:57,483 --> 01:01:59,272
(JIM GROANING)
1357
01:01:59,273 --> 01:02:01,232
(KIWI LAUGHING)
1358
01:02:01,233 --> 01:02:04,742
♪♪
1359
01:02:04,743 --> 01:02:06,912
MISSY: I... I think I've had enough.
1360
01:02:06,913 --> 01:02:08,042
(KIWI LAUGHING)
1361
01:02:08,043 --> 01:02:09,672
Can you... can you stop, please?
1362
01:02:09,673 --> 01:02:10,922
Please stop.
1363
01:02:10,923 --> 01:02:12,512
Please, just stop!
1364
01:02:12,513 --> 01:02:14,302
[SHOUTING] Please stop!
1365
01:02:14,303 --> 01:02:17,022
♪♪
1366
01:02:17,023 --> 01:02:18,562
(JIM GROANS)
1367
01:02:18,563 --> 01:02:21,572
♪♪
1368
01:02:21,573 --> 01:02:23,032
GAVIN: Wow, Ted.
1369
01:02:23,033 --> 01:02:25,952
Looks like an apology is in order,
1370
01:02:25,953 --> 01:02:28,962
or maybe even grounds for dismissal.
1371
01:02:28,963 --> 01:02:31,172
ESSEX: Oh, I think Ted feels awful
1372
01:02:31,173 --> 01:02:32,302
about doubting us.
1373
01:02:32,303 --> 01:02:33,552
I mean, just look at him.
1374
01:02:33,553 --> 01:02:34,972
TATUM: Ted, it's okay to be wrong.
1375
01:02:34,973 --> 01:02:37,852
Just... just say you're sorry.
1376
01:02:37,853 --> 01:02:39,142
ESSEX: It's all right.
1377
01:02:39,143 --> 01:02:41,692
I think if we just have a drink,
1378
01:02:41,693 --> 01:02:44,652
it'll all be water under the bridge.
1379
01:02:44,653 --> 01:02:46,072
♪♪
1380
01:02:46,073 --> 01:02:48,332
To water under the bridge.
1381
01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:49,462
♪♪
1382
01:02:49,463 --> 01:02:51,842
ESSEX: Down the hatch, Sunny Jim.
1383
01:02:51,843 --> 01:02:55,972
♪♪
1384
01:02:55,973 --> 01:02:57,472
(JIM GAGGING)
1385
01:02:57,473 --> 01:02:59,102
Oh, he's enjoying this.
1386
01:02:59,103 --> 01:03:01,232
KIWI: Oh, Jim!
1387
01:03:01,233 --> 01:03:05,492
Oh, my poor baby's made a
mess of himself, hasn't he?
1388
01:03:05,493 --> 01:03:06,572
Oh, baby.
1389
01:03:06,573 --> 01:03:07,742
Oh, God.
1390
01:03:07,743 --> 01:03:09,352
Oh, shh.
1391
01:03:09,353 --> 01:03:10,373
Shh.
1392
01:03:10,374 --> 01:03:12,252
That's a good boy.
1393
01:03:12,253 --> 01:03:14,212
Stop it. [SHOUTING] Stop it, stop it!
1394
01:03:14,213 --> 01:03:15,472
Get the fuck away from him!
1395
01:03:15,473 --> 01:03:17,392
ESSEX: I'll thank you not to point a gun
1396
01:03:17,393 --> 01:03:19,022
and scream at my wife.
1397
01:03:19,023 --> 01:03:20,352
That's my job.
1398
01:03:20,353 --> 01:03:22,982
Besides, you might end
up hitting poor Jim.
1399
01:03:22,983 --> 01:03:24,362
Stop calling him that!
1400
01:03:24,363 --> 01:03:25,992
His name is not Jim!
1401
01:03:25,993 --> 01:03:28,492
His name is Daniel!
1402
01:03:28,493 --> 01:03:32,002
TATUM: Ted, tell me what's going on.
1403
01:03:32,003 --> 01:03:36,003
♪♪
1404
01:03:36,633 --> 01:03:38,512
(TED GROANS)
1405
01:03:38,513 --> 01:03:40,602
Before we were married,
1406
01:03:40,603 --> 01:03:42,022
three years ago, I guess,
1407
01:03:42,023 --> 01:03:44,862
I hadn't been at the company that long,
1408
01:03:44,863 --> 01:03:46,152
and he sent me out
1409
01:03:46,153 --> 01:03:50,042
to get an anniversary gift for his wife.
1410
01:03:50,043 --> 01:03:53,542
I was racing back to
bring him the earrings,
1411
01:03:53,543 --> 01:03:57,262
and I was trying so hard to get noticed
1412
01:03:57,263 --> 01:03:58,552
and get ahead.
1413
01:03:58,553 --> 01:04:01,683
I guess I was probably driving too fast.
1414
01:04:04,273 --> 01:04:07,653
And Daniel was riding his bike.
1415
01:04:08,783 --> 01:04:11,542
It was dark. I never even saw him.
1416
01:04:11,543 --> 01:04:15,002
I just... heard the thump.
1417
01:04:15,003 --> 01:04:17,262
Oh my God.
1418
01:04:17,263 --> 01:04:19,392
(SOBS)
1419
01:04:19,393 --> 01:04:21,562
GAVIN: Was he wearing a helmet?
1420
01:04:21,563 --> 01:04:23,692
I mean, if he was riding
his bike without a helmet,
1421
01:04:23,693 --> 01:04:24,812
I'm not a lawyer, but...
1422
01:04:24,813 --> 01:04:28,952
Gavin, will you please just shut up?
1423
01:04:28,953 --> 01:04:33,413
So, this entire time...
1424
01:04:35,543 --> 01:04:37,302
... you never told me?
1425
01:04:37,303 --> 01:04:38,842
(SIGHS)
1426
01:04:38,843 --> 01:04:40,722
(SOFT MUSIC)
1427
01:04:40,723 --> 01:04:42,722
TED: They put him in
a permanent facility,
1428
01:04:42,723 --> 01:04:45,902
but he didn't have anyone, so...
1429
01:04:45,903 --> 01:04:49,072
I started going to see
him Fridays after work.
1430
01:04:49,073 --> 01:04:52,952
So he did have a piece
of meat on the side.
1431
01:04:52,953 --> 01:04:55,332
♪♪
1432
01:04:55,333 --> 01:04:59,172
How can this be your idea of fun?
1433
01:04:59,173 --> 01:05:02,102
Ted, you've forgotten
1434
01:05:02,103 --> 01:05:06,732
that opportunity is the
theme of this evening.
1435
01:05:06,733 --> 01:05:08,732
Before you is the anchor
1436
01:05:08,733 --> 01:05:11,992
that has undermined
your success for years.
1437
01:05:11,993 --> 01:05:17,462
In your hands, you have the
instrument of opportunity.
1438
01:05:17,463 --> 01:05:20,382
♪♪
1439
01:05:20,383 --> 01:05:22,512
Jesus Christ, Ted!
1440
01:05:22,513 --> 01:05:26,102
You'd be doing him a kindness.
1441
01:05:26,103 --> 01:05:28,442
Now, look at your beautiful wife
1442
01:05:28,443 --> 01:05:31,572
and think of the life
you're denying her.
1443
01:05:31,573 --> 01:05:35,502
♪♪
1444
01:05:35,503 --> 01:05:38,382
I don't want a life like this,
1445
01:05:38,383 --> 01:05:40,512
a life where all your pleasure centers
1446
01:05:40,513 --> 01:05:44,762
get so dulled, this is what
you have to do for kicks.
1447
01:05:44,763 --> 01:05:48,022
♪♪
1448
01:05:48,023 --> 01:05:49,772
(SLAMS RIFLE)
1449
01:05:49,773 --> 01:05:51,112
Fuck this life.
1450
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,742
I'm taking him back home.
1451
01:05:52,743 --> 01:05:55,542
Ah, but there's the rub, Ted.
1452
01:05:55,543 --> 01:05:59,042
You see, our Jim is already at home.
1453
01:05:59,043 --> 01:06:02,052
His care facility was delighted to place
1454
01:06:02,053 --> 01:06:03,512
this piece of driftwood
1455
01:06:03,513 --> 01:06:06,182
in a financially sturdy household.
1456
01:06:06,183 --> 01:06:09,652
So, you can put him out of his misery
1457
01:06:09,653 --> 01:06:12,242
or you can leave him
to the tender mercies
1458
01:06:12,243 --> 01:06:14,872
of Kiwi and myself,
1459
01:06:14,873 --> 01:06:16,662
but what you cannot do
1460
01:06:16,663 --> 01:06:19,122
is walk out of here with him.
1461
01:06:19,123 --> 01:06:22,206
♪♪
1462
01:06:22,207 --> 01:06:23,802
GAVIN [ENTHUSIASTICALLY]: I'll do it!
1463
01:06:23,803 --> 01:06:25,682
TED: No, no, no, no,
no, no. Gavin, stop!
1464
01:06:25,683 --> 01:06:27,642
Gavin, listen to me,
you gotta believe me,
1465
01:06:27,643 --> 01:06:29,442
this will not get you what you want.
1466
01:06:29,443 --> 01:06:31,692
Get the fuck outta my way or
I'll shoot you right now!
1467
01:06:31,693 --> 01:06:33,442
Wait, wait, how do you
know it's the right one?
1468
01:06:33,443 --> 01:06:35,532
Because this is the
gun this shitbird used
1469
01:06:35,533 --> 01:06:37,542
to shoot the flowers in the hallway.
1470
01:06:37,543 --> 01:06:39,712
See, I pay attention to details.
1471
01:06:39,713 --> 01:06:42,302
"It's the little details that are vital.
1472
01:06:42,303 --> 01:06:44,842
Little things make big things happen".
1473
01:06:44,843 --> 01:06:47,812
UCLA men's basketball coach John Wooden.
1474
01:06:47,813 --> 01:06:50,442
TED: Oh my God, just kill me now.
1475
01:06:50,443 --> 01:06:51,522
With pleasure.
1476
01:06:51,523 --> 01:06:53,032
(GUNSHOT, SCREAMING)
1477
01:06:53,033 --> 01:06:56,453
(TED GROANING)
1478
01:06:59,463 --> 01:07:01,842
It's like this shit
is rigged against me!
1479
01:07:01,843 --> 01:07:04,342
ESSEX: Well, that's the
first astute observation
1480
01:07:04,343 --> 01:07:06,222
you've made all night.
1481
01:07:06,223 --> 01:07:09,482
Did you know that
antique rifle magazines
1482
01:07:09,483 --> 01:07:11,352
can be remotely switched
1483
01:07:11,353 --> 01:07:14,942
from blanks to live rounds?
1484
01:07:14,943 --> 01:07:17,122
Allow me to demonstrate.
1485
01:07:17,123 --> 01:07:18,582
Gavin, would you shoot
1486
01:07:18,583 --> 01:07:21,622
the African white
rhinoceros on the wall?
1487
01:07:21,623 --> 01:07:22,753
(BUTTON CLICKS)
1488
01:07:24,633 --> 01:07:26,263
(GUNSHOT)
1489
01:07:28,853 --> 01:07:30,732
Excellent, now,
1490
01:07:30,733 --> 01:07:32,862
point your rifle at Ted.
1491
01:07:32,863 --> 01:07:35,073
(RIFLE RELOADING)
1492
01:07:37,323 --> 01:07:39,992
(GUNSHOT, SCREAMING)
1493
01:07:39,993 --> 01:07:42,332
It's the same with the other gun.
1494
01:07:42,333 --> 01:07:46,512
Uh, Ted, would you take
a shot at the rhino?
1495
01:07:46,513 --> 01:07:49,102
(TED GROANS)
1496
01:07:49,103 --> 01:07:50,642
(TED SIGHS)
1497
01:07:50,643 --> 01:07:52,143
[WHISPERS] Oh God.
1498
01:07:56,613 --> 01:07:58,612
(GUNSHOT)
1499
01:07:58,613 --> 01:08:02,162
[UNAMUSED] Haha, very funny.
1500
01:08:02,163 --> 01:08:05,503
Now point your rifle at Gavin.
1501
01:08:08,013 --> 01:08:09,932
(GUNSHOT, SCREAMING)
1502
01:08:09,933 --> 01:08:12,482
(KIWI LAUGHING)
1503
01:08:12,483 --> 01:08:13,602
Fuck!
1504
01:08:13,603 --> 01:08:16,782
ESSEX: Oh, I just couldn't resist it!
1505
01:08:16,783 --> 01:08:18,612
I'm sorry, Gavin,
1506
01:08:18,613 --> 01:08:20,582
but you never had a chance!
1507
01:08:20,583 --> 01:08:23,162
I'd just as soon as give the promotion
1508
01:08:23,163 --> 01:08:24,962
to this sack of yams.
1509
01:08:24,963 --> 01:08:28,342
No, tonight was all about Ted.
1510
01:08:28,343 --> 01:08:30,222
Smart, talented.
1511
01:08:30,223 --> 01:08:32,312
The only question is whether or not
1512
01:08:32,313 --> 01:08:34,312
he could go the extra mile,
1513
01:08:34,313 --> 01:08:38,112
and for that we needed cannon fodder.
1514
01:08:38,113 --> 01:08:40,622
I was never in the running?
1515
01:08:40,623 --> 01:08:45,382
But I leveraged my entire
future to impress you!
1516
01:08:45,383 --> 01:08:47,252
Dodging debt collectors,
1517
01:08:47,253 --> 01:08:50,343
praying every day you'd
make me an executive!
1518
01:08:51,513 --> 01:08:53,522
[SHOUTING] I'm the one that can do it!
1519
01:08:53,523 --> 01:08:54,852
Switch it back, let me show you!
1520
01:08:54,853 --> 01:08:56,442
- No, no, no.
- TATUM: Gavin, put it down.
1521
01:08:56,443 --> 01:08:57,982
[SHOUTING] He really wants it, Ted!
1522
01:08:57,983 --> 01:08:59,242
You'd better kill the man!
1523
01:08:59,243 --> 01:09:00,492
TED: Gavin, put it down.
1524
01:09:00,493 --> 01:09:02,242
Just, I have to have this, let me do it.
1525
01:09:02,243 --> 01:09:04,002
- No!
- GAVIN: I want it more than you.
1526
01:09:04,003 --> 01:09:05,332
[HYSTERICAL] I want
it more than anything!
1527
01:09:05,333 --> 01:09:07,382
He makes an interesting argument!
1528
01:09:07,383 --> 01:09:08,712
Goddamnit, Gavin!
1529
01:09:08,713 --> 01:09:10,132
ESSEX: I'm reconsidering, Ted!
1530
01:09:10,133 --> 01:09:11,762
What are you gonna do about this?
1531
01:09:11,763 --> 01:09:13,472
- Ted!
- GAVIN: Just let me do it!
1532
01:09:13,473 --> 01:09:15,142
Show me you're the kind of man
1533
01:09:15,143 --> 01:09:17,772
who can take his future into his own...
1534
01:09:17,773 --> 01:09:20,243
(GUNSHOT, THUD)
1535
01:09:26,043 --> 01:09:28,042
(EXHALES)
1536
01:09:28,043 --> 01:09:32,303
"Brave solutions, steadfast commitment".
1537
01:09:34,683 --> 01:09:36,103
Holy shit.
1538
01:09:37,403 --> 01:09:39,902
Are you out of your fucking minds?
1539
01:09:39,903 --> 01:09:42,613
I never signed up for any of this!
1540
01:09:47,043 --> 01:09:48,792
Wait, what?
1541
01:09:48,793 --> 01:09:51,172
[SHOUTING] What the fuck?
1542
01:09:51,173 --> 01:09:53,302
That whole thing was an act?
1543
01:09:53,303 --> 01:09:57,142
It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
1544
01:09:57,143 --> 01:09:58,522
Are you fucking kidding me?
1545
01:09:58,523 --> 01:10:02,152
How long have you been plotting this?
1546
01:10:02,153 --> 01:10:04,663
You could've had it all.
1547
01:10:06,203 --> 01:10:08,292
You Podunk piece of trash
1548
01:10:08,293 --> 01:10:10,592
with your cheap fucking boots!
1549
01:10:10,593 --> 01:10:12,593
(GUNSHOT, SCREAMS)
1550
01:10:27,203 --> 01:10:28,922
(SOFT MUSIC)
1551
01:10:28,923 --> 01:10:32,592
(TATUM BREATHING HEAVILY)
1552
01:10:32,593 --> 01:10:34,472
TATUM: Let's go home.
1553
01:10:34,473 --> 01:10:38,473
♪♪
1554
01:10:50,883 --> 01:10:52,632
DANIEL: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1555
01:10:52,633 --> 01:10:54,012
Is it safe to come out?
1556
01:10:54,013 --> 01:10:56,262
TED: Hey, do you have any idea
1557
01:10:56,263 --> 01:10:57,512
how twisted you are?
1558
01:10:57,513 --> 01:10:59,852
This entire time you've
just been pretending...
1559
01:10:59,853 --> 01:11:01,362
Ted.
1560
01:11:01,363 --> 01:11:03,442
(DARK MUSIC)
1561
01:11:03,443 --> 01:11:07,443
♪♪
1562
01:11:14,133 --> 01:11:16,592
That's weird.
1563
01:11:16,593 --> 01:11:18,142
(TATUM SCREAMS)
1564
01:11:18,143 --> 01:11:21,652
♪♪
1565
01:11:21,653 --> 01:11:24,782
What the fuck is this now?
1566
01:11:24,783 --> 01:11:27,282
(DOOR CREAKING OPEN)
1567
01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:29,292
♪♪
1568
01:11:29,293 --> 01:11:31,872
(VOCALISTS CHANTING)
1569
01:11:31,873 --> 01:11:35,873
♪♪
1570
01:11:56,013 --> 01:11:57,432
WHITE HAIR: For a while there,
1571
01:11:57,433 --> 01:12:00,432
we thought you were one of us, Ted.
1572
01:12:00,433 --> 01:12:02,022
What a waste.
1573
01:12:02,023 --> 01:12:04,062
SECOND EXECUTIVE:
Some men just can't put
1574
01:12:04,063 --> 01:12:05,322
the boot on the throat
1575
01:12:05,323 --> 01:12:07,322
when they have the other guy down.
1576
01:12:07,323 --> 01:12:09,032
THIRD EXECUTIVE: Like Boris Becker
1577
01:12:09,033 --> 01:12:11,832
at Monte Carlo in '95.
1578
01:12:11,833 --> 01:12:14,082
Maddening.
1579
01:12:14,083 --> 01:12:15,842
DANIEL: Hey, you said
1580
01:12:15,843 --> 01:12:17,722
they'd both be shooting blanks.
1581
01:12:17,723 --> 01:12:19,092
WHITE HAIR: What can I say?
1582
01:12:19,093 --> 01:12:22,352
Essex expected Ted to kill Gavin.
1583
01:12:22,353 --> 01:12:24,692
DANIEL: And what if he
decided to kill me?
1584
01:12:24,693 --> 01:12:27,822
WHITE HAIR: He was 90%
sure Ted wouldn't shoot you.
1585
01:12:27,823 --> 01:12:29,452
DANIEL: How could you do that to me?
1586
01:12:29,453 --> 01:12:31,452
I've been pretending to be a vegetable
1587
01:12:31,453 --> 01:12:33,712
every Friday night for three years!
1588
01:12:33,713 --> 01:12:35,082
We paid you handsomely
1589
01:12:35,083 --> 01:12:36,962
for your acting services, didn't we?
1590
01:12:36,963 --> 01:12:38,302
MISSY: I knew you looked familiar.
1591
01:12:38,303 --> 01:12:40,052
Did you do an episode of
General Hospital?
1592
01:12:40,053 --> 01:12:41,352
Hold on, hold on.
1593
01:12:41,353 --> 01:12:44,852
So you... you saw
what happened in there.
1594
01:12:44,853 --> 01:12:48,112
WHITE HAIR: We saw everything.
1595
01:12:48,113 --> 01:12:50,872
(DARK MUSIC)
1596
01:12:50,873 --> 01:12:55,582
Do you have any idea what you've done?
1597
01:12:55,583 --> 01:12:57,882
[SHOUTING] Any idea?
1598
01:12:57,883 --> 01:13:01,883
♪♪
1599
01:13:03,773 --> 01:13:05,942
You have eliminated
1600
01:13:05,943 --> 01:13:08,862
nearly $40 million
in salary and benefits
1601
01:13:08,863 --> 01:13:12,202
off our books for the next fiscal year!
1602
01:13:12,203 --> 01:13:16,203
♪♪
1603
01:13:17,343 --> 01:13:18,592
Genius.
1604
01:13:18,593 --> 01:13:21,842
Why didn't I think of it?
1605
01:13:21,843 --> 01:13:24,102
THIRD EXECUTIVE: Let's not forget Kiwi.
1606
01:13:24,103 --> 01:13:27,902
My Lord, that woman could
abuse an expense account.
1607
01:13:27,903 --> 01:13:29,282
It's a miracle!
1608
01:13:29,283 --> 01:13:30,612
A Christmas miracle!
1609
01:13:30,613 --> 01:13:33,792
WHITE HAIR: Truly a Christmas miracle!
1610
01:13:33,793 --> 01:13:35,412
(EXECUTIVES LAUGHING)
1611
01:13:35,413 --> 01:13:38,292
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
1612
01:13:38,293 --> 01:13:40,512
Merry Christmas!
1613
01:13:40,513 --> 01:13:41,682
Woo-hoo!
1614
01:13:41,683 --> 01:13:44,312
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
1615
01:13:44,313 --> 01:13:47,272
Hello, happy holidays to you, sir.
1616
01:13:47,273 --> 01:13:49,152
THIRD EXECUTIVE: Thank
you. Great choices.
1617
01:13:49,153 --> 01:13:50,153
(LAUGHING)
1618
01:13:50,154 --> 01:13:51,612
What a wonderful evening, huh?
1619
01:13:51,613 --> 01:13:53,282
MISSY: Pardon my husband's appearance.
1620
01:13:53,283 --> 01:13:55,242
It's just... it's been a night.
1621
01:13:55,243 --> 01:13:56,292
(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION)
1622
01:13:56,293 --> 01:13:57,922
So it seems to me,
1623
01:13:57,923 --> 01:14:00,052
in light of everything
that's happened tonight,
1624
01:14:00,053 --> 01:14:02,432
there really is a vacancy
1625
01:14:02,433 --> 01:14:04,182
at the executive level.
1626
01:14:04,183 --> 01:14:07,142
♪♪
1627
01:14:07,143 --> 01:14:10,272
True, I suppose there is.
1628
01:14:10,273 --> 01:14:12,152
And I think it's fair to say
1629
01:14:12,153 --> 01:14:15,952
that one of you has clearly
demonstrated themselves
1630
01:14:15,953 --> 01:14:19,332
to be Falconheart executive material.
1631
01:14:19,333 --> 01:14:23,333
♪♪
1632
01:14:34,703 --> 01:14:37,042
(LIGHT JAZZ VERSION OF "WE
WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS")
1633
01:14:37,043 --> 01:14:39,332
TED: Guillermo! What's up, buddy?
1634
01:14:39,333 --> 01:14:43,333
♪♪
1635
01:15:05,893 --> 01:15:08,273
How's that hand treatin' you?
1636
01:15:09,853 --> 01:15:11,192
(TED CHUCKLING)
1637
01:15:11,193 --> 01:15:13,072
You diddle your mother with that finger?
1638
01:15:13,073 --> 01:15:14,692
I'll diddle your mother.
1639
01:15:14,693 --> 01:15:16,492
TATUM: Hey!
1640
01:15:16,493 --> 01:15:18,622
Boys.
1641
01:15:18,623 --> 01:15:20,122
Get to work.
1642
01:15:20,123 --> 01:15:21,962
(BRIGHT MUSIC)
1643
01:15:21,963 --> 01:15:25,963
♪♪
1644
01:15:49,143 --> 01:15:52,902
- (VIBRANT MUSIC)
- _
1645
01:15:52,903 --> 01:15:56,903
♪♪
1646
01:16:42,793 --> 01:16:46,042
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF
"HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING")
1647
01:16:46,043 --> 01:16:50,066
♪♪
1648
01:16:50,067 --> 01:16:58,067
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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