Original subtitles

Robert Shaw

Harold Pinter's The Birthday Party

With Patrick Magee

Dandy Nichols

Maultrie Kelsall Helen Fraser

and Sydney Tafler

Screenplay by Harold Pinter

Directed By William Friedkin

Is that you, Petey?

Petey, is that you?

Petey?

What?

- Is that you? - Yes, it's me.

Are you back?

Yes.

I've got your cornflakes ready.

Here's your cornflakes.

Are they nice?

- Very nice. - I thought they'd be nice.

You got your paper?

Uh-huh.

Is it good?

Not bad.

What's it say?

Nothing much.

You read me out some nice bits yesterday.

Yes, well, I haven't finished this one yet.

Will you tell me when you come to something good?

Yes.

Is Stanley up yet?

I don't know. Is he?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him down yet.

Well then, he can't be up.

Haven't you seen him down?

I've only just come in.

He must be still asleep.

What time did you go out this morning, Petey?

Same time as usual.

Was it dark?

No, it was light.

Sometimes you go out in the morning and it's dark.

That's in the winter.

- Oh, in the winter. - It gets light later.

Oh.

What you reading?

- Someone's just had a baby. - Oh, they haven't! Who?

- Some girl. - Who, Petey, who?

- I don't think you know her. - What's her name?

Lady Mary Splatt.

I don't know her.

No.

What is it?

It's a girl.

- Not a boy? - No.

What a shame. I'd be sorry.

I'd much rather have a little boy.

A little girl's alright.

I'd much rather have a little boy.

I've finished me cornflakes.

- Were they nice? - Very nice.

I've got something else for you.

Good.

Here you are, Petey.

- Is it nice? - I haven't tasted it yet.

- I bet you don't know what it is. - Yes, I do.

What is it, then?

Fried bread.

That's right.

- Very nice. - I knew it was.

Oh, Meg...

two men came up to me on the beach this morning.

- Two men? - Hm.

They wanted to know if we could put them up for a couple of nights.

- Put them up? Here? - Yeah.

How many men?

Two.

What did you say?

Well, I said I didn't know and they said they'd come round to find out.

Are they coming?

Well, they said they would.

Have they heard about us, Petey?

Yes, they must have done.

Yes, they must have done.

They must have heard this was a very good boarding house.

It is. This house is on the list.

It is.

I know it is.

They might turn up today. Can you do it?

Oh, I've got that lovely room they can have.

You've got the room ready?

I've got the room with the armchair all ready for visitors.

- You're sure? - Yes.

That'll be alright then...

...if they come today.

Good.

I'm going to wake that boy.

There's a new show coming to the Palace.

On the pier?

No. The Palace, in the town.

Stanley could have been in it, if it was on the pier.

This is a straight show.

What do you mean?

No dancing or singing.

What do they do then?

They just talk.

You like a song, eh, Meg?

I like listening to the piano.

I used to like watching Stanley play the piano.

Of course, he didn't sing.

I'm going to call that boy.

Stan!

Stanny!

Stan!

I'm coming up to fetch you if you don't come down!

I'm coming up!

I'm going to count three!

One! Two! Three!

I'm coming to get you!

Come on! Get up, you naughty boy!

Come on, Stan, it's breakfast time! Come on! - Get out of here!

He's coming down.

I told him if he didn't hurry up he'd get no breakfast.

- That did it, eh? - And his cornflakes.

Morning, Stanley.

- Morning. - So he's come down at last, has he?

He's come down at last for his breakfast.

But he doesn't deserve any, does he, Petey?

Did you sleep well?

I didn't sleep at all.

You didn't sleep at all?

Did you hear that, Petey?

Too tired to eat your breakfast, I suppose?

Now you eat up those cornflakes like a good boy. Go on.

What are the cornflakes like, Stan?

Horrible.

Those flakes? Those lovely flakes?

You're a liar, a little liar. They're refreshing. It says so.

For people when they get up late.

- The milk's off. - It's not.

Petey ate his, didn't you, Petey?

- That's right. - There you are then.

Well...

I can see I'll have to go down to one of those smart hotels on the front.

You won't get a better breakfast there than here.

Here you are. You'll like this.

- What's this? - It's fried bread.

- I bet you don't know what it is. - Oh yes I do.

- What? - Fried bread.

He knew.

What a wonderful surprise.

- You didn't expect that, did you? - I bloody well didn't.

- Well, I'm off. - You going back to work? - Yes.

- Your tea! You haven't had your tea! - That's alright. No time now.

- I've got it made inside. - No, never mind. See you later.

- Ta-ta, Stan. - Ta-ta.

Tch, tch, tch, tch.

- What do you mean? - You're a bad wife.

I'm not. Who said I am?

Not to make your husband a cup of tea? It's terrible.

- He knows I'm not a bad wife. - Giving him sour milk instead.

- It wasn't sour. - Disgraceful.

You mind your own business, anyway.

You won't find many better wives than me, I can tell you.

I keep a very nice house and I keep it clean.

Yes! And this house is very well known, for a very good boarding house for visitors.

Visitors?

Do you know how many visitors you've had since I've been here?

- How many? - One.

- Who? - Me! I'm your visitor.

You're a liar. This house is on the list.

- I bet it is. - I know it is.

- Was it nice? - What?

- The fried bread. - Succulent.

You shouldn't say that word!

What word?

That word you said.

- What, "succulent"? - Don't say it!

What's the matter with it?

You shouldn't say that word to a married woman.

- Is that a fact? - Yes.

- Well, I never knew that. - Well, it's true.

- Who told you that? - Never you mind.

Well, if I can't say it to a married woman who can I say it to?

You're bad!

What about some tea?

Do you want some tea?

Say please!

Please.

- Say sorry first. - Sorry first.

- No. Just sorry. - Just sorry!

- Oh, you deserve the strap. - Don't do that!

I brought the pot in.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

- You don't deserve it though. - Why not?

Go on. Calling me that.

How long has that tea been in the pot?

It's good tea. Good strong tea.

- That isn't tea. It's gravy! - It's not.

Get out of it. You succulent old washing bag.

I am not! And it isn't your place to tell me if I am!

It isn't your place to come into a man's bedroom...

...and wake him up.

Stanny!

Don't you like your cup of tea of a morning - the one I bring you?

I can't drink this muck!

Didn't anyone ever tell you to warm the pot, at least?

That's good strong tea, that's all.

Oh God... I'm tired.

Stan!

What?

- Am I really succulent? - Oh, you are.

I'd rather have you than a cold in the nose any day.

You're just saying that.

Look, why don't you get this place cleared up!

It's a pigsty!

And another thing, what about my room?

It needs sweeping.

It needs papering.

I need a new room.

Oh, Stan...

...that's a lovely room.

I've had some lovely afternoons in that room.

Is the sun shining?

What you smoking?

A cigarette.

Aren't you going to give me one?

No.

I like cigarettes.

- Tickle, tickle. - Get away from me.

- Are you going out? - Not with you.

- I'm going shopping in a minute. - Go.

You'll be lonely, all by yourself.

- Will I? - Without your old Meg.

I've got to get things in for the two gentlemen.

What two gentlemen?

I'm expecting visitors.

What?

You didn't know that, did you?

What you talking about?

Two gentlemen asked Petey if they could come and stay for a couple of nights.

I'm expecting them.

I don't believe it.

It's true.

You're saying it on purpose.

Petey told me this morning.

When was this? When did he see them?

This morning.

Who are they?

I don't know.

- Didn't he tell you their names? - No.

- Here? They wanted to come here? - Yes, they did.

- Why? - This house is on the list.

But who are they?

You'll see when they come.

They won't come.

Why not?

I tell you they won't come.

Why didn't they come last night, if they were coming?

Perhaps they couldn't find the place in the dark.

It's not easy to find in the dark.

They won't come.

Forget all about it!

A false alarm.

False alarm!

Where's my tea?

I took it away. You didn't want it.

What do you mean, you took it away?

I took it away!

- What did you take it away for? - You didn't want it!

- Who said I didn't want it? - You did!

Who gave you the right to take away my tea?

You wouldn't drink it!

Who do you think you are talking to?

What?

Come here.

What do you mean?

Come over here.

No.

I want to ask you something.

Come on.

All right.

I can ask it from here just as well.

Tell me...

...Mrs Boles...

When you address yourself to me...

...do you ever ask yourself...

...who exactly you are talking to?

Eh?

Did you enjoy your breakfast, Stan?

Stan?

When are you going to play the piano again?

Like you used to?

I used to like watching you play the piano.

When are you going to play it again?

I can't, can I?

Why not?

I haven't got a piano, have I?

No, I meant like when you were working. That piano.

Go and do your shopping.

But you wouldn't have to go away if you got a job, would you?

You could play the piano on the pier.

I've... er...

I've been offered a job, as a matter of fact.

What?

Yes. I'm considering a job at the moment.

You're not.

A good one, too.

A night club. In Berlin.

Berlin?

Berlin.

A night club.

Playing the piano.

A fabulous salary. And all found.

How long for?

We don't stay in Berlin.

Then we go to Athens.

- How long for? - Yes.

- Then we pay a flying visit to... er...

- What's its name? - Where?

Constantinople.

Zagreb...

Vladivostok. It's a round the world tour.

Have you played the piano in those places before?

Played the piano?

I've played the piano all over the world. All over the country.

I once gave a concert.

A concert?

Yes.

A good one, too.

They were all there that night. Every single one of them.

It was a great success.

Yes. A concert. At Lower Edmonton.

What did you wear?

I had a unique touch.

Absolutely unique.

They came up to me.

They came up to me and they told me they were grateful.

Champagne we had that night.

The lot.

My father nearly came down to hear me.

Well, I dropped him a card anyway.

But I don't think he could make it.

No, I lost the address, that was it.

Yes. Lower Edmonton.

And after that, you know what they did?

They carved me up.

Carved me up.

It was all arranged, it was all worked out.

My next concert.

Somewhere else it was. In winter.

I went down there to play.

Then, when I got there...

...the hall was closed...

the place was shuttered up, not even a caretaker.

They'd locked it up.

A fast one.

They pulled a fast one.

I'd like to know who was responsible for that.

All right, Jack, I can take a tip.

They want me to crawl down on my bended knees.

Well I can take a tip... any day of the week.

Look at her.

You're just an old piece of rock cake, aren't you?

That's what you are.

Aren't you?

Don't you go away again, Stan.

You stay here.

You'll be better off.

You stay here with your old Meg.

Aren't you feeling well this morning, Stan?

Did you pay a visit this morning?

Meg?

- Do you know what? - What?

Have you heard the latest?

No.

- I'll bet you have. - I haven't.

Shall I tell you?

No!

They're coming today.

Who?

They're coming in a van.

Who?

And do you know what they've got in that van?

What?

They've got a wheelbarrow in that van.

- They haven't! - Oh yes, they have.

You're a liar!

A big wheelbarrow.

And when the van stops...

...they wheel it out...

They wheel it up the garden path...

and then they knock at the front door.

They don't!

They're looking for someone.

They're not.

They're looking for someone.

A certain person. - No, they're not!

- Shall I tell you who they're looking for? - No!

You don't want me to tell you?

You're a liar!

Hullo Mrs Boles...

Hullo, Mrs Boles, it's come.

- What, is that it? - Yes, I thought I'd bring it round.

Is it nice?

Very nice. What should I do with it?

No, of course not...

All right, but...

I won't...

Ta-ta, Mrs Boles.

Oh, hullo.

Ay-ay.

I just want to leave this in here.

Do.

That's a bulky object.

You're not to touch it.

Why would I want to touch it?

Well, you're not to, anyway.

Why don't you open the door?

It's all stuffy in here.

Stuffy?

I disinfected the place this morning.

You're a bit of a washout, aren't you?

Is this it?

This is it.

Are you sure?

Sure I'm sure.

What now?

Don't worry yourself, McCann.

Take a seat.

What about you?

What about me?

Well, are you going to take a seat?

We'll both take a seat.

Sit back, McCann, relax. What's the matter with you?

I bring you down for a few days to the seaside.

Take a holiday. Do yourself a favor.

Learn to relax, McCann...

or you'll never get anywhere.

Sure, I do try, Nat.

The secret is breathing.

Take my tip. It's a well-known fact.

Breathe in...

Breathe out.

Take a chance, let yourself go. What can you lose?

Look at me.

When I was an apprentice yet, McCann...

...every second Friday of the month my Uncle Barney used to take me to the seaside.

Regular as clockwork.

Brighton, Canvey Island...

Rottingdean.

Uncle Barney wasn't particular.

After lunch on Shabbuss we'd go and sit in a couple of deck chairs.

You know, the ones with canopies.

We'd have a little paddle...

We'd watch the tide coming in...

...going out...

...the sun coming down...

Golden days, believe me, McCann.

Uncle Barney...

Of course, he was an impeccable dresser. One of the old school.

He had a house just outside Basingstoke at the time.

Respected by the whole community.

Culture? Don't talk to me about culture.

He was an all-round man, what do you mean?

He was a cosmopolitan.

Hey, Nat...

Yes...

One of the old school.

How do we know this is the right house?

What makes you think it's the wrong house?

I didn't see a number on the gate.

I wasn't looking for a number.

No?

What about this, Nat? Isn't it about time somebody came in?

McCann, what are you so nervous about?

Pull yourself together.

Everywhere you go these days it's like a funeral.

- That's true. - True? Of course it's true.

It's more than true. It's a fact.

You may be right.

What is it, McCann?

You don't trust me like you did in the old days?

Sure, sure I trust you, Nat.

Well then why is it before you do a job you're all over the place...

And when you're doing the job you're as cool as a whistle?

I don't know, Nat. I'm alright once I know what I'm doing.

When I know what I'm doing, I'm alright.

Well, you do it very well.

Thank you, Nat.

You know what I said when this job came up?

I mean naturally they approached me to take care of it.

And you know who I asked for?

Who?

You.

That was very good of you, Nat.

No, it was nothing.

You're a capable man, McCann.

That's a great compliment, Nat, coming from a man in your position.

- I've got a position, I won't deny it. - You certainly have.

I would never deny that I had a position.

- And what a position! - It's not a thing I would deny.

It's true, you've done a lot for me.

- I appreciate it. - Say no more.

You've always been a true Christian.

In a way.

No, I just thought I'd tell you that I appreciate it.

It's unnecessary to recapitulate.

- You're right there. - Quite unnecessary.

Hey Nat, just one thing...

- What now? - This job... No, no, listen!

This job, is it going to be like anything we've ever done before?

No, just tell me that. Just that, and I won't ask any more.

The main issue is a singular issue and quite distinct from your previous work.

Certain elements, however, might well

approximate in points of procedure to some of your other activities.

All is dependent on the attitude of our subject.

At all events, I can assure you, McCann...

the assignment will be carried out, the mission accomplished...

with no excessive aggravation to you or myself.

Satisfied?

Sure. Sure.

Thank you, Nat.

- Ah, Mrs Boles? - Yes?

We spoke to your husband this morning. Perhaps he mentioned us?

We heard that you kindly let rooms for gentlemen.

So I brought my friend along with me.

We're after a nice place, you understand. So we came to you.

I am Mr Goldberg, this is Mr McCann.

Very pleased to meet you.

We're pleased to meet you, too.

That's very nice.

How often do you meet someone it's a pleasure to meet?

Never.

But today it's different.

- How are you keeping, Mrs Boles? - Oh, very well, thank you.

- Yes? Really? - Oh yes, really.

Well...

So, er... you can manage to put us up, eh, Mrs Boles?

Well, it would have been easier last week.

Why? How many have you got here at the moment?

Just one at the moment.

- Just one? - Yes. Just one.

Until you came.

And your husband, of course?

Yes, but he sleeps with me.

What does he do, your husband?

- He's a deck-chair attendant. - Oh, very nice.

- Yes, he's out in all weathers. - Of course.

And your guest? Is he a man?

- A man? - Or a woman?

No. A man.

Been here long?

He's been here about a year now.

Oh yes. A resident. What's his name?

- Stanley Webber. - Oh yes?

Does he work here?

He used to work.

He used to be a pianist. In a concert party on the pier.

Oh yes? On the pier, eh?

- Does he play a nice piano? - Oh, lovely.

- He once gave a concert. - Oh?

Where?

In... a big hall.

His father gave him champagne.

But then they locked the place up and he couldn't get out.

The caretaker had gone home.

So he had to wait for the morning before he could get out.

They were very grateful.

And then they all wanted to give him a tip.

And so he took the tip.

And then he got a fast train and he came down here.

- Really? - Oh yes. Straight down.

I wish he could have played tonight.

Why tonight?

- It's his birthday today. - His birthday?

Yes. Today.

But I'm not going to tell him until tonight.

Doesn't he know it's his birthday?

He hasn't mentioned it.

Tell me...

Are you going to have a party?

A party?

Weren't you going to have one?

No.

Well, of course you must have one.

- We'll have a party, eh? What do you say? - Oh yes!

Sure. We'll give him a party. You leave it to me.

- Oh, that's wonderful, Mr Gold... - Berg. - Berg.

- You like the idea? - Oh, I'm so glad you came today!

If we hadn't come today we'd have come tomorrow.

Still, I'm glad we came today. Just in time for his birthday.

I wanted to have a party. But you must have people for a party.

And now you've got McCann and me.

McCann's the life and soul of any party.

What?

What do you think of that, McCann?

There's a gentleman living here.

He's got a birthday today, and he's forgotten all about it.

So we're going to remind him.

We're going to give him a party.

- Oh, is that a fact? - Tonight.

Tonight!

- I'll put on my party dress. - And I'll get some bottles.

And I'll invite Lulu this afternoon.

Oh, this is going to cheer Stanley up. It will.

He's been down in the dumps lately.

We'll bring him out of himself.

I hope I look nice in my dress.

Madam...

...you'll look like a tulip!

What colour?

I'll have to see the dress first.

Could I go up to my room?

Oh, I've put you both together. Do you mind being both together?

I don't mind. Do you mind, McCann?

No.

What time shall we have the party?

Nine o'clock.

- Is this the way? - I'll show you.

If you don't mind coming upstairs.

With our tulip? It's a pleasure.

- What a lovely flight of stairs. - Are they steep?

Steep? They're beautiful. And look at the wallpaper!

- Do you like the wallpaper? - I've never seen such wallpaper.

You know what? There's a real cozy feeling about this house.

- It is cozy? - I bet you're a balabusta.

A what?

Is this the room?

I hope you like it.

Let's have a look.

Is it nice?

Nice? It's a hundred percent perfection.

- Who is it? - The two gentlemen.

- What two gentlemen? - The ones that were coming.

I just took them to their room.

They were thrilled with their room.

They've come?

They're very nice, Stan.

Why didn't they come last night?

They said the beds were wonderful.

Who are they?

They're very nice, Stanley.

- I said, who are they? - I told you, the two gentlemen.

I didn't think they'd come.

They have. They were here when I came in.

What do they want here?

They want to stay.

- How long for? - They didn't say.

But why here? Why not somewhere else?

This house is on the list.

What are they called? What are their names?

Oh, Stanley, I can't remember.

They told you, didn't they? Or didn't they tell you?

- Yes, they... - Then what are they?

Come on. Try to remember.

Why, Stan? Do you know them?

How do I know if I know them until I know their names?

Well... he told me, I remember.

Well?

- Gold... something. - Goldsomething?

- Yes. Gold... - Yes?

Goldberg.

Goldberg?

That's right. That was one of them.

Do you know them?

Stan, they won't wake you up, I promise.

I'll tell them they must be quiet.

They won't be here long, Stan.

I'll still bring you up your early morning tea.

You mustn't be sad today. It's your birthday.

It's your birthday, Stan.

I was going to keep it a secret until tonight.

No.

It is.

I've brought you a present.

Here.

Go on. Open it.

- What's this? - It's your present.

This isn't my birthday, Meg.

Of course it is. Open the present.

It's a drum.

A boy's drum.

It's because you haven't got a piano.

Aren't you going to give me a kiss?

There are some sticks in there.

Shall I put it round my neck?

Evening.

Evening.

Very warm tonight.

Someone out there?

I don't think we've met.

No, we haven't.

My name's McCann.

Staying here long?

Not long.

What's your name?

Webber.

Oh, I'm glad to meet you, sir.

Many happy returns of the day.

Were you going out?

Yes.

On your birthday?

Yes. Why not?

But they're holding a party here for you tonight.

Oh really?

That's unfortunate. - Ah no. It's very nice.

I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood for a party tonight.

Oh, is that so?

I'm sorry.

Yes, I'm going out to celebrate quietly...

On my own.

That's a shame.

Well, if you'd move out of my way...

But everything's laid on.

The guests are expected.

Guests?

What guests?

Well, myself for one.

I had the honour of an invitation.

I wouldn't call it an honour, would you?

It'll just be another booze-up.

But it is an honour.

I'd say you were exaggerating.

Oh no. I'd say it was an honour.

I'd say that was plain stupid.

Ah no.

Who are the other guests?

- A young lady. - Oh yes? And...?

My friend.

- Your friend? - That's right.

It's all laid on.

Excuse me.

- Where are you going? - I want to go out.

Why don't you stay here?

So you're down here on holiday?

A short one.

Mind that.

- What is it? - Mind it. Leave it.

I've got a feeling we've met before.

No, we haven't.

Ever been anywhere near Maidenhead?

No.

There's a Fuller's teashop. I used to have my tea there.

- I don't know it. - Boots Library?

I seem to connect you with the High Street.

Yes.

A charming town, don't you think?

- I don't know it. - Oh no?

A quiet, thriving community.

I was born and brought up there.

I lived well away from the main road.

Oh yes.

- You're here on a short stay? - That's right.

You'll find it very bracing.

- Do you find it bracing? - Me?

No. But you will.

I like it here...

...but I'll be moving soon.

Back home. I'll stay there too, this time.

No place like home.

I wouldn't have left...

...but business calls.

Business called, and I had to leave for a bit.

You know how it is.

Are you in business?

No. I think I'll give it up.

I've got a small private income, you see.

I think I'll give it up.

Don't like being away from home.

I used to live very quietly.

Played records...

...that's about all. Everything delivered to the door.

Then I started a little private business, in a small way, and it...

...compelled me to come down here.

Kept me longer than I expected.

You never get used to living in someone else's house.

Don't you agree?

I lived so quietly.

You can only appreciate what you've had when things change.

That's what they say, isn't it?

Cigarette?

I don't smoke.

Who's out there?

My friend and the man of the house.

You know what?

To look at me...

I bet you wouldn't think I'd led such a quiet life.

The lines on my face, eh?

It's the drink.

Been drinking a bit down here.

But what I mean is...

away from your own...

all wrong, of course... I'll be alright when I get back...

What I mean is, the way some people look at me you'd think I was a different person.

I suppose I have changed, but I'm still the same man that I always was.

I mean, you wouldn't think, to look at me, really...

I mean, not really that I was the sort of bloke to...

...to cause any trouble...

...would you?

You know what I mean.

No.

Mind that.

Why are you down here?

A short holiday.

This is a ridiculous house to pick on.

- Why? - Because it's not a boarding house. It never was.

Sure it is.

Why did you choose this house?

You know, sir, you're a bit depressed for a man on his birthday.

Why do you call me sir?

- You don't like it? - Listen. Don't call me sir.

- I won't, if you don't like it. - No.

Anyway, its not my birthday.

- No? - No, it's not, till next month.

- Not according to the lady. - Her?

She's crazy. Round the bend.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Haven't you found that out yet?

There's a lot you don't know.

I think someone's leading you up the garden path.

Who would do that?

That woman is mad!

That's slander.

And you...

don't know what you're doing.

Your cigarette is near that paper.

Where the hell are they?

Why don't they come in?

What are they doing out there?

You want to steady yourself.

Look...

Don't touch me.

- Listen a minute. - No, let go my arm.

- Listen... Sit down a minute. - Don't do that!

You knew what I was talking about before, didn't you?

- I don't know what you're at at all. - It's a mistake! Do you understand?

You're in a bad state, man.

Has he told you anything?

Do you know what you're here for?

Tell me. You needn't be frightened of me. Or hasn't he told you?

Told me what?

I've explained to you, damn you,

all those years I lived in Basingstoke...

I never stepped outside the door.

You know, I'm flabbergasted with you.

Look...

You look an honest man.

You're being made a fool of, that's all. You understand?

Where do you come from?

Where do you think?

I know Ireland very well.

I've many friends there.

I love that country and I admire and I trust its people.

I trust them.

They respect the truth, they have a sense of humour. I've been there.

I've never seen such sunsets.

What about coming out to have a drink with me?

There's a pub down the road serves draught Guinness.

It's very difficult to get in these parts...

A mother in a million...

Oh hullo, Stan.

You haven't met Stanley, have you, Mr Goldberg?

I haven't had the pleasure.

Oh, this is Mr Goldberg, this is Mr Webber.

Pleased to meet you.

We were getting a bit of air in the garden.

I was telling Mr Boles about my old mum.

What days!

Yes.

When I was a youngster, of a Friday...

I used to go for a walk down the canal with a girl who lived down my road.

A beautiful girl. What a voice that bird had!

A nightingale, my word of honour.

Good?

Pure?

She wasn't a Sunday school teacher for nothing.

Anyway...

I'd leave her with a little kiss on the cheek...

I never took liberties...

We weren't like the young men these days in those days.

We knew the meaning of respect.

I'd give her a peck...

...and I'd bowl back home.

Humming away I'd be...

...past the children's playground.

I'd tip my hat to the toddlers...

I'd give a helping hand to a couple of stray dogs...

Everything came natural.

I can see it like yesterday.

The sun...

...falling behind the dog stadium.

Like behind the town hall.

What town hall?

In Carrikmacross.

There's no comparison.

Up the street...

...into my gate...

...inside the door...

...home.

"Simey!" my old mom used to shout, "quick before it gets cold."

And there on the table what would I see?

The nicest piece of gefilte fish you could wish to find on a plate.

I thought your name was Nat.

She called me Simey.

- Well, I'll have to be off. - Off?

It's my chess night.

- You're not staying for the party? - No.

I'm sorry, Stan, but I didn't know about it till just now.

And we've got a game on. I'll try and get back early.

We'll save some drink for you, alright? Oh, that reminds me...

- You'd better go and collect the bottles. - Now?

Of course, now. Time's getting on.

Round the corner, remember?

- Mention my name. - I'm coming your way.

Beat him quick and come back, Mr Boles.

I'll do my best. See you later, Stan.

A warm night.

Don't mess me about!

- I beg your pardon? - I'm afraid there's been a mistake.

We're booked out.

Your room has been taken.

Mrs Boles forgot to tell you.

You'll have to find somewhere else.

Are you the manager here?

- That's right. - Is it a good game?

I run the house.

I'm afraid you and your friend will have to find other accommodation.

Oh, I forgot!

I must congratulate you on your birthday.

Congratulations.

Perhaps you're deaf.

No...

What makes you think that?

As a matter of fact, every single one of my senses is at its peak.

Not bad going, eh? For a man past fifty.

But a birthday, I always feel, is a great occasion...

Taken too much for granted these days.

What a thing to celebrate!

Birth!

Like getting up in the morning.

Marvellous!

Some people don't like the idea of getting up in the morning.

I've heard them.

Getting up in the morning, they say, what is it?

Your skin's crabby...

...you need a shave, your eyes are full of muck.

Your mouth is like a boghouse, the palms of your hands are full of sweat.

Your nose is clogged up, your feet stink.

What are you but a corpse, waiting to be washed?

Whenever I hear that point of view...

I feel cheerful.

Because I know what it is to wake up with the sun shining...

To the sound of the lawnmower...

...all the little birds, the smell of the grass...

- ...church bells, tomato juice. - Get out!

Get that drink out of here. These are unlicensed premises.

You're in a terrible humour today, Mr Webber.

And on your birthday too...

With the good lady getting her strength up to give you a party.

I told you to get those bottles out!

Mr Webber...

Sit down a minute.

Let me just make this clear.

You don't bother me at all.

To me, you're nothing but a dirty joke.

But I have a responsibility towards the people in this house.

They've been down here too long.

They've lost their sense of smell.

I haven't.

And nobody's going to take advantage of them while I'm here.

Anyway...

...this house isn't your cup of tea.

There's nothing here for you, from any angle...

Any angle.

So why don't you just go, without any more fuss?

Mr Webber, sit down.

It's no good starting any kind of trouble.

Sit down.

Why should I?

If you want to know the truth, Webber...

You're beginning to get on my breasts.

Really? Well, that's...

Sit down!

No.

McCann...

Nat?

Ask him to sit down.

Yes, Nat.

Do you mind sitting down?

Yes, I do mind.

Yes now, but... it'd be better if you did.

- Why don't you sit down? - No, not me... you.

No thanks.

Nat?

What?

He won't sit down.

- Well, ask him. - I've asked him.

Ask him again.

Sit down.

Why?

Well, you'd be more comfortable.

So would you.

All right.

If you will I will.

You first.

Well?

Right...

Now you've both had your rest, you can get out!

That's a dirty trick!

I'll kick the shite out of him! - No!

- I have stood up. - Sit down again!

- Once I'm up I'm up. - Same here.

You've made Mr Goldberg stand up.

- It'll do him good! - Get in that seat!

- McCann. - Get down in that seat! - Webber!

Sit down.

- You'd better be careful. - Webber...

- What were you doing yesterday? - Yesterday?

And the day before.

What did you do the day before that?

What do you mean?

Why are you wasting everybody's time, Webber?

Why are you getting in everybody's way?

- Me? What are you... - I'm telling you, Webber.

You're a washout.

Why are you getting on everybody's wick?

Why are you driving that old lady off her conk?

He likes to do it!

Why do you behave so badly, Webber?

Why do you force that old man out to play chess?

Me?

Why do you treat that young lady like a leper?

- She's not the leper, Webber! - What the...

What did you wear last week, Webber?

- Where do you keep your suits? - Why did you leave the organization?

- What would your old mum say? - Why did you betray us?

You hurt me, Webber.

You're playing a dirty game.

- That's a Black and Tan fact. - Who does he think he is?

- Who do you think you are? - You're on the wrong horse.

When did you come to this place?

- Last year. - Where did you come from?

- Somewhere else. - Why did you come here?

- My feet hurt! - Why did you stay?

I had a headache!

- Did you take anything for it? - Yes. - What?

- Fruit salts! - Enos or Andrews? - En... An...

Did you stir properly? Did they fizz?

- Now... - Did they fizz?

- Wait... - Did they fizz or didn't they fizz?

He doesn't know!

You don't know.

- When did you last have a bath? - I have one every... - Don't lie.

- You betrayed the organization.

- I know him! - You don't!

What can you see without your glasses?

- Anything. - Take off his glasses.

Webber, you're a fake.

When did you last wash up a cup?

- The Christmas before last. - Where?

- Lyons Corner House. - Which one?

- Marble Arch. - Where was your wife?

In...

- Answer. - What wife?

- What have you done with your wife? - He's killed his wife!

- Why did you kill your wife? - What wife?

- How did he kill her? - How did you kill her?

- You throttled her. - With arsenic. - There's your man!

- Where's your old mum? - In the sanatorium. - Yes!

- Why did you never get married? - She was waiting at the porch.

- You skedaddled from the wedding. - He left her in the lurch.

- You left her in the pudding club. - She was waiting at the church.

- Webber! Why did you change your name? - I forgot the other one.

- What's your name now? - Joe Soap.

- You stink of sin. - I can smell it.

Do you recognise an external force?

What?

- Do you recognise an external force? - That's the question!

Do you recognise an external force...

...responsible for you, suffering for you?

- It's late. - Late! Late enough! When did you last pray?

- He's sweating! - When did you last pray? - He's sweating!

Is the number 846 possible or necessary?

Neither. - Wrong!

Is the number 846 possible or necessary?

Both. - Wrong!

- It's necessary but not possible. - Both. - Wrong!

- Why do you think the number 846 is necessarily possible? - Must be.

Wrong! It's only necessarily necessary!

We admit possibility only after we grant necessity.

It is possible because necessary...

But by no means necessary through possibility.

The possibility can only be assumed after proof of necessity.

- Right! - Right? Of course right!

- We're right and you're wrong, Webber, all along the line. - All along the line!

- Where is your lechery leading you? - You'll pay for this.

- You stuff yourself with dry toast. - You contaminate womankind.

- Why don't you pay the rent? - Mother defiler!

- Why do you pick your nose? - I demand justice!

- What's your trade? - What about Ireland? - What's your trade? - I play the piano.

- How many fingers do you use? - No hands! - No society would touch you.

- Not even a building society. - You're a traitor to the cloth.

- What do you use for pyjamas? - Nothing.

- You verminate the sheet of your birth. - What about the Albigensenist heresy?

- Who watered the wicket in Melbourne? - What about the blessed Oliver Plunkett?

- Who hammered the nails? - Who drove in the screws?

Speak up Webber.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He wanted to... he wanted to...

- He wanted to... - He doesn't know!

- Why did the chicken cross the road? - He wanted to... he wanted to...

- Why did the chicken cross the road? - He wanted. . .

He doesn't know. He doesn't know which came first!

- Which came first? - Chicken? Egg? Which came first?

Which came first? Which came first? Which came first?

He doesn't know.

Do you know your own face?

Wake him up.

Stick a needle in his eye.

You're a plague, Webber. You're an overthrow.

You're what's left!

But we've got the answer to you.

- We can sterilise you. - What about Drogheda?

Your bite is dead. Only your pong is left.

- You betrayed our land. - You betray our breed.

- Who are you, Webber? - What makes you think you exist?

- You're dead. - You're dead.

You can't live, you can't think, you can't love. You're dead.

You're a plague gone bad. There's no juice in you.

You're nothing...

...but an odour!

Steady, McCann.

Come on!

- He's sweating. - Easy, McCann.

The bastard sweatpig is sweating.

I brought the drum down.

I'm dressed for the party.

Wonderful.

You like my dress?

Wonderful.

- It's out of this world. - I know.

My father gave it to me.

- Doesn't it make a beautiful noise? - It's a fine piece of work.

Maybe Stan'll play us a little tune afterwards.

Oh yes. Will you, Stan?

Could I have my glasses?

Ah yes.

Here they are.

Now. What have we got here? Enough to scuttle a liner.

Four bottles of Scotch, one bottle of Irish.

- Mr Goldberg, what should I drink? - Glasses, glasses first.

- Open the Scotch, McCann. - Here's my very best glasses in here.

I don't drink Scotch.

Well, you've got the Irish.

- Here they are. - Good.

Mrs Boles...

I think...

...that Stanley should pour the toast, don't you?

Oh yes. Come along, Stan.

- Do you like my dress, Mr Goldberg? - Oh, it's out on its own.

Turn yourself round a minute. I used to be in the business.

- Go on, walk up there. - Oh no.

Don't be shy.

Walk up the boulevard. Let's have a look at you.

What a carriage. What's your opinion, McCann?

Like a Countess, nothing less.

Madam, now turn about...

...and promenade to the kitchen.

What a deportment!

- You can pour my Irish too. - You look like a gladiola.

Stan, what about my dress?

One for the lady, one for the lady.

- Now madam...

- Your glass. - Thank you.

Lift your glasses, ladies and gentlemen.

We're going to drink a toast.

- Lulu is not here. - It's past the hour.

Now... who's going to propose the toast?

Mrs Boles...

...it can only be you.

- Me? - Who else?

- But what do I say? - Say what you feel.

What you honestly feel.

It's Stanley's birthday.

Your Stanley.

Look at him.

Look at him...

...and it'll come.

Wait a minute, the light's too strong. Let's have proper lighting.

McCann, you got your torch?

Switch out the light and put on your torch.

Not on the lady, on the gentleman!

You must shine it on the birthday boy.

Now, Mrs Boles...

...it's all yours.

- I don't know what to say. - Well, look at him. Just look at him.

- Isn't the light in his eyes? - No, no. Go on, go on.

Well...

It's very, very nice...

...to be here tonight...

...in my house.

And I want to propose a toast to Stanley...

...because it's his birthday...

And he's lived here for a long while now.

And he's my Stanley now.

And I think he's a good boy.

Although sometimes he's bad.

And he's the only Stanley I know,

And I know him better than all the world.

although he doesn't think so.

Hear, hear!

Well...

I could cry because...

...I'm so happy, having him here...

...and not gone away, on his birthday.

And there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him...

...and for all you good people here tonight...

Beautiful!

A beautiful speech.

Put the light on, McCann.

That was a lovely toast.

Buck up now.

Come on, smile at the birdy.

That's better.

- Ah. Look who's here. - Lulu.

- How do you do, Lulu? I'm Nat Goldberg. - Hallo.

Stanley, a drink for your guest.

You just missed the toast, my dear, and what a toast.

Did I?

Stanley, a drink for your guest.

Right. Now raise your glasses.

Everyone standing up.

Not you, Stanley. You must sit down.

Yes, that's right. He must sit down.

You don't mind sitting down a minute?

We're going to drink to you.

- Come on! - Come on!

Right.

Now Stanley's sat down.

Well...

I want to say first...

...that I've never been so touched to the heart

...as by the toast we've just heard.

How often, in this day and age, do you come across real, true warmth?

Once in a lifetime.

Until a few minutes ago, ladies and gentlemen, I...

...like all of you, was asking the same question.

What's happened to the love...

the bonhomie...

the unashamed expression of affection...

...of the day before yesterday, that our mums taught us in the nursery?

- Gone with the wind. - That's what I thought, until today.

I believe in a good laugh, a day's fishing, a bit of gardening.

I was very proud of my old greenhouse, made out of my own spit and faith.

That's the sort of man I am.

Not size...

...but quality.

A little Austin, tea in Fullers, a library book from Boots...

and I'm satisfied.

But just now...

I say just now...

the lady of the house said her piece.

And I for one...

...am knocked over by the sentiments she expressed.

Lucky is the man who's at the receiving end.

That's what I say.

How can I put it?

We all wander on our tod through this world.

It's a lonely pillow to kip on.

Right?

- Right! - Agreed.

But tonight, Lulu, McCann... we've known a great fortune.

We've heard a lady extend the sum total of her devotion...

...in all its pride, plume and peacock...

...to a member of her own living race.

Stanley...

My heartfelt congratulations!

I wish you...

...on behalf of us all...

...a happy birthday.

I'm sure you've never been a prouder man than you are today.

Mazeltov!

And may we only meet at Simchahs!

Turn out the light, McCann, while we drink the toast.

That was a wonderful speech.

Lift your glasses! Stanley... happy birthday.

- Happy birthday. - Happy birthday.

- Many happy returns of the day, Stan. - And well over the fast.

Oh, Stanny...

- Lights! - Right!

Clink my glass, Stanny.

- Mr Goldberg... - Oh, call me Nat.

You clink my glass.

You're empty. Let me fill you up.

It's a pleasure.

You're a marvellous speaker, Nat, you know that?

Where did you learn to speak like that?

- You liked it, eh? - Oh yes!

Well, my first chance to stand up and give a lecture

was at the Ethical Hall, Bayswater.

A wonderful opportunity. I'll never forget it.

They were all there that night.

Charlotte Street was empty.

Of course, that's a good while ago.

What did you speak about?

The Necessary and the Possible.

It went with a bang.

Since then I always speak at weddings.

Let's have some of yours.

In that? - Yes.

- Are you used to mixing them? - No.

Give me your glass.

Lulu, you're a big bouncy girl. Come and sit on my lap.

Do you think I should?

Try it.

I'll bounce up to the ceiling.

Take a chance.

I don't know how you can mix that stuff.

You know, there's a lot in your eyes.

And yours, too.

You think so?

Go on!

Ever been to Carrikmacross?

I've been to King's Cross.

You came right out of the blue, you know that?

Mind how you go. You're cracking a rib.

I want to dance!

Stanley...

Dance.

Shall I tell you something?

What?

I trust you.

Gesundheit!

My father was going to take me to Ireland once.

But then he went away by himself.

Do you think you knew me when I was a little girl?

- Were you a nice little girl? - I was.

I don't know if he went to Ireland.

Maybe I played piggy-back with you.

Maybe you did.

He didn't take me.

Or "pop goes the weasel".

- Is that a game? - Sure it's a game!

Why didn't he take you to Ireland?

- You're tickling me! - You should worry.

I've always liked older men.

They can soothe you.

I know a place.

Roscrea.

Mother Nolan's.

There was a night-light in my room, when I was a little girl.

One time I stayed there all night with the boys.

Singing and drinking all night.

And my Nanny used to sit up with me...

...sing songs to me.

And a plate of fry in the morning.

Now where am I?

My little room was pink.

It had pink carpet, pink curtains.

And I had musical boxes all over the room.

They used to play me to sleep.

And my father was a very big doctor.

That's why I never had any complaints.

I was cared for.

And I had little sisters and brothers in other rooms.

All different colours.

Tullamore...

Where are you?

Give us a drop more.

Glorio...

Glorio, to the bold Fenian men!

Oh, what a lovely voice.

Give us a song, McCann.

A love song!

The night...

that poor Paddy was stretched...

the boys they all paid him a visit.

A love song!

Oh, the Garden of Eden has vanished, they say...

But I know the lie of it still.

Just turn to the left at the foot of Ben Clay

And stop when halfway to Coote Hill.

It's there you will find it, I know sure enough,

And it's whispering over to me...

Come back, Paddy Reilly, to Bally-James-Duff...

Come home, Paddy Reilly, to me!

You're the dead image of the first man I ever loved.

It goes without saying.

- I want to play a game! - A game?

- What game? - Any game.

- Yes, let's play a game. - What game?

- Hide and seek. - Blind man's buff. - Yes!

- You want to play blind man's buff? - Yes!

All right. Blind man's buff! Come on, everybody up! McCann. Stanley.

- Stanley! - Stanley. Up.

- What's the matter with him? - We're going to play a game. Oh, come on!

Right! Now... who's going to be blind first?

- Mrs Boles. - Not me.

- Of course you. - Who, me? - Who else? - Here you are.

How do you play this game?

Haven't you ever played blind man's buff?

Keep still, Mrs Boles.

You mustn't be touched. But you can't move after she's blind.

You must stay where you are after she's blind.

And if she touches you then you become blind.

Turn round.

- How many fingers am I holding up? - I can't see. - Right.

Right! Now, everyone move about. McCann. Stanley.

Now stop.

Now still.

Off you go!

Caught you!

Oh, what lovely hair!

Oh, it's you...

Put it on, McCann!

There... Turn round.

- How many fingers am I holding up? - I don't know.

Right! Now, everyone move about.

Now, stop!

Still!

- Oh, this is lovely! - Quiet!

All right, everyone move again.

It's Stanley!

It's your turn, Stan.

I'll take your glasses.

Give me the scarf.

Tie his scarf, Mrs Boles.

That's what I'm doing.

- Can you see my nose? - He can't. Ready?

Right! Everyone move.

Now stop! Still!

Enjoying the game?

- The lights! - What's happened?

- The lights! - Where is he?

- Someone's touching me! - Where's your torch?

Not on me!

- My torch! - Oh God!

- Pick up your torch! - I can't find it.

Everyone quiet!

Help him find the torch.

Over here, McCann!

Here.

Come to me.

Come to me.

Easy.

Over there.

- Who's that? - What is it?

- It's Lulu! - Where is she?

Is that you, Stan?

- Stanny? - Yeah?

- Is that you? - It's me.

Oh, it's you. I've run out of cornflakes.

- Well, what else have you got? - Nothing.

Nothing?

Just a minute.

- You got your paper? - Yeah.

Is it good?

Not bad.

The two gentlemen had the last of the fry this morning.

Oh, did they?

There's some tea in the pot though.

I'm going out shopping in a minute.

Get you something nice.

I've got a splitting headache.

You slept like a log last night.

Did I?

Dead out.

I must have been tired.

Oh, look.

The drum's broken.

Why is it broken?

I don't know.

It still makes a noise.

You can always get another one.

It was probably broken in the party.

I don't remember it being broken though...

in the party.

What a shame.

You can always get another one, Meg.

Well, at least he did have it on his birthday, didn't he?

Like I wanted him to.

Yes.

Have you seen him down yet?

Petey?

Have you seen him down?

- Who? - Stanley.

- No. - Nor have I.

That boy should be up. He's late for his breakfast.

There isn't any breakfast.

But he doesn't know that.

I'm going to call him.

No, don't do that, Meg. Let him sleep.

But you say he stays in bed too much.

Let him sleep... this morning. Leave him.

I've been up once, with his cup of tea.

Mr McCann opened the door.

He said they were talking.

He said he'd made him one.

He must have been up early.

I don't know what they were talking about.

I was surprised, because Stanley's usually fast asleep when I wake him.

But he wasn't this morning.

I heard him talking.

Do you think they know each other?

I think they're old friends.

Stanley had a lot of friends. I know he did.

A reception committee!

I thought it was Stanley.

You find a resemblance?

Oh no. You look quite different.

A different build, of course.

I thought he was coming down for his breakfast.

He hasn't had his breakfast yet. Is he coming down?

Down? Of course he's coming down.

On a lovely sunny day like this he shouldn't come down?

He'll be up and about in next to no time.

And what a breakfast he's going to get.

- Mr Goldberg? - Yes?

Is that your car outside?

Sure.

You like it?

Are you going to go for a ride?

A smart car, eh?

Nice shine on it all right.

What is old is good...

Take my tip.

There's room in there.

Room in the front, and room in the back.

- The pot's hot. More tea, Mr Boles? - No thanks.

That car...

That car's never let me down.

Are you going to go for a ride?

Well, I'll be off.

Petey, when Stanley comes down...

Yes?

- Tell him I won't be long. - I'll tell him.

I won't be long.

A good woman.

A charming woman. My mother was the same.

My wife...?

Identical.

How is he this morning?

Who?

Stanley. Is he any better?

A little better, I think... a little better.

It's a terrible thing.

Yes.

The birthday celebration was too much for him.

What came over him?

What came over him?

Breakdown, Mr Boles. Pure and simple.

Nervous breakdown.

But what brought it on so suddenly?

Well, Mr Boles, it can happen in all sorts of ways.

They get over it sometimes, don't they?

I mean, they can recover from it, can't they?

Recover?

Yes...

Yes, sometimes they recover, in one way or another.

Well...

If he's no better by lunchtime I'll go and get hold of a doctor.

Don't worry yourself, Mr Boles.

It's all taken care of.

What do you mean?

All packed up?

Well?

I'm not going up there again.

When will he be ready?

You can go up yourself next time.

What's the matter with you?

- I gave him... - What?

I gave him his glasses.

Wasn't he glad to get them back?

The frames are bust.

How did that happen?

He tried to fit the eyeholes into his eyes.

I left him doing it.

There's some Sellotape somewhere. We can stick them together.

Sellotape? No, no, that's alright, Mr Boles.

It'll keep him quiet for the time being.

Keep his mind off other things.

- What about a doctor? - It's all taken care of.

I think he needs one.

I agree with you.

It's all taken care of.

We'll give him a bit of time to settle down...

and I'll take him to Monty.

You're going to take him to a doctor?

Sure...

Monty.

So...

Mrs Boles has gone out to get us something nice for lunch?

That's right.

Unfortunately we may be gone by then.

Will you?

By then we may be gone.

Well, I'll see how my peas are getting on, in the meantime.

In the meantime?

Oh, while we're waiting.

Waiting for what?

- Aren't you going back to the beach? - Not yet.

Give me a call when he comes down, will you, Mr Goldberg?

You'll have a crowded beach today... On a day like this,

they'll all be lying on their backs, swimming out to sea.

What about the deck-chairs? Are the deck-chairs ready?

- I put them all out this morning. - But what about the tickets?

Who's going to take the tickets?

That's alright.

That'll be alright, Mr Goldberg.

Don't you worry about that.

I'll be back.

Is everything ready?

Sure.

Stop doing that!

What?

Why do you do that all the time?

It's childish.

It's pointless.

It's without a solitary point.

What's the matter with you today?

Questions, questions. Stop asking so many questions.

What do you think I am?

Let's finish and go.

Let's get the thing over and go.

Get the thing done.

Let's finish the bloody thing.

Let's get the thing done and go!

Will I go up?

Nat!

Simey!

What did you call me?

Who?

Don't call me that!

Never call me that!

Nat! I called you Nat. I was asking you, Nat. Honest to God.

Just a question, that's all, just a question, do you see, do you follow me?

- What question? - Will I go up?

Up?

I thought you weren't going to go up there again?

- What do you mean? Why not? - You said so!

I never said that!

- No? - Who said that? I never said that!

I'll go up now!

Wait!

Come here.

I want your opinion.

Have a look in my mouth.

Take a good look.

You know what I mean?

You know what?

I've never lost a tooth.

Not since the day I was born.

Nothing's changed.

And that's why I've reached my position, McCann.

Because I've always been as fit as a fiddle.

All my life I've said the same.

Play up, play up, and play the game. Honour thy father and thy mother.

All along the line. The line, follow the line, McCann, and you can't go wrong.

What do you think, I'm a self-made man? No!

I sat where I was told to sit. I kept my eye on the ball.

School? Don't talk to me about school. Top in all subjects. And for why?

Because I'm telling you, I'm telling you, follow my line? Follow my mental?

Learn by heart.

Never write down a thing.

And don't go too near the water.

You'll find what I say is true.

Because I believe that the world...

Because I believe that the world...

Because I believe that the world...

Sit down, McCann.

My father said to me, Benny...

Benny, he said, come here.

He was dying. I knelt down.

By him day and night. Who else was there?

Forgive, Benny, he said, and let live.

Yes, Dad.

Go home...

to your wife.

I will, Dad.

Keep an eye open for low-lifes, for schnorrers, for layabouts.

He didn't mention names.

I lost my life in the service of others, he said.

I'm not ashamed.

Do your duty, keep your observations. Always bid good morning to the neighbours.

Never, never forget your family.

For they are the rock...

the constitution and the core!

If you're ever in any difficulties...

Uncle Barney will see you in the clear.

I swore on the good book.

And I knew the word I had to remember...

Respect!

Because McCann...

Seamus...

...who came before your father?

His father.

And who came before him?

Before him?

Who came before your father's father...

...but your father's father's mother!

Your great-gran-granny.

And that's why I've reached my position, McCann.

Because I've always been as fit as a fiddle.

My motto...

Work hard, play hard. Not a day's illness.

All the same...

Give me a blow.

Blow in my mouth.

One for the road.

Right!

How are you, Stan?

Feeling any better?

What's happened to your glasses?

They're broken.

What a pity.

- He looks better, doesn't he? - Much better.

- A new man. - You know what we'll do?

- What? - We'll buy him another pair.

- Out of our own pockets. - It goes without saying.

Between you and me, Stan, it's about time you had a new pair of glasses.

It's true.

You've been cockeyed for years.

You need a long convalescence.

A change of air.

- Somewhere over the rainbow. - Where angels fear to tread. - Exactly.

From now on...

...we'll be the hub of your wheel.

We'll renew your season ticket.

We'll take tuppence off your morning tea.

We'll give you a discount on all inflammable goods.

- We'll watch over you. - Advise you.

Give you proper care and treatment.

Help you acknowledge the fast days.

- Bake you cakes. - Help you kneel on kneeling days.

- We'll make a man of you. - And a woman.

- You'll be a mensch. - You'll be a success.

- You'll be integrated. - You'll give orders.

- You'll make decisions. - You'll be a magnate.

- A statesman. - You'll own yachts.

- Animals. - Animals.

I said animals.

You'll be able to make or break, Stan. By my life.

Well?

What do you say?

What's your opinion, sir?

Of this prospect, sir?

Prospect? Sure.

Sure it's a prospect.

What's your opinion of such a prospect?

Eh, Stanley?

Well, Stanny boy...

What do you say?

What's your opinion, sir?

What do you say, Stan?

What do you think of the prospect?

What's your opinion of the prospect?

Still the same old Stan. Come with us.

- Come on, boy. - Come along with us.

Where are you taking him?

We're taking him to Monty.

- He can stay here. - He needs special treatment.

- We'll find someone. - No. Monty's the best there is.

- Bring him, McCann. - Leave him alone!

Why don't you come with us, Mr Boles?

Yes, why don't you come with us?

Come with us to Monty.

Plenty of room in the car.

Stan...

Don't let them tell you what to do!

The car's gone.

Yes.

Have they gone?

Yes.

Won't they be in for lunch?

No.

Oh, what a shame.

It's hot out.

What you doing?

Reading.

Is it good?

Alright.

Where's Stan?

Is Stan down yet, Petey?

- No... he's... - Is he still in bed?

Yes, he's... still asleep.

Still?

- He'll be late for his breakfast. - Let him... sleep.

Wasn't it a lovely party last night?

I wasn't there.

Weren't you?

I came in afterwards.

Oh.

It was a lovely party.

I haven't laughed so much for years.

We had dancing and singing.

And games.

You should have been there.

It was good, eh?

I was the belle of the ball.

Were you?

Oh yes. They all said I was.

I bet you were, too.

Oh, it's true.

I was.

I know I was.

===Subtitles by leburs=== Resync by FatPlank